This just happened to our friend. He called and begged for help. We dropped everything. But when we got there? The grown 40 year old son has barricaded his father, our friend in his home and it was locked up tight. We had to call the sheriff. They were able to break in. My friend was 65, disabled; immobile and had been in his bed so long he was stuck to his sheets. They arrested his son for elder abuse. While handcuffing him they seized drugs, meth. My friend was sent to the hospital, became sepsi, and admitted to icu. He was sent back home 4 days later under hospice care. He died 10 hours later. He has 3 older sisters who could not be here. We are helping them with arrangements and his final affairs. My husband was friends with him since 1973. Please strengthen our laws to protect the elderly. Please strengthen the laws surrounding inheritance cause the abuse was in retaliation because our friend would not fund an addiction anymore. Our friend was starved to death, never turned, never bathed and left alone alot.
@@jKLa yes, drugs were found in the room he was found in. He just kept giggling. He was initially charged with "Elder Abuse", now the authorities have also charged him with deprivation of an elder person, and imprisonment of an elderly person. He's pleaded Not Guilty. So now with backed up courts we wait. This has been so hard on everyone. Pls pray for us. Pray for everyone. This world is do evil.
@@galaxyrain8180no, it isn't. We don't have to stick around and put up with harm just because we aren't wallowing in hatred. Being full of hate is not a constructive thing!
I've adopted a new attitude. Believe it the first time they show you who they are. I will miss them, but I will not adjust my boundaries to include disrespect
I have PTSD. My daughter abused me. I'm disabled. It set me back so bad. My precious dog that always comforted me passed away. Anxiety from this is so bad. I never want to see her again. Not even when I pass.
Children don’t turn against their parents like that. You probably mistreated her when you thought you were stronger and more powerful than her when she was just a baby, now that she’s grown she decided to beat you. Nobody has hatred for their parents unless you planted that seed.
Yes I am a single mother and have 2 daughters 10 years apart !!! My first husband started devaluing me after we got married!! He was good to me before and convinced me he cared and appreciated me for who I was !!! I got married because I thought that was good for our child who was around 18 months when we got married and he was passionate before but afterwards seemed to change in fact we never consummated our wedding night or any other night after we got married it was bazaar and our marriage was really in name only he wasn’t violent but neglectful so in reality I should have and could have gotten that marriage legally annulled after I asked for a divorce he did all these legal things to protect his money which he had little of anyway!! He didn’t want to co parent which hurt our child 🧒 terribly!! He was extremely vindictive and said things to defame my character to our child!!!! She is 33 years old and ghosts me and barely communicates to me I don’t know why but the lack of compassion from her end is absolutely devastating and my worst nightmare and absolutely unjustified!!!!!
I think children who do this to their mothers have witnessed their mothers being disrespected as children . Even when we do eventually leave abusive relationships it might be too late , the damage might already be done. They’ve learned that behaviour as a small child. Society needs to stop pushing families together just for the sake of being a 2 parent family . Being healthy and not seeing abuse should be the main focus always
The Hell you can't divorce your child or grandchild! I would drop a dime in a second. No guilt, no remorse! I would rather die alone and at peace in safety than be subject to maltreatment by anyone, that includes my only child and seven grandchildren.
Well ppl always say " Oh you won't" And I say watch me. The only thing that bothers abusers is when you cut them off, they will beg on their knees and then the abuse starts again.
@@missxmarvelstudies now show that those who were abused by their parents as children are overwelmingly more likely to then abuse their once abusive parents when they grow old. This does NOT make it right as two wrongs are still two wrongs! But it should also be no surprise that this is the case. And your statement that the only thing that bothers abusers is when you cut them off is very inaccurate. Many others things can bother someone abusive or not. Abuse is always wrong but people are also abusive for many reason's. Those commonly given by non profit advocates and feminist organizations are only some of them and thus constitute false propaganda. Abuse leads to distrust and it is very understandable and often necessary to cut an abuser off. However abusers may feel terrible about there behavior which is often related to anger control and mental health issues, being very damaged people themselves. Sometimes abuse is actually mutual as well. Even if there is a primary aggressor the less dominant figure may be at times quite abusive themselves and be able to do so and bet away with it in many circumstances. Chronic conflict and fighting beteeen those who trigger and have trouble controlling themselves but know their behavior is destructive (and who do try to control it but often fail) often gets turned into a morality play of abuse and dehumanization of one party, mostly the man. Now Sociopathy and narcisism are also real (on a continuum) but those terms get misused a lot. They certainly do contribute to abuse and sometimes abuse is truly one way and there are people who do frequently act like monsters (though that isn't usually all they are). All that is true yet it is also NOT the dominate situation overall in abusive relationships, far from it in fact.
Both of my parents were abusive. They abused each other and us kids. However, when they became old and fragile we did our best to ensure that they were supported and cared for (each within our means and ability to do so). Despite this they continued to sow division among us, were unappreciative of the sacrifices we made, were critical of our efforts and nothing we did for them was ever good enough but we did our best anyway (while still caring for ourselves and our own families). There's no excuse for abuse even if you were mistreated yourself. In our case we created boundaries and did the best we could while maintaining a safe buffer zone between ourselves and our abusive parents. Those here judging and saying that the parents probably deserved it are showing what fine people they are. Not! Disgusting attitude.
The same here. We took care of them to the end despite all the bed things that happened. However, once they passed, our sibling relationship died as well. My narcissistic and abusive father made sure posthumously that nothing was left of that family:( It’s nice when you and your siblings made it through and stayed together for each other.
I am glad you managed. Agree there is no justification for abuse. I was an abused child with parents who continued to be abusive in some ways (dad had abandoned me but we were comunicating but I stoped eventually as I just couldn't take talking to him anymore). My mom had borderline personality disorder, was very loving in many ways but had also abused me growing up and could fairly often could become insufferable as well even in her later years. The truth is that I shamefully ended up becomimg an elder abuser myself to my mom, mainly as I would just loose my temper but eventually developed a pretty terible attitude as well. I don't justify any of it, though I really often did not feel in control or know what to do back then. It was just terrible all around. I did eventually reform my own behavior but it was a slow and not always linear proccess. Me and my mom did try to make up, both apologized and forgave each other with much crying involved before she passed. This is why I guess I tend to have empathy now for people in all sorts of situations acting all kinds of different ways while also calling out evil. Empathy does NOT mean justifying evil or thinking it okay, nor just letting it be, but rather empathizing and understanding of the blindness that too often plagues people, -and hopefully doing something to heal! Sometimes this does mean calling the authorities but that can also make things worse. The truth is that there is isn't always something obvious to do to help that won't likely cause even more harm. My background has also led me to be a dissident. Well, my mom was too so that helped! 😮😅 Many will hate me for all this but it is the truth as I see it and I need to be real. Part of our humanity is that we have the potential to be monster's and need to learn how not to be, -and to let God and fellow man teach us to act as angels as much as we can instead. This is core to the teaching of Christ. 🙏
I'm currently witness to a 50yr old woman verbally/ emotionally abuse her mother, in public. The daughter excuses her behaviour by saying 'she infuriates me'. Clearly the daughter is capable of being kind, she's married, she has many friends and holds down a good job. I have no respect for this woman, I'm only an acquaintance, but lord help me, I am going to say something but I know she'll take it out on her Mom. How to help the abuser see the harm they're causing?? Get her help....
What about the elderly who are disabled? There are people with disabilities who are being abused as we speak. This video doesn't cover that. I', myself, am totally blind, and I've been neglected and abused up till the age of 22. I'm now 34, and I was able to escape my life of abuse by moving to Cincinnati, however, I know that not all disabled people have the resources or abilities that I do in order to facilitate an escape plan.
Violence against mothers is on the rise due to popular psychology on the internet which encourages adult children to blame their mother for everything. There are thousands of videos on RUclips telling abusive adults that their mother is a narcissist and the cause of all their problems and single mothers get physically attacked and verbally abused. The reality is that often the child had a father who was abusive to their mother and the child inherited personality traits from him and are also influenced by his example
I’m the victim of domestic violence from husband and now my adult son is exactly doing same. I don’t want to hurt my child and never done police complaint. Later he apologised for his behaviour and after that it never happened. I don’t know the exact solution of this problem but someone must try everything possible to stop their children taking wrong road. These are mothers who always let go.
Wow AH! You just told the story of my life with my kid's dad. I wasn't attacked physically though, just emotionally tormented and neglected ( me and kids). I can remember his big fat evil mouth! And my daughter is just like him. She has no heart! I have been out from CA to help her for two years. And the minute I tell her she's over reacting to small things, " (a real drama, drama queen) or to seek therapy, she starts the discarding and now ghosting me. This happened all last week. I don't think her husband truly understands what a cold, selfish person she is. She wanted to fight me, her elderly mother when I very calmly tried to explain to her that as a nurse she appears to be over reacting to too many things. (After observing her for 2 years and being there often to help with my grandson). She doesn't want to hear it. When did observation and sharing between mother and daughter become a crime?
Thats an inaccurate statement, "the reality is...", and verges on bias, misandry and a victim mentality which continues to minimize the severity of abuse towards men also. You have no idea of others' circumstances. Once again, another person who minimizes those 'thousands' of people saying this is happening to them by female abusers. This happens to men way too often as well .. it's absolutely relevant for fathers who are being abused by their children because of parental alienation. This is a non gender specific problem, and the legal system is only just now beginning to recognize this, although social norms and unhealthy stereotype perceptions have a long way to go. It's folk who make this gender specific that cause harm not only to the alienated parent but more importantly to the child .. and it has got to STOP!
My mom is being Elder Abused as we speak. My younger sister and her husband and baby have moved into her home and stolen the whole house putting mom in the downstairs guest room. They control all aspects of her life and even stole moms bedroom… It has been months since my son (her 1st born grandson) has seen his gramma, I have not seen mom since Nov 2021. She is so abused she is in extreme denial.
I feel helpless going through emotional, verbal abuse by my Only son. There's guilt, fear, shame and everything expressed in this video. There's no one who can help me. I am depressed coz in India adult children live with their parents so there is no escape for me.
so sorry you are going through this. I know it is shameful. However sum up courage to get some activity going outside of your home! For example, I have adult children living with me , but I volunteer in my church, I go out for lunch and travel with friends! I enjoy reading and cooking and my hobby is exercise, cooking and skincare aromatherapy.
I am going through this now with a family member. I had to influence this person to put the law in. It's hard but if you have to call the police 50 times a day then do so ..please.
It is so sad! For parent that is a victim of narcissistic abuse because the kids often turn against the abused parent. And the narcissist doesn’t remember what they say or do because it’s a desperate need for them. I told my daughter and son n law to seek therapy. They think I’m crazy!
I've been abused my hole life it occurred not causs I was bad to him but because it was the ripple effects of my own mother's abuse of me I went on to meet a mán who abused me and taught my son to do same
"for women to cope with..." .. and for men to cope with .. please don't invalidate us, it's just as hard, we need to be fully included in this please, by all in the video, not just by some (and thank you for those who acknowledged it is abuse towards dad as well as mum
They aren't talking about father's it's about mother's and grandmother's. The maternal bond with a mother is different then a father's. You didn't carry the child in the womb. The video isn't about father's or other family members.
My 19 year old son stood over me laughing at me and mimicking me while i clutched my chest begging for my heart meds. Ive had a heart bypass and would have had 15+ years of good life, but after abuse from him every day from coming out of hospital i now feel so ill, and have gone from walking 5 mile a day to walking a few steps a month before i get heart pains. He has no feelings, even saying to his mum, call be when hes dead and apologize to me for defending him. All because i was looking after him while he had the flu and asked him to rest and didnt want him on his phone. Hes been my life for almost 20 years and last night his mum had to kick him out to save me, now i wake up feeling like someone died, you know the first few seconds after you wake and think something has changed.
When you do report them, you get the blame, the police call you vindictive and others criticise you and what to know how you can do that to an adult child, that you are in the wrong not the adult child, even when they have busted you financially, damaged your property, trespassed, threaten to harm you animals, verbal abuse, stole property, stole out of your bank account. There’s nothing the police will do.
Tell me about it. I would dial 911 for help and the police wouldn't even show up! They said I called too many times and needed to get a restraining order.
That’s awful. Can she be placed in reform school? When my daughter misbehaved at age 13/14, she later told. me I should of put her in reform school. I should of. She still doesn’t listen to me today.
@@shirleymccowan7402 I was a very disobedient child. It was because my mother and father did not parent me correctly. They lacked in responsible nurturing and guidance. It's usually the parents fault. Too much of something in One direction or the other is usually the reason.
@@magriffing3497 Yes. I have been reading on the effects f lack of responsible nurturing and guidance. And the effects of a lack of awareness related to depression. I was kind of depressed when I was bringing up my kids (3 kids). But I believe most of it was because I had no emotional support and was concurrently emotionally abused by their dad was a narcissist from what I have been learning. I’m suffering at the hands of my only daughter who is so cold to me. And I compared her behavior also to the DSM criteria for narcissist also. I am concerned about my grandson’s mental health. And when I asked her to go get a evaluation from a psychologist and she said I was out of place.So now I am very worried. Though God said I should leave all in his hands.
This is great information sharing. Can we get some zoom meetings going on this? I have great concern because I was emotionally abused, sexually neglected and tormented, and financially cheated by my kids dad. He has all of the 9 characteristics of a narcissist from what I have seen on RUclips. This is very disturbing to me as I am a nurse because there is not enough information out there. And, had I not been searching for answers on RUclips to explain my oldest son's complaints and behavior, I would not of even figured it out. I'm 65 years old. I stayed at home when the kids were young, but all along their dad was beating me down little by little every time he came home in between cheating! And now, my daughter triggers me too often. As of today she didn't want me to visit my grandson because I confronted her with her bad behavior and told her I wasn't gonna be treated like a rug to be walked on and disrespected. And told her she has been very hurtful to me and her brothers and to stop it. It's a honest to goodness mess!
Shirley...trust me... you're in over your head. Find a counselor, now, who really gets Narcissism, because it's far too twisted for regular folks to even rap their heads around. Go.
@@DC-kx1qj You are correct. Since I last posted that comment I have found a couple of therapists. I never thought I could handle it alone. And my sons who are also victims of the emotional abuse by my daughter agree. Narcissistic behavior appears to be very common. Theses days. Maybe for a long time. Not sure. Too much, anyway.
@@DC-kx1qj I never sought to diagnose as much as to understand and somehow help my family be healthier where possible. At this point almost a year later, my daughter can’t see anything anyone says to her because of her need to protect herself. I get it.
What is so utterly terrifying to me, other than all the far too common horror stories, is that A DOG has way more LEGAL PROTECTION than I will as an older adult. 😢
This is a good video. If it was what I had asked for. I did not ask for young children being abusive to their grandmother. I asked for what to do with adult children who are abusive.
"For women to cope with"?! So what about the fathers? It's also very hard for fathers to cope with. Please dont invalidate abused fathers, or further enable the abuse by making it gender specific. Thank you.
My brother is on drugs and abuses my mom and I. My mom isn't going enough, she won't let go off him. I'm so stressed, I feel trapped. I feel like my mom is failing me.
I'm a parent of 4 adult children. And, I was not a perfect parent when they were growing up. Who is? We can put the blame on the parents( I did that befor I had my own children. I blamed my narcissist father and my door mat mom for my problems) but you know... We all know what's right and wrong. We all know the proper ways to treat other people. We have to take some responsibility for our own behavior at some point. That's what has happened in this world. We are all blaming every one else for our down falls. As an adult we need to make choices and changes that will help us not to follow our parents path. I watched my aunt mentally abuse my grand parents for years. God only knows what happened when I wasn't there. She knew better to talk to them and say the things she said. But did it any way I told her more often than not.. To grow up and stop acting like the little brat she was raised as. She had the power to act as an adult and make the right choices in caring for my grandma and grandpa. She was a bully plane and simple. Once they passed on, I stopped having anything to do with her. If there is a family function I don't interact with her in ant manor. Now she is abusing her husband and any one who gets involved with her. I kept my children away from her when they were little and when they became adults I explained why I never talk to her. I also admit to my kids that I'm human and made mistakes when they were young But I'm trying to Learn. That I have control of myself. That the choices I make in life at 58 years old are my responsibility. I'm hoping my kids will learn from my experience. And not become the abusers that my husband was and dad and my aunt. Be responsible for you own words and actions in all aspects of life.
It’s fine too far and everytime I try to call the police all my family advises against it . They don’t know how scared I am . And they only see one side of her. She’s a monster with me and today she threw her phone so hard at me that when I blocked it with my wrist, it bruised me. It was headed toward my face. She’s 18 still on Highschool, doesn’t drive, barely works, smokes weed all day and watches tik tok.
You need to do something. My sister waited years for her daughter to get out of the hormonal teenage phase, hoping her aggression would run out of steam. Still waiting...
We are going through this right now, we have a meeting with APS (adult protective services) in 2 days. Our situation is isolation and financial, as well as with holding basic needs. Mom covered up and explained away for 3 yrs, now we know the truth. It was extremely difficult for her to admit that her son would do this.
I believe karma is going to be hitting my sister-in-law soon. She's been abusing my mother-in-law for years (financially and emotionally). My mother-in-law is now in a much better situation; and may now be able to regain control of her life. If she takes the action to protect herself financially from her daughter, I'll provide a full background of what's happened and how/why it could happen now. I don't want to say more currently, in the off chance sister-in-law sees this post (she is evil and vindictive).
I am trying to write a book to help children before they become abused. Depressed. Unhealthy from the abuse sustained from a parent . All the services available now are useful in identifying problems after the abuse to children when they suffer mental illness. What about prevention? How can that be done?. I would like your opinions. Thank you.
No, parents who abused their adult children don't deserve to then be abused by them just because they were once abusive. No one should be abused. In the west we have commen false beliefs that that one is EITHER a victim or an abuser within a given relationship, that abuse is always about power or "narcisism" and that any talk of an abuser also being mistreated by those they mistreat is a wrongful distraction and false justification. But many relationships are abusive both ways, though others do fit the common belief system. It all depends. The common western beliefs on this issue are sheer nonsence however!!! The truth is that being abused while abusing even within a relationship are NOT mutually exclusive categories. One can empathize with the desperation and inability to cope some abusers may be be feeling without justifying their abuse. Abuse is always wrong however! Also it's very important to remember that some situations DO involve more soeopathy or narcisism however, or may be basically or even totally one sided, -so it all depends on the particulars. One size fits all "solutions" from experts of any persuasion have the potential to do more harm then good.
You can't negotiate with a narcissist!!! That being said, my daughter is the abuser in my situation and has been for over 20 years. My oldest granddaughter has moved in with me as I was living on my own and she sticks up for me, which makes me feel like I have support. Because the abuse has been so long term I am worn to the point where I feel I have lost myself. Perhaps now is the time to get professional counselling as my wonderful granddaughter wants to do this journey together.
I taught my children that the only one I trust outside this house is You. They're grown now. They saw me with my mom. She was a mean emotional damning woman. She &my oldest brother were so enmeshed that it was hard to tell where one ended & the other began. We had protective services have them check on her too many times. They're gone now. Yet it was sad to watch.
My son 30 refuses to move out of our house. My husband 70, and myself 66, are retired living on half of what we use to, and suport him as well. He constantly harasses me and gaslights me, while my silent husband hides and refuses to deal with anything. Like the video said, women don’t want to call the police and have their child arrested. What kind of mother am I to have a son like this? How do we get him out on his own?
Not the parent's fault?!? Bull! My parents abused the hell out of me. Once, when I was eleven years old, my father dragged me out of the bathtub as naked as the day I was born. He beat me until I pissed all over the bathroom floor. He was always saying to me, "you're stupid, you're lazy, you don't give a sh#t about anybody but yourself." Twenty five years later, I belted him across the side of the head (and boy, did that feel good!), and he called the cops on me like the coward that he was. When I was sixteen years old, my grandfather on my mother's side of the family threatened to commit suicide on me. I tried to tell my mother about the suicide threat, and she slapped me across my face, and said, "I don't want to hear the crap about a generation gap!" I wish they were still alive right now, so I could give it right back to them.
Lets be real,this type of abuse is spiritual in nature.You can't legislate or arrest evil out of peoples hearts. One must pray in earnest,to remedy the situation.🤔
Elder abuse is never ever good, however what about the elderly who have been abusing their kids for a lifetime, and when they get older they become a worse version of themselves and abuse their kids even more, despite the adult kids helping and doing stuff for them...on google scholar there is hardly any research about this. I think we also need to consider the flip side of the coin.. As one example, what about when an elderly person calls the adult child names such as 'you are sick' and 'you will end up in the dirt' just because the adult child suggests a plumber be called for a bad smell in the sink... and over and over this happens on a daily basis.
The situations you describe also often sadly often lead to the abused adult children becoming horribly abusive to their now volnerable and frail elderly parents who had abused them and who may still be verbally and emotionally abusive in their old age, including many who were and are ALSO simultaneously loving and supportive at times. Likewise the now adult abused children now abusing their own parents at times can likewise also be doing much to try to support and care for them, and may be struggling to control their tempers and feel terrible when they loose them and harm those they may resent but also truly love. In truth people can often be far more complicated then a lot of these comments based on common western false dichotomy based cultural myths of allow.
You set firm boundaries wth grown kids and grandkids. Absolutely firm. You politely, good naturedly, claim your personal space. Circle the wagons and make your demands clear. Don’t allow the narcissistic person to get around these. Quietly, with a good sense of humor observe the behavior. If they cross over these to gain control hold firm. If any violence is threatening end the relationship right then and there. Call law enforcement if you must but many weak narcissists will back down before this. If it’s narcissistic grown children and grandchildren being raised by narcissists there will be Inflammatory situations. But as grandparents we may by treating the narcissistic parents with loving but firm boundaries as to how we will and won’t be treated that a stalemate is reached where we may demonstrate what our grandchildren may do to grow up more sanely.
lets not forget all the times it happens bc the parents were abusive themselves. than oh no dearie they get beaten back after beating their childs skull 10 years against tiles floors. how is this possible??😂😂 you gotta appreciate the ironie
Yeah usually fake reason revenge, people that abuse others are master manipulators and pure liars. They are haters, love is gone and it would take a miracle for it to come back, and how are we supposed to trust these.. Well i don't. And i never will. Pure deceiving is the whole game they play, cat and mouse. Time to be the lion! Time to protect ourselves against our own!
You are right. People don't seem to understand that. It doesn't mean the child is getting revenge for being beaten, like I'm sure many ignorant people believe. And all the negative defensive comments are from people who raised brats
Lol oh it's just a little revenge! Definitely Not abuse. How bloody stupid is that statement. Abusers pull the wool over people's eyes. Not mine they don't.
This is so off base. Another video placing blame on children and grandchildren who help an elder stay out of nursing or assisted living where the real abuse occurs. At least a nursing facility is public as it should be. All these so called do goodies who are the real abusers.
@@Threadbow if u r in process of advanced planning before disability occurs, then person should opt for public hospitalization and nursing home. Avoid private care. Although the “data” says longer life and less abuse with private, the data is cherry picked and easy to hide abuse in private facilities. If already disabled and “care” is occurring and private facility, maintain as much contact by phone or in person as possible and report all concerns to dept of children and families or ask cops for welfare check if already trespassed or contact is cut off or can’t reach person. Also try state omnibudsman for oversight although I didn’t have success with any of these except to keep the oversight pressure up as much as possible. Again best thing to do is advanced planning for anyone over 18 yo and to specify public care only if court rules incapacity. Also be very wary of giving one person both medical and financial power of attorney. I would not get medical power of attorney (or financial) at all. Make them go to court to get it. Finally specify advanced medical directive with the view of prolonging life as long as possible. No do not resuscitate crap. Don’t sign it. Good luck!
@@littlegreen5845 thanks Narcissist smeared to remove from equation Got poA when already elderly was unable to know what was Then placed in care home. Private one. Cut off Then narc uses poa to use care home to abuse by false allegations Report to police didn't help. Though they did get safety equipment put in. Smeared as narcissist s) have history of smear tactics. Think for myself I'll do living will. So I have already stated my wishes. Money drives these people.
@@Threadbow yes money drives them and an entire industry or two or three … narcs will smear the less powerful one usually bcuz they know that one has no ability to afford lawyer or civil to protect assets or well being of person. Educating ourselves and others is best bet bcuz of high degree of misinformation aka lies that come from professionals including lawyers judges nurses doctors and even government officials aka cops dcf state Omni politicians etc. those are the several industries … you must protect yourself with extensive advanced planning and legal paperwork. But above all else transparency … make sure you give many copies of your paperwork to many trusted and Untrusted people of your wishes and multiple checks on your system delegating different responsibilities to many different people so that no one person can operate in darkness. Also hippa laws follow you 50 years after death so make sure that you consider making your hippa public to everyone before death or if that is too uncomfortable then at least immediately after death and again give copies to everyone. These people work in darkness and secrecy and the more you restrict their ability to operate in secrecy aka private or hippa or against a well published legal framework in advance the better protected you are.
Also if it is your wish to help that child or grandchild financially who perhaps moved back in with you who may not have a perfect lifestyle or whatever, you must spell that out with a lawyer and after every “incident” that might be misleading to squabbling families. The cheap way is to send an email describing the incident as soon as it happens aka contemporaneously but that might not be enough if the loved one has no means of civil legal defense. If you have the money setting aside a certain amount for legal disputes for those less fortunate who you might want to maintain a relationship with may help … but nothing beats transparency … I may even recommend probate be completely public that is how serious I am about transparency. There are some risks for heirs with that because every fraudster will know who much your heirs inherit but the benefit of public accounting and public probate might be worth the risk. Finally balancing the less powerful child or grandchild who you benefit from because it keeps you out of nursing or private assisted living vs the risk of that child or grandchild becoming “the abuser” (according to who?) is a narrow tightrope for the elderly … I recommend finding a lawyer to help draft your documents who supports the view of maximal transparency. If they don’t then start wondering if they are in on the scam to defraud and abuse. Happens ALL THE TIME.
This is why I don't want sons, In most cases It's men who mistreat you in the family. I know so because I came from a family with narcs, Men will call you ugly but still try to sexually assault you behind the scenes. I don't trust men with their temper tantrums. As soon as he hurts my feelings, as soon as I feel offended or disrespecting we are done.
What you are saying may apply to your family, but you do NOT know it to be true for society as a whole. Your anicdote/ perspective of your own family situation is not an indecator of that. Statistically the evidence indecates women abuse about as often as men but are far less often held accountable. The most extreme abuse is more dominated my men however but even then plenty of women are involved. Children who are abused or mistreated are also far more likley then average to eventually abuse their parents, but many do not. Reality is often much more complicated and nuanced then a lot of these comments allow!
@@missxmarvel I have great empathy for others. The "You" in your reply to me is NOT me but a fantacy in your head. I don't try to make anyone look like a victim who isn't. Generaling about a whole sex as you have here is patently absurd nonsence. The FACT is that both many women, AND many men, many PEOPLE are abused of others. Men and women both sometimes commit abuse both about equally so according to most of the evidence yet not only are women mostly not held accountable but are at serious risk of abuse by the system if they fight back in any way. NO ABUSE is okay! Frankly I believe you are projecting, as YOU seem to lack empathy to towards male victims.
@@missxmarvel and again YOU are the one displaying a lack of empathy here, not me. Almost all the evidence, indeed the vast majorif credible studies, except for a fewbcherry picked and very poorly done "studies" touted by feminists and repeated by the government itself and feminist non profits, show that women commit about as much domestic violence as men, and commit MORE child abuse. Lesbian relationships are also more violent then gay make one's on the whole.
@@missxmarvel so actually you are factually wrong and slanderous as well. It is in fact women committing the majority if abuse but men being blaimed for it. And this is no dismissal nor justification for abuse of women or children by men at all, which is also very common and completely wrong as well!!!
This just happened to our friend. He called and begged for help. We dropped everything. But when we got there? The grown 40 year old son has barricaded his father, our friend in his home and it was locked up tight. We had to call the sheriff. They were able to break in. My friend was 65, disabled; immobile and had been in his bed so long he was stuck to his sheets. They arrested his son for elder abuse. While handcuffing him they seized drugs, meth. My friend was sent to the hospital, became sepsi, and admitted to icu. He was sent back home 4 days later under hospice care. He died 10 hours later. He has 3 older sisters who could not be here. We are helping them with arrangements and his final affairs. My husband was friends with him since 1973. Please strengthen our laws to protect the elderly. Please strengthen the laws surrounding inheritance cause the abuse was in retaliation because our friend would not fund an addiction anymore. Our friend was starved to death, never turned, never bathed and left alone alot.
I literally have chills an tears. 🙏
This is heartbreaking😔
That is so horrible and heartbreaking to read. 😢 Has the son been charged for the death?
@@jKLa yes, drugs were found in the room he was found in. He just kept giggling. He was initially charged with "Elder Abuse", now the authorities have also charged him with deprivation of an elder person, and imprisonment of an elderly person. He's pleaded Not Guilty. So now with backed up courts we wait. This has been so hard on everyone. Pls pray for us. Pray for everyone. This world is do evil.
@@LadyCriket thanks for the update. 😢🙏🙏🙏
Psychological abuse can be the worst as it’s invisible. 😐
It’s absolutely horrible.
Don't kid yourself...to be beaten brings on it's own psychological and emotional torture.
@Mary R I will never be beaten, the truth is coming out.
And nobody believes Amber Heard!
It’s like mourning a death. They’re no longer that child/person you knew. Hatred has taken them over. 😢
Hatred is way better than love.
@@galaxyrain8180no, it isn't. We don't have to stick around and put up with harm just because we aren't wallowing in hatred. Being full of hate is not a constructive thing!
Zero tolerance to abuse of any kind! Never! Cut them off! ONCE is too much!
Exactly!!
Yeah but when a mother kicks their kid out then you would whine that she's a bad mother.
I've adopted a new attitude.
Believe it the first time they show you who they are.
I will miss them, but I will not adjust my boundaries to include disrespect
That is what is required. However, if an elderly person is physically incapable of defending themselves, this is horror.
BTDT, Daughter and Grandson tried to kill me by causing Heartattacks. God Bless anybody who goes through this.🙏💞🌻
I have PTSD. My daughter abused me. I'm disabled. It set me back so bad. My precious dog that always comforted me passed away. Anxiety from this is so bad. I never want to see her again. Not even when I pass.
Did you snap ties with her? I hope you did. This is why I'm questioning motherhood.
I'm sorry your daughter did this to you.
Children don’t turn against their parents like that. You probably mistreated her when you thought you were stronger and more powerful than her when she was just a baby, now that she’s grown she decided to beat you.
Nobody has hatred for their parents unless you planted that seed.
@missxmarvel people don't always stay innocent good people no matter how good you raised them stop with the excuses
this situation is a nightmare
Yes I am a single mother and have 2 daughters 10 years apart !!!
My first husband started devaluing me after we got married!!
He was good to me before and convinced me he cared and appreciated me for who I was !!!
I got married because I thought that was good for our child who was around 18 months when we got married and he was passionate before but afterwards seemed to change in fact we never consummated our wedding night or any other night after we got married it was bazaar and our marriage was really in name only he wasn’t violent but neglectful so in reality I should have and could have gotten that marriage legally annulled after I asked for a divorce he did all these legal things to protect his money which he had little of anyway!!
He didn’t want to co parent which hurt our child 🧒 terribly!!
He was extremely vindictive and said things to defame my character to our child!!!!
She is 33 years old and ghosts me and barely communicates to me I don’t know why but the lack of compassion from her end is absolutely devastating and my worst nightmare and absolutely unjustified!!!!!
I think children who do this to their mothers have witnessed their mothers being disrespected as children . Even when we do eventually leave abusive relationships it might be too late , the damage might already be done. They’ve learned that behaviour as a small child. Society needs to stop pushing families together just for the sake of being a 2 parent family . Being healthy and not seeing abuse should be the main focus always
The Hell you can't divorce your child or grandchild! I would drop a dime in a second. No guilt, no remorse! I would rather die alone and at peace in safety than be subject to maltreatment by anyone, that includes my only child and seven grandchildren.
I can’t believe kids wud turn against parents , who probably have good idea. Y, like divorce, when mother’s won’t let children see fathers
Well ppl always say " Oh you won't" And I say watch me. The only thing that bothers abusers is when you cut them off, they will beg on their knees and then the abuse starts again.
@@missxmarvelstudies now show that those who were abused by their parents as children are overwelmingly more likely to then abuse their once abusive parents when they grow old. This does NOT make it right as two wrongs are still two wrongs! But it should also be no surprise that this is the case.
And your statement that the only thing that bothers abusers is when you cut them off is very inaccurate. Many others things can bother someone abusive or not. Abuse is always wrong but people are also abusive for many reason's. Those commonly given by non profit advocates and feminist organizations are only some of them and thus constitute false propaganda.
Abuse leads to distrust and it is very understandable and often necessary to cut an abuser off. However abusers may feel terrible about there behavior which is often related to anger control and mental health issues, being very damaged people themselves. Sometimes abuse is actually mutual as well. Even if there is a primary aggressor the less dominant figure may be at times quite abusive themselves and be able to do so and bet away with it in many circumstances.
Chronic conflict and fighting beteeen those who trigger and have trouble controlling themselves but know their behavior is destructive (and who do try to control it but often fail) often gets turned into a morality play of abuse and dehumanization of one party, mostly the man.
Now Sociopathy and narcisism are also real (on a continuum) but those terms get misused a lot. They certainly do contribute to abuse and sometimes abuse is truly one way and there are people who do frequently act like monsters (though that isn't usually all they are). All that is true yet it is also NOT the dominate situation overall in abusive relationships, far from it in fact.
Both of my parents were abusive. They abused each other and us kids. However, when they became old and fragile we did our best to ensure that they were supported and cared for (each within our means and ability to do so). Despite this they continued to sow division among us, were unappreciative of the sacrifices we made, were critical of our efforts and nothing we did for them was ever good enough but we did our best anyway (while still caring for ourselves and our own families). There's no excuse for abuse even if you were mistreated yourself. In our case we created boundaries and did the best we could while maintaining a safe buffer zone between ourselves and our abusive parents. Those here judging and saying that the parents probably deserved it are showing what fine people they are. Not! Disgusting attitude.
The same here. We took care of them to the end despite all the bed things that happened. However, once they passed, our sibling relationship died as well. My narcissistic and abusive father made sure posthumously that nothing was left of that family:( It’s nice when you and your siblings made it through and stayed together for each other.
I am glad you managed. Agree there is no justification for abuse. I was an abused child with parents who continued to be abusive in some ways (dad had abandoned me but we were comunicating but I stoped eventually as I just couldn't take talking to him anymore). My mom had borderline personality disorder, was very loving in many ways but had also abused me growing up and could fairly often could become insufferable as well even in her later years.
The truth is that I shamefully ended up becomimg an elder abuser myself to my mom, mainly as I would just loose my temper but eventually developed a pretty terible attitude as well. I don't justify any of it, though I really often did not feel in control or know what to do back then. It was just terrible all around. I did eventually reform my own behavior but it was a slow and not always linear proccess.
Me and my mom did try to make up, both apologized and forgave each other with much crying involved before she passed. This is why I guess I tend to have empathy now for people in all sorts of situations acting all kinds of different ways while also calling out evil. Empathy does NOT mean justifying evil or thinking it okay, nor just letting it be, but rather empathizing and understanding of the blindness that too often plagues people, -and hopefully doing something to heal! Sometimes this does mean calling the authorities but that can also make things worse. The truth is that there is isn't always something obvious to do to help that won't likely cause even more harm. My background has also led me to be a dissident. Well, my mom was too so that helped! 😮😅
Many will hate me for all this but it is the truth as I see it and I need to be real. Part of our humanity is that we have the potential to be monster's and need to learn how not to be, -and to let God and fellow man teach us to act as angels as much as we can instead. This is core to the teaching of Christ. 🙏
I'm currently witness to a 50yr old woman verbally/ emotionally abuse her mother, in public. The daughter excuses her behaviour by saying 'she infuriates me'. Clearly the daughter is capable of being kind, she's married, she has many friends and holds down a good job. I have no respect for this woman, I'm only an acquaintance, but lord help me, I am going to say something but I know she'll take it out on her Mom. How to help the abuser see the harm they're causing?? Get her help....
I loved my kids but had I known they would treat me the way they have I’d never had them
What about the elderly who are disabled? There are people with disabilities who are being abused as we speak. This video doesn't cover that. I', myself, am totally blind, and I've been neglected and abused up till the age of 22. I'm now 34, and I was able to escape my life of abuse by moving to Cincinnati, however, I know that not all disabled people have the resources or abilities that I do in order to facilitate an escape plan.
Sounds like a career to me.
I'm divorcing my son hands down
.once I saw my grandchildren faces as he abused me while his wife screams blame. Super special.trip.
That’s awful. I know you are probably worried about the grandkids. How do you handle possible emotional harm to them by your son?
This should def be legal! As mine said... It's domestic it isn't a big deal. They know there's no recourse.
Keep tell your story. So many people going through abuse from their adult children.
Violence against mothers is on the rise due to popular psychology on the internet which encourages adult children to blame their mother for everything. There are thousands of videos on RUclips telling abusive adults that their mother is a narcissist and the cause of all their problems and single mothers get physically attacked and verbally abused. The reality is that often the child had a father who was abusive to their mother and the child inherited personality traits from him and are also influenced by his example
It's so true. Children love to blame mothers because she is usually the weaker target.
I’m the victim of domestic violence from husband and now my adult son is exactly doing same. I don’t want to hurt my child and never done police complaint. Later he apologised for his behaviour and after that it never happened. I don’t know the exact solution of this problem but someone must try everything possible to stop their children taking wrong road. These are mothers who always let go.
@@deepashetty5379 Zero tolerance! Do NOT think twice! call the POLICE or else , your son wont take you seriously!
Wow AH! You just told the story of my life with my kid's dad. I wasn't attacked physically though, just emotionally tormented and neglected ( me and kids). I can remember his big fat evil mouth! And my daughter is just like him. She has no heart! I have been out from CA to help her for two years. And the minute I tell her she's over reacting to small things, " (a real drama, drama queen) or to seek therapy, she starts the discarding and now ghosting me. This happened all last week. I don't think her husband truly understands what a cold, selfish person she is. She wanted to fight me, her elderly mother when I very calmly tried to explain to her that as a nurse she appears to be over reacting to too many things. (After observing her for 2 years and being there often to help with my grandson). She doesn't want to hear it. When did observation and sharing between mother and daughter become a crime?
Thats an inaccurate statement, "the reality is...", and verges on bias, misandry and a victim mentality which continues to minimize the severity of abuse towards men also. You have no idea of others' circumstances. Once again, another person who minimizes those 'thousands' of people saying this is happening to them by female abusers. This happens to men way too often as well .. it's absolutely relevant for fathers who are being abused by their children because of parental alienation. This is a non gender specific problem, and the legal system is only just now beginning to recognize this, although social norms and unhealthy stereotype perceptions have a long way to go. It's folk who make this gender specific that cause harm not only to the alienated parent but more importantly to the child .. and it has got to STOP!
My grandpa a year ago came to live with us. It's been tough, but I can't imagine hurting him.
My mom is being Elder Abused as we speak. My younger sister and her husband and baby have moved into her home and stolen the whole house putting mom in the downstairs guest room. They control all aspects of her life and even stole moms bedroom… It has been months since my son (her 1st born grandson) has seen his gramma, I have not seen mom since Nov 2021. She is so abused she is in extreme denial.
And what are you doing about it? It's your mother, are you allowing them to abuse her? Yuu failed as a daughter.
I feel helpless going through emotional, verbal abuse by my
Only son. There's guilt, fear, shame and everything expressed in this video. There's no one who can help me. I am depressed coz in India adult children live with their parents so there is no escape for me.
Do you have friends, a club, a hobby, try and build something out of your life with him!
@@inerit5175 I have friends but can't discuss with them it's so shameful. Can't get him to do anything with us so that's again not possible
so sorry you are going through this. I know it is shameful. However sum up courage to get some activity going outside of your home! For example, I have adult children living with me , but I volunteer in my church, I go out for lunch and travel with friends! I enjoy reading and cooking and my hobby is exercise, cooking and skincare aromatherapy.
@@inerit5175 that's a grt idea... Il certainly try 🙂❤️
I am going through this now with a family member. I had to influence this person to put the law in. It's hard but if you have to call the police 50 times a day then do so ..please.
Well said.
Thank you.
I now feel I can support my friend experiencing this a little better.
Such a sad and challenging time.
It is so sad! For parent that is a victim of narcissistic abuse because the kids often turn against the abused parent. And the narcissist doesn’t remember what they say or do because it’s a desperate need for them. I told my daughter and son n law to seek therapy. They think I’m crazy!
I've been abused my hole life it occurred not causs I was bad to him but because it was the ripple effects of my own mother's abuse of me I went on to meet a mán who abused me and taught my son to do same
SAME
"for women to cope with..." .. and for men to cope with .. please don't invalidate us, it's just as hard, we need to be fully included in this please, by all in the video, not just by some (and thank you for those who acknowledged it is abuse towards dad as well as mum
They aren't talking about father's it's about mother's and grandmother's.
The maternal bond with a mother is different then a father's.
You didn't carry the child in the womb. The video isn't about father's or other family members.
@@Rebel377 Irrelevant when the son or daughter is a narcissist.
Yes Jonny Depp brought it Front and Center for for you Men.
He's abused her.
Stop whining. Most abuse happens because of men and by men.
My 19 year old son stood over me laughing at me and mimicking me while i clutched my chest begging for my heart meds.
Ive had a heart bypass and would have had 15+ years of good life, but after abuse from him every day from coming out of hospital i now feel so ill, and have gone from walking 5 mile a day to walking a few steps a month before i get heart pains.
He has no feelings, even saying to his mum, call be when hes dead and apologize to me for defending him.
All because i was looking after him while he had the flu and asked him to rest and didnt want him on his phone.
Hes been my life for almost 20 years and last night his mum had to kick him out to save me, now i wake up feeling like someone died, you know the first few seconds after you wake and think something has changed.
This is very sad to see and hear. How awful!!
Very well done, thanks for sharing this video.
When you do report them, you get the blame, the police call you vindictive and others criticise you and what to know how you can do that to an adult child, that you are in the wrong not the adult child, even when they have busted you financially, damaged your property, trespassed, threaten to harm you animals, verbal abuse, stole property, stole out of your bank account. There’s nothing the police will do.
Tell me about it. I would dial 911 for help and the police wouldn't even show up! They said I called too many times and needed to get a restraining order.
The longer in denial ,,you will lose your home ,money ,
Be cafeful. They use homes for bond.
How so?
My teenage daughter came at me just today. She has hit me multiple times over the past year. Counseling helped but only briefly.
Do NOT tolerate it! It will only get worst!
That’s awful. Can she be placed in reform school? When my daughter misbehaved at age 13/14, she later told. me I should of put her in reform school. I should of. She still doesn’t listen to me today.
@@shirleymccowan7402
I was a very disobedient child. It was because my mother and father did not parent me correctly. They lacked in responsible nurturing and guidance.
It's usually the parents fault. Too much of something in One direction or the other is usually the reason.
@@magriffing3497 Yes. I have been reading on the effects f lack of responsible nurturing and guidance. And the effects of a lack of awareness related to depression. I was kind of depressed when I was bringing up my kids (3 kids). But I believe most of it was because I had no emotional support and was concurrently emotionally abused by their dad was a narcissist from what I have been learning. I’m suffering at the hands of my only daughter who is so cold to me. And I compared her behavior also to the DSM criteria for narcissist also. I am concerned about my grandson’s mental health. And when I asked her to go get a evaluation from a psychologist and she said I was out of place.So now I am very worried. Though God said I should leave all in his hands.
She is refusing calls, texts, etc
This is great information sharing. Can we get some zoom meetings going on this? I have great concern because I was emotionally abused, sexually neglected and tormented, and financially cheated by my kids dad. He has all of the 9 characteristics of a narcissist from what I have seen on RUclips. This is very disturbing to me as I am a nurse because there is not enough information out there. And, had I not been searching for answers on RUclips to explain my oldest son's complaints and behavior, I would not of even figured it out. I'm 65 years old. I stayed at home when the kids were young, but all along their dad was beating me down little by little every time he came home in between cheating! And now, my daughter triggers me too often. As of today she didn't want me to visit my grandson because I confronted her with her bad behavior and told her I wasn't gonna be treated like a rug to be walked on and disrespected. And told her she has been very hurtful to me and her brothers and to stop it. It's a honest to goodness mess!
Shirley...trust me... you're in over your head. Find a counselor, now, who really gets Narcissism, because it's far too twisted for regular folks to even rap their heads around. Go.
@@DC-kx1qj You are correct. Since I last posted that comment I have found a couple of therapists. I never thought I could handle it alone. And my sons who are also victims of the emotional abuse by my daughter agree. Narcissistic behavior appears to be very common. Theses days. Maybe for a long time. Not sure. Too much, anyway.
@@DC-kx1qj I never sought to diagnose as much as to understand and somehow help my family be healthier where possible. At this point almost a year later, my daughter can’t see anything anyone says to her because of her need to protect herself. I get it.
@@shirleymccowan7402 Hi...really glad you got help. Pulling for you and your kids.
What is so utterly terrifying to me, other than all the far too common horror stories, is that A DOG has way more LEGAL PROTECTION than I will as an older adult. 😢
This is a good video. If it was what I had asked for. I did not ask for young children being abusive to their grandmother. I asked for what to do with adult children who are abusive.
"For women to cope with"?! So what about the fathers? It's also very hard for fathers to cope with. Please dont invalidate abused fathers, or further enable the abuse by making it gender specific. Thank you.
It's not about you jackass. You men are not the primary care givers so it's not you who has to deal with the abuse 9 out of 10 times.
My brother is on drugs and abuses my mom and I. My mom isn't going enough, she won't let go off him. I'm so stressed, I feel trapped. I feel like my mom is failing me.
Did you try calling the police? I hope you will find help.
It sounds like your mom also has control/attachment issues. I hope you can het help for you and hopefully your family as well one way or another! 🙏
This is spot on. describes my current situation to a T. IM TOO upset to post right now. wrecked. can't sleep all night long. need help and protection.
I'm sorry for you. I'm going through the same thing.
I’m going through same I’m so alone I’ve felt like ending my own life over it
@@klicalzi60 hi are things any better for u? I’m desperate for hope
so sad, i hope you are all better now
I can't express my sorrow for you enough ❤💛💜🧡💙💚
I'm a parent of 4 adult children. And, I was not a perfect parent when they were growing up. Who is? We can put the blame on the parents( I did that befor I had my own children. I blamed my narcissist father and my door mat mom for my problems) but you know... We all know what's right and wrong. We all know the proper ways to treat other people. We have to take some responsibility for our own behavior at some point.
That's what has happened in this world. We are all blaming every one else for our down falls. As an adult we need to make choices and changes that will help us not to follow our parents path.
I watched my aunt mentally abuse my grand parents for years. God only knows what happened when I wasn't there. She knew better to talk to them and say the things she said. But did it any way
I told her more often than not.. To grow up and stop acting like the little brat she was raised as. She had the power to act as an adult and make the right choices in caring for my grandma and grandpa. She was a bully plane and simple. Once they passed on, I stopped having anything to do with her. If there is a family function I don't interact with her in ant manor. Now she is abusing her husband and any one who gets involved with her. I kept my children away from her when they were little and when they became adults I explained why I never talk to her.
I also admit to my kids that I'm human and made mistakes when they were young
But I'm trying to Learn. That I have control of myself. That the choices I make in life at 58 years old are my responsibility. I'm hoping my kids will learn from my experience. And not become the abusers that my husband was and dad and my aunt. Be responsible for you own words and actions in all aspects of life.
It’s fine too far and everytime I try to call the police all my family advises against it . They don’t know how scared I am . And they only see one side of her. She’s a monster with me and today she threw her phone so hard at me that when I blocked it with my wrist, it bruised me. It was headed toward my face. She’s 18 still on Highschool, doesn’t drive, barely works, smokes weed all day and watches tik tok.
You need to do something. My sister waited years for her daughter to get out of the hormonal teenage phase, hoping her aggression would run out of steam. Still waiting...
@@GlasPthalocyanine how old is she now
@@methoticaarts1787 nearly 40.
How is that humanly possible? How would she pay for pot a phone and internet? Huh?/
@@dcool145 any money she gets she buys pot. Friends but it for her and I pay for her phone. Yes I know I should just not pay it but I do pay it
Yes You Can Divorce Your Kid....A Grown One Too!
We are going through this right now, we have a meeting with APS (adult protective services) in 2 days. Our situation is isolation and financial, as well as with holding basic needs. Mom covered up and explained away for 3 yrs, now we know the truth. It was extremely difficult for her to admit that her son would do this.
Adult Protective Services.
There are agencies to assist in protecting our vulnerable seniors.
Lol nope
I only treat a child as my flesh and blood if they treat me as their flesh and blood. I have no problem disowning anyone who isn't good.
Very helpful . Thank you
Yes, for 2 years I've asked myself where did I go wrong? (Grown children used to smoke marijuana & it ruined their life)
I believe karma is going to be hitting my sister-in-law soon. She's been abusing my mother-in-law for years (financially and emotionally). My mother-in-law is now in a much better situation; and may now be able to regain control of her life. If she takes the action to protect herself financially from her daughter, I'll provide a full background of what's happened and how/why it could happen now. I don't want to say more currently, in the off chance sister-in-law sees this post (she is evil and vindictive).
Get rid of them!!!!
I am trying to write a book to help children before they become abused. Depressed. Unhealthy from the abuse sustained from a parent . All the services available now are useful in identifying problems after the abuse to children when they suffer mental illness. What about prevention? How can that be done?. I would like your opinions. Thank you.
And people love to go on a witchunt and blame the parent automatically. I'm sure its true some parents are deserving of this but not all of them.
No, parents who abused their adult children don't deserve to then be abused by them just because they were once abusive. No one should be abused. In the west we have commen false beliefs that that one is EITHER a victim or an abuser within a given relationship, that abuse is always about power or "narcisism" and that any talk of an abuser also being mistreated by those they mistreat is a wrongful distraction and false justification. But many relationships are abusive both ways, though others do fit the common belief system. It all depends. The common western beliefs on this issue are sheer nonsence however!!!
The truth is that being abused while abusing even within a relationship are NOT mutually exclusive categories. One can empathize with the desperation and inability to cope some abusers may be be feeling without justifying their abuse. Abuse is always wrong however!
Also it's very important to remember that some situations DO involve more soeopathy or narcisism however, or may be basically or even totally one sided, -so it all depends on the particulars. One size fits all "solutions" from experts of any persuasion have the potential to do more harm then good.
The worst part is when the children try to blame the favorite and the one they all abused the most to try silence him and take him out of the picture
You can't negotiate with a narcissist!!!
That being said, my daughter is the abuser in my situation and has been for over 20 years.
My oldest granddaughter has moved in with me as I was living on my own and she sticks up for me, which makes me feel like I have support.
Because the abuse has been so long term I am worn to the point where I feel I have lost myself.
Perhaps now is the time to get professional counselling as my wonderful granddaughter wants to do this journey together.
I taught my children that the only one I trust outside this house is You. They're grown now.
They saw me with my mom.
She was a mean emotional damning woman. She &my oldest brother were so enmeshed that it was hard to tell where one ended & the other began. We had protective services have them check on her too many times. They're gone now. Yet it was sad to watch.
And then the police can't really do anything, can they?
Is there any kind of therapy that can turn it around? What is the diagnosis? Why do they behave in that manner?
My son 30 refuses to move out of our house. My husband 70, and myself 66, are retired living on half of what we use to, and suport him as well. He constantly harasses me and gaslights me, while my silent husband hides and refuses to deal with anything. Like the video said, women don’t want to call the police and have their child arrested. What kind of mother am I to have a son like this? How do we get him out on his own?
Not the parent's fault?!? Bull! My parents abused the hell out of me. Once, when I was eleven years old, my father dragged me out of the bathtub as naked as the day I was born. He beat me until I pissed all over the bathroom floor. He was always saying to me, "you're stupid, you're lazy, you don't give a sh#t about anybody but yourself." Twenty five years later, I belted him across the side of the head (and boy, did that feel good!), and he called the cops on me like the coward that he was. When I was sixteen years old, my grandfather on my mother's side of the family threatened to commit suicide on me. I tried to tell my mother about the suicide threat, and she slapped me across my face, and said, "I don't want to hear the crap about a generation gap!" I wish they were still alive right now, so I could give it right back to them.
2 wrongs don't make a right, so remember, you will be old someday and karma may come a knockin
Lets be real,this type of abuse is spiritual in nature.You can't legislate or arrest evil out of peoples hearts. One must pray in earnest,to remedy the situation.🤔
Elder abuse is never ever good, however what about the elderly who have been abusing their kids for a lifetime, and when they get older they become a worse version of themselves and abuse their kids even more, despite the adult kids helping and doing stuff for them...on google scholar there is hardly any research about this. I think we also need to consider the flip side of the coin.. As one example, what about when an elderly person calls the adult child names such as 'you are sick' and 'you will end up in the dirt' just because the adult child suggests a plumber be called for a bad smell in the sink... and over and over this happens on a daily basis.
This also happens
With dementia the abuse can get worse
Seek help for yourself
The situations you describe also often sadly often lead to the abused adult children becoming horribly abusive to their now volnerable and frail elderly parents who had abused them and who may still be verbally and emotionally abusive in their old age, including many who were and are ALSO simultaneously loving and supportive at times. Likewise the now adult abused children now abusing their own parents at times can likewise also be doing much to try to support and care for them, and may be struggling to control their tempers and feel terrible when they loose them and harm those they may resent but also truly love. In truth people can often be far more complicated then a lot of these comments based on common western false dichotomy based cultural myths of allow.
Yes, our model is completely deficient@@jKLa
You set firm boundaries wth grown kids and grandkids. Absolutely firm. You politely, good naturedly, claim your personal space. Circle the wagons and make your demands clear. Don’t allow the narcissistic person to get around these. Quietly, with a good sense of humor observe the behavior. If they cross over these to gain control hold firm. If any violence is threatening end the relationship right then and there. Call law enforcement if you must but many weak narcissists will back down before this.
If it’s narcissistic grown children and grandchildren being raised by narcissists there will be Inflammatory situations. But as grandparents we may by treating the narcissistic parents with loving but firm boundaries as to how we will and won’t be treated that a stalemate is reached where we may demonstrate what our grandchildren may do to grow up more sanely.
....or, out could kick their butts out, if that is an option.
More like ungrateful
lets not forget all the times it happens bc the parents were abusive themselves. than oh no dearie they get beaten back after beating their childs skull 10 years against tiles floors. how is this possible??😂😂 you gotta appreciate the ironie
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gfhh
When a child hurts their parent it usually is a case of revenge not abuse
So are you making some kind of lame excuse for abuse? Better check that, rethink it-there is never an excuse for abuse.
Yeah usually fake reason revenge, people that abuse others are master manipulators and pure liars. They are haters, love is gone and it would take a miracle for it to come back, and how are we supposed to trust these.. Well i don't. And i never will. Pure deceiving is the whole game they play, cat and mouse. Time to be the lion! Time to protect ourselves against our own!
You are right. People don't seem to understand that.
It doesn't mean the child is getting revenge for being beaten, like I'm sure many ignorant people believe.
And all the negative defensive comments are from people who raised brats
Lol oh it's just a little revenge! Definitely Not abuse. How bloody stupid is that statement. Abusers pull the wool over people's eyes. Not mine they don't.
So can parents beat their children in revenge?
To my understanding, if you can.t get what you want, you claim that people abuse you, right
Narcissstic maybe
Wills, money, power of attorney
Loss of mental capacity can lead to abuse
This is so off base. Another video placing blame on children and grandchildren who help an elder stay out of nursing or assisted living where the real abuse occurs. At least a nursing facility is public as it should be. All these so called do goodies who are the real abusers.
How to deal with abuse in care home?
@@Threadbow if u r in process of advanced planning before disability occurs, then person should opt for public hospitalization and nursing home. Avoid private care. Although the “data” says longer life and less abuse with private, the data is cherry picked and easy to hide abuse in private facilities. If already disabled and “care” is occurring and private facility, maintain as much contact by phone or in person as possible and report all concerns to dept of children and families or ask cops for welfare check if already trespassed or contact is cut off or can’t reach person. Also try state omnibudsman for oversight although I didn’t have success with any of these except to keep the oversight pressure up as much as possible. Again best thing to do is advanced planning for anyone over 18 yo and to specify public care only if court rules incapacity. Also be very wary of giving one person both medical and financial power of attorney. I would not get medical power of attorney (or financial) at all. Make them go to court to get it. Finally specify advanced medical directive with the view of prolonging life as long as possible. No do not resuscitate crap. Don’t sign it. Good luck!
@@littlegreen5845 thanks
Narcissist smeared to remove from equation
Got poA when already elderly was unable to know what was
Then placed in care home.
Private one.
Cut off
Then narc uses poa to use care home to abuse by false allegations
Report to police didn't help. Though they did get safety equipment put in.
Smeared as narcissist s) have history of smear tactics.
Think for myself I'll do living will. So I have already stated my wishes.
Money drives these people.
@@Threadbow yes money drives them and an entire industry or two or three … narcs will smear the less powerful one usually bcuz they know that one has no ability to afford lawyer or civil to protect assets or well being of person. Educating ourselves and others is best bet bcuz of high degree of misinformation aka lies that come from professionals including lawyers judges nurses doctors and even government officials aka cops dcf state Omni politicians etc. those are the several industries … you must protect yourself with extensive advanced planning and legal paperwork. But above all else transparency … make sure you give many copies of your paperwork to many trusted and Untrusted people of your wishes and multiple checks on your system delegating different responsibilities to many different people so that no one person can operate in darkness. Also hippa laws follow you 50 years after death so make sure that you consider making your hippa public to everyone before death or if that is too uncomfortable then at least immediately after death and again give copies to everyone. These people work in darkness and secrecy and the more you restrict their ability to operate in secrecy aka private or hippa or against a well published legal framework in advance the better protected you are.
Also if it is your wish to help that child or grandchild financially who perhaps moved back in with you who may not have a perfect lifestyle or whatever, you must spell that out with a lawyer and after every “incident” that might be misleading to squabbling families. The cheap way is to send an email describing the incident as soon as it happens aka contemporaneously but that might not be enough if the loved one has no means of civil legal defense. If you have the money setting aside a certain amount for legal disputes for those less fortunate who you might want to maintain a relationship with may help … but nothing beats transparency … I may even recommend probate be completely public that is how serious I am about transparency. There are some risks for heirs with that because every fraudster will know who much your heirs inherit but the benefit of public accounting and public probate might be worth the risk. Finally balancing the less powerful child or grandchild who you benefit from because it keeps you out of nursing or private assisted living vs the risk of that child or grandchild becoming “the abuser” (according to who?) is a narrow tightrope for the elderly … I recommend finding a lawyer to help draft your documents who supports the view of maximal transparency. If they don’t then start wondering if they are in on the scam to defraud and abuse. Happens ALL THE TIME.
This is why I don't want sons, In most cases It's men who mistreat you in the family. I know so because I came from a family with narcs, Men will call you ugly but still try to sexually assault you behind the scenes. I don't trust men with their temper tantrums. As soon as he hurts my feelings, as soon as I feel offended or disrespecting we are done.
What you are saying may apply to your family, but you do NOT know it to be true for society as a whole. Your anicdote/ perspective of your own family situation is not an indecator of that. Statistically the evidence indecates women abuse about as often as men but are far less often held accountable. The most extreme abuse is more dominated my men however but even then plenty of women are involved. Children who are abused or mistreated are also far more likley then average to eventually abuse their parents, but many do not. Reality is often much more complicated and nuanced then a lot of these comments allow!
@@jKLa So what? You lack empathy anyway. You try to make men look like victims. While they are the one who abuse the most.
@@missxmarvel I have great empathy for others. The "You" in your reply to me is NOT me but a fantacy in your head. I don't try to make anyone look like a victim who isn't. Generaling about a whole sex as you have here is patently absurd nonsence. The FACT is that both many women, AND many men, many PEOPLE are abused of others. Men and women both sometimes commit abuse both about equally so according to most of the evidence yet not only are women mostly not held accountable but are at serious risk of abuse by the system if they fight back in any way. NO ABUSE is okay! Frankly I believe you are projecting, as YOU seem to lack empathy to towards male victims.
@@missxmarvel and again YOU are the one displaying a lack of empathy here, not me. Almost all the evidence, indeed the vast majorif credible studies, except for a fewbcherry picked and very poorly done "studies" touted by feminists and repeated by the government itself and feminist non profits, show that women commit about as much domestic violence as men, and commit MORE child abuse. Lesbian relationships are also more violent then gay make one's on the whole.
@@missxmarvel so actually you are factually wrong and slanderous as well. It is in fact women committing the majority if abuse but men being blaimed for it. And this is no dismissal nor justification for abuse of women or children by men at all, which is also very common and completely wrong as well!!!
O