This was fantastic. Leave it to you to take a nauseating, entirely exploitative move by a bunch of morons and turn it into something like this, a passionately articulate call for intelligence and open-mindedness. Truly, truly impressive - thank you.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that Jen, how awful on every level. I feel so lucky we have YOUR voice, unfiltered by any idiots from the media, here on RUclips. You are AWESOME. Way to be. 👍
I really don't know what to say... I shouldn't be shocked, I'm disabled myself and I know how society can be, and yet I still find myself shocked. I'm struggling to find words right now but just wanted to comment to say thank you for this video, I always appreciate your openness because I still struggle to be so open but I'm getting there slowly. Also, re the very end of your video - you absolutely deserve a gold star for that restraint!
+Hayley RatherTooFondofBooks Thanks, Hayley; I think we're all quite good at normalising the things that happen to us, and when we see it happen to others we can see it for how wrong it really is xx
My dear Jen. I do not live in the UK, so I had to google UK's dating shows. When I discovered the title of this shit, I felt something burn inside me which has still not ebbed. How dare they! I am appaled by the mere existence of such a thing and profoundly shocked that it is televisioned and people who make it doesn't seem to be utterly ashamed. You are daily in my thoughts, inspiring me to be better. Heaps of love from Brazil
I can't begin to imagine how frustrating communications like that must be, it's like the cherry on the cake of every day discrimination. Sorry you had to experience this 💕
"I very nearly replied to the email with if I had middle fingers I'd be using them but I didn't and that's called restraint" love it. You spoke so well, this video is so important, sending you lots of love
I've been watching your videos for a while now, but this is the one that has blown me out of the water. You come across as very intelligent with everything you say, and I honestly agree with every aspect. The way that you are so honest is very powerful here, and I'm really glad that you made this video. Thank you
I totally know the show you're talking about because we talked about it in class and how problematic it is. I had a really, really strong opinion on it and I was incredible insulted about how the show was made and the people on there are being portrayed. To be honest, I'm disgusted that a show like that even exist. I do also feel strongly about the fact that they just assume you are single because you have a deformity, which, for me, shows their limited views. Thanks for speaking up, Jen!
Oh my god, Jen. I'm so sorry that happened to you. But I must say you handled it so very well. Thank you for making this video. It's an important one. P.S.: You sure do deserve a gold star. I would love to see their reaction, though.
I honestly have no clue that this show is, but I am very thankful of this and so very sorry that you had this experience. As always, good on you for being yourself, for speaking your mind and for never not fighting for what's right. And f*** these arseholes and the utter, utter nonsense they bring into an already nonsense world.
the next video RUclips suggested after this one was your Be a Good Human Tag video, which is exactly what i think those tv network people need to see right now. Jen, you're so eloquent and cool and i admire you a lot for just being yourself. keep up the amazing work of inspiring everyone you come in contact with :)
Hi Jen, I am a disabled person in an able-bodied family and my mother wanted me to date a disabled person because I would share a perspective with my boyfriend and we’d both ‘know what it was like.’ I felt she had no business commenting on that - or on who I date - when she isn’t disabled herself. Just because I have a disability doesn’t mean I have to seek out friends or partners who do, too. Disability never factors into my decision to befriend or date someone, and I am much more concerned with a person’s values, intelligence, personality, etc. I have dated men with disabilities, but I didn’t choose them because of it. I used to flip out on people when they asked me about my disability. I got very defensive and angry. Now, as an older person, I do what you did when you were little. I don’t say anything. I take in all the crap from people. I’ve stopped fighting back and I just take it. I think it’s also a result of having lived in England. I’m a lot more quiet and reserved now, and I don’t speak up and say anything or defend myself when people are rude or hurtful to me. Thanks for posting this. It really helped me a lot. Norah
Wow Jen, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's seriously messed up. This video was very informative. As a minority myself I know what it's like to have very limited media representation in the media, most of which is negative or outright harmful. I tend to forget that there are so many other groups that are misrepresented or not seen in the media at all. Thank you so much for making this video, it made me more self aware of my own lack of consideration or limited outlook. I've watched your videos for a while and I think the fact that you're out on youtube making it a brighter place with your intelligence, nuanced takes on books and just being an invaluable asset to booktube because of how unique your book choices are is making great strides in positively representing people with disabilities. So screw that TV show. The name is so offensive! I can't believe it's allowed on air. Hopefully this video will make more people realise how harmful shows like that can be and make them re-evaluate what they see as acceptable behaviour. Stay awesome. Sending you lots of love and positive vibes
I don't watch booktubers, but my wife does. I overheard her watching this video and had to give it a watch myself. I'm very glad I did. I listened, and I hope others do as well.
Geez I am getting so angry with the production company here !! I am the mum of a son with special needs and am very passionate about how to treat people with respect. Good for you with your response. Now I will go calm down.
I am sorry that this happened to you. I was actually approached once (through courchsurfing) to take part in a similar tvshow. They messaged me telling me that I was apparently open minded and would I be interested in participating in a dating tv show that pairs able bodied people with people with disabilities or such... it goes without saying that i never replied to them but I find it ... almost umbelievable that those shows exist.
I dont mean to be offtopic but does anybody know of a way to get back into an Instagram account?? I somehow forgot the login password. I appreciate any help you can give me.
Wonderful video. I'm so glad I came across it. I am a disabled booktuber as well and this video is so important. I'm so sorry that this happened to you!! Just hearing the story made my blood boil with anger! I feel VERY strongly about how disabilities are represented in the media. I don't blame you for being upset. I just try to educate people as much as I can, but I'm only one person. We have to stick together. :)
I hope you don't mind me saying but I love watching your videos because you seem so wise and insightful and I love learning from you and listening to your perspective. I'm sorry you had this experience. xx
Jen, thank you. This video is what should be aired on television, not something that conceals reinforcement of prejudice behind the promise of representation.
You have every right to be angry. Kudos on using your anger in a positive and educational way. I loved "just general representation not because they have x, y or z, but because they're just there and they're part of the story." Hopefully some day we'll get there!
I was so horrified when I saw this on your Facebook. It absolutely leaves me speechless. I've been contacted several times over the years from programmes that want to use my size to humiliate me and feed me to the lions and they just can't understand why I wouldn't be ok with that kind of exploitation! xxx
This video made me feel ill. I came from your "looking back on 2016". I am a relatively new subscriber, and therefore hadn't seen this video when it was published. I just felt like letting you know, that you have given me back the joy of reading, that has been lost for me for some time. Hopefully I can one day be as clever, talented and well spoken as you! all the best - and lots of bookish love from Denmark :)
I am so sorry and angry that this happened to you. I have a heart disease and while this is an 'invisible' disability, I hate attitudes that still exist around disability. The number of times I've had people try to explain to me that I don't really have a disability, or that I should grateful it doesn't show... How about treat people as people? Ableism tries to paint disabled people as lesser through scare tactics or by pitying us, and I definitely agree that the media and capitalism feed off and perpetuate this. You are amazing though, keep fighting the good fight - it's shit we have to fight it, but you're not alone!
I definitely agree that you deserve a gold star for restraint! :) I'm not sure I would have both the courage to speak out the way you have here, and the restraint to not completely go off the deep end. I also had no idea that shows like this existed, though really I shouldn't be surprised with the other shows on TV "featuring" people with disabilities and deformities, to say nothing of reality TV more generally. It just absolutely disgusts me that aside from exploiting the people who are actually in the show and playing up to society's nastier and more patronizing elements, shows like this, whatever identity or identities they're exploiting, inevitably feed into the self-image of people with those identities. It's disgraceful and it pisses me off. Anyway, now I'm angry at 4:30 in the morning when I'm meant to be cleaning, so I'll go do that (perhaps my anger will make me clean faster?), but thank you for putting your badass self out into the world as usual.
Not living in the UK, I don't know what the show is called, but I'm really sorry this happened to you. I know that's not a very helpful sentiment in this circumstance, but you're always an inspiration, whether or not you're talking books. Lots of love from across the pond
I bet it's the BBC. They are complete fools by twisting everything from disability to faith. They approached a member of my family thank God they asked for my advice I said I would not do it if I was them and they didn't. Later the show was twisting the truth. I think it's owned by murdoc the bigot. Jen they are creeps I'd always decline.
There are not enough like buttons for this video. I have a disability and once had someone, that I was arguing with, tell me that if I wanted to receive a transplant, I shouldn't be angry with people because my life depends on them. I love Jen!!! I know exactly how you feel about being nice and quiet and holding on to the hope that if you just "blank" people will _______...I grew up that way and am still dealing with it today. I hope today finds you better!!
This shows the cynicism in the 'old' media space. What is good is that it can now be exposed across social media as a great feedback loop. Great respect to you.
I am sorry to hear that you had to deal with a shallow-minded, manipulative media this week, Jen, but you are always a source of strength and inspiration. Preach on because your voice is appreciated!
So as a disabled person. I shared my physical 'deformity' and her response was "Who would ever date you?" The question mark at the end of her statement was about as considerate as the question mark at the end of this show title. The concept of this show infuriates me. Thank you for what you did. I am so sorry this show is on the air.
Thank you so much Jen, for standing up so very boldly to this crappy media. Hollyweird here have a couple of similar shows. My having extreme scoliosis and osteo degenerative disease , shows like this make me very ulcer laden. Thank You for being so inspiring by standing up for disabled people. Watching it all, I have to say an absolute AMEN!!
I always love hearing you talk so passionately and compassionately about deformity, disability, and difference. It's something that I feel (sadly) so many people need to REALLY hear, and I can only hope that this video helps those still in need of understanding, and provides comfort to those in need of support (plus making you feel better by just getting all this shit out of your head!) Love you, darling xx PS: banner Sex and the City reference, really. ON. POINT.
I googled the show name and watched some clips of it, since I'm not from the UK. Honestly, I was dumbstruck and appalled. It came across like they were mocking and exploiting people with disabilities like a modern day freak show. The fact that there were compilation videos with the funniest moments made up with only clips mocking the contestants pissed me off even more. While I am able-bodied, I have autism and OCD. Seeing a show like this mock people with disabilities, both mental and psychical, pissed me off a lot, especially since it hit close to home. I know this is an old video and all, but I'm sorry you had to go through that. Good on you for standing up to those exploitative idiots. (As a side note, only leave it up to those idiots to automatically assume that you were single, despite being in a relationship, just because you have a disability. It's almost as if people with disabilities are normal people and can find happy, fulfilling relationships without these stupid dating shows or something.)
I knew exactly what show you were talking about when you mentioned it. I have never been able to watch it because I've always thought how sad it was that these people were being exploited, people think it's a joke and it's really not. You're a wonderful person and you had every right to be angry.
You deserve all the gold stars. Feel angry and upset - You were violated and have every right to feel that way. There are ignorant, awful fucks walking this earth but there are also all these people right here on your channel who embrace the 'other', who are the 'other' and we love you. Here's a story... My sister and I went to a very small, very conservative school and she was told by an old white male teacher that she was holding her pen 'wrong'. She replied that it was simply how she held pens, she had a disability. He told her "that was no excuse. Hold it properly". My sister burst into tears of course. And her 14 year old class mates? They picked her up and walked out of class in protest to this disgusting behaviour. For every scum filled dickhead in the world there are 20 beautiful souls who will not (sometimes quite literally) stand for it. We'll be your souls to pick you up. PS sorry for the swearing but we all know I have a sailor's vocabulary and I really couldn't help myself ; )
I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'm really glad you shared your experience with us, I don't understand why it is so difficult to treat everyone with respect and kindness. This programme only seems to foster (and justify) hate. I'm so pleased you decided to make this video, thank you.
Jen, I have so much respect for your integrity and intelligence. Your insight and your courage to speak up is inspiring and so important. If only more people were like you!
your response to the situation is brave and powerful. also inspiring. my dad is in a wheelchair and imagining him on a stupid show like that...it makes me so..i cant even describe it. i have no words for it. i hope your day and week get better and that you can find loads of reasons to smile and forget about this :)
I am so pleased that you're speaking out about this. When shows like this were first advertised I was honestly very disgusted at the ignorance of some people. I still find it hard to believe that they are allowed, or even want to create a show that so clearly relies on exploiting those who 'don't fall into the norm'. It's incredibly discouraging to anyone who already struggles with their body image and I wholeheartedly agree that shows like these are nothing more than a modern day freak show, built on the assumption that disabled people couldn't possibly find love. I wish there were someway we could stop them, I'd be more than happy to help!
You could send the production company an email to let them know that you disagree with their show. If you Google key words you will find them (the main two are actually produced by the same company).
Jen, to begin with, this is not acceptable for any company to do and I am honestly appalled and sorry that it has happened to you and continues to happen to many others. That being said I really disagree with how this company went about doing that, having a poor idea that degrades a minority group is one thing that is bad but marketing it as an awareness campaign is truly vile! I hope that one day everyone with deformities or are part of the minority culture are able to get the correct representation that they need. I myself, while I have poor vision cannot even come close to understanding the torment that these shows cause to the groups they target. They just need to be eliminated. I hope you know that there are many of us out here who support everything you do and do not care about looks or medical conditions. You just keep being you and the awareness will spread like fire, amazing discussion today Jen! Happy reading
Cannot agree more! As someone who is a teenager and part of a youth movement/organisation that involves kids with disabilities and special needs (it's called Krembo Wings if you want to check it out) I totally get what you're saying about what said TV shows are doing. The lack of education about the entire topic mixed in with these horrific TV shows is what leads a lot of different people in my opinion to treat people with disabilities and special needs in such a prejudice manner. Hopefully society will come to a place where everywhere we'll treat people as just people because that's what we all are. Also what you said about how able- bodied people usually decide things for those that aren't and how it needs to change - 100 percent agree. It's like in Krembo Wings when we have like a student's council meeting ( just we're not students lol ) about things that have to do with the movement and everyone participates both those that have special needs and those that don't because of that exact reason - like we're all people and part of this thing so obviously all of our opinions are valid. (Sorry for the long comment :P)
this is a such an inspirational video!! it is disgusting that things like this still occur and society have not realised that the truth is never really portrayed correctly through television.... you are a credit!! xx
Thank you for sharing your experience, I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm sorry this TV show even exists! Someone I know actually appeared in a different 'let's laugh at people who aren't "normal"' documentary-cum-dating-show and they described the whole production as extremely manipulative. Luckily they have a strong will and personality so they were able to refuse to go along with what the production company wanted. I can imagine quite easily that most people would end up being pressured or convinced to do things they weren't comfortable with. It's sickening that people think this is acceptable in the name of entertainment.
Great video, Jen, and this proposition was so out of place. The world we live in is a beautiful place, but part of it is really fucked up. I absolute agree about what you've said and those type of shows are made only for a shock factor for "normal" audience to watch. It scandalises the groups that should be visible accepted, and listened part of society.
8 лет назад
Thank you for sharing this! I think the worst part of these shows (or similar medis contents) is that the people making it actually believe -or tell themselves - that they are doing something 'good', i.e. helping those poor, poor (undateable!) people with a disablity/deformity. It's this false sense of goodness that is impossible to bear. Anyway, I admire the way you can contain your anger and talk about it so eloquently. (I probably would have resorted to something violent... and illegal...which wouldn't have done any good, I know...).
+Britta Böhler Yes, it is - because they can always back up what they do with it, or talk themselves into ridiculous situations. It's the outcome and execution that's important, not just the intention, and it baffles me xx
I 100% agree with all the points you raised. When this show first came out I remember being very shocked with the title and wondering if I was being over sensitive as others didn't seem to care as much. I find it sad that the we live in 2016 and titles like the one of the show exist.
Jen, none of those shows - reality crap tv -should even exist in the 1st place. They are degrading in so many levels. And they disrespected you in so many ways that it's unbelievable. So, i applaud you for your attitude, but there will be many others who will jump at the chance of getting on tv, but for all the wrong reasons. I so agree when you say that these programmes exist for the shock value alone, not for helping or giving voice to minorities or anyone, for that matter. Thank you for this excelent video.
Jen! I'm so sorry about this. You are so very wise and your response was amazing. Thank you for making this video. I'm sorry they invaded your time and space. Love you lots! X
I don't really have anything to say, I just felt the need to comment because everything you said was brilliant. You are handling this so well and you deserve to have a separate TV show where everyone praises your amazing intellect
Hi Jen, wow your video touches on so many issues it is hard to know where to start really. Firstly thank you for making this video.I really appreciate it. I am sorry that you have been upset. My thoughts on the matter are as follows. I agree that we have come a long way , I grew up in the early 70 s and things were really horrendous. I come from a very working class background and was made aware of a lot of sexist, racist ideas in society at that time ( a lot from teachers I am sorry to say ). Since then things have changed quite rapidly. I also agree with you that we have a quite arrogant assumption that in 2016 we are more enlightened than we actually are. The TV company you talk about I assume make their programme because they are relatively cheap to produce (no actors, no script etc etc ) but they coat their actions with a blanket of false concern for others. I think people react to people who are not like themselves out of fear (if everyone is ridiculing that person , no one is looking at me sort of thing ) and I am not sure how to combat that except by making people from different sections of society more visible. I am glad it made you angry though because your anger made you make this video and I am sure this video will have much more of an effect than you even realise. Anger is also a great motivator.(well that is how I like to use anger in my life ) I am bedbound now because of an illness I got about 3 years ago. At one point I could use a wheelchair and I was shocked at how people thought my intellect had disappeared with my ability to walk. I watch your videos a lot and, as I am coming to terms with the change of direction my life has taken, you have inspired me to use my voice and intelligence to try and counteract the ignorance and fear surrounding disability. so here is a big thank you ...THANK YOU. Also I find as you get older your idiot tolerance gets less as you realise just how many idiots there are !! I loved your last comments especially , a sense of humour helps does nt it ? any way I am still thinking of how to use my voice so watch ths space... but thank you for the example you are setting , much love Deb
+Vintage Reader Reads "At one point I could use a wheelchair and I was shocked at how people thought my intellect had disappeared with my ability to walk." This. This. This. Sending love - and thank you xx
I'm glad you decided to make this video. I think it's quite important to discuss these problems. It's the only way we can change things, by talking about them.
Thank you Jen for deciding to make this video. I don't really finde the words to explain how much you inspired me and helped me acknowledging things, seeing things, understanding the importance of just listening and finding at least some courage to speak up and not just being nice to be "liked" since I started watching your videos. Thank you, for not letting them get away with that and for using your anger for (once again) educating me and making me think and think again. Sending love.
This is such an important video. I can imagine how frustrating it must have been to realise that the first email wasn't really what it claimed to be, and I thought your reply was perfect. I hope that the right people see this video, and start listening.
Absolutely, gold stars all over I say. I think it's so very important to be public ally angry about incidents like this and issues which some people are able to ignore. I thought your anger was measured, appropriate and well-structured- not that it -should- be that way but it helped to really argue the point home. That show is something I've always been able to ignore but this means when other people talk about watching it I haven't really been able to take a stance. This helped inform me about a well-reasoned opinion on a show I still very much have no desire to give time to!
I'm so sorry that in this day and age you continue to be treated like some sort of 'other' instead of what you are which is a lovely, kind, talented and intelligent woman who deserves way better. I sincerely hope for you and any other disabled/deformed person out there that this video spreads far and wide, because we should not be accepting of this.
Sometimes.I naively think we have all come along way...and then I realise we still have a long long way to go. Sending a hug across the ocean to you. x
Totally agree with you Jen. They could have done a doc that was empowering and positive about disabled people or those with a deformity. Looking down on people and making it seem like they're helping in the process is disgusting :(
Your video has me fired up now, and I teach special education in the U.S. I always use this saying," Would you say that to or about someone who has cancer?" it takes people like you to bring this out in Social media.
HOW DARE THEY??? I think I know the show and it's not making justice to the people they try to "represent". Shows like these are the reason I don't have a TV at home. I am so sorry you had to go through this.
You preach woman! I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I'm very impressed that you managed to keep your cool in this and not name and shame. You're the best xxx
Such a great video Jen. Thanks for sharing. It's incredible to me how, even now in 2016, people are unsure about to deal with many of the issues you've just raised unless they can feel some kind of abject security in labelling people. So for example, many of us have the preconceived notion about what each branch of the lgbtq community looks and acts like. It literally falls into every aspect of life. "Oh she's over 50 and looks so good/bad" like being over 50 looks a defined and specific way for everyone who reaches it. Gay men are feminine, lesbians are butch, short men are angry, single women are desperate to settle down etc. I know this seems like a rant but so many of these assumptions are viewpoints that, even in a subtle way, I come across in everyday life. It's astonishing to me. I think there are a lot of people out there who live within the boundaries of narrow thinking because it frightens them to think that someone with a disability may be smarter than them for example, or that a gay couple might be in a happier relationship than a "conventional" heterosexual couple and I believe these disturbing viewpoints come from a whole history of our society demeaning minority groups and using very subtle techniques (often ones of a patronising nature) to make people who are not part of minority groups feel superior. It's subtle, it's insidious but my goodness, it exists and to a certain extent, it is a frame of mind that many of us have to train ourselves out of because, as you so brilliantly put it, the people who know nothing of the narrative have spent the last 40 years telling it. We have constantly labelled, not to understand or educate, but to define, and it's beyond time to move past that. Don't even view things broadly, view them with no horizon because no one can be defined by anything that isn't what's in their heart or soul. I loved this video Jen and I love your channel. Not because you are someone with a disability who gives a certain kind of representation (which is undoubtedly important) but because you're a talented writer, communicator and creator. Try not to feel too disheartened by what you've come across this week because clearly, given this video, it's people like you who are going to inspire others, blaze the trail and change the status quo. It's because of videos like this that I truly believe in time to come we wont even need videos like this.
You're right, we do have a long way to go.. A very, very long way to go. I cannot believe shows like that exist, and i cannot believe that some people find it ok.
I think I know the program you are talking about and to be honest I think I have been naive. I truly didn't know that it could be so damaging and hurtful. Thank you for making this video it really puts representation in the media in a new light. On a side note did you watch the documentary on BBC 3 about devotees? Again it completely opened my eyes to a side culture I had no idea existed and its impact.
+Jen Campbell I can only imagine I was completely horrified. I can understand you not wanting to watch. I am so sorry you have had to have any encounters of that kind but the good thing is that there are wonderful humans in the world like you educating and spreading awareness in a positive way x
I am so happy you made this video. I am so sad that you had this experience. I am VERY hard of hearing (probably should start using that word "Deaf" soon), and people constantly comment on my inability to hear well. It's made me scared to start a RUclips/BookTube channel even though I know I speak well/clearly. (Because I choose to use my voice!) I have so much I want to say on this subject, but you've said so much of it and so well! So grateful for this video. :) Thanks, Jen! xx
I really don't know what to say; I've never really commented on a RUclips video before haha. Well, holy cow, I guess just... well done!!! I mean this in the least patronising way possible. The way you dealt with EVERYTHING was just top notch and I'm so glad you made this video as your whole attitude/actions are something I truly, truly think people can and should aspire to replicate. And I'm not exaggerating when I say you handled everything admirably (well maybe a tad). But seriously- When you thought it could be a positive show- instead of focusing on all the other stuff you've got going on you were keen to devote your time. When its was clear that you had been manipulated and treated abysmally- you spoke to people about it and sent off an extremely bloody effective email. When it must have been so tempting to ignore them or to tell them to piss off but you gave them a chance of education. Again. When you had just had an extremely personal experience- you chose to share this experience with others, again for education. You also chose to share incredibly personal other stories in the video in case they helped people to relate. AND THEN you offer to talk to people about it if they are affected or want more information. (Not forgetting to make it as easy and supportive as possible with a private emailing option). I mean...just...eughh...well done! You remained articulate and effective at a time where you would have been very justified to have been a blubbering ball of anger and sadness. You took it upon yourself to create a thoughtful and well evidenced video about this truly awful thing and yet remained considerate and non-judgemental throughout. THIS is the video I am going to forward on to the many people I have tried to have these kind of conversations with who I feel have kinda just agreed to stop watching certain programs because I want them to and not because they “get” it and want to themselves. I'm not naive enough to think that because I've watched your videos I know you but for what its worth you truly seem like one of the good eggs.
One thing which I have found frustrating is when people act as though my disability has never impacted my life because it is mild enough not to be visibly noticeable. That is definitely not the case when it has affected me both medically and socially over the years. It can also be confusing when people assume how my disable must affect me based off of stereotypes or how it must be useful for me to exploit myself. I did recently have a conversation in which I was told that surely I could use it to secure a university place which I really didn't know how to respond to. I just think that better and wider representation is needed so that people with different disabilities both mild and severe can be heard and we look at how disabilities impact upon different people's life's in different ways. Xx
Oh Jen. I am so glad you made this video. I completely respect how stressful and difficult it must have been to make it. those types of shows are extremely damaging, I could not agree with you more. I have a seizure disorder and a few years ago, I wrote an article explaining offensive it is to refer to people who have seizures or epilepsy as "epileptics". The gist of it was that the fact that we have seizures is only a part of who we are, it is not define who we are. Surprisingly, I got the biggest push back from the Epilepsy Association... What?! Anyway, I also got loads of support, which was wonderful BUT I agree with you when you ask why do we need to accept poor representations as awareness? I am not saying that my experience was the same as yours, I just wanted to share an experience that made me feel very angry in a similar way. Thank you for making this video and for refusing to be silenced. I give you one hundred gold stars, they so deserve to be given the middle finger.
I'll never understand why people watch these so called reality shows. I never have & never will watch a show that mocks or embarrasses another human being. It's appalling! I'm so sorry that this happened to you, and as upsetting as it is, I'm glad that you made a video about your experience - the Twitter pics were so horrible, and I just can't imagine how hurt people feel when they see comments like that about themselves. It just breaks my heart. You are so generous of your time to a world of strangers who truly enjoy your videos, and I really hope you know how much you are appreciated. I don't know what more to say, other than I'm sending a big hug from all the way across the ocean! Stay strong!
I don't comment much, mainly because I'm worried about saying the right thing or that my words would be misinterpreted. But I am truly sorry they stole your day. I hope you know that listening to your voice and your thoughts and your perspective has made my day (and so many of your viewers') on countless occasions... and I am very grateful for that. Thank you always always for your content.
This video is so important, and I am so sorry that TV shows like that one exist. When I see them it makes me furious! Thank you for this video Jen, I will share it all day everyday.
so sorry you had to deal with this! I can't understand how people can make a show like this or work for a show like this and feel justified or proud of it. if it's the same show I'm thinking of, I never watched it because it didn't sit well with me, and at that point I wasn't even thinking about representation. just on a basic common sense level this show is lacking. loved your point about why do we have to have bad representation? it's like there's such a low standard for representation that anything can feel like a gift even if it's negative, which is upsetting
Thank you for this video Jen. I used to watch that show every so often and I feel like I was ignoring the problems with it and I now see how awful it actually is. I never engaged with it on social media and ugh those responses. I was completely blind to all of this. Thank you for opening my eyes! Have a lovely day!
It too often seems that humanity is lacking in the world we live in today. I don't know when that became acceptable. We are all imperfect beings in need of compassion, kindness & understanding. Unfortunately, decent folks are not being heard over those who need to bring others down to feel good about themselves.Jen, I don't know you personally and don't presume to know how you feel, but, the impression I get is that you are a strong, intelligent woman. I'm sorry these creeps got you down.
This discussion is so important. I remember when this particular show started being advertised and I thought it was disgusting, I can't believe it's allowed to exist
Just wanted to say that you are awesome Jen. You're eloquent when you make your arguments and excellent at balancing your points and you've introduced me to ways of thinking and talking about deformity, disability and diversity in ways I hadn't before. I'm sorry you had such a poor experience - it's just such a shame that shows like this still exist in the 21st century. All I can say is I think you're part of the change in attitudes that will surely happen if you keep making intelligent and impassioned videos like this one x
OH MY GOD. I am 95% sure I know what show you're talking about. I can't believe that they are approaching you about it, but especially the WAY they are approaching you. That's disgusting. So sorry that this has happened.
Thank you for making this video, though I'm sorry you had to. I find it very telling that they didn't tell you the name of the show in their introductory email, maybe they've learned people don't respond well to it and so try to coax in via vague positive descriptors. I had a similar thing getting approached and excited about speaking up for issue only to figure out it was the Katie Hopkins show where she tears into the guests they have on. I didn't take it further as wasn't in a good place to fight my corner within that kind of set-up but again, telling they don't lead with title. But yes completely agree this can't be our only representation. If people think of those with disability or deformity as someone to root for in a pitying way as opposed to a real person living their life within society that is hugely problematic to me. I don't want to be felt sorry for, nor to necessarily be an able-bodied person's "inspiration". I want to raise awareness via people hearing how it really is but also like you say to also be part of a story just as another person. I really appreciated EastEnders bringing in a character with a disability last year and it wasn't her main narrative, it was just a part of who she was, which is how I think it should be, and it's sad that felt so novel. I just think we function and contribute in society so let us do so in the media, both in documentaries and drama, and everything inbetween. We're so much more than this sad little story that they spin. I'm tired and aware this was very rambley but thank you for articulating to them so well why what they're doing isn't acceptable and then for making this video which I'm sure will challenge a lot of people, and also comfort those who feel the same way.
That e-mail response was on point. Anyone directly involved with this kind of thing should be losing sleep over it, not YOU! I mean if they're being shady like that at all, they must know that what they're doing is _not_ a lovely positive thing, right? Is it a stretch for me to think that? I think the manipulation pisses me off almost as much as the show itself.. imagine getting wrapped up in it before really understanding what was going on? :( I can definitely see a younger me thinking it was an amazing opportunity at a platform, and I would've jumped right in... only to be humiliated by the time editing was done! Not that I think anyone that's been on the show _should_ be humilated, I just mean me. I'd probably spend weeks writing some epic monologue about my deformity, just to see it cut out of the show for some shots of me being awkward, or picking my nose when I thought the camera was off.. something like that! haha
+Emily Salch "I'd probably spend weeks writing some epic monologue about my deformity, just to see it cut out of the show for some shots of me being awkward, or picking my nose when I thought the camera was off.. something like that!" Ha! Thank you x
took me 10 seconds to find it on the Internet, cause I dont live in England therefore I had no idea. I 100% agree with everything you say mrs. wise jen :) Great analysis as always Jen. So happy that you have the confidence and clear ideas to be able to kick their butts!!!!
Jen, you are amazing, your ability to communicate your feelings (even though your angry and frustrated) is clear and controlled, i am not sure that i would be able to present an argument so well! I love your videos both about books and those too about deformity and even politics. I hope that more people find their way to your channel as i think your an amazing speaker accessible to all! I started watching your videos last year and look forward to all the content you make in 2017. :) Happy new year and i hope you have a wonderful year yourself with lots of health and happiness ( and some enjoyable walks & reading) Emily x
I've never seen your vids before until a friend linked this vid on facebook. Thank goodness she did. I watched this just at the right time. Brilliant. Thank you Jen.
YES! This is soooo frustrating. And absolutely applicable to other minority groups too. I always find it difficult to put into words why the capitulation of the (usually very few) members of the minority group don't mean the exploitation is OK because when people already don't care to listen it's hard to get them out of the "But these people are fine with it so you're just whining over nothing" attitude. UGH! Your response was very even-handed and it sucks (though isn't at all surprising) that all you got back was a bunch of auto-response legal bullshit.
I am a new follower of yours and will say I normally don't watch videos over 15 minutes long but on a whim decided to watch yours and I am so glad I did. My initial reaction is well done and well spoken both in your responses to the company and doing this video. I hope it goes super viral and has the wheels to push shows like that off the airwaves for good.
I have to be honest, my initial gut feeling about the show that I'm assuming you're talking about was one of discomfort. I couldn't understand how it wasn't exploitative and so I didn't watch. However, my boyfriend, who is a fan of reality type TV watched (and I ought to stress that he never watched it with the intention to mock) and so I ended up watching with him. I convinced myself that the show meant well and lapsed into a kind of denial or, (dare I say it) voluntary ignorance. Your video has renewed that feeling in me that shows such as this one are not okay, do not contribute positively and should not be allowed to air. I wanted to say thank you for making this video because it has given me words that I struggled to find in making my argument before now. I'm going to try to explain to my boyfriend why it isn't supportive to those with deformities and/or disabilities to watch shows like these ones even when the media presents itself as being so. Sorry that this production company's ignorance might have ruined your week. Much love, D xx
Every time I see you've uploaded a chatty video I sit my ass down, grab my tea and watch. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this, people are really shit sometimes. I think you have every right to be angry and I'm pissed off too. Thank you for posting this video, you're a wise lady .
This makes me furious! How can shows like that be allowed to air? You gave that woman the best possible answer. Thank you for a good video and sorry you had to experience this! x
I just gotta say that you are my favourite person right now! I want to thank you for talking so openly about a subject, that the majority of people (including me) don't know enough about. I have always been inspired by your bookish stuff, but this is a whole league of its own. Thank you!
I think there's a large part of our society which enjoys feeling superior to others which gives rise to these kinds of 'mockumentaries' showcasing the freaks and geeks where people feel fine having a laugh because it's through a TV screen and not at the people themselves. Though this mentality easily leaves the living-room when, particularly young people, want to experience the same bonding mockery with their friends as they laugh at people they see in the streets -or feel like snapping photos of people on public transport to share with their friends on Snapchat. I think it's something best dealt-with early in things like TV shows and early schooling to promote more empathy for those who look different from you or who have odd hobbies or habits. I feel like Peppa Pig having such a friend or a new Disney Princess would do more than trying to confront and change the views of adults who aren't likely to want to listen to you.
![MISSING: SLIM SHADY [Expanded Mourner’s Edition Trailer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/xh8qgHrOO1g/mqdefault.jpg)
This was fantastic. Leave it to you to take a nauseating, entirely exploitative move by a bunch of morons and turn it into something like this, a passionately articulate call for intelligence and open-mindedness. Truly, truly impressive - thank you.
+Steve Donoghue Thanks, Steve x
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that Jen, how awful on every level. I feel so lucky we have YOUR voice, unfiltered by any idiots from the media, here on RUclips. You are AWESOME. Way to be. 👍
+BookishPrincess xxx
This should be a TEDx talk
I really don't know what to say... I shouldn't be shocked, I'm disabled myself and I know how society can be, and yet I still find myself shocked. I'm struggling to find words right now but just wanted to comment to say thank you for this video, I always appreciate your openness because I still struggle to be so open but I'm getting there slowly. Also, re the very end of your video - you absolutely deserve a gold star for that restraint!
+Hayley RatherTooFondofBooks Thanks, Hayley; I think we're all quite good at normalising the things that happen to us, and when we see it happen to others we can see it for how wrong it really is xx
Practically threw my hands in the air when you said as if people need to be beautiful to be valid 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 THANK YOU.
+amyamyamy17 So welcome ^_^ xx
My dear Jen.
I do not live in the UK, so I had to google UK's dating shows. When I discovered the title of this shit, I felt something burn inside me which has still not ebbed. How dare they! I am appaled by the mere existence of such a thing and profoundly shocked that it is televisioned and people who make it doesn't seem to be utterly ashamed.
You are daily in my thoughts, inspiring me to be better.
Heaps of love from Brazil
+acvenga Thank you x
This video is extremely important.
I can't begin to imagine how frustrating communications like that must be, it's like the cherry on the cake of every day discrimination. Sorry you had to experience this 💕
+meowitslucy Thanks, Lucy xxxx
"I very nearly replied to the email with if I had middle fingers I'd be using them but I didn't and that's called restraint" love it. You spoke so well, this video is so important, sending you lots of love
I've been watching your videos for a while now, but this is the one that has blown me out of the water. You come across as very intelligent with everything you say, and I honestly agree with every aspect. The way that you are so honest is very powerful here, and I'm really glad that you made this video. Thank you
Thank you xx
I totally know the show you're talking about because we talked about it in class and how problematic it is.
I had a really, really strong opinion on it and I was incredible insulted about how the show was made and the people on there are being portrayed. To be honest, I'm disgusted that a show like that even exist.
I do also feel strongly about the fact that they just assume you are single because you have a deformity, which, for me, shows their limited views.
Thanks for speaking up, Jen!
Oh my god, Jen. I'm so sorry that happened to you. But I must say you handled it so very well. Thank you for making this video. It's an important one.
P.S.: You sure do deserve a gold star. I would love to see their reaction, though.
I honestly have no clue that this show is, but I am very thankful of this and so very sorry that you had this experience. As always, good on you for being yourself, for speaking your mind and for never not fighting for what's right. And f*** these arseholes and the utter, utter nonsense they bring into an already nonsense world.
+NEHOMAS2 Thank you xx
the next video RUclips suggested after this one was your Be a Good Human Tag video, which is exactly what i think those tv network people need to see right now.
Jen, you're so eloquent and cool and i admire you a lot for just being yourself. keep up the amazing work of inspiring everyone you come in contact with :)
+WellDoneBooks Thanks, Max, sending lots of love across the pond. xx
Hi Jen,
I am a disabled person in an able-bodied family and my mother wanted me to date a disabled person because I would share a perspective with my boyfriend and we’d both ‘know what it was like.’ I felt she had no business commenting on that - or on who I date - when she isn’t disabled herself. Just because I have a disability doesn’t mean I have to seek out friends or partners who do, too. Disability never factors into my decision to befriend or date someone, and I am much more concerned with a person’s values, intelligence, personality, etc. I have dated men with disabilities, but I didn’t choose them because of it.
I used to flip out on people when they asked me about my disability. I got very defensive and angry. Now, as an older person, I do what you did when you were little. I don’t say anything. I take in all the crap from people. I’ve stopped fighting back and I just take it. I think it’s also a result of having lived in England. I’m a lot more quiet and reserved now, and I don’t speak up and say anything or defend myself when people are rude or hurtful to me.
Thanks for posting this. It really helped me a lot.
Norah
Wow Jen, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's seriously messed up. This video was very informative. As a minority myself I know what it's like to have very limited media representation in the media, most of which is negative or outright harmful. I tend to forget that there are so many other groups that are misrepresented or not seen in the media at all. Thank you so much for making this video, it made me more self aware of my own lack of consideration or limited outlook. I've watched your videos for a while and I think the fact that you're out on youtube making it a brighter place with your intelligence, nuanced takes on books and just being an invaluable asset to booktube because of how unique your book choices are is making great strides in positively representing people with disabilities. So screw that TV show. The name is so offensive! I can't believe it's allowed on air. Hopefully this video will make more people realise how harmful shows like that can be and make them re-evaluate what they see as acceptable behaviour. Stay awesome. Sending you lots of love and positive vibes
+nomadic bookcorner thank you. Sending lots of love to you, too xxxx
I don't watch booktubers, but my wife does. I overheard her watching this video and had to give it a watch myself. I'm very glad I did. I listened, and I hope others do as well.
+Jacob Reeb (JacobReebArt) Thank you, Jacob :)
Jen, I do hope that people listen to this video. It's exactly what people need to hear and learn from xxx
Geez I am getting so angry with the production company here !!
I am the mum of a son with special needs and am very passionate about how to treat people with respect.
Good for you with your response.
Now I will go calm down.
Jen, you're bloody awesome. That is all.
"Nothing about us, without us, is for us"
I am sorry that this happened to you. I was actually approached once (through courchsurfing) to take part in a similar tvshow. They messaged me telling me that I was apparently open minded and would I be interested in participating in a dating tv show that pairs able bodied people with people with disabilities or such... it goes without saying that i never replied to them but I find it ... almost umbelievable that those shows exist.
+Antastesia gaaaaah, so many things wrong with the world. You are not one of those things xxxxx
I dont mean to be offtopic but does anybody know of a way to get back into an Instagram account??
I somehow forgot the login password. I appreciate any help you can give me.
Wonderful video. I'm so glad I came across it. I am a disabled booktuber as well and this video is so important. I'm so sorry that this happened to you!! Just hearing the story made my blood boil with anger! I feel VERY strongly about how disabilities are represented in the media. I don't blame you for being upset. I just try to educate people as much as I can, but I'm only one person. We have to stick together. :)
I hope you don't mind me saying but I love watching your videos because you seem so wise and insightful and I love learning from you and listening to your perspective. I'm sorry you had this experience. xx
Jen, thank you. This video is what should be aired on television, not something that conceals reinforcement of prejudice behind the promise of representation.
I'm eating this shoveling ice cream into my face going "oh my God they did NOT"
and I died laughing at the Ferbie reference
You have every right to be angry. Kudos on using your anger in a positive and educational way. I loved "just general representation not because they have x, y or z, but because they're just there and they're part of the story." Hopefully some day we'll get there!
I was so horrified when I saw this on your Facebook. It absolutely leaves me speechless.
I've been contacted several times over the years from programmes that want to use my size to humiliate me and feed me to the lions and they just can't understand why I wouldn't be ok with that kind of exploitation! xxx
This video made me feel ill. I came from your "looking back on 2016". I am a relatively new subscriber, and therefore hadn't seen this video when it was published. I just felt like letting you know, that you have given me back the joy of reading, that has been lost for me for some time. Hopefully I can one day be as clever, talented and well spoken as you! all the best - and lots of bookish love from Denmark :)
thank you - lots of love to you, too x
I am so sorry and angry that this happened to you. I have a heart disease and while this is an 'invisible' disability, I hate attitudes that still exist around disability. The number of times I've had people try to explain to me that I don't really have a disability, or that I should grateful it doesn't show... How about treat people as people? Ableism tries to paint disabled people as lesser through scare tactics or by pitying us, and I definitely agree that the media and capitalism feed off and perpetuate this. You are amazing though, keep fighting the good fight - it's shit we have to fight it, but you're not alone!
I definitely agree that you deserve a gold star for restraint! :) I'm not sure I would have both the courage to speak out the way you have here, and the restraint to not completely go off the deep end. I also had no idea that shows like this existed, though really I shouldn't be surprised with the other shows on TV "featuring" people with disabilities and deformities, to say nothing of reality TV more generally. It just absolutely disgusts me that aside from exploiting the people who are actually in the show and playing up to society's nastier and more patronizing elements, shows like this, whatever identity or identities they're exploiting, inevitably feed into the self-image of people with those identities. It's disgraceful and it pisses me off. Anyway, now I'm angry at 4:30 in the morning when I'm meant to be cleaning, so I'll go do that (perhaps my anger will make me clean faster?), but thank you for putting your badass self out into the world as usual.
+Indubitably Zara Use your anger to CLEAN ALL THE THINGS! :D x
Not living in the UK, I don't know what the show is called, but I'm really sorry this happened to you. I know that's not a very helpful sentiment in this circumstance, but you're always an inspiration, whether or not you're talking books. Lots of love from across the pond
+unmanagedmischief xxxxxx
I bet it's the BBC. They are complete fools by twisting everything from disability to faith.
They approached a member of my family thank God they asked for my advice I said I would not do it if I was them and they didn't. Later the show was twisting the truth.
I think it's owned by murdoc the bigot.
Jen they are creeps I'd always decline.
It's absolutely not the BBC. They did a great series called The Disability Series last year.
There are not enough like buttons for this video. I have a disability and once had someone, that I was arguing with, tell me that if I wanted to receive a transplant, I shouldn't be angry with people because my life depends on them. I love Jen!!! I know exactly how you feel about being nice and quiet and holding on to the hope that if you just "blank" people will _______...I grew up that way and am still dealing with it today. I hope today finds you better!!
+heather s Thank you, Heather x
This shows the cynicism in the 'old' media space. What is good is that it can now be exposed across social media as a great feedback loop. Great respect to you.
I am sorry to hear that you had to deal with a shallow-minded, manipulative media this week, Jen, but you are always a source of strength and inspiration. Preach on because your voice is appreciated!
So as a disabled person. I shared my physical 'deformity' and her response was "Who would ever date you?" The question mark at the end of her statement was about as considerate as the question mark at the end of this show title. The concept of this show infuriates me. Thank you for what you did. I am so sorry this show is on the air.
Thank you so much Jen, for standing up so very boldly to this crappy media. Hollyweird here have a couple of similar shows. My having extreme scoliosis and osteo degenerative disease , shows like this make me very ulcer laden. Thank You for being so inspiring by standing up for disabled people. Watching it all, I have to say an absolute AMEN!!
I always love hearing you talk so passionately and compassionately about deformity, disability, and difference. It's something that I feel (sadly) so many people need to REALLY hear, and I can only hope that this video helps those still in need of understanding, and provides comfort to those in need of support (plus making you feel better by just getting all this shit out of your head!) Love you, darling xx
PS: banner Sex and the City reference, really. ON. POINT.
+TheReadingOutlaw Love you too - very much :) xxxx
I googled the show name and watched some clips of it, since I'm not from the UK. Honestly, I was dumbstruck and appalled. It came across like they were mocking and exploiting people with disabilities like a modern day freak show. The fact that there were compilation videos with the funniest moments made up with only clips mocking the contestants pissed me off even more. While I am able-bodied, I have autism and OCD. Seeing a show like this mock people with disabilities, both mental and psychical, pissed me off a lot, especially since it hit close to home. I know this is an old video and all, but I'm sorry you had to go through that. Good on you for standing up to those exploitative idiots. (As a side note, only leave it up to those idiots to automatically assume that you were single, despite being in a relationship, just because you have a disability. It's almost as if people with disabilities are normal people and can find happy, fulfilling relationships without these stupid dating shows or something.)
I knew exactly what show you were talking about when you mentioned it. I have never been able to watch it because I've always thought how sad it was that these people were being exploited, people think it's a joke and it's really not. You're a wonderful person and you had every right to be angry.
You deserve all the gold stars. Feel angry and upset - You were violated and have every right to feel that way. There are ignorant, awful fucks walking this earth but there are also all these people right here on your channel who embrace the 'other', who are the 'other' and we love you. Here's a story... My sister and I went to a very small, very conservative school and she was told by an old white male teacher that she was holding her pen 'wrong'. She replied that it was simply how she held pens, she had a disability. He told her "that was no excuse. Hold it properly". My sister burst into tears of course. And her 14 year old class mates? They picked her up and walked out of class in protest to this disgusting behaviour. For every scum filled dickhead in the world there are 20 beautiful souls who will not (sometimes quite literally) stand for it. We'll be your souls to pick you up.
PS sorry for the swearing but we all know I have a sailor's vocabulary and I really couldn't help myself ; )
+Sophie Carlon This may have made me cry a bit xx
+Jen Campbell xoxoxoxoxoxox
I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'm really glad you shared your experience with us, I don't understand why it is so difficult to treat everyone with respect and kindness. This programme only seems to foster (and justify) hate. I'm so pleased you decided to make this video, thank you.
Jen, I have so much respect for your integrity and intelligence. Your insight and your courage to speak up is inspiring and so important. If only more people were like you!
your response to the situation is brave and powerful. also inspiring. my dad is in a wheelchair and imagining him on a stupid show like that...it makes me so..i cant even describe it. i have no words for it. i hope your day and week get better and that you can find loads of reasons to smile and forget about this :)
I am so pleased that you're speaking out about this. When shows like this were first advertised I was honestly very disgusted at the ignorance of some people. I still find it hard to believe that they are allowed, or even want to create a show that so clearly relies on exploiting those who 'don't fall into the norm'. It's incredibly discouraging to anyone who already struggles with their body image and I wholeheartedly agree that shows like these are nothing more than a modern day freak show, built on the assumption that disabled people couldn't possibly find love. I wish there were someway we could stop them, I'd be more than happy to help!
You could send the production company an email to let them know that you disagree with their show. If you Google key words you will find them (the main two are actually produced by the same company).
Jen, to begin with, this is not acceptable for any company to do and I am honestly appalled and sorry that it has happened to you and continues to happen to many others. That being said I really disagree with how this company went about doing that, having a poor idea that degrades a minority group is one thing that is bad but marketing it as an awareness campaign is truly vile! I hope that one day everyone with deformities or are part of the minority culture are able to get the correct representation that they need. I myself, while I have poor vision cannot even come close to understanding the torment that these shows cause to the groups they target. They just need to be eliminated.
I hope you know that there are many of us out here who support everything you do and do not care about looks or medical conditions. You just keep being you and the awareness will spread like fire, amazing discussion today Jen!
Happy reading
Cannot agree more! As someone who is a teenager and part of a youth movement/organisation that involves kids with disabilities and special needs (it's called Krembo Wings if you want to check it out) I totally get what you're saying about what said TV shows are doing. The lack of education about the entire topic mixed in with these horrific TV shows is what leads a lot of different people in my opinion to treat people with disabilities and special needs in such a prejudice manner. Hopefully society will come to a place where everywhere we'll treat people as just people because that's what we all are.
Also what you said about how able- bodied people usually decide things for those that aren't and how it needs to change - 100 percent agree. It's like in Krembo Wings when we have like a student's council meeting ( just we're not students lol ) about things that have to do with the movement and everyone participates both those that have special needs and those that don't because of that exact reason - like we're all people and part of this thing so obviously all of our opinions are valid.
(Sorry for the long comment :P)
this is a such an inspirational video!! it is disgusting that things like this still occur and society have not realised that the truth is never really portrayed correctly through television.... you are a credit!! xx
Thank you for sharing your experience, I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm sorry this TV show even exists! Someone I know actually appeared in a different 'let's laugh at people who aren't "normal"' documentary-cum-dating-show and they described the whole production as extremely manipulative. Luckily they have a strong will and personality so they were able to refuse to go along with what the production company wanted. I can imagine quite easily that most people would end up being pressured or convinced to do things they weren't comfortable with. It's sickening that people think this is acceptable in the name of entertainment.
Great video, Jen, and this proposition was so out of place. The world we live in is a beautiful place, but part of it is really fucked up. I absolute agree about what you've said and those type of shows are made only for a shock factor for "normal" audience to watch. It scandalises the groups that should be visible accepted, and listened part of society.
Thank you for sharing this! I think the worst part of these shows (or similar medis contents) is that the people making it actually believe -or tell themselves - that they are doing something 'good', i.e. helping those poor, poor (undateable!) people with a disablity/deformity. It's this false sense of goodness that is impossible to bear. Anyway, I admire the way you can contain your anger and talk about it so eloquently. (I probably would have resorted to something violent... and illegal...which wouldn't have done any good, I know...).
+Britta Böhler Yes, it is - because they can always back up what they do with it, or talk themselves into ridiculous situations. It's the outcome and execution that's important, not just the intention, and it baffles me xx
I 100% agree with all the points you raised. When this show first came out I remember being very shocked with the title and wondering if I was being over sensitive as others didn't seem to care as much. I find it sad that the we live in 2016 and titles like the one of the show exist.
Jen, none of those shows - reality crap tv -should even exist in the 1st place. They are degrading in so many levels. And they disrespected you in so many ways that it's unbelievable. So, i applaud you for your attitude, but there will be many others who will jump at the chance of getting on tv, but for all the wrong reasons.
I so agree when you say that these programmes exist for the shock value alone, not for helping or giving voice to minorities or anyone, for that matter.
Thank you for this excelent video.
Jen! I'm so sorry about this. You are so very wise and your response was amazing. Thank you for making this video. I'm sorry they invaded your time and space. Love you lots! X
I'm so disgusted that a show like this exists. I had no idea.
I don't really have anything to say, I just felt the need to comment because everything you said was brilliant. You are handling this so well and you deserve to have a separate TV show where everyone praises your amazing intellect
Hi Jen, wow your video touches on so many issues it is hard to know where to start really. Firstly thank you for making this video.I really appreciate it. I am sorry that you have been upset. My thoughts on the matter are as follows. I agree that we have come a long way , I grew up in the early 70 s and things were really horrendous. I come from a very working class background and was made aware of a lot of sexist, racist ideas in society at that time ( a lot from teachers I am sorry to say ). Since then things have changed quite rapidly. I also agree with you that we have a quite arrogant assumption that in 2016 we are more enlightened than we actually are. The TV company you talk about I assume make their programme because they are relatively cheap to produce (no actors, no script etc etc ) but they coat their actions with a blanket of false concern for others. I think people react to people who are not like themselves out of fear (if everyone is ridiculing that person , no one is looking at me sort of thing ) and I am not sure how to combat that except by making people from different sections of society more visible. I am glad it made you angry though because your anger made you make this video and I am sure this video will have much more of an effect than you even realise. Anger is also a great motivator.(well that is how I like to use anger in my life ) I am bedbound now because of an illness I got about 3 years ago. At one point I could use a wheelchair and I was shocked at how people thought my intellect had disappeared with my ability to walk. I watch your videos a lot and, as I am coming to terms with the change of direction my life has taken, you have inspired me to use my voice and intelligence to try and counteract the ignorance and fear surrounding disability. so here is a big thank you ...THANK YOU. Also I find as you get older your idiot tolerance gets less as you realise just how many idiots there are !! I loved your last comments especially , a sense of humour helps does nt it ? any way I am still thinking of how to use my voice so watch ths space... but thank you for the example you are setting , much love Deb
+Vintage Reader Reads "At one point I could use a wheelchair and I was shocked at how people thought my intellect had disappeared with my ability to walk." This. This. This. Sending love - and thank you xx
I'm glad you decided to make this video. I think it's quite important to discuss these problems. It's the only way we can change things, by talking about them.
Society can be so disrespectful. Glad you told them your two cents. You are amazing.
Thank you Jen for deciding to make this video. I don't really finde the words to explain how much you inspired me and helped me acknowledging things, seeing things, understanding the importance of just listening and finding at least some courage to speak up and not just being nice to be "liked" since I started watching your videos. Thank you, for not letting them get away with that and for using your anger for (once again) educating me and making me think and think again. Sending love.
+Silke Maria Thank you. x
The worse is that they think they're making people a favor!
This is such an important video. I can imagine how frustrating it must have been to realise that the first email wasn't really what it claimed to be, and I thought your reply was perfect. I hope that the right people see this video, and start listening.
+A Hermit's Progress Thank you. x
Absolutely, gold stars all over I say. I think it's so very important to be public ally angry about incidents like this and issues which some people are able to ignore. I thought your anger was measured, appropriate and well-structured- not that it -should- be that way but it helped to really argue the point home. That show is something I've always been able to ignore but this means when other people talk about watching it I haven't really been able to take a stance. This helped inform me about a well-reasoned opinion on a show I still very much have no desire to give time to!
+theuncommonviewer :) thank you x
I'm so sorry that in this day and age you continue to be treated like some sort of 'other' instead of what you are which is a lovely, kind, talented and intelligent woman who deserves way better. I sincerely hope for you and any other disabled/deformed person out there that this video spreads far and wide, because we should not be accepting of this.
Sometimes.I naively think we have all come along way...and then I realise we still have a long long way to go.
Sending a hug across the ocean to you. x
Totally agree with you Jen. They could have done a doc that was empowering and positive about disabled people or those with a deformity. Looking down on people and making it seem like they're helping in the process is disgusting :(
Your video has me fired up now, and I teach special education in the U.S. I always use this saying," Would you say that to or about someone who has cancer?" it takes people like you to bring this out in Social media.
HOW DARE THEY??? I think I know the show and it's not making justice to the people they try to "represent". Shows like these are the reason I don't have a TV at home. I am so sorry you had to go through this.
You preach woman! I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I'm very impressed that you managed to keep your cool in this and not name and shame. You're the best xxx
+Holly Dunn Design xxxx
Such a great video Jen. Thanks for sharing. It's incredible to me how, even now in 2016, people are unsure about to deal with many of the issues you've just raised unless they can feel some kind of abject security in labelling people. So for example, many of us have the preconceived notion about what each branch of the lgbtq community looks and acts like. It literally falls into every aspect of life. "Oh she's over 50 and looks so good/bad" like being over 50 looks a defined and specific way for everyone who reaches it. Gay men are feminine, lesbians are butch, short men are angry, single women are desperate to settle down etc. I know this seems like a rant but so many of these assumptions are viewpoints that, even in a subtle way, I come across in everyday life. It's astonishing to me. I think there are a lot of people out there who live within the boundaries of narrow thinking because it frightens them to think that someone with a disability may be smarter than them for example, or that a gay couple might be in a happier relationship than a "conventional" heterosexual couple and I believe these disturbing viewpoints come from a whole history of our society demeaning minority groups and using very subtle techniques (often ones of a patronising nature) to make people who are not part of minority groups feel superior. It's subtle, it's insidious but my goodness, it exists and to a certain extent, it is a frame of mind that many of us have to train ourselves out of because, as you so brilliantly put it, the people who know nothing of the narrative have spent the last 40 years telling it. We have constantly labelled, not to understand or educate, but to define, and it's beyond time to move past that.
Don't even view things broadly, view them with no horizon because no one can be defined by anything that isn't what's in their heart or soul. I loved this video Jen and I love your channel. Not because you are someone with a disability who gives a certain kind of representation (which is undoubtedly important) but because you're a talented writer, communicator and creator. Try not to feel too disheartened by what you've come across this week because clearly, given this video, it's people like you who are going to inspire others, blaze the trail and change the status quo. It's because of videos like this that I truly believe in time to come we wont even need videos like this.
+justsomekid33 Thank you for this. xx
You're right, we do have a long way to go.. A very, very long way to go. I cannot believe shows like that exist, and i cannot believe that some people find it ok.
your discussion videos are always so wonderful. i'm glad you decided to make this. x
I think I know the program you are talking about and to be honest I think I have been naive. I truly didn't know that it could be so damaging and hurtful. Thank you for making this video it really puts representation in the media in a new light. On a side note did you watch the documentary on BBC 3 about devotees? Again it completely opened my eyes to a side culture I had no idea existed and its impact.
+Lolly Pixie Pop I haven't, as it's a bit too close to home. I've had my fair share of real life encounters with devotees, and it's not pleasant. x
+Jen Campbell I can only imagine I was completely horrified. I can understand you not wanting to watch. I am so sorry you have had to have any encounters of that kind but the good thing is that there are wonderful humans in the world like you educating and spreading awareness in a positive way x
I am so happy you made this video. I am so sad that you had this experience. I am VERY hard of hearing (probably should start using that word "Deaf" soon), and people constantly comment on my inability to hear well. It's made me scared to start a RUclips/BookTube channel even though I know I speak well/clearly. (Because I choose to use my voice!) I have so much I want to say on this subject, but you've said so much of it and so well! So grateful for this video. :) Thanks, Jen! xx
I really don't know what to say; I've never really commented on a RUclips video before haha. Well, holy cow, I guess just... well done!!! I mean this in the least patronising way possible. The way you dealt with EVERYTHING was just top notch and I'm so glad you made this video as your whole attitude/actions are something I truly, truly think people can and should aspire to replicate. And I'm not exaggerating when I say you handled everything admirably (well maybe a tad). But seriously-
When you thought it could be a positive show- instead of focusing on all the other stuff you've got going on you were keen to devote your time.
When its was clear that you had been manipulated and treated abysmally- you spoke to people about it and sent off an extremely bloody effective email. When it must have been so tempting to ignore them or to tell them to piss off but you gave them a chance of education. Again.
When you had just had an extremely personal experience- you chose to share this experience with others, again for education. You also chose to share incredibly personal other stories in the video in case they helped people to relate. AND THEN you offer to talk to people about it if they are affected or want more information. (Not forgetting to make it as easy and supportive as possible with a private emailing option).
I mean...just...eughh...well done! You remained articulate and effective at a time where you would have been very justified to have been a blubbering ball of anger and sadness. You took it upon yourself to create a thoughtful and well evidenced video about this truly awful thing and yet remained considerate and non-judgemental throughout. THIS is the video I am going to forward on to the many people I have tried to have these kind of conversations with who I feel have kinda just agreed to stop watching certain programs because I want them to and not because they “get” it and want to themselves.
I'm not naive enough to think that because I've watched your videos I know you but for what its worth you truly seem like one of the good eggs.
One thing which I have found frustrating is when people act as though my disability has never impacted my life because it is mild enough not to be visibly noticeable. That is definitely not the case when it has affected me both medically and socially over the years. It can also be confusing when people assume how my disable must affect me based off of stereotypes or how it must be useful for me to exploit myself. I did recently have a conversation in which I was told that surely I could use it to secure a university place which I really didn't know how to respond to. I just think that better and wider representation is needed so that people with different disabilities both mild and severe can be heard and we look at how disabilities impact upon different people's life's in different ways. Xx
Oh Jen. I am so glad you made this video. I completely respect how stressful and difficult it must have been to make it. those types of shows are extremely damaging, I could not agree with you more. I have a seizure disorder and a few years ago, I wrote an article explaining offensive it is to refer to people who have seizures or epilepsy as "epileptics". The gist of it was that the fact that we have seizures is only a part of who we are, it is not define who we are. Surprisingly, I got the biggest push back from the Epilepsy Association... What?! Anyway, I also got loads of support, which was wonderful BUT I agree with you when you ask why do we need to accept poor representations as awareness? I am not saying that my experience was the same as yours, I just wanted to share an experience that made me feel very angry in a similar way. Thank you for making this video and for refusing to be silenced. I give you one hundred gold stars, they so deserve to be given the middle finger.
+TheNatsimard There is such a difference between having something and being something - I wish more people understood this. Thank you x
I'll never understand why people watch these so called reality shows. I never have & never will watch a show that mocks or embarrasses another human being. It's appalling! I'm so sorry that this happened to you, and as upsetting as it is, I'm glad that you made a video about your experience - the Twitter pics were so horrible, and I just can't imagine how hurt people feel when they see comments like that about themselves. It just breaks my heart. You are so generous of your time to a world of strangers who truly enjoy your videos, and I really hope you know how much you are appreciated. I don't know what more to say, other than I'm sending a big hug from all the way across the ocean! Stay strong!
+Linda Wilkins Thank you, Linda. Sending hugs back xx
I don't comment much, mainly because I'm worried about saying the right thing or that my words would be misinterpreted. But I am truly sorry they stole your day. I hope you know that listening to your voice and your thoughts and your perspective has made my day (and so many of your viewers') on countless occasions... and I am very grateful for that. Thank you always always for your content.
+Laura Salgarolo Thank you xx
This video is so important, and I am so sorry that TV shows like that one exist. When I see them it makes me furious! Thank you for this video Jen, I will share it all day everyday.
+Florence Wright Thank you x
so sorry you had to deal with this! I can't understand how people can make a show like this or work for a show like this and feel justified or proud of it. if it's the same show I'm thinking of, I never watched it because it didn't sit well with me, and at that point I wasn't even thinking about representation. just on a basic common sense level this show is lacking. loved your point about why do we have to have bad representation? it's like there's such a low standard for representation that anything can feel like a gift even if it's negative, which is upsetting
Thank you for this video Jen. I used to watch that show every so often and I feel like I was ignoring the problems with it and I now see how awful it actually is. I never engaged with it on social media and ugh those responses. I was completely blind to all of this. Thank you for opening my eyes! Have a lovely day!
It too often seems that humanity is lacking in the world we live in today. I don't know when that became acceptable. We are all imperfect beings in need of compassion, kindness & understanding. Unfortunately, decent folks are not being heard over those who need to bring others down to feel good about themselves.Jen, I don't know you personally and don't presume to know how you feel, but, the impression I get is that you are a strong, intelligent woman. I'm sorry these creeps got you down.
This discussion is so important. I remember when this particular show started being advertised and I thought it was disgusting, I can't believe it's allowed to exist
Just wanted to say that you are awesome Jen. You're eloquent when you make your arguments and excellent at balancing your points and you've introduced me to ways of thinking and talking about deformity, disability and diversity in ways I hadn't before. I'm sorry you had such a poor experience - it's just such a shame that shows like this still exist in the 21st century. All I can say is I think you're part of the change in attitudes that will surely happen if you keep making intelligent and impassioned videos like this one x
OH MY GOD. I am 95% sure I know what show you're talking about. I can't believe that they are approaching you about it, but especially the WAY they are approaching you. That's disgusting.
So sorry that this has happened.
Thank you for making this video, though I'm sorry you had to. I find it very telling that they didn't tell you the name of the show in their introductory email, maybe they've learned people don't respond well to it and so try to coax in via vague positive descriptors. I had a similar thing getting approached and excited about speaking up for issue only to figure out it was the Katie Hopkins show where she tears into the guests they have on. I didn't take it further as wasn't in a good place to fight my corner within that kind of set-up but again, telling they don't lead with title.
But yes completely agree this can't be our only representation. If people think of those with disability or deformity as someone to root for in a pitying way as opposed to a real person living their life within society that is hugely problematic to me. I don't want to be felt sorry for, nor to necessarily be an able-bodied person's "inspiration". I want to raise awareness via people hearing how it really is but also like you say to also be part of a story just as another person. I really appreciated EastEnders bringing in a character with a disability last year and it wasn't her main narrative, it was just a part of who she was, which is how I think it should be, and it's sad that felt so novel. I just think we function and contribute in society so let us do so in the media, both in documentaries and drama, and everything inbetween. We're so much more than this sad little story that they spin.
I'm tired and aware this was very rambley but thank you for articulating to them so well why what they're doing isn't acceptable and then for making this video which I'm sure will challenge a lot of people, and also comfort those who feel the same way.
+Amy Jane Smith Not at all rambley - thank you :) x
I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you but I am so glad you had the courage to speak up and make people aware! Thank you for making this video xx
+Katie Ruby You are welcome, and thank you xx
That e-mail response was on point. Anyone directly involved with this kind of thing should be losing sleep over it, not YOU! I mean if they're being shady like that at all, they must know that what they're doing is _not_ a lovely positive thing, right? Is it a stretch for me to think that?
I think the manipulation pisses me off almost as much as the show itself.. imagine getting wrapped up in it before really understanding what was going on? :( I can definitely see a younger me thinking it was an amazing opportunity at a platform, and I would've jumped right in... only to be humiliated by the time editing was done!
Not that I think anyone that's been on the show _should_ be humilated, I just mean me. I'd probably spend weeks writing some epic monologue about my deformity, just to see it cut out of the show for some shots of me being awkward, or picking my nose when I thought the camera was off.. something like that! haha
+Emily Salch "I'd probably spend weeks writing some epic monologue about my deformity, just to see it cut out of the show for some shots of me being awkward, or picking my nose when I thought the camera was off.. something like that!" Ha! Thank you x
took me 10 seconds to find it on the Internet, cause I dont live in England therefore I had no idea. I 100% agree with everything you say mrs. wise jen :) Great analysis as always Jen. So happy that you have the confidence and clear ideas to be able to kick their butts!!!!
I today read The Bookshop Book and came to the net to find out more about you.
WOW Whata woman of passion.Keep up the converstaion.
Jen, you are amazing, your ability to communicate your feelings (even though your angry and frustrated) is clear and controlled, i am not sure that i would be able to present an argument so well! I love your videos both about books and those too about deformity and even politics. I hope that more people find their way to your channel as i think your an amazing speaker accessible to all! I started watching your videos last year and look forward to all the content you make in 2017. :) Happy new year and i hope you have a wonderful year yourself with lots of health and happiness ( and some enjoyable walks & reading) Emily x
thank you Emily xx
I've never seen your vids before until a friend linked this vid on facebook. Thank goodness she did. I watched this just at the right time. Brilliant. Thank you Jen.
+Lawrence Alexandre :) you're welcome, and thank you x
YES! This is soooo frustrating. And absolutely applicable to other minority groups too. I always find it difficult to put into words why the capitulation of the (usually very few) members of the minority group don't mean the exploitation is OK because when people already don't care to listen it's hard to get them out of the "But these people are fine with it so you're just whining over nothing" attitude. UGH! Your response was very even-handed and it sucks (though isn't at all surprising) that all you got back was a bunch of auto-response legal bullshit.
thank you x
I am a new follower of yours and will say I normally don't watch videos over 15 minutes long but on a whim decided to watch yours and I am so glad I did. My initial reaction is well done and well spoken both in your responses to the company and doing this video. I hope it goes super viral and has the wheels to push shows like that off the airwaves for good.
+Diana Dupre' Hello, welcome, and thanks :)
I have to be honest, my initial gut feeling about the show that I'm assuming you're talking about was one of discomfort. I couldn't understand how it wasn't exploitative and so I didn't watch. However, my boyfriend, who is a fan of reality type TV watched (and I ought to stress that he never watched it with the intention to mock) and so I ended up watching with him. I convinced myself that the show meant well and lapsed into a kind of denial or, (dare I say it) voluntary ignorance. Your video has renewed that feeling in me that shows such as this one are not okay, do not contribute positively and should not be allowed to air.
I wanted to say thank you for making this video because it has given me words that I struggled to find in making my argument before now. I'm going to try to explain to my boyfriend why it isn't supportive to those with deformities and/or disabilities to watch shows like these ones even when the media presents itself as being so.
Sorry that this production company's ignorance might have ruined your week.
Much love,
D
xx
Every time I see you've uploaded a chatty video I sit my ass down, grab my tea and watch. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this, people are really shit sometimes. I think you have every right to be angry and I'm pissed off too. Thank you for posting this video, you're a wise lady .
+Molly Nurse Thanks Molly x
This makes me furious! How can shows like that be allowed to air? You gave that woman the best possible answer. Thank you for a good video and sorry you had to experience this! x
I just gotta say that you are my favourite person right now! I want to thank you for talking so openly about a subject, that the majority of people (including me) don't know enough about. I have always been inspired by your bookish stuff, but this is a whole league of its own. Thank you!
+Kalalalatja You're welcome :) and thank you. x
I think there's a large part of our society which enjoys feeling superior to others which gives rise to these kinds of 'mockumentaries' showcasing the freaks and geeks where people feel fine having a laugh because it's through a TV screen and not at the people themselves. Though this mentality easily leaves the living-room when, particularly young people, want to experience the same bonding mockery with their friends as they laugh at people they see in the streets -or feel like snapping photos of people on public transport to share with their friends on Snapchat. I think it's something best dealt-with early in things like TV shows and early schooling to promote more empathy for those who look different from you or who have odd hobbies or habits. I feel like Peppa Pig having such a friend or a new Disney Princess would do more than trying to confront and change the views of adults who aren't likely to want to listen to you.