I'd like to add that clearly, I don't have an issue with analyzing behavior you might find alarming and/or criticizing it. But I did feel the public's handling of Marissa's reaction and the usual response to women's emotional reactions and needs is often demonized and Ion like det. So this is for Marissa, and all people who feel things out loud. You're vaild! I said so lol. Happy Halloween!
@@hellostephco84 I haven’t even watched the video yet but saw this comment and while you are right, I was definitely one screaming stand up. Mainly because I hate seeing us not recognize when we are being saved from so much worse.
Thank you Steph, many others don’t take the risk and love is a lot but this was painfully relatable PS I hate Ramses and all body users who are honest/noncommittal and After happily indulging in intimacy and sex
I was a part of the analyzation of Marissa and saw so much of myself in her from day one. My goal in her adhd analysis was so people wouldn’t be so hard on the depth of her reaction based on the TIME of the engagement. Rejection sensitivity in neurodivergents hit different for real.
Lmao the treatments for hysteria ranging from “ marriage….to….. *forcing the woman to orgasm* “ The treatment of women throughout history can truly be Overwhelming 🫨
You’ll never be too much for your person. I struggled with being told that I was too much until I met my partner, he says the reason he fell for me was because I have qualities of all the most important women in his life. He comes from a family of women who all have big personalities.
This is not true. U can be too much for anyone....including ur person. U can overwhelm even the one. It's not about their capacity to deal with you....but how u offload on them. It can honestly just be too much. Even for ur person
Love the video! I felt for Marissa! She was heartbroken and blindsided - I completely get that. I got rear-ended back in March and THAT broke my heart - I was boohooing all over my apartment for weeks😅. If my fiancé dumped me the week of my wedding, after my friends and relatives had flown in, after I picked a dress, while saying, “it’s not you, it’s me (but it’s really you)”, the LEAST I’m doing is crying. Honestly, medicate me, expeditiously.
13:19 ''If we didn't have ''limerence'', there wouldn't be any love songs'' and that reference to 90's music was so on point. Girl, I can't even imagine the crapstorm of epic magnitude that Mary J Blige would have faced on social media if the ''My Life'' album had come out in '24 instead of '94...
Yes, people upset with her were projecting. They hate themselves for what they “let” a bad breakup do to them and are punishing her for it. Everyone has mental health so it’s helpful to recognize and look for where things are coming from. As far as her reaction, if I thought I was getting married in 20 hours, my family was already on their way, I picked a dress, we just said we were in love, we’ve planned a wedding together, and he ended the wedding and the whole relationship unceremoniously, I would cry like that too! And I also wish I could unsee it.
Exactly! she had a reasonable response given the context. Anyone would be devastated and confused given those circumstances. And especially if they were given a vague reason of their “energy” being too much for the other person. It sounds like a cop out b/c her energy has been the same since the pods. She never hid how she was. But he definitely hid how he truly felt. He was “nice” instead of taking her feelings into consideration and doing the kind thing of telling her how he truly felt.
9:50 Reminds me of that tweet that said "you don’t have a crush. you have attachment issues and someone is giving you attention" ??? like can we be normal??? 😭
I have been in Marissa’s shoes almost the same dating timeframe too. When someone pulls the rug from you unexpectedly, it is shocking. That’s what Marissa was experiencing, shock. I know now how to react when the rug is pulled but I didn’t initially. We need to have space for people experiencing their emotions. Not everyone processes the same. Where is the grace? I hate this for Marissa.
I identify as a person who is difficult to love lol! It's not because I think something is wrong with me or that there's something wrong with everyone else. I have just come to understand that there are some things I can't change about myself (I have tried) that makes me A LOT more than what most people can or want to hold, handle, or understand. It sucks and can make you feel like you're "bad" or "broken," but I think that comes from a lack of appreciation for how varied humans are. I hope Marissa and others who can relate come to a similar understanding and move accordingly.
Stephanie you are such a sweet soul. I love hearing you speak on any topic. Wishing you so much success and peace on your solo journey. I hope you get to experience all the good things you deserve in this lifetime! 🙌😎🙏🏻
I am so happy you brought up the term limerence. I have read so much about limerence and I still cannot understand how it is different from romantic love. When people try to give me their definition they all list different things and things that are identical to romantic love 'You can't stop thinking about them' or 'You put them on a pedestal' or 'You daydream about them and you struggle to get over your feelings for them' I'll reserve the term for love addiction but in my opinion, most people throwing around limerence as a term are just in love and they're sad about it.
Ppl hate looking raw emotion in the face. It more about their uncomfortability. We are in a era of dating where the one who feels the least is the one who wins. Ppl are mad that Marissa did not win that game even though it was not the one she was playing. They had thus made Ramses the winner & hated it cause he was disliked. I did not have the common reaction but after ppl told me after days on a 5hr call she was begging him I 😮.
Apparently, Marissa proposed they try dating again a few months after the show ended. I think Marissa truly just wants to be loved as passionately as she loves. Marissa needs a cheerleader type man and Ramses is not that.
Right, like I understood the raw pain in the moment but months later still begging is a bit much regardless of how normal we want to make that seem....rather it can be gauged as a normal response or not, its not a safe or healthy place to be/remian bc it continues to cause pain and an inability to move forward. I personally cannot relate but ppl who can I can understand feeling defensive about Marissas reaction and not wanting her to be labeled in negative ways bc of it but sometimes it is desperation and no one wants to be seen as that.
💯 exactly this! From the posts that I have personally seen, I believe people were more upset that he "won" as opposed to her showing emotions. In 2024, women are just sick of us getting shafted and we are also sick of watching it play out on these shows , hence the strong reactions
I think the issue with I have is that Ramses purposefully used those words to hurt her. She specifically said that partners told her that she was “too much” in the past and that was painful. He claimed to love her energy in the pods too. She checked in so many times and asked if he still felt the same or had doubts. Only the DAY before the wedding, he dumps all of this on her. So why tell her that except to hurt her? I know she was super hurt and I hear you, we’ve been there. But one thing to remember moving forward is to throw it back and take that off yourself so your confidence isn’t the one that’s shattered. Instead of taking it, tell him his energy isn’t enough for YOU. You’re the one that matters, not him. That’s the only benefit I see from the criticisms, but I agree with you on mostly everything else
I had issues with his timing too though I think he made the right decision. Both of them matter. She should grieve the loss and move on with the knowledge she needs to focus on someone who matches her energy
Omg, 90s babies and peak belting era. ♥️ And yes, to every single point you made. We’ve all been too much for somebody at some point. I’m as introverted as you can get, so most people find I’m not nearly enough to keep them interested. And they’ve told me so. It hurts but a bad fit is a bad fit - I don’t have to pathologize or villainize the perfectly human experience of not meshing with someone. 😌
I'm glad that I let you and other folks tell me the LIB tea so I don't need to waste 12 hrs of my life watching it 😂 And since this season was in DC it's hilarious because I'm from there, DC is the least married city in the US so I knew it wasn't going to go well
UGH THANK YOU for calling out those that spoke about Marissa from a faux superiority complex. Sometimes the internet is so binary and void of humane aspects, something always have to be one way or the other when we’re far more complex than that. Like the internet sterile understanding of the word limerence and interpreting under one brush stroke and deeming it as bad just bc that’s what they’d fav content creators told them on TikTok. There’s a lot of emotions and other aspects with us as humans that isn’t going to be plastic and positive, the aspects deemed as negative are still significant and we wouldn’t be able to function without having those emotions. Social media’s desperate pursuit to display humans and our humanity as robotic, plastic, polished, rigid is concerning. But I’m not surprised considering the entire concept of social media is an antithesis to everything humane for the most part..
You are so so so right about finding energetic alignment. The way you described I think will help me let go of that self gaslighting you talked about. I’ve been there a lot. I also love you calling out that silly advice about “wanting too much” - nope, it’s knowing what you want and being secure enough in yourself to hold hope and listen to self. Thank you for doing your love is blind breakdowns. Your insights are so good
Such GREAT points from you in this one! Balanced, nuanced, empathetic and bringing up angles I've heard from no other commentators. It is entirely valid for some people to be too much for you, for instance, people who ALWAYS need to talk to me if I'm in a shared space are too much for me. I like to sit in silence most of the time. If people don't like that, completely respect that, they are just not a match for me. I need my quiet! I just want to let you know how much I appreciate your insights and wisdom, and really hope to see more from you in future. 🙂
I did not know people were attacking Marissa! All I've seen is support for her and I've been more concerned for Ramses honestly (I don't agree with everything he says and does but at least he ended it instead of dragging her to the altar). I hope Marissa has only happened across the support too. The way she said "it just came out of nowhere" feels like my own Betty Spaghetti moment. I have been there, I have done that, and all we can do is pray we never end up there again. I relate to Marissa in the opposite way - people have always thought I'm not peppy or happy enough and my RBF has gotten me in trouble in work, school, friendships, etc. It's hard to feel like you as you are isn't what society is looking for.
For me…when I saw Marissa cry the way she did…I was sad for her…but at the same time I was like please…whatever you do…please do not let this man see you cry. I understand she was in love with him…but one thing I have learned in life is to never let a man see you sweat him. You can ugly cry…not in front of them!! Leave…go to your car…anywhere but in front of him. I have been in Marissa’s shoes…and I broke down like she did in front of a man. While Ramses hugged her trying to comfort her…I felt like he was doing that out of obligation…he never really cared for her as deeply as she cared for him. My situation was more of the man didn’t do or say anything…he was cold…and I vowed to myself I will never let that happen to me again. I will cry…but I won’t in front of a man. That’s just me tho…maybe I am jaded…but I can’t bring myself to do that again…
@@tcdd973because it gives men the unnecessary power that they crave, and it's also a way to fuel their demonic ego and some of them get some kind of sadistic sexual gratification from watching you suffer.
@@Chichichimosa yes. Some men can be cruel & take pleasure in seeing the pain they caused you. I do think Ramsey antagonized Marissa. I’ve had men do that to me. It’s unfortunate but true.
I agree. I like how she goes into a deeper topics brought up by whatever show (which I usually haven't seen) and has an interesting, thoughtful, nuanced perspective on things.
I work with people with ADHD (a therapist), and I'm Neurodivergent myself. I agree that it's unfair how people think they can just diagnose people with ADHD or BPD (BPD can have an even more negative stereotype). When I was watching their story, the possibility of ADHD briefly crossed my mind with her, but i also thought "she might just be very energetic". To qualify for a DSM-5 diagnosis, it has to cause distress, be PERSISTENT, and IMPAIR your occupational, academic, work and social life. And that is what so many people online do NOT mention and they shouldn't label anyone unless they have had multiple interactions with her as a client to determine that. I have also noticed that many people do not observe enough in relationships to give people the opportunity to PROVE their commitment or interest. And I think she was taking the lead on a lot which could might have been part of what he meant by saying "too much" meaning overwhelming. But I am not a fan of how detached he seems. It's good to be able to regulate your emotions, but with he does come across like "I like you, your cool, but I don't care that much". Also Steph Anya does phenomenal videos about LIB episodes, she is a marriage and family therapist and works with couples.
I think sometimes when people have these reactions, it’s a culmination of all the disappointment they have experienced. Marissa probably has experienced rejection in the past and having to deal with that once again was hard for her. I don’t think Ramses wanted to commit to her and I’m trying to figure out why he led her on for as long as he did.
Girl, all I can say is thank you for this convo! I don't watch the show but I like how you took us in this video and this convo was NEEDED. I could relate myself, happened to me. Thank you!
I don’t think it’s pathology but I do think her reaction has something to do with being told by others that she’s “too much” after this man told her he’d be cool with it!!!
Exactly! It’s so sh!tty to tell someone over and over and over that you love their energy then in the 11th hour, tell her she’s too much. That would break my heart too!
Your videos are so relatable. I’ve often been told that I’m too much as well or just weird and overwhelming because of my bubbly personality, but I know that there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not for everyone and there are people who love and appreciate as I am
Everyone has their psych degree these days. It’s so strange that ppl don’t grasp that the ppl on the show are humans. People feel to embolden in social media to psychological and dehumanize ppl on shows
Thank you for never being afraid to show up with a sincere, “unpopular” opinion; I find wisdom in the perspectives that you share. I am 100% one of the people who dislike Ramses (and I really don’t dislike people easily 😭 I feel he just gave us so little to work with!), so when he came out with a whole entire “your energy is too much” my goodness 😮💨 I was ready to go to war for my girl Marissa. But listening to your video has made me see a different viewpoint. I completely agree that there is such a thing is “too much”, and I love the different examples you gave of that. I just wish it didn’t sound so accusatory. In fact, I am not completely convinced that it is used as a neutral phrase; I think it does carry some degree of accusation, as opposed to simply describing that our energies don’t align. When someone says another person is too much [for them] in a way that love can’t summit… hmm mm. To me it still feels like they are suggesting that something IS wrong with the other person; their too-much-ness isn’t a cute thing like baby Stephanie belting in the shower. And sometimes they might be right (your example about someone being very moody and bringing the house’s energy down - I don’t imagine a person who is like that even enjoys being like that themselves), but sometimes it’s not that the other person is “too much”; it’s rather that your receptors are broken somewhere somehow. Like. If you are getting riled up or overwhelmed by someone belting in the shower… I struggle to agree that the shower singer is too much; I think the other person needs to do some work, and I take it a step further to predict that doing that work would do themselves good! Be it finding out their on the ASD spectrum and getting treated for that, be it finding out there’s unresolved childhood trauma around absent parents and they therefore resent anyone who behaves in ways they wish they could have been allowed to as a child, etc. like. I don’t know. Rambling out loud here.
My heart broke for Marissa. However, I think it’s more about the continuance of energy she gave him which he did not deserve. Most of us have experienced that but gtfo my face neoww Mr. Two Dreads so I can feel my emotions without your pity. You’re dismissed sir!
agree on energy matching. hopefully with the times of reality tv and discourse there's enough people convinced that they can find spaces they belong and don't have to make themselves smaller to be loved it work at a job. we deserve alignment even if it's just peace in ourselves
I couldn't live with someone who couldn't tolerate my singing. It's very much a vocal stem/echolalia/self-soothing thing that I have done since I was a small child singing along to the "In the Heat of the Night" theme song. I feel very fortunate that people have always been okay with it - even at work when my meds wear off. I've been told it's like living/working with a Disney princess. 😊 HARD relate to the reactive dog situation. They're unruly and I am aware, but part of the reason people know that is because we walk them ALL THE TIME. For the love of god, if you see people who turn around and walk the other way with their dogs, PLEASE try and avoid them. I get it - your dog is really nice - mine are NOT. Just walk the othet way 😢.
My theory is that Ramses got cold feet because of his own insecurities. He’s a college dropout and he’s with a woman who was months away from becoming an attorney. The discussions surrounding him being a stay-at-home-dad made him feel inferior (not emasculated because he seems comfortable in his sexuality and how he presents) just inferior. So he enjoyed the ride (literally), got some raw 🐱, free vacation, tv time, and decided Marissa being “too much” would be the out that he would use.
The way my daughter had to go get me a tissue after I watched that scene. 😩 I felt sooo sad for Marissa. That pain was so real and raw. I was married young and I never seen beyond my exhusband. Once divorced I was confused but it was my biggest lesson! We never know what the future holds!
My only "issue" was her (and anyone else for that matter) having such intense feelings for someone and forming such a strong attachment to them in such a short timeframe. To some of us, that IS a bit much. I'm sure Marissa probably also shouted "girl, stand up" at herself when she watched that scene. It's less about not wanting the person to "feel their feelings" and more about rooting for them to not crash out over someone who's just not worth it.
I've been in a Ramses type position of really liking a woman who wasn't really an energy match and trying to make it work. Amazing girl, just very chatty and Super clingy - I spent six months telling myself that it was just new relationship jitters and we would settle into a rhythm. Fun fact: that didn't happen. I began to progressively feel more annoyed than enthusiastic to talk to her before finally having to pull a "I don't think we're compatible". It sucked a lot, I broke her heart and regret it all the time, but I do think that breakup saved us plenty of heartache. TLDR: No matter how much you like a person, if the energy isn't an alignment you gotta go.
We want women to have and show emotions like men. Some great things have come from feminism but one thing I hate most about it is that we’ve tried to make women more like men instead of appreciating the very things that makes us different. Crying over a break up now is somehow shameful?
Marissa I think has a deep abandonment wound from her issues with her mom. That "omg I'm gonna die without you" reaction... I can relate. It was tough to watch.
I don't watch LIB but when you said that bit about astrology and getting on one of them being Libra man it made me think of little Edie Beale( Edith Bouvier Beale, Jackie K's cousin). She mentions the Libra man, ("Ive just got to find me a Libra man",she says), in the documentry "Grey Gardens".
Maybe it's me, but I didn't think Marissa overreacted. It felt like she was not just crying about this relationship, but also about every time she hasn't been chosen. For me, it would also be the embarrassment of going through all of this and ultimately wanting this more than he does. She deserves better.
12:46 I say this as a person who gets told I don't look like a person who has adhd and get judged as a black woman for "overwhelming" with my passion and forward thinking... 1, I definitely think audiences tend to judge black women more harshly for everything but Marissa has adhd so then... your experiences of rejection are a little different from the confusion of the clash between neurodivergent people and neurotypicals. 2, a lot of people learn what adhd is from tv. In children. But it is VERY different for women. Especially when it presents in black women. Adhd IS neurodivergent. Our common symptoms that I saw from my doctor was a separate list of over 70 symptoms for women. It's not our fault a lot of people mistakenly assume that being neurodivergent equates to stupidity or low intelligence bc of social conditioning. Another big part of adhd is our emotional disregulation (big highs and lows is why we are often misdiagnosed with DID & other neurodivergences) and our naivety in complex social situations (like a breakup) so yeah...the fact that she couldn't stop to say "wait I don't want to do this on camera" when everyone is 7 seasons in and knows the game fairly well all plays into her struggle, unfortunately. It's not something she should be judged for and is a missed opportunity (same as with the black guy, Olly, from LiB uk) to educate what adhd looks like in black people especially women. Sigh... a part of this that frustrates me is how the black community still feels as if ANY diagnosis is "unnecessary". I think of when Kanye was having one of his first public mental health breakdown, there were so many videos of black people repeating that there is no need for a "diagnosis". The constant reiteration that these are JUST a human reaction... I do feel as if this feels personally hurts me bc I see so many people whose lives could be so deeply harmed by a lack of education, medication, and life strategies by a lack of knowledge of ADHD and other neurodivergences. There's nothing wrong with us but it's not enough to say we do not need accommodations. Calling it by its name is HELPFUL. But I hope she learns to focus on getting more alignment for her ADHD process and the DSM gives guidance. Hopefully this helps
@improvetheword9691 do you know if Marissa was recently diagnosed or did she know in the pods? Looking back, i can definitely see it, and I wonder if she ever disclosed that to Ramses. Her reaction does make more sense more to me bc of this....
I'm Neurodivergent as well, and I work as a therapist with many ND's. The resistance the black community has towards accepting someone's diagnosis is truly heartbreaking, and I'm very discreet with who I share it with in my personal life. Soooo many people dismiss it online, in person etc. So to hear that undertone in the video was irritating. While there is truth in the fact that not every behavior has to have a diagnosis, too many black creators are quick to dismiss it when someone shares it or suspects it. I am planning to make a video about Neurodivergence and the black community on my channel within the upcoming months. Because a few videos were made within this year that shows that the stigma about mental health, particularly Neurodivergence in the black community has not progressed much. I LOVED how Demi supported Olli and hope to have similar experience with a s/o one day . With Olli I picked it up quicker noticing him getting constantly sidetracked in the grocery store, with Marissa I couldn't tell because with her it felt almost restless/rushed like she was anxious to plan the wedding and not observing Ramses response which I could see a being overwhelming (mind you I'm not a fan of him at all but can also see both sides). But with both of them Marissa and Olli, I wasn't sure BECAUSE as a therapist, I know that you should have multiple observation or interactions with someone before introducing that possibility to them keeping in mind the DSM-5 criteria. And that's where the internet goes wrong, assuming based off of a few videos without knowing if its causing impairment or distress in multiple areas of someone's life.
@improvetheword9691 And I do not like everything Kanye says or does. But I do defend him from a mental health standpoint. Because the criteria of Bipolar literally aligns with his behavior which is WHY HE HAS THE DIAGNOSIS...😂 At this point it's just comical to me how people do not even research what the diagnosis means before dismissing it. Sigh! I also love his creativity!
@@CrystalM1917 I have no idea...but thay definitely makes an impact. At first I was a bit of a mess as a figured my way through it and even after 4 years of my diagnosis...i still make weird choices
@oh!stephco thank you so much for this take. I resonate with it so deeply. I believe Marissa’s reaction is what we see when someone is being very authentic on this show. Which is what we asked for, more authenticity. We can all relate to it. While I don’t like Ramses. I agree, it’s ok to tell someone their energy is too much for you. It simply does not feel good to hear it, ever. But we’ve all met someone who we did not align with energetically. The examples you used were great. I hope she finds loud love as well ❤
Yes sadly too intense too peppy too sure too soon and that’s ok but it’s easy to blame the person who backs away until you experience the intensity of another person that it makes you feel like you’re suffocated
No one is qualified to diagnose someone with a psychiatric disorder except an actual psychiatrist. It's like how there's been an explosion in labeling people narcissist. Just because someone is a mean person, or rude, or has cheated on you, or did this or that, doesn't mean they're a narcissist, this is a medical term with specific criteria only accredited professionals can diagnose, sort of like how only surgeons can perform surgery. The way people label people with disorders is ridiculous, they interact with it almost the same way people interreact with astrology. Completely inappropriate and really needs to stop.
I thought this season was kind of boring i found myself fast forwarding through certain couples. Then i just gave up and didnt make it to the reunion episode… that being said i really liked her and i hope she heals and is able to find someone who loves her for who she truly is.
Based on what we saw and what SHE said herself she was definitely begging. She asked him if he was sure several times he said yes. She asked if they could stay together without getting married he said no. She asked him AGAIN this year he turned her down...like come on. The man does not love her, period!!! 😭😭😭
Love your LIB content. YT isn't giving me notice when you upload. I have to search to see if you dropped. Maybe that's the reason for lower views lately
I'd like to add that clearly, I don't have an issue with analyzing behavior you might find alarming and/or criticizing it. But I did feel the public's handling of Marissa's reaction and the usual response to women's emotional reactions and needs is often demonized and Ion like det. So this is for Marissa, and all people who feel things out loud. You're vaild! I said so lol. Happy Halloween!
@@hellostephco84 I haven’t even watched the video yet but saw this comment and while you are right, I was definitely one screaming stand up. Mainly because I hate seeing us not recognize when we are being saved from so much worse.
Thank you Steph, many others don’t take the risk and love is a lot but this was painfully relatable
PS I hate Ramses and all body users who are honest/noncommittal and After happily indulging in intimacy and sex
I was a part of the analyzation of Marissa and saw so much of myself in her from day one.
My goal in her adhd analysis was so people wouldn’t be so hard on the depth of her reaction based on the TIME of the engagement.
Rejection sensitivity in neurodivergents hit different for real.
Lmao the treatments for hysteria ranging from “ marriage….to….. *forcing the woman to orgasm* “ The treatment of women throughout history can truly be Overwhelming 🫨
Thank you for all of your LIB videos...especially this one. You look great, BTW.
You’ll never be too much for your person. I struggled with being told that I was too much until I met my partner, he says the reason he fell for me was because I have qualities of all the most important women in his life. He comes from a family of women who all have big personalities.
It’s that simple!
This is not true. U can be too much for anyone....including ur person. U can overwhelm even the one. It's not about their capacity to deal with you....but how u offload on them. It can honestly just be too much. Even for ur person
"big personalities "? 😂
That’s awesome ❤
Big personality? Tf is that?😂 hella immature
I’m only 10 seconds in, but Steph, red is gorgeous on you! This lip colour is fantastic!
Combined with the shirt and the red tint in the braids too ❤
@@luciclark3188 exactly!
Love the video!
I felt for Marissa! She was heartbroken and blindsided - I completely get that. I got rear-ended back in March and THAT broke my heart - I was boohooing all over my apartment for weeks😅. If my fiancé dumped me the week of my wedding, after my friends and relatives had flown in, after I picked a dress, while saying, “it’s not you, it’s me (but it’s really you)”, the LEAST I’m doing is crying. Honestly, medicate me, expeditiously.
13:19 ''If we didn't have ''limerence'', there wouldn't be any love songs'' and that reference to 90's music was so on point. Girl, I can't even imagine the crapstorm of epic magnitude that Mary J Blige would have faced on social media if the ''My Life'' album had come out in '24 instead of '94...
Yes, people upset with her were projecting. They hate themselves for what they “let” a bad breakup do to them and are punishing her for it. Everyone has mental health so it’s helpful to recognize and look for where things are coming from. As far as her reaction, if I thought I was getting married in 20 hours, my family was already on their way, I picked a dress, we just said we were in love, we’ve planned a wedding together, and he ended the wedding and the whole relationship unceremoniously, I would cry like that too! And I also wish I could unsee it.
Exactly! she had a reasonable response given the context. Anyone would be devastated and confused given those circumstances. And especially if they were given a vague reason of their “energy” being too much for the other person. It sounds like a cop out b/c her energy has been the same since the pods. She never hid how she was. But he definitely hid how he truly felt. He was “nice” instead of taking her feelings into consideration and doing the kind thing of telling her how he truly felt.
9:50 Reminds me of that tweet that said "you don’t have a crush. you have attachment issues and someone is giving you attention" ??? like can we be normal??? 😭
I feel this is me 🤣🤣🤣😩
“Tyler is now a youth pastor” comment had me rolling 😂😂😂
I’ve heard a cry like that. A coworker found out her mom died in the middle of the day. It was terrifying and heartbreaking.
You look so pretty, red is your color 💜
I have been in Marissa’s shoes almost the same dating timeframe too. When someone pulls the rug from you unexpectedly, it is shocking. That’s what Marissa was experiencing, shock.
I know now how to react when the rug is pulled but I didn’t initially.
We need to have space for people experiencing their emotions. Not everyone processes the same. Where is the grace? I hate this for Marissa.
I identify as a person who is difficult to love lol! It's not because I think something is wrong with me or that there's something wrong with everyone else. I have just come to understand that there are some things I can't change about myself (I have tried) that makes me A LOT more than what most people can or want to hold, handle, or understand. It sucks and can make you feel like you're "bad" or "broken," but I think that comes from a lack of appreciation for how varied humans are. I hope Marissa and others who can relate come to a similar understanding and move accordingly.
Former teacher here...I wish I had been told to never come to staff meetings again. You won!
Stephanie you are such a sweet soul. I love hearing you speak on any topic. Wishing you so much success and peace on your solo journey. I hope you get to experience all the good things you deserve in this lifetime! 🙌😎🙏🏻
Damn!! You are glowing, girl ❤
I am so happy you brought up the term limerence. I have read so much about limerence and I still cannot understand how it is different from romantic love. When people try to give me their definition they all list different things and things that are identical to romantic love 'You can't stop thinking about them' or 'You put them on a pedestal' or 'You daydream about them and you struggle to get over your feelings for them' I'll reserve the term for love addiction but in my opinion, most people throwing around limerence as a term are just in love and they're sad about it.
Ppl hate looking raw emotion in the face. It more about their uncomfortability. We are in a era of dating where the one who feels the least is the one who wins. Ppl are mad that Marissa did not win that game even though it was not the one she was playing. They had thus made Ramses the winner & hated it cause he was disliked.
I did not have the common reaction but after ppl told me after days on a 5hr call she was begging him I 😮.
Apparently, Marissa proposed they try dating again a few months after the show ended.
I think Marissa truly just wants to be loved as passionately as she loves.
Marissa needs a cheerleader type man and Ramses is not that.
Right, like I understood the raw pain in the moment but months later still begging is a bit much regardless of how normal we want to make that seem....rather it can be gauged as a normal response or not, its not a safe or healthy place to be/remian bc it continues to cause pain and an inability to move forward. I personally cannot relate but ppl who can I can understand feeling defensive about Marissas reaction and not wanting her to be labeled in negative ways bc of it but sometimes it is desperation and no one wants to be seen as that.
💯 exactly this! From the posts that I have personally seen, I believe people were more upset that he "won" as opposed to her showing emotions. In 2024, women are just sick of us getting shafted and we are also sick of watching it play out on these shows , hence the strong reactions
@@CrystalM1917💯
Long time Steph viewer here! I am loving all this new content!! I’d watch it even if I wasn’t watching Love is Blind🤣💕 you’re my fav reviewer
Same
Same here. I haven’t watched it.
I think the issue with I have is that Ramses purposefully used those words to hurt her. She specifically said that partners told her that she was “too much” in the past and that was painful. He claimed to love her energy in the pods too. She checked in so many times and asked if he still felt the same or had doubts. Only the DAY before the wedding, he dumps all of this on her. So why tell her that except to hurt her? I know she was super hurt and I hear you, we’ve been there. But one thing to remember moving forward is to throw it back and take that off yourself so your confidence isn’t the one that’s shattered. Instead of taking it, tell him his energy isn’t enough for YOU. You’re the one that matters, not him. That’s the only benefit I see from the criticisms, but I agree with you on mostly everything else
I had issues with his timing too though I think he made the right decision. Both of them matter. She should grieve the loss and move on with the knowledge she needs to focus on someone who matches her energy
Omg, 90s babies and peak belting era. ♥️ And yes, to every single point you made. We’ve all been too much for somebody at some point. I’m as introverted as you can get, so most people find I’m not nearly enough to keep them interested. And they’ve told me so. It hurts but a bad fit is a bad fit - I don’t have to pathologize or villainize the perfectly human experience of not meshing with someone. 😌
I'm glad that I let you and other folks tell me the LIB tea so I don't need to waste 12 hrs of my life watching it 😂 And since this season was in DC it's hilarious because I'm from there, DC is the least married city in the US so I knew it wasn't going to go well
Can you advise from your perspective why dc is least married ?
UGH THANK YOU for calling out those that spoke about Marissa from a faux superiority complex. Sometimes the internet is so binary and void of humane aspects, something always have to be one way or the other when we’re far more complex than that. Like the internet sterile understanding of the word limerence and interpreting under one brush stroke and deeming it as bad just bc that’s what they’d fav content creators told them on TikTok. There’s a lot of emotions and other aspects with us as humans that isn’t going to be plastic and positive, the aspects deemed as negative are still significant and we wouldn’t be able to function without having those emotions. Social media’s desperate pursuit to display humans and our humanity as robotic, plastic, polished, rigid is concerning. But I’m not surprised considering the entire concept of social media is an antithesis to everything humane for the most part..
You are so so so right about finding energetic alignment. The way you described I think will help me let go of that self gaslighting you talked about. I’ve been there a lot. I also love you calling out that silly advice about “wanting too much” - nope, it’s knowing what you want and being secure enough in yourself to hold hope and listen to self. Thank you for doing your love is blind breakdowns. Your insights are so good
I have a reactive dog and we can’t do nothing, but she is teaching me about boundaries and patience and advocating for them versus people pleasing.
Seeing Marissa break down like that made me cry and thankful to be 40 and single.
Such GREAT points from you in this one! Balanced, nuanced, empathetic and bringing up angles I've heard from no other commentators. It is entirely valid for some people to be too much for you, for instance, people who ALWAYS need to talk to me if I'm in a shared space are too much for me. I like to sit in silence most of the time. If people don't like that, completely respect that, they are just not a match for me. I need my quiet! I just want to let you know how much I appreciate your insights and wisdom, and really hope to see more from you in future. 🙂
I did not know people were attacking Marissa! All I've seen is support for her and I've been more concerned for Ramses honestly (I don't agree with everything he says and does but at least he ended it instead of dragging her to the altar). I hope Marissa has only happened across the support too.
The way she said "it just came out of nowhere" feels like my own Betty Spaghetti moment. I have been there, I have done that, and all we can do is pray we never end up there again. I relate to Marissa in the opposite way - people have always thought I'm not peppy or happy enough and my RBF has gotten me in trouble in work, school, friendships, etc. It's hard to feel like you as you are isn't what society is looking for.
I dont think marissa being an extrovert has to do with anything, its a reason that ramses made up to get rid of her that he knows shes insecure about.
First of all your hair is Gorge! I love the color and it’s just so cute. 2nd let me finish the video so I cancan comment the rest of my thoughts 😂
For me…when I saw Marissa cry the way she did…I was sad for her…but at the same time I was like please…whatever you do…please do not let this man see you cry. I understand she was in love with him…but one thing I have learned in life is to never let a man see you sweat him. You can ugly cry…not in front of them!! Leave…go to your car…anywhere but in front of him. I have been in Marissa’s shoes…and I broke down like she did in front of a man. While Ramses hugged her trying to comfort her…I felt like he was doing that out of obligation…he never really cared for her as deeply as she cared for him. My situation was more of the man didn’t do or say anything…he was cold…and I vowed to myself I will never let that happen to me again. I will cry…but I won’t in front of a man. That’s just me tho…maybe I am jaded…but I can’t bring myself to do that again…
Why can’t a woman cry in front of a man?
@@tcdd973because it gives men the unnecessary power that they crave, and it's also a way to fuel their demonic ego and some of them get some kind of sadistic sexual gratification from watching you suffer.
@@Chichichimosa yes. Some men can be cruel & take pleasure in seeing the pain they caused you. I do think Ramsey antagonized Marissa. I’ve had men do that to me. It’s unfortunate but true.
I haven’t watched one single episode of Love is Blind ever but can listen to you talk about it because you are an excellent story teller. ❤
I agree. I like how she goes into a deeper topics brought up by whatever show (which I usually haven't seen) and has an interesting, thoughtful, nuanced perspective on things.
I work with people with ADHD (a therapist), and I'm Neurodivergent myself. I agree that it's unfair how people think they can just diagnose people with ADHD or BPD (BPD can have an even more negative stereotype). When I was watching their story, the possibility of ADHD briefly crossed my mind with her, but i also thought "she might just be very energetic". To qualify for a DSM-5 diagnosis, it has to cause distress, be PERSISTENT, and IMPAIR your occupational, academic, work and social life. And that is what so many people online do NOT mention and they shouldn't label anyone unless they have had multiple interactions with her as a client to determine that. I have also noticed that many people do not observe enough in relationships to give people the opportunity to PROVE their commitment or interest. And I think she was taking the lead on a lot which could might have been part of what he meant by saying "too much" meaning overwhelming. But I am not a fan of how detached he seems. It's good to be able to regulate your emotions, but with he does come across like "I like you, your cool, but I don't care that much".
Also Steph Anya does phenomenal videos about LIB episodes, she is a marriage and family therapist and works with couples.
I think sometimes when people have these reactions, it’s a culmination of all the disappointment they have experienced. Marissa probably has experienced rejection in the past and having to deal with that once again was hard for her.
I don’t think Ramses wanted to commit to her and I’m trying to figure out why he led her on for as long as he did.
I 💯 agree
Girl, all I can say is thank you for this convo! I don't watch the show but I like how you took us in this video and this convo was NEEDED. I could relate myself, happened to me. Thank you!
I get so excited when I see a new video pop up! I looooove your commentary! You got the nail on the head with this one! 💪🏾
Comparing the league of our own scene to Marrissa was so accurate. Also appreciate the reference. I love that movie. And that scene was so well Acted.
My college roommate’s bf at the time used to wake us up to Don’t Stop Believing EVERYDAY!! I felt your pain 😅
I don’t think it’s pathology but I do think her reaction has something to do with being told by others that she’s “too much” after this man told her he’d be cool with it!!!
The rug was pulled from under her cause she would not see the signs that he was pulling away & not into it.
Exactly! It’s so sh!tty to tell someone over and over and over that you love their energy then in the 11th hour, tell her she’s too much. That would break my heart too!
Your videos are so relatable. I’ve often been told that I’m too much as well or just weird and overwhelming because of my bubbly personality, but I know that there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not for everyone and there are people who love and appreciate as I am
The red lip is your shade!
Hey girl!! Love the hair! I'm rocking a similar style in burgundy!
Everyone has their psych degree these days. It’s so strange that ppl don’t grasp that the ppl on the show are humans. People feel to embolden in social media to psychological and dehumanize ppl on shows
Thank you for never being afraid to show up with a sincere, “unpopular” opinion; I find wisdom in the perspectives that you share. I am 100% one of the people who dislike Ramses (and I really don’t dislike people easily 😭 I feel he just gave us so little to work with!), so when he came out with a whole entire “your energy is too much” my goodness 😮💨 I was ready to go to war for my girl Marissa. But listening to your video has made me see a different viewpoint. I completely agree that there is such a thing is “too much”, and I love the different examples you gave of that. I just wish it didn’t sound so accusatory. In fact, I am not completely convinced that it is used as a neutral phrase; I think it does carry some degree of accusation, as opposed to simply describing that our energies don’t align. When someone says another person is too much [for them] in a way that love can’t summit… hmm mm. To me it still feels like they are suggesting that something IS wrong with the other person; their too-much-ness isn’t a cute thing like baby Stephanie belting in the shower. And sometimes they might be right (your example about someone being very moody and bringing the house’s energy down - I don’t imagine a person who is like that even enjoys being like that themselves), but sometimes it’s not that the other person is “too much”; it’s rather that your receptors are broken somewhere somehow. Like. If you are getting riled up or overwhelmed by someone belting in the shower… I struggle to agree that the shower singer is too much; I think the other person needs to do some work, and I take it a step further to predict that doing that work would do themselves good! Be it finding out their on the ASD spectrum and getting treated for that, be it finding out there’s unresolved childhood trauma around absent parents and they therefore resent anyone who behaves in ways they wish they could have been allowed to as a child, etc. like. I don’t know. Rambling out loud here.
OHHH Stephco! Lol
Looking so pretty, loving the red ❤❤❤
Rejection is redirection❤
This was such an incredible, validating and healing video for me..right on time. Thank you so much. ❤ I'm tearing up.
My heart broke for Marissa. However, I think it’s more about the continuance of energy she gave him which he did not deserve. Most of us have experienced that but gtfo my face neoww Mr. Two Dreads so I can feel my emotions without your pity. You’re dismissed sir!
Mr two dreads😂😂😂😂
Girl, I love these videos, bc I get to see your gorgeous face on my RUclips screen. The more of you I get, the more beatific I get!❤❤
Some of us have felt that pain and oh my God. It feels like it’s never ending until it does ❤
You’re so much that you’re not enough….MAN! That resonates with me 🥲
You are fabulous Oh! Stephco 😊 keep being you and the ones for you will certainly show up
agree on energy matching. hopefully with the times of reality tv and discourse there's enough people convinced that they can find spaces they belong and don't have to make themselves smaller to be loved it work at a job. we deserve alignment even if it's just peace in ourselves
I love these colors on you! The hair, the lip! You look good!
I love your hair color it works so well for you. you look so pretty.
Looking STUNNING😍😍😍
I couldn't live with someone who couldn't tolerate my singing. It's very much a vocal stem/echolalia/self-soothing thing that I have done since I was a small child singing along to the "In the Heat of the Night" theme song. I feel very fortunate that people have always been okay with it - even at work when my meds wear off. I've been told it's like living/working with a Disney princess. 😊
HARD relate to the reactive dog situation. They're unruly and I am aware, but part of the reason people know that is because we walk them ALL THE TIME. For the love of god, if you see people who turn around and walk the other way with their dogs, PLEASE try and avoid them. I get it - your dog is really nice - mine are NOT. Just walk the othet way 😢.
I saw her breakdown. It really touched me. I felt it. I cant believe that people made mean comments about her
Wow!. Thats crazy.
My theory is that Ramses got cold feet because of his own insecurities. He’s a college dropout and he’s with a woman who was months away from becoming an attorney. The discussions surrounding him being a stay-at-home-dad made him feel inferior (not emasculated because he seems comfortable in his sexuality and how he presents) just inferior. So he enjoyed the ride (literally), got some raw 🐱, free vacation, tv time, and decided Marissa being “too much” would be the out that he would use.
THIS
The story about your dad and your shower singing made me bust out laugh 😂😂😂
Keep the LIB content coming! I love it lol
You look good with every hairstyle
The way my daughter had to go get me a tissue after I watched that scene. 😩
I felt sooo sad for Marissa. That pain was so real and raw. I was married young and I never seen beyond my exhusband. Once divorced I was confused but it was my biggest lesson! We never know what the future holds!
My only "issue" was her (and anyone else for that matter) having such intense feelings for someone and forming such a strong attachment to them in such a short timeframe. To some of us, that IS a bit much.
I'm sure Marissa probably also shouted "girl, stand up" at herself when she watched that scene. It's less about not wanting the person to "feel their feelings" and more about rooting for them to not crash out over someone who's just not worth it.
It’s happens and it’s just a part of life. We can’t always react perfectly and proportionally to what’s happened to us.
I've been in a Ramses type position of really liking a woman who wasn't really an energy match and trying to make it work. Amazing girl, just very chatty and Super clingy - I spent six months telling myself that it was just new relationship jitters and we would settle into a rhythm.
Fun fact: that didn't happen. I began to progressively feel more annoyed than enthusiastic to talk to her before finally having to pull a "I don't think we're compatible". It sucked a lot, I broke her heart and regret it all the time, but I do think that breakup saved us plenty of heartache.
TLDR: No matter how much you like a person, if the energy isn't an alignment you gotta go.
I love this hairstyle😍😍
THANK GOODNESS FOR REVIEWING LIB IT HAS BEEN UNHEALING ❤😫
We want women to have and show emotions like men. Some great things have come from feminism but one thing I hate most about it is that we’ve tried to make women more like men instead of appreciating the very things that makes us different. Crying over a break up now is somehow shameful?
Love this hair 🔥❤
You look soooo pretty! 🤩 love your content!
Love the look and hair ❤
This video was for meeeee!!! Thank you Steph! ❤
Yea I don’t watch love is blind , but I patiently wait for the videos I love of yours. I love to see you on my feed☀️
Marissa I think has a deep abandonment wound from her issues with her mom. That "omg I'm gonna die without you" reaction... I can relate. It was tough to watch.
I don't watch LIB but when you said that bit about astrology and getting on one of them being Libra man it made me think of little Edie Beale( Edith Bouvier Beale, Jackie K's cousin). She mentions the Libra man, ("Ive just got to find me a Libra man",she says), in the documentry "Grey Gardens".
Love this hair and makeup look! Also loving the Love is Blind content lol. We can go back to business as usual after the reunion!
Your hair look great!
Great video, thanks for sharing your perspective Steph!
I've always been very calm cool and collected. And now that I'm a little older, I'm a little MORE. And i love it. I love to shock em! 😂
Maybe it's me, but I didn't think Marissa overreacted. It felt like she was not just crying about this relationship, but also about every time she hasn't been chosen. For me, it would also be the embarrassment of going through all of this and ultimately wanting this more than he does. She deserves better.
12:46
I say this as a person who gets told I don't look like a person who has adhd and get judged as a black woman for "overwhelming" with my passion and forward thinking...
1, I definitely think audiences tend to judge black women more harshly for everything but Marissa has adhd so then... your experiences of rejection are a little different from the confusion of the clash between neurodivergent people and neurotypicals.
2, a lot of people learn what adhd is from tv. In children.
But it is VERY different for women.
Especially when it presents in black women.
Adhd IS neurodivergent. Our common symptoms that I saw from my doctor was a separate list of over 70 symptoms for women. It's not our fault a lot of people mistakenly assume that being neurodivergent equates to stupidity or low intelligence bc of social conditioning. Another big part of adhd is our emotional disregulation (big highs and lows is why we are often misdiagnosed with DID & other neurodivergences) and our naivety in complex social situations (like a breakup) so yeah...the fact that she couldn't stop to say "wait I don't want to do this on camera" when everyone is 7 seasons in and knows the game fairly well all plays into her struggle, unfortunately.
It's not something she should be judged for and is a missed opportunity (same as with the black guy, Olly, from LiB uk) to educate what adhd looks like in black people especially women.
Sigh... a part of this that frustrates me is how the black community still feels as if ANY diagnosis is "unnecessary".
I think of when Kanye was having one of his first public mental health breakdown, there were so many videos of black people repeating that there is no need for a "diagnosis". The constant reiteration that these are JUST a human reaction...
I do feel as if this feels personally hurts me bc I see so many people whose lives could be so deeply harmed by a lack of education, medication, and life strategies by a lack of knowledge of ADHD and other neurodivergences. There's nothing wrong with us but it's not enough to say we do not need accommodations. Calling it by its name is HELPFUL. But I hope she learns to focus on getting more alignment for her ADHD process and the DSM gives guidance.
Hopefully this helps
@improvetheword9691 do you know if Marissa was recently diagnosed or did she know in the pods? Looking back, i can definitely see it, and I wonder if she ever disclosed that to Ramses. Her reaction does make more sense more to me bc of this....
I'm Neurodivergent as well, and I work as a therapist with many ND's. The resistance the black community has towards accepting someone's diagnosis is truly heartbreaking, and I'm very discreet with who I share it with in my personal life. Soooo many people dismiss it online, in person etc. So to hear that undertone in the video was irritating. While there is truth in the fact that not every behavior has to have a diagnosis, too many black creators are quick to dismiss it when someone shares it or suspects it. I am planning to make a video about Neurodivergence and the black community on my channel within the upcoming months. Because a few videos were made within this year that shows that the stigma about mental health, particularly Neurodivergence in the black community has not progressed much. I LOVED how Demi supported Olli and hope to have similar experience with a s/o one day . With Olli I picked it up quicker noticing him getting constantly sidetracked in the grocery store, with Marissa I couldn't tell because with her it felt almost restless/rushed like she was anxious to plan the wedding and not observing Ramses response which I could see a being overwhelming (mind you I'm not a fan of him at all but can also see both sides). But with both of them Marissa and Olli, I wasn't sure BECAUSE as a therapist, I know that you should have multiple observation or interactions with someone before introducing that possibility to them keeping in mind the DSM-5 criteria. And that's where the internet goes wrong, assuming based off of a few videos without knowing if its causing impairment or distress in multiple areas of someone's life.
@improvetheword9691 And I do not like everything Kanye says or does. But I do defend him from a mental health standpoint. Because the criteria of Bipolar literally aligns with his behavior which is WHY HE HAS THE DIAGNOSIS...😂 At this point it's just comical to me how people do not even research what the diagnosis means before dismissing it. Sigh! I also love his creativity!
@@CrystalM1917 I have no idea...but thay definitely makes an impact. At first I was a bit of a mess as a figured my way through it and even after 4 years of my diagnosis...i still make weird choices
@oh!stephco thank you so much for this take. I resonate with it so deeply. I believe Marissa’s reaction is what we see when someone is being very authentic on this show. Which is what we asked for, more authenticity. We can all relate to it. While I don’t like Ramses. I agree, it’s ok to tell someone their energy is too much for you. It simply does not feel good to hear it, ever. But we’ve all met someone who we did not align with energetically. The examples you used were great. I hope she finds loud love as well ❤
There are absolutely people that are too much omg! 🤣🤣🤣💜
Yes sadly too intense too peppy too sure too soon and that’s ok but it’s easy to blame the person who backs away until you experience the intensity of another person that it makes you feel like you’re suffocated
I’ve never seen the show but enjoy your reviews
They were such a mismatch. I think from the outside looking in the red flags might have been more apparent then from in the pods.
That job story is so heartbreaking.
Steph you are 1of 1 and I appreciate your videos.
22:01 I’m hollering 💀😭🤣
I completely agree with you! Marissa kept it real and I love her for that!
No one is qualified to diagnose someone with a psychiatric disorder except an actual psychiatrist. It's like how there's been an explosion in labeling people narcissist. Just because someone is a mean person, or rude, or has cheated on you, or did this or that, doesn't mean they're a narcissist, this is a medical term with specific criteria only accredited professionals can diagnose, sort of like how only surgeons can perform surgery. The way people label people with disorders is ridiculous, they interact with it almost the same way people interreact with astrology. Completely inappropriate and really needs to stop.
Hannah definitely has narcissistic traits.
I don't even watch love island but i love your reviews of the interactions and exploring the dynamics
I thought this season was kind of boring i found myself fast forwarding through certain couples. Then i just gave up and didnt make it to the reunion episode… that being said i really liked her and i hope she heals and is able to find someone who loves her for who she truly is.
Girl...!!! This hair is gorgeous on you!🥰🥰🥰
29:16 I resonate so much with u! From this convo even with the dogs. My dog is the same way. Lol
Thank you Steph for a wonderful video.❤
I didn’t initially watch because I wanted to avoid spoilers. Still love your content.
Definitely stopped watching a movie to watch you Steph!
Based on what we saw and what SHE said herself she was definitely begging. She asked him if he was sure several times he said yes. She asked if they could stay together without getting married he said no. She asked him AGAIN this year he turned her down...like come on. The man does not love her, period!!! 😭😭😭
Steph, I love your videos!
Love your LIB content. YT isn't giving me notice when you upload. I have to search to see if you dropped. Maybe that's the reason for lower views lately
Love that you add stuff to the screen now Steph ❤