An alarming quote from the linked age of consent website regarding states without Romeo & Juliet laws: "...it is possible for two individuals both under the age of 18 who willingly engage in intercourse to both be prosecuted for statutory rape, although this is rare. Similarly, no protections are reserved for sexual relations in which one participant is a 17 year old and the second is a 18 or 19 year old." I remember a highly publicized case in one such state where the parents of a teenage girl in a same-sex relationship decided to press charges against the girl's partner, who was a year or two older. The family were basically acting out of homophobia, believing the partner had somehow corrupted their daughter, and they ultimately succeeded in getting her labeled as a sex offender, despite the fact the sexual relationship began when both girls were under the age of consent. I think this tragically illustrates just how important Rome & Juliet laws are; without them, vindictive families can essentially ruin the lives of teenagers having consenting sex with their peers.
Honestly he was probably fine; there was fruit roll-up on his penis, and then there was none. Dr. Doe on the other hand probably cursed her existence for quite a while. I don't think the vagina would respond well to processed fruit jerky.
The problem with age of consent laws is that there is no magic age when a person becomes a responsible adult. Every individual matures at different rates and times. Another problem with age of consent laws is that irresponsible sex has its own risks and consequences, and punishing someone legally is merely adding insult to injury. Society needs to find a better way to handle the transition to adulthood than pointless laws and legal punishment. Many societies have had "coming of age" rituals, and it's high time that modern society come up with something similar.
drewsire Yes, exactly. We need to come up with modern "coming of age" rituals that reasonably show to the public that a person is a responsible adult and capable of making their own decisions. I don't know exactly what those would be, but things like having a job, or having a car and insurance for it both look like reasonable criteria for calling someone an adult. I'm sure we can think of some others once we stop applying arbitrary numbers on adulthood.
@@macsnafuwhen I was a kid in middle school. I’m 18 now. Iv meant lots of kids who were extremely mature. I’ve even thought some kids were teachers because how smart and mature they were and looked. Now as a 18 year old many kids my age are very immature and some mature. I did some research and found out that your statement is true. People mature differently. I have adhd and supposedly my brain won’t fully develop until 30 🤦🏽♂️
I think age of cosent laws are good, they help make it easier to prosecute offending pdfiles. You'd just have to proof that sex occured and not if there was or wasnt consent. Going after a 18y with a 17y is stupid. Smarter countries have romeo and juliet laws which help with this.
@@popdogfool Well, they certainly make it *easier* to prosecute, perhaps too easy if you can prosecute an 18 year old for having sex with a 17 year old. As you say, you only have to prove that sex occurred and no need to concern yourself with consent...or sexual maturity, or all the messy details of being a responsible adult human being. And thus, while simple for prosecution, unfair and unjust to individuals. I'm not claiming my idea makes anything easier, only more just and more fair.
@@macsnafu More fair to who? What you suggest sounds like some kinda sex ID. That just makes it easier for predators to groom kids. So exactly what is your idea?? Age of consent is a good system. It just needs to be paired with good Romeo and Juliet laws, which not every country does.
As someone who's asexual and who has almost no libido your descriptions of puberty and sexual awakening and arousal were both helpful and baffling! I appreciate your openness and willingness to share your experiences! Sharing things like that help everyone, whether it's a "Hey you're feeling that too? I'm not alone!" or "Wow I am definitely NOT feeling that, let's explore why that is". Yay sex positivity!!
It might be legal for an older person (say 50) to have consensual sex with a younger person (16) but in some places "sexting" with that person is illegal. I've seen news stories related to this lately.
RickMakes, You're correct, I've seen plenty of theses types of stories too. The problem is nude pics are not against the law at any age. That's correct, they are perfectly legal. The problem is too many people conflate sex with nudity and charge the teens with a crime (also it doesn't help that the laws are so poorly/vaguely written). I'm sure some replies will now say I'm wrong, but I'm not, simply being young and nude in a pic isn't a crime. Just look up Jock Sturges, David Hamilton, Sally Mann, etc., and you'll see I'm right (they're photographers and their pictures are legal, as well as widely available).
@Michael Moretti a better example if she can sleep with the entire football team in one day, but if she's has sex with a 24 year old fiance, this entire life is ruined
My least favourite part of age of consent laws is that out of a 34 year old man, a 16 year old girl, and a 15 year old boy, the 34-year old and the 16-year-old is legal, but the 16 year old and the 15 year old isn't. But no matter what the age of consent is, this issue will turn up.
The Age of Consent is 17 or 18 in the majority of American states. Therefore, it is a crime for someone over 18 to engage in sexual activities with a minor. The man would be charged with statutory rape if the victim was under 18.
Our society revolves around age of consent. Grade school is a complete waste of time, but people can't start their careers at an earlier age, because they might interact with older people who want to have sex. Building a career takes decades to find what you want to do, then apply yourself and advance. Starting early is a good idea, but age of consent laws force talented young people into a mindless purgatory waiting until 18 to start their life.
My position is that if one is old enough to choose to have sex they are old enough to choose who they have sex with. If the education system is going to encourage them to have sex with peers then the government providing that education needs to not vilify it when they choose someone who is not a peer... that fruit roll up incident probably wouldn't have happened with a more mature partner. I have a childhood friend who, as we were catching up in our 30s, broke down crying that she has ruined some guys like... Because against her will her parents had him charged with statutory rape. I have a relative who at 12 year old pursued multiple adults. Here, I'll anger even more people by saying if someone is not old enough to choose who they have sex with they are definitely not old enough to choose what sex they are.
I love how you talk about your past private sex experiences in such a mundane way... I wish more people could be as comfortable as you and not think about social stigmas associated with such acts.
She's welcome to comment, but my guess is that Lindsey is fully aware of the messy social issues present, but like others of us with sex-positive ideological values, views them as a challenge to work around and relegate to history.
2:42 adults also can bad bad decisions too when it comes to that stuff divorce rates are around half so that point is kind of moot. Adults also can act on emotions too not just teens.
So, here are my problems with the current age of consent laws: 1) according to the Romeo & Juliet laws, if two 17-year-olds have sex, there's a lighter sentence, but if they do it the day one of them turns 18, there's a heavier sentence. One day isn't going to make a difference in consensual understanding, yet the laws are quite cut-and-dry like that. 2) While cognitive function increases with age, it's only fully developed around ages 21-25. So if that were the reason for the laws, shouldn't they be closer to 23 than 18/16? And if the argument is "they don't have to be fully developed to understand sex," my question becomes "how do we know when they can understand sex enough, how much *is* enough, and why do we think everyone understands the same level of stuff at the same age?" For those two reasons, among some other minor ones, I think the *age* of consent laws are baseless. Instead, rape should be taken on a case-by-case basis: *find out* if the people involved understand what's going on, and if they don't, it's statutory rape. But people wouldn't want that, because too many adults don't understand sex well enough, but we don't want to criminalize ignorant sex as rape, even though it's just as dangerous.
IceMetalPunk Think about what you are saying. You want children to be able to consent to sex as long as they know what sex is. You just have given pedophilia’s a Get of Jail Free Card Do not make justifications for people wanting to have sex with underage people. Minors are still minors and should be treated as such until Adulthood.
@Scotty Davlin yes ephebopillia is more understandable, but does that make it any less despicable than pedophilia? Imagine a 60 year old man with a 19 year old. That's almost just as disgusting as the 60 year old with a 12 year old.
@Scotty Davlin I'd prefer someone in my age range, but if I have to date someone older, I'd say max is 4-5 years older than me. If I were say, 30, though, I might consider someone who is 10 years older. It all depends on the stage you are at in life, I think
@Scotty Davlin it is a combination of things. Like you said a 30 year old does look older, but it is also mindset like you said. Personally I don't feel that I'd match up well in terms of maturity to someone who is older. There's also the fact that I want to be with someone who is in the same stage of life as me, someone who has more common topics with me and therefore I feel I can relate to more. But like I said before that's my personal opinion. Some girls may like the idea with being someone who is older.
If two similarly aged people both consent and feel ready to have sex, they should be allowed to without punishment. How are you protecting someonr after they willingly chose to carry out something with eachother. It's noone else's business but their own.
@@martycontestabile9607 these days kids are telling grown ups what to do, i think it's the parents business if their underaged children are having sex.
Sex can lead to some pretty serious consequences, and the parents of minors are required to share the consequences faced by said minors (if not forced to take the burden of consequence fully upon themselves) so...
This is my experience and not everyone's. I had sex for the first time when I was fifteen. It was something both my partner and I desperately wanted. We were in one of those passionate young-love relationships that's not based on having much in common-mostly what we had in common was the mutual intense feeling of being in love for the first time, and probably being the first people on the planet to ever experience such a thing. At the time (four months into our six-month relationship) my logic was: "We're going to get married someday anyway for sure, so it makes no sense to wait!" The logic was faulty and the relationship was ridiculous, but honestly, eleven years later, I'm still glad I started having sex when I did. It's given me more experience figuring out what I like and don't like. It's worked for me.
I dated and then married a girl who was just under the age of consent.. Yes we eventually got married and had a beautiful girl together while I was in the military..The problem was three years later she wanted a divorce... then... The problem is as a young adults commitments are made in a rush to have a family..DON'T.. you don't know the other and it takes time to sort out weather the other is a good parent or not..And NO .. there is no magical timeframe.. but, the longer the better is generally the best rule.. So what if you wait 5-7 years you have the cost of the household furnishings out of the way...
@Curtis Sherwood You sound like a fuckwit. And just so I am not misunderstood, to me the word "fuckwit" refers to anyone who insults a stranger then qualifies it with a flawed personal explanation.
@Curtis Sherwood WOW that was an extremely wordy cover up for calling a girl a slut publicly. As Shakespeare said of your type, "thou doth protest too much".
@Curtis Sherwood Oh, Curtis. There must be something terribly wrong with you to post stuff like that. Sex is here. People want to have sex. Don't stay in your cage.
There was a guy in Texas who when he was 19, he was in a relationship with a 15 year old and the girl's parents did not approve of the relationship. Her mother reported it to the police, and later tried to rescind the charge after realizing she made a horrible mistake, but the police refused. He was convicted of statutory rape and given 7 years probation, but he also is on the sex offender's registry. He later married this woman and they have four children together. During probation, he wasn't allowed to contact her, couldn't be near a school/park, etc. He wasn't allowed to vote and had to move out of his home because his 12 year old sister lived there. Eventually he and this woman reconnected, married and started a family. When they had their first child, he wasn't allowed to live in their house, so he did so illegally living in fear. Even though his probation ended and he can live in his family's home with his kids, he's still on the registry. He is not allowed to coach his daughters' soccer teams or be at their games because he isn't supposed to be around minors (his own are an exception now I think). The registry when you look (though most just quickly glance as it's a tool to warn people of dangerous people in the area) will say 'rape of a child', so even if you thoroughly examine his file, the charge name implies he is dangerous. You'd only know the whole story if you dug and found the actual case or you asked. They are judged by people and have had people stop letting their children come over to play with their kids. His name is Frank Rodriguez and his wife is named Nikki.
It's also a very common story. A consensual relationship where there's an age difference and one teen's parent calls cops. They are trying to use the system to parent and to get revenge on someone they do not like or approve of. Our system is broken and these types of parents who do that ruin lives
Such a good video! I think that age restrictions are a form of age discrimination and a one last resort to a big problem. I think that we should focus on helping people make better choices rather than forbidding them to make certain choices. Take a look on marijuana and other drugs for example, even though they are mostly forbidden, many people use and overuse them. Forbidding someone to do something they will do either way will only prevent him/her from reaching out and getting help/support.
I remember my school having an assembly about sex and at one point the guest speaker said to his handful of participants onstage, "those of you who have lost your virginity, go to this side of the stage, and those who haven't, that side of the stage." Everyone aside from the speaker were underage, and there must've been two dozen students up there. When everyone had stopped moving, there was one girl on the left side of the stage. I thought to myself, "I could never do that alone," even though I was a virgin myself at the time. I gained a lot of respect for that girl, and I started thinking that maybe your virginity doesn't define you.
What a terrible person to do that to the kids! Honestly that should be criminal. There's no reason for a demonstration to require humiliation. I personally would not have felt comfortable as a child being forced to publicly answer this question, even though now I hold no sexual shame. Also, I thoroughly disagree with the use of the word "virginity" and term "lose virginity", as the term brings with it many negative implications. Further, the amount, degree, or lack of sexual experiences is not an indicator to whether or not someone is a good person. I wish I had that knowledge growing up.
Honestly I think the majority of people who teach sex ed (in the USA) shouldn't. They rely on humiliation, objectification, and just terrible at teaching facts that will help young people be competent about their bodies, STI's, sexuality, sex, and consent.
I am strongly opposed to a concept of an *age* of consent as an arbitrary thing. Though cognitive functioning and maturity are correlated with age they do not have a binary relationship, no matter where you set the age some people are going to be ready before then and some people won't be ready until long after. Furthermore it treats all forms of sex equally despite the fact that certain forms of sex such as mutual masturbation do not carry anywhere near the same risks as full on intercourse. I would much prefer an expansion of sex education and laws that take the maturity of both partners into account when determining whether they should be allowed to engage in certain types of sexual activities rather than an arbitrary hard border that doesn't reflect nature.
I always thought statutory rape laws were to prevent people over the age of consent from having sex with people under the age of consent. There was a brief period where I'd turned eighteen and my partner was still seventeen where I pondered our sex being a possible crime (which seemed a little ridiculous because there was only three months' difference in our age.) Now apparently I'm learning that all sex I had before I turned eighteen was also a crime? That doesn't seem like a helpful law, although I'm sure there are cases where it could be helpful?
I was under the same impression. She seemed a little unclear about that. I've never heard of two consenting partners both under the age of 18 being charged for statutory rape.
well there's been people charged with possession of child pornography, just because they took naked photos of themselves and they happened to be underage so this doesn't sound unlikely
oxymoron0o, To answer your question, yes it was a "crime", not that it should be but with our current US laws it is. Some states make exceptions but most do not and may charge teens as criminals while also stating at the same time they are victims. Many people wrongly believe even though the laws charge teens, our legal system uses common sense and doesn't go through with the charge; these people are wrong, our legal system isn't given that flexibility and by law must charge them with a crime if the issue is brought to the courts. Given most people lose their virginity before 18, these laws are absurd and must be changed. As for the comment on sexting, yes many teens are wrongfully charged for sexting. They are charged using laws that were poorly written and never intended to be used against sexting (sexting wasn't even around when these laws were written). Also, too many people think nude pics are not legal if the person is underage, this isn't true. Nudity isn't sex and nude pics are completely legal at any age, just consider art photographers like Jock Sturges (and many others) whose work is sold legally throughout the US. The problem is the way the laws are written against underage porn are written in a way that they allow for personally interpretation (and therefore bias) to be used against teens to charge them with a crime (often because of some "moral" agenda, or simply because of a lack of understanding that nude pics at any age are not illegal). Hope this answer helps, now let's change these ridiculous laws (no teen should be labeled a criminal for having sex with another teen if both want to).
If someone asks any kind of questions about age/consent laws these days they are usualy treated as immediate threats to other, double so if you are male. So its very refreshing to have someone talk shop about it without pushing an agenda or trying to target someone. Your channel is pretty great. Ive seen a few other videos which were pretty educative....educateable... they were helpful. :D. Also you seem like a super fun person to just hang out with. Alot of people judge everything aynone says these days :/.
There is clear bias in her commentary though and that does take away from an otherwise excellent video. This was my reply to her to clarify what I mean (she never responded to) - First off, I'd likely to thank you for an awesome video. This is perhaps one of the best I've seen on the subject. My concern is your own admitted internal conflict on the subject. I fear it may be more of a "moral" conflict, rather than an intellectually based concern. You stated legally teens should wait, while also stating a concern that we perhaps shouldn't change the laws to give into teens and "cater" to them. As you yourself stated, these laws are harmful ... Labeling the very same teens, that are supposed to protect, as sex offenders and restricting access to much needed healthcare. You also mentioned "cognitive competence", are you suggesting laws are changed to wait till the age of 24 (when the human brain is fully developed)? 15 is physical maturity for girls and 16 is an important age for critical thinking capabilities; yet ages vary around the world and many in the U.S. believe 18 is the "right" age. My concerns are, why are the age variances acceptable? Why is it okay to label teens sex offenders for normal innate behavior? Yes doctor, the laws need to change. I know you mentioned concern over regrets, well, I too have some regrets. The regrets also go the other way, not asking that girl out or not sleeping with that girl. With all due respect, you cannot legislate not having "regrets". I for one have no regrets over having sex as a teen and for the girls I was with, in fact, those years are remembered as some of the best years of my life. This is an individual's own choice when to start having sex, no one else has the right to tell you when sex is okay (especially since they often base their stance on biased "moral" beliefs. Would these same people be okay with a law that forces them to have sex before a certain age? Of course not... Then they have no right to dictate to others the need to wait) Again, I must restate, yes these laws need to change! No teen should go to jail or be labeled a sex offender for sexting or having sex with another teen.
Great point about age of consent not being a guarantee, but a sensible, probability-based safeguard against poor choices and, equally so, exploitation. Of course, even a person above the age of consent can make poor choices, be open to manipulation etc, but it seems quite obvious that a person is way more at risk of exploitation if, for example, one person is a legal adult with all the freedoms, rights & the independence and experience of a legal adult and the other person is under age and thus both legally and socially still very dependent on their circumstances, not to mention open to manipulation or exploitation because so many things seem new & exciting & tempting & desirable at a young age, making a person vulnerable.
I was below the age of consent and the girl i met and fell in love with even lower (i was 15 she 23) and i still was responsible because i loved her too much to let anything spoil that and just wanted to take it slow, i didnt want to rush into anything. But i still fucked things up because even though i was madly in love with her (still kind of am to this day), i just never had the guts to tell her and we ended up drifting apart. Now shes all grown up, moved on and probably still has no clue as to how i truly felt about her. She did wait a good year when i left school and returned a year later for the sixthform there, and when i checked her FB some years ago, her favorite movie was The Notebook, that told me something, but i just let things linger on and didnt act. Complete missed opportunity, i was responsible not to get a girl knocked up but not much else.
"Exploitation" is an empty term you are using to feel justified about throwing people in jail for being icky and creepy. You don't give a fuck about "protecting the children." If a 16 year old and 30 year old rob a gas station, are you going to let the 16 year old off the hook on premise the adult might have used his vague, abstract, magical adult powers to "manipulate" or "exploit" the younger person into committing the crime?
thank you for your nuanced opinion, doctor! My real problem with consent laws is how arbitrarily concrete they are. Being one month or one day off holding serious legal repercussions seems absurd to me, since different people mature at different rates. One day you're breaking the law, the next you're legal! The law is just nowhere near nuanced enough to be truly useful.
side note: in place of sexual contact with another person, can we please see the legal age for buying sex toys come down? Because that would solve the physiological urges without the complications of sex with a person, while encouraging exploration. But the law doesn't see it that way if a parent were to buy their child a sex toy, I imagine, which is some dumb bullshit.
@@Romanticoutlaw There is no "legal age for buying sex toys" in most cases, even if some stores or online sellers pretend to impose one in easy to circumvent forms. One friend in Texas ended up teaching one of her daughter's age 14 friends to masturbate. Bible belt mentality mother was sex-hostile and not a functional parent, and the neighbor teen was complaining about problems finding suitable guys for sex, or taking bad relationships to get sex. There was a certain level of legal risk in Texas assuming that role out of need, but also a community service need to mitigate bad abusive parents. (same as for sex ed in some schools)
i'm 19, and i think younger teens always think they're more mature than they are. every single one of us thinks we know better than our peers and our parents. but in a few years, you learn so so so so much more than you knew before.
Lindsay, I just wanted to tell you that this may be your best episode yet. The phrasing, the insight, it was amazing. I really appreciate how you spoke about things like having a back up plan and knowing how to handle stressful situations without being even a tiny bit patronizing. I can't wait for the next one!
Indeed. If and when I have kids, I will encourage and instruct them to have healthy and safe sex lives, but I will even more strongly encourage them to wait until they are in their late teens/early twenties before they start becoming sexually active. The reason for this is because of cognitive development and rational processing. When you're young, you don't really consider all the consequences in a rational and logical manner, as Dr. Doe pointed out. By the time people exit their teens though, they usually have enough mental capacity to think through things, especially sexual experiences, on something more than an emotional and hormonal level.
honestly I feel like age of consent laws are somewhat stupid because they imply that a minor isn't capable of giving consent and therefore also isn't capable of not giving consent. I feel there should be an age of consent but it should be lowered from the 16-18 age range since more people have access to the internet and can educate themselves on sex much better than they could when these consent laws were made.
No child under 18 years of age should participate in sexual activity and should constitute a criminal offence. Raise the Age of Consent to 18 worldwide. Protect all children.
@@user-ix3mg5yb5y You are the reason we have 20 years olds throwing temper tantrums on college campuses. You can't treat someone like a toddler until their 18 and then expect them to transform to a wise adult over night.
that's why close in age exemptions are important. In Canada I think it used to be 14 but was upped to 16. But 12-13 are ok if done within 2 years of each other and 14-15 are ok within 5 years.
Hi Dr. Doe!! Would you be willing to make a video about minors wanting to participate in BDSM (both privately and in a communities like FetLife)? This has become a big problem over the past few years (mostly due to Tumblr...) and has created an unsafe environment for those of us in the community that are of legal age (most online and in-person communities have an age restriction of 18+). It's unsafe due to the issues you've discussed in this video, but as well because some of these minors do not reveal their age on their Tumblr blogs, or join FetLife and lie about their age outright! This creates an environment where innocent individuals are at risk of being convicted as a sex offender and labeled a paedophile because they were not aware they were speaking to a child.
@@pvip9986 not really. After a bit of searching, I found one in Minnesota, mentioned once on a bdsm website that hasn’t been updated since 2014 (the post being from 2000), there were no links and I couldn’t find anything else about the group, no contact information, no official website, not even a single mention, nothing. So, no, there aren’t.
How about groups that require DSM and similar guidelines to GTFU over fet scene folk? The same questions about consent and risk also exist when 12 year olds produce fake age FB profiles and hit on 19 or 23 year old guys. The two differences I see are that BDSM may involve activities that could be criminal absent valid consent, under a broken legal system, and that BDSM can be more of a magnet for insane reactions, based on religion based prejudices, or assumptions extrapolating from personal values imposed on others, often with missing private information (eg, many scene folk have medical or engineering knowledge and skills to make RACK judgments, noting the insanity driving many away from SSC). I've seen a few bright, self aware, highly developed teens leave the USA to seek kink-friendly partners, as our society and political climate are too hostile to be healthy. Those were cases where they were hitting on guys 2-3 times their ages, who could have been safer, experienced partners not found in their own age range, but who wouldn't assume the legal risks.
Thank you for being so open about your own experiences, its so cool to see someone talk about their sexual encounters without stigma and keeping it totally real!
To the person that asked the question: Kudos on asking. That shows maturity and invested thought. Keep asking and exploring information about these things. Not everyone does, and that makes you special. Good job! To Dr. Doe: Wow! That was as informative as it was fast.
Very complex topic, but you covered it well, Lindsey. Well done! I also appreciated the humor in it. I laughed so hard at the jokes. Fantastic video. :)
on hank green's tumblr i think there's some post about how these videos don't make as much money as 'average' youtube video, because advertisers don't want to be associated with sex videos here is is: edwardspoonhands.com/post/115641291385/the-1000-cpm also learned from this post is to subscribe to Ericka Lynae, aka "The Ins and Outs" and to check out this article by Hank Green:medium.com/@hankgreen/the-1-000-cpm-f92717506a4b#.ucl2u5pa7
In Canada there are some specific laws around age of consent. It says that you can have sex within a small age range relative to how old you are. The older you are the larger the range is, up until age 18 where the world is your oyster
The problem isn't really with cognitive competence. Demonstrably, young kids can learn to be competent at complex things. The problem is with kids being overprotected away from sexuality, which results in them being clueless about it when they get past puberty. My grandpa taught me to work with dangerous tools for doing woodworks when I was 8, and I never hurt myself wielding saws, files, chisels, etc. I know this comparison isn't perfect, as sexuality has strong physiological roots, but then that's all the more reason to instead of hiding sexuality from them, have them become accustomed to it and be taught about it, because the kids that feel strong sexual urges, *they will most likely have sex either way.* Especially if they grow up with authoritarian parents who impose that they don't do it. Parents should be there to help their kids grow and be safe. And yet, most kids can't turn to their parents for help about their sexuality. This is major red flag on parenting. Lucky are the ones who can rely on experienced older siblings or friends for advice or to buy them condoms.
This honestly may be the most important channel on youtube - please continue to show how passionate you are about sex to the world! We need so much more of it!!
When she was very young, about twelve, if I recall correctly, my daughter asked me when it was the right time to have her first sexual encounter. I told her how much I genuinely appreciated her confiding in me and consulting me for guidance, and I assured her that the answer is not a set-in-stone age, but more based on when certain things happen in her life that tell her, "You're ready now." I gave her a great big hug and said, "It's the very moment you receive your doctorate in a highly-lucrative profession." "Thanks, daddy," she said, and she gave me a great big hug in return.
@Ic N Apparently, you did NOT get the joke. Read it again -- this time S-L-O-W-L-Y and carefully so you don't miss any of the words. Then, once you've actually read it, THINK about it for a moment (or two, if you require). When your consternation suddenly flashes over to laughter, you'll know what you missed the first time.
@Ic N You know, maybe I should just EXPLAIN it to you? Here goes: The father tells his young daughter she'll be ready for her first sexual encounter once she's earned a Ph.D. in a big-money profession. Now, since the typical age for earning a Ph.D. is about 26 years old, he is essentially telling her to not only EARN that Ph.D., he's telling her to do that BEFORE she has sex for the first time, so that her life doesn't get thrown off-course by a relationship that takes all her concentration or a baby which will take whatever was left. Since most people have their first sexual encounters about a decade or more BEFORE the age of 26, this adds to the funny factor.
So I definitely agree with what you're saying (don't have sex before you're actually definitely ready and you've really THOUGHT IT THROUGH) but it kind of feels like you're just saying I'm too unintelligent to be able to deal with "grown-up stuff." The answer is educating people about safer, consensual, generally BETTER first-time sex, not forbidding it and charging young people with rape convictions.
It's possible for a young person to deliberately disguise themselves, you know. Think gray hair and wrinkles are tell tale signs that someone must be an adult? With dye and makeup, you can fake these if determined to do so.
Lost mine at 14. While i don't think i was totally ready, i did choose the right person who im still with today. i put a lot of thought into it and decided i was ready (or at least tired of waiting)
The negative thing is people passing laws that would make what you did against the law (and thereby make you a criminal, that’s the absurdity to me). I started early too and personally have zero regrets, nothing but positive memories. However, I do share the concern about someone much older taking advantage of someone much younger.
First off, I'd like to thank you for an awesome video. This is perhaps one of the best I've seen on the subject. My concern is your own admitted internal conflict on the subject. I fear it may be more of a "moral" conflict, rather than an intellectually based concern. You stated legally teens should wait, while also stating a concern that we perhaps shouldn't change the laws to give into teens and "cater" to them. As you yourself stated, these laws are harmful ... Labeling the very same teens, that are supposed to protect, as s3x offenders and restricting access to much needed healthcare. You also mentioned "cognitive competence", are you suggesting laws are changed to wait till the age of 25 (when the human brain is fully developed)? 15 is physical maturity for girls and 16 is an important age for critical thinking capabilities; yet ages vary around the world and many in the U.S. believe 18 is the "right" age. My concerns are, why are the age variances acceptable? Why is it okay to label teens s3x offenders for normal innate behavior? Yes doctor, the laws need to change. I know you mentioned concern over regrets, well, I also have some regrets. The regrets also go the other way, not asking that girl out or not sleeping with that girl. With all due respect, you cannot legislate not having "regrets". I for one have no regrets over having s3x as a teen and for the girls I was with, in fact, those years are remembered as some of the best years of my life. This is an individual's own choice when to start having s3x, no one else has the right to tell you when s3x is okay (especially since they often base their stance on biased "moral" beliefs. Would these same people be okay with a law that forces them to have sex before a certain age? Of course not... Then they have no right to dictate to others the need to wait). Again, I must restate, yes these laws need to change! No teen should go to jail or be labeled a s3x offender for s3xting or having s3x with another teen.
I think it’s a really important distinction to make between physiology and cognitive. I waited till my late teens, but on reflection that seemed too soon for me personally. Age of consent is soooo important, we gotta work out who we are first, and year on year in your teens life completely changes, everything changes. So stability is really important, room for your cognitive grounding. You can always have sex when you’re an adult, it’s not a competition:) Loved this vid.
The sad truth is that most cultures disregard this with bs primitive desperation to force reproduction asap in order to maintain their families and survival.
That’s true. In this day and age we have to protect the kids. Some countries young brides are as young as 8 years old, probably younger if they’re doing that. It’s just evil. These kids are ppl, they’ve got to be safe, and have the same opportunity as anyone else to form healthily into adulthood. We have 7 billion ppl choking the ecology of the planet now. We’ve got to disassociate economics with reproduction. And using it for economic survival can bring even more horrible results onto the child.
while they have good intentions and help protect (some) kids age of consent laws are effectively saying that kids shouldn't have sexual rights and aren't intelligent enough to have sex, age of consent laws are extremely restrictive to any minors that want to have sex and understand sexuality. an alternative to age of consent laws is a basic exam testing whether or not the person being examined understand sexuality, consent and how to have safe sex, having sex with any person that hasn't passed the exam is illegal (exceptions given if the person that had not passed the exam told the person being put on trial that they had passed when they actually hadn't), this among other things (like helping combat stds) would give children more rights while still protecting them from sexual predators. (p.s you would also need to have passed the test to create an account on things like dating sites and stuff)
Over hear in Japan, the age of concent by national law is 13, but the prefectures may raise to an age they think w more fit. Most have done so to at least 15, mostly 18, a few to 20, the legal age at which people in Japan are considered adults. Back in Germany, I had a pen pal, who had a 25 year old boyfriend. She was 12 by the time she got pregnant the first time, 14 by the time she had her second child and was pregnant with her third at 15. Apparently, her parents were fine with it. Not sure if it was to Christian upbringing, but abortion was also not an option for her. I lost contact with her shortly after. It's been a long time since then, but I think I still have the letters somewhere. Still not sure what to think of that. To me, that was a weird thing, but for her and her parents, it was fine. At least so it seemed.
One thing I would have liked to be addressed was... there is a huge difference between two underaged people exploring their bodies together vs an adult preying on an underaged person sexually.
Yes the difference is one is icky and creepy so we call it "preying", while the other is objectively more dangerous but not icky or creepy so we turn a blind eye.
@@Dennis-nc3vw Adults preying on children sexually is objectively more dangerous. But sure, go on caping for child abuse. Seriously, wtf is wrong with you.
Totally off topic but if you watch this video with the sound off it looks as though you're getting a lectured for something you've done wrong lol Don't get me wrong this girl is great and I'm glad she does her videos, but I felt like I was in trouble with the sound off
it's worth mentioning that you should do further research on your location's specific laws regarding this, as the map at 0:40 is rather limited, and many places actually have surprisingly complex regulations for this. As an example my own country (argentina) is shown as 13, while the law _technically_ allows this there are restrictions that seem to be kept vague on purpose (it's something like "as long as the other party is not taking advantage of superior age or denpendency relation to extort or otherwise coerce" or something like that), the age of, let's say "full" consent legally is 16, but this isn't very well known among the population and most believe it to be 18. Brazil has a similar case though I don't know the specifics, I think 14 and up is allowed as long as there isn't more than 5 years of difference with your partner, 16 is the age of "full" consent. And lastly keep in mind that the map only shows laws at national level (except the US and australia, which have their subdivisions shown because they get special treatment), and countries often have these as a baseline but with tighter regional laws added on top, an example I know of being japan, while nationally it's listed as 13, laws for each prefecture (equivalent to states/provinces/counties/etc) override the national laws so it's actually 18 in most places.
I met my true love at high school i was 15 and she 13 at the time and i was madly in love with her. I had strong emotional feelings for her and found her very sexually attractive at the sametime. She was just all round divine, she was so special to me i was scared to touch her most the time for fear of spoiling anything about her. I knew i had strong feelings for her and it was real love, because before this i was already highly sexually active, trying hard to be like my mates, chasing after girls in my own year, chatting up this one girl in science all the time, id never been attracted to anyone younger than myself, it was always ones in my own year and older, and a couple of teachers. Then i met my true love and my mentality changed. I truly wanted to get to know her and when we hung out after school i wouldnt spit or swear arnd her, i just wanted to like show her i was a good person. I was often scared of us hanging out after school (we would hang arnd the Asda Walmart/Supermarket) for fear of someone who knew me, spotting me with her, or at school i would purposefully ignore her because deep down i was shit-scarred my mates would rip the piss out of me and call me a cradle snatcher, and i was scared of getting into trouble with teachers and basically the whole school finding out, because of the whole age of consent thing. I always planned to wait until she was 16, but things never worked out i screwed it all up tbh. Funny how as kids you have all these insecurities, i just regret not even telling my best friend, or someone in my family of my feelings for her, to help give me a better understanding of it all. I just think overall i found it waay too early in life, i remember once we were walking back across the bridge after school (cause she had to be in by 8:30) and telling her one day she will meet people and want to go out and do stuff, dont know why i even said that, i guess it was my own stupid way of trying to find out if her feelings for me were as strong as my own. I should have just gone with it, followed my heart all that. But i know i would have waited, it was more than sexual desire i felt for her, i really did care about her. That was a good 17 years ago, seen her on FB and shes moved on now, but funny enough i found out the guy shes in a relationship looks alittle similar to myself, so i was the bluprint or something i dont know how to feel about that.
@@Mope333 Nah she's gone moved on now, it's such a precious time in your teens that you can have those strong feelings. I should have fully acted on mine and just followed my heart and gone for it, cause they just won't wait around forever,
I've always wondered about this subject, specially the part about people of close age having sex even tho they are both under the age of consent. Also, i'm taking fruit roll up bj off of my "list" so double thanks.
It's a balancing act between youth rights and protectionism. The question is whether that balance has been struck optimally in a given jurisdiction. What's missing from this video is the fact that ages of consent have never been based on science. They were originally about protecting the prized commodity of female virginity and subsequently came to be about prohibiting acts deemed unholy. Consent only became a relevant ingredient in the second half of the 20th century, long after the thresholds had been set in stone. The notion of informed consent is a welcome and crucial addition to the mix, but just as important is to avoid 'reverse engineering' ages of consent to infer that these purely legal thresholds have any bearing on biological capacity to consent. A lot of what Dr Doe says towards the end of her video pertains to knowledge rather than psychological maturity. Minors are denied knowledge, often within the compass of abstinence-based sex education, and then their ignorance is dressed up euphemistically as innocence and touted as evidence of their incapacity. Some even argue that the age of consent should be 25 because the brain doesn't stop maturing until the mid 20s. However, it's not clear why complete maturation should be necessary for consent. Certainly, we contradict ourselves on children's psychological development, as ages of criminal responsibility are usually far lower than ages of consent. For example, the age of consent in Tennessee is 18 but the age of criminal responsibility is 7. So a child of 7 is deemed sufficiently mature to understand the nature and consequences of his/her actions, but it's another 11 years until he/she is deemed sufficiently mature to understand the nature and consequences of his/her actions if they pertain to sexual expression. This smacks of special pleading. As for close-in-age exemptions, they undermine the current standard rationale for age of consent laws, because they render capacity to consent contingent upon the chronological age of one's chosen partner rather than one's psychological development. The bottom line is that society is muddled on this issue and fails to avoid spouting ipse dixits drawn from folk knowledge rather than scientific knowledge. The science on minors' capacity to consent (e.g. the Alderson studies) undermines our current thresholds. See Matthew Waites' excellent 2005 book on the subject.
@revilo178 I'm tempted to include the power gap argument in the ipse dixit category, because it's not clear that the received notion of the power differential is unassailable and uniformly applicable to all adult-minor interactions. Bearing in mind that cl0se-in-age exemptions necessarily apply only to older minors, is it conceivable that the imbalance of power could in some cases be skewed towards the minor, particularly in a culture in which there is considerable hysteria over adult attraction to and involvement with minors? For example, a sexually aware, confident girl could seduce or blackmail a man into a relationship (or into continuing a relationship) with her. Given that it would only take her testimony to ruin his life, he'd be in a tight situation. This is not to deny that a power differential exists between many adults and minors, but I think it's reasonable to question whether the received notion is unassailable and universally applicable. Incidentally, the power gap argument does provide a possible rationale for cl0se-in-age exemptions, but doesn't undermine my point about cl0se-in-age exemptions undermining the current standard rationale for age of c0nsent laws, which is that children under an arbitrarily selected threshold aren't capable of giving informed c0nsent. Even if we take the received notion of adult-minor power gaps to be unassailable and uniformly applicable, it is still the case that a cl0se-in-age exemption suggests that a 15yo is deemed capable of informed c0nsent if her partner is 18, but not if her partner is 20.
@revilo178 “the law cannot deal in absolutely valid principles” Agreed. A one-size-fits-all approach is the most pragmatic and most enforceable. To my way of thinking, cl0se-in-age exemptions are a step away from the one-size-fits-all approach and consequently serve to acknowledge that the one-size-fits-all approach is far from optimal, at least for anything other than pragmatic reasons. “Also, if there is a reverse power differential between minors and adults, then we should still prohibit sexual intercourse between them, for pretty much the same reasons” Well, perhaps (I’m not fully sold on that). But by extension we might have to consider prohibiting sexual activity between people with significantly different IQs, significantly different levels of wealth, significantly different social status, and possibly even between men and women in societies that aren’t particularly egalitarian. If we were to take the argument to its logical extreme, we might even have to prohibit sexual activity between partners where one is far more emotionally involved than the other. It’s interesting that we don’t prohibit sexual activity or relationships between beautiful young women and nonagenarian multimillionaires who might not be quite so compos mentis as they once were, and yet there would seem to be at least as much potential for an imbalance of power there. In all the above examples, we avoid imposing a one-size-fits-all prohibition and respect the quiddity of the relationships unless there is some other factor (other than an IQ number, bank balance or chronological age) indicating exploitative or abusive conduct. Which makes our protectionism in the case of sexually aware minors in mid adolescence look like special pleading. “Here in Canada, for instance, 14 is a hard limit for sexual acts - someone is under 14, any such act is absolutely forbidden. Between 14 and 16, on the other hand, it is only forbitten to people over 19. So 14 and 15 y/o are presumed able to c0nsent in that limited capacity which I've described.” Yes, the binary can/can’t is a construct of the legal threshold and doesn’t reflect underlying biological capacity, which will be gradational in its development and attained by different individuals at different chronological ages. I understand the idea of ‘limited capacity’, but not how it’s acknowledged or treated through the cl0se-in-age exemptions. It strikes me as more logical to argue that partial capacity to c0nsent should limit the type of activities engaged in rather than the person with whom those activities are engaged in. Similar logic was deployed by campaigners seeking parity in ages of c0nsent for homosexual sexual activity, as the previous disparity suggested that one’s capacity to c0nsent was contingent upon some characteristic of one’s chosen partner (here, biological sex rather than chronological age) rather than one’s own stage of maturation. In other words, I can accept that ‘limited capacity’ might necessitate limits, but disagree that those limits necessarily apply to the chronological age of one’s chosen partner. In that regard, I’d also like to suggest that it’s not clear that sexual interaction between a 15yo girl and a 19yo man will always be more salubrious than sexual interaction between a 15yo girl and a 40yo man. It’s at least conceivable that the 19yo might be less mature, more hormonal, more reckless, more averse to attachment, more likely to treat her as another notch on the bedpost, etc. Which leaves the cl0se-in-age exemption vulnerable to the charge of arbitrariness.
@revilo178 Based on our discussion above, I thought you might find the following interesting, which I've also commented separately under this video. The latest study by Bruce Rind (November 2021) undermines the rationale for close-in-age exemptions. The following extract suggests that society ought to view minor-adult encounters _more_ optimistically than close-in-age encounters: "It was of interest to assess whether minors involved with older minors reacted more favorably (i.e., less negatively, more positively) than minors involved with adults. For reactions at the time, boys having an adult partner reacted more favorably than boys having an older minor partner, χ2 (2)=6.69, p < 0.05. In post hoc analysis, boys with adults reacted negatively at the time (9.8%) significantly less often than boys with older minors (28.6%). They also reacted positively at the time more often than boys with older minors (83.0% vs. 66.7%), although this difference was not significant. For reactions in retrospect for boys, no association occurred between older partner age group (minor under 18 vs. adult 18 and over) and reactions, χ2 (2)=0.00. For girls for reactions at the time, no association occurred between older partner age group and reactions, χ2 (2)=3.39, p>0.10. On the other hand, for reactions in retrospect, a marginally significant association did occur, χ2 (2)=5.51, p=0.06, in which girls involved with adults reacted negatively significantly _less_ often (34.0%) than girls involved with older minors (52.8%) in post hoc analysis. They also reacted positively more often (42.4% vs. 27.8%, respectively), although this difference did not reach significance. In short, for both boys and girls, sexual involvement with older-aged minors compared to adults was not associated with any kind of more favorable reaction. In half the analyses, relations with adults were significantly more favorable."
@revilo178 "Young teenagers may still regard adults as authorities, or be swayed by their purported experience and knowledge of life." You really have not met many teenagers, have you? Also, would you accept that minors who commit crimes should get different penalties based on whether they commit them with an adult accomplice? I very much doubt it. Either they are old enough to be accountable for their decisions or they aren't.
@@AM_o2000 Thank you. For 99% of human history if you said the best way to deal with a 15 year old girl's immaturity is to give her an immature male partner, people would laugh in your face and assume you are joking. If you step out of the modern cultural mindset that stance just defies common sense. And we tend to think the younger people are, the more pure and innocent they are, but in reality the opposite is true. Studies show that the age at which a male is most likely to hit his partner is 16 years old. Yes, you read that right. On the flip side, I have seen studies that show relationship with age gaps tend to have much less a chance of success.
I really liked this video, I'm especially intrigued at the charge of the % of people who have had sex by ages. I feel like sex is something you really need a partner that can be patient with you through it. When you're young you have too many hormones involved and as you stated, you can't think creatively and critically. The girl I lost my virginity with we just did a lot of foreplay before hand and didn't even go to sex right away. Even right before we actually had sex, she even said, "Are you sure you're ready for this?" which.. I admit is a bit of a turn off at the time but I think for your first time you need someone who has patience and the ability to think clearly in a situation that is easy to rush through without a second thought.
2:09 The reason we cannot cater to kids by reducing the age of consent is also based on scientific research which says the prefrontal cortex of a 16 year old is not fully developed for them to able to make sound decisions. So you may want to not have “mixed thoughts” about that.
Nor is the prefrontal cortex of an 18 year old. And wisdom is never fully developed. But its been shown 14/15 year olds make decisions at adult levels.
Looking at comments here, I'm noticing a serious and a comical set of background missing. Serious side, back before the Vietnam military draft, that pressured lowering majority from 21 to 18 in most US states, ages of consent among US states were rarely if ever 18, and often 14-17 with some conditions for lower. The shift in age of majority dropping attracted some legislatures to raise age of consent, which for legal theory if viewed through insane narrow blinders makes perfect sense, even if very wrong in civil rights terms (but noting some states banned all unmarried sex, and made gays unable to marry. nb: Dale Carpenter's analysis of Lawrence v Texas, "Flagrant Conduct" etc, about the major corruption to what we call a justice process.) Does all that mess make any more sense, after viewing the Garfunkel and Oates videos, "The Loophole", and "Sex with Ducks"? Sadly, those songs aren't abstract humor, but based on real history of sex-negative abusive institutions and powers. Add an optional garnish of Eric Idle's "The FCC Song". Idle's song (Monty Python principal) appears in an actual FCC formal legal Rulemaking Proceeding comment on religious biases in what need to be treated as illegal censorship regulations and law from Congress driving them, compounded by SCOTUS frauds.
You definitely discuss very accurately a number of sexual topics that are rarely addressed in depth. The most impressive thing to me, though, is how you deliver concise, thoughtful intercourse (the verbal kind) in such rapid fire fashion! Surely you use a teleprompter or something similar?
@@Mope333 until you are 20. Trust me. And then only with parental permission. I know a few guys who landed on the sex offender registry because they turned 18 first and their girlfriend's parents pressed charges. One was my wife's cousin. Girls mom filed a complaint. He got stuck with a sexual misconduct with a minor charge. Has to register. He was 18. She was 16. They are married now.
@@cleverusernamenexttime2779 that’s all they could put, couldn’t say it was statutory rape lol. I know guys that was 20 in H.S. They put you out until you turn 21 tho
In Dutchland the age of consent is 12. Not 18 as stated in your map. And Belgium that you have marked in Grey. It's 16. Same as here in Norway. This was a simple case of googleing. Perhaps you should do your homework?
I'm curious about the 1/2 your age plus 7 rule. Is there something deeper going on, or is it relatively "arbitrary?" I've been doing some digging around looking for information about couples with large age gaps. There are some clear themes but generally everything seems anecdotal and the demographic pretty narrow; not to mention the the stigmas. Is there any deeper research into these types of relationships? Where can one look to find it?
It came from an XKCD comic, and is completely arbitrary. There is nothing wrong with consenting adults with huge age gaps, having a sexual relationship. If you are a young male, it may be the easiest way for you to get laid, to intentionally go after cougars who can't get attention from men their own age.
I'm just glad I waited til I was much older out of high school. Sex is complex, there are still things about sex that I have yet to explore and understand, psychologically and physically. I know some people are just ready earlier in life, but I can't imagine my 16yr old self to even process it all. Especially when I was raised catholic and feeling dirty because I had the urge to masterbate. Even after masterbating I'd feel dirty and guilty. I can't even imagine my 16yr old self dealing with the catholic guilt of actually having sex.
1:39 Somehow that chart doesnot match with my experiences at my country nor my image of teenhood at the U.S. Somehow I expected the barrs to reach like 85%~90% by 18 years or so... Anyone had that expectation too?
Age of consent laws, weather they're "Right" or "Wrong" fundamentally take away someone's right to choose what they wish to do or not do with their own body. That's not something I'm comfortable saying is ever okay. Consent is a right one that's restricted too often anyway. That someone else's actions make you uncomfortable isn't actually a good reason to ban consent (see: queer rights). As for 'these people can't think right': we've seen similar laws limiting the rights of other groups (notably, neuroatypical ppl) justified in the same way.
this is a very good point, but such consent laws also protect minors when abuse happens, so people purposefully harming minors with statutory rape will actually get punished.
I get what you're saying, but a) we do restrict certain rights to do certain things (e.g. drive under the influence) if we have scientific evidence to suggest that a person's decision making is systematically and unusually impaired (not just for "moral" reasons) and it can be argued that the hormonal cocktail that our brains receive during puberty opperates along those lines. b) We often restrict access to certain things, not based on cognitive deficiency, but lack of experience. For instance, we're not allowed to drive a car alone without sufficient driving lessons. It can be argued that a certain level of experience, both in terms of our own experience about our own body & sexuality as well as experience about social interactions & risks in the context of sexuality, only accumulate with sufficient age. c) Both a lack of experience AND the life circumstances of an underaged person (e.g. still being legally&economically dependent on parents, being tied to one specific school/community, not having the freedoms of a legal adult etc) make them vulnerable to manipulation and exploitation by those who have more experience & may prey on the social & emotional vulnerability of young people. d) Obviously, these laws are supposed to protect against harmful behaviour and, from the perspective of the young person, protect them against harm. Since that is the ultimate purpose behind the law, and while the law has to be rather broad and cannot make a claim for every specific case, obviously violations of the law involving harm or intentional manipulation should lead to more severe punishments than the cases that violate the law but do not involve outright harm. In the latter case, it may sometimes be a matter of "punishment because the law is the law", but that's how laws work pragmatically: Some people can probably drive home drunk and don't hurt anybody, but the risk is still there and the law sometimes has to operate on probabilities.
+IceMetalPunk just because the brain may not be completely finished developing until that age doesn't mean we lack maturity and decision making skills all the way up to that point. These things are gradual, and in early teen-hood many decisions we make are heavily influenced, uninformed, and made on a whim.
Sex-positive education of Soc/Psych professionals, and preachers and lawyers, is sadly missing from too many colleges and grad schools, and only getting worse as many of those tax fraud institutions shift towards being more like PACs (political action committees), than educators. One resource that could get useful attention is the Psych textbook Paul Okami published before his retirement from Widener, notably the only 4-S accredited university East of the Mississippi. That position was also where Dr. Okami completed the only longitudinal studies on nudist raised kids, and various sexuality development, which he started when teaching in California. Those studies showed how common illusions our society pretends protect minors or social norms of shame and fear based religion, actually stunt developmental maturity by an average of 18 months by mid teens.
+TGPAdm I realize it wouldn't help things in reality but in theory to allow more stable families and home lives for children by having older more established parents. I was a father at 17 and I can't tell you how much I wished I'd waited till I was thirty. Which is what I tell my daughter now. Finish school save some money then have kids when she's ready.
+Brian TX what about people who feel like they're ready for a family before 30? or people who want to enjoy sex but are mature enough to use contraception? should we just imprison them?
I looked up the age of consent laws for my state and it states: "The age of consent is raised to 18 if the victim is ""of a chaste life"" and the offender induces them to have sexual intercourse." what does "of a chaste life" mean? Is this bringing into question my religious affiliation? Does this imply that those who are not "chaste" do not deserve the same protection?
IMO, 17 should be legal. 16 should be a misdemeanor and not get you on the sex offender registry or prison time, at least for a first offense. 15 and below should be felony. 13 - 12 should be treated akin to violent rape. 11 and under should get you put away for decades.
The problem with what you stated is many states don’t have close in àge exceptíons. So it’s the tèéns themselves that become both the victím and øffender for the same consensuał act. Did you know about half of all teens have admitted to s3xting? That means they are guilty of a very seríous críme the way our laws are currently written. The truth is the tèéns are not wrong, the laws are and need to be changed (to not be able to target the tèéns themselves)
Lindsey, please make more videos about the age of consent and statutory rape laws/consequences. It is hard for a teenager or young adult to understand that even if both parties agree that it is "consensual" and even if both parents "give consent" that a crime may have still been committed. It is even harder for them to fully appreciate the consequences of these actions. Not just the possible jail time, but the stigma attached to the sex offender label, loss of (possibly all) gainful employment opportunities, the anxiety and isolation, and the chance of being convicted with a felony and then having to register as a sex offender for life if one of the 100+ small details of the sex offender registry paperwork isn't filled out correctly or on time. These issues also extend to the partner and any future partners of the convicted person in ways they won't be able to anticipate. The whole topic deserves its own channel. I might have to make one.
I had sex way before I was ready. I was 13 and performed and received cinilingus with another girl. It took me years to get over it. However, now I channel that into a love for sexual education, and a fairly substantial sex toy collection. It's a lot easier to manage.
For me the opposite was true, I started earlier but have only positive memories (that is until marriage, where it went downhill fast, ironically where those are the only negative memories).
When I was 39, a 20 year old female I worked with asked me out on a date. I really liked her but stupid me said no because of age difference. I’m religious but try not to be a prude and I think some churches are too conservative. Would there have been anything wrong with me dating her if we kept our clothes on? I soon fell in love with her but we never dated. She moved 1000 miles away after a year. I found her on Facebook when she was 26 and when she was 29 I started pursuing her. We texted every day for a year and she then fell in love with me. We talked about one of us moving so we could date but that fell apart after a while. Several months later she revealed she was dating another guy and then she completely dumped me three weeks later on January 3rd 2017. I dearly deeply love her and I still cry about her now and then.
Boyd W I'm a woman and I've always been attracted to older guys and I've always thought that guys start being sexy at around 40, so I could see my 20 year old self being attracted to a 39 year old guy, but if you're looking for a life long relationship, a 19 year difference could really become an issue in your elder years as one person becomes a senior and the other is still relatively young. It's probably best to be within 10 years for a lifelong relationship.
Age of consent laws must be applied creatively and with the idea strongly in mind that each situation is different. Two fourteen year olds madly in love is not the same situation as a pedophile raping children, and that must be reflected in the application of the applicable laws.
I agree to a point. But it's impractical to try to tailor the laws to each individual situation....it can't really be done. So, the state sets arbitrary ages, just like they do with who can buy alcohol or tobacco or when someone can drive a car. The courts wouldn't have enough time to hear all the cases if it was done on a case by case basis....but, judges do have some discretion in these matters.
@@corinnegermanotta3590 I don't disagree. All I'm saying is, the state sets an age, that's it. Comparing 14 year old's to adults is taking it to the extreme. The basis of the consent laws is to protect the young and inexperienced from the older, more experienced. That's it in a nutshell.
@@tidefanyankee2428 Why is older and more experienced a bad thing? That's like saying it's okay to perform neuro-surgery when you're drunk, but only if the patient is drunk too when he agrees to the surgery. It sounds like you don't care about "the children" and just want an excuse to throw older men in jail for being "icky" and "creepy." Two 14 years olds doing it is objectively worse in many ways.
@@Dennis-nc3vw No, it's not like saying it's OK to do surgery when you're drunk but only if the patient is drunk too and when he agrees to the surgery". Being drunk is a temporary, unnatural state.....and a choice. Being young and inexperienced while temporary, takes a much longer time to fix, to gain the experience needed to make a decision about having sex. Both 14 year old's are BOTH 14. A 35 year old man bedding a 14 year old girl is "creepy". I don't want older, more experienced men, or women preying on younger, much less experienced individuals. The potential for exploitation is far too high. A 14 year old today doesn't begin to have the life experience to deal with someone who's several years or more older then them. There is a HUGE difference between a 14/15 year old and a 20/21 year old. But there is much less difference between a 20/21 year old and a 30 year old. Time is the teacher.
"Age of consent" is something lots of cowards use to delegitimize relationships with large age gaps when they're not brave enough to admit that's their real issue. When an 18 or 19 year old waits for his who he met at 16 to come of age, not only do we not find that creepy, we are blown away by his restraint and applaud him. Someone older does the same thing, they're considered a creep and predator. There should be an age of consent, but we should also concern ourselves with teens engaging with each other if we are concerned about them engaging with "adults." Teen pregnancies were almost 50% higher in 1990 because the media promoted teenage promiscuity as cool.
I was 15 when I had sex with my boyfriend who was 25. It's my body my choice to who have sex with. Currently I am 22 and still with my boyfriend who's 32. If you gonna date someone older is my tip max 10 years older than you. You don't want to date someone who looks like your grandpa. If you don't know. We women mature faster than men at a smaller age. Women at 18 know what they want.
Your body, your choice. BUT: 1) That choice is constrained, because a 15-year-old who prefers someone her own age won't have to worry about her partner's life being ruined by a prison sentence followed by decades on the sex offenders' register. (Of course, the choice is only constrained if the 15-year-old actually cares what happens to her partner.) 2) If you believe in the 'my body, my choice' principle, then why say 'maximum 10 years older'? If a 15-year-old wants to be intimate with a 50-year-old man, her body, her choice.
Some people: "18 years old don't understand sex. It's complicated"
18 years old: *Getting* *drafted* *and* *casting* *vote*
Ahhh..... (and this is coming from a sarcastic Brit), you can’t drink alcohol !
An alarming quote from the linked age of consent website regarding states without Romeo & Juliet laws:
"...it is possible for two individuals both under the age of 18 who willingly engage in intercourse to both be prosecuted for statutory rape, although this is rare. Similarly, no protections are reserved for sexual relations in which one participant is a 17 year old and the second is a 18 or 19 year old."
I remember a highly publicized case in one such state where the parents of a teenage girl in a same-sex relationship decided to press charges against the girl's partner, who was a year or two older. The family were basically acting out of homophobia, believing the partner had somehow corrupted their daughter, and they ultimately succeeded in getting her labeled as a sex offender, despite the fact the sexual relationship began when both girls were under the age of consent. I think this tragically illustrates just how important Rome & Juliet laws are; without them, vindictive families can essentially ruin the lives of teenagers having consenting sex with their peers.
I remember this story as well. It was really disturbing.
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If you’re in jail for 100 years, you won’t need to worry about getting a job
free food amirite
Hi!Score yas
Stonk
Yea.thoo
Unless you have one demanded of you involving air pressure.... 😳😳
That poor fruit roll up dude. His life must have flashed before his eyes.
I'm thinking of the infections Dr. Doe must have contracted.
Honestly he was probably fine; there was fruit roll-up on his penis, and then there was none. Dr. Doe on the other hand probably cursed her existence for quite a while.
I don't think the vagina would respond well to processed fruit jerky.
+AMaliciousMoose she said it got stuck him though? imagine a fruit roll up that will not come off of your genitals.
Not stuck on him...stuck in her...
HeyHay 😂😂
The problem with age of consent laws is that there is no magic age when a person becomes a responsible adult. Every individual matures at different rates and times. Another problem with age of consent laws is that irresponsible sex has its own risks and consequences, and punishing someone legally is merely adding insult to injury. Society needs to find a better way to handle the transition to adulthood than pointless laws and legal punishment. Many societies have had "coming of age" rituals, and it's high time that modern society come up with something similar.
drewsire Yes, exactly. We need to come up with modern "coming of age" rituals that reasonably show to the public that a person is a responsible adult and capable of making their own decisions. I don't know exactly what those would be, but things like having a job, or having a car and insurance for it both look like reasonable criteria for calling someone an adult. I'm sure we can think of some others once we stop applying arbitrary numbers on adulthood.
@@macsnafuwhen I was a kid in middle school. I’m 18 now. Iv meant lots of kids who were extremely mature. I’ve even thought some kids were teachers because how smart and mature they were and looked. Now as a 18 year old many kids my age are very immature and some mature. I did some research and found out that your statement is true. People mature differently. I have adhd and supposedly my brain won’t fully develop until 30 🤦🏽♂️
I think age of cosent laws are good, they help make it easier to prosecute offending pdfiles. You'd just have to proof that sex occured and not if there was or wasnt consent.
Going after a 18y with a 17y is stupid. Smarter countries have romeo and juliet laws which help with this.
@@popdogfool Well, they certainly make it *easier* to prosecute, perhaps too easy if you can prosecute an 18 year old for having sex with a 17 year old. As you say, you only have to prove that sex occurred and no need to concern yourself with consent...or sexual maturity, or all the messy details of being a responsible adult human being. And thus, while simple for prosecution, unfair and unjust to individuals. I'm not claiming my idea makes anything easier, only more just and more fair.
@@macsnafu More fair to who? What you suggest sounds like some kinda sex ID. That just makes it easier for predators to groom kids.
So exactly what is your idea??
Age of consent is a good system. It just needs to be paired with good Romeo and Juliet laws, which not every country does.
As someone who's asexual and who has almost no libido your descriptions of puberty and sexual awakening and arousal were both helpful and baffling! I appreciate your openness and willingness to share your experiences! Sharing things like that help everyone, whether it's a "Hey you're feeling that too? I'm not alone!" or "Wow I am definitely NOT feeling that, let's explore why that is". Yay sex positivity!!
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It might be legal for an older person (say 50) to have consensual sex with a younger person (16) but in some places "sexting" with that person is illegal. I've seen news stories related to this lately.
RickMakes, You're correct, I've seen plenty of theses types of stories too. The problem is nude pics are not against the law at any age. That's correct, they are perfectly legal. The problem is too many people conflate sex with nudity and charge the teens with a crime (also it doesn't help that the laws are so poorly/vaguely written). I'm sure some replies will now say I'm wrong, but I'm not, simply being young and nude in a pic isn't a crime. Just look up Jock Sturges, David Hamilton, Sally Mann, etc., and you'll see I'm right (they're photographers and their pictures are legal, as well as widely available).
RickMakes are you 16 or 50
Actually, there was a 50 year old dude that married a 15 year old a while back. Went through the trouble to get the parents consent and the whole bit.
@Michael Moretti a better example if she can sleep with the entire football team in one day, but if she's has sex with a 24 year old fiance, this entire life is ruined
16 is legal
My least favourite part of age of consent laws is that out of a 34 year old man, a 16 year old girl, and a 15 year old boy, the 34-year old and the 16-year-old is legal, but the 16 year old and the 15 year old isn't.
But no matter what the age of consent is, this issue will turn up.
The Age of Consent is 17 or 18 in the majority of American states. Therefore, it is a crime for someone over 18 to engage in sexual activities with a minor. The man would be charged with statutory rape if the victim was under 18.
@@user-ix3mg5yb5y I think it's obvious that in the example age of consent is 16, not 18.
Hyouki No travel to California, Arizona and Florida. The Age of Consent is 18.
@@user-ix3mg5yb5y and what does it have to do with this comment?
@@user-ix3mg5yb5y Then change his hypothetical girl's age to 18. Still sounds about the same.
Our society revolves around age of consent. Grade school is a complete waste of time, but people can't start their careers at an earlier age, because they might interact with older people who want to have sex. Building a career takes decades to find what you want to do, then apply yourself and advance. Starting early is a good idea, but age of consent laws force talented young people into a mindless purgatory waiting until 18 to start their life.
No you have it backwards. K-12 education likely started the idea you aren’t an adult until 18, and the age of consent at 18 followed from there.
My position is that if one is old enough to choose to have sex they are old enough to choose who they have sex with. If the education system is going to encourage them to have sex with peers then the government providing that education needs to not vilify it when they choose someone who is not a peer... that fruit roll up incident probably wouldn't have happened with a more mature partner.
I have a childhood friend who, as we were catching up in our 30s, broke down crying that she has ruined some guys like... Because against her will her parents had him charged with statutory rape. I have a relative who at 12 year old pursued multiple adults.
Here, I'll anger even more people by saying if someone is not old enough to choose who they have sex with they are definitely not old enough to choose what sex they are.
I love how you talk about your past private sex experiences in such a mundane way... I wish more people could be as comfortable as you and not think about social stigmas associated with such acts.
She's welcome to comment, but my guess is that Lindsey is fully aware of the messy social issues present, but like others of us with sex-positive ideological values, views them as a challenge to work around and relegate to history.
If the laws were enforced, 90% of my High School class would be in prison.
Que triste
2:42 adults also can bad bad decisions too when it comes to that stuff divorce rates are around half so that point is kind of moot. Adults also can act on emotions too not just teens.
So, here are my problems with the current age of consent laws: 1) according to the Romeo & Juliet laws, if two 17-year-olds have sex, there's a lighter sentence, but if they do it the day one of them turns 18, there's a heavier sentence. One day isn't going to make a difference in consensual understanding, yet the laws are quite cut-and-dry like that. 2) While cognitive function increases with age, it's only fully developed around ages 21-25. So if that were the reason for the laws, shouldn't they be closer to 23 than 18/16? And if the argument is "they don't have to be fully developed to understand sex," my question becomes "how do we know when they can understand sex enough, how much *is* enough, and why do we think everyone understands the same level of stuff at the same age?"
For those two reasons, among some other minor ones, I think the *age* of consent laws are baseless. Instead, rape should be taken on a case-by-case basis: *find out* if the people involved understand what's going on, and if they don't, it's statutory rape. But people wouldn't want that, because too many adults don't understand sex well enough, but we don't want to criminalize ignorant sex as rape, even though it's just as dangerous.
IceMetalPunk
Think about what you are saying.
You want children to be able to consent to sex as long as they know what sex is.
You just have given pedophilia’s a Get of Jail Free Card
Do not make justifications for people wanting to have sex with underage people. Minors are still minors and should be treated as such until Adulthood.
@Scotty Davlin yes ephebopillia is more understandable, but does that make it any less despicable than pedophilia? Imagine a 60 year old man with a 19 year old. That's almost just as disgusting as the 60 year old with a 12 year old.
@Scotty Davlin I guess it's an opinion. I'm 19 myself. I don't care who it is. If they're old enough to be my dad, it's gross.
@Scotty Davlin I'd prefer someone in my age range, but if I have to date someone older, I'd say max is 4-5 years older than me. If I were say, 30, though, I might consider someone who is 10 years older. It all depends on the stage you are at in life, I think
@Scotty Davlin it is a combination of things. Like you said a 30 year old does look older, but it is also mindset like you said. Personally I don't feel that I'd match up well in terms of maturity to someone who is older. There's also the fact that I want to be with someone who is in the same stage of life as me, someone who has more common topics with me and therefore I feel I can relate to more. But like I said before that's my personal opinion. Some girls may like the idea with being someone who is older.
It is crazy to me that in the US there are ages where you can go to prison but not have sex. Seriously? 10 year-olds tried as adults?
It’s like that in most countries
@@Mope333no not really
@@kilian8250 Sources?
I love your frankness. Parents often don't speak to their children like people.
If two similarly aged people both consent and feel ready to have sex, they should be allowed to without punishment. How are you protecting someonr after they willingly chose to carry out something with eachother. It's noone else's business but their own.
jod125 exactly I can’t with this world
+jod well, you just made it your business by placing your restrictions on it. You'll have to make up your mind.
Except if they get pregnant and the mom and baby end up on welfare for years.
@@martycontestabile9607 these days kids are telling grown ups what to do, i think it's the parents business if their underaged children are having sex.
Sex can lead to some pretty serious consequences, and the parents of minors are required to share the consequences faced by said minors (if not forced to take the burden of consequence fully upon themselves) so...
This is my experience and not everyone's. I had sex for the first time when I was fifteen. It was something both my partner and I desperately wanted. We were in one of those passionate young-love relationships that's not based on having much in common-mostly what we had in common was the mutual intense feeling of being in love for the first time, and probably being the first people on the planet to ever experience such a thing. At the time (four months into our six-month relationship) my logic was: "We're going to get married someday anyway for sure, so it makes no sense to wait!" The logic was faulty and the relationship was ridiculous, but honestly, eleven years later, I'm still glad I started having sex when I did. It's given me more experience figuring out what I like and don't like. It's worked for me.
happy it worked out thanks for sharing your story!!
I dated and then married a girl who was just under the age of consent.. Yes we eventually got married and had a beautiful girl together while I was in the military..The problem was three years later she wanted a divorce... then... The problem is as a young adults commitments are made in a rush to have a family..DON'T.. you don't know the other and it takes time to sort out weather the other is a good parent or not..And NO .. there is no magical timeframe.. but, the longer the better is generally the best rule.. So what if you wait 5-7 years you have the cost of the household furnishings out of the way...
@Curtis Sherwood You sound like a fuckwit. And just so I am not misunderstood, to me the word "fuckwit" refers to anyone who insults a stranger then qualifies it with a flawed personal explanation.
@Curtis Sherwood WOW that was an extremely wordy cover up for calling a girl a slut publicly. As Shakespeare said of your type, "thou doth protest too much".
@Curtis Sherwood Oh, Curtis. There must be something terribly wrong with you to post stuff like that. Sex is here. People want to have sex. Don't stay in your cage.
it 17 for Texas. i say that because the graph said no data.
upvote for data.
I was about to say this. Glad to see someone else did.
There was a guy in Texas who when he was 19, he was in a relationship with a 15 year old and the girl's parents did not approve of the relationship. Her mother reported it to the police, and later tried to rescind the charge after realizing she made a horrible mistake, but the police refused. He was convicted of statutory rape and given 7 years probation, but he also is on the sex offender's registry. He later married this woman and they have four children together. During probation, he wasn't allowed to contact her, couldn't be near a school/park, etc. He wasn't allowed to vote and had to move out of his home because his 12 year old sister lived there. Eventually he and this woman reconnected, married and started a family. When they had their first child, he wasn't allowed to live in their house, so he did so illegally living in fear. Even though his probation ended and he can live in his family's home with his kids, he's still on the registry. He is not allowed to coach his daughters' soccer teams or be at their games because he isn't supposed to be around minors (his own are an exception now I think). The registry when you look (though most just quickly glance as it's a tool to warn people of dangerous people in the area) will say 'rape of a child', so even if you thoroughly examine his file, the charge name implies he is dangerous. You'd only know the whole story if you dug and found the actual case or you asked. They are judged by people and have had people stop letting their children come over to play with their kids. His name is Frank Rodriguez and his wife is named Nikki.
PrincessLuLu Yes, this is fucking terrible.
It's also a very common story. A consensual relationship where there's an age difference and one teen's parent calls cops. They are trying to use the system to parent and to get revenge on someone they do not like or approve of. Our system is broken and these types of parents who do that ruin lives
Such a good video!
I think that age restrictions are a form of age discrimination and a one last resort to a big problem.
I think that we should focus on helping people make better choices rather than forbidding them to make certain choices.
Take a look on marijuana and other drugs for example, even though they are mostly forbidden, many people use and overuse them.
Forbidding someone to do something they will do either way will only prevent him/her from reaching out and getting help/support.
I remember my school having an assembly about sex and at one point the guest speaker said to his handful of participants onstage, "those of you who have lost your virginity, go to this side of the stage, and those who haven't, that side of the stage."
Everyone aside from the speaker were underage, and there must've been two dozen students up there.
When everyone had stopped moving, there was one girl on the left side of the stage.
I thought to myself, "I could never do that alone," even though I was a virgin myself at the time. I gained a lot of respect for that girl, and I started thinking that maybe your virginity doesn't define you.
You forgot to say what the left side meant.
What a terrible person to do that to the kids! Honestly that should be criminal. There's no reason for a demonstration to require humiliation. I personally would not have felt comfortable as a child being forced to publicly answer this question, even though now I hold no sexual shame. Also, I thoroughly disagree with the use of the word "virginity" and term "lose virginity", as the term brings with it many negative implications. Further, the amount, degree, or lack of sexual experiences is not an indicator to whether or not someone is a good person. I wish I had that knowledge growing up.
Lol your story isn't clear what side of the stage represented what? Lol. Story fail.
Honestly I think the majority of people who teach sex ed (in the USA) shouldn't. They rely on humiliation, objectification, and just terrible at teaching facts that will help young people be competent about their bodies, STI's, sexuality, sex, and consent.
I think we need to rewrite the curriculum rather than fire all the teachers, but they're certainly not well-educated on the topic either...
I am strongly opposed to a concept of an *age* of consent as an arbitrary thing. Though cognitive functioning and maturity are correlated with age they do not have a binary relationship, no matter where you set the age some people are going to be ready before then and some people won't be ready until long after. Furthermore it treats all forms of sex equally despite the fact that certain forms of sex such as mutual masturbation do not carry anywhere near the same risks as full on intercourse. I would much prefer an expansion of sex education and laws that take the maturity of both partners into account when determining whether they should be allowed to engage in certain types of sexual activities rather than an arbitrary hard border that doesn't reflect nature.
I always thought statutory rape laws were to prevent people over the age of consent from having sex with people under the age of consent. There was a brief period where I'd turned eighteen and my partner was still seventeen where I pondered our sex being a possible crime (which seemed a little ridiculous because there was only three months' difference in our age.) Now apparently I'm learning that all sex I had before I turned eighteen was also a crime? That doesn't seem like a helpful law, although I'm sure there are cases where it could be helpful?
I think maybe age of consent laws ARE for protecting people underage from those over age in a lot of places. I'd look it up if you're concerned.
I was under the same impression. She seemed a little unclear about that. I've never heard of two consenting partners both under the age of 18 being charged for statutory rape.
well there's been people charged with possession of child pornography, just because they took naked photos of themselves and they happened to be underage so this doesn't sound unlikely
oxymoron0o, To answer your question, yes it was a "crime", not that it should be but with our current US laws it is. Some states make exceptions but most do not and may charge teens as criminals while also stating at the same time they are victims.
Many people wrongly believe even though the laws charge teens, our legal system uses common sense and doesn't go through with the charge; these people are wrong, our legal system isn't given that flexibility and by law must charge them with a crime if the issue is brought to the courts. Given most people lose their virginity before 18, these laws are absurd and must be changed.
As for the comment on sexting, yes many teens are wrongfully charged for sexting. They are charged using laws that were poorly written and never intended to be used against sexting (sexting wasn't even around when these laws were written). Also, too many people think nude pics are not legal if the person is underage, this isn't true. Nudity isn't sex and nude pics are completely legal at any age, just consider art photographers like Jock Sturges (and many others) whose work is sold legally throughout the US. The problem is the way the laws are written against underage porn are written in a way that they allow for personally interpretation (and therefore bias) to be used against teens to charge them with a crime (often because of some "moral" agenda, or simply because of a lack of understanding that nude pics at any age are not illegal). Hope this answer helps, now let's change these ridiculous laws (no teen should be labeled a criminal for having sex with another teen if both want to).
Goes to show not everything is “18” lol, also 16 is the age of consent. So you was in the clear regardless
If someone asks any kind of questions about age/consent laws these days they are usualy treated as immediate threats to other, double so if you are male. So its very refreshing to have someone talk shop about it without pushing an agenda or trying to target someone. Your channel is pretty great. Ive seen a few other videos which were pretty educative....educateable... they were helpful. :D.
Also you seem like a super fun person to just hang out with. Alot of people judge everything aynone says these days :/.
There is clear bias in her commentary though and that does take away from an otherwise excellent video.
This was my reply to her to clarify what I mean (she never responded to) -
First off, I'd likely to thank you for an awesome video. This is perhaps one of the best I've seen on the subject. My concern is your own admitted internal conflict on the subject. I fear it may be more of a "moral" conflict, rather than an intellectually based concern.
You stated legally teens should wait, while also stating a concern that we perhaps shouldn't change the laws to give into teens and "cater" to them. As you yourself stated, these laws are harmful ... Labeling the very same teens, that are supposed to protect, as sex offenders and restricting access to much needed healthcare.
You also mentioned "cognitive competence", are you suggesting laws are changed to wait till the age of 24 (when the human brain is fully developed)? 15 is physical maturity for girls and 16 is an important age for critical thinking capabilities; yet ages vary around the world and many in the U.S. believe 18 is the "right" age. My concerns are, why are the age variances acceptable? Why is it okay to label teens sex offenders for normal innate behavior?
Yes doctor, the laws need to change. I know you mentioned concern over regrets, well, I too have some regrets. The regrets also go the other way, not asking that girl out or not sleeping with that girl. With all due respect, you cannot legislate not having "regrets". I for one have no regrets over having sex as a teen and for the girls I was with, in fact, those years are remembered as some of the best years of my life.
This is an individual's own choice when to start having sex, no one else has the right to tell you when sex is okay (especially since they often base their stance on biased "moral" beliefs. Would these same people be okay with a law that forces them to have sex before a certain age? Of course not... Then they have no right to dictate to others the need to wait)
Again, I must restate, yes these laws need to change! No teen should go to jail or be labeled a sex offender for sexting or having sex with another teen.
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Great point about age of consent not being a guarantee, but a sensible, probability-based safeguard against poor choices and, equally so, exploitation.
Of course, even a person above the age of consent can make poor choices, be open to manipulation etc, but it seems quite obvious that a person is way more at risk of exploitation if, for example, one person is a legal adult with all the freedoms, rights & the independence and experience of a legal adult and the other person is under age and thus both legally and socially still very dependent on their circumstances, not to mention open to manipulation or exploitation because so many things seem new & exciting & tempting & desirable at a young age, making a person vulnerable.
I was below the age of consent and the girl i met and fell in love with even lower (i was 15 she 23) and i still was responsible because i loved her too much to let anything spoil that and just wanted to take it slow, i didnt want to rush into anything. But i still fucked things up because even though i was madly in love with her (still kind of am to this day), i just never had the guts to tell her and we ended up drifting apart.
Now shes all grown up, moved on and probably still has no clue as to how i truly felt about her. She did wait a good year when i left school and returned a year later for the sixthform there, and when i checked her FB some years ago, her favorite movie was The Notebook, that told me something, but i just let things linger on and didnt act.
Complete missed opportunity, i was responsible not to get a girl knocked up but not much else.
"Exploitation" is an empty term you are using to feel justified about throwing people in jail for being icky and creepy. You don't give a fuck about "protecting the children." If a 16 year old and 30 year old rob a gas station, are you going to let the 16 year old off the hook on premise the adult might have used his vague, abstract, magical adult powers to "manipulate" or "exploit" the younger person into committing the crime?
thank you for your nuanced opinion, doctor! My real problem with consent laws is how arbitrarily concrete they are. Being one month or one day off holding serious legal repercussions seems absurd to me, since different people mature at different rates. One day you're breaking the law, the next you're legal! The law is just nowhere near nuanced enough to be truly useful.
side note: in place of sexual contact with another person, can we please see the legal age for buying sex toys come down? Because that would solve the physiological urges without the complications of sex with a person, while encouraging exploration. But the law doesn't see it that way if a parent were to buy their child a sex toy, I imagine, which is some dumb bullshit.
@@Romanticoutlaw There is no "legal age for buying sex toys" in most cases, even if some stores or online sellers pretend to impose one in easy to circumvent forms.
One friend in Texas ended up teaching one of her daughter's age 14 friends to masturbate. Bible belt mentality mother was sex-hostile and not a functional parent, and the neighbor teen was complaining about problems finding suitable guys for sex, or taking bad relationships to get sex.
There was a certain level of legal risk in Texas assuming that role out of need, but also a community service need to mitigate bad abusive parents. (same as for sex ed in some schools)
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i'm 19, and i think younger teens always think they're more mature than they are. every single one of us thinks we know better than our peers and our parents. but in a few years, you learn so so so so much more than you knew before.
Lindsay, I just wanted to tell you that this may be your best episode yet. The phrasing, the insight, it was amazing. I really appreciate how you spoke about things like having a back up plan and knowing how to handle stressful situations without being even a tiny bit patronizing. I can't wait for the next one!
One trouble I have with the age of consent laws.
How can anyone understand the experience of sex are until they ... have sex?
I'm the legal age of consent and still haven't kissed anyone so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Indeed. If and when I have kids, I will encourage and instruct them to have healthy and safe sex lives, but I will even more strongly encourage them to wait until they are in their late teens/early twenties before they start becoming sexually active. The reason for this is because of cognitive development and rational processing. When you're young, you don't really consider all the consequences in a rational and logical manner, as Dr. Doe pointed out. By the time people exit their teens though, they usually have enough mental capacity to think through things, especially sexual experiences, on something more than an emotional and hormonal level.
That's surprising, not trying to be weird but you're gorgeous lol
Even Dr. Freeze (Batman) wife was less frigid.....
Dont be in a hurry little lady. Save it for a guy that is worth your time and effort.
Good for you! I'm proud of you.
honestly I feel like age of consent laws are somewhat stupid because they imply that a minor isn't capable of giving consent and therefore also isn't capable of not giving consent. I feel there should be an age of consent but it should be lowered from the 16-18 age range since more people have access to the internet and can educate themselves on sex much better than they could when these consent laws were made.
No child under 18 years of age should participate in sexual activity and should constitute a criminal offence. Raise the Age of Consent to 18 worldwide. Protect all children.
@@user-ix3mg5yb5y You are the reason we have 20 years olds throwing temper tantrums on college campuses. You can't treat someone like a toddler until their 18 and then expect them to transform to a wise adult over night.
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I like how she casually admitted to commiting a federal crime
😂
I didn't even know the age of consent in my country until this video. Thanks!
Better keep some of those past relationships under wraps, then. :)
that's why close in age exemptions are important. In Canada I think it used to be 14 but was upped to 16. But 12-13 are ok if done within 2 years of each other and 14-15 are ok within 5 years.
Research shows that educating young minds is an excellent idea
You're video should be played in every elementary classroom as part of a realistic educational program. Thank you. well done.
Wait, we're talking about kids that are underage but the same age, right?
Hi Dr. Doe!! Would you be willing to make a video about minors wanting to participate in BDSM (both privately and in a communities like FetLife)? This has become a big problem over the past few years (mostly due to Tumblr...) and has created an unsafe environment for those of us in the community that are of legal age (most online and in-person communities have an age restriction of 18+). It's unsafe due to the issues you've discussed in this video, but as well because some of these minors do not reveal their age on their Tumblr blogs, or join FetLife and lie about their age outright! This creates an environment where innocent individuals are at risk of being convicted as a sex offender and labeled a paedophile because they were not aware they were speaking to a child.
Don't you have dedicated BDSM-youth groups, where teens can talk openly instead of visiting adult sites?
@@pvip9986 not really. After a bit of searching, I found one in Minnesota, mentioned once on a bdsm website that hasn’t been updated since 2014 (the post being from 2000), there were no links and I couldn’t find anything else about the group, no contact information, no official website, not even a single mention, nothing.
So, no, there aren’t.
How about groups that require DSM and similar guidelines to GTFU over fet scene folk?
The same questions about consent and risk also exist when 12 year olds produce fake age FB profiles and hit on 19 or 23 year old guys. The two differences I see are that BDSM may involve activities that could be criminal absent valid consent, under a broken legal system, and that BDSM can be more of a magnet for insane reactions, based on religion based prejudices, or assumptions extrapolating from personal values imposed on others, often with missing private information (eg, many scene folk have medical or engineering knowledge and skills to make RACK judgments, noting the insanity driving many away from SSC).
I've seen a few bright, self aware, highly developed teens leave the USA to seek kink-friendly partners, as our society and political climate are too hostile to be healthy. Those were cases where they were hitting on guys 2-3 times their ages, who could have been safer, experienced partners not found in their own age range, but who wouldn't assume the legal risks.
Thank you for being so open about your own experiences, its so cool to see someone talk about their sexual encounters without stigma and keeping it totally real!
yes
@@amor7886 75.55555555555555555555555555555%
To the person that asked the question: Kudos on asking. That shows maturity and invested thought. Keep asking and exploring information about these things. Not everyone does, and that makes you special. Good job!
To Dr. Doe: Wow! That was as informative as it was fast.
Very complex topic, but you covered it well, Lindsey. Well done! I also appreciated the humor in it. I laughed so hard at the jokes. Fantastic video. :)
How is RUclips's new monitisation system affecting you and the channel?
Good question she does amazing work
vee exactly! And seeing as it's "sexual content" will it be monotised?
+Hey There Lucy I hope so
on hank green's tumblr i think there's some post about how these videos don't make as much money as 'average' youtube video, because advertisers don't want to be associated with sex videos
here is is:
edwardspoonhands.com/post/115641291385/the-1000-cpm
also learned from this post is to subscribe to Ericka Lynae, aka "The Ins and Outs" and to check out this article by Hank Green:medium.com/@hankgreen/the-1-000-cpm-f92717506a4b#.ucl2u5pa7
+katherine leavitt thank you! that's really interesting :)
Wow that (your risk taking) was brutally honest. It must have taken a lot to say all that.
In Canada there are some specific laws around age of consent. It says that you can have sex within a small age range relative to how old you are. The older you are the larger the range is, up until age 18 where the world is your oyster
The problem isn't really with cognitive competence. Demonstrably, young kids can learn to be competent at complex things. The problem is with kids being overprotected away from sexuality, which results in them being clueless about it when they get past puberty. My grandpa taught me to work with dangerous tools for doing woodworks when I was 8, and I never hurt myself wielding saws, files, chisels, etc. I know this comparison isn't perfect, as sexuality has strong physiological roots, but then that's all the more reason to instead of hiding sexuality from them, have them become accustomed to it and be taught about it, because the kids that feel strong sexual urges, *they will most likely have sex either way.* Especially if they grow up with authoritarian parents who impose that they don't do it.
Parents should be there to help their kids grow and be safe. And yet, most kids can't turn to their parents for help about their sexuality. This is major red flag on parenting. Lucky are the ones who can rely on experienced older siblings or friends for advice or to buy them condoms.
This honestly may be the most important channel on youtube - please continue to show how passionate you are about sex to the world! We need so much more of it!!
When she was very young, about twelve, if I recall correctly, my daughter asked me when it was the right time to have her first sexual encounter. I told her how much I genuinely appreciated her confiding in me and consulting me for guidance, and I assured her that the answer is not a set-in-stone age, but more based on when certain things happen in her life that tell her, "You're ready now." I gave her a great big hug and said, "It's the very moment you receive your doctorate in a highly-lucrative profession." "Thanks, daddy," she said, and she gave me a great big hug in return.
@Ic N Apparently, you did NOT get the joke. Read it again -- this time S-L-O-W-L-Y and carefully so you don't miss any of the words. Then, once you've actually read it, THINK about it for a moment (or two, if you require). When your consternation suddenly flashes over to laughter, you'll know what you missed the first time.
@Ic N You know, maybe I should just EXPLAIN it to you? Here goes: The father tells his young daughter she'll be ready for her first sexual encounter once she's earned a Ph.D. in a big-money profession. Now, since the typical age for earning a Ph.D. is about 26 years old, he is essentially telling her to not only EARN that Ph.D., he's telling her to do that BEFORE she has sex for the first time, so that her life doesn't get thrown off-course by a relationship that takes all her concentration or a baby which will take whatever was left. Since most people have their first sexual encounters about a decade or more BEFORE the age of 26, this adds to the funny factor.
So I definitely agree with what you're saying (don't have sex before you're actually definitely ready and you've really THOUGHT IT THROUGH) but it kind of feels like you're just saying I'm too unintelligent to be able to deal with "grown-up stuff." The answer is educating people about safer, consensual, generally BETTER first-time sex, not forbidding it and charging young people with rape convictions.
this is a great time to be my age (31). i am old enough to not want girls young enough that i need to check laws.
It's possible for a young person to deliberately disguise themselves, you know. Think gray hair and wrinkles are tell tale signs that someone must be an adult? With dye and makeup, you can fake these if determined to do so.
@@carultch Im 33 and i wish i could grow genuine grey hair and looked older than i look (dont ask me why).
@@RaikenXion I'm gonna take a guess. If you are female, it is to deter the interest of men. If you are male, it is to get the interest of women.
@@carultch if he's looking for young women that's probably not the best way to go about it.
@@chiara9721 You're missing my point. I'm saying that even if a lady looks like a cougar, she could still be a minor in disguise.
Lost mine at 14. While i don't think i was totally ready, i did choose the right person who im still with today. i put a lot of thought into it and decided i was ready (or at least tired of waiting)
The negative thing is people passing laws that would make what you did against the law (and thereby make you a criminal, that’s the absurdity to me). I started early too and personally have zero regrets, nothing but positive memories. However, I do share the concern about someone much older taking advantage of someone much younger.
First off, I'd like to thank you for an awesome video. This is perhaps one of the best I've seen on the subject. My concern is your own admitted internal conflict on the subject. I fear it may be more of a "moral" conflict, rather than an intellectually based concern.
You stated legally teens should wait, while also stating a concern that we perhaps shouldn't change the laws to give into teens and "cater" to them. As you yourself stated, these laws are harmful ... Labeling the very same teens, that are supposed to protect, as s3x offenders and restricting access to much needed healthcare.
You also mentioned "cognitive competence", are you suggesting laws are changed to wait till the age of 25 (when the human brain is fully developed)? 15 is physical maturity for girls and 16 is an important age for critical thinking capabilities; yet ages vary around the world and many in the U.S. believe 18 is the "right" age. My concerns are, why are the age variances acceptable? Why is it okay to label teens s3x offenders for normal innate behavior?
Yes doctor, the laws need to change. I know you mentioned concern over regrets, well, I also have some regrets. The regrets also go the other way, not asking that girl out or not sleeping with that girl. With all due respect, you cannot legislate not having "regrets". I for one have no regrets over having s3x as a teen and for the girls I was with, in fact, those years are remembered as some of the best years of my life.
This is an individual's own choice when to start having s3x, no one else has the right to tell you when s3x is okay (especially since they often base their stance on biased "moral" beliefs. Would these same people be okay with a law that forces them to have sex before a certain age? Of course not... Then they have no right to dictate to others the need to wait).
Again, I must restate, yes these laws need to change! No teen should go to jail or be labeled a s3x offender for s3xting or having s3x with another teen.
I think it’s a really important distinction to make between physiology and cognitive. I waited till my late teens, but on reflection that seemed too soon for me personally. Age of consent is soooo important, we gotta work out who we are first, and year on year in your teens life completely changes, everything changes. So stability is really important, room for your cognitive grounding. You can always have sex when you’re an adult, it’s not a competition:)
Loved this vid.
The sad truth is that most cultures disregard this with bs primitive desperation to force reproduction asap in order to maintain their families and survival.
That’s true. In this day and age we have to protect the kids. Some countries young brides are as young as 8 years old, probably younger if they’re doing that. It’s just evil. These kids are ppl, they’ve got to be safe, and have the same opportunity as anyone else to form healthily into adulthood. We have 7 billion ppl choking the ecology of the planet now. We’ve got to disassociate economics with reproduction. And using it for economic survival can bring even more horrible results onto the child.
while they have good intentions and help protect (some) kids age of consent laws are effectively saying that kids shouldn't have sexual rights and aren't intelligent enough to have sex, age of consent laws are extremely restrictive to any minors that want to have sex and understand sexuality. an alternative to age of consent laws is a basic exam testing whether or not the person being examined understand sexuality, consent and how to have safe sex, having sex with any person that hasn't passed the exam is illegal (exceptions given if the person that had not passed the exam told the person being put on trial that they had passed when they actually hadn't), this among other things (like helping combat stds) would give children more rights while still protecting them from sexual predators. (p.s you would also need to have passed the test to create an account on things like dating sites and stuff)
Over hear in Japan, the age of concent by national law is 13, but the prefectures may raise to an age they think w more fit. Most have done so to at least 15, mostly 18, a few to 20, the legal age at which people in Japan are considered adults.
Back in Germany, I had a pen pal, who had a 25 year old boyfriend. She was 12 by the time she got pregnant the first time, 14 by the time she had her second child and was pregnant with her third at 15. Apparently, her parents were fine with it. Not sure if it was to Christian upbringing, but abortion was also not an option for her. I lost contact with her shortly after.
It's been a long time since then, but I think I still have the letters somewhere.
Still not sure what to think of that. To me, that was a weird thing, but for her and her parents, it was fine. At least so it seemed.
@Deez Nuts yeah well US isn't exactly the most bright country in the world
@USCAN14 so i can understand calculus at 16 but not sex. It is just sex dude. Have it and get over with it. Why are you people so sensitive
I think 16 is the best law
who else was brought here randomly by the youtube algorithm
i was originally looking for pc builds in 2019.
If it's an algorithm it can't be random, can it? It must have some computery basis in relevance, however crude, literal or technical.
damn
One of your best videos! Thank you for all of them and all your hard work!
The age of consent in most parts of the world is 14 15 and 16. In most parts of the world it is legal to be with a person that is 14 15 and 16.
I love the way you answered this question.
One thing I would have liked to be addressed was... there is a huge difference between two underaged people exploring their bodies together vs an adult preying on an underaged person sexually.
Yes the difference is one is icky and creepy so we call it "preying", while the other is objectively more dangerous but not icky or creepy so we turn a blind eye.
@@Dennis-nc3vw Adults preying on children sexually is objectively more dangerous. But sure, go on caping for child abuse. Seriously, wtf is wrong with you.
@@Dennis-nc3vw 2 kids having sex consensually is worse than a fucking old ass dude.Jesus fucking Christ dude.
@@Dennis-nc3vw Also how is two teens having sex more dangerous than a fucking old ass boomer.
Exactly, it’s 100% innate and normal! As far as age gaps? No it isn’t normal to prey on someone much younger.
Totally off topic but if you watch this video with the sound off it looks as though you're getting a lectured for something you've done wrong lol
Don't get me wrong this girl is great and I'm glad she does her videos, but I felt like I was in trouble with the sound off
Okay. Dr doe, did the fruit roll up get stuck on your partner or in you? how did you resolve that situation?
It was solved with oral
it's worth mentioning that you should do further research on your location's specific laws regarding this, as the map at 0:40 is rather limited, and many places actually have surprisingly complex regulations for this.
As an example my own country (argentina) is shown as 13, while the law _technically_ allows this there are restrictions that seem to be kept vague on purpose (it's something like "as long as the other party is not taking advantage of superior age or denpendency relation to extort or otherwise coerce" or something like that), the age of, let's say "full" consent legally is 16, but this isn't very well known among the population and most believe it to be 18.
Brazil has a similar case though I don't know the specifics, I think 14 and up is allowed as long as there isn't more than 5 years of difference with your partner, 16 is the age of "full" consent.
And lastly keep in mind that the map only shows laws at national level (except the US and australia, which have their subdivisions shown because they get special treatment), and countries often have these as a baseline but with tighter regional laws added on top, an example I know of being japan, while nationally it's listed as 13, laws for each prefecture (equivalent to states/provinces/counties/etc) override the national laws so it's actually 18 in most places.
I met my true love at high school i was 15 and she 13 at the time and i was madly in love with her. I had strong emotional feelings for her and found her very sexually attractive at the sametime. She was just all round divine, she was so special to me i was scared to touch her most the time for fear of spoiling anything about her.
I knew i had strong feelings for her and it was real love, because before this i was already highly sexually active, trying hard to be like my mates, chasing after girls in my own year, chatting up this one girl in science all the time, id never been attracted to anyone younger than myself, it was always ones in my own year and older, and a couple of teachers. Then i met my true love and my mentality changed.
I truly wanted to get to know her and when we hung out after school i wouldnt spit or swear arnd her, i just wanted to like show her i was a good person. I was often scared of us hanging out after school (we would hang arnd the Asda Walmart/Supermarket) for fear of someone who knew me, spotting me with her, or at school i would purposefully ignore her because deep down i was shit-scarred my mates would rip the piss out of me and call me a cradle snatcher, and i was scared of getting into trouble with teachers and basically the whole school finding out, because of the whole age of consent thing.
I always planned to wait until she was 16, but things never worked out i screwed it all up tbh. Funny how as kids you have all these insecurities, i just regret not even telling my best friend, or someone in my family of my feelings for her, to help give me a better understanding of it all.
I just think overall i found it waay too early in life, i remember once we were walking back across the bridge after school (cause she had to be in by 8:30) and telling her one day she will meet people and want to go out and do stuff, dont know why i even said that, i guess it was my own stupid way of trying to find out if her feelings for me were as strong as my own. I should have just gone with it, followed my heart all that. But i know i would have waited, it was more than sexual desire i felt for her, i really did care about her. That was a good 17 years ago, seen her on FB and shes moved on now, but funny enough i found out the guy shes in a relationship looks alittle similar to myself, so i was the bluprint or something i dont know how to feel about that.
Maybe she still in love with u
@@Mope333 Nah she's gone moved on now, it's such a precious time in your teens that you can have those strong feelings. I should have fully acted on mine and just followed my heart and gone for it, cause they just won't wait around forever,
I've always wondered about this subject, specially the part about people of close age having sex even tho they are both under the age of consent. Also, i'm taking fruit roll up bj off of my "list" so double thanks.
+
Funny I just added that one. 😁
I'm you 69th like, i feel special :)
The issue not addressed here is that age of consent laws exist primarily to stop youth from being taken advantage of by adults.
She literally said that in the first English law about it
How do I request to view an advertisement for your feed - or how do I indicate I want to see ads on vids I what too see supported
I'm 38 years old I haven't met an adult yet that has cognitive Competence. A smart human being the concept is laughable.
It's a balancing act between youth rights and protectionism. The question is whether that balance has been struck optimally in a given jurisdiction. What's missing from this video is the fact that ages of consent have never been based on science. They were originally about protecting the prized commodity of female virginity and subsequently came to be about prohibiting acts deemed unholy. Consent only became a relevant ingredient in the second half of the 20th century, long after the thresholds had been set in stone. The notion of informed consent is a welcome and crucial addition to the mix, but just as important is to avoid 'reverse engineering' ages of consent to infer that these purely legal thresholds have any bearing on biological capacity to consent.
A lot of what Dr Doe says towards the end of her video pertains to knowledge rather than psychological maturity. Minors are denied knowledge, often within the compass of abstinence-based sex education, and then their ignorance is dressed up euphemistically as innocence and touted as evidence of their incapacity. Some even argue that the age of consent should be 25 because the brain doesn't stop maturing until the mid 20s. However, it's not clear why complete maturation should be necessary for consent. Certainly, we contradict ourselves on children's psychological development, as ages of criminal responsibility are usually far lower than ages of consent. For example, the age of consent in Tennessee is 18 but the age of criminal responsibility is 7. So a child of 7 is deemed sufficiently mature to understand the nature and consequences of his/her actions, but it's another 11 years until he/she is deemed sufficiently mature to understand the nature and consequences of his/her actions if they pertain to sexual expression. This smacks of special pleading.
As for close-in-age exemptions, they undermine the current standard rationale for age of consent laws, because they render capacity to consent contingent upon the chronological age of one's chosen partner rather than one's psychological development.
The bottom line is that society is muddled on this issue and fails to avoid spouting ipse dixits drawn from folk knowledge rather than scientific knowledge. The science on minors' capacity to consent (e.g. the Alderson studies) undermines our current thresholds. See Matthew Waites' excellent 2005 book on the subject.
@revilo178 I'm tempted to include the power gap argument in the ipse dixit category, because it's not clear that the received notion of the power differential is unassailable and uniformly applicable to all adult-minor interactions. Bearing in mind that cl0se-in-age exemptions necessarily apply only to older minors, is it conceivable that the imbalance of power could in some cases be skewed towards the minor, particularly in a culture in which there is considerable hysteria over adult attraction to and involvement with minors? For example, a sexually aware, confident girl could seduce or blackmail a man into a relationship (or into continuing a relationship) with her. Given that it would only take her testimony to ruin his life, he'd be in a tight situation. This is not to deny that a power differential exists between many adults and minors, but I think it's reasonable to question whether the received notion is unassailable and universally applicable.
Incidentally, the power gap argument does provide a possible rationale for cl0se-in-age exemptions, but doesn't undermine my point about cl0se-in-age exemptions undermining the current standard rationale for age of c0nsent laws, which is that children under an arbitrarily selected threshold aren't capable of giving informed c0nsent. Even if we take the received notion of adult-minor power gaps to be unassailable and uniformly applicable, it is still the case that a cl0se-in-age exemption suggests that a 15yo is deemed capable of informed c0nsent if her partner is 18, but not if her partner is 20.
@revilo178 “the law cannot deal in absolutely valid principles”
Agreed. A one-size-fits-all approach is the most pragmatic and most enforceable. To my way of thinking, cl0se-in-age exemptions are a step away from the one-size-fits-all approach and consequently serve to acknowledge that the one-size-fits-all approach is far from optimal, at least for anything other than pragmatic reasons.
“Also, if there is a reverse power differential between minors and adults, then we should still prohibit sexual intercourse between them, for pretty much the same reasons”
Well, perhaps (I’m not fully sold on that). But by extension we might have to consider prohibiting sexual activity between people with significantly different IQs, significantly different levels of wealth, significantly different social status, and possibly even between men and women in societies that aren’t particularly egalitarian. If we were to take the argument to its logical extreme, we might even have to prohibit sexual activity between partners where one is far more emotionally involved than the other. It’s interesting that we don’t prohibit sexual activity or relationships between beautiful young women and nonagenarian multimillionaires who might not be quite so compos mentis as they once were, and yet there would seem to be at least as much potential for an imbalance of power there.
In all the above examples, we avoid imposing a one-size-fits-all prohibition and respect the quiddity of the relationships unless there is some other factor (other than an IQ number, bank balance or chronological age) indicating exploitative or abusive conduct. Which makes our protectionism in the case of sexually aware minors in mid adolescence look like special pleading.
“Here in Canada, for instance, 14 is a hard limit for sexual acts - someone is under 14, any such act is absolutely forbidden. Between 14 and 16, on the other hand, it is only forbitten to people over 19. So 14 and 15 y/o are presumed able to c0nsent in that limited capacity which I've described.”
Yes, the binary can/can’t is a construct of the legal threshold and doesn’t reflect underlying biological capacity, which will be gradational in its development and attained by different individuals at different chronological ages. I understand the idea of ‘limited capacity’, but not how it’s acknowledged or treated through the cl0se-in-age exemptions. It strikes me as more logical to argue that partial capacity to c0nsent should limit the type of activities engaged in rather than the person with whom those activities are engaged in. Similar logic was deployed by campaigners seeking parity in ages of c0nsent for homosexual sexual activity, as the previous disparity suggested that one’s capacity to c0nsent was contingent upon some characteristic of one’s chosen partner (here, biological sex rather than chronological age) rather than one’s own stage of maturation.
In other words, I can accept that ‘limited capacity’ might necessitate limits, but disagree that those limits necessarily apply to the chronological age of one’s chosen partner. In that regard, I’d also like to suggest that it’s not clear that sexual interaction between a 15yo girl and a 19yo man will always be more salubrious than sexual interaction between a 15yo girl and a 40yo man. It’s at least conceivable that the 19yo might be less mature, more hormonal, more reckless, more averse to attachment, more likely to treat her as another notch on the bedpost, etc. Which leaves the cl0se-in-age exemption vulnerable to the charge of arbitrariness.
@revilo178 Based on our discussion above, I thought you might find the following interesting, which I've also commented separately under this video.
The latest study by Bruce Rind (November 2021) undermines the rationale for close-in-age exemptions. The following extract suggests that society ought to view minor-adult encounters _more_ optimistically than close-in-age encounters:
"It was of interest to assess whether minors involved with older minors reacted more favorably (i.e., less negatively, more positively) than minors involved with adults. For reactions at the time, boys having an adult partner reacted more favorably than boys having an older minor partner, χ2 (2)=6.69, p < 0.05. In post hoc analysis, boys with adults reacted negatively at the time (9.8%) significantly less often than boys with older minors (28.6%). They also reacted positively at the time more often than boys with older minors (83.0% vs. 66.7%), although this difference was not significant. For reactions in retrospect for boys, no association occurred between older partner age group (minor under 18 vs. adult 18 and over) and reactions, χ2 (2)=0.00.
For girls for reactions at the time, no association occurred between older partner age group and reactions, χ2 (2)=3.39, p>0.10. On the other hand, for reactions in retrospect, a marginally significant association did occur, χ2 (2)=5.51, p=0.06, in which girls involved with adults reacted negatively significantly _less_ often (34.0%) than girls involved with older minors (52.8%) in post hoc analysis. They also reacted positively more often (42.4% vs. 27.8%, respectively), although this difference did not reach significance.
In short, for both boys and girls, sexual involvement with older-aged minors compared to adults was not associated with any kind of more favorable reaction. In half the analyses, relations with adults were significantly more favorable."
@revilo178 "Young teenagers may still regard adults as authorities, or be swayed by their purported experience and knowledge of life."
You really have not met many teenagers, have you?
Also, would you accept that minors who commit crimes should get different penalties based on whether they commit them with an adult accomplice? I very much doubt it. Either they are old enough to be accountable for their decisions or they aren't.
@@AM_o2000 Thank you. For 99% of human history if you said the best way to deal with a 15 year old girl's immaturity is to give her an immature male partner, people would laugh in your face and assume you are joking. If you step out of the modern cultural mindset that stance just defies common sense. And we tend to think the younger people are, the more pure and innocent they are, but in reality the opposite is true. Studies show that the age at which a male is most likely to hit his partner is 16 years old. Yes, you read that right.
On the flip side, I have seen studies that show relationship with age gaps tend to have much less a chance of success.
I really liked this video, I'm especially intrigued at the charge of the % of people who have had sex by ages. I feel like sex is something you really need a partner that can be patient with you through it. When you're young you have too many hormones involved and as you stated, you can't think creatively and critically. The girl I lost my virginity with we just did a lot of foreplay before hand and didn't even go to sex right away. Even right before we actually had sex, she even said, "Are you sure you're ready for this?" which.. I admit is a bit of a turn off at the time but I think for your first time you need someone who has patience and the ability to think clearly in a situation that is easy to rush through without a second thought.
2:09 The reason we cannot cater to kids by reducing the age of consent is also based on scientific research which says the prefrontal cortex of a 16 year old is not fully developed for them to able to make sound decisions. So you may want to not have “mixed thoughts” about that.
Nor is the prefrontal cortex of an 18 year old. And wisdom is never fully developed. But its been shown 14/15 year olds make decisions at adult levels.
Looking at comments here, I'm noticing a serious and a comical set of background missing.
Serious side, back before the Vietnam military draft, that pressured lowering majority from 21 to 18 in most US states, ages of consent among US states were rarely if ever 18, and often 14-17 with some conditions for lower. The shift in age of majority dropping attracted some legislatures to raise age of consent, which for legal theory if viewed through insane narrow blinders makes perfect sense, even if very wrong in civil rights terms (but noting some states banned all unmarried sex, and made gays unable to marry. nb: Dale Carpenter's analysis of Lawrence v Texas, "Flagrant Conduct" etc, about the major corruption to what we call a justice process.)
Does all that mess make any more sense, after viewing the Garfunkel and Oates videos, "The Loophole", and "Sex with Ducks"? Sadly, those songs aren't abstract humor, but based on real history of sex-negative abusive institutions and powers. Add an optional garnish of Eric Idle's "The FCC Song". Idle's song (Monty Python principal) appears in an actual FCC formal legal Rulemaking Proceeding comment on religious biases in what need to be treated as illegal censorship regulations and law from Congress driving them, compounded by SCOTUS frauds.
You definitely discuss very accurately a number of sexual topics that are rarely addressed in depth. The most impressive thing to me, though, is how you deliver concise, thoughtful intercourse (the verbal kind) in such rapid fire fashion! Surely you use a teleprompter or something similar?
What if all partners are below age of consent? I thought consent laws were related more to age difference.
They are mostly to keep young adults from cruising the local H.S.
@@cleverusernamenexttime2779 but yet 16 is the age of consent
@@Mope333 until you are 20. Trust me. And then only with parental permission. I know a few guys who landed on the sex offender registry because they turned 18 first and their girlfriend's parents pressed charges.
One was my wife's cousin. Girls mom filed a complaint. He got stuck with a sexual misconduct with a minor charge. Has to register. He was 18. She was 16. They are married now.
@@cleverusernamenexttime2779 that’s all they could put, couldn’t say it was statutory rape lol. I know guys that was 20 in H.S. They put you out until you turn 21 tho
@@Mope333 doesn't matter what they put on the charge. He still is a registered sex offender. While doing nothing wrong.
That was... really thoughtfully handled. Thanks, Lindsay.
In Dutchland the age of consent is 12. Not 18 as stated in your map.
And Belgium that you have marked in Grey. It's 16. Same as here in Norway. This was a simple case of googleing. Perhaps you should do your homework?
?? in germany its 14, 16 and 18
I'm curious about the 1/2 your age plus 7 rule. Is there something deeper going on, or is it relatively "arbitrary?" I've been doing some digging around looking for information about couples with large age gaps. There are some clear themes but generally everything seems anecdotal and the demographic pretty narrow; not to mention the the stigmas. Is there any deeper research into these types of relationships? Where can one look to find it?
It came from an XKCD comic, and is completely arbitrary. There is nothing wrong with consenting adults with huge age gaps, having a sexual relationship. If you are a young male, it may be the easiest way for you to get laid, to intentionally go after cougars who can't get attention from men their own age.
Michigan is 16 years old not 15
3:32
I don't really know what to do?!
if you can give some ideas! please do?!
I'm just glad I waited til I was much older out of high school. Sex is complex, there are still things about sex that I have yet to explore and understand, psychologically and physically. I know some people are just ready earlier in life, but I can't imagine my 16yr old self to even process it all. Especially when I was raised catholic and feeling dirty because I had the urge to masterbate. Even after masterbating I'd feel dirty and guilty. I can't even imagine my 16yr old self dealing with the catholic guilt of actually having sex.
1:39 Somehow that chart doesnot match with my experiences at my country nor my image of teenhood at the U.S. Somehow I expected the barrs to reach like 85%~90% by 18 years or so... Anyone had that expectation too?
Age of consent laws, weather they're "Right" or "Wrong" fundamentally take away someone's right to choose what they wish to do or not do with their own body. That's not something I'm comfortable saying is ever okay. Consent is a right one that's restricted too often anyway. That someone else's actions make you uncomfortable isn't actually a good reason to ban consent (see: queer rights). As for 'these people can't think right': we've seen similar laws limiting the rights of other groups (notably, neuroatypical ppl) justified in the same way.
this is a very good point, but such consent laws also protect minors when abuse happens, so people purposefully harming minors with statutory rape will actually get punished.
I get what you're saying, but a) we do restrict certain rights to do certain things (e.g. drive under the influence) if we have scientific evidence to suggest that a person's decision making is systematically and unusually impaired (not just for "moral" reasons) and it can be argued that the hormonal cocktail that our brains receive during puberty opperates along those lines.
b) We often restrict access to certain things, not based on cognitive deficiency, but lack of experience. For instance, we're not allowed to drive a car alone without sufficient driving lessons. It can be argued that a certain level of experience, both in terms of our own experience about our own body & sexuality as well as experience about social interactions & risks in the context of sexuality, only accumulate with sufficient age.
c) Both a lack of experience AND the life circumstances of an underaged person (e.g. still being legally&economically dependent on parents, being tied to one specific school/community, not having the freedoms of a legal adult etc) make them vulnerable to manipulation and exploitation by those who have more experience & may prey on the social & emotional vulnerability of young people.
d) Obviously, these laws are supposed to protect against harmful behaviour and, from the perspective of the young person, protect them against harm. Since that is the ultimate purpose behind the law, and while the law has to be rather broad and cannot make a claim for every specific case, obviously violations of the law involving harm or intentional manipulation should lead to more severe punishments than the cases that violate the law but do not involve outright harm. In the latter case, it may sometimes be a matter of "punishment because the law is the law", but that's how laws work pragmatically: Some people can probably drive home drunk and don't hurt anybody, but the risk is still there and the law sometimes has to operate on probabilities.
+oftheFence Of course, if that were the real reason for age of consent laws, shouldn't they be closer to age 25 instead of only 18 (or 16)?
I think age laws dont just protect people from issues of consent but also issues of manipulation.
+IceMetalPunk just because the brain may not be completely finished developing until that age doesn't mean we lack maturity and decision making skills all the way up to that point. These things are gradual, and in early teen-hood many decisions we make are heavily influenced, uninformed, and made on a whim.
Sex-positive education of Soc/Psych professionals, and preachers and lawyers, is sadly missing from too many colleges and grad schools, and only getting worse as many of those tax fraud institutions shift towards being more like PACs (political action committees), than educators.
One resource that could get useful attention is the Psych textbook Paul Okami published before his retirement from Widener, notably the only 4-S accredited university East of the Mississippi. That position was also where Dr. Okami completed the only longitudinal studies on nudist raised kids, and various sexuality development, which he started when teaching in California. Those studies showed how common illusions our society pretends protect minors or social norms of shame and fear based religion, actually stunt developmental maturity by an average of 18 months by mid teens.
very difficult topic.
Great video, you really put a great deal of thought to this.
Keep up the good work Dr. Doe! :D
Can we change it to 30?
Good luck with that.
why?
+TGPAdm I realize it wouldn't help things in reality but in theory to allow more stable families and home lives for children by having older more established parents. I was a father at 17 and I can't tell you how much I wished I'd waited till I was thirty. Which is what I tell my daughter now. Finish school save some money then have kids when she's ready.
Brian TX it would create totally fucked up parents, lol
+Brian TX what about people who feel like they're ready for a family before 30? or people who want to enjoy sex but are mature enough to use contraception? should we just imprison them?
I looked up the age of consent laws for my state and it states: "The age of consent is raised to 18 if the victim is ""of a chaste life"" and the offender induces them to have sexual intercourse." what does "of a chaste life" mean? Is this bringing into question my religious affiliation? Does this imply that those who are not "chaste" do not deserve the same protection?
Funny enough I became of consenting age when this video was released
this is all the sexual advice you need for life..... "do as you please and make sure no one see's, and you can have sex at any age you like"
Seeing is only part, talking is another important part 🤷♂️
IMO, 17 should be legal. 16 should be a misdemeanor and not get you on the sex offender registry or prison time, at least for a first offense. 15 and below should be felony. 13 - 12 should be treated akin to violent rape. 11 and under should get you put away for decades.
Nope make it 18+
@@TehRodane Nope, 21+
@@Mope333 So you believe you should be able to go to war before you can f***?
@@TehRodane So you believe you're ready to go to war the same year you can f*** without being considered a rape victim?
The problem with what you stated is many states don’t have close in àge exceptíons. So it’s the tèéns themselves that become both the victím and øffender for the same consensuał act.
Did you know about half of all teens have admitted to s3xting? That means they are guilty of a very seríous críme the way our laws are currently written. The truth is the tèéns are not wrong, the laws are and need to be changed (to not be able to target the tèéns themselves)
Lindsey, please make more videos about the age of consent and statutory rape laws/consequences. It is hard for a teenager or young adult to understand that even if both parties agree that it is "consensual" and even if both parents "give consent" that a crime may have still been committed. It is even harder for them to fully appreciate the consequences of these actions. Not just the possible jail time, but the stigma attached to the sex offender label, loss of (possibly all) gainful employment opportunities, the anxiety and isolation, and the chance of being convicted with a felony and then having to register as a sex offender for life if one of the 100+ small details of the sex offender registry paperwork isn't filled out correctly or on time. These issues also extend to the partner and any future partners of the convicted person in ways they won't be able to anticipate. The whole topic deserves its own channel. I might have to make one.
I had sex way before I was ready. I was 13 and performed and received cinilingus with another girl. It took me years to get over it. However, now I channel that into a love for sexual education, and a fairly substantial sex toy collection. It's a lot easier to manage.
Erm "cunninglingus"? Now thats a word i've not heard in a long time.
For me the opposite was true, I started earlier but have only positive memories (that is until marriage, where it went downhill fast, ironically where those are the only negative memories).
Off topic but I just noticed, is your bookshelf organized by color ?
True Fact
If you don’t tell kids about sex they are more likely to have underage sex
When I was 39, a 20 year old female I worked with asked me out on a date. I really liked her but stupid me said no because of age difference. I’m religious but try not to be a prude and I think some churches are too conservative. Would there have been anything wrong with me dating her if we kept our clothes on? I soon fell in love with her but we never dated. She moved 1000 miles away after a year. I found her on Facebook when she was 26 and when she was 29 I started pursuing her. We texted every day for a year and she then fell in love with me. We talked about one of us moving so we could date but that fell apart after a while. Several months later she revealed she was dating another guy and then she completely dumped me three weeks later on January 3rd 2017. I dearly deeply love her and I still cry about her now and then.
Boyd W I'm a woman and I've always been attracted to older guys and I've always thought that guys start being sexy at around 40, so I could see my 20 year old self being attracted to a 39 year old guy, but if you're looking for a life long relationship, a 19 year difference could really become an issue in your elder years as one person becomes a senior and the other is still relatively young. It's probably best to be within 10 years for a lifelong relationship.
Age of consent laws must be applied creatively and with the idea strongly in mind that each situation is different. Two fourteen year olds madly in love is not the same situation as a pedophile raping children, and that must be reflected in the application of the applicable laws.
I agree to a point. But it's impractical to try to tailor the laws to each individual situation....it can't really be done. So, the state sets arbitrary ages, just like they do with who can buy alcohol or tobacco or when someone can drive a car. The courts wouldn't have enough time to hear all the cases if it was done on a case by case basis....but, judges do have some discretion in these matters.
@@tidefanyankee2428 LMAO it's really not hard to differentiate between two 14 year olds, and an adult and a 14 year old.
@@corinnegermanotta3590 I don't disagree. All I'm saying is, the state sets an age, that's it. Comparing 14 year old's to adults is taking it to the extreme. The basis of the consent laws is to protect the young and inexperienced from the older, more experienced. That's it in a nutshell.
@@tidefanyankee2428 Why is older and more experienced a bad thing? That's like saying it's okay to perform neuro-surgery when you're drunk, but only if the patient is drunk too when he agrees to the surgery. It sounds like you don't care about "the children" and just want an excuse to throw older men in jail for being "icky" and "creepy." Two 14 years olds doing it is objectively worse in many ways.
@@Dennis-nc3vw No, it's not like saying it's OK to do surgery when you're drunk but only if the patient is drunk too and when he agrees to the surgery". Being drunk is a temporary, unnatural state.....and a choice. Being young and inexperienced while temporary, takes a much longer time to fix, to gain the experience needed to make a decision about having sex. Both 14 year old's are BOTH 14. A 35 year old man bedding a 14 year old girl is "creepy". I don't want older, more experienced men, or women preying on younger, much less experienced individuals. The potential for exploitation is far too high. A 14 year old today doesn't begin to have the life experience to deal with someone who's several years or more older then them. There is a HUGE difference between a 14/15 year old and a 20/21 year old. But there is much less difference between a 20/21 year old and a 30 year old. Time is the teacher.
"Age of consent" is something lots of cowards use to delegitimize relationships with large age gaps when they're not brave enough to admit that's their real issue. When an 18 or 19 year old waits for his who he met at 16 to come of age, not only do we not find that creepy, we are blown away by his restraint and applaud him. Someone older does the same thing, they're considered a creep and predator.
There should be an age of consent, but we should also concern ourselves with teens engaging with each other if we are concerned about them engaging with "adults." Teen pregnancies were almost 50% higher in 1990 because the media promoted teenage promiscuity as cool.
Abolish the age of consent, only because i don't like it.
This world must be adjusted to me.
Or raise it to be only at marriage, just because that’s what I feel and the world revolves around me.
I shouldnt laugh so much with the "food play" 😂😂😂
I was 15 when I had sex with my boyfriend who was 25. It's my body my choice to who have sex with. Currently I am 22 and still with my boyfriend who's 32.
If you gonna date someone older is my tip max 10 years older than you. You don't want to date someone who looks like your grandpa.
If you don't know. We women mature faster than men at a smaller age. Women at 18 know what they want.
Your body, your choice. BUT:
1) That choice is constrained, because a 15-year-old who prefers someone her own age won't have to worry about her partner's life being ruined by a prison sentence followed by decades on the sex offenders' register. (Of course, the choice is only constrained if the 15-year-old actually cares what happens to her partner.)
2) If you believe in the 'my body, my choice' principle, then why say 'maximum 10 years older'? If a 15-year-old wants to be intimate with a 50-year-old man, her body, her choice.
@@AM_o2000 But constrained not by her choice.
@@mito88 Yes, that was the point I was making.
btw shes from poland, aoc is 15 there with no close-in-age law
@@AdolfHitler-lk4vo alexandria ocasio-cortez
Great video! To the point and informative. Love you Dr.Doe!