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How I Got Rid of My Approach Anxiety
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- Опубликовано: 16 окт 2018
- Approach anxiety... the thing that keeps most guys from EVER taking action in game. There are many solutions... psychological, physiological, motivational, biological... in the end though, integrity and desire have to be at the heart of the approach. Find out about the different cures to approach anxiety, and which may be best for you, in this video.
toddwinnergame... for more inner game solutions
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The thing that changed me was framing it different.
We’re often conditioned to think something like approaching is ‘weird’ or ‘creepy’.
But truth is girls want you to approach them - when you realise they want it just as much as you do - they love it - then it becomes a lot easier. Its something to be proud of not ashamed
Depends in the girl.
A 10 in a club that got approached by 30 guys in 10 min, is annoyed.
@@bonevolt thats what the pickup Coaches will tell you. Go to a club/pub/beach/social media. And see the truth. These girls have no rest from guys trying to talk to them.
You prolly dont care at all but does anyone know of a method to get back into an instagram account??
I was stupid lost the login password. I would love any tricks you can give me.
@@nisansf This lmao. I used to believe this when I was younger, more naive and watching PUA vids. This is bullshit. They will get hit on like crazy. This is like saying 5's get approached the most because guys expect easy lays.
@@nisansf I've been there and that's not happening, I don't know where you get that info. Most guys dont approach, maybe 10 years ago unless they've been doing it before which is not that common
When you have “no choice” all the anxiety goes away.
This is way more important than any “approach anxiety.” The concept is so powerful. Thanks Todd.
man fuck that shit you have a friggin choice don't lie to yourself.... theres hookerss, theres going fishing, there's playing video games and doing more fun things than talking to a hussy who's probably a ginger at heart with no soul, come now son, come now.
I wonder if the hesitation is because we feel like there's a moral conflict. In the example with a gun to your family member's head, you say to yourself, "I have to do this -- it's the only right thing to do." But when there's no gun to your family member's head, there suddenly is something that holds you back. It must go beyond trying to protect yourself from rejection. My theory is that we have this underlying idea that being gamey will lead to social ostracism, being called out for being a player, or being called out for being immoral and trying to manipulate women or sleep around.
So if that theory is true, it's more about morality and the way we figure we fit into society like a jigsaw piece. We feel conflicted about approaching because we feel fake, like we're about to be a bad person for doing so. But when there's a gun to your relative's head, there's no question what the right thing to do is. Heck, you'd probably actually be more likely to score with the girl if there was a gun to the family member's head.
Thou shall approach!
@@stupidrainbo Well said I think that is very much it, some sort of deep morality thing or just social conditioning but also anxiety in general and wondering what others think.
@@aythatsme3607
Glad to know theres still ppl like you fam
I took immersion with Todd a few years ago and he is the real deal. Extremely, extremely solid game and is a master at breaking it down and making sure you understand the concepts. And he actually taught all the sessions himself and came out in the field with us every day. 10/10 would recommend
I assume more convincing promotion would be something like "I took immersion with Todd a few years ago and in 2018 I have had sex with 20 new woman, all of whom at least 7/10 and I achieved it naturally without making "chasing women" my work (here you could insert any other objective you achieved thanks to immersion). Nothing could tell you more about coach than results of his students, it doesn't really matter how good results he have himself. A lot of RSD students suck even after wasting 10000$+ on programs and immersions, but they still could tell others how good RSD is and how cool those coaches. PUA community lack this results oriented approach, even Todd isn't exception. From reviews of his programs I can't remember people talking about actual numbers like "approached 600 women, fucked 30 of them and half of them more than once".
@@greenlitlleman "A lot of RSD students suck even after wasting 10000$+ on programs and immersions" got a source on that?
@Subs1338 Check some reviews on Reddit from guys who participated in bootcamps. For some guys it gives boost, for sure. But most of them could get results even without paying for the program. And some guys purchase bootcamp after bootcamp without actually improving their game long term.
@@greenlitlleman "some guys didnt get much better" is way different than "A lot of RSD students suck even after wasting 10000$+ on programs and immersions".- I dont see how that says anything about RSD teachings.
@Subs1338 If by "didn't get better" means what they can't get laid then it for me it also means what they suck. =\
This is true. Don't give your choice of approaching or not, just approach and think of it's the right thing to do. And repeat.
hard when ure d only one doing it in ur continent
I think for most of us, it's actually not approach anxiety, it's rejection anxiety. That's why it's not as nerve racking to go up to a stranger and asking for the time. I think the anxiety comes from the intent of the approach. If we approach with the intent to get the girl's number, we immediately think about the rejection. We're focusing too much attention on the rejection. That can be crippling for most of us. Personally, I had more anxiety when I was approaching by myself than when I was with a friend who told me to approach. When I was with my friend, the intent of the approach, in my mind, was no longer to get the girl's number, but it was to show my friend that I wasn't a pussy for not approaching. Fearing rejection was secondary to fearing seen as a pussy by my friend. Getting the girl's number was just a result of executing all the steps correctly. My rejection anxiety all of a sudden mattered less. My sense of self, or ego, switched from viewing the approach as creepy, to something that I must do in order to be seen as the alpha dog. This distinction between approach anxiety and rejection anxiety may seem trivial, but I think labeling it for what it really is can help find ways to address the issue. Our mind first needs to understand what it is we fear before we try to fix the problem. Hope this comment helps.
ure right. it comes to deep beliefs that u think ure taking value cus u dont believe girls like fucking. and confusion why u should chat if u have no interest in it, just fuck
I think your comment is bang on! It’s more difficult to approach when you’re all alone and it’s harder to get out of your head too. When you have a friend with you, you have an external voice telling you to Do It!
@@thespian44 my problem is not rejection. I don't mind if they reject me coz I Know it's 50 50 from the jump. My problem is trying to b smooth, not say something stupid or amateurish. I also don't want her to notice my anxiety
Good point but "pussy" is problematic
Yes, but I think approach anxiety has some meaning to it, seeing as if I go on a date I can still get rejected at the date, but I don't feel the same level of anxiety going into a date because I at least know the girl is interested in me, approach anxiety is like not knowing how the fuck you make a girl interested in you + rejection anxiety combined.
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how
-Nietzche
If only Nietzsche overcame his approach anxiety and got laid
I just can't shake the feeling that I will get a bad reputation by aproaching randomly at my campus. Everyone says you need to meet people through activities in my campus. That's why I don't do it there.
Joan Jett - Bad Reputation
Is it weird that I kind of want that player reputation 😂😂
They say that because either they don't want to see you succeed or they are afraid themselves and can't imagine such thing in their minds.
Lmao ? Why is meeting people randomly viewed as weird ? Lol we’re human beings like socialize and shit
i understand bro , im no pro but if your interaction is genuine and she likes you , youll be fine
There was a time when I was scared of approaching women. Not so much, nowadays. But here are some of the things that worked for me and work for my students each and every day. toddwinnergame.com for more on approach anxiety and inner game in general.
Hearing these stories of you as a beginner is very cool, at least we know we're on the right track.
AskToddV cheers Todd for the great product.. Aa is a real issue for me and anxiety in general.. Weirdly is I'm at salsa I have no problem just chatting to women, similar in the a meet up group I'm in.. It's a mindset thing, maybe outcome dependant? Best ways around that.. Cheers man
I want to get my financial situation handled. I'm hard working...one way or another I'll find my way but the journey would be a lot more smooth if yiu mentored me in smart invrstment and creating passive income source.
I have horrible approach anxiety, I mean mid-40s, maybe made one lame approach. I met a few lousy women online, I'm always single, depressed about it, and hate being alone. I make over $1000/day, I work out, maybe not a male model but I know guys who look much worse than me have attractive woman.Women did say positive things about my looks, and I was oblivious to the signs they were interested. Many years ago even my grandmother tried to coach me to approach women. :lol: That never worked. Recently though, a lady came up to me with tears begging that she has two kids and is totally broke, and asked me in the store to buy diapers and formula for her kids. I thought maybe a scam, I walked away, she came around, started to cry and beg and said its not scam, you can watch them drink the bottle. She said she may get help next week but they are starving now. I thought to myself, what would make someone so desperate to do something like that. As desperate as I am being alone? Sure, I probably could have gotten her number, but that is another story, don't want to get involved with someone in that situation.
I did buy her some stuff, money is nothing to me, always a good deed that could come back to me. But it also taught me a lesson., that may make me start approaching women.
#alb12345672 You can afford to hire yourself a life coach, or even just a shrink, to help you get over your self confidence issues...
The example of "gun to the head of a family member" actually was very effective in giving me a new perspective about approach.
Why?
Approach anxiety (even in super small amounts) exists because you actually give a shit. If you were to approach an unattractive woman, you probably wouldn’t be nervous at all. It’s when you’re approaching women you actually like that you get nervous, and that’s normal. Just embrace it.
MA man dropping fire contents
Todd PLEASE go more in depth about how to game and pull in college
Would really help for some of us
Well brothers the PROPHET has spoken ......
Get ur game going 🙏🏼🙏🏼
YK Derien legend
One important tip for approaching along with this is to make sure the girl can see you coming before you talk to her. Don’t come up from behind her and scare her. This will make you come across as creepy and will turn her off.
Just wow, this applies not only to game, but to all areas of life where you can feel anxiety or fear. Thanks, Todd! This is some real deal and a great way to approach life and taking it to a date I guess))
Fear of the unknown will always be there, u just have to take action anyway
Why is the unknown scary?
sunhawk because our minds think of the worst thing possible
This is gold.
At first I didn't like this guy for whatever reason but I kept watching his videos and man, he is not only knowledgeable but he is fun to be around as well.
Thanks Todd :]
A good way to get rid of approach anxiety is to have something else in your life that you are so deathly anxious about, that any anxiety about approaching a girl seems like a pleasant trip to Majorca in comparison.
Thou shall approach!
so why do I feel intimidated by some girls and nervous, I'd open but I wouldn't be myself around them and knowing that I won't feel at ease and confident just makes me even more anxious - vicious circle
and it's not a logical thing - so how the moral decision beforehand would help when you're overwhelmed by emotion in the moment of approaching,
fuck
@Snm Snm Nofap is king. Agreed
The fear of beauty phenomenon
@@rafe9781 you just have to simply learn how to stop giving a fuck , i knows it's easier said than done but its possible , Stop looking at what can go wrong and start looking at what can go right from the approach.
My app Rocha anxiety come from thinking I need to be funny
honestly this is a classic.. i can always come back to this vid
Definitely gonna steal the prospective college student idea to get me out of my shell. It's basically true anyways since I'm in third year college but I look a senior in highschool. i think it will go good
Just what I needed
Todd, can you reupload the ''Cold approach is a cheat code'' video.. I can't seem to watch this one. And btw, thank you so much for not putting ads on your vids, it's like a breath of fresh air haha, thanks!
The Toddfather is the greatest. i got really serious about game when my gf dumped me, everytime i think im scared about going over to a girl i think ' i feel worst about not having women in my life' so lets go.
Exactly, i am in the same situation ;) no approach - no girdfielx and no great memories
I dont know if any of you guys experience this...but when i adapted the mindset of completly stopping seeking approval from women, like not giving a f what she thinks of me alltogether, i got rid of approach anxiety almost completely. Also body language got way better and almost never buy into her frame. I feel like all pickup tactics are useless if you dont adress the root cause of it, then they will like naturally come to you.
The best way to get rid of anxiety when approaching women is going into it telling yourself that they're like children.
Like Sun Tzu’s principles ‘put them in the face of danger or death and they will not run or hide; put them on death ground’
for me in general, getting rejected is not of my problems, i've got the attitude, alright your loss, in my head, and great comebacks etc, it's just, i'm kinda an introvert, not so social living, don't have alot going on or have ambition, it's it's just the cold approach to woman i' may like, or just practice on, how to engage an conversation for small talk or really see, if she kinda interested to make further effort to ask her out if the signs are there, if i would get rejected, i'll just say, alright, no problem have a great day, and leave, so far i'm 14 cold approach rejections in.
I can only say for myself, Just "assuming failure" was the easiest. Like assume that failure is near guaranteed and just have fun on their dime. In a sense, and it's always worked for me. Usually I go out with a few girls though that are just friends (happen to be hot), so it's honestly not that hard.
This. Is motivation for real todd no cap
These personal stories are great. I'd like to hear some more honest stories about how you got to be good at game.
true, its easier for me to approach my 200 % dream woman than to make smalltalk with some woman i am not interested in at a party, in fact the first woman that was that important to me turned up at my age 51, and i did not have a choice so i did it and got her (for a short time unfortunately)
Any time is time enough
yea "just talk just talk" but what if like MOST GUYS... YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY!!!
cuz not everyone knows what to say exactly and smooth talker like TODD!
Awesome video Todd.
Hahaha, great story at the end. And the analogy of visiting campus vs actual college life was very good. Everyone could find the same mind switch that works for them.
Dude, thank you!
1:30 ~ I’d STILL have approach anxiety. It’d just be compounded!
I wish you were a finance mentor...recently graduated...right now my focus is to get my financial sitiation handled and have some sort of passive income flow as well. There are very few people whose advice I take seriously and you're one of them. I wish there was a way I could have you as my mentor for making money.
Dave Ramsey seems pretty low risk long term thinking
Here are five tips to defeat Approach Anxiety.
I suffered from it for years, but now I am stronger than this crippling anxiety.
1
Basic respect for other people is good, but respecting women because
they are women, will keep you from approaching them!
You will be afraid! Don’t put women on a pedestal.
They are just people.
2
Realizing THIS will make your approach anxiety weaker.
As a man, you are the one who is destined to approach women.
It is the role of the man to approach.
It has been the male duty, since the dawn of time.
3
You approach to find out if the woman is/could be interested in you.
You are NOT going there to change her mind.
You are just talking to her to find out.
Therefore, you can’t fail while talking to her.
The only failure is not approaching!
4
I don’t like adverts like
“How to get your girlfriend back” or
“How to make a very specific girl fall in love with you”.
Because you can’t. You just move on and try it with the next woman.
5
Stop watching porn. Stop sexualizing your screen,
Start getting the natural fantasy about the real women you see.
This way, you will make your brain healthy again.
As your brain is now pointed in the right direction,
It will become likelier and easier to approach women
And ignore your approach anxiety!
Read more tips in my book:
How to Defeat Approach Anxiety: How I learned to become socially free and talk to women anywhere (with respect)
mackavelidom.gumroad DOT com/l/how-to-defeat-approach-anxiety
thank todd
Progressive desensitization. Thats a great idea. Just in general, im gunna use that.
10yo
A moral decision. That's fucking brilliant.
Todd I love your stuff. And I've learnt a lot just by watching your videos. I think American women are generally friendlier than English women. I'm from the UK and I know you've been here but I've not seen you talk to an English girl!
I know in London it's full of foreign tourists but I would like to see you in England talking to some English girls.
You gotta want it bad enough. Give urself an objective and make sure u follow through.
you gotta wan it bad enough means you have to have to do the steps to get to the point where your self-esteem is high -- lifting weights, getting a social circle (even if your an introvert who may also be a misanthrope -- which makes it damn near heroic of you if that's your case) and y'need that paper with the dollar signs on it. Money, Look, Status build that sheyet. personally, I don't even do pua much anymore, I see it for what it is. . . a tedious waste of time... for me at least. The time invested only to find a girl who's not important at all, like at all and then to manifest your own fantasy upon her as if shes something else... look it always leads to disappointment. just saying
3:06 So Stephen Merchant is attending..
In looking back, I don't believe these suggestions would have worked for me. Just too many obstacles.
Just imagine you only have 24 hours to live. And not just imagine but try to really get a feeling of it. Takes about a minute or two to get in that state. Then see if you have any approach anxiety. You will have an absolute 0 anxiety. But the only thing that even the above example does not help with is when you don't know what you are going to talk about with a girl for the next hour or two or even months to come if she is a potential girlfriend and that is what actually leads to approach anxiety more than anything else. I don't even believe that approach anxiety would exist in the first place if you knew you were confident enough to have long not boring conversations with the girl without any problem.
Question for Todd: can you talk about what to do in phone conversation with the girl? You previously said you have a high success rate in converting those into dates. Can you talk about that or optionally put an infield audio?
Edit: big fan, I took your immersion in New York (under different name).
Here's 2 ideas for following vids:
1) What to do when a girl isn't quite sexual (on the date as well), meaning when you steer convo in such direction she jokingly brushes it off or even gets a bit shy? Like, if the girl isn't in general a very sexual person. In the past I've just "gone" for it on the assumption that if she is still there, then she must be interested.
2) What do you think about the (spiritual) paradigms of Doing/Loving/Being?
Basically the book Letting Go.
Sava Nedev cool theory
1) the first one kinda been done look at his video from boring conversation to sex.
???? I have a version of approach anxiety. It's not opening though it's sets w girls I really am attracted to. It's being in my head and overthinking. Sometimes I am fine and unstifled other times I am not. This messes up everything. It messes w my calibration, my ease of escalation, and overall flow and vibe. The times I went in not caring at all I had great results. I know that outcome can't be important to me or I risk seeming needy. I know hot girls are normal people too. I don't feel as if I am taking value and I don't usually ruin sets from neediness but when I'm stifled I fail to move the interaction forward towards intimacy. My escalation just feels so awkward. I've really been working on being present and grounded in my frame and thus has helped. Consistency is what I'm after Thx
Cold showers and nofap helps guys. Promise yourself you will at least do those things for now and you will likely have a what have I got to lose attitude. Don't even hope that it will help you. Hope can be overrated. Just do it cause why not.
Todd if your ever in Dallas and a Black man randomly shakes your hand and hug you.... It was me!! Love u bro
Todd tell more about your story please
You are great. Too bad i don't have money to get your coaching
I'm wondering, how can I know that I've been texting, flirting long enough to start to make plans??? Should I start making plans right after a first positive text?
I cringe a little bit, but I pulled a girl home. She gave me ltr and nothing happend. She just left. Turns out she works in a place that I visit on regular basis. This happend to me a couple of times. Embaressing and actually humiliating. How should I act in situations like this one?
drink booze and do more approaches, it makes everything seem a lot less embarrassing because you filter out all the shit that plays with your mind. So its all a blur when your soused but... if you fuck her, you accomplished something, right?
booze does nothing to my approach anxiety. I can be blasted but I still have anxiety when thinking about approaching.
when approaching, it should be spontaneous, you don't really think about it. Just walk down a lane, drunk af, and the first girl you see you stop her. . . youre not drinking enough or you're doing it like a vulture (waiting and hounding a girl from like the other side of the street, thinking of everything to say to her). . . look, just have a canned opener "hey saw you, you looked pretty thought id come say hi, I only have a minute but..." …. if you were truly blasted you'd have no anxiety, just don't hound chicks, let it be natural by walking down a path and stopping girls spontaneously, girls in front of you and close..... goodluck.
aythatsme yourmamasmamassonthatmadeit that’s how I used to do approaches. I would drink and use cocaine and I would be a machine for the next 45 minutes but I built a wicked addiction to both substances, mainly alcohol. It’s a quick fix but by no means long term solution and it eventually increases overall general anxiety
dropping gems
thanks todd
Question here: I'd like to hear your take on girls that don't react to your sexual teases. They just let it sink in, don't object to it, but also don't follow with anything in that regard. Am I supposed to push even more or just assume that it had an impact anyway? Thank you
William Golas Game the wall exercise.
My openers get very negative reactions what should I do differently?
Hi Todd, I would like to ask you this question: "How to be congruent in general + when having wrong psychic mindset that was made in childhood. Is effective to treat it by subconscious psychotherapy?"/Congruence exercises." Thank you very much. Good luck. VV.
Fundamentally....
The man!
Gold 🏌
Thou shalt approach.
Hey Todd, what would you advise to do with this situation: managed to talk to a girl I'm interested in a store, missed a key opportunity to get the number etc. Would it be better to go back in another day? Or reach out via social media?
I finally started making approaches on campus but they’re shit and don’t go anywhere. Any advice on step two after you start making approaches
and the lord todd sayeth, thou shalt approach
Hey Todd I need your advice. For myself approaching girls isn’t that hard anymore. My main thing is that I’m getting distracted by them. I want to spend more time building my business but when I’m out and about I’m always bumping into cute girls and I start having an internal debate of whether or not I should approach them especially when I can sense that they want me to talk to them. Ik that it’s different for you since your business is picking up girls but for someone who is building a business that requires me to connect w people I don’t know how would do you recommend not getting distracted?
Beat off 3 times before you go out
thy shall approach
Quite often I get a text right before the date that something happend or whatever. She can't be there. Is it a shittest or an actual thing that happend? How to distinguish between the two? How to pass this particulat kind of shittest?
Very powerful
Hi Todd, I enjoyed the daygame pull infield with JP. I also noticed he seems to be mentioned on your website as the Man for daygame. Do u have anymore posted videos of him?
Thanks, Eric
Hi Todd i was wondering if i want to overcome rejections ?
Todd, you're amazing, but it's plain wrong to say that anxiety disappears, when you don't have a choice to not do the thing.
the thing you did in 1:07 ...thats the thing i am most scared of, the reason i can not speak properly with gurls....any help? thansk forr video man
my advice would be do it more people dont understand the more you fuck up the more u get better trust me
Sick video
Pickup Artist cool username
Thou shalt heal the sick video.
What does the "pool and swim approach" means?
It means just dive in and do it. Then, do HER. ;-)
What is a qualifier
ASKTODDV im not scared of approach is just dont know what to say
What if you want dont want casual sex, but are able to approach a girl you are interested in.
Haha oh man the roommate story got my laughing hard
Thou shalt laugh softer like a possessed pillow.
For me the problem is not in approach anxiety. The problem is in approach anxiety in the OTHER country, especially when English is not your mother language. Thanx for interesting video Todd)
Jump in and out 5 sek when warming up ....it works
Where do you get your clothes?
VALUE VALUE VALUE!!
Did you ask yourself why you felt so bad about yourself if you didn t approach a hot girl in the first place ? I mean game is great but if it comes from such a compulsive state it diminushes your chances by a lot in my opinion
Yeah but no approaching is 0% rate success, approaching with shit to no game still has a very small %. On top of that once you get familiar with approaching you'll start focusing on other aspects of your game. That's progression
Who cares. U gotta start somewhere. Doing something is better than doing nothing.
I got you but why needing a hot girl that much ? It s not just about don t appearing needy it s about not BEING needy in the first place
Yassin Hlb yes ideally you don’t come from a place of desperation but rather inspiration, however desperation + 1 is still better than inspiration + 0 - meaning even if you’re approaching from that place it’s still better than doing nothing.
And also as you keep approaching and the anxiety and tension dissipates over time that problem tends to self-correct
Because what the fuck is the alternative?
So weird story, I have approach anxiety with regular women, but when a woman is unbelievably gorgeous I just do it. Why is that?
Because that's the one you really want
Fuckin love ya tod
Thou shalt approach
thou shalt approach
Thou shalt not read the replies.
Seems like the only answer anyone ever gives to this question is to just jump into the freezing cold water and do it.
Thou shalt approach! 11th Commandment.
Thou shalt learn to count.
Donny Rickles Jr. thou shalt learn critical thinking skills
Hi, this is very interesting. What is the Level 3 of desensitization, after "Ask for directions, give a compliment and leave"? I feel this one and "ask for directions" as something I could do. Meanwhile approach and say "hi" not really🤔
Try making small talk with a barber when getting a haircut next time or maybe the pizza delivery guy, or maybe your doctor, I don't know. I'm guessing you don't want to be purposeless in your approach, but in these examples it shouldn't be a worry. Bothering a complete stranger just to engage in small talk can be a daunting task, but if it's a bonus and not THE purpose then it becomes innocent and mostly risk free.
- How to get red of approach anxiety ?
- Be a psychopath !
how to be a psychopath?
@@rafe9781 either be born with a psychopathic genes or figure out a way to genetically engineer your genes to turn them into a psychopathic ones.
Be a “good” psychopath.
Read The Wisdom of Psychopaths
People think you're joking but this is true. Not all psychopaths are evil or actively malevolent, either.
5 Sec Rule
Legend
Can you imagine a world where no guys had approace anxiety lol
Wait so what did people think of you?
When he said “You were like that guy.” Did people hate you or admire you?
Even though we should not care about what others think this is a crucial point because sometimes good friends can help you eke a girl with a good game.