Tip that I've learned: sometimes it helps to show gratitude first and then ask a question so that people don't mistake your tone and preemptively get defensive (example: : "i love this squishmallow! how did you know i'd love this one?")
I wasnt going to comment today but i feel like i might have some perspective. And i hope you dont take this the wrong way either, but almost all of your videos are negative. And i understand, this is primarily vlogs of your life and its unfortunate that a lot of negative things happen in your life lately so thats what you have to share. But i think with so much global scale negativity happening in everyones lives most viewers want to use youtube as a way to escape from all that. You may be losing subs simply because people just cant take listening to another set of sad things when theyre trying to escape other problems. For me i know i just dont have the emotional capacity to care about your third meltdown of the month or keep hearing about your financial problems when ive got my own, yknow? And its not that i dont care about you as a person or content creator, i wish you the very best in everything you do but when it seems you only post the bad side of whats going on with you for weeks in a row it can be exhausting to watch your videos and have the sympathy to spare for your situations, especially as an autistic person myself and dealing with my own emotional overwhelm in my real life. I really dont mean to be rude about this statement either, and its possible there are more answers to why your channel isnt doing as well too, it could be a combination of things. But this is the one thing i think you do have control over to not make every video a vent/rant and to show other aspects of your life, like the minis and crochet and things that make you happy even if theyre small. Im not saying you should never rant or vent, this is your channel and you should be able to use it to talk about anything youd like to, and numbers shouldnt matter as much as they do to you. But i think its also worth acknowledging that having the chanel be a constant barrage of negative, angry or sad stuff, can turn people away from it and this could be one reason it seems in decline Hope youre feeling better now and have as good of a day as possible, love from australia. Your core group of viewers still support you and i at least dont intent to unsub, even if i dont watch every video for my own mental health
My opinion in regards to youtube. I don't comment on your videos anymore and I hesitate to watch them 'cause it seems that you only upload when you need money or you need to vent. And that's not the problem actually, I would always watch them to support, to give you views and leave nice comments and suggestions or some advice, the problem is you don't really take any advice, you don't really appreciate your community(? and the help they give you, you just take it as something you just deserve. So it seems to me that you're not that appreciative, you don't really care about people's opinions or advice, but you do take comments very personal when people kind of hold you accountable or they just don't agree with you... so in my opinion, that's why you lose subscribers and why people comment things you don't like. I don't think those are hate comments, I think people feel entitled to be honest with you cause they've been supportive all the time and you never seem to appreciate them or you don't do anything for yourself.
And btw, I'm not a random in case someone thinks that, I've been subscribed for a long time now, I've watched almost every video on your channel and I have even played them just so the ads helped you a little bit.
@@BoboCoOfficial I'm glad to read that! People leave you good advice, in my opinion, and I really believe following it will actually help you in many ways. So best of luck with that, you're the only one who can do something to change your current situation.
You speak just fine. Please dont call yourself stupid, YOU ARE NOT STUPID! if you ever have the chance read the book ( Toxic Parents ) it teaches you how to talk and interact with negative responses to you and how to put up boundaries. You deserve respect and it sounds like to me your not getting that. Dont let people detour your boundaries and your respect. Your a human being who has been through a lot and sometimes people dont understand that or sometimes because your so brave and stand some will try to tare you down. DONT LET THEM. keep going keep trying. Hope this helps some.
It is a two way street…what your mother is doing is treating you like a 5 year old and you sort of react with a learned habit as if you are a child in her presence. She is not treating your as an adult and you slide back into an abused child, hiding from her behaviour. For instance; notice she changed plans on you giving you an option to catch a taxi…but then followed that up With an instant emotional punishment; if you catch a taxi you can only take ‘half’ of your things and then exposes you in front of everyone demanding you choose. You are an adult. She cannot tell you how you decide to transport your things and make demands - you should not give her that power as an adult. that is power manipulation using an innocent situation and turning it into an instant punishment by her that you have to follow and you did follow it, you responded like a small child and immediately started to select what you could or could not take. Adults do not do this to each other, that is absurdity…would she have said that to any other adult? For instance your aunt? Or the next door neighbour? She knows your buttons, she gets stimulated out of suppressing you in front of everyone, you know this but cannot articulate it. Because that is a reversion of your adulthood to childhood in that second and you have allowed her that space to do it to you. You need to disengage from her and only respond as an adult not a child. Keep out of that space, only meet up with her in your own spaces and in places where she has to behave like public spaces or cafes until you have confidence your relationship has changed. One thing you do know is she treats you the same way always so stop being afraid of her and empower yourself with not allowing yourself to react as a child, that is what she wants. You are toxicly codependent otherwise.
i just wanted to say this to you yawn.. you have shared so much wisdom in what you wrote you are 100% real here. i too had (thankfully she finally died just a year ago..) a manipulative abusive mother. i learned a few years before she died that i should never be alone with her .. every time i was she puller similar type child appropreiate behavior and control .. she even hit me on a few occasions and it was all o could do to *retrain* and not hit back. so (my poor) friend came with me any time i had to have any contact with her. and this was after i put time limits on when she could call. and that she had to tell me what the issue was on voice mail ~cuz she could NEVER wait till 3pm when she was allowed to call (i worked nights) for too long i let her infantize me but keeping me off balance. and EVERYTHING was always a crisis. I refused to give her my address or i would never get away. my point is that you got this 100% right imho 😂 boundaries where the only way i could get enough distance to give myself the space to recognize when i was simply reverting to those old responses shes been dead a year now and i think finally everyone in the system who was impacted by her unferstands that she is dead. and believe me ..at 65yrs old it took way too long to learn these lessons. Bo you have the opportunity to learn what took me 64 yrs to learn .. or maybe 45 yrs .. you are an adult you determine who you let treat you how. EVEN IF YOU NEED her $ or resources.. that is NoT a reason to allow the behavior you describe. just remember you are an adult. it will take time and she will escalate and try to get to you over and over. people dont like change. most will do everything to keep status quo .. its up to you. keep repeating i am grown .. and then decide how you want to do. it is one of the hardest things to learn .. you have to be consistent no matter what she does. but u know now now you get to it.
I'll be totally honest since you asked for our opinions, I think people were not being mean or negative in the last video, I don't think the way you say things is being misunderstood. You really seemed immature for complaining about not getting want you wanted even though you did get some of those things, and the fact that you were jealous about Zeph getting the hoodie you wanted when you did get one of them (even if it was brown -which still you did like-)... I mean, you know the type of relationship you have with your family and Zeph, if I was you I would've stayed at home or I wouldn't have gone with Zeph or I wouldn't expect to receive what I asked for 'cause I know how they are or I would have locked myself in the bathroom or a room while having the meltdown (which is actually what I do even if the meltdown it's caused by others)... it seems to me that you still don't know how to behave or think as an adult, you don't take responsibility in getting yourself out of these type of situations. I mean, you can 100% be the victim of your abusive family's behavior, but you can't just sit there and blame 'em, you gotta do something instead of just feel pity for yourself. I'm autistic by the way, so I perfectly understand what it is to melt down over plans being changed and not getting what I expected and all of that, I get perceived as rude when I miss social cues or I'm too blunt or honest, but I also know when things depend on me and what I can do about it. I don't think that you're stupid or missing social cues in these particular situation.
@@BoboCoOfficial I know you have and I know abusive people do that, but there are things we can do to prevent or avoid this from happening. All I want with my comments is to make you aware of what you're doing or what you could do to not be involved in this situations anymore.
You know, I didn't even watch the last video and just by you describing how utterly confused you are about what wrong you've done, reminds me of myself. I'm an Aspie and have a lot of depersonalization or derealization issues during extreme stressful moments. My masking was perceived as OSDD at one point by a therapist. That's how autistic I guess I am. hahaha or maybe that's not funny. Idk it was a rabbit hole that's for sure. But it led me to watch viewers from time to time like yourself. During xmas I saw my sister make faces at a couple of things I said. And I thought I was kidding with her or making a joke of myself. But she gave her sister-in-law this look and then saw her sister-in-law glare back. I thought do they not know that I can see them? Are they not aware that I'm acutely aware of what those expressions are? Literally just a second it took place and it shifted my mood for hours. Then, like you, I go into a loop where I try to find the wrong in what I said or did. I think we just need to find a way not give a shitville about it all. Not everyone will get us. Not everyone will be a fan. Social media is a killer. Remember that. Most people are on here to attack. Block if necessary. :)
Well you have a new subscriber with me and I'm watching all videos antichronological. You know, a lot of people will stay for the good times, but when the rough time takes too long (because we need more time to learn and heal) they are leaving. But, there are always the other people that will stay as long as it takes. You are doing good and I'm glad for all your videos, because it shows I'm not alone and it helps me very much! Hope I can return that someday.
I genuinely dont see anything wrong with what you say. To me you explain yourself perfectly, but maybe thats because i suspect im autistic too. You never come across as rude or ungrateful, you come across as honest. It kinda sounds like your mum is in denial and doesnt want to admit that your childhood was hard, because it would probably make her feel like she failed you. Maybe spoiling you at xmas is her trying to make up for that. Please dont let anyone tell you that your feelings are wrong, theyre not, theyre perfectly valid. I feel like the negative comments possibly come from younger viewers (im 45 nxt month) or from those who dont understand how trauma or certain disorders like autism can effect the brain and effect how we communicate and think. The way you feel is valid . You are not stupid . Youre stronger than you think because youve won every battle youve been presented with so far. Youre still here. Youre talented and worthy . I love seeing your creations as i crochet too although youre far better than me and have way more patience for bigger projects lol. I started a rug 10 years ago thats still not finished. Anyway, dont give up. You have a purpose and are important to many people ❤
I do the same thing- asking if what I said was “wrong” or not right to say. My mom thinks I’m angry when I reply sometimes, when I actually just feel indifferent or something not negative. It instantly makes me anxious that I didn’t come off the right way. Then I try to fix it… and yeah. BPD is all consuming at times. 😅
From what I understand, most people have hidden meanings behind what they say. Then there are those of us who just say what we mean and seem to constantly be taken wrong because people are looking for a hidden meaning that isn't there
You are obviously doing the best you can. That will alvays be enough. If somebody says othervise, the problem lays with them not you. Your self worth is not dependent on other peoples opinions. You are sweet and kind and struggle hard to be the best you can be. Allow yourself to be human. YT is a jungle, ratings and algorithms have nothing to do with what is real.
The way I took what you said was that they weren’t genuinely listening to you. You’re grateful for what you get but you wish they would really listen to what you care about and also what disorders you experience without flying off the handle at you or not believing your struggles. Some people don’t understand nuance and some people also choose to twist who we are on purpose like online (which means their opinion is bull lol). When I hear you talk, it makes sense to me though I sometimes hear something that I know people will twist. I think I speak on purpose in a way that makes it harder to twist but is that necessarily better? Probably not because then I’m just overthinking what other people’s opinions are. If those opinions bother you, you could always try to reword it a way that causes less people to misconstrue it (though as someone online it will probably never be 0 of course.) Or you can keep talking like you talk now and know that the right ones get you. A lot of us neurodivergents describe things as a way of processing what we’ve experienced, not out of selfishness at all but because we have to much imput we’re processing. It’s really about what you feel is healthiest for you but I can tell you weren’t trying to be rude or uncaring and I think many of us see that🙂.
Elliot, we find that it really depends on how we approach someone with a comment that may be suspect. For example, if we say something like, hey, we really love squish mellows and have wanted one for a long time. We’re curious though,what drew you to this one? It goes over loads better then say, hey, what made you pick this one? personally, as someone who is autistic, I can see how the second one feels better. It gets to the point, it’s succinct, cuts out small talk, etc. The current theory I happen to be subscribing to is that people who aren’t neurodivergent require the back explanation to feel comfortable because there next thought isn’t going to be something like, wonder what would make them ask me that? And then go ask about it. It’s usually something like, how rude! Then they tend to tune out entirely instead of keeping the door open for communication.Honestly it’s one of those many differences I’ve come to put down under communicating with people who aren’t neurodivergent. This is something that getting our CACM degree, degree in conflict management helped with. When I was taking classes a large part of them involved roll play. Since we knew our answer was wrong we would often pick the “bad guy” and find out how best to communicate with others by watching the right way to handle explanations and such Bringing adult hobbies in to adult child parent relationships when one or the other of you is unwilling to accept your current rolls is really hard. One thing that has helped us is to simply begin the activity like making chain mail or knitting to the persons house, in this case, your mum’s and let her see you knit. Explain a bit of what you’ve knit in the past as you knit in front of her, that kind of thing. It helps people see this is a long time hobby of yours, here’s the kinds of things you enjoy knitting and here’s where your creative passion is with out giving them more then they’re ready to handle when it comes to accepting the person they’ve always known has changed keep in mind if yous can though, and this one was hard for us, but keep in mind that to yous, and Yous spisifically, this change has been a long time coming. To them, this whole change is equivalent to yous suddenly discovering yous… perhaps yous discover a new alter, or come home to find all of a sudden yous have another new cat with no clue how it got there. It’s the same kind of thing I, Elliot, see happening with advice for yous loves. We can see you taking it and struggling to implement that advice for yourself/s The thing is, we are wondering if people who have given yous advice in the past feel as though yous aren’t taking it because they maybe struggle to see how hard and just how much is involved in say changing your circumstances? For example, I’m wondering if people really truely get all the BS that’s involved in filling out paperwork for someone who’s a system with neurodivergence? I ask this spisifically because it never occurred to us until we were having a friend who wasn’t neurodivergent fill out paperwork for a similar issue with us. They’d never actually seen us fil out paperwork only heard about it. They said seeing it really brought home for them all the issues we struggle with and made our complaints to them make a whole lot more sense. Hope this helps. .
I have a problem with social gatherings. I can't stand crowded rooms. I cannot do small talk. I also have a problem when people change plans on me. I need to know ahead of time want the plan is. Since you have no control when you leave or how. Your mother should not use this power to control you. It is unfair.
if my comment came across as negative towards you. that was NOT what i meant at all!! this is a very triggering time of year and we get even more triggered when we see how others have people even people who are less than perfect but when we see signs evidence of other people having people it triggers all our parts that never had anyone and a general feeling that we never will. it feels very desperate and the end is inevitable now. i did not intend to hurt your feelings. i am sorry if i did
Ive gone back and looked at those comments. Those people probably dont know the history, they shouldnt comment when they dont know. Dont take notice, family relationships are complicated and unless a person is in the family then they dont know.
It's not you. It's them. What you have gone trough was not normal. Sometimes it doesn't matter how clearly you express yourself, people just will take it the wrong way.
Hey, I know it's been a year since you did that L A.D Bible interview but I just want to say that I think you did well! I know you've said you weren't happy with it but I thought you were very articulate. You looked very professional and clearly explained everything really well. I think you should feel proud of yourself. Not that I am trying to tell you how to feel but I just really wanted to tell you that I thought you were really good!
I get it, I think what people don't understand is that it's not the gift so much that upsets you but the fact that the gift reflect that the person giving it doesn't doesn't know you well. And that's a really upsetting thing x I've felt guilty in the past for not enjoying gifts because I know it's cost them something but I you can't force yourself to like a gift if you don't, you can only be appreciative of the effort they put in and those 2 thoughts can exist at the same time. I don't think you're ungrateful at all it sounds like you care a lot about making other people feel comfortable but the pressure of thinking about what everyone else is thinking all the time will just rob the happiness from your mind. I know it's so hard to get out of that habit but I'm so proud of you for making it through xmas! Family holidays can be really hard even without history of trauma and stuff. Sorry for the rant lol I come back to your channel every so often because I love listening to the way you talk so candidly, it helps me feel less alone in some ways so thank you, keep doing you ❤
The things that upset you seemed super valid to me. People are being asses on the internet becos they cant understand context. Not saying you're perfect but your family dynamic is obviously super stressful.
I would say that is your autism shining through. One of our talants is just being blunt and ohnist and most people dont like that. Dont change any part of you to please others. Try to be kind to yourself and this year by not going anywhere that will cause you anxiety, uncomfort and the feeling of being juged for simply being yourself. You are special and deserve to be treated kind by everyone. Its ok to tell people that you dont feel comfortable going somwhere even when its a holiday and with family!
I don't feel like you seem ungrateful, I think the issue is that she WASTES so much. You'd be happy with a few things, especially what you asked for, but if only she gave you what you really needed...
I think during Christmas time everyone is kind of told I need to feel x y z and be super super grateful so a lot of ppl naturally have the anxiety around the lead up/ day of Xmas and the aftermath of if I seaid or done something bad. For the present aspect maybe suggest to mum hey why don’t we do or go somewhere we both like for a Xmas present like one of those experience presents if there’s isn’t anything yous both would like to do say to her hey I really appreciate u go overboard each year but I’m this years old now I’m a adult I feel super guilty u get me so much (don’t mention it’s not stuff u asked for/wrong one) and maybe we can stick to this number of present for each other next year?.but I think ur feeling are valid and it’s your RUclips channel ur free to use it as a diary or however you like, (feel free to ignore this part just ideas) maybe u could do more craft videos like this is what Iv made in 2023/ record progress of stuff ur working on or show us ur doll collection those could be fun to make but I still click on recent ones just to see how you all are doing whenever I see them pop up Hope u all have a better days soon x
Why don’t you write a letter to her and express what you feel? Or that you feel a certain way. The way you guys interact is obviously not working for them. They seem to be trying to do what they think you want. She is trying to do her best by you. write her and explain what you are thinking. I do think it can come off as ungrateful but you need to explain. Communication! Write these feelings down. All of us get things we don’t like and we still enjoy that they went out to get things. Explain that to your mom. Express what you’d like to talk with her about and even meet out for lunch. I’m
Tip that I've learned: sometimes it helps to show gratitude first and then ask a question so that people don't mistake your tone and preemptively get defensive (example: : "i love this squishmallow! how did you know i'd love this one?")
I wasnt going to comment today but i feel like i might have some perspective. And i hope you dont take this the wrong way either, but almost all of your videos are negative. And i understand, this is primarily vlogs of your life and its unfortunate that a lot of negative things happen in your life lately so thats what you have to share. But i think with so much global scale negativity happening in everyones lives most viewers want to use youtube as a way to escape from all that. You may be losing subs simply because people just cant take listening to another set of sad things when theyre trying to escape other problems. For me i know i just dont have the emotional capacity to care about your third meltdown of the month or keep hearing about your financial problems when ive got my own, yknow? And its not that i dont care about you as a person or content creator, i wish you the very best in everything you do but when it seems you only post the bad side of whats going on with you for weeks in a row it can be exhausting to watch your videos and have the sympathy to spare for your situations, especially as an autistic person myself and dealing with my own emotional overwhelm in my real life.
I really dont mean to be rude about this statement either, and its possible there are more answers to why your channel isnt doing as well too, it could be a combination of things. But this is the one thing i think you do have control over to not make every video a vent/rant and to show other aspects of your life, like the minis and crochet and things that make you happy even if theyre small. Im not saying you should never rant or vent, this is your channel and you should be able to use it to talk about anything youd like to, and numbers shouldnt matter as much as they do to you. But i think its also worth acknowledging that having the chanel be a constant barrage of negative, angry or sad stuff, can turn people away from it and this could be one reason it seems in decline
Hope youre feeling better now and have as good of a day as possible, love from australia. Your core group of viewers still support you and i at least dont intent to unsub, even if i dont watch every video for my own mental health
My opinion in regards to youtube.
I don't comment on your videos anymore and I hesitate to watch them 'cause it seems that you only upload when you need money or you need to vent. And that's not the problem actually, I would always watch them to support, to give you views and leave nice comments and suggestions or some advice, the problem is you don't really take any advice, you don't really appreciate your community(? and the help they give you, you just take it as something you just deserve. So it seems to me that you're not that appreciative, you don't really care about people's opinions or advice, but you do take comments very personal when people kind of hold you accountable or they just don't agree with you... so in my opinion, that's why you lose subscribers and why people comment things you don't like. I don't think those are hate comments, I think people feel entitled to be honest with you cause they've been supportive all the time and you never seem to appreciate them or you don't do anything for yourself.
And btw, I'm not a random in case someone thinks that, I've been subscribed for a long time now, I've watched almost every video on your channel and I have even played them just so the ads helped you a little bit.
Ive been trying my best to take peoples advice, theyre all big steps, im working towards them, i know it doesnt seem it
@@BoboCoOfficial I'm glad to read that! People leave you good advice, in my opinion, and I really believe following it will actually help you in many ways. So best of luck with that, you're the only one who can do something to change your current situation.
@@askmyself9257 i really am trying, it just doesnt happen overnight
@@BoboCoOfficial i know, i didn't mean to be rude or anything. I genuinely wish you the best
You speak just fine. Please dont call yourself stupid, YOU ARE NOT STUPID! if you ever have the chance read the book ( Toxic Parents ) it teaches you how to talk and interact with negative responses to you and how to put up boundaries. You deserve respect and it sounds like to me your not getting that. Dont let people detour your boundaries and your respect. Your a human being who has been through a lot and sometimes people dont understand that or sometimes because your so brave and stand some will try to tare you down. DONT LET THEM. keep going keep trying. Hope this helps some.
It is a two way street…what your mother is doing is treating you like a 5 year old and you sort of react with a learned habit as if you are a child in her presence. She is not treating your as an adult and you slide back into an abused child, hiding from her behaviour. For instance; notice she changed plans on you giving you an option to catch a taxi…but then followed that up With an instant emotional punishment; if you catch a taxi you can only take ‘half’ of your things and then exposes you in front of everyone demanding you choose. You are an adult. She cannot tell you how you decide to transport your things and make demands - you should not give her that power as an adult. that is power manipulation using an innocent situation and turning it into an instant punishment by her that you have to follow and you did follow it, you responded like a small child and immediately started to select what you could or could not take. Adults do not do this to each other, that is absurdity…would she have said that to any other adult? For instance your aunt? Or the next door neighbour? She knows your buttons, she gets stimulated out of suppressing you in front of everyone, you know this but cannot articulate it. Because that is a reversion of your adulthood to childhood in that second and you have allowed her that space to do it to you. You need to disengage from her and only respond as an adult not a child. Keep out of that space, only meet up with her in your own spaces and in places where she has to behave like public spaces or cafes until you have confidence your relationship has changed. One thing you do know is she treats you the same way always so stop being afraid of her and empower yourself with not allowing yourself to react as a child, that is what she wants. You are toxicly codependent otherwise.
i just wanted to say this to you yawn.. you have shared so much wisdom in what you wrote you are 100% real here.
i too had (thankfully she finally died just a year ago..) a manipulative abusive mother. i learned a few years before she died that i should never be alone with her .. every time i was she puller similar type child appropreiate behavior and control .. she even hit me on a few occasions and it was all o could do to *retrain* and not hit back. so (my poor) friend came with me any time i had to have any contact with her. and this was after i put time limits on when she could call. and that she had to tell me what the issue was on voice mail ~cuz she could NEVER wait till 3pm when she was allowed to call (i worked nights) for too long i let her infantize me but keeping me off balance. and EVERYTHING was always a crisis. I refused to give her my address or i would never get away.
my point is that you got this 100% right imho 😂 boundaries where the only way i could get enough distance to give myself the space to recognize when i was simply reverting to those old responses shes been dead a year now and i think finally everyone in the system who was impacted by her unferstands that she is dead.
and believe me ..at 65yrs old it took way too long to learn these lessons. Bo you have the opportunity to learn what took me 64 yrs to learn .. or maybe 45 yrs .. you are an adult you determine who you let treat you how. EVEN IF YOU NEED her $ or resources.. that is NoT a reason to allow the behavior you describe. just remember you are an adult. it will take time and she will escalate and try to get to you over and over. people dont like change. most will do everything to keep status quo .. its up to you. keep repeating i am grown .. and then decide how you want to do. it is one of the hardest things to learn .. you have to be consistent no matter what she does. but u know now now you get to it.
@@Maremacbmf that is an important corroborating experience thank you for sharing that. :)
I'll be totally honest since you asked for our opinions, I think people were not being mean or negative in the last video, I don't think the way you say things is being misunderstood. You really seemed immature for complaining about not getting want you wanted even though you did get some of those things, and the fact that you were jealous about Zeph getting the hoodie you wanted when you did get one of them (even if it was brown -which still you did like-)... I mean, you know the type of relationship you have with your family and Zeph, if I was you I would've stayed at home or I wouldn't have gone with Zeph or I wouldn't expect to receive what I asked for 'cause I know how they are or I would have locked myself in the bathroom or a room while having the meltdown (which is actually what I do even if the meltdown it's caused by others)... it seems to me that you still don't know how to behave or think as an adult, you don't take responsibility in getting yourself out of these type of situations. I mean, you can 100% be the victim of your abusive family's behavior, but you can't just sit there and blame 'em, you gotta do something instead of just feel pity for yourself.
I'm autistic by the way, so I perfectly understand what it is to melt down over plans being changed and not getting what I expected and all of that, I get perceived as rude when I miss social cues or I'm too blunt or honest, but I also know when things depend on me and what I can do about it.
I don't think that you're stupid or missing social cues in these particular situation.
I did remove myself, multiple times tho, they chased me down
@@BoboCoOfficial I know you have and I know abusive people do that, but there are things we can do to prevent or avoid this from happening. All I want with my comments is to make you aware of what you're doing or what you could do to not be involved in this situations anymore.
You know, I didn't even watch the last video and just by you describing how utterly confused you are about what wrong you've done, reminds me of myself. I'm an Aspie and have a lot of depersonalization or derealization issues during extreme stressful moments. My masking was perceived as OSDD at one point by a therapist. That's how autistic I guess I am. hahaha or maybe that's not funny. Idk it was a rabbit hole that's for sure. But it led me to watch viewers from time to time like yourself.
During xmas I saw my sister make faces at a couple of things I said. And I thought I was kidding with her or making a joke of myself. But she gave her sister-in-law this look and then saw her sister-in-law glare back. I thought do they not know that I can see them? Are they not aware that I'm acutely aware of what those expressions are? Literally just a second it took place and it shifted my mood for hours. Then, like you, I go into a loop where I try to find the wrong in what I said or did. I think we just need to find a way not give a shitville about it all. Not everyone will get us. Not everyone will be a fan. Social media is a killer. Remember that. Most people are on here to attack. Block if necessary. :)
Well you have a new subscriber with me and I'm watching all videos antichronological. You know, a lot of people will stay for the good times, but when the rough time takes too long (because we need more time to learn and heal) they are leaving. But, there are always the other people that will stay as long as it takes. You are doing good and I'm glad for all your videos, because it shows I'm not alone and it helps me very much! Hope I can return that someday.
I genuinely dont see anything wrong with what you say. To me you explain yourself perfectly, but maybe thats because i suspect im autistic too. You never come across as rude or ungrateful, you come across as honest. It kinda sounds like your mum is in denial and doesnt want to admit that your childhood was hard, because it would probably make her feel like she failed you. Maybe spoiling you at xmas is her trying to make up for that. Please dont let anyone tell you that your feelings are wrong, theyre not, theyre perfectly valid. I feel like the negative comments possibly come from younger viewers (im 45 nxt month) or from those who dont understand how trauma or certain disorders like autism can effect the brain and effect how we communicate and think. The way you feel is valid . You are not stupid . Youre stronger than you think because youve won every battle youve been presented with so far. Youre still here. Youre talented and worthy . I love seeing your creations as i crochet too although youre far better than me and have way more patience for bigger projects lol. I started a rug 10 years ago thats still not finished. Anyway, dont give up. You have a purpose and are important to many people ❤
I do the same thing- asking if what I said was “wrong” or not right to say. My mom thinks I’m angry when I reply sometimes, when I actually just feel indifferent or something not negative.
It instantly makes me anxious that I didn’t come off the right way. Then I try to fix it… and yeah. BPD is all consuming at times. 😅
From what I understand, most people have hidden meanings behind what they say. Then there are those of us who just say what we mean and seem to constantly be taken wrong because people are looking for a hidden meaning that isn't there
All of this.
You are entitled to feel what you feel and express yourself the way you want. I don't think you should worry about the negative things that people say
Bo, if you want to revive your channel you should go back to content videos.
You are obviously doing the best you can. That will alvays be enough. If somebody says othervise, the problem lays with them not you. Your self worth is not dependent on other peoples opinions. You are sweet and kind and struggle hard to be the best you can be. Allow yourself to be human.
YT is a jungle, ratings and algorithms have nothing to do with what is real.
The way I took what you said was that they weren’t genuinely listening to you. You’re grateful for what you get but you wish they would really listen to what you care about and also what disorders you experience without flying off the handle at you or not believing your struggles. Some people don’t understand nuance and some people also choose to twist who we are on purpose like online (which means their opinion is bull lol). When I hear you talk, it makes sense to me though I sometimes hear something that I know people will twist. I think I speak on purpose in a way that makes it harder to twist but is that necessarily better? Probably not because then I’m just overthinking what other people’s opinions are. If those opinions bother you, you could always try to reword it a way that causes less people to misconstrue it (though as someone online it will probably never be 0 of course.) Or you can keep talking like you talk now and know that the right ones get you. A lot of us neurodivergents describe things as a way of processing what we’ve experienced, not out of selfishness at all but because we have to much imput we’re processing. It’s really about what you feel is healthiest for you but I can tell you weren’t trying to be rude or uncaring and I think many of us see that🙂.
Elliot, we find that it really depends on how we approach someone with a comment that may be suspect. For example, if we say something like, hey, we really love squish mellows and have wanted one for a long time. We’re curious though,what drew you to this one? It goes over loads better then say, hey, what made you pick this one? personally, as someone who is autistic, I can see how the second one feels better. It gets to the point, it’s succinct, cuts out small talk, etc. The current theory I happen to be subscribing to is that people who aren’t neurodivergent require the back explanation to feel comfortable because there next thought isn’t going to be something like, wonder what would make them ask me that? And then go ask about it. It’s usually something like, how rude! Then they tend to tune out entirely instead of keeping the door open for communication.Honestly it’s one of those many differences I’ve come to put down under communicating with people who aren’t neurodivergent. This is something that getting our CACM degree, degree in conflict management helped with. When I was taking classes a large part of them involved roll play. Since we knew our answer was wrong we would often pick the “bad guy” and find out how best to communicate with others by watching the right way to handle explanations and such Bringing adult hobbies in to adult child parent relationships when one or the other of you is unwilling to accept your current rolls is really hard. One thing that has helped us is to simply begin the activity like making chain mail or knitting to the persons house, in this case, your mum’s and let her see you knit. Explain a bit of what you’ve knit in the past as you knit in front of her, that kind of thing. It helps people see this is a long time hobby of yours, here’s the kinds of things you enjoy knitting and here’s where your creative passion is with out giving them more then they’re ready to handle when it comes to accepting the person they’ve always known has changed keep in mind if yous can though, and this one was hard for us, but keep in mind that to yous, and Yous spisifically, this change has been a long time coming. To them, this whole change is equivalent to yous suddenly discovering yous… perhaps yous discover a new alter, or come home to find all of a sudden yous have another new cat with no clue how it got there. It’s the same kind of thing I, Elliot, see happening with advice for yous loves. We can see you taking it and struggling to implement that advice for yourself/s The thing is, we are wondering if people who have given yous advice in the past feel as though yous aren’t taking it because they maybe struggle to see how hard and just how much is involved in say changing your circumstances? For example, I’m wondering if people really truely get all the BS that’s involved in filling out paperwork for someone who’s a system with neurodivergence? I ask this spisifically because it never occurred to us until we were having a friend who wasn’t neurodivergent fill out paperwork for a similar issue with us. They’d never actually seen us fil out paperwork only heard about it. They said seeing it really brought home for them all the issues we struggle with and made our complaints to them make a whole lot more sense. Hope this helps. .
I have a problem with social gatherings. I can't stand crowded rooms. I cannot do small talk.
I also have a problem when people change plans on me. I need to know ahead of time want the plan is.
Since you have no control when you leave or how. Your mother should not use this power to control you. It is unfair.
if my comment came across as negative towards you. that was NOT what i meant at all!!
this is a very triggering time of year and we get even more triggered when we see how others have people even people who are less than perfect but when we see signs evidence of other people having people it triggers all our parts that never had anyone and a general feeling that we never will. it feels very desperate
and the end is inevitable now. i did not intend to hurt your feelings. i am sorry if i did
Ive gone back and looked at those comments. Those people probably dont know the history, they shouldnt comment when they dont know. Dont take notice, family relationships are complicated and unless a person is in the family then they dont know.
Positive reinforcement is a real help. But I have had my good share of toxic pare ts, school friends, relatives and relationships.
It's not you. It's them. What you have gone trough was not normal. Sometimes it doesn't matter how clearly you express yourself, people just will take it the wrong way.
Hey, I know it's been a year since you did that L A.D Bible interview but I just want to say that I think you did well! I know you've said you weren't happy with it but I thought you were very articulate. You looked very professional and clearly explained everything really well. I think you should feel proud of yourself. Not that I am trying to tell you how to feel but I just really wanted to tell you that I thought you were really good!
I get it, I think what people don't understand is that it's not the gift so much that upsets you but the fact that the gift reflect that the person giving it doesn't doesn't know you well. And that's a really upsetting thing x I've felt guilty in the past for not enjoying gifts because I know it's cost them something but I you can't force yourself to like a gift if you don't, you can only be appreciative of the effort they put in and those 2 thoughts can exist at the same time. I don't think you're ungrateful at all it sounds like you care a lot about making other people feel comfortable but the pressure of thinking about what everyone else is thinking all the time will just rob the happiness from your mind. I know it's so hard to get out of that habit but I'm so proud of you for making it through xmas! Family holidays can be really hard even without history of trauma and stuff.
Sorry for the rant lol I come back to your channel every so often because I love listening to the way you talk so candidly, it helps me feel less alone in some ways so thank you, keep doing you ❤
The things that upset you seemed super valid to me. People are being asses on the internet becos they cant understand context. Not saying you're perfect but your family dynamic is obviously super stressful.
Im too autistic to answer these questions 😂 but I guess its normal to want something personal from your own mom. ❤ Wish you the best too for 2024
I would say that is your autism shining through. One of our talants is just being blunt and ohnist and most people dont like that. Dont change any part of you to please others. Try to be kind to yourself and this year by not going anywhere that will cause you anxiety, uncomfort and the feeling of being juged for simply being yourself. You are special and deserve to be treated kind by everyone. Its ok to tell people that you dont feel comfortable going somwhere even when its a holiday and with family!
I don't feel like you seem ungrateful, I think the issue is that she WASTES so much. You'd be happy with a few things, especially what you asked for, but if only she gave you what you really needed...
I think during Christmas time everyone is kind of told I need to feel x y z and be super super grateful so a lot of ppl naturally have the anxiety around the lead up/ day of Xmas and the aftermath of if I seaid or done something bad. For the present aspect maybe suggest to mum hey why don’t we do or go somewhere we both like for a Xmas present like one of those experience presents if there’s isn’t anything yous both would like to do say to her hey I really appreciate u go overboard each year but I’m this years old now I’m a adult I feel super guilty u get me so much (don’t mention it’s not stuff u asked for/wrong one) and maybe we can stick to this number of present for each other next year?.but I think ur feeling are valid and it’s your RUclips channel ur free to use it as a diary or however you like, (feel free to ignore this part just ideas) maybe u could do more craft videos like this is what Iv made in 2023/ record progress of stuff ur working on or show us ur doll collection those could be fun to make but I still click on recent ones just to see how you all are doing whenever I see them pop up
Hope u all have a better days soon x
Why don’t you write a letter to her and express what you feel? Or that you feel a certain way. The way you guys interact is obviously not working for them. They seem to be trying to do what they think you want. She is trying to do her best by you. write her and explain what you are thinking. I do think it can come off as ungrateful but you need to explain. Communication! Write these feelings down. All of us get things we don’t like and we still enjoy that they went out to get things. Explain that to your mom. Express what you’d like to talk with her about and even meet out for lunch. I’m
Considering i found you on a Lolcow page online, you tell me since you asked?
Okay and the worst they said about me was i had bad teeth.. wasnt my forum, not the question i asked either
@@BoboCoOfficial honestly you're teeth aren't that bad if I'm being honest
You are lovely 🥰😢