feeling blue and being diagnosed with clinical depression is worlds apart. you can not fathom the difference obviously from your response. educate yourself on the matter before providing advice.
You are part of the problem with your harsh response. Telling someone to educate themselves when they deliver a personal anecdote is just awful. You should think before you speak.
Thank you for being so open, transparent, honest and brave with this video. It takes a lot of guts and courage to reveal ones self in a public forum. It's so hard to make real gay connections. Part of it is gay hookup culture (Grindr, Scruff, etc.) where something that's the most intimate and vulnerable thing one can do with another person becomes akin to buying a loaf of bread. No connections are formed. In my opinion, it's contributing to a lot of depression and anxiety among gay men. Keep being brave. Sharing your struggles and innermost thoughts helps so many of us grappling with the same issues. xxx ooo From Chicago Where The High Temperature Today Is -10 Degrees (Wind-chill Is -40 Degrees)
what you say is so true. Ive had a couple of close gay friends, unfortunately that were lying about most of their lives, even thou i d known them for over 10 years. One died of HIV about 10 years ago, and didnt even know he was sick, till he ended up in the hospital. It was all a lie...his partner of 12 years had no idea either....it was an eye opening situation that depressed me tremendously after thinking you can trust this person, which was not the case
I would say that's the gay-normie narcissist culture. Those tend to be the dudes that identify with what they bang in bed, not who they are. There's also plenty of dudes that are ashamed with they bang in bed too. That's 'hookup' culture in a nutshell. You just have to be your own dude and figure what that means to you and do that (outside of the scene, apps, whatever.) You'll be labeled a pariah and maybe vilified for not being sucked Into the toxicity of gay culture. But, you'll be light years ahead in success and what that means to you.
It’s very brave of you to discuss your personal struggles with depression. I have not suffered with depression, but I understand that feelings of isolation can affect us all, especially in our community. It’s nice to see a young social media personality acknowledge the oftentimes superficial and misleading nature of the medium. Also, glad to see you got the Greek-style speedo! 😉
Thank you for you honesty an being open about dealing with Depression. I've been in treatment for 46 years and sine age 17,when my mom died. I have been up and down, on medications, and not. I have found talking therapy helps. I also used to attend 12-step support groups as my parents were alcoholics. I came out, when I was 28,and it did help, also moving to San Diego, discovering their LGBTQAI+ neighborhood was wonderful. Most people were warm and accepting. I miss exercising as for me it did help with depression and anxiety, and met some social needs. Ido have osteopathic Knees, and not even a short walk. I have friends and attend weekly a LGBTQAI+ church .You are a joy to watch, especially in those Speedos ,they show off your assets quite well.
Great listening to your personal thoughts & great openness. Everything you talked of it's my story also. Took yrs to get courage seeking help with it has saved me a long with medication and pushing myself not to isolate. Straight & gay friends keep me wanting to live and just accept what is. My doxies give me the most comfort and trying to find friends that understand & support. I really appreciate you and hopefully more gay men view this. Keep the videos coming...hugs W
The one thing my grandfather said was "never worry about things that may never happen" I say it to my self every day and it has relieved a lot of stress and anxiety over the years.
I am 70 years old and in all my years I have never been depressed. When negative people try to bring you down, strip them from you life. I have a few good friends and a lot of exiled ex friends. If they don't like you, Fuck em
I have heard of people who have never been depressed. As a depressed human, I don't understand how this works, but accept what you say is true. I do in fact jettison the bad people. I have no time for that. Even family. Fuck em.
@@zilcherI been depressed since I can remember but in 2017 I found I was depressed stress and anxiety disorders I not taking any pills I use to travel once a yr by myself and I always find ways to do with it I think we get depressed is because we always worry about others and how we look like we always pleasing others and ask a gay person I keep away from LGBTQplus community it depends on what we want in our life
Hi Tommy. As a still coming out BI guy, what helps me is to be proactive in standing up to any type of phobia that is being pushed. When I see a homophobic comment here or on social media I feel it deserves a reply. I am part of this community. What you say anti anyone in the community you say about me. Standing up for immigrants. Standing up for persons of color. We simply cannot allow hate to dominate. For myself I feel it would be hypocrisy to do otherwise. Taking power from those seeking to take it from anyone infuses me with self-esteem Being mired in sadness at being gay stays that way if I don't stand up for my self and my community.
I also live in South Florida and i understand how you feel. I struggled with addiction in my teens and early 20s. I been free for along time. What helped me was finding a hobby that you can enjoy. Love watching your videos and, I also have a large speedo collection lol!!!
Thanks for this very candid sharing of your personal challenges. I am an older gay guy who has been single all my life. Fortunately, I have half a dozen gay and lesbian friends with whom I interact and a number of straight friends. I've known all these friends for over 20 years and they helped me over difficult times. I've also been taking prescribed antidepression medication for a long time, too. Best wishes in 2024!
I just had my first surgery ever I’ve been stuck in bed depressed af for weeks and can’t wait to be back to normal your videos have been getting me through it keep on keeping on brother ❤️
To answer your question at 8:20, I joined a gay sports club. I felt really lonely before. I had my group of good friends from university, all whom are straight. While I was a part of the group, because I couldn't really discuss gay topics, news, or questions with them, I felt a bit different. I had to do all of that online. After joining a sports club specifically targeted at gay men, I felt like I finally found a community where all of us can relate to each other. There weren't any taboo topics, our experiences were similar and we could help each other with advice and stories. I made friends, plus my body and physical health got better as well. I think there are studies out there showing how intertwined physical and mental health are, how improving one thing has positive effects on the other. So to anyone struggling, I'd definitely recommend you to try joining one. ☺ PS.: I genuinely love how down to earth and relaxing your videos are. This will sound a bit weird, but it gives me vibes as if you were one with nature. I hope to see more from you in the future, I wish you all the best Thomas.
3,000 - 5,000 IU Vitamin D daily helped me with depression. I discovered this in a round about way. I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and read a medical study that showed Vitamin D may help stave off progression of the disease. So I started taking it 9 years ago and one of the benefits I noticed after a month or so was my mood had improved noticeably. I wasn’t sure expecting that but welcomed it. BTW, I’m a gay man living in Fort Lauderdale area where you wouldn’t expect someone to be deficient in Vitamin D (sunshine). I used to struggle with depression and loneliness and tried the antidepressants you mentioned. But none worked as well as D3. As mentioned earlier, I started this treatment after being diagnosed with prostate cancer 9 years ago and my cancer doesn’t appear to have progressed (stable PSA, positive biopsy results) with no other treatment or surgery. Vitamin D is relatively inexpensive and may be worth a try with your other treatments.
I've had depression and anxiety for close to 20 years. Meditation has truly transformed my life in profound ways. At first, I approached it with skepticism, unsure how sitting quietly could bring about any significant change. But as I delved deeper, I discovered its nuanced power. Quieting my mind wasn't just about silence; it became a journey into self-awareness and inner peace. Each session starts with focusing on my breath. This simple act of breathing deeply and steadily grounds me, providing an anchor in the present moment. It's fascinating how such a basic, instinctive activity can be so powerful in calming the mind. As my breath slows, so does the racing of my thoughts, easing my anxiety and melting away stress. The impact of this practice extends beyond the moments of meditation. It's like I've developed a new language with my body and mind. In stressful situations, I find myself returning to my breath, using it as a tool to regain composure and clarity. Incorporating CBD into my routine has also been beneficial. It complements my meditation practice, enhancing the sense of calm and aiding in better sleep. The combination of meditation, breathing techniques, and CBD seems to create a synergistic effect, amplifying the benefits of each. I've come to understand why ancient cultures revered the practice of meditation. It's more than just a mental exercise; it's a holistic approach to well-being. By quieting the mind, I'm not just easing mental stress; I'm nurturing my body and spirit. This practice has led me to a higher level of self-awareness, making me more attuned to my needs and emotions. The state of bliss that I once thought was elusive is now a tangible experience in my life. It's not constant, but it's accessible, especially with consistent practice. Meditation, for me, is no longer just a technique; it's a vital part of who I am and how I interact with the world. It's a journey of continuous discovery, where each session brings me closer to a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me. I hope you find what works best for you. If you haven't tried meditation, I highly encourage you to look into first, and then give it a try. You may find some relief from what you're going through. Blessings to you.
Honestly what seems to be the only way for me to handle my mental health is to diligently work out; I train with weights four times a week, maybe five because I'm trying to gain mass, and watch what I eat. I used to journal but I haven't done that lately because I just keep complaining about the same shit over and over so I got bored. But, exercise for me keeps me focused and sane, and it gives me the feeling of being in control of my life for once, which is motivating for me. Also, I'm glad that discovered your channel, and thank you for bringing up the issue of depression prevalent in our community. Thank you. 🙏💕
Thank you for sharing your experience. It takes strength and courage to be open about your mental health challenges. Your points about social media and comparison are well made. I stopped my SSRI medication at the end of August and noticed a deterioration over the following months and I am currently restarting it. Like you I found it helped. Keep on doing what you are doing ❤
A suggestion would be to put more focus on outside interests. Do some volunteer work and help others in need. Be of service in the Gay community. Get out of self.
There are many stages in life for everyone whether gay or staight but the important thing is to stay focused on your well being and the well being of your loved ones. I am a gay 60 old man and just retired from work but I have to say that rather than get depressed about it, I took it as a challenge and opportunity to achieve some of my goals in life. I still feel young inside, nothings changed but of course we age on the outside. One opportunity that retirement gave me was more time to achieve my goals. I now eat better (have time to cook fresh wholesome foods) and go to the gym almost every morning. After 6 months I already have a muscular in shape body again. BTW I'll be travelling to your hometown of Miami from Feb 25th to March 6th and will not be shy to go to the beach. I'll even check out the store your mentioned in your last video for speedos lol. Also I purchased my ticket to my first winter Beach Party Sunday March 3rd. Hope to see your there! Peace .... Greg
Tom, I was taught from childhood to help someone, anyone, when you're down. It has made my life (68 yrs, so far) immeasurably better. Perhaps you give more than you know. I really dig watching your best life. I hope you enjoy EVERY day. Thanks
Hi Thomas. I understand the struggle. I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety my entire life. I finally went to see a psychiatrist three years ago and I’m on a low dose of Lexapro which has been life changing for me. I have also been meditating daily for the past year and using positive affirmations. It has helped me significantly. I’m gay and struggle with finding genuine gay friends. I live in Chicago and have one gay friend who I adore and love spending time with him even if it’s just once a month. I’ve tried some dating apps and have not been successful with connecting with anyone. If anything, I find them to be toxic. I recommend meditation and positive affirmations daily. That’s helped me the most. Best to you.
Back in 1990, I had some of the most beautiful men as friends in West Hollywood. We had lost a loved one and a group of us went out to a local restaurant after the funeral. This loss was so profound, it was suicide. It changed all our lives, it was a fork in the road for those of us closest to him. The suicide had horrible repercussions that lasted for a decade in my case. To this day, I still have his picture up. My Husband is very understanding. That is the background to my point. We were at this restaurant, and the guy at the table next to us was lamenting that his life was crap. Look at those guys referring to us, they have everything, looks, friends, life isn't fair. What he saw was not what was happening. The reality was that a group of friends had just lost a major part of our group. As good looking as our friend was, his depression was too much for him. Yes, we were quintessential Weho clique. Drugs, depression, insecurity, cheating, violence, murder, assault and drama were all part of our lives. We were in our 20's. That dinner was that last time we would all be together. I moved away, the group drifted. Too painful to pretend. I learned to only count the blessings in my own life and never compare my life to others. Because you don't know what demons and challenges that handsome face and muscular body are hiding. I am glad you are taking care of your mental health.
Hi Tommy, greetings from Ireland 🇮🇪 Fair play for doing this video. I am in a similar boat to you with my journey. It is not just down to being gay, although cultural and particular lifestyle can impact on one’s sense of self if you are not a party animal. Which I am not, and I recognise you are not either. It’s okay to feel lonely at times, many people do as various stages of life. It might be helpful to examine when you feel lonely, is it because you perhaps think ‘everyone’ is out having ‘fun’? That is the perception, but many of those people are not in a good mindset either, but are doing things because they feel they should or because their ‘friends’ are. It can be a catch 22. It’s about perspective. I have only been to Miami and South-beach a few times. But I have found many of the big gay centres around the world I have visited, while fantastic locations, the lifestyle and what I see going on, brings my mood down. Perhaps, magnified because I’m single. Seeing the underbelly of many gay couples in such holiday or festival settings can be disheartening. This massage is long enough, but if you would like to get a view from the other side of the pond, I am happy to chat more. I have to say, before I go, I love your new speedo, very classy looking on you. Take care. B
Those speeds Rock! I remember when you bought them. My favorite. Sadly, the rest of us 99.9% gays cannot wear them. To answer your question: Get more exercise and reduce your alcohol consumption.
Hi Tommy! Wow, where do I begin? First, thank you for sharing who you are with us. Bringing light to Depression and other Mental and Emotional Issues is so important. Depression is a disease just like Diabetes and other diseases. Stigma and judgement exist with Depression, and it SHOULD NOT. Combination Therapies of Medications and Working with a Therapist can be beneficial for many. I do hope you are experiencing some relief from depression. It can be an ugly disease. We all need friends, family and people who we can talk to, really people that will listen so we know we are being heard! Loneliness and Isolation can be a result of Depression or the fear of speaking about how we are feeling. Far too many people think of it as just having a "Bad Day" when it actually is so much more than that. The Gay Community, though supportive, can also be judgemental, unknowingly. We discriminate amongst ourselves in so many ways, dividing up the community into smaller segments by Age, Race, Top, Bottom, Financial Status, etc. people are people. Your question of how to best deal with the Depression and Loneliness is a good one. Each person will have a different pathway toward resolution. In general, let me share what I have come to know as being helpful. We need to Be Who We Are, not try to be what others want or what we feel other people want us to be. Be Who You Are and Bloom Where You Are Planted. Many people will appreciate the "Real" anyone. Those that choose to not partake are welcome to not stay around, no judgement or shame to them. We all just "Need To Be" and not fear Judgement and Retaliation. Thank you for using your Platform to Better Yourself and Others, my friend! Be well. Kindest regards - Don
Keeping a daily journal helps me to organize my thoughts and express myself. It is a form of therapy without the therapist and available 24/7. Really helps!!!😅😮😊
Yeah, what poeple don’t get in the us is that the best way to go out of dépression is to THINK. The only way to think is journaling. Put your thoughts on paper. Read good books. Only keeps what raisonates. Build up your own vision of the world.
Howdy Tom!! I've suffered from panic disorder, anxiety & depression for over 20 years. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. It's hard as hell to deal with, but with medication & some therapy you can make it through. I've been gay for longer than I can remember & it can be tougher, but as they say, IT GETS BETTER!" Big hugs from Kenny in Ohio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Being gay itself doesn't cause depression, what causes depression being gay is societies attitude towards gay people since we were kids, how you are treated when we are young can affect us for the rest of our lives.
Tommy. You not wanting to be in an open relationship really helps my mental health with being burdened w being a gay man . I left you a lengthy answer on that post . Thank you for being an extremely rare positive role model for gay men . Godbless you !
Mental Health should not be a taboo discussion and loneliness is the biggest problem in today's society, myself I have had a triple bypass, never been in relationship, severe introvert and now recovering from cancer but no matter what I always stay positive of better days to come ,I don't take medication either, everyone is different in how they deal with life but know there is help out there and you do not have to face it by yourself, videos like yours are what helps and inspires me knowing I am not going through this alone, thank you for approaching this subject, it needs to be discussed more often.
Tommy, you are not alone. Living an alternative lifestyle is very tough no matter how brave our confident you are. Young or old we all somehow learn to carry this weight with us through our lives. My journey with my mental health has its ups and downs but my fight to thrive is greater. Don’t ever lose your balance and let depression get the best of you. I find that talking about who you are how you feel and what you want out of life is the most important in keeping the sad feelings away. When people say “Life is what you make it” I just want to slap them……LoL. Life happens whether you are ready for it or not, it brings the good along with the bad. Look beyond today at where you are going and not where you’ve been. Whenever you are feeling low do something that provides you with hope and deterrs you from the negative. You are not alone, you are in the company of millions of us all over the world. Remember life is not a dress rehearsal, it’s here and it’s now strive for any kind of peace and something that can make you smile and take the pain away. I am in California (where there are many, many, many insecure and depressed people) you can phone me anytime and say “Bitch I need a shoulder”. Keep up what you are doing because you ARE making a difference to so many of us. Be safe, be kind to yourself and enjoy each moment of every day. Love you buddy in California, Paul (562) 833-1250
Thanks for your video. Mental health is such important discussion for gay people like us (the book Velvet Shame helped me). There is so much focus in the gay community on sexual activity and expression (Grindr culture etc). I think lacking in our community is a focus on building non-sexual interactions and friendships along with seeking romantic relationships that are balanced in the relational, emotional, and sexual dimensions. At the end of the day no matter your orientation we all want to be seen, heard, valued and loved. We need to seek this for our mental health.
Thank you for your kind video today. Your sincerity and transparency are a gift to us. There are two things that I rely on for strength and peace. . . One is a discussion group for those who are part of the LGBTQ community in the local area (Ottawa, Canada). The second is my faith in God and the support of the Christian community. I know that might sound strange but because my faith life is important to me, I've found solace in the sacraments and in spiritual guides who have accompanied me through many years of turmoil and loneliness. I am known and loved for who I am and what I have to offer. Thanks for asking for our input.❤
I've been in the pit of darkness. I managed to climb my way back. I was on Welbutrin for many years. I finally stopped taking it & it turned out alright. One thing I learned was that I was way harder on myself then anyone else could be. Remember to breathe. Forgive yourself. Stop watching porn is my best advice.
Being gay and taking medications and saw a therapist for over 20 years. Finally got better when I turned 63! YIKES! Now being 69, I am happier than what I was when I was 38! Hang in there, things get better is if you stick with it.
With his mustache, those short shorts, and converse, he reminds me of guys I saw in the gay community in the 80s. Actually, kind of reminds me of me a little. I love the retro look.😊
As a gay person, faith has helped my mental health so much! Listening to pastors on RUclips helps (modern ones). Praying helps. Swimming, hiking, and lifting helps too. Calling my mom helps. Cooking helps. I feel like being productive overall helps! Find something you like to do, and it'll take your mind off things! You're just as you are supposed to be! Keep going!
There is a JOY in being 55 now, I thank God! I’m pro-Trump and solid in my life. I’ve done very well for myself by my own rules and I don’t have the least bit of depression or sadness. I do however, still have a strong desire for a brother. I have a husband for 8 years now. I taught myself Spanish in two years and in fact, we’re moving to Spain and Ireland split half the year starting in 2028. My husband is Irish. If you’re just here for the face and ass, you won’t care and I don’t care about you either. There's a great relief in being whole where I don’t need everyone to like me and prance on social media with all the silliness and drama. I have a Spaniard friend, a Taurus of 42 who is looking for a mate. Although he’s a top, he doesn’t like fem, at all with all the negative attention it brings. He’d do well with a Taurus, Scorpio, Pisces or Capricorn. Any of those out there interested?
Your videos are always so enjoyable and relaxing, regardless of the topics you discuss. I especially like the ones you use to respond to or ignore hate comments. Those people are just projecting their own insecurities onto you. It isn’t your burden to carry. Enjoy your warm cloudy days, while I freeze off my ass a thousand miles north of you! 😺✌️
Ur LIFE.... will be perfect and great if you want it to be great, If you learn from mistakes and always move forward, and If you are able to imagine yourself succesful and happy, If do not, then you betray yourself and your potential, so you have to learn to "teach" your mind to always look ahead to great goals, without having extreme expectations, most people that succed, never tell you the many times they failed, and they did, but kept moving forward.
Instagram, RUclips, and social media are edited. Life is inherently messy. There is no better investment than your own mental and physical health. Be well.
Unfortunately there was a study decades back stating that people get depressed from taking SSRIs. That was true for me but the change comes so slow you don't see it. Then just a few years back it was released that Prozac was a weight loss drug but the "industry" thought the hurdles would be to high to get it through the FDA so inatead they claimed it was a breakthrough drug for depression. I wonder why they don't work? In my opinion the best thing is distraction. Don't wallow in the sadness and don't add to it by watching sad movies, etc. Try to think about anything else that lightens your mood. Go swimming with alligators although that could result in a very depressing outcome so I advise safer activities. BTW don't idolize Oprah she's turned out to be like every other wealthy person not wanting to help with her resources but instead use yours. Why would Oprah want a non-descript condo when she could own Maralago? I think your lonliness is a product of being gay. We are isolated as children. As for social media...do you not see the image manipulations?
Thank you so very much for your words. Both helpful and inspiring. I'm in the UK and it is pretty much the same here. Social media really should come with a health warning. Again, many thanks. Keep on the journey...
You're commended for actually talking about this topic but you need to be careful here. The speedo shots are inappropriate and make you appear hypocritical as you're doing something you admitted was not representative of the vast majority of the gay community. I actually found the speedo scenes added to my depression because it just seems shallow & self-absorbed - this is a huge problem with gays in general. You made me feel pressured that I have to look as good as you. I just think this would have be so much more relatable if you'd just had the discussion with some clothes on. I know it wasn't intentional and who knows, maybe doing videos in sppedos helps you deal with your own depression, so I won't judge.
Don't come off meds. I have been taking prozac or wellbutrin or both since 1994 and every experiment of going off has been a failure though over time the dosages have fallen.
You're adorable. I agree with so much in this video. I never felt super depressed or lonely until about 8 years ago. It has intensified as the years speed by. I chose not to engage in more than fb because I social media kills my spirit even more. To be honest, if it wasn't for the title of this video, i would've skipped past it. I would've presumed its another handsome guy showing off for attention. My favorite activities for combatting depression and loneliness are driving and sewing. But they are not a cure. Thank you for sharing some motivational words.
Thank you for having this conversation! Although I've been in a relationship for a long time and having a partner is great, I still take time for myself and try to do things that makes me happy and stay away from toxic people.
Hi Tommy, I really enjoyed watching your vid and can relate to your experiences and struggles. I am much older than you but have gone through many of the same things. One thing you have going for you is that you are still so young and have so much ahead of you and you have control of your future. Stay positive and be around positive people! I wish you the best!!!
Thank you for opening up about your experience. I still feel very isolated because I have yet to find people who I can connect with and my immediate surroundings are not supportive at all. I've been a depressed, anxiety induced individual since I was 7 or 8 and I'm still holding onto things now as I'm almost 28 years of age. I hope for the best of things to come for you and I wish that you live the life you are deserving of and be proud unconditionally. Thank you for showing us a piece of yourself, I'm very grateful to have witnessed it. ❤
This was an interesting video. I must say that most gay men are superficial all because of this fantasy of how you should be or how to look in order to attract a certain age group of guys, plus your body and face should look like Ken or Mr. Wonderful. Not all gays look like that or care to be like that. With that comes attitude towards others that make you feel you're not good enough sexually or to talk too, when they could be really hotter than you and in shape, sexy ways or look about them or just a good person with great qualities that looks good etc. A lot of pressure like that brings loneliness and depression. Drugs and Alcohol is a problem in the gay life also bringing loneliness and depression. I like Living in the real world is more beneficial and healthier. Thats what I prefer to do
My heart goes out to you on this subject of depression. Here are a few things that helped me during times of depression. Getting outdoors in my yard and doing lawn and gardening helps lift my spirits a lot. I play piano and playing is wonderful therapy. A really good hobby helps a lot too. But most of all is going regularly to a good church, getting involved and it can't be just any ole church. With that is reading and studying my Bible. I also listen to a lit of podcasts and teachings of ministries that speak to my life the most. All of those things are what have kept me in the middle of the road and I am 65 now. The only medication I ever took was an herbal called St. John's Wort and it did help me through the hardest times.❤
The whole gym rat thing is just attention seeking. The question is why do you need attention? Find a way to occupy your mind. Volunteer work, get creative.
I love your view on depression I’m a married gay man in my mid 50s our son we adopted is now 16 & depression for me has been a very on & off thing for many years every gay couple or gay man I have met thinks I have a great life when in reality I do not but been on many medications threw the years I just try to keep going on with my life Thank you very much
Hey there! I enjoyed seeing you in your video! You have a nice down to earth vibe and are a very handsome man. You're a real soothing pleasure to watch and listen to...! Take care! Bernie
I have positively fallen in love with your stories. You’re absolutely beautiful. But the serious and very important things that you discuss are vital. Thank you so much. I would have to say the one thing is I have a friend group that are family to me. Mostly all straight now. My best friend, who was gay, died on my birthday one year ago yesterday. I truly miss him dearly. But he fought through so many battles and taught us to go on, if he taught us nothing else. And I think that’s what you teach. We persevere, and we move through all of this. Surround yourself with good, amazing people. I adore you and your videos. Thank you so much! 💖✨💖
If you going to be gay you better be okay with being alone and being lonely . Being gay is most the time you're going to be the odd man out even if you have gay friends you're straight fans are more likely your family and your real friends and you're always going to be the odd man out and you have to be okay with being that person and okay with being lonely . Being alone most of the time is not a bad thing . I've come to terms with loving my alone time . I like me more than I like anybody else in the world . And if you can do that nothing else will matter nothing else will bother you you'll always be the most important person in your own life . And you'll come to terms with not letting other people hurt you just to be part of your life and that's the big thing don't let other people hurt you so you'll have people in your life .be happy with yourself and other people will be attracted to you because you're happy with yourself and although you may have many people who claim to be your friends are all around you that's not real friendship but real friendship is the people who support you even when you're down and out and have all those ugly feelings that only you know about or your real friends . People who only support you because you support them are not your real friends real friends support you regardless if you support them or not they're there for you because they love you and they want you to be happy they may not agree with your life or your lifestyle but they love you because of the relationship you have with them over time but you better get a thick skin and you better be happy being alone because most of your life all the significant things that happen within your life you're going to be alone because that's how life is you came into the world by yourself and you're going to go out of this world by yourself so you better be happy alone .
I think you are an inspiration, I wish you peace and strength to endure the tough times. I really like the content. I am at the three yrs point, that the love of my life for 31 yrs passed, I know sadly all to well about depression, I have chosen to continue forward. My world crashed. Wonderful people like yourself give me hope. Truly, thank you Thomas.
hello !!! that is quite a strong and captivating statement (gay and depressed) a comment on the first one (gay) when one labels oneself, automatically one is separating oneself from the divine unity (no religious innuendo intended); we are ALL repeat ALL a magnificent and unique manifestation of the whole universe, and we all (without exception) have a responsibility to uphold this. Regarding (depressed): always adhere to your doctors competence and follow their advise, one MAY !!! perceive one's reality in a lighter manner / less weighty. I wish you all the blessings your heart desires !!! You are a Good Man / God Bless you !!!
I've been on antidepressants for half my life. I've done tons of therapy. But one thing I've learned over time is that I will never be off meds. Without meds & therapy my life falls apart. Don't think of it as a fallacy but as a adjustment to your natural biology. I beat diabetes in my 30's with diet and lifestyle changes but nothing corrects my hereditary high blood pressure but meds.....no difference. You're doing great, my friend, living on your own in a new city with a healthy, socially active lifestyle. ❤ STAY STRONG!
You never know what someone is going through unless you are in that position. My friends say "Oh you are doing great." but only I know what is going through my mind constant suicidal thoughts. Fear of career and what not and on top of that you are gay.
Thomas, really loved what you had to say and could relate to the things you discussed. Many of us have dysmorphia from seeing "perfect" bodies, sex on twitter and in porn. Again, wonderful video.
the best way I found to relief depression is to nourish your spirit by becoming the source of happiness to others, ie volunteer, help a person in need etc. also exercise is very powerful.
Love your videos Tommy and how you rock those speedos, thank you for all you do and exuding a relatability that is rare on this platform. I came out as gay in August and it has been difficult trying to figure out where I would meet other LGBT people in my area, but I have met a few on apps like Bumble although still no close friends as of yet. I think you mentioned in another video that coming out is not the solution to depression and I'm inclined to agree but it did help unburden the pressure I was feeling otherwise and to become authentic. I started a better exercising routine since working from home a few years ago after trying lorazepam whenever I felt depressed or anxious and have stopped using the medication entirely. For anyone still reading this, it will always take time to figure out what works best to combat depression if you are experiencing it, but we can do it and discussions like these are always helpful. Love you Tommy, I hope you have a good rest of the week 😊❤
Thank you for this, my first experience with these feelings was the start of the pandemic (January 2020). Broke up with someone I love so much, whom I’m still friends with. We chat and help each other through hard times. 4 years later, I was able to seek the help I needed through therapy, gardening, and learning about my passions. Hiking and gardening just to name a few. Let’s all be kind and have an open mind, to everyone we meet! Much love.
I just cope with depression following my heart, whatever is watching a silly anime, gardening, doing some artistic projects, planning vacations, whatever keeps me busy and makes me happy. I do not make a big deal about it, because everyone deal with depression at certain point or level, so I accepted that it’s normal, it’s part of me, I do not deny it, but I do not let it take control of my life.
Hola Tommy ... thank you for the advice and sharing... You're a pure soul. No one is alone We are all connected ❤❤. For works being in the present and train your mind to focus in what I want around myself. I take medication too. Hopefully one day I will stop. Blessings and hugs bello 🌷😃👋. Carlos (Canada)
Great video and I've been where you're at in the distant past, as I grew up in an area and an era that wasn't even a fraction of acceptance that there is now. My biggest tip would be to find somebody on an organic level. The best place to find someone with your interests is at a venue where that interest is. For example, let's say you like farmer's markets, you like cooking and you like tomatoes. Online you can find really great looking apparel - in this case a button up shirt with bright tomatoes on it. Go shopping the farmer's market wearing it, and if there's someone there with similar interests, they're going to see you and it's a great organic conversation starter...."wow! there's a guy that really likes tomatoes!" The point is, go where your interests are and 'dress' to stand out so others want to approach you and spark up a conversation. The spark is the whole key to a conversation starter. Plus, in the above example, it shows that you're approachable and you like to have fun and you're not all uptight. I was in a highly closeted business, and that's exactly how I met my other half, of now, 23 years. I wore an industry-specific button down shirt to a bar, and was shooting pool. On the way back from the restroom to resume shooting pool, I heard this guy make a smart ass comment about the logo on my shirt - and the way he said it clued me in to the fact that he knew a hell of a lot about the company and that was all it took. We ended up talking for hours, became great friends, and before you knew it, we've been inseparable ever since. No, it wasn't a tomato company, lol, but I think you get the point. And it was also him that helped me break out of my 'lonely' mode...100%...and nothing else. We had lots of discussions about 'what other people think'...like family members and whatnot, and he just simply said: "There's not a damn thing wrong with you. If they have a problem with who you are, it's their problem - not yours." And not overnight, but really, in short order, I adopted that same attitude towards it and have never looked back. My creative work greatly improved over the same time, as I had way more 'trust' in 'me' for developing effective solutions for my clients...of which I have had dozens of the same clients ever since. And never once has anyone had any issue with 'who' I am - they just see me as someone that helps them fix whatever problem they are faced with in their business world, and that's what I do all day long. And I can go to sleep each night knowing I helped someone that day. I'm not a psychiatrist but my only comments about meds are, if it's possible to power your way through and issue at hand similarly to how my other half helped me, that would be my preferred solution, as it will make you stronger. But again, that's just how it worked for me. Life is not rainbows and butterflies, but if you can find someone to share and build memories with, it definitely takes the sting out of the occasional bad days. Finding someone with the same core values as you is no easy task, but if you stick with it, I'm confident you will find that person, in time, and it will make the wait well worth it. It took me the better part of 15 years to accomplish that task (I know, right!) but it's been phenomenal ever since - and never looked back, and not worried about the future either. I think if you try a couple of these techniques, you will find success - and that it suits you well...and then there will be no looking back for you as well! Oh, and don't let anyone try to take away your sparkle! :)
Hey Thomas, Tampa here. My medication is having friends, you can bounce off of with all the good, bad and ugly thoughts, than laugh about it all. Hang in there, continue you video's and talking us on this channel, you may have more friends than you need. PS.....your hosting your Greek Tile speedo and a good thought is it looks great. C U in your next video.
Wellbutrin here. Medication helps; you’re not alone. Sorry about your depression. One extra tip is to make time 1-2 hours a week to “meditate” - like yoga, a walk, or just alone time without a device.
One of the first steps of dealing with depression is to understand that nothing is perfect perfection is a myth it does not exist those people that seemed happy all the time are hiding their pain behind a fake smile I know I do it and whenever I'm in public there may be a smile on my face but I am screaming inside I don't want people to feel bad for me they have enough to deal with so I pretend I am okay always remember you are not alone
I'm Gay! and when I'm feeling blue , I walk in nature or do yard work. It totally changes my mood.
feeling blue and being diagnosed with clinical depression is worlds apart. you can not fathom the difference obviously from your response. educate yourself on the matter before providing advice.
You are part of the problem with your harsh response.
Telling someone to educate themselves when they deliver a personal anecdote is just awful.
You should think before you speak.
Thank you for being so open, transparent, honest and brave with this video. It takes a lot of guts and courage to reveal ones self in a public forum. It's so hard to make real gay connections. Part of it is gay hookup culture (Grindr, Scruff, etc.) where something that's the most intimate and vulnerable thing one can do with another person becomes akin to buying a loaf of bread. No connections are formed. In my opinion, it's contributing to a lot of depression and anxiety among gay men. Keep being brave. Sharing your struggles and innermost thoughts helps so many of us grappling with the same issues. xxx ooo From Chicago Where The High Temperature Today Is -10 Degrees (Wind-chill Is -40 Degrees)
what you say is so true. Ive had a couple of close gay friends, unfortunately that were lying about most of their lives, even thou i d known them for over 10 years. One died of HIV about 10 years ago, and didnt even know he was sick, till he ended up in the hospital. It was all a lie...his partner of 12 years had no idea either....it was an eye opening situation that depressed me tremendously after thinking you can trust this person, which was not the case
That's a hard pill to swallow. As the saying goes: 'Don't look back. It's not where you're headed'. Best wishes looking forward. 🙂
I would say that's the gay-normie narcissist culture. Those tend to be the dudes that identify with what they bang in bed, not who they are.
There's also plenty of dudes that are ashamed with they bang in bed too. That's 'hookup' culture in a nutshell. You just have to be your own dude and figure what that means to you and do that (outside of the scene, apps, whatever.) You'll be labeled a pariah and maybe vilified for not being sucked Into the toxicity of gay culture. But, you'll be light years ahead in success and what that means to you.
It’s very brave of you to discuss your personal struggles with depression. I have not suffered with depression, but I understand that feelings of isolation can affect us all, especially in our community. It’s nice to see a young social media personality acknowledge the oftentimes superficial and misleading nature of the medium. Also, glad to see you got the Greek-style speedo! 😉
Thank you for you honesty an being open about dealing with Depression. I've been in treatment for 46 years and sine age 17,when my mom died. I have been up and down, on medications, and not. I have found talking therapy helps. I also used to attend 12-step support groups as my parents were alcoholics. I came out, when I was 28,and it did help, also moving to San Diego, discovering their LGBTQAI+ neighborhood was wonderful. Most people were warm and accepting. I miss exercising as for me it did help with depression and anxiety, and met some social needs. Ido have osteopathic Knees, and not even a short walk. I have friends and attend weekly a LGBTQAI+ church .You are a joy to watch, especially in those Speedos ,they show off your assets quite well.
Great listening to your personal thoughts & great openness. Everything you talked of it's my story also.
Took yrs to get courage seeking help with it has saved me a long with medication and pushing myself not to isolate.
Straight & gay friends keep me wanting to live and just accept what is. My doxies give me the most comfort and trying to find friends that understand & support. I really appreciate you and hopefully more gay men view this.
Keep the videos coming...hugs W
The one thing my grandfather said was "never worry about things that may never happen" I say it to my self every day and it has relieved a lot of stress and anxiety over the years.
Wow, my grandfather said that to me as well, and for me that too was the moment I could let go the stress much easier. Definitely a game changer!
I am 70 years old and in all my years I have never been depressed. When negative people try to bring you down, strip them from you life. I have a few good friends and a lot of exiled ex friends. If they don't like you, Fuck em
Someone's been listening to 1970's Bette Midler!
I have heard of people who have never been depressed. As a depressed human, I don't understand how this works, but accept what you say is true. I do in fact jettison the bad people. I have no time for that. Even family. Fuck em.
@@zilcherI been depressed since I can remember but in 2017 I found I was depressed stress and anxiety disorders I not taking any pills I use to travel once a yr by myself and I always find ways to do with it I think we get depressed is because we always worry about others and how we look like we always pleasing others and ask a gay person I keep away from LGBTQplus community it depends on what we want in our life
me, too, 3/4ths of my life since age 14.
Hello fellow cohort, you are so right!
Watching you shower in a speedo makes me very happy. 😊
Hi Tommy. As a still coming out BI guy, what helps me is to be proactive in standing up to any type of phobia that is being pushed. When I see a homophobic comment here or on social media I feel it deserves a reply. I am part of this community. What you say anti anyone in the community you say about me. Standing up for immigrants. Standing up for persons of color. We simply cannot allow hate to dominate. For myself I feel it would be hypocrisy to do otherwise. Taking power from those seeking to take it from anyone infuses me with self-esteem Being mired in sadness at being gay stays that way if I don't stand up for my self and my community.
I also live in South Florida and i understand how you feel. I struggled with addiction in my teens and early 20s. I been free for along time. What helped me was finding a hobby that you can enjoy. Love watching your videos and, I also have a large speedo collection lol!!!
Thanks for this very candid sharing of your personal challenges. I am an older gay guy who has been single all my life. Fortunately, I have half a dozen gay and lesbian friends with whom I interact and a number of straight friends. I've known all these friends for over 20 years and they helped me over difficult times. I've also been taking prescribed antidepression medication for a long time, too. Best wishes in 2024!
I just had my first surgery ever I’ve been stuck in bed depressed af for weeks and can’t wait to be back to normal your videos have been getting me through it keep on keeping on brother ❤️
To answer your question at 8:20, I joined a gay sports club. I felt really lonely before. I had my group of good friends from university, all whom are straight. While I was a part of the group, because I couldn't really discuss gay topics, news, or questions with them, I felt a bit different. I had to do all of that online. After joining a sports club specifically targeted at gay men, I felt like I finally found a community where all of us can relate to each other. There weren't any taboo topics, our experiences were similar and we could help each other with advice and stories. I made friends, plus my body and physical health got better as well. I think there are studies out there showing how intertwined physical and mental health are, how improving one thing has positive effects on the other. So to anyone struggling, I'd definitely recommend you to try joining one. ☺
PS.: I genuinely love how down to earth and relaxing your videos are. This will sound a bit weird, but it gives me vibes as if you were one with nature. I hope to see more from you in the future, I wish you all the best Thomas.
3,000 - 5,000 IU Vitamin D daily helped me with depression. I discovered this in a round about way. I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and read a medical study that showed Vitamin D may help stave off progression of the disease. So I started taking it 9 years ago and one of the benefits I noticed after a month or so was my mood had improved noticeably. I wasn’t sure expecting that but welcomed it. BTW, I’m a gay man living in Fort Lauderdale area where you wouldn’t expect someone to be deficient in Vitamin D (sunshine). I used to struggle with depression and loneliness and tried the antidepressants you mentioned. But none worked as well as D3. As mentioned earlier, I started this treatment after being diagnosed with prostate cancer 9 years ago and my cancer doesn’t appear to have progressed (stable PSA, positive biopsy results) with no other treatment or surgery.
Vitamin D is relatively inexpensive and may be worth a try with your other treatments.
I've had depression and anxiety for close to 20 years. Meditation has truly transformed my life in profound ways. At first, I approached it with skepticism, unsure how sitting quietly could bring about any significant change. But as I delved deeper, I discovered its nuanced power. Quieting my mind wasn't just about silence; it became a journey into self-awareness and inner peace.
Each session starts with focusing on my breath. This simple act of breathing deeply and steadily grounds me, providing an anchor in the present moment. It's fascinating how such a basic, instinctive activity can be so powerful in calming the mind. As my breath slows, so does the racing of my thoughts, easing my anxiety and melting away stress.
The impact of this practice extends beyond the moments of meditation. It's like I've developed a new language with my body and mind. In stressful situations, I find myself returning to my breath, using it as a tool to regain composure and clarity.
Incorporating CBD into my routine has also been beneficial. It complements my meditation practice, enhancing the sense of calm and aiding in better sleep. The combination of meditation, breathing techniques, and CBD seems to create a synergistic effect, amplifying the benefits of each.
I've come to understand why ancient cultures revered the practice of meditation. It's more than just a mental exercise; it's a holistic approach to well-being. By quieting the mind, I'm not just easing mental stress; I'm nurturing my body and spirit. This practice has led me to a higher level of self-awareness, making me more attuned to my needs and emotions.
The state of bliss that I once thought was elusive is now a tangible experience in my life. It's not constant, but it's accessible, especially with consistent practice. Meditation, for me, is no longer just a technique; it's a vital part of who I am and how I interact with the world. It's a journey of continuous discovery, where each session brings me closer to a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me.
I hope you find what works best for you. If you haven't tried meditation, I highly encourage you to look into first, and then give it a try. You may find some relief from what you're going through. Blessings to you.
Honestly what seems to be the only way for me to handle my mental health is to diligently work out; I train with weights four times a week, maybe five because I'm trying to gain mass, and watch what I eat. I used to journal but I haven't done that lately because I just keep complaining about the same shit over and over so I got bored. But, exercise for me keeps me focused and sane, and it gives me the feeling of being in control of my life for once, which is motivating for me.
Also, I'm glad that discovered your channel, and thank you for bringing up the issue of depression prevalent in our community. Thank you.
🙏💕
Thank you for sharing your experience. It takes strength and courage to be open about your mental health challenges. Your points about social media and comparison are well made. I stopped my SSRI medication at the end of August and noticed a deterioration over the following months and I am currently restarting it. Like you I found it helped. Keep on doing what you are doing ❤
Exercise, exercise exercise! Watch what we think about. Our energy goes to our thoughts. Lee
A suggestion would be to put more focus on outside interests. Do some volunteer work and help others in need. Be of service in the Gay community. Get out of self.
There are many stages in life for everyone whether gay or staight but the important thing is to stay focused on your well being and the well being of your loved ones. I am a gay 60 old man and just retired from work but I have to say that rather than get depressed about it, I took it as a challenge and opportunity to achieve some of my goals in life. I still feel young inside, nothings changed but of course we age on the outside. One opportunity that retirement gave me was more time to achieve my goals. I now eat better (have time to cook fresh wholesome foods) and go to the gym almost every morning. After 6 months I already have a muscular in shape body again. BTW I'll be travelling to your hometown of Miami from Feb 25th to March 6th and will not be shy to go to the beach. I'll even check out the store your mentioned in your last video for speedos lol. Also I purchased my ticket to my first winter Beach Party Sunday March 3rd. Hope to see your there! Peace .... Greg
Tom, I was taught from childhood to help someone, anyone, when you're down. It has made my life (68 yrs, so far) immeasurably better.
Perhaps you give more than you know. I really dig watching your best life. I hope you enjoy EVERY day.
Thanks
Hi Thomas. I understand the struggle. I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety my entire life. I finally went to see a psychiatrist three years ago and I’m on a low dose of Lexapro which has been life changing for me. I have also been meditating daily for the past year and using positive affirmations. It has helped me significantly.
I’m gay and struggle with finding genuine gay friends. I live in Chicago and have one gay friend who I adore and love spending time with him even if it’s just once a month. I’ve tried some dating apps and have not been successful with connecting with anyone. If anything, I find them to be toxic.
I recommend meditation and positive affirmations daily. That’s helped me the most. Best to you.
Yoga and meditation and a positive attitude Tommy! James ❤❤
Back in 1990, I had some of the most beautiful men as friends in West Hollywood. We had lost a loved one and a group of us went out to a local restaurant after the funeral. This loss was so profound, it was suicide. It changed all our lives, it was a fork in the road for those of us closest to him. The suicide had horrible repercussions that lasted for a decade in my case. To this day, I still have his picture up. My Husband is very understanding. That is the background to my point. We were at this restaurant, and the guy at the table next to us was lamenting that his life was crap. Look at those guys referring to us, they have everything, looks, friends, life isn't fair. What he saw was not what was happening. The reality was that a group of friends had just lost a major part of our group. As good looking as our friend was, his depression was too much for him. Yes, we were quintessential Weho clique. Drugs, depression, insecurity, cheating, violence, murder, assault and drama were all part of our lives. We were in our 20's. That dinner was that last time we would all be together. I moved away, the group drifted. Too painful to pretend. I learned to only count the blessings in my own life and never compare my life to others. Because you don't know what demons and challenges that handsome face and muscular body are hiding. I am glad you are taking care of your mental health.
Hi Tommy, greetings from Ireland 🇮🇪 Fair play for doing this video. I am in a similar boat to you with my journey. It is not just down to being gay, although cultural and particular lifestyle can impact on one’s sense of self if you are not a party animal. Which I am not, and I recognise you are not either. It’s okay to feel lonely at times, many people do as various stages of life.
It might be helpful to examine when you feel lonely, is it because you perhaps think ‘everyone’ is out having ‘fun’? That is the perception, but many of those people are not in a good mindset either, but are doing things because they feel they should or because their ‘friends’ are. It can be a catch 22. It’s about perspective. I have only been to Miami and South-beach a few times. But I have found many of the big gay centres around the world I have visited, while fantastic locations, the lifestyle and what I see going on, brings my mood down. Perhaps, magnified because I’m single. Seeing the underbelly of many gay couples in such holiday or festival settings can be disheartening.
This massage is long enough, but if you would like to get a view from the other side of the pond, I am happy to chat more.
I have to say, before I go, I love your new speedo, very classy looking on you. Take care. B
Counseling, journal, friends, meds, gym, travelling Hugs
Tommy. Babes. What are you doing to me?!. Got me over here in Berlin catching feels & falling in love with you!! 💋💋💋💋
Those speeds Rock! I remember when you bought them. My favorite. Sadly, the rest of us 99.9% gays cannot wear them. To answer your question: Get more exercise and reduce your alcohol consumption.
Hi Tommy! Wow, where do I begin? First, thank you for sharing who you are with us.
Bringing light to Depression and other Mental and Emotional Issues is so important. Depression is a disease just like Diabetes and other diseases. Stigma and judgement exist with Depression, and it SHOULD NOT. Combination Therapies of Medications and Working with a Therapist can be beneficial for many. I do hope you are experiencing some relief from depression. It can be an ugly disease.
We all need friends, family and people who we can talk to, really people that will listen so we know we are being heard!
Loneliness and Isolation can be a result of Depression or the fear of speaking about how we are feeling. Far too many people think of it as just having a "Bad Day" when it actually is so much more than that.
The Gay Community, though supportive, can also be judgemental, unknowingly. We discriminate amongst ourselves in so many ways, dividing up the community into smaller segments by Age, Race, Top, Bottom, Financial Status, etc. people are people.
Your question of how to best deal with the Depression and Loneliness is a good one. Each person will have a different pathway toward resolution.
In general, let me share what I have come to know as being helpful. We need to Be Who We Are, not try to be what others want or what we feel other people want us to be.
Be Who You Are and Bloom Where You Are Planted. Many people will appreciate the "Real" anyone. Those that choose to not partake are welcome to not stay around, no judgement or shame to them. We all just "Need To Be" and not fear Judgement and Retaliation.
Thank you for using your Platform to Better Yourself and Others, my friend! Be well.
Kindest regards - Don
A lot of ways to deal with feeling down. Chocolate! Is my advice! ;D You can also watch a funny movie, or go for a bike ride. :D
Come Home to Argentina, here you'll have a couple a good gay Friends and lot of latín love
Keeping a daily journal helps me to organize my thoughts and express myself. It is a form of therapy without the therapist and available 24/7. Really helps!!!😅😮😊
Yeah, what poeple don’t get in the us is that the best way to go out of dépression is to THINK. The only way to think is journaling. Put your thoughts on paper. Read good books. Only keeps what raisonates.
Build up your own vision of the world.
Depression is real! Its hard to explain it to someone that has not experienced it. Thanks for sharing.
Howdy Tom!! I've suffered from panic disorder, anxiety & depression for over 20 years. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. It's hard as hell to deal with, but with medication & some therapy you can make it through. I've been gay for longer than I can remember & it can be tougher, but as they say, IT GETS BETTER!" Big hugs from Kenny in Ohio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Based on this video, I would say that being almost naked for the sake of gay praise must be a nice way of coping with mental struggles.
Being gay itself doesn't cause depression, what causes depression being gay is societies attitude towards gay people since we were kids, how you are treated when we are young can affect us for the rest of our lives.
Tommy. You not wanting to be in an open relationship really helps my mental health with being burdened w being a gay man . I left you a lengthy answer on that post . Thank you for being an extremely rare positive role model for gay men . Godbless you !
Mental Health should not be a taboo discussion and loneliness is the biggest problem in today's society, myself I have had a triple bypass, never been in relationship, severe introvert and now recovering from cancer but no matter what I always stay positive of better days to come ,I don't take medication either, everyone is different in how they deal with life but know there is help out there and you do not have to face it by yourself, videos like yours are what helps and inspires me knowing I am not going through this alone, thank you for approaching this subject, it needs to be discussed more often.
Much love to you! Always here for you
Tommy, you are not alone. Living an alternative lifestyle is very tough no matter how brave our confident you are. Young or old we all somehow learn to carry this weight with us through our lives. My journey with my mental health has its ups and downs but my fight to thrive is greater. Don’t ever lose your balance and let depression get the best of you. I find that talking about who you are how you feel and what you want out of life is the most important in keeping the sad feelings away. When people say “Life is what you make it” I just want to slap them……LoL. Life happens whether you are ready for it or not, it brings the good along with the bad. Look beyond today at where you are going and not where you’ve been. Whenever you are feeling low do something that provides you with hope and deterrs you from the negative. You are not alone, you are in the company of millions of us all over the world. Remember life is not a dress rehearsal, it’s here and it’s now strive for any kind of peace and something that can make you smile and take the pain away. I am in California (where there are many, many, many insecure and depressed people) you can phone me anytime and say “Bitch I need a shoulder”. Keep up what you are doing because you ARE making a difference to so many of us. Be safe, be kind to yourself and enjoy each moment of every day. Love you buddy in California, Paul (562) 833-1250
Thanks for your video. Mental health is such important discussion for gay people like us (the book Velvet Shame helped me). There is so much focus in the gay community on sexual activity and expression (Grindr culture etc). I think lacking in our community is a focus on building non-sexual interactions and friendships along with seeking romantic relationships that are balanced in the relational, emotional, and sexual dimensions. At the end of the day no matter your orientation we all want to be seen, heard, valued and loved. We need to seek this for our mental health.
Thank you for your kind video today. Your sincerity and transparency are a gift to us. There are two things that I rely on for strength and peace. . . One is a discussion group for those who are part of the LGBTQ community in the local area (Ottawa, Canada). The second is my faith in God and the support of the Christian community. I know that might sound strange but because my faith life is important to me, I've found solace in the sacraments and in spiritual guides who have accompanied me through many years of turmoil and loneliness. I am known and loved for who I am and what I have to offer. Thanks for asking for our input.❤
absolutely 'my faith in god' !!! I totally agree.
I've been in the pit of darkness. I managed to climb my way back. I was on Welbutrin for many years. I finally stopped taking it & it turned out alright. One thing I learned was that I was way harder on myself then anyone else could be. Remember to breathe. Forgive yourself. Stop watching porn is my best advice.
Being gay and taking medications and saw a therapist for over 20 years. Finally got better when I turned 63! YIKES! Now being 69, I am happier than what I was when I was 38! Hang in there, things get better is if you stick with it.
i have found the "gay" church (MCC Metropolitan Community Church)supportive. thank you for the topic Bill
With his mustache, those short shorts, and converse, he reminds me of guys I saw in the gay community in the 80s. Actually, kind of reminds me of me a little. I love the retro look.😊
As a gay person, faith has helped my mental health so much! Listening to pastors on RUclips helps (modern ones). Praying helps. Swimming, hiking, and lifting helps too. Calling my mom helps. Cooking helps. I feel like being productive overall helps! Find something you like to do, and it'll take your mind off things! You're just as you are supposed to be! Keep going!
Thanks for wearing the Greek pattern Speedo. You do look fantastic in it!
There is a JOY in being 55 now, I thank God! I’m pro-Trump and solid in my life. I’ve done very well for myself by my own rules and I don’t have the least bit of depression or sadness. I do however, still have a strong desire for a brother. I have a husband for 8 years now. I taught myself Spanish in two years and in fact, we’re moving to Spain and Ireland split half the year starting in 2028. My husband is Irish. If you’re just here for the face and ass, you won’t care and I don’t care about you either. There's a great relief in being whole where I don’t need everyone to like me and prance on social media with all the silliness and drama. I have a Spaniard friend, a Taurus of 42 who is looking for a mate. Although he’s a top, he doesn’t like fem, at all with all the negative attention it brings. He’d do well with a Taurus, Scorpio, Pisces or Capricorn. Any of those out there interested?
Your videos are always so enjoyable and relaxing, regardless of the topics you discuss.
I especially like the ones you use to respond to or ignore hate comments. Those people are just projecting their own insecurities onto you. It isn’t your burden to carry.
Enjoy your warm cloudy days, while I freeze off my ass a thousand miles north of you!
😺✌️
You are not alone! And thank you for sharing.
Ur LIFE.... will be perfect and great if you want it to be great, If you learn from mistakes and always move forward, and If you are able to imagine yourself succesful and happy, If do not, then you betray yourself and your potential, so you have to learn to "teach" your mind to always look ahead to great goals, without having extreme expectations, most people that succed, never tell you the many times they failed, and they did, but kept moving forward.
Instagram, RUclips, and social media are edited. Life is inherently messy. There is no better investment than your own mental and physical health.
Be well.
Unfortunately there was a study decades back stating that people get depressed from taking SSRIs. That was true for me but the change comes so slow you don't see it. Then just a few years back it was released that Prozac was a weight loss drug but the "industry" thought the hurdles would be to high to get it through the FDA so inatead they claimed it was a breakthrough drug for depression. I wonder why they don't work? In my opinion the best thing is distraction. Don't wallow in the sadness and don't add to it by watching sad movies, etc. Try to think about anything else that lightens your mood. Go swimming with alligators although that could result in a very depressing outcome so I advise safer activities.
BTW don't idolize Oprah she's turned out to be like every other wealthy person not wanting to help with her resources but instead use yours. Why would Oprah want a non-descript condo when she could own Maralago?
I think your lonliness is a product of being gay. We are isolated as children.
As for social media...do you not see the image manipulations?
Thank you so very much for your words. Both helpful and inspiring. I'm in the UK and it is pretty much the same here. Social media really should come with a health warning. Again, many thanks. Keep on the journey...
You're commended for actually talking about this topic but you need to be careful here. The speedo shots are inappropriate and make you appear hypocritical as you're doing something you admitted was not representative of the vast majority of the gay community. I actually found the speedo scenes added to my depression because it just seems shallow & self-absorbed - this is a huge problem with gays in general. You made me feel pressured that I have to look as good as you. I just think this would have be so much more relatable if you'd just had the discussion with some clothes on. I know it wasn't intentional and who knows, maybe doing videos in sppedos helps you deal with your own depression, so I won't judge.
Don't come off meds. I have been taking prozac or wellbutrin or both since 1994 and every experiment of going off has been a failure though over time the dosages have fallen.
You're adorable. I agree with so much in this video. I never felt super depressed or lonely until about 8 years ago. It has intensified as the years speed by. I chose not to engage in more than fb because I social media kills my spirit even more. To be honest, if it wasn't for the title of this video, i would've skipped past it. I would've presumed its another handsome guy showing off for attention. My favorite activities for combatting depression and loneliness are driving and sewing. But they are not a cure. Thank you for sharing some motivational words.
Thank you for having this conversation! Although I've been in a relationship for a long time and having a partner is great, I still take time for myself and try to do things that makes me happy and stay away from toxic people.
Hi Tommy, I really enjoyed watching your vid and can relate to your experiences and struggles. I am much older than you but have gone through many of the same things. One thing you have going for you is that you are still so young and have so much ahead of you and you have control of your future. Stay positive and be around positive people! I wish you the best!!!
Thank you for opening up about your experience. I still feel very isolated because I have yet to find people who I can connect with and my immediate surroundings are not supportive at all. I've been a depressed, anxiety induced individual since I was 7 or 8 and I'm still holding onto things now as I'm almost 28 years of age. I hope for the best of things to come for you and I wish that you live the life you are deserving of and be proud unconditionally. Thank you for showing us a piece of yourself, I'm very grateful to have witnessed it. ❤
I watch the video until minutes 8. ❤ Love you. I love your videos and I send a big huge to you. ❤❤❤ Pretty boy.
This was an interesting video. I must say that most gay men are superficial all because of this fantasy of how you should be or how to look in order to attract a certain age group of guys, plus your body and face should look like Ken or Mr. Wonderful. Not all gays look like that or care to be like that. With that comes attitude towards others that make you feel you're not good enough sexually or to talk too, when they could be really hotter than you and in shape, sexy ways or look about them or just a good person with great qualities that looks good etc. A lot of pressure like that brings loneliness and depression. Drugs and Alcohol is a problem in the gay life also bringing loneliness and depression. I like Living in the real world is more beneficial and healthier. Thats what I prefer to do
My heart goes out to you on this subject of depression. Here are a few things that helped me during times of depression. Getting outdoors in my yard and doing lawn and gardening helps lift my spirits a lot. I play piano and playing is wonderful therapy. A really good hobby helps a lot too. But most of all is going regularly to a good church, getting involved and it can't be just any ole church. With that is reading and studying my Bible. I also listen to a lit of podcasts and teachings of ministries that speak to my life the most. All of those things are what have kept me in the middle of the road and I am 65 now. The only medication I ever took was an herbal called St. John's Wort and it did help me through the hardest times.❤
Hi Sir. Read the scriptures (Bible) everyday it can change life for a better living as long as u believe.❤
The whole gym rat thing is just attention seeking. The question is why do you need attention? Find a way to occupy your mind. Volunteer work, get creative.
I love your view on depression I’m a married gay man in my mid 50s our son we adopted is now 16 & depression for me has been a very on & off thing for many years every gay couple or gay man I have met thinks I have a great life when in reality I do not but been on many medications threw the years I just try to keep going on with my life Thank you very much
don't go off meds?! what the hell? start psychotherapy with a clinical psychiatrist, none of that online "therapist" shit. and stay on meds.
Why are you depressed,you’re a nice guy,you should have not that problem.
Just commenting that I really don’t like that speedo design but your body in them 🥵🥵 is causing a thickening on mine 🤣🤣
Hey there!
I enjoyed seeing you in your video!
You have a nice down to earth vibe and are a very handsome man. You're a real soothing pleasure to watch and listen to...!
Take care! Bernie
I have positively fallen in love with your stories. You’re absolutely beautiful. But the serious and very important things that you discuss are vital. Thank you so much. I would have to say the one thing is I have a friend group that are family to me. Mostly all straight now. My best friend, who was gay, died on my birthday one year ago yesterday. I truly miss him dearly. But he fought through so many battles and taught us to go on, if he taught us nothing else. And I think that’s what you teach. We persevere, and we move through all of this. Surround yourself with good, amazing people. I adore you and your videos. Thank you so much! 💖✨💖
If you going to be gay you better be okay with being alone and being lonely . Being gay is most the time you're going to be the odd man out even if you have gay friends you're straight fans are more likely your family and your real friends and you're always going to be the odd man out and you have to be okay with being that person and okay with being lonely . Being alone most of the time is not a bad thing . I've come to terms with loving my alone time . I like me more than I like anybody else in the world . And if you can do that nothing else will matter nothing else will bother you you'll always be the most important person in your own life . And you'll come to terms with not letting other people hurt you just to be part of your life and that's the big thing don't let other people hurt you so you'll have people in your life .be happy with yourself and other people will be attracted to you because you're happy with yourself and although you may have many people who claim to be your friends are all around you that's not real friendship but real friendship is the people who support you even when you're down and out and have all those ugly feelings that only you know about or your real friends . People who only support you because you support them are not your real friends real friends support you regardless if you support them or not they're there for you because they love you and they want you to be happy they may not agree with your life or your lifestyle but they love you because of the relationship you have with them over time but you better get a thick skin and you better be happy being alone because most of your life all the significant things that happen within your life you're going to be alone because that's how life is you came into the world by yourself and you're going to go out of this world by yourself so you better be happy alone .
Keto diet has taken away my anxiety and depression. Much better than taking pills that have so many side effects.
Wait, what lesss fortunate men with look 😅got to stay about that. They are out of the radar when it comes to love and being seen by their gay peers 😂🎉
I think you are an inspiration, I wish you peace and strength to endure the tough times. I really like the content. I am at the three yrs point, that the love of my life for 31 yrs passed, I know sadly all to well about depression, I have chosen to continue forward. My world crashed. Wonderful people like yourself give me hope. Truly, thank you Thomas.
Those speedos and you against the blue sky was an awesome shot. Artistic cinematography.
hello !!! that is quite a strong and captivating statement (gay and depressed) a comment on the first one (gay) when one labels oneself, automatically one is separating oneself from
the divine unity (no religious innuendo intended); we are ALL repeat ALL a magnificent and unique manifestation of the whole universe, and we all (without exception) have a responsibility to uphold this. Regarding (depressed): always adhere to your doctors competence and follow their advise, one MAY !!! perceive one's reality in a lighter manner / less weighty. I wish you all the blessings your heart desires !!! You are a Good Man / God Bless you !!!
VOLUNTEER AT YOUR FAVORITE CHARITY , IT WILL DEFINITELY CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE FOR THE BETTER
Just find someone That make you feel loved. Excelent medicine!!!❤❤❤❤
I've been on antidepressants for half my life. I've done tons of therapy. But one thing I've learned over time is that I will never be off meds. Without meds & therapy my life falls apart. Don't think of it as a fallacy but as a adjustment to your natural biology. I beat diabetes in my 30's with diet and lifestyle changes but nothing corrects my hereditary high blood pressure but meds.....no difference. You're doing great, my friend, living on your own in a new city with a healthy, socially active lifestyle.
❤ STAY STRONG!
And I like and love gay people and gay men too Thomas Matthew May
Sending hugs and lots of love❤️
And I am gay and I want and need and have to be and stay gay for everytime and forever Thomas Matthew May
Good job Thomas!!! Stay strong and thank you for sharing your thoughts!!! Cheers!
Thank you for sharing your story. God bless you.
You never know what someone is going through unless you are in that position. My friends say "Oh you are doing great." but only I know what is going through my mind constant suicidal thoughts. Fear of career and what not and on top of that you are gay.
You seem to be a kind person at the core.
Thomas, really loved what you had to say and could relate to the things you discussed. Many of us have dysmorphia from seeing "perfect" bodies, sex on twitter and in porn. Again, wonderful video.
If you are depressed you should get help from a professional.
Thanks for another Great video. I get what you're saying Tom. But listening to you, always puts a smile on my face.
the best way I found to relief depression is to nourish your spirit by becoming the source of happiness to others, ie volunteer, help a person in need etc. also exercise is very powerful.
Love your videos Tommy and how you rock those speedos, thank you for all you do and exuding a relatability that is rare on this platform.
I came out as gay in August and it has been difficult trying to figure out where I would meet other LGBT people in my area, but I have met a few on apps like Bumble although still no close friends as of yet. I think you mentioned in another video that coming out is not the solution to depression and I'm inclined to agree but it did help unburden the pressure I was feeling otherwise and to become authentic.
I started a better exercising routine since working from home a few years ago after trying lorazepam whenever I felt depressed or anxious and have stopped using the medication entirely.
For anyone still reading this, it will always take time to figure out what works best to combat depression if you are experiencing it, but we can do it and discussions like these are always helpful.
Love you Tommy, I hope you have a good rest of the week 😊❤
Thank you for this, my first experience with these feelings was the start of the pandemic (January 2020). Broke up with someone I love so much, whom I’m still friends with. We chat and help each other through hard times. 4 years later, I was able to seek the help I needed through therapy, gardening, and learning about my passions. Hiking and gardening just to name a few. Let’s all be kind and have an open mind, to everyone we meet! Much love.
You're pretty cute. 😊
I just cope with depression following my heart, whatever is watching a silly anime, gardening, doing some artistic projects, planning vacations, whatever keeps me busy and makes me happy. I do not make a big deal about it, because everyone deal with depression at certain point or level, so I accepted that it’s normal, it’s part of me, I do not deny it, but I do not let it take control of my life.
Hola Tommy ... thank you for the advice and sharing...
You're a pure soul.
No one is alone
We are all connected ❤❤.
For works being in the present and train your mind to focus in what I want around myself.
I take medication too. Hopefully one day I will stop.
Blessings and hugs bello 🌷😃👋.
Carlos
(Canada)
Seeing a therapist and getting on medication changed my life after dealing with depression and anxiety for a decade
Great video and I've been where you're at in the distant past, as I grew up in an area and an era that wasn't even a fraction of acceptance that there is now.
My biggest tip would be to find somebody on an organic level. The best place to find someone with your interests is at a venue where that interest is.
For example, let's say you like farmer's markets, you like cooking and you like tomatoes. Online you can find really great looking apparel - in this case a button up shirt with bright tomatoes on it. Go shopping the farmer's market wearing it, and if there's someone there with similar interests, they're going to see you and it's a great organic conversation starter...."wow! there's a guy that really likes tomatoes!"
The point is, go where your interests are and 'dress' to stand out so others want to approach you and spark up a conversation. The spark is the whole key to a conversation starter. Plus, in the above example, it shows that you're approachable and you like to have fun and you're not all uptight.
I was in a highly closeted business, and that's exactly how I met my other half, of now, 23 years. I wore an industry-specific button down shirt to a bar, and was shooting pool. On the way back from the restroom to resume shooting pool, I heard this guy make a smart ass comment about the logo on my shirt - and the way he said it clued me in to the fact that he knew a hell of a lot about the company and that was all it took. We ended up talking for hours, became great friends, and before you knew it, we've been inseparable ever since.
No, it wasn't a tomato company, lol, but I think you get the point.
And it was also him that helped me break out of my 'lonely' mode...100%...and nothing else.
We had lots of discussions about 'what other people think'...like family members and whatnot, and he just simply said: "There's not a damn thing wrong with you. If they have a problem with who you are, it's their problem - not yours."
And not overnight, but really, in short order, I adopted that same attitude towards it and have never looked back.
My creative work greatly improved over the same time, as I had way more 'trust' in 'me' for developing effective solutions for my clients...of which I have had dozens of the same clients ever since. And never once has anyone had any issue with 'who' I am - they just see me as someone that helps them fix whatever problem they are faced with in their business world, and that's what I do all day long.
And I can go to sleep each night knowing I helped someone that day.
I'm not a psychiatrist but my only comments about meds are, if it's possible to power your way through and issue at hand similarly to how my other half helped me, that would be my preferred solution, as it will make you stronger. But again, that's just how it worked for me.
Life is not rainbows and butterflies, but if you can find someone to share and build memories with, it definitely takes the sting out of the occasional bad days.
Finding someone with the same core values as you is no easy task, but if you stick with it, I'm confident you will find that person, in time, and it will make the wait well worth it. It took me the better part of 15 years to accomplish that task (I know, right!) but it's been phenomenal ever since - and never looked back, and not worried about the future either.
I think if you try a couple of these techniques, you will find success - and that it suits you well...and then there will be no looking back for you as well!
Oh, and don't let anyone try to take away your sparkle! :)
Hey Thomas, Tampa here. My medication is having friends, you can bounce off of with all the good, bad and ugly thoughts, than laugh about it all. Hang in there, continue you video's and talking us on this channel, you may have more friends than you need. PS.....your hosting your Greek Tile speedo and a good thought is it looks great. C U in your next video.
Wellbutrin here. Medication helps; you’re not alone. Sorry about your depression. One extra tip is to make time 1-2 hours a week to “meditate” - like yoga, a walk, or just alone time without a device.
One of the first steps of dealing with depression is to understand that nothing is perfect perfection is a myth it does not exist those people that seemed happy all the time are hiding their pain behind a fake smile I know I do it and whenever I'm in public there may be a smile on my face but I am screaming inside I don't want people to feel bad for me they have enough to deal with so I pretend I am okay always remember you are not alone