Dude I totally understand you. I’m 25yo and I feel the exact same way. Always kind of have this lingering pain inside that you’re missing out on life while simultaneously avoiding things that could enrich it. This is totally just an opinion but I think it might have something to do with low dopamine levels. Would explain the constant feelings of things being uninteresting. Also would explain the negative thoughts about yourself. I took vyvanse for a couple of days a little while back and it actually made this feeling go away. I finally felt driven to interact with people and I felt way more confident until it wore off. I think it’s because vyvanse is a stimulant drug that boosts your dopamine levels unlike antidepressants which only make things worse for me. That, mixed with exercise and a healthier diet could help you (and me) tremendously. Alcohol always makes things worse for me. Hang in there man, I feel your pain. You still have 40 or more years to live your life full of enjoyment, that’s a long fucking time. Don’t give up.
I got extreamly emotional listening to youre story and actually had tear's when my son came into my camper where i spend most of my time. I dont even feel comfortable in my own house. I tried to explain to my son but he, like everyone else, said you need to get out and do more with people and you'll be fine.....I try to tell people somthing wont let me but no one understands. I was picked on all the way through school and i know no one is like that toward me anymore but icant shake the terror...
i feel like you, I'm slowly getting isolated voluntarely and im doing nothing about it and i don't know why. I ask myself is it a normal process in a early 20's man's life ? i feel im at a crossroad and I have to make a choice and take a better attitude if I want a life sucess but i also feel im kind of geneticaly attracted to loneliness, darkness,uglyness, sadness, despair and adventures in the dark corners of my mind. i don't know i feel like a walking contradiction.
You are intelligent and you are a person with choice. you must choose how you respond to your difficulties. once you realize that victimizing yourself with why me statements only perpetuates the shit you already know. choose to respond in a way that Diverts your thoughts to more positive healthy ends, it is the only way to go for you.
"Normal" people think the only thing we should do is "socialize" or take pills to calm our anxiety of people. But it's not easy. Thank you for posting these videos, you are brave. Whenever I hear someone talking about the same thing that I'm going through, it's like finding my own reflection. Every one of us here have to keep fighting because life is too short. I'm 18 and I feel like I just missed out on the good stuff. I'm afraid I'll never get a job, a husband, and live a normal life.
You are very hansome & speak English well, so don't apologize about your English! U also express yourself very well. Sounds like your depression and anxiety associated with AvPD is familiar to you. That would make it hard to step out of a comfort zone, whether negative or positive. I understand the feeling of missing out on life. You mentioned dance-watching dance styles and practicing might help you feel more comfortable if you choose to go out dancing or take lessons. One step at a time :)
I know what you mean. I didn't go out looking for someone, my husband and I started out as just friends and got to know each other first. Starting out as just friends can sure make the next step less scary. I feel for you, I know how avoidant personality and social anxiety can affect your social life. It seems to keep you in a cage even though the door is wide open you still feel too much fear to leave your comfort zone.
Listening to youre story made me feel like i was finaly able to express how i felt inside but dident remember making the video's....every thing you talked about seemed to fit me exactly. Mostley how i felt watching the people around me being normal. I feel like the biggest COWARD on earth.
Yeah, I can definitely relate to the 'potential' of going outside & doing things. But when u r not in the proper mind state, those activities are just not all that appealn. If u have an interest in books or video games, maybe just go to the bookstore or game store & look around. The only thing that gets me outside is attachn my interests w/sumthing that's on the outside. For example, I actually love being outdoors b/c I breathe easier & feel less anxiety, so I take my dog to the park.
2 years ago I came to know that I suffer from APD. So, I know what you're going through. Try to question your negativ patterns of thought. Where are they coming from? Usually APD starts during the childhood because of devaluation by parents or other attachment figures. Despite the anxienty you feel: try go out and stop hiding yourself. Be yourself, and stop worring about what people may think. And if they really do think bad about you (usually they don't): fuck'em and go on. Please stop drinking
I feel the invisible wall! What is there to do about it? It's like you're standing behind glass, wasting to enjoy the beautiful world outside. But you just don't have the equipment to smash through...
Hey man.. i hope you're in a good place in life now.. I habe avpd too.. i totally relate to what you said... It's been 9 years since your video is uploaded i wish to hear from u
I don't think I have AvPD, but it's useful for me to learn what it's like because I'm sure I have something similar. I can socialize - go to parties, meet people, make music with them.. but still something drives me to keep isolating myself - I'll take people's phone numbers but never ring them, and I've had partners but I can never really let them in, so they leave.. I understand that feeling of watching time and life slip by but not knowing how to get out there and live. I hate it.
If your english is bad why do I understand everything you are saying - good on you for doing these logs. You know you need to challenge your preconceptions. I accept this is 100% AvPD. Social Life is so confusing for you - such a mystery. May I suggest a book to you. "How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World A Handbook for Personal Liberty - Harry Browne" You don't have to agree with it but it might give you some strength and help you formulate a life you can be happy with. Respect.
Yeah I see what you mean, I also feel like it is a big waste. Life is meant to be lived, not avoided - but we don't have to be controlled by out pass, we can make changes, make a new directions in our lives - and it seems what you are doing with you series of videos here, keep on making the effort :), well done!
@booboohips I agree! I love food and shopping around for produce... At least you get a view of the world outside. Thought it doesn't build my social skill much, it is deffinitly a mood booster!
I'm very outgoing but a loner at the same time. What I do to avoid being alone is go to a coffee shop for an hour or two and read the news on my phone. I end up seeing the same people and I get a few friendly words here and there in, maybe a bad joke. The other anti-lonely/boredom trick up my sleeve is to smoke a joint or two in the local park while feeding the squirrels who I talk to as if they are my pets. These two outings get me outside around people for at least 2-3 hours per day. Over the past few years I've managed to accumulate as many as 20 acquaintances who stop and talk to me. And one squirrel, Bernard, hes got awful teeth and anti-social personality disorder but always has something interesting to say, even if its all lies... although last time he stole my watch. Hey, maybe you need mdma instead of alcohol, I used to be much more closed in my early twenties but by thirty I had tripped on so many E's I was busted open. The nice thing about raves and electronic events is there are SO many people doing basically nothing but sitting around in the dark, you can basically be alone as long as you want if you want nobody questions it. Not the outdoor festivals, but the indoor massive events, five-thousand strong. It probably sounds horrifying to you but trust me clubs horrify me, massive all-night events are almost like being alone in my apartment only I don't feel alone.
I felt like this too, but then I quit my job. I felt a little worried at first, but I'm a lot happier, now that I quit. Maybe, you should travel, I've been wanting to do that.
Yeah I'm hip. Staying alone doing the self-punishment trip for who-knows-what reason. Like I don't deserve to be happy and leave the house or be with people. I've done something and deserve to feel bad.
I relate to what you are saying. Not long ago I tried to reach out to a therapist only to have the person not contact me again or pick up the phone to make a new appointment after having seen her 3 times. I had to work up resolve to go see her, and It upset me that she treated me like that. I feel incapable of doing anything to get myself to behave differently than I do. But I HAVE to do it anyway because no one is going to help me. Its all a huge, painful ordeal.
Im working my life out by myself as best I can. I'm having progress. Baby steps are steps. I think Im going in the right direction. When I can I will try to see someone new though.
Wow. I can very much relate to this. And you seem like a pretty cool guy, but unfortunately, I can say that and this very disorder will tell you it's bullshit. I know that feeling. I hope you find the help you need. I look forward to checking out the rest of your vLogs.
Just wait until you have kids that are super social and want to go to every birthday and event. Wait when you have to talk your kid's friends parents you just met and try not to seem weird or strange. Kids will drag you through situations you would of never thought you could possible go through. Imagine sitting at a conference table with 6 teachers 3 are speech therapist and they are all looking at you and asking you questions. I had my first panic attack when I left that meeting.
@cantgetright1111 im 36 and miss out on so much stuff, i use to drink tons of booze just to enter my dorm cause I wasn t comfortable around the cool kids, now I work security, a one man job, fucking sucks
phantomofoaktown Get out of security work !! Especially working on your own !! I know it only makes the disorder worse !!! Please get into therapy and please work on yourself to improve your self & life !!! You will get there !! Fight the good fight !! 💪🙏👍
@AntarLamm I respectfully disagree... Though I think it's generally accepted that extroverted is better and introverted is inferior (I think being introverted is great and makes the world go round, without introverts the extroverts would be lost) What I want to say is that I love being alone with my thought [LOVE IT] but at the same time I want a social life, I want to converse and party and laugh with people!
@FantastyckplastycK Can it really helps for AvPD? I tried to read some stuff about buddhism and to me it justs sounds like nothing new. Maybe I'm dumb.
Writing out want you want to say in a video beforehand is not cheating. Whatever you need to do to get through the first couple videos. After you get use to making vlogs, you'll find that you wont even need to write out what you want to say anymore.
Find music instrumentals... rap. Don't even record it, just sing your own thoughts out. A lot of well renowned lyricists would probably be straight up serial offenders if not having had those words written in an organised mannor.
Alter sei einfach du selbst, geh da raus und scher dich ein dreck darüber was andere denken. Und wenn man immer über seine Situation nachdenkt dann kommen die Zweifel und du machst dir selber Druck und denkst du müsstest irgendwie sein wie andere es verlangen und bestimmte anforderungen erfüllen. Verdammt noch mal leb dein leben wie du es willst und vertrau auf deine Gefühle und sei selbstbewusst.
Dude I totally understand you. I’m 25yo and I feel the exact same way. Always kind of have this lingering pain inside that you’re missing out on life while simultaneously avoiding things that could enrich it. This is totally just an opinion but I think it might have something to do with low dopamine levels. Would explain the constant feelings of things being uninteresting. Also would explain the negative thoughts about yourself. I took vyvanse for a couple of days a little while back and it actually made this feeling go away. I finally felt driven to interact with people and I felt way more confident until it wore off. I think it’s because vyvanse is a stimulant drug that boosts your dopamine levels unlike antidepressants which only make things worse for me. That, mixed with exercise and a healthier diet could help you (and me) tremendously. Alcohol always makes things worse for me. Hang in there man, I feel your pain. You still have 40 or more years to live your life full of enjoyment, that’s a long fucking time. Don’t give up.
I hope he’s doing okay, seems like a really nice guy, I’m experiencing all this right now, I wonder if things changed for him.
"Thinking becomes an addiction when you're all alone"
I can really relate to that line.
I got extreamly emotional listening to youre story and actually had tear's when my son came into my camper where i spend most of my time. I dont even feel comfortable in my own house. I tried to explain to my son but he, like everyone else, said you need to get out and do more with people and you'll be fine.....I try to tell people somthing wont let me but no one understands. I was picked on all the way through school and i know no one is like that toward me anymore but icant shake the terror...
you look a lot lie the late Heath Leger if he had brown hair in my opinion.
i feel like you, I'm slowly getting isolated voluntarely and im doing nothing about it and i don't know why. I ask myself is it a normal process in a early 20's man's life ? i feel im at a crossroad and I have to make a choice and take a better attitude if I want a life sucess but i also feel im kind of geneticaly attracted to loneliness, darkness,uglyness, sadness, despair and adventures in the dark corners of my mind. i don't know i feel like a walking contradiction.
buddy you have a lot of courage and can make an example for other persons who have avoidant personality. carry on bro and inspire others.
I'm double your age and I've lived my entire life in the shadows, just as you describe.
Dude please drop a line to say you're ok whenever you logon next. Please...
You are intelligent and you are a person with choice. you must choose how you respond to your difficulties. once you realize that victimizing yourself with why me statements only perpetuates the shit you already know. choose to respond in a way that Diverts your thoughts to more positive healthy ends, it is the only way to go for you.
"Normal" people think the only thing we should do is "socialize" or take pills to calm our anxiety of people. But it's not easy. Thank you for posting these videos, you are brave. Whenever I hear someone talking about the same thing that I'm going through, it's like finding my own reflection. Every one of us here have to keep fighting because life is too short. I'm 18 and I feel like I just missed out on the good stuff. I'm afraid I'll never get a job, a husband, and live a normal life.
I can relate so much to this. It's like you're talking about me. Hope you're okay!
You are very hansome & speak English well, so don't apologize about your English! U also express yourself very well. Sounds like your depression and anxiety associated with AvPD is familiar to you. That would make it hard to step out of a comfort zone, whether negative or positive. I understand the feeling of missing out on life. You mentioned dance-watching dance styles and practicing might help you feel more comfortable if you choose to go out dancing or take lessons. One step at a time :)
your introverted man.....I do the same shit that you do....work, come home, eat, surf the net, listen to music, drink......Same shit everyday.....
I know what you mean. I didn't go out looking for someone, my husband and I started out as just friends and got to know each other first. Starting out as just friends can sure make the next step less scary. I feel for you, I know how avoidant personality and social anxiety can affect your social life. It seems to keep you in a cage even though the door is wide open you still feel too much fear to leave your comfort zone.
Listening to youre story made me feel like i was finaly able to express how i felt inside but dident remember making the video's....every thing you talked about seemed to fit me exactly. Mostley how i felt watching the people around me being normal. I feel like the biggest COWARD on earth.
that's how my days are too, always the same, always alone
Thank you for sharing
Yeah, I can definitely relate to the 'potential' of going outside & doing things. But when u r not in the proper mind state, those activities are just not all that appealn. If u have an interest in books or video games, maybe just go to the bookstore or game store & look around. The only thing that gets me outside is attachn my interests w/sumthing that's on the outside. For example, I actually love being outdoors b/c I breathe easier & feel less anxiety, so I take my dog to the park.
2 years ago I came to know that I suffer from APD. So, I know what you're going through. Try to question your negativ patterns of thought. Where are they coming from? Usually APD starts during the childhood because of devaluation by parents or other attachment figures. Despite the anxienty you feel: try go out and stop hiding yourself. Be yourself, and stop worring about what people may think. And if they really do think bad about you (usually they don't): fuck'em and go on. Please stop drinking
I feel the invisible wall! What is there to do about it?
It's like you're standing behind glass, wasting to enjoy the beautiful world outside. But you just don't have the equipment to smash through...
Hey man.. i hope you're in a good place in life now..
I habe avpd too.. i totally relate to what you said...
It's been 9 years since your video is uploaded i wish to hear from u
I don't think I have AvPD, but it's useful for me to learn what it's like because I'm sure I have something similar. I can socialize - go to parties, meet people, make music with them.. but still something drives me to keep isolating myself - I'll take people's phone numbers but never ring them, and I've had partners but I can never really let them in, so they leave.. I understand that feeling of watching time and life slip by but not knowing how to get out there and live. I hate it.
If your english is bad why do I understand everything you are saying - good on you for doing these logs. You know you need to challenge your preconceptions. I accept this is 100% AvPD. Social Life is so confusing for you - such a mystery. May I suggest a book to you. "How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World A Handbook for Personal Liberty - Harry Browne" You don't have to agree with it but it might give you some strength and help you formulate a life you can be happy with. Respect.
i understand you almost 100%.
Yeah I see what you mean, I also feel like it is a big waste. Life is meant to be lived, not avoided - but we don't have to be controlled by out pass, we can make changes, make a new directions in our lives - and it seems what you are doing with you series of videos here, keep on making the effort :), well done!
@booboohips I agree! I love food and shopping around for produce... At least you get a view of the world outside. Thought it doesn't build my social skill much, it is deffinitly a mood booster!
You have good Engrish. Very passable. I’m American.
yeah feeling stuck is the worst thing, but We (and i mean me too) need to get professional help.
I'm very outgoing but a loner at the same time. What I do to avoid being alone is go to a coffee shop for an hour or two and read the news on my phone. I end up seeing the same people and I get a few friendly words here and there in, maybe a bad joke. The other anti-lonely/boredom trick up my sleeve is to smoke a joint or two in the local park while feeding the squirrels who I talk to as if they are my pets. These two outings get me outside around people for at least 2-3 hours per day. Over the past few years I've managed to accumulate as many as 20 acquaintances who stop and talk to me. And one squirrel, Bernard, hes got awful teeth and anti-social personality disorder but always has something interesting to say, even if its all lies... although last time he stole my watch. Hey, maybe you need mdma instead of alcohol, I used to be much more closed in my early twenties but by thirty I had tripped on so many E's I was busted open. The nice thing about raves and electronic events is there are SO many people doing basically nothing but sitting around in the dark, you can basically be alone as long as you want if you want nobody questions it. Not the outdoor festivals, but the indoor massive events, five-thousand strong. It probably sounds horrifying to you but trust me clubs horrify me, massive all-night events are almost like being alone in my apartment only I don't feel alone.
I felt like this too, but then I quit my job. I felt a little worried at first, but I'm a lot happier, now that I quit. Maybe, you should travel, I've been wanting to do that.
Yeah I'm hip. Staying alone doing the self-punishment trip for who-knows-what reason. Like I don't deserve to be happy and leave the house or be with people. I've done something and deserve to feel bad.
I relate to what you are saying. Not long ago I tried to reach out to a therapist only to have the person not contact me again or pick up the phone to make a new appointment after having seen her 3 times. I had to work up resolve to go see her, and It upset me that she treated me like that. I feel incapable of doing anything to get myself to behave differently than I do. But I HAVE to do it anyway because no one is going to help me. Its all a huge, painful ordeal.
Im working my life out by myself as best I can. I'm having progress. Baby steps are steps. I think Im going in the right direction. When I can I will try to see someone new though.
have u tried CBT or any meds?
Wow. I can very much relate to this. And you seem like a pretty cool guy, but unfortunately, I can say that and this very disorder will tell you it's bullshit. I know that feeling. I hope you find the help you need. I look forward to checking out the rest of your vLogs.
Just wait until you have kids that are super social and want to go to every birthday and event. Wait when you have to talk your kid's friends parents you just met and try not to seem weird or strange. Kids will drag you through situations you would of never thought you could possible go through. Imagine sitting at a conference table with 6 teachers 3 are speech therapist and they are all looking at you and asking you questions. I had my first panic attack when I left that meeting.
@cantgetright1111 im 36 and miss out on so much stuff, i use to drink tons of booze just to enter my dorm cause I wasn
t comfortable around the cool kids, now I work security, a one man job, fucking sucks
phantomofoaktown Get out of security work !! Especially working on your own !! I know it only makes the disorder worse !!! Please get into therapy and please work on yourself to improve your self & life !!! You will get there !! Fight the good fight !! 💪🙏👍
i also can relate, but how do we over come it ??
@AntarLamm I respectfully disagree... Though I think it's generally accepted that extroverted is better and introverted is inferior (I think being introverted is great and makes the world go round, without introverts the extroverts would be lost)
What I want to say is that I love being alone with my thought [LOVE IT] but at the same time I want a social life, I want to converse and party and laugh with people!
@FantastyckplastycK Can it really helps for AvPD? I tried to read some stuff about buddhism and to me it justs sounds like nothing new. Maybe I'm dumb.
Hey how r y now man
do you have twitter?
Your cute ^^ x
I've studied German for years and it is not 1/10 as good as this guy's English. I am embarrassed.
Writing out want you want to say in a video beforehand is not cheating. Whatever you need to do to get through the first couple videos. After you get use to making vlogs, you'll find that you wont even need to write out what you want to say anymore.
Find music instrumentals... rap. Don't even record it, just sing your own thoughts out. A lot of well renowned lyricists would probably be straight up serial offenders if not having had those words written in an organised mannor.
try buddhism, its the mega buster of compulsive thinking!
But, listen, you're doing this to yourself. Really. What is stopping you?
But you do LSD? Gave LSD-Trips you an insight WHY it is that way?
i m kinda like u and i play comp games to kill time
How u doin after all that time man
Alter sei einfach du selbst, geh da raus und scher dich ein dreck darüber was andere denken. Und wenn man immer über seine Situation nachdenkt dann kommen die Zweifel und du machst dir selber Druck und denkst du müsstest irgendwie sein wie andere es verlangen und bestimmte anforderungen erfüllen. Verdammt noch mal leb dein leben wie du es willst und vertrau auf deine Gefühle und sei selbstbewusst.
find a hobby maybe?