How to Accept Terrible Intrusive Thoughts
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- Опубликовано: 3 авг 2023
- You're actually very skilled at acceptance. Now you just need to apply those skills to the thoughts and feelings you've been hating on.
Coaching is full currently but I'm doing an Instagram subscription channel as a more affordable alternative, with regular posts and livestreams for answering questions and sharing skills on making changes: / markwfreeman
For working on recovery skills, grab my book, YOU ARE NOT A ROCK, wherever books are sold, like here on Amazon: bit.ly/youarenotarock
(It's called THE MIND WORKOUT in the UK and Australia/New Zealand, DAS MIND-WORKOUT in Deutsch, ENTRENA TU MENTE en español)
Travel mental health blog: www.themindfulfieldguide.com
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I had the best day I’ve had in a long time. Went to church and then the beach; basically spent the whole day with family and did the least amount of rumination and compulsions in a while. Working everyday to get myself out of my head and into my body and life itself. Thank you.
Enjoy the Life-ing! And thank you for being you.
Have fun getting into life!
Love these analogies and this way of thinking about it. I find it so helpful. It's a challenge, though, especially when the thoughts coincide with physical side effects of fear/terror. Small steps at a time. We can do this.
Thanks, Kathryn! If you're approaching feelings as different from thoughts, my most recent video on intrusive feelings might be useful to check out: ruclips.net/video/zk3EfDLOJJg/видео.html
@@everybodyhasabrain Huh! I had never made this connection before. Thanks Mark! Seriously.
Yes I was dealing with this and funny I had an anxiety attack in a Dunkin’ Donuts and I saw something on my phone that trigger that anxiety feeling and I judge the feeling instead of judging it I should have continue what I was doing thank you mark I know we had a conversation about this earlier and this was a great example
Especially inside a donut shop, it is not a time for judging feelings when we could be eating donuts. It is great you can see that now and put this skill into practice!
@@everybodyhasabrainyes i understand it I always felt like when my anxiety get trigger and I get that unsettling feeling that my day is ruin because I feel like this. But no I can still feel like that but continue getting donuts because I shouldn’t waste my energy on the that don’t matter like bad feelings or intrusive thoughts
@@ranc1977 but what if we haven’t done anything wrong you don’t need to do something wrong in order to have that feeling of worrying
I realised lately that I am scouting for my anxiety. Quitting it feels like a muscle I have to tense when I notice this topic comes up. Also making meaning about it I noticed is also something I mindlessly do, it‘s like a short clip you are immersed in. My brain is tensing and going on the rollercoaster right now 😂
What do you mean by making meaning? I’m curious because it’s something I might be doing as well
It's great you're noticing those patterns going on. Now you can step away from them!
@@NonaMoreau I mean we often take something and spin all sorts of extra meaning around it. "Oh no, there is this again, the fact that it's present again means I will have depression forever again or that means I failed again at recovery". We basically cannot let things be but we are in these automatic thinking loops that feel automatic but in the end are only automatic because we do them so often
Very good example allowing the thoughts and feelings to be there on your path and going where you want to go 👍🏻
Enjoy going where you want to go!
i just found this channel a couple weeks ago and have been getting so much value from it. i’ve been really cracking down on my treatment lately because some new targets have shown up and ive kinda reach the “rock bottom” that precedes all of the healing. i know this all too well because over the last couple years i saw tremendous recovery and sustained it for a very long time. these new targets were always there but never at the forefront until last year. and i’m so happy to be over the “hump” of trying to fight and resist the thoughts. this channel is so helpful to just keep me on track and give me the nudges i need every once in a while!
It's great to hear these tools are helpful on your adventures!
I love how you put things that feel so complicated in our heads in such a simple and fun way. It's amazing and I love you for it. I recently came across your channel and it's the only resource to actually help me to start to recover from OCD. I hope I can do it this time. ❤
Thank you. I'm glad you're finding these tools useful as you wrangle the brain in a direction. Feel free to ask any questions under any of the videos as you're turning them into action.
I love how simple and applicable your analogies are. This is a very helpful video 🙂
Thank you! 😁🙇♂️
thank you for your videos. I have been following you for years! ❤❤❤
Thank you for the support over the years!
fantastic video mark, thanks
😁🙌
my favourite types of videos from u!
My favorite type are videos about donuts, too.
Excellent video I love the analogies you use
Thank you!
Wonderful stuff! Thank you so much 🙂
:) You're welcome!
You’re changing the world with your work. Thank you ❤️
Thanks for the support, Jamie!
Another wonderful video!! 🥳🥰
😁🙇♂️
Love this video, intrusive thoughts can be distressing, I find mindfulness can help.
Your videos are the best!
Thanks for the kind words!
Excellent analogy! as always
Thank you!
Blessings to you. These videos are helping me so much. 😊
I'm glad the videos are helping on the journey!
Love the animation!!!! Lol @ podcast advice 🤣🤣
It could be the magic supplement everybody's been looking for!
Awesome explanation thank you
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Very good .. ty
😁🙌
Cool explanation... especially yehhhh 👏😀
Thank you so much 😀
Hi thank you mark.
You're welcome!
Thankyou Mark 🙏 The tree reference on acceptance, you listen to Ram Dass too? He is amazing for spiritual stuff
I've heard the name before but I haven't listened/read any of Ram Dass' work. What did they share about trees and acceptance?
@@everybodyhasabrain If you type in "ram dass how to love yourself" he talks about instead of how to love ourselves we can accept ourselves by recognising how we don't judge trees the same way as we judge ourself and others
All hail to the return of the rule of the donut theme in all conversations. I miss the bagel theme which bagelbagel bagel brought to the chat, tho....gotta get back to that sometime soon.
Donuts and bagels are the circles of life.
Hey man, thank you so much for your videos! I am struggling with one thing though. As a pure-o sufferer, it is difficult for me to determine what my mental compulsions are. As a result it’s difficult to ‘face the fear’ as I don’t know how I am avoiding it. Similarly as I am highly functional I often feel like I am intentionally just accepting my ocd and moving on, but that isn’t really consistent with the level of guilt/doubt/anxiety I feel. Any advice for figuring out how one is resisting?
The question you posted after this on another video explains the compulsions. It could also help to see they're not only mental. In your other comment, you said you weren't pursuing things you want to do in life because of the thoughts. That's a physical compulsion. That's identical to somebody saying they can't do things they want to do in life because they feel contaminated. It's just the totally normal, basic OCD pattern of avoiding life because of a feeling and then trying to clean away the feeling. But that's not how it works! The way forward will be to bring those thoughts and feelings along with you :)
Hey man, thanks for the response! I think you may have misunderstood my other message. In fact, I have maintained to keep living life to the fullest despite ocd (social connections, hobbies, work etc.). I’m grateful that this is a possibility, but what I was sort of asking about is; how do I stop constant intrusive thoughts from pulling me away from the *enjoyment* of these things. In some way there is a different challenge associated with your inability to be connected with things you care about, despite committing to still pursue them.
This also feeds into the question on this video - I’m obviously engaging with the thoughts during the day in some way, or else they wouldn’t be so affecting. What I was getting at here is how can I figure out the way in which I’m doing these things so that I can start to practice letting go of them?
@jackspringer5484 I'd look at how you see thoughts "pulling you away from enjoyment". It helped me to recognize that enjoyment is something I do. And something I often remind people of is that thoughts don't have tentacles. They can't pull you anywhere. But you can go and do things to them. We can choose to bother thoughts and grab onto them and judge them and spend time trying to control them and fix them. It's us trying to find ways to clean them away that creates the challenges. As part of that, I'd look at why you're searching for a way to let them go. That's a classic way we end up holding onto them as we carry them around, looking for the right soap to clean them away. What if there's no problem with them being there? They can be present and you can do things you value doing with any thought or feeling?
@@everybodyhasabrainbut mark there are always fear if we think of life also..like I want to crack exam..it's a good thought that I want to upskill but with that positive thought ocd also comes like "that I will trigger u"..so what should we do? Means if we think positive or value something ocd always attack there by changing themes.
Hi Mark! What is your opinion on brain retraining techniques and self soothing? Tnx
Can you give some examples of what those terms mean to you?
@@everybodyhasabrain deep breathing, tapping, yawning etc. when feeling anxious
@@sunshinegirl92 What would be the difference from an OCD ritual?
I forgot to mention my delight at the addition of the unicorn pee into this conversation😂
It's the next big fad in chasing magical fixes to complex changes. You heard it here first!
I think my problem is thinking that having these thoughts are bad and if I don’t fix them, I will do them and become this bad person. So that’s why I end up having more? Like if I just let this crazy intrusive thought be, then that makes me bad a person for not fixing it. Does that make sense? Does any one else feel the same?
That's a very common compulsion! So is checking for reassurance if others experience the same. It could be useful to look at the beliefs you have around thoughts. Believing a thought means something about you is like believing that you might bark at people because you saw a dog. Thoughts are just experiences, like seeing a dog, stepping on some trash in the street, hearing a bird sing. One area to look at could be the beliefs you have about "good" thoughts. If you believe that thoughts you like are you, then it's natural to struggle with thoughts you dislike. But they're all just experiences.
Off topic, can you recommend some book to stop overthinking and over analysing a situation or a thought like why it come what does it mean, my mind try to make sense of all of the thoughts but it never comes to conclusion it just go on and on.
I have a book, YOU ARE NOT A ROCK, that covers all of the skills I found useful for changing what I do in my head: bit.ly/youarenotarock
I have read your another book the mind workout, I am trying to apply steps practically. I am still learning with lot of relapses. I think I got my answer in your another video on rumination. I need to practice mindfulness more seriously 😅 But problem is sometimes I overthink on positive philosophical beliefs kind of self help thoughts. So that actually makes me feel good, something valuable, it is not always gives me anxiety but it is so exhausting and time consuming and in one of your videos you said by example of good bananas and that rat trap, the pattern of thinking is so same in both unwanted thoughts and the thought which I think on my own, so I really don't know any other way of thinking, I want to learn that, I day dream about good stuff, I make scenarios of how I will talk. It almost happens automatically. Now I am in the stage where I know what is happening with me but still struggle to apply practically. But at least I know how do deal with most of my brain stuff because of your book and videos, they keep me on track of recovery 🙌
@@Sap0105 If you already have the Mind Workout, it is the same book. It has many chapters on cutting out compulsions. Overthinking is just more of the same checking and controlling compulsions. It'll be useful to cut those out. Mindfulness is about action and practice. It's not something to know. It's something to do. If you choose to practice mindlessness, then of course you get better at that.
@@everybodyhasabrain I never looked at overthinking in that way, maybe yes I'm doing controlling compulsion so much. Maybe I am trying to control the uncertainty. Now I can connect the dots It's just 2-3 core fears/solid beliefs, on which I'll work slowly. It just falls into perspective! Thank you sooo much!!
👍👍👍👍👍👍
😁🙌
My brain comes up with my fears and they stick with me for a long time in my head does this work as well? Do you think I keep getting the thoughts stuck because my goal is to stop thinking about them
And I'd look at whether you want to hold onto feelings you like. If we believe it's good to get stuck with good feelings, we're establishing a logic that feelings do stick. It's more useful to smile to any feeling as it dances around.
@@everybodyhasabrain well there thoughts but they can turn into feelings
So if I’m understanding this correctly, if I am trying to be certain or that I’m trying to actively figure out if I’m doing acceptance correctly, that I’m judging and controlling my thoughts?
I think a good way of looking at acceptance is this: “If you really are practicing acceptance, why are you still asking if the thought is still there?” I think Mark once mentioned that
You know you've spent more than enough time on this topic. What if you gave that time and energy to something you actually want to grow in your life?
Whats your oppinion and how to deal with ocd symtoms appearing in dreams and times when your sitting alone and not preocupied?
It can really help to recognize that OCD symptoms are how you interact with stuff. There's nothing different about a dream, thought, feeling, image, voice, busy moment, boring moment, physical sensation, etc. The problems arise from how we interact with those experiences. Whether it's a dream or when you're awake, the issue is us judging it and labeling it as a problem to fix and control, and then spending time and energy on that.
@@everybodyhasabrain Understood, so i guess your saying when we are awake again, we shouldnt judge the thoughts/obessions appearing in our dreams?
@@FM-dm8xj Judging compulsions around any brain stuff won't ever be useful.
@@everybodyhasabrain Thanks! But what about thoughts that say "we are this" in my case its HOCD, do i respond with no or yes or do i completely ignore it?
@FM-dm8xj But this is exactly the same as the first question you asked. It can help to see that you're inventing these categories and attaching meaning to them. Whether something appears in a dream, if a thought happens on a Tuesday, if it's a statement of "you are this!", if your brain shows your face painted in icing on a birthday cake, etc. All of that is in the same place. The only person judging those as being different or meaning something is you.
What is acceptance! I am really confused.
Is it,
(1)Beleiving that the stuff may be or may not be true and accepting uncertainty of it and then focusing on what I value.
Or
(2) I don't believe in what brain is throwing at and I will ignore and do what I value. Seeing it as the brain is again doing the thing it did in the past.
Both things are different, I have been practicing 2 nd one. For example it throws you are bad, so it's just a thought and ignore and do my things.
If I practice it according to (1) then I may be bad, accept uncertainty that I might be bad person and do what I value.
For me, I find these contradiction from many o lf your videos. Thank you. 🌸
Edit:One key difference I see is that for 1st one I need to change my belief and for second one I don't even have to consider the belief that' I am a bad person.'
I wouldn't see these as a contradiction. They're two useful techniques that you may apply in different situations or in the same situation. It depends on what you need to work on and where your skills are at. But calling it a contradiction would be like saying push-ups are a contradiction of pull-ups. Which one is physical fitness?! They both are. Sometimes you need to push. Sometimes you need to pull.
Let's go get some donuts!
Yes! 🍩🍩🍩
Have you been fully cured off ocd?
I don't have any OCD symptoms and haven't for more than a decade. Key to that was recognizing OCD is something we DO. It's a way of interacting with experiences. So I don't see it as useful to describe it as a thing you "cure". That would be like asking somebody if they cured their Toast Burning Disorder. You can definitely stop burning the toast. But that's not something that happens to you or somebody else treats you for. It's about changes we make.
@johntongo112 I don't know what that would mean. I find it much more useful to track the things I want to keep and grow. Just like somebody that wants to swim doesn't track drowning recovery. They would track the skills they want to keep in their life.
That can be a fun exercise for helping to cut out compulsions. But is that how you're defining recovery? Then I would just add that there's so much more to explore and to do. You can be done with compulsions. So I find it useful to track things that can continue with us, long after we've left OCD behind. Tracking OCD or compulsions can be limiting because you need to keep it around so you can keep solving it.
@@everybodyhasabrain so would you say it’s better not to do that method?
@johntongo112 For some reason I can't see the previous comments you made above, so I'm not sure exactly what the method involved that you're asking about. But I won't know what you find helpful to go where you want to go in life. It'll be about you identifying where you want to go and then trying things that help you go there, and seeing if they take you to that destination you want to go to.
I have terrible intrusive FEELINGS…despair, hopelessness, impending doom. And I have no clue WHY I have these feelings. Can this approach still work?
It's the same. That's why I often say "brain stuff" during the video. But I might also just re-upload with the word "thought" replaced with feelings (or physical sensations or images or whatever). The problem is how we interact with the unwanted experience. And the brain will throw up whatever unwanted experience gets us doing the compulsions.
@@everybodyhasabrain Thank you so much, Mark. This is so helpful. I spent years in therapy, being told these feelings were very important, desperate messages from younger, traumatized parts of myself that needed attention and healing. It never got any better. I think it just amounted to more rumination. Your approach is making a lot more sense to me. Thank you again for your work!
@@scotchvelo Enjoy taking steps forward with kindness :)