Wow...his family absolutely sucks. The fact that they screwed up isn't his fault, and yet they completely blame and take it out on him. The fact that they're mad he wasn't alone on Christmas is ridiculous. They don't want him, but they dont want him to be happy anywhere else either because then they might have to acknowledge how much they screwed up. I'm glad OP is taking a step back from them. He deserves better.
It doesn't matter which number child you are they can find a reason to make you not matter. I was first so they blamed me they had to get married early and thought I should spend my life being their abused slave. They sabotaged my life every way they could from elementary school so I wouldn't be able to get away from them. I found out accidentally that three times they prevented the school from skipping me grades because I was doing older grade work when I was bored. Getting away from them was all I ever thought about
For some parents to constantly bring up the fact that you're an oops baby, they sure do treat you like it. Then your mother and two siblings had the audacity to get in their feelings when called out. Project much?
I can explain this behavior. Not justify it, just explain it, lol. OP's mother doesn't give a shit. It's that simple. But she's scared to death that OP will call her out on it now, and take control of the narrative, and her actions may now have repercussions for her reputation. That's what she cares about. Not her son, her carefully cultivated image as a mother. She doesn't actually sound like a narcissist however (at least not by the clinical definition). She has connected wit her other children and her grandchildren just fine. So her behavior now is rooted somewhere else. The answer however is probably mundane. I doubt he's an affair baby or anything like that. Someone would have spilled the beans by now, his siblings would have been old enough to put two and two together. Most likely scenario (purely my speculation here, I could be wrong): His mother had some bad PPD after her last pregnancy, which inhibited her bonding with her child. Happens all the time. The dad doesn't seem like father of the year, the typical work 8 hours, park his ass in an armchair for 6 hours in front of the TV, go to bed, repeat. Not useless, but not much of a participant unless his wife drags him into family activities, which she never really did for OP due to her lack of connection to him. The age gap explains the siblings. And if their mother did have some bad PPD, given their ages at the time of her pregnancy, they may not have understood why their mom changed, but would have seen it coincided with the arrival of the new baby. There might be a tinge of resentment there which they never fully thought about due to their ages at the time. Reddit likes it's soap-opera drama, with wild theories about affair babies, regretted adoptions, etc, but this explanation is WAY more likely, bordering on the cliche. Reminding him he was an "Oops Baby" is just a rationalization his parents came up with after the fact to explain their poor behavior, and they will stick to that story till the end, because by now, they likely believe that. It lets them explain and then downplay their actions. This also means his parent's actions likely weren't malicious. These are people who ignore problems and rationalize them away with explanations that they can live with. They're not "evil", they're just not very good parents. It also means they might be able to mend their behavior if confronted with it. That won't be easy, they're very comfortable in the justifications. But a stern reality-check, some time (likely measured in years) and a lot of work could improve things. That won't give him back his childhood, but it's something.
the fact that they were upset at OP for having a good time on Christmas... it's like they wanted him to spend the holidays alone and sad. his GF and GF's family sound like amazing people and I hope she gives him the happiness he deserves.
Haven't finished the story yet but going with Zoey doesn't sound like a bad idea at all. Christmas is family time and even if your bio family doesn't care much about you, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy time with other family lol. Found family>bio family Edit: Zoey's family sounds so nice! I hope they all are doing great now
I was an oops baby when my parents didnt even plan to have children yet and I cant imagine being treated this way. My parents still loved me (at least for the most part) even though they never planned to have me
Just cut contact with them. They've shown you repeatedly how little you mean to them. The only reason they're upset about you going to the gf's is because now people know how crappy they are.
![[FULL STORY] My Parents Forgot To Invite Me To the Family Reunion…](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Jiluz8P99Lw/mqdefault.jpg)
Wow...his family absolutely sucks. The fact that they screwed up isn't his fault, and yet they completely blame and take it out on him.
The fact that they're mad he wasn't alone on Christmas is ridiculous. They don't want him, but they dont want him to be happy anywhere else either because then they might have to acknowledge how much they screwed up.
I'm glad OP is taking a step back from them. He deserves better.
It doesn't matter which number child you are they can find a reason to make you not matter. I was first so they blamed me they had to get married early and thought I should spend my life being their abused slave. They sabotaged my life every way they could from elementary school so I wouldn't be able to get away from them. I found out accidentally that three times they prevented the school from skipping me grades because I was doing older grade work when I was bored. Getting away from them was all I ever thought about
For some parents to constantly bring up the fact that you're an oops baby, they sure do treat you like it. Then your mother and two siblings had the audacity to get in their feelings when called out. Project much?
I can explain this behavior. Not justify it, just explain it, lol.
OP's mother doesn't give a shit. It's that simple. But she's scared to death that OP will call her out on it now, and take control of the narrative, and her actions may now have repercussions for her reputation. That's what she cares about. Not her son, her carefully cultivated image as a mother.
She doesn't actually sound like a narcissist however (at least not by the clinical definition). She has connected wit her other children and her grandchildren just fine. So her behavior now is rooted somewhere else.
The answer however is probably mundane. I doubt he's an affair baby or anything like that. Someone would have spilled the beans by now, his siblings would have been old enough to put two and two together.
Most likely scenario (purely my speculation here, I could be wrong):
His mother had some bad PPD after her last pregnancy, which inhibited her bonding with her child. Happens all the time.
The dad doesn't seem like father of the year, the typical work 8 hours, park his ass in an armchair for 6 hours in front of the TV, go to bed, repeat. Not useless, but not much of a participant unless his wife drags him into family activities, which she never really did for OP due to her lack of connection to him.
The age gap explains the siblings. And if their mother did have some bad PPD, given their ages at the time of her pregnancy, they may not have understood why their mom changed, but would have seen it coincided with the arrival of the new baby. There might be a tinge of resentment there which they never fully thought about due to their ages at the time.
Reddit likes it's soap-opera drama, with wild theories about affair babies, regretted adoptions, etc, but this explanation is WAY more likely, bordering on the cliche.
Reminding him he was an "Oops Baby" is just a rationalization his parents came up with after the fact to explain their poor behavior, and they will stick to that story till the end, because by now, they likely believe that. It lets them explain and then downplay their actions.
This also means his parent's actions likely weren't malicious. These are people who ignore problems and rationalize them away with explanations that they can live with. They're not "evil", they're just not very good parents.
It also means they might be able to mend their behavior if confronted with it. That won't be easy, they're very comfortable in the justifications. But a stern reality-check, some time (likely measured in years) and a lot of work could improve things. That won't give him back his childhood, but it's something.
This story kind of reminds me of when the girlfriend didn’t go on the cruise with her family
Legit clicked on this and skipped to the update before going "he?" a few seconds in and scrolling back to realize this was different.
they booked this cabin in JUNE, that's plenty of time to let op know, poor guy but glad he still had a good time with his gf
It wasn't enough for them to just ignore him and exclude him, they actively wanted him to be alone and miserable.
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the fact that they were upset at OP for having a good time on Christmas... it's like they wanted him to spend the holidays alone and sad. his GF and GF's family sound like amazing people and I hope she gives him the happiness he deserves.
imagine being upset that your kid isnt alone on christmas lol
That's so messed up
I for one am going with the affair baby theory. OP's mom is that type. Self centered and entitled.
Haven't finished the story yet but going with Zoey doesn't sound like a bad idea at all. Christmas is family time and even if your bio family doesn't care much about you, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy time with other family lol. Found family>bio family
Edit: Zoey's family sounds so nice! I hope they all are doing great now
I was an oops baby when my parents didnt even plan to have children yet and I cant imagine being treated this way. My parents still loved me (at least for the most part) even though they never planned to have me
Why does op need Reddit for this?
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Love your content!! 3rd!
first?!
Just cut contact with them. They've shown you repeatedly how little you mean to them. The only reason they're upset about you going to the gf's is because now people know how crappy they are.