Do I Have an Issue with Psychotherapy?!
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- Опубликовано: 10 сен 2024
- John answers the subscriber question about his views on psychotherapy.
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Good morning John and everyone. For me, I had to acknowledge the past, accept it, forgive, then I was able to move on. Freedom! Each to their own, but it worked for me.
❤
The reason to return to the past is to heal the childhood wounds so you are no longer triggered in the present moment.
I understand he principle
I studied professional counselling and my understanding is that you only focus on past trauma as long as it takes to release it. For example, if you dont see the splinter you cant pull it out. The power is then in the pulling out not the "seeing" of it. We "Pull it out" in our present reality. Once out you let it heal.. you dont keep picking
with regards my own trauma i try not to focus on that past experience..but when a piece comes up, needing to be faced, needing to be healed i do that..and then let it go. then focus energy and attention on something in the "now", something comforting or enjoyable. so that everything is not about that trauma past but life living now. the best help we ever got was a therapist who helped us to do that..to deal with something but also to embrace life too.
I had a traumatized childhood. I agree with you! I've had years of therapy. I began to heal when I let go of the past and quit being a victim of it. It has allowed me to forgive and move forward. We can't change the past. We can only change our perspective of it.The present is all we have and that is what I focus on!
I had a long comment, but the comments you all are posting, are on track with my beliefs. I worked with addicts for 20 years, getting them to set and and work on goals for themselves in the present moment was key to their progress.
😮when you said "being born again means, going back to having no belief" it finally hit me and woke me up 🎉 NOW I can and know how to move forward! God bless you for everything 🙏 😎
Well done! Thanks for your inspiring response 🙏😊
When you can take the adult you back in time to comfort the child the healing can begin.
I respect your belief. Everyday I help people Who have been "healing the child" for decades.
@@johnofnew I absolutely believe that. But, I also believe that the on going "healing" for years is a often as much of a problem in the client as the therapist. They don't WANT to truly move on and become empowered and chart their course forward. True healing doesn't come from a therapist, it comes from within us. That's the "letting go" part and understand ing that WE can define who we are. But some people aren't ready to let go of that "oh poor you." they feel they get from therapy. That's why they bounce from therapist to therapist . The other thought I had is just like it's a known phenomanon that satisfaction surveys always collect more complaints than positives. Because, that's human nature. When we're ticked off, we're more motivated to take the time to write a complaint. In other words, of course you'll see people who haven't healed with therapy (and you're hearing their point of view about why it didn't work.) In any case, you do see people who need help and healing (ability to let go and move forward) but you don't see all the people who've benefitted because they are feeling better. People come to you when. they're hurting.That's just statistically a given. However I also know we are made of body, mind and spirt, They ALL need to be tended too. You are helping people heal their spirits, which in turn heals their minds. And, I bet, heals at least some of their physical issues as well because it's all connected. Sorry for the length of this reply. I don't seem to be able to do short ones! I'm working on it, though! Thank you for this video. As always, much to take in and contemplate. 👍❣Darcy
I had a wonderful therapist years ago that wouldn’t let me get stuck in the past. At first she listened to what was troubling me then, soon after, any time I started turning the conversation in a negative direction she would gently redirect me and give me a tool to shift my focus into a more positive, empowered direction. After a few months she told me, ‘I think you’re ready to do this on your own now, unless you feel the need to come back, and you can return any time you feel you need to.’ That was the best thing she could have done for me.
I know someone else that has gone to therapy for years and is still trapped in his hurt because that’s all he talks about with his therapist.
The 12 Steps for everyone, starting in childhood. I did 12 steps along with my therapy, add a massage or at least Cranio Sacral massage, and you'll be amazed at how you'll heal. It's all about Love. TNow, today's therapist's are not being trained to help. They no longer even receive therapy as part of their training/schooling. They allow people to just come in and rant, without calling them on their part. What we need is support groups. That is why the 12 steps work so very well to help people heal from diseases thought untreatable, such as addiction. I do agree with your views on this.
Wow, I had no idea how bad it is now. Thank you so much for this info👏👏👏👍👍👍🙏🙏🙏
@@tweeniebee3032, You are welcome. They are training them primarily for the woke agenda. My son's partner just got her master's in psychology. It's incomprehensible how these new therapists will survive without the proper training and tools in this day and age. I was in the mental health field for thirty years, so I do see. It's time for us to start coming together.
I have to respectfully disagree. Today’s therapists in my experience are very much trained to help people. The idea of ‘evidence-based’ medical practice and therapy, is to study to see if it actually works-actually helps people. Look for evidence-based therapy. My preference is ACT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It is strongly evidence-based for anxiety and other challenges. Best of all, to me, is that it is in alignment with my spiritual values. Present moment living, and being able to put some space between old thoughts and who we really are, are practical things that ACT is helping me to learn as habits.
@@user-mg9vj9cc4k , I did not say it wasn't helpful. I just wouldn't use it alone. They are not being given the proper tools. If you do use one, they should have years, and years of experience. Experience is the true teacher, and how and why they find some tools. I understand venting is helpful at times, but is not healthy on the regular, for the therapist or client. These are my observations, not law.
I'm not sure that NO school or mode of training never requires students to do some therapy themselves. Maybe some? And, I attended many 12 step programs as a child of an alcoholic in the past. Some meetings were fantastic, some not so. The base, the 12 steps are beautiful. I think it's a great framework for almost anyone. Keeps one honest with themselves which is basic in being emotionally and mentally healthy. But, the meetings are only as good as the people in them. Maybe they're not following the set agenda to a "T" but they're out there. Hopefully fewer of those than the great ones.
Those that look outward for healing will always be searching, but those with the courage to look within will communicate with something so loving it will make you want to be a reflection of it to all that you meet.
For me, it was vitally important to remember and understand my past, so I could start to trust myself and my own feelings. It gave me a much more solid ground to stand on. So I don´t share your view on psychotherapy. But there are good and bad therapists , of course.
Good Morning John. I love you and look forward to spending virtual time with you, enjoying your beautiful outlook on life and being. I just wanted to comment that there is a psychotherapy, ACT, which is very evidence-based for anxiety and other issues. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Based on my observations it seems to be a growing thing in the field of psychology, and it just blows my mind how the 3-D world in general is showing signs of progressively aligning with what we followers of love, not fear, hold as truth.
Kaiser has classes in ACT, and in this week’s class the therapist offered an alternate acronym for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Accept (thoughts and feelings), Choose ( a valued direction), Take Action (implement decisively, sure-footed). The central theme of ACT is psychological flexibility and resilience. The six facets are acceptance and willingness, mindfulness/present moment, de-fusion with space between self and thoughts, self as context in the sense I think of as Self, values, and committed action. It’s wonderful for me, having ACT as another source of practical support as I learn to live in the new thought system of my personal spiritual path, love and forgiveness.
beautiful!
You are a Stoic Man . Your videos help so many. Thank you
Excellent video John. One of your best. More people need to see this.
Hi, wow I thought I was the only person who thinks, the past should stay in the past. I once had some therapy for mental health and all the therapist focused on was trauma I had in my childhood, the scary thing is she made me believe I had some, which I didn't 😮. Happy stable childhood. I just had issues with people in my present 😊 happily by Self-help I am over those years and live in the present Thank you John,❤
For some reason, up to this moment, my whole life is now in the past. Each event of my past is like a book I have read. I prefer to reread the picture book of lovely places from the past and lovely experiences with lovely people. I’ve had some psychological counseling mainly because I wanted a neutral opinion on the events I was struggling with in the moment. I had four major traumas I don’t want to see in print. I have covered them all with counseling and put that book on the shelf. I took a course from Jose Silva decades ago that changed my perspective, and now in my 70s, I find I am often content, at peace and delighted to pickup what I learned again and again. Very much what you, in great wisdom, are teaching now.
Agreed, experience this now! Been in therapy for years & gotten no where....
Amen!
The past is gone, but so many are afraid of moving forward bcoz they haven't changed their understanding of life
Love the I am moving forward approach.
I liked your insight about living in the now. I wrestled a little bit with where I am at with that. I’ve been sober for multiple decades, and even longer bouncing around, attempting to get sober. Back then there weren’t many places to go to get some help and direction. 12 steps have worked for a ton of people included myself when I was actually willing and ready to do the work. I think addiction was all about living in the past, and I definitely see the need to look at it, clean it up and start living and then now. I constantly run into people who have been like myself around recovery, but not doing the work. Well, that not pretty to say the least. I don’t know how that squares with what you were talking about today.
On my channel, use the search function and type in "addiction" and see another perspective which might be interesting to you.
I agree with you John, 100% and so many comments here as well. There are, of course the 'others' who use their childhood trauma as a perpetual pity party and excuse for their bad and abusive or emotionally neglectful behaviour. They love the drama they create because it gives them the attention they crave. Self reflection and a desire to let go of the past is too difficult for some or simply impossible. But that is the path they chose.
I think you hit the nail on the head. Some people crave attention and it does stem from childhood trauma. If one has neglectful and/or verbally and/or physically abusive parents, the sense of self and bing a worthy human being never happens at that crucial age. There are things that kids in a healthy home learn about themselves sand others that are crucial to their success as a human and key to how they view themselves. If all that is missing, sometimes a psychiatrist or therapist helps them realize the reason they feel like that and recognize how false their view is. They wouldn't dwell on it, but just point out that two people who are sick& damaged are bound to fail in raising a mentally and emotionally healthy kid. So, that happened, they did the best they could at the time due to their whatever....addictions, abuse etc and that's on them. Now you (the patient/client) are an adult. YOU get to define yourself now. Who do you want to be...let's define that and move forward in a healthier and stronger way. So.. sorry for all the words, but this isn't just a reply to you, it's for all the people who think "well just let go of it and move on". A truly good therapist empowers the client. Helps them see that now THEY have the power to define themselves and their lives. But, yes, there is a need, often to recognize what happened as a young unformed in many ways human. Recognize it, understand HOW and WHY it's important to let it go and feel empowered to move forward. Did that make sense at all? Hope so. Have a beautiful day! ❣Darcy
One more thing. I think most of us are aware on studies on children who were orphans in an over crowded system and suffered emotional neglect as babies and toddlers. That literally impacts the brain. Development that should happen at that age doesn't. I don't know if that can be healed later in life or not. Hopefully at least mitigated.
@@dod2304 So on spot. That describes the 'perfect storm' for how a narcissisist developes. They are not born that way, but from that very early trauma, usually before age 4, that part of the brain that is associated with empoathy, does not develop.
People who have had a very bad childhood need to get over that before they can go forward. I've had friends that I 've watched go through this. If you had normal parents, be grateful. I know I am. If you know how to do this, write a book. It's needed.
I had an abusive father. It wasn't until I declared that that part of my life was over and chose to be born again without a past that my life changed.
@@johnofnew I was kind of lucky, by having a semi-normal family, but I have friends who were out and out abused. Women don't seem to be able to go completely away from their families, which would be better than hanging onto them and being responsible for them. It's a female thing I think. I went a long distance. That works too.
totally agree.. I did counseling for clients 2 years with people in addiction clinics and opiate centers very little succeed with people due to they way they practice psycho therapy and process that we are required to provide it was very limited in working for co. when you constantly reinstate your an addict and etc you are.. when you give a diagnosis you are.. so .. to me it wasn't helpful to them and it was all about retention and money for business . so I quit I started on the path of taking clients in a life coaching way with more positive and present tense processes that actually work and I actually got a down load for a healing process during a meditation..
I agree with you 100 percent. This is so true. I know because, a family member went for therapy. It did so much harm to them and they never recovered. Reliving your past is not healing, it's harmful over and over and over. Folks may be having a good day and have an appointment with a therapist and have to move to a place of trauma or drama to go because that is the expectation.
Your view on therapy is more modern. I'm a new therapist and this is what they teach us in school: We're not supposed to dive into a client's trauma until they have built enough emotional regulation skills. AKA, they are able to be in the present moment. Someone who struggles to live in the present, may feel re-traumatized by re-living painful past memories.
The thing is, once clients have developed strong emotional regulation skills, they usually don't want to visit the past too extensively. And that's okay. Once a client starts to feel better (more emotionally regulated) and isn't negatively defined by their past, then our job is done.
interesting... so once they are over it you dive them back in?
@@johnofnew only if the client wants to. We're supposed to to redirect the conversation if they try talking about trauma early on. However if they bring up trauma later, when they are regulated, then you allow it. It's not a necessary conversation.
I always think of being born again as coming back in our next life. Very literal, I know. Can you explain in more detail?
releasing the past and starting fresh in the I Am moments instead of the I Was moment
If therapy worked, you wouldn't have to keep going back!
Thanks for sharing and thanks for the honesty in this video and others. I agree that no one wants to get stuck in the past.
In a situation with an alcoholic parent, for example, there is an external reference that is visible. In other words, the abuse is usually recognized early on in life, both by the child and society. Fortunately, once brought to light, there are available resources in place to handle that situation. It's not an easy one to deal with, but when you understand early on that you had abuse in your childhood, you may have a blessing in disguise and therefore a "healing advantage," if there is such a thing.
On the other hand, if the abuse in your childhood came from something less obvious or visible, would you be able to recognize the abuse? How would you? If your parents were emotionally neglectful for example, there may be a need to uncover this and do some examination of the past before enough awareness is in place to effectively deal with it.
If one thinks they may have some abuse in their past, one can ask themselves, "What symptoms do I have that lead me to believe I was abused?" Do you have symptoms related to CPTSD for example?
Pete Walker's book, "CPTSD, From Surviving To Thriving," is ground breaking in my opinion. He's been a psychologist for decades and when I got my hands on that book, it practically read itself! I remember he alludes to the idea that neglect and abuse go hand in hand, the neglect is worse than abuse because it typically goes unrecognized and masked for decades before it is dealt with.
Today, I notice a lot of people dealing with trauma by "identifying with it." I tend to see this as "the wrong way to go about healing." Hey wait a minute, that's my own issues resurfacing again! People are dealing with their traumas in their own way and I think this identification phenomenon is only a phase that will pass naturally as a part of healing. If I look at the bigger picture, who am I to say it's the wrong approach? For many people, it seems to be a necessary one.
Neglect and abuse from the past must be recognized before issues can be brought to light, this seems to be a collective process. Once the issue is in the light, it can be dealt with. People can move forward and that's ultimately what most people want. Cheers!
8:31 I Am Now
Career Psychotherapist here. This is too complex a topic to do justice to in this format. In nutshell I feel compelled to say that your comments grossly over generalize and thus minimize. I salute your apparent resilience and coping skills, but for most folks, addressing the root cause can become unavoidable. Not all are as fortunate as you report yourself to be. I wish this this were not the case.
Acknowledging the root cause and releasing it is necessary dredging it uo over and over again only keeps it alive. I respect your beliefs, but I will say I have had many psychotherapist who agree with what I'm saying. I currently have a friend who has been in therapy for over 40 years. She's so addicted to therapy that every week she has a breakthrough and then the next week she has another breakthrough. She's been doing that for 40 years....
Everything I’ve heard on your short videos are about the past.
they are clips of larger videos about the present moment. What is your point?
I respectfully disagree❤