It has taken me a lifetime.. 73 yrs to get to the point where I can create boundaries and not feel guilty about it. The idea that everyone has the right to protect their boundries never entered my mind till later in life. Thank you for making us understand we don't have to live a conflicted life catering to others at the expense of our inner selves..
These days I like to live a more loner lifestyle (I don't feel lonely though). It really helps, I can find my weaknesses, understand myself better, and get more important things done.
I have been a people pleaser all my life and found it hard to say “no”. Only recently have I experienced just how liberating that word can be. Not only do I feel less burn out, but I am able to do a better job on the things I say “yes” to. Plus people really respect you more when you set those boundaries. Thanks, Bo! You bring out some important points. We need to keep hearing this message that it’s ok to take care of ourselves as much as we do others. And let others enjoy the blessings that come from carrying their fair share of the load.
The important thing to remember when love helping, or being in service to others, is our happiness/needs are just as important as anyone else's. We are in service to ourselves as well as others. The old line about putting your oxygen mask on before your child's on an airplane applies well. If we don't take care of ourselves then ultimately we won't be able to do what we love and help others!!! Love and light Robyn Majors
I challenge strong personality types. If he or she is an introvert personality type then we would be on the same level playing field. If not then I point out the flaws of being humans. A strong personality type is a leader, not a demeaning individual
In one of my classes, an extrovert took credit for my part in a group project. I felt offended enough that I wanted him punished. I reported him to the authorities and they asked him to apologise to me.
Bo - your use of the word 'steamroller' in the beginning of the video really hit home with me. I was in a 5 year relationship with a self-confessed steamroller, big mistake! Never again. Often the only thing a steamroller understands or respects is another steamroller. Been there, done that, burned the t-shirt!
It's difficult but, we can push back softly without roaring like a lion. There is power in our personality. ❤️ I'm learning that at 32 yo, if I don't want to do something or don't agree I will do all in my power to not give in. In my relationship too my partner has a strong personality so I've learnt to be more vocal and set boundaries.
I am an INFJ but I don't consider myself a week person. Nor do I consider unpleasant or pushy people strong personalities. Being pushy and controlling is actually a weakness not a strength. Just my take on things.
I also do not consider myself weak at all. I just tolerate people because I know when I decide to cut them off, I do not turn back and I do not feel guilty about it at all because I know they had many chances to change their behaviour, the chances they did not utilise. I also tell them that "time is up!" I don't just withdraw. Love to all infjs out there.
This really get me. Thanks for the explaining, and give us how to solve it. I'm not sure if I'm infj, but yeah I don't ever want to disappoint other ppl, it's hard to say no, and I always say things that they want to hear, other than what I really want to say. Especially to ppl I'm not close with. And that situation made me been bullied😅. But I learn from other ppl around me, who has different personality, they teach me how to stand for myself, and tbh this concept how to set boundaries, I think it'll help me a lot, to set a clear line, what should I do. And Bo, btw I receive your newsletters in my email, and most of those are useful for me a lot. Thanks
I really like the way you explain things in a cohesive and thorough manner. I received your book via email and I have been reading it. Thank you so much for all the valuable information. I have also subscribed to your channel. It feels good to be validated!!🤗
Ah ha now I understand why I get angry when ppl take advantage of me. I am better about setting healthy boundaries but I still find myself stuck sometimes.
The title should be changed to weak personalities. Being an asshole is weakness masking insecurities while trying to get the admiration from the weak. They crumble when you stand up to them. Especially those who do it in a group.
Ok this going to sound kind of conceited but it’s really not my intention. People are very drawn to me and I don’t know why. If I knew it would sure help me. Ok now figure that out for me k lol how can I figure this out without asking people
As a quick thought: maybe people can feel (your) good intentions - or, when used to manipulators - the lack of (ur) intrusive intentions towards them. Maybe they feel peaceful; as INFJ type does aim to live out peace. ~
People are probably drawn to you because you are unusually warm and nice compared to most other people. I was once told that about myself. Btw it doesn't sound conceited :)
It has taken me a lifetime.. 73 yrs to get to the point where I can create boundaries and not feel guilty about it. The idea that everyone has the right to protect their boundries never entered my mind till later in life. Thank you for making us understand we don't have to live a conflicted life catering to others at the expense of our inner selves..
I thought I was the only one in our age group, Judith; your post has uplifted me.
You’re not the only ones.
I think we are so nice and mellow in general, when we get upset it scares the hell out of everybody, including ourselves.
what you tolerate is what you encourage
These days I like to live a more loner lifestyle (I don't feel lonely though).
It really helps, I can find my weaknesses, understand myself better, and get more important things done.
I have been a people pleaser all my life and found it hard to say “no”. Only recently have I experienced just how liberating that word can be. Not only do I feel less burn out, but I am able to do a better job on the things I say “yes” to. Plus people really respect you more when you set those boundaries. Thanks, Bo! You bring out some important points. We need to keep hearing this message that it’s ok to take care of ourselves as much as we do others. And let others enjoy the blessings that come from carrying their fair share of the load.
That is so cool, Jeanette! Totally agree with you. :-) Thanks for your encouragement.
The important thing to remember when love helping, or being in service to others, is our happiness/needs are just as important as anyone else's. We are in service to ourselves as well as others. The old line about putting your oxygen mask on before your child's on an airplane applies well. If we don't take care of ourselves then ultimately we won't be able to do what we love and help others!!!
Love and light
Robyn Majors
Bo. This is incredible. And I see this in my younger years, thankfully today one of my favourite words is NO.
So glad you learned that all important word, Rendani! It definitely took me a while.
Thank you for addressing this. I dislike being manipulated more than anything, I am not so stupid that I don't recognize this.
I challenge strong personality types. If he or she is an introvert personality type then we would be on the same level playing field. If not then I point out the flaws of being humans. A strong personality type is a leader, not a demeaning individual
In one of my classes, an extrovert took credit for my part in a group project. I felt offended enough that I wanted him punished. I reported him to the authorities and they asked him to apologise to me.
We must learn to drink the bitter pills of boundaries. I am drinking it, taste bitter but feels good. Love to all my INFJ family.
Bo - your use of the word 'steamroller' in the beginning of the video really hit home with me. I was in a 5 year relationship with a self-confessed steamroller, big mistake! Never again. Often the only thing a steamroller understands or respects is another steamroller. Been there, done that, burned the t-shirt!
It's difficult but, we can push back softly without roaring like a lion. There is power in our personality. ❤️ I'm learning that at 32 yo, if I don't want to do something or don't agree I will do all in my power to not give in. In my relationship too my partner has a strong personality so I've learnt to be more vocal and set boundaries.
Thank you. This is just what I needed to hear today.
Awesome, kejewa! So glad you were encouraged. :-)
Steemrolling and bullying others is not a strength!
Unfortunately, most people don’t agree.
I am an INFJ but I don't consider myself a week person. Nor do I consider unpleasant or pushy people strong personalities. Being pushy and controlling is actually a weakness not a strength. Just my take on things.
I also do not consider myself weak at all. I just tolerate people because I know when I decide to cut them off, I do not turn back and I do not feel guilty about it at all because I know they had many chances to change their behaviour, the chances they did not utilise. I also tell them that "time is up!" I don't just withdraw. Love to all infjs out there.
I totally agree
Who wants to be in constant conflict. I would rather not be bothered.
Another eye-opener Bo. Thanks!
You're welcome, Vickie!
This really get me. Thanks for the explaining, and give us how to solve it. I'm not sure if I'm infj, but yeah I don't ever want to disappoint other ppl, it's hard to say no, and I always say things that they want to hear, other than what I really want to say. Especially to ppl I'm not close with. And that situation made me been bullied😅. But I learn from other ppl around me, who has different personality, they teach me how to stand for myself, and tbh this concept how to set boundaries, I think it'll help me a lot, to set a clear line, what should I do.
And Bo, btw I receive your newsletters in my email, and most of those are useful for me a lot. Thanks
I really like the way you explain things in a cohesive and thorough manner. I received your book via email and I have been reading it. Thank you so much for all the valuable information. I have also subscribed to your channel. It feels good to be validated!!🤗
Ah ha now I understand why I get angry when ppl take advantage of me. I am better about setting healthy boundaries but I still find myself stuck sometimes.
The title should be changed to weak personalities. Being an asshole is weakness masking insecurities while trying to get the admiration from the weak. They crumble when you stand up to them. Especially those who do it in a group.
It’s really hard for me to set boundaries in relationships
Ok this going to sound kind of conceited but it’s really not my intention. People are very drawn to me and I don’t know why. If I knew it would sure help me. Ok now figure that out for me k lol how can I figure this out without asking people
As a quick thought: maybe people can feel (your) good intentions - or, when used to manipulators - the lack of (ur) intrusive intentions towards them. Maybe they feel peaceful; as INFJ type does aim to live out peace. ~
People are probably drawn to you because you are unusually warm and nice compared to most other people. I was once told that about myself. Btw it doesn't sound conceited :)