i don't know what i'm doing.
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- Опубликовано: 27 июл 2024
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00:00 - Intro
2:24 - Leaving the well worn path
5:40 - Treading new waters
9:25 - A valuable lesson from Therapy
12:29 - Choose Your Own Adventure
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🌸a b o u t 🌸
Mayuko Inoue is a content creator and Software Engineer. After working in Silicon Valley tech companies like Intuit, Patreon, and Netflix for six years as an iOS Engineer, she became a full-time creator in 2020. Her work aims to help people find their way through the tech industry by sharing her own experiences navigating this world through technology, career advice, and lifestyle videos. She is passionate about discussions around mental health, cultural identity, and creating technology with empathy and compassion.
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I've never once related to a title more
Me too!
Something I've discovered after working professionally into my 40s is that as a software developer with other people's expectations and demands it creates a lot of anxiety. Branching my work into side projects that I choose and work on makes me feel truly productive and rarely anxiety producing even though I'm producing far more work than within a corporation. This video really speaks to me, though I wish I had discovered this in my 20s instead of 40s, better late than never!
The anxiety is just too much. I've abandoned my side projects and pretty much things I love doing because I work for a company. I'm looking forward to getting back to them. Hopefully, I save up enough as soon as possible.
Your words are my inner words too ... Yes with other people expectations I'm facing lot of anxiety and thinking to start side hustle as soon as possible.
@@shegsdev I agree Segun. All of my personal projects have been dropped...primarily because after work I don't want to see a screen for the rest of the day
"Where do you see yourself in 5 years"
I hate that question sooooo much.
Same 😂
you could be 100% honest and say "doing similar activities but hopefully better paid"
That question never bothered me that much. The question I though was dumb: What do you feel are your strongest and weakest skills? What answer are you looking for?
So what are your answers people 😂??
I see myself not working and being free in 5 years. Sadly I can't really say that.
I’m a self taught developer and I think this thought comes up every single day. I’m trying to apply for jobs that I feel I have no hope of getting and doubt creeps in like ‘is this really gonna get me to my goal?’…but I’m gonna keep doing it, even if getting rejected sucks, even if I feel like i don’t know what I’m doing half the time…it’s a part of the process.
I'm a self taught developer who happened to go to a job fair/open house for a Fortune 500 software government contractor company. I honestly just went for fun and came back with a job; no software degree, no bootcamp, just some dev work I did for fun. Honestly, introducing yourself on LinkedIn and having conversations with people who are in these industries/companies helps a lot too. Don't be doubtful. Maybe just try a different approach? Place yourself in conversations with people you'd like to work with and place yourself in companies you'd like to work in. Sounds crazy, but it worked for me.
@@brandoncornelio8145 thanks for your suggestions. I’m just applying to jobs without talking with people much on LinkedIn. That’s the next thing to do. I know I need to tailor my cover letters and resumes for each time but it’s so time consuming when you’re getting rejected after putting in effort to read about the company and show interest in the role…gotta keep on keepin’ on.
@@JohnDoe-qz9ji You made the right choice and give yourself more credit! You worked hard to get where you are and you can now keep learning and growing. Be proud and keep reaping your rewards 👍
@@JohnDoe-qz9ji Prolly an impostor syndrome attack. Keep your head up mate, the fact that you got a "Decent job" makes you competent enough. I'm sure there maybe "some self taught" who are better than you, but remember, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE WHO IS BETTER THAN YOU regardless of they are self taught or not. Watch Mayuko's impostor syndrome video. Will surely help you. I may not even know you but I know you are a great developer and will surely reach your goal in due time if you keep on reaching them. Head up mate, let's aim for our goals together.
It’s ok mayuko. I feel like a lot of us can relate at some point in our lives 🤍
I’m a few years out of college and throughout the course of the pandemic, I’ve been feeling the exact same way. Like what does my life mean, what does a fulfilling life look like for me, what does it mean to work at the same company until retirement, get that bread, etc. I still have goals but I’m not sure if they’re my own… I think I need to see a therapist lmao
Lol at least you're asking those questions now, rather than 30 years down the line when it's kinda too late. Some people never figure out what they want to do with their life. They just go with the flow. Nothing wrong with that, I guess. But some of us just question and think too damn much so that approach won't work for us 😂
These are such great questions to ask yourself! I know it can be daunting but I think it’s great to really think about what you want and then live life on your own terms based on your answers. Seeing a therapist can help you answer those questions constructively and positively, kinda like having a guide with you as you wade through murky waters.
Absolutely don't go to a therapist, they will make you worse. For real. It's natural to have these thoughts. Nothing is wrong with you whatsoever.
I used to get these questions when i was in high school 2 years ago. These questions are surely fascinating and it feels so good after you don't have to ask these question to yourself but no one can answer these questions and you never find these answers. You just loose the need of asking them. I am currently at uni studying aerospace which was always my dream from childhood and I can only see myself going forward from here and that's why I don't ask them anymore.
That's so relatable, I've felt in a similar way a lot of times in my life and therapy has really helped me learn how to cope with myself. Hope things gets even better for you from now on!
Not related to the topic, but damn your b-roll game (and editing in general) is on point 👏.
Edit: It seems like you think *a lot* about a lot of stuff. I can relate. I can also relate to the anxiety :(. I appreciate this type of content 😊
I guess being an adult is just a matter of adapting, overcoming and improvising
100% yes.
"I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do" -Michael Scott
Best comment hahah
Love this. Its such an amazing experience when you realize there is so much in life once you see past your own boundaries. Then reflex on the simple things in life like rest, food and laughing
So glad I came across this channel. Really like it. Go Mayuko! 💪
“introspection is my hobby.” same 😭
Same, but on a senior level
Your description of the journey to recognize that you don't know what you're doing in your career, and to learn to be more okay with that, makes it sound like you're getting a pretty good handle on life itself. I'm sure it doesn't always feel that way, but being so open about it can give a lot of us hope as we find our own way. Thanks for the inspiration, Mayuko. ❤️
This made me cry :)).Thank you for being you , Mayuko!
Your editing skills are 👌. Seriously, all the seamless cuts to different scenes to support what you are saying makes this a much more compelling “talk at the camera” type video.
Awww thank you Kaytee ☺️
Thank you I really really need this video this week
Much love, Mayuko. You've been an inspiration in my self-taught coding journey.
I was like this too, kept chasing others goals, but not mine, your videos really help me big time to change my way of thinking. They proved me that I’m not alone , thanks for all you do! Keep up !
Omg! I needed this. Thank you so much for this! ❤️
mayuko, you’re the best and such an inspiration to us all!
great vid mayuko, you can literally just talk about anything and it's probably worth hearing. You speak the truth, and people will listen
Thank you so much for sharing Mayuko! A few years ago, I was so tied up to work to the point that when I got laid off it really crashed me. Now, I am back to school for my passion (CS), since when I was in high school, and finally understand it's ok to be lost!
"Honoring my own feelings" & "Adjust my perspective" These messages are so timely! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you mayuko for making this video i find it can really help people in different ways
You are the best Mayuko, I love your videos.
All the best mayuko!
it’s both sad but comforting to know how many people share this sentiment.
Wow that description of anxiety about waves and beach really helps. I think that's going to help me out. Thanks
Sometimes I think to myself “why am I programming?”. I even question if I still enjoy it. I’m honestly not even sure I’m headed down the right road anymore 😕
I used to enjoy it as a younger guy, but this industry kills all the fun about it in the end.
You not alone on this, sometimes (or most of the time) I feel I'd have probably chosen another path, problem is I don't know which that one would be so am kinda stuck in tech🥺😔
I always wonder the past few years if I would be better off being a master builder or vet instead of being a developer, like I question why I took Computer Studies, I'm tired of learning tech, always changing. I want to leave this path...
I know I don't enjoy it anymore. Companies IT environments and corporate bullshit have killed all the fun.
That is very true.
I think everyone is just winging it but aren't talking about how they are winging it.
100% A lot of the people I know that were "abosultely certain" of what they wanted to do in terms of career goals are now in completely opposite directions to what they thought they would be doing.
That’s what the world needs.
At this moment in time, you're a breath of fresh air I, and many, needed. It's chaotic and noisy outside. It's so soothing, enlightening, and calming listening to your contents. At this moment, I believe it's your purpose and calling. At this moment. Bless you!
This is definitely one of my favorite videos you've produced. Hits close to home for me.
Duuuddeee. Thanks for sharing betterhelp Mayuko. I started therapy through my university in the last few months of grad school and really found it personally constructive. But after finishing school I didn’t quite have the resource for finding another great one. I looking forward to checking it out! Keep it up 👍🏾
It’s okay Mayuko, you have been always inspiring us for such a long time
This is so true.. as a small youtuber.. i can relate to how we need to just let it be or feel our feelings.. find ways to move on and then reflect..
Glad you have made your connection. I still need to find my own. Wish you the best on your life journey!
Thank you Mayuko for putting your emotions into words and sharing it
You are the host of my favorite Podcast, with more then Half a million fans. You rock Muko lol
Hi Mayuko 😊 - Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience. This resonated so much with me and no doubt many others. 💖👑💛
I love your authenticity. That is why I enjoy your shared videos. Thumbs up.
Thank you for making this video, I found your reflection meaningful! 😊
Thanks for this video💕
Following your dreams! I'd say you're on the right track!
girl your channel is definitely being backed up by the algo, I was not even subbed and your videos kept showing up to me
Thanks for making this video (and other videos too) Mayuko. I've been watching your videos for a couple days and it helps me a lot. Maybe it's weird because I can't really express it but seriously, it does.
thank you mayuko! really helps me
Wholesome content, thank youuu
Thank you so much for this video. Best wishes to you Mayuko! I look forward to more of your content and what you want to share and have to say.
Wonderful video. Thank you for sharing. More people need to admit this and express themselves through it.
Your videos really help me! ❤️
I really loved this video! I also studied computer science in university, but also had the feeling it was not what I wanted to do full time. I am also extremely passionate about education, informal learning and self development and I also recently started making videos on these topics in the hopes to help out others. I am really enjoying it right now, but I am not sure at all if I can actually make it work as a part-time career after I graduate from my master's degree and the unpredictability of everything is definitely triggering my anxiety sometimes. However, I do have to say that I have never learned so much as in the past weeks trying to figure this all out by myself and I think that is what makes just attempting content creation an extremely valuable pursuit. Thank you for this honest video ❤️
seeing mayuko-san video is like my mental therapy from my hectic working life. just see you with your weeklies videos make me feel better. thank you ☺️
Thank you Mayuko! This is so relatable!
Thanks for sharing this! Really intuitive how you share about this. The clip where you work with your friends in office reminds my internship time -- the supervisor etc, tears coming out lol idk why too hahaha. This could be my consideration about my career, wish me luck
Great video! Can totally related, i'm on a very similar path. Contemplating moving off tech career into content creation. Still mapping out what that's going to be but yolo.
The section on anxiety is interesting as everyone experiences anxiety in different ways. How one managers anxiety doesn't always work for others. Glad you have found ways that work for you! For me I deal with it using breathing exercises :)
You put what I am going through into words!
i really appreciated this video. it really hits home
omg... u put lot of hardwork for making this video even... those small small snips from past is so amazing..
this is probably the most relatable video ive ever seen on youtube. its definitely not the easy, and far from stress-free path to choose. humans are not designed to have this pre-planned life. naturally we want to be in control of the future but, it doesn`t mean that it will turn out that way, or thats what is best for us, even if its planned. i like your talk about riding out the anxiety. How i try to deal with it is realize, the world is just kinda crazy.. and nothing is going to get changed over night. occasionally it might, but dont expect it to. just trying not giving a fuck, a little less.
Thank you for talking about this. I think especially in the age of the internet we feel pressure to put on an act like we have everything under control and that our success is dependent on how others perceive it, but it's important that we don't forget the human element and stop normalizing pretending things are okay when they aren't - I can really relate to this video but like you said it's important to go with the flow and trust that flow to take us where we're happy. Thank you for uploading this!
Thank you 🥰
Mayuko! This was so genuine and honest. Anxiety is my worst enemy haha. My therapist tells me that anxiety is the fear of the unknown. How she helps me think through it is thinking about what’s the worst that could happen a whether life would be alright if that happened. Thinking about the back up options and realizing they’re not life threatening helps. I also try oh so hard to discern the things that I can and cannot control in my life and let go of the things I can’t control. I oftentimes try to take responsibility of the things I can’t control, and that never ends well. :( But practicing my mantras to get out of my shame spirals eventually moves me out of my state of anxiety. It’s honestly so hard! Thanks for sharing your raw thoughts today~ much love! 💕
I feel you so much on the letting go of control!!! It’s a tough thing to unlearn.
You're doing great, Mayuko! It's not always easy, but choosing your own path is better than living the way others expect you to. Enjoyed the video! ❤
"Choose your own adventure."
I don't see myself working as a software engineer 2 years from now but I still apply for jobs I might likely not work for more than a year or less.
We all have this chapter in our lives where all we want to do is whatever works at the time even if we don't love what we do. Then we get to the point where we feel unfulfilled and just want to do what we're passionate about.
I feel so related to this topic Mayuco, right now I´m through a radical career change in my life right now and is really scared thing. It feels like I´m letting back all my background and years of experience in a field to pursuing my dream starting from zero.
Another great video. I'd love to see on about your content-creating journey and what you have learned, technically, about it.
Thanks for this! I guess my next few years will be winging it too.
Awesome video, Mayuko!
PS: Murmuration as the background music! Love it!
Thank you for this :)
Great job on your channel and congrats switching to that full time :)
Mayuko san, thank you for alwaya sharing you’re ups and downs! I may not understand everything that ur going through, but i think we share the feeling of not knowing whats going to happen, which is scaryyyy but it’s okay!! What will happen, happens, but whats more scary is not seeing what we have in the “now” so yeahhh let’s all ride the waves together and try to have fun! いつもありがとう〜ファイト！！！
I feel like this is part of safely dealing with the pandemic too. Thanks for sharing with us.
Amazing video. Like, i completely feel so much of what you're saying, especially accepting the unpredictability of where a creative path will lead you. I think your change of mindset is exactly what it takes, but the inbetween steps, the how-to-ride-the-waves-instead-of-fight-against-them...that's the hard part. How does one get there really. I personally have made a lot of progress that i'm proud of and i'm excited that there's so much potential to grow as a person. I think that might be it, right? Instead of being anxious about what can happen, realizing that this uncertainty is also kind of synonymous to there being a lot of possibilities. And you get to choose where you wanna go and that's really cool. This video definitely was reassurance for myself, that uncertainty is okay.
Why are your videos so relatable?
You are brave to open up and express your feelings and journey through anxiety. Having options open and embracing change is not easy. You are doing the right thing by embracing change.
I feel you!
I have crazy respect for you, coming from a place of similar anxiety. They say the best use of imagination is creativity. The worst use of imagination is anxiety. Creative outlets saved me , and still continue to save me everyday by letting go
Thank you for sharing your experience. I've noticed that you're becoming more charming.
Wow, thank you for this.
People with similar outlook of life think really much alike. Your attitude to life and work is very natural and very ‘Mayuko’. Follow you video for a long time, always gain new thoughts and alleviate anxiety a lot, keep up being ourselves!
I like to see the young nerdy mayuko clips in between videos, cause its more of every fresher starting into tech.
My previous therapist shared the same analogy with emotions: these are like waves, it's hard to fight it but you can ride with it until it passes.
Thanks, Mayuko.
I love you mayuko😂😂
Whoa, I was wondering the same thing while sipping my morning coffee earlier. 😂
Never have I ever related to a title! 💚💚
I feel like most of us don't know what we're going to do, but most of my friends are happy with getting a good tech job and just staying there. I feel like I probably won't be happy doing only that...but don't know what exactly the other options are....so it's interesting to hear your journey!
thank you so much, this video is so relatable !. I am an software engineer working in tech company at china , I can totally feel that all ppl around me are chasing the so-called dream, working overtime and working on weekend so that they can get paid more(they have a term for this "内卷"), therefore to be able to buy house in china (housing price is so expensive in china ...). While me just wanna have my own pace , gaining experience , caring what's needed for me both mentally and phsically . Really thankful for your sharing . Hope you have a good day .
"I don't know what I'm doing"
aren't we all
Great video!
At least u know u have the ship already to sail in the ocean, happy for u mayuko 👍
ralala !!! Vanila is not dull ! I'm rediscovering this flavor and the deepness that it can have ! Vanilla is so under rated !
Content creation is wonderful! Don't put yourself in a box. I know you will still have a good following no matter what you post! I always found working with my hands to be relaxing and rewarding!
that vanilla comparison is awesome
WOW, she's so pretty 😍✨ ❤️
I can relate to a lot of this. I am a content creator and a software engineer. The software engineering part of my life feels safer and is easier to map out the future. The content creation side is more ambiguous, it's slowly evolving and I primarily see it as a means of self-expression. I have had major issues with anxiety in the past until I started to learn to feel it and not resist it so much.
:) I love when she confess she has not idea, I see value on that, most of us we have not idea, nice from you.
Its ok. You are not the only one that is stuck. Tbh, I don't even know what I want to do after graduating Spring '22 from CSULB with a CS degree
Thank you. :)
Danke!