Better or Bitter. That is a great way to put it. Most of us forget that WE EACH, actually, DECIDE for OURSELVES which it is gonna be. I tend to forget this fact often lately. As I get older my body seems to want to give me bonus challenges to tie into my mental ones! I can get pretty grumpy at times. AND... I do my best to remember that HOW I FEEL is never an excuse to bring bitterness into my life. I do my best to get some understanding and compassion from friends and my partner - but in the end I can show up as a "Good Person" with a positive, albeit 'realistic' attitude. Or I can choose to let my aches and pains and frightened thoughts be the excuse that I show up as a Grumpy Old Man. So. Thanks for this comment and your positive feedback. I guess I'd say to folks out there struggling with FASD, or ANY hard fact for that matter: it might feel like it sucks right now because it actually SUCKS. BUT - we can choose who we want to show up as in all that suck. We can choose to learn and to grow. We can choose, no matter what, to be of service and good heart to others in our lives.
would you like to adopt a very high functioning, no police record 55 year old man that's been abandoned by family and have limped all the way to 56 this month with nothing to show for a lifetime of work due to FASD
You're a lucky man. Many moms who drank and by doing so injured their children simply didn't care. Your mom still cares. Thank you for an enlightening video and much good luck to you.
I’ve always suspected that my baby brother had Fetal Alcohol syndrome, as soon as I learned about it in my sociology class in the 11th grade. He is now 41 years old, and was recently diagnosed. Your story is beautiful, because you learned how you work. I explained to to my brother like this: Android Phones are great, iPhones are great, and they are both considered ‘smart’ phones. Only thing that makes them different is their operating systems.” Our mother died in 1992 at 52 years old. He was only 15. Sadly his memories have faded over the years, but when he received his diagnosis he was angry with her. Screaming out of frustration, angrily asking how she could have done something like this to him. I had to explain to him that women didn’t really know what affect alcohol could have on their developing fetus. She drank everyday 2-3 cocktails before dinner, and she smoked because even that wasn’t taboo yet in 1976
This was a very touching and tastefully done testimony. Thank you for sharing this with us. My mother was alcoholic. I never thought I was in that FASD, but now I do think that could be possible. Mother always claimed that she didn't drink much when she was pregnanct with me. But did drink some. And I can really relate to what you told us about your life.
Loren Robertson this is from Pat Creley . people say G _ d bless the child. but for you it's G_d bless the man that over comes what is given to you , and help others!!!
Thanks for the video...really got to me...I got FASD and it definitely shows in my adult life and at times has been a strain with my wife and step kids...at times my behaviour they hate but overly understand that my brain isn’t what it should of been like!!! I still feel very angry at my birth mother for making me this way...but at the same time I know times were different back then!!! Your video is awesome and sheds light that I can keep going and I know it’s not my fault and make it through the challenges!!!
@@franzpeters3824 I understand you're making a joke here. AND... I need to mention again my Mom drank very little. Just regularly. It was the 1950's and the Saturday Daiquiris & Cribbage nights were very important to my parents. Back then, they just didn't know better.
I'm 63 and have struggled greatly with F.A.S I have had pretty much every symptom I've ever seen listed and was born with several birth defects. A defect in my heart , kidneys a deformity in my hip as well as a condition called Poland Syndrome. I had all the emotional and behavioral problems I absolutely attribute to my F.A.S I was involved in violent collision when riding my motorcycle on our country rd. At age 12 I started using drugs at age 11 and stayed loaded for next 50 years.. I'm clean now but my F.A.S really makes life hard for me. I'm really needing some help now.
That all sounds very hard, John. I can understand a lot of your pain and frustration. Sadly, it does come with the territory. I'm in Nova Scotia Canada. I have no actual 'answer' to your request for help. I'm sad to say that, and I do say it a lot. What I can suggest if find a doctor, either your own family MD or a walk-in clinic doctor - or any medical practitioner and tell them your story. Some times you'll find the right person that will point you in the right direction for further help. ALSO get googling "FASD" (don't forget the "D" - we call it Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder" here in Canada, FAS is the older term as it was first called when you and I were much younger ;) There are many site now out there. Find one that resonates with you, and then get aggressive (with an open heart!) in contacting them and getting any guidance from them. Good luck. Again, I can only say your pain IS real, and sadly there is no "quick fix" that is sustainable. Dig deep into your heart and put all you do have into the work of getting support. An important tip: giving up will NOT get you support 😌❤️🙏🏼 I wish for you strength and some peace in your world.
When my mom was pregnant with me she was using heroine from beginning till the end of the pregnancy I had to be weined off when I was born I didn’t learn to walk or talk till I was 5 years old I now have learning difficulties find it hard to socialise with other children when I was a kid an now I struggle as a adult my mom passed away when I was 2 years old at 25 to drugs overdose I know how you feel 😖😖😖
I hope mom and you have a great time now! My mother drank heavily while she was pregnant with me. I suspect FAS but docs fight the diagnosis...but now I'm getting my therapist involved and want to see a neurologist to see exactly if things are smaller in my brain than average. Struggling for years and being told "You were a 'bad' kid" or others picking on you. Better yet is the person who totally doesn't care and continues to cause the problems when you fight so hard just to fight to stay alive because you want all the hurt to go away. I do remember a teacher even saying I will never do math well and my grandmother taught me how to do better at it. It me five to six hours to learn what a "normal" child would learn in say 20 mins of homework. I still do not remember what I read and do not understand the things people get from literature that we all are supposed to "get". My mother right before she passed away apologized to me..... FAS from what I understand wasn't named until 1971 and I was born in 69. Back then a woman knew kind of that it was wrong but the prevalence about drinking while pregnant of the education was not forthright and in your face. Mom needs to forgive herself. A lot with the Church of the Nazarene has helped me grow to understand that we don't need that old life.... we have a new life and we all have gifts that God gives to us to use for his GOOD purpose. We are not our feelings. We are just people who need to work a little harder to get things accomplished and to feel good about ourselves especially when society all these years has planted negative thoughts about ourselves into our heads. I am 49 and feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders with diagnoses. GOD loves you so much and you are never alone! Prayers always, Marie
Thank you both for this beautiful video, I have a daughter diagnosed with FASD, she also struggles emotionally, a diagnosis helped us all understand and support her better.
@firecontent6841 No FASD is a disorder caused by lifestyle, the mother drinking while pregnant. ASD is usually when one of the parents is either on the spectrum themselves or they simply carry the gene but are not on the spectrum themselves.
@@StepCatAutism is from brain rewiring. It can affect socialising and communicating, not cognition. I was diagnosed at 25 and given Acceptance and Commitment Therapy by a retired professor and it transformed my life.
@firecontent6841 they are different disorders, but many people with fas also display autisitc characteristics. There is a lot of overlap, but one can have either without the other. They are just neurodevelopmental disorders, meaning something disrupted the brain and nervous system development.
This is a great video Reinier! I am glad you got some clarity now. But what always have been clear to me is that you are a brilliant man with or without FASD. And I am hoping the diagnosis make that clear to you too :) You have a super brain, just remember that!
Thank you for this video! I hit 90% of the symptoms of fas and had a mother who drank exesively during pregnensy! Im going to see a doctor in a week,this explains alot!
I was recently diagnosed with fasd and im 29 years old. Ive struggled all my life with everything, i had really bad anxiety and became very depressed. I brought my IEP paperwork from when i went to school and brought it to doctor. I thought i had adhd but she said i have fasd because it talks about alcohol abuse in my family and i meet all the diagnostic criteria for FASD. I have alot of processing, working memory and verbal communication disorders.
@@bettyvanderhooven-schmaasc4235 I found that "knowing I have this" helped me ACCEPT the struggle. I've found that unaccepted struggle tends to HURT MORE and have LESS CHANCE OF BEING SOLVED. So, for me anyway, the diagnosis helped me DEAL with the struggle and not feel so VICTIMIZED by it. (Therapy also really helped me deal with this too! ;)
I have a social worker and she doesn't believe I have this I need to show her this video and to let her know not to judge others just cause they can talk sharp and has a career. Amanda if you're watching this remember everything you did know about me was right
Not all social workers are created equal and it's not even funny. I've taken classes (with on the job working social workers) and a meaner, more prejudiced, racist group of white ladies you could ever hope to meet were there, trying to get their MSW degrees. This was at a private, women's college. The teacher was an utter fool as well.
I am 56 years old and I have spent the last 16 years running from this diagnosis. I looked for every reason it wasn't I have excellent coordination and a high IQ. So it was easy until it wasn't. Embracing this diagnoses has been very freeing and this video is priceless thank you for sharing and I look forward to more . I have thought about suicide more than I want to admit I'm determined to die of old age. I am looking for a support group thanks again
Thanku for bravely sharing your story. I got pregnant after I was told categorically that I would NEVER conceive a child by fertility experts, even with rounds and rounds of IVF. I was so sad. I found out I was pregnant half way thru my pregnancy. My son is 7 is has been incredibly challenging and incredibly beautiful all wrapped up in one. I am now very suspicious he has FASD bc I drank heavily up until I found out I was pregnant. He steals from us, hits us, talks about suicide, it's honestly just devastating. I'm throwing EVERYTHING I have at helping him and I really appreciate all the content online bc it helps me understand him.
Literally sounds like my mom when we was growing up. She still steals here and there, like stupid stuff from stores even though she has money. My aunt said when my mom was little she always talked about wanting to kill herself. She still does here and there in her adult life. She didn't raise my brother and I because she had us at 18 and 19 and never grew out of the teenager phase it seemed. She chose having multiple boyfriends instead of raising us. She would disappear for months at a time and we wouldn't know if she was dead or alive and then when the relationship ended with whatever loser guy it was at the time, she would come back to my grandparents house and they always let her come back. Literally did this my entire childhood until I was an adult. We never knew she had FASD until 12 years ago and a bunch of tests were done and my grandma even admitted she drank heavily back in Cambodia when she was pregnant with my mom. They immigrant here because of the khmer rouge genocide etc. Long story short, I love my mom, I have a great relationship with her even though she causes me stress. I'm way more patient and understanding with her even though she's told me to kill myself at times and told me she's hated me at times. But I will always love her and have compassion for her and will take care of her when she's old. Some of my family members don't have the same love and patience as I do. Like my aunt doesn't. She even knows about my mom's diagnoses but thinks it's just an excuse. My mom is one of my best friends now. I know she wouldn't steal from me but she's stolen a couple checks from my brother in the past and another family member years ago. She's a great liar and con artist but I've gotten to know her so well over the years because I never turned my back on her.
@@ReinMan1959we live in Washington and I was told it's one of the best states for FASD. The only reason my mom got a diagnosis done was because she got in trouble and had to go to court etc
Also, my mom never got into drugs and was never a drinker. She was addicted to men. Now she's finally doing so much better in her mid 50s and is content being single. She's finally living on her own and paying bills and doesn't have to rely on my grandma or a man for support. Of course I still help her when she needs it. She's on mental disability and also is a full time nanny for my cousin's 2 year old and 9 month old. My brother doesn't fully trust her to watch his kids but my cousin does and if I had kids I 100% would have her be the full time Nanny. My brother is finally starting to come around now that his daughter is 5 and the other is 2 and he actually let my mom babysit them alone for a few hours. It went from him saying, "no matter how good mom is doing, I will NEVER EVER let her watch my kids." and now he let's her here and there.
So happy that you got the answers. But this is an incomplete picture. What kinds of signs were you exhibiting that you were constantly criticized for? What prompted you to get diagnosed, who made the diagnosis, and how?
I’m so sorry it took so many years to find out but I’m glad you know now and are thriving. I think everyone should learn to recognize FASD In people so we can be more understanding. And it’s certainly not a condition that can hold a person back - there’s a number of celebrities with it, ie Reese Witherspoon, Bernie Sanders, Jim Carrey and though it’s my assessment, I think Greg Gutfeld (his mom was well known as a drinker per her obituary).
Well, thanks! Sorry it's been a year to give you this response! Perhaps I've been thriving a bit TOO much 🤪 Though FASD can really really muck up people's lives (as I've witnessed first hand so many times) it does NOT to be the final excuse at the end of the day for a failed life. You are correct on that point. As I've said so often, FASD takes so much away from us, and yet (as most things in this crazy but balanced Universe does) the counter balance is the gifts it has allowed into our lives. They are, almost always, hard won gifts. So maybe PRIZES is a better word here than 'gifts'? 🤔 One thing I know from my, and other's with FASD diagnosis experiences is this: the chaos and the problems and the heartbreaking events all seem to happen automatically. The GOOD STUFF? It needs to be FOUND in all that noise. It rarely pops up on its own, in my experience. So I really recommend, as FASD folk start reaching that point in life where they can accept they have a major responsibility for their OWN lives (and it can take us FASDlings a bit longer than neuro-typical folk to get there ;) to dig in and work the GOOD things they have, let go of feeling bad about things they can't really control... apologize whenever they've missed a step and hurt someone else. And get on with doing GOOD things in the world IN SPITE of all the mental and physical noise they are soaking in. In summary, if I look like I'm "thriving" it is because I'm doing The Work, I've chosen good folks around me that lift me up, and (perhaps very important) you need to know I have really hard days. I just do my best to get on with a Good Life anyway. 😌🙏🏼
I was diagnosed at birth. I have FAS. I am almost 33, I have managed thus far, I have 6 kids, I am a stay at home mom. And I just Recently began looking into what FAS is and how it pertains to me. Everything makes sense now. My birth mother abandoned me in a bush behind a building and I was there outside in the sun, for 6 hours. I am also a “meth baby”. And yet, 32 years later, she still doesn’t feel bad and is currently raising her grand kids!😢
That is a hard and sad story. Thanks for watching our video here. Yes, every person on the FASD spectrum has a difficult story (or two or three or....) to tell. I wish you well and hope peace is at the end of the trail for you - but wish more so that you find it along the way!
LOL / CRY - that is pretty much exactly what got me started on looking for a diagnosis in my late 50's! As I've told elsewhere, I was editing videos on FASD for Queens University Neurosciences in Kingston Ontario - and at one point I realized I was editing MY OWN STORY! It was a crazy moment. But I paid attention and realized it was a very IMPORTANT moment for me and my personal development. Thus began my two year journey to a diagnosis. So, Alyson, you are indeed not alone. But you are, most likely, a very unique individual. And that can make us feel alone at times... but you are not alone.
This hits home I was diagnosed as a child. I was in foster care from 3-17. It explains so much because I was told you grow out of it! Had no idea the extend of mental illness it has caused me just thought I couldn't cope with stuff that I was weak.
I hope you can find a way to make your life productive and beautiful Carolyn. Me and my sister and probably most of my family have this. My sis has the most extreme case in our family. She will always be 16 emotionally, but she is the best mother and the most thoughtful and loving person you could ever meet. She has such a hard time holding jobs, so did I! She is now homeless with her two kids, but she is working hard to work her way out of that situation. I know if she can have such a wonderful attitude and love life so much, there is hope for all of us. You included. Bless you!
Indeed. I miss her very much. We were such Noble Adversaries to each other for so many years. But when she passed I was holding her hand and I'd say we were best friends.
Thanks so much! 8 years ago this was created - huh! 🤔 😌My Mom has gone on to Bigger Things now, and I'm still working at being an effective Human Being. It doesn't matter if one is on the FASD spectrum or not, Life is challenging for most of us in these crazy days on Planet Earth. Your well wishes are gratefully accepted with much appreciation. Thanks for taking the time to view!
Thanks for viewing! Yup. I'm learning there are many of us FASD Dealing folks in the world. Either as care-givers and parents, or those of us who must navigate the FASD oceans ourselves. Hugs!
Fuck yah man, keep on shining that inner light of yours out on the world. just wanted to see a few things about FASD and ended up here. stayed for the whole thing. and idk what cool sounding company that was I think you said you made a vid for but I hope you got payed, because even though its kind of elementary seeming (your video editing/production style, that is), there is also this palpable sense of calm, simplicity, etc... that is really smooth to watch, and seems like it would be great for communicating a wide range of ideas/messages in a very believable and honest--seeming way 👍
I was wondering how you got an adult Diagnosis? Here in Manitoba they only do up to adolescence. “I” know I am FAS... but a proper diagnosis would be amazing!! Any information on how I can as an adult get mine?
Sorry for very slow reply! It was not easy to get my diagnosis - took a few years all told to happen. They are (rightfully so, I think) more focused on helping the kids. BUT... there are folks doing it and it can be very hard to find them. I'd check in at canfasd.ca and let them know what you're looking for and hopefully they can help you get started on your search. Just follow every lead and try every doorway that opens to you, even if it looks hopeless!
I walked at 11 months. Talked at 1 year. I have FAS with subtle facial features, but my issues are more behavior and impulse control. I have a 146 IQ and met most of my developmental milestones early or on time. I was reading by age 3 and could write my full name by 5 and a half.
Thanks muchly! I admit to having been somewhat sidelined by this little thing called The Pandemic, and also I've moved to a different part of the country with my partner and our two dogs. But your wee message here helps remind me that it is time for me to get back into speaking about all things FASD. Hugs!!
I've finally found out this is what i have and i can't believe it but i have to accept it but it makes me see things different and make me realize that i know why i am the why i am and I'm not different i just have this isssue that one day i have to accept
its so weird i found this video, i have always thought i was different.. everything in this video i relate to. im a 21yo male and have really been trying to figure out why im different. is there any way i can connect with you more? im really interested in possibly my next steps to figuring this out
If be interested to know more if I may. I can relate alot.. I'm adopted from bruges bought over to the UK my biological mom died when I was 14.. I was taken off her when I was 18 months old.. I feel different.. Not right.. Ive always felt different.. My biological mom was drug and alcohol dependant.. Ive had tests for autism.. Bipolar all sorts.. Would love to ask you questions xx
absolutely a beautiful vid. I am a single Mom raising adopted children... and they have varied diagnosis in spectrum disorders. My question is...how much does the birth father affect the FASD diagnosis.. if he was a drinker...etc..
Several studies show a higher prevalence of alcoholism in male sons of alcoholist fathers, even those who have been adopted and raised by sober dads. Alcoholism thus seems to be genetic, and to run especially on the male side of families. Recent studies (2023) indicate that fathers alcohol consumption does affect the genetic material that is passed on to the children: baby rats, born from male rats which had been fed with alcohol, display higher rates of microcephaly and craniofacial deformities, precisely measured with ai. Perhaps such effects are not that slevident on humans, but i'm sure there are effects. Moreover, a heavy drinking father will surely not support his pregnant partner when she's trying to stay away from alcohol. And he will not support his family and children who may need extra care, diagnosis and treatments.
Hi Shelby! I wish I had a "Simple Answer" to the question on getting a diagnosis. I would go with any of the national FASD organizations (Use Google to find one that feels right for you) and then you start asking questions. When I had my "diagnosis adventure" almost 10 years ago now there was a lot of willful hunting down leads and doctors and such. It took almost 2 years to get all the tests and interviews sorted out. I'm hoping it is easier now. Good luck. Don't give up!! :)
If you can ever make it to Seattle, WA it's one of the best places/ research done on FASD is what my mom's doctor told me, she was diagnosed with it like 5 years ago or so
well, I would like to take this opportunity to state here that I indeed have FASD however neither of my parents drinked alcohol...they simple never consumed it. However both of their parents were horrible alcoholics and I can only guess that it made it's way to them and on to me by their genes...your Mother might not be at fault. She seems very living and I wouldn't want her to feel completely at fault with this assessment .💕
You can't have it by genes lol... Your parents would have to drink. You can have other illnesses. It's not genetic.. His mom did drink. It is caused by brain damage from drinking..
Either your mother is lying, or you got a wrong diagnosis. And what your father did doesn't matter. The damage is done in utero, not during conception.
It was a 2 to 3 year journey for me. Though my doctor didn't laugh at me, I needed to educate him on FASD. And the only reason I knew about it is that I was editing videos for Queen's University (Kingston, Ontario) neuroscience depart on the subject and bells started going off for me why my life has been so hard to keep on an even steady path. Good luck - it isn't an easy route getting a diagnosis. Keep on looking for hidden help and doorways to open unexpectedly.
Your doing better than most people i know who were born completely healthy. But I have a serious question. Can FAS be passed on genetically from a parent who has FAS? A friend of mine, has a 16 year old daughter has just been diagnosed with FAS. But the mother swears there was absolutely no drinking during the pregnancy. The father was born with FAS and leads a casual drinkng life style. Could his dna have passed FAS to the child? Im sorry, I know its probably not an easy answer. But any info would be nice and thanks.
It's safe to say that most FAS/FASD cases are not purely genetic. But different children have different genetic susceptibility which means that a certain amount of alcohol that had an insignificant effect on one child may seriously damage other child's nervous system. That's why there is no safe amount of alcohol. Some milder forms might be genetic and there is an evidence that father's heavy drinking can cause some epigenetic changes in sperm. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4040491/#__sec11title
I'm late to comment but my friend who has adopted a child with FAS went to a conference recently and told me that newer studies suggest there could be epigenetic factors at play, so even having a grandparent with FAS could result in a child being on the fetal alcohol spectrum
Boy oh boy - I really don't like this question. NOT disliking that you asked it!! Just unhappy that I don't have a solid answer for you, even after all these years dealing with my later-life diagnosis. :( Start with your family doctor. Like me, you might ask for a diagnosis of FASD and they might, like my doctor, say something like "what is FASD?" After you explain it to them then you may also face them saying something like "Huh, I don't think that could be you! Look at how you are still alive after 43 years!" or something to that effect. And you'd just keep bugging them to get you into some program/hospital/system that can do a proper adult diagnosis for you. Those places are very rare and it took me two years to get it sorted out - I lived near Toronto Canada at the time and just kept bugging doctors until they found out where they needed to send me. Depending on where you live it could be a very easy hunt or a very challenging one. I'd also start getting on the FASD websites... most provinces / states have specific groups for that area. Send emails - make phone calls. Show up at their clinics if they have one. I'm sorry if I've made this sound hard. But it is. Most of the FASD system is (and I understand why) around supporting the young folk. We "elders" need to put in a bit more work to get our needs met. Best of luck, and may you develop a deep sense of patience and stick-to-it-ness!
Must mean that all of us come from a long line of people with FASD considering that it’s only now that women know not to drink alcohol when pregnant. I wonder how that has made our world different considering that most everything around us was built or discovered by people whose mother drank when they were pregnant. Just interesting to ponder.
It is an interesting thought, isn't it? If you read some of my other talks or ramblings, you'll see I'm a big proponent of the "Life Gives, Life Takes Away" philosophy. For me, FASD caused me a LOT of grief in my life. And my parents. And probably many of my close friends. BUT I've also been an awesome son, and truly gnarly best-friend, and a bright light for many who've met me. I have a wonderful gift for music and visual arts... which have also pleased and entertained many. I do NOT think "normally" and that is a problem and a gift. I say all this to set up this thought: How many amazing things in this world may have occurred because of individuals on the FASD spectrum? I am in no way saying BRING ON THE FASD here. But I guess I'm saying that the Ol' Universe seems to always have some method to It's madness. I, for myself anyway, do not consider myself a detriment to our world. At least not so much anymore as I've reached my 60's. ;) And I feel that FASD is probably NOT the best way to create a 'new world'. And I support us removing this "wild card" from the Human Experience... Thanks for reading... and I do wish you well! 😌🙏🏼
It’s hard to deal with moms. He didn’t get this way from her having a drink now and then. But them getting hysterically defensive and denying doesn’t help either.
You are right and also, perhaps, a bit wrong in the statement that I didn't 'get this way' from my Mom having her Saturday martini with her other lady friends. (It was the late 1950's, and they didn't even know about FASD for another decade or two!). That being said, that is one of the IMPORTANT MESSAGES regarding modern FASD advocacy... every Mom is affected differently by alcohol. Some can drink a case of beer a week and nothing happens. Some can have ONE weekend of some beers around a campfire and that will be enough to affect the embryo. SO: safest route forward ===> if you know you are pregnant, or if you know you WANNA be... STOP ALL ACOHOL intake. (And I personally suggest stop all unnecessary medications and other "recreational drugs" too!) I'm the way I am due to MANY MANY things. I'm not just an FASD creature formed by confused DNA structuring and such. I'm also a human being with a mind that has been affected by ALL the VERY MANY THINGS in this current world that can 'mess up' a person's mental health. I've done my best to deal with these things in as wise and conscious way as possible. Some things have worked, some things... not so much. As many folks have said, regarding FASD moms, "Shame is NOT gonna help here". Period. Shame is always WAY too late in helping the situation under review. AND... WARNING folks about the possibilities of alcohol (and other drugs) causing fetal damage IS helpful. I turn 65 in a few weeks. I'd like to say I've had a totally fun and enjoyable life, and that it gets better as I get older. I can't say that because it is NOT how it has been for me. But if you ask me "are you wiser?" I'd have to absolutely say YES. And that wisdom has helped me get through the tough times. ;)
@@ReinMan1959 that was well written. And you’re correct, shame isn’t going to help. I go to AA. Have 20 years. I have noticed that being able to broach the subject with newcomers regarding drinking it’s just to keep it non-accusation, or and not focus on quantity, and they open up.. and there is a difference between a heavy drinker and an alcoholic, either way it can affect the fetus. Your mother may not have been an alcoholic, but was just doing what ladies did at the time.. it’s great that she was open enough to admit a certain quantity, and not get angry about you pursuing an FASD diagnosis, so you both triumph. I guess you can imagine the other extreme, of her, maybe being a severe alcoholic, and not admitting anything. It would be hard to move forward with your own treatment when you couldn’t even share with the people that love you the most. The reason I bring this up is I have seen the other end, I was at a meeting with a 60-year-old female alcoholic, and putting out books and helping clean up was her 29 year old moderately handicapped daughter, who had a speech, impediment, difficulty hearing, and a mental age of about 10 years old. Teary-eyed her mother told me, “I did this” and “what I do now is live with it, and try to do everything I can for my daughter”.. she proceeded to tell me what she did, and how often and how much, of course medically at the time, being honest helped with the best treatment. She was born about 1980. Mom got sober not long after. It was just refreshing that was all to have an open and frank conversation, her of course being a sober alcoholic who understood that she was in active addiction at the time.
@@ReinMan1959 I’m sorry also that I made a generalization in my first comment that doesn’t represent you as a person. I was attracted to be honest, by the way you speak. I work in a neonatal unit where we do sometimes learn about these things about the maternal history. I’ve seen a few cases of children with impulse control, but I was curious how the adults turned out so I searched for that and got you and a few others. I’m most impressed how introspective and articulate you and others have been. I’m sorry I said “get this way”. You’re a human, and incredible tbh
@@MyPigeonMilo Ah, my dear Milo the Pigeon 😁 I did not hope to sound shaming in my own way, as I did not assume your comments were mean spirited or attacking in any way. But I wanted to be clear in case some other readers might start thinking along un-helpful ways after reading them.
If you check my answer to Shelby Washeere below (above?) - I'm afraid it isn't a very useful answer. It is still challenging to get diagnosed (heck, almost impossible to find a "normal" family doctor these days!) and I wish you luck.
COPYING AN ANSWER FROM ABOVE (another attempt to answer this challenging, but important query ❤) - - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - - Boy oh boy - I really don't like this question. NOT disliking that you asked it!! Just unhappy that I don't have a solid answer for you, even after all these years dealing with my later-life diagnosis. :( Start with your family doctor. Like me, you might ask for a diagnosis of FASD and they might, like my doctor, say something like "what is FASD?" After you explain it to them then you may also face them saying something like "Huh, I don't think that could be you! Look at how you are still alive after 43 years!" or something to that effect. And you'd just keep bugging them to get you into some program/hospital/system that can do a proper adult diagnosis for you. Those places are very rare and it took me two years to get it sorted out - I lived near Toronto Canada at the time and just kept bugging doctors until they found out where they needed to send me. Depending on where you live it could be a very easy hunt or a very challenging one. I'd also start getting on the FASD websites... most provinces / states have specific groups for that area. Send emails - make phone calls. Show up at their clinics if they have one. I'm sorry if I've made this sound hard. But it is. Most of the FASD system is (and I understand why) around supporting the young folk. We "elders" need to put in a bit more work to get our needs met. Best of luck, and may you develop a deep sense of patience and stick-to-it-ness!
I'm still trying to understand the impact this has on people's lives every video I'm going to call so far only says it can cause birth defects and it's caused by The mother drinking but no one really explains the impact it has on the person's life there's every person I've seen on RUclips so far talking about it either you're going to have major issues or you going to be seemingly normal you just had a troubled youth. I'm only seeking answers because I am dating a guy who says he was diagnosed with ADHD and FAS. When I asked him how has FAS affected his life to try him better understand what it is every symptom he described would be practically the same as ADHD. I'm just trying to understand my boyfriend better. For the most part outside of the obvious ADHD stuff he seems like any other human I've ever run into.. But now just has me questioning how many humans are walking around with non-neurotypical dilemmas and might not even know it because if he seems normal to me that means everybody else around must be similar.
Sometimes I wonder if my mom drank with me. It doesn’t matter much because she was a crap mother and raised us so badly that we might as well have developed this.
Sigh - that's hard couple lines to read. But thanks for posting. You've probably heard this way too many times but I'm gonna whip it out here anyway: hurt people hurt people. Unless you've been more successful than me and you HAVE successfully developed a Time Machine, there's no way to change the past. (even if you could, many excellent Sci-Fi movies would indicate that that is a bad idea anyways!) I, with all my heart, wish you and the rest of your siblings (if you have them) a path away from your past. I know this is perhaps silly sounding advise, but you really can't change the past from the current now. All you / we can do is decide on handling the current NOW better than those before us handled it. If you can, give the love and understanding your Mom couldn't find and do your best to give it to other people in your life. And, at some point, take a look in the mirror and give that love to yourself. It sucks being angry at a parent, for sooooooooo many reasons. Let them go as best you can, and do your best to be an agent of Good Things in this world, even if your heart might ache a bit while doing so... Sorry if I sound sanctimonious or 'lofty' here. I truly wish you the best, whether you're on the FASD spectrum or now. 🙏🏼😌
It took a very very long time for me to forgive my biological parents for their behavior. It took a lot of counciling and aceptance.I never met them and I chose not to. I was removed from that home at 14 months of age because of abuse. I was born reeking of alcohol . (that was hard to read as it was on my birth records) It has been a nightmare for me to live in my skin with this F.A.S. and F.A.E. (FETAL ALCOHOL SYNDROM AND FETAL ALCOHOL EFFECT) However my adoptive parents are the reason I am a sucsess today. I still live with this at 66 years of age and the worst part of it is I never really grew up to maturity like most adults. I was able to come to terms with myself at 35 and make the turn around.I was very lucky to have had a very good job the last 26 years of my working life and did get a 26 year pension. It was very,very difficult for me to hold a job for 26 years and had to get a great deal of counciling to do so. The worst part of this was my inability to make good choices. I was able to get lots of help handling my finances for retirement..oh boy did I have to work on that! I was never able to have a meaning ful relationship with a woman because of trust and my inability to get close. (fear and trust issues) Tremendous problems in school (did not know how to make friends or keep one) could never concintrate on the lessons and always acting out so I left at 15 but years later I did get my highschool credits and get trained late in life for a good career. Again I credit my adoptive parents for saving my life and giving me a good home and never giving up on me as there was times that if they would have given up I now would not have blamed them. THANK YOU AUBREY AND FLORENCE YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS ALWAYS AND I MISS YOU TERRIBLY.
Wow, that is a powerful post! Thanks for taking the time to do that 😌🙏🏼 I've said elsewhere in my ramblings that, at times and under certain circumstances, it is appropriate to 'let go' of one's birth parents. Until time-machines are built, we can't do much about how they were and how they affected us back then. Not an easy thing to do for anyone, but to be at peace, or at least "neutral" with our past will help us make a better future for ourselves. So glad to hear that Aubry and Florence chose YOU and did their best to help you find your way. And i get it: the WAY has been HARD! Much of what you wrote I can totally relate to. The one difference is, after many jobs early on in life, I realized I'd never be able to work for anyone else without driving them AND MYSELF crazy. So I have been successfully self-employed most of my adult life. Sounds like you've done, and I suspect continue to do The Work. Personally, I think everyone born on this planet should be doing The Work - it is such a crazy world right now! - but it does my heart good to see you've learned a lot about yourself and what does and doesn't work. As I've said sooooo many times to others on this FASD ride: it seems hard because IT IS hard. So take a deep breath, and quietly give yourself a pat on the back. Your adopted parents did so much, but YOU had to be there for this all to work out as it has. Keep up the work and do your best to be here now and let that hard past go to its rest. You got this! (even if it doesn't feel like it at times 😌❤🙏🏼)
It's not how MUCH a Mom drinks, it is about that BAD TIMING drink at the WRONG time... it only takes a second to mess up a DNA sequence. It isn't like 'getting drunk', a slowish build-up situation. It's more like flipping a switch. And the challenging part is the switch isn't always in the same position for each human... so you can't predict what is a "safe" amount or "safe" timing. That is why we say "If you know your pregnant or going to be pregnant, ZERO alcohol is the ONLY safe amount". 😇
what is bad timing in this context? for example, finishing one glass of wine in 2 minutes could be less harmful than finishing the same glass of wine over 5 days? the first example seems to cause more harm (lots of alcohol ingested quickly). the second example seems less harmful because the concentration is much lower. However, alcohol is eliminated fairly quickly by the body, 24 hours IIRC. so, in the first example, even though the concentration is higher, it'll be gone the next day. While in the second example, there is a constant exposure to alcohol over a 5 day period. @TheBrilliantEye
@@fredengels8188 One glass of wine over 5 days would however never lead to an alcohol level in the blood that could harm the fetus. Even after drinking apple juice or eating some fruit, we can have a very low level of alcohol in the blood that's not affecting our behavior or health.
That's strange, so once she found out that it WAS indeed her fault, her irresponsibility, her stupidity, her carelessness that gave you a disorder. She finally is at peace with it and stopped blaming herself. Yet when she had no idea what was wrong with you that's when she felt bad? Really strange.
I doubt very much he has fas. Private doctor's on north America will diagnose anyone with anything for a quick buck. I'd wager anything to say he probably has adhd or something similar.
Diese Art des Erfahrungsaustausches.Würde ich mir für alle Sprachen wünschen.Damit alle Lernen können\dürfen.Das Alkohol und Schwangerschaften.Niemals eine intelligente Idee ist.Das zerstört nur Leben.Die sich.Nicht wehren können..
Please don't judge. Years ago, there was no scientific evidence that alcohol harmed neuro development. It was not until 1981, that a US Surgeon General Advisory was issued warning to abstain from all alcohol if even trying to get pregnant. The father's drinking habits also contribute to this condition. We need a massive public education effort to prevent more victims and to reach out to this with it. (I, myself, would like an evaluation).
Back when my mom was pregnant with me, Doctors still smoked cigarettes while they were busy examining you… And would recommend a “glass or two of wine to calm the nerves“to pregnant woman. It was very different time… And I never had blame for my mother regarding my condition. Ignorance can certainly harm people, but it is not the same as malice and actual intention to harm. My mom turned 94 years old this year… She drives me crazy,At times, and I still love her a lot. 😇
@@TheBrilliantEye , yes indeed, doctors DID recommend a glass or 2 of wine to pregnant women! It is so awful that children paid for that bad advice. But if you can make the best of things, you still can find love and acceptance in family, community, and hopefully be as independent as possible. Even if independence isn't possible, hopefully there are supportive services in your area.
"Develop the gift"
This is exactly why this man was sent to us. Such a beautiful lesson. Better or bitter. We all decide.
Better or Bitter. That is a great way to put it. Most of us forget that WE EACH, actually, DECIDE for OURSELVES which it is gonna be.
I tend to forget this fact often lately. As I get older my body seems to want to give me bonus challenges to tie into my mental ones! I can get pretty grumpy at times. AND... I do my best to remember that HOW I FEEL is never an excuse to bring bitterness into my life. I do my best to get some understanding and compassion from friends and my partner - but in the end I can show up as a "Good Person" with a positive, albeit 'realistic' attitude. Or I can choose to let my aches and pains and frightened thoughts be the excuse that I show up as a Grumpy Old Man.
So. Thanks for this comment and your positive feedback. I guess I'd say to folks out there struggling with FASD, or ANY hard fact for that matter: it might feel like it sucks right now because it actually SUCKS. BUT - we can choose who we want to show up as in all that suck. We can choose to learn and to grow. We can choose, no matter what, to be of service and good heart to others in our lives.
I have adopted two children on the fetal alcohol spectrum. Thank you for your transparency and I wish you the best!
would you like to adopt a very high functioning, no police record 55 year old man that's been abandoned by family and have limped all the way to 56 this month with nothing to show for a lifetime of work due to FASD
You're a lucky man. Many moms who drank and by doing so injured their children simply didn't care. Your mom still cares. Thank you for an enlightening video and much good luck to you.
Easy there with the judgement. Even more moms didn't know & studies show that sperm also plays a role.
Shame will not benefit anyone.
@@bettyvanderhooven-schmaasc4235 sperm doesn’t play a role. It hasn’t proven yet.
@@bettyvanderhooven-schmaasc4235wrong
@@bettyvanderhooven-schmaasc4235Well it sure may benefit future babies if drinking while pregnant t is viewed as shameful, which it should be
What an inspiring, warm and wise man. It is good to see him at peace with himself, his mother and his diagnosis.
I’ve always suspected that my baby brother had Fetal Alcohol syndrome, as soon as I learned about it in my sociology class in the 11th grade. He is now 41 years old, and was recently diagnosed.
Your story is beautiful, because you learned how you work. I explained to to my brother like this: Android Phones are great, iPhones are great, and they are both considered ‘smart’ phones. Only thing that makes them different is their operating systems.”
Our mother died in 1992 at 52 years old. He was only 15. Sadly his memories have faded over the years, but when he received his diagnosis he was angry with her. Screaming out of frustration, angrily asking how she could have done something like this to him. I had to explain to him that women didn’t really know what affect alcohol could have on their developing fetus. She drank everyday 2-3 cocktails before dinner, and she smoked because even that wasn’t taboo yet in 1976
This was a very touching and tastefully done testimony. Thank you for sharing this with us. My mother was alcoholic. I never thought I was in that FASD, but now I do think that could be possible. Mother always claimed that she didn't drink much when she was pregnanct with me. But did drink some. And I can really relate to what you told us about your life.
Loren Robertson this is from Pat Creley . people say G _ d bless the child. but for you it's G_d bless the man that over comes what is given to you , and help others!!!
Thanks for the video...really got to me...I got FASD and it definitely shows in my adult life and at times has been a strain with my wife and step kids...at times my behaviour they hate but overly understand that my brain isn’t what it should of been like!!! I still feel very angry at my birth mother for making me this way...but at the same time I know times were different back then!!! Your video is awesome and sheds light that I can keep going and I know it’s not my fault and make it through the challenges!!!
92??! That woman looks damn good. Very vivacious
Alcohol conserved her.
@@franzpeters3824 I understand you're making a joke here. AND... I need to mention again my Mom drank very little. Just regularly. It was the 1950's and the Saturday Daiquiris & Cribbage nights were very important to my parents. Back then, they just didn't know better.
@@ReinMan1959I guess it was similar with smoking.
I'm 63 and have struggled greatly with F.A.S I have had pretty much every symptom I've ever seen listed and was born with several birth defects. A defect in my heart , kidneys a deformity in my hip as well as a condition called Poland Syndrome. I had all the emotional and behavioral problems I absolutely attribute to my F.A.S I was involved in violent collision when riding my motorcycle on our country rd. At age 12 I started using drugs at age 11 and stayed loaded for next 50 years.. I'm clean now but my F.A.S really makes life hard for me. I'm really needing some help now.
That all sounds very hard, John. I can understand a lot of your pain and frustration. Sadly, it does come with the territory.
I'm in Nova Scotia Canada. I have no actual 'answer' to your request for help. I'm sad to say that, and I do say it a lot.
What I can suggest if find a doctor, either your own family MD or a walk-in clinic doctor - or any medical practitioner and tell them your story. Some times you'll find the right person that will point you in the right direction for further help.
ALSO get googling "FASD" (don't forget the "D" - we call it Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder" here in Canada, FAS is the older term as it was first called when you and I were much younger ;)
There are many site now out there. Find one that resonates with you, and then get aggressive (with an open heart!) in contacting them and getting any guidance from them.
Good luck. Again, I can only say your pain IS real, and sadly there is no "quick fix" that is sustainable. Dig deep into your heart and put all you do have into the work of getting support. An important tip: giving up will NOT get you support 😌❤️🙏🏼 I wish for you strength and some peace in your world.
When my mom was pregnant with me she was using heroine from beginning till the end of the pregnancy I had to be weined off when I was born
I didn’t learn to walk or talk till I was 5 years old
I now have learning difficulties find it hard to socialise with other children when I was a kid
an now I struggle as a adult my mom passed away when I was 2 years old at 25 to drugs overdose I know how you feel 😖😖😖
Mrs Sadie Adler, I'm so sorry your Mother died, andI hope you had a good life so far anyway xoxo
Mrs Sadie Adler but you make more sensible/readable comments than those supposed to be “normal” people. Hehehe
💙🙏💙
I hope mom and you have a great time now! My mother drank heavily while she was pregnant with me. I suspect FAS but docs fight the diagnosis...but now I'm getting my therapist involved and want to see a neurologist to see exactly if things are smaller in my brain than average. Struggling for years and being told "You were a 'bad' kid" or others picking on you. Better yet is the person who totally doesn't care and continues to cause the problems when you fight so hard just to fight to stay alive because you want all the hurt to go away. I do remember a teacher even saying I will never do math well and my grandmother taught me how to do better at it. It me five to six hours to learn what a "normal" child would learn in say 20 mins of homework. I still do not remember what I read and do not understand the things people get from literature that we all are supposed to "get". My mother right before she passed away apologized to me..... FAS from what I understand wasn't named until 1971 and I was born in 69. Back then a woman knew kind of that it was wrong but the prevalence about drinking while pregnant of the education was not forthright and in your face. Mom needs to forgive herself. A lot with the Church of the Nazarene has helped me grow to understand that we don't need that old life.... we have a new life and we all have gifts that God gives to us to use for his GOOD purpose. We are not our feelings. We are just people who need to work a little harder to get things accomplished and to feel good about ourselves especially when society all these years has planted negative thoughts about ourselves into our heads. I am 49 and feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders with diagnoses. GOD loves you so much and you are never alone! Prayers always, Marie
You dont have it if you werent diagmosed as a child,its obvious, theres no adult diagnosis
@@scarred10 I have it
@@scarred10Wrong
Thank you both for this beautiful video, I have a daughter diagnosed with FASD, she also struggles emotionally, a diagnosis helped us all understand and support her better.
What a wonderful way of presenting FASD. Blessings to you as you educate and show the world your gift.
I found out at age 68 that I am on the autism spectrum. Getting the right diagnosis is a journey.
@firecontent6841 No FASD is a disorder caused by lifestyle, the mother drinking while pregnant. ASD is usually when one of the parents is either on the spectrum themselves or they simply carry the gene but are not on the spectrum themselves.
@firecontent6841 no, they are separate things :) just both cognitive disabilities
@@StepCatAutism is from brain rewiring. It can affect socialising and communicating, not cognition. I was diagnosed at 25 and given Acceptance and Commitment Therapy by a retired professor and it transformed my life.
@firecontent6841 they are different disorders, but many people with fas also display autisitc characteristics. There is a lot of overlap, but one can have either without the other.
They are just neurodevelopmental disorders, meaning something disrupted the brain and nervous system development.
This is a great video Reinier! I am glad you got some clarity now. But what always have been clear to me is that you are a brilliant man with or without FASD. And I am hoping the diagnosis make that clear to you too :) You have a super brain, just remember that!
Thank you for this video! I hit 90% of the symptoms of fas and had a mother who drank exesively during pregnensy!
Im going to see a doctor in a week,this explains alot!
I was recently diagnosed with fasd and im 29 years old. Ive struggled all my life with everything, i had really bad anxiety and became very depressed. I brought my IEP paperwork from when i went to school and brought it to doctor. I thought i had adhd but she said i have fasd because it talks about alcohol abuse in my family and i meet all the diagnostic criteria for FASD. I have alot of processing, working memory and verbal communication disorders.
@@JimBob-ho9ri my mom was diagnosed with FASD like 5 years ago and she's like 52 now
Same. Great to know the why but it doesnt help the struggle.
@@bettyvanderhooven-schmaasc4235 I found that "knowing I have this" helped me ACCEPT the struggle. I've found that unaccepted struggle tends to HURT MORE and have LESS CHANCE OF BEING SOLVED. So, for me anyway, the diagnosis helped me DEAL with the struggle and not feel so VICTIMIZED by it. (Therapy also really helped me deal with this too! ;)
I have a social worker and she doesn't believe I have this I need to show her this video and to let her know not to judge others just cause they can talk sharp and has a career.
Amanda if you're watching this remember everything you did know about me was right
Request a diff worker. Life is hard enuf without having to convince those tasked with looking out for us.
Not all social workers are created equal and it's not even funny. I've taken classes (with on the job working social workers) and a meaner, more prejudiced, racist group of white ladies you could ever hope to meet were there, trying to get their MSW degrees. This was at a private, women's college. The teacher was an utter fool as well.
I am 56 years old and I have spent the last 16 years running from this diagnosis. I looked for every reason it wasn't I have excellent coordination and a high IQ. So it was easy until it wasn't. Embracing this diagnoses has been very freeing and this video is priceless thank you for sharing and I look forward to more . I have thought about suicide more than I want to admit I'm determined to die of old age. I am looking for a support group thanks again
Yup, suicide has always on been my mind. I'm 50.
@@bettyvanderhooven-schmaasc4235 hang in there there's so many possibilities with each new day. Are you getting support somewhere?
Who told you that you have a high IQ? LOL.
Thanku for bravely sharing your story. I got pregnant after I was told categorically that I would NEVER conceive a child by fertility experts, even with rounds and rounds of IVF. I was so sad. I found out I was pregnant half way thru my pregnancy. My son is 7 is has been incredibly challenging and incredibly beautiful all wrapped up in one. I am now very suspicious he has FASD bc I drank heavily up until I found out I was pregnant. He steals from us, hits us, talks about suicide, it's honestly just devastating. I'm throwing EVERYTHING I have at helping him and I really appreciate all the content online bc it helps me understand him.
Ah, that is a tough situation, "my Queen" ;)
Literally sounds like my mom when we was growing up. She still steals here and there, like stupid stuff from stores even though she has money. My aunt said when my mom was little she always talked about wanting to kill herself. She still does here and there in her adult life.
She didn't raise my brother and I because she had us at 18 and 19 and never grew out of the teenager phase it seemed. She chose having multiple boyfriends instead of raising us. She would disappear for months at a time and we wouldn't know if she was dead or alive and then when the relationship ended with whatever loser guy it was at the time, she would come back to my grandparents house and they always let her come back. Literally did this my entire childhood until I was an adult. We never knew she had FASD until 12 years ago and a bunch of tests were done and my grandma even admitted she drank heavily back in Cambodia when she was pregnant with my mom. They immigrant here because of the khmer rouge genocide etc.
Long story short, I love my mom, I have a great relationship with her even though she causes me stress. I'm way more patient and understanding with her even though she's told me to kill myself at times and told me she's hated me at times.
But I will always love her and have compassion for her and will take care of her when she's old. Some of my family members don't have the same love and patience as I do. Like my aunt doesn't. She even knows about my mom's diagnoses but thinks it's just an excuse. My mom is one of my best friends now. I know she wouldn't steal from me but she's stolen a couple checks from my brother in the past and another family member years ago. She's a great liar and con artist but I've gotten to know her so well over the years because I never turned my back on her.
@@ReinMan1959we live in Washington and I was told it's one of the best states for FASD. The only reason my mom got a diagnosis done was because she got in trouble and had to go to court etc
Also, my mom never got into drugs and was never a drinker. She was addicted to men. Now she's finally doing so much better in her mid 50s and is content being single. She's finally living on her own and paying bills and doesn't have to rely on my grandma or a man for support. Of course I still help her when she needs it. She's on mental disability and also is a full time nanny for my cousin's 2 year old and 9 month old. My brother doesn't fully trust her to watch his kids but my cousin does and if I had kids I 100% would have her be the full time Nanny. My brother is finally starting to come around now that his daughter is 5 and the other is 2 and he actually let my mom babysit them alone for a few hours. It went from him saying, "no matter how good mom is doing, I will NEVER EVER let her watch my kids." and now he let's her here and there.
this is one of the most beautiful videos I've ever seen in my life
So happy that you got the answers. But this is an incomplete picture. What kinds of signs were you exhibiting that you were constantly criticized for? What prompted you to get diagnosed, who made the diagnosis, and how?
I’m so sorry it took so many years to find out but I’m glad you know now and are thriving. I think everyone should learn to recognize FASD In people so we can be more understanding. And it’s certainly not a condition that can hold a person back - there’s a number of celebrities with it, ie Reese Witherspoon, Bernie Sanders, Jim Carrey and though it’s my assessment, I think Greg Gutfeld (his mom was well known as a drinker per her obituary).
Well, thanks! Sorry it's been a year to give you this response! Perhaps I've been thriving a bit TOO much 🤪
Though FASD can really really muck up people's lives (as I've witnessed first hand so many times) it does NOT to be the final excuse at the end of the day for a failed life. You are correct on that point.
As I've said so often, FASD takes so much away from us, and yet (as most things in this crazy but balanced Universe does) the counter balance is the gifts it has allowed into our lives. They are, almost always, hard won gifts. So maybe PRIZES is a better word here than 'gifts'? 🤔
One thing I know from my, and other's with FASD diagnosis experiences is this: the chaos and the problems and the heartbreaking events all seem to happen automatically. The GOOD STUFF? It needs to be FOUND in all that noise. It rarely pops up on its own, in my experience.
So I really recommend, as FASD folk start reaching that point in life where they can accept they have a major responsibility for their OWN lives (and it can take us FASDlings a bit longer than neuro-typical folk to get there ;) to dig in and work the GOOD things they have, let go of feeling bad about things they can't really control... apologize whenever they've missed a step and hurt someone else. And get on with doing GOOD things in the world IN SPITE of all the mental and physical noise they are soaking in.
In summary, if I look like I'm "thriving" it is because I'm doing The Work, I've chosen good folks around me that lift me up, and (perhaps very important) you need to know I have really hard days. I just do my best to get on with a Good Life anyway. 😌🙏🏼
Honestly, I think there are more of us, FASD, than there are unaffected ppl. And unfortunately, prisons are filled with undiagnosed folks. 😭😭
💙😔
I agree now that I am more informed. I was reading since the pandemic the numbers have skyrocketed
Thanks for sharing, you and your mom are so precious, thanks for having pure hearts and loving each other. Have a good day.
this was informative and heartwarming, i'm so glad you were able to get a diagnosis and support.
Great video and I am also diagnosed with fasd from the age of 1 years old and I am now 38.
Thank you for sharing your story of acceptance and hope. It's inspiring and empowering to hear.
Thanks! I'm glad it had / has some value for you - keep on being good to yourself and others. No matter how you're put together ;)
I was diagnosed at birth. I have FAS. I am almost 33, I have managed thus far, I have 6 kids, I am a stay at home mom. And I just Recently began looking into what FAS is and how it pertains to me. Everything makes sense now. My birth mother abandoned me in a bush behind a building and I was there outside in the sun, for 6 hours. I am also a “meth baby”. And yet, 32 years later, she still doesn’t feel bad and is currently raising her grand kids!😢
Wow u are doing so well. Be proud of yourself lovely. ❤❤❤❤❤
That is a hard and sad story. Thanks for watching our video here. Yes, every person on the FASD spectrum has a difficult story (or two or three or....) to tell.
I wish you well and hope peace is at the end of the trail for you - but wish more so that you find it along the way!
FASD is a exstreamily lonely road to walk but I know you can do it. I am learning to give the love I long for to myself by self-loving myself.
I'm with you man.
Hey, I'm Alyson. 44 years old , and hearing you talking about your life ,sounds like you are talking about my life.
LOL / CRY - that is pretty much exactly what got me started on looking for a diagnosis in my late 50's! As I've told elsewhere, I was editing videos on FASD for Queens University Neurosciences in Kingston Ontario - and at one point I realized I was editing MY OWN STORY! It was a crazy moment. But I paid attention and realized it was a very IMPORTANT moment for me and my personal development. Thus began my two year journey to a diagnosis.
So, Alyson, you are indeed not alone. But you are, most likely, a very unique individual. And that can make us feel alone at times... but you are not alone.
This hits home I was diagnosed as a child. I was in foster care from 3-17. It explains so much because I was told you grow out of it! Had no idea the extend of mental illness it has caused me just thought I couldn't cope with stuff that I was weak.
I hope you can find a way to make your life productive and beautiful Carolyn. Me and my sister and probably most of my family have this. My sis has the most extreme case in our family. She will always be 16 emotionally, but she is the best mother and the most thoughtful and loving person you could ever meet. She has such a hard time holding jobs, so did I! She is now homeless with her two kids, but she is working hard to work her way out of that situation. I know if she can have such a wonderful attitude and love life so much, there is hope for all of us. You included. Bless you!
I love this video! You are both so brave!
Beautiful love story for yourself and your Mama.
Indeed. I miss her very much. We were such Noble Adversaries to each other for so many years. But when she passed I was holding her hand and I'd say we were best friends.
Great video. Wishing you well.
Thanks so much! 8 years ago this was created - huh! 🤔
😌My Mom has gone on to Bigger Things now, and I'm still working at being an effective Human Being. It doesn't matter if one is on the FASD spectrum or not, Life is challenging for most of us in these crazy days on Planet Earth. Your well wishes are gratefully accepted with much appreciation. Thanks for taking the time to view!
Heartfelt video. Love to you and your Mama 💜
I’ll be 30 and I have for sure have this. I’m scared and I don’t know how to seek help or get myself officially diagnosed. Please, help. 😭
Thank you so much for sharing your story!
Thank you for sharing. I understand this very well.
Thanks for viewing! Yup. I'm learning there are many of us FASD Dealing folks in the world. Either as care-givers and parents, or those of us who must navigate the FASD oceans ourselves. Hugs!
Fuck yah man, keep on shining that inner light of yours out on the world.
just wanted to see a few things about FASD and ended up here. stayed for the whole thing.
and idk what cool sounding company that was I think you said you made a vid for but I hope you got payed,
because even though its kind of elementary seeming (your video editing/production style, that is),
there is also this palpable sense of calm, simplicity, etc... that is really smooth to watch, and seems like it would be great for communicating a wide range of ideas/messages in a very believable and honest--seeming way 👍
I was wondering how you got an adult Diagnosis? Here in Manitoba they only do up to adolescence. “I” know I am FAS... but a proper diagnosis would be amazing!! Any information on how I can as an adult get mine?
Sorry for very slow reply! It was not easy to get my diagnosis - took a few years all told to happen. They are (rightfully so, I think) more focused on helping the kids. BUT... there are folks doing it and it can be very hard to find them. I'd check in at canfasd.ca and let them know what you're looking for and hopefully they can help you get started on your search. Just follow every lead and try every doorway that opens to you, even if it looks hopeless!
I walked at 11 months. Talked at 1 year. I have FAS with subtle facial features, but my issues are more behavior and impulse control. I have a 146 IQ and met most of my developmental milestones early or on time. I was reading by age 3 and could write my full name by 5 and a half.
Can this be passed on genetically to future generations from a mother or father that was born with fas?
No offense but I highly doubt you have an iq of 146, it seems everyone in the RUclips comments has a genius iq and that is unlikely
Tae Tae
no it can’t
The intellectual disability can since it go’s with it but not the FASD itself
God Bless you and your mom.
You are very brave sir. I went to AK Wigg in the 90's, what was our grade 5 teacher's name?
Suspect inauthenticity?
@@crystalmesser6902 maybe he recognizes him but wants to confirm by asking what that teachers name is?
God bless you for spreading the word
Thanks muchly! I admit to having been somewhat sidelined by this little thing called The Pandemic, and also I've moved to a different part of the country with my partner and our two dogs. But your wee message here helps remind me that it is time for me to get back into speaking about all things FASD. Hugs!!
I've finally found out this is what i have and i can't believe it but i have to accept it but it makes me see things different and make me realize that i know why i am the why i am and I'm not different i just have this isssue that one day i have to accept
My Mother and Dad Drank a lot before I was Born!
its so weird i found this video, i have always thought i was different.. everything in this video i relate to. im a 21yo male and have really been trying to figure out why im different. is there any way i can connect with you more? im really interested in possibly my next steps to figuring this out
hopefully you see this
Hello! Thanks for watching :)
What country do you live in right now?
And I did see this - it's been a year since you posted and I hope you've found some answers along the way
If be interested to know more if I may. I can relate alot.. I'm adopted from bruges bought over to the UK my biological mom died when I was 14.. I was taken off her when I was 18 months old.. I feel different.. Not right.. Ive always felt different.. My biological mom was drug and alcohol dependant.. Ive had tests for autism.. Bipolar all sorts.. Would love to ask you questions xx
Glad to answer what I can, Meg. . . you can find me via AwesomeAwareness.com
If you didnt know it was unsafe to drink when you were pregnant dont feel guilty Explane other young mom no drinking while pregnant
absolutely a beautiful vid. I am a single Mom raising adopted children... and they have varied diagnosis in spectrum disorders. My question is...how much does the birth father affect the FASD diagnosis.. if he was a drinker...etc..
Gypsy Bo Dear god you're stupid...
It can’t
The father wouldn’t affect the baby, just the mother drinking alcohol while pregnant
Several studies show a higher prevalence of alcoholism in male sons of alcoholist fathers, even those who have been adopted and raised by sober dads. Alcoholism thus seems to be genetic, and to run especially on the male side of families.
Recent studies (2023) indicate that fathers alcohol consumption does affect the genetic material that is passed on to the children: baby rats, born from male rats which had been fed with alcohol, display higher rates of microcephaly and craniofacial deformities, precisely measured with ai.
Perhaps such effects are not that slevident on humans, but i'm sure there are effects.
Moreover, a heavy drinking father will surely not support his pregnant partner when she's trying to stay away from alcohol.
And he will not support his family and children who may need extra care, diagnosis and treatments.
Great video!!! Thank you.
aww I love this! I'd love to know how you were diagnosed?
Hi Shelby!
I wish I had a "Simple Answer" to the question on getting a diagnosis. I would go with any of the national FASD organizations (Use Google to find one that feels right for you) and then you start asking questions.
When I had my "diagnosis adventure" almost 10 years ago now there was a lot of willful hunting down leads and doctors and such. It took almost 2 years to get all the tests and interviews sorted out.
I'm hoping it is easier now. Good luck. Don't give up!! :)
Great video. Thank you
You are very welcome! Thanks for viewing!! 😌🙏🏼
Any other adults with FASD in BC who can tell me where they got diagnosed I would appreciate it.
If you can ever make it to Seattle, WA it's one of the best places/ research done on FASD is what my mom's doctor told me, she was diagnosed with it like 5 years ago or so
amazing! good for you!
well, I would like to take this opportunity to state here that I indeed have FASD however neither of my parents drinked alcohol...they simple never consumed it. However both of their parents were horrible alcoholics and I can only guess that it made it's way to them and on to me by their genes...your Mother might not be at fault. She seems very living and I wouldn't want her to feel completely at fault with this assessment .💕
You can't have it by genes lol... Your parents would have to drink. You can have other illnesses. It's not genetic.. His mom did drink. It is caused by brain damage from drinking..
Either your mother is lying, or you got a wrong diagnosis. And what your father did doesn't matter. The damage is done in utero, not during conception.
Hugs. I haves it also. Its difficult.
HUGS BACK!
Hi may I ask how did you got tested as I'm in New Zealand and my doctor just laughed at me when I asked about a test for myself ???
It was a 2 to 3 year journey for me. Though my doctor didn't laugh at me, I needed to educate him on FASD. And the only reason I knew about it is that I was editing videos for Queen's University (Kingston, Ontario) neuroscience depart on the subject and bells started going off for me why my life has been so hard to keep on an even steady path.
Good luck - it isn't an easy route getting a diagnosis. Keep on looking for hidden help and doorways to open unexpectedly.
aww this is so sweet
so looking for how you are dealing with the problem we know about the problem looking for answers to get a handle on straitening the problem out.
Hi Joe,
For my situation, not really any way to straighten it out. It's more (for me) about learning how to work with the curves.
Your doing better than most people i know who were born completely healthy.
But I have a serious question.
Can FAS be passed on genetically from a parent who has FAS?
A friend of mine, has a 16 year old daughter has just been diagnosed with FAS. But the mother swears there was absolutely no drinking during the pregnancy. The father was born with FAS and leads a casual drinkng life style. Could his dna have passed FAS to the child?
Im sorry, I know its probably not an easy answer. But any info would be nice and thanks.
It's safe to say that most FAS/FASD cases are not purely genetic. But different children have different genetic susceptibility which means that a certain amount of alcohol that had an insignificant effect on one child may seriously damage other child's nervous system. That's why there is no safe amount of alcohol. Some milder forms might be genetic and there is an evidence that father's heavy drinking can cause some epigenetic changes in sperm. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4040491/#__sec11title
Either the mother is lying or the diagnosis is wrong
@@elizabethd112 correct! The mom is definitely lying about drinking during pregnancy!
I'm late to comment but my friend who has adopted a child with FAS went to a conference recently and told me that newer studies suggest there could be epigenetic factors at play, so even having a grandparent with FAS could result in a child being on the fetal alcohol spectrum
How did you get a diagnosis? I am 43 years old and seeking a FASD diagnosis .
Boy oh boy - I really don't like this question. NOT disliking that you asked it!! Just unhappy that I don't have a solid answer for you, even after all these years dealing with my later-life diagnosis. :(
Start with your family doctor. Like me, you might ask for a diagnosis of FASD and they might, like my doctor, say something like "what is FASD?"
After you explain it to them then you may also face them saying something like "Huh, I don't think that could be you! Look at how you are still alive after 43 years!" or something to that effect.
And you'd just keep bugging them to get you into some program/hospital/system that can do a proper adult diagnosis for you. Those places are very rare and it took me two years to get it sorted out - I lived near Toronto Canada at the time and just kept bugging doctors until they found out where they needed to send me.
Depending on where you live it could be a very easy hunt or a very challenging one. I'd also start getting on the FASD websites... most provinces / states have specific groups for that area. Send emails - make phone calls. Show up at their clinics if they have one.
I'm sorry if I've made this sound hard. But it is. Most of the FASD system is (and I understand why) around supporting the young folk. We "elders" need to put in a bit more work to get our needs met. Best of luck, and may you develop a deep sense of patience and stick-to-it-ness!
Must mean that all of us come from a long line of people with FASD considering that it’s only now that women know not to drink alcohol when pregnant.
I wonder how that has made our world different considering that most everything around us was built or discovered by people whose mother drank when they were pregnant. Just interesting to ponder.
It is an interesting thought, isn't it? If you read some of my other talks or ramblings, you'll see I'm a big proponent of the "Life Gives, Life Takes Away" philosophy. For me, FASD caused me a LOT of grief in my life. And my parents. And probably many of my close friends.
BUT
I've also been an awesome son, and truly gnarly best-friend, and a bright light for many who've met me. I have a wonderful gift for music and visual arts... which have also pleased and entertained many. I do NOT think "normally" and that is a problem and a gift.
I say all this to set up this thought: How many amazing things in this world may have occurred because of individuals on the FASD spectrum?
I am in no way saying BRING ON THE FASD here. But I guess I'm saying that the Ol' Universe seems to always have some method to It's madness. I, for myself anyway, do not consider myself a detriment to our world. At least not so much anymore as I've reached my 60's. ;) And I feel that FASD is probably NOT the best way to create a 'new world'. And I support us removing this "wild card" from the Human Experience...
Thanks for reading... and I do wish you well! 😌🙏🏼
It’s hard to deal with moms. He didn’t get this way from her having a drink now and then. But them getting hysterically defensive and denying doesn’t help either.
You are right and also, perhaps, a bit wrong in the statement that I didn't 'get this way' from my Mom having her Saturday martini with her other lady friends. (It was the late 1950's, and they didn't even know about FASD for another decade or two!).
That being said, that is one of the IMPORTANT MESSAGES regarding modern FASD advocacy... every Mom is affected differently by alcohol. Some can drink a case of beer a week and nothing happens. Some can have ONE weekend of some beers around a campfire and that will be enough to affect the embryo.
SO: safest route forward ===> if you know you are pregnant, or if you know you WANNA be... STOP ALL ACOHOL intake. (And I personally suggest stop all unnecessary medications and other "recreational drugs" too!)
I'm the way I am due to MANY MANY things. I'm not just an FASD creature formed by confused DNA structuring and such. I'm also a human being with a mind that has been affected by ALL the VERY MANY THINGS in this current world that can 'mess up' a person's mental health. I've done my best to deal with these things in as wise and conscious way as possible. Some things have worked, some things... not so much.
As many folks have said, regarding FASD moms, "Shame is NOT gonna help here". Period. Shame is always WAY too late in helping the situation under review. AND... WARNING folks about the possibilities of alcohol (and other drugs) causing fetal damage IS helpful.
I turn 65 in a few weeks. I'd like to say I've had a totally fun and enjoyable life, and that it gets better as I get older. I can't say that because it is NOT how it has been for me. But if you ask me "are you wiser?" I'd have to absolutely say YES. And that wisdom has helped me get through the tough times. ;)
@@ReinMan1959 that was well written. And you’re correct, shame isn’t going to help. I go to AA. Have 20 years. I have noticed that being able to broach the subject with newcomers regarding drinking it’s just to keep it non-accusation, or and not focus on quantity, and they open up.. and there is a difference between a heavy drinker and an alcoholic, either way it can affect the fetus. Your mother may not have been an alcoholic, but was just doing what ladies did at the time.. it’s great that she was open enough to admit a certain quantity, and not get angry about you pursuing an FASD diagnosis, so you both triumph. I guess you can imagine the other extreme, of her, maybe being a severe alcoholic, and not admitting anything. It would be hard to move forward with your own treatment when you couldn’t even share with the people that love you the most. The reason I bring this up is I have seen the other end, I was at a meeting with a 60-year-old female alcoholic, and putting out books and helping clean up was her 29 year old moderately handicapped daughter, who had a speech, impediment, difficulty hearing, and a mental age of about 10 years old. Teary-eyed her mother told me, “I did this” and “what I do now is live with it, and try to do everything I can for my daughter”.. she proceeded to tell me what she did, and how often and how much, of course medically at the time, being honest helped with the best treatment. She was born about 1980. Mom got sober not long after. It was just refreshing that was all to have an open and frank conversation, her of course being a sober alcoholic who understood that she was in active addiction at the time.
@@ReinMan1959 I’m sorry also that I made a generalization in my first comment that doesn’t represent you as a person. I was attracted to be honest, by the way you speak. I work in a neonatal unit where we do sometimes learn about these things about the maternal history. I’ve seen a few cases of children with impulse control, but I was curious how the adults turned out so I searched for that and got you and a few others. I’m most impressed how introspective and articulate you and others have been. I’m sorry I said “get this way”. You’re a human, and incredible tbh
@@MyPigeonMilo Ah, my dear Milo the Pigeon 😁 I did not hope to sound shaming in my own way, as I did not assume your comments were mean spirited or attacking in any way. But I wanted to be clear in case some other readers might start thinking along un-helpful ways after reading them.
cool parting shot...
what sort of behaviours did you exhibit during adolescent years?
My mom had/still has impulse control, doing and saying things without thinking of consequences etc
I have a 13 year old adopted kid. I would like to talk to you about things you did to oovercome some of your trials.
facebook.com/groups/FASDaFlyingwithbrokenWings/?ref=bookmarks
Great resource! Find me there! :)
No one Knew about Women ingesting Alcohol wile pregnant.
How do you get tested
If you check my answer to Shelby Washeere below (above?) - I'm afraid it isn't a very useful answer. It is still challenging to get diagnosed (heck, almost impossible to find a "normal" family doctor these days!) and I wish you luck.
COPYING AN ANSWER FROM ABOVE (another attempt to answer this challenging, but important query ❤)
- - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - -
Boy oh boy - I really don't like this question. NOT disliking that you asked it!! Just unhappy that I don't have a solid answer for you, even after all these years dealing with my later-life diagnosis. :(
Start with your family doctor. Like me, you might ask for a diagnosis of FASD and they might, like my doctor, say something like "what is FASD?"
After you explain it to them then you may also face them saying something like "Huh, I don't think that could be you! Look at how you are still alive after 43 years!" or something to that effect.
And you'd just keep bugging them to get you into some program/hospital/system that can do a proper adult diagnosis for you. Those places are very rare and it took me two years to get it sorted out - I lived near Toronto Canada at the time and just kept bugging doctors until they found out where they needed to send me.
Depending on where you live it could be a very easy hunt or a very challenging one. I'd also start getting on the FASD websites... most provinces / states have specific groups for that area. Send emails - make phone calls. Show up at their clinics if they have one.
I'm sorry if I've made this sound hard. But it is. Most of the FASD system is (and I understand why) around supporting the young folk. We "elders" need to put in a bit more work to get our needs met. Best of luck, and may you develop a deep sense of patience and stick-to-it-ness!
Your lucky I didn't have the chance to ask my mother wen she died from alcoholism it was in 2018
😔💙
I'm still trying to understand the impact this has on people's lives every video I'm going to call so far only says it can cause birth defects and it's caused by The mother drinking but no one really explains the impact it has on the person's life there's every person I've seen on RUclips so far talking about it either you're going to have major issues or you going to be seemingly normal you just had a troubled youth. I'm only seeking answers because I am dating a guy who says he was diagnosed with ADHD and FAS. When I asked him how has FAS affected his life to try him better understand what it is every symptom he described would be practically the same as ADHD. I'm just trying to understand my boyfriend better. For the most part outside of the obvious ADHD stuff he seems like any other human I've ever run into.. But now just has me questioning how many humans are walking around with non-neurotypical dilemmas and might not even know it because if he seems normal to me that means everybody else around must be similar.
Unrelated but he kinda looks like Robert Peterson
Sometimes I wonder if my mom drank with me. It doesn’t matter much because she was a crap mother and raised us so badly that we might as well have developed this.
Sigh - that's hard couple lines to read. But thanks for posting. You've probably heard this way too many times but I'm gonna whip it out here anyway: hurt people hurt people.
Unless you've been more successful than me and you HAVE successfully developed a Time Machine, there's no way to change the past. (even if you could, many excellent Sci-Fi movies would indicate that that is a bad idea anyways!) I, with all my heart, wish you and the rest of your siblings (if you have them) a path away from your past.
I know this is perhaps silly sounding advise, but you really can't change the past from the current now. All you / we can do is decide on handling the current NOW better than those before us handled it. If you can, give the love and understanding your Mom couldn't find and do your best to give it to other people in your life. And, at some point, take a look in the mirror and give that love to yourself.
It sucks being angry at a parent, for sooooooooo many reasons. Let them go as best you can, and do your best to be an agent of Good Things in this world, even if your heart might ache a bit while doing so...
Sorry if I sound sanctimonious or 'lofty' here. I truly wish you the best, whether you're on the FASD spectrum or now. 🙏🏼😌
My Grandad FASD diagnosis.
Reinier De Smet.
Sounds like a Belgian name.
It took a very very long time for me to forgive my biological parents for their behavior. It took a lot of counciling and aceptance.I never met them and I chose not to. I was removed from that home at 14 months of age because of abuse. I was born reeking of alcohol . (that was hard to read as it was on my birth records) It has been a nightmare for me to live in my skin with this F.A.S. and F.A.E. (FETAL ALCOHOL SYNDROM AND FETAL ALCOHOL EFFECT) However my adoptive parents are the reason I am a sucsess today. I still live with this at 66 years of age and the worst part of it is I never really grew up to maturity like most adults. I was able to come to terms with myself at 35 and make the turn around.I was very lucky to have had a very good job the last 26 years of my working life and did get a 26 year pension.
It was very,very difficult for me to hold a job for 26 years and had to get a great deal of counciling to do so. The worst part of this was my inability to make good choices. I was able to get lots of help handling my finances for retirement..oh boy did I have to work on that! I was never able to have a meaning ful relationship with a woman because of trust and my inability to get close. (fear and trust issues)
Tremendous problems in school (did not know how to make friends or keep one) could never concintrate on the lessons and always acting out so I left at 15 but years later I did get my highschool credits and get trained late in life for a good career. Again I credit my adoptive parents for saving my life and giving me a good home and never giving up on me as there was times that if they would have given up I now would not have blamed them. THANK YOU AUBREY AND FLORENCE YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS ALWAYS AND I MISS YOU TERRIBLY.
Wow, that is a powerful post! Thanks for taking the time to do that 😌🙏🏼
I've said elsewhere in my ramblings that, at times and under certain circumstances, it is appropriate to 'let go' of one's birth parents. Until time-machines are built, we can't do much about how they were and how they affected us back then. Not an easy thing to do for anyone, but to be at peace, or at least "neutral" with our past will help us make a better future for ourselves.
So glad to hear that Aubry and Florence chose YOU and did their best to help you find your way. And i get it: the WAY has been HARD! Much of what you wrote I can totally relate to. The one difference is, after many jobs early on in life, I realized I'd never be able to work for anyone else without driving them AND MYSELF crazy. So I have been successfully self-employed most of my adult life.
Sounds like you've done, and I suspect continue to do The Work. Personally, I think everyone born on this planet should be doing The Work - it is such a crazy world right now! - but it does my heart good to see you've learned a lot about yourself and what does and doesn't work. As I've said sooooo many times to others on this FASD ride: it seems hard because IT IS hard. So take a deep breath, and quietly give yourself a pat on the back. Your adopted parents did so much, but YOU had to be there for this all to work out as it has. Keep up the work and do your best to be here now and let that hard past go to its rest. You got this! (even if it doesn't feel like it at times 😌❤🙏🏼)
It doesn't sound like she drank hardly at all.
It's not how MUCH a Mom drinks, it is about that BAD TIMING drink at the WRONG time... it only takes a second to mess up a DNA sequence. It isn't like 'getting drunk', a slowish build-up situation. It's more like flipping a switch. And the challenging part is the switch isn't always in the same position for each human... so you can't predict what is a "safe" amount or "safe" timing. That is why we say "If you know your pregnant or going to be pregnant, ZERO alcohol is the ONLY safe amount". 😇
@@TheBrilliantEyeWELL THAT SHOULD BE ON BILLBOARDS EVERYWHERE! Exactly the way you explained it! Jeez!
what is bad timing in this context?
for example, finishing one glass of wine in 2 minutes could be less harmful than finishing the same glass of wine over 5 days?
the first example seems to cause more harm (lots of alcohol ingested quickly).
the second example seems less harmful because the concentration is much lower. However, alcohol is eliminated fairly quickly by the body, 24 hours IIRC.
so, in the first example, even though the concentration is higher, it'll be gone the next day. While in the second example, there is a constant exposure to alcohol over a 5 day period.
@TheBrilliantEye
@@fredengels8188 One glass of wine over 5 days would however never lead to an alcohol level in the blood that could harm the fetus. Even after drinking apple juice or eating some fruit, we can have a very low level of alcohol in the blood that's not affecting our behavior or health.
That's strange, so once she found out that it WAS indeed her fault, her irresponsibility, her stupidity, her carelessness that gave you a disorder. She finally is at peace with it and stopped blaming herself. Yet when she had no idea what was wrong with you that's when she felt bad? Really strange.
It's a really strange world, I've come to realize, after being on it for about 61 years. ;)
I try to not let the strangeness slow me down too much 😏✌🏼
"you do not need to be an alcoholic to cause damage to your unborn". what do you mean by this?
xoxXOXO l it means that only a small amount of alcohol can damage a baby. A mother could even drink before knowing she's pregnant and cause FASD.
Kuro Wanwan ah okay
thanks
What Kuro said 😌
I doubt very much he has fas. Private doctor's on north America will diagnose anyone with anything for a quick buck. I'd wager anything to say he probably has adhd or something similar.
Rachel Hudson I absolutely agree!
How about driving?
My mom drives just fine and is high functioning with FASD like the man in the video.
Diese Art des Erfahrungsaustausches.Würde ich mir für alle Sprachen wünschen.Damit alle Lernen können\dürfen.Das Alkohol und Schwangerschaften.Niemals eine intelligente Idee ist.Das zerstört nur Leben.Die sich.Nicht wehren können..
Bahhhh😭😭
It's cool you still love your mom even though she didn't care about you as a fetus.
Please don't judge. Years ago, there was no scientific evidence that alcohol harmed neuro development. It was not until 1981, that a US Surgeon General Advisory was issued warning to abstain from all alcohol if even trying to get pregnant. The father's drinking habits also contribute to this condition. We need a massive public education effort to prevent more victims and to reach out to this with it. (I, myself, would like an evaluation).
Back when my mom was pregnant with me, Doctors still smoked cigarettes while they were busy examining you… And would recommend a “glass or two of wine to calm the nerves“to pregnant woman. It was very different time… And I never had blame for my mother regarding my condition. Ignorance can certainly harm people, but it is not the same as malice and actual intention to harm.
My mom turned 94 years old this year… She drives me crazy,At times, and I still love her a lot. 😇
... In some places they still think it's okay.. Even one can cause brain damage..
@@TheBrilliantEye , yes indeed, doctors DID recommend a glass or 2 of wine to pregnant women! It is so awful that children paid for that bad advice. But if you can make the best of things, you still can find love and acceptance in family, community, and hopefully be as independent as possible. Even if independence isn't possible, hopefully there are supportive services in your area.
Chase Abbott it was different times then , and you can see his mom loves him a lot !
Like the wonderyears
🩵💙❤️💙🩵
Wow he looks amazing for 92
Ocean White *she, correct your comment
Adrian Harrison salty much?
She is, supposedly, 92. He definitely isn’t.