Old-age Narcissist
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- Опубликовано: 16 окт 2024
- Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: www.narcissisti...
The narcissist ages without mercy and without grace. His withered body and his overwrought mind betray him all at once. He stares with incredulity and rage at cruel mirrors. He refuses to accept his growing fallibility. He rebels against his decrepitude and mediocrity. Accustomed to being awe-inspiring and the recipient of adulation - the narcissist cannot countenance his social isolation and the pathetic figure that he cuts. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissisti...)
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"Eternal malformed child in the sagging body of a decaying man".....
That sums it up!!
or women
yes but you only need one on your way, that is it.
Jason Tea, What are talking about? Are you indicating that all women are narcissists? That is not true and a fabricated lie. Yes, there are women that are narcissistic as well as men. Why would you make this kind of mean and unfounded comment unless you are a narcissist yourself? Do your research and you will find that men out number women statically in regard to exhibiting narcissist traits.
@Jason Tea No women are just humans. If a kid happens to be a female and they are a victim of narcissistic elders, you think they can't grow up codependent, the opposite of narcissistic?
@Jason Tea To be honest you sound like a narcissistic man/boy, so if you don't agree I don't care
As sad as this is for the narcissist - it's very comforting to know.
So true. My parents lives have gone down in flames. All their big fantasies never came true. Now they are scraping by. I, their adult daughter, the object of ridicule and scapegoating since they always felt superior, am having some success in my work. The tables turned. I thought it was karma but this makes more sense.
Sorry you suffered that ....it must of made you stronger & God loves you more than parents ever could.
This video describes my 82 year old mother perfectly! It's very sad but I cannot be around her anymore.
Eternity With Christ chances are???? 82 years old she’s finished
It is so sad. Going through the same thing Teresa. This video says it all...I understand what has happened now, but I can't watch and put up with the wrath anymore. These people know they need help and choose not to get it (or block it) and to put others around them through their own misery.
Sam H only a google away will tell them that they are doomed. They probably know this, that is futile to try so they just go on and don't even bother to type. They might just say, well I must become a better actor, lie, forget that I am damage, make believe and then I will believe too and maybe someday I will forget about it and be ok.
@@samh6658 In my narcissistic elderly mother's case, she doesn't see herself as needing help but rather would tell me I was the one with the problem who needed help. And now that I am estranged from her, that's what she tells other people. That I am the one in need of help because of the shameful way she is being treated. Of course, no one ever asks her "what did YOU do to your daughter that would make her do something as extreme as estrange herself from you?"
You know,I had the very sad opportunity to see a flaming grandiose narcissist get older and die,right in front of me. It was very sad to see. She became all sharp angles, physically,spiritually, and emotionally. Suspicious,hate filled,except for a few nice moments. As death approached,I was the only one there. Everyone did as little as they could. No one wanted to really be around her. I too,closed myself off to her. I was physically present,but my walls were up as self protection. Sure enough,I was mercilessly slandered and backstabbed. It took everything in me to keep going back . Finally after her raging at me,and almost falling ( again) I demanded my brother and sister come and do something. I had walked in to find her living in a bug infested apartment,filthy,with bedsores, and sitting in her own urine. That,is the end of a severe narcissist. As death approached, she began to look wild eyed with fear. She suddenly looked at the end of the bed,then her eyes went black and filled with terror. She saw something. Something bad. I suspect it was hell,or the devil,or the Grim Reaper. Whatever it was,she did NOT like it. She was extremely weak at that point. But she suddenly managed to sit up,roll off her side,and try to climb me like a tree. I comforted her and called for the nurse to give her something. But,yes,there was something there. The nurse called it terminal delirium. But I really don't think it was, partially because she was already on Haldol,which is an antipsychotic used off label to calm the terminally ill. So it couldn't have been a delusion. I think she saw the devil . And I think he came to collect. It was terrifying to watch. So much so that I went and took a stiff drink. That's why it's important to live a good life,don't let them infect you with their hate and bitterness. It's hard though, I know. But you just keep being sweet, and kind,don't let them turn you sour,Ya hear? Like if this resonates with you and you agree.
I wont.....and have nothing to do with them
Wow...I was mesmerized by your story. I agree that you should never allow a narcissist to turn you sour and I applaud that you were able to still remain sweet and kind to your narcissist, but that would have never worked for me. My narcissist is elderly but is not near death and wouldn't hesitate to try to 'drag me to hell with her' if she could. That's why my path to 'living a good life' included estrangement from my narcissist. I've found that people who are extreme narcissists are infected with evil and if you stay away from the infected person, you are less likely to become infected.
@@TaDarling1 that's a very good insight. Yeah, looking back,I wouldn't do it again if I had to. It's extremely tiring and they do try to infect you with their own evil. Even now,I'm still traumatized by everything she did. And she did get worse and worse. My advice to anyone facing becoming a caretaker is leave them in a nursing home. Not to be vengeful but out of self preservation. Plus, they will destroy you if they get the chance.
@@stardustsparkles22 👍👍
@@esthero1994 they are demon infested. I sensed that as well. It also seems like there's more and more of them around too. I've had to go no contact with a number of people out of self preservation. They want to make sure you hurt in some way. It's the sadism in them that turns my stomach. When I see sadistic tendancy in someone,I immediately put up all my walls. It's true,they want to infect you with evil. Ew
I have noticed during my professional career that when children are brought up my a narcissistic parent or parents they want nothing much to do with them once they reach adulthood. People don't want to be around them, due to their obnoxious behavior, mood swings, anger and rageful outburts, manuplation tactics, always playing the victim role, triangulation between between siblings, relatives, parent, friends, and others who are a part of their life in one way or another. Eventually the narcissist will drive everyone out of their life and become isolated, because no one wants to be around them. When this occurs the narcissist continues to act out and their anger and resentment gets alot worse toward others because they blame everyone for their problems and circumstances, and feel they are being neglected and their needs and sustainability are not being met in a consistent manner. Once the parent or parents age and are no longer able to take care of their self they are shipped off to a inpatient psychiatric hospital, nursing home, or assisted living care facility, or nusing home because their children do not want anything else to do with them, due to the neglect and abuse they suffered as children and through out life. They are left abandoned and are rarely ir uf ever visited by family members or friends. They are left alone to fend for themselves and become an angry bitter nuance bully to others. They are often evicted or transferred to another nursing home, or admitted to a inpatient psychiatric hospital due to their unmanageability.
This is very true,im 39,my two brothers 42 and 38.we all broke off contact with our parents years ago,due to triangulation,favourism,lies over money,none of us ever remembers our parents kissing us or giving hugs,we were a nuisance from day 1,and were told this on many occasions.my parents had no friends,every house we moved to they fell out with the neighbours,they moved from job to job - never satisfied.my dad was a womaniser and wife beater,my mother cold and distant,very money orientated.we were the only people on the street to have a brand new car,but ironically no food in the cupboards!! Everything was for show.between my brothers and i,there are 9 children...9 grandchildren they will never have the pleasure of.each of us have explained to our children of what our childhood was like,they completely understand thankfully.at ages 65 and 61 my wish is that my parents live as long as possible and riddled with illness for how they treat us as kids,because i for one..wouldnt piss on them if they were on fire!! Its a long time ago since i moved away but i caught a glimpse of them not that long ago, they looked tired and much older, their faces just a miserable,there was nothing there.just like zombies.the saddest thing is,we have all tried to explain,even cried at them,but they never fought for us,we are the ones to blame,they will not admit being responsible,coz that would mean backing down,they would rather be lonely for the rest of their lives than admit liability.
Well said..
Very well said. I forgave my parents for me not them. They are both dead and I have only peace with their deaths. No emotional response at all just peace.
Great insight
Peppi Boudreau, So true, that was my and my brother's life. Both parents are gone now but Dad was as you said, unmanageable in the hospital and nursing home. Nothing was too personal for them to butt into, the lies and manipulation were inexcusable.
This was a GREAT video. My narcissist is my mother and she abused me horribly when I was a child. She always told me that because she gave birth to me, she 'owned' me and could do whatever she wanted to me and because I was a child, no one would ever help (or believe me) over her. When I became an adult she continued to abuse me in different ways and created tremendous chaos in my life. I finally cut off all contact with her two years ago and haven't looked back. She is 87 years old now but is just as mean-spirited and evil as she ever was. She uses other people to do her dirty work now. People who don't really know her but who feel sorry for her because she is old. She has them phone me, harass me, guilt me and try to shame me into having a relationship with her because she is elderly. But it's not working. We will all be old one day but being elderly doesn't give anyone the right to treat someone as property or like they are a doormat. I am finally living the life that God promised me (when I was an abused child) that I would one day have. I am free. My doormat days are over and I rejoice!!!
Omg,story of my life! 😣I thought I’m the only one going through this!Thanks for sharing !
@@andapaegle2207 At first, I thought I was the only one too, but I found out there are millions of us out there and many, still are not free of the narcissist in their life.
it shows that Covert Narcissist turn every situation and circumstances such as age, financial ups and downs, celebration and gathering and achievements or failure just to manipulate and satisfy their wounded ego. When they are young they will use money, power, body to show off and make people low and believe everyone is jealous of them when they are old abandoned by everyone because of their venomous attitude they seek empathy from others by telling sob story and their victimhood. The grandiose NRC will shout at staff in care facilities, try to complain to senior and senior above them, try to drain the staff by extra expectations of care from them.
That was the most beautiful and poetic description of such ugly character that it almost made me weep.
Nice poetic description about the narcissists.
..old age is the Narcissists ultimate punishment and purgatory on earth." love those words.
Me too.
ladybug they use their money as hooks to pull in their awakened adult children because what else have they got to offer
That is, word for word, a perfect description of the narcissists i have known. As they age, they can no longer deny the truth about how insignificant they really are. We are all a bit insignificant (its a big world and we are only a minute speck in it), but they have decieved themselves for so long that it hurts them to see the ordinary, average person they were all along.
My dad is 76. I’m 54 and just realized that he is a hardcore toxic person. All my life he’s looked down on me all my life. I’ve moved in w them to enjoy the time we have left. I only got to see what made me so emotionally sick and feeling worthless. I used to be offended by the insults and gaslighting. Then I just wondered WHY he wants to be abusing to me. Now I know. I can’t have a conversation bc he will find an argument and he has problems with anything all day. It’s all my fault of course. He’s always provided well but he treats me like I’m an idiot.
I used to be angry but I realized that people who are in their right minds wouldn’t act that way. I even studied How to Help difficult people. He’s lost but isn’t wanting to be found. You can’t wake up somebody who’s pretending to be asleep.
They say I’ll miss fighting w him when he dies but I’ve got 70 recording’s of what he’s like that says otherwise. I wanted him to be kind or like me but.
I don't miss them now....and won't miss them later
I don't know why this video came up for me. It is 12 years old. Three days ago I left my husband of 35 years. This describes him exactly and I left to protect my physical and mental health.
Good for you! I ran for my life after 46 years - thank God. Five years later, life has never been so peaceful and good.
How I deal with my elderly narcissistic mother: I DON'T. There are those of us who are still hoping to get the love, acceptance, approval from our narcissistic parents that we didn't get when we were young. I'm not one of them, not any more.
So in other words, they are reaping what they sowed.
Tanya Colligan ....sure hope so
I disagree. Narcissiats became that way from their own terrible childhood. They cannot help themselves. I feel great empathy for them. I have an ex who is one and I cry for him often.
@@cloudygirl66 He is not crying back for you he is laughing at you.
@@CH-in8dm me too!
@@cloudygirl66 agree!!!! I know one and I´m sad for the destruction of the man he could have been. Obviously I won´t let him know that
Boy that was brutal but sadly true. Narcissism really sucks for narcissists too.
As narcissist/covert narcissist yeah agreed. I want to have close friend and would be cool world admire me
@@godofdeath8785Same here. This was one the hardest videos to watch, maybe even to him given his tone.
Youth is the narcissist best friend it seems.
Luckily it's only for a season....
Ilovmyswissball Youth is their best friend. Heyoka all age it their best friend.
Reason why aging narcissist be around younger people. To drain their youth. That's why. It true
@@sherimascote7850 right said.
I don't want to invite bad karma, but they will reap what they sow.
Amen
It's UNIVERSAL LAW
They ALWAYS reap what they sow...sooner or later
Mine is 21 years older than me and I believe he chose me to destroy the person I was, which he could not be. He has swindled me emotionally, financially, and gives the impression that he is pleased with his horrible treatment of me and the shell he created of a once attractive, active and gregarious person...me. That person is gone. He has stepped on me to elevate himself. I have never met a more evil person, but he is a master at making himself look wonderful and making me look batty. My loathing for him is beyond words, but since he has trapped me psychologically, financially and emotionally, I have little recourse but to play hard ball with him. I do not like myself with him, but prisoners have to learn the art of survival in hopes of one day escaping.
I wish you would do a video on narcissists and age gap marriages. I think the number would be quite high. Because you see the narcissist never ages he feels entitled to a much younger partner.
Shiraki Ellis. My Narc already has false teeth and is overweight and has gotten bigger just in the 7 months we were together. I cannot wait until God punishes her more and more.
I cannot believe the parallels between what you've put there and what I've experienced. Horrible manipulative people. All we can do is strive to never be like them. We will find ourselves. Be strong x
S M I am so sorry. I am in the same boat I got a way out. 1 more year on our rental lease and I am out.. I mean nothing to him. The trauma bonding is terrible. I how you find a better way.
Sarah Wind yes. I am 12 years younger. I feel so stupid. This past year has been awakening for me and now he is walking in egg shells because he knows I see who he really is.
An average looking 53 year old man, described himself as "athletic & improved by his maturity" looking for somebody in "the same league", I mistook this for irony, later down the line I released he was a very literal person minus any irony. this athletic body only existed in the arrogant humorless vacuum of his head, he dressed in 1980's styles just to make matters worse. Tragic really
I often wonder, the narcissist is someone who has not chosen who they are , they were it seems, victims at an age when they could do nothing to defend nor help themselves, so they found an unsuccessfull way to get through life, to protect their battered souls, but somehow, that early learned way of surviving, transformed into a lifelong instinct. It ultimately destroys them, and people around them too. I find that exceptionally sad. It is far more sad to be a narcissist than to be the victim of one. [I've been the victim]. I managed to leave and rebuild my life, and a better life. But he, on his death bed, had driven everyone away. It made for a pitiful ending. It made me reflect, that no matter what he had put me through, he had never been able to escape the vicious torment of his parents in his childhood. And he loved his mother so desperately, that he clung to her always, even getting buried inside her grave. As though, the maternal comfort of the womb, was what he yearned for more than anything. They were not even speaking when she died, and he stopped speaking to our son a good year or more before he died. Yet, the place he longed to be, the approval he always yearned for, was his own mother. I do not think there is anything more terrible, really, than the pain of a child who is flung away from his mother, just because she can. Not for having done anything, but the lifelong wounds it inflicts, is a terrible burden on the child, who fails to grow and thrive, and is always seeking comfort, yet unable to accept it, because he learned at a young age such a terrible betrayal. To keep my humanity, I never lose sight of why he lost his.
Thank you, I feel the same. I went no contact long ago to save myself. But I deeply feel sorry for him from a safe distance. What a wonderful person he could have become, if only he had a happy childhood... truly sad.
So true my husband was treated the same by his mother she abandoned them emotionally in childhood then physically in later years it was devastating to him and the pain was meted out to me and how he felt about women generally. It is so complex to witness and sad and personally traumatising to experience, their pain
This is one of the best videos ever on the internet about the final chapters facing the narcissist. Absolute gold. !!!!🎓
makes me sad. I just want to be safe from them, I dont wish them hell
they're already in their own hell :(
Old age, God's last offer to the narcissist for reconciliation.
Actually, that is how I see it too. I think it's their only chance at redemption with God. It's their opportunity to bend the knee. I don't understand what you mean what is the consolation to a normal old person? It doesn't make any sense. If someone is narcissist all their life and they are virtually impossible to turn around, old age is their only HELP in surrendering. Normal old people have their own individual issues and consolations. The subject at hand is the narc. A "normal" old person isn't going to struggle as much with aging. I'm getting older myself and I don't have a problem with it. It's that way with my mom who is about 80 now. She's positive and a good soul. She doesn't hate old age and I doubt I will either. But a narc can not do well with old age by the nature of who they are as a narc.
ChiquitaSpeaks oh wow!! That is beautifully put!
They can't be cured. It was not their choice to be what they are, as they were formed this way in their childhood. Ask psychologists. There's no way out for them. No rainbow bridge to salvation.
Never.
@@angelsndaisies6188 you my friend need redemption. :))
My mom is 67 when I called her "elderly" she became very upset! I guess pretending you haven't aged helps.
spacedout my mother is 88!! and is offended by elderly as well
My mom too! She is 66 and refuses to accept old age! She talks to younger men on dating sites but never dates them
Mine is 83 and changes how offended she is by whim. If someone offers her a seat on the subway because she is old she gets angry. But then when decides she's tired or that her feet hurt she gets angry that no one offered her a seat because she is elderly. You cant win with a narc.
spacedout my mother doesn’t even let my daughter call her grandma .. she asks my 4 year old to call her by her name . She’s 68 she doesn’t see herself as older .. strange as I want allowed to call her mom as a child .
Age groups have shifted as we live longer. Elderly is now regarded as starting from 75 onwards btw
Thank you. This takes some of the sting out of being the victim of many narcissists. Sad that they end up in a hell of their own making but that's karma.
I married a narcissist and raised one, possibly more. I can see this happening to my ex already-he is in his 60's and looks 90. For my son, it is so very sad to think this will be his future-if he even makes it to old age. I feel sorry for both of them. But I also keep as far away as possible, they are both equally dangerous to me.
Adrienne Douke : I had the same exact experience. It is very destructive and crazy-making!!!
That sucks to hear ngl as narcissist/covert narcissist i judge you for that now world will have more narcissists
You have saved me with your sage advice and expertise. My life has been filled with these men. The last one has done the most damage. Thank you for your articulate and informative postings.
Same here. I'm in my forties and not once have I been with a man that was NOT a narcissist. Just know though, that it means you're a very good and beautiful soul to attract these demons that want to tear you down.
My ex hated becoming an old man so much ("When I look in the mirror, I see my father", he cried) that he decided to become his evil, abusive mother instead. The movie "Pyscho" comes to mind.
It's doubly sad when you think that their deficiant upbringing when they were children leads them to a very sad old age.
J
Connie Charnell they still had a CHOICE to be decent, they still had a choice before the physically, verbally and mentally spewed their evil wrong doings....I’m a child victim of a narc abuse but I’m CHOOSING to be decent and not repeat a narc pattern.
Most are entitled and pampered in childhood rather than being abused and neglected.
@@maekanikhan, Yeap. Very true. They are usually the "Golden Child" narcissist.
Remember this.
A narcissist has NO LOVED ONES in their lives!!!
It's funny I am just getting over a narcissistic relationship. 12 weeks ago, I was distraught and destroyed by not understanding how this person could just not care for me and treat me with such disregard after living with me for a year. Now I realize what was done, I am now feeling much stronger. What is funny is that I was just thinking to myself that in 10 years I will probably look better than him. He is good looking and looks young for his age, he is 41 and I am 55. But he is a horrible person, who lies, and deceives. He drinks daily and does drugs, I hate to see what will become of those movie star looks when he reaches 55, if he should even make it that far. Thank you, Sam, for your beautifully written words.
The narcissist in my life experienced these symtoms in his late 30's due to the onset of chronic illness. To him, this is the ultimate insult to the grand vision of his life. I sadly observed this and there is no doubt in my mind that he will die a lonely man. What a waste.
Even if you don’t consider yourself a narcissist, it still hits home on many levels. No one is perfect and god knows I never was.
Narcissists are enslaved to selfishness. It's UGLY
This is the best and most succinct description I have seen. I have several Narcs in my life and all are following the same path. I have hope for one of them but she has already lost the love of everyone that ever mattered. The weight of her constant betrayal is crushing her soul. Good. It is about time.
This makes me feel very sad for my ex. I wish I could fix him, but I know that it cannot happen, This suffering you describe is so sad.
Annie
I agree, it's hard to be so helpless...between living with them in their hell and leaving them to suffer it alone.
Annie Mimi Hall narcs are fragmented souls that can't be fixed. Thank God he is your ex. Don't pitty him at all. He doesn't deserve you.
This was a brilliant description. Thank you Sam. Poetic justice indeed.
Old age is the paying back time of the narcissist. They almost crawl without anybody's attention and love. However, they continue playing people against each other for selfish gain and narc supply. It's like decaying drug addict rotting away in a corner.
OMG ! ! ! no almost about it. explained.
A former friend of mine is a chronic narcissist. He used to go out of his way to fawn over senior citizens, homeless people, alcoholics and anyone who looked like they were struggling to survive. He only did it to extract attention from them while pretending to be altruistic. He as also lived with his parents his entire life. He got engaged last christmas and was last seen at the bus stop with a small rucksack containing his lunch. He was wearing black shoes, black trousers, a black jacket, pullover & white shirt. Basically he's going around dressed as a schoolboy. A 53 year old schoolboy who has alienated and pissed off his friends with his obnoxious behaviour. He won't be having a stag night. There probably won't be a best man at the wedding, and the wedding reception is bound to be a sad affair too. He has turned his life into a ridiculous travesty.
Thoughtland, He is a 53 year old man and still living with his parents? That is Gross and Nasty!!! Yuck!!! His parents should have kicked his ass out of the home a long time ago. Let's say after he graduated from high school or college. There would be no way at all that my dad would allow me to live with my parents. My dad and mom were wonderful and loving parents. They, especially my dad wanted his children to be independent, responsible, resourceful, and capable. I mean don't get me wrong, my parents were always there for me and very supportive, but my dad wanted more for his children and not like others who still mooch off their parents, still live at home with them, pay no expenses as far as utilities, food, and other necessities. My parents knew that i was better than that and encouraged me to have my own life and be independent.
My older covert Narcissistic sister is now 60 yrs old. I went no contact u till yesterday and she seems to be better worse. It was clearly apparent yesterday , after a year of studying narcissism , that she truly is a covert narc and how neurotic and anxious spa little person she is
So true they even take away all the mirrors in the house
How long must others pay for trauma incurred from childhood? I'm 55 and am still trying to have a relationship with my older sister. I finally had had enough of her cruelty when she told me my Christmas present was an old dried out pack of cigs found in the glove compartment of her van. ???????. She can no longer physically abuse so she finds "quieter"ways to hurt. I am expected to be her psychiatrist, best friend, sounding board, punching bag, housekeeper, etc. Struggling to be free has been a life long effort and I am starting to understand that I like me very much and am ok with that. This keeps me from getting too close. When the time comes for her to reap her bitter harvest, I hope she "gets it". It can only go on for so long.
I have two narcissistic brothers who have caused a lot of damage to the family. To protect myself, I have a simple solution. If contact is unavoidable, say at a rare family function, I am coolly civil and strictly limit my time in their presence. If they call or email me, I am suspicious and, again, civil without engaging with them. In other words: I am detached and stay away. You have to have strength to do this and you'd better find it if you want a better life. Then, it will be time to work on your own development.
Why haven't you gone complete NC?
The thing with narc family members is that you are always taught that family is more important than anything. But with narcs you should see them as just another person. They abuse family ties to keep you close as their victim, and people around them still try to apply standards applied to all "normal" family members. It took me a long time, but I now see the narcissists in my family as a mixture of being an addict to their own neurochemical drug-cocktail and disabled. Imagine you had an alcoholic in your family, or an addict to other drugs. Would you expect them to react normally and expose them to drugs/alcohol? Or would you expect someone in a wheelchair to walk? No. You also would not expect a snake or any other predator to be a fluffy cute cuddly bunny. And people still choose snakes as their favourite animal. I don't say that so that you feel pity for her, I say it because it is what it is. Once you do not try to put on the "normal costume" on a narc it gets easier to cut the ties or modify them so that you do not get hurt. Cutting the inner connective bond you wish for is the one main instrument the narcissist can hurt you with the most.
I really resonated with what you said. Well put! I think you should have your own channel. I am still in love with mine and although I'm an empathy and also very independent and strong, there's a lot to this narcissist haters club I don't agree with. How will they heal without love? Isn't love supposed to conquer all? He's also not the ruthless heartless person they make these people to be. But there is something to karma. : )
@@rtinmotion sorry to tell you this but love is their favorite "chocolate " they eat it up and shit it out. Usually in your face.
Sam's a good writer.
wow and wow again .... This is so filled with a horrible fate but its so truthful and thanks for saying it the way it really is Mr Vaknin ....... Thank You Kaleb
My 'friend' is always saying about his trophy accomplishments. He lies constantly even about his former marriage. She divorced him because he wouldn't consumate the marriage. He lies to me about everything and only refers to our relationship in the terms 'I/we' context... He's pathetic...
You are pathetic. He is a predator.
You are a bully.
this was the most poetic...iv seen froom sams
Informative and beautifully written.
Science and theory combined with the art of literature.
I thoroughly enjoyed this particular video, thank you Mr. Vaknin.
Perfect timing for the victim.....thank you
Love that. So you are a poet too Sam! ! I will save this one and feel sorry for, and feel hatred for, that old man. He is 67 now and still roaming the earth, still fighting for that supply, still as charming, still shape shifting.....
Guess I'm in a minority, but I feel very sorry for these people. Married to one for 30 years and still feel badly for him. How awful it must be to never feel the fullness and beauty of life.
Bella, and how does it feel to not be loved by your spouse? You get one life only.
I agree,i feel no malice towards my ex either.imagine being them? Id rather die.im an empath certainly,but my brain is definately wired up to detect the next evil person that comes my way
You sound like an idiot, Jerry Myers.
Considering that mots narcissist are victims of abuse as a child it is hard to not feel sorry for them. They are trapped inside their own personality disorder that they have developed as a 'shield' toward being hurt. I feel as sorry as I can be for my narcissist wife. Never the less I could not allow her abusing me so after 20 years I called her on her behavior - and she left me.
@@MrKnutriis 100%...i mean..where would we be if we were all angry with zero sympathy.a bitter world.
wow amazing video, and explanation! I know my ex narc, now 53, will end up alone. He has burned so many bridges; sad...
you are an absolute genius well said.
Longevity in a lifelessness existence of self-loathing at best described as "sadism of the self"....
Vaknin, I have referenced your work scores of times, and for that I thank you.. Toda Raba.
That is so true ~ yet sooo very sad to see. It breaks my
Yeah fuck'm
I don't have any sympathy for them what so ever. I went through hell with my mother and an ex boyfriend. but I don't treat people like shit.
No sympathy here either. I mean, if someone is just jerk, okay. But these people are pure evil. They want to destroy your very soul and ruin your life or drive you to suicide. They deserve no mercy. I will not give any of my light in sympathy to them. Justice is a divine thing so there is nothing wrong with feeling a satisfaction from justice.
Chela Morya, I totally agree.
Cheryl faithtoken they are not victims, quite empathizing with them, we all are given free will and a choice, and to be abusive is most definitely a choice. Being a codependent myself and a once victim of the narc in my childhood I can either choose to heal or be prone to becoming a narc myself, but I choose not to hurt just because I was hurt. Choice God gives you choice and life experiences to learn.
Fascinating video - I was thinking that the narcissists' inability to age well could be connected to the trauma they experienced as children. It makes sense that someone who experiences severe trauma as a child develops a brain which is not prepared for or anticipating long-term life on the planet. The brain is being sent the message that there is danger in the environment and that a "haphazard" reproductive strategy will ensure the best chance of the genes being passed on. Thus, when the narcissist becomes old - the brain is confused about why the body still lives.
If the narcissist is confronted with the gap between their fantasies of eternal life and health and the physical reality they live in, they will almost by definition automatically double down on the fantasies (i.e. plastic surgery, dress younger, etc). It would be so painful for them to acknowledge their fantastical views of reality that do so is not an option any longer - akin to how it is not an option for me to leave my hand on a hot stove. So the only strategy they have is to double down on dysfunction.
Sad to say you have identified my father almost in every way. Thank you nonetheless. its very helpful as i see him regularly and its never easy.
Thank you, so much I have my Popcorn ready, and I am the baby sister lol, can't wait.
Maybe, because of this, many narcissists say that when old age comes, they have already decided to commit suicide. The one that was my husband used to say that. Whenever he becomes old or dependent on other people to survive.
Good to hear that at least SOME Nacs are able to heal.
I wish my ex narc the best, may she live to a 100 years, bwahahahahaha.
Haaaaaaaa haaa haaaa haaaa hhaaa haaaaa! Same here of the man that broke my heart!!! Very funny!
120 with all her memory still intact
😂😂😂😂well said!
I feel that my ex is right at this point. He is not only just over 50 and facing aging, but he's disabled now and can't do very much. He is getting pathetic and sad. I left him and never going back, but I really sense he might end up bending the knee someday. Life and karma is forcing it on him. This was an excellent video!
Beautifully put . A tragedy in all ways .
Yes. It is a legitimate question. Empathy for self. Does he feel sorrow for his own pain? If the N can recall a time as a child when he suffered and was rejected he may be able to feel empathy for his young self.
God.. I'm starting to feel sorry for him.....Of course not enough to take him back but I don't wish this on anyone...Thank you for opening my eyes.... Great Video...
@@oscarwilliamson6163 Well, it's inevitable now.. He committed suicide shortly after I posted this....Turns out he was schizophrenic I had no clue.. There were no signs until I left him... His life went down after that and I guess he saw no other way out... It's so sad...
My 70 years old ex husband suffers psychological impotence all his life and started dating online after the divorce. He went on dated a 24 years old, a 32 years old because he had this magical thinking about achieving potency with younger women, even went ahead and tired his tubes. But he never was able to have any sex with any of them. Yet he claimed these dates were crazy. He is a Narcissists and also suffers from some other forms of mental illness. But reality was just not his thing. He lives in fantasy world and is very grandiose. I am glad I left him after 10 years of marriage.
Of course his dates were crazy. What healthy sane 26 or 34 y. o. will go on a date with 70 y. o? The women had issues, clearly, as did he. We all have our issues, some to a higher degree than others. But narcs are oblivious to theirs.
Narcs shouldn't live past 70.
Sheila Wang my ex was older than me (15 years) and he would say the craziest weirdest things he would say the lies with the reasons why he wasn’t able to get it up
Too much bullshit! Could not understand what was going on in the beginning I thought it was me
I felt like after it was over I was in a wash cycle! The stories he Embellished is story about amazing sex life sure wasn’t with me and it couldn’t of been with anybody else but the lies lies lies manipulating hovering gaslighting! These people are demonic
@700moby I feel for you. I feel now that I will also need to make that decision about whether to see my mother at all any more. I feel there are no winners here, however I will need to be a "winner" for myself for once. I share your agony. It just sinks your heart.
Wow, in depth and very informative. Thank you!
Their brains decay, I saw it happen, brain turned to mush.
Wow…just wow. Old age is their punishment? That is definitely what I see. They are not aging well physically mentally nor spiritually. I never saw a person go to church every week and leave and cause all types of serious hell onto people.
You should write an audio book. Great video and voice✌️
That was beautifully written and almost poetic.
You should write a play on narcissism. Ever as usual so eloquent.
It sounds to me that old age can also be a release from the narcissism. I see that as a plus.
It's beieved Aleister Crowley (in old age) last dying words were, "I am perplexed", which seems a very fitting thing for a narcissism to say. Then again, was he not even worst than a narcissism?
Brilliantly put! Karma, in short.
As a empath this completely breaks my heart. :( i am crying even knowing the evil they possess and constantly are doing to others and are currently doing to me:( and at times what i may have done to others maybe portraying a narcissistic characteristics due from the mental abuse caused prior from a narcissist. Its very VERY undermined the terms PSYCHOPATHIC /narcissist . Some times i wonder if the entertainment business is glorifying narcissists and making psychopaths seem way off the wall then what the real term defines. THE reality of the unreality us Real!
No wonder I'm alone now...
+Michael Heller Do you have NPD?
a black hole sucking all light and no reflection, a deep pit of death with no echo
ex. 60 year old narc who works as a care giver of elderly mimics five year old who would follow someone to a restroom and complains, she constantly retells her life story , despite complaining that she cant care for her psytzo sister is goes every week to yell at her and mock her every decision and mood.
Did not think of natural effect of age, so she does not need karma or to overexagerate our errors.
This is very true!!! All his supply has left him!?!?! He's very evil, but tries to act like he's now not?! He's doing that now, he's left to his own devices... It's to late now, he's was so hateful to everyone, hated everyone!!!! He really is tasting his own medicine now, I am sorry but I'm getting a lil bit of pleasure out of this but I'm that one that wasted my life on him so he really lost here?????
Very educational. Just escaped one myself. Sadly satisfying. The trophy's of the past part haunts me. He surrounds himself with old photos of himself.
Such sad people
Lol
DARRELL D Can't avoid father time
***** Reptiles is right!
***** True, I'm trying to be faster at identifying the crazy makers quickly so I know who to avoid.
***** Hollow beings is right. Now that I put my trust in God fully, things have gotten easier.
I'm not sure if I'm a stereotypical narcissist. I'm trying not to attach myself to any labels. I've been told that I'm not very empathetic but I do have a capacity for strong empathy, however it doesn't come easy to me. Quite a few of the disorder classifications fit my personality (BPD, Bi-polar) but I haven't been professional diagnosed. I get along great with most of my family but I don't know how well I empathize with them. My sense of empathy is not something I am deeply in touch with.
The somatic Narc I had the displeasure of knowing, eventually got a taste of the aging process when his pectoral tore in half disfiguring his chest and preventing any chance of his becoming a professional body builder. He is slowly but surely transforming into the image of his morbidly obese Father and uncles. He will be able to get by with his charm for a while yet, but day by day, he deteriorates into a shadow of his former self which is slowly being consumed by voluptuous adipose tissue. I wonder what technique he will employ when his ability to cast a net using his appearance is no longer effective for securing new sources of supply. What an interesting story.
Dr. Vaknin I appreciate your work and insight very much. Is it possible that the cure for narcissism might lie in the ability of the narcissist to destroy the false self and accept and love the true self? If the false self is built to mask the true self by the wounded child, Is it not plausable to revisit the younger self through hypnotherapy and other measures and offer the nurturing he was depribed? I do not believe the N is a lost cause if he has the courage and motivation to seek change.
Healing and Curing Narcissism
vaksam.tripod.com/faq63.html
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vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders37.html
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Thank you for that thoughtful paragraph.
You said it, Prof.!
I understand how damaging my haywire mindset has been, and that in order for me to make it threw old age, something must change. I want to change. I don't know how. I'm destroying my body with cigarettes, alcohol and marjiuana. Thanks for listening. It seems that we're all on thing page for evocative reasons. I hope you all find what you need.
I'm afraid that Sam could've written every line of this post about me. I've always known, somewhere deep inside, that I was a bit of a megalomaniac and a narcissist, but it's now beginning to look like the tip of my awareness iceberg. My aging is obsessing me.. I'm 33 now. I dream about doing everything I can to stop or reverse my aging process. I fear loosing the sharpness of my physical faculties. I've devalued and abandoned nearly all my friends and now only am close 2 my family.
My husband of twenty years looked in the mirror, saw his father and lost his mind. So he became his mother.
😂
it seems as though the narcissist is the one who gets all the crap in life. he/she never asked to be a narcissist they were abused. why is it life seems to punish someone for being a victim of circumstances they had no control over?how can someone be critical of a person like that when all they know is dysfunction.
People that are advised into these states tend to choose this coping mechanism that throws people under the bus. They are aware of their choice and it slowly takes over with time as they lose themselves and reap a bitter harvest. It's like celebrities selling their souls. They knew what was in store. I know people personally who were abused who become very empathetic because they know how terrible it is. These people live with a different set of difficulties but keep their souls.
Abused into these states*
+Matthew Walker Are you ok? these people have a choice. good or bad. they choose to be rotten. just because they were abused in childhood it doesn't mean you should abuse others. two wrongs don't make a right. every human being have a conscience so use it. I was raised by a narcissist mother and I dated one which in the end I left and I'm determined not to turn out like the both of them. I have a daughter of my own and this learnt behavior I've seen with my mother stops there with me. I refuse to put my daughter through hell. infact I will educate her on this madness so that she's well informed to avoid these devils. so there you have it I made a choice to choose good over bad.
Matthew Walker
I understand your compassion. I once had the same question. However they are punishes by their own decisions. Many people have face some sort of abuse, myself included, but you can chose to do the hard work of becoming a better person and not repeating the same harmful cycles, or you can self sooth by becoming toxic and spewing your problems onto others. This act of denying ones responsibility for their own life is detrimental. Basically what I'm saying is they are punished by their own decisions. While the many people who have been abused are watching videos like these to try and heal and gain some understanding so they don't end up like the narcissist.
Matthew Walker
I was abused and that doesn't make me feel entitled to be evil. It makes me disgusted to see abuse happening to others. I don't know about narcs being a product of abuse. Some of them were spoiled rotten and never learned what No is. Then in adulthood, they continue to expect to get everything they want, because mommy and daddy showed them how to manipulate and dominate to get what you want. No behavior is off limits to a narc. Think about yourself, is the message they learn from whoever raised them.
Think about any other socially unacceptable behavior, stealing, killing, etc. If it was done to you, are you now excused and allowed to do unto others?
Dena, I am 44 and just realized my aging mother is also a raging N. I have found great support online for daughters of narcissistic mothers. I urge you to find one..you are not alone. Love and light.
Mr. Vaknin, you're absolutely poetic here. Not only do you inform but also capture the pathos of the narcissist. My own experience is that when a narcissist whines about his lost youth, he views himself as tragic. To grow old is to slowly topple to his doom, like the Colossus of Rhodes. And as for the rest of us, who grow old and don't whine about it, we should feel pity for him since we, in our mediocrity, can't possibly grasp the loss of a greatness we never knew... Yeah. You nailed it, Bub.
Wow! Do You have to make so much Sense. I think I scored 50% on that test !
@cesrsald Thanks for the book info. I've read about Schemas in another book, so I know how rich and helpful the topic is. I haven't even previewed Wendy's book yet and I'm already excited that I've found my next source of textual help on this journey. Thanks again, and Shalom Aleichem
Please hate the condition not the person, narcissists are like wounded children who retreated into a corner within their own mind and allowed defense mechanisms to take over. The defense mechanisms then severely overreact and push everyone they love away in horrible and predatory ways. The person is still however like a wounded child in the corner constantly in pain. I don't hate them, I feel sorry for them and wish I could help them.
Me too. Narcissism is a terrible waste of a potentially fabulous human being. I have met one who knew they were trapped wanted help and yet the patterns were completely hard wired.
I don't feel sorry..for them..I wanted to punish as much as possible ..love can't change them..so may be hate and revenge ??
Sorry I have had many narcissists in my life, the pain I went through for my first 18 years was unbelievable. They do not deserve any thing. Because my life was bad I do not inflict it on my new family, in fact my family , children & grand children are so close we are always together with love and care , if an issue arises we are all there, there should not be excuses for their behaviour. Disown their miserable lives. My last years are happy years.
God does this sound like my Narc mother. I almost feel sorry for her. Almost. She is now 83. Besides myself, what family she has left has either cut her off completely or limit their exposure to her to a rare phone call now and then or a card at Christmas. What few friends she has who havent died off, or who she hasnt alienated treat her the same way. If lunch or dinner dates are made they are often cancelled at the last minute by the friends who simply can't face three hours of having to listen to her unending complaining, gossiping and negativity. Her neighbors avoid her as best they can by crossing the street when they see her. Or they give her quick yes and no responses. Often she will hang by her apartment door to listen or watch through the peephole so she can then open the door and engage them to get the supply she so desperatley requires. Her days are often spent wandering the streets going into cafes and museums trying to strike up conversations with people to find new sources of supply. Or she starts fights with people on the street for the annoying things they do. Hoping to appear heroic and with the desperate hope that some stranger will swoop in and take her side while screaming, 'How dare you argue with this clearly beautiful, intelligent , classy and refined woman! You dont deserve to breathe the same air as her!' She convinces herself (and anyone who will listen) that all men 30 years her junior sexually desire her. If a man holds the door open for her and gives eye contact? Thats a sure sign he desires her in her mind. When you do speak with her the conversation is usually running down the men in her life who broke it off with her going back 30, 40, 50 years! How they were cowards and didnt know how good they had it. And to all those who avoid her to this day? It has nothing to do with her you see. Its that they simply dont want her to see THEIR issues! Their alcoholism, or drug addiction, or health issues, insanity or sordid love lives. No, no, no. Its THEM you see! Ah narcissists. Sigh. They are masters at painting themselves into corners. But the corner that geriatric narcissists paint themselves into is oblivion itself. Make one wonder if thats what they were looking for all along?
Goodness that’s my nm you are describing
Wow. I thought it was insane when my father claimed that he didn't need to do advanced planning, at the age of 82, because he wasn't going to die. He refused to accept my help. He said he didn't need it.
I begged him to not sell his house. He ignored me and sold it. He has been homeless since September of 2016. Now he is 84 years old and he has been homeless for more than a year. Moving from hospital to hospital, couch surfing at his age until people are sick of him and dump him at the nearest hospital.
He is abusive towards the hospital staff, nursing home staff. I was the only child that still called him out of his six surviving children and he was abusive towards me.
At this point I have gone no contact because it is too painful to try and communicate. Anytime I said one thing that annoyed him he would hang up on me. I had to listen to everything he said but if I dared to express one singular point of view I was immediately hung up on.
No contact. And pure schadenfreude, for me.
Understandably, but shadenfreude is something you do not want to hang on to. Forgive the old bastard and move on.
Knut riis
That is not your decision to make. Quit telling other people how to feel. They are capable of deciding for themselves.
I'm not telling anyone how to feel. Besides who made you the police of the comment section? Isn't Claire capable of answering my comment without your help?
Knut riis,
So when you tell others how to feel, you don't even understand that you're doing exactly that? Schadenfreude is a feeling. And you don't get to tell survivors of abuse how they "want to feel" about their abusers. It is not your decision.
My response to you does not preclude the original poster from responding, if they so choose. Again, it's not up to you.
I smell a little control issue, let it go. Control freaks don't get it that it is not "policing" to disagree, but it is policing to tell people to not speak, or not feel the way they do.
Some narcissists may keep their jobs. Especially if they work as parole officers, supervisors , cops, etc and can be paid to “control people”. They get off too much on being in control.
The Professions of the Narcissist samvak.tripod.com/journal70.html
So very profound. Thank you.
The first person that comes to mind is Charlie Sheen