Grindr has really ruined my self esteem. I don't think I am unattractive but I very much feel discriminated against because I don't conform to this new male ideal that the media have fed us! I am short, in my mid 30's and look younger , I get rejected because I am not 6ft with a rippling 6 pack. It's all BS! It's frustrating. Then when I do meet a guy they only want to hook up. It is soul destroying. I will never use these apps again for my own mental health. Thank you so much for talking about this.
Yes I experienced it with not only Grindr but other gay apps as well like Scruff or Adam4Adam I figured hey if I don't love myself and they don't love me or I don't look masculine to hell with those Adonis gay men am not going to kill myself working out just to get compliments from other losers who are druggies alcoholics and gymrats! Totally agree with you girl were beautiful no matter what.
People on grindr really are just looking for the stereotypes, until they become older and just go for anyone that's young. The young dudes there only want twinks that are so skinny you could accidentally send them flying by breathing air in their general direction, the tall muscular jocks with no body hair, and bear daddies that are way too old to do anything with such young men. As a young man who doesn't fit into any of the big stereotypes (unless "bisexual top with a regular body who's slightly more feminine than the average" is a thing?), it's rare I manage to get the attention of any guy my age. I'm close to turning 19, and with few exceptions only 35+yo men seem interested in me.
Hey if I were you get out of gay apps totally hookups or dating Grindr is the number one distractor of gay mens self esteem did you try straight apps I noticed gays are posting there too and the members are not that bad also consider meeting gays in person like volunteering in your local gay community or volunteering a gay fund raising event more than likely you will meet gays there that can hold a decent conservation you're only in your thirties you got time am 56 and past my prime so I already program myself to be alone am grateful for the family support though but I only have few gay friends because of I mentioned the competition of being the Prima Donna The most prettiest just like teenage girls attitudes
I would agree that "Grindr is no longer a place to just meet someone. 98% just looking to hookup" And this is true in all major cities even outside of the U.S. The fact of the matter is this constant hooking up without getting to know someone or forming a relationship WILL lead to adverse consequences in the future. Once you are in you're 30's, and all you've done is constantly hookup on Grindr, you would really have very few skills (and even less patience) at that point to get and maintain a gay relationship. Because a gay relationship requires more work than a straight relationship. Things that most gays don't have- patience, commitment, and the willingness to resolve problems. The reason is that you don't need to have those characteristics to hookup with someone on Grindr. Plus what makes it even more difficult is that these qualities need to come from both guys in the relationship. Grindr is easy fun, but just be aware that there will be a price to pay in the future for all of these easy hookups.
My only quarrel with that is, people need to stop pretending that gay guys had such great relationships before. I'm fairly sure that before there were apps many guys just didn't have any contact. I know I was one. However I also agree with the criticism of the apps but I also think that belongs to a wider criticism of consumerism in general and capitalism in general.
@@john.premose 1.) "I'm fairly sure that before there were apps many guys just didn't have any contact" that's a supposition, because you don't know that for a fact that before apps existed, many guys didn't have any contact. 2.) "criticism of the apps but I also think that belongs to a wider criticism of consumerism" This statement makes absolutely no sense at all. The criticism of this app is because of capitalism? Really? Clearly a whacked out Lefty! Embarrass yourself fool!
@tonyttt31 yeah I hook up. lonely and depressed is exactly why I stay busy with work and my training. I started doing professional arm wrestling a few years ago. I'm getting pretty good. I train with a group of good supportive people on Saturdays . and I actually got the job I have now through them. it's perfect because it basically works the exact same tendons and muscles that helps perform better. yeah all my friends are a buncha straight guys lol. my older brother started doing pro arm wrestling . he's in the super heavyweight class. I'm the opposite: 155 pounds soaking wet . when I focus on that instead of " I wish I could find love" it helps me not feel as lonely. just trying to be helpful from one gay guy to another 😊 . my life hasn't been easy and it's been very frustrating. especially with how up tight my generation is. a drag queen is way easier to handle than a " Bubba " or " booty bandit " feel me? even though I would never do that some people perceive me that way especially in a hood or some holler out in the sticks. Grinder is definitely not the answer. I wish there were more places for gay guys to speak honestly. it's not like race where you can see it.
@bartdude82 exactly. it's not all rainbows and glitter lol. I wasn't bs ing about the arm wrestling lol. I'm in all my Playlist vid and all of me is in one vid on this account . my point is I try to find other s$ to put my energy into. I still hook up tho.
@@Biserbalkanski Yeah, my life hasn't been easy either, especially with the suicide of my best friend 39 years ago. He was my first love, but it was never sexual. For a long time I was hooking up (even before Grindr) because I was trying to get back what I lost. I finally came to terms with his death only a few years ago and finally started finding peace. Imagine that: peace through celibacy! What a world!
Yeah, you have so many “straight” guys on there who are only looking for trans, yet they get mad when gay men hit them up. Hello?! Youre on a GAY hookup app. The majority of people on there are gay men.
The other option to categorising ourselves is to travel on our own path in life, consciously and knowingly and proudly. For whatever it may be worth, I think people are too easily 'triggered' these days. We all need to be stronger, gay and straight alike. Thank you for the video! It is appreciated.
It’s the gay version of tinder now. I think it was always intended to be that. I would say all dating apps are this way. You need to be an underwear model to attract anyone off that. I stopped using apps and my mental health improved.
Yeah Grindr is a mess. I hate that it only gives you 300 characters for your profile. It's also become a playground for crooks. Please be careful everyone.
Grindr can destroy self esteem. I was never so insecure about my looks until I went on there. It killed my self esteem, so many people want the "type". I Its about the 30 something bearded lean fit guy who takes his selfies in the gym with his baseball cap on backwards. If youre older, overweight or average looking they will not look at you. I feel like a 3 out of 10 in there.
I think it's because I'm 19 and my generation of gay dudes have different taste but I and many friends I've met absolutely hate the gym bro dudes who look like they do hella steroids tbh they give me the creeps. Way more into nerdy, chubby or cute guys can't deal with the overcompensating over the top masculinity shit from alot of gay dudes on that app.
Yep. And it benefits people who are mostly fit or have a skinny body type. Dont expect to get pings if you dont have a body with any bit amount of fat. Ive been told i have an attractive face, but that alone doesnt get you very far in hook up culture. Its been hard for me to become fit due to certain health conditions i have.
I'm fit and skinny and I get a lot of hookups , but they usually either ghost or block me, even with the guys I "dated" once and thought I had deep connection and sincere stimulating conversation. They cum and they go. Sometimes not getting any hookups is better than feeling used over and over ( by those tops especially).
Grindr several years ago was very amazing but I find it now to be unappealing. I do however think it is our own prerogative who we have sex with. I have had friends who were being bullied into hooking up with people to prove that they don't discriminate against sexually against certain groups. Tbh no one has a right to tell anyone who and who they shouldn't hook up with. If I don't like someone I don't have to engage in conversation because I would be busy all day replying to people. If someone doesn't respond to me that's ok. You move on and chat up someone else. I don't think it is appropriate to verbally abuse someone however.
True, but hooking up at least used to be a little more... personal, or at the very least had an actual human element to it. Right now it's little more than an online catalogue; it has taken "objectification" to a whole new level.
@@lilblackfish2009 I don't think it's getting out of hand. Full disclosure, I've used Grindr in the past. I'm currently in a monogamous same sex relationship and I'm happy. But I'm still not gonna condemn hookup apps just because I don't want to use them. I thought this video (which you've just reminded me of by commenting today) was quite judgemental, which is surely the opposite of what this channel is supposed to be. I unsubcribed after it.
I am a young gay man. And I have used grindr in the past but it doesnt give me any positive emotions and I am so happy that I am no longer using it. I want to get into a relationship and Grindr is not the way to find a relationship.
Im also young guy and I spent three months on Grindr, few things I perceived on Grindr are lonely and untrustworthy guys on that fuckin app, selfish and sexual promiscuous and also extremely picky and fickle men on that app who are solely looking for casual hookups, so for someone like me who is just looking for a long term friendships Grindr is utterly a toxic and mental ruining app.
Totally agree with what they’re saying. Grindr and porn are both potentially detrimental to emotional intimacy. They fuel fantasy and that can distort sex and relationship ideals. I never liked the labels either, people should be individuals, not stereotypes.
I’ve met some amazing friends from Grindr. I find people in gay clubs often bitchy and unfriendly. I like how Grindr gives everyone access to other LGBT people even if they don’t feel comfortable in gay spaces.
@@happyhealthyhomo That being said, I’ve spent years on gay apps and talked to thousands of guys, and the only proper relationship I’ve had was with a guy I met in real life, and not even in a gay space! But I think without Grindr, a lot of guys wouldn’t have the chance to experiment with their sexuality or have sex with other men. It’s all about balance. Equally I’ve benefited mentally from time away from the apps too 😊
I agree w/ you. After hooking up with a lot of attractive men,(I don't even know how I attracted them given that I am unattractive) I feel more lonely, worst is I felt empty. I don't wanna be categorized as twink anymore, a lean one though lol. And the beauty standards set in Grindr made me feel and look like a trash so when I started having this small glow up and attracting really good looking guys, it made me feel validated only to find myself feeling empty. I know I am unattractive so it validates me when I attract handsome guys.
you're attractive lol. wtf lol...those standards are bs my dude! " twink " is someone's first hand impressions. I'm skinny and got the sandy brown with the blonde lights but I'm actually a tank 💪 and I don't need validation from some narcissist on grinder . I feel u on being lonely and I think lots of gay guys are in the same boat. all my friends are straight guys and growing up straight boys. and lots of them are attractive. and all I do with gay guys is hook up. I 'm young but can't stand grinder so I go to the bathhouse in town to get laid ...make someone's night. most gay guys there are bottoms so it's awesome because I'm a top.
People can be very odd on there, and can't take a hint. If i don't message back to your inital message, messaging me over and over and over isnt going to change me not responding
@@kinfoul They really just want the main stereotypes. I'm not 6'0 but I'm not short either. I'm usually considered very good looking - multiple times have I even been told to consider modeling despite not reaching the minimum model height. But I'm not a skinny twink, I'm not a jock nor a bear either, I'm way too young to be a daddy, and on top of that I'm openly bisexual. On grindr I almost exclusively attract men in their very late 30s and older.
As a young closeted gay I'm just lost. When I do make friends there which is ultra rare it doesn't last, people take pleasure in hurting you. I'm so fucking lonely ffs
While I appreciate the discussion being held, and indeed the fact that it can be held in such a way in this country, I think you guys need to not lose sight of the reality of life for a lot of gay men in this country and around the world. Having been born and raised in a virulently homophobic country, when gay hook-up websites and then apps came along it opened a whole new world for me and I now lead an out and open life. The apps have not created toxicity within the gay community. If that toxicity exists on apps it originates from us as the gay community. Joel and Keegan, I like what you are trying to do here, but you miss the mark and your analysis comes across as a little condescending and at times judgemental.
They are both young, muscular, in-demand gay men. I'm sure they can easily meet other men interested in them almost anywhere, so their understanding of not being young, muscular and in-demand is rather academic. That's not so for men with gay minority looks or gay minority sexual interests. The dating / hookup apps have been great for a lot of men who rarely found a companion when only bars were available. They allow men to meet who wouldn't have had that opportunity in the past.
That's like saying the body issues teens are experiencing come from society and not from the social media platforms. You're wrong - an app or platform can be designed in a way that is fundamentally toxic and unhealthy for its users.
@@nycbearff lots of men from minority communities report high levels of hate and rejection on Grindr. That's not good for them and is a result of how the app is designed. What these two are discussing is not the concept of apps in and of themselves, but specifically the way the apps are set up. It is possible to design a gay dating app which provides those networking benefits which also fundamentally tackles the unhealthy tendencies/attitudes which develop in users over time.
I’ve actually met some great people on Grindr and found my partner on Grindr, long term… I’m not into the scene, so I found it to be more convenient for meeting other gay men. That being said, I’ve had some bad experiences on it to and had some issues that other people are talking about on here. I’m not a stereotype. What I don’t like is the way people discard each other, but that happened pre Grindr on the gay scene. Maybe we have rose tinted glasses? Because I travel a lot and have lived in other parts of the world, I find that affects the experience. There’s pros and cons to it for sure.
I just wanted to find friends on there but it just seems like the people on there are discriminatory and if you don't have a certain look or race they don't want to talk to you.
I’m sure it is these days but let’s not be dramatic about it. Every disgruntled gay man says the same thing about any app or “the community” for not having met a husband on there despite never actually trying to date. It’s not the apps, it’s the users ☕️ Lots of us have met long lasting friends and even partners.
Arranged to meet a guy not so long ago, exchanged locations and when I was at his place he completely went silent. After that I deleted it. No courtesy to say he’d changed his mind, nothing.
It's full of bots and catfish. It's buggy as hell. It constantly crashes with almost every update. If it's deliveroo its not delivering for me. I live in a big city.
There's a place for it. Imagine you live outside a city and you need to find your "people", it's an incredible tool. Of course there's negatives as you outline, but it is also incredibly important. In places without a queer venue you'd be regressing to the danger of meeting people at beats (time and a place, don't come for me). We can't all stroll down the road to a local gay bar.
No, it never asked you to put yourself in any category? You could leave that blank like with any other field and bear and otter and all that was just meant to be cute. There are no “communities” period, that’s just a way for unaccountable drama queens and to cast off their woes off on every other gay man. When the app was good, you’d need to type an actual bio and talk to each other. A few whined to add positions, then tribes, then pronouns for some reason lmao, and now the same ones are crying about the app instead of looking inward.
these brothel-apps should be treated like Cigarette companies. lobby your Reps. to crack down on them, both straight and gay ones alike. only lead to increased STD rates and dangerous environments for young queer ppl
I met my soul mate on grinder. We both definitely realize that is not a typically experience. We are certainly a fringe case. Both of us are religious, extremely family oriented, conservative, in our 40s with less than 5 past sexual partners, super successful careers, monogamous, spiritual and empathetic. I hate grinder but credit where credit is due, it worked for me!
@@rakeguy7703 Religious is interpretive with so few verses about gays (if the verses are truly about gays at all). Family oriented can refer to supporting families around them, each others families (parents' and siblings') and friends' families. Conservative can refer to those 2 values alone, or economic policy which is usually unrelated.
Blaming an app for smth is nonsense. The only thing apps, war machines and others do is to amplify/let human behaviour loose so if there is anyone to blame are the users desires... lets accept that the main issue here are the broken mental states of people who use those apps...
I prefer how things were back in the good old days before smartphones. We used to learn about the gay places through the "Spartacus" directory. It was like the bible, especially when visiting other places. If you fancied an anonymous hookup, you'd go cruising. If you wanted to meet someone you'd get busy joining in activities and going out with friends to bars and clubs hoping to meet someone. Then perhaps you'd go on a date and it would be so much more interesting because there would be no messaging each other in between. People were a lot less depressed back then
Sorry, but this discussion is pathetic. Every gay app forces you more or less to categorize yourself. If GrindR supposedly harms your self-esteem, then something was wrong about it before. Just stay away from gay apps! Interestingly one fact is not criticized at all: GrindR’s subscription fees are ridiculous! To have full access to all functions they charge 480€ per year for the unlimited version !!!! (At least in Central Europe) … This is 4 times more than any other gay app, that’s extortionate!
Try being in a relationship for the past 40 years become single at 58 and find that Grindr is whats out there for you! F..k its horrendous - what happened to making those eyes across a room, talking to someone buying a person a drink ! Please help me 🙏🙏🙏
My good friend, those simpler days are long gone. Everyone is chasing someone online that is from across the country or in another country rather than focusing on their own neighborhoods and communities.
Luckily, Grindr is not the only app available in 2024. I do think it is a step up from what the options were in the 1980s, 1990s and before. In cities there were cruising areas such as parks, public restrooms or other dark and very dangerous places where men met up for anonymous sexual encounters. Those still exist today but are not as popular as pre-Grindr. I have found Grindr to be somewhat safer because you're not out in public, breaking laws, having quick anonymous sex with someone who might be infecting you with something. At least on Grindr you can chat for as long as you want. If the guy seems sketchy or dangerous, you can block him. None of that was possible in a public park or restroom in past decades. The only other option then were gay bars. So, is Grindr worse than these options? In my opinion, not really. No one is being forced to use Grindr. If someone doesn't like Grindr, don't use it. Go to a different app, go to where gay men meet up, whether a bar, running club or other activity groups to meet men in person. Dozens of options exist today.
@@CreationinpirationLmao true. It was a great and fun app when there weren’t as many categories and it was more your lil bio you typed up. Be it “looking” or friends, etc. I thought it was dumb when they added top, bottom, and vers but it made searching easier if that was the goal for the night so okay. Now it’s all these categories and labels in lieu of an actual personality and nobody can even talk to each other. And now the kweens are mad at Grindr like it’s not themselves. I mean, yall done added pronouns and identities on an app meant for gay men 🤦🏿♂️ I also don’t get “gay community” like idk yall. Stop bringing all of us into your dating woes 😭😂
Omg soooo true- it reminds me of the biological males that have infiltrated all of the lesbian apps launching into homicidal rages when they realize that, no, gay women aren’t attracted to a man in a dress 💀 there’s a reason we call that app Her “Him”. 😂
I just deleted the app for 4days it lonely but my mental health is improving, I’m searching for relationships but ppl there just find hookup so now idk where to find relationships since the dating app nowadays is so toxic. 😢
@@rakeguy7703 I think what I would have asked is, Do you like the butterflies you feel from men? Do you love what being oriented to the same sex, could have been, in a perfect world... but I guess it's still a stupid question. Unless you can have a relationship there? Is it still possible for you?
I don’t think that nothing wrong with grindr is a cool place to meet people and I believe is what you make it ,A lot of people are open for friends and dates but its it’s definitely not for everyone , tinder is a walk in the park compared to grindr a lot of people that shouldn’t be on it or on it that’s the problem
@@alexandrosmartinez508 Are they mad you are gay, or mad you were seeking a gay relationship, or just mad about Grindr? If they are even able to make those distinctions
grindr is not the worst app for gay community and neither do other dating apps. The main problem is the hypocrisy of our time (which does not even spare the gay community). A large portion of people on apps actually already are in relationships ( and not always open relationships).
Grindr is a joke. I had a a fair share of really mean comments that make me feel severely depressed at times. The app is also full of men who ask if I am GEN. Like bro…. Get a damn job . I work! Why can’t you ? lol. The guys on the app are flakes and meeting someone is possible but just very very difficult. With all of these problems, the app is just one massive waste of time.
Grindr is the worst, most worthless piece of crap that has ever gone online. My phone has been blocked, I can no longer log in, supposedly because I broke the rules. But I don't know what the rule is or when it was, you don't find out anything concrete because there is no support, such a thing simply doesn't exist, if you get anything at all you get a pre-written standard answer that doesn't help you at all. When I reported a user who wanted to attack me in a park with 4 other people and I reported this to the police and reported it to Grindr, who are so committed to LGBT rights, LOL, I got no answer. Such a shitty, dangerous and worthless app should be blocked. Worldwide.
I was trying to get into this video but I'm listening to how unfair and this and that grindr is supposed to be It makes it a little less valid when they are coming from two people that would be considered the top of the food chain on an app like grindr. I unfortunately have to find another video with someone that fits the mold of someone that possibly have to deal with the cons of using that type of app.
I fit the "femboy" archetype I mainly got tapped by other feminine gay guys, ftms or mtfs, or dl gay army dudes all of these groups have their own issues imo in general grindr sucked I'm married now to a wonderful man.
Is the Drug Dealer more guilty than the Addict? One uses their free will to sell a high knowing it's addictive while other uses theirs to buy not always aware of this.
Hello :) I love your channel ❤ I am a bisexual girl. I would like recommendation to lgbt sites or apps to make friendship with lgbt people. Most of people I know are straight people. ^^
I don't care about look. I only care about how interesting someone is. And if someone is only interested in my... Back, then thank you. Sadly... I still didn't found anyone interesting. Fun to talk. Someone with passion for something... Who prefers emotions and memories over body experience...
If you're young and look like the mainstream gay men we see in the media, sure, there are many other options for meeting men now. But if your erotic tastes are not mainstream, or if you aren't the right age group / weight group / muscle group / fashion group - apps are by far the best way to meet your admirers, there really aren't any other venues that work well. Because yes, your fans are out there and want to meet you - but if you're not a popular flavor of gay, running into an admirer in a gay bar or other gay public venue is very hit or miss. I've never been one of the men who get lots of attention everywhere - Keegan and Joel have a very different experience of gay life than I do, apparently. In a big city, the percentage of men who will be enthusiastic about you may be small - but the actual number of men will be more than enough to keep you busy if you want to be kept busy. If you use honest pictures, and an honest profile about who you are and what you want, the men looking for men like you can find you. You don't have to find yourself attractive, after all - and it's a mistake to try to convince men who think you're hot that they're wrong. Just say thank you and enjoy them. I'm an old fat bearded guy now - and I'm not welcome in most public gay venues because I'm an old fat bearded guy. I suspect Keegan and Joel would not find me physically attractive, either, and would be polite and tolerant but not actually welcoming - but on Growlr, Scruff and Grindr, men who are specifically looking for men like me can find me and say hi from anywhere in the city. Or the world. I've met friends, friends with benefits, and regular sex buddies on apps (and their online precursors) - men who are enthusiastic about my age and portliness as well as who I am. And very few of them would have found me if gay life was still just bar life. I've been out for a very long time, and I have a lot of experience in various gay communities and lots of different venues that catered to gay men. Apps, and before apps gay meetup websites, and before that gay online mailing lists, have been very good to me. Since the mid-90s they've made my life much more interesting and fun, and led me to some fine adventures, and friends, in several countries. They succeeded because they do something brick and mortar venues don't do well - they bring men with common interests together who wouldn't have had the opportunity or the luck to meet otherwise. Does every online meetup work out? Of course not. And yes, you need to be aware of your security. But over time, you learn to evaluate the people who contact you, and sift through them to find potentially interesting men. When they do work out, they make all the boring meetups worthwhile. When they don't work out, you've probably learned something useful.
It's not the best place to meet dudes. A guy without pics messaged me. He wanted to share pics, I restated my age, he said he still wanted to share, I shared, and he blocked me without a word. Lol. Its all about sex. Not long ago, I shared a pic with a guy and he said.... "A loa.d would look nice on that stubble". All I said was.... you sweet talker. Geez, I do appreciate being courted a little, at least. Creep
Grinder doesn't "require" you to put yourself into a category. I just feel this conversation is very unenlightening because what you both failed to do is separate Grinder and its vices from other dating/hookup apps. You are anchoring on this idea that the app forces you into a category but that isn't even true. Everything else you said could easily be applied to any other similar app. Also, I think the comments about people who are not out were so general to the point of being offense. I think podcasts like this, where people just take their narrow experience of something and extrapolate every negative feeling they can muster onto it is much more destructive to the gay community than Grindr. The holier than though attitude you two are always prone to take is truly nauseating at times. Grow up
Different people use it for different purposes, plenty of people do use it for dating. Also, maybe you have a narrow view of what 'dating' is - why is hooking up not considered part of dating? Seems like unnecessary gatekeeping.
Totally agree. It is very bad for your mental health. It is a very addictive app and is making people very judgemental. I met my partner on Tinder cos I was sick of the BS that goes with Grindr
I agree with you! It’s a place where these men feed off each other’s insecurity. I am happy for guys who found meaningful relationships, but gay hookup apps are the worst!
Loving the banter lads…In the 80s people would place ads in Time Out to hook up…imagine having to wait for a reply for weeks or months! Technology has to move with the times but it has destroyed good old fashion dating.
Why can’t grown men do that on their own? I didn’t sleep with my boyfriend the first month and I met him on Grindr. As well as 2 long time close friends. You don’t have to hookup….
Grindr is as bad as AI perhaps even more so - during Covid lockdowns, those of us living alone got a terrifying glimpse into the kind of lives that we could potentially be forced to live, even more so with AI and I certainly don’t want any part of that
@@brianwestmoreland3836 Obviously you misunderstood my comment based on your reply. I meant that some religions/religious belief are to blame for their believers feeling shame & self-loathing which can cripple them & prevent them from having happy normal lives as they are afraid to be themselves.
Seriously? Grow up. It’s your personality. Some of you guys have made this “woe is me, I’m so attacked” whine fest your entire being and most people in general don’t want to be around it.
Grind has two issues. The shallow issue = many goodlooking people look average in pictures, many average looking people can look hot in one picture. So physically speaking pictures are misleading. Two - I am vers but don't do anal alot and the whole pressure to declare a position without even meeting someone just does not work
What pressure? You don’t have to enter that on your profile or talk about sex on there. Some of my long time friends I’ve met from apps. It’s what you make it.
This is the most truthful thing I've heard in a while. Grindr has brought me nothing but misery and all that to the point where I firmly believe I will never ever find a guy to date me. Aside my ex physical appearance problems in the past (I wouldn't even date myself when I was fat) but now, somehow, its even worse cause when I actually look very good and healthy.. nobody wants me. Especially there. 😅
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Grindr has really ruined my self esteem. I don't think I am unattractive but I very much feel discriminated against because I don't conform to this new male ideal that the media have fed us! I am short, in my mid 30's and look younger , I get rejected because I am not 6ft with a rippling 6 pack. It's all BS! It's frustrating. Then when I do meet a guy they only want to hook up. It is soul destroying. I will never use these apps again for my own mental health. Thank you so much for talking about this.
It's the same thing with the new Archer app too and don't even get me started on Tinder.
Yes I experienced it with not only Grindr but other gay apps as well like Scruff or Adam4Adam I figured hey if I don't love myself and they don't love me or I don't look masculine to hell with those Adonis gay men am not going to kill myself working out just to get compliments from other losers who are druggies alcoholics and gymrats! Totally agree with you girl were beautiful no matter what.
People on grindr really are just looking for the stereotypes, until they become older and just go for anyone that's young. The young dudes there only want twinks that are so skinny you could accidentally send them flying by breathing air in their general direction, the tall muscular jocks with no body hair, and bear daddies that are way too old to do anything with such young men.
As a young man who doesn't fit into any of the big stereotypes (unless "bisexual top with a regular body who's slightly more feminine than the average" is a thing?), it's rare I manage to get the attention of any guy my age. I'm close to turning 19, and with few exceptions only 35+yo men seem interested in me.
Hey if I were you get out of gay apps totally hookups or dating Grindr is the number one distractor of gay mens self esteem did you try straight apps I noticed gays are posting there too and the members are not that bad also consider meeting gays in person like volunteering in your local gay community or volunteering a gay fund raising event more than likely you will meet gays there that can hold a decent conservation you're only in your thirties you got time am 56 and past my prime so I already program myself to be alone am grateful for the family support though but I only have few gay friends because of I mentioned the competition of being the Prima Donna The most prettiest just like teenage girls attitudes
@@genuinelover6241 All gay apps are terrible dating gay apps became hookups either I think it's better to meet guys in person.
A faceless profile on Grindr once told me to give up because I'm 46 years old and should just unalive myself. I agree, it has gotten toxic.
He was reflecting his pain in his heart. Sorry for your experience but you don't have to listen to him! Have a great day❤️
With a faceless profile they say the shit they want at least they're not hiding their true selfs
I'm so glad I don't have to even think about all these awful gay assholes any more.
Faceless profiles are either pedos, cheaters, or murderers
I’m 62 bald and with a belly.
Why would you let anyone on Grindr give your life any negative energy
I would agree that "Grindr is no longer a place to just meet someone. 98% just looking to hookup" And this is true in all major cities even outside of the U.S. The fact of the matter is this constant hooking up without getting to know someone or forming a relationship WILL lead to adverse consequences in the future. Once you are in you're 30's, and all you've done is constantly hookup on Grindr, you would really have very few skills (and even less patience) at that point to get and maintain a gay relationship. Because a gay relationship requires more work than a straight relationship. Things that most gays don't have- patience, commitment, and the willingness to resolve problems. The reason is that you don't need to have those characteristics to hookup with someone on Grindr. Plus what makes it even more difficult is that these qualities need to come from both guys in the relationship. Grindr is easy fun, but just be aware that there will be a price to pay in the future for all of these easy hookups.
My only quarrel with that is, people need to stop pretending that gay guys had such great relationships before. I'm fairly sure that before there were apps many guys just didn't have any contact. I know I was one. However I also agree with the criticism of the apps but I also think that belongs to a wider criticism of consumerism in general and capitalism in general.
@@john.premose They were better before. I'm not clear how capitalism affects people's behaviors in the apps.
@@ninjask8ter wow. So you are really that clueless? Embarassing.
@@john.premose 1.) "I'm fairly sure that before there were apps many guys just didn't have any contact" that's a supposition, because you don't know that for a fact that before apps existed, many guys didn't have any contact. 2.) "criticism of the apps but I also think that belongs to a wider criticism of consumerism" This statement makes absolutely no sense at all. The criticism of this app is because of capitalism? Really? Clearly a whacked out Lefty! Embarrass yourself fool!
What do you mean “even outside of the US”? Do people in other countries not have sex too? 🤔
I was only on Gridr for four hours. Nothing but sad people who only want sex. I want relationship and you will NOT find it on Grindr!
Lonely people making their loneliness worse. I include myself in that.
@@tonyttt31MANY gay men are unfortunately in this category and a lot of them don’t even realize it.
@tonyttt31 yeah I hook up. lonely and depressed is exactly why I stay busy with work and my training. I started doing professional arm wrestling a few years ago. I'm getting pretty good. I train with a group of good supportive people on Saturdays . and I actually got the job I have now through them. it's perfect because it basically works the exact same tendons and muscles that helps perform better. yeah all my friends are a buncha straight guys lol. my older brother started doing pro arm wrestling . he's in the super heavyweight class. I'm the opposite: 155 pounds soaking wet . when I focus on that instead of " I wish I could find love" it helps me not feel as lonely. just trying to be helpful from one gay guy to another 😊 . my life hasn't been easy and it's been very frustrating. especially with how up tight my generation is. a drag queen is way easier to handle than a " Bubba " or " booty bandit " feel me? even though I would never do that some people perceive me that way especially in a hood or some holler out in the sticks. Grinder is definitely not the answer. I wish there were more places for gay guys to speak honestly. it's not like race where you can see it.
@bartdude82 exactly. it's not all rainbows and glitter lol. I wasn't bs ing about the arm wrestling lol. I'm in all my Playlist vid and all of me is in one vid on this account . my point is I try to find other s$ to put my energy into. I still hook up tho.
@@Biserbalkanski Yeah, my life hasn't been easy either, especially with the suicide of my best friend 39 years ago. He was my first love, but it was never sexual. For a long time I was hooking up (even before Grindr) because I was trying to get back what I lost. I finally came to terms with his death only a few years ago and finally started finding peace. Imagine that: peace through celibacy! What a world!
Grindr is no longer a place to just meet someone. 98% just look for hookup and so many Trans there now it gets confusing
Yeah, you have so many “straight” guys on there who are only looking for trans, yet they get mad when gay men hit them up. Hello?! Youre on a GAY hookup app. The majority of people on there are gay men.
Yeah I gave up on it years ago when some lady kept sending her flap photos. “Inclusivity” 😂
Trans people have always been there so what’s new?
@@BozeDoesGodsWork A few trans women, not aggressively confused ladies who don’t understand we like men.
My pet hate is the "straight" men who put "women only" ...on grindr!!! Wtf!?!?
The other option to categorising ourselves is to travel on our own path in life, consciously and knowingly and proudly. For whatever it may be worth, I think people are too easily 'triggered' these days. We all need to be stronger, gay and straight alike. Thank you for the video! It is appreciated.
It’s the gay version of tinder now. I think it was always intended to be that. I would say all dating apps are this way. You need to be an underwear model to attract anyone off that. I stopped using apps and my mental health improved.
Perfectly said
Yeah Grindr is a mess. I hate that it only gives you 300 characters for your profile. It's also become a playground for crooks. Please be careful everyone.
Grindr can destroy self esteem. I was never so insecure about my looks until I went on there. It killed my self esteem, so many people want the "type". I Its about the 30 something bearded lean fit guy who takes his selfies in the gym with his baseball cap on backwards. If youre older, overweight or average looking they will not look at you. I feel like a 3 out of 10 in there.
😢😢😢
WTF THAT IS LITERALLY THE SCENARIO I THINKED!!!!
I think it's because I'm 19 and my generation of gay dudes have different taste but I and many friends I've met absolutely hate the gym bro dudes who look like they do hella steroids tbh they give me the creeps.
Way more into nerdy, chubby or cute guys can't deal with the overcompensating over the top masculinity shit from alot of gay dudes on that app.
Who won't lookat you? The 30 somthing gym bods with the beards?
Yep. And it benefits people who are mostly fit or have a skinny body type. Dont expect to get pings if you dont have a body with any bit amount of fat. Ive been told i have an attractive face, but that alone doesnt get you very far in hook up culture. Its been hard for me to become fit due to certain health conditions i have.
I'm fit and skinny and I get a lot of hookups , but they usually either ghost or block me, even with the guys I "dated" once and thought I had deep connection and sincere stimulating conversation. They cum and they go. Sometimes not getting any hookups is better than feeling used over and over ( by those tops especially).
Grindr several years ago was very amazing but I find it now to be unappealing. I do however think it is our own prerogative who we have sex with. I have had friends who were being bullied into hooking up with people to prove that they don't discriminate against sexually against certain groups. Tbh no one has a right to tell anyone who and who they shouldn't hook up with. If I don't like someone I don't have to engage in conversation because I would be busy all day replying to people. If someone doesn't respond to me that's ok. You move on and chat up someone else. I don't think it is appropriate to verbally abuse someone however.
Bullied into hooking up? Lmaaaooooo 😂😂😂😂
True, but hooking up at least used to be a little more... personal, or at the very least had an actual human element to it.
Right now it's little more than an online catalogue; it has taken "objectification" to a whole new level.
Preference and discrimination are very different concepts.
But hookups and the categories they mention existed before Grindr.
they but its getting out of hand i remeber ppl where more opean to dateing and more different
@@lilblackfish2009 I don't think it's getting out of hand. Full disclosure, I've used Grindr in the past. I'm currently in a monogamous same sex relationship and I'm happy. But I'm still not gonna condemn hookup apps just because I don't want to use them. I thought this video (which you've just reminded me of by commenting today) was quite judgemental, which is surely the opposite of what this channel is supposed to be. I unsubcribed after it.
I am a young gay man. And I have used grindr in the past but it doesnt give me any positive emotions and I am so happy that I am no longer using it. I want to get into a relationship and Grindr is not the way to find a relationship.
Before going to any apps or websites for gay men, go out and see who is in your immediate area or community.
@@r.pres.4121How do you find other gay people outside?
Im also young guy and I spent three months on Grindr, few things I perceived on Grindr are lonely and untrustworthy guys on that fuckin app, selfish and sexual promiscuous and also extremely picky and fickle men on that app who are solely looking for casual hookups, so for someone like me who is just looking for a long term friendships Grindr is utterly a toxic and mental ruining app.
Totally agree with what they’re saying. Grindr and porn are both potentially detrimental to emotional intimacy. They fuel fantasy and that can distort sex and relationship ideals. I never liked the labels either, people should be individuals, not stereotypes.
Are you serious? Everything that they just complained about what grindr is was what the gay community was like before grindr.
Grindr isn’t “bad”. It just brought out how people truly are, and amplified it.
I’ve met some amazing friends from Grindr. I find people in gay clubs often bitchy and unfriendly. I like how Grindr gives everyone access to other LGBT people even if they don’t feel comfortable in gay spaces.
That's a unique perspective! We never thought about that, thank you for sharing!
@@happyhealthyhomo That being said, I’ve spent years on gay apps and talked to thousands of guys, and the only proper relationship I’ve had was with a guy I met in real life, and not even in a gay space! But I think without Grindr, a lot of guys wouldn’t have the chance to experiment with their sexuality or have sex with other men. It’s all about balance. Equally I’ve benefited mentally from time away from the apps too 😊
Couldn’t disagree more, Grindr seems more a place for guys to share pics, that is all. They talk about meeting then block.
agreed 💯 💶 . that's definitely one positive.
@@dannyfeller7034 Idk that gay culture in a nutshell from my experience in FL atleast. Grinder and gays (romance wise) have always been a hot mess.
I agree w/ you. After hooking up with a lot of attractive men,(I don't even know how I attracted them given that I am unattractive) I feel more lonely, worst is I felt empty. I don't wanna be categorized as twink anymore, a lean one though lol. And the beauty standards set in Grindr made me feel and look like a trash so when I started having this small glow up and attracting really good looking guys, it made me feel validated only to find myself feeling empty. I know I am unattractive so it validates me when I attract handsome guys.
you're attractive lol. wtf lol...those standards are bs my dude! " twink " is someone's first hand impressions. I'm skinny and got the sandy brown with the blonde lights but I'm actually a tank 💪 and I don't need validation from some narcissist on grinder . I feel u on being lonely and I think lots of gay guys are in the same boat. all my friends are straight guys and growing up straight boys. and lots of them are attractive. and all I do with gay guys is hook up. I 'm young but can't stand grinder so I go to the bathhouse in town to get laid ...make someone's night. most gay guys there are bottoms so it's awesome because I'm a top.
honestly i think ur cute
@@femboyellie I honestly think I'm higher than giraffe pu$$Y lol.
I honestly think I'm higher than Giraffe Pu$$ Y .
@@femboyellie but that’s not what I think 🤷♂️
People can be very odd on there, and can't take a hint. If i don't message back to your inital message, messaging me over and over and over isnt going to change me not responding
I think I’m kinda attractive and I still get ignored on there I’m 6’0 and not bad looking
@@kinfoul They really just want the main stereotypes. I'm not 6'0 but I'm not short either. I'm usually considered very good looking - multiple times have I even been told to consider modeling despite not reaching the minimum model height. But I'm not a skinny twink, I'm not a jock nor a bear either, I'm way too young to be a daddy, and on top of that I'm openly bisexual.
On grindr I almost exclusively attract men in their very late 30s and older.
As a young closeted gay I'm just lost. When I do make friends there which is ultra rare it doesn't last, people take pleasure in hurting you. I'm so fucking lonely ffs
In my view, poeople typically craves human connection, and meaningless sex is not human connection (ironically). 🤣
While I appreciate the discussion being held, and indeed the fact that it can be held in such a way in this country, I think you guys need to not lose sight of the reality of life for a lot of gay men in this country and around the world. Having been born and raised in a virulently homophobic country, when gay hook-up websites and then apps came along it opened a whole new world for me and I now lead an out and open life. The apps have not created toxicity within the gay community. If that toxicity exists on apps it originates from us as the gay community. Joel and Keegan, I like what you are trying to do here, but you miss the mark and your analysis comes across as a little condescending and at times judgemental.
Agreed. And when you're in a relationship, it's easy to pour scorn on dating apps because you don't need them.
They are both young, muscular, in-demand gay men. I'm sure they can easily meet other men interested in them almost anywhere, so their understanding of not being young, muscular and in-demand is rather academic. That's not so for men with gay minority looks or gay minority sexual interests. The dating / hookup apps have been great for a lot of men who rarely found a companion when only bars were available. They allow men to meet who wouldn't have had that opportunity in the past.
That's like saying the body issues teens are experiencing come from society and not from the social media platforms. You're wrong - an app or platform can be designed in a way that is fundamentally toxic and unhealthy for its users.
@@nycbearff lots of men from minority communities report high levels of hate and rejection on Grindr. That's not good for them and is a result of how the app is designed. What these two are discussing is not the concept of apps in and of themselves, but specifically the way the apps are set up. It is possible to design a gay dating app which provides those networking benefits which also fundamentally tackles the unhealthy tendencies/attitudes which develop in users over time.
@@matt69nice Body issue teens have do come from society. You make app users sound like mindless drones without any responsibility for themselves.
I’ve actually met some great people on Grindr and found my partner on Grindr, long term… I’m not into the scene, so I found it to be more convenient for meeting other gay men. That being said, I’ve had some bad experiences on it to and had some issues that other people are talking about on here. I’m not a stereotype.
What I don’t like is the way people discard each other, but that happened pre Grindr on the gay scene. Maybe we have rose tinted glasses?
Because I travel a lot and have lived in other parts of the world, I find that affects the experience.
There’s pros and cons to it for sure.
I just wanted to find friends on there but it just seems like the people on there are discriminatory and if you don't have a certain look or race they don't want to talk to you.
I’m sure it is these days but let’s not be dramatic about it. Every disgruntled gay man says the same thing about any app or “the community” for not having met a husband on there despite never actually trying to date. It’s not the apps, it’s the users ☕️ Lots of us have met long lasting friends and even partners.
Shorterm gains lead to long term pains
How can you blame the APP? It isn't an AI. It just bares the true faces of the PEOPLE in that community. Let's face it....90% of them are disgusting.
Arranged to meet a guy not so long ago, exchanged locations and when I was at his place he completely went silent. After that I deleted it. No courtesy to say he’d changed his mind, nothing.
There are a ton of fake accounts in my area.
It's full of bots and catfish. It's buggy as hell. It constantly crashes with almost every update. If it's deliveroo its not delivering for me. I live in a big city.
God loves gay people.
There's a place for it. Imagine you live outside a city and you need to find your "people", it's an incredible tool. Of course there's negatives as you outline, but it is also incredibly important. In places without a queer venue you'd be regressing to the danger of meeting people at beats (time and a place, don't come for me). We can't all stroll down the road to a local gay bar.
As a libra i agree with you
No, it never asked you to put yourself in any category? You could leave that blank like with any other field and bear and otter and all that was just meant to be cute. There are no “communities” period, that’s just a way for unaccountable drama queens and to cast off their woes off on every other gay man. When the app was good, you’d need to type an actual bio and talk to each other. A few whined to add positions, then tribes, then pronouns for some reason lmao, and now the same ones are crying about the app instead of looking inward.
these brothel-apps should be treated like Cigarette companies. lobby your Reps. to crack down on them, both straight and gay ones alike. only lead to increased STD rates and dangerous environments for young queer ppl
I met my soul mate on grinder. We both definitely realize that is not a typically experience. We are certainly a fringe case. Both of us are religious, extremely family oriented, conservative, in our 40s with less than 5 past sexual partners, super successful careers, monogamous, spiritual and empathetic. I hate grinder but credit where credit is due, it worked for me!
"religious, extremely family oriented, conservative GAYS"...what... 🤦🤦♂🤦♀
@@rakeguy7703 yup we exist.
@@rakeguy7703 Religious is interpretive with so few verses about gays (if the verses are truly about gays at all). Family oriented can refer to supporting families around them, each others families (parents' and siblings') and friends' families. Conservative can refer to those 2 values alone, or economic policy which is usually unrelated.
What are those successful careers?
Blaming an app for smth is nonsense. The only thing apps, war machines and others do is to amplify/let human behaviour loose so if there is anyone to blame are the users desires... lets accept that the main issue here are the broken mental states of people who use those apps...
I prefer how things were back in the good old days before smartphones. We used to learn about the gay places through the "Spartacus" directory. It was like the bible, especially when visiting other places. If you fancied an anonymous hookup, you'd go cruising. If you wanted to meet someone you'd get busy joining in activities and going out with friends to bars and clubs hoping to meet someone. Then perhaps you'd go on a date and it would be so much more interesting because there would be no messaging each other in between. People were a lot less depressed back then
Sorry, but this discussion is pathetic. Every gay app forces you more or less to categorize yourself. If GrindR supposedly harms your self-esteem, then something was wrong about it before. Just stay away from gay apps!
Interestingly one fact is not criticized at all: GrindR’s subscription fees are ridiculous! To have full access to all functions they charge 480€ per year for the unlimited version !!!! (At least in Central Europe) … This is 4 times more than any other gay app, that’s extortionate!
I realize grindr is not great, but what is a good dating app for us?
Try being in a relationship for the past 40 years become single at 58 and find that Grindr is whats out there for you! F..k its horrendous - what happened to making those eyes across a room, talking to someone buying a person a drink ! Please help me 🙏🙏🙏
You help me, any suggestions? 😊
My good friend, those simpler days are long gone. Everyone is chasing someone online that is from across the country or in another country rather than focusing on their own neighborhoods and communities.
I totally agree with you guys, Grindr is a terrible app
I’m a trans woman that resorted to using Grindr and it was absolute hell. Thank goodness I have a loving boyfriend now
The Downfall of Dating and Western Civilization in 1, 2 and 3.
Luckily, Grindr is not the only app available in 2024. I do think it is a step up from what the options were in the 1980s, 1990s and before. In cities there were cruising areas such as parks, public restrooms or other dark and very dangerous places where men met up for anonymous sexual encounters. Those still exist today but are not as popular as pre-Grindr. I have found Grindr to be somewhat safer because you're not out in public, breaking laws, having quick anonymous sex with someone who might be infecting you with something. At least on Grindr you can chat for as long as you want. If the guy seems sketchy or dangerous, you can block him. None of that was possible in a public park or restroom in past decades. The only other option then were gay bars. So, is Grindr worse than these options? In my opinion, not really. No one is being forced to use Grindr. If someone doesn't like Grindr, don't use it. Go to a different app, go to where gay men meet up, whether a bar, running club or other activity groups to meet men in person. Dozens of options exist today.
Haven’t used it in years but it was pretty much half biological women and younger guys typing up novels if you don’t respond or play the pronoun game.
@@CreationinpirationLmao true. It was a great and fun app when there weren’t as many categories and it was more your lil bio you typed up. Be it “looking” or friends, etc. I thought it was dumb when they added top, bottom, and vers but it made searching easier if that was the goal for the night so okay. Now it’s all these categories and labels in lieu of an actual personality and nobody can even talk to each other. And now the kweens are mad at Grindr like it’s not themselves. I mean, yall done added pronouns and identities on an app meant for gay men 🤦🏿♂️ I also don’t get “gay community” like idk yall. Stop bringing all of us into your dating woes 😭😂
Omg soooo true- it reminds me of the biological males that have infiltrated all of the lesbian apps launching into homicidal rages when they realize that, no, gay women aren’t attracted to a man in a dress 💀 there’s a reason we call that app Her “Him”. 😂
I just deleted the app for 4days it lonely but my mental health is improving, I’m searching for relationships but ppl there just find hookup so now idk where to find relationships since the dating app nowadays is so toxic. 😢
😢😢😢😢
hello internet using people
I absolutely love being gay. I always think it would be so crap to be heterosexual. Do any other gay guys have such thoughts?
you mean gays from california?
As a gay from russia i sure i don't
@@rakeguy7703 I think what I would have asked is, Do you like the butterflies you feel from men? Do you love what being oriented to the same sex, could have been, in a perfect world... but I guess it's still a stupid question. Unless you can have a relationship there? Is it still possible for you?
Using Grindr has made me feel so unwanted and bad with myself. I don’t consider myself bad looking, but I don’t get a single message on Grindr…
Grindr was always just a hook up app.
*I LOATHE GRINDR, SCRUFF, GROWLR, JACK’D, HORNET, AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN AND BEYOND.*
I don’t think that nothing wrong with grindr is a cool place to meet people and I believe is what you make it ,A lot of people are open for friends and dates but its it’s definitely not for everyone , tinder is a walk in the park compared to grindr a lot of people that shouldn’t be on it or on it that’s the problem
My parents and some of my friends are mad that I participated in Grindr.
@@alexandrosmartinez508 Are they mad you are gay, or mad you were seeking a gay relationship, or just mad about Grindr? If they are even able to make those distinctions
I agree with you, grindr is so easyJet for predator and superficial people
Used Grindr when I was 18 and experimenting was a good time
grindr is not the worst app for gay community and neither do other dating apps. The main problem is the hypocrisy of our time (which does not even spare the gay community). A large portion of people on apps actually already are in relationships ( and not always open relationships).
The gay community had ALL of these issues long before grindr and they will have them long after the next big app takes over. The problem is self.
I totally agree with you
Grindr is a joke. I had a a fair share of really mean comments that make me feel severely depressed at times. The app is also full of men who ask if I am GEN. Like bro…. Get a damn job . I work! Why can’t you ? lol. The guys on the app are flakes and meeting someone is possible but just very very difficult. With all of these problems, the app is just one massive waste of time.
Grindr is the worst, most worthless piece of crap that has ever gone online. My phone has been blocked, I can no longer log in, supposedly because I broke the rules. But I don't know what the rule is or when it was, you don't find out anything concrete because there is no support, such a thing simply doesn't exist, if you get anything at all you get a pre-written standard answer that doesn't help you at all. When I reported a user who wanted to attack me in a park with 4 other people and I reported this to the police and reported it to Grindr, who are so committed to LGBT rights, LOL, I got no answer. Such a shitty, dangerous and worthless app should be blocked. Worldwide.
I was trying to get into this video but I'm listening to how unfair and this and that grindr is supposed to be It makes it a little less valid when they are coming from two people that would be considered the top of the food chain on an app like grindr. I unfortunately have to find another video with someone that fits the mold of someone that possibly have to deal with the cons of using that type of app.
I fit the "femboy" archetype I mainly got tapped by other feminine gay guys, ftms or mtfs, or dl gay army dudes all of these groups have their own issues imo in general grindr sucked
I'm married now to a wonderful man.
Is Grindr the problem or is it the participants?
I wonder that - so much complaint about it only being for hook ups - yet it is massively successful as a business
Is the Drug Dealer more guilty than the Addict? One uses their free will to sell a high knowing it's addictive while other uses theirs to buy not always aware of this.
Hello :) I love your channel ❤
I am a bisexual girl. I would like recommendation to lgbt sites or apps to make friendship with lgbt people.
Most of people I know are straight people. ^^
I don't care about look. I only care about how interesting someone is. And if someone is only interested in my... Back, then thank you. Sadly... I still didn't found anyone interesting. Fun to talk. Someone with passion for something... Who prefers emotions and memories over body experience...
The kind of man I want to meet is not on Grinder.
I learnt the hard way.
I deleted my account after 7 months. It's definitely not for me.
grindr is a gay dive bar app full of predictors
If you're young and look like the mainstream gay men we see in the media, sure, there are many other options for meeting men now. But if your erotic tastes are not mainstream, or if you aren't the right age group / weight group / muscle group / fashion group - apps are by far the best way to meet your admirers, there really aren't any other venues that work well. Because yes, your fans are out there and want to meet you - but if you're not a popular flavor of gay, running into an admirer in a gay bar or other gay public venue is very hit or miss. I've never been one of the men who get lots of attention everywhere - Keegan and Joel have a very different experience of gay life than I do, apparently.
In a big city, the percentage of men who will be enthusiastic about you may be small - but the actual number of men will be more than enough to keep you busy if you want to be kept busy. If you use honest pictures, and an honest profile about who you are and what you want, the men looking for men like you can find you. You don't have to find yourself attractive, after all - and it's a mistake to try to convince men who think you're hot that they're wrong. Just say thank you and enjoy them.
I'm an old fat bearded guy now - and I'm not welcome in most public gay venues because I'm an old fat bearded guy. I suspect Keegan and Joel would not find me physically attractive, either, and would be polite and tolerant but not actually welcoming - but on Growlr, Scruff and Grindr, men who are specifically looking for men like me can find me and say hi from anywhere in the city. Or the world. I've met friends, friends with benefits, and regular sex buddies on apps (and their online precursors) - men who are enthusiastic about my age and portliness as well as who I am. And very few of them would have found me if gay life was still just bar life.
I've been out for a very long time, and I have a lot of experience in various gay communities and lots of different venues that catered to gay men. Apps, and before apps gay meetup websites, and before that gay online mailing lists, have been very good to me. Since the mid-90s they've made my life much more interesting and fun, and led me to some fine adventures, and friends, in several countries. They succeeded because they do something brick and mortar venues don't do well - they bring men with common interests together who wouldn't have had the opportunity or the luck to meet otherwise.
Does every online meetup work out? Of course not. And yes, you need to be aware of your security. But over time, you learn to evaluate the people who contact you, and sift through them to find potentially interesting men. When they do work out, they make all the boring meetups worthwhile. When they don't work out, you've probably learned something useful.
It used to be free and now is too expensive
On Grindr men never answered and many guys on grindr look like the same , same attitude , same clothes , same bad mentality , likes clones
Grinder sucks a lot of fakes people block you alote or wanting money
It's not the best place to meet dudes. A guy without pics messaged me. He wanted to share pics, I restated my age, he said he still wanted to share, I shared, and he blocked me without a word. Lol. Its all about sex. Not long ago, I shared a pic with a guy and he said.... "A loa.d would look nice on that stubble". All I said was.... you sweet talker. Geez, I do appreciate being courted a little, at least. Creep
These two guys are really hot!! Looks body and attitude
............ whats an otter ?
Grinder doesn't "require" you to put yourself into a category. I just feel this conversation is very unenlightening because what you both failed to do is separate Grinder and its vices from other dating/hookup apps. You are anchoring on this idea that the app forces you into a category but that isn't even true. Everything else you said could easily be applied to any other similar app. Also, I think the comments about people who are not out were so general to the point of being offense.
I think podcasts like this, where people just take their narrow experience of something and extrapolate every negative feeling they can muster onto it is much more destructive to the gay community than Grindr.
The holier than though attitude you two are always prone to take is truly nauseating at times. Grow up
I called it the public toilet of the digital age. I'm 62 so I remember before Aids.
I agree with you! That is an amazing insight. I think that these “dating” apps are cesspools where men feed off each other’s insecurities.
Grindr is not a dating app...
Different people use it for different purposes, plenty of people do use it for dating. Also, maybe you have a narrow view of what 'dating' is - why is hooking up not considered part of dating? Seems like unnecessary gatekeeping.
@@matt69nice Grindr is used as a hookup app for the majority of time, but it doesnt mean that dating cant happen.
@@chrisjackson8151 true
It’s not even a gay app at this point
Are there gay dating apps for people not looking to have sex on the first time you meet?
Drugs and sex addiction
It sucks when you pay to meet guys close to your location. Once they have your money they only show guys too far away and there is no way to fix that.
Grindr isn't a gay dating app. A gay dating app wouldn't force gay men to pretend that women can be gay men.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Totally agree. It is very bad for your mental health. It is a very addictive app and is making people very judgemental. I met my partner on Tinder cos I was sick of the BS that goes with Grindr
Never had a desire to be on Grindr. It can be a dark rabbit hole for gay men.
I agree with you! It’s a place where these men feed off each other’s insecurity. I am happy for guys who found meaningful relationships, but gay hookup apps are the worst!
Grindr is absolute fucking trash !
Loving the banter lads…In the 80s people would place ads in Time Out to hook up…imagine having to wait for a reply for weeks or months! Technology has to move with the times but it has destroyed good old fashion dating.
OMG 😂 I totally forgot about Time Out personal ads 😂
Yea the attention span is not there for dating in this day and age..that takes time skill compassion and empathy.
Someone should make an app where the theme is no sex before a month. I think that would help dating in a lot of spaces not just lgbtq+
Why can’t grown men do that on their own? I didn’t sleep with my boyfriend the first month and I met him on Grindr. As well as 2 long time close friends. You don’t have to hookup….
Joel, society/Christianity made it so that it harder for LGBTQ ++ to go out and meet others in a normal way and made Grindr a thing.
Grindr is as bad as AI perhaps even more so - during Covid lockdowns, those of us living alone got a terrifying glimpse into the kind of lives that we could potentially be forced to live, even more so with AI and I certainly don’t want any part of that
Don't blame someone's religion because you're scared to go talk to somebody.
@@brianwestmoreland3836 Obviously you misunderstood my comment based on your reply. I meant that some religions/religious belief are to blame for their believers feeling shame & self-loathing which can cripple them & prevent them from having happy normal lives as they are afraid to be themselves.
@@chrisk5651 again don't blame a religion for your issues. They feel how they feel and you feel how you do, quit passing blame
Seriously? Grow up. It’s your personality. Some of you guys have made this “woe is me, I’m so attacked” whine fest your entire being and most people in general don’t want to be around it.
The reason why 90% of the time, gay relationships never work out, is because God created Man with Woman, not Man with Man🙊🙈
Ah well thats life.
an otter ?
I have the same question, haha! What is an otter?
A slim hairy guy
Agreed.
I agree
Grind has two issues. The shallow issue = many goodlooking people look average in pictures, many average looking people can look hot in one picture. So physically speaking pictures are misleading. Two - I am vers but don't do anal alot and the whole pressure to declare a position without even meeting someone just does not work
What pressure? You don’t have to enter that on your profile or talk about sex on there. Some of my long time friends I’ve met from apps. It’s what you make it.
This is the most truthful thing I've heard in a while. Grindr has brought me nothing but misery and all that to the point where I firmly believe I will never ever find a guy to date me. Aside my ex physical appearance problems in the past (I wouldn't even date myself when I was fat) but now, somehow, its even worse cause when I actually look very good and healthy.. nobody wants me. Especially there. 😅
Haha super film
Ugh back when I was a gay Grindr truly was the WORST app ever. Gays should finally cancel that trash.
Maybe men were looking for actual men 😒
this is so good boyss. great little talk!
Grindr should just go away
Grindr is so bad x
Yeah having bad experience using it atm
First video I came across on your channel. I 100% agree. *hits subscribe* thank you so much for the work you’re doing. ❤
I love this.