Meg Jay: Essential questions to ask your future self | TED
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- Опубликовано: 28 май 2024
- How much do you think about your future self? If your answer is not much, you're not alone. It can be difficult to plan for a version of yourself you haven't met yet, says psychologist Meg Jay. Sharing how to close the empathy gap between you and your future selves, she outlines courageous questions to ask about how your present and future can align, so you can begin to achieve your goals. (This conversation, hosted by TED current affairs curator Whitney Pennington Rodgers, was part of a TED Membership event. Visit ted.com/membership to become a TED Member.)
0:00 Intro
0:13 The empathy gap between your current and future selves
1:55 Philosopher Derek Parfit: “We neglect our future selves because of some sort of failure or belief or imagination.”
3:00 How virtual reality could help you save for retirement
3:45 A Q&A with your future self
5:54 Get to know yourself anytime -- age doesn’t matter
7:38 Next steps with your future self
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I love her! 29 going on 30 and I've been following Dr. Jay since my early 20s. No regrets and many intentional decisions thanks in large part to her!
I read her book "The Defining Decade" and it really gave me insights on investing in yourself in your 20s. How your 30s look like are mostly as a result of how you spend those 10 years of your 20s. Great stuff.
This was brilliant. I'm 23 and I had sort of a wake up call at my birthday and I've started to take care of my body and mind more. I excercise and try to move more frequently and mindfully, I'm reading more books, and sleeping better. Investing in yourself is the best investment.
Hey, I'm 23 years old too. I thought I was the only one who sad during my birthday haha 🤣 yeah that's totally true if imagine the future. I ask what do you want to achieve. So, I start to growing up my seeds now. I hope I will get it in the future. Especially this generations used to get something instantly. Sometimes I feel frustrated too if I don't get what I want. Be patient and enjoy your journey are the keys
I had mine at 20y.o. Literally everyone has the epiphany as I call it. Might I add how old you are now??
22 and I started to do the same.
Also 23 here. I have to sleep better😴.
Wow. Im 23 too and had the same thing!! 2021 i have started to read 5-6 books a month, going to the gym everyday and learning new stuff! Crazy
As a lost 20 something I thank you dearly for this talk. The pressure just gets too much at times and we dont exactly have the best outlook for future either.
"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves." - Viktor E. Frankl
Thank you for this insightful talk!
existencial crisis every night and battling dreams during the day
No need to have an existential crisis.. you are alive and you have inalienable rights to life, liberty, property, and pursuit of happiness that all demand you live for your own sake. Your happiness matters.. don’t sacrifice your values for other people’s vices, and then I bet those existential crises could become more manageable.
Check out “The Virtue of Selfishness” by Ayn Rand, if interested.. it truly helped me out of what I would consider to be a similar situation. I hope the best for you, take care.
Same 🤣
I'm not glad you are through this but, if it makes you feel better, we're on the same boat. And I know for certain we can turn things around
Do we have a clinic psychologist who's just as brilliant as Jay here to talk about what to do in early 30s? I remember watching the ted talk over and over again just under a decade ago and it touched and changed me dramatically. Now I need a "boost shot" for my 30s!
Don't look to Meg Jay for that. As far as she's concerned, if you've reached your 30s and haven't checked off everything on her list, you're screwed.
And when I ask my future self those questions, anxiety attacks start creeping up lol
I’m a huge fan of this lady’s work!
"It can ruin your life only if it ruins your character." 💪💪💪
-Marcus Aurelius
I loved the Intro with the empathy gap! I think we could all stand to be a bit more empathetic 💖
Love your videos!! Stay safe out there everyone ❤️
Absolutely inspiring!! 🤘🏾
Live your life today the way you would like to remember it tomorrow.
If you want something in this life you can acquire it if you want it bad now hard work determination and believing in yourself will get you most everything you want in life and try to not do stupid mistakes
I’ve watched a lot of Ted Talks…this is in the top 3!!🤙🤙 Legendary!!
I do it and I cried happy tears, to me there is just one option,I willing to do every thing whatever I can to make my goals my reality.
Thank you very much 🙏💛💙💚💕🌼.
Thank you very much for this thought provoking talk 👏👏👏im in my late 40 's , im gonna take on board what you said thank you
I've jsut read her book at 38, and I wait I had her wakeup call 15 years ago.
This help me think about the future , is mean a lot , thank you .
We neglect our future self because of some sort of failure of belief or imagination.
💚🍀
At 31 I know I've f*cked it and the first minute has me feeling bad about myself already. Hope it gets more positive.
Nah, man. 31 is early enough to realise that you skewed yourself to the wrong direction. You can still start over! :)
@@mrniceguy4277 correct.
It's never too late.
49 and I'm planning for a new future away from a career 30 years in. I realise now that a significant amount of my illnesses and tough times were doing work that drained my soul and left me feeling empty.
I can't plan yet, I'm too ill at the moment. But I hope to get well and move in a totally different, more fulfilling, direction when I do finally revover.
I truly hope you look at when gets you going. Then plan towards that. Then go for it.
Life is transient. None of us are getting out alive. Take risks. Make mistakes. Be brave.
You have well over half your life left. You've really only done 10ish years of a possible 40ish year career.
Loads of time. And it's never too late 💛💛
@@animalcol1 Very true! Life, in fact, starts any time!
Robert Downey Jr. was 38 when he finally got sober and got his life back on track, staring in Iron Man in 2008 and the rest goes from there. It's never too late to recognize your past and change it for your future you. We're not locked into our decisions once we hit 30 :)
Iknow I'm very unlikely to have many more years left. I've had some bad habits for over half my life and my body is not in the best shape.
Only one of my close friends is left alive so I don't have much hope.
I just try to take it day by day, not think about future and take pleasure in the simple things.
I am actively having this conversation with my future self.
Great talk
I'm 78 and have no clue to what I could have done differently to make things better now. Different yes, better who knows. But I know I could have changed my future self, I just have no way of determining if it would have been better or worse. (Oh, I'm not really interested in finding out either.)
What would you tell your 25 yr old self?
Im 77. And a lifelong believer in inner work. You have to swallow hard when you accept things could have been better if you had been more- empathetic, kind, thoughtful, generous, forgiving, patient, understanding…. ? All of us can surely understand that?
It’s hard as we face the concluding days months years of our life. Really face the end. Of course it could have been better- but if I say that, does it mean my life has been a failure? There’s the rub.
Depends on what your ideas of success are based. Your job your health your family
Ive had a successful career, my health has been disastrous, my son seems to have grown up OK- but I could have worked on myself more?
I imagine few people die feeling smug and self satisfied.
Insightful
Analyze your current situation and then imagine your situation when you are 35 years old. Where are you? What do you do? Who are you with? What makes you happy? Are you healthy? Then compare the answers to your current self. This will enable you to see what you can do now to move closer to the path that will lead you to the future self you just imagined. Take responsibility for your present moment and of the fact that it definitely will have an impact on your future.
Nice
Unless you are already 35 years old or older. This book is for a certain subset of 20-somethings. If you are 30 or older and you don't have the life she has laid out in this book, you will just get depressed.
This is brilliant I agree. Although my thing is I think there definitely is such a thing as a “perfect city” and “perfect job” but it’s not predictable through an app or internet hearsay but by trial and experimentation
We’ll be lucky if we are still alive after 10 years
Yeah. Al Gore said the exact same thing over 25 years ago. Either I can't do math, or the numbers don't add up 🤔
@@jason666king I hate to break it to you but you're stuck in a time loop 😉
@@njitram2000 which one? I keep switching between them.
@@jason666king Couldn't tell you, sorry. I've lost track myself
The problem is, we WILL be alive in 10 years and much longer after that. I thought I'd be dead by 27 and I'm turning 40 in 6 months.
I'll be 29 soon & I have no idea what I want to do.
Me too
I think we are the generation who has choice of accepting or rejecting what is forced upon us so untill we have no exact point to be somewhere we will be in this limbo.
being is enough.
Live in the now and follow your heart. Scary but once you let go of stuff like this it’s amazing how your life will become your bliss.
Same
@@emead528
I agree. It’s Dangerous mentally to always expect something of yourself. It’s as unhealthy as comparing yourself to random people on social media.
Instead just focus on improving your own life, one simple task, one day at a time.
(Heard that advice from Jordan Peterson and it stuck with me ever since. What’s 1 little thing you can do that makes today a little better than yesterday?). He jokes start by cleaning your room lol.
Point is I like his way, improve your own life day by day and only move forward, learning from past and keep going.
Setting likely unreachable goals just leads to stress and depression
This is best talk ever
I have a suggestion to add to the conversation:
Make it a trifold talk by throwing in your past self!
If you reflect on your past it's also easier to ask the right questuions for the future.
By looking at the difference between your past self and now it also becomes easier to imagine your future self in the first place.
Love this future progression technique used in hypnosis and NLP
Hello neeesa how are you doing 😘👋👋👋👋
Hi Neesa 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹🌹🌹
The RUclips comments section is not a place to meet women. Not like this anyway. Ever considered starting a conversation 👏 on the topic 👏?
THANKS a lot
30 and realizing great I got five years left
Road to 20 million!
"Most of life's defining moments take place by around 35"
Me at 36 hearing this talk towards 20 somethings telling me I should have figured it all out by now: OH, ok..cool cool cool. I guess I"ll just gkm.
This is beaitiiful 🔥
I've always enjoyed ted talks.
Just learn to be self conscious, you become a master once you are aware
".. And perhaps the most courageous conversation you can have is about your future self"- Meg Jay, TED.
These are really HARD questions. I know you said that, but I (we) would really appreciate a "how to" video on how to navigate these questions. What does this look like? How do we figure out what we want???... Especially if we had difficult childhoods that didn't allow for autonomy.
Probably go see a therapist first if you have autonomy difficulties.
Read her book, it's awesome.
I absolutely loved the 2013 TED talk, so happy to see this follow-up popping up!
FOLLOW THE SCRIPT, WELL-DONE !
Essential questions to ask about that which you cannot know.
Hi Peggy 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹🌹🌹
Wonderful talk! 👏 I wonder how class and wealth impact the importance of these questions.When you don't have a financial net (aka rich parents) are these questions more or less relevant to you or your parents? Perhaps it's actually difficult when you're young, come from wealth, and have to battle expectations to maintain that social standing? I wonder… 🤔
A central weakness of her book and position is that it is only relevant to that good old top 5% of society. Class and income have a HUGE effect on whether you can make any use of her book at all. And it was written by someone who also comes from the top 5%. Her image of what society is like is very distorted.
Let's fill up the empathy gap together
Let's do it
*She's just suggesting everyone to be more responsible for our actions and it's reaction.*
Hi Maria 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹🌹🌹
Stay connected to our future
2:15 👌👌👌
My twenties were basically a long vacuum, I just remember stuff like trains in the morning and people talking about how I wasn’t doing nothing, however , these years taught me to take life as it is, I don’t care about anything really, like tv soccer and commercials, and now I got an idea of how a lot of things work. For example I was surrounded by extremely arrogant and vulgar people that constantly talked about the work of the others, and I figured: if a thinks that b doesn’t work, and b thinks that a doesn’t work…. Somebody is actually doing something, as I actually used facilities ( more or less useful).
Probably real workers don’t actually talk rabidly about the work of others, I don’t know.
Just more stress. More questions that are a waste of time. Life is living in the moment. Follow your heart.
Huhu:) I agree with you, sometimes those Questions just stress our selves
Eliz - What if "living in the moment" includes asking important questions ?
If you were to think that way, a refrigerator would be a useless appliance...
Practice mindfulness live in the moment
Guess I will wait till my midlife crisis....the questions will be about my past self though....
When I enter the mall, a security guard asked me, “hey ma’am how old are you”? (Feelin confused) then i told him sir im 35”. And he was like 😳. (Coz i looked 16 and bc under 18 are not allowed to enter the mall due to covid-19) loool 😂
My life is an exetiential crisis
You can change all that by hard work and determination and believe in yourself
@@tomrobards7753 lol
I talked to my past selfish and I was disgusted that I did not became a trophy husband of Morgan Fairchild
CHICLAYO PERU 🇵🇪 🤝 🇺🇸
I would love to hear a clinical explanation or answer to the question as to why 20 and 30 somethings feel it’s acceptable to trash older people? Some younger generations are transfixed on blaming all their life problems on the older generations. Perhaps the empathy gap can explain the reason for this. Younger people don’t realize that life isn’t easy for anyone.
The reason why the younger generation trashed the older generation is because it’s very easy to point the finger of blame everywhere but yourself.
I'm no clinician. I'm 38.
When we're young, we look at middle-aged people, and from our youthful perspective, they seem to have everything. They all do. So we assume that merely the passage of time will make our lives come together, rather than concerted effort.
The kind of difficulties an older person are completely unrealatable to the average younger person.
Young people, unless very unlucky, aren't dealing with caring for elderly parents, parenting teenagers, ailing health, being perceived in the workplace as too old, etc. Hoe much empathy can we expect a young person to have?
On the other hand, an older person has at least lived through those younger years, so should be better able to empathise. However they might struggle with emerging trends like social media, connectivity, smart phones, and filtered lives.
It's probably hard for teens to keep in mind that everyone's instagram account is just their highlights reel, whereas this is obvious to someone with life experience. And for the older person, it's harder to keep in mind that teens don't have this perspective to easily draw upon.
My future self ain't talking to me
6:27
We neglect our future selves, because of some sort of failure of belief or imagination.
Hi Phuong 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹🌹🌹
めぐじぇい先生をまた見れて、泣きそう
んね
Nope, that’s not how life works. You have to be adaptable and flexible and develop these traits in your 20s; especially now when the world is so unpredictable. Bashing yourself with questions of your future yours isn’t going to get you prepared to live through the turbulent times.
Thanks for hodling😆
There’s money and a partner, but now I would love to be 30 with friends
I lived in peace all my life until I met that drunk American on my 40th birthday 18 years ago, put his hand on my shoulder and said: Ok dude, I can tell you now that your best days are gone!
Well, at 35, I guess I’m f*cked. Cheers Ted, always an inspiration 😂🖕🥱
People, go read ‘Late Bloomers’ by Rich Karlgaard to offset this negative 💩.
Agreed. I found this talk incredibly depressing. Considering that the majority of TED’s audience is over 35, I don’t even understand how this got green lit.
@@rachelkanarowski2299 actually pretty useful towards us 20 somethings who need guidance on navigating our 20s and making the most of them. This is truth which 20 somethings need to heard. Just because it's deppresing for you doesn't mean it's not eye opening for me as a 20 something. This is important information that needs to be heard. I NEED to hear this information to help put me on the right path. It's the cold hard truth...
Why does it matter?
Essential question to your future self : when will covid end?
Jw Lf - Like algebra, there is an unknown, referred to as "X". Then work it out while not knowing. Unless with the vax, it ends for you then.
Asking what if covid ends tomorrow ? What if it never ends ?
Nobody can change you 2023
Today is my 20th birthday.
How to participate ted? Be an influence and 1b subscribe
And when do you take in to account the context a person is living in? I think the empathy gap is between the speaker and those who are not born into privilege.
The majority of people know the truth but they didn't have the encourage to recognize that this is the correct time to making decision to change the situation I'm shocked how do people accept continue Thier lives without asking themselves about their normal existence it's really hard to accept living without value .
Summary: Use a calendar
51 and your "time is running out" ?? Average American woman lives to 81.4. You have almost 40% of your life left.
Her language about age was egregious. I was shocked and disappointed to see this from TED.
I'm searching for answers to this question.
How to live a life with no regrets?
This helped.
*no right answers? then whay am i watching this! you owe me 1m 20secs back lady!*
-jc
I love how comments were turned off for the last video but not for this.
I wonder why. Hmmmmmm.
Maybe because people don't want identity politics.
Wow….
wow..
thanks i guess
i feel scared listening to this...
That was a very long winded way to say "plan ahead".
I liked the self reflection questions though. Those helped more than someone just saying "plan ahead"
I've listened twice and I don't get the point.. Just why?!
total bs
Essential questions to ask your future self: SO, DID SHE REALLY HAVE AN STD, OR WERE THE GUYS BULLSHITTING CAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE?
NOT YOU SORY CAN DO IT ! EXAPT ONLY ONE ! !WHO BILING WITH HIS FATHER! THAT SYSTEM!
Hello alicja how are you doing 👋👋👋👋👋
3third!
Most of the south korean man should go to army near the age 20s......
Good luck trying to find out what your relationships look like.
Does that question include their wants / wishes ?
The women is dreaming.
Nobody knows what the future holds.
Total.nonsense.
When she started talking 'bout climate changes, I left
Don’t go to coffee shops and get skin problems and become fat all the time 😌
Future Authoring program. Dr. Jordan B. Peterson.
Even tho its paid, he talk a lot about how and why it works. Especially in really early videos
Completely pointless video and should be titled for 20-sormthtings
Never heard such a load of nonsense spoken by supposedly by supposely professional. You do not have your future guaranteed you don't have to you don't have tomorrow guaranteed. And I probably will not understand the future me like the youth like the youth does not understand older people today
You lost me at climate change 😂😂
Oh, yeah. Ask yourself, am I white and privileged? Was I born with connections to make my life better? Or I am a minority and I have take any job, because any job is better than no job? This lady is giving advice to white people, who had good socioeconomic status
I completely agree. This talk feels dated and I wish the moderator had brought that up.