This talk wasn’t easy to listen to emotionally, but was very important. Thanks for taking the time to put it together and thanks for creating an SA group therapy for survivors.
I was figiting and felt body aches while I was listening to this, it definitely brought up old, uncomfortable memories. I didn't turn the talk off, I didn't pause it. I'm glad I heard it and got some clarification on why I have certain thoughts surrounding past events, why I may have acted the way I did afterwards growing up. I have a lifetime of issues I'm working on in myself, and it gives me hope when I hear talks from people like Tim that are not only knowledgeable and informed, but also compassionate and aware. Thank you Mr. Fletcher for these talks, I'm using them not only for my own healing, but also teaching myself ways to be a good parent to the best of my capabilities and understanding to my own child, and raise her well into a whole being who doesn't have to spend so many years unwinding trauma and issues.
I came to this video out of curiosity about someone I know. After listening all of it learned a lot about humanity and failure, but also about hope. Thanks God I confirmed my initial worry does not need to be, but unexpectedly I understood a good qty of the population to which I was blind before. Thank you Tim and Anita. ❤
I serve in the office of Spiritual Healing, deliverance and Exorcism. This Pastor is graced by the Holy Spirit- he is explaining what I explain to many- as many cases I have stem from these open wound of sexual trauma. May God bless tbis ministry accirding to his holy will 🙏🙏
Thank the gal who was brave enough to share her story. My heart breaks for what she went through About this talking on sex. This was a really balanced view of the topic
Life without boundaries is a minefield for those desperate to be loved. When it comes to sex, sex should be the side effect of a healthy connection. But we’re wired in reverse. But the outcome is the opposite. Sex does not lead to connection. Connection usually leads to sex. Now to figure out how to connect. I’m listening Tim. Thank you for your teachings
Both lead to each other imo. Sex opens my heart. But connecting in other ways opens my heart too. Sex has given me the ability to have the most realest moments with women I've loved. Where I can truly "see" them. But so has nonsexual connection.
Yes this was heavy… but I was thrown when Tim said “f**k buddy”😂. I giggled out loud, and snorted! And it takes a lot for me to even laugh in my head, certainty a rarity to outwardly express amusement.
I can't remember ever hearing someone saying that they just can't feel the sadness and pain. I somehow always wondered what was wrong that I don't feel that either, maybe it wasn't such a big deal. But all the signs tell differently. That's so difficult and hard if a child that doesn't have much and there's one giving all the right attention, care and love but mixed it with the sexually wrong things. Thanks for your story Anita 🙏🏼
Thank you Tim for your honest talks. I was sexually abused age 4( or younger) till age 12 by cousins...jr high often got dragged and 'felt up' by several boys ( always too afraid to tell teachers), teen years struggled with 'weak' NO's/ led to promiscuity.... so much yuck!....married/ divorced/ remarried.... so many issues... Wow...I think I should sign up for the LIFT program
Thank you so much!! I am so happy to have founded your videos ... they are so helpful even as such hard topic as CPTSD. I am looking forward to writing my story. Hope helps someone one day. As survival from a pretty bad childhood. When I hear a very extreme abuse story just like your client, I feel shame of complain or the weight has my story has on my adult life. The perpetrators of sexual abuse knew I was alone, and I wouldn't tell anything to anyone as I only had them, and my mother was a raging abuser. So between the two evils I chose, the lesser that was silent.
That story is amazing and inspiring. I can't help but be surprised by the strength this woman has after her upbringing. My experiences have not been nearly as severe and yet, I haven't been able to find that sort of strength and determination. Her story , I hope, will remain with me and remind me that when emotions surface to the past, I can deal with them as I would with a child, with tenderness and love. Thank you Mr. Fletcher, thank you Anita.
This topic has been so hard for me to face 😂, and I live in a community that doesn't have any support for the proper and the most responsible way of dealing with the topics surrounding this area.
When I was younger, I dealt with the sexual identity confusion. I thought I was gay because of what happened to me. I grew up in a very sexually abusive family. Only gay men get raped. Real men rape. That was one of the underlying beliefs in my family of origin. Since I didn't want to be abusive, that left me to deal with the sexual abuse until I was physically big enough to protect myself. Add in sexual abuse from my mother ("what's wrong with you?! How come you don't want to have sex with me!" Are you gay?") She would say things like that when I didn't "want to engage" in sexual activities with her. Accuse me of being a sissy, gay because men should always want sex. Then all the humiliating language they would use to shame me for them being pedophiles. The kids at school mocking me for being abused. Nothing being done about it. I couldn't fight back verbally because I couldn't deny my parents were abusing me. I'd physically fight back and be punished for it. It was bullshit. How an identity forms that misaligns with your sexual orientation or gender is easy to understand when you comprehend how much sexual abuse and incest affect a child. Society's unscientific view of sexuality and gender does nothing except sweep under the rug the pain of survivors of childhood sexual abuse and incest. It's disgusting.
I'm sorry these things have been done to u. No one deserves being treated less then. Prayers to u. I hope u find it in ur heart to forgive everyone for all their wrong doings to u. It's part of the healing process. I've always said this is why so many boys are the way they are. ❤
@@debrakarr996 What do you mean "boys are the way they are"? I've dealt with the confusion. It's not confusion, it's the literal feeling of being sexually violated, you don't know what happened, why the ones who are supposed to be your family/role models sexually and physically brutalized you. The confusion is literally a traumatic state. When you heal your traumas, you can embody yourself as you were made. It helped immensely that I never replayed the teauma. Nowadays, I have a loving girlfriend. She's amazing. I've been honest with her about what I suffered, how it affected me, and how it still affects. She's kind, caring, supportive, and so many other things. I'm lucky I found her. And no, you don't have to forgive to move on. That's a lie. Thank you for the good wishes.
43:13 This is *original grandiosity*, the source of all narcissistic grandiosity. Narcissism begins with a traumatized person saying to themselves "I'M BETTER NOW". Since statistically this is preposterous, and deep down they know they are not better, they must become very grandiose in order to believe that they are better, and to get through the day. Anything that challenges that idea must be destroyed.
@@SpookyChunks What, the video? My comment? What specifically is the "victim mentality"? As for what I have to say, no; it takes time to get better. You wouldn't attack a 6 month old for not being able to walk. If you are not better but you believe you are, you are lying to yourself. Lying to yourself and exaggerating how great you are is not healthy. Victim mentality is more of a borderline thing, it's not healthy either. Victim mentality is more concerned about apportioning blame than actually making things better. As long as your working on recovery you aren't run by victim mentality
@@mobilityproject3485 @mobilityproject3485 oh I see. I didn't pick up what you meant. "lying to yourself and EXAGGERATING...." That exaggerating part flew over my head because the comment read to me like: as soon as you pump yourself up you are a narcissist. I'm thinking damn, is this person not allowed to feel good about themselves? Maybe they take themselves too seriously? Like me? I get that mentality though. I think to myself as soon as I think I'm "cured" of my alcoholism that's when it's the perfect time for it to come back. Hyper vigilance maybe? Maybe I just need to relax
Tim - You mentioned plans to address BPD, and I have a question. It seems like there are many professionals that feel BPD and CPTSD are either identical or nearly identical. From what I have learned, they aren't, and I find it odd to lump them together. Thanks for the effort, dedication, and clarity that you and your team bring. You're helping a lot of people. 👍🙂
BPD, NPD, SPD, and many other disorders are subsets of CPTSD, since they all require some element of trauma. A person with CPTSD may have one of these disorders, or none.
@@astraluna555 Thank you for your response. The more I read, the more I see people conflating the two, and some papers have even been published that parse out some wildly derivative conjecture. For example, "Sudden Reaction Syndrome," where the author suggest that SRS is a pre-cursor to PTSD, which is a pre-cursor to CPTSD. Some make things simplistic in their attempt at simplifying. It's sad to note that CPTSD is not in the DSM because it was felt lumping it in with PTSD was sufficient. That's like lumping a car accident in with cancer as an end result. Good luck with your journey
I feel like the most important thing to take away from this is that regardless of what we call it, it is just a way of coping that has been named as a disorder. A disorder feels like it is a incurable thing where as I feel like its cool to learn these things so we know what it may require to heal. The biggest thing though is that HEALING IS POSSIBLE. Regardless of the "disorder" . Its actually further shame inducing I feel to tell someone else they have a disorder I would prefer them to figure it out themselves by showing them what healthy is. This at least was my experience with my therapist and it worked as I feel healed within a lot of ways That were not before plus naturally understand 80-90 percent of what Tim Speaks about here plus without seeing his videos priorrr. Cheers I hope we all get the healing we deserve with secure PEOPLE.
There are way too many professionals who discount abuse and trauma and use the DSM to reduce people to symptoms and ignore the context. They worked backwards, which is why it's often wrong. "These people have a healthy environment, so let's figure out why their brain is broken" as opposed to "what in their environment led to these behaviors " so stuff like BPD makes someone think it's a problem with them and not with what happened to them and how to heal from the trauma. It's like trying to medicate a broken leg without actually looking to see if it's still being actively crushed by something. BPD Isn't the problem and isn't what needs to be treated. It's just a name for symptoms like "blood loss" and "fracture". CPTSD is a name for the thing crushing your leg that you need to address before you have any hope of experiencing healing. Otherwise it's just coping and coping with a toxic environment is.... well it's toxic.
Hi, for those who become shut down or find sex wrong, and end up isolating too much - are you able to give some pointers on what might be a healthy way to explore their sexuality? I feel like I’ve lost all of my youth never doing anything “wrong”, hoping for a reward (love) for being good, that never came, and instead just find myself naive and susceptible - I find myself resonating with the stories of child sexual abuse due to an experience I had in my late 30s. Thanks for elucidating this difficult topic so well.
34:20 this is incredibly difficult to hear and takes me into a heavy revenge fantasy 😢 hopefully it will get better and solution oriented because i know revenge will make my life even worse, not better
When they ask. And then only answer their question(s). And of course when your son has a “wet dream” and your daughter has her first period. Very important to keep them from watching sexually explicit material on TV and social media , which is a challenge and virtually impossible. (pun intended)
I know you posted this 2 years ago, and I hope you've been able to navigate this issue as best you can. As far as my experience goes, I was only 3/4 years old when I was molested by an older kid. If I had the vocabulary to be able to talk about it and if I felt safe enough to share my experience with my parents, it wouldn't have turned into a life-long source of shame and trauma. Children should be taught about their parts, the anatomically correct terms, and how it's not ok for anyone to violate their autonomy and that if it ever happens, you are a safe place for them to run to for help.
This is how it was originally taught to me but it still feels so gross and cheesy to call sex beautiful and sacred. Which is how I know I must have a skewed perspective
There are people who are definitely predisposed to developing neurologically in a opposite-gendered way. Also, what is propaganda is that sexual abuse/incest have no effect on a child's sexual/gender identity. They do, in big ways. Born that way applies to a minority of the LGBT community. Most who identify as LGBT are traumatized into that identity. It's really fcuked up and society erases that pain by saying that if you struggle with your sexual identity, it's because you're gay, not because you were traumatized into a role that wasn't you.
@MS-wy4sb why is it societies place to be worried about your pain? If one isn't comfortable being gay why pretend to be or blame the trauma for the damage. We've all been damaged some more some less some longer some for shorter periods of it. It's time each one of us fix us from all the damage that was done at the most precious time of our life. It's hard to learn how to deal with all the pain. It's all inside of each of us to be the change we need to be who we are. Prayers to u. Hope life gets better for u.
@@debrakarr996 No one is pretending to be gay. It's about how you view yourself because of what happened to you. That's the wound and distortion of self that occurs. Trauma can't change your sexual orientation, but it can influence your identity. Identity and orientation are different. In non-abused individuals, they align. As to why is it society's responsibility to consider your pain... one, it's called being scientifically accurate. No different than viewing lobotomies as a treatment for mental health issues as legitimate. We know better now. Two, because it's blaming someone for being abused. If you're so traumatized by sexual abuse and incest that it causes sexual identity confusion, how is concluding someone is gay for the effect of being raped?! That's like telling women they were raped because they dressed slutty. It's just another way to blame the child for what happened to them, which is disgusting and atrocious at least. It's fucked up that we shame people for being abused and dealing with the effects.
For those called to singleness, you can live in singleness and have zero sex drive. I think some ppl don’t believe it bc we are so sexualized but you can. I know for me I have been set free from this drive completely. Self pleasure is not biblically sound and leads you to seek for something else more satisfying which will make a much bigger mess for you. If you are a single parent, you should stay single til at least your kids grow up. This is the best thing you can give your children. Focus on healing you and your children. That’s enough work and the Heavenly Father is enough for your kids. Trust me. Build that relationship and it will carry your kids farther than jumping into another relationship looking for an earthly father figure for your kids.
Sometimes it is God who leads people into a new relationship. We can't lean on our own understanding but we must always seek God's guidance and clarity in each unique situation. We definitely need to make sure we are putting God first and getting our needs met through Him but sometimes He has a purpose for people coming together. As for my spouse and I we don't have some lustful drive for pleasure that we want to use one another for.. we just want to connect with each other and love one another and that's our goal and heart posture when we are physically intimate. So whatever may be called a "drive" related to sex isn't about a physical urge but rather a mental and emotional desire for closeness achieved via physical closeness that goes much further than just physical closeness. I get really sad when people talk about sexual urges the way most people do because that is very fleshly and self centered and shallow. It is pretty disturbing to me and seems completely grounded on lust and we as Christians are meant to crucify the flesh and represent Jesus and the church in our marriages.
Christians complicate sex so much. Sex is beautiful and want to be enjoyed. I'm a Christian and I'm married and I have no idea why my wife and I just can't enjoy it whenever. Connecting with her in nonsexual ways is also incredibly difficult because of how she is. Always negative and closed off.
Tim... You're stuff is very educational.. to me it seems that people make relationships way too complicated to be enjoyable. Do you think getting away from Christian ideas of waiting til marriage and such are helping or hurting people?
I think it hurts more than anything else and that it is the cause of the spike we've seen over the past 60 years in complex trauma. If you're looking for blame for the misery of modern life, there's plenty of it for the people who started this "revolution"...
If you really coming from a good place, why bring is here then charge for help. If we could afford help, or let me say, if I could afford help I would not be trying to heal on RUclips
@@drsandhyathumsikumar4479 Because of his series, especially the Bible explanations at the end and his other page is what's giving me hope that I still have a chance to get better. This topic hit me harder than the rest. Doesn't justify, but I am grateful.
The content is all free and the program at the actual facility is too I believe. He has to pay for the therapist who lead the Lift classes and these videos don’t have many views. I’m sure if he was Mr Beast famous he’d give it away for free. I’ve watched a lot of Snake Oil sales men and I don’t see Mr Fletcher as one. If so he’d be way better off in crypto or doing more gimmicks like walking on coal or comparing his library to his cars. I understand the feeling though… Poverty sucks… Feeling helpless is horrifying… Have you tried asking about a payment plan?… Not trying to minimize your situation which I know little of just want to see you doing better and offering the little help I can…
@@tmosest Thank you so much, I'm embarrassed for lashing out. Day 4 of no contact, if you know what I mean. The only reason I'm not going bananas is because I keep putting them in my cereal. 😭
Every single one of your lectures just resonates. So glad to have found you, Tim.
Absolutely me too! I always underestimated people who claim that one person changed their life again but Tim gave me hope!
Same!
This talk wasn’t easy to listen to emotionally, but was very important. Thanks for taking the time to put it together and thanks for creating an SA group therapy for survivors.
Is SA, South African?
@@SpiritusMundi3sexual addiction
@@SpiritusMundi3I was also wondering
@@SpiritusMundi3it is Sexual assault
@@SpiritusMundi3No, I don't think so. When you see the theme of this video I think SA stands for sexual assult
I was figiting and felt body aches while I was listening to this, it definitely brought up old, uncomfortable memories. I didn't turn the talk off, I didn't pause it. I'm glad I heard it and got some clarification on why I have certain thoughts surrounding past events, why I may have acted the way I did afterwards growing up. I have a lifetime of issues I'm working on in myself, and it gives me hope when I hear talks from people like Tim that are not only knowledgeable and informed, but also compassionate and aware. Thank you Mr. Fletcher for these talks, I'm using them not only for my own healing, but also teaching myself ways to be a good parent to the best of my capabilities and understanding to my own child, and raise her well into a whole being who doesn't have to spend so many years unwinding trauma and issues.
I came to this video out of curiosity about someone I know. After listening all of it learned a lot about humanity and failure, but also about hope. Thanks God I confirmed my initial worry does not need to be, but unexpectedly I understood a good qty of the population to which I was blind before. Thank you Tim and Anita. ❤
This is the real sex education which has to be taught in schools.Thank you for taking up this sensitive topic and delivering it beautifully.
This channel needs to grow more
I serve in the office of Spiritual Healing, deliverance and Exorcism. This Pastor is graced by the Holy Spirit- he is explaining what I explain to many- as many cases I have stem from these open wound of sexual trauma. May God bless tbis ministry accirding to his holy will 🙏🙏
Thank the gal who was brave enough to share her story.
My heart breaks for what she went through
About this talking on sex. This was a really balanced view of the topic
Life without boundaries is a minefield for those desperate to be loved. When it comes to sex, sex should be the side effect of a healthy connection. But we’re wired in reverse. But the outcome is the opposite. Sex does not lead to connection. Connection usually leads to sex. Now to figure out how to connect. I’m listening Tim. Thank you for your teachings
Both lead to each other imo. Sex opens my heart. But connecting in other ways opens my heart too. Sex has given me the ability to have the most realest moments with women I've loved. Where I can truly "see" them. But so has nonsexual connection.
Yes this was heavy… but I was thrown when Tim said “f**k buddy”😂.
I giggled out loud, and snorted! And it takes a lot for me to even laugh in my head, certainty a rarity to outwardly express amusement.
Lol me too😂😂
i heard that and run to the comment section and here we are ...lol
I can't remember ever hearing someone saying that they just can't feel the sadness and pain. I somehow always wondered what was wrong that I don't feel that either, maybe it wasn't such a big deal. But all the signs tell differently. That's so difficult and hard if a child that doesn't have much and there's one giving all the right attention, care and love but mixed it with the sexually wrong things. Thanks for your story Anita 🙏🏼
Wow, that story was so beautifully written and told. Thank you Anita for sharing it. I wish that it reaches those who need it most.
Thank you Tim for your honest talks. I was sexually abused age 4( or younger) till age 12 by cousins...jr high often got dragged and 'felt up' by several boys ( always too afraid to tell teachers), teen years struggled with 'weak' NO's/ led to promiscuity.... so much yuck!....married/ divorced/ remarried.... so many issues...
Wow...I think I should sign up for the LIFT program
You need help please seek help 🙏 .
Sorry you went through all of that. You deserved better 🙏🏼❤️🩹 prayers you’re doing these past few years.
Thank you so much!! I am so happy to have founded your videos ... they are so helpful even as such hard topic as CPTSD. I am looking forward to writing my story. Hope helps someone one day. As survival from a pretty bad childhood. When I hear a very extreme abuse story just like your client, I feel shame of complain or the weight has my story has on my adult life. The perpetrators of sexual abuse knew I was alone, and I wouldn't tell anything to anyone as I only had them, and my mother was a raging abuser. So between the two evils I chose, the lesser that was silent.
That story is amazing and inspiring. I can't help but be surprised by the strength this woman has after her upbringing. My experiences have not been nearly as severe and yet, I haven't been able to find that sort of strength and determination. Her story , I hope, will remain with me and remind me that when emotions surface to the past, I can deal with them as I would with a child, with tenderness and love. Thank you Mr. Fletcher, thank you Anita.
This topic has been so hard for me to face 😂, and I live in a community that doesn't have any support for the proper and the most responsible way of dealing with the topics surrounding this area.
When I was younger, I dealt with the sexual identity confusion. I thought I was gay because of what happened to me. I grew up in a very sexually abusive family. Only gay men get raped. Real men rape. That was one of the underlying beliefs in my family of origin. Since I didn't want to be abusive, that left me to deal with the sexual abuse until I was physically big enough to protect myself. Add in sexual abuse from my mother ("what's wrong with you?! How come you don't want to have sex with me!" Are you gay?") She would say things like that when I didn't "want to engage" in sexual activities with her. Accuse me of being a sissy, gay because men should always want sex. Then all the humiliating language they would use to shame me for them being pedophiles. The kids at school mocking me for being abused. Nothing being done about it. I couldn't fight back verbally because I couldn't deny my parents were abusing me. I'd physically fight back and be punished for it. It was bullshit. How an identity forms that misaligns with your sexual orientation or gender is easy to understand when you comprehend how much sexual abuse and incest affect a child. Society's unscientific view of sexuality and gender does nothing except sweep under the rug the pain of survivors of childhood sexual abuse and incest. It's disgusting.
I'm sorry these things have been done to u. No one deserves being treated less then. Prayers to u. I hope u find it in ur heart to forgive everyone for all their wrong doings to u. It's part of the healing process. I've always said this is why so many boys are the way they are. ❤
@@debrakarr996 What do you mean "boys are the way they are"? I've dealt with the confusion. It's not confusion, it's the literal feeling of being sexually violated, you don't know what happened, why the ones who are supposed to be your family/role models sexually and physically brutalized you. The confusion is literally a traumatic state. When you heal your traumas, you can embody yourself as you were made. It helped immensely that I never replayed the teauma. Nowadays, I have a loving girlfriend. She's amazing. I've been honest with her about what I suffered, how it affected me, and how it still affects. She's kind, caring, supportive, and so many other things. I'm lucky I found her. And no, you don't have to forgive to move on. That's a lie.
Thank you for the good wishes.
43:13 This is *original grandiosity*, the source of all narcissistic grandiosity. Narcissism begins with a traumatized person saying to themselves "I'M BETTER NOW". Since statistically this is preposterous, and deep down they know they are not better, they must become very grandiose in order to believe that they are better, and to get through the day. Anything that challenges that idea must be destroyed.
Perpetual victim mentality? That's what this sounds like to me.
@@SpookyChunks What, the video? My comment? What specifically is the "victim mentality"?
As for what I have to say, no; it takes time to get better. You wouldn't attack a 6 month old for not being able to walk. If you are not better but you believe you are, you are lying to yourself. Lying to yourself and exaggerating how great you are is not healthy.
Victim mentality is more of a borderline thing, it's not healthy either. Victim mentality is more concerned about apportioning blame than actually making things better. As long as your working on recovery you aren't run by victim mentality
@@mobilityproject3485 @mobilityproject3485 oh I see. I didn't pick up what you meant. "lying to yourself and EXAGGERATING...." That exaggerating part flew over my head because the comment read to me like: as soon as you pump yourself up you are a narcissist. I'm thinking damn, is this person not allowed to feel good about themselves? Maybe they take themselves too seriously? Like me? I get that mentality though. I think to myself as soon as I think I'm "cured" of my alcoholism that's when it's the perfect time for it to come back. Hyper vigilance maybe? Maybe I just need to relax
Thank you Tim.❤️♾️💕
Tim -
You mentioned plans to address BPD, and I have a question. It seems like there are many professionals that feel BPD and CPTSD are either identical or nearly identical.
From what I have learned, they aren't, and I find it odd to lump them together.
Thanks for the effort, dedication, and clarity that you and your team bring. You're helping a lot of people.
👍🙂
BPD, NPD, SPD, and many other disorders are subsets of CPTSD, since they all require some element of trauma. A person with CPTSD may have one of these disorders, or none.
@@astraluna555
Thank you for your response.
The more I read, the more I see people conflating the two, and some papers have even been published that parse out some wildly derivative conjecture.
For example, "Sudden Reaction Syndrome," where the author suggest that SRS is a pre-cursor to PTSD, which is a pre-cursor to CPTSD. Some make things simplistic in their attempt at simplifying.
It's sad to note that CPTSD is not in the DSM because it was felt lumping it in with PTSD was sufficient. That's like lumping a car accident in with cancer as an end result.
Good luck with your journey
I feel like the most important thing to take away from this is that regardless of what we call it, it is just a way of coping that has been named as a disorder. A disorder feels like it is a incurable thing where as I feel like its cool to learn these things so we know what it may require to heal. The biggest thing though is that HEALING IS POSSIBLE. Regardless of the "disorder" . Its actually further shame inducing I feel to tell someone else they have a disorder I would prefer them to figure it out themselves by showing them what healthy is. This at least was my experience with my therapist and it worked as I feel healed within a lot of ways That were not before plus naturally understand 80-90 percent of what Tim Speaks about here plus without seeing his videos priorrr. Cheers I hope we all get the healing we deserve with secure PEOPLE.
This stuff is so hard to grasp deeply it really is actually.
There are way too many professionals who discount abuse and trauma and use the DSM to reduce people to symptoms and ignore the context. They worked backwards, which is why it's often wrong. "These people have a healthy environment, so let's figure out why their brain is broken" as opposed to "what in their environment led to these behaviors " so stuff like BPD makes someone think it's a problem with them and not with what happened to them and how to heal from the trauma. It's like trying to medicate a broken leg without actually looking to see if it's still being actively crushed by something. BPD Isn't the problem and isn't what needs to be treated. It's just a name for symptoms like "blood loss" and "fracture". CPTSD is a name for the thing crushing your leg that you need to address before you have any hope of experiencing healing. Otherwise it's just coping and coping with a toxic environment is.... well it's toxic.
Hi, for those who become shut down or find sex wrong, and end up isolating too much - are you able to give some pointers on what might be a healthy way to explore their sexuality?
I feel like I’ve lost all of my youth never doing anything “wrong”, hoping for a reward (love) for being good, that never came, and instead just find myself naive and susceptible - I find myself resonating with the stories of child sexual abuse due to an experience I had in my late 30s.
Thanks for elucidating this difficult topic so well.
34:20 this is incredibly difficult to hear and takes me into a heavy revenge fantasy 😢 hopefully it will get better and solution oriented because i know revenge will make my life even worse, not better
Thank you Tim.
¡Gracias!
Needed to hear this:-)
Thank you 🙏🏽
I never had sexusl abuse but my Dad was a narcissist. I think my sex drive shut down to protect me as i was never taken advantage of.
Hello. Thank you for your psycheds
My daughters are 8 and 10
What is the correct age for a talk about sexuality?
When they ask. And then only answer their question(s). And of course when your son has a “wet dream” and your daughter has her first period.
Very important to keep them from watching sexually explicit material on TV and social media , which is a challenge and virtually impossible. (pun intended)
I never asked and found other sources to figure it out. So I’d say, be proactive and guide them as their bodies develop.
@@KatWoodland I'd argue a parent shouldn't wait and be a bit more proactive, depending on what their child is exposed to, eg online, tv or at school
I know you posted this 2 years ago, and I hope you've been able to navigate this issue as best you can.
As far as my experience goes, I was only 3/4 years old when I was molested by an older kid. If I had the vocabulary to be able to talk about it and if I felt safe enough to share my experience with my parents, it wouldn't have turned into a life-long source of shame and trauma.
Children should be taught about their parts, the anatomically correct terms, and how it's not ok for anyone to violate their autonomy and that if it ever happens, you are a safe place for them to run to for help.
Merci. It’s a wise answer
This is how it was originally taught to me but it still feels so gross and cheesy to call sex beautiful and sacred. Which is how I know I must have a skewed perspective
I don’t think anyone is born gay I think it’s propaganda
There are people who are definitely predisposed to developing neurologically in a opposite-gendered way. Also, what is propaganda is that sexual abuse/incest have no effect on a child's sexual/gender identity. They do, in big ways. Born that way applies to a minority of the LGBT community. Most who identify as LGBT are traumatized into that identity. It's really fcuked up and society erases that pain by saying that if you struggle with your sexual identity, it's because you're gay, not because you were traumatized into a role that wasn't you.
@MS-wy4sb why is it societies place to be worried about your pain? If one isn't comfortable being gay why pretend to be or blame the trauma for the damage. We've all been damaged some more some less some longer some for shorter periods of it. It's time each one of us fix us from all the damage that was done at the most precious time of our life. It's hard to learn how to deal with all the pain. It's all inside of each of us to be the change we need to be who we are. Prayers to u. Hope life gets better for u.
@@debrakarr996 No one is pretending to be gay. It's about how you view yourself because of what happened to you. That's the wound and distortion of self that occurs. Trauma can't change your sexual orientation, but it can influence your identity. Identity and orientation are different. In non-abused individuals, they align.
As to why is it society's responsibility to consider your pain... one, it's called being scientifically accurate. No different than viewing lobotomies as a treatment for mental health issues as legitimate. We know better now. Two, because it's blaming someone for being abused. If you're so traumatized by sexual abuse and incest that it causes sexual identity confusion, how is concluding someone is gay for the effect of being raped?! That's like telling women they were raped because they dressed slutty. It's just another way to blame the child for what happened to them, which is disgusting and atrocious at least. It's fucked up that we shame people for being abused and dealing with the effects.
@@elamanecera penguins ok you live in the north pole I supose and study all animals to. Wonder why that job even exist lol.
Gayness is all the result of child grape
For those called to singleness, you can live in singleness and have zero sex drive. I think some ppl don’t believe it bc we are so sexualized but you can. I know for me I have been set free from this drive completely. Self pleasure is not biblically sound and leads you to seek for something else more satisfying which will make a much bigger mess for you.
If you are a single parent, you should stay single til at least your kids grow up. This is the best thing you can give your children. Focus on healing you and your children. That’s enough work and the Heavenly Father is enough for your kids. Trust me. Build that relationship and it will carry your kids farther than jumping into another relationship looking for an earthly father figure for your kids.
Sometimes it is God who leads people into a new relationship. We can't lean on our own understanding but we must always seek God's guidance and clarity in each unique situation. We definitely need to make sure we are putting God first and getting our needs met through Him but sometimes He has a purpose for people coming together.
As for my spouse and I we don't have some lustful drive for pleasure that we want to use one another for.. we just want to connect with each other and love one another and that's our goal and heart posture when we are physically intimate. So whatever may be called a "drive" related to sex isn't about a physical urge but rather a mental and emotional desire for closeness achieved via physical closeness that goes much further than just physical closeness. I get really sad when people talk about sexual urges the way most people do because that is very fleshly and self centered and shallow. It is pretty disturbing to me and seems completely grounded on lust and we as Christians are meant to crucify the flesh and represent Jesus and the church in our marriages.
Christians complicate sex so much. Sex is beautiful and want to be enjoyed. I'm a Christian and I'm married and I have no idea why my wife and I just can't enjoy it whenever. Connecting with her in nonsexual ways is also incredibly difficult because of how she is. Always negative and closed off.
Tim... You're stuff is very educational.. to me it seems that people make relationships way too complicated to be enjoyable. Do you think getting away from Christian ideas of waiting til marriage and such are helping or hurting people?
I think it hurts more than anything else and that it is the cause of the spike we've seen over the past 60 years in complex trauma. If you're looking for blame for the misery of modern life, there's plenty of it for the people who started this "revolution"...
Hurting!
@@debrakarr996 sorry, I had a bit of a duh moment. If you saw that, I was being reactive and not reading fully...
🦄 Dolt by John Rickel 🦄
(story of a sexual abuse survivor)
I didn't appreciate the f buddy bomb... 😱 But gosh you are so gifted!! Thanks for all your talks 😊
A
These stats make me want to take my kid into the woods and don't have family or friends😢😢😢😢😢
I can't believe he used the f word....wow
What about physical intimacy ..better word...
Physical intimacy can include much more.. and that is why he used the f word 😉
🤣
I was also shocked !
Like did he really say that ???
It's just a word.
Yeah that's really uncalled for especially for a Christian to use that language.
🥹🥹🥹😔😔😔🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
If you really coming from a good place, why bring is here then charge for help. If we could afford help, or let me say, if I could afford help I would not be trying to heal on RUclips
It is a pity as you are not aware of how many free videos Tim has put . Huge difference between individual work and group work .
@@drsandhyathumsikumar4479 Because of his series, especially the Bible explanations at the end and his other page is what's giving me hope that I still have a chance to get better. This topic hit me harder than the rest. Doesn't justify, but I am grateful.
@@KYoung-le3ef thanks and prayers for your healing journeys
The content is all free and the program at the actual facility is too I believe. He has to pay for the therapist who lead the Lift classes and these videos don’t have many views. I’m sure if he was Mr Beast famous he’d give it away for free. I’ve watched a lot of Snake Oil sales men and I don’t see Mr Fletcher as one. If so he’d be way better off in crypto or doing more gimmicks like walking on coal or comparing his library to his cars. I understand the feeling though… Poverty sucks… Feeling helpless is horrifying… Have you tried asking about a payment plan?… Not trying to minimize your situation which I know little of just want to see you doing better and offering the little help I can…
@@tmosest Thank you so much, I'm embarrassed for lashing out. Day 4 of no contact, if you know what I mean. The only reason I'm not going bananas is because I keep putting them in my cereal. 😭