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"Does An Avoidant REGRET Breaking Up With Their Ex?" Sure, but only when their Ex doesn't want to take them back after they've been abused, gaslit and disrespected for months on end, then discarded
facts. dismissive avoidants are the only attachment type that do not deserve love. all the others are salvageable or fixable. even fearful avoidants. throw dismissives out with the trash.
@@asdfxcvbn746 An FA is only a DA with added gaslighting. FA's will Psy-Op in a relationship and sabotage instead of walking away without explanation. At their core though they are identical, as is the outcome
This actually just happened to me . Scary how similar the stories are... They leave you to avoid facing their own emotions as well as yours. Mine came back only to DISCARD me a few days later.
My issue with the flaw finding and DA’s asking for changes is that 1) it’s every little thing 2) The changes I make are never acknowledged- never a “thank you, I appreciate that my needs are important to you” 3) There’s always a new thing, a new test, and when I say “no” honouring my needs, they punish 4) When I have a need, they get angry. So long story short: it seems to be all about them, all their needs should be met but others aren’t allowed any needs at all. That’s inexcusable.
Honestly, there is no point to want them back. We want them back because of loss aversion which basically means we take losses more seriously than gains. However, the person only cares about themselves and their needs. If they come back it is just another time where things are on their terms. It is not ok. Let them go
My avoidant ex-girlfriend dumped me twice now out of the blue. Stating she doesn’t feel romantic relationship for the future. I find as BS She pretty much begged me to try again because she wanted to try again and she loved me. Pretty much made me feel like a layover flight to somebody else or a place keeper until somebody better came along.
My ex is either FA or DA (not fully sure) but we broke up nearly 8 months ago and figured she doesn’t care that much. Plus I feel like she’s vulnerable with a couple of her close friends so she doesn’t miss many needs that I may have provided
My severely DA must not just have attachment but he seems to have serious mental issues! He has no self awareness, unable to comprehend right or wrong over the kids! There are many unreasonable things he did to the kids! He prioritized himself over the kids which weird! He was a good father the past 16 years! As soon as he has rebound, he acted differently, I knew he’s f..ucking fear and make his anxiety so high!
Love the videos Thais, but could you please label this specifically for DA’s? I was waiting for some feedback for an FA, because the videos was labeled generally for “Avoidant”. Could be FA OR DA, Right? Just my two Pennie’s
Most FAs tend to be more anxious than their avoidant side, the avoidant side is only activated when they feel unseen, unheard, and not understood which makes them feel unworthy. Which only happens when they are with the DA. If your partner FA doesn't do No Contact. That BS only works to DA, coming from the FA itself.
@The_Whimsical_Avoidant Yeah FA is the only attachment that has 2 tendencies, anxious and avoidant. Each of us tends to lean more toward a certain tendency, anxious or avoidant. I speak on behalf of those who lean to the anxious side more than the avoidant side.
@@cupandinspiration, @The_Whimsical_Avoidant@, thank you for the feedback. My ex and I were together for 7 years and it was mostly great. No cheating, no abuse, no controlling on either side. I made mistakes and she did too. Stuff that could be worked out, but we amicably agreed to breakup and fix some things with ourselves. It’s been 90 days no contact. Before I went completely no contact we were both initiating contact once every couple of weeks. We broke up just over a year ago. 🤷🏽♂️
Coming here for some quick advice! My DA ex and I did low contact (we share pets) for about 4 months and have now been on pretty friendly terms (sending memes, talking about hobbies we share and other random bits) for about another 4 months. Things feel very friendly only and im going a little crazy at time overthinking if he wants a more intimate or close connection or if its better we keep it lowkey. I would prefer close but i think any answers would be better. I want to have a more casual light hearted convo about where we are at with each other but i am worried it will make things weird between us. Should i get the clarity i want/need or should i just let things ride?
Funny enough my ex of 12 years & I have been way more friendly now than the last whole year since she decided to break up almost 3 months ago (by a text. Lol). Didnt talk for the whole 1st month. To the point we're giving each other hugs again, kisses on the cheek, light texting & she even opened up a little on how she feels inferior to me at times. Honestly, the time a part has me thriving in life. I look way better, have more money, and just overall feel great. Ive turned down a few dates & now not even sure Id go back - we do have a child through, so i can't completely avoid her. I've asked about "us" in the past but dont even talk about it anymore. She knows where to find me if she wants to start out slow again
I’m at FA & I think my boyfriend is a DA. We have broken up and got back together several times. I am now doing the PDS work! After each break up he comes back. This time it’s been a lot longer since our break up. Do you think he could still come back?
I’ve had a similar pattern over many yrs. It’s not healthy but so hard to say no when something is there. Each time he came back and each time different gaps, one as long as a year! So I’d think yes, they could definitely still come back. Hope you get happy😊
Take advantage of our Boxing Week Sale! Get personalized courses on relationships with avoidants, live webinars & Q&As, and more for FREE for 7 days!
attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/dream-life?F8ti1yEhsI&el=youtube
"Does An Avoidant REGRET Breaking Up With Their Ex?" Sure, but only when their Ex doesn't want to take them back after they've been abused, gaslit and disrespected for months on end, then discarded
facts. dismissive avoidants are the only attachment type that do not deserve love. all the others are salvageable or fixable. even fearful avoidants. throw dismissives out with the trash.
@@asdfxcvbn746 An FA is only a DA with added gaslighting. FA's will Psy-Op in a relationship and sabotage instead of walking away without explanation. At their core though they are identical, as is the outcome
This actually just happened to me . Scary how similar the stories are... They leave you to avoid facing their own emotions as well as yours. Mine came back only to DISCARD me a few days later.
My issue with the flaw finding and DA’s asking for changes is that 1) it’s every little thing 2) The changes I make are never acknowledged- never a “thank you, I appreciate that my needs are important to you” 3) There’s always a new thing, a new test, and when I say “no” honouring my needs, they punish 4) When I have a need, they get angry. So long story short: it seems to be all about them, all their needs should be met but others aren’t allowed any needs at all. That’s inexcusable.
Perfectly put, loving an avoidant is so BAD for us! Heal ourselves and choose wisely 😌
Honestly, there is no point to want them back. We want them back because of loss aversion which basically means we take losses more seriously than gains. However, the person only cares about themselves and their needs. If they come back it is just another time where things are on their terms. It is not ok. Let them go
Which loss?
Whose loss? 😉
💪
Maybe you shouldnt take people for granted, dismiss them and push them away...
My avoidant ex-girlfriend dumped me twice now out of the blue. Stating she doesn’t feel romantic relationship for the future.
I find as BS She pretty much begged me to try again because she wanted to try again and she loved me.
Pretty much made me feel like a layover flight to somebody else or a place keeper until somebody better came along.
Gonna have to do this course 7:30
My ex is either FA or DA (not fully sure) but we broke up nearly 8 months ago and figured she doesn’t care that much. Plus I feel like she’s vulnerable with a couple of her close friends so she doesn’t miss many needs that I may have provided
When they start to miss those emotional needs, is that the time when a rebound relationship starts to look enticing?
Friendships > Relationships. I prefer peace, quiet and a dog 😅
My severely DA must not just have attachment but he seems to have serious mental issues! He has no self awareness, unable to comprehend right or wrong over the kids! There are many unreasonable things he did to the kids! He prioritized himself over the kids which weird! He was a good father the past 16 years! As soon as he has rebound, he acted differently, I knew he’s f..ucking fear and make his anxiety so high!
Thais, over the years you are getting more beautiful and your words are getting more wise.
All love and respect 💚
What about the middle ground of a relationship that lasted 18 months?
What about if you left them ?
Love the videos Thais, but could you please label this specifically for DA’s? I was waiting for some feedback for an FA, because the videos was labeled generally for “Avoidant”. Could be FA OR DA, Right? Just my two Pennie’s
Most FAs tend to be more anxious than their avoidant side, the avoidant side is only activated when they feel unseen, unheard, and not understood which makes them feel unworthy. Which only happens when they are with the DA. If your partner FA doesn't do No Contact. That BS only works to DA, coming from the FA itself.
@The_Whimsical_Avoidant Yeah FA is the only attachment that has 2 tendencies, anxious and avoidant. Each of us tends to lean more toward a certain tendency, anxious or avoidant. I speak on behalf of those who lean to the anxious side more than the avoidant side.
@@cupandinspiration, @The_Whimsical_Avoidant@, thank you for the feedback. My ex and I were together for 7 years and it was mostly great. No cheating, no abuse, no controlling on either side. I made mistakes and she did too. Stuff that could be worked out, but we amicably agreed to breakup and fix some things with ourselves. It’s been 90 days no contact. Before I went completely no contact we were both initiating contact once every couple of weeks. We broke up just over a year ago. 🤷🏽♂️
Coming here for some quick advice! My DA ex and I did low contact (we share pets) for about 4 months and have now been on pretty friendly terms (sending memes, talking about hobbies we share and other random bits) for about another 4 months. Things feel very friendly only and im going a little crazy at time overthinking if he wants a more intimate or close connection or if its better we keep it lowkey. I would prefer close but i think any answers would be better. I want to have a more casual light hearted convo about where we are at with each other but i am worried it will make things weird between us. Should i get the clarity i want/need or should i just let things ride?
It seems to me like a good idea to communicate your need for clarity instead of staying in a gray-area. Best of luck!
Funny enough my ex of 12 years & I have been way more friendly now than the last whole year since she decided to break up almost 3 months ago (by a text. Lol). Didnt talk for the whole 1st month. To the point we're giving each other hugs again, kisses on the cheek, light texting & she even opened up a little on how she feels inferior to me at times. Honestly, the time a part has me thriving in life. I look way better, have more money, and just overall feel great. Ive turned down a few dates & now not even sure Id go back - we do have a child through, so i can't completely avoid her. I've asked about "us" in the past but dont even talk about it anymore. She knows where to find me if she wants to start out slow again
I’m at FA & I think my boyfriend is a DA. We have broken up and got back together several times. I am now doing the PDS work! After each break up he comes back. This time it’s been a lot longer since our break up. Do you think he could still come back?
I’ve had a similar pattern over many yrs. It’s not healthy but so hard to say no when something is there. Each time he came back and each time different gaps, one as long as a year! So I’d think yes, they could definitely still come back. Hope you get happy😊
What about one year and a half? Is it still dating stage or long term?
Over 1 year - is long term.
don’t read the book Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki if you’re fine staying like everyone else, it’s not for you.
Magnetic Aura book by Takeshi Mizuki ain’t for everyone, it’s for people who actually want to get ahead.
if you’re not ready for real change, skip the book Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, it’s too much for most people.