The Narcissism Riddle: Decoding the Controversial Diagnosis, Unraveling its Impact on Codependency
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- Опубликовано: 1 июл 2024
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00:00:02 | Introduction
00:03:30 | Distinguishing Narcissistic Traits from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
00:09:46 | Therapy for NPD vs. Highly Narcissistic Traits
00:19:16 | Theoretical Approach for Treating NPD
00:25:29 | Philosophical Discussion on Helping Others
00:33:30 | Analogies and Relevance to Real-Life Situations
00:33:36 | Decompensation & Triggered Memories
00:34:56 | Exploring 'Natty Bumppo
00:36:06 | Navigating Responsibility & Adult Help
00:38:37 | The Parable of Offering Water
00:45:30 | Challenges of Providing Help
01:00:47 | Simple Business Principles
01:03:30 | Desire vs. Reality
01:05:00 | Vision vs. Flexibility
01:08:30 | Codependency and Ego
01:18:35 | Returning with Different Eyes
01:22:50 | Understanding Codependency
01:24:30 | Narcissism and Misuse of Terms
01:33:14 | Splitting and Narcissism
01:41:30 | Psychopathic Abuse vs. Narcissistic Abuse
01:53:30 | Woke Ideology & Narcissism
01:55:30 | Utopianism & Certainty
01:57:00 | Humanity's Baseline State
01:59:00 | Therapeutic Trauma Experience
02:02:30 | Selecting a Good Therapist
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Развлечения
Come for the emotional flashbacks, stay for the deep film analysis.
For years, when my brother would invite me up to the Smokey Mtns to go camping, I witnessed some very cruel, hostile & aggressive Jekyll & Hyde behaviors that escalated to attempted physical harm before I admitted to myself that something was very wrong. It hurt, but I tried to write it off until I discovered the pattern and traits; and finally realized is was an actual disorder that had been clinically analyzed and described. I would blame myself and feel as if it must have been as a result of something I must have said or did that triggered him. But none of that mattered...it would always be something and wind up the same way...until I read the Hallmarks of it and found that his behavior was disturbed and very pathological.
It broke my heart because I knew I was losing him, did not feel safe and could not be around him anymore. I felt a deep grief but at least I finally knew what it was and understood how he could hurt me so calculatingly and callously. I want to but I cannot afford to see him as "human" anymore or ever trust him again. It took years to finally discover what was happening.
I found you 12 years ago. You and your courses changed the direction of my life and the lives of my children. I will be forever grateful. I like to come back occasionally for a reminder. Plus I like your accent and sense of humor. For those starting on this journey, it does get better.
Yes, Richard and his teachings have " helped" me immensely to recover, heal, understand, make changes in my life. And I am forever grateful 🙏
My instinctual response to Richard's original question in this video asking whether we can help people , is that the ability to help another adult is "limited", because we can't do for another, and that people ultimately need to be able to find a way to help themselves.
However I, like you and others here, are so grateful for what Richard has given us, for Richard's 'help'.
Does this make a case for 'yes we can help people? 🤔
.......
or is Richard's original question referring to 'help" in the sense that " can we help another adult WITHOUT them playing a significant part in helping themselves too". Because then, I'm back to saying we can't ....or it's very limited.
I'd be interested in others' thoughts .....
Simply here to say that finding Ritchie and his wisdom, from 2016 to present day, saved my life. I have no more words. Only love and respect. ❤
the curtain and minimalist set has a 1984 feel to it!
Richard, is there any hope that I could ever be well after narcissistic abuse?
I am 66.
He passed away two months ago at 96.
Got no therapy ever ...
only you and others on You tube ...and it helped a lot
I thank you! 🙏
My only achor, my only Hope is Jesus.
I will Tell from my experience, canceling helps , getting well after all abusers ,many , it is a JOURNEY, I am 65 and I go to canceling 5 th year now I keep going, I made a lot of progress, books , RUclips are big help !🙏💜
Richard, you are so funny that's why I continue to watch everything you put out. I absolutely love ur humor
Full of humour and insight as ever.
Can I help you? Can I help helping you?
You need a flu bomb ( 3 a day): in a cup of boiling water - juice of half a lemon, clove of chopped garlic, teaspoon of honey, teaspoon of turmeric, grind of black pepper, 10 drops echinacea. Drink. Feel better 😅
I do have to say, I love your humor and how you look at things. It makes me laugh even when things are hard. Thank you for your personality and your professional content.
Thank you Richard❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'm not alone with people like you in the world.
I think the recent pushback regarding the term codependent I has to do with a movement away from just blaming narcissist to exploring the idea that it is a dynamic between two parties, So now people who were previously self perceived victims, are having to take accountability for part in the toxicity.
Which is exactly what I love Richard for teaching us ❤❤
Thanks as ever, Richard! I receive so much from your grounded wisdom and you are very entertaining as well which helps! It actually is incredibly important and often overlooked in the self help field. Coaches/therapists who have no sense of humour are brittle and lack character. And some of them (like the one you describe) actually do more harm than good and shouldn't be practicing. Luckily I have a good therapist now (at last).
Very much appreciate you answering my question(s). To clarify, it was more than a couple of years ago. I was going to say more about the details then realised I don't need to do that codependent over-explaining thing!
By the way in case you're reading this, I don't know if you're still vaping but that shit will really mess up your lungs, especially if you're unwell. Give it up man, and take some NAC, vitamin C and D and zinc. Get well soon!
Oh and thanks so much for the info about sleep apnoea you gave recently, I found out I had it as well! Side sleeping, fresh air and mouth tape are bringing really good results for me and finally I am sleeping properly and my mood, energy levels and mental clarity are all improving (moving out of a toxic situation, letting go of draining relationships, becoming financially stable and starting my New Year with fresh intentions and ideas for my life -all that helps as well of course!)
I really hope all of us here have a fantastic 2024 and become stronger in ourselves, cultivate fortress-like boundaries, practice stellar self care and really grow into the best versions of ourselves and go for the life we want to create. Let's do this people! ✊
Every therapist should have a therapist to talk to. It keeps you sane.
Fabulous. As always. Thank you for your time and experience. Aware it's not a given and respect the personal choice to share your expertise, experience and time.
Drama therapy might be the ticket. It’s the most powerful therapy I have ever witnessed. ❤
I mostly was in Fawn response during the whole relationship...which was odd for me...id always been very assertive and wasnt afraid to address issues with a partner but even when he'd yell and call me names I'd go into telling him to calm down things are ok i dont understand why its getting like this...but i realize now the only response that deescalated the situations was a Fawn response so for survival thats where I gravitated to. He wouldnt pick up after himself at all...and in 2 1/2 years i only addressed it with him maybe 4 times...and every time he'd start grabbing things throwing them here or there ..yelling...so all in all I did mostly what I could do to keep the peace. I went to this response when he would physically abuse me...i'd just carry on with the day...we worked together so it didnt matter if he shoved me around Id just tell him to calm down then go to a the next work task😂. Nuts!! Some people told me that i was bigger than him and to just whack him but 2 wrongs dont make a right and didnt they know that isnt what a Fawn would do lol😂 Idiots😂
Brilliant rant Richard!🙏
Often my mind wobbles....
Your BRILLIANT impressions of Slavoj zizek make me miss listening to him
I can’t ever tell when I listen to him if I am actually learning anything or just so enthralled by his accent and mannerisms that I’m simply entertained to watch
You’ve been an incredible support in my journey after a relationship with a covert narcist (✔️ many boxes) I used your instruction how to dismantle a NPD and bingo. Many thanks to you Richard🙏
Richard, the thing is, many of us have spent years around people and knew something was off or noticed a pattern of always feeling worse rather than better, after having had an interaction with them and went on to wonder what happened to create that innate but pervasive feeling of strife and anxiety but never realizing it was a mal-adaptation; or an actual abusive type of personality disorder. The relief comes in knowing it has a NAME, in knowing it is a disorder that keeps appearing and repeating itself after having spent years wrongly blaming ourselves and carrying that kind of anxiety and guilt. The profile is clear. The stages and cycles are recognizable once you finally gain that information...it is transformative.
Nuance, nuance, nuance. Thank you for advocating for nuance.
Your Slavoj impression is approaching perfection, Richard
😂A therapist in pajamas smoking?Walking through the depth of hell with me?Sounds like Terry Pratchett's books.
Thaaats fearless.
This guy is my favorite! I’m learning so much from him! It always seemed like I was surrounded by these narcissistic or npd people. He’s helping me over come and grow past and learn how to be better and also know how to avoid people like this from now on! Also he’s cute… 😔🙏💗
Take care Richard Grannon, stay well....
We helped feed people through our church and a recovery program for years we would feed the same people year after year they never moved from their misery that was self inflicted. My husband used to say this is the best going to get for them not to judge them do what we do and move on . My life moved on and have grown intellectually and physically also financially, I will give them a glass of water and walk away because they are their own misery and it’s only they make the choice to get out of misery through education everybody exist on that earth has had trauma. We have free will we can wallow in the mud or step on to solid ground and build a new life of happiness and functionality. Love, your program ❤
I don’t know what I have not learned. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and thoughts! It is immensely helpful and appreciated!
What's up Richard thanks for all your help the last 4 years my life is for family better.
😊 I'm healing the inner child, no longer people pleasing and I've gone no contact from a psychotic Maniac woman
An absolutely amazing video, thank you
I specifically looked for your new video on 2024 … First Happy New Year 🎊 glad to see and listen to you Richard,thank you!
Finally listened to one of your longer podcasts- thought it was refreshingly brilliant 🎉
Just find your truth refreshing and encouraging to keep growing...up
I'm going yo stop now. Thank you and I hope everyone dealing with this can be happy and released.
I just got your book and cant wait to read it! Thanks so much for your great work, you have helped me so much!!
yes it's all acting out. I am so glad I found my way in 12 step adultchildren all this becomes so clear. Much Love Richard thank you as allways for your sharings. You have been so helpfull 😂 Im glad you could and can help. But you first; you are so worth it. As we all are; never give up! Keep comming back to your self
Totally agree. Children, people need a shock to be the person they can be.. I boxed. It was the scariest thing I'd ever done, I wanted my mummy so bad, I was shaking and I peed a bit before my first fight. I list😊 but it made me. I'm so thankful fur the healthy, controlled discipline it installed inti me. It gave me a profound sense of myself, my ability to care and help. Just can't help myself right now
Absolutely tickled 😂 thank you💗
Richard thank you so much for this video!!! It is one of your absolute best!!! I needed to hear everything you talked about and with great humor. Thank you!!!!
Yes and no. The answer is in a grey area. For instance when offering a warm coat to a narcissist (because they’re walking around saying they don’t need one and are wearing a ratty old jean jacket in the winter) as a birthday gift…..I felt that this was help. Yet, when attempting to discuss an issue that is realistic (grey) with someone that has a character disturbance, you get a clear answer. These types of people cannot handle or follow (they cannot comprehend) an honest conversation that isn’t based on black and white.
They don’t see or hear you .. your a object
❤Get well soon! 🙌
Loooool.Happy New Year Richard.12 Step therapy in addiction has the same effect on people...in MY experience.
Thank you for offering your insight. If you've watched this show about a new agey cult, "Love has Won", you can see an example of how dangerous the codependent enablers are to the delusional narcissist.
Oh just listening to this today. Not getting any notifications in any way…hopefully will in future…
My so much on this cult issue recently! Thank goodness! Haven’t heard of the one you mentioned yet but will take a look. Just on the third episode in on the documentary “The Vow”. Truly unbelievable!
How prepped , primed and vulnerable is the general collective now to this phenomenon (with 240+ schisms of Christianity in the mix) given the last 3-4 years and ongoing challenges of our current culture?
"Can you all hear me?!bI'm not well - i don't mean mentally"= 😂 that had me rolling that's a good way of starting Friday.
Good day everybody
Please please do a video on the conditioning of US Marine Corps. It’s my daily reality being with a USMC veteran and it is a challenge to say the least. More insight into specifics would be so helpful.
Richard- I just finished the first chapter of your book ( A cult of one). Wow. I never doubted you- but good job mate!!
You are competent!
Some therapists are apathetic and prideful. Makes things impossible.
Love this one, great way to start the year off! Truth serum please 🙌 have missed your videos and IG chats, so good to see you and hear from you. The water parable/analogy was so good. And as always you crack me up! 🤣❤️ (...... Rupert.... Lmao😂)
It would be great to literally bottle up the part when you answered to the woke question.... Good stuff. Thanks Richard ❤️🙏🏼
I think I was reactive, desperate, and vacillating with my morality before I started working on my codependency. Not exactly someone I’d want to be around. Great thought fuel, Richard.
I did see you in Liverpool before xmas whilst I was waiting for another u tubers event I am shy was too paralysed by social anxiety to say hi . So you won't think I am a stalker if I'd said hello 😅😅
Hey thank you Richard. I'ma year and a half invested in actively "working" with a npd and I am now deciding to exit stage left cuz he isn't really serious about becoming a decent human, he was bullshitting that he wanted to. You can NOT undue a person's first 5 years. You know just like borderlines, the only cure for them is a long walk off a short peer. Not fixable. Ruined completely.
This intellectual gymnastics was a fun workout!
Thank you for this
My (2nd) husband and I were both raised by narcissist parents (my mom, and his dad) and my first husband was a narcissist. His first wife was likely a vulnerable narcissist.
We are both co dependents with occasional narcissistic traits. Point is maybe you could find another codependent where you feel the fireworks but also start to heal because you're each able to debrief from conflict with vulnerability and integrity. The key is that you try to learn mot to escalate when you get triggered and you try to learn to take breaks without triggering abandonment wounds. Not easy for 2 codependents with disorganized attachment styles but we've made it 18 years together and it has overall been a healing relationship with a very strong basis of friendship.
We've definitely had some cluse calls where we bpth wanted to quit but have learned that is just pur fear making us run from something that is very good. And these days its more rare for either of us to get extremely triggered. Therapy has helped. EMDR was especially helpful for me to move from intellectualizing my trauma triggers to overwriting the bad code/story about a decade ago.
One ongoing weakness of m8ne is still putting hope that my 2 opder childrens NPD father will finally wake up and stop breadcrumbing his kids who love him but are always left so unfulfilled by his lack of ability for the true connection they desire.
Especially painful as we have had college graduations and upcoming weddings where wed like warm collaboration.
Your videos are helping me to stop being attached to the idea that there can be some kind of healing outcome as we come together for these events.
And I need to see my role in enabling him to hurt my kids by hoping with them for that unattainable connection.
I feel guilty for not being clear about this sooner but there is only now and I feel like I am getting clearer on how to interact with him (minimally), and only when necessary.
Havn't seen your stuff in awhile. But I do like how it's become serveral times more unhinged than it used to be 👍.
You and I are on the same wavelength ( and I too only have a measly psychology degree as well lmao! ) I would love to pick your brain about a few things if you would ever be willing…thanks again for all you do!🙌👊
I recant everything lol. I am still doing research no conclusions yet! This is an interesting subject.
Haha this made me laugh Richard. You are comedy gold! Thank you.
Just want to thank you for your time and energy investment in yt vids. Worried that I didn't wish you a Happy New Year. Appreciate your smarts, humor, heart, depth, insights. Hoping 2024 brings you consciousness expanding growth experiences, peace and joy. You deserve all this and more. Truly. 🕊😌💌🌟
I worked for a school uniform store in Alabama. Alabama makes all school children wear uniforms, public and private. Every year we filled orders for 2-3 set of uniforms for kids whose family received vouchers for free uniforms. Every year, about a month into school teachers and counselors would come in to purchase (from their own pocket) uniforms for some of those kids who received free sets of uniforms due to their parents sold those uniforms for whatever and the kid was getting into trouble for not having proper uniforms in school. Once winter set in those teachers were back to get uniform coats and sweaters for kids who came to school without any coat or warm clothes for the cold.
Once while visiting New Orleans, a man outside a McDonalds was begging for money for food. I came out and gave him a quarter pounder meal and when he looked in the bag he was annoyed because it had onions. I told him politely to pick them off and it will still be good to eat. He closed the bag up as I was walking away so dunno if he lowered himself to do this.
Thanks for making me laugh mate. It's been a while
Thank you.
I've lost a lot of friends and being rejected by family members when I stopped being a people pleaser. I was just being used.
And I try very hard not to be offensive to people, but that's not enough for people. Either I am their slave/ money cow/ clown or I am not wanted. And then my own sister slandered me to all who know me because I don't want to have the "same" relationship with her anymore after her lies, slandering and ridiculing.
I don't trust people any more. At all.
Sweetie, I am so sorry people behaved that way towards you. I know it’s hard to live this way . I lived this way it is very familiar to me and frightening that this exists. Yet, I wanna offer you an explanation that is aligned with a lot of what Richard says. We grew up with an INSTALLED IDEA, that we are not Ok. That is familiar to us since infancy and BECAUSE it’s a familiar idea, we look for, we seek, we find those people to communicate with THAT behave in a way that MATCH our idea (=belief) , they say with their words and behavior to us “you are not OK”, and we, filled with that belief act in compensatory way ( I am compensating my notOkayness with gifts of money/attention/ admiration/ time/love ) and we simply avoid and ignore and behave aggressively (suspecting faul play) towards those who say to us “you are Ok”. The main trick is to set the IDEA of our notOkayness aside and doubt it AND start looking for proof of opposite idea “what if I am ok”? “Who do I consider Ok?”, “How this OKpesron behaves?”, “do I behave in a similar manner with OKperson?” , “Are there people who say/think that I am OK?” And keep repeating this process every day! That lead to paradigm shift in MY mind about 12 years ago. I found myself living in parallel universe (well that felt this way) because men all of a sudden started treating me well, I married a wonderful man who loves me and I love him, and still I have to repeat tome to time this doubt process when the old notOkayness idea pops up. I don’t have to do it too often new idea “I am Ok” grew bigger over 12 years. I am much happier MUCH.. please start the doubt!
Good stuff
Yes, reaction formation. You also have one other video that is just all decompensation.
No country for old men is such a great freaking analogy, shiiii!
Hahaha apt point about the performative zen
At first I thought- yes, you can help people if they are willing to help themselves. But after a re-think…no, no one can “help” someone (not in the flaming co-dependent way we are used to…lol). You can be compassionate. You can listen well. You can offer support. But you can’t reach into their chest (Indiana Jones style), grab their heart, give it a couple clicks counter clockwise and their trauma is healed and they are now able to love and respect themselves. You must do that all on your own. ❤️
I would be interested in hearing you talk more on codependency
I just share the same stuff as you taught for cptsd :)
Actor in the beach = Tilda Swinton
I've tried to be as open as I could be to another human bieng, to no avail. She won't be open after six year's. I've bared my soul, looked stupid, expressed my desires and my failings in life without exceotiin but she still will give me nothing back. She needs to feel Pious to me. She still will give me nothing but she uses my honesty and vulnerability I've shown her as a weapon. She uses it so well it breaks me. It makes me regret telling her anything
Brilliant
Even the language you use - that it’s arrogant, toddler like, contradicts your intent to use will. Even though I agree with all your points! Double-edged sword as everything, it seems. Food for thought :)
I would love it if you talked more about ego. That’s where I’m at now lol.
A friend and I have been financially helping out another friend who is a victim of severe narcissistic abuse and the corrupt family court system in America. She has two children one of whom is very autistic. We can't abandon this family to lose their apartment as the mother struggles to recover and rebuild her life. While i dont believe in enabling drug addicts, narcissistic abuse destroys even the most disciplined, accomplished persons. So at what point do we stop helping?
Be well 🙏🌹🎶
I think you can help people that listen to you value you want help etc. but you can't help people that won't help themselves or don't want help or see a problem
I've been listening to to you for probably just about a year now Richard. I don't know what to say, I'm in bits, I don't feel like I should be here for anyone sbynore. I have my Mum that I can't put through anymore heartache than she has already endured out of the live she has for me. So I csnt be selfish enough to leave her now. I want to go away from this life I want to not have to have another day in this tortured state. She has taken all of me and Im broke n
It hurts seeing Richard on such heavy meds.
Thirty minutes in, and I’m almost laughing at how this describes my ex. He has “wabi sabi” on his instagram profile under his name, and some other deep Latin phrase I don’t understand but is the most intolerant and explosively angry person I have ever met. He was also very proud that many people had told him he would make a great cult leader ..
I dont bother to hide the fact i hate most of humankind anymore. I have been used and abused too many times to give trust to anyone, Including who i have given my whole heart and they crushed me
Hi Richard 👋 could you do a video on difference between empaths versus codependancy, please, in more detail ??
Like in my hippie days.The people who eat sunlight but they visit you at lunchtime.
More times than I can count and I'm 72 now and still get caught sometimes.
If people dislike thinking of themselves as co-dependent then how would the co-mothership work? It plays on a persons’ need/desire to be seen to feel worthy and good. The partner then plays on that KEY element to manipulate to get their needs meet by abuse, silent treatment, and playing on guilt/shame. The only way I was able to disengage at all was to take that power away. I had to feel confident in myself, good and bad, without my hubs & MIL input and realize they used their “acceptance” as a stick and carrot with no hope of ever reaching it.
Summing the self, can one identify more than another, is there a depth prior to complete NPD that identify this on a cognitive level? Vaknin says no but I believe your "philosophy" technique is sound. Is there a line, prior to NPD, that is reachable?
Regarding the escorting question, I assume the question was toward the dissociation from the attachment one normally develops through sex.
If we look at someone who is .looking to blame someone as part of the healing process, and we call them on their blaming, and make them feel that they are heard and that they have been wronged, can they move past the blame of feeling like a victim or at least getting acknowledgment for their pain, and then they can move into taking responsibility for their feelings and actions of anger, shame, pain, etc so that they then can take responsibility for what they've done in the relationship or even to themselves.
You can probably help them by putting them out of their misery. Then you help others, although you don’t end up helping yourself 😢
yep i meant super ego doh!
I believe I have
😅😅😅😅😅
This man is great I get you
very special education about narcisissm from a narcisisst .. thank you!
My TFC has become far more elaborate than I ever could've imagine. I desperately need council from someone who knows what is happening. An actual person, not the invisible force that speaks to me with signs & channelings. my heart has been tested pure, I've de-colonized from the false flame covert malignant narcissist(Imprinted on me since age 12), simultaneously been shown my true twin(her look-alike cousin), & I've made myself known to her. What do i just have to wait however long it takes for her to believe in the connection on her own? Please help me?! My heart yearns for the love meant for it.
" phobophobic "😂❤
I am the same as you. But female and same age. My non credential, too competent psychiatric technician self rehabilitate the u rehabilitative men and have a few very positive outcomes under my belt but not the npd. It's the first five. It's all about the first five years. You can't change that
Do you think there's any correlation between infants with depleted iron and low B12 and narcissism.
He's a top lad ah right gaa
Episode 22: A Psychoanalyst Engages the Minds of Murderers with Dr. Carine Minne
OCTOBER 12, 2019 00:37:45
Because I can't face that this us my life.