Came here after your twitter call-out because I have no other ways of contacting you and um I know you just want that to be over but ye I really support you and thank you for calling out Chase on his shit, it was really brave and important so yeah, thanks. Take care.
I dont know what compelled you to post this today but I finally have the words to explain my feelings. I drove 18 hours cross country alone to get away from my abuser and back to my family and the universe used you to give me the confidence and words I needed. Thank you so much for existing Aaron! I love you and your contentt and I cant waiting to see what wonderful things the universe has in store for you.
Thank you so much for this comment ❤️❤️❤️ I’m very sorry that you’ve been through something like this, but I appreciate you taking the time to share this with me. I hope for the best for you ❤️❤️❤️
hey, i kinda came here from twitter and i really hope you’re okay, or at least feel safe right now. what you’re going through is horrible, and a lot like a relationship i was in as well as with my parent, and i promise it gets better. i love you. we all love you. you’re amazing and strong, even if you can’t see it. take care of yourself. none of this is your fault.
poly88888888 does that make you feel good about yourself? Telling other people to go kill themselves. Wtf is wrong with you, why you gonna wish that one anyone? You don’t like his content cool go unsubscribe from his channel, why you gotta bring someone down. Whether or not he does keep blaming other people for his mental health why does that piss you off so much to tell them to go take their own life. Just get the fuck off his channel 😂
My mom is emotionally abusive. She's convinced the adults in my life that I am deserving of it. The therapist I have now is the only therapist/adult that has actually believed me. I keep falling into abusive relationships and I don't even realize it until after I leave. I'm terrified that what has happened isn't abuse and that I'm the one who is in the wrong.
That “false hope” shit you talked about is the most painful part for me and I can look back and see it in many of my relationships. There’s been many studies about why humans respond the way they do to intermittent acts of kindness in an abusive/neglectful relationship, I see a lot of myself if these studies. Also I’ve noticed abusers LOOOOOOVE to be the victim and there’s always something wrong, abusers don’t seem to know how to be okay so you always feel bad for them.
The comment you made abt gaslighting being hard to explain and being the only one to know the full extent is so important. I've dealt with gaslighting and manipulation several times in my life and when I explained what was said/what happened would sometimes get ppl not understanding what was so wrong or why I was so upset, because they didnt fully understand all the facets of the situation and the way the strings had been pulled leading up to, during, and after the actual incident. It's tough, and I def think you did a wonderful job breaking this down and explaining it so ppl can have better words to explain what they're going thru.
Thank you for making this. I've watched it many times and even showed it to my husband. Gaslighting doesn't have to be exclusively between people in a romantic relationship. In our case, the gaslighter is my husband's mother. She constantly belittles, manipulates, and abuses both he and I, mainly because she doesn't believe my invisible illnesses are real. One of mine is EDS too, so hi fellow EDSers out there, including Aaron! This video really helped our marriage in helping him realize her behavior is not acceptable, and that what she does is wrong and hurtful. So again, thank you for making a video where the gaslighting is more general than just a romantic relationship. You're always so good at covering smaller spaces that are typically over looked and not talked about as much as they should be!
This really resonated with me about me and my moms relationship. Wish it was easy to just cut her off like if she was a bad friend or break up with her like she’s a bad partner, but I don’t have that choice. Ugh it’s so annoying cuz again, she’s my mother so it makes me even MORE anxious as it’s harder to deal with overall. It’s been this way since as long as I can remember, it’s so much harder and complicated when it’s your own family. Thank you for posting this, it really opened my eyes and validated my feelings.
Aaron, thank you so much for making the effort to make this video. After 4 years, I can see how my daughter was abused by her dad (my husband).you made a perfect video. Michelle
I’ve dealt with abuse from friends and parents alike and I’m still living in an abusive household that for an amalgam of reasons I am not in the position to leave right now. I think it’s extremely important for us to support each other as a community and to figure out how to talk about these things Thank you for making this video 💕
Sounds like my parents too. It's so hard cuz I always go from hating them for causing me so much mental/emotional distress, and hating myself for just not being able to get along with them. I wish healthy relationships for you in the future ❤️❤️❤️
This video (and later videos) can really help some people realize certain things they didn't and I've been hoping you'd make these types of videos for a long time bc they're so rarely talked about You're so lovely Aaron and keep on being you and doing what you love!
Thank you, Aaron, for coming out with all this stuff on Twitter. Looking back and re-watching this video puts a lot of things into perspective. You’re a lovely person. Please, take care of yourself. I’m not gonna pretend that this doesn’t break my heart, but I could never ignore something like this.
this sounds like my parents, with me always looking at the 'positives' they did for me and blaming myself for just overreacting. there's even a similar dynamic between my parents, with one gaslighting the other. actually, i think the gaslighting stretches back farther, with my grandparents. it's countless cycles of abuse. thank you for making this video 🖤 helps validate my feelings a little
I feel you Aaron. I´ve been in that situation for 3 years, I know how hard it is to leave your abuser. It takes a lot of strengh. I wish you all the best! Take care of yourself, you are worth it!
Thank you so much for making this video. It puts words to something that's really hard to explain. A while ago, I started trying to write an essay about abuse and how to recognize it, but I ran into a lot of trouble articulating it and separating myself enough from it. I also felt like maybe it wasn't my place to try to write it because I'm not a psychologist, I'm just someone with an abusive narcissistic father and PTSD from his abuse. But I feel like you did a great job of presenting the info and I don't think you're overstepping by talking about it, so maybe I was just being too harsh on myself. My partially outlined essay has been sitting untouched for months at this point, but maybe I'll try again.
This video spoke to my tired, sad soul. It honestly explains my entire past relationship. It’s so messed up how messed up it makes you feel to walk away from someone who makes you feel so messed up. 😑
First of all this was an amazing video! I've been in an abusive relationship (a friendship) and they did everything that you said right now. I never knew there was a word for it, though. I think one of the most important parts of the video is the last one. LEAVING IS NOT ABUSE, LEAVING IS SELF-CARE. Because when I left the relationship (which I did in a terrible manner tbh, I just stopped talking at all cause I knew that if i did I would go back) I realised I'd lost contact with many friends, and the friends that I had just pushed me back to talk to them and try again, and it was the worst. So if you are in this situation and feel that you need to leave, LEAVE no matter what other people tell you. I am now much happier than before.
This has put a lot of things from my past into perspective and I now realise that I've been emotionally abused in past relationships and it's taken a lot of time to realise it. My ex was a gaslighter and I always blamed myself for everything, but now I know that I wasn't wrong, they were. Thank you for making this video because it's helped me and I'm sure it's helped so many others too
Just sent this video to a friend/coworker who has an abusive partner and I knew by what she told me that this was what she was experiencing. Thanks a ton for making this video! You're awesome
I got trapped in a relationship with a girl who abused and gaslit me for 8 months. This video was almost like you were describing my every day with her. She invalidated my mental health and my gender regularly to control me. I had to ghost her and leave in the night after she fell asleep. She came screaming and banging on my door begging me to come back to the point where her dad had to come get her, but I don’t regret it in the slightest. Maybe it wasn’t the most efficient way of doing it but I knew I didn’t have the strength to face her with it because I’d tried and failed many times, and the second I left my life changed in the best way possible and I found happiness for the first time and the freedom to express myself free of shame. Gaslighting is real and ruins lives, thanks Aaron for informing us all on it 💜
Aaron, when I hear that you’ve been abused, my blood boils!!! I absolutely hate that you’ve been put through this!!! I’ve always wanted a little brother and I wish it was you!!! Lots of love and hugs!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Aaron... im so proud of you. This is an EXTREMELY difficult situation for one to remove themselves from. Ive grown to be such a huge fan and supporter of you. And i wish you all the best. Things will get better. YOU DESERVE BETTER! Much love and support, Misty
This was so HEALING to watch. A lot of this resonated with me and actively gave me more information for dealing with an abusive person trying to get back into my life. Thank you SO much, Aaron for this amazing, informative video. I can only imagine how much mental energy it must take to be out there talking about this, so I wanted to send lots of love and thanks. You're amazing.
Another video that is so well done & so important. Journaling was the only way that I was able to sort out that I WAS being lied to & my words & actions twisted. Even so, gaslighting can be so personal & intimate & private. The other person can be salt of the earth, everyone's buddy, except to the one being controlled. Narcissists can be so frickin' charming - with all their confidence & charisma. Makes it that much harder to challenge them - even in your own mind. Thank you for this video & your eloquent, tender description. xo
Thank you for making this, at the beginning of last semester I moved in to my college dorm and my roommate hit every description you said. It wasnt until my friend began to point out strange things he did, and I realised how many times I cried in the first month (as you know, it is hard to cry on T). I wish I had seen this video sooner. Aaron, I hope you get everything you want in life because you deserve the world.
This reminds me so much of school. A lot of “friendships” have that dynamic during that time. That happens in real life but we also see it on high school movies and stuff. I remember back then I’d always think “why are these people like this? How could you be friends with someone like that?” Maybe they thought that’s how it was supposed to be like or maybe they didn’t even realize what was happening. That never happened to me thankfully, I was kinda invisible in school anyways, maybe that’s why. I feel like we should learn more about that stuff during school, during the time those relationships start to be really important, not only to defend ourselves but also to prevent us to eventually becoming an abuser without realizing :/
And I feel like abuse is often taken as romantic and familial, but there are abusive friendships as well. Just this year, being an abuse survivor since childhood and knowing ALL the signs...found myself in an abusive friendship where gaslighting was the main tactic. I felt so incredibly taken advantage of for not being "smart enough" to see the signs. It's not about intelligence, it's just you don't ever see examples of it in media or in serious discussions, so it's so much harder to recognize but it is absolutely there. And of course, once I spoke out, I was villainized and publicly humiliated by my abuser's friends online. Would not wish it on anyone. Took me MONTHS to finally be okay again and stop blaming myself, but jesus does it damage your trust.
Thank you for posting this. I’m in a relationship right now where everything is my fault. I don’t see my friends anymore because my SO thinks they are all “terrible people trying to ruin our relationship”. If I ever bring up our issues, it always ends up my fault. To the point I just bow my head down and succumb to their demands. It sucks because I know what to do, but when I try my partner says I’m a sociopath and I only care about myself. However, your video was enlightening. Thank you.
I watched this with my mouth hung open when he kept explaining what gaslighting is, because it painted a picture of my mother perfectly. I just remember everything she’s done and everything that’s happened in the last 3 or more years, my thought process, and my actions, but more importantly her actions. Thank you for explaining this to me, because it helps me better with everything with my mom and how I can better recognize her behavior or actions.
This is EXACTLY what my ex did to me. I just sat here nodding the entire time while watching this video because I experienced every single thing you talked about. I also highly encourage everyone who finds themselves in a situation like this to step away from the situation. It may be hard but it's what you need to do
I remember watching the videos where Aaron is post top surgery and feeling like they were blatantly not about Aaron. They were, and are still very uncomfortable to watch. Wishing him all the best moving forward 😊
It's been many years since I walked away from an abusive friendship/relationship and I am still unfolding all the damage that was done. This person is still friends with other people in my circle. And while no one says anything to me, I hear from others, they wonder why I cut ties with them and why I just won't be reasonable and make up. I have always felt like I am the only one, outside of this person's family, that saw them for who they truly are because I didn't set boundaries. Gaslighting was something that I never acknowledged. I became guarded and never let that guard down because I still have so much to address in that relationship. Thank you. I'm really glad you not only got away, but are recognizing all the nuances of abuse, so you know your worth and never enter that cycle again. This is a wonderful, important video.
I am in the same situation now and I understand fully how hard it is. And the worst thing is, he made me the guilty one and he continues to turns people against me and is trying to separate me from everyone in my life. He is preaching about how I am horrible person and how everything is my fault. It's truly horrible
I have to watch this video semi regularly because I grew up in a family where this was done on a large scale between several people over many many years and it often feels like I'm just painting them as these bad people and they have good parts but it's several abusive relationships and this helps me not feel like I'm over reacting/painting myself as a false victim (none of them get boundaries and are guilt driven and codependent). Thanks. I always watch it twice whenever I do because it's hard to feel valid at times if you're the only one trying not to enable.
it took me so long to watch this video because its so hard to accept that not only have i been a victim of abusive behavior, i've also engaged in abusive behavior against someone. i feel like such a piece of s*it anyways aaron, i wish you all the best and hope you can heal from all you went through. you deserve to be so happy. thank you for all your content, you're a light in my life love you
I was in an abusive relationship and knowing what your going through I hope you’re doing well. I bet everyone here is glad you’re moving on from this person and helping yourself. ❤️❤️ Thank you for making a video like this. I’m sure it will help enlighten may people in these types of relationships and change their lives.
I love you, I needed this, I've watched it several times periodically. I moved across the country to get away from a relationship like this a year ago, and I still feel like maybe I overreacted, maybe it wasn't that bad, maybe it was just me. But hearing you describe it so well really helped. The isolation is a huge part of gaslighting, and you talking openly about it helps break the spell. You're so well-spoken, Aaron, and so genuine, I'm glad you choose to share with us, I'm glad I get to hear what you have to say.
9:30 hit the nail on the head. I am so glad I am free once again from the abusive relationsihip ive been in for 3 years. a breath of fresh air to hear this from someone else who dealt with it. NOTHING was ever done right. 10:26 once again right on the nail. Thank you this video helped so much
Seeing this was so important! it helped me connect all the pieces together, now that i'm thinking about it, i think i've been gaslighted for almost seven years by my friend, only recently i started to really really doubt everything she did to me. everytime i "fucked" up like not being around as she wanted me to (i was going through hard times she did nothing to help or support me whatsoever) she punished me emotionally, but when she fucked up she never owned it and apologized, like she thought it was ok. i don't think she's aware of the fact she's acting this way, but now that my other friends are noticing it themselves i feel like it's time for me to walk away from this relationship.
Thank you for this, Aaron. This hit me like a ton of bricks. Hearing words that describe what I have experienced so exactly and seeing how wrong it was so clearly makes me feel like I finally have permission to heal. Thank you.
I came from all the Twitter threads I did tweet you but I understand that you have a lot on at the moment and feel overwhelmed as such. I went through this kind of abuse with somebody who I was best friends with for over 2 years and understand how difficult it can be. I want to thank you for opening my eyes to chases toxicity and manipulation. He was somebody who I looked up to yet I can also see in videos how dismissive he was of you. I think you’re a pretty cool guy, I hope that you will begin to feel better soon. I know I did after leaving a situation of being gas lighted.
I just found this and I am so incredibly sorry you've had to go through this. I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years. From 17 to 25, and 4 of those years I was married to the person. It was so hard to break away, gaslighting was the first thing that the ex started doing. It took me that full eight years to get away and I was hospitalized twice for mental health reasons (didn't to go into to detail in case it might trigger someone but I am sure you can guess way) I also had 3 full mental breakdowns. It took a lot to heal and move on and I am still healing and I am still going to therapy because it took 10 years for me to even admit that I was abused, let alone how badly I was abused. I am so glad you got out. I wish you didn't have to go through this. And Thank you for making this video.
I came to watch this video to support Aaron with all the shit going on with Chase, but after watching this it made me realize that my previous relationship was actually abusive. All the times of beating myself up because I felt unworthy, all the times of rolling over and letting her hurt me (physically and emotionally), among so many other things that Aaron mentioned....and I still blamed myself through all of it, even when she basically bullied me into letting her cheat, I blamed myself. Thank you so much, Aaron, for creating this, because I'm sure there are plenty of others out there who realized they are/were in an abusive relationship because of it
Also, for those of you who's abusers are women, it is still abuse. Whether they are a man or woman, whether you are a man or woman, if someone treats you like this, they are abusing you.
shiiiit. this video made me realize that I was gaslighted in a past relationship. after it ended, I had the sense that she was controlling, but i suppose I didn't realize how much of my self-loathing/self doubt stemmed from being with her. wow. thank you so much for this
My abusive relationship didn’t exactly follow that format, but it was the most awful almost 2 years of my life. I’m so glad I’m out of that now. I was crying every night and my anxiety was the worst it had ever been. You can do this. You can get out of the relationship or friendship. I believe in you💗
Holy shitoli this makes so much sense. I was in an abusive relationship in the past and didn't realize what was going on until he cheated on me. I've been recovering for months since then and it's so hard but I'm glad I got out of that situation even though it was really rough. I love these videos that you make because I feel like I have someone else I can relate to.
Very late comment, youtube just recommended this to me. I cannot say how helpful this was for me. I, maybe, 2 years ago now managed to get out of a friendship exactly like this and still to this day despite not talking to them anymore have issues explaining this to myself and accepting that it's okay that I'm not contacting this person anymore. I can't help deeply caring about them still despite the awful things they did to me. I'm sorry you have had to go through this, but am so glad to have found this as it puts words to my thoughts in a way that clears so much up for me. Thank you for making the video.
I wondered why I hadn't been seeing podcast notifications. Bummer, but I'm so happy you made the step to freedom. I've had to do the same before and it was brutal. They tried to sabotage me with all our friends. Luckily it mostly backfired. ♥️♥️♥️
THANK YOU for making this video! You are excellent at explaining this very confusing topic... and it’s so validating to hear you express that it’s hard to explain. In my experience, people who haven’t been through it, don’t understand why it’s so harmful or how it feels to go through it. Thank you so much for making these awesome videos! 💕👏👏👏
Big hugs from the UK. I guess a lot of us have been at the receiving end of gas lighting to various degrees either subconsciously or on purpose. It's hard to see it when you're in it but hopefully your vid will make people more aware even though the gas lighter might not be doing it on purpose. As always you make things so clear and personal. Never blame yourself xxx
I had a friend do this to me last year, he got mad at me for looking at the other colleges I got in to because he didn’t like how far away they were (we’d been hanging out around a month) and he tried to convince me that I’m autistic (to the point that I asked my therapist about it because I was starting to think I was, I’m not) because I couldn’t anticipate exactly what he wanted me to say. This video is actually super helpful and it’s explaining what was happening to me in a clear way Thank you so much and I’m sorry this is happening to you
This video is so important and needed. Been subbed to a certain someone for nearly a decade and had no idea they were just like so many people who have hurt me in the past. Aaron, I feel for you. We got your back.
Aaron. Thank you. I needed this more than I thought. I'm in a situation that this video really shed clarity on, and just hearing what I have experienced put into such clear and concise terms.. I feel like I can breathe again. For all you have done and continue to do. Bless.
I appreciate the video. Ive had a couple of gaslight-y interactions, but nothing ongoing because I was lucky enough to realize the signs early on. This stuff helps me better understand my friends who get stuck in abusive relationships and why they stay and how to empathize so I can have patience to give them more attention so that they can know they have someone on their side when they do leave. Hopefully I can send these to my friends as well and maybe they'll see what's going on too. I'm sorry you went through these things, but I'm grateful that you are trying to educate others on difficult topics like this.
I appreciate this video so much. It’s great because it helps people who are the gaslightee and those who may be gaslighting someone without realizing it. Thank you for this.
Hey I’ve been a long time lurker and I just want to say this really helped me unpack some of the ways my ex partner was incredibly abusive to me. Thank you so much for this, but whether in general or on this topic in particular, please remember you come first. If for whatever reason you can’t make more videos like this, or don’t want to, or it’s not in your best interest for whatever reason, please don’t. We want you to be as safe as possible Aaron
Don't be hard on yourself, Plant Daddy. You explained this very well, to the point it made me cry as I know how true these things are. Thank you for yet another incredible video.
This was a great video Aaron. Just remember that if you forget something then you can always add it in the comments/description or make a little video about it. There's no pressure to be perfect.
Fuck. This is really hitting me since my mom just septated from her husband due to mental and financial abuse to both her and me and you are explaining so much that had been going on :'( we thankfully have got away now. I love you Aaron. Please take good care of yourself and don't let this hard time define who you are.
My whole family and I have been an abusive situation for more than 9 Fucking years by my “brother”. He pitted use against each other....i never realized how much I love my sisters company till he left. He gaslight us in so many ways. He convinced all of us that we where bad paranoid people....physical and emotional and mental torment for years has left my family as a Fucking shell of what it could be...don’t underestimate the power of people in any position...right now he’s 16 but he has been manipulating and hurting us for years and as he aged it got Fucking worse....This whole video series has been helping me and my family to heal...slowly but we’re still healing so thank u.
Thank you. Just, thank you. Sending you so much love ♥️ Edit: I don’t want to publicly say who this reminds me of but hearing you say that boundaries aren’t abusive was exactly what I needed. Thank you.
The whole being nice, doing inredible things, only to use it as leverage later... really helped me truly establish that yeah, that's what I've been experiencing. Also on the gaslightee being owned by them, and you owe them, and if you dont do something they like all hell breaks loose.... All that. Im going to try to get out of this dynamic asap. Thanks for this
Thank you so much for this video! it' perfectly captures the topic and the different dynamics - lots of people don't realize how incredibly *common* this is and how normalized in our society. And as you pointed out - a huge thing for me to realize was that the gaslighter isn't even necessarily aware of the ways the abuse their victim - and well it's a basically lost cause to expect them to understand what their doing - especially since they probably have been doing this their whole life and it's so normalized. Best advice for me was always - Run. don't have people in your life that are putting you down. _easier said than done_ But we all deserve good people in our lives, people that empower us and bring out the best in us - and that we can give the same things back
Thank you so much for making this and I'm so proud of you considering all that has happened recently. I was best friends with someone for nearly 7 years who did almost all of these things that you listed and I never really questioned it because I thought that it was my fault. She was the only friend that I had during some of the worst years of my life so I was scared to leave her. But hearing all of this feels like validation that it wasn't my fault, that what I went through WAS wrong. Thank you for sharing this, thank you for speaking up, and you're so strong for doing so. You certainly have my support.
I got out of a really hard relationship a few months ago and as much as I try to blame them or try to twist it to paint myself as the abuser, the more I realize that the relationship was just bad and that isn't either of our faults.
When I first saw this video around 5 months ago, I didn’t think that I would be back here and relating so much to it now. The difference with my abuser though is that they used isolation. They apparently feel like I gaslighted them because I would ask for time (just some) but they wouldn’t give me time and would instead just ghost me, however I only ever asked for a simple “ttyl” or “I gtg” when they left-this was due to my anxiety that cripples me and I have a constant fear of people dying if I have no contact with them and being told that people need to get away from their electronics helps me have the reassurance that I need about their state of life. I put a lot of time, love and seemingly obsession into the relationship. I threatened to leave however with the intention to leave multiple times but I got pulled back in multiple times due to their false promises of change. I’m still struggling to feel sane and that my feelings are valid. They have now convinced other people that I am a narcissist, yet, I still see the things we both did wrong and they refuse to acknowledge what they did-or that they did anything wrong at all. I don’t even know how to gain full closure after all of this has happened.
Man, the timing on this couldn't be better because I needed this so bad right now. I'm 27 and I've lived at home with my disabled (verbally/emotionally abusive) mother since my dad passed away suddenly 10 years ago. I work a seasonal job that is done for the year, which is sort of fortunate since I have no running car right now. That being said, I'm super stuck with no car and no income. Not that that's stopped my mother from choosing now to "throw me out" every time I exercise any autonomy. I have been "kicked out" 4 times in last two weeks because I've been working on establishing/maintaining some boundaries is year because I want to move out next year. Even better, I also got my unwanted monthly wave of hormones yesterday so my emotional defenses are in shambles as it is. It has been an absolutely horrible, EXHAUSTING time and I can't tell if the calm today means the current storm has passed or if I'm just in the eye and there's more to come. Either way, the self doubt was already worming its way in today but when I opened RUclips this was the first video on my homepage and it was exactly the reminder I needed. Thank you Aaron. I'm gonna go watch it again. 🌱🐝
I was in an abusive friendship, and they recommended I watch your stuff about manipulation as part of an effort to tell me they weren't manipulative. I didn't watch it then, because I didn't want to think they were. Eventually, I found out everything they were was a lie, and I had been more than just gaslighted.
i am so genuinely sorry that youve gone through this. You are loved, loved without any "unless"'s, loved without any "because"s, loved without any objectification. love not "unconditionally" but genuinely. and i know that doesnt mean much from some random in the comments but i know im not the only one who feels this way. you deserve to be heard and you deserve to be believed. we will stand by you, not just out of trans-alliance, your contributions to youtube or wokepoints but because we understand how you feel.
I love videos like this. It's great for people telling their stories or straight out explaining what things are to help bring awarness to something that people may not even see it happening. Videos like this make me realize things I didn't see growing up with certain people in ny life, but also appreciate the current me who has decided not to allow myself to be taken advantage of, mentally toyed with, excessively guilt tripped, disrespected, etc. Moving away for college helped me end the cycle and grow stronger. I still struggle when I go back home for break, but it's become so much better because I've made a line that they can't cross. I've been forced to cut people off completely but it was for the best. Each day I get better at putting myself first and taking care of my health and, though it's a struggle, in the end it's worth it.
This was really helpful! I didn't know there was a word for this and now that I know what it is, it's useful in analyzing current and future relationships. I'll keep what you said in mind, thank you 💕
This makes a lot more sense now. Looking back it’s almost like damn how did we not see it more. But Im really proud of you. It’s so difficult cutting people like this out of your life. Stay strong and you’re helping a lot of people by speaking out. I know how hard it must be but we support and believe you🧡
Wow, this honestly opened my eyes so much. I recently had a friend decide to leave me and took all of our mutual friends with him. It's ruined my mental state, and I felt like I was completely in the wrong. I was told that I was the abuser, even though all I wanted to do was help them. He was always bringing up things that I was doing 'wrong' and how I had become the horrible abusive person. He knew I'm currently suicidal and while he said all of this he added "don't use this as a reason to off your self" which just made me want to die more. The only reason I didn't attempt suicide again was because my roomate talked me down from it, and my roomates pointed out to me that what he was saying wasn't okay at all. Even with hearing that I felt like this was all my fault, but seeing this made me realize all the things he did to me. All the things he said to me, how he treated me, and how he reacted when I tried to fix a situation without consulting him first. Thank you for this.
You are an inspiration Aaron. You gave my son the courage to be himself. You give my wife courage. Being a person with chronic illnesses and trans come with a lot of need for education. Thank you for being someone to look up to. We love you!!!!
I know this video was probably hard for you to make but I think it helped a lot of people. I’ve never been abused in this way but I grew up around domestic abuse and neglect and it’s always really inspiring to see people talk about their abusive experiences because it makes me feel less alone.
"Leaving is never abusive" 😭😭😭😭😭 needed to hear this
Same
I just left a toxic friendship and this made me realize that shes been gaslighting me for the last two years
same, a few months ago i did too, aaron shows he genuinely gets it
Me to girl, me to!!
Came here after your twitter call-out because I have no other ways of contacting you and um I know you just want that to be over but ye I really support you and thank you for calling out Chase on his shit, it was really brave and important so yeah, thanks. Take care.
I got an ad for The Center for Gender Confirmation Surgery in Chicago and it made me so happy
i love when plant daddy explains complex topics
I dont know what compelled you to post this today but I finally have the words to explain my feelings. I drove 18 hours cross country alone to get away from my abuser and back to my family and the universe used you to give me the confidence and words I needed. Thank you so much for existing Aaron! I love you and your contentt and I cant waiting to see what wonderful things the universe has in store for you.
Thank you so much for this comment ❤️❤️❤️
I’m very sorry that you’ve been through something like this, but I appreciate you taking the time to share this with me. I hope for the best for you ❤️❤️❤️
hey, i kinda came here from twitter and i really hope you’re okay, or at least feel safe right now.
what you’re going through is horrible, and a lot like a relationship i was in as well as with my parent, and i promise it gets better.
i love you. we all love you.
you’re amazing and strong, even if you can’t see it.
take care of yourself. none of this is your fault.
poly88888888 does that make you feel good about yourself? Telling other people to go kill themselves. Wtf is wrong with you, why you gonna wish that one anyone? You don’t like his content cool go unsubscribe from his channel, why you gotta bring someone down. Whether or not he does keep blaming other people for his mental health why does that piss you off so much to tell them to go take their own life. Just get the fuck off his channel 😂
Imagine how sad your life must be that you have to bring down others to lift yourself up.
This video was crucial to escaping my abuser nearly a year ago. Thank you.
My mom is emotionally abusive. She's convinced the adults in my life that I am deserving of it. The therapist I have now is the only therapist/adult that has actually believed me. I keep falling into abusive relationships and I don't even realize it until after I leave. I'm terrified that what has happened isn't abuse and that I'm the one who is in the wrong.
That “false hope” shit you talked about is the most painful part for me and I can look back and see it in many of my relationships. There’s been many studies about why humans respond the way they do to intermittent acts of kindness in an abusive/neglectful relationship, I see a lot of myself if these studies. Also I’ve noticed abusers LOOOOOOVE to be the victim and there’s always something wrong, abusers don’t seem to know how to be okay so you always feel bad for them.
dude you are so well spoken. Its that mix of careful thoughts, research and actually caring about the topic that makes your videos so great.
it's wild how accurately you just explained my relationship w my mom
Me too. Man... Crazy right?
oof a mood but it’s my dad
Me too, good lord
The comment you made abt gaslighting being hard to explain and being the only one to know the full extent is so important.
I've dealt with gaslighting and manipulation several times in my life and when I explained what was said/what happened would sometimes get ppl not understanding what was so wrong or why I was so upset, because they didnt fully understand all the facets of the situation and the way the strings had been pulled leading up to, during, and after the actual incident. It's tough, and I def think you did a wonderful job breaking this down and explaining it so ppl can have better words to explain what they're going thru.
Thank you for making this. I've watched it many times and even showed it to my husband. Gaslighting doesn't have to be exclusively between people in a romantic relationship. In our case, the gaslighter is my husband's mother. She constantly belittles, manipulates, and abuses both he and I, mainly because she doesn't believe my invisible illnesses are real. One of mine is EDS too, so hi fellow EDSers out there, including Aaron! This video really helped our marriage in helping him realize her behavior is not acceptable, and that what she does is wrong and hurtful. So again, thank you for making a video where the gaslighting is more general than just a romantic relationship. You're always so good at covering smaller spaces that are typically over looked and not talked about as much as they should be!
Extremely clear, objective, and intelligent explanation. All of this shows incredible strength. Stay strong and autonomous!
I needed to hear this. I didn't know what gaslighting was and I didn't realize that it was happening to me until now. Thank you
This really resonated with me about me and my moms relationship. Wish it was easy to just cut her off like if she was a bad friend or break up with her like she’s a bad partner, but I don’t have that choice. Ugh it’s so annoying cuz again, she’s my mother so it makes me even MORE anxious as it’s harder to deal with overall. It’s been this way since as long as I can remember, it’s so much harder and complicated when it’s your own family. Thank you for posting this, it really opened my eyes and validated my feelings.
I come back and watch this from time to time to really feel understood and seen.
Aaron, thank you so much for making the effort to make this video. After 4 years, I can see how my daughter was abused by her dad (my husband).you made a perfect video. Michelle
I’ve dealt with abuse from friends and parents alike and I’m still living in an abusive household that for an amalgam of reasons I am not in the position to leave right now. I think it’s extremely important for us to support each other as a community and to figure out how to talk about these things
Thank you for making this video 💕
Gaslighting is part of the bullying I am experiencing at work. Thank you for revealing the word I was looking for.
This sounds like my parents tbh. I love you Aaron and I hope you are doing really well dude ❤️
Sounds like my parents too. It's so hard cuz I always go from hating them for causing me so much mental/emotional distress, and hating myself for just not being able to get along with them. I wish healthy relationships for you in the future ❤️❤️❤️
This video (and later videos) can really help some people realize certain things they didn't and I've been hoping you'd make these types of videos for a long time bc they're so rarely talked about
You're so lovely Aaron and keep on being you and doing what you love!
He is such a great guy, & I love that he explains himself without going on the attack.
Thank you, Aaron, for coming out with all this stuff on Twitter. Looking back and re-watching this video puts a lot of things into perspective. You’re a lovely person. Please, take care of yourself.
I’m not gonna pretend that this doesn’t break my heart, but I could never ignore something like this.
"Why do you feel entitled to my ENTIRE life"
This.
this sounds like my parents, with me always looking at the 'positives' they did for me and blaming myself for just overreacting. there's even a similar dynamic between my parents, with one gaslighting the other. actually, i think the gaslighting stretches back farther, with my grandparents. it's countless cycles of abuse. thank you for making this video 🖤 helps validate my feelings a little
Repzilla's channel literally caught me up on the highlights of what's going on and it's so sad to see how the friendship just went down and all
the part i really needed to hear was the whole it might not be intentional but it's still manipulative thing. thank you so much for making this
I feel you Aaron. I´ve been in that situation for 3 years, I know how hard it is to leave your abuser. It takes a lot of strengh. I wish you all the best! Take care of yourself, you are worth it!
Thank you so much for making this video. It puts words to something that's really hard to explain. A while ago, I started trying to write an essay about abuse and how to recognize it, but I ran into a lot of trouble articulating it and separating myself enough from it. I also felt like maybe it wasn't my place to try to write it because I'm not a psychologist, I'm just someone with an abusive narcissistic father and PTSD from his abuse. But I feel like you did a great job of presenting the info and I don't think you're overstepping by talking about it, so maybe I was just being too harsh on myself. My partially outlined essay has been sitting untouched for months at this point, but maybe I'll try again.
This video spoke to my tired, sad soul. It honestly explains my entire past relationship. It’s so messed up how messed up it makes you feel to walk away from someone who makes you feel so messed up. 😑
First of all this was an amazing video! I've been in an abusive relationship (a friendship) and they did everything that you said right now. I never knew there was a word for it, though.
I think one of the most important parts of the video is the last one. LEAVING IS NOT ABUSE, LEAVING IS SELF-CARE. Because when I left the relationship (which I did in a terrible manner tbh, I just stopped talking at all cause I knew that if i did I would go back) I realised I'd lost contact with many friends, and the friends that I had just pushed me back to talk to them and try again, and it was the worst.
So if you are in this situation and feel that you need to leave, LEAVE no matter what other people tell you. I am now much happier than before.
This has put a lot of things from my past into perspective and I now realise that I've been emotionally abused in past relationships and it's taken a lot of time to realise it. My ex was a gaslighter and I always blamed myself for everything, but now I know that I wasn't wrong, they were. Thank you for making this video because it's helped me and I'm sure it's helped so many others too
Just sent this video to a friend/coworker who has an abusive partner and I knew by what she told me that this was what she was experiencing. Thanks a ton for making this video! You're awesome
i tried talking about gaslighting i experienced to a 'friend', who accused me of overreacting and being dramatic
I got trapped in a relationship with a girl who abused and gaslit me for 8 months. This video was almost like you were describing my every day with her. She invalidated my mental health and my gender regularly to control me. I had to ghost her and leave in the night after she fell asleep. She came screaming and banging on my door begging me to come back to the point where her dad had to come get her, but I don’t regret it in the slightest. Maybe it wasn’t the most efficient way of doing it but I knew I didn’t have the strength to face her with it because I’d tried and failed many times, and the second I left my life changed in the best way possible and I found happiness for the first time and the freedom to express myself free of shame.
Gaslighting is real and ruins lives, thanks Aaron for informing us all on it 💜
Aaron, when I hear that you’ve been abused, my blood boils!!!
I absolutely hate that you’ve been put through this!!!
I’ve always wanted a little brother and I wish it was you!!!
Lots of love and hugs!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Aaron... im so proud of you. This is an EXTREMELY difficult situation for one to remove themselves from. Ive grown to be such a huge fan and supporter of you. And i wish you all the best. Things will get better. YOU DESERVE BETTER!
Much love and support,
Misty
This was so HEALING to watch. A lot of this resonated with me and actively gave me more information for dealing with an abusive person trying to get back into my life. Thank you SO much, Aaron for this amazing, informative video. I can only imagine how much mental energy it must take to be out there talking about this, so I wanted to send lots of love and thanks. You're amazing.
Another video that is so well done & so important. Journaling was the only way that I was able to sort out that I WAS being lied to & my words & actions twisted. Even so, gaslighting can be so personal & intimate & private. The other person can be salt of the earth, everyone's buddy, except to the one being controlled. Narcissists can be so frickin' charming - with all their confidence & charisma. Makes it that much harder to challenge them - even in your own mind. Thank you for this video & your eloquent, tender description. xo
Thank you for making this, at the beginning of last semester I moved in to my college dorm and my roommate hit every description you said. It wasnt until my friend began to point out strange things he did, and I realised how many times I cried in the first month (as you know, it is hard to cry on T). I wish I had seen this video sooner.
Aaron, I hope you get everything you want in life because you deserve the world.
I love you, Aaron. Never forget that you are believed and loved
This reminds me so much of school. A lot of “friendships” have that dynamic during that time. That happens in real life but we also see it on high school movies and stuff.
I remember back then I’d always think “why are these people like this? How could you be friends with someone like that?” Maybe they thought that’s how it was supposed to be like or maybe they didn’t even realize what was happening. That never happened to me thankfully, I was kinda invisible in school anyways, maybe that’s why.
I feel like we should learn more about that stuff during school, during the time those relationships start to be really important, not only to defend ourselves but also to prevent us to eventually becoming an abuser without realizing :/
And I feel like abuse is often taken as romantic and familial, but there are abusive friendships as well. Just this year, being an abuse survivor since childhood and knowing ALL the signs...found myself in an abusive friendship where gaslighting was the main tactic. I felt so incredibly taken advantage of for not being "smart enough" to see the signs. It's not about intelligence, it's just you don't ever see examples of it in media or in serious discussions, so it's so much harder to recognize but it is absolutely there. And of course, once I spoke out, I was villainized and publicly humiliated by my abuser's friends online. Would not wish it on anyone. Took me MONTHS to finally be okay again and stop blaming myself, but jesus does it damage your trust.
Thank you for posting this. I’m in a relationship right now where everything is my fault. I don’t see my friends anymore because my SO thinks they are all “terrible people trying to ruin our relationship”. If I ever bring up our issues, it always ends up my fault. To the point I just bow my head down and succumb to their demands. It sucks because I know what to do, but when I try my partner says I’m a sociopath and I only care about myself. However, your video was enlightening. Thank you.
I watched this with my mouth hung open when he kept explaining what gaslighting is, because it painted a picture of my mother perfectly. I just remember everything she’s done and everything that’s happened in the last 3 or more years, my thought process, and my actions, but more importantly her actions. Thank you for explaining this to me, because it helps me better with everything with my mom and how I can better recognize her behavior or actions.
This is EXACTLY what my ex did to me. I just sat here nodding the entire time while watching this video because I experienced every single thing you talked about. I also highly encourage everyone who finds themselves in a situation like this to step away from the situation. It may be hard but it's what you need to do
I remember watching the videos where Aaron is post top surgery and feeling like they were blatantly not about Aaron. They were, and are still very uncomfortable to watch. Wishing him all the best moving forward 😊
It's been many years since I walked away from an abusive friendship/relationship and I am still unfolding all the damage that was done. This person is still friends with other people in my circle. And while no one says anything to me, I hear from others, they wonder why I cut ties with them and why I just won't be reasonable and make up. I have always felt like I am the only one, outside of this person's family, that saw them for who they truly are because I didn't set boundaries. Gaslighting was something that I never acknowledged. I became guarded and never let that guard down because I still have so much to address in that relationship. Thank you. I'm really glad you not only got away, but are recognizing all the nuances of abuse, so you know your worth and never enter that cycle again. This is a wonderful, important video.
I am in the same situation now and I understand fully how hard it is. And the worst thing is, he made me the guilty one and he continues to turns people against me and is trying to separate me from everyone in my life. He is preaching about how I am horrible person and how everything is my fault. It's truly horrible
I have to watch this video semi regularly because I grew up in a family where this was done on a large scale between several people over many many years and it often feels like I'm just painting them as these bad people and they have good parts but it's several abusive relationships and this helps me not feel like I'm over reacting/painting myself as a false victim (none of them get boundaries and are guilt driven and codependent). Thanks. I always watch it twice whenever I do because it's hard to feel valid at times if you're the only one trying not to enable.
Your video turned out so informative and nice. Thank you for making this video, you are a gem
it took me so long to watch this video because its so hard to accept that not only have i been a victim of abusive behavior, i've also engaged in abusive behavior against someone. i feel like such a piece of s*it
anyways aaron, i wish you all the best and hope you can heal from all you went through. you deserve to be so happy. thank you for all your content, you're a light in my life
love you
I was in an abusive relationship and knowing what your going through I hope you’re doing well. I bet everyone here is glad you’re moving on from this person and helping yourself. ❤️❤️ Thank you for making a video like this. I’m sure it will help enlighten may people in these types of relationships and change their lives.
I love you, I needed this, I've watched it several times periodically. I moved across the country to get away from a relationship like this a year ago, and I still feel like maybe I overreacted, maybe it wasn't that bad, maybe it was just me. But hearing you describe it so well really helped. The isolation is a huge part of gaslighting, and you talking openly about it helps break the spell. You're so well-spoken, Aaron, and so genuine, I'm glad you choose to share with us, I'm glad I get to hear what you have to say.
9:30 hit the nail on the head. I am so glad I am free once again from the abusive relationsihip ive been in for 3 years. a breath of fresh air to hear this from someone else who dealt with it. NOTHING was ever done right. 10:26 once again right on the nail. Thank you this video helped so much
Seeing this was so important! it helped me connect all the pieces together, now that i'm thinking about it, i think i've been gaslighted for almost seven years by my friend, only recently i started to really really doubt everything she did to me. everytime i "fucked" up like not being around as she wanted me to (i was going through hard times she did nothing to help or support me whatsoever) she punished me emotionally, but when she fucked up she never owned it and apologized, like she thought it was ok. i don't think she's aware of the fact she's acting this way, but now that my other friends are noticing it themselves i feel like it's time for me to walk away from this relationship.
Thank you for this, Aaron. This hit me like a ton of bricks. Hearing words that describe what I have experienced so exactly and seeing how wrong it was so clearly makes me feel like I finally have permission to heal. Thank you.
I came from all the Twitter threads I did tweet you but I understand that you have a lot on at the moment and feel overwhelmed as such. I went through this kind of abuse with somebody who I was best friends with for over 2 years and understand how difficult it can be. I want to thank you for opening my eyes to chases toxicity and manipulation. He was somebody who I looked up to yet I can also see in videos how dismissive he was of you. I think you’re a pretty cool guy, I hope that you will begin to feel better soon. I know I did after leaving a situation of being gas lighted.
I don’t usually comment on youtube videos, but this was really a good and helpful explanation. Thank you Aaron Linguini!
I just found this and I am so incredibly sorry you've had to go through this. I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years. From 17 to 25, and 4 of those years I was married to the person. It was so hard to break away, gaslighting was the first thing that the ex started doing. It took me that full eight years to get away and I was hospitalized twice for mental health reasons (didn't to go into to detail in case it might trigger someone but I am sure you can guess way) I also had 3 full mental breakdowns.
It took a lot to heal and move on and I am still healing and I am still going to therapy because it took 10 years for me to even admit that I was abused, let alone how badly I was abused.
I am so glad you got out. I wish you didn't have to go through this. And Thank you for making this video.
I came to watch this video to support Aaron with all the shit going on with Chase, but after watching this it made me realize that my previous relationship was actually abusive. All the times of beating myself up because I felt unworthy, all the times of rolling over and letting her hurt me (physically and emotionally), among so many other things that Aaron mentioned....and I still blamed myself through all of it, even when she basically bullied me into letting her cheat, I blamed myself. Thank you so much, Aaron, for creating this, because I'm sure there are plenty of others out there who realized they are/were in an abusive relationship because of it
Also, for those of you who's abusers are women, it is still abuse. Whether they are a man or woman, whether you are a man or woman, if someone treats you like this, they are abusing you.
shiiiit. this video made me realize that I was gaslighted in a past relationship. after it ended, I had the sense that she was controlling, but i suppose I didn't realize how much of my self-loathing/self doubt stemmed from being with her. wow. thank you so much for this
My abusive relationship didn’t exactly follow that format, but it was the most awful almost 2 years of my life. I’m so glad I’m out of that now. I was crying every night and my anxiety was the worst it had ever been. You can do this. You can get out of the relationship or friendship. I believe in you💗
Thank you, Aaron. This is the only kind of relationship I have ever known. And I certainly felt crazy, and trapped, and alone.
Holy shitoli this makes so much sense. I was in an abusive relationship in the past and didn't realize what was going on until he cheated on me. I've been recovering for months since then and it's so hard but I'm glad I got out of that situation even though it was really rough. I love these videos that you make because I feel like I have someone else I can relate to.
I'm SHOOK! This hit a nerve with a friendship of mine, and I knew about gaslighting before hearing this. How have I not realized before...
Very late comment, youtube just recommended this to me. I cannot say how helpful this was for me. I, maybe, 2 years ago now managed to get out of a friendship exactly like this and still to this day despite not talking to them anymore have issues explaining this to myself and accepting that it's okay that I'm not contacting this person anymore. I can't help deeply caring about them still despite the awful things they did to me. I'm sorry you have had to go through this, but am so glad to have found this as it puts words to my thoughts in a way that clears so much up for me. Thank you for making the video.
I wondered why I hadn't been seeing podcast notifications. Bummer, but I'm so happy you made the step to freedom. I've had to do the same before and it was brutal. They tried to sabotage me with all our friends. Luckily it mostly backfired. ♥️♥️♥️
THANK YOU for making this video! You are excellent at explaining this very confusing topic... and it’s so validating to hear you express that it’s hard to explain. In my experience, people who haven’t been through it, don’t understand why it’s so harmful or how it feels to go through it.
Thank you so much for making these awesome videos! 💕👏👏👏
Big hugs from the UK. I guess a lot of us have been at the receiving end of gas lighting to various degrees either subconsciously or on purpose. It's hard to see it when you're in it but hopefully your vid will make people more aware even though the gas lighter might not be doing it on purpose. As always you make things so clear and personal. Never blame yourself xxx
I had a friend do this to me last year, he got mad at me for looking at the other colleges I got in to because he didn’t like how far away they were (we’d been hanging out around a month) and he tried to convince me that I’m autistic (to the point that I asked my therapist about it because I was starting to think I was, I’m not) because I couldn’t anticipate exactly what he wanted me to say. This video is actually super helpful and it’s explaining what was happening to me in a clear way
Thank you so much and I’m sorry this is happening to you
This video is so important and needed. Been subbed to a certain someone for nearly a decade and had no idea they were just like so many people who have hurt me in the past. Aaron, I feel for you. We got your back.
Aaron. Thank you. I needed this more than I thought. I'm in a situation that this video really shed clarity on, and just hearing what I have experienced put into such clear and concise terms.. I feel like I can breathe again. For all you have done and continue to do. Bless.
I appreciate the video. Ive had a couple of gaslight-y interactions, but nothing ongoing because I was lucky enough to realize the signs early on. This stuff helps me better understand my friends who get stuck in abusive relationships and why they stay and how to empathize so I can have patience to give them more attention so that they can know they have someone on their side when they do leave. Hopefully I can send these to my friends as well and maybe they'll see what's going on too.
I'm sorry you went through these things, but I'm grateful that you are trying to educate others on difficult topics like this.
We love you, we are proud of you, and you are being heard.
I appreciate this video so much. It’s great because it helps people who are the gaslightee and those who may be gaslighting someone without realizing it. Thank you for this.
Hey I’ve been a long time lurker and I just want to say this really helped me unpack some of the ways my ex partner was incredibly abusive to me. Thank you so much for this, but whether in general or on this topic in particular, please remember you come first. If for whatever reason you can’t make more videos like this, or don’t want to, or it’s not in your best interest for whatever reason, please don’t. We want you to be as safe as possible Aaron
Don't be hard on yourself, Plant Daddy. You explained this very well, to the point it made me cry as I know how true these things are. Thank you for yet another incredible video.
This was a great video Aaron. Just remember that if you forget something then you can always add it in the comments/description or make a little video about it. There's no pressure to be perfect.
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Fuck. This is really hitting me since my mom just septated from her husband due to mental and financial abuse to both her and me and you are explaining so much that had been going on :'( we thankfully have got away now. I love you Aaron. Please take good care of yourself and don't let this hard time define who you are.
My whole family and I have been an abusive situation for more than 9 Fucking years by my “brother”. He pitted use against each other....i never realized how much I love my sisters company till he left. He gaslight us in so many ways. He convinced all of us that we where bad paranoid people....physical and emotional and mental torment for years has left my family as a Fucking shell of what it could be...don’t underestimate the power of people in any position...right now he’s 16 but he has been manipulating and hurting us for years and as he aged it got Fucking worse....This whole video series has been helping me and my family to heal...slowly but we’re still healing so thank u.
Thank you. Just, thank you. Sending you so much love ♥️
Edit: I don’t want to publicly say who this reminds me of but hearing you say that boundaries aren’t abusive was exactly what I needed. Thank you.
YOU JUST EXPLAINED EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING TO SAY!!!!!! I LOVE YOU
The whole being nice, doing inredible things, only to use it as leverage later... really helped me truly establish that yeah, that's what I've been experiencing. Also on the gaslightee being owned by them, and you owe them, and if you dont do something they like all hell breaks loose.... All that. Im going to try to get out of this dynamic asap. Thanks for this
Thank you so much for this video! it' perfectly captures the topic and the different dynamics - lots of people don't realize how incredibly *common* this is and how normalized in our society.
And as you pointed out - a huge thing for me to realize was that the gaslighter isn't even necessarily aware of the ways the abuse their victim - and well it's a basically lost cause to expect them to understand what their doing - especially since they probably have been doing this their whole life and it's so normalized.
Best advice for me was always - Run. don't have people in your life that are putting you down. _easier said than done_
But we all deserve good people in our lives, people that empower us and bring out the best in us - and that we can give the same things back
Thank you so much for making this and I'm so proud of you considering all that has happened recently. I was best friends with someone for nearly 7 years who did almost all of these things that you listed and I never really questioned it because I thought that it was my fault. She was the only friend that I had during some of the worst years of my life so I was scared to leave her. But hearing all of this feels like validation that it wasn't my fault, that what I went through WAS wrong.
Thank you for sharing this, thank you for speaking up, and you're so strong for doing so. You certainly have my support.
I got out of a really hard relationship a few months ago and as much as I try to blame them or try to twist it to paint myself as the abuser, the more I realize that the relationship was just bad and that isn't either of our faults.
This explanation is pristine!! I love the way you articulate everything. Thank you 😊
I really needed to hear this right now. Thank you so so so much, you have no idea how much you have just helped me!! ❤
When I first saw this video around 5 months ago, I didn’t think that I would be back here and relating so much to it now.
The difference with my abuser though is that they used isolation. They apparently feel like I gaslighted them because I would ask for time (just some) but they wouldn’t give me time and would instead just ghost me, however I only ever asked for a simple “ttyl” or “I gtg” when they left-this was due to my anxiety that cripples me and I have a constant fear of people dying if I have no contact with them and being told that people need to get away from their electronics helps me have the reassurance that I need about their state of life. I put a lot of time, love and seemingly obsession into the relationship. I threatened to leave however with the intention to leave multiple times but I got pulled back in multiple times due to their false promises of change. I’m still struggling to feel sane and that my feelings are valid.
They have now convinced other people that I am a narcissist, yet, I still see the things we both did wrong and they refuse to acknowledge what they did-or that they did anything wrong at all. I don’t even know how to gain full closure after all of this has happened.
I really really really needed this video in my life right now.
Thank you.
Man, the timing on this couldn't be better because I needed this so bad right now.
I'm 27 and I've lived at home with my disabled (verbally/emotionally abusive) mother since my dad passed away suddenly 10 years ago. I work a seasonal job that is done for the year, which is sort of fortunate since I have no running car right now. That being said, I'm super stuck with no car and no income. Not that that's stopped my mother from choosing now to "throw me out" every time I exercise any autonomy.
I have been "kicked out" 4 times in last two weeks because I've been working on establishing/maintaining some boundaries is year because I want to move out next year. Even better, I also got my unwanted monthly wave of hormones yesterday so my emotional defenses are in shambles as it is.
It has been an absolutely horrible, EXHAUSTING time and I can't tell if the calm today means the current storm has passed or if I'm just in the eye and there's more to come.
Either way, the self doubt was already worming its way in today but when I opened RUclips this was the first video on my homepage and it was exactly the reminder I needed.
Thank you Aaron. I'm gonna go watch it again. 🌱🐝
I was in an abusive friendship, and they recommended I watch your stuff about manipulation as part of an effort to tell me they weren't manipulative. I didn't watch it then, because I didn't want to think they were. Eventually, I found out everything they were was a lie, and I had been more than just gaslighted.
i am so genuinely sorry that youve gone through this. You are loved, loved without any "unless"'s, loved without any "because"s, loved without any objectification. love not "unconditionally" but genuinely. and i know that doesnt mean much from some random in the comments but i know im not the only one who feels this way. you deserve to be heard and you deserve to be believed. we will stand by you, not just out of trans-alliance, your contributions to youtube or wokepoints but because we understand how you feel.
This meant a lot to me. Thank you so, so much ❤️
I love videos like this. It's great for people telling their stories or straight out explaining what things are to help bring awarness to something that people may not even see it happening.
Videos like this make me realize things I didn't see growing up with certain people in ny life, but also appreciate the current me who has decided not to allow myself to be taken advantage of, mentally toyed with, excessively guilt tripped, disrespected, etc.
Moving away for college helped me end the cycle and grow stronger. I still struggle when I go back home for break, but it's become so much better because I've made a line that they can't cross. I've been forced to cut people off completely but it was for the best. Each day I get better at putting myself first and taking care of my health and, though it's a struggle, in the end it's worth it.
This was really helpful! I didn't know there was a word for this and now that I know what it is, it's useful in analyzing current and future relationships. I'll keep what you said in mind, thank you 💕
This makes a lot more sense now. Looking back it’s almost like damn how did we not see it more. But Im really proud of you. It’s so difficult cutting people like this out of your life. Stay strong and you’re helping a lot of people by speaking out. I know how hard it must be but we support and believe you🧡
Wow, this honestly opened my eyes so much. I recently had a friend decide to leave me and took all of our mutual friends with him. It's ruined my mental state, and I felt like I was completely in the wrong. I was told that I was the abuser, even though all I wanted to do was help them. He was always bringing up things that I was doing 'wrong' and how I had become the horrible abusive person. He knew I'm currently suicidal and while he said all of this he added "don't use this as a reason to off your self" which just made me want to die more. The only reason I didn't attempt suicide again was because my roomate talked me down from it, and my roomates pointed out to me that what he was saying wasn't okay at all. Even with hearing that I felt like this was all my fault, but seeing this made me realize all the things he did to me. All the things he said to me, how he treated me, and how he reacted when I tried to fix a situation without consulting him first. Thank you for this.
You are an inspiration Aaron. You gave my son the courage to be himself. You give my wife courage. Being a person with chronic illnesses and trans come with a lot of need for education. Thank you for being someone to look up to. We love you!!!!
Thank you so much!! I love & appreciate you ❤️❤️❤️
I know this video was probably hard for you to make but I think it helped a lot of people. I’ve never been abused in this way but I grew up around domestic abuse and neglect and it’s always really inspiring to see people talk about their abusive experiences because it makes me feel less alone.