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- Опубликовано: 23 апр 2018
- The Mocko Show takes a bit of a serious tone to discuss an important topic--eating disorders. This was not an easy one for me, but I'm hoping this helps shed some light on what goes on behind the scenes and the struggles we go through as athletes.
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STRAVA: / strava
IG: / cmocko
TWITTER: / chrismocko
ABOUT: In February I left my tech job in Silicon Valley to follow my true passion of running.* The Mocko Show intends to chronicle my struggles and victories as I pursue a career in running.
*I've since returned to the tech world, but with a renewed vigor to pursue both careers at the highest level!
Very proud of you. Also glad you are happy.
I spent years eating my way through stress and anxiety. When I hit the 300 lb. mark I decided I should probably make a change. That first step was admitting there was an issue and talking to someone about it. Talking about those struggles got easier over time and it will get easier for you as well. A little over 4 years and 104 pounds lighter all because I started talking about it, oh and running too. You're a huge inspiration to people who want to conquer 100 miles at some point, like myself. Keep up the good work!
thats awesome man!
Way to go Jason!
Thanks!
I'll take honesty over bullshit every time. Opening up and making yourself vulnerable is the best therapy I could think of. People who truly care about you will support you in the beat of times and the most trying of times. Recognizing and addressing the pro lem is a huge step, I have a compulsive behavior disorder and totally understand. Disorders never go away, but learning to recognize the issue and control it, or guide yourself through it is a daily battle. You aren't alone here.
Mocko thanks for opening up. we got your back through the good times and the hard times. if you need any support just let us know. keep the content coming, we missed you during that long dry spell.
Following people on social media has helped develop my interest in running over the last couple of years. Chris, you have an awesome sense of humour and i love your short videos. Thanks for sharing this video. Being honest and having awareness of the little things such as connections, exercise and sleep that make a big difference are the way forward. Youre a great man.
Such a common issue in endurance sports. THANK YOU. And yes, unfortunately, it doesn't really go away. It's managed, one day at a time, good days and bad days. One pancake at a time. One self-punishing guilt-fueled run at a time. One "I didn't eat it all!" meal at a time. Hang tight and give yourself a hug. When I meet you I'll give you a real one.
Every now and then a real human being comes along. I hope to meet you someday, Mocko.
Everyone loves you because you are a fun, kind, and interesting person. Who also happens to be a talented runner. With a relentless, glorious sense of humor. Acknowledgement is the first and most difficult step. But overcoming eating disorders is like climbing Everest: best done by strong people like yourself who can push hard to achieve difficult goals because they want to be the best they can be. Starting the clmb without a therapist and professional support team, is like getting to the top without a Sherpa and supplemental oxygen. Get a therapist. Surround yourself with others, professional and personal, who will travel with you. I am confident, with a team around you, you will succeed. Respect.
7 years ago I was at my heaviest over 300 pounds. I was eating just to eat and really not ever enjoying the way I looked. I took a hard look one day, and said today I am going to go to the gym. The weight started to fall off, in two years I was down to about 150 pounds. I had lost a whole person.
However the problem for me I just stopped eating all together, I would limit my diet to around 1000 calories and then ensure that I burned all of those calories that day at the gym. So I started to before frail and unhealthy.
Fast forward to today I have gained back up to around 200 pounds. I have some weight to lose again, however I struggle with this need to eat food just because. Video's like this Mocko really help to identify the problem that I have. I have turned back to running over the last two years with the intention of eating healthy again. That is my next step is to lose in a healthy way and keep my my fitness.
Thank you for sharing and inspiring us to get outside! Also thanks for sharing this bit of your personal struggle. Food has definitely been a comfort for me growing up time to shake the cage again and get healthy.
Thanks for sharing, Chris. It's amazing the kind of struggles we go through and never discuss openly. And I'm glad we have running as an outlet!
Thank you so much for sharing! And talking about it takes the stigma away more and more and makes it easier for you to heal and work toward healthiness. #swapfoeva
Your honesty and openness is admirable..........you've got this Chris...........you are not alone.......YOU ROCK!!!!
Hit me right in the spot. Struggling with BE for three years now and never thought that funny, fast, amazing Chris Mocko could do so, too. Thinking about it I just look up to you even more, because you made this video and put it out there. As already said in the comments: "Respect".
I can relate to this as well. I transferred to an out of state college where I knew no one. I’m pretty introverted guy so I had real difficult time making new friends or taking part in social activities. I spent many nights couped up in my room with what I thought at the time was my only outlet, food. I’d eat two large tubs of Greek yogurt as a snack (that’s a lot of yogurt) and then have a whole pint of ice cream to myself after whatever I ate for dinner. This life style definitely dampened my athletics and put on close to 20lbs. At the time I didn’t run very much but because of my habits, once i returned home i made a concentrated effort to be healthier which is why I started taking running more seriously. I can honestly say that consistentency with running has been a life saver for me.
Very brave of you to share, and as someone who struggles and knows people who struggle with similar issues to yours, starting this conversation is so important. I'm so glad that things are getting better for you! Thanks for all the great videos, Costco trips, and an amazing sense of humor. It's key to never feel like you are alone in this fight, and best wishes
Support you, brother. Love your honesty & all your subscribers are here - supporting you!
We love you even more for being open ! Thanks for sharing.
Good for you, Chris! Hope all goes well and a lot of respect to you. Takes a lot of guts and I’m sure others struggling will be inspired by this.
Love your honesty! I struggled with this in my 20s too. Terrible. Once I remember eating an entire huge container of ice cream then rushing to the store to buy an identical one so my roommate wouldn't notice. So sad. I've never been overweight but it affected my life in other ways as you described. What helps me is being active, even doing a second run in the afternoon keeps my motivation up. Also I tracked all my intake on myfitnesspal for years and that is eye opening but it got obsessive. Best of luck to you Chris.
Bravo Chris! Much respect for putting this out there. Hope to see you on the trails this summer around the Front Range.
wow , that took a lot of strength , we get so much inspiration from you, I hope we help you with this. Stay strong
Here's to you staying positive and on track! Keep us all updated on how you are doing. And keep putting out that content that makes us all giggle! We love you!
Mad props for recognizing the issue, coming to terms with it, and deciding to make a change for the better. We're here to help you through your journey. Through your experiences others who are struggling can also be helped.
Thank you for sharing. Keep finding what helps you through this. Stay strong!
Appreciate you opening up. As a fellow runner who battles with eating enough and listening to hunger cues, and also the other end of the spectrum where I go and way overdo it on a binge, I can most definitely relate. Props on getting help and addressing it from within.
Thank you for your transparency with your struggles! It's inspiring to see you respond to this challenge.
Amazingly brave video Mocko. I'm very impressed with the maturity you are demonstrating here. I'm in your corner.
Thanks Chris. Overeating has ruined my opportunity to run. I’ve been chipping away at the root reasons, yes, there’s more than one reason why I’ve over eaten in the past. Little by little I’m making progress. One area I definitely have improved upon is quality of sleep. Eating more of what I like, rather than what I don’t really want or don’t particularly like has been an improvement. Eating higher quality foods, fresh foods, even homemade foods, has helped return me to a healthier position. After a day a work I came home tonight and made a fresh from scratch, pot of potato leek soup. Soup came out totally delish, if I do say so myself. Another positive - I wasn’t a couch potato (lol) tonight. Small, manageable changes are making the difference for me. I wish you well on your own journey.
I am going through the same thing... Thank you for your share. I respect you and love you so much!
Thank you for opening up about this & hope you continue to do well. We’re all people first, and fill-in-the-blanks (athlete, parent, careerperson, whatever) second. And if out needs aren’t being answered & we aren’t being cared for (by ourselves first & foremost!), we’re going to find things to fill in those needs. I’m glad you’re looking at your needs head-on & making steps to ask for help, find community, etc. Keep on keepin’ on. 🌻
What a humble and honest guys you are.
The first steep is always the hardest, well done Chris, don’t look back just forward and ahead of you, you got this.
Thanks for sharing, Chris! Hopefully this can open up some dialogue and help others having similar issues, and be therapeutic for you as well. Wish you the best Mocko.
Awesome job putting yourself out there! Tremendous that you have your family to stand with you! Be strong!
Respect.
Thanks for sharing, it takes a lot to put your vulnerabilities out there. Keep it up, YOU CAN DO IT!
Nice man, thanks for sharing Mocko. We're lucky here in Boulder to have an amazing community with a lot of mind and body wellness focus. 1 day at a time, it's all we can ask from ourselves. Cheers to the up and up!
This is such a tough subject for all of us affected by any disordered behavior. It took a lot of courage for you to post this and for that I commend you - this will reach so many people and no doubt help so many people who feel alone in their struggles. I found your videos after reading the article on you recently in Runner's World. I love your energy and your positive nature. Take care of yourself and know that you are not alone but that you are strong enough to get through this. #runwithloveinyourheart
This is amazing. It brought more a couple tears to my eyes, good ones though, as it makes the world seem a whole lot more friendly to see folks you look up to talk about these things. As a man i particularly appreciate another mans acceptance and voicing of his internal struggles. As a big fan of your content, as a fellow runner and a fellow imperfect dude, you have my respect and my cheers! THANK YOU!!!
Thank you for sharing. I absolutely can relate and never knew this was a disease. Thank you for doing this...Respect.
Thank you for sharing, your vulnerability is appreciated. ✨
This was very much me a number of years ago. At my heaviest, I was 275. A number of diets had minimal effect and I always fell back into eating way too much. Like, going to KFC to get dinner after work and then stopping at McDonalds as well because...there actually wasn't a because.
Running is what, luckily, got my health together (although I still am not fast by any means). I still have the scars (stretch marks and excess skin that will likely never go away), but there are not days that I can think I can allow myself to just eat all and whatever I want. I've always seen it as a disease much like alcoholism, but the obvious difference is that you need food. There are programs to help, but the change has to come from within. Knowing it's part of you and being open about it is a huge step. Proud of you, dude.
Thank you for sharing your story. Hard to understand what was going on in our heads during those low moments, but totally agree--the change has to come from within (although having a great support system is essential too).
Thank you for sharing Mr. Mocko!
Endlessly proud of you for sharing this. Wow. #respect Thank you
Thank you for sharing your story! We all could use a little more transparency in our daily struggles as you have demonstrated in such a healthy way.
Way to go Mocko! That was an awesome video! Chapeau!
Thank-you Chris for making this video. It was very courageous and the intent, well meaningfulness and honesty come across so beautifully. Thank-you. It has made a direct impact on me. I was never aware of this eating disorder and just thought of myself as a person with lack of control or 'bad days' and always joked that if I am this size after doing so much running/cycling/swimming then imagine what I would look like if I didn't drink or eat that much. .. I am going to take action, look into to the disorder and seek help. Looking back, it has been so tiring mentally to live with this; like you say, it is linked to stressful periods, but it also self-perpetuates the cycle. The guilt after and even during episodes of binge eating is so overwhelming that it feels like a flood that I cannot control, but you are showing that it can be controlled and understood. Thank-you
Thank you so much for this video. I am a recreational runner (at best) but the overlap between running, disordered eating, & other self-destructive behavior is real. I have yet to ask for help, but videos like this make it easier for me to ask the question. Thanks.
I have a lot of respect for talking about it. Well done and good luck
Thank you for being you! Your honestly and openness shows such great strength. Wishing you even more such that you have it in you to forgive yourself if/when things don't go as planned on hard road to stability and recovery. Sending trail love!
Thank you, Mandie! Need all the trail love I can get!
Thumbs up and awesome props to you Chris. Keep it up and we are enjoying your ride.
I love your warm up!
Thanks for sharing. very brave to do so. Big fan. Wish you success in finding peace.
This can not have been easy to publish. Respect to you Chris and I wish you well as you combat your condition. 🏃👊💪👍
Chris! Way to go. Love that you shared this. I think I an similar. I'll eat well for days, even weeks, then something happens and I binge! Like huge binge, rest for15 minutes, see something different and eat more. I thought it was just me being, weak, poorly disciplined, and worse. I need to learn more. Thank you! 4REALZ!
Love this, Chris. It takes a lot of strength to put yourself out there and seek recovery. I struggled with an ED in college, and while I've had my ups and downs (like in an ultra!), things do get better. The more we can talk about eating disorders openly, the less stigma and power they have. Thanks for starting a dialogue and keep at it!
Thanks, Stephen! Now to the easy part--figuring out how to close out the last 40 miles of a 100 ;)
You got this bro. Inspiring for me and I'm sure others as well
Thanks for this Chris!
Good on you Mocko. I had issues in my teens with drugs, managed with help then and eventually on my own to get back a “normal” productive life. Many opportunities were ruined back then but I would not be the person I am today with out going through it all. Stay positive and keep sharing!
Thank you for sharing your story, Andrew!
Hey man, thanks a lot for sharing this. I think I was very much on the verge of developing this condition, but was able to curb it mostly due to, like you said, awareness that it's a thing. On a lighter note, I saw you coming up Bulldog ( at SOB ) as I was going down. I remember looking up, smiling and sayin "Mocko!" Then you smiled and said that the steep decline is over soon, encouraging me along. I appreciated that as well.
It has to be easier next year, right?
Just heard you on Candice's podcast and found you on RUclips to subscribe. I love the videos I've seen so far. Thank you for all you do to put great content out into the world! (And, per your convo with Candice, it doesn't all have to be super-stellar. :) )
Thank you, Sundari! Glad I picked up one new fan from the podcast ;)
Keep up the fight C-Money. It's when we stop fighting not because things going well but gave up. That's a common reaction from me. My habits can't defeat on my own. Good not isolating yourself.
Thank you. As a former athlete who has always been either underweight or just about a healthy weight it took me a while to realise that I had a similar problem. When you're told you can 'eat anything you want', sometimes it's easy to take that a bit too literally...
I support you. Best of luck, bud.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have run a spectrum with eating disorders from binge eating to anorexia and everything in between. I shared a bit on my channel but I'm always looking for others who share similar feelings/experiences. There is a shortage of men speaking on the topic so again THANK you for telling our story. Subbed for sure. Looking forward to checking out your other content :) -Steve
Kudos. Thanks for sharing that.
Thanks for sharing. Pairing eating with running is tough; sometimes it feels impossible. Hopefully you'll see improvement in your ultra performances now that you're working things out!
I feel like maybe a lot of runners have things like this. With alcohol and food especially. At least symptoms. I for sure have symptoms of this sort of thing if not a diagnosable disorder. I always notice I get into a rut mentally and with it comes more junk miles, less frequent runs, and less healthy eating and drinking habits. Not sure which is the cause and which is the effect. Typically I see it as an excuse or a reason to turn my training up to 11 (which can sometimes lead to injury with drastic changes in training routines, making it a self-perpetuating cycle).
I don't want to minimize in any way what you said or how you feel, just hopefully help you to realize that you are likely going through similar feelings and experiences to other athletes, especially endurance athletes. Good to open up some dialog. Hang in there!
It takes courage to be vulnerable. Thank you for sharing! Self-Sabotage is a life suck. Don’t lose heart and remember to be gracious to yourself. That’s my 2-cents. I’ve never commented on RUclips before. Feel special. Lol. Good luck man.
Popping your RUclips cherry? I feel honored! Thanks for leaving a note, Tyler!
Another unsolicited comment from someone you don't know and likely will never meet. Thank you for your honesty, vulnerability, and courage to open up publicly. While I don't suffer from the same struggles that you speak of, I find solace knowing that my own bad habits, insecurities, and self-doubt are not unique. Hopefully this is cathartic for you, getting this out in the open and speaking candidly about it. Please know that it is somehow comforting, at least for this subscriber, that someone who I hold in such high regard is suffering from his own demons and is facing them head on. It inspires me to do the same. Love the quirky and lighthearted Mocko content, but am even more of a fan now that you have given us a brief glimpse into the "real" you. Thank you.
Thank you, Dylan. Seeing your note was a great way to start the day!
I feel you all the way, Some days I can eat a meal for a entire family, then I’d convince myself it’s okay since I’ll run it off. My body says yes but my mind says no, Costco “meal plan” keeps me in check (when I run out of blueberry muffins)
Respect Mocko!
It’s not easy to do what you have just done. The first step is always accepting your problem. You are not alone and with hard work and some knowledge you can get this under control. I know you can do it C-Money !!!
hey mocko, thanks for sharing. you should go get help from a trained, experienced therapist. i'm the last person to get help, but at my lowest point in my marriage, my marriage counseling helped in the way i could have never understood. get the help now, don't go at it alone buddy. best of luck!
I am pretty sure that I have this problem. I guess luckily for me, I just don’t add weight easily and I work out a lot so it doesn’t show. I have autism and pretty depressed about it having great difficulty with learning in general. I also don’t have any friends to do things with. I am a runner but after about 57 years old my running abilities have declined so much that I can not run with anyone anymore so I have to run by myself. Thanks for sharing.
I admire your courage, Chris and it's been one of the most enjoyable parts of following your journey via this channel. Who's the composer of the ambient music in the video?
Chin up Chris, it’s a tough one but you’re probably stronger than you think.
Yep, I remember that comment about eating the remainder of the tub of Cool Whip - definitely a sign! It’s definitely a pattern I’ve fallen into as well, but if you’re skinny and attractive, then it can seem like a quirk but not a problem. :)
you inspire me
I had my own unhealthy eating habits at one time in my life. Addiction and immediate gratification are symptoms of unfulfilled highest values.
Thanks for sharing C-Money
Refined carbs are a serious drug with even lethal effects.
this is deep.
Good move Mr M.
Grantv21
Thank you for sharing. I was going down the same path and I am about the same area as you in recovery. More power to you
So do I but exercise helps for that. My exercise helps me justify it.
If you have to keep eating, grab a healthy snack. You still give in to the temptation but you fill up on carrots or grapes, not pizza/ice cream.
Check out the book 'Radical Acceptance'. 💙
((hugs))
The background music is hurting my ears