I am a clinical social work student and now in my second placement. Seeing how our patients are treated sometimes by some providers is very upsetting to me. I saw a young woman once being literally reprimanded and yelled at for sharing some of her past experiences with other patients. She ended up leaving in tears. Nobody said a word to the clinician. I can’t imagine this young girl will be seeking therapy for a while and definitely not at the same location. My point is - some clinicians are callous and jaded. I feel for the patients so much. Thank you for sharing your experiences, Charlotte ❤️
Some clinicians are narcissists. I mean I have a client who is a full blown narcissist, and she is a clinical psychologist, but because she is so narcissistic, she is only allowed to work with children. Can you imagine that? Her manager *knows* that working with adults can cause her such a narcissistic injury that she is only allowed to work with children, so she can always feel as though she is smarter than them, and thus always in the "one up" position, which is all narcissists really care about anyway. Narcissists should NEVER be licensed to treat anyone except other narcissists. They are so toxic, and so vengeful, yet they are allowed to work in the mental health field, when they are INCAPABLE of having any empathy for others (not even their own children). It's just unconscionable in my opinion. CAVEAT: I would say that a narcissist should be REQUIRED to reveal that they are a narcissist, and that they have a very serious characterological disorder, and they can be harmful to other people's mental health. IF they are willing to honestly reveal that BEFORE the client ever steps foot in their office, THEN they should be able to work with people who know AHEAD of time that the therapist has a serioius characterological disorder and is incapable of feeling empathy for others. It is not enough to give "unconditional positive regard" to people. Empathy is essential to being a compassionate individual.
My bad therapy experiences began when I was 14 years old....I wasn't diagnosed with BPD until I was 42...though my current therapist who is really good, has made me realise I first became depressed at the age of six. It has taken me a long time to trust anyone...I have been hurt so many times.
@@le_th_ Sometimes I think they are in love with their cleverness and insist they know everything, and what we need more than we do. I also think therapists can be really messed up people.
@@emmyjo720 Yes, I think this is probably true for some of them. I've gotten lucky with a couple of therapists who were really good and helpful for the brief time I saw them. However, I've had a couple others that I only saw once because something was "off" during that first session. Just like humans we encounter every day, some are ok, some are wonderful, and some you just don't "click" with when you interact.
i just completed my psych rotation for medical school, and patients with BPD have a NASTY reputation at my hospital, so watching this helps to keep my perspective more balanced. hope we get to see more :)
@@alfsmom8025yup, they definitely do with me. Hence why I got the label, even after I came up negative on their tests. A label where they often ignore the criteria and just use a pejorative. Such lazy, arrogant, and stupid people.
Kind of cruel to be honest to say on a channel dedicated to BPD. I feel like you really could’ve left out the first part. Trust me, everyone knows they have a nasty reputation. I really did get the label just a pejorative. The results came back, and they literally showed I got half the required traits. That's bc BPD often just means difficult
Please keep posting these therapy session.. I am from Bangladesh and we dont have any psyciatrist and so we think we are just crazy.. This helps us relate to our experience.. I loved it when I heard charlotte talk about how she want to be a full functional adult.. I just love that and it touched me..
Part of that is bc stupid experts often will use that as a pejorative. So, I clash with them I get the label, despite all the tests coming up negative. Then some don't get it just bc they're likable. They'll assume the worst when they see it
@@derekpmooreThat isn't true of every person with BPD. Therapists who won't see someone with this disorder because they're not qualified to treat it, such as not being trained in behavioral or trauma therapy, are one thing. Ones that think people with BPD are untreatable are wrong, given the data of treatment rates. It's not everyone with BPD's fault for the way others with it act, or the way some therapists automatically assume they will act. It's a responsibility to seek help and manage it, to ourselves and others. It's also a responsibility of mental health professionals to not think in absolutes. You know, like is so natural for people with BPD, is a huge problem, (and DBT helps with).
@@EclecticallyEccentric therapy is wrong for BPD people. Therapy teaches BPD people more weaponized tactics. Skills development and reversing of brain injury from toxic stress are what make BPD ppl better. BPD and the other cluster B personality disorders are being moved to schizophrenia spectrum disorder.
I'm thankful for another one of these videos. This might seem odd, but it helps me to reflect on myself, & further work with my therapist on those reflections. Hope you all and Charlotte are well 🙏 You're such an inspiration 👏
Charlotte shows so clearly in her recalling that office visit how therapy needs to be worth it on a level higher than just staying out of the hospital. I really enjoyed working with folks with BPD as a social worker, I wanted them all on my list because they had the highest ideals and expectations of treatment and psychology, higher than any other people I’ve ever met. The ideals aren’t just about "feeling better," it needs to be joy, love, contentment and happiness or otherwise why bother? The work is so hard it has to be worth everything. Most people just get by, but the person with BPD expects more, I found that very positive to work for.
Thank you for this video. Charlotte & this channel are courageous to present the topic of "Bad Therapy". As someone who suffered from narcissistic abuse & domestic violence I learned some therapists are incentivized to enable these evil abusers via benefiting from their very well paid job security rather than truly helping those in need, weaponizing narcissists.
Holy shit pickles, “bad therapy experiences”……? The vast majority of my experiences with therapists, doctors, nurses, social workers, paramedics, addiction counselors, etc have been callous at best, abusive at worst. As a man, regardless of the interaction, as soon as I would risk being honest and vulnerable, attitude of the people paid to help would shift. It’s been a travesty, it’s a nightmare, and an injustice.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I think this can be helpful for the providers and the ones who are suffering. Certainly helpful for me to hear your experience.
Thx, folks. It's interesting, that although she was diagnosed with BPD, Narcissism is often 'co-morbid' with BPD. And she seems to feel the need to somehow 'punish' her therapists and anyone else who 'disappoints' her.... apparently with no regrets whatsoever. Which kinda supports Otto Kernberg's view of NPD, that likewise displays the same aggression, entitlement, and lack of empathy or accountability... along a _continuum,_ as a sorta 'defense' against BPD. In other words, BPD could also be described as a 'failed' NPD.
I have such a desire to explain everything to Charlotte, she’s so smart and insightful. I don’t know why other therapists haven’t helped Charlotte go to that level.
@@ckris4446 I have to admit its been 5 months since I watched, so I'd have to watch again. I have a more psychoeducative, DBT/CBT method to my practice. So, I would be curious around how much psycho-education she's had around the dynamics of her symptoms, triggers and coping strategies.
From the vid @2:25: "I’ve never reached out to anyone who wasn’t a friend and asked for help...you need to call 911 (to a social worker) and then she hung up on me…I’ll never forgive her for that … if we f*** up (we= social workers, staff..), we can ruin their entire perspective of a treatment team like ruin it, and I never went to anybody after that…" I know what she is talking about. In my case, substitute "treatment team" for ENTIRE PSYCHOTHERAPY Profession. Ruined my perspective for 20 years until I saw the Doc Jacob vids, which have changed my perspective a bit about therapy WITH the right T and process. THANK YOU CHARLOTTE, where ever you are ... peace be with you!
Charlotte is so interesting to me. Her voice makes her seem quite vulnerable and when she smiles, she lights up a room and melts hearts. And she's obviously a beautiful woman! But having watched many of her vids, she's also obviously been through a LOT which makes me really sad for her. I can only imagine how hard her struggles have been. I can so relate to her even tho I haven't been through the same. Sort of similar stuff but certainly not to the degrees she has been. And I've said it numerous times, a bad therapist can screw a person up worse than anyone else. I was once almost involuntarily committed because I was finally telling a secret that I'd suppressed for YEARS! When it came out it was ugly like popping a ZIT. Lots of tears, lots of emotion, lots of crap and it freaked out my family member who was there. I thought he was a safe person but my god, when he started talking like that I knew I had to dial it back a bit. AND THEN my therapist put me on anti-depressants without even giving me a chance to tell my side of the story. I was so damned mad, that next visit with my therapist I let him have it. I was so angry that he didn't even listen to me and simply prescribed drugs. But I never once threatened him with violence and I never stood up. I simply gave him a tongue lashing like I've never done before because I'd trusted him and IMO he'd violated that trust significantly. Found out later that he could have easily had me committed without my consent and it would have happened. That's a scary thought that you might be in a highly charged emotional state and someone could simply have you committed to an institution against your will and there's literally NOTHING you could do to stop it.
Another poster has an interesting point that is worth exploring though I don't think they were kind in their approach. A recurring theme I see with BPD (or CPTSD) is an almost obsession with "blame". If I can't place the blame for my emotional pain on someone else, then I must be the one who is at fault. They seem to get stuck in binary thinking when it comes to emotional pain. The pain has to be someone else's fault. If it isn't, than I am to blame. Anger or Shame seem to be the default narratives. There is a reason why the phrase "walking on eggshells" resonates with those of us who have loved ones with BPD. We end up in a no win situation: we are always the cause of the BPD's pain. It is either our fault for hurting them, or it is our fault for causing them to feel shame. Both options feel shitty. I believe it is the primary reason so many of us "abandon" our BPD loved ones. We just can't tolerate the constant sense that no matter what we do we are hurting our loved ones. I'm curious if there is any part of BPD treatment that tries to get patients out of the "blame" spiral that is so destructive?
@@clementinedippeldapp6899 I'm sorry if I angered or triggered you. Just to be clear, I wasn't pathologizing anyone. I was pointing out a pattern of behavior that I've experienced with loved ones, and I was trying to make sense of it from my perspective. Your response in many ways is an example of my original comment. Though you say you don't blame your ex or previous therapist, your comment is full of blame directed at them and me. Just to reiterate, I'm not posting here to hurt anyone, including you. I'm commenting to give my perspective of my own experience and the patterns I've witnessed that seemed to be reflected in the video.
@@jamesbow5916 I think it is a very valid point that you made. I think these videos are amazing and the vulnerability Charolette has is so appreciated and educating. I feel I am compassionate and try to neither to judge or tell people how to be. Also the medical system is very flawed. So I get the view that it's important to bring light to poor experiences. And even those without BPD struggle tremendously to get quality care. Still I think personal responsibility is an issue. For example, it is simply not ok to break things in your therapists office. The fact that you are doing such things means you do need help but also that your issues are causing some really inappropriate behavior which is not easy to deal with, for anyone including the client. And that means you might have some very bad experiences as a result of those issues. It's a multilayered issue I believe. Not just a black and white, right or wrong matter. It's complex. Again I think your point is valid, but it's complicated. I wish the responder to your post could see that too and not just attack.
@@clementinedippeldapp6899 Denying and acknowledging nuances qnd complexity are two completely different things. Sorry you went through such things. I believe you. And have been through similar. Doesn't change the point. If this is our world we do have to have personal responsibility. I don't believe there was any reason to justifiably break things in her therapists office. But we all deserve much better. Corrective experiences are important. Hope you get that.
The BPD client has to be ready to hear that they are responsible for their own healing and at the same time not to blame for the root cause of the BPD (trauma). During DBT this was a key turning point for me… so talking from direct experience of all the above ☝🏼
It takes a lot of patience and boundary setting to integrate the split between the libidinal/loving and aggressive aspects of someone with borderline tendencies. Maybe we open a healing dialogue by asking what did they learn from those "bad" experiences? Was there any transferance and countertransference dynamics going on? Is there any recognition and ownership of primitive defenses by the patient or therapist?
I was a teenager when I had the first of my bad experiences....It left me with serious trust issues, which have gotten worse. I have been given the wrong treatment and blamed for it not working, the wrong diagnosis, I have had short-term therapy which drove me to a breakdown, I have been picked up and dropped. Eight years ago I was taken from a one-to-one therapy and put into a group, against my will...and then completely dropped...I am finally back in therapy now, I have talked about my past experiences.
Her mention of her instagram going dark hit home. My instagram has been completely dark since late 2019 which was when the onset of my darkest / lowest episode. I thought therapy would be enough to navigate it but looking back I was not equipped with skills to cope with what was on my plate and certainly not 2021-2023 (COVID, pandemic job loss, quasi homeless, quasi car’less, absolute isolation in a dangerous city w/ nobody, gained 60 lbs, and moved to a new state for a new job with basically nothing but the clothes on my back last year. it just got so dark for several years.. I’m finally emerging from the darkness, I think, thanks to an aggressive psychiatrist and medication. I am finally seeing color, hearing music, having dreams again….And the genesis of my rambling story here is how her mention instagram resonated. I used to share what I was cooking because I wanted to share the colors of what I cooked, or photos of art etc., just simple trivial things.. and then I just stopped… stopped cooking, stopping seeing color and experiencing the goodness of it all… it all just went dark. Depression and BPD have taken so much from me. Hoping I am ready to share the joys of color again soon. 🥺
Charlotte seems so nice. I’ve had terrible experiences too. Being forced/ coerced to see experts. Pretty much the only therapist I chose ended up being a complete disappointment. Seamed like she cared the most. It just kept getting worse. To never making it on time to appointments/ while leaving me hanging for hours. To inviting me to her unofficial program with animal waste on the ground. That was just the farm she lived at.
The psychologist staging an 'intervention' like that sounds like a serious breach of ethics and protocol. I hear stories like this and I just can't believe these people are practicing therapists.
I work in healthcare and have experience with people who have BPD (Raised by one, dated 2 confirmed and 2 probably just undiagnosed) and can say this for sure-there is a lot that this person is not saying that is vital to understanding the whole picture. People with BPD are experts at manipulating. The other thing is the scenario of her being forced to stay at the therapists office could only happen if she showed herself to be a danger to herself or others. That being said, my heart goes out to this woman. BPD is one of the most untreatable disorders.
@@thepaulusmaximus It's really sad that you work in healthcare and immediately discredit her just because she has BPD. Therapists have a lot of power and they know, there are many therapists who use their power to manipulate and stage interventions as they see fit. Therapists who behave this way also know just how hard it is for people to report and prove their unethical actions, especially when that person has been diagnosed with a mental health disorder.
My wife and I live in the Netherlands for just over 3 years now. She has been diagnosed with BPD recently. The help she gets from the so called therapists is worthless, in most cases even deepening her issues. The diagnose took them 1.5 year. She was being transferred from one team to another like a hot potatoe - apparently no one was willing to actually work and help someone with a SERIOUS mental problems. It is easier to help the Dutch people dealing with their first world issues like being upset and "depressed" over "too small" breast and so on (I am not making this up). The team which diagnosed her on 18th August, still struggles to make a report on that diagnose, so she can start her therapy. They are being repeatedly reminded that my wife is suicidal and actually has a plan to go through with it (I am going with her, of course), yet they still work and process everything in slow motion. I am pretty sure that if she was a Dutch "lady", this would get their wheels turning faster. They just DO NOT CARE, they do not care that my wife is seriously ill, that we are living in a conditions worse than their dogs do, that we are being marginalised on every step by the locals, apparently out of fear that we are better educated and subjectively better suited for their job spots. But I digress. The waiting time for the therapy is a great unknown, we do not know whether there is even any point waiting. Therapies here are based on forcing you to think positively and enjoy the weather, the Sun or a beautiful flowers. They have no clue that when you live like an animal, shunned, hidden from the eyes of the Pretty White People (we might spoil their afternoon coffee in a restaurant) it does not help to be taught to be happy with the "little things". You can enjoy them in your living rooms bigger than our entire living space, you dumb fcks! If this is how the therapy is going to look like, then we'll just go and kill ourselves, because we are REALLY TIRED of trying to get help.
LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT.......you not alone as it is the same here in England....I just feel like a number when I see my psychiatrist, it is a complete waist of time and after he does a write up about me.....he wrote, 'she likes living on the edge'...TRIGGER NUMBER ONE.....then he wrote, 'she watches TV all day'....TRIGGER NUMBER TWO....I am so angry because how can I like living on the edge when I hardle leave my house and the second one is I never watch TV I had told him I listen to music all the time ....bloddy can;t wait to see him...my next appoinment is in a week or so...;;figuring going to write my points down and tell him, calm as, how he is making me feel....he has so far offered no help.....does anyone get me ? Anyone feel the same if from UK? Or am I just over reacting?....Charlotte and Rebbie love is all x
Probably good to understand, that borderlines can induce this attacking behavior in others (countertransference reactions). Even in experienced professionals. This is why not everyone is comfortable in dealing with them. Its extremely hard work.
Countertransference is normal (we are dealing with humans, not robots)! What isn't normal is the lack of accountability and conversation around it. People with BPD are supra-sensitive to countertransference pushback. A lack of self-awareness and accountability in a therapist when it comes to countertransference is a real fast track to the "eject button" (split). Emotional damage can be tenfold when it occurs in a therapy room, most especially in BPD patients.
The hard thing is that she clearly lives on drama. So how do you help someone who simultaneously needs help but also wants drama too. It’s a hard line to walk.
No one wants drama, believe me. Drama is a fight or flight response, it’s not a want. And after the fact there may very well be a lot of shame for that. Usually, if not always, the initial intention is good, but we f it up anyway 😅 So, that’s the wrong question you ask. Better question may be, how to lower the probability of distress response? When stress is minimized, there is no drama whatsoever, in theory. Little to none.
I do think it’s interesting that she talks so casually and unflinchingly about destroying someone else’s property - strategically, not impulsively, with the intent to emotionally harm- and yet simultaneously states that a social worker hanging up on her was unforgivable. She is very compelling, and I do feel bad for her, but she has an incredibly strong narcissistic streak. People are sort of just obstacles to her getting her needs met.
I mean, they’re also totally different situations. She is the patient here, and the psychologist was out of line gathering people she knew without her permission and physically FORCING her to stay in her office… That was out of line of her to do to a patient, and like she said, maybe not even legal. She didn’t destroy the object to hurt her just for fun, it was after she had been physically trapped and handled inappropriately. The other case is a social worker hanging up on her when she is in a crisis. Again, she is the patient in this situation. Social workers and psychologists are supposed to be the ones trained to handle these situations, even though yes, sometimes they are difficult. I work in a hospital, and we’re absolutely not allowed to just leave patients in a crisis, no matter how difficult they may be.
@@zacharystone3236 we’re only getting her side of the story. I wonder what the psychologist and social worker would say. I don’t agree that these are different situations. People are people. They deserve to be treated with humanity and respect. Just because your therapist does something you don’t like does not give you the right to destroy their property and abuse them. The therapist is just a human being, and does not deserve to be traumatized. I can almost guarantee that what she describes here is not what happened. If the therapist had really done something that illegal and unethical, it could’ve been reported and would have been addressed.
Honestly finding a good therapist is like a needle in a haystack. Most of them have never been in the depths you have been and have no clue. You can’t learn humans from books. Most of them just try to therapize you without being actual humans. Not their fault- it’s how they are trained. But seriously, we need a revamp of their training. I totally feel for charlotte. I get it!!
4:58 Finding out the ridiculousness of it all and just laughing it out :) Internal peace is always a way out of the resistance/struggles. Guided meditation can realign your consciousness if you have struggles of who you are and why you do the things you do. I'm still in the process of the alignment within myself which has been really interesting. Hey Charlotte if you ever want coffee therapy I'm your guy
@@clementinedippeldapp6899 How can you find peace in others if you can't find it in yourself? Same with love. Same with understanding. A wounded spirit needs time to heal before going to the next battle. Mediation is a way to separate the thoughts, emotions, and the body from the true self to create peace in that moment in time. Spend as much time as you want and leave when you want. I think its an incredible tool prior to doing hard cognitive work. Our minds gets hijacked everyday especially our emotional state and is easily set off by a trigger. You can disarm all the triggers by covering the whole world or you can disarm the explosives inside of you. Your choice.
Oh my… So much focus on blaming others. Very BPD. Who knows why that person hung up the phone…could be entirely unrelated to her asking to call 911. Could even be a malfunction! But to hold on to that and to wish bad things for that person? Much work to be done still. It’s not the social worker on the phone’s fault that Charlotte has BPD or that she hasn’t had more progress than she had up until that point. Accountability is absent in people suffering from BPD. I wonder if that’s the last thing that is realized through CBT?
A patient holding subpar professionals accountable is not them needing to work on their BPD. I bet you have a litany of complaints about most inadequate professionals you come across, as that's a normal thing to do whether you have BPD or not. For a doctor or social worker to hung up on a patient while they're in a crisis is totally unacceptable and you not understanding that says a lot about how blessed you've been in life. Ignorance truly is bliss.
Oh man, I’m from Russia, and time and time again I come through therapists, who do not know what they are doing. Sorry for the long rant below, I guess I have to put it somewhere 😂 So, to be fair, my friends always tell me about their good experiences, fast results, amazing doctors they met immediately when they need it. I guess, if it works for them, great. However, it doesn’t for me. And they can’t detect non standard patients for sure. Even now, when I finally know what is up with me, and try to find any help, it’s hard. I think, I have to go with a literal instruction manual next time. Once I came with a list of 80 problems I wanted to solve and. Who’d have guessed, next week I had another 10 new problems and I wanted to discuss them. Therapist didn’t raise a brow: “Yes, sure, we can do that, if you want”. After two or three months of that I just gave up. A few bother telling me anything about the process. Sometimes they just can’t say anything. But usually it’s “we should meet a couple more times and I can tell you then, but we must understand the problem you want to solve, first. Just come again, after 3 month we maybe can tell what to work with. And therapy will last a year or two after that”. Rarely they actually tell me their real thoughts about what we discuss. If we discuss anything - usually it’s just me talking. But when they do - I hope, they didn’t. The most competent I’ve got just repeated my statements back but with a question mark. Got me really puzzled for a couple of sessions, it was a deep rabbit hole. Just less than a month ago I tried to start with a new therapist specializing on BPD and ADHD (I have both) from a respectable private mental health center. I came with a concrete set of goals. We talked for a while, and when she said to me the depression is an emotion and EQUALS sadness, and for the first time in 20 years of practice she heard the other opinion. I already knew where it was going. She then asked me to do a list of my goals for the therapy, AGAIN, write down what I need to achieve those goals, and why I can not do that. I was cooked at this point 💀 And it wasn’t the cheap therapy session, I can tell you that. Writing this commentary was a much better therapy session. Now I can go to sleep 😌 I probably need to find someone from Europe or US, I don’t live in Russia anyway anymore - it’s all online communication at this point. I have no idea where to start and the place I’m in have even worse system. Not sure what to to and when I will have opportunity, but I’ll have to do something anyway.
I like Charlotte. Im not unlike her. Maybe i over react, i do but im not wrong. Only wrong for over reacting. People can b really cheeky but have keep control, or regain some control quickly. Maybe by realising its feeling out of control and telling yourself its for YOU that u need to gain some back
wow. psychiatrists have to be incredibly, incredibly patient. Charlotte oh boy. i also don't get why she would agree to have this posted on youtube. I know compassion compassion compassion. But she blames everyone else. Zero insight into herself. Life will always be harder for her than it needs to be if she keeps on like this. Maybe i don't know volunteer some place, get out of herself. I say this as someone with borderline traits. She is exhausting.
Having this type of person in one’s life sounds like a curse. The number of times of “they f-d me up” statements in a short clip shows super-high disagreeability. Personality traits are not a subject to treatment. Sadly.
@@3nrika Yeah, part of the issue is that people with BPD get dismissed when they talk about what others did to them. As if it was their fault and they brought it on themselves. BPD is actually a form of complex post traumatic stress disorder, so it's usually true that someone effed them up, and usually it was an adult in their childhood who abused them. Most of the time it was their parents (or who ever their caregivers were.) People with BPD weren't seen, weren't heard, weren't respected, weren't allowed to have their own emotions or boundaries. Many were scapegoated by their families. Of course they're angry and frustrated. And of course they gravitate toward those who treated them the same as when they were children. We are all pretty much programmed to do that but when you were abused, it's not a good thing...obviously. Another problem is that predatory and abusive people also gravitate toward them because of the boundary problems. Abusive therapists know they can get away with the abuse when they inflict it on someone with BPD. After all, people with BPD are manipulative and what they say can't possibly be right or true. (That last statement was sarcasm btw.) It's a sad and vicious cycle.
Charlotte intentionally threw the hourglass so as to hurt the therapist psychologically after some careful considerations. This bit shows her manipulative and psychopathic tendency. With this kind of personality, it draws out my reality-testing department alongside my compassion -- I would doubt how true to the reality that her recount of events are while I empathise with her anger towards people who was trying to set boundary with her. Having compassion alone does not make a good therapist. Her accusations of people wrongfully "ignoring her/hanging up on her", "making her stay in the room" sound like to me her self-serving exaggeration that supports her devaluation of therapists (in her subjective mind and so as to shift the responsibility to the "bad therapists" away from herself). Because, let's look at the fact, if those allegedly wrongful practices actually happened and she reported them, the practitioners would have received repercussions and herself compensated. In our clinical practice as psychologists, we hesitate to treat borderline patients exactly because of the potential damages to the therapists (e.g., psychological damage as initiated by Charlotte). Therapists are human being too and what Charlotte did, I imagined, would make anyone feel scared. Therapists are staking their safety and reputation to help BPD clients, it's a long process before any positive changes might have emerged in clients' deeply entrenched maladaptive patterns. Oftentimes, BPD clients don't see to the end of therapy with a therapist because of their frequent pushing of boundary and rapid idealisation-devaluation pattern when therapists don't yield to their boundary-crossing pushes, and they would leave the therapists commenting that "these therapists are bad". Sadly, medications do not help with personality disorders directly, but only the comorbid conditions like anxiety/depression.
@Nina Lauderdale Thank you!!! I was thinking the exact same thing, especially with regard to your last statement. The psychologist above inadvertently reinforced the entire message in the video
At first, I really liked her. Now, I don't like Charlotte. She expects everyone else to give and give and give and understand her feelings, but doesn't want to give or understand, in return. I want people like her to stay away from me, forever.
Typical BPD behavior though. They need and need and need some more but give nothing in return or respect boundaries. I was with one for 5 years who acted exactly like this.
@@princhipessa1969 Well I would have to disagree with you because I used some of my savings and sweat to build my girlfriend a brand new kitchen, from scratch, out of rough sawn lumber. Built 18 cabinets. It was a work of love, I have BPD and not only do I give everything of myself, sometimes I think I give too much. So for you to say that people with BPD give nothing in return and do not respect peoples boundaries, you do not know what the h*** you are talking about. I post under my real name by the way, unike yourself, who finds it easy to stereotype people anonymously. Have a nice day!
Great show of not owning responsibility for self from a borderline, everyone else's fault for her actions. Having dated to borderline, pissy attitude is typical.
@@leatherguru8904 that's the hardest thing to do for a borderliner. Their attachment style is characterized by emotional enmeshment. So at least(!) she said 'maybe'...
I am a clinical social work student and now in my second placement. Seeing how our patients are treated sometimes by some providers is very upsetting to me. I saw a young woman once being literally reprimanded and yelled at for sharing some of her past experiences with other patients. She ended up leaving in tears. Nobody said a word to the clinician. I can’t imagine this young girl will be seeking therapy for a while and definitely not at the same location. My point is - some clinicians are callous and jaded. I feel for the patients so much. Thank you for sharing your experiences, Charlotte ❤️
Some clinicians are narcissists. I mean I have a client who is a full blown narcissist, and she is a clinical psychologist, but because she is so narcissistic, she is only allowed to work with children. Can you imagine that? Her manager *knows* that working with adults can cause her such a narcissistic injury that she is only allowed to work with children, so she can always feel as though she is smarter than them, and thus always in the "one up" position, which is all narcissists really care about anyway.
Narcissists should NEVER be licensed to treat anyone except other narcissists. They are so toxic, and so vengeful, yet they are allowed to work in the mental health field, when they are INCAPABLE of having any empathy for others (not even their own children). It's just unconscionable in my opinion.
CAVEAT: I would say that a narcissist should be REQUIRED to reveal that they are a narcissist, and that they have a very serious characterological disorder, and they can be harmful to other people's mental health. IF they are willing to honestly reveal that BEFORE the client ever steps foot in their office, THEN they should be able to work with people who know AHEAD of time that the therapist has a serioius characterological disorder and is incapable of feeling empathy for others.
It is not enough to give "unconditional positive regard" to people. Empathy is essential to being a compassionate individual.
My bad therapy experiences began when I was 14 years old....I wasn't diagnosed with BPD until I was 42...though my current therapist who is really good, has made me realise I first became depressed at the age of six. It has taken me a long time to trust anyone...I have been hurt so many times.
@@le_th_ Sometimes I think they are in love with their cleverness and insist they know everything, and what we need more than we do. I also think therapists can be really messed up people.
@@emmyjo720 Yes, I think this is probably true for some of them. I've gotten lucky with a couple of therapists who were really good and helpful for the brief time I saw them. However, I've had a couple others that I only saw once because something was "off" during that first session. Just like humans we encounter every day, some are ok, some are wonderful, and some you just don't "click" with when you interact.
The thought of dealing with a psyche ward full of borderlines gives me the sweats.
Charlotte, you make me feel so much less alone. Thank you so much for that.
You're not alone. I know it's hard to remember sometimes, but please don't feel that way :)
i just completed my psych rotation for medical school, and patients with BPD have a NASTY reputation at my hospital, so watching this helps to keep my perspective more balanced. hope we get to see more :)
well psychiatrists have a nasty reputation with us, so as the world turns I suppose
@@alfsmom8025yup, they definitely do with me. Hence why I got the label, even after I came up negative on their tests. A label where they often ignore the criteria and just use a pejorative. Such lazy, arrogant, and stupid people.
Kind of cruel to be honest to say on a channel dedicated to BPD. I feel like you really could’ve left out the first part. Trust me, everyone knows they have a nasty reputation. I really did get the label just a pejorative. The results came back, and they literally showed I got half the required traits. That's bc BPD often just means difficult
My bad @@KaylaMarie-ox8le
Please keep posting these therapy session.. I am from Bangladesh and we dont have any psyciatrist and so we think we are just crazy.. This helps us relate to our experience.. I loved it when I heard charlotte talk about how she want to be a full functional adult.. I just love that and it touched me..
This comment means a lot to me, I hope things are going well for you
I think the worst part is that almost everyone with BPD has had a bad experience with a therapist, most don't want to treat us
Part of that is bc stupid experts often will use that as a pejorative. So, I clash with them I get the label, despite all the tests coming up negative. Then some don't get it just bc they're likable. They'll assume the worst when they see it
You don’t want to interact with most people productively, so it is your fault not theirs
@@derekpmooreThat isn't true of every person with BPD. Therapists who won't see someone with this disorder because they're not qualified to treat it, such as not being trained in behavioral or trauma therapy, are one thing. Ones that think people with BPD are untreatable are wrong, given the data of treatment rates. It's not everyone with BPD's fault for the way others with it act, or the way some therapists automatically assume they will act.
It's a responsibility to seek help and manage it, to ourselves and others. It's also a responsibility of mental health professionals to not think in absolutes. You know, like is so natural for people with BPD, is a huge problem, (and DBT helps with).
@@EclecticallyEccentric therapy is wrong for BPD people. Therapy teaches BPD people more weaponized tactics. Skills development and reversing of brain injury from toxic stress are what make BPD ppl better.
BPD and the other cluster B personality disorders are being moved to schizophrenia spectrum disorder.
Thank you Charlotte, for your bravery, vulnerability, and and insight. You're appreciated
I'm thankful for another one of these videos. This might seem odd, but it helps me to reflect on myself, & further work with my therapist on those reflections. Hope you all and Charlotte are well 🙏 You're such an inspiration 👏
Not odd to me- well, only because I also do the same. I thought i was the only one ☝️🤩 Thank you all!
Charlotte shows so clearly in her recalling that office visit how therapy needs to be worth it on a level higher than just staying out of the hospital. I really enjoyed working with folks with BPD as a social worker, I wanted them all on my list because they had the highest ideals and expectations of treatment and psychology, higher than any other people I’ve ever met. The ideals aren’t just about "feeling better," it needs to be joy, love, contentment and happiness or otherwise why bother? The work is so hard it has to be worth everything. Most people just get by, but the person with BPD expects more, I found that very positive to work for.
You are valued, you are loved and you are meant to be here ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Thank you for saying this, for all of us :)
Thank you for this video. Charlotte & this channel are courageous to present the topic of "Bad Therapy". As someone who suffered from narcissistic abuse & domestic violence I learned some therapists are incentivized to enable these evil abusers via benefiting from their very well paid job security rather than truly helping those in need, weaponizing narcissists.
Holy shit pickles, “bad therapy experiences”……? The vast majority of my experiences with therapists, doctors, nurses, social workers, paramedics, addiction counselors, etc have been callous at best, abusive at worst. As a man, regardless of the interaction, as soon as I would risk being honest and vulnerable, attitude of the people paid to help would shift. It’s been a travesty, it’s a nightmare, and an injustice.
Betrayal by a "caregiver" can ruin Trust. There are some crappy care providers out there
I just love this video series….
Thanks for sharing your experience. I think this can be helpful for the providers and the ones who are suffering. Certainly helpful for me to hear your experience.
i am a big charlotte fan. rooting for her!
❤!
So much love and respect to you and Charlotte. Thank you for the upload 🥰
❤
Thx, folks. It's interesting, that although she was diagnosed with BPD, Narcissism is often 'co-morbid' with BPD. And she seems to feel the need to somehow 'punish' her therapists and anyone else who 'disappoints' her.... apparently with no regrets whatsoever. Which kinda supports Otto Kernberg's view of NPD, that likewise displays the same aggression, entitlement, and lack of empathy or accountability... along a _continuum,_ as a sorta 'defense' against BPD. In other words, BPD could also be described as a 'failed' NPD.
I have such a desire to explain everything to Charlotte, she’s so smart and insightful. I don’t know why other therapists haven’t helped Charlotte go to that level.
Because of lack of theraputic insight.
@@ckris4446 I have to admit its been 5 months since I watched, so I'd have to watch again. I have a more psychoeducative, DBT/CBT method to my practice. So, I would be curious around how much psycho-education she's had around the dynamics of her symptoms, triggers and coping strategies.
Well, she does admit to destroying their belongings in front of them
I'm so glad to see more of Charlotte! :)
I love the directions you take with your channel. I’ve been watching your clips for a few years now! Is there any way to be a volunteer to help out?
Oh... You are so kind. Feel free to reach out to us at borderlinethemovie@gmail.com
@@BorderlinerNotes just sent you an email! :)
From the vid @2:25: "I’ve never reached out to anyone who wasn’t a friend and asked for help...you need to call 911 (to a social worker) and then she hung up on me…I’ll never forgive her for that … if we f*** up (we= social workers, staff..), we can ruin their entire perspective of a treatment team like ruin it, and I never went to anybody after that…"
I know what she is talking about. In my case, substitute "treatment team" for ENTIRE PSYCHOTHERAPY Profession. Ruined my perspective for 20 years until I saw the Doc Jacob vids, which have changed my perspective a bit about therapy WITH the right T and process.
THANK YOU CHARLOTTE, where ever you are ... peace be with you!
Great to hear from Charlotte
"My vein is popping out" is a great display of stress awareness.
AND she is funny. And adorable.
Charlotte is so interesting to me. Her voice makes her seem quite vulnerable and when she smiles, she lights up a room and melts hearts. And she's obviously a beautiful woman! But having watched many of her vids, she's also obviously been through a LOT which makes me really sad for her. I can only imagine how hard her struggles have been. I can so relate to her even tho I haven't been through the same. Sort of similar stuff but certainly not to the degrees she has been.
And I've said it numerous times, a bad therapist can screw a person up worse than anyone else.
I was once almost involuntarily committed because I was finally telling a secret that I'd suppressed for YEARS! When it came out it was ugly like popping a ZIT. Lots of tears, lots of emotion, lots of crap and it freaked out my family member who was there. I thought he was a safe person but my god, when he started talking like that I knew I had to dial it back a bit. AND THEN my therapist put me on anti-depressants without even giving me a chance to tell my side of the story. I was so damned mad, that next visit with my therapist I let him have it. I was so angry that he didn't even listen to me and simply prescribed drugs. But I never once threatened him with violence and I never stood up. I simply gave him a tongue lashing like I've never done before because I'd trusted him and IMO he'd violated that trust significantly.
Found out later that he could have easily had me committed without my consent and it would have happened. That's a scary thought that you might be in a highly charged emotional state and someone could simply have you committed to an institution against your will and there's literally NOTHING you could do to stop it.
Another poster has an interesting point that is worth exploring though I don't think they were kind in their approach. A recurring theme I see with BPD (or CPTSD) is an almost obsession with "blame". If I can't place the blame for my emotional pain on someone else, then I must be the one who is at fault. They seem to get stuck in binary thinking when it comes to emotional pain. The pain has to be someone else's fault. If it isn't, than I am to blame. Anger or Shame seem to be the default narratives.
There is a reason why the phrase "walking on eggshells" resonates with those of us who have loved ones with BPD. We end up in a no win situation: we are always the cause of the BPD's pain. It is either our fault for hurting them, or it is our fault for causing them to feel shame. Both options feel shitty. I believe it is the primary reason so many of us "abandon" our BPD loved ones. We just can't tolerate the constant sense that no matter what we do we are hurting our loved ones.
I'm curious if there is any part of BPD treatment that tries to get patients out of the "blame" spiral that is so destructive?
@@clementinedippeldapp6899 I'm sorry if I angered or triggered you. Just to be clear, I wasn't pathologizing anyone. I was pointing out a pattern of behavior that I've experienced with loved ones, and I was trying to make sense of it from my perspective.
Your response in many ways is an example of my original comment. Though you say you don't blame your ex or previous therapist, your comment is full of blame directed at them and me.
Just to reiterate, I'm not posting here to hurt anyone, including you. I'm commenting to give my perspective of my own experience and the patterns I've witnessed that seemed to be reflected in the video.
@@jamesbow5916 I think it is a very valid point that you made. I think these videos are amazing and the vulnerability Charolette has is so appreciated and educating. I feel I am compassionate and try to neither to judge or tell people how to be. Also the medical system is very flawed. So I get the view that it's important to bring light to poor experiences. And even those without BPD struggle tremendously to get quality care. Still I think personal responsibility is an issue. For example, it is simply not ok to break things in your therapists office. The fact that you are doing such things means you do need help but also that your issues are causing some really inappropriate behavior which is not easy to deal with, for anyone including the client. And that means you might have some very bad experiences as a result of those issues. It's a multilayered issue I believe. Not just a black and white, right or wrong matter. It's complex. Again I think your point is valid, but it's complicated. I wish the responder to your post could see that too and not just attack.
@@clementinedippeldapp6899 Denying and acknowledging nuances qnd complexity are two completely different things. Sorry you went through such things. I believe you. And have been through similar. Doesn't change the point. If this is our world we do have to have personal responsibility. I don't believe there was any reason to justifiably break things in her therapists office. But we all deserve much better. Corrective experiences are important. Hope you get that.
@@clementinedippeldapp6899 Thank you. All the best to you too.
The BPD client has to be ready to hear that they are responsible for their own healing and at the same time not to blame for the root cause of the BPD (trauma). During DBT this was a key turning point for me… so talking from direct experience of all the above ☝🏼
Charlotte thank you girl for your honest feelings ❤️ it
It takes a lot of patience and boundary setting to integrate the split between the libidinal/loving and aggressive aspects of someone with borderline tendencies. Maybe we open a healing dialogue by asking what did they learn from those "bad" experiences? Was there any transferance and countertransference dynamics going on? Is there any recognition and ownership of primitive defenses by the patient or therapist?
I was a teenager when I had the first of my bad experiences....It left me with serious trust issues, which have gotten worse. I have been given the wrong treatment and blamed for it not working, the wrong diagnosis, I have had short-term therapy which drove me to a breakdown, I have been picked up and dropped. Eight years ago I was taken from a one-to-one therapy and put into a group, against my will...and then completely dropped...I am finally back in therapy now, I have talked about my past experiences.
Her mention of her instagram going dark hit home. My instagram has been completely dark since late 2019 which was when the onset of my darkest / lowest episode. I thought therapy would be enough to navigate it but looking back I was not equipped with skills to cope with what was on my plate and certainly not 2021-2023 (COVID, pandemic job loss, quasi homeless, quasi car’less, absolute isolation in a dangerous city w/ nobody, gained 60 lbs, and moved to a new state for a new job with basically nothing but the clothes on my back last year. it just got so dark for several years.. I’m finally emerging from the darkness, I think, thanks to an aggressive psychiatrist and medication. I am finally seeing color, hearing music, having dreams again….And the genesis of my rambling story here is how her mention instagram resonated. I used to share what I was cooking because I wanted to share the colors of what I cooked, or photos of art etc., just simple trivial things.. and then I just stopped… stopped cooking, stopping seeing color and experiencing the goodness of it all… it all just went dark. Depression and BPD have taken so much from me. Hoping I am ready to share the joys of color again soon. 🥺
Charlotte seems so nice. I’ve had terrible experiences too. Being forced/ coerced to see experts. Pretty much the only therapist I chose ended up being a complete disappointment. Seamed like she cared the most. It just kept getting worse. To never making it on time to appointments/ while leaving me hanging for hours. To inviting me to her unofficial program with animal waste on the ground. That was just the farm she lived at.
The psychologist staging an 'intervention' like that sounds like a serious breach of ethics and protocol. I hear stories like this and I just can't believe these people are practicing therapists.
I work in healthcare and have experience with people who have BPD (Raised by one, dated 2 confirmed and 2 probably just undiagnosed) and can say this for sure-there is a lot that this person is not saying that is vital to understanding the whole picture. People with BPD are experts at manipulating. The other thing is the scenario of her being forced to stay at the therapists office could only happen if she showed herself to be a danger to herself or others. That being said, my heart goes out to this woman. BPD is one of the most untreatable disorders.
@@thepaulusmaximus That's a good point; I imagine the therapist's side of the story would be very different.
@@AndreasLovely No doubt, the therapist view would be interesting.
Maybe justified.
@@thepaulusmaximus It's really sad that you work in healthcare and immediately discredit her just because she has BPD. Therapists have a lot of power and they know, there are many therapists who use their power to manipulate and stage interventions as they see fit. Therapists who behave this way also know just how hard it is for people to report and prove their unethical actions, especially when that person has been diagnosed with a mental health disorder.
My wife and I live in the Netherlands for just over 3 years now. She has been diagnosed with BPD recently. The help she gets from the so called therapists is worthless, in most cases even deepening her issues. The diagnose took them 1.5 year. She was being transferred from one team to another like a hot potatoe - apparently no one was willing to actually work and help someone with a SERIOUS mental problems. It is easier to help the Dutch people dealing with their first world issues like being upset and "depressed" over "too small" breast and so on (I am not making this up). The team which diagnosed her on 18th August, still struggles to make a report on that diagnose, so she can start her therapy. They are being repeatedly reminded that my wife is suicidal and actually has a plan to go through with it (I am going with her, of course), yet they still work and process everything in slow motion. I am pretty sure that if she was a Dutch "lady", this would get their wheels turning faster. They just DO NOT CARE, they do not care that my wife is seriously ill, that we are living in a conditions worse than their dogs do, that we are being marginalised on every step by the locals, apparently out of fear that we are better educated and subjectively better suited for their job spots. But I digress. The waiting time for the therapy is a great unknown, we do not know whether there is even any point waiting. Therapies here are based on forcing you to think positively and enjoy the weather, the Sun or a beautiful flowers. They have no clue that when you live like an animal, shunned, hidden from the eyes of the Pretty White People (we might spoil their afternoon coffee in a restaurant) it does not help to be taught to be happy with the "little things". You can enjoy them in your living rooms bigger than our entire living space, you dumb fcks! If this is how the therapy is going to look like, then we'll just go and kill ourselves, because we are REALLY TIRED of trying to get help.
LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT.......you not alone as it is the same here in England....I just feel like a number when I see my psychiatrist, it is a complete waist of time and after he does a write up about me.....he wrote, 'she likes living on the edge'...TRIGGER NUMBER ONE.....then he wrote, 'she watches TV all day'....TRIGGER NUMBER TWO....I am so angry because how can I like living on the edge when I hardle leave my house and the second one is I never watch TV I had told him I listen to music all the time ....bloddy can;t wait to see him...my next appoinment is in a week or so...;;figuring going to write my points down and tell him, calm as, how he is making me feel....he has so far offered no help.....does anyone get me ? Anyone feel the same if from UK? Or am I just over reacting?....Charlotte and Rebbie love is all x
Probably good to understand, that borderlines can induce this attacking behavior in others (countertransference reactions). Even in experienced professionals. This is why not everyone is comfortable in dealing with them. Its extremely hard work.
Very interesting, thanks for sharing. i looked that up.......countertransference and learned something new. Thank you
Countertransference is normal (we are dealing with humans, not robots)! What isn't normal is the lack of accountability and conversation around it. People with BPD are supra-sensitive to countertransference pushback. A lack of self-awareness and accountability in a therapist when it comes to countertransference is a real fast track to the "eject button" (split). Emotional damage can be tenfold when it occurs in a therapy room, most especially in BPD patients.
The hard thing is that she clearly lives on drama. So how do you help someone who simultaneously needs help but also wants drama too. It’s a hard line to walk.
No one wants drama, believe me. Drama is a fight or flight response, it’s not a want. And after the fact there may very well be a lot of shame for that. Usually, if not always, the initial intention is good, but we f it up anyway 😅
So, that’s the wrong question you ask. Better question may be, how to lower the probability of distress response? When stress is minimized, there is no drama whatsoever, in theory. Little to none.
I do think it’s interesting that she talks so casually and unflinchingly about destroying someone else’s property - strategically, not impulsively, with the intent to emotionally harm- and yet simultaneously states that a social worker hanging up on her was unforgivable. She is very compelling, and I do feel bad for her, but she has an incredibly strong narcissistic streak. People are sort of just obstacles to her getting her needs met.
I mean, they’re also totally different situations. She is the patient here, and the psychologist was out of line gathering people she knew without her permission and physically FORCING her to stay in her office… That was out of line of her to do to a patient, and like she said, maybe not even legal. She didn’t destroy the object to hurt her just for fun, it was after she had been physically trapped and handled inappropriately.
The other case is a social worker hanging up on her when she is in a crisis. Again, she is the patient in this situation. Social workers and psychologists are supposed to be the ones trained to handle these situations, even though yes, sometimes they are difficult. I work in a hospital, and we’re absolutely not allowed to just leave patients in a crisis, no matter how difficult they may be.
@@zacharystone3236 we’re only getting her side of the story. I wonder what the psychologist and social worker would say.
I don’t agree that these are different situations. People are people. They deserve to be treated with humanity and respect. Just because your therapist does something you don’t like does not give you the right to destroy their property and abuse them. The therapist is just a human being, and does not deserve to be traumatized. I can almost guarantee that what she describes here is not what happened. If the therapist had really done something that illegal and unethical, it could’ve been reported and would have been addressed.
Honestly finding a good therapist is like a needle in a haystack. Most of them have never been in the depths you have been and have no clue. You can’t learn humans from books. Most of them just try to therapize you without being actual humans. Not their fault- it’s how they are trained. But seriously, we need a revamp of their training. I totally feel for charlotte. I get it!!
Hi, I’m new here. Can anyone tell me if there is a video about Charollet’s childhood on this channel? Thanks!
You don't say what lead up to that 911 person hanging up on you. What was it?
4:58 Finding out the ridiculousness of it all and just laughing it out :) Internal peace is always a way out of the resistance/struggles.
Guided meditation can realign your consciousness if you have struggles of who you are and why you do the things you do. I'm still in the process of the alignment within myself which has been really interesting. Hey Charlotte if you ever want coffee therapy I'm your guy
@@clementinedippeldapp6899 How can you find peace in others if you can't find it in yourself? Same with love. Same with understanding.
A wounded spirit needs time to heal before going to the next battle. Mediation is a way to separate the thoughts, emotions, and the body from the true self to create peace in that moment in time. Spend as much time as you want and leave when you want. I think its an incredible tool prior to doing hard cognitive work.
Our minds gets hijacked everyday especially our emotional state and is easily set off by a trigger. You can disarm all the triggers by covering the whole world or you can disarm the explosives inside of you. Your choice.
Oh my… So much focus on blaming others. Very BPD. Who knows why that person hung up the phone…could be entirely unrelated to her asking to call 911. Could even be a malfunction! But to hold on to that and to wish bad things for that person? Much work to be done still. It’s not the social worker on the phone’s fault that Charlotte has BPD or that she hasn’t had more progress than she had up until that point. Accountability is absent in people suffering from BPD. I wonder if that’s the last thing that is realized through CBT?
A patient holding subpar professionals accountable is not them needing to work on their BPD. I bet you have a litany of complaints about most inadequate professionals you come across, as that's a normal thing to do whether you have BPD or not.
For a doctor or social worker to hung up on a patient while they're in a crisis is totally unacceptable and you not understanding that says a lot about how blessed you've been in life. Ignorance truly is bliss.
She has a great smile..
Thanks ~
I think you are brave❤
Charlotte is so great and so brave.
Oh man, I’m from Russia, and time and time again I come through therapists, who do not know what they are doing.
Sorry for the long rant below, I guess I have to put it somewhere 😂
So, to be fair, my friends always tell me about their good experiences, fast results, amazing doctors they met immediately when they need it. I guess, if it works for them, great. However, it doesn’t for me.
And they can’t detect non standard patients for sure. Even now, when I finally know what is up with me, and try to find any help, it’s hard. I think, I have to go with a literal instruction manual next time.
Once I came with a list of 80 problems I wanted to solve and. Who’d have guessed, next week I had another 10 new problems and I wanted to discuss them. Therapist didn’t raise a brow: “Yes, sure, we can do that, if you want”. After two or three months of that I just gave up.
A few bother telling me anything about the process. Sometimes they just can’t say anything.
But usually it’s “we should meet a couple more times and I can tell you then, but we must understand the problem you want to solve, first. Just come again, after 3 month we maybe can tell what to work with. And therapy will last a year or two after that”.
Rarely they actually tell me their real thoughts about what we discuss. If we discuss anything - usually it’s just me talking. But when they do - I hope, they didn’t.
The most competent I’ve got just repeated my statements back but with a question mark. Got me really puzzled for a couple of sessions, it was a deep rabbit hole.
Just less than a month ago I tried to start with a new therapist specializing on BPD and ADHD (I have both) from a respectable private mental health center. I came with a concrete set of goals. We talked for a while, and when she said to me the depression is an emotion and EQUALS sadness, and for the first time in 20 years of practice she heard the other opinion. I already knew where it was going. She then asked me to do a list of my goals for the therapy, AGAIN, write down what I need to achieve those goals, and why I can not do that. I was cooked at this point 💀 And it wasn’t the cheap therapy session, I can tell you that.
Writing this commentary was a much better therapy session. Now I can go to sleep 😌
I probably need to find someone from Europe or US, I don’t live in Russia anyway anymore - it’s all online communication at this point. I have no idea where to start and the place I’m in have even worse system. Not sure what to to and when I will have opportunity, but I’ll have to do something anyway.
You’re cool Charlotte. X
I like Charlotte. Im not unlike her. Maybe i over react, i do but im not wrong. Only wrong for over reacting. People can b really cheeky but have keep control, or regain some control quickly. Maybe by realising its feeling out of control and telling yourself its for YOU that u need to gain some back
wow. psychiatrists have to be incredibly, incredibly patient. Charlotte oh boy. i also don't get why she would agree to have this posted on youtube. I know compassion compassion compassion. But she blames everyone else. Zero insight into herself. Life will always be harder for her than it needs to be if she keeps on like this. Maybe i don't know volunteer some place, get out of herself. I say this as someone with borderline traits. She is exhausting.
Charlotte still has a lot of paranoid-schizoid aggression she can’t let go of, projecting the reasons for her aggression onto others
Maybe they were not her friends🤔🎄
She has a lot of black and white thinking...
yep thats bpd
Having this type of person in one’s life sounds like a curse. The number of times of “they f-d me up” statements in a short clip shows super-high disagreeability. Personality traits are not a subject to treatment. Sadly.
But, what if it's true?
@@3nrika Yeah, part of the issue is that people with BPD get dismissed when they talk about what others did to them. As if it was their fault and they brought it on themselves. BPD is actually a form of complex post traumatic stress disorder, so it's usually true that someone effed them up, and usually it was an adult in their childhood who abused them.
Most of the time it was their parents (or who ever their caregivers were.)
People with BPD weren't seen, weren't heard, weren't respected, weren't allowed to have their own emotions or boundaries. Many were scapegoated by their families. Of course they're angry and frustrated. And of course they gravitate toward those who treated them the same as when they were children. We are all pretty much programmed to do that but when you were abused, it's not a good thing...obviously.
Another problem is that predatory and abusive people also gravitate toward them because of the boundary problems. Abusive therapists know they can get away with the abuse when they inflict it on someone with BPD. After all, people with BPD are manipulative and what they say can't possibly be right or true. (That last statement was sarcasm btw.)
It's a sad and vicious cycle.
Charlotte intentionally threw the hourglass so as to hurt the therapist psychologically after some careful considerations. This bit shows her manipulative and psychopathic tendency. With this kind of personality, it draws out my reality-testing department alongside my compassion -- I would doubt how true to the reality that her recount of events are while I empathise with her anger towards people who was trying to set boundary with her. Having compassion alone does not make a good therapist.
Her accusations of people wrongfully "ignoring her/hanging up on her", "making her stay in the room" sound like to me her self-serving exaggeration that supports her devaluation of therapists (in her subjective mind and so as to shift the responsibility to the "bad therapists" away from herself). Because, let's look at the fact, if those allegedly wrongful practices actually happened and she reported them, the practitioners would have received repercussions and herself compensated.
In our clinical practice as psychologists, we hesitate to treat borderline patients exactly because of the potential damages to the therapists (e.g., psychological damage as initiated by Charlotte). Therapists are human being too and what Charlotte did, I imagined, would make anyone feel scared. Therapists are staking their safety and reputation to help BPD clients, it's a long process before any positive changes might have emerged in clients' deeply entrenched maladaptive patterns. Oftentimes, BPD clients don't see to the end of therapy with a therapist because of their frequent pushing of boundary and rapid idealisation-devaluation pattern when therapists don't yield to their boundary-crossing pushes, and they would leave the therapists commenting that "these therapists are bad". Sadly, medications do not help with personality disorders directly, but only the comorbid conditions like anxiety/depression.
@Nina Lauderdale Thank you!!! I was thinking the exact same thing, especially with regard to your last statement. The psychologist above inadvertently reinforced the entire message in the video
Amy Rank - do you treat people with personality disorders? Would be interesting to have a conversation with you. Would you be interested to do this?
At first, I really liked her. Now, I don't like Charlotte. She expects everyone else to give and give and give and understand her feelings, but doesn't want to give or understand, in return. I want people like her to stay away from me, forever.
Typical BPD behavior though. They need and need and need some more but give nothing in return or respect boundaries. I was with one for 5 years who acted exactly like this.
@@princhipessa1969 Well I would have to disagree with you because I used some of my savings and sweat to build my girlfriend a brand new kitchen, from scratch, out of rough sawn lumber. Built 18 cabinets. It was a work of love, I have BPD and not only do I give everything of myself, sometimes I think I give too much.
So for you to say that people with BPD give nothing in return and do not respect peoples boundaries, you do not know what the h*** you are talking about. I post under my real name by the way, unike yourself, who finds it easy to stereotype people anonymously.
Have a nice day!
Great show of not owning responsibility for self from a borderline, everyone else's fault for her actions. Having dated to borderline, pissy attitude is typical.
She literally said "maybe it was my fault". You are very quick to judge.
@@sofie1065 however, she said "maybe". Not "I did". Not one in the same.
@@leatherguru8904 that's the hardest thing to do for a borderliner. Their attachment style is characterized by emotional enmeshment. So at least(!) she said 'maybe'...
@@MakeDemocracyMagnificientAgain having been with a borderline for 3 years maybe means nothing
She literally admits to being shitty to people 24 seconds in.
Is it possible that Charlotte is just a spoiled brat? Just sayin’.
So much love and respect to you and Charlotte. Thank you for the upload 🥰
I think the worst part is that almost everyone with BPD has had a bad experience with a therapist, most don't want to treat us