I’m 72 yrs old , and I think you are awesome. My oldest son passed away, due to a Fentanyl laced drug overdose. About 4 yrs ago , and it’s hard to think about, so I can relate to you and your brother.. God Bless you, love your are posts..
This is so hard to talk about because so many people have had such a negative response to it, but my twin sister died from a fentenyl laced drug overdose 3 years ago and I miss her every single day. There isn’t a single day that goes by where I do not think about her and the life that was stolen from her. We grew up together and were very close. Now I feel so alone. I literally came into this world with her and now she’s gone and I can feel her absence and it hurts so damn bad! I am so sorry for your loss…I get it!! I have watched you for many years so I knew about your loss but not once was I curious about the why because loss is so scary and sad for me that the idea that you lost someone and not only a someone but YOUR SIBLING, was enough information for me. But thank you for sharing because it gave me the courage to share something that I can’t talk much about myself. Anyways thanks for being awesome and keep doing you and your awesome art!!!! P.s. Sorry this is a late comment. Hopefully you are still able to see this!❤
One of my two half-sisters passed away from an overdose of heroin laced with fentanyl in November 2021. I wish there was something that could take away the pain that drug has caused so many people to have to deal with. Thank you both for sharing your stories, it's the only way we will be able to spread awareness effectively. Much love and many prayers heading your ways 🙏 ❤️ ✨️
I want orange juice videos and I like how you paint and just get a test a date for the drawing I love them so much that is so good I love it and I wish I could be a artist like you Wednesday but I don't know how to draw a cute and I really want someone to teach me and I really want to be like you and I want to learn how to paint and draw but I don't know how and I really want to know because like I love painting I just want to be you right now
I lost my best friend Stan back in 2014. He actually has a RUclips channel here and his only video is him showing around his room he made when the my room tag was floating on Tumblr. The video was made not even three months before his passing. He was bullied relentlessly until he couldn't take it. I am so sorry for your loss of your brother. Your videos on both channels really make my day and I draw along. I want to one day upload videos for my art here on RUclips but you are right it is now way more difficult. I hope you are having a beautiful day Rae, much love to you eh.
@Tall hall *the 666th member* of course I can do that and thank you. His birthday is August 9th and every year I play the bass he shows in the only video. I also made a video in his memory on my other channel too. ruclips.net/channel/UCm_xU7VS4rwJGGg9CuawiMw
I'm so sorry about your brother, and I get it, the pain you're going through. I lost my dad in 2009 and my mom in 2018. Both losses were unexpected and devastating. I still cry over them to this day. It doesn't go away. It just gets slightly easier to bear the burden. Hugs.
I'm so sorry for your losses. I lost my mom in 2010 and my dad in 2020, and you're right, time may distance, but the grief is always there. Virtual hugs to you.
Thank you for sharing about your brother...my dad died ina car accident when I was 5. Not long afterwards, I almost died from appendicitis. More recently, my oldest daughter Sarah, died by suicide, she was a fabulous artist, painting portraits with oil paints, yet she suffered. Yes, me & her siblings cried a lot. A dear friend gave me a comforting verse; Isaiah 57:1,2. Your messages really cheer me up a lot!
I've always been a daddies girl, and he was my best friend and literally my safe person my whole life. He passed away very suddenly last September. He was a trucker who worked with cranes, etc. He was on a job and there was a problem with the hydraulic legs of his truck which his employer knew of and told him to "see how he got on". The legs malfunctioned and crushed him across the chest. They stopped him from breathing which stopped his heart. The paramedics and firemen were able to restart his heart and get him to a hospital where he went to the ICU for 8 days. On day 3 he started fighting the vent tube which was a good sign, but that following night his pupils blew and after emergency CT scans we found out that the lack of oxygen to his brain had caused it to swell. We waited a few days to see if he could recover but on day 7 the doctors told us he wouldn't ever wake up again. We were allowed 1 more day to spend the day saying goodbye to him. My brother and I were at his side when they removed the tube and he began choking to death. The rest of the family got there a few minutes later. 38 minutes after the tube was removed his heart stopped and so did my world. He was always such an amazing person and he made his opinions very clear about this stuff, so it didn't even take a second for us to know that he would've wanted to donate his organs which he did as soon as his heart stopped. While he did that I didn't want him to be alone so I donated blood in the next room during his surgery. We are now fighting to have the national standard of the condition of these legs changed to prevent this from happening to anyone ever again. It's not even been a year and this pain is so unbearable I really don't know how I will get through it. But being able to have a place to go where I feel accepted and able to just switch off from myself for a while really helps. So thank you so much for everything you do Rae. You help me so much with your videos and you are such a talented artist. My dad was the one who got me into art and it is to this day the one thing that helps me to calm my mind. If he could say anything I know he would say to create what you can for as long as you can and have fun along the way 💜
I am so sorry for your loss but I just want you to know that you are SO STRONG AND WONDERFUL, not only for sharing his story on this little corner of the internet, but also continuing to fight in his honor! Hearing that he made his opinions known, I have no doubt in my mind that he would be immensely proud of how you have chosen to honor him.
I also lost my dad around that time and I know EXACTLY how you feel I've been dealing with it a lot easier now and I kinda got used to my new life without him even tho it is hard but I'll be sending prayers to you and your family
Your dad sounded like an absolutely amazing man and father, who worked hard every single day for his family. Your story broke my heart. I appreciate you opening up so publicly. Earlier this year my stepdad who I was very close with (basically my dad) passed away too. Organ failure. He took 20 mins to pass away once they unplugged him after being in the hospital for over a month. Seeing a parent pass away is one of the most crushing things. I don’t know why life is the way it is, idk why things happen to people we love. But I appreciate hearing your story and fighting to make standards hopefully happen in his industry. May your wonderful dad rest easy ❤💔
My fiancé passed away in 2013, he took his own life. He was an artist, mostly he blew glass but appreciated all other art too. We had so much in common. I remember when we were going for a hike and I sat down in the wash to look at rocks and he said “oh you are such the girl for me.” Even married now, I never stop thinking about him. I still say goodnight to him every night and I love him so much.
Rae, I totally understand the pain of losing a sibling. I love you, and I hope you never feel bad about feeling bad. No matter what anyone says - you have the right to miss him forever. Don't let anyone tell you to "get over it" or BS like that. It doesn't go away. You are doing the best with grief with what you have.
I can totally relate. I lost my nephew 3 years ago in a car accident. He died just a week before his 20th birthday and it devastated our entire extended family. There isn't a day that passes that I don't think of him multiple times a day. The only consolation has been the over 20 lives he either saved or profoundly changed with his final gift to the world by choosing to be an organ donor. He was an amazing kid becoming an even more amazing young man and he will always be incredibly loved and missed. 💜 you CP5.
Im on my main account but reading through this I know I wanted to respond immediately. Im so sorry to hear about him…So young. And just like my brother it happens so fast we don’t even have time to process. It’s amazing that he was able to save lives and share with those who needed it. Being an organ donor is an incredible thing and im sure whoever he shared the gift with they’re eternally thankful. What an amazing guy and im glad you shared his story with me ❤️
TW: death and transphobia When I was little, I was half raised by one of my moms friends. She was like another mom to me. And her mom was my grandma. I never knew my biological grandparents so she was the only grandma I had and MAN she was the BEST. Like I remember she had a cabinet in her kitchen and when she first met you, she’d asked you your favorite snack so she could always have it stocked in her kitchen for you. She also was a Guinea hen whisperer. Guinea hens aren’t native to where I live, but they would always be in my grandmas yard. No one knew where they came from but one day they just appeared! She, of course, embraced them and treated them kindly just like she would for anyone. I have so many memories of wolfing down ritz crackers and playing with her dog, Missy. Her husband, my grandpa, was also amazing and was a very dry humor guy. They were the best grandparents I could’ve ever asked for and they never treated me differently because I wasn’t biologically related to them. Sadly, a few months before my grandma died, I was disowned for being trans by the lady that raised me. So when my grandma was dying, she purposely didn’t tell me anything. She wouldn’t let me call and talk to her before she passed, and I never got to say goodbye to my grandma. I miss her so much and I still have days where I just cry because I never got to say how much she meant to me. I’ve never really told anyone about all this before. But I know in my heart she wouldn’t want me to bottle everything up and pretend to be tough about it. Nothing will ever make what happened okay, but at least I can always carry these happy memories and know she truly loved me for me and saw me as family, even when no one else did
Oh my Lord such a beautiful story and tragedy. I hope you feel better now. I hear Grief councilors are great at getting us closure. You can do something special. Just a few ideas. I love helping others.
@@moriganna67ify @Arts&cats thank you both for y’all kind words! I’m okay, this all happened like 4/5 years ago so I’m okay. It means a lot tho that people are hearing my story and I get to talk about her and the fond memories I have
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm betting that your grandmother knew how much you loved her. It's hard not to have that closure though. I hope you're doing ok.
Fellow childfree woman here, never saw myself as a mother either. Adore my nieces/nephews but it’s not for me on a daily basis. I’m always so happy when I hear of other women doing what feels right for them (whether that’s being a mom, not having children, or any other important decision). Rae, sounds like you are doing well!
@@Wolf_Fleuret You are so right. And it goes both ways. I wish more people would think about how long a lifetime truly is and treat not having children as the lifetime commitment it also is, one that just like having children cannot be reversed later in life. Neither choice should be made easily because neither choice will ever be completely easy to live with.
@@smittysmeee Most of us are fully aware of that. Not wanting kids is something that's fairly inherent in you, like what you enjoy doing or who you want to date. At the end of the day, you can freeze eggs or adopt, but you can't un-birth a child.
I've been through many, many profound losses in my life. Especially in the last two years. But one loss has affected and colored my life more than the others. My cousin Eric committed suicide in 2007. But nobody in my family has ever said it out loud. No one says "suicide". I wholeheartedly agree with you when you said "no one is entitled to this information" because it felt like a huge secret that I had to hold onto carefully. It's not that I don't want to say "Eric died, he committed suicide" it's more of a "If I say it out loud and I share it with someone, I am ripping open my heart and my comfort zone which makes me vulnerable and that's a scary place to be." The best analogy for grief I've been given: your grief is a giant piano. This piano blocks your door every morning, every day. In order to leave/start your day, you have to move the piano. Some days, the piano moves away easily, no problem and you go through your day. Some days the piano is pretty heavy, so you need to call a friend or a professional and ask for help. Some days, the piano is so heavy that no matter how much you scream and cry and beg for help, it won't budge. You go back to bed and try again tomorrow. (This also applies to forgiveness). You can try to sell it, you can try to trade it in, you can try moving. But that motherfucker will find you and block your door every single day.
I lost one of my best friends, she passed a year ago this July. She was like a sister to me and a huge reason I’m 8 years clean. She was such a light in this world and never realized how much she touched those who knew her. She had a son who was 4 when she passed and then she had a baby boy, he had just turned 1 and I’ll never forget his birthday because he’s exactly 5 days older than my son. Every big moment she misses I think about how those boys don’t have their mommy to watch them grow. We had met in rehab and immediately she was family to me. We were both clean for years but she got into a relationship with her second son’s father and he was a POS. She found out he cheated, got high and never woke up. Every day I mourn her loss. She was only 28 (1 month before her 29th birthday) I cry almost every day because as I watch my son grow I think of the fact that she isn’t here to see hers. Time makes it easier not to think about 24/7 but doesn’t take away the pain. I just wish she knew how special she was, how much of an impact she had on so many people. Her picture is on my drivers side visor, my guardian angel. I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother 💔 thank you for opening up
My grandma passed away about a month ago now. I have moved into her house and it's a strange experience. It feels like I'm still waiting for her to come home, but visiting the grave is....hard hitting. She passed peacefully at the age of 93, but she was like a 2nd mom. She was the sweetest and kindest lady I've ever met in my life. Us kids would come to her and tell her our complaints about people at school and she would say to never hate anybody and never be mean back to them. We would do stuff she didn't like (piercings/dying hair/etc.) Her response was always that she didn't like it, but if we enjoyed it and we liked it then she accepted our choices. You never think about missing the little things until they're gone. For me and my sisters one of those little things is being called Little Rat or Sweetie. They were such endearing names and we miss it more than we thought possible. I recently made a memorial piece for her and it felt really good to create an artwork for her. I did post it online of anybody cares at all. She always encouraged my artistic endeavors and always wanted to see my new drawings. I really understand your feelings with your brother after this and it has been extremely hard. My face is covered in tears just typing this so my condolences go out to you. You learn to cope, but its not really "easier" when you talk about a lost loved one.
My grandma sounds like yours. When she was in her early 20s she worked at a nightclub as a waitress where my grandpa was a musician in a big band. He asked her out every night for months and she always refused cuz back then heaven forbid you dated one of those musician types 🤣🤣 They were happily married for over 50 years. My little brother and I would play death metal for her trying to get her to say she hated something we liked but she would always just say "oh that's beautiful!". Same with the tattoos, dyed hair, my weird surrealistic artwork. I loved my grandparents so much. They were perfect. After my grandpa died I would skip school with my friends and we would go drive to her house to spend the day with her to make sure she knew she wasn't alone. She also died peacefully at 93. Where did you post the memorial piece you did of her?
I lost my mom in last aug 29th its almost a year, and my heart breakes every day. thinking of her and Id do anything to have her back, to see her smile,smell her. hug her. Im 53 on the 26th in this month. and not having a mom kills me. I still need her. I do have my brother hes been a wonderful rock for me. we cant wait to see each other. and Im gratefull to have him. last week I couldnt stop crying,walked around with my moms ashes, all day thinking how I miss her. My brother called me ,and said I know Im feeling the same way sis. Thank you for youre story. and thank you for hearing mine. have a great day..
@@katscards8847 I'm sorry for your loss. It's wonderful that your brother is there for you. I hope for your emotional wellbeing ❤ Thank you for sharing your story
I lost my Nan suddenly back in 2011, it was my first year of College (UK college not uni). I was 16 and pretty much blind sighted, it wrecked my grades, and ever since then me and my family haven't been the same. We used to see eachother all the time because of my nan, she was always the one keeping us together and since then we have drifted apart. My fiance's grandparents are still alive, and they treat me like their grand kid. They want to make me feel like I can have that same comfort all over again. It's not the same, it never will be. I resigned myself to the belief at that point that she's gone and I gotta get over it. I would never get the chance to tell my nan I'm engaged or even have her meet my partner or even excitedly tell her I moved out of home last year finally at 27. I lost my granddad when I was 7 (her husband) and even tho she was hurting herself from losing her life partner she made sure that in her head nothing changed and that we'll always have her. I genuinely feel lost, and that day my childhood died and had to grow up. I always felt like I had to grow up fast because of my childhood disabilities so the last bit of my childhood just died with her. Didn't help that 3 months later my childhood pet passed away so all the fun of that I guess :/ That was it - goodbye childhood for good, hello gotta be an adult. Not something a 16/17 year old should be feeling. No kid should ever feel like this, no kid should feel like they can't be a kid. Growing up too fast sucks, and I feel you 100% if you had to grow up fast. Thank you for opening up about your brother Rae, and letting me pretty much trauma dump in your comments
I lost my dad in 2019. He was an amazing dad who raised my brother and I all by himself. He taught me how to show up for my kids, like he did. I.e. when my daughter was born in 2013 she has medical problems and we had to stay in the hospital for 3 weeks. He drove from Oklahoma to Nebraska to stay in Omaha Nebraska for 1 day. Then drove back to Oklahoma. Just to see my daughter and I. He also drove 30 mins out of his way to pick my 2 boys up from their dads house. He was so amazing.
There was a girl in my school and I didn't really know her that well. She was in a few of my classes but we never really crossed paths. But I really admired her. She was really kind and beautiful and I was just in awe of her confidence. She was very close with her best friend and they were just glued together. She passed away in a car accident in 2016. And even though I didn't know her that well, it broke me. I still think about her every day.
She actually made two podcast episodes 4 years ago if you wanna listen! =) And she's been featured on Chloe's channel as well (I think that's her name?).
I am fortunate not to lose anybody in my family. Some friends, whom I miss terribly. But.. my grandma lost her brother when my mom was tiny. And she does miss him sill. She is 93 years old, and that red car drove over him almost 70 years ago. Lots of love to you, Rae ❤️
I really appreciate you being real about grieving your brother, I lost my dad 5 years ago and people in my life always make me feel like I should be over it by now and It’s just not like that. My dad was always the parent I was closer to, we had a lot of shared interests, he’s the reason I am the way I am today, and I miss him every single day.
Thank you for being honest about the loss of your brother. My son passed in 2021 at 5 months old and being that he was so young it’s such a hard topic for people when I share about him. But I love talking about him he was the sweetest baby who loved everyone and had the most beautiful big blue eyes. Everyone deals with loss differently and no way is more correct than others.
12:10 I can understand rae’s pain as my mom lost her younger brother in 2017 and I’ve seen her struggle to cope with it plus I lost my grandpa a year ago and to this day I think of his everyday every minute, it just hits you hard when you realise that your loved one is no longer here those small things and remind you of them, the things they did for you and soo much more. Loosing a loved one is very hard...
Hey queen, I feel you on the whole "breakdown at the start of the pandemic and slowly learning to love myself and take care of myself" situation. It's not easy and it can be incredibly painful and I'm proud of you for not only getting through it but improving on yourself because of it. :) That's huge.
I also totally agree with you about being old, haha. I feel like my life started at 25 when I finally got my shit together and the stars aligned for me to get myself out of the ditch I'd been in my whole life up until that point. Same with my fiance, except they feel like their life started at 30. It's never too late to be happy, ya know?
I lost my dad in 2016. I didn't realise this until after his passing, but I inheritated my love for music from him and it was one of the ways we connected. By the way, I'm turning 40 soon and girl, let me tell you, at 40 you have no more fucks to give for what others think of you and it's great.
Big hugs - I lost two good friends in the last five years Jono was my radio show co-host and we had a call every Tuesday at 4pm during lockdown and we kept it up afterwards his heart gave out on him he did have problems with it it just gave up on him and my dear beloved Marc (TW!) he took his own life a few summers back and he got me into doing radio I made a show in his memory this year of 90s classics just for him (I’ll sure play you some Britney on my show!) xx
I relate to the loosing someone. About 8 years ago my great grandmother really suddenly. I remember how every time I’d see her she was genuinely interested in how my life was at the time, the hobbies I was into. She’d tell me what things were like when she was younger and stories about my dad as a kid. I really miss going to her apartment and playing go fish after eating some kind of take out.
I lost my fiancé 15 years ago and I still think about him and miss him every day. He was the kindest person with zero hidden agendas. This world did not deserve him.
Rae, I’ve been a “fan” for a long time. This video touched my husband and I. My husband really related to your anxiety disorder. I wanted to tell you about two people I lost this year. My friend April was a long time acquaintance for about thirty years. She died of COVID related pneumonia in the Spring. I never got to say goodbye. I miss her so much. Second of all I had a beautiful friend named Laura. She fought with serious lung disease for eight or so years. She had several lung surgeries and multiple intubations. Her body gave out and she passed in May. I miss her so much that I’m in tears now. I think being a therapist is awesome. I’m trying to do that myself. I graduate in February with my MS in forensic psychology. Thank you for listening
I think there's this assumption that grief gets significantly easier after say the first year but like you said, every day, every event. They are always being thought of and missed.
Thank you for sharing Rae, it was really special. I'm so sorry about you loosing your brother, it is so hard. I lost my Mom suddenly to leukemia in 2000. She was an artist and I think she would have been fascinated by all the art on the internet. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself, you are such a dear person. Something I heard years ago that is very important to remember. It's taken from when you are on a airplane and they give you the safety instructions. Incase of emergency and oxygen mask comes down; take care of yourself first then the person you are with. You can't help them if you can't breathe. We could probably be friends if it weren't for my social anxiety too.
I know the pain of a loved one passing away. I was adopted when I was a baby and in 2018 (when I was 8) I found out my biological mom had passed away. That is a little bit of information but that is what hit me the hardest. Love you Rae! ❤️
Thank you so much for opening up about your brother, it's been hard dealing with my grandpa's death lately and this made me feel a little less alone. He passed away in October and I still think about him every day, lately multiple times a day. He was a wonderful man, the quiet type with a sarcastic sense of humor who loved his family and his cats. I got so much of my personality from him growing up, and it feels like he's still with me in a sense. I do my best to make him proud every day, and I'm sure your brother is proud of you too. And thank you for answering the rest of the questions in this video too, it was nice getting to know you a little better after watching your videos for so long!
I don't know if you check the comments of your older videos. I'm so sorry about your brother. Losing a sibling so suddenly and so horrifically is something I empathize with. I lost my little sister in 2019, and you know when they say "The good die young"... Yeah it's true. She was truly the kindest and most genuine person I have ever known and she set the standards to what I hold other people up to now. Just like you, I think of my sibling daily, several times a day, and it's an ache we will live with forever.
First off, I want to say thank you for sharing your experience about the loss of your brother. I am deeply sorry about your loss. The way you talked about losing a loved one really resinated with me and I would love to tell you about my mom. I lost my mom in December of 2020, she passed away a few days after Christmas. My mother Lisa passed away due to cancer. She was first diagnosed in 2015 of lung cancer, but at the end of 2019 I found out that it traveled to her brain. As you said though, the people we lost are way more than their passing. My mom was such a caring person and she was so stubborn in the best way. When she felt she was right, there was no convincing her otherwise. My mom was such a lively person who loved to have fun like playing cards such as euchre. She also loved to shop, when online shopping became a thing, she was probably Amazon’s best customer. My mom and I didn’t have the best relationship growing up, I felt it was hard to connect with her. When she got sick though, I knew she needed help and I promised to be there for her no matter what. I took care of her the best ways I could. I made her meals, I took her to appointments, and I ran as many errands as I could to try and make her happy. I was only 14 when she was first diagnosed and my world shifted dramatically. I miss her everyday and I would do anything to see her one last time. I was 20 when she died and I was there to be with her until the end. The thing I miss most is just watching TV with her. Cooking shows became her favorite after she got sick. My mom was my protector and I love her so much. I would have done anything for her to make her happy.
I'm really new to your channel, so i didn't know about your brother and i just wanted to thank you for sharing it with us. I lost my father very suddenly in 2017 from something as silly as the flue (it evolved in pneumonia, and i lost him), and i totally related to what you said about thinking about our loved ones all the time and also when we are on holidays or having fun. I think it's inevitable, especially when a death has been sudden and unexpected, and i just wanted to send you all my support and empathy 💕 My father was a hell of a chess player, and i have only recently started to play again. He also was a stamp collector, and my mum took over his collection. I like to think that he would be happy that our lives are moving on and that we are remembering him by doing something we liked to share with him ^^
This one hits home for me with a loss, I was recently reading a book and came across a statement that I believe to be the most true I’ve ever seen, “The world is divided into two kinds of people, the ones who have experienced loss, and the ones who haven’t.” That got me thinking into my own life… I have experienced so much loss, even from before I was born, compared to the person I’m interested in, who has never lost someone in their life. Its truly eye opening, but I’m here to talk about a few of the losses I’ve experienced. The first one is hard for many to wrap their heads around, my older sister died before I was born, so I have no memory of her, but the sadness is still there. I still often think about what life growing up, and now could have been like with her here. I’ve also lost both sets of great Grandparents, something I learned many never get to meet or remember spending time with because of how young they were… But the memories playing around on their farm growing up in a small town near my house are some of my most detailed. Both of my older brothers are currently locked up and have been going on almost 2 1/2 years. I can truthfully say I’ve been to more funerals/celebrations of line, in my 18 years on this planet then weddings, or birthdays parties(on the account most of my family doesn’t get along with one another only a small hand full) But the one that hurt the most and I believe the most Unfair was my Uncle Joey… He was only 38 when he lost his battle to Lupus in 2016. This was not just “another person in the family dying” but the second biggest influence in my life besides my mom. My dad was in jail from the time I was 9 months old, till late 2017, so my uncle besides my oldest brother were my biggest father figures I had. I did everything with my uncle, from riding quads to looking for hawk feathers in the woods to make dream catchers with, or letting me steer his black Chevy Pickup to Scaring me by sneezing overly loud in a very quiet room. And what made things worse was that for the longest time I felt responsible for his death, that I was selfish for wanting to go to the lake with my mom and brother instead of going to check up on my uncle and spend the day with him… that maybe if I never made the suggestion to go we would have never driven all the way there set up, then it start raining, so then pack up and start to head over to his house to go check up on him. We could could have been there sooner gotten him to the hospital faster. But those things are just not possible in real life, I was only 13 when he passed… I’m 18 now and I say it’s a good night if I get black sleep, its way better now, but I frequently got Night Terrors from his passing… ik not many know the difference between a nightmare and a Terror so I will explain what my experience is like… I can wake myself up from a nightmare and I know it isn’t real, but a night terror, it’s so graphic it’s so real, I can feel, smell, taste, see everything that’s happening to me, and it hurts, physically, mentally, and emotionally. The worst one I ever got was him and I are driving in his Black Chevy pickup down I-495 then all of a sudden we start flipping and crash and the truck is engulfed in flames, I can feel them burning me, smell the gas and oil burning, hear the car horns and screeching around me and him screaming at me it’s all your fault you did this you killed me. When I do end up waking up from these I used to get really bad sleep paralysis for the first year and a half, but now I just sit there and feel guilty, my logical side knows I’m not the reason, but then I think why was that a scenario that happened? That’s not what happened it could happen to someone else and I’m freaking out like it happened to me, I feel terrible that the terrors are Overexaggerated, but I also know I can’t control them. I can say I have learned how to cope better with them, not fully but that’s ok I will get there one day, just gotta take it a step at a time. But my main takeaway is I alway tell people to just be grateful and thankful that there are people here still that love you, and care about you, don’t forget about them they go through it too, we all go through tough times eventually. Just some sooner than later. I can’t be bitter about this it isn’t my fault, but these are my problems and feelings and I’m the one who needs to deal with them… thank you for letting me share
I lost my dad 7 years ago in a plane crash. He was an amazing pilot and engineer and loved to fly more than anything. He was my primary parent growing up and he was my best friend. I miss him everyday. The best advice I have gotten and now give about grief is that it will come in waves,and you just have to roll with it. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes in the moment and be gentle with yourself
We lost my dad in 2019 to lung cancer and he was like the rock of our family. He kept everyone together and none of us even realized how much impact losing someone like that loved in our family would be. Unfortunately, we all handled it differently and we almost lost my little brother just a week ago to drugs and a car accident. He just hasn't been able to get out of the depression it leaves you in when you lose someone so important and it's definitely hard. I so felt when you said they are you're first thought when you wake up and your last thought before bed and when you have a happy moment, you can't help but think man I wish they were here to experience this too.its weird like almost soul crushing sometimes because I feel guilty sometimes when I'm happy because my brother hasn't been able to find happiness after and its a work in progress. Mental health is so important and it's why my art is so important now because I use it as a coping mechanism, a lot. Lol Sorry about that sad note but I think you'd totally be a great mom! .I never thought I was going to have kids either lol I was told I was infertile and I didn't have my son until I was 29 lol hopefully no jinx here lol but he's my best creation yet lol he pushes me when I'm down and he always cheers me up even if I am tired of picking the same things up 20 times a day, he gives me that motivation and love is a big component. I tell ya all the corny stuff parents say, is true lol you do instantly feel this connection to them after they are born like immediately. Its intoxicating like falling inlove and you get to mold them into hopefully decent and caring little human beings. We just had a daughter i too n 2021 actually and its weird how happy their messy and stinky little selves can make you lol but 30 Is like the new 20 anyways. Im so much happier as a middle aged person too! I still don't have much money yet but I have learned how to save and we have worked our way up to saving up for a house now finally so it feels like life is finally coming together and I am able to enjoy the little moments. Especially once I started mental health counseling. That really helped me learn to cope with my anxiety and depression and just to stop ignoring taking of myself because I'm always so busy taking care of everyone else so life is pretty great right now. Man I felt like this video was so inspiring cuz I totally feel your story and can empathize with it on so many levels I totally would love to watch some decorating videos! Always looking for cool art stuff to do with kiddos lol they're my excuse for new art stuff 50% of the time lol j/k but they do really love art so it's easy for me to keep them preoccupied most of the time trying stuff out or doing projects together lol
I lost my father at the age of six in a car accident as well and I love when people share their stories about a loved one passing away because it makes me feel like I’m not alone and a lot of people feel like they’re not alone
I'd love to see more day to day Rae content! I really appreciate you choosing to open up to your audience the way you did today, and know we're all here to support you even if that means just watching your videos. I love your content and personality and seeing you pop up in my feed truly makes my day! I'm glad to see you putting yourself first and focusing on your well-being rather than what the RUclips overlords want haha. Thank you so much for being a genuine creator.
Hey beautiful lady, your video touched my heart, 5 years ago I lost my son Matthew. He was 24 ,he was a beautiful soul, an artist and his nickname was Pooh Bear which was ironic because he was 6'3 and just a giant of a sweetie. I miss his hugs every day,no one hugs like him. We used to live in Alamogordo New Mexico but moved to the Pacific Northwest a few years back. I have some of Matthews drawings and the stories he wrote.he was unique and liked a lot of the same things you do. I actually watched your videos to help cope with his death.. "grief is love persevering " Vision . Best wishes sending you light and love from the pnw ..
God I literally cried a little watching this. I mean, I feel you so much gurl. So much you've said about yourself (nearly everything, including a loss of a loved one) and your experiences was like listening to my thoughts or like my 'biography'... It made me cry a bit, but also it's so relieving to hear that I'm not the only person feeling like a weirdo. So beside tears, this made my day a little brighter.
Finally watched this and learned so much about you! I can't wait to get to talk more about your life. I live hearing that you found a good groove for yourself in how you work! I needed to reevaluate my work aims through the start of Covid too. (also I love plants too!) Great video
Thank you for sharing. I lost the love of my life in 2002. Lou was 5 years and 2 days older than me. His birthday was 2 days before mine and we shared our birthdays together. I met him through a friend in 95. I was into MTG. We just clicked. We went to DragonCon a few times. Had so much in common. We got married in 99 on the day we decided to date. I had our only son in 2001. Lou died of congestive heart failure in 2002 at the age of 31. He was born with a weak heart. He had his first open heart surgery at 8. His second at 18. He was due for his third when he died. He loved life, Godzilla, fantasy, and video games. He would have loved World of Warcraft. He loved LOTR. Yes, I'm still in love with him after 20 years. Everyone loved him. Also, 30. You baby. :D I'm 46. I love your art and I learned a lot from you and YT. My art teacher in the 90s sucked. She hated my art cause I drew sci-fi and fantasy.
I would love to tell you about my great grandmother. She was from the Netherlands and during WW2 she worked as a nurse, and during this time she also worked as a spy (I believe for the Red Cross). She was also involved with the Dutch underground. She helped save many lives, she also survived being captured and imprisoned by the Naz;s where she met my great grandfather. She was an amazing woman and I wish I got to know her more. By the time I was old enough to appreciate her and her stories dementia had stolen her. She lived till 101. I want to get the quote “those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it” as a tattoo in her honour.
I lost my little brother , back this past February . He was 21 and died in a tragic auto accident involving ice and a mountain . He was an incredible local award winning artist, actor and self taught musician, he was an old soul. I myself being an artist, we both dabbled in the same arts such as drawing ,music, and acting which made us incredibly close. There was 20 yrs between us, but with his old soul, there was no age difference. . I love and miss him everyday. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your brother and am sending tears and hugs your way.
When I was 5 years old my dad died of heart failure and every day I think of him every time it’s my birthday I remember him and the fact he will never get to tell me happy birthday or when I do an accomplishment I always get emotional bc I know he will never get to see me grow and today a person I knew died as well and I burst into tears bc they were a huge part of my childhood
Stay strong queen ✨ I hope you know that we all love you and look up to you! Your actually the reason i started drawing/painting :) Hope you have a genuine good day
I lost my best friend two years ago to an over dose. Shanan was just a light. The most infectious laugh you can imagine. Always there to pick you up when you’re going through it. And we could jam out to sooooooo many genres of music. I’ve got the logo of our favorite band tattooed on my thumb and give it a kiss whenever I think of her
Don't let anybody or anything define your happiness. As an artist myself I love watching your videos. Your a beautiful woman outside and in. Keep at it girl....we love to see you happy and successful! God bless!
I had a great grandma who passed away last year and I didn’t see her very often. She was the sweetest soul I could’ve ever had the pleasure of being family with. She lived in New York and I’m in Texas so when I did visit her we would always get up super early and talk about life for HOURS on end. I couldn’t go to her funeral and I still feel terrible about it. I get that this isn’t as “devastating” as other deaths because she wasn’t direct family, but still, rip grandma sandy.
this was a very powerful, and lovely video to watch. i've been watching your channel for some years now, not always a commenter bc anxiety lmao, but really hearing some of these things just confirms how much i've adored you and your content all these years. i've lost both of my grandparents in 2019, my grandmother in may from cancer, and my grandfather in august (he had health issues but we think it was a broken heart that got him in his sleep). it was extremely hard for me, holidays don't ever really feel the same, and not having my grandma's sweet potato pie or her little comments. or my grandpa's very wise, intelligent, and interesting stories, a lot to do with being black and living through the 40's and so on. i always hear you mention your brother, but i never wondered what happened to him before I had lost my grandparents. but after losing them, and the times i'd hear you mention it on your channel, the words would feel different. and now hearing what has happened, i'm sorry for your loss and i now know the struggle of going on without someone. you are incredibly strong with what you go through, and you opening up makes me feel more confident in how i've felt and grown up. i'm 20, and was diagnosed with major depression, anxiety, and panic attacks only a year ago (although i've been struggling with it since i was about 14 after a traumatic incident). i struggle with food, my mental health, and a lot but art has always been a consistent in my life. i'm doing better now then i was as a teenager, especially getting out of high school, but you've given me a lot of confidence and reassurance that other people are going through it, and it gets better. thank you for sharing what you do, especially that you listen to the h3 podcast, haha (what rules you sons of bitches??), i'm sure this video wasn't easy, but I and a lot of others appreciate your message and words.
I’ve lost several people. My grandmother, who I never really knew, my aunt, (my mom was devastated) and my dog, Marvin. Losing a pet is harder than it seems. He was a Rottweiler mix with something else. He got quite old, and I loved him very much. And I’m always worried about my dad, as he has a kidney disease. So sorry about your brother Rae, sending you love! ❤️
i would LOVE to just see you have fun and decorate. my weak attention span can handle your videos most of the time, so i would totally watch a silly little video where you are just doing your own thing tbh. keep the self love going rae
I lost my best friend, Luke, to suicide back in 2007. I get told a lot that his death shouldn't still affect me the way it does, but honestly-- the last thing I ever want is to forget him. He was a wonderful writer and poet, had a radiant smile, and I honestly have never known someone as generous since. I wanted to be more like him, and I still do. He knew how to move people, and his presence felt like a warmth that could bring you out of the depths. Our in-jokes have only remained ours, and I still remember the way he would laugh so softly to himself. I miss him constantly.. I wish he could have kept going, been here in our thirties doing the same old stuff, but finding more happiness in it beyond the pain we both had endured growing up. All I can do is keep going, without him beside me.. Rather.. maybe he still is. I hope he is. Somewhere more comfortable, able to keep watch, able to smile. I am so sorry for your loss, Rae. I know all too well that ache, and it would absolutely put me on my ass to lose my own brother. You're strong as hell. Don't ever feel bad about missing him, though. Means he's still alive in you. Thank you for opening yourself up to it all. Wishing you all the best!
I genuinely relate to rae in losing someone, its been multiple months since i lost my uncle to alcohol and usually he would be around on the weekends being invited to dinner and for a drink. Especially when the first person that bought a painting from me was him. And i still draw and the thing that still keeps me going was you and my uncle
I lost my son almost 6 years ago. You remind me of my daughter as she lost her brother. Grief is devastating but God got me through it. I miss him every day but I had him for 42 wonderful years. He also was in an accident. RUclips and calming videos like yours get me through every day. Hugs to you and your mom
You do you Dizzi. I’ve been enjoying your videos for years now. I’d love to see you take me to Target someday, but as long as you want to do it and get happy about it, go for it.
I've been watching you for a while Rae!! You inspired me to keep doing art! I also have learned a lot from your videos about art brands and supplies. You have even inspired me to start my own art youtube channel! ❤❤
As someone who loves your channel and is old enough to be your Mom I can honestly say life indeed keeps getting better and better well into your fifties. It's amazing how freeing it is to stop worrying about what other people think and just be yourself. Your art is beautiful, you are lovely and I feel like some of what you do is a form of art therapy for the rest of us. I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I lost my Mom three years ago after a six year battle with dementia. I miss her every day. Believe in yourself and your art dear heart!
I like your way to look at aging. It so true…. even if I’m 17 and not that old yet I still have moments when I feel mature and more adult like. I can for example tell my neighbor’s kids stories about things that they did as toddlers or how they were because I remember because I’m a few years older. Makes me feel a little old too haha😂 But I didn’t know you were 29…. I have guessed like 22. BTW you are such a big inspiration for me and my art process. Love from Sweden💜
My MomMom passed a week ago and although it wasn’t sudden the pain is still overwhelming. Through her I learned my confidence and determination and Iove of fashion. She was a powerful and fabulous woman who till the day she passed. And I hope she’s resting well now with PopPop.
Dude when you were describing yourself and about the mental health you struggled with I felt that like I felt that deep. When you’ve went through mental battles that have almost destroyed everything it’s like you vibe with someone on an unspoken level. I unfortunately lost my father in 2017 and was barely over the most difficult year I have been through in my life 2016. And it started unhealthy habits that were SO HARD to break. We have so much in common. I hope you find you inner peace and happiness.
This got me very emotional, I lost my brother a couple of years ago. He was my older brother One of the oldest ones, if one of the first people who accepted me when I was going through a big change in my life with coming out of my shell and learning to embrace that I was going to always be different from most men. As Stern and as hardcore as he was he was one of my biggest supporters. From me learning to embrace that I was able to be feminine and still be myself to pushing me forward to take up creative arts and go to a art high school when I was afraid to try. He got heart failure from drinking and he left his kids and his wife behind. It's painful to see them sometimes because I see it's face so much in them but at the same time I'm so happy that he left a legacy. It's weird now that I'm the age he was when he passed to know that he's not here physically. I think a lot of times I look back now and think about all the things he used to say and do and now I kind of understand why he did. I kind of understand now why he backed away from all of us as he became sick. I don't think there's going to day since he passed that I don't miss him and wish that I could talk to him again. There's so many things I wanted to ask him and tell him that I understand so many things that he was going through and wish I was able to support him more. I miss him, I'm at home beating me and video games and driving around like a lunatic in the car and you would take our mom's car out for a ride. I miss him getting on my case when I had an attitude and was being a b**** to everyone, I miss when we would just sit down and talk for hours. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and forget just slightly that he's not here. I thought his number on my phone and never deleted it I know horrible but it's a sense of comfort to see his name and I'm going for my list. In a way of a reminder not to forget him.
Hae Rae! Just recently discovered your channels after visiting the Alexander McQueen exhibition at the National Gallery Victoria in Melbourne, Australia. His work inspired me to dig deep and get back to art and part of that was a foray onto RUclips to discover watercolour. Serendipitously yours was the first video to come up. You are a shining light and are helping me find my way back to my creativity. Thank you for your work. You're awesome - by default.
When we got to "What are your favorite art supplies" then "Pretty much any type of oil paint that's good quality" we heard one member of the Utrecht Art Supplies team go, "Aaargh! Oh, come on, man!!!" But, then again, no artist should reveal all their secrets, right?
Thank you Rae for sharing your story about your brother even when you didn't have to. I lost my mom in 2010. It completely shattered my world. She was the most patient and kind person. She was a literal angel on Earth that I only got to know for a short time. I feel like I get my compassion from her. She passed away from cancer. I discovered your channel in 2018 and it helped me reignite my love for art. Even though I don't it often I still love to watch all these art videos. I'm older than you are and i'm still trying to figure it all out (working on myself). I can definitely relate to the anxiety and needing to adapt more healthy coping methods. This video is appreciated and I would love to see you go shopping and decorate and do what makes you happy. I came for the art videos. I stayed because of you.
Thank you got sharing your life. My sister lost her two grandchildren in a car accident. They were 19 and 21. This has devastated our family but more my sister. You never get over this! Love your videos!
My husband died of covid in March. He thought every piece of art I made was a masterpiece, no matter how bad it was. And I'll never have anyone to talk with the way we were able to talk. On a brighter note, I love the ideas for videos on this channel! The holidays are coming, and I'd love to see some Decorate with Me content!
I lost my mumma to breast cancer and she was the strongest person I knew I also lost my dad in 2018 and he did anything and everything for me and my family
I lost my grandad bill in 2021. He was a really funny man. He had a stroke around 17 years before he passed but that would never stop him from getting up and giving you a big bear hug whenever you came around. He always found a way to lighten the moment, no matter what. He passed away on a Friday, as my dad, his son, was in the room. All of us were heartbroken about it, and didn't talk about it. Now some time has passed we talk about it more openly, and all of us still miss him. RIP grandad bill, 1948- 2021
Hi Rae I was almost crying when you spoke about your brother I am like that with my Dad. He was on a pedestal for me never, judged or shouted at all I just knew that he loved me unconditionally I wanted to send you a photo of a pastel drawing I did of him but I don’t do technology so soz about that I have a lot of the same health problems as you and I love watching your vlogs as it is nice to know someone who can get their shit together when they feel grim and produce something amazing Soz to waffle I’m off for a cry about my dad hope your back is better soon
My grandma was an artist, when she passed away I was broken. I have trouble connecting with people but she adored me so much and I adored her. She was obsessed with bunnies and ducklings and had actually over 2000 yes THOUSAND statues/stuffies/paintings, she made fairy gardens, made bunny stuffed toys, and spent most of her free time working with children from bad neighborhoods who didn’t have anyone else and she was genuinely the best grandma anyone could’ve asked for. I miss her constantly, and think about her so often. After she passed I got to keep some of her art supplies and I use them still to this day, almost 5 years later. She’s the reason I love art(even though I will never be as talented as her). Love you Grammy, I miss you dearly💖 when I see her again some day we’re going to go get some sweet tea and sit in a beautiful garden together again💖
Could not agree more with you about Instagram. It’s just such a terrible app, why am I automatically hit with videos of people that I don’t even follow, it just makes no sense. And I hate that you have to crop your photos just to “fit” in their stupid app. lol
I'm so impressed with what a stand up human you are. You're very right about Instagram. My brother also passed away right around the time of the pandemic. I really miss him. I'm kinda blown away with how much we have in common. Im a lot older than you, and I have a great respect for you. I look forward to all your videos! 👏 Love ya girl. My daughter loves you too. She's 17 and a fantastic artist. You're the kind of person that I wish was family. ❤
Rae, loved this video. I too lost my mother almost 9 year's ago I was 37 year's old at the time, I agree with you that you never get over someone who is your family, I think of my mom daily I hear her voice . I am now 45 I have 2 granddaughter's and my oldest one who is 4 always asks me what my mother was like and she brings me joy of talking about her again. She goes around saying I have an angel and her name is Grandma JoAnn ❤. My mom had stage 4 cancer in her lungs, no doctor, hospital, anyone ever caught it until it was too late. Me and my dad were her caregivers till the end. My mom took her last breath holding my dad's, my sister and my hands. About to have an anxiety attack on the memories because it was a hard time in our lives. But without further ADO, yes please share your hauls, your holiday decorations. The decorations one's sound so fun and I can do it with my granddaughter's. My boy's always said whatever to decorations. Lol Thank you for sharing
I'm really sorry for your loss. I experienced the same pain 8 years ago and you're right, there's not a moment where I don't think of my brother. I'm glad that you are open about your grief BC it helps me and other people in the same grief understand that you'll need time to heal and a part of you will never be entirely healed and that's okay too. Love you and your videos ❤❤.
in 2018 we got a puppy named charlie. we got him from a local breeder that we knew personally and thought everything would be fine. we were so so wrong. the rest of his litter was born normally but charlie got stuck and they had to go to the vet. he was the runt of the litter and from the moment we brought him home we knew something was up. then around 3 months he ate a sock and had to get a sugrey to get it out. in that surgrey we found out he was super sickly and had a overgrowth of scar tissue. they had to basicly rearange/ untangle his intestines. fast foward 4 months later charlie had to get another sugrey this time there was nothing ate. again his stomach was a mess and his intestines a mess as well. 1 month goes by and we thought we would have to put him down. it was a false alarm but they told us he would life a normal life span. then only 3 days before his first birthday he wasnt eatiing and was not doing well. my mom dropped me off at sewing lessons and that was the last time i saw him. when i got home mom had put him down. if we hadn't he probaby would have suffered 3 days at most then passed. the breeder said nothing gave us no sympathy and on top of that avoided us completely. we also found out that she did not care at all about the dogs. my dad found out how they were breed and it is so descusting he wont even tell me. and i'm 15. this evil womens name is Laura Rose of ogunquit maine. she owns rose cove resturant.
I feel so seen right now - I also went into college pursuing a different career path because I figured I could never make it as an artist. But after my first semester I was so miserable, I decided to switch my major over to Fine Arts and finally took classes that were better for me. But then I dropped out after my first year because school is just NOT for me lol. But then I pursued my art business and that’s what I’m doing now! I’m so much happier than I was in college
TW: Hate against Sikhs Hey Rae, I really appreciate you sharing this with us. I had a younger sister 12 years ago, she was 1 year older than me. She had to be the most weird and goofy person I've ever met, and she always put a smile on our faces whenever she came around. Unfortunately, she was travelling to Pakistan to see our mom, and she was killed by some citizens because of her religion. due to the 9/11 attack, many people called her a terrorist because she covered her hair. It hurts to know that so many people then would only see you as your religion, not as your own personality. I can relate so much to your pain.We actually celebrate her death, that was a wish that she had. Every year on her death day we hold a small gathering of close family and friends and celebrate her life. Thank you are, and everyone in the comments who are sharing their stories.
The pain in the slight cracks in your voice hurts when talking about your bro😞 I haven’t lost a sibling but I’ve lost people unexpectedly like that and i can definitely understand how it hurts and how that feeling of having some one in your life missing feels. I had an uncle pass away about 5 yrs ago from a heart attack unexpectedly and died in his sleep. Holidays are the worst because he’s not there anymore and certain little things can remind you about them and both bring joy and sadness ❤️ I loved the vulnerability you had in this and I’m sure he is watching you from the beyond. Much love ❤️
I'm so sorry about the death of your brother, Rae. It's really nothing to do with anyone what happened but I can see why you have shared here. I have people that I have loved and lost (both parents, an auntie, some friends) over the years and right now it's just me and my younger brother. Life is strange and cruel sometimes.
Thank you thank you thank you! This vid really hit home. I lost my cousin when he was 36 to a massive heart attack, we were extremely close, its been 10 yrs now and Im still not fully dealing. ALSO I have binge eating too, and literally when you mentioned it I got chills. It's nice to know I'm not alone. AND I am a supper creative type and still trying to find my "purpose" I clearly don't fit the 9-5 mold and hearing you say that really helped, so in a way you are kinda a councilor. Thank you so much!
100% would love to see you browsing all the spooky wares that are coming out and showing off your hauls! And you could totally do OOTD and get ready with me type of stuff too, especially since your make-up is always bangin! Basically anything you enjoy doing that you want to share I know I, and many others who love you, would enjoy watching. Like you could bleach and dye your hair and just you being goofy in a bathroom for 20 minutes would be such good content!
Thank you for sharing. Knowing that you are going through he same is comforting which is a weird thing to say but oh well. I recently lost my grandmother in a string of deaths in our family, starting with my grandmother's cousin then, two of her sisters and her brother in law. It was brutal, it feels like a constant stream of death. Anyway, she taught me how to draw and colour in and I loved her so much. She was artsy too and loved to knit and crochet. She has been an incredible influence on my family's lives. I miss her like crazy everyday and when I passed my roller cane training today, all I wanted to do was tell her but I knew I couldn't and it killed me and still does. I hope your back is feeling better and that you're doing okay.
My husband passed away 20 yrs ago at the age of 31 with a brain tumour. I was pregnant when he became sick and died almost 1 year to the day he became symptomatic. My son was 8 months old when he died. We had been together for 12 yrs. My life has not been the same since. Sorry for your loss. Hugs.
Thank you so much for sharing and I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. I lost my sister to ovarian cancer nearly 10 years ago and will always miss her. Much love to you and I think you will make an excellent therapist. X
Rae your mom is the sweetest most adorable lady, and i could see you being that kind of mom. having kids might flip your world upside down. But they became the whole reason for me to get up in the morning and wouldnt trade it for anything.
I'm crying so hard right now. I lost my grandfather almost a year ago and it still feels like yesterday. My remaining two grandparents are likely not long for this world and that idea just breaks my heart. I'm in my mid thirties so I know I'm beyond blessed to have had them for so long, but grandparents are made of magic and I'll never be ready for a world without them. 😭😭 So very, very sorry for the loss of your brother.
I empathize greatly with the story about your brother. Sudden loss is BY FAR the most painful, in my opinion. I've lost several relatives but the one that cut the deepest was my uncle. He was taking some boxes to his basement when he (we assume) missed a step or lost balance and fell. We all made it to the hospital in time to say goodbye, thankfully. But he had a massive brain hemorrhage from the fall. Going from "normal day, normal activities" to gone is gut wrenching. Similar thing happened with my German shepherd. It was just less than a week before my birthday and a week away from her 9th birthday. She was running around and playing like normal and suddenly collapsed. We rushed to the ER vet and they told us she had hemangiosarcoma and it made her spleen rupture and we needed to go say goodbye. The vet was so kind because when she was telling us the low down, she made sure to tell us "you didn't miss anything, you didn't do anything wrong, and she hasn't been in pain. This cancer is never found prior to rupture unless they randomly ultrasound for something else and find it. It doesn't show up on labs, etc. And I really appreciated that because I definitely was looking for ways to blame myself
I’m 72 yrs old , and I think you are awesome. My oldest son passed away, due to a Fentanyl laced drug overdose. About 4 yrs ago , and it’s hard to think about, so I can relate to you and your brother.. God Bless you, love your are posts..
This is so hard to talk about because so many people have had such a negative response to it, but my twin sister died from a fentenyl laced drug overdose 3 years ago and I miss her every single day. There isn’t a single day that goes by where I do not think about her and the life that was stolen from her. We grew up together and were very close. Now I feel so alone. I literally came into this world with her and now she’s gone and I can feel her absence and it hurts so damn bad! I am so sorry for your loss…I get it!! I have watched you for many years so I knew about your loss but not once was I curious about the why because loss is so scary and sad for me that the idea that you lost someone and not only a someone but YOUR SIBLING, was enough information for me. But thank you for sharing because it gave me the courage to share something that I can’t talk much about myself. Anyways thanks for being awesome and keep doing you and your awesome art!!!! P.s. Sorry this is a late comment. Hopefully you are still able to see this!❤
One of my two half-sisters passed away from an overdose of heroin laced with fentanyl in November 2021. I wish there was something that could take away the pain that drug has caused so many people to have to deal with. Thank you both for sharing your stories, it's the only way we will be able to spread awareness effectively. Much love and many prayers heading your ways 🙏 ❤️ ✨️
I want orange juice videos and I like how you paint and just get a test a date for the drawing I love them so much that is so good I love it and I wish I could be a artist like you Wednesday but I don't know how to draw a cute and I really want someone to teach me and I really want to be like you and I want to learn how to paint and draw but I don't know how and I really want to know because like I love painting I just want to be you right now
I lost my best friend Stan back in 2014. He actually has a RUclips channel here and his only video is him showing around his room he made when the my room tag was floating on Tumblr. The video was made not even three months before his passing. He was bullied relentlessly until he couldn't take it. I am so sorry for your loss of your brother. Your videos on both channels really make my day and I draw along. I want to one day upload videos for my art here on RUclips but you are right it is now way more difficult. I hope you are having a beautiful day Rae, much love to you eh.
@Tall hall *the 666th member* of course I can do that and thank you. His birthday is August 9th and every year I play the bass he shows in the only video. I also made a video in his memory on my other channel too. ruclips.net/channel/UCm_xU7VS4rwJGGg9CuawiMw
@Tall hall *the 666th member* samee. may he rest in peace
i’m sorry for your loss. thank you for sharing as i’ve experienced something similar.
I'm so so sorry for ur loss, I know words can only do so much, but I am sending love to u and ur family ❤
I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry about your brother, and I get it, the pain you're going through. I lost my dad in 2009 and my mom in 2018. Both losses were unexpected and devastating. I still cry over them to this day. It doesn't go away. It just gets slightly easier to bear the burden. Hugs.
I'm so sorry for your losses. I lost my mom in 2010 and my dad in 2020, and you're right, time may distance, but the grief is always there. Virtual hugs to you.
I hope you are doing well!!!!!🤗🤗
I am so sorry for you guys firstly for our special rae and you guys 😢😢
Ost My dad when i was 8 in 2016
@@leahbrink2178 that's terrible. I'm so sorry.
Thank you for sharing about your brother...my dad died ina car accident when I was 5. Not long afterwards, I almost died from appendicitis. More recently, my oldest daughter Sarah, died by suicide, she was a fabulous artist, painting portraits with oil paints, yet she suffered. Yes, me & her siblings cried a lot. A dear friend gave me a comforting verse; Isaiah 57:1,2. Your messages really cheer me up a lot!
I've always been a daddies girl, and he was my best friend and literally my safe person my whole life. He passed away very suddenly last September. He was a trucker who worked with cranes, etc. He was on a job and there was a problem with the hydraulic legs of his truck which his employer knew of and told him to "see how he got on". The legs malfunctioned and crushed him across the chest. They stopped him from breathing which stopped his heart. The paramedics and firemen were able to restart his heart and get him to a hospital where he went to the ICU for 8 days. On day 3 he started fighting the vent tube which was a good sign, but that following night his pupils blew and after emergency CT scans we found out that the lack of oxygen to his brain had caused it to swell. We waited a few days to see if he could recover but on day 7 the doctors told us he wouldn't ever wake up again. We were allowed 1 more day to spend the day saying goodbye to him. My brother and I were at his side when they removed the tube and he began choking to death. The rest of the family got there a few minutes later. 38 minutes after the tube was removed his heart stopped and so did my world.
He was always such an amazing person and he made his opinions very clear about this stuff, so it didn't even take a second for us to know that he would've wanted to donate his organs which he did as soon as his heart stopped. While he did that I didn't want him to be alone so I donated blood in the next room during his surgery.
We are now fighting to have the national standard of the condition of these legs changed to prevent this from happening to anyone ever again.
It's not even been a year and this pain is so unbearable I really don't know how I will get through it.
But being able to have a place to go where I feel accepted and able to just switch off from myself for a while really helps. So thank you so much for everything you do Rae. You help me so much with your videos and you are such a talented artist.
My dad was the one who got me into art and it is to this day the one thing that helps me to calm my mind. If he could say anything I know he would say to create what you can for as long as you can and have fun along the way 💜
I am so sorry for your loss but I just want you to know that you are SO STRONG AND WONDERFUL, not only for sharing his story on this little corner of the internet, but also continuing to fight in his honor! Hearing that he made his opinions known, I have no doubt in my mind that he would be immensely proud of how you have chosen to honor him.
I also lost my dad around that time and I know EXACTLY how you feel I've been dealing with it a lot easier now and I kinda got used to my new life without him even tho it is hard but I'll be sending prayers to you and your family
Your dad sounded like an absolutely amazing man and father, who worked hard every single day for his family. Your story broke my heart. I appreciate you opening up so publicly. Earlier this year my stepdad who I was very close with (basically my dad) passed away too. Organ failure. He took 20 mins to pass away once they unplugged him after being in the hospital for over a month. Seeing a parent pass away is one of the most crushing things. I don’t know why life is the way it is, idk why things happen to people we love. But I appreciate hearing your story and fighting to make standards hopefully happen in his industry. May your wonderful dad rest easy ❤💔
My fiancé passed away in 2013, he took his own life. He was an artist, mostly he blew glass but appreciated all other art too. We had so much in common. I remember when we were going for a hike and I sat down in the wash to look at rocks and he said “oh you are such the girl for me.” Even married now, I never stop thinking about him. I still say goodnight to him every night and I love him so much.
Rae, I totally understand the pain of losing a sibling. I love you, and I hope you never feel bad about feeling bad. No matter what anyone says - you have the right to miss him forever. Don't let anyone tell you to "get over it" or BS like that. It doesn't go away. You are doing the best with grief with what you have.
I'm so sorry 😭😭
Thank you for sharing his memory. May he rest in peace.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. 💜💜💜
I’m so sorry. I lost my younger brother 13 years ago to a self inflicted gun shot wound. I miss him more than any thing. He was my best friend.
I can totally relate. I lost my nephew 3 years ago in a car accident. He died just a week before his 20th birthday and it devastated our entire extended family. There isn't a day that passes that I don't think of him multiple times a day. The only consolation has been the over 20 lives he either saved or profoundly changed with his final gift to the world by choosing to be an organ donor. He was an amazing kid becoming an even more amazing young man and he will always be incredibly loved and missed. 💜 you CP5.
Im on my main account but reading through this I know I wanted to respond immediately. Im so sorry to hear about him…So young. And just like my brother it happens so fast we don’t even have time to process. It’s amazing that he was able to save lives and share with those who needed it. Being an organ donor is an incredible thing and im sure whoever he shared the gift with they’re eternally thankful. What an amazing guy and im glad you shared his story with me ❤️
TW: death and transphobia
When I was little, I was half raised by one of my moms friends. She was like another mom to me. And her mom was my grandma. I never knew my biological grandparents so she was the only grandma I had and MAN she was the BEST. Like I remember she had a cabinet in her kitchen and when she first met you, she’d asked you your favorite snack so she could always have it stocked in her kitchen for you. She also was a Guinea hen whisperer. Guinea hens aren’t native to where I live, but they would always be in my grandmas yard. No one knew where they came from but one day they just appeared! She, of course, embraced them and treated them kindly just like she would for anyone. I have so many memories of wolfing down ritz crackers and playing with her dog, Missy. Her husband, my grandpa, was also amazing and was a very dry humor guy. They were the best grandparents I could’ve ever asked for and they never treated me differently because I wasn’t biologically related to them.
Sadly, a few months before my grandma died, I was disowned for being trans by the lady that raised me. So when my grandma was dying, she purposely didn’t tell me anything. She wouldn’t let me call and talk to her before she passed, and I never got to say goodbye to my grandma.
I miss her so much and I still have days where I just cry because I never got to say how much she meant to me. I’ve never really told anyone about all this before. But I know in my heart she wouldn’t want me to bottle everything up and pretend to be tough about it. Nothing will ever make what happened okay, but at least I can always carry these happy memories and know she truly loved me for me and saw me as family, even when no one else did
Awwwwwww😭😭
I'm so sorry about your grandma😭😭
Oh my Lord such a beautiful story and tragedy. I hope you feel better now. I hear Grief councilors are great at getting us closure. You can do something special. Just a few ideas. I love helping others.
I send as much of my love as I can to you
@@moriganna67ify @Arts&cats thank you both for y’all kind words! I’m okay, this all happened like 4/5 years ago so I’m okay. It means a lot tho that people are hearing my story and I get to talk about her and the fond memories I have
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm betting that your grandmother knew how much you loved her. It's hard not to have that closure though. I hope you're doing ok.
Fellow childfree woman here, never saw myself as a mother either. Adore my nieces/nephews but it’s not for me on a daily basis. I’m always so happy when I hear of other women doing what feels right for them (whether that’s being a mom, not having children, or any other important decision).
Rae, sounds like you are doing well!
bravo to you. i wish more people would be as reflective
I wish more people would think like us and not treat having children as a small thing. It's a lifetime commitment.
@@Wolf_Fleuret or worse: an acquisition that should be coupled with buying a house!!
@@Wolf_Fleuret You are so right. And it goes both ways. I wish more people would think about how long a lifetime truly is and treat not having children as the lifetime commitment it also is, one that just like having children cannot be reversed later in life. Neither choice should be made easily because neither choice will ever be completely easy to live with.
@@smittysmeee Most of us are fully aware of that. Not wanting kids is something that's fairly inherent in you, like what you enjoy doing or who you want to date. At the end of the day, you can freeze eggs or adopt, but you can't un-birth a child.
I've been through many, many profound losses in my life. Especially in the last two years. But one loss has affected and colored my life more than the others.
My cousin Eric committed suicide in 2007. But nobody in my family has ever said it out loud. No one says "suicide". I wholeheartedly agree with you when you said "no one is entitled to this information" because it felt like a huge secret that I had to hold onto carefully. It's not that I don't want to say "Eric died, he committed suicide" it's more of a "If I say it out loud and I share it with someone, I am ripping open my heart and my comfort zone which makes me vulnerable and that's a scary place to be."
The best analogy for grief I've been given: your grief is a giant piano. This piano blocks your door every morning, every day. In order to leave/start your day, you have to move the piano. Some days, the piano moves away easily, no problem and you go through your day. Some days the piano is pretty heavy, so you need to call a friend or a professional and ask for help. Some days, the piano is so heavy that no matter how much you scream and cry and beg for help, it won't budge. You go back to bed and try again tomorrow. (This also applies to forgiveness). You can try to sell it, you can try to trade it in, you can try moving. But that motherfucker will find you and block your door every single day.
I lost one of my best friends, she passed a year ago this July. She was like a sister to me and a huge reason I’m 8 years clean. She was such a light in this world and never realized how much she touched those who knew her. She had a son who was 4 when she passed and then she had a baby boy, he had just turned 1 and I’ll never forget his birthday because he’s exactly 5 days older than my son. Every big moment she misses I think about how those boys don’t have their mommy to watch them grow. We had met in rehab and immediately she was family to me. We were both clean for years but she got into a relationship with her second son’s father and he was a POS. She found out he cheated, got high and never woke up. Every day I mourn her loss. She was only 28 (1 month before her 29th birthday) I cry almost every day because as I watch my son grow I think of the fact that she isn’t here to see hers. Time makes it easier not to think about 24/7 but doesn’t take away the pain. I just wish she knew how special she was, how much of an impact she had on so many people. Her picture is on my drivers side visor, my guardian angel. I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother 💔 thank you for opening up
My grandma passed away about a month ago now. I have moved into her house and it's a strange experience. It feels like I'm still waiting for her to come home, but visiting the grave is....hard hitting. She passed peacefully at the age of 93, but she was like a 2nd mom. She was the sweetest and kindest lady I've ever met in my life. Us kids would come to her and tell her our complaints about people at school and she would say to never hate anybody and never be mean back to them. We would do stuff she didn't like (piercings/dying hair/etc.) Her response was always that she didn't like it, but if we enjoyed it and we liked it then she accepted our choices. You never think about missing the little things until they're gone. For me and my sisters one of those little things is being called Little Rat or Sweetie. They were such endearing names and we miss it more than we thought possible. I recently made a memorial piece for her and it felt really good to create an artwork for her. I did post it online of anybody cares at all. She always encouraged my artistic endeavors and always wanted to see my new drawings. I really understand your feelings with your brother after this and it has been extremely hard. My face is covered in tears just typing this so my condolences go out to you. You learn to cope, but its not really "easier" when you talk about a lost loved one.
I'm so sorry
My love to you!
My grandma sounds like yours. When she was in her early 20s she worked at a nightclub as a waitress where my grandpa was a musician in a big band. He asked her out every night for months and she always refused cuz back then heaven forbid you dated one of those musician types 🤣🤣 They were happily married for over 50 years. My little brother and I would play death metal for her trying to get her to say she hated something we liked but she would always just say "oh that's beautiful!". Same with the tattoos, dyed hair, my weird surrealistic artwork. I loved my grandparents so much. They were perfect. After my grandpa died I would skip school with my friends and we would go drive to her house to spend the day with her to make sure she knew she wasn't alone. She also died peacefully at 93. Where did you post the memorial piece you did of her?
I lost my mom in last aug 29th its almost a year, and my heart breakes every day. thinking of her and Id do anything to have her back, to see her smile,smell her. hug her. Im 53 on the 26th in this month. and not having a mom kills me. I still need her. I do have my brother hes been a wonderful rock for me. we cant wait to see each other. and Im gratefull to have him. last week I couldnt stop crying,walked around with my moms ashes, all day thinking how I miss her. My brother called me ,and said I know Im feeling the same way sis. Thank you for youre story. and thank you for hearing mine. have a great day..
@@katscards8847 I'm sorry for your loss. It's wonderful that your brother is there for you. I hope for your emotional wellbeing ❤ Thank you for sharing your story
I lost my Nan suddenly back in 2011, it was my first year of College (UK college not uni). I was 16 and pretty much blind sighted, it wrecked my grades, and ever since then me and my family haven't been the same. We used to see eachother all the time because of my nan, she was always the one keeping us together and since then we have drifted apart. My fiance's grandparents are still alive, and they treat me like their grand kid. They want to make me feel like I can have that same comfort all over again. It's not the same, it never will be. I resigned myself to the belief at that point that she's gone and I gotta get over it.
I would never get the chance to tell my nan I'm engaged or even have her meet my partner or even excitedly tell her I moved out of home last year finally at 27. I lost my granddad when I was 7 (her husband) and even tho she was hurting herself from losing her life partner she made sure that in her head nothing changed and that we'll always have her. I genuinely feel lost, and that day my childhood died and had to grow up. I always felt like I had to grow up fast because of my childhood disabilities so the last bit of my childhood just died with her. Didn't help that 3 months later my childhood pet passed away so all the fun of that I guess :/ That was it - goodbye childhood for good, hello gotta be an adult. Not something a 16/17 year old should be feeling. No kid should ever feel like this, no kid should feel like they can't be a kid. Growing up too fast sucks, and I feel you 100% if you had to grow up fast.
Thank you for opening up about your brother Rae, and letting me pretty much trauma dump in your comments
I lost my dad in 2019. He was an amazing dad who raised my brother and I all by himself. He taught me how to show up for my kids, like he did. I.e. when my daughter was born in 2013 she has medical problems and we had to stay in the hospital for 3 weeks. He drove from Oklahoma to Nebraska to stay in Omaha Nebraska for 1 day. Then drove back to Oklahoma. Just to see my daughter and I. He also drove 30 mins out of his way to pick my 2 boys up from their dads house. He was so amazing.
There was a girl in my school and I didn't really know her that well. She was in a few of my classes but we never really crossed paths. But I really admired her. She was really kind and beautiful and I was just in awe of her confidence. She was very close with her best friend and they were just glued together. She passed away in a car accident in 2016. And even though I didn't know her that well, it broke me. I still think about her every day.
Her voice is SO relaxing and I don't even know why. She should really make a podcast!!
Yessssssss!! Like an all about art podcast!!
She actually made two podcast episodes 4 years ago if you wanna listen! =) And she's been featured on Chloe's channel as well (I think that's her name?).
@@xchrysantha like... On her channel??
I am fortunate not to lose anybody in my family. Some friends, whom I miss terribly. But.. my grandma lost her brother when my mom was tiny. And she does miss him sill. She is 93 years old, and that red car drove over him almost 70 years ago.
Lots of love to you, Rae ❤️
I really appreciate you being real about grieving your brother, I lost my dad 5 years ago and people in my life always make me feel like I should be over it by now and It’s just not like that. My dad was always the parent I was closer to, we had a lot of shared interests, he’s the reason I am the way I am today, and I miss him every single day.
Thank you for being honest about the loss of your brother. My son passed in 2021 at 5 months old and being that he was so young it’s such a hard topic for people when I share about him. But I love talking about him he was the sweetest baby who loved everyone and had the most beautiful big blue eyes. Everyone deals with loss differently and no way is more correct than others.
12:10
I can understand rae’s pain as my mom lost her younger brother in 2017 and I’ve seen her struggle to cope with it plus I lost my grandpa a year ago and to this day I think of his everyday every minute, it just hits you hard when you realise that your loved one is no longer here those small things and remind you of them, the things they did for you and soo much more.
Loosing a loved one is very hard...
I lost my big brother that same year! she’s so strong for vocalizing this, it is not easy.
Hey queen, I feel you on the whole "breakdown at the start of the pandemic and slowly learning to love myself and take care of myself" situation. It's not easy and it can be incredibly painful and I'm proud of you for not only getting through it but improving on yourself because of it. :) That's huge.
I also totally agree with you about being old, haha. I feel like my life started at 25 when I finally got my shit together and the stars aligned for me to get myself out of the ditch I'd been in my whole life up until that point. Same with my fiance, except they feel like their life started at 30. It's never too late to be happy, ya know?
I lost my dad in 2016. I didn't realise this until after his passing, but I inheritated my love for music from him and it was one of the ways we connected.
By the way, I'm turning 40 soon and girl, let me tell you, at 40 you have no more fucks to give for what others think of you and it's great.
Big hugs - I lost two good friends in the last five years Jono was my radio show co-host and we had a call every Tuesday at 4pm during lockdown and we kept it up afterwards his heart gave out on him he did have problems with it it just gave up on him and my dear beloved Marc (TW!) he took his own life a few summers back and he got me into doing radio I made a show in his memory this year of 90s classics just for him (I’ll sure play you some Britney on my show!) xx
I relate to the loosing someone. About 8 years ago my great grandmother really suddenly. I remember how every time I’d see her she was genuinely interested in how my life was at the time, the hobbies I was into. She’d tell me what things were like when she was younger and stories about my dad as a kid. I really miss going to her apartment and playing go fish after eating some kind of take out.
I lost my fiancé 15 years ago and I still think about him and miss him every day. He was the kindest person with zero hidden agendas. This world did not deserve him.
Rae, I’ve been a “fan” for a long time. This video touched my husband and I. My husband really related to your anxiety disorder. I wanted to tell you about two people I lost this year. My friend April was a long time acquaintance for about thirty years. She died of COVID related pneumonia in the Spring. I never got to say goodbye. I miss her so much. Second of all I had a beautiful friend named Laura. She fought with serious lung disease for eight or so years. She had several lung surgeries and multiple intubations. Her body gave out and she passed in May. I miss her so much that I’m in tears now. I think being a therapist is awesome. I’m trying to do that myself. I graduate in February with my MS in forensic psychology. Thank you for listening
I think there's this assumption that grief gets significantly easier after say the first year but like you said, every day, every event. They are always being thought of and missed.
Thank you for sharing Rae, it was really special. I'm so sorry about you loosing your brother, it is so hard. I lost my Mom suddenly to leukemia in 2000. She was an artist and I think she would have been fascinated by all the art on the internet. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself, you are such a dear person. Something I heard years ago that is very important to remember. It's taken from when you are on a airplane and they give you the safety instructions. Incase of emergency and oxygen mask comes down; take care of yourself first then the person you are with. You can't help them if you can't breathe.
We could probably be friends if it weren't for my social anxiety too.
I know the pain of a loved one passing away. I was adopted when I was a baby and in 2018 (when I was 8) I found out my biological mom had passed away. That is a little bit of information but that is what hit me the hardest. Love you Rae! ❤️
Thank you so much for opening up about your brother, it's been hard dealing with my grandpa's death lately and this made me feel a little less alone. He passed away in October and I still think about him every day, lately multiple times a day. He was a wonderful man, the quiet type with a sarcastic sense of humor who loved his family and his cats. I got so much of my personality from him growing up, and it feels like he's still with me in a sense. I do my best to make him proud every day, and I'm sure your brother is proud of you too. And thank you for answering the rest of the questions in this video too, it was nice getting to know you a little better after watching your videos for so long!
I don't know if you check the comments of your older videos. I'm so sorry about your brother. Losing a sibling so suddenly and so horrifically is something I empathize with. I lost my little sister in 2019, and you know when they say "The good die young"... Yeah it's true. She was truly the kindest and most genuine person I have ever known and she set the standards to what I hold other people up to now. Just like you, I think of my sibling daily, several times a day, and it's an ache we will live with forever.
I’m so sorry for your loss
First off, I want to say thank you for sharing your experience about the loss of your brother. I am deeply sorry about your loss. The way you talked about losing a loved one really resinated with me and I would love to tell you about my mom. I lost my mom in December of 2020, she passed away a few days after Christmas. My mother Lisa passed away due to cancer. She was first diagnosed in 2015 of lung cancer, but at the end of 2019 I found out that it traveled to her brain. As you said though, the people we lost are way more than their passing. My mom was such a caring person and she was so stubborn in the best way. When she felt she was right, there was no convincing her otherwise. My mom was such a lively person who loved to have fun like playing cards such as euchre. She also loved to shop, when online shopping became a thing, she was probably Amazon’s best customer. My mom and I didn’t have the best relationship growing up, I felt it was hard to connect with her. When she got sick though, I knew she needed help and I promised to be there for her no matter what. I took care of her the best ways I could. I made her meals, I took her to appointments, and I ran as many errands as I could to try and make her happy. I was only 14 when she was first diagnosed and my world shifted dramatically. I miss her everyday and I would do anything to see her one last time. I was 20 when she died and I was there to be with her until the end. The thing I miss most is just watching TV with her. Cooking shows became her favorite after she got sick. My mom was my protector and I love her so much. I would have done anything for her to make her happy.
I'm really new to your channel, so i didn't know about your brother and i just wanted to thank you for sharing it with us. I lost my father very suddenly in 2017 from something as silly as the flue (it evolved in pneumonia, and i lost him), and i totally related to what you said about thinking about our loved ones all the time and also when we are on holidays or having fun.
I think it's inevitable, especially when a death has been sudden and unexpected, and i just wanted to send you all my support and empathy 💕
My father was a hell of a chess player, and i have only recently started to play again. He also was a stamp collector, and my mum took over his collection. I like to think that he would be happy that our lives are moving on and that we are remembering him by doing something we liked to share with him ^^
This one hits home for me with a loss, I was recently reading a book and came across a statement that I believe to be the most true I’ve ever seen, “The world is divided into two kinds of people, the ones who have experienced loss, and the ones who haven’t.” That got me thinking into my own life… I have experienced so much loss, even from before I was born, compared to the person I’m interested in, who has never lost someone in their life. Its truly eye opening, but I’m here to talk about a few of the losses I’ve experienced. The first one is hard for many to wrap their heads around, my older sister died before I was born, so I have no memory of her, but the sadness is still there. I still often think about what life growing up, and now could have been like with her here. I’ve also lost both sets of great Grandparents, something I learned many never get to meet or remember spending time with because of how young they were… But the memories playing around on their farm growing up in a small town near my house are some of my most detailed. Both of my older brothers are currently locked up and have been going on almost 2 1/2 years. I can truthfully say I’ve been to more funerals/celebrations of line, in my 18 years on this planet then weddings, or birthdays parties(on the account most of my family doesn’t get along with one another only a small hand full) But the one that hurt the most and I believe the most Unfair was my Uncle Joey… He was only 38 when he lost his battle to Lupus in 2016. This was not just “another person in the family dying” but the second biggest influence in my life besides my mom. My dad was in jail from the time I was 9 months old, till late 2017, so my uncle besides my oldest brother were my biggest father figures I had. I did everything with my uncle, from riding quads to looking for hawk feathers in the woods to make dream catchers with, or letting me steer his black Chevy Pickup to Scaring me by sneezing overly loud in a very quiet room. And what made things worse was that for the longest time I felt responsible for his death, that I was selfish for wanting to go to the lake with my mom and brother instead of going to check up on my uncle and spend the day with him… that maybe if I never made the suggestion to go we would have never driven all the way there set up, then it start raining, so then pack up and start to head over to his house to go check up on him. We could could have been there sooner gotten him to the hospital faster. But those things are just not possible in real life, I was only 13 when he passed… I’m 18 now and I say it’s a good night if I get black sleep, its way better now, but I frequently got Night Terrors from his passing… ik not many know the difference between a nightmare and a Terror so I will explain what my experience is like… I can wake myself up from a nightmare and I know it isn’t real, but a night terror, it’s so graphic it’s so real, I can feel, smell, taste, see everything that’s happening to me, and it hurts, physically, mentally, and emotionally. The worst one I ever got was him and I are driving in his Black Chevy pickup down I-495 then all of a sudden we start flipping and crash and the truck is engulfed in flames, I can feel them burning me, smell the gas and oil burning, hear the car horns and screeching around me and him screaming at me it’s all your fault you did this you killed me. When I do end up waking up from these I used to get really bad sleep paralysis for the first year and a half, but now I just sit there and feel guilty, my logical side knows I’m not the reason, but then I think why was that a scenario that happened? That’s not what happened it could happen to someone else and I’m freaking out like it happened to me, I feel terrible that the terrors are Overexaggerated, but I also know I can’t control them. I can say I have learned how to cope better with them, not fully but that’s ok I will get there one day, just gotta take it a step at a time. But my main takeaway is I alway tell people to just be grateful and thankful that there are people here still that love you, and care about you, don’t forget about them they go through it too, we all go through tough times eventually. Just some sooner than later. I can’t be bitter about this it isn’t my fault, but these are my problems and feelings and I’m the one who needs to deal with them… thank you for letting me share
I lost my dad 7 years ago in a plane crash. He was an amazing pilot and engineer and loved to fly more than anything. He was my primary parent growing up and he was my best friend. I miss him everyday. The best advice I have gotten and now give about grief is that it will come in waves,and you just have to roll with it. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes in the moment and be gentle with yourself
We lost my dad in 2019 to lung cancer and he was like the rock of our family. He kept everyone together and none of us even realized how much impact losing someone like that loved in our family would be. Unfortunately, we all handled it differently and we almost lost my little brother just a week ago to drugs and a car accident. He just hasn't been able to get out of the depression it leaves you in when you lose someone so important and it's definitely hard. I so felt when you said they are you're first thought when you wake up and your last thought before bed and when you have a happy moment, you can't help but think man I wish they were here to experience this too.its weird like almost soul crushing sometimes because I feel guilty sometimes when I'm happy because my brother hasn't been able to find happiness after and its a work in progress. Mental health is so important and it's why my art is so important now because I use it as a coping mechanism, a lot. Lol Sorry about that sad note but I think you'd totally be a great mom! .I never thought I was going to have kids either lol I was told I was infertile and I didn't have my son until I was 29 lol hopefully no jinx here lol but he's my best creation yet lol he pushes me when I'm down and he always cheers me up even if I am tired of picking the same things up 20 times a day, he gives me that motivation and love is a big component. I tell ya all the corny stuff parents say, is true lol you do instantly feel this connection to them after they are born like immediately. Its intoxicating like falling inlove and you get to mold them into hopefully decent and caring little human beings. We just had a daughter i too n 2021 actually and its weird how happy their messy and stinky little selves can make you lol but 30 Is like the new 20 anyways. Im so much happier as a middle aged person too! I still don't have much money yet but I have learned how to save and we have worked our way up to saving up for a house now finally so it feels like life is finally coming together and I am able to enjoy the little moments. Especially once I started mental health counseling. That really helped me learn to cope with my anxiety and depression and just to stop ignoring taking of myself because I'm always so busy taking care of everyone else so life is pretty great right now. Man I felt like this video was so inspiring cuz I totally feel your story and can empathize with it on so many levels
I totally would love to watch some decorating videos! Always looking for cool art stuff to do with kiddos lol they're my excuse for new art stuff 50% of the time lol j/k but they do really love art so it's easy for me to keep them preoccupied most of the time trying stuff out or doing projects together lol
I lost my father at the age of six in a car accident as well and I love when people share their stories about a loved one passing away because it makes me feel like I’m not alone and a lot of people feel like they’re not alone
I'd love to see more day to day Rae content! I really appreciate you choosing to open up to your audience the way you did today, and know we're all here to support you even if that means just watching your videos. I love your content and personality and seeing you pop up in my feed truly makes my day! I'm glad to see you putting yourself first and focusing on your well-being rather than what the RUclips overlords want haha. Thank you so much for being a genuine creator.
Hey beautiful lady, your video touched my heart, 5 years ago I lost my son Matthew. He was 24 ,he was a beautiful soul, an artist and his nickname was Pooh Bear which was ironic because he was 6'3 and just a giant of a sweetie. I miss his hugs every day,no one hugs like him. We used to live in Alamogordo New Mexico but moved to the Pacific Northwest a few years back. I have some of Matthews drawings and the stories he wrote.he was unique and liked a lot of the same things you do. I actually watched your videos to help cope with his death.. "grief is love persevering " Vision . Best wishes sending you light and love from the pnw ..
God I literally cried a little watching this. I mean, I feel you so much gurl. So much you've said about yourself (nearly everything, including a loss of a loved one) and your experiences was like listening to my thoughts or like my 'biography'... It made me cry a bit, but also it's so relieving to hear that I'm not the only person feeling like a weirdo. So beside tears, this made my day a little brighter.
Finally watched this and learned so much about you! I can't wait to get to talk more about your life. I live hearing that you found a good groove for yourself in how you work! I needed to reevaluate my work aims through the start of Covid too. (also I love plants too!) Great video
Thank you for sharing. I lost the love of my life in 2002. Lou was 5 years and 2 days older than me. His birthday was 2 days before mine and we shared our birthdays together. I met him through a friend in 95. I was into MTG. We just clicked. We went to DragonCon a few times. Had so much in common. We got married in 99 on the day we decided to date. I had our only son in 2001. Lou died of congestive heart failure in 2002 at the age of 31. He was born with a weak heart. He had his first open heart surgery at 8. His second at 18. He was due for his third when he died. He loved life, Godzilla, fantasy, and video games. He would have loved World of Warcraft. He loved LOTR. Yes, I'm still in love with him after 20 years. Everyone loved him.
Also, 30. You baby. :D I'm 46. I love your art and I learned a lot from you and YT. My art teacher in the 90s sucked. She hated my art cause I drew sci-fi and fantasy.
I would love to tell you about my great grandmother. She was from the Netherlands and during WW2 she worked as a nurse, and during this time she also worked as a spy (I believe for the Red Cross). She was also involved with the Dutch underground. She helped save many lives, she also survived being captured and imprisoned by the Naz;s where she met my great grandfather.
She was an amazing woman and I wish I got to know her more. By the time I was old enough to appreciate her and her stories dementia had stolen her. She lived till 101.
I want to get the quote “those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it” as a tattoo in her honour.
I lost my little brother , back this past February . He was 21 and died in a tragic auto accident involving ice and a mountain . He was an incredible local award winning artist, actor and self taught musician, he was an old soul. I myself being an artist, we both dabbled in the same arts such as drawing ,music, and acting which made us incredibly close. There was 20 yrs between us, but with his old soul, there was no age difference. . I love and miss him everyday. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your brother and am sending tears and hugs your way.
When I was 5 years old my dad died of heart failure and every day I think of him every time it’s my birthday I remember him and the fact he will never get to tell me happy birthday or when I do an accomplishment I always get emotional bc I know he will never get to see me grow and today a person I knew died as well and I burst into tears bc they were a huge part of my childhood
Stay strong queen ✨
I hope you know that we all love you and look up to you! Your actually the reason i started drawing/painting :)
Hope you have a genuine good day
Hey Rae, Love You. I will STAND UP TO YOU!
I'm just so proud to see you flourishing more and taking time for yourself to recuperate. Thank you for continuing to be who you are!
I lost my best friend two years ago to an over dose. Shanan was just a light. The most infectious laugh you can imagine. Always there to pick you up when you’re going through it. And we could jam out to sooooooo many genres of music. I’ve got the logo of our favorite band tattooed on my thumb and give it a kiss whenever I think of her
Don't let anybody or anything define your happiness. As an artist myself I love watching your videos. Your a beautiful woman outside and in. Keep at it girl....we love to see you happy and successful! God bless!
I had a great grandma who passed away last year and I didn’t see her very often. She was the sweetest soul I could’ve ever had the pleasure of being family with. She lived in New York and I’m in Texas so when I did visit her we would always get up super early and talk about life for HOURS on end. I couldn’t go to her funeral and I still feel terrible about it. I get that this isn’t as “devastating” as other deaths because she wasn’t direct family, but still, rip grandma sandy.
this was a very powerful, and lovely video to watch. i've been watching your channel for some years now, not always a commenter bc anxiety lmao, but really hearing some of these things just confirms how much i've adored you and your content all these years. i've lost both of my grandparents in 2019, my grandmother in may from cancer, and my grandfather in august (he had health issues but we think it was a broken heart that got him in his sleep). it was extremely hard for me, holidays don't ever really feel the same, and not having my grandma's sweet potato pie or her little comments. or my grandpa's very wise, intelligent, and interesting stories, a lot to do with being black and living through the 40's and so on. i always hear you mention your brother, but i never wondered what happened to him before I had lost my grandparents. but after losing them, and the times i'd hear you mention it on your channel, the words would feel different. and now hearing what has happened, i'm sorry for your loss and i now know the struggle of going on without someone. you are incredibly strong with what you go through, and you opening up makes me feel more confident in how i've felt and grown up. i'm 20, and was diagnosed with major depression, anxiety, and panic attacks only a year ago (although i've been struggling with it since i was about 14 after a traumatic incident). i struggle with food, my mental health, and a lot but art has always been a consistent in my life. i'm doing better now then i was as a teenager, especially getting out of high school, but you've given me a lot of confidence and reassurance that other people are going through it, and it gets better. thank you for sharing what you do, especially that you listen to the h3 podcast, haha (what rules you sons of bitches??), i'm sure this video wasn't easy, but I and a lot of others appreciate your message and words.
I’ve lost several people. My grandmother, who I never really knew, my aunt, (my mom was devastated) and my dog, Marvin. Losing a pet is harder than it seems. He was a Rottweiler mix with something else. He got quite old, and I loved him very much. And I’m always worried about my dad, as he has a kidney disease. So sorry about your brother Rae, sending you love! ❤️
i would LOVE to just see you have fun and decorate. my weak attention span can handle your videos most of the time, so i would totally watch a silly little video where you are just doing your own thing tbh. keep the self love going rae
I lost my best friend, Luke, to suicide back in 2007. I get told a lot that his death shouldn't still affect me the way it does, but honestly-- the last thing I ever want is to forget him. He was a wonderful writer and poet, had a radiant smile, and I honestly have never known someone as generous since. I wanted to be more like him, and I still do. He knew how to move people, and his presence felt like a warmth that could bring you out of the depths. Our in-jokes have only remained ours, and I still remember the way he would laugh so softly to himself. I miss him constantly.. I wish he could have kept going, been here in our thirties doing the same old stuff, but finding more happiness in it beyond the pain we both had endured growing up. All I can do is keep going, without him beside me..
Rather.. maybe he still is. I hope he is. Somewhere more comfortable, able to keep watch, able to smile.
I am so sorry for your loss, Rae. I know all too well that ache, and it would absolutely put me on my ass to lose my own brother. You're strong as hell. Don't ever feel bad about missing him, though. Means he's still alive in you. Thank you for opening yourself up to it all. Wishing you all the best!
I genuinely relate to rae in losing someone, its been multiple months since i lost my uncle to alcohol and usually he would be around on the weekends being invited to dinner and for a drink. Especially when the first person that bought a painting from me was him. And i still draw and the thing that still keeps me going was you and my uncle
I lost my son almost 6 years ago. You remind me of my daughter as she lost her brother. Grief is devastating but God got me through it. I miss him every day but I had him for 42 wonderful years. He also was in an accident. RUclips and calming videos like yours get me through every day. Hugs to you and your mom
Ooo just watched the gouache video and sa2 this notification !!!! I loOovee your videos Rae 💛
You do you Dizzi. I’ve been enjoying your videos for years now. I’d love to see you take me to Target someday, but as long as you want to do it and get happy about it, go for it.
I've been watching you for a while Rae!! You inspired me to keep doing art! I also have learned a lot from your videos about art brands and supplies. You have even inspired me to start my own art youtube channel! ❤❤
As someone who loves your channel and is old enough to be your Mom I can honestly say life indeed keeps getting better and better well into your fifties. It's amazing how freeing it is to stop worrying about what other people think and just be yourself. Your art is beautiful, you are lovely and I feel like some of what you do is a form of art therapy for the rest of us. I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I lost my Mom three years ago after a six year battle with dementia. I miss her every day. Believe in yourself and your art dear heart!
I like your way to look at aging. It so true…. even if I’m 17 and not that old yet I still have moments when I feel mature and more adult like. I can for example tell my neighbor’s kids stories about things that they did as toddlers or how they were because I remember because I’m a few years older. Makes me feel a little old too haha😂 But I didn’t know you were 29…. I have guessed like 22. BTW you are such a big inspiration for me and my art process. Love from Sweden💜
My MomMom passed a week ago and although it wasn’t sudden the pain is still overwhelming. Through her I learned my confidence and determination and Iove of fashion. She was a powerful and fabulous woman who till the day she passed. And I hope she’s resting well now with PopPop.
Love these kinds of videos its nice to get to know more about Rae 😊
Dude when you were describing yourself and about the mental health you struggled with I felt that like I felt that deep. When you’ve went through mental battles that have almost destroyed everything it’s like you vibe with someone on an unspoken level. I unfortunately lost my father in 2017 and was barely over the most difficult year I have been through in my life 2016. And it started unhealthy habits that were SO HARD to break. We have so much in common. I hope you find you inner peace and happiness.
This got me very emotional, I lost my brother a couple of years ago. He was my older brother One of the oldest ones, if one of the first people who accepted me when I was going through a big change in my life with coming out of my shell and learning to embrace that I was going to always be different from most men. As Stern and as hardcore as he was he was one of my biggest supporters. From me learning to embrace that I was able to be feminine and still be myself to pushing me forward to take up creative arts and go to a art high school when I was afraid to try.
He got heart failure from drinking and he left his kids and his wife behind. It's painful to see them sometimes because I see it's face so much in them but at the same time I'm so happy that he left a legacy. It's weird now that I'm the age he was when he passed to know that he's not here physically. I think a lot of times I look back now and think about all the things he used to say and do and now I kind of understand why he did. I kind of understand now why he backed away from all of us as he became sick.
I don't think there's going to day since he passed that I don't miss him and wish that I could talk to him again. There's so many things I wanted to ask him and tell him that I understand so many things that he was going through and wish I was able to support him more.
I miss him, I'm at home beating me and video games and driving around like a lunatic in the car and you would take our mom's car out for a ride. I miss him getting on my case when I had an attitude and was being a b**** to everyone, I miss when we would just sit down and talk for hours. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and forget just slightly that he's not here. I thought his number on my phone and never deleted it I know horrible but it's a sense of comfort to see his name and I'm going for my list. In a way of a reminder not to forget him.
Hae Rae! Just recently discovered your channels after visiting the Alexander McQueen exhibition at the National Gallery Victoria in Melbourne, Australia. His work inspired me to dig deep and get back to art and part of that was a foray onto RUclips to discover watercolour. Serendipitously yours was the first video to come up. You are a shining light and are helping me find my way back to my creativity. Thank you for your work. You're awesome - by default.
When we got to "What are your favorite art supplies" then "Pretty much any type of oil paint that's good quality" we heard one member of the Utrecht Art Supplies team go, "Aaargh! Oh, come on, man!!!" But, then again, no artist should reveal all their secrets, right?
Thank you Rae for sharing your story about your brother even when you didn't have to. I lost my mom in 2010. It completely shattered my world. She was the most patient and kind person. She was a literal angel on Earth that I only got to know for a short time. I feel like I get my compassion from her. She passed away from cancer.
I discovered your channel in 2018 and it helped me reignite my love for art. Even though I don't it often I still love to watch all these art videos. I'm older than you are and i'm still trying to figure it all out (working on myself). I can definitely relate to the anxiety and needing to adapt more healthy coping methods. This video is appreciated and I would love to see you go shopping and decorate and do what makes you happy. I came for the art videos. I stayed because of you.
Didn’t even know you had a second channel but I love knowing more about your thought process!
Thank you got sharing your life. My sister lost her two grandchildren in a car accident. They were 19 and 21. This has devastated our family but more my sister. You never get over this! Love your videos!
My husband died of covid in March. He thought every piece of art I made was a masterpiece, no matter how bad it was. And I'll never have anyone to talk with the way we were able to talk. On a brighter note, I love the ideas for videos on this channel! The holidays are coming, and I'd love to see some Decorate with Me content!
Please accept my condolences.
@@lamargot2201 Thank you.
Thank you, yes this is way way way over due. I appreciate you opening up, it helps us come more closer in the Rae Dizzle world
I lost my mumma to breast cancer and she was the strongest person I knew
I also lost my dad in 2018 and he did anything and everything for me and my family
They sounded like amazing people who went through a lot and would do anything for their family. ✨
@@RaeDizzleExtras I think about them all the time & how proud they would be of me ❤️
I lost my grandad bill in 2021. He was a really funny man. He had a stroke around 17 years before he passed but that would never stop him from getting up and giving you a big bear hug whenever you came around. He always found a way to lighten the moment, no matter what. He passed away on a Friday, as my dad, his son, was in the room. All of us were heartbroken about it, and didn't talk about it. Now some time has passed we talk about it more openly, and all of us still miss him.
RIP grandad bill, 1948- 2021
Hi Rae I was almost crying when you spoke about your brother I am like that with my Dad. He was on a pedestal for me never, judged or shouted at all I just knew that he loved me unconditionally
I wanted to send you a photo of a pastel drawing I did of him but I don’t do technology so soz about that
I have a lot of the same health problems as you and I love watching your vlogs as it is nice to know someone who can get their shit together when they feel grim and produce something amazing
Soz to waffle I’m off for a cry about my dad hope your back is better soon
My grandma was an artist, when she passed away I was broken. I have trouble connecting with people but she adored me so much and I adored her. She was obsessed with bunnies and ducklings and had actually over 2000 yes THOUSAND statues/stuffies/paintings, she made fairy gardens, made bunny stuffed toys, and spent most of her free time working with children from bad neighborhoods who didn’t have anyone else and she was genuinely the best grandma anyone could’ve asked for. I miss her constantly, and think about her so often. After she passed I got to keep some of her art supplies and I use them still to this day, almost 5 years later. She’s the reason I love art(even though I will never be as talented as her). Love you Grammy, I miss you dearly💖 when I see her again some day we’re going to go get some sweet tea and sit in a beautiful garden together again💖
Could not agree more with you about Instagram. It’s just such a terrible app, why am I automatically hit with videos of people that I don’t even follow, it just makes no sense. And I hate that you have to crop your photos just to “fit” in their stupid app. lol
I'm so impressed with what a stand up human you are. You're very right about Instagram. My brother also passed away right around the time of the pandemic. I really miss him. I'm kinda blown away with how much we have in common. Im a lot older than you, and I have a great respect for you. I look forward to all your videos! 👏 Love ya girl. My daughter loves you too. She's 17 and a fantastic artist. You're the kind of person that I wish was family. ❤
Rae, loved this video. I too lost my mother almost 9 year's ago I was 37 year's old at the time, I agree with you that you never get over someone who is your family, I think of my mom daily I hear her voice .
I am now 45 I have 2 granddaughter's and my oldest one who is 4 always asks me what my mother was like and she brings me joy of talking about her again. She goes around saying I have an angel and her name is Grandma JoAnn ❤.
My mom had stage 4 cancer in her lungs, no doctor, hospital, anyone ever caught it until it was too late. Me and my dad were her caregivers till the end. My mom took her last breath holding my dad's, my sister and my hands. About to have an anxiety attack on the memories because it was a hard time in our lives.
But without further ADO, yes please share your hauls, your holiday decorations. The decorations one's sound so fun and I can do it with my granddaughter's. My boy's always said whatever to decorations. Lol
Thank you for sharing
I'm really sorry for your loss. I experienced the same pain 8 years ago and you're right, there's not a moment where I don't think of my brother. I'm glad that you are open about your grief BC it helps me and other people in the same grief understand that you'll need time to heal and a part of you will never be entirely healed and that's okay too. Love you and your videos ❤❤.
in 2018 we got a puppy named charlie. we got him from a local breeder that we knew personally and thought everything would be fine. we were so so wrong. the rest of his litter was born normally but charlie got stuck and they had to go to the vet. he was the runt of the litter and from the moment we brought him home we knew something was up. then around 3 months he ate a sock and had to get a sugrey to get it out. in that surgrey we found out he was super sickly and had a overgrowth of scar tissue. they had to basicly rearange/ untangle his intestines. fast foward 4 months later charlie had to get another sugrey this time there was nothing ate. again his stomach was a mess and his intestines a mess as well. 1 month goes by and we thought we would have to put him down. it was a false alarm but they told us he would life a normal life span. then only 3 days before his first birthday he wasnt eatiing and was not doing well. my mom dropped me off at sewing lessons and that was the last time i saw him. when i got home mom had put him down. if we hadn't he probaby would have suffered 3 days at most then passed. the breeder said nothing gave us no sympathy and on top of that avoided us completely. we also found out that she did not care at all about the dogs. my dad found out how they were breed and it is so descusting he wont even tell me. and i'm 15. this evil womens name is Laura Rose of ogunquit maine. she owns rose cove resturant.
May he RIP💔
I feel so seen right now - I also went into college pursuing a different career path because I figured I could never make it as an artist. But after my first semester I was so miserable, I decided to switch my major over to Fine Arts and finally took classes that were better for me.
But then I dropped out after my first year because school is just NOT for me lol. But then I pursued my art business and that’s what I’m doing now! I’m so much happier than I was in college
TW: Hate against Sikhs
Hey Rae, I really appreciate you sharing this with us. I had a younger sister 12 years ago, she was 1 year older than me. She had to be the most weird and goofy person I've ever met, and she always put a smile on our faces whenever she came around. Unfortunately, she was travelling to Pakistan to see our mom, and she was killed by some citizens because of her religion. due to the 9/11 attack, many people called her a terrorist because she covered her hair. It hurts to know that so many people then would only see you as your religion, not as your own personality. I can relate so much to your pain.We actually celebrate her death, that was a wish that she had. Every year on her death day we hold a small gathering of close family and friends and celebrate her life. Thank you are, and everyone in the comments who are sharing their stories.
Im so sorry for your loss💔
I’m so sorry
rae, thank you for being so brave and sharing the story of your brother
The pain in the slight cracks in your voice hurts when talking about your bro😞 I haven’t lost a sibling but I’ve lost people unexpectedly like that and i can definitely understand how it hurts and how that feeling of having some one in your life missing feels. I had an uncle pass away about 5 yrs ago from a heart attack unexpectedly and died in his sleep. Holidays are the worst because he’s not there anymore and certain little things can remind you about them and both bring joy and sadness ❤️ I loved the vulnerability you had in this and I’m sure he is watching you from the beyond. Much love ❤️
I'm so sorry about the death of your brother, Rae. It's really nothing to do with anyone what happened but I can see why you have shared here. I have people that I have loved and lost (both parents, an auntie, some friends) over the years and right now it's just me and my younger brother. Life is strange and cruel sometimes.
Thank you thank you thank you! This vid really hit home. I lost my cousin when he was 36 to a massive heart attack, we were extremely close, its been 10 yrs now and Im still not fully dealing. ALSO I have binge eating too, and literally when you mentioned it I got chills. It's nice to know I'm not alone. AND I am a supper creative type and still trying to find my "purpose" I clearly don't fit the 9-5 mold and hearing you say that really helped, so in a way you are kinda a councilor. Thank you so much!
I just loved all you said. I am 74 and only slowed down enough to breathe in 2020. Bless you dear, Robin
100% would love to see you browsing all the spooky wares that are coming out and showing off your hauls! And you could totally do OOTD and get ready with me type of stuff too, especially since your make-up is always bangin! Basically anything you enjoy doing that you want to share I know I, and many others who love you, would enjoy watching. Like you could bleach and dye your hair and just you being goofy in a bathroom for 20 minutes would be such good content!
Thank you for sharing. Knowing that you are going through he same is comforting which is a weird thing to say but oh well. I recently lost my grandmother in a string of deaths in our family, starting with my grandmother's cousin then, two of her sisters and her brother in law. It was brutal, it feels like a constant stream of death. Anyway, she taught me how to draw and colour in and I loved her so much. She was artsy too and loved to knit and crochet. She has been an incredible influence on my family's lives. I miss her like crazy everyday and when I passed my roller cane training today, all I wanted to do was tell her but I knew I couldn't and it killed me and still does.
I hope your back is feeling better and that you're doing okay.
My husband passed away 20 yrs ago at the age of 31 with a brain tumour. I was pregnant when he became sick and died almost 1 year to the day he became symptomatic. My son was 8 months old when he died. We had been together for 12 yrs. My life has not been the same since.
Sorry for your loss. Hugs.
I’m so sorry for your loss
So sorry for your loss rae💔 and to all the ppl in the comments as well, lost my uncle to cancer in 2013 and i miss him so much.
I’m sorry your loss Rae. May he rest in peace
Thank you so much for sharing and I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. I lost my sister to ovarian cancer nearly 10 years ago and will always miss her. Much love to you and I think you will make an excellent therapist. X
Rae your mom is the sweetest most adorable lady, and i could see you being that kind of mom. having kids might flip your world upside down. But they became the whole reason for me to get up in the morning and wouldnt trade it for anything.
I'm crying so hard right now. I lost my grandfather almost a year ago and it still feels like yesterday. My remaining two grandparents are likely not long for this world and that idea just breaks my heart. I'm in my mid thirties so I know I'm beyond blessed to have had them for so long, but grandparents are made of magic and I'll never be ready for a world without them. 😭😭
So very, very sorry for the loss of your brother.
All of your hobbies are my favorite things! Love, a fellow Old.
I empathize greatly with the story about your brother. Sudden loss is BY FAR the most painful, in my opinion. I've lost several relatives but the one that cut the deepest was my uncle. He was taking some boxes to his basement when he (we assume) missed a step or lost balance and fell. We all made it to the hospital in time to say goodbye, thankfully. But he had a massive brain hemorrhage from the fall. Going from "normal day, normal activities" to gone is gut wrenching.
Similar thing happened with my German shepherd. It was just less than a week before my birthday and a week away from her 9th birthday. She was running around and playing like normal and suddenly collapsed. We rushed to the ER vet and they told us she had hemangiosarcoma and it made her spleen rupture and we needed to go say goodbye. The vet was so kind because when she was telling us the low down, she made sure to tell us "you didn't miss anything, you didn't do anything wrong, and she hasn't been in pain. This cancer is never found prior to rupture unless they randomly ultrasound for something else and find it. It doesn't show up on labs, etc. And I really appreciated that because I definitely was looking for ways to blame myself