There are loads of people who would be fearful of making YT videos and having a channel and making known they have vulnerabilities. You are actually quite a brave young man and your content is inspiring many people
Totally agree. I'm the same way. Being anti-social and skeptical about everything can really be exhausting. Going head on and facing fears can be very beneficial. "R.I.P TO THE OPPORTUNITIES WE MISSED BECAUSE OF SHYNESS & LOW SELF ESTEEM".
I'm also working on my social skills. I used to have lots of social anxiety but it's gotten much better now. Yes, exposure is really important, as we should face our fears and challenges to resolve them. But also, based on my experience, having faith, and believing in yourself (even doing meditations regularly) is really key to any type of change and transformation to turn into our best selves. It's a journey and best wishes along the way🌹
You're right on the exposure thing, but I still can't allow myself to get on a rollercoaster lol. I'm in a situation where I am indecisive about going back to school because of my anxiety! You're words mean a lot dude.
Years ago I was walking home, and got jumped by a group of dudes, and they busted all my teeth. It took alot of dental care to get then fixed but it was the first time in my life I ever experienced social anxiety. I can honestly say, just committing and doing it, facing your fears head on will change your life. You'll feel so strong, brave, and feel the person you've wanted to be. I believe in you, much love!
It’s definitely a process. After I left my friendship group I realised I had never expressed my own thoughts or ideas with them and only mirrored their opinions. It was terrifying to be alone and realise I don’t know how to do that. Anyway it sounds like you have the right idea about internalising conversations less and focusing outward. One step at a time
coming from the video from 4 years ago, you forsure seem more lax and confident big props to you man, had terrible social anxiety for a long time aswell
As a kid I was always shy, hiding behind my parents anywhere we went. And it got pretty bad during college and when I got my first job which was selling makeup, so I had to talk to people all day. But in retrospect, it really helped since I learned how to actively listen to what people were saying/asking for. And I didn’t have to think about what to talk about since the topic was already chosen being that I was talking about the products in the store. It helped me improve my small talk too and that experience has helped me to become so much more confident in myself. Totally agree that being an active listener is helpful. If anything it’s half of what makes up communication. And too many people who are outgoing and talkative don’t actually know how. Wishing you good luck and many, meaningful friends to come 😋
Like many others, came here after seeing your other video. You really do seem like a nice, sweet person. And it's awesome that you are trying things to make yourself more comfortable/open. Changing our mindsets and behaviors take a lot of time and effort, especially if it's been drilled in our heads for years ( if not your entire life). Stay strong and be the best you can be. Nobody is perfect
Hi there! I’m an introvert that seems like an extrovert to others. This can make things weird when people ask me to do things that I have no interest doing. I have learned to just not care anymore and be happy with solitude and the peace it brings me. Do not focus on things that bring you anxiety. Focus on the things that bring you Joy. While doing this you will find your true self and your true people.💜
Hey first of all I want to say thank you for being raw about yourself in this platform cuz no matter how well paying it can get it isn’t easy especially when there’s a dislike to gravitate the attention. You are prob helping more people than u think, I know for sure u are helping me in a way to understand and not be so hard on myself… from my personal experience my anxiety rises def. from feeling less towards myself and inferior to others
the frustrating thing about it for me at least is that it takes a long time for me to progress with socialising. when i was younger i always prayed that i would have no trouble with social anxiety in the future, and while im definitely not as shy as i was before, i still feel a lot of anxiety thinking about socialising or while talking to new people. i mostly just listen to people instead talking about myself,, i can never think of things to say on the spot and im horrible at structuring my thoughts out loud. maybe im just boring?? idk.. atp i think i’d be content with just accepting that i am this way
Stumbled across your video about not being social at work and subscribed. Run with creating content, bro! You're a genuine, articulate, charming guy believe it or not. Look forward to more content from ya. We're rooting for you!
Yeah, 100% it helps to address where that feeling of social ineptitude, lack of self, lack of confidence, etc., started. When did you first have that feeling? What emotional needs weren't being met? It can be hard to heal when you don't know what the injury is
It came from early childhood relationship with parents and others. Id get really frustrated in pre school and by 4th grade it was getting really hard to play with others
I feel that. Maybe people not attuning or being outright rejecting made it more and more difficult or scary to communicate your feelings. They get buried so deep down that you don't know what you need emotionally or who you are outside of what others think. I can only speak from my own experience. It was at a pretty young age as well.
It is really weird how the youtube algorithm works its wonders. I found you through it and I can connect with your struggles in social situations especially work but also other group settings. I still have that but its gotten much better. Back in the day I used to be very shy and quiet, nowadays I thaw up more easily. I am not sure if it came with age or exposure/practice. Propably a mix of both. Most people have similar fears but just manage to maks them more efficiently in the beginning. Dont think others are all better at it than you is what I am trying to say here. I will keep working on me and I wish you the same "success" so it gets easier for you in such situations. Greetings from Berlin, Germany.
Ben, your channel is so open, honest and raw. I'm so glad I found you and get to hear your thoughts on these topics. You should consider doing audiobooks on some topics, you have huge potential. Xoxo
Dude! I have seen a few of your videos and I totally relate to so much of these things. It's nice in a backwards way to know I'm not alone with these issues!
I'm curious when you are interacting with these people are you more focused on what your doing, or how your coming off. I know it's easier said then done because I have the same problem. But once I reached my late 20s, I started just not focusing on anything and letting interactions just flow naturally. If I had a thought I'd express it as tactfully as possible. And you'd be surprised how people treat you differently once you start speaking and interacting freely. I wish you the best of luck! We all see a bright, likable young man.
thank you so much for this video and the other one that i got recommended. seeing someone i can relate to in video form is so helpful to me in feeling more confident about overcoming my social anxiety.
Your awesome ♡ don't feel down! I honestly can say alot of people go through this! Especially when younger! I feel like you did develop a fear with interacting! Maybe overthinking situations or caring too much about what people think of your opinions. You sound like you need a life changing experience. In a positive way something that can break that!
I'm in my early 20s, never had a job yet. I left high-school before my senior year. My anxiety has gotten sooo bad over the years, from isolating myself. I don't know how to move forward. My only option right now is virtual therapy, because a lot of days I can't even leave my house. Online therapy is really expensive and insurance doesn't cover it. So yep, feeling really lost. I really appreciate you sharing.
If this is how you are in real life, soft-spoken, you have a fine personality. No one is ever going to say, "Gosh, he's so quiet; that's so annoying." lol
I agree with exposure therapy. I'm also scared of heights. Earlier this year, I was helping out a mate & was asked to climb a ladder. Of course I was scared that I'd fall off or freeze & would have to be rescued. But I found an inner-belief which I've never felt in decades & conquered my fear in that moment. Heights still make me fearful such as my fear of flying & an irrational thought process of the plane crashing but as for climbing ladders, I'd say I can do it in the moment even with any lingering doubts I may have.
My problem with people is that they always disappoint me at some point (also I'm bad at being sociable or likable). I always felt like I had to put up with their shit just so I could hang out with them and not be left alone. Eventually I just gave up when my life reached the point where I was no longer surrounded by people any more (aka graduation). I'm lucky that I'm talented enough to make a living out of my hobbies instead of finding a "real job", so I'm able to live a completely solitary and self-sufficient life now. Truth be told, I've never been this happy with my life before. I identify myself as a condescending asshole, which I only mean in a perfectly neutral way, but I'm not gonna change my way of thinking just so that I can find the idea of befriending other people more appealing. Making friends just for the sake of it sounds pointless to me. If I can't find a like-minded individual in a lifetime, then so be it.
Yes, active listening--an awesome skill that a lot of people need to develop. I think sometimes, we get so focused on what we have to say next or formulating a response, that we only half listen to what the other person has to say. I'm kind of like an oxymoron I guess; at work, I'm ok in social situations, and can come up with conversation and act like a goofball, but if I'm at a party or get-to-gether with new people or people I don't know really well, then I struggle to relate to the conversation or make friends. "Uh, weather is nice (or crappy). Job is going good. Kids are good....." then, I got nothing....I've run out of stuff to talk about, and the conversation gets awkward. Plus, I've had a lot of people let me down or break my trust in the past, which impacts my ability to trust people and make friends now. And, I'm my father's daughter....I hate to ask for help.
I'm a dog trainer and I work with dogs who struggle with fear and lack of confidence. Exposure definitely helps them. But of course dogs are very different than people
You're so handsome even in your PJs 😍😁 You could read the most boring book for an hour and I'd still stare at my screen ☺️ Hopefully, you can find a method that works for you 😘
I like your rollercoaster experience as a comparison to my own experiences, things like this were always so easy for me to conquer. Did all the extreme sports easily and socialized inside a group of like minded athletes for some reason I'm wired to immediately feel ok when I'm brought to a skatepark, or to a skiboat with a bunch of people or even like on a populated beach surfing or skimming, but the second it's into a normal situation no amount of exposure therapy has helped me in the long term (at least mentally, it's helped me some in my professional life) but I simply just do not feel good around normal conversation or even touch in a social setting I struggle with, unless it's absolutely adored by my brain. It can be people, it can be objects, video games, sports I like, something has to grab my attention or anxiety ensues no matter how much I expose myself to it. I wish It would go away, I'm 39 and it's still here with me all these years later. I might be on a slight spectrum I've never been tested.
You sound so much like me. I am old now and didn't start an antidepressant / anti-anxiety med until I was 40. If you're not on one yet, run, don't walk, to your primary care physicians office and tell them you need to be on something. There's a very simple little assessment quiz that they can have you take and that will show them it's true. My whole life would have been so much easier and better if I had asked earlier rather than later.
@@Sammyyups at first it was effexor, which was great for about 10 years, then the symptoms came back full force and I was tried on a couple others that didn't work, viibrid was one of them, and now I'm on Prozac and doing much better.
Maybe I'm crazy, but I've found there are people out there that can more easily sense your insecurities and lack of self-worth/confidence. A minority of these will hate/dislike you outright for your perceived weakness. I've found this to be the case for me personally in "ruffneck" blue-collar jobs and menial manufacturing gigs.
There are people who see your weakness and some will bully you for it but many will have compassion and can give and those are the ones you can make strong connections with.
@@benjemima1255 These people are definitely out there, regardless of age. Unfortunately, they are very, very rare. These folk gifted me a faith in humanity, after years of being an anguished shut-in.
Lol a couple seconds after I posted that you started saying you don't think so highly of yourself and again is one of the big issues.. it may seem a bit narcissistic but in my head I am far more Superior than your average person and believing that fool heartedly has made me better, sharper and always on the attack...
I am now 33, and it took me until probably my late 20s to fully conquer my social anxiety. Working helped a lot, but honest having my daughter really broke me out of it. Because you HAVE to talk to people lol. Just practice, practice, practice. Being in situations where you have no choice but to speak really does make it easier each time. Meditation actually helped me a lot too for my anxiety.
@@3.V. don’t think of it like that just do your own thing don’t force yourself to socialize let it come naturally, I never talk to my coworkers but I have no trouble going up to them because I know they are similar to me everyone has a bit of anxiety
Thanks for the advice. What are your hobbies that are not self destructive and are recreational with this I mean give you a way to start over because this is something i am struggling with.
@@benjemima1255 have you ever tried lacrosse or stickball the native american ancestral game that is still played? en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_lacrosse#/media/File%3AGeorge_Catlin__-Ball-play_of_the_Choctaw--Ball_Up-__Google_Art_Project.jpg
I hang out in the club kid scene, at 30. I really don’t do anything. I just show up. Made many friends that like me as myself. Finding out i made friends with models DJs musicians and performers made me feel very left out but tbh i don’t know what it was that made me feel left out of my friends WANTED me to be with them. I’ve been to network gatherings for collabs in clubs with many of them and I’ve actually left crying from being overwhelmed with all that cuz i wasnt having fun with my friends and eveeyone just wanted to see if they can work with each other on something. What’s sobering about that is that even still after i left my friends texted me and asked where i was. Gave an excuse i left with a one night stand cuz i am a bit of a horn dog and they know it. From what I’ve learned is that here in Los Angeles exposure only works if your on the shock or attractive scale. And depending what niche people you meet you may go somewhere or no where at all. My only exposure in anything was a RUclips comedy by a Dandy man and two club promotion pictures. I’m not into getting attention. Gets annoying not having personal time.
This happens mostly when the mind is so twisted that if one were to say it all he/she would end up in fights/prison/jail etc. so it's best to stay out of everything, take the wise route, in this situation be happy with a roof/shelter and food and that's basically it.
yea.just saw your video about being fired......I understand,as I am terrible at talking with people unless there is a clear topic and I have known the person for awhile. Well...want you to get better soon. I know you will!
I just finished watching this video and your other video talking about your anxiety which was recommended to me. I can definitely relate! I've been dealing with social anxiety disorder and avoidant personality disorder for a long time, It's made socializing and going anywhere quite difficult. After being bullied in school growing up, I think it really messed with my self confidence. I have been doing some exposure, some IRL and some online as well (VRChat especially). My exposure I've gotten has definitely somewhat helped a bit, but, I still have ways to go. Every step counts. Thank you for this video and for your advice!
I Can Understand What Your Saying When I Was Young Nothing Really Botherd Me But Now I'm Older Alot Of Things I Did When I Was Younger I Can't Do Now Just Scraed Too Try Anymore But I'm Trying Too Push Myself Too Do More
I think the psychology is strange. When I started work, I was very self conscious about speaking up in meetings. So, I decided to volunteer to be a teacher for some large group training. I figured teaching would force me to get used to speaking in meetings. It worked. But later, I had a child with social anxiety, and I discovered that the probable reason that the training helped my own nervousness is actually because I believed it would help. So, the trick is, how do you get yourself to believe some technique will help when you know in the back of your head that if you don't believe it, it actually will not work.
Maybe you just DON'T NEED other people so much, because you're an extreme introvert. And you need different topics, different ways of bonding, than the majority out there ... I'm talking out of experience, as you might have guessed :), and being over 50 now, I made peace with that trait of my personality. I'm fine being by myself most of the time - although working as a German teacher in part time ...
Yeah... I look young but I'm older... Younger 20 ish people want me to hang out with them... I feel uncomfortable when asked because if I say yes I over think it all day...
I'm saying these things not trying to be mean either I'm saying them because something in you somewhat reminds me of my best friend and a bit of me and I truly feel if we were friends I would destroy your problems lol I'm really good at making people feel comfortable
There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. Extrovertedness is overrated.A lot of highly intelligent people find it tedious to express highly intellectual concepts to others,especially when you're constantly multi tasking different concepts in your head at the same time while trying to speak to someone lol.
Move to an Asian county, your behavior is very normal and encouraged by almost all companies, you don't have to socialize at all! In the west it's a mandatory thing (imo unfortunately) it has something to do with trust probably.
I’m my case facing my fears never worked I tried and tried but it just made me worse. So it may help many people and that’s great but sadly for me didjt work.
Just work a remote job, go do something remote where you're solo most of the time, either that or do something for yourself and never hire anyone etc. also don't sell stuff, you'll have to deal with people, just do work that does not require anything, maybe learn a language and become a translator, you will only translate and that's it, jobs like that, forget about the fast food or the office job, you'll never fit in with those ppl, most of them are on a different planet when compared to you.
It's kind of funny but I realize this playing video games because most the time it doesn't matter what game it is I pretty much dominate but when my ex-girlfriend broke up with me I was kind of lost and not myself which had side effects that included me not being as good at the things that I once was smh and started not talking to people for quite some time until I got super angry but she was affecting me this much for this long that I just forced myself to look away for forget her smh it took some time because I thought very highly of her and that isn't the easiest image to break down but I'm sure if I were to see her again I wouldn't even acknowledge her or get her over it because she's nothing but trash 🗑️
I know what your true problem is and I I'm not 100% sure you could ever fix it. A lot of it is what you think of yourself and what you think of other people is a big hint.
Oh no! Those kinds of therapies don't work for neurodivergent people! You can look for somatic therapy or yoga. I think it works better for neurodivergent people.
You seem like a good person and I hate that you have social anxiety and have likely missed out because if it. Keep making content, you're connecting with and helping people who feel the same way you do. Keep riding coasters too man, great way to get out there in the world!
Do you know your MBTI? (Myers Briggs Type Indicator), basically your personality type. If not, take an online test, you'll find out a lot about yourself. Lots of things will make sense after reading about your MBTI.
There are loads of people who would be fearful of making YT videos and having a channel and making known they have vulnerabilities. You are actually quite a brave young man and your content is inspiring many people
100%
Totally agree. I'm the same way. Being anti-social and skeptical about everything can really be exhausting. Going head on and facing fears can be very beneficial.
"R.I.P TO THE OPPORTUNITIES WE MISSED BECAUSE OF SHYNESS & LOW SELF ESTEEM".
Anti-social is what psychopaths are. I think you mean asocial.
@@seansezz i think the next time you tell someone that you better hope he's not a psychopath. FYI!
@@GODACEEYA Well I'm a psychopath but I'm not usually harmful unless people do me dirty then my dark side comes out. Working on it!
@@seansezz um
I'm also working on my social skills. I used to have lots of social anxiety but it's gotten much better now. Yes, exposure is really important, as we should face our fears and challenges to resolve them. But also, based on my experience, having faith, and believing in yourself (even doing meditations regularly) is really key to any type of change and transformation to turn into our best selves. It's a journey and best wishes along the way🌹
You're right on the exposure thing, but I still can't allow myself to get on a rollercoaster lol. I'm in a situation where I am indecisive about going back to school because of my anxiety! You're words mean a lot dude.
Years ago I was walking home, and got jumped by a group of dudes, and they busted all my teeth. It took alot of dental care to get then fixed but it was the first time in my life I ever experienced social anxiety.
I can honestly say, just committing and doing it, facing your fears head on will change your life. You'll feel so strong, brave, and feel the person you've wanted to be.
I believe in you, much love!
@@chriskotson44 wow I cannot imagine that, I'm sorry you experienced that but in a way it made you stronger, thank you too!
It’s definitely a process. After I left my friendship group I realised I had never expressed my own thoughts or ideas with them and only mirrored their opinions. It was terrifying to be alone and realise I don’t know how to do that. Anyway it sounds like you have the right idea about internalising conversations less and focusing outward. One step at a time
coming from the video from 4 years ago, you forsure seem more lax and confident big props to you man, had terrible social anxiety for a long time aswell
I think there is a lot of good advice here that will help a lot of people.
Thank you, I hope so.
As a kid I was always shy, hiding behind my parents anywhere we went. And it got pretty bad during college and when I got my first job which was selling makeup, so I had to talk to people all day.
But in retrospect, it really helped since I learned how to actively listen to what people were saying/asking for. And I didn’t have to think about what to talk about since the topic was already chosen being that I was talking about the products in the store. It helped me improve my small talk too and that experience has helped me to become so much more confident in myself.
Totally agree that being an active listener is helpful. If anything it’s half of what makes up communication. And too many people who are outgoing and talkative don’t actually know how.
Wishing you good luck and many, meaningful friends to come 😋
That last part hit the nail on the head. 😂 its a process as you said, Rome was not built in a day.
Like many others, came here after seeing your other video. You really do seem like a nice, sweet person. And it's awesome that you are trying things to make yourself more comfortable/open. Changing our mindsets and behaviors take a lot of time and effort, especially if it's been drilled in our heads for years ( if not your entire life). Stay strong and be the best you can be. Nobody is perfect
Hi there! I’m an introvert that seems like an extrovert to others. This can make things weird when people ask me to do things that I have no interest doing. I have learned to just not care anymore and be happy with solitude and the peace it brings me. Do not focus on things that bring you anxiety. Focus on the things that bring you Joy. While doing this you will find your true self and your true people.💜
Hey first of all I want to say thank you for being raw about yourself in this platform cuz no matter how well paying it can get it isn’t easy especially when there’s a dislike to gravitate the attention. You are prob helping more people than u think, I know for sure u are helping me in a way to understand and not be so hard on myself… from my personal experience my anxiety rises def. from feeling less towards myself and inferior to others
the frustrating thing about it for me at least is that it takes a long time for me to progress with socialising. when i was younger i always prayed that i would have no trouble with social anxiety in the future, and while im definitely not as shy as i was before, i still feel a lot of anxiety thinking about socialising or while talking to new people. i mostly just listen to people instead talking about myself,, i can never think of things to say on the spot and im horrible at structuring my thoughts out loud. maybe im just boring?? idk.. atp i think i’d be content with just accepting that i am this way
Stumbled across your video about not being social at work and subscribed. Run with creating content, bro! You're a genuine, articulate, charming guy believe it or not. Look forward to more content from ya. We're rooting for you!
Your voice is so calming and the content is just what I was looking for. Thanks for this video.
Yeah having to snap out my own mind which is a maelstrom of negativity when someone is talking to me is really friggin' annoying
Yeah, 100% it helps to address where that feeling of social ineptitude, lack of self, lack of confidence, etc., started. When did you first have that feeling? What emotional needs weren't being met? It can be hard to heal when you don't know what the injury is
It came from early childhood relationship with parents and others. Id get really frustrated in pre school and by 4th grade it was getting really hard to play with others
I feel that. Maybe people not attuning or being outright rejecting made it more and more difficult or scary to communicate your feelings. They get buried so deep down that you don't know what you need emotionally or who you are outside of what others think. I can only speak from my own experience. It was at a pretty young age as well.
It is really weird how the youtube algorithm works its wonders. I found you through it and I can connect with your struggles in social situations especially work but also other group settings. I still have that but its gotten much better. Back in the day I used to be very shy and quiet, nowadays I thaw up more easily. I am not sure if it came with age or exposure/practice. Propably a mix of both. Most people have similar fears but just manage to maks them more efficiently in the beginning. Dont think others are all better at it than you is what I am trying to say here. I will keep working on me and I wish you the same "success" so it gets easier for you in such situations. Greetings from Berlin, Germany.
Im so happy that you are learning and growing. It’s great to see!
Ben, your channel is so open, honest and raw.
I'm so glad I found you and get to hear your thoughts on these topics.
You should consider doing audiobooks on some topics, you have huge potential. Xoxo
Dude! I have seen a few of your videos and I totally relate to so much of these things. It's nice in a backwards way to know I'm not alone with these issues!
You definitely seem much more confident especially from watching your past videos
I'm curious when you are interacting with these people are you more focused on what your doing, or how your coming off. I know it's easier said then done because I have the same problem. But once I reached my late 20s, I started just not focusing on anything and letting interactions just flow naturally. If I had a thought I'd express it as tactfully as possible. And you'd be surprised how people treat you differently once you start speaking and interacting freely. I wish you the best of luck! We all see
a bright, likable young man.
thank you so much for this video and the other one that i got recommended. seeing someone i can relate to in video form is so helpful to me in feeling more confident about overcoming my social anxiety.
Surprisingly when you go on loopy rides it doesn't feel like it you're upside-down.
Your awesome ♡ don't feel down! I honestly can say alot of people go through this! Especially when younger! I feel like you did develop a fear with interacting! Maybe overthinking situations or caring too much about what people think of your opinions. You sound like you need a life changing experience. In a positive way something that can break that!
I'm in my early 20s, never had a job yet. I left high-school before my senior year. My anxiety has gotten sooo bad over the years, from isolating myself. I don't know how to move forward. My only option right now is virtual therapy, because a lot of days I can't even leave my house. Online therapy is really expensive and insurance doesn't cover it. So yep, feeling really lost. I really appreciate you sharing.
Have you considered going back to school? You're still young (not that being older is a big deal)
If this is how you are in real life, soft-spoken, you have a fine personality. No one is ever going to say, "Gosh, he's so quiet; that's so annoying." lol
I agree with exposure therapy.
I'm also scared of heights. Earlier this year, I was helping out a mate & was asked to climb a ladder. Of course I was scared that I'd fall off or freeze & would have to be rescued. But I found an inner-belief which I've never felt in decades & conquered my fear in that moment.
Heights still make me fearful such as my fear of flying & an irrational thought process of the plane crashing but as for climbing ladders, I'd say I can do it in the moment even with any lingering doubts I may have.
Hello , its been a roller coaster experience indeed. I hope I'm with you to support with ur journey
My problem with people is that they always disappoint me at some point (also I'm bad at being sociable or likable). I always felt like I had to put up with their shit just so I could hang out with them and not be left alone. Eventually I just gave up when my life reached the point where I was no longer surrounded by people any more (aka graduation). I'm lucky that I'm talented enough to make a living out of my hobbies instead of finding a "real job", so I'm able to live a completely solitary and self-sufficient life now. Truth be told, I've never been this happy with my life before. I identify myself as a condescending asshole, which I only mean in a perfectly neutral way, but I'm not gonna change my way of thinking just so that I can find the idea of befriending other people more appealing. Making friends just for the sake of it sounds pointless to me. If I can't find a like-minded individual in a lifetime, then so be it.
Keep it up man you got the right idea
Thank you for the video, Ben.
Yes, active listening--an awesome skill that a lot of people need to develop. I think sometimes, we get so focused on what we have to say next or formulating a response, that we only half listen to what the other person has to say. I'm kind of like an oxymoron I guess; at work, I'm ok in social situations, and can come up with conversation and act like a goofball, but if I'm at a party or get-to-gether with new people or people I don't know really well, then I struggle to relate to the conversation or make friends. "Uh, weather is nice (or crappy). Job is going good. Kids are good....." then, I got nothing....I've run out of stuff to talk about, and the conversation gets awkward. Plus, I've had a lot of people let me down or break my trust in the past, which impacts my ability to trust people and make friends now. And, I'm my father's daughter....I hate to ask for help.
Loved your video, thank you for this very helpful advice. You're great at this.
I'm a dog trainer and I work with dogs who struggle with fear and lack of confidence. Exposure definitely helps them. But of course dogs are very different than people
You're so handsome even in your PJs 😍😁
You could read the most boring book for an hour and I'd still stare at my screen ☺️
Hopefully, you can find a method that works for you 😘
I like your rollercoaster experience as a comparison to my own experiences, things like this were always so easy for me to conquer. Did all the extreme sports easily and socialized inside a group of like minded athletes for some reason I'm wired to immediately feel ok when I'm brought to a skatepark, or to a skiboat with a bunch of people or even like on a populated beach surfing or skimming, but the second it's into a normal situation no amount of exposure therapy has helped me in the long term (at least mentally, it's helped me some in my professional life) but I simply just do not feel good around normal conversation or even touch in a social setting I struggle with, unless it's absolutely adored by my brain. It can be people, it can be objects, video games, sports I like, something has to grab my attention or anxiety ensues no matter how much I expose myself to it. I wish It would go away, I'm 39 and it's still here with me all these years later. I might be on a slight spectrum I've never been tested.
You sound so much like me. I am old now and didn't start an antidepressant / anti-anxiety med until I was 40. If you're not on one yet, run, don't walk, to your primary care physicians office and tell them you need to be on something. There's a very simple little assessment quiz that they can have you take and that will show them it's true. My whole life would have been so much easier and better if I had asked earlier rather than later.
So do we go to the doc or not bit confused pills bad or no
@@PRIDEATH Pills have been AMAZING for me.
What are you taking if you don’t mind me asking?
@@Sammyyups at first it was effexor, which was great for about 10 years, then the symptoms came back full force and I was tried on a couple others that didn't work, viibrid was one of them, and now I'm on Prozac and doing much better.
Maybe I'm crazy, but I've found there are people out there that can more easily sense your insecurities and lack of self-worth/confidence. A minority of these will hate/dislike you outright for your perceived weakness. I've found this to be the case for me personally in "ruffneck" blue-collar jobs and menial manufacturing gigs.
There are people who see your weakness and some will bully you for it but many will have compassion and can give and those are the ones you can make strong connections with.
@@benjemima1255 These people are definitely out there, regardless of age. Unfortunately, they are very, very rare. These folk gifted me a faith in humanity, after years of being an anguished shut-in.
holy shit bro keep on posting the algorithm is posting you to the fyp
Lol a couple seconds after I posted that you started saying you don't think so highly of yourself and again is one of the big issues.. it may seem a bit narcissistic but in my head I am far more Superior than your average person and believing that fool heartedly has made me better, sharper and always on the attack...
I love these type of videos that you make 🤍
i enjoy your channel alot. you speak in a way that i can understand and definitely can relate to. earned a new subscriber 🖤.
Thanks for your advice Ben
I am now 33, and it took me until probably my late 20s to fully conquer my social anxiety. Working helped a lot, but honest having my daughter really broke me out of it. Because you HAVE to talk to people lol. Just practice, practice, practice. Being in situations where you have no choice but to speak really does make it easier each time.
Meditation actually helped me a lot too for my anxiety.
Honestly as you get older it becomes more natural you can definitely master it.
@@jesterchester8428 exactly! So true, I remember being younger and thinking I'd be that way forever, but growing older has definitely helped!!
thank u sir
that was a really good advice to listen more i hope one day i can be normal and have a daily life stuff like normal people
اشكرك جدا
1:20 good luck with that, cause i’m still scared of heights like that
How you doing now? I just left my job because of the same reason. Lack of social skills and being really awkward.
I'm barely holing onto mine because of this exact reason. I find interacting with people difficult and small talk is a definite no/no for me.
@@3.V. don’t think of it like that just do your own thing don’t force yourself to socialize let it come naturally, I never talk to my coworkers but I have no trouble going up to them because I know they are similar to me everyone has a bit of anxiety
Thanks for the advice. What are your hobbies that are not self destructive and are recreational with this I mean give you a way to start over because this is something i am struggling with.
Music, particularly keyboard and counterpoint. But I find it endlessly frustrating and lack inspiration. Sports are good also, I play tennis.
@@benjemima1255 have you ever tried lacrosse or stickball the native american ancestral game that is still played? en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_lacrosse#/media/File%3AGeorge_Catlin__-Ball-play_of_the_Choctaw--Ball_Up-__Google_Art_Project.jpg
I hang out in the club kid scene, at 30. I really don’t do anything. I just show up. Made many friends that like me as myself. Finding out i made friends with models DJs musicians and performers made me feel very left out but tbh i don’t know what it was that made me feel left out of my friends WANTED me to be with them. I’ve been to network gatherings for collabs in clubs with many of them and I’ve actually left crying from being overwhelmed with all that cuz i wasnt having fun with my friends and eveeyone just wanted to see if they can work with each other on something. What’s sobering about that is that even still after i left my friends texted me and asked where i was. Gave an excuse i left with a one night stand cuz i am a bit of a horn dog and they know it. From what I’ve learned is that here in Los Angeles exposure only works if your on the shock or attractive scale. And depending what niche people you meet you may go somewhere or no where at all. My only exposure in anything was a RUclips comedy by a Dandy man and two club promotion pictures. I’m not into getting attention. Gets annoying not having personal time.
This happens mostly when the mind is so twisted that if one were to say it all he/she would end up in fights/prison/jail etc. so it's best to stay out of everything, take the wise route, in this situation be happy with a roof/shelter and food and that's basically it.
yea.just saw your video about being fired......I understand,as I am terrible at talking with people unless there is a clear topic and I have known the person for awhile. Well...want you to get better soon. I know you will!
I just finished watching this video and your other video talking about your anxiety which was recommended to me. I can definitely relate! I've been dealing with social anxiety disorder and avoidant personality disorder for a long time, It's made socializing and going anywhere quite difficult. After being bullied in school growing up, I think it really messed with my self confidence. I have been doing some exposure, some IRL and some online as well (VRChat especially). My exposure I've gotten has definitely somewhat helped a bit, but, I still have ways to go. Every step counts. Thank you for this video and for your advice!
Idk why but I feel like we'd be good friends. I know it's mad weird
Hi, I'm knew to your channel.. RUclips recommended it 👍🏼
I Can Understand What Your Saying When I Was Young Nothing Really Botherd Me But Now I'm Older Alot Of Things I Did When I Was Younger I Can't Do Now Just Scraed Too Try Anymore But I'm Trying Too Push Myself Too Do More
Lol hey, good morning. Let's talk about it, let's talk about it.
I was just about to make a video about this for myself, nice video man
Watched the other one good vid
hi, I agree on exposure thing. I wish you can overcome with it :) anyways, you look cute
You will do fine keep your head up
I think the psychology is strange. When I started work, I was very self conscious about speaking up in meetings. So, I decided to volunteer to be a teacher for some large group training. I figured teaching would force me to get used to speaking in meetings. It worked. But later, I had a child with social anxiety, and I discovered that the probable reason that the training helped my own nervousness is actually because I believed it would help. So, the trick is, how do you get yourself to believe some technique will help when you know in the back of your head that if you don't believe it, it actually will not work.
Woah, suddenly it's hot in here 😍
This guy and everyone in the comments need someone like Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in their lives to motivate them !!!
Maybe you just DON'T NEED other people so much, because you're an extreme introvert. And you need different topics, different ways of bonding, than the majority out there ... I'm talking out of experience, as you might have guessed :), and being over 50 now, I made peace with that trait of my personality. I'm fine being by myself most of the time - although working as a German teacher in part time ...
Yeah... I look young but I'm older... Younger 20 ish people want me to hang out with them... I feel uncomfortable when asked because if I say yes I over think it all day...
Hope you're doing well
Aw you are so cute
I have a fear of heights as well but I love looking out the window of airplanes as they take off for some reason. Do plane rides freak you out at all?
I'm saying these things not trying to be mean either I'm saying them because something in you somewhat reminds me of my best friend and a bit of me and I truly feel if we were friends I would destroy your problems lol I'm really good at making people feel comfortable
There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. Extrovertedness is overrated.A lot of highly intelligent people find it tedious to express highly intellectual concepts to others,especially when you're constantly multi tasking different concepts in your head at the same time while trying to speak to someone lol.
Move to an Asian county, your behavior is very normal and encouraged by almost all companies, you don't have to socialize at all! In the west it's a mandatory thing (imo unfortunately) it has something to do with trust probably.
I’m my case facing my fears never worked I tried and tried but it just made me worse. So it may help many people and that’s great but sadly for me didjt work.
Hey brother I hope you made some friends. One love
Have you tried being in a relationship?
I'm sorry, I love you O _ O
Can I be your friend? 😘
Just work a remote job, go do something remote where you're solo most of the time, either that or do something for yourself and never hire anyone etc. also don't sell stuff, you'll have to deal with people, just do work that does not require anything, maybe learn a language and become a translator, you will only translate and that's it, jobs like that, forget about the fast food or the office job, you'll never fit in with those ppl, most of them are on a different planet when compared to you.
It's kind of funny but I realize this playing video games because most the time it doesn't matter what game it is I pretty much dominate but when my ex-girlfriend broke up with me I was kind of lost and not myself which had side effects that included me not being as good at the things that I once was smh and started not talking to people for quite some time until I got super angry but she was affecting me this much for this long that I just forced myself to look away for forget her smh it took some time because I thought very highly of her and that isn't the easiest image to break down but I'm sure if I were to see her again I wouldn't even acknowledge her or get her over it because she's nothing but trash 🗑️
I know what your true problem is and I I'm not 100% sure you could ever fix it. A lot of it is what you think of yourself and what you think of other people is a big hint.
I may be totally off but I would almost bet $ that you are a Pisces or a Cancer. I don't read or believe in daily horoscopes though.
Hi Ben
Oh no! Those kinds of therapies don't work for neurodivergent people! You can look for somatic therapy or yoga. I think it works better for neurodivergent people.
are you ok???
Hmmm
@4:00
ily
I doint mean to sound meen or pry Do you have a father in your life
Second
You seem like a good person and I hate that you have social anxiety and have likely missed out because if it. Keep making content, you're connecting with and helping people who feel the same way you do. Keep riding coasters too man, great way to get out there in the world!
You seem really down to earth! I wanna be friends.
Do you know your MBTI? (Myers Briggs Type Indicator), basically your personality type.
If not, take an online test, you'll find out a lot about yourself. Lots of things will make sense after reading about your MBTI.
Do you have a dschrd I can add you on or something? I'd really like to contact you cause we have so much in common. I think we could talk about a lot
How old are you?