I'm a boy but I 100 percent agree on your take on male validation. Almost 100 percent of the time guys make fun of girls to lower their confidence in order to cause them to seek male validation. It's a sick and twisted game they like making women play. And sometimes, guys even make fun of other guys who don't have girlfriends. So the whole idea of male validation is just some sick game perpetuated by toxic masculinity. Keep being you, the world loves it xoxo
“Their validation of you isn’t even real! Other people are incapable of invalidating you because they don’t have all the facts!” That’s all I needed to hear!👏🏾😂I’m putting this on my wall
It’s shocking how Women’s Magic Truths on Borlest isn’t being discussed. The book is full of life-changing insights, yet no one seems to notice. Time to break the trance and read it yourself!
That urge to call someone after something triggers you is exactly what I went through before watching this video. I've only realised recently how badly I crave everyone else's validation and how it affects the way I view myself.
Calling someone for emotional support is an amazing way to deal with emotions, if you need support, someone who listens etc. You will gain so much more from asking for help once it’s truly for help and not for validation anymore. I’ve recently gone through this change and support from others is so much more fulfilling now.
@@jennabeanz i used to do this A LOT !! w clothes or other tings… but i started riskin more myself & jus doin the tings i thought & think tht r okay for me… b the one tht makes ur OWN DECISION ! dont always ask for others ops tho :)
33 year old here who has never struggled with this. Here is my secret: I know deeply that the one thing in the entire universe that I have to myself is ME and my experience. I am all alone in my mind, heart and soul experiencing the world uniquely. Even trying to explain what I feel or how I think or what I experience will never allow someone to truly experience it the way I do. It the sole gift we all have been given, being truly alone to witness life in a completely unique way. With that, every single thing about me has immense value to me. Like if you went out into the deepest of space and found an extremely amazing diamond that only exists once in the whole history of the universe. That's how I feel about myself. And that's how you should feel about yourself. I
@@re-newed5312same for my mom too! It got to exhausting for me because I wanted what was best for her and that she loved herself first but it's hard because she's the only who can do the work. No one else can. I try to not let myself get affected anymore. I also found asking questions of why she feels a certain way is more helpful than just throwing a whole bunch of advice she won't take anyway.
I am 15 and I literally cried on the fact how bitterly i think about myself and I m so grateful that I saw this video and realized it. I will definitely try to improve and be a better version of myself so thank you for this video it has helped me in a million ways and that itself speaks a lot about how great of a person u are and I just wanna acknowledge that
Just commenting to say, when I was your age I strongly strongly strongly hated myself! Commenting to say I’m amazed, @24, I do love myself and it took me understanding that theres a version of me that I love but sometimes others absolutely dont see it- doesnt matter, the most important relationship in your life is you x you, you and your memories, your loves and likes, good moments, holding yourself through the bad moments - I wish you good things!! ❤
I wish I watched this video when I was your age it took me a really long time to love myself, until now that I’m 20. I spent all my teenage years feeling unworthy, hating myself and seeking external validation and because of that I wasted those teenage years. You already are one step closer to improving just by watching this video
@@user-cc1vy3xt5e I was thinking the same thing , I'm 16 and I was about to reply to her comment by saying can I be friends. Can we all be friends y'all🔥🔥🔥🔥
'Say to yourself what you are wishing others would say to you' that honestly sounds like a game-changer! Self-validation is so important when going through tough times.
My notes 1. Goal is to merge your public and private self to stay authentic to yourself You have to relieve believe that you are worthy/desirable/smart enough and that you deserve whatever you want to an extent, where other's reactions and opinions do not matter to you. 2. Put YOURSELF on the pedestal, only YOU. Say affirmations. Remember just because other women receive more male attention does not take away your beauty. Why do you even care about men?? They make questionable choices, have weird tastes and they are just unpredictable, you do not want people like them to validate you. Figure out attachment issues and work on them. Male detox. You accepting and liking yourself is enough. You are imperfectly perfect with some weaknesses and insecurities (they don't make you less worthy. 3. Stop doing things for others and bending backwards for people and spend time with yourself, be alone and enjoy your solitude. 4. No one cares about others opinions. It's a momentary thing that will pass, because they will go home and focus on other things and life goes on. Life is so busy in itself that it's not worth overthinking and focusing on these temporary happenings. Better yourself and invest in yourself. So what if someone hates you? Not everyone is meant for you and even the richest and moust famous people have been rejected and hated in their lives, it's normal. 5. Identity every positive thing about yourself, your personality, qualities, achievments etc. and list them. Then list the negative ones and try to disprove them. Experiment with yourself and what fits you the best. Reject the past, always think of a new day as a new opportunity 6. You are unique and only you know the real you. Validate your feelings and empathise with yourself.
i love how realistic you were about the whole "nobody cares" thing. people do care and they do judge, and im tired of hearing "dont worry nobody's paying attention to you" bc sometimes they are. but yes it will never matter to them for more than five minutes if we do something embarrassing.
I’ve been single for over a year, doing shadow work, trauma group three nights a week, doing attachment trauma work, seeing a therapist, a coach, and staying completely sober. Yeah, sometimes it’s a slow moving needle but when it moves, Mountains in your life don’t just move…they disappear.
@@DariDariDari Yes. Observe every little thing that triggers you & explore why you feel triggered. What are the beliefs that you have behind the triggers. Recognize that nothing and no one outside of you is pulling the trigger but you. Triggers are opportunities to dig deeper within. Parts of you screaming to get your attention and be seen and heard. Also, whatever you judge, envy, or hate in another person is a repressed part of you aka part of your shadow. These are parts of ourselves we’ve come to disown or divorce within us from early childhood. These “parts” never ever go away and the more you repress them the more other people will reflect them back to you in your reality. Everyone is you pushed out - literal mirrors of your internal world. What you see in someone else, you can only see if it’s already in you. This goes for the good things we see in others too. The only true way to integrate your shadow self is to first be aware of it, accept it as part of you, and love it genuinely & unconditionally.
@@storm4515 Your response is BEYOND helpful - thank you so much. Been doing so much soul searching, but it appears I been looking in the wrong areas. I will start journaling tonight for sure, again thank you so very much ♥️
You're super amazing Your vocal energy Your expressions Your confidence Your meaningful sentences Your feminine energy Girlie You're gorgeous I just love your content You inspire girls and women. You just radiate feminine energy thru ur videos
Yesterday at work I was feeling very very low bc the other people making me feel insecure. I started spiraling to a point that I was attracting it and making an ugly aura around myself. I came home crying, I was desperate and thinking ab if I really want to be in this world. Suddenly this video appears… thanks sister, thanks Universe ❤️
@@Urstrulycatwomanis it ok to consider them as enemies? Bc I think its ok bc they are trying to take the most valueble thing from u, ur love for urself. Family, friends name it..nobody is allowed in body shaming
As a teen guy, changing some things like seeking male validation to female validation works almost the exact same. Thank you for your inspiring videos!
I’m in my later 20s and this helps so much. When I saw my reflection while I was walking into the bank and instead of looking disgusted I just owned it. The first time in my life ever. When I walked up to the teller I kept my head held high instead of down. I don’t think it was a coincidence I just clicked on this video.
This is amazing!! Every time you do a "little" thing like that you will grow your confidence and self-value! That is exactly how you do it. So proud of you!! 😍
I am only 14 but I am feeling a lot all together but after listening to her I feel instant good and I am taking her advice bcus I don't wanna suffer more till 20 to fix my behavior and giving myself effort.
Yall I didn't date for 3 years and it was the best. My self worth skyrocketed in the beginning, and then it was a slow incline for the rest of the 3 years in my confidence, self-image, and standards. Then I met my current bf and my self-confidence and body image crumbled; all I wanted was his validation. It's just a bad habit. Thankfully, levelling up my confidence and self-love in those 3 years resulted in me finding the BEST partner who lifts me up and makes me feel just as happy with him as I was when I was by myself. Now I don't need to seek his validation because I 100% believe he'll support me no matter what I do. THAT is the standard people!! No more wasting time on people who make you feel worse than if you were just on your own.
I have social anxiety, negative self worth and self esteem issues. I have seeked validation all my life and tried to filter myself to be good from the perspective of others in my own head. Until this year I did not realize how badly I just want to be free in the sense that none of their opinions will ever matter to me. And I am working towards that. I love how you explain the "how tos" because that is the most difficult part to visualize for most people. Thank you for this amazing content❤
helped me a lot to understand that my family, friends or partner are not in a valid place to validate or judge my feelings, my decisions and lifestyle because ik my own journey ik myself no one can ever make me feel im less. im the season of becoming and I will Love the person I m becoming no matter if people validates that or not. thank you tam
Girl , im still 14 yearning for academic validation soo bad and this left my wiping me tears giving me hope and motivation plus soo much self lovee, you are literally a free mother character and therapist ... Will always be your number 1 supporter❤❤
I really wish I had adopted this mentality before I started dating. I'm married now so the "no boys rule" doesn't apply, BUT I can still apply the need to receive validation from others in my life. This is excellent advice. Thank you! Please continue to do these videos!
I am south Asian and I feel like I fall into the familial validation category. It has impacted me in my adult life so much. I struggle from an identity crisis. I want to unlearn it. Thank you so much for the advice ❣️
i struggle w family validation sometimes too… this one takes lots of times tho. dont pressure urself tbh… they r ur parents, the ones who raised u & were & still there for u. once u start thinkin & adapt the mentality tht they “aren’t heroes” like the ones u used to create in ur mind, everything changes. hope this helps a bit tho… this is wat helped me somehow :)
I’m 15. I think at one point when I was about 14 or 13, I thought I was doing good. I thought that I was happy with myself, and don’t get me wrong I was. But something I think everyone should learn is also don’t base your validation off your looks. Off your appearance. Off the “nice” clothes you own. Off how many people you can pull. Truthfully, we are all worthy of love and acceptance. We are all enough. We are all human. And I love every single one of you for that. If you are here today and working on yourself, thank you. You are one of the people in the world that are trying to help yourself and while doing so, you are creating another good soul to inspire the world around them to be better. You will do great things. You will be great. I love you, take care. Stay safe, blessed be.
Just wanted to say anyone currently in a HEALTHY relationship that wants to work on yourself, discuss that with your partner and make sure they know. Start setting boundaries with them too so you can be more independent. I manifested my dream partner and don’t want to lose him so I’m doing exactly this today.
It’s a blessing to have crossed paths with your channel and your other social media handles. The power you show in self love and self growth clearly motivates someone like me to keep growing and moving forward! Thank you for this Tamanna :)
The fact that you’re so young and thinking like this, is insane, and on top of that you are also teaching it👏🏽✨ You exude such beautiful energy and knowledge, thank you!! (I love your pop up edits, super cute)
Tam, I’m so grateful to find your channel. A lot of people focus on being “that girl” but it comes off as toxic and inauthentic. You give actionable steps to develop internal self validation! So impressed and touched by your content - keep going! Love to see my girlies succeed.
@@tessy28 at the beginning the “that girl” thing was essentially videos like this one: explaining, putting the work, & showing ppl the outcome pero as it started to grow ppl just took the aesthetic part of it and ran with it, what probably weirds you out is how they try and play it off as if they’re “helping” ppl better themselves when in reality they’re just making pretty videos of themselves
sometimes thinking what is the concept of "that girl" for you is a valuable process. you think about what lifestyle is enviable for you, what you crave, who is "that girl", what traits she must have
I needed to hear this so bad. When you said "It's a never ending cycle" That hit different because I told myself when I was seeking external validation that I won't ever be satisfied because I'll keep wanting more and more, and you just said the same thing. I truly want to learn how to not care about likes, attention, approval, or being seen for every great thing I do. This is something I've struggled with for a while, and I want to get out of the cycle. I always see people with many followers and people gushing over them and it would make me jealous and want that. But then I had to look internally and see that what I was jealous of wasn't something normal, and that it had a deeper meaning. I will continue to work on myself and self validation.
I would like to add that the hunger for validation might also result from maybe a little bit too much validation in the past. So people get addicted to it and feel like something is wrong when they’re not praised frequently
Ugh I love this 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I’ve definitely grown in self-confidence but sometimes I revert to that 15 year old self. I love that you said to wake up everyday likes it’s the first day!
i thanked Allah for u because i was constantly asking for emotional guidance and it is as if he listened to my prayers and sent u. i have watched so many "influencers" and "self help" youtubers but the way u view everything actually encouraged me to be just to my ownself. thank u tam
“How to stop giving a f” was extremely helpful! Just now I was writing something really personal in my notebook in subway and felt really uncomfortable, cause I thought a person next to me could read it, but then it hit me right away: they wouldn’t care to much, so why should I? Thank you so much for such valuable advice!!!❤❤
Had to say this: your voice, the way you speak and what you talk about plus the comfy background just makes a beautiful environment and helps me and many others feel safe to learn about ourselves 💕💕hope this makes sense
My external validation stems from honestly being excluded by a group of people, being aloof because I had social anxiety back then. Now I'm being ignored and I feel like a brick wall to everybody. At school I don't fit in with people and I feel more lonely than ever. I try my best to connect with people now because I handled my social anxiety alot better. But I feel this intense feeling everytime I don't fit in or that I feel invisible makes me feel like I am not accepted by everybody. It actually is painful
Omg girl thank you so much. Before I clicked on this video, I realized that I can’t expect people to understand or get me. I can’t expect people to treat me good and kind because we are not the same. It’s just now sinking in that not everyone has the same morals and values and therefore WILL NOT consider me as much I would consider them….and that’s actually ok. I should just focus on me and how I would want to be treated because that’s a reflection of me, their attitude towards me is reflection of them….good or bad. This just confirmed.
came across this video and ngl i’m a teen who really struggles with self-esteem. i struggle with mental health and honestly i don’t know how to cope with it so i end up being emotionally dependent on people but i realised that people can’t love and care for u the way you can love and care for yourself. i’m trying to watch these videos and better myself as a person so i can actually meet my own emotional needs and love myself.
The advice of viewing yourself as your current self and not through the lens of your past-self was something I really needed. I am who I am right now and not my past mistakes. Forgiving your past-self is important before any self-growth. Tysm 💖💖 Tam Kaur for this gem of a vid!! ❣❣❣
I'm beginning now a journey of building self confidence and a strong sense of self, discovering many aspects of my behaviour and their roots that come from trauma. One of them is exactly this seeking of people's validation, I've realised I was so afraid of being alone that allowed myself to be in relationships (romantic or not) just for the sake of company, even though that person treated me badly, felt like I wasn't deserving of love so didn't seek it
Tam, I was there. I spent years alone cultivating my passions and I really loved myself. I thought for sure men would see my value. I got into a relationship and it was a disaster and now I’m having to relearn loving myself again. But I will say this taught me valuable lessons for the next relationship. I think I have the magnetism you mention, but men are only mesmerized for a short time and then move on. It’s irritating!
Thai video has changed my life’s perspective. I am 22, and I have struggled with this for many years. I am just now trying to break out of this validation cycle. Thank you so much ❤🙏🏽
I came across your channel about a week ago and I simply wanted to thank you. Over the last years I’ve watched countless videos about confidence, personal growth and so on. Within a week of watching your videos and trying to implement the steps in my life, I felt like the weight was just lifted off of my shoulders. For over a year I’ve been going to therapy now and it helped me a lot. I was able to overcome most of my worst times but this last week was the first week I felt truly alive again. Your videos, your attitude and confidence in everyone around you helped me to find finally start my self growth journey. So thank you again for your videos. Even though we most possibly will never meet, you have already altered my perception on life and for that I am forever grateful for you. Btw, i absolutely adore your makeup xxx
Got me at " Wake up like this is your first day with all the learned wisdom and everything you have today " ❤ I've been through hardships and I've healthily healed and come out from them but still view myself as the victime and i needed to hear this to come out of it and HELL YES i woke up today like im going to conquer it 💪🏻
As an eldest daughter (the third parent) who grew up putting everyone before myself, people pleasing to keep the peace, and evaluating my worth based on how pleased my family was with me, I can honestly say that you are the big sister I always wanted.
I got teary in your self validation part, when you said others are projecting themselves on us when they invalidate us. Ugh these days I feel like nobody understands me. So I don't share anything to anyone. Just felt like I am feeling insecure with all this bottled up feeling. Glad I found this video. It was comforting. Thank you.
True. I felt exactly the same and I can relate to you. I also keep things to myself because I get more hurt by telling others because they don't understand.
Tbh its better to keep ur stuff to urself(expect for the extream cases that u need help) minor problems actually can be handled by ourselves without coming off as an overly emotional person and wud save u from many other problems too. When im angry or sad i usually type it all on my phone and send it to myself. Later on when im calm and look back at it Im like thank god I did not say this to anybody else bc u dont know what u say when u feel ur lowest
Literally 2 days ago I found you and I love you!! I am in my stage of healing, change and personal growth and you have helped me a lot to change my mentality, to confirm thoughts as well and I am already applying what you teach me. Thanks for your content. 💕🥰
I am glad I clicked on this video because I am currently struggling validating myself. I used to know exactly how to do so funny enough when I was younger, but then I became an adult and experienced traumatic things I wouldn't wish on anyone because I was such a people pleaser. I'm still learning to give myself grace and validation for the things that I've experienced and this video really reassured me that it is possible to do so. Thank you for this video💗💖
Much love, Ma'am. ❤️ As a fellow woman, this video heavily helps me with my self-esteem and worth. I've lived my entire life full of insecurity and self-hatred, seeking validation from family, romance, friends, and academic grades. But the purest form of validation originates from yourself.
Thank you. As a 29 year old who has been juggling and struggling with my confidence and mental health. This is a great opportunity and way for me to start. You’re right, you may have your inner circle whenever you need but the utmost priority is the need to love yourself more first.
when you mentioned people pleasing, i had to pause and think. because i thought i stopped being a people pleaser years ago, i never identified with it anymore. but everything you described, is something i literally still do. it would get bad to the point id cry and feel so hurt because i wasnt "liked enough" that suited me. im changing myself for the better after losing myself because people thought my interests were "childish" and everything mentioned is truly a wake up call
I watched this almost everyday everytime i think i need to. this video helps me so much to feel better! I hope you can make a content about dealing with loneliness. Because sometimes loneliness makes me feel so ugly even though i know it's super normal to feel lonely especially after a break up.
I love watching this videos cuz sometimes I feel like I'm still stuck in that toxic lifestyle I had before but hearing you I realized how much I've changed and how I keep improving and healing, thank you
I feel like your video is the missing link of what I have been needing to hear and realize to become who I’m supposed to be. With hopes I can help someone like you helped me. Childhood and adolescence I received no positive validation. Lonely and robbed of innocence I found comfort and validation from stealing and then drugs. In recovery now! healing from a lifetime of lies I told myself, this video helps me greatly knowing I am all I need! thank you very much beautiful lady……
I'm 16, all of my life and still now I seek validation, I try to fit in all bcs I was bullied when a kid... I legit dont know how it's like to live for myself, idk how it's like to not think abt what people think abt me.... I wanna and will change that
I am 18. I was in high scool from 12 to 16 and a few months being 17. I was bullied by 90% of the people in high school, and it never stopped me from being me, I had to talk to the "orientator" (I don´t know how you call the person that halps in high school. I think it is advisor) several times, and I ony had very few friends, but they are true friends, now I am in college and I haven´t seen my bullies and I still see my friends. What matters is that you have people who support you around you. I don´t care about others opinion because I grew up in a family that does not care. So I recommend you to continue watching videos like this one, everyday, stop following people that you compare yourself with, even if it is in appearence or what they have, and follow people who contribute to your life, to what you want to do, like this channel. And remember this: not everyone has to like, but everyone has to respect, and you have to respecte everyone. Try this thing called "Shadow work", it is something like journalism. And do not criticize other people in a bad way, even if it is in your head. Hope it helps. And even after you think you are fine, continue watching content like this so you don´t go back.
Laabh Lias I found a lot of confidence through pursuing my hobbies, enjoying them, being fulfilled by them, and being proud of them. Hobbies def help a lot but I still sometimes feel lonely, but I’d feel way worse without those hobbies
Would love to see a whole video on how to properly shed the old awkward versions of ourselves! Literally have transformed many many times and still get triggered and cringe when I see old photos of myself from these periods where I was growing and evolving and I feel like I need actionable steps 😅😊❤
I wish I'd found you before when I was a little younger. Now I'm 21 and damn the amount of damage I've done to myself and my everything around me as a result of this heavily flawed self perception. I'm glad to have found this little light of awareness and it is only gonna go uphill from here. Thanks Tam you've been of great help through this journey so far!
I can't even begin to explain how much I needed this video, thank you thank you so much for laying this out in a way that is organized, straight-forward, no bullshit but still incredibly kind, and TANGIBLE, I hope to have your level of confidence and self-assurance one day!!
This video was was in my recommendation and I'm so glad I watched it. I can really feel the self awareness and your aura is beautiful. I'm 23 and I can resonate with the emotional validation, this has been something I'm trying to work on. Thank you for sharing this insight
i wish i saw this a few years ago. literally went through all of this. now i am in stage 6. ik im pretty, i dont need anyone telling me that and i also dont need someone telling me who i am or who im ought to be when ik my truth. my toughest one was setting boundaries as i was a people pleaser and this affected every aspect of my life and letting go of people. Now im trying to be ok with being by myself. knowing what i know now majority of things are just distractions handed to us. bravo for making a relatable video
Great tip to record yourself on your phone when you're feeling low or triggered by something! Talking to yourself and validating yourself by saying what you'd like a friend to say to you is a good way to self-soothe. I use journalling for the same purpose, but recording and talking to myself can be a handy alternative if I don't feel like writing. I'll try it some time, thanks! ❤️
I adore you, tam! I'm pegging this video as a turning point for my mindset and my life. I'm so so tired of just having this constant tremulousness and tug of war with myself. I learnt and absorbed so much insecurity and self doubt from around me, constantly cross questioning myself and giving everyone but myself the benefit of the doubt. It made it so difficult to be content. I am now in a really good mindspace. What i speak matters and now i am fully considerate of everything i utter. Thanks for this video 💞 and all the other amazing ones as well
I was ugly when I was 12. Glasses, braces, insecurities and a body in between adulthood and childhood. I believe that it is because we all are a little likely to be ugly when we are entering our puberty. Later on, specially when you have been “ugly” you put more effort into your adult image, and that makes you elegant and well-groomed. However, the ugly girl in you may be insecure regardless of the changes you have been through. It has been difficult for me to understand the root of my insecurity and to validate the 12-year-old me that was struggling to feel normal. Now I watch this video I realise this is a very common thing and it is not related to our “ugliness” but to a certain point in everybody’s life where we are in the middle of a huge change and we are a little lost. Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities with us. It really helps.
I'm going through a painful heartbreak and I started getting in the habit of watching your videos every time I feel intrusive thoughts coming to my mind. Thank you for sharing this energy and positive self love. I hope things will get better soon 💜
I’m in a relationship currently and as much as my partner validates me I still find myself seeking validation outside of the relationship. Thank you for the tips on finding the validation within myself
Sameeee I’m in a relationship too and I still feel a sense of loneliness cuz I want attention 24/7😭😭 I hope I can fix myself while being in a relationship
I am so glad I came across your channel. I have been going through so much since January and it's been weighing me down. This one video helped me process some of the negatives that has been apart of my life. My past relationship had a really negative effect on my because I was going through so much and it was the final straw when the relationship ended. It effected my entire self-esteem and I had trouble forgiving myself and I've been so hard on myself. When you said to look at myself as my inner child and show more empathy it's like something clicked. I was able to realize that I was young, inexperienced, and I have never seen or been in a healthy relationship in my life so it shouldn't be so critical on how I acted because I was never taught how a healthy relationship should be like. I am far from forgiving myself completely and moving on but I feel like this is the first step. Thank you so much for helping me realize that💓
You know, Idk when I started needing validation from people? Probably from my Parents that were so very judgemental..but ever since I got my own Apartment and I have my peace & quiet and no more living with other people's energy! I don't thrive well as I should unless I'm alone with my own place!❤ Thank you for this video!! I have self validation, and I know my worth!!
I'm so happy to hear that for you ☺️❤️ I am also aiming to live a more independent life in the future to be more in control and empowered for myself and my life's happiness
i really needed this actually , because literally everyone i cherish or know has turned their backs against me and judge me for the smallest of things i do.But honestly now after watching this video, it’s just because those people are projecting their own self onto me. thankyou tam love you so so much and i will try my hardest to get through this setback and become the highest version of myself 🎀💞💋
Couldn't agree more!!!! While it's good to be mindful of how our actions affect others and not be blind to things we can improve about our behavior, there is a BIG difference between that and seeking external validation. This is such a positive video and I know you're helping people with your message 💜💜💜
thank you so much for this video, it came at the right time. The real glow up is internal, i related when you said you were looking at yourself through the eyes of your awkward 15 year old self and seeing yourself as your current self instead of a few moments.
you posted that video exactly at that point of my life when i needed it the most, thank you so much! i haven't been that inspired by any youtubers for such a long time, thank you for being such a motivator!!
This helped me so so so much in my life right now, it’s exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you ❤️ I did an experiment recently where I took a month in solitude & focused the energy I would have put towards others, towards myself. Let me tell you, I have never felt so happy & healthy in my life. I felt like I could laugh again and see the humor in little things. I felt more myself than ever, I really started to genuinely love myself. But I missed this component of self validation so when something bad happened, I got so caught up in whether I was “allowed” be have self worth enough to validate myself that I went running back to the people in my life..After I started talking to people again, it was like all the self confidence and love I built over the month was drained from me entirely.. now I’m back feeling worthless. Not anymore 💕 I’m going to take time in solitude and find ways to grow closer to god and myself
I love how passionate and upbeat you are about this, I have built myself from ground zero through all these challenges to love myself today. It makes me feel bittersweet to watch this video and think that i already do all these things now and how long it took me to get here. You look beautiful~ sending love 💕
I freaking needed this video. Going through a god awful breakup - just posted a new vlog about heartbreak & starting over. Your videos on solo dates really inspired me. Thanks for this
Mostly in my elementary and middle school days I would always try to seek validation from other kids because I always felt like I wasn’t attractive enough and I always felt like an loner and black sheep. This really gave me depression and social anxiety and it was hell. But now that I found wonderful videos like yours, became spiritual, really started taking time for myself, loving myself, and do things I wanna do, my life really improved. Thank you for this video!! 💗💗🫶🏾🫶🏾
I used to do that in school and felt the same way! But it can always get better. I’m so glad you’re levelling up and find my videos helpful! Thank you for ur comment 🥺❤️✨
your videos hit different when you're experiencing challenging situations in real life. It really hits different and is very helpful to be reminded what to do and who i am since it can be very hard when life/people are challenging you irl.
I’m 22 and damn I relate to hiding yourself away. Because I just think how I’m so done chasing people and trying to prove myself. Now the only one I want to prove anything to is myself
The way she explained everything it made me feel more confident in myself. I sometimes tend to seek validation from my friends so that I don't feel different among them. But when I started looking deep inside my opinions this felt wrong and I started to build my confidence and realised that I should listen to myself more and I tend inspire everyone around me. One of friend even told me that she feels confident after talking to me because she loves how I listen to myself and always have my own opinions on certain issues.
I love your earrings❤❤
Thank you! They’re my own brand launching soon!! @ sajanastudio on instagram ❤️
Whattt I was about to comment the exact same thing and this is the first comment I read🥺 yes i LOVE your earrings 😋
@@SB-no9pz thank u!!! ❤
I love your ear rings too 💞
@@tamkaur they’re so beautiful and so are you ❤
I'm a boy but I 100 percent agree on your take on male validation. Almost 100 percent of the time guys make fun of girls to lower their confidence in order to cause them to seek male validation. It's a sick and twisted game they like making women play. And sometimes, guys even make fun of other guys who don't have girlfriends. So the whole idea of male validation is just some sick game perpetuated by toxic masculinity. Keep being you, the world loves it xoxo
Yeaaa seeing how men think about and treat women right in front of me makes me disgusted with them ngl, even men in my family.
@@narcisoanasui246 I can assure you that not every man is like that!
Thanks
@@chinmaytalnikar240 we know dude, just happens more than not now.
I think those are mostly boys and not yet men 😆
“Their validation of you isn’t even real! Other people are incapable of invalidating you because they don’t have all the facts!” That’s all I needed to hear!👏🏾😂I’m putting this on my wall
Qq
Q
My mom was very capable of that even without facts.
💯
“Your brain should be too full with all your passions so that whatever negative thing someone has to say shouldn’t affect you” LOVE
🥰🥰🥰
It’s shocking how Women’s Magic Truths on Borlest isn’t being discussed. The book is full of life-changing insights, yet no one seems to notice. Time to break the trance and read it yourself!
"Right people will respect your boundaries" it's my new path of my life 🥺
You're the older sister every girl needs
Are u aware that this comment has 1.1k likes? Plus a heart?
@@Youknowwho910 Idk if she realised yet 😳
1.6k and a heart but 2 comments no way
That urge to call someone after something triggers you is exactly what I went through before watching this video. I've only realised recently how badly I crave everyone else's validation and how it affects the way I view myself.
This is exactly what I thought about..even if I was just gossiping with my sister. I stopped myself from calling her. It was crazy!!
i always ask others opinions too much that its harmful!! im happy to be watching this vid
so true
Calling someone for emotional support is an amazing way to deal with emotions, if you need support, someone who listens etc. You will gain so much more from asking for help once it’s truly for help and not for validation anymore. I’ve recently gone through this change and support from others is so much more fulfilling now.
@@jennabeanz i used to do this A LOT !! w clothes or other tings… but i started riskin more myself & jus doin the tings i thought & think tht r okay for me… b the one tht makes ur OWN DECISION ! dont always ask for others ops tho :)
33 year old here who has never struggled with this. Here is my secret:
I know deeply that the one thing in the entire universe that I have to myself is ME and my experience. I am all alone in my mind, heart and soul experiencing the world uniquely. Even trying to explain what I feel or how I think or what I experience will never allow someone to truly experience it the way I do. It the sole gift we all have been given, being truly alone to witness life in a completely unique way.
With that, every single thing about me has immense value to me. Like if you went out into the deepest of space and found an extremely amazing diamond that only exists once in the whole history of the universe. That's how I feel about myself. And that's how you should feel about yourself. I
This is beautiful, thank you. The hardest step is accepting this, but its as the video says, a habit forms in 30 days...
that is so well said thank you woah
Wow..I would love to
Love me
Like that
Wow ! I really want to see myself that way . Thank you for this wonderful comment
so well worded
"The right people won't be disappointed when you set your bounderies, they will respect them" THANK YOU !!!
This is the comment right here!!!!!! Thank you for this reminder!🙌🙏💙
Teaching my mom self validation because she's always been a people pleaser and raised me to be like her...Let's break the cycle ✨
This is my mother. I seriously TIRED!
@@re-newed5312same for my mom too! It got to exhausting for me because I wanted what was best for her and that she loved herself first but it's hard because she's the only who can do the work. No one else can. I try to not let myself get affected anymore. I also found asking questions of why she feels a certain way is more helpful than just throwing a whole bunch of advice she won't take anyway.
Love this for y’all! ❤
I am 15 and I literally cried on the fact how bitterly i think about myself and I m so grateful that I saw this video and realized it. I will definitely try to improve and be a better version of myself so thank you for this video it has helped me in a million ways and that itself speaks a lot about how great of a person u are and I just wanna acknowledge that
Just commenting to say, when I was your age I strongly strongly strongly hated myself! Commenting to say I’m amazed, @24, I do love myself and it took me understanding that theres a version of me that I love but sometimes others absolutely dont see it- doesnt matter, the most important relationship in your life is you x you, you and your memories, your loves and likes, good moments, holding yourself through the bad moments - I wish you good things!! ❤
WHOAAA IM 15 TOO AND WE HAVE THE SAME THOUGHTSSS HEY HEY HEY HELLOOO WANNA BE FRIENDS W ME?
I wish I watched this video when I was your age it took me a really long time to love myself, until now that I’m 20. I spent all my teenage years feeling unworthy, hating myself and seeking external validation and because of that I wasted those teenage years. You already are one step closer to improving just by watching this video
@@user-cc1vy3xt5e I was thinking the same thing , I'm 16 and I was about to reply to her comment by saying can I be friends. Can we all be friends y'all🔥🔥🔥🔥
@@elshameirna. LMAOOO YEAAA IM 16 TO BE THIS YEARRR LMAOO SURE SURE
'Say to yourself what you are wishing others would say to you' that honestly sounds like a game-changer! Self-validation is so important when going through tough times.
❤
My notes
1.
Goal is to merge your public and private self to stay authentic to yourself
You have to relieve believe that you are worthy/desirable/smart enough and that you deserve whatever you want to an extent, where other's reactions and opinions do not matter to you.
2.
Put YOURSELF on the pedestal, only YOU.
Say affirmations.
Remember just because other women receive more male attention does not take away your beauty.
Why do you even care about men?? They make questionable choices, have weird tastes and they are just unpredictable, you do not want people like them to validate you.
Figure out attachment issues and work on them.
Male detox.
You accepting and liking yourself is enough. You are imperfectly perfect with some weaknesses and insecurities (they don't make you less worthy.
3.
Stop doing things for others and bending backwards for people and spend time with yourself, be alone and enjoy your solitude.
4.
No one cares about others opinions. It's a momentary thing that will pass, because they will go home and focus on other things and life goes on. Life is so busy in itself that it's not worth overthinking and focusing on these temporary happenings.
Better yourself and invest in yourself.
So what if someone hates you? Not everyone is meant for you and even the richest and moust famous people have been rejected and hated in their lives, it's normal.
5.
Identity every positive thing about yourself, your personality, qualities, achievments etc. and list them.
Then list the negative ones and try to disprove them.
Experiment with yourself and what fits you the best.
Reject the past, always think of a new day as a new opportunity
6.
You are unique and only you know the real you.
Validate your feelings and empathise with yourself.
Thanks
@@nuzhatnoushinlimuza542thank you sis❤
Thank you 😁
“Men’s tastes are very questionable” i legit agree to it! 😂🙌🏻
i love how realistic you were about the whole "nobody cares" thing. people do care and they do judge, and im tired of hearing "dont worry nobody's paying attention to you" bc sometimes they are. but yes it will never matter to them for more than five minutes if we do something embarrassing.
I’ve been single for over a year, doing shadow work, trauma group three nights a week, doing attachment trauma work, seeing a therapist, a coach, and staying completely sober. Yeah, sometimes it’s a slow moving needle but when it moves, Mountains in your life don’t just move…they disappear.
I am so proud of you damnn, you deserve a special one >
single for 7 years now, beat me to it
Any tips for shadow work? Been wanting to start
@@DariDariDari Yes. Observe every little thing that triggers you & explore why you feel triggered. What are the beliefs that you have behind the triggers. Recognize that nothing and no one outside of you is pulling the trigger but you. Triggers are opportunities to dig deeper within. Parts of you screaming to get your attention and be seen and heard. Also, whatever you judge, envy, or hate in another person is a repressed part of you aka part of your shadow. These are parts of ourselves we’ve come to disown or divorce within us from early childhood. These “parts” never ever go away and the more you repress them the more other people will reflect them back to you in your reality. Everyone is you pushed out - literal mirrors of your internal world. What you see in someone else, you can only see if it’s already in you. This goes for the good things we see in others too. The only true way to integrate your shadow self is to first be aware of it, accept it as part of you, and love it genuinely & unconditionally.
@@storm4515 Your response is BEYOND helpful - thank you so much. Been doing so much soul searching, but it appears I been looking in the wrong areas. I will start journaling tonight for sure, again thank you so very much ♥️
You're super amazing
Your vocal energy
Your expressions
Your confidence
Your meaningful sentences
Your feminine energy
Girlie You're gorgeous
I just love your content
You inspire girls and women. You just radiate feminine energy thru ur videos
Wow, thank you 🥹❤️
Yesterday at work I was feeling very very low bc the other people making me feel insecure. I started spiraling to a point that I was attracting it and making an ugly aura around myself. I came home crying, I was desperate and thinking ab if I really want to be in this world. Suddenly this video appears… thanks sister, thanks Universe ❤️
Back in my day we had more work enemies and i defeated them single-handedly
-steven he 's mom
@@Urstrulycatwomanis it ok to consider them as enemies? Bc I think its ok bc they are trying to take the most valueble thing from u, ur love for urself. Family, friends name it..nobody is allowed in body shaming
@@Youknowwho910 I forgot what I was talking about🤣. You have a good day though
As a teen guy, changing some things like seeking male validation to female validation works almost the exact same. Thank you for your inspiring videos!
True I realized now that I’m older lots of younger guys seek validation from older men or other teenage boys. Same goes for teenage girls to women.
I am 49😬and learning to love myself. Thank you for your content. And I am excited for you to know this at your age. ❤
31 here ❤
All the best 🎉
42 ❤
40 ❤
@1:45 why you seek validation
@5:15 male validation
@8:38 Stop pleasing people
@11:00 Stop giving a foorkkkk
@14:10 higher self worth and security
@20:10 Self Validation
I’m in my later 20s and this helps so much. When I saw my reflection while I was walking into the bank and instead of looking disgusted I just owned it. The first time in my life ever. When I walked up to the teller I kept my head held high instead of down. I don’t think it was a coincidence I just clicked on this video.
This is amazing!! Every time you do a "little" thing like that you will grow your confidence and self-value! That is exactly how you do it. So proud of you!! 😍
I am only 14 but I am feeling a lot all together but after listening to her I feel instant good and I am taking her advice bcus I don't wanna suffer more till 20 to fix my behavior and giving myself effort.
Yall I didn't date for 3 years and it was the best. My self worth skyrocketed in the beginning, and then it was a slow incline for the rest of the 3 years in my confidence, self-image, and standards. Then I met my current bf and my self-confidence and body image crumbled; all I wanted was his validation. It's just a bad habit. Thankfully, levelling up my confidence and self-love in those 3 years resulted in me finding the BEST partner who lifts me up and makes me feel just as happy with him as I was when I was by myself. Now I don't need to seek his validation because I 100% believe he'll support me no matter what I do. THAT is the standard people!! No more wasting time on people who make you feel worse than if you were just on your own.
I have social anxiety, negative self worth and self esteem issues. I have seeked validation all my life and tried to filter myself to be good from the perspective of others in my own head. Until this year I did not realize how badly I just want to be free in the sense that none of their opinions will ever matter to me. And I am working towards that. I love how you explain the "how tos" because that is the most difficult part to visualize for most people. Thank you for this amazing content❤
❤️❤️❤️
in what ways specifically are you working on yourself? I deal with the exact same issues and everyone gives broad answers
helped me a lot to understand that my family, friends or partner are not in a valid place to validate or judge my feelings, my decisions and lifestyle because ik my own journey ik myself no one can ever make me feel im less. im the season of becoming and I will Love the person I m becoming no matter if people validates that or not.
thank you tam
Thought the same. Much love ❤️
Sometimes our family don't understand us, even if we spend the most of time with them it's not essential that they are always right for us.
Girl! you're 22??!!! you're already so great like wow can't wait to see you at 33!!! Thank you for this video it was EVERYTHING!!! :)
Thank you so much!!
22 is so young.. u act as if she’s 40 😭😭😭
@@individual9552 that’s exactly what I was trying to say, that she’s young with a great mindset
@@TheMimicu ohhhh ur talking abt her mindset. thought abt her appearance
I’m 28 and I agree, she’s wiser than even some my age and up! So pretty inside and out.
“It’s a good thing not everybody likes you, that protects you!” Jackpot!
Girl , im still 14 yearning for academic validation soo bad and this left my wiping me tears giving me hope and motivation plus soo much self lovee, you are literally a free mother character and therapist ...
Will always be your number 1 supporter❤❤
I really wish I had adopted this mentality before I started dating. I'm married now so the "no boys rule" doesn't apply, BUT I can still apply the need to receive validation from others in my life. This is excellent advice. Thank you! Please continue to do these videos!
Always! ❤️
Im 36 and really struggle with self esteem! I needed to hear this! Girl I want to hug you for doing this vlog!!
I’m 36 too and was feeling the same way and just blown away by this video ❤
I am south Asian and I feel like I fall into the familial validation category. It has impacted me in my adult life so much. I struggle from an identity crisis. I want to unlearn it. Thank you so much for the advice ❣️
Same, I’m from a family of slavic immigrants and I feel like the culture of it has crippled me. I’m hoping to progress as I go on
i struggle w family validation sometimes too… this one takes lots of times tho. dont pressure urself tbh… they r ur parents, the ones who raised u & were & still there for u. once u start thinkin & adapt the mentality tht they “aren’t heroes” like the ones u used to create in ur mind, everything changes. hope this helps a bit tho… this is wat helped me somehow :)
I’m 15.
I think at one point when I was about 14 or 13, I thought I was doing good. I thought that I was happy with myself, and don’t get me wrong I was. But something I think everyone should learn is also don’t base your validation off your looks. Off your appearance. Off the “nice” clothes you own. Off how many people you can pull.
Truthfully, we are all worthy of love and acceptance. We are all enough. We are all human. And I love every single one of you for that.
If you are here today and working on yourself, thank you. You are one of the people in the world that are trying to help yourself and while doing so, you are creating another good soul to inspire the world around them to be better. You will do great things. You will be great. I love you, take care. Stay safe, blessed be.
Very intelligent comment❤
Just wanted to say anyone currently in a HEALTHY relationship that wants to work on yourself, discuss that with your partner and make sure they know. Start setting boundaries with them too so you can be more independent. I manifested my dream partner and don’t want to lose him so I’m doing exactly this today.
It’s a blessing to have crossed paths with your channel and your other social media handles. The power you show in self love and self growth clearly motivates someone like me to keep growing and moving forward! Thank you for this Tamanna :)
So kind!! Thank you so much :)
I second this comment! Such a blessing 🙌🏽
Exactly like perfect timing,a video sent from God.
Yes God bless you love. ❤
The fact that you’re so young and thinking like this, is insane, and on top of that you are also teaching it👏🏽✨
You exude such beautiful energy and knowledge, thank you!!
(I love your pop up edits, super cute)
Thank you so much!!
Tam, I’m so grateful to find your channel. A lot of people focus on being “that girl” but it comes off as toxic and inauthentic. You give actionable steps to develop internal self validation! So impressed and touched by your content - keep going! Love to see my girlies succeed.
The whole 'That girl' trend is so weird. Its literally just existing and going around doing normal everyday things.
@@tessy28 at the beginning the “that girl” thing was essentially videos like this one: explaining, putting the work, & showing ppl the outcome pero as it started to grow ppl just took the aesthetic part of it and ran with it, what probably weirds you out is how they try and play it off as if they’re “helping” ppl better themselves when in reality they’re just making pretty videos of themselves
sometimes thinking what is the concept of "that girl" for you is a valuable process. you think about what lifestyle is enviable for you, what you crave, who is "that girl", what traits she must have
I needed to hear this so bad. When you said "It's a never ending cycle" That hit different because I told myself when I was seeking external validation that I won't ever be satisfied because I'll keep wanting more and more, and you just said the same thing. I truly want to learn how to not care about likes, attention, approval, or being seen for every great thing I do. This is something I've struggled with for a while, and I want to get out of the cycle. I always see people with many followers and people gushing over them and it would make me jealous and want that. But then I had to look internally and see that what I was jealous of wasn't something normal, and that it had a deeper meaning. I will continue to work on myself and self validation.
I would like to add that the hunger for validation might also result from maybe a little bit too much validation in the past. So people get addicted to it and feel like something is wrong when they’re not praised frequently
For a person who has noone to comfort or listen to, your videos are a gem to her/him.
❤️
Ugh I love this 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I’ve definitely grown in self-confidence but sometimes I revert to that 15 year old self. I love that you said to wake up everyday likes it’s the first day!
❤️❤️❤️
i thanked Allah for u because i was constantly asking for emotional guidance and it is as if he listened to my prayers and sent u. i have watched so many "influencers" and "self help" youtubers but the way u view everything actually encouraged me to be just to my ownself. thank u tam
“How to stop giving a f” was extremely helpful! Just now I was writing something really personal in my notebook in subway and felt really uncomfortable, cause I thought a person next to me could read it, but then it hit me right away: they wouldn’t care to much, so why should I? Thank you so much for such valuable advice!!!❤❤
I've been on a self growth journey for almost 9 months now but I realised today that a part of me still seeks validation from others so here I am
Had to say this: your voice, the way you speak and what you talk about plus the comfy background just makes a beautiful environment and helps me and many others feel safe to learn about ourselves 💕💕hope this makes sense
This means so much. Thank you🥹💖
I needed your channel at this point in my life more than anything, you’re a huge inspiration. Thank you for doing what you do❤️❤️❤️
Wow thank you so much 🥺
Same girl
My external validation stems from honestly being excluded by a group of people, being aloof because I had social anxiety back then. Now I'm being ignored and I feel like a brick wall to everybody. At school I don't fit in with people and I feel more lonely than ever. I try my best to connect with people now because I handled my social anxiety alot better. But I feel this intense feeling everytime I don't fit in or that I feel invisible makes me feel like I am not accepted by everybody. It actually is painful
i am experiencing the same thing. how are u doing its been a year since this comment
Omg girl thank you so much. Before I clicked on this video, I realized that I can’t expect people to understand or get me. I can’t expect people to treat me good and kind because we are not the same. It’s just now sinking in that not everyone has the same morals and values and therefore WILL NOT consider me as much I would consider them….and that’s actually ok. I should just focus on me and how I would want to be treated because that’s a reflection of me, their attitude towards me is reflection of them….good or bad. This just confirmed.
came across this video and ngl i’m a teen who really struggles with self-esteem. i struggle with mental health and honestly i don’t know how to cope with it so i end up being emotionally dependent on people but i realised that people can’t love and care for u the way you can love and care for yourself. i’m trying to watch these videos and better myself as a person so i can actually meet my own emotional needs and love myself.
The advice of viewing yourself as your current self and not through the lens of your past-self was something I really needed. I am who I am right now and not my past mistakes. Forgiving your past-self is important before any self-growth.
Tysm 💖💖 Tam Kaur for this gem of a vid!! ❣❣❣
I'm beginning now a journey of building self confidence and a strong sense of self, discovering many aspects of my behaviour and their roots that come from trauma. One of them is exactly this seeking of people's validation, I've realised I was so afraid of being alone that allowed myself to be in relationships (romantic or not) just for the sake of company, even though that person treated me badly, felt like I wasn't deserving of love so didn't seek it
Tam, I was there. I spent years alone cultivating my passions and I really loved myself. I thought for sure men would see my value. I got into a relationship and it was a disaster and now I’m having to relearn loving myself again.
But I will say this taught me valuable lessons for the next relationship.
I think I have the magnetism you mention, but men are only mesmerized for a short time and then move on. It’s irritating!
"Validation starts and ends within you" 💜💜
Thai video has changed my life’s perspective. I am 22, and I have struggled with this for many years. I am just now trying to break out of this validation cycle. Thank you so much ❤🙏🏽
I came across your channel about a week ago and I simply wanted to thank you. Over the last years I’ve watched countless videos about confidence, personal growth and so on. Within a week of watching your videos and trying to implement the steps in my life, I felt like the weight was just lifted off of my shoulders. For over a year I’ve been going to therapy now and it helped me a lot. I was able to overcome most of my worst times but this last week was the first week I felt truly alive again. Your videos, your attitude and confidence in everyone around you helped me to find finally start my self growth journey. So thank you again for your videos. Even though we most possibly will never meet, you have already altered my perception on life and for that I am forever grateful for you.
Btw, i absolutely adore your makeup xxx
Got me at " Wake up like this is your first day with all the learned wisdom and everything you have today " ❤ I've been through hardships and I've healthily healed and come out from them but still view myself as the victime and i needed to hear this to come out of it and HELL YES i woke up today like im going to conquer it 💪🏻
As an eldest daughter (the third parent) who grew up putting everyone before myself, people pleasing to keep the peace, and evaluating my worth based on how pleased my family was with me, I can honestly say that you are the big sister I always wanted.
The last chapter's first sentences😭😭YOU HAVE STOLEN MY HEART💖😭😭
I got teary in your self validation part, when you said others are projecting themselves on us when they invalidate us. Ugh these days I feel like nobody understands me. So I don't share anything to anyone. Just felt like I am feeling insecure with all this bottled up feeling. Glad I found this video. It was comforting. Thank you.
True. I felt exactly the same and I can relate to you. I also keep things to myself because I get more hurt by telling others because they don't understand.
Tbh its better to keep ur stuff to urself(expect for the extream cases that u need help) minor problems actually can be handled by ourselves without coming off as an overly emotional person and wud save u from many other problems too. When im angry or sad i usually type it all on my phone and send it to myself. Later on when im calm and look back at it Im like thank god I did not say this to anybody else bc u dont know what u say when u feel ur lowest
Literally 2 days ago I found you and I love you!! I am in my stage of healing, change and personal growth and you have helped me a lot to change my mentality, to confirm thoughts as well and I am already applying what you teach me. Thanks for your content. 💕🥰
I am glad I clicked on this video because I am currently struggling validating myself. I used to know exactly how to do so funny enough when I was younger, but then I became an adult and experienced traumatic things I wouldn't wish on anyone because I was such a people pleaser. I'm still learning to give myself grace and validation for the things that I've experienced and this video really reassured me that it is possible to do so. Thank you for this video💗💖
Much love, Ma'am. ❤️ As a fellow woman, this video heavily helps me with my self-esteem and worth. I've lived my entire life full of insecurity and self-hatred, seeking validation from family, romance, friends, and academic grades.
But the purest form of validation originates from yourself.
Thank you. As a 29 year old who has been juggling and struggling with my confidence and mental health. This is a great opportunity and way for me to start. You’re right, you may have your inner circle whenever you need but the utmost priority is the need to love yourself more first.
when you mentioned people pleasing, i had to pause and think. because i thought i stopped being a people pleaser years ago, i never identified with it anymore. but everything you described, is something i literally still do. it would get bad to the point id cry and feel so hurt because i wasnt "liked enough" that suited me.
im changing myself for the better after losing myself because people thought my interests were "childish" and everything mentioned is truly a wake up call
I watched this almost everyday everytime i think i need to. this video helps me so much to feel better! I hope you can make a content about dealing with loneliness. Because sometimes loneliness makes me feel so ugly even though i know it's super normal to feel lonely especially after a break up.
I love watching this videos cuz sometimes I feel like I'm still stuck in that toxic lifestyle I had before but hearing you I realized how much I've changed and how I keep improving and healing, thank you
girl, there are so many people that should hear this and be taking notes, and ill be doing the same. thank u for this
I feel like your video is the missing link of what I have been needing to hear and realize to become who I’m supposed to be. With hopes I can help someone like you helped me. Childhood and adolescence I received no positive validation. Lonely and robbed of innocence I found comfort and validation from stealing and then drugs. In recovery now! healing from a lifetime of lies I told myself, this video helps me greatly knowing I am all I need!
thank you very much beautiful lady……
THANK GOODNESS I FOUND U EARLY IN LIFE, YOUR A LIFE SAVE TYYY ❤️
I'm 16, all of my life and still now I seek validation, I try to fit in all bcs I was bullied when a kid... I legit dont know how it's like to live for myself, idk how it's like to not think abt what people think abt me.... I wanna and will change that
I am 18. I was in high scool from 12 to 16 and a few months being 17. I was bullied by 90% of the people in high school, and it never stopped me from being me, I had to talk to the "orientator" (I don´t know how you call the person that halps in high school. I think it is advisor) several times, and I ony had very few friends, but they are true friends, now I am in college and I haven´t seen my bullies and I still see my friends. What matters is that you have people who support you around you. I don´t care about others opinion because I grew up in a family that does not care. So I recommend you to continue watching videos like this one, everyday, stop following people that you compare yourself with, even if it is in appearence or what they have, and follow people who contribute to your life, to what you want to do, like this channel. And remember this: not everyone has to like, but everyone has to respect, and you have to respecte everyone. Try this thing called "Shadow work", it is something like journalism. And do not criticize other people in a bad way, even if it is in your head. Hope it helps. And even after you think you are fine, continue watching content like this so you don´t go back.
Laabh Lias I found a lot of confidence through pursuing my hobbies, enjoying them, being fulfilled by them, and being proud of them. Hobbies def help a lot but I still sometimes feel lonely, but I’d feel way worse without those hobbies
I believe you can change that, don't worry!
As you get older, it will get easier, trust me. Your brain is still developing and insecurity is common in teenagers or youths in general.
@@YoonminBTS-yu9ev thank you!! I'm on my way and doing pretty well 🥰🥰
omg the way you just perfectly explained everything i learnt about self validation and not over relying on others in the past year
Would love to see a whole video on how to properly shed the old awkward versions of ourselves! Literally have transformed many many times and still get triggered and cringe when I see old photos of myself from these periods where I was growing and evolving and I feel like I need actionable steps 😅😊❤
I wish I'd found you before when I was a little younger. Now I'm 21 and damn the amount of damage I've done to myself and my everything around me as a result of this heavily flawed self perception. I'm glad to have found this little light of awareness and it is only gonna go uphill from here. Thanks Tam you've been of great help through this journey so far!
I can't even begin to explain how much I needed this video, thank you thank you so much for laying this out in a way that is organized, straight-forward, no bullshit but still incredibly kind, and TANGIBLE, I hope to have your level of confidence and self-assurance one day!!
This video was was in my recommendation and I'm so glad I watched it. I can really feel the self awareness and your aura is beautiful. I'm 23 and I can resonate with the emotional validation, this has been something I'm trying to work on. Thank you for sharing this insight
I just found your page the other day and it really inspired me, here for the long haul girl! ❤
Ahhh welcome!! Thanks for watching 🥰
i wish i saw this a few years ago. literally went through all of this. now i am in stage 6. ik im pretty, i dont need anyone telling me that and i also dont need someone telling me who i am or who im ought to be when ik my truth. my toughest one was setting boundaries as i was a people pleaser and this affected every aspect of my life and letting go of people. Now im trying to be ok with being by myself. knowing what i know now majority of things are just distractions handed to us. bravo for making a relatable video
Great tip to record yourself on your phone when you're feeling low or triggered by something! Talking to yourself and validating yourself by saying what you'd like a friend to say to you is a good way to self-soothe. I use journalling for the same purpose, but recording and talking to myself can be a handy alternative if I don't feel like writing. I'll try it some time, thanks! ❤️
I’m so happy I found your channel - you are so kind for taking your time to try to help women ( like me) who need to learn these hard lessons
I know #3 was tough for me. Especially in my teens. If they get mad, let it be. I feel like people pleasing is manipulative and straining.
I adore you, tam! I'm pegging this video as a turning point for my mindset and my life. I'm so so tired of just having this constant tremulousness and tug of war with myself. I learnt and absorbed so much insecurity and self doubt from around me, constantly cross questioning myself and giving everyone but myself the benefit of the doubt.
It made it so difficult to be content.
I am now in a really good mindspace.
What i speak matters and now i am fully considerate of everything i utter.
Thanks for this video 💞 and all the other amazing ones as well
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I was ugly when I was 12. Glasses, braces, insecurities and a body in between adulthood and childhood. I believe that it is because we all are a little likely to be ugly when we are entering our puberty. Later on, specially when you have been “ugly” you put more effort into your adult image, and that makes you elegant and well-groomed. However, the ugly girl in you may be insecure regardless of the changes you have been through. It has been difficult for me to understand the root of my insecurity and to validate the 12-year-old me that was struggling to feel normal. Now I watch this video I realise this is a very common thing and it is not related to our “ugliness” but to a certain point in everybody’s life where we are in the middle of a huge change and we are a little lost. Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities with us. It really helps.
I'm going through a painful heartbreak and I started getting in the habit of watching your videos every time I feel intrusive thoughts coming to my mind. Thank you for sharing this energy and positive self love. I hope things will get better soon 💜
I’m in a relationship currently and as much as my partner validates me I still find myself seeking validation outside of the relationship. Thank you for the tips on finding the validation within myself
Sameeee I’m in a relationship too and I still feel a sense of loneliness cuz I want attention 24/7😭😭 I hope I can fix myself while being in a relationship
I am so glad I came across your channel. I have been going through so much since January and it's been weighing me down. This one video helped me process some of the negatives that has been apart of my life. My past relationship had a really negative effect on my because I was going through so much and it was the final straw when the relationship ended. It effected my entire self-esteem and I had trouble forgiving myself and I've been so hard on myself. When you said to look at myself as my inner child and show more empathy it's like something clicked. I was able to realize that I was young, inexperienced, and I have never seen or been in a healthy relationship in my life so it shouldn't be so critical on how I acted because I was never taught how a healthy relationship should be like. I am far from forgiving myself completely and moving on but I feel like this is the first step. Thank you so much for helping me realize that💓
I rarely comment but JEEZ this video is amazing, you’re glowing sis and the advices are spot on omg
You know, Idk when I started needing validation from people? Probably from my Parents that were so very judgemental..but ever since I got my own Apartment and I have my peace & quiet and no more living with other people's energy! I don't thrive well as I should unless I'm alone with my own place!❤ Thank you for this video!! I have self validation, and I know my worth!!
I'm so happy to hear that for you ☺️❤️ I am also aiming to live a more independent life in the future to be more in control and empowered for myself and my life's happiness
i really needed this actually , because literally everyone i cherish or know has turned their backs against me and judge me for the smallest of things i do.But honestly now after watching this video, it’s just because those people are projecting their own self onto me. thankyou tam love you so so much and i will try my hardest to get through this setback and become the highest version of myself 🎀💞💋
Couldn't agree more!!!! While it's good to be mindful of how our actions affect others and not be blind to things we can improve about our behavior, there is a BIG difference between that and seeking external validation. This is such a positive video and I know you're helping people with your message 💜💜💜
thank you so much for this video, it came at the right time. The real glow up is internal, i related when you said you were looking at yourself through the eyes of your awkward 15 year old self and seeing yourself as your current self instead of a few moments.
you posted that video exactly at that point of my life when i needed it the most, thank you so much! i haven't been that inspired by any youtubers for such a long time, thank you for being such a motivator!!
This helped me so so so much in my life right now, it’s exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you ❤️ I did an experiment recently where I took a month in solitude & focused the energy I would have put towards others, towards myself. Let me tell you, I have never felt so happy & healthy in my life. I felt like I could laugh again and see the humor in little things. I felt more myself than ever, I really started to genuinely love myself.
But I missed this component of self validation so when something bad happened, I got so caught up in whether I was “allowed” be have self worth enough to validate myself that I went running back to the people in my life..After I started talking to people again, it was like all the self confidence and love I built over the month was drained from me entirely.. now I’m back feeling worthless. Not anymore 💕 I’m going to take time in solitude and find ways to grow closer to god and myself
I love how passionate and upbeat you are about this, I have built myself from ground zero through all these challenges to love myself today. It makes me feel bittersweet to watch this video and think that i already do all these things now and how long it took me to get here. You look beautiful~ sending love 💕
12:12 - 14:10
If I feel guilty for not doing things I should be doing....I'll listen to this again & again.
I freaking needed this video. Going through a god awful breakup - just posted a new vlog about heartbreak & starting over. Your videos on solo dates really inspired me. Thanks for this
Mostly in my elementary and middle school days I would always try to seek validation from other kids because I always felt like I wasn’t attractive enough and I always felt like an loner and black sheep. This really gave me depression and social anxiety and it was hell. But now that I found wonderful videos like yours, became spiritual, really started taking time for myself, loving myself, and do things I wanna do, my life really improved. Thank you for this video!! 💗💗🫶🏾🫶🏾
I used to do that in school and felt the same way! But it can always get better. I’m so glad you’re levelling up and find my videos helpful! Thank you for ur comment 🥺❤️✨
your videos hit different when you're experiencing challenging situations in real life. It really hits different and is very helpful to be reminded what to do and who i am since it can be very hard when life/people are challenging you irl.
I’m 22 and damn I relate to hiding yourself away. Because I just think how I’m so done chasing people and trying to prove myself. Now the only one I want to prove anything to is myself
The way she explained everything it made me feel more confident in myself. I sometimes tend to seek validation from my friends so that I don't feel different among them. But when I started looking deep inside my opinions this felt wrong and I started to build my confidence and realised that I should listen to myself more and I tend inspire everyone around me. One of friend even told me that she feels confident after talking to me because she loves how I listen to myself and always have my own opinions on certain issues.