I've had symptons of complex PTSD. There are times where I can't feel safe, no matter what. It can last for weeks. I think people are using me, taking me for granted. Limerence leaves a lot of destruction. But now, I finally know what I'm dealing with here. This has been a turning point in my life. Thank you Fenna.
Yes, falling in love with a severely avoidant man was 5 years of hell. It is crazy making and traumatized me very much. 6 months no contact now and I can have absolutely no contact with him. It is so triggering it throws me into mental distress. He breadcrumbs me. I block everything. When something does gets through I delete it and don’t answer. I ask myself Why I can’t send a note to leave me alone. in writing this, I realize I that I have asked him before to leave me alone, but he always gets back to me. I have been in no contact before for six months and he got back to me, so no wonder I’m really adamant this time. I never want this misery again. This is seriously dangerous to my life. I packed up all his gifts and taking them to the thrift store. I don’t even want to give them to friends. I never want to see them again. I have trouble even date new people now. You are so right about this.
If they are a somewhat decent person it's okay to instruct them " this situationship is not healthy for me, I ask your respect in not contacting me again as I will nog contact you again, I wish you all the best. And then block 🚫 his a••
Even when I explained limerence to several mental health professionals they still didn't seem to "get it". I pray sincerely that I never get this curse again. What you said about failure to date after the feelings are gone is also true. However I am slowly venturing back out into the dating world but SLOWLY and CAUTIOUSLY.
I have not even so much as held a womans hand for the last 10 years since my last LO....I think i am one of those that would rather be alone forever than risk it again.
I experienced this few years after my separation. My ex had narcissistic traits, and after some time being alone and healing from narc abuse, the next was a horrible limerent episode. All my life was in ruins. The time stopped. I was cryingd days and nights, sometimes even at work. I neglected all deadlines, and my official matters. I lost my identity, I comletely changes even my interests. I loved and I heated the same day. My mood depended on him. Since than I have sleeping problems, I had panick attacks, and diagnosed with BDP at one point, but I never even mentioned this to a specialist.
Not oficially, but those symtomes leading to this diagnosis, were present for many years, often triggered by some love issues, however I never experienced something like this frightening. I can compare it to a hurricane. It came suddenly and left devastation. @@followingfenna
Hi Fenna! I'm glad your channel is growing. It's good to know that you keep raising awareness about this dreadful condition. This disease had a huge negative impact on my life, basically, it spoiled my ability to have relationships. Once you take the drug, you want more and you are addicted, you don't know any better and you don't want anything else. I simply can't date women when there is no "glimmer" and this means 99% of my dating options. Even when I'm somehow attracted, there is always this feeling of "meeeh" not worth it, I'm not motivated. No limerence, no desire to pursue any relationship whatsoever, because in my mind that's what love and attraction are, and anything else is simply not worth it and it doesn't come close. It's dull, it's plain and I will quickly dismiss it, leaving potential partners rather down and distressed. My therapist doesn't even know there is such a phenomenon as limerence. I wonder how you can change such patterns?
Please download the free ! Guide on livingwithlimerence.com, it's a guide written for coaches and therapist, bring this to your therapist, it's excellent 👌
For me is the limerence itself a trauma. Thank you Fenna that you explain this. Depression, sad, and this unrest, anxiety, Really like you say: totally lost myself. Crazy maked. Also the isolation with my family, friends. Nothing is important anymore, except LO. Really nasty. I also don't recognize myself anymore. My normes and values...gone. So again thanx for this text, because it helps me to remember what a killing thing limerence is. But also so sad. It makes a mess of my life.
I just got out few days ago . If I know that it was to last this fast wouldn’t have invested that heavy. Now left with my pieces left ,the guilt and self doubt 😢
Fenna, Your glasses look great! I read Tennov! More confused than ever. She said limerence is early stage infatuation that diminishes for couples over the first few years together. In USA, we accept, & used to expect it as normal. Honestly, the more shocking thing for me was that some people never feel it.... Isnt it normal for people anymore? Or is it that since the advent of birth control love is mundane now? Pedestrian? common as generic friendship w as little thought & affection? Falling in love used to be once in a lifetime & for forever i guess...
Yes Tennov uses the word limerence as the general early state of romantic infatuation, while I use it more for the pathological side of it when it starts to controll our lives. I know most people fall in love but not everybody experience limerence as we do. Lucky them.
Lucky them indeed!! If I wish limerence on my LO❤Would that work?🙏 I agree that limerence is a traumatic event, especially when we're young & have no idea what is happening--think it's worse than as an adult. The depression was debilitating for me back then. I am still confused about two people in the infatuation stage. As long as it's mutual, I assume it's not pathological & the limerence is short-lived--2-3 years, correct? (I could listen to you all day. I know you know limerence better than all on RUclips from the way you speak, but I am sorry that you do at the same time. You're so beautiful, I always think if only I were, I would' have been spared of this limerence.). Best to you always❣️👍
Thank you for this video Fenna. Maybe some people can relate to my sitaution because in my case, i already had trauma symptoms before ever becoming limerent. As long as i can remember i've experienced things like fear of rejection and abondenment, intrusive thoughts, low selfesteem, people pleasing and i would take breadcrumbs of affection as love (like in limerence; i could interpret a simple smile or look from LO as reciprocation.) I've recently been diagnosed with childhood PTSS and im now in therapy. I'm writing this because i can't believe the progress i've made in such a short period of time. It's so unimaginable that it's beyond me to be honest. I don't know if you remember, but i once commented on feeling super available to date so i would go from one limerent episode to the other, but i would shut down whenever someone available approached me. Instead i longed for the unavailable limerent objects in my life. You were right Fenna: in most cases we limerents are as emotionally unavailable as it can get. Since im in therapy, i've been working with my inner child/family and guess what: i don't crave a relationship anymore. I was so shocked by realizing that the limerent fantasy's are GONE and i can say in all honesty: i don't feel anything for that person anymore. I had to accept a very hurted part in me that was crying out all along and validate the feelings that come with it. I spend my life avoiding it as i spiralled into love obsessions and limerence. I now see it so clearly that the void (for the first time!) is being filled according to it's actual needs. I honestly believe that if i continue this healing, i could never become limerent again. I'm writing this to inspire people to please please do your inner work. Seek out for help and therapy, even if you're sceptical about it (i know i was), because it CAN work! It was because of your yt content Fenna, that i started to understand the abnormality of my situation. Your video's brought me so much insight on limerence and it eased the loneliness and feeling like an alien. As you said, very very few people know about limerence. Even my therapist said she knew very little about it. So, you are still the only Dutch person i know who actually knows about limerence and i think that has really become your strenght. Thank you so much!
Thank you for the reminder of self-compassion! I feel bad because I had a really horrible limerent episode while in a relationship. So I am still wondering why it happened at all. Any thoughts about that, Fenna?
It’s neuro and bio chemistry and often happens in times when our life is overwhelming/stressful/hard and the limerent object is an escape (it’s an unconscious escape).
Hmmm. It thought it was just me. Lots of stuff pulling you apart at the seams. Addictive and not soothing. 😢 Love thewarm light, the glasses, and the orange colors. Great insight.
www.youtube.com/@followingfenna/community
Thank you for taking limerence seriously Fenna.
I do! Thank you for commenting.
@@followingfenna I have always felt so alone in this, thank you.
@@benjaminquist You are very welcome.
I've had symptons of complex PTSD. There are times where I can't feel safe, no matter what. It can last for weeks. I think people are using me, taking me for granted. Limerence leaves a lot of destruction. But now, I finally know what I'm dealing with here. This has been a turning point in my life. Thank you Fenna.
Yes, falling in love with a severely avoidant man was 5 years of hell. It is crazy making and traumatized me very much. 6 months no contact now and I can have absolutely no contact with him. It is so triggering it throws me into mental distress. He breadcrumbs me. I block everything. When something does gets through I delete it and don’t answer. I ask myself Why I can’t send a note to leave me alone. in writing this, I realize I that I have asked him before to leave me alone, but he always gets back to me. I have been in no contact before for six months and he got back to me, so no wonder I’m really adamant this time. I never want this misery again. This is seriously dangerous to my life. I packed up all his gifts and taking them to the thrift store. I don’t even want to give them to friends. I never want to see them again. I have trouble even date new people now. You are so right about this.
If they are a somewhat decent person it's okay to instruct them
" this situationship is not healthy for me, I ask your respect in not contacting me again as I will nog contact you again, I wish you all the best.
And then block 🚫 his a••
Even when I explained limerence to several mental health professionals they still didn't seem to "get it". I pray sincerely that I never get this curse again. What you said about failure to date after the feelings are gone is also true. However I am slowly venturing back out into the dating world but SLOWLY and CAUTIOUSLY.
I hope it will turn out VERY well for you :)
The worst thing ever. The therapists in America are clueless. Thank goodness I am finally ok after 16 years of hell.
Please listen to Fenna.
I have not even so much as held a womans hand for the last 10 years since my last LO....I think i am one of those that would rather be alone forever than risk it again.
That's so common, to lock our hearts. I hope it will open up one day for you.
But it may not be like that with everyone. For me it is usually about people I can't be with for whatever reason.
I'm finally ok after 16 years.
I experienced this few years after my separation. My ex had narcissistic traits, and after some time being alone and healing from narc abuse, the next was a horrible limerent episode. All my life was in ruins. The time stopped. I was cryingd days and nights, sometimes even at work. I neglected all deadlines, and my official matters. I lost my identity, I comletely changes even my interests. I loved and I heated the same day. My mood depended on him. Since than I have sleeping problems, I had panick attacks, and diagnosed with BDP at one point, but I never even mentioned this to a specialist.
All the symptoms you described come with a limerent episode, did you have BPD before the episode began?
Not oficially, but those symtomes leading to this diagnosis, were present for many years, often triggered by some love issues, however I never experienced something like this frightening. I can compare it to a hurricane. It came suddenly and left devastation.
@@followingfenna
I feel like you are the only person that understands the pain.
Thank you
Hi Fenna! I'm glad your channel is growing. It's good to know that you keep raising awareness about this dreadful condition. This disease had a huge negative impact on my life, basically, it spoiled my ability to have relationships. Once you take the drug, you want more and you are addicted, you don't know any better and you don't want anything else. I simply can't date women when there is no "glimmer" and this means 99% of my dating options. Even when I'm somehow attracted, there is always this feeling of "meeeh" not worth it, I'm not motivated. No limerence, no desire to pursue any relationship whatsoever, because in my mind that's what love and attraction are, and anything else is simply not worth it and it doesn't come close. It's dull, it's plain and I will quickly dismiss it, leaving potential partners rather down and distressed. My therapist doesn't even know there is such a phenomenon as limerence. I wonder how you can change such patterns?
Please download the free ! Guide on
livingwithlimerence.com, it's a guide written for coaches and therapist, bring this to your therapist, it's excellent 👌
@@followingfenna Thank you!
Thank you so much! I couldn't stop the lump in my throat or tears welling up. ❤
I hope a gave you some compassion, GerardGordon
For me is the limerence itself a trauma. Thank you Fenna that you explain this. Depression, sad, and this unrest, anxiety, Really like you say: totally lost myself. Crazy maked. Also the isolation with my family, friends. Nothing is important anymore, except LO. Really nasty. I also don't recognize myself anymore. My normes and values...gone. So again thanx for this text, because it helps me to remember what a killing thing limerence is. But also so sad. It makes a mess of my life.
Good luck Dutchy, and thank you for commenting.
Never really thought of the long-term consequences, but it affected me big time!
I just got out few days ago . If I know that it was to last this fast wouldn’t have invested that heavy. Now left with my pieces left ,the guilt and self doubt 😢
Good luck to you, practice a lot of self compassion ❤️ you did nothing wrong besides wanting to love and be loved.
Fenna, Your glasses look great! I read Tennov! More confused than ever. She said limerence is early stage infatuation that diminishes for couples over the first few years together. In USA, we accept, & used to expect it as normal. Honestly, the more shocking thing for me was that some people never feel it.... Isnt it normal for people anymore? Or is it that since the advent of birth control love is mundane now? Pedestrian? common as generic friendship w as little thought & affection? Falling in love used to be once in a lifetime & for forever i guess...
Yes Tennov uses the word limerence as the general early state of romantic infatuation, while I use it more for the pathological side of it when it starts to controll our lives.
I know most people fall in love but not everybody experience limerence as we do.
Lucky them.
Lucky them indeed!! If I wish limerence on my LO❤Would that work?🙏 I agree that limerence is a traumatic event, especially when we're young & have no idea what is happening--think it's worse than as an adult. The depression was debilitating for me back then. I am still confused about two people in the infatuation stage. As long as it's mutual, I assume it's not pathological & the limerence is short-lived--2-3 years, correct? (I could listen to you all day. I know you know limerence better than all on RUclips from the way you speak, but I am sorry that you do at the same time. You're so beautiful, I always think if only I were, I would' have been spared of this limerence.). Best to you always❣️👍
Thank you for this video Fenna. Maybe some people can relate to my sitaution because in my case, i already had trauma symptoms before ever becoming limerent. As long as i can remember i've experienced things like fear of rejection and abondenment, intrusive thoughts, low selfesteem, people pleasing and i would take breadcrumbs of affection as love (like in limerence; i could interpret a simple smile or look from LO as reciprocation.)
I've recently been diagnosed with childhood PTSS and im now in therapy. I'm writing this because i can't believe the progress i've made in such a short period of time. It's so unimaginable that it's beyond me to be honest. I don't know if you remember, but i once commented on feeling super available to date so i would go from one limerent episode to the other, but i would shut down whenever someone available approached me. Instead i longed for the unavailable limerent objects in my life. You were right Fenna: in most cases we limerents are as emotionally unavailable as it can get. Since im in therapy, i've been working with my inner child/family and guess what: i don't crave a relationship anymore. I was so shocked by realizing that the limerent fantasy's are GONE and i can say in all honesty: i don't feel anything for that person anymore.
I had to accept a very hurted part in me that was crying out all along and validate the feelings that come with it. I spend my life avoiding it as i spiralled into love obsessions and limerence. I now see it so clearly that the void (for the first time!) is being filled according to it's actual needs. I honestly believe that if i continue this healing, i could never become limerent again.
I'm writing this to inspire people to please please do your inner work. Seek out for help and therapy, even if you're sceptical about it (i know i was), because it CAN work! It was because of your yt content Fenna, that i started to understand the abnormality of my situation. Your video's brought me so much insight on limerence and it eased the loneliness and feeling like an alien. As you said, very very few people know about limerence. Even my therapist said she knew very little about it. So, you are still the only Dutch person i know who actually knows about limerence and i think that has really become your strenght. Thank you so much!
Thank you !! Will adres it in a video.
@@followingfenna always looking forward to your video's!
Thank you for the reminder of self-compassion! I feel bad because I had a really horrible limerent episode while in a relationship. So I am still wondering why it happened at all. Any thoughts about that, Fenna?
Do you mean you became limerent for someone else or where you limerent for your partner?
It’s neuro and bio chemistry and often happens in times when our life is overwhelming/stressful/hard and the limerent object is an escape (it’s an unconscious escape).
Yes, you are right…again and again and again
Hmmm. It thought it was just me. Lots of stuff pulling you apart at the seams. Addictive and not soothing. 😢
Love thewarm light, the glasses, and the orange colors.
Great insight.
Thank you flatteting sir, as always :) 😀
Thank u so much 💓
Thank YOU
Is this relevant to unrequitted limerence only or also for someone in a limerent affair?
Absolutely for both!
Thank you❤
You are very welcome!