On 5:00 You've given me a lot of good insight about my ex-girlfriend who I suspect has BPD. Quiet BPD at that. She was very much a people pleaser like you. Thank you Katie. I loved my ex. But I am also very fearful avoidant and have trust issues. When my ex pulled away, I pulled away out of self-preservation and we "mutually ghosted" each other after over 3 months of dating. Which is unheard of. I didn't want to reach out because I felt rejected. And she hasn't reached out for whatever reason. It's hard to be in a situation where you are blind to what the other person is thinking. Like her Instagram is private and everything so I can't see the aftermath of my actions (or inaction in this case). I don't know if she was just done with me (a discard). If she was upset with me. If she got back with an ex. Nothing.
I'm glad I could shed some light for you and an ex partner of yours. I am definitely a people pleaser and am trying really hard to stop it. I never seen it as manipulation until now. I just enjoyed seeing people happy. Sometimes another perspective can help us understand the person we fail to understand.
"I pulled away out of self-preservation" Bingo. Excellent intuition/insight. That's exactly what it is, a first circuit response according to Leary/Wilson's Eight Circuit Model of Consciousness, the first circuit being the bio-survival circuit, and the ego cannot tell the difference between a physical and psychological threat, linking rejection, for example, to physical survival. It's how the brain is wired. This is all part of what I refer to as "If a woman really likes you, she doesn't know whether to eff you, kill you or run." It used to be that if I even thought I might be rejected, I go somewhere quiet and curl up into a fetal position, just wanting to die. Ultimately, whether or not someone rejects you, you're rejecting yourself, and women used to do pre-emptive strikes with me all the time. Somebody once asked me, "What did you do to that woman?" to which I replied, "I didn't do anything. She did it to herself."
This therapist in a hospital diversion group kept telling this one woman, "Ground and center!" I dated her once. She asked me out. I'm not sure she even knew what she wanted from me even though she did, stuck between "eff" and "run." It has something to do with women and ambivalence, or as this guy said in this old French movie from the 1950's, "Yes. No. A woman is all half-measures. It gets me down." I sometimes joke with women that I can't make decisions, and one of my girlfriends used to scream, "Two things! I don't like two things!" In addition to schizoaffective, she was diagnosed with BPD.
I felt your energy for a moment in one of your replies to me. I feel it in my chakras. What I felt is generally associated with borderlines. Your third chakra was overloaded. I've mostly blocked my first chakra, so I don't pick up women's sexual energy so strongly, but it's generally the first three in borderlines which is often accompanied by pressure in the third eye, in the forehead. Some have an overloaded heart chakra that will make you cry. It's very similar to how a bipolar's energy feels, except for the third chakra. I've been with women who had various disorders, including bipolar, DID, and schizophrenia. I've observed women's behavior directed at me for a number of years. I tended to attract and be attracted to women with BPD. RUclips won't let me write why without censoring me and threatening to beat me up. I'd have an experience and ask myself "Okay, what just happened?" and I'd ask women questions. Men tend to not be interested in such things, and I've found that more women than men have psychic ability. You seem more open-minded and intelligent than most people I encounter.
@@kater2k Yours wasn't, but it's what I felt first, and the lower frequencies are the easiest to read, the first chakra and the color red. Each chakra is connected to specific endocrine glands. With the third, I'm feeling the adrenals. Sexual energy is the gonads, the testes and ovaries, and the second, but seems to also involve the first. With some, I feel their overloaded first chakra energy in my anus. Those people may be psychopaths or sociopaths. With one woman who was particularly screwed up, dangerous, and attracted to me, I felt the energy flipping up and down between the first and second chakras. Her energy felt dirty, gritty. In my description of her and another woman, some women told me she may have been a narcissist.
@@kater2k She seemed pleasant enough on the surface, but when I took a female friend to visit her, she told me that when I wasn't in the same room, she acted abusive to her, and when she invited my girlfriend and I to dinner, she started throw stuff at her boyfriend and beating the hell out of him, saying that the only reason he was with her was for the sex. Every time I went over to see her, a different guy was storming out of her apartment, yelling something like, "You want her, you can have her!" At one point, she did something that caused my girlfriend to call the cops on her and told me, "It's like she wants to BE me!" Some women got jealous of my girlfriend because I was with her, like "What's he doing with HER?" and "If I can't have you, nobody can!" So yeah, some women choose the "kill" option when they're attracted to me. One time I had my girlfriend and another women each grab one of my arms, yanking me back and forth like a tug-o-war while yelling "I saw him first!"
I deal with a lot of emotional roller coaster Especially in my relationships, I tend to cook up stories in my head and argue n fight for no reason Sometimes it happens so much so that I firmly believe that the guy is cheating The feeling is so so strong for a while But then when the quarrel ends I feel absolutely hopeless and ashamed
"I deal with a lot of emotional roller coaster" A person riding a roller coaster feels both fear and excitement, which are essentially two sides of the same emotion. But isn't that what a woman wants? Isn't that why "chicks dig drama"? One of my friends called me a "good-bad thing" because that's how women reacted to me, and a woman once said, "You never know what you're going to get from Fred." Random. Unpredictable. What IS a bad boy? He's a rebel without a cause, a cool dude in a motorcycle jacket, a real-life Huckleberry Finn who wants to take you on a wild river ride to adventure. He's wounded, moody, misunderstood-a dreamer, a seducer, a daredevil. He is a man of mystery and a fascinating paradox. He's both a lost little boy and a man with a dark side. He breaks your heart with his wicked ways, but whether he's a wanton wolf or a dangerous desperado, he makes you long to rescue him from HIS pain. He's hurtful, cruel, or simply careless and self-absorbed, but you can't resist jumping on his motorcycle and roaring off into the steamy night with him. And once you've given him your heart forever... he's gone with the wind! He is someone who sets off throbbing sexual and aggressive passions within you. - Carole Lieberman, M.D. "sexual and aggressive passions" Well, there's our old friend, "eff, kill or run" again... 😉
"I tend to cook up stories in my head and argue n fight for no reason" This woman who was my "friends with benefits" on and off for years did that all the time. We'd have sex, then she would do something to piss me off, I'd tell her to eff off, then eventually, she'd call me and we'd do it again. But sometimes, we'd have really good conversations, and she'd invite me places and take me on dates and pay for them. I guess she was like the female equivalent of a jerk. She had a tender, caring side, but had been hurt, so I cared about her and had feelings for her. One time she called me and accused me of stealing something from her and when I got there, she had a big fit, kept looking around, and finally found where she "accidentally" put it. She'd do things to get me away from this other woman and I'd have women fighting over me, but at the same time, she'd try to hook me up with other women. But there's something underneath the arguing and fighting. Every behavior has a positive intention. It's driven by the emotional brain, which is unconscious. When a woman was yelling at me, I could feel the sexual energy underneath, and there's something below even that. Sex isn't just sex, it's something deeper the person seeks, such as peace or love. One time, I yelled at a woman, "The reason I'm yelling at you is because I'm attracted to you!" I recently told a woman, "We've known each other for some time, so isn't it time we had our first lover's quarrel, or would you like to go straight to the make up sex?" Another time, I told her that I'd been out flirting with other women and asked if it made her jealous. She laughed and said she wasn't the jealous type. I broke up with one woman I'd been dating about a year (who had a master's in psychology) because she was too insecure and jealous of every woman I talked to. One time we were walking around a lake and she became jealous of a TREE because I said it was beautiful. She was an integrated DID. Half Mexican, beautiful. Just the right amount of naughty, playful "bad girl." She really had nothing to be jealous of, but that's the problem in dating someone who's really attractive. If you're insecure, it isn't going to work and you'll end up pushing them away. A lot of people become therapists because they have issues, but then they never really work on those issues and project them onto the clients.
Are you from the Seattle area? Didn't it originate at the University of Washington? I worked under an assistant professor there for the Mental Health Advance Directives research project. I ran the workshops, working directly with the participants or "consumers." A lot of those people were highly sensitive, could feel my coworkers attitude toward them, and asked for me instead because I treated them as an equal.
I'm not sure. The last therapist I had didn't even bring up BPD. She talked more about Bipolar. I don't meet the requirements for bipolar. I think a lot of therapist try to stay away from BPD because of its complexity. I've done a lot of research on this topic and am very self aware which is why Im almost certain I do. I just need a professional to say so. So I wouldn't say it's hard, but I think some professionals are reluctant to hand out the proper diagnosis. From what I've researched.
@@kater2k that makes sense to me. I know it can be hard to get a diagnosis for mental health disorders so I was curious. It sounds like BPD might be in the same boat. This video dropped in my lap and admittedly doesn’t pertain to me but now I know the difference between bipolar and BPD and such so thanks.
@Chinchuchwei_sr of course! My whole want in this is to bring awareness to this. I’m glad you learned something today, even if it doesn’t pertain to you. Thank you for stopping by ☺️
On 5:00 You've given me a lot of good insight about my ex-girlfriend who I suspect has BPD. Quiet BPD at that. She was very much a people pleaser like you. Thank you Katie. I loved my ex. But I am also very fearful avoidant and have trust issues. When my ex pulled away, I pulled away out of self-preservation and we "mutually ghosted" each other after over 3 months of dating. Which is unheard of. I didn't want to reach out because I felt rejected. And she hasn't reached out for whatever reason. It's hard to be in a situation where you are blind to what the other person is thinking. Like her Instagram is private and everything so I can't see the aftermath of my actions (or inaction in this case). I don't know if she was just done with me (a discard). If she was upset with me. If she got back with an ex. Nothing.
I'm glad I could shed some light for you and an ex partner of yours. I am definitely a people pleaser and am trying really hard to stop it. I never seen it as manipulation until now. I just enjoyed seeing people happy. Sometimes another perspective can help us understand the person we fail to understand.
"I pulled away out of self-preservation"
Bingo. Excellent intuition/insight. That's exactly what it is, a first circuit response according to Leary/Wilson's Eight Circuit Model of Consciousness, the first circuit being the bio-survival circuit, and the ego cannot tell the difference between a physical and psychological threat, linking rejection, for example, to physical survival. It's how the brain is wired.
This is all part of what I refer to as "If a woman really likes you, she doesn't know whether to eff you, kill you or run."
It used to be that if I even thought I might be rejected, I go somewhere quiet and curl up into a fetal position, just wanting to die.
Ultimately, whether or not someone rejects you, you're rejecting yourself, and women used to do pre-emptive strikes with me all the time.
Somebody once asked me, "What did you do to that woman?" to which I replied, "I didn't do anything. She did it to herself."
Very good thank you,..you will help lots of ppl on here and ppl with NPD..APD...you appear to be well grounded her ..great ty
Thank you kindly. My hope is to raise awareness of the subject. Thank you for watching!
This therapist in a hospital diversion group kept telling this one woman, "Ground and center!"
I dated her once. She asked me out. I'm not sure she even knew what she wanted from me even though she did, stuck between "eff" and "run." It has something to do with women and ambivalence, or as this guy said in this old French movie from the 1950's, "Yes. No. A woman is all half-measures. It gets me down."
I sometimes joke with women that I can't make decisions, and one of my girlfriends used to scream, "Two things! I don't like two things!" In addition to schizoaffective, she was diagnosed with BPD.
I felt your energy for a moment in one of your replies to me. I feel it in my chakras. What I felt is generally associated with borderlines. Your third chakra was overloaded. I've mostly blocked my first chakra, so I don't pick up women's sexual energy so strongly, but it's generally the first three in borderlines which is often accompanied by pressure in the third eye, in the forehead. Some have an overloaded heart chakra that will make you cry. It's very similar to how a bipolar's energy feels, except for the third chakra.
I've been with women who had various disorders, including bipolar, DID, and schizophrenia. I've observed women's behavior directed at me for a number of years. I tended to attract and be attracted to women with BPD. RUclips won't let me write why without censoring me and threatening to beat me up.
I'd have an experience and ask myself "Okay, what just happened?" and I'd ask women questions. Men tend to not be interested in such things, and I've found that more women than men have psychic ability.
You seem more open-minded and intelligent than most people I encounter.
Oof. Sounds like a bad energy from what I read
@@kater2k Yours wasn't, but it's what I felt first, and the lower frequencies are the easiest to read, the first chakra and the color red. Each chakra is connected to specific endocrine glands. With the third, I'm feeling the adrenals. Sexual energy is the gonads, the testes and ovaries, and the second, but seems to also involve the first. With some, I feel their overloaded first chakra energy in my anus. Those people may be psychopaths or sociopaths. With one woman who was particularly screwed up, dangerous, and attracted to me, I felt the energy flipping up and down between the first and second chakras. Her energy felt dirty, gritty. In my description of her and another woman, some women told me she may have been a narcissist.
@@kater2k She seemed pleasant enough on the surface, but when I took a female friend to visit her, she told me that when I wasn't in the same room, she acted abusive to her, and when she invited my girlfriend and I to dinner, she started throw stuff at her boyfriend and beating the hell out of him, saying that the only reason he was with her was for the sex. Every time I went over to see her, a different guy was storming out of her apartment, yelling something like, "You want her, you can have her!"
At one point, she did something that caused my girlfriend to call the cops on her and told me, "It's like she wants to BE me!"
Some women got jealous of my girlfriend because I was with her, like "What's he doing with HER?" and "If I can't have you, nobody can!"
So yeah, some women choose the "kill" option when they're attracted to me.
One time I had my girlfriend and another women each grab one of my arms, yanking me back and forth like a tug-o-war while yelling "I saw him first!"
I also am overcoming BPD by way of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. My INTERNAL family system clarification helped most in healing my childhood trauma.
I would love to do DBT. When my circumstances allow it, I will :)
Everybody has parts and subparts, like a bunch of people running around inside their head. Sometimes you encounter them in dreams.
Very good thoughtful vid
❤
I deal with a lot of emotional roller coaster
Especially in my relationships, I tend to cook up stories in my head and argue n fight for no reason
Sometimes it happens so much so that I firmly believe that the guy is cheating
The feeling is so so strong for a while
But then when the quarrel ends I feel absolutely hopeless and ashamed
I completely understand that. Our mind likes to fill itself with negative self talk because we don't feel we deserve love. But, we do.
"I deal with a lot of emotional roller coaster"
A person riding a roller coaster feels both fear and excitement, which are essentially two sides of the same emotion. But isn't that what a woman wants? Isn't that why "chicks dig drama"?
One of my friends called me a "good-bad thing" because that's how women reacted to me, and a woman once said, "You never know what you're going to get from Fred." Random. Unpredictable.
What IS a bad boy? He's a rebel without a cause, a cool dude in a motorcycle jacket, a real-life Huckleberry Finn who wants to take you on a wild river ride to adventure. He's wounded, moody, misunderstood-a dreamer, a seducer, a daredevil. He is a man of mystery and a fascinating paradox. He's both a lost little boy and a man with a dark side. He breaks your heart with his wicked ways, but whether he's a wanton wolf or a dangerous desperado, he makes you long to rescue him from HIS pain. He's hurtful, cruel, or simply careless and self-absorbed, but you can't resist jumping on his motorcycle and roaring off into the steamy night with him. And once you've given him your heart forever... he's gone with the wind!
He is someone who sets off throbbing sexual and aggressive passions within you.
- Carole Lieberman, M.D.
"sexual and aggressive passions"
Well, there's our old friend, "eff, kill or run" again... 😉
"I tend to cook up stories in my head and argue n fight for no reason"
This woman who was my "friends with benefits" on and off for years did that all the time. We'd have sex, then she would do something to piss me off, I'd tell her to eff off, then eventually, she'd call me and we'd do it again. But sometimes, we'd have really good conversations, and she'd invite me places and take me on dates and pay for them. I guess she was like the female equivalent of a jerk. She had a tender, caring side, but had been hurt, so I cared about her and had feelings for her.
One time she called me and accused me of stealing something from her and when I got there, she had a big fit, kept looking around, and finally found where she "accidentally" put it. She'd do things to get me away from this other woman and I'd have women fighting over me, but at the same time, she'd try to hook me up with other women.
But there's something underneath the arguing and fighting. Every behavior has a positive intention. It's driven by the emotional brain, which is unconscious. When a woman was yelling at me, I could feel the sexual energy underneath, and there's something below even that. Sex isn't just sex, it's something deeper the person seeks, such as peace or love.
One time, I yelled at a woman, "The reason I'm yelling at you is because I'm attracted to you!"
I recently told a woman, "We've known each other for some time, so isn't it time we had our first lover's quarrel, or would you like to go straight to the make up sex?"
Another time, I told her that I'd been out flirting with other women and asked if it made her jealous. She laughed and said she wasn't the jealous type.
I broke up with one woman I'd been dating about a year (who had a master's in psychology) because she was too insecure and jealous of every woman I talked to. One time we were walking around a lake and she became jealous of a TREE because I said it was beautiful. She was an integrated DID. Half Mexican, beautiful. Just the right amount of naughty, playful "bad girl."
She really had nothing to be jealous of, but that's the problem in dating someone who's really attractive. If you're insecure, it isn't going to work and you'll end up pushing them away.
A lot of people become therapists because they have issues, but then they never really work on those issues and project them onto the clients.
I was trained in DBT by Marcia Linehan..I get it the best anyone can that does Nord not have it
Are you from the Seattle area? Didn't it originate at the University of Washington?
I worked under an assistant professor there for the Mental Health Advance Directives research project. I ran the workshops, working directly with the participants or "consumers." A lot of those people were highly sensitive, could feel my coworkers attitude toward them, and asked for me instead because I treated them as an equal.
Is it hard to get a diagnosis for BPD?
I'm not sure. The last therapist I had didn't even bring up BPD. She talked more about Bipolar. I don't meet the requirements for bipolar. I think a lot of therapist try to stay away from BPD because of its complexity. I've done a lot of research on this topic and am very self aware which is why Im almost certain I do. I just need a professional to say so.
So I wouldn't say it's hard, but I think some professionals are reluctant to hand out the proper diagnosis. From what I've researched.
@@kater2k that makes sense to me. I know it can be hard to get a diagnosis for mental health disorders so I was curious. It sounds like BPD might be in the same boat. This video dropped in my lap and admittedly doesn’t pertain to me but now I know the difference between bipolar and BPD and such so thanks.
@Chinchuchwei_sr of course! My whole want in this is to bring awareness to this. I’m glad you learned something today, even if it doesn’t pertain to you. Thank you for stopping by ☺️