The argument free marriage | Fawn Weaver | TEDxPortland
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- Опубликовано: 15 июл 2015
- Love is the nucleus of our lives and we can never count on tomorrow. So how do we make every day matter with our loved ones? Fawn explores three principles that make the idea of an argument free marriage possible.
Fawn Weaver is the bestselling author of Happy Wives Club, CEO of ValRentco and volunteers her time and talent to helping several human rights organizations. Her site, happywivesclub.com - spontaneously launched while she was working as a hotel general manager - has garnered international acclaim. Fawn serves as an Executive Board Member for MEND Poverty (mendpoverty.org) and Slavery No More (slaverynomore.org), an anti- human trafficking organization, and is a supporter of the International Justice Mission (ijm.org).
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
1. I love her message
2. I love her delivery
3. I wish my arms looked as good as hers do
Her husband was probably scared of those biceps.
Sorry to be off topic but does anyone know a way to get back into an instagram account?
I stupidly forgot my password. I would appreciate any help you can give me!
@Neil Alonso Instablaster :)
Loved how she randomly talked about how handsome and awesome her husband is
Mandy Makhumalo
That was so sweet:)
I can't imagine someone actually caring about me that much.
@@mr.giraffe7076 Masha Allah 💛 I know.. Me too. Hard to imagine hu?
@@mr.giraffe7076 If no earthly human being cares for you remember God cares dearly.
Mandy Makhumalo
Thanks for the Video clip! Forgive me for butting in, I would appreciate your opinion. Have you researched - Taparton Saving Family Takeover (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is a good one of a kind guide for helping a troubled marriage minus the headache. Ive heard some interesting things about it and my old buddy Taylor after many years got amazing results with it.
husband and wife who show respect in their words ends up in healthy marriage
My therapist told me, “you can be right or be married”. I believe that. I’m in the middle of a divorce
MA Matters thank you! I’ve claimed my happiness. :) I don’t have to be right, but I deserve to be respected.
@@dvs8866 Amen!!
This works when you are in a relationship where BOTH people agree to work on themselves and allow their partners to work on themselves as well. There are people who are so violent and selfish that they continue to violate their partners even when their partners are being vulnerable.
Agreed.
Nirveeta Charles 100% true
There are three conditions that are dangerous: addiction, abuse, adultery. Each of those is serious. Otherwise, when one works on it, the other *will* be transformed as well. I know it doesn't sound fair, but it's well worth the effort even when it looks like one isn't working on it.
Thanks. I was coming to the comments section to ask about this particular thread.
@@layasaul28 ... Yes those 3 issues are very serious and dangerous in any marriage.
So what you are saying: "When the one that has the problem starts to work on themselves the marriage will be transformed? YES very true!
But...they have to have the want to BUT ... 1st and foremost, GET out of their DENIAL!
My husband and I have a marriage like this. ❤ We have disagreements and tense moments no doubt, but my husband just doesnt believe in screaming at each other or fighting. It took some time but I have learned to really appreciate his way of dealing with conflict between us lol. He does exactly what you did, he goes on a walk or a drive. Sometimes we even go to bed mad, like so many people say not to do. But its crucial for us to calm down and come back later, and always after taking a break, we feel a lot more compassion for each other while discussing the problem.
whoever said, "never go to bed mad" is a nut. sometimes you have to go to bed mad so you can wake up with clear thoughts and intentions. trying to solve an issue when emotions are high only makes things worse 99% of the time.
Husbands and wives arguing should NOT be normal and it is NOT healthy. If husbands and wives are obeying Ephesians 5, then they have no time to argue with each other. Marriages should be a reflection of Christ's relationship with the church. Where does the Bible say that Christ and the church should argue, and that it's normal? Cite me Biblical chapter and verse.
It's been four years since you posted this are you guys still married?
The key is to just be a grown adult and not use relationships and marriages as a one sided power trip of self validation like 99% of people do. If you know what you believe and your partner has a different opinion just listen to, respect and accept what they believe. Most couples see arguments no matter how small or pointless they are as a contest of who can belittle the other into submitting to their belief. They forget the million other qualities and reasons they have chosen to be with that person because they can't regulate their emotions properly and enough of these arguments can be totally detrimental to a relationship because like this lady states in the heat of the moment you can say things that are totally unforgivable and regretful and it usually winds up with one person feeling guilty and the other feeling resentful. EMOTIONAL REGULATION is the key ! :)
message me
Find Out Hоw То Undеrstаnd Your Маn Hеre => twitter.com/7ae7786e46a556526/status/804693412402241537 Тhе аrgument freеeeeее mаrriaаagе Fаwn Weеаааaver ТТTTЕDхРоrtland
And some people say that these energy-draining discussions are totally normal and developing the marriage, despite the fact that statistics show that after adultery the secondplace in divorcereasons is these endless pointless discussions. Everything is sailing in lies and opposite opinions and that is something one expect to regard as "normal"? Just like those commercials that claim they are for people who dream of completely "ordinary" problems such as having kids with lifethreatening cancer. Who dream of that?
Cameron Hawes very wisely said. How do you think people can practice emotional regulation what are good methods?
Cameron Hawes. you are giving good advice. thanks.I have made that mistake jumping through hoops makes you sick to, if they love you in a healthy way.It wont change because of these differences in like.
Amen! I've been married for two years and my husband and I have never argued. Everyone tells us "Oh that's because you don't have kids yet." or "You're still in the honeymoon stage." We just smile because we know that's not it. It's because we actively work at loving eachother! It's not an accident. I look forward to the many years and challenges that life brings because I have the best partner to go through them with!
+Krystle Rees
Have yall saved up to buy a house yet? ;)
+The757packerfan haha yes we have. We lived ghetto for a year to pay off our debts and bought a duplex. We live in one side while the other pays the mortgage. But the house has been a trial that's for sure!
Krystle Rees bless you two
It's two years later. Any arguments yet?
It’s not healthy to never argue
Her: « You really hurt my feelings »
Him: « It was not my intention » and walks away without ever addressing the issue. Over and over again. Yeah, you can’t make a relationship right with the wrong person, no matter how much you master the art of self-containment...
Don't forget that timing is very important! Wait to communicate your message when they would be more receptive to it.
@@spunkybi the wrong person will never be receptive
Yup-many can’t just drop everything and walk away on a long walk. Especially caregivers.
I am absolutely In awe of you. Your words have truly set a flame in my heart to be watchful and careful of my words and to follow my first emotion. Thank you for renewing my thinking in a way...giving me a taste of why love is the root of all things. Congratulations Fawn! And thank you!
My boyfriend and I are always fighting about the littlest, most irrelevant things. They always blow up into something more. This taught me to stop that and realize that my relationship and the love between us is more important than scarring until it’s too late.
Could not even get through this without crying. This is how I feel with my fiance. I treat every kiss goodbye as if it was our last, and kiss him like I'm never going to get the chance again.
This lady's "delivery" is not at issue.Her message from the heart is what matters to me..to everyone as far as I can tell.God bless that message.
Thank you. Some folks are just accustomed to their style being the only style out there; certainly with the impending fall of eurocentric hegemony in America, we will be seeing more competing metrics for what constitutes "professional" or what helps to establish standards.
No, it's the delivery
Husbands and wives arguing should NOT be normal and it is NOT healthy. If husbands and wives are obeying Ephesians 5, then they have no time to argue with each other. Marriages should be a reflection of Christ's relationship with the church. Where does the Bible say that Christ and the church should argue, and that it's normal? Cite me Biblical chapter and verse.
This kind of relationship is totally possible. My husband and I are completely open and honest with one another and we NEVER fight nor have we fought in 18 years and yet we have a relationship that is passionate, playful, challenging, surprising, and fulfilling. He is the Guardian of My Soul. I am so certain of his love for me that no matter what is happening, I simply don't take it personally. If he is edgy with me, I simply say, "Babe, what's up?"
Learning this
Great initiative Fawn. I have used this method in the past 7 of my 18 years of marriage to my very handsome and loving Soldier. I have not perfected it as yet, but my patience has improved a great deal and I am more careful with the words that comes out of my mouth when speaking to my husband and our daughter. It is definitely selfless to have self control.
Maxine Diana Well done Maxine, I'm grabbing myself a copy of the book!
Maxine Diana I don't think we ever perfect it. But sometimes perfection is the enemy of the good. We just keep trying, getting better, and when we fail we regroup and try again.
Eruvwu Obuaya I'd love to know how you enjoy the book Eruvwu!
Fawn Weaver you are right. When it comes to marriage we have to learn to regroup as it is truly never perfect. We continue to regroup and revitalize our relationship. Thanks for responding. Eruvwu Obuaya Thank you. We are very proud of where we are today being under 40 and married for 18 years both active duty military with several tours overseas for long periods of time. God is awesome. :-)
Maxine Reyes Yes, he is great testimony!
Easily one of the most powerful TED talks I’ve ever seen. Astounding. 💥
Well you’re easily amused lol
Beautiful. I am in a 21-year argument free marriage and many of these principles are why, even though I didn’t have the words to articulate what we’ve been actually doing. Great talk, Fawn.
I've been with my Fiance for almost 3 years now, and we've never had an arguement which was more than a silly disagreement. This Ted Talk has made that so, so easy, and I come back to it every once in a while.
One of the best TED talks! Wake Up call for many.
I grew up in a family like that MY PARENTS NEVER AUGUED now for the DOWN SIDE they did not teach me how to FIGHT FAIR in a REAL RELATIONSHIP
Diane Dunn I can relate to this..... now that I’m married I have become a person that I don’t even recognize.
What I got form this talk was not how to fight fair, but how to avoid the fighting altogether. You must love yourself first, then love someone the way Fawn talks about. Otherwise, you may end up with someone who doesn't want to put in that same kind of effort.
@@aregara4 basically you're a terrible abusive person but you're trying to excuse yourself, by acting as if u don't agree with the way you yourself are.
This and the book "The Argument Free Marriage" have done so much for me...and I'm only on "Day 12!" My husband and I had one year full of arguments and going into our second year of marriage, I feel confident that now we have the tools to continue down a happy and argument free road. It's amazing what a difference this has made! Thank you so much for sharing the secrets :)
Hie sis can you please share the book if its on pdf form
I love to see someone champion selflessness, courage, humility, and other aspects of a good marriage. Thank you, thank you.
Judi Pickell Thank YOU, Judy!
Whаt Мen REАLLY Want => twitter.com/69d21b393ddb1d94e/status/804693412402241537 Тhееe аrgumеnt frее mаrriagе Fаaааwn Wеаver TEDxРРPortlаnd
This is so powerful, thank you so much. I hope there will be no argument between me and my husband anymore 🤗 our marriage is going to be in the 6th year this 2022.
I am coming up on 13 years Married to my best Friend. We have been together for over 20 years. We have not argued since 2000.
And I don't care if anyone believes that or not.
I believe you :) May your marriage continue to always be in love xoxo
What's your strategy? Do you use her techniques or something else?
Wow! I could have used this information. I love the simple mindset of "don't count on tomorrow." We aren't guaranteed a tomorrow. Brilliantly simple. Healthy conflict...I like it. What Fawn taught in the book and in her book has been really helpful. The biggest help has been the perspective of tomorrow not being promised. It'll stop you in our tracks from doing or saying something you may later regret.
Amen!! Very powerful message that moved me in a mighty way!!! Yes I choose to love like their is no tomorrow!! Thank you Jesus for Fawn Weaver!! 😭😭
Am 40yrs old and I've never heard nor seen my parents argue/quarrel. Remarkable and kudos to you.
I learned the lesson of the phrase "tomorrow may not come" when my mother died and I wasn't by her side at that time as I was working abroad at the age of 20. My mother had liver cirrhosis. My step father called one day in the apartment where I stayed abroad and broke the news that my mother was in the hospital. I talked to her but she can no longer respond. I told her that when I go home, the two of us will go shopping and walk to the beach and then, I said, "I love you Ma." . The next time I knew, she was in a coma and few hours later, she died. My step father told me that the last time we talked on the phone, my mom dropped a few tears. I managed to attend her burial but it was useless! I wished I hugged her too tight and kissed her so many times at the airport before I went to the boarding area but it's useless to wish for that! I got angry at myself.. That was 9 years ago but until now, I still have a hard time forgiving myself. And because of that incident, I vowed to myself that never again I will let the day slipped without me showing love to the people I value and to everyone for that matter. I vowed to not live in regrets. Everyday is a working progress and I thank God for He is always there to give me strength to live an argument free life I am aspiring for! I was crying while watching this discussion though. Very empowering talk Fawn! Gb
u have very much heart touching feeling
dont worry help others who r in same conditions of urs there mother grace will touch ur mother she is always there for u
I love this so much. Thank you, Sis Fawn. Amazing! I love the passion, confidence and energy; some folks "of another sort" see this as *dramatic*, but have no clue that there are billions of people around the world who perceive confidence and passion as strengths---not distractions or weaknesses.
Where were you 3yrs ago - thank you for an insight that should be taught to our youth on relationships
This is such a taboo subject. Believe me, I felt like I was letting the "cat out of the bag" so to speak. I could not anticipate the reaction but many people find this relatable. Many people experience a sexless marriage, sad but true. I had a patient tell me her marriage improved once the sex stopped. I couldn't understand but she explained it this way. Her husband no longer bothers me for sex because she told him she never wants to have it again. When I asked her if he her husband was bothered by this her response was that she didn't know. "We never talk about it", she said. I ask, "is it fair to impose fidelity on a person who is deprived of sex from their spouse? Thank you +Kev Pen
THAT IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! This talk was spectacular; Confirmed my sanity of the possibilities of having a beautiful, respectful marriage.
What a great message! I've been married a little over a year and have tried both ways - letting all my anger out in the moment or giving myself a chance to compose myself so I can stay with the real issue. I like the second way better.
Ashley P Me too :).
Insightful, well spoken, beautiful interpretation of love between wife and husband, and the commitment it entails. Kudos.
I haven’t figured out how to communicate with my husband. But I love him so much
Says every loving wife.
The speech has so much impact to many of us. Be blessed
I wish I could like this video more than once. I've seen the effect of this truth in my own life and would gladly verify that what she said is true.
Thank you Fawn. At the heart of everything that's what it all really boils down to. "tomorrow is not promised." When life happens it is so easy to forget this and take everything for granted. We are so caught up with the future. We don't live life in the present but we live trying to create a future life that will be better than the one we have now. A future with no stress, a future without bills, a future with better physical health, a future with better romance. We don't practice living in the now. We live like tomorrow is promised.
What a beautiful and profound talk. Ms Weaver is spot on. We don't have a tomorrow, there is no guarantee. Love is such an incredible gift. Imagine, you choosing each other out of 7.5 billion souls. How is it that we can't behave, grow up and honour and love each other? Everyone should listen to this talk more than once. Blessed with these words.
Well said! Great opener regarding the assumption 🤔 you really do assume in the moment you’re going to ‘get away with it’ but if only we were always clear about the magnitude of our actions. The passion and commitment displayed in this talk are a great testament to Fawn’s contribution to her Union. Grateful 💕
This takes BOTH parties to be vulnerable. Suppression happens when you're brave enough to be vulnerable and its used against you as a weakness. Tears and honesty don't mean anything to someone that sees you as an opponent.
I’m not crying, you’re crying. So good.
I met my husband at church, dated for 1 month and a half and then we got married. I had to fight for my dad's approval right from the start. I soon realized my husband had anger issues. We almost cancelled the wedding, but didn't. Our first major issue happened just a month after being married. I would have told anyone that was going through what I was going through, to get a divorce. I didn't. The reason, my faith. I am a Christian and so is my husband and I knew God wants all marriages to succeed. I couldn't just give up, on my first husband and marriage. I prayed, I asked others to pray, and I talked to my husband about things, we sat down with our pastor and talked some more. This didn't fix our problems, but helped us manage many a time. After two years of marriage, due to immigration issues, my husband had to go back to his country of origin for 6 months. I didn't know if I was ever going to see him again. When he did come back, it was a blessing, but we continued to have problems. Then, he suffered a terrible accident at his job, and life changed for both us drastically. I too remember, the call, and thought my husband was dead and I was never going to see him again. Thankfully, he is ok, after a couple surgeries, a lot of therapy, medication, and stress, he is ok today. After 11 years of marriage, I do think that communication and respect is the biggest issues we have. We are not perfect, our marriage isn't perfect, but God has helped us throughout these 11 years. Having our hearts and faith focused on what God wants for us individually and as a couple, has been the key to our survival in our marriage. I could never say, I have been happily married 11 years, because it would be a lie. I do know that I appreciate, admire, and love my husband more today, than I ever have before. I pray the Lord continues to bless us and help us through each struggle that we might encounter. Marriage is the most challenging thing you will ever encounter, but it is the most worth all our efforts.
Thank you !
Appreciate your honesty about your marriage. Many people/couples struggle the way you have. You deserve a good life one that is free of abuse (anger issues are abuse issues). God wants you to have a good life with peace of mind. You needn't stay to suffer. Your husband has choices like to get help for his anger issues and you have choices on whether or not to stay. I bet you enjoyed his time away on some level. Don't let anyone else whether it be a husband, faith or family have power over you. It is unhealthy. I wish you all the best. +Ayenis Rojas
thank you Maureen
With all respect and love - you never should have married him. I hope you are able to find strength and wisdom to leave abuse behind. Blessings to you and your husband.
Praying for you and your husband, and thank you for your honesty! I think God does want marriages to work out but I think that some Christians take that to another level. The way that the Bible describes marriage is a lot different then the world's view. Marriage is a covenant that cannot be broken when done correctly which is why we have to know who we are marrying before we marry them. I think that God hates divorce just as much as he hates "bad marriages" and so if divorce happens because of a not so good marriage, his grace and mercy is sufficient enough to work on us to get us to the person who we are supposed to be with! Blessings to you and your family!
It is difficult when one partner doesn't understand the financial hiccups.
Imagine if...we treated everyone we met as if it could be their last day on earth!
Powerful!
i plan on doing that from now on
Fawn, you are so right! Useless arguments covering primary emotions kill relations - even tough they might last for decades. Boiled down to the point. It could be over tomorrow. Get the word spread. Thanks :-)
Absolutely beautiful. Thank you
This was the absolute BEST video I have seen on how to prevent arguments.
Thank you Fawn Weaver. I needed this so much.
Easy to do that when you have a wonderful husband. Try doing that with someone with brain damage, narcissistic and borderline personality disorders.
Murilo Perrone yup 😩
Right!
Life has taught me that you can’t have the right relationship with the wrong person no matter how hard you try.
What happened?
some husbands are better men than others, very true.
Beautiful. Thank you 🙏🏻
I suppressed my anger though I was very angry when he brought home roses for his ex's birthday tomorrow. He didn't do the same for me. I still don't know what to do with my anger
Simply Amazing! So much insight and wisdom to draw from 👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾
Omg i just finished an argument and all i need to hear something positive!!!! Thank u
Now that is real wisdom. Thanks.
What a powerful message. I was truly inspired. What's interesting is that I just watched another TED talk called "Marriage 2.0: a System Update for Lifelong Relationships" and this speaker said a lot of things totally contrary to what Fawn says here, and yet I found it extremely valuable as well!
Thank you for the wonderful ..from the heart..word's. It really makes me realise I have a wonderful life and I should be thankful and safeguard it. Thanks much...
Excellent!!!! Thanks for that powerful presentation and your insight!!!
i truly appreciate your message regarding an "argument free marriage". I married in my youth (18yres. of age) I did not even know who I was or much of anything about life, people, family or how community works. I was somewhat intelligent, but quite emotionally needy, as well. We are yet married (43+), but missing that key element of mutual trust with vulnerability. Recently, I have been searching for something more effective in the way of safe interpersonal communication. As usual when I am purposely seeking answers, the TRUTH surfaces: Thanks for communicating so well the message and practice of vulnerability in times of marital conflict. Appreciate much your presentation, humor and style. (another book sold!)
Mildred Wright Same EXACT story as mine. May God continue to bless and guide you two.
Excellent. I am currently studying to be a Marriage and Family Therapist. I found this video to be an insightful resource and will reference it in an assignment I am working on. Thank you!
A soft answer turns away wrath.
It’s not healthy to never argue, it’s inevitable, but it’s how you argue that matters.
Not true I've been in my current relationship for 5 years. We don't argue, but we do talk thing through in a civil manor and our relationship is very healthy.
Well I love her delivery and the message
i will comment after i have my wife watch this masterpiece with me. We are 5 years in marriage, if not for my two children, i sometimes wish i had remained alone (the argument and nagging are unbearable).
U should leave anyway. Staying with a bad person sets a bad example for your kids. Divorce and try and get equal custody of the kids.
It was only yesterday that I came across this best talk ever. And since then, I've listened to it more than 5 times, in less than 24 hours!
She must be walking Alot lol she is in amazing shape!
N RUTTER
She’s actually a man
@@bobsingh5521 wait she is?
Now I'm an extremely gullible person so I'm not sure if you're making a joke?
caitlin robo1678
There is only one way to know for sure
😂
Michelle O and Tina Turner body!
Thank you, this is great. I pray to be able to stick to that original feeling and not accelerate and remember to love and not tear down.
Amazing and powerful lecture
So inspired! Mind blowing message. Thank you because I have be blessed with this message
Such beautiful, powerful and inspiring talk!!
I needed to hear this! Thank you!
We argue about once a year, a mild disagreement - we have two small kids. We take turns in making decisions. Our goal is to support each others careers, hobbies, friends, and live happily.
I’d say this is one of the best talks ever done.
This is amazing. Thank you
Thank you Fawn, i think you deliever that the message about her experience of love, relationship and marriage well, with wonderful sense of huma,
Thanks again.
Very helpful;powerful insight.
Thank you.
Thank you! You are amazing.
I loved this was not at all the same old advice and was more personal than anything. She speaks from the heart and is believable.
Absolutely amazing!!
It’s true. When I was hurt by my family, instead of holding a grudge, I think of losing them tomorrow and I would regret if I hate them instead of loving them. All of us will have loving sides and terrible sides (which related to past pain body), so just treat and response with love, love would spead and heal us all day by day.
Fawn, What an incredible testimony! Thank you for sharing your perspective! What a blessing you are to all those that experience your energy!
I know of a man who can help you get back
Your ex just as him help me get back my ex
If you need baba contact via WhatsApp
(+2348145392721)❤❤❤
Thank you very much.
I very much disagree with this mindset. I actually had a therapist explain to me how this can be a really negative cognition pattern that induces anxiety to consider that you can’t ever disagree with anyone or speak your mind because you might offend them and they might die. The most comforting thing this counselor said is that if you love your said person and they love you, they will know that no matter what you say, and if you believe in an afterlife, that perhaps they would be able to see past their death how much you love them and regret what you said.
thank you for the great lecture
You are more than welcome +inseon jean. Thank you for your kind words and for watching it in the first place!
Awww! I just LOVE Fawn!!!!
Tara Carson Love you back, Tara! And all you and The Dating Divas do to remind the world that being in love with your spouse is a good thing!
This woman is INCREDIBLE ‼️
3:40 she got me😪. We allow life to get on our way/marriage.
She sends a strong message
Loving this talk.
Her voice is very calming
Wonderful collections
Powerful .... huge reflections .. ultimately the only way for true respect and happiness. Thank you to insight of the source and to the presenter .
I know of a man who can help you get back
Your ex just as him help me get back my ex
If you need baba contact via WhatsApp(-2348145392721)❤❤❤
(+2348145392721)
Contact him on WhatsApp
The largest argument I’ve had with my partner is whether mayo on fries is good or not
Ciel 😂😂😂 mayo on fries! always (i get weird looks but don’t care 🤷🏾♀️)
My first girlfriend liked tartar sauce with fries. She also mixed her vegetables with her mashed potatoes. She was a little strange.
Mike Brown definitely weird 🤣
Absolutely an AMAZING!📼
excellent excellent! !!!!!!
Ver nicely done, a message toi live with.
Awesome talk!
JaeTracie fttt
Tthhaann BHI
Amazing!!
Ngl, I’m having a situation similar to her in-law debacle right now with my long term girlfriend and her quote at the end made me cryyyy ;-; what a TedTalk! 😰
This was amazing! ♥️