How to make Friends in Germany: 1. Understand that Germans take friendship VERY seriously. That isn't a topic to be taken lightly here. 2. Connect through HOBBIES, and the same interests, like musik, sports, cooking, knitting (Vereine!) Always follow, were the germans disapear to... :-) 3. Ehrenämter: Connect with other people who want to commit oneself to the same cause, like saving animals, human rights, soup kitchens, etc. 4. Local independent churches. They are often very family like and warm hearted and welcoming to strangers. 5. Try going to pubs with germans. When drinking beer, germans loosen up. I personally as a german don't like alcohol, but at least go to the pub and drink something else!
As a German myself, I fully agree. It really is difficult to make friends. When I had to move to a different city I found it almost impossible to connect to the locals. If you are not third generation in the local football club some people don‘t even bother talking to you. BUT that’s very dependent where you are living in Germany. There are certain areas more open than others. One thing applies to all Germans. If you managed to make friend in the German sense of the word, you‘ got one for life!
I moved here to Germany almost 40 years ago and I fell in love with the way Germans tell you the truth from the start and do not tend to sugar coat everything. I also found that if you show them that you are trying to learn the German language and learn their ways you will find friends. The one thing you should keep in mind is that Germans are a very formal people that love their traditions and are set in their ways. If you have a German friend you have a friend for life and one that will do most anything they can to help you.
Our German is not very good. Our friends and neighbors see that we don;t expect them to speak to us in English and they sour German slowly improving. We get huge props on those points. I don't find Germans near as harsh as their reputation makes them to be. As in all generalizations, with all groups, there are obviously some exceptions. We're human.
I've tried learning french and American sign language, and both times I was made fun of and mocked by people from both groups. It really ticked me off. I then decided to learn German and have found nothing but support from Germans I run into in my job for trying to learn their language. I always give the option for speaking English so they don't have to be patient with someone new to the language and do you know how many times a German has taken me up on that? Twice. And both of them were just absolutely nasty people in general. The rude, arrogant, my-time-is-more-valuable-than-anything-in-the-world types.
I had an international roommate and she was so frustrated in the beginning with everything. The language, the recycling system, the grocerie stores, the payment systems.... but after a couple of weeks she figured out the most stuff for living here and asked me to really challenge her and only speak german with her. I have never met a person in my life that learned german so fast as she did. the word she always had an issue with was "Mehl" (flour), for what ever reason she just couldn't pronounce it. Whenever you go to another country, really make sure you come in contact with some locals. They can answer you the simplest question and can really help you to understand how the culture works. Germans in general are a bit shy, just because they always think you wanna sell them something and thats why it's so "rude". We aren't rude but we just sometimes want to be by ourself and don't want to chat with people we don't know. For internationals thats just a misunderstanding of our behavior
I am Dutch and I never had any problems with becoming friends with Germans, friendship with Germans just happen in a natural way. Trough regular interaction you find that you just click with certain people. If you approach them too friendly with a _"I want to be your friend attitude"_ they just walk away.
It Makes sense to me. They are real in friendships and all in, so they need to build the trust bound first. I'm an extrovert person but prefer to have a real and long lasting friendship like this.
we germans don't "stare" we're just observing very thoroughly. if you feel stared at just give them a nice "little" smile back and you will see they smile back at you.
It’s sooo true! And I do know that... I think it’s just in my culturally trained Canadian brain to immediately assume I have a hole in the back of my pants or something on my face 🤣🤣 we are often overly sensitive in Canada!!
It's funny how often only good-looking young women (often non-white) complain of "staring". They would receive a lot of attention anywhere, especially in smaller towns or villages where they're something special. Go to China or Africa and people come up to you and want to have their photo taken with you, or they touch your hair😅 On the other hand, there is no wolf-whistling in Germany which I find much more unpleasant and intrusive than a look.
@Nidhi Roy erm... You people? Are you really trying to turn this into a racist thing? (btw: I didn't post the staring part...) If you notice something about someone staring at you, simply go up to the individual and ask politely "I could not but notice your interest. May I help you?" You won't believe their reaction. Maybe the think you're beautiful and can't look away. Is this something that occurs to you a lot? Is this a thing in Germany or worldwide? I'm 6' (around 180cm), kinda fat with long hair and a beard. Mostly dressed in black. I get the stares a lot. And I'm caucasian descent. What do I do about it? Smile back. Either they look away - or I get the smile back. Which makes my day.
@Nidhi Roy I would say, some do and some not. But many people are just curious about thinks/people they see rarely. On the other hand I think that in German culture people look more and longer at each other than maybe in other cultures. - And sadly we have some racists here too :(
True that! Also I can say, that I don‘t have weekly or even monthly contact with my best friends. Sometimes we call us just twice per year and then talk for 1,5 h.
@@ninan9650 I totally agree!!! Just I would call those already *close* or *very close friends* . Those I would have *deep talks* with as well and *be there whenever needed* . Yet there are also those where I'd say it works out for let's say *specific activities* etc. because having *the same interest* in one or two things, but *digging too deep* in what so ever *uncovers disagreements* that might *take the fun if it* or there is just to less in common beside that one/two things. If I had to name them *fun-friends* might fit. Friends I *wouldn't steel horses with* but *have a good time once in a while* .
Older native German here, I have to support @Flori FPV. As a German, I would even count the word friend as one of these false friends. In Germany, you first know other humans and after you did found out that you are on the same wave, you start to become friends. In contrast at "facebook" for example, you could only choose the status friend or no friend. As I always say: If something is simple it could not be German.
Moin nach Düsseldorf. Wir differenzieren halt sehr viel. Ein Bekannter. Ein befreundeter. Ein Freund. Ein guter Freund. Ein sehr guter Freund. Mein Freund. Mein allerbester Freund. Einen schönen Sonntag.
genau, und dann sind da noch die "Vereinsfreunde" oder "Hobby-Freunde", mit denen zusammen zu allen Dingen fahren wuerde, die mit dem Hobby zu tun haben, und denen man die neueste persoenliche Geschichte erzaehlt, aber die man dann doch nicht mit den anderen Freunden gemeinsam einladen wuerde.
Jep, Freunde und Bekannte hat man viele. Aber da gibt es außerhalb meiner Familie nur eine Person auf die ich mich wirklich 100% verlassen kann und ich als meinen besten Freund bezeichnen würde.
@@saschaschneider9157 Wenn Sie viele "Freunde" haben, dann offenbar auf Grund eines aus dem amerikanischen Kulturkreis entspringenden Freundschaftsverständnisses. Damit begünstigen Sie eher die in dem Video diskutierten Fehlannahmen.
I think the misconception is to assume the English word "friend" has exactly the same meaning as the German word "Freund". We Germans do differentiate much more the various levels of knowing others or even proper friendship and we do use different words for those. Never will someone be a "Freund" (friend) that you have just met and literally know nothing of e.g. like attitude towards certain subjects that matter to yourself. Especially in English speaking countries the word friend is used much more loosely than here in Germany. The word aquaintance would be more approbiate in most cases but for some reason everyone is just called a friend and aquaintance may be more a formal term so people just say friend ... ("friend" is one of the terms I´m curious to get a proper definition/clarification for) We Germans are usually raised in a way that it´s a bad thing to "intrude" into someone´s "personal space" unless there are clear signs given to proceed. Everyone here has certain boundaries regarding which topics are too personal to be shared with others and I recommend to be cautious not to - even if unknowingly - cross the "invisible lines" when trying to get in touch or even make a friendship. (in particular financial status - e.g. how much you make is not someone elses business which seems sometimes difficult to understand for Americans...) As others mentiond already I have to second that even we as Germans struggle making friends - in particular after moving. ... but it is true we do have so many clubs/societies that focus on a common topic for literally anything in life you can think of and to get in there you don´t always have to neccessarily be a member (depending on the kind of club).
I am German and I have four friends. Each one of them could call me in the middle of the night to drive them over the border with my car and their luggage without asking questions.
At least in Germany it will take some time for an adult to call someone friend. What other nation may call friends are just „Bekannte“ for us. A friend is very intimate relationship. Rarely you will find friends that have a total different view on politics for instance. For „Bekannte“ we often don‘t know such details.
A friendship between germans that have different political views is possible, as long as both are not fully drawn into the rabbithole of their respective worldviews. But even then it is hard to argue about politics and at least those of my friends that have a different opinon and I tend to keep those kind of converseations to a minimum.
Hallo Jenna, ich habe einige deiner Videos gesehen und bin überrascht, dass du Schwierigkeiten hast einen Freundeskreis aufzubauen. Du wirkst nett, zuvorkommend, offen, höflich, reflektiert und mit Humor scheinst du auch ausgestattet zu sein. Wenn du dich im wirklichen Leben auch so gibst, dann sollte es ansich ein Klacks sein, dich mit anderen zu befreunden. Soooo schwierig finde ich uns deutsche nun auch nicht ;-) Die Sache mit der, von dir angesprochenen "lifelong friendship" ist eine ganz andere Hausnummer und benötigt sehr, sehr viel Zeit um etwas aufzubauen, dass uns (ist zumindest bei mir so) extrem wichtig ist: Vertrauen. Vertrauen auf einer Ebene, wo man sich alles erzählt ohne Sicherheitsnetz. LG auch an Dzhangar
When i lived in usa, i thought every american isn't honest but very superficial. And for me this was rude. Germans are not rude in general, they are honest and say what they think. They don't tell you they like your shirt, if they don't like it only not to hurt you. And friendship in germany meens really friendship. Friends are part of our family, we love them and we are there for them. An invitation to a barbecue is just a start, but it doesn't mean "now we are friends".
I have to say as a Canadian living in Germany for 7 years, I know EXACTLY what you mean and now have a hard time understanding the way a Canadian thinks and reacts in friendly situations because I know that I was also once quite superficial. I’m proud to be honest that I’ve adopted many of the German traits since living here! 🤩✊
I agree. American thinks german are not friendly because Americans would pretend to be friends with someone whom they don't like. American would say things like 'you are awesome' when they don't really mean that. if a German likes a person, they would talk to that person, if they don't like a person, German would ignore them. honesty is something that german value a lot. I have quite some german and Austrian friends and they are really great friends to have.
Unfotunately, I have to agree, I have a lot of connections to teh US and visited the country several times but I also found that it is difficult to connect with Americans in a deeper way because you never know if they really like you or if they are just polite. In addition, the way they reacted was sometimes so rude without any reason which I wasn't used to in Germany and I also didn't find all Americans so friendly, even not teh shop assistants. As soon as there is something with which they do not agree or if you do not measure up to their stadards or expectations they can become quickly very harsh. Ans in Germany I feel that you can more be youself and do not have to pretend to be something special
I´m German with migration background and I grew up in a small German village. What I found is that it´s a lot easier to connect with people without the language barrier and they want to see that you really try hard to learn their language if you want to stay. In my childhood it was a bit hard, because I only spoke english but it became easier and easier. And what I love about Germans, once you became friends it´s like a really deep friendship. "We" don´t like superficial "friendships". And Germans are very straight and that is mistaken with being rude. We don´t do that "Oh hey love, ...."
In Germany, it's easy to make friends if you get involved. The best way is to join an association (sports etc) or in voluntary aid organizations such as fire brigade, Red Cross, etc
Yep, for parents with kids there's lots of opportunities to engage with other parents. Find out what's happening in your area, local leaflets, some black board (Schwarzes Brett) at the grocery store. Maybe there's a street party (Straßenfest) or associations like Feuerwehr or Musikverein. When they raising money, ask for your shift serving hotdogs, Beer, whatever. By that ALL the all-to-shy Germans come to you, and they talk German. If they are aware, they might switch to English. Then you know. If you're religious go to church, they maybe have a children programme to connect with other parents. But If you do not engage outside your expats bubble, you won't make your own friends.
@@Mayagick I agree with you - in principle, there are a lot of opportunities. The problem nowadays though is that they are all mostly not available due to the pandemic. What's your opinion - could the app like I talked about be a good alternative? (online platform, where both Germans and foreigners are open and interested to get in touch and meet new people)
Pandemic and Lockdown is challenging. Maybe some VHS Public Evening School offer language (online) courses, maybe for your native language. You are not a teacher, still lack enough German to answer questions, but If there are people already interested in your language/ country, they like your first hand experiences and tipps. Your skills are your assets. You know how to play the piano, offer your help in learning it (grocery black board). I am a bit reluctant in talking apps, sounds like a easy way to connect, but does it stay? It's easy to disconnect too. The idea is to get a real friend, not only the briefly encounter at a bar.
@@Mayagick Great, thanks for sharing your point of view. Yeah, the app will not solve all the challenges of course. I think if it stays or not depends on how matching the people are. If they don't have common interests (like the point Jenna made) then chances are low. But if they have a lot in common then much higher. The app is just to increase the chances to meet matching people but if they will become real friends will then depend on them. And it's gonna take some time for sure.
Hi Jenna :) It's funny, I am from Germany and can definitely say not all Germans are honest and straightforward. We do have a lot of people here that are just rude and they would call themselves "honest". We also have a lot of people that talk behind each others backs. I see a big difference in being honest and respectful or being honest and rude. I lived abroad for a while and I miss the kindness of the NZ people! It made a lot of things easier for me especially to settle. I can imagine how hard it must have been to get in touch with Germans. I like the friends and people I have in my life, but I do struggle with the mentality over here. It also depends in what area you live in Germany. I live in the South but I do have family members living in the North and I would definitely say people in the North are more relaxed haha!
You’re right though! It’s an entirely different mentality here and when you’ve lived abroad, it’s much easier to see when you return! For example, when I go back home to Canada, the over friendliness just kills me. I want to stop them and say “just calm down and be real for a moment” so now I’m stuck somewhere between being overly friendly in Germany and not friendly enough in Canada 🤣🤣
Hey Jenna, I just recently stumbled over your videos and i just love how respectful you even talk about these more 'uncomfortable' topics for us germans. And i totally agree with the fact, that it's hard to make friends with germans. Bc even I, being german myself, struggle with that culture sometimes and at the same time live it myself. If that makes any sense 😅 please don't lose hope in Germany, bc it is true, as soon as you got really close, it is a lifetime thing. 🥰
I totally agree with you, Julia. Sometimes I have the same struggles as a german. I feel like not all germans are so generally curious and openminded towards people from other countries and cultures. And if you're kind of an anomaly, it makes you the weird one in some form. But I don't want to generalize here, just a feeling I have from time to time.
Learning the language has definitely made the social side of my life in Germany easier. I find that the effort is very much appreciate in most circumstances 😊
I'm German, and I have to agree that most Germans have no real concept of everyday friendliness and everyday politeness. Americans in particular, possibly also some Canadians, can get pretty exuberant with it, but the times I've been to North America, I really liked the way people treated complete strangers like me in everyday life. And especially when they found out that I was a foreigner.
Jenna I like that "onion" comparision..it fits perfectly..not only that "layer comparision" you are making . I just want to mention that onions becoming - very sweet - in taste when you roast them on low temperature for a longer time..meaning "be not too demanding" (= low temperature) "but consistant" (= longer time) in order "to built a friend relationship" (= while roasting)...when you understand what I mean.
This is my 4th year in Germany and and i am in my second university but all i can say is that even though i am a very friendly, open person i still not have any german friends. With local germans it is basically impossible to be friends with in my experience and for the first 2-3 years i had massive depression because of this, because i went to Germany right after school and i speak fluently in German, but still no friends. I want to tell everyone who has problems with making friends in Germany that it is not your fault and you are a normal person! For years i blamed myself, had massive depression because i felt worthless even though almost every day i engaged in conversations on campus and with locals, almost every day i tried to speak as many strangers as possible, sometimes 2-3 strangers per day, but for a long time nobody wanted to go out with me etc and it is not because of my personality, looks or anything, i went to every party possible, went out as much as possible for years, but still no results. I am sure some people especially germans will not believe me now, but this is true and i try to stay as objective as i can. Making friends with people from other countries are mich easier than with germans. I want to tell all the young people not to blame yourself because all this loneliness and depression shit changed me to a different personality, a personality or lets say "mindset" i would not have accepted years ago, a monster. If i could go back in time i would never come in Germany because i litteraly "missed out" on social development in my youth, but with youtube and "myself" i still developed even better social skills etc, but in Germany still does not work for me with locals. I come from Georgia
Why would you be depressed?If somebody doesn't want to be my friend,why would I be depressed?I don't think that anybody is better than me,so if they don't want to be friends with me,just screw them.Of course,I have German friends,but I would never try to make some,if they are not interested.
Friendship is very important in Germany. But people distinguish between good friends and people that they know. This is the difference between “friends” and “acquaintances”. Friends are those you invite to your home. Acquaintances, not so much. For some Germans, friends have even more importance than family. Friendships develop when people share the same interests and like each other. For Germans, it is important that they can trust their friends. This trust must develop slowly and this is why many Germans do not share everything about themselves when they first meet someone. After they get to know someone, many Germans will open up and share personal things. It isn’t common in Germany for people to give each other gifts all the time. Many Germans may even get uncomfortable when they are showered with gifts. They don’t expect it and don’t give many gifts themselves. It is more important that they can have a good time with their friends.
This is exactly the same as in countries like Denmark, Norway, Sweden and Japan. In general North Americans, South Americans, East Asians (except Japan), South East Asia and Southern Europe are far more open and talkative. Assertive and extrovert.
In Eastern Europe (I’m from Ukraine) is also quite similar to Germany - it takes a while to call a person your friend. Majority of people are just acquaintances and it’s absolutely normal. I’ve always wondered why in English the word acquitances is not widely used as they account for the majority of our social interactions. As for friends, that’s only a couple of people, but those you can really trust
Hi Jenna! I'm German (71) and can't really judge whether it's harder for foreigners to make "friends" with Germans. But I also think that Germans have the same hurdles among themselves. You only have 1 or 2 real "friends" anyway, and that's probably true all over the world. I travel a lot to foreign countries for work and am therefore always a foreigner myself. Since I am a communicative person and get in touch immediately everywhere, even with the hotel staff, I would like to conclude that you only have to approach people openly and openly show interest in them. That always works with me and everywhere. I know that some Germans are perhaps a little reserved at first (it's no different for me too) and the others and most are very open-minded. I think I can say from my experience that as soon as you show a person that you are interested in them as a person, they will open doors for you. I lived in England and for over a year in Miami, I always made acquaintances immediately. That's what I would like to say from my point of view.
Herr Haack, da gebe ich Ihnen vollkommen recht. Selbst untereinander sind wir nicht so offen für neue Bekanntschaften, nicht zu sprechen von echter tiefer Freundschaft. Warum das so ist, ist für mich schwer zu ergründen.
@@LLcoolbrain Hallo Frau/Herr @LL.H. Das liegt wohl an unserer deutschen „Gründlichkeit“. Gründlichkeit insofern, dass wir Deutschen uns erst einmal gründlich sprich ausgiebig beschnüffeln müssen, bevor wir uns öffnen und umarmen, dann aber ordentlich, eben gründlich. In Deutschland ist alles gründlich, von vorne bis hinten, so sind wir nun einmal. Ich sehe das nicht unbedingt als negativ an.
Me and my family are like this too. We're a ranching family in Texas, but from a small "German" community. My grandfather only spoke German as a child and was forced to speak English(according to him it was illegal in Texas at the time. No clue if this was true). I've always wondered if this was something that carried over with them from Germany. We've got a very close core set of friends, most are relatives, with a few non-relatives.
As an expat, I've never found Germans to be rude or unfriendly. As a European though, I've had some trouble when some North Americans call you their good friend when for me, they're more good acquaintances. We're not good friends if we've never had deep conversations, for example. A lot of the relationships you get with expats are very superficial. And seeming friendly doesn't actually make you friendly, in my opinion. I struggled with making connections here, but that was mostly due to the fact that I wasn't trying to join local activities where Germans go, and just staying by myself, going back home a lot. Expats need to stop expecting locals to make all the work. And I've found expats to be sooo negative. Complaining about everything happening in the country, when most of the time, it's either worse or similar in their home country. Even I don't want to get to learn bitching expats, when I see them comment in the Expats groups. When I was younger, my family also lived in India and I made Indian friends through school, which is the easiest way worldwide, but my parents didn't make many local friends as they stuck to the international crowd, it was just easier that way. I think it's pretty universal, but expats need to stop thinking someone is rude just because they won't pretend to be your best friend on day 1.
I totally agree - though i think it’s just natural for one to think it’s “rude” and it just takes a bit of time to understand it’s not actually “rude” it’s a different culture
Hey there, just subscribed. Cool stuff to see from a Canadian. I am from the states, and have been here for a long time. I find it very difficult to make friends as well, but it may also have to do with the fact that we moved here as adults, and childhood buddies have already been established. Wish you the best! Tom
OK an deinen Skills in der deutschen Sprache liegt es nicht, denn Du sprichst sehr gut Deutsch. It is difficult to make friends with a German but if a German calls you a friend he / she is always there for you, no matter how long you haven't had contact. friendships between Germans last a lifetime. Everything else is acquaintance. Friendship with a german is solid like a rock. When the chemistry is right, the friendship comes naturally
I heard this many times, but to be honest I'm not sure I saw people being friends like at work. And when one changed jobs they never talk again. Maybe they were not "real" friends, but I saw lots of connection Or asking a German about one of his friends and sometimes they don't know much about him/her I'm not convinced about this statement
@@davidgruty .............Of course you can't understand that, but as a German you have a few acquaintances but very few friends. And the guys at work are acquaintances
@@davidgruty as a rule, you don t make friends at work. You help your colleagues, you show solidarity, but they are not your friends. Making friends at work is almost unprofessional. There is a huge difference in the German mindset between a friend an an acquaintance. Colleagues can only be acquaintances.
@@beyonderprime5020 if you go to have beers and have "a good time" during work i would call it friend but maybe the the topic is broader, i mean, in which country do people have real friends? maybe in Mexico people are very outgoing, but they are not really true friends
@@gulliverthegullible6667 yes. I heard about people not talking anything personal at work at all i didn't use the best example, but it is something i have observed
Germans, in general, seem to be or are very reserved, because we usually don't want to bother or intrude on anyone. The staring (which, as a German, I actually don't even notice) may be an subconscious way of showing interest - where people from other cultures might just walk up to someone and say: "hey, I like your shirt" or something. Silently looking or observing others may seem rude and obnoxious, but it's actually meant to be the opposite: not to be intrusive. So because the experience of someone just addressing us out of the blue is so uncommon (while this is different from region to region, too - in Düsseldorf and the whole Rhineland this can actually be found more often than in other parts of the country), we first may tend to be a little suspicious. Does this person want to play a trick on us? What is this about? But if good intentions become clear, people usually are happy about the approach and will relax.
Hhaha I couldn’t agree more! I’m just so glad I have a German husband who can clarify these things for me right away before I get the impression someone’s not coming to talk to me because I’m weird or something, rather that they simply don’t want to intrude
Haha yes, that’s something I’ve slowly learned as well! Problem is, as a Canadian, it’s so engrained in our culture, that I’m constantly overly nice and can’t even stop myself
Good morning, once again a great video. We watch your videos because we want to learn a lot about the differences between Canada and Germany. We are thinking about emigrating to Canada - if Canada wants us. Three years ago we met people from Vancouver at Oktoberfest, and two years ago they already visited us for a week. Last year we wanted to visit them - unfortunately it didn't work out because of Corona. When considering whether we should really emigrate, the fact that we already have friends there plays a very big role - because it gives us security. Therefore, I am with you that finding friends should have absolute priority. Please keep up the great videos. Maybe also some tips for Germans who want to visit Canada or emigrate there. Greetings from Munich.
Connections can be amazing, huh?! What a brilliant idea - creating more content for Germans who want to relocate to Canada! Looks like I have even more inspiring content I need to make 🥰🥰🙏🙏
That's why I'm watching this videos. I don't won't to emigrate to Canada, but my sister did. Her partner is Canadian and I don't understand him in so many ways. And sadly he feels pretty uncomfortable in our hometown. I hope that I can learn to understand him better and make it easier for him if he should ever visit my parents again. The second thing is to improve my English what will surely help to😅. One thing that I want to say to the topic is, that many Germans in small towns ( like here in the middle of the Bavarian no-where) don't speak English. They know a view words, but feel pretty unsure with it and than react kind of rude. But it's only Unsicherheit. I really love your channel, please don't stop👍
Loved the video. Oh, and as a German person it is just as hard to make friends. I moved to Frankfurt in 2009 and it took me a year to have the first person I would describe as a friend and not just a friendly coworker who would be nice at work but would not think of inviting me after work. And my then-bf moved to a place near Karlsruhe in 2004 and after 6 months, he had not a single acquaintance there, even the landlord family only talked business. I remember once them knocking on the door and saying "we have a BBQ on the terrasse in front of your window." and I thought they'd invite us. Instead they said "would you mind keeping the windows closed so the smoke does not settle in?" and we finally found another couple who also moved there and had the same issues. We had nothing in common with them but they were the best contact we could get.
Hello Carola! Dzhangar from MatchFamilies here. Your comment "We had nothing in common with them but they were the best contact we could get." made me ask you this: if I told you that there is a platform where there are many other couples nearby who are interested in meeting new people and making friends - would you use such platform considering your previous challenges? And if yes or no - then why?
@@dzhangarsanzhiev5263 Oh absolutely. Actually, the way I found the woman was on a friend searching website, not sure which one it was back then but you'd find people and it was not for dating, and they were the only other people in that village who had moved there and not lived there for generations, as far as I can tell, so yes, I totally used apps (they were not called apps back then) to find new people. He lived there, I only came down the weekends, so we were mainly looking for someone to hang out with, explore the area with. When I moved to Frankfurt, actually the most friends I found via the facebook group "Neu in Frankfurt" and therefore most of my friends had also just moved to Frankfurt and not grown up there. And here in Paris, same thing ... facebook group right now, and by now, I also have my friend group, but if all of them suddenly would move away, I would totally use an app where it is clear that this is not for dating, but to meet people with similar interests
@@carola-lifeinparis oh cool, thanks for your reply, Carola. I also tried Facebook groups but it is a bit challenging since the profiles there are all individual and I'm married and it's hard to digest if the others have common interests or lifestyle like us, or kids etc. So I hope my app would be useful in that sense. We haven't yet launched in Paris though, and haven't even translated it into French. But stay tuned! (I don't mean that I hope that your current friends will suddenly move away and you'll need it ;))
@@dzhangarsanzhiev5263If I move back to Germany, I would want to have more international friends so I might use it then, be the open German friend, the equivalent to what my few French friends are over here ...
@@dzhangarsanzhiev5263 There already is a platform called "new in town". Never used it myself, but a friend of mine had success with it after moving to Frankfurt.
As a German who has lived in different countries over the past years, I am honestly disappointed by the general german unfriendliness in the every day life e.g. at grocery shopping, calling doctors etc. I realize it more these days as I am only visiting 2 or 3 times a year, and see how different this is in other countries. Why can we not be nicer to each other? :( On the other hand, I also see how strong "german" friendship bonds are. I can live in another country for years, but my friends are still there and we immediately deep-dive into conversations.
I am right with you on this point! I understand it’s the culture for many cities and towns here, but just wish we could be a little bit friendlier! I do really appreciate the bonds of friendships though!! 🥰
It's a tradeoff. I also sometimes feel that Germans should learn to be "nicer" to strangers (especially in clinics and hospitals), but I guess it depends on how one defines the word nice. I love going to the supermarkets here because the cashier never asks me "Wie geht es Ihnen heute?" or says something like "Das ist eine schöne Halskette. Woher haben Sie das?" While these things aren't offensive, it's a little bit annoying to me when coming from a stranger. If I want a stranger to speak to me this way, I will hire a therapist. If I'm going to speak with someone, I also prefer to "deep-dive" into meaningful conversations, as you pointed out. I think this is a healthier and more mature way to live and interact in one's community. Frivolous niceness may seem good on the surface, but that is all it is. It is only a surface. When there is no depth to that niceness, I find it to be quite useless. Germans are polite and helpful when necessary.
Hallo auch als Deutsche die von einem Bundesland in ein anderes gezogen ist , es ist nicht einfach neue Freunde zu finden . Echtes Vertrauen braucht Zeit und eine gemeinsame Basis also Interessen die man teilt sei es Hobbys , Lebensansichten etc. Also nicht entmutigen lassen wie es so schön heißt "stay positiv"😁👍
It is also a problem inside Germany, for Germans. Because cultures are a little different, from the countryside to the cities, from the east to the west, from the north to the south. And they suffer too, because the locals will it make hard for them, harder than they would make it for foreigners, probably. Friends are part of the family, so if you want to make a German uncomfortable, call her or him 'my friend' too soon. Use 'friend of mine' (ein/e Freund/in von mir) instead.
Hhaha! I think it’s similar with the sentence “ich liebe dich” ... we use it sooo quickly in Canada and in Germany I barely even use it with my husband!
I can actually tell i have 8 friends, that are really like my family and very important to me. I trust them and i think that's what matters alot to us Germans. I don't need "friends" who i can't even trust, you walk past a door just a minute ago and they talk behind your back or whatever else. You trust them and the other way around. If they feel really bad and are sad, that you jst want to driver to them and hug them and be there for them in their bad times. I wouldn't do that for everyone. I wouldn't call everyone a friend i just met. and tbh i'm even introverted and shy. so it's even more difficult for me to open up to other people. Even in germany, people might think i don't like them or beeing arrogant, but I don't mean anything bad. I just need time to be open and be myself around someone i just met. I'm not someone who is talking much. And it's often, that I don't know how to respond, when someone just talks to me out of no where, trying to start a coversation, so even if i seem like i don't want to talk or seem like i don't like a person, that's not always the case. I just need a minute to realize "Oh this person really wants to get close to me". That's at least for me the case. But even for me it's often difficult to talk to strangers and get close to someone. So I don't think it's only the case for someone who just moved here from another country. I would at least say, It's even for germans often enough not that easy to get close to another. xD
With friends it's the same as with a partner.. You will find someone if you are not looking for someone. I think it's the best way just to do what you like to do and to frequent some places that you like regularly (favorite café, cultural center, club, whatever). We Germans like to observe people on neutral territory before we talk to them. ;) I mean.. you can get to know someone, but you can't get to unknow him/her if it turns out he/she's a freak ;) .
Hi, I am a 62 years German woman and my experiences are just be you and being friendly and polite to everyone... I have traveled to many countries and I think it’s important to figure out the social way in the different countries. For example in the US everyone is smiling saying hi and seem to be interested in you , but most of them aren’t in real ... that’s strange to Germans because we mean what we say ... I respect the other way to do and can handle it , it’s another culture . So please do the same in my country too . There are nice and not nice people in all different countries... I like to speak to foreigners and yes , also to English speaking ones , it gives me the opportunity to try my English again and I will stay curious ( on a good way ) to meet new people and to make my horizon becoming much bigger . It’s not about collecting things in life , it’s about moments to spend with other humans ...
I am a 65 year old American woman and I disagree with your assessment of Americans. First, it is just a typical greeting for Americans to say ask how someone is doing. And, Americans mostly different sets of friends, work friends and outside of work friends. Sometimes, a work friend can become a good friend. For most of America's history, we have had large numbers of immigrants who came to our country from all around the world. Our culture is just different. It does not mean we do not value our friendships and many of us have true friends. I have met many people from around the world in all sorts of circumstances and have many friends born elsewhere. Americans in fact do mean what they say, they have a different way of saying it. And, there is an old expression in English, "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar." In the American South, where I am from, manners, good behavior and hospitality are extremely important. The way a person behaves is important. German culture believes in speaking what they perceive as the truth, where Americans might find their manner offensive and rude. As a rule, I smile and wave and tell people good morning or ask how they are.
Ich habe kürzlich ein Video mit folgendem Thema angeschaut: "What the British hate about Americans". Und einer der Punkte war:"Talking to strangers in the streets". You can't just walk up to British people and ask them, "hey, what's up, I'm looking for someone to hang out with". Am Verhalten der Deutschen ist an Europa gemessen nichts ungewöhnliches, sondern so ist es überall.
Life isn't easy in Germany. It can be true that people are judging you for how you behave. This is kind of normal. Difficult times offer the possibilities for a closer look at each other. Your YT activities are a good example for trying to change peoples minds. Keep on doing your thing. I like it. All the best.
I appreciate you tackling this problem in such a tactful way, thank you. But I fully understand. Even for my family it was hard to and took several years to find new friends when we moved from one German town to another many years ago . It seems that many ( or most) Germans are not very open minded when it comes to people they don't know. If those speak a foreign language it becomes even harder because people are shy to speak English ( although it's taught in every school). It's even worse with Norwegians and my daughter had a hard time when she moved to Norway twenty years ago. She finally made lots of friends there by learning the language quickly and through her work as well later as a young mother when she met other young families. I'm so sorry that it has been hard for you and I wished people would be more tolerant and less restraint since meeting people from other countries helps so much to widen your horizon and increase your interests.
Hello, I like your channel. I am German and I think the problem to make friends in Germany has of course more than one reason. I want to give anexample first that is different. Amaricans and Canadians often say that Germany would stare at them. If you would ask the Germans they would say, no we don't stare at people! This is because "staring" is a social/cultural definition. What is the difference beetween looking at someone and staring at someone? It is how long you look and how long looking at someone will be "staring" is only a sozial definition. In Germany we look "longer" at someone as you do. With friendship it is somehow the same. In Germany it takes longer until we call someone a "friend" - it is a social definition "who is a friend". So in Germany we don't have strangers and friends, we have also a step between that, a "Bekannter/Bekannte". When you try to translate that you will get "friend" or "acquaintance" (later I have never hear before until I looked for the translation of "Bekannter"). So you may call a German your friend and this person would be surpised as he would not see you as a "friend" but as a "Bekannte" yet - and still both of you value your relationship the same. Language, the words we use influences our thinking a lot. In English you say "make friends" and in Geman we say "Freunde finden" / "find friends", in German you can "eine Bekanntschaft machen"/"make an acquaintance" (if this is proper English). Friendship (in it's German meaning) has to grow. In any case you have to meet poeple and see if there is sympathy on both sides. So the crucial point is how to meet people and meet them again...!
Sorry for the weird comment - Someone created a new account with my name and picture and started posting these nonsense comments. So sorry! ❤️ I'm deleting them all now and have blocked this person from my channel. 🙃 But I totally agree with you! Our definitions of certain words are just entirely different. And it really takes one to fully UNDERSTAND that before you can grow to appreciate and respect a different culture. :)
My grandfather was from a small village in Baden-Wūrttemburg. I visited family there who ran a 22-room Gästehaus where I stayed. At breakfast one morning, I met a woman from Munich and we struck up a conversation. We're still friends 15 years later. On the flip side, my cousin apparently told some other guests (unbeknownst to me) that I was family visiting from the U.S. After breakfast, my cousin told me that the group was upset that I didn't come over to introduce myself. I was surprised by that.
I founded a student club (for e-sports) at my university and got to know lots of new people there, also international students. Hanging out while you are doing something everyone enjoys is the best situation to make friends. Liebe Grüße!
How to make friends in Germany? Best and first advice: Don't blame others, try to fit in... Learn the language instead of expecting others to learn yours. Show an interest in the culture, food, daily life etc instead of expecting others to be interested in yours. Participate in the activities offered for your favourite hobbies like music groups, sports, book or hiking clubs and other institutions. Start with you colleagues and go from there. Try to differenciate between friend (like the mates you make in a club or at a beach in the States or Mexico who don't give a ....... about you behind the "nice to meet you", "let's meet again", "come over vor dinner", etc) and a friend in Germany who is there for you through thick and thin.
Become in friends with Germans? Do It like a German. - Become a member of a Club, go there for every meeting. - Go to a local bar every same day of the week an become a regular. Become friends with other regulars. - or do the same for example in the sauna. - or on other occasions with the possibility to become a regular - If with child, send your child to clubs and be an active member for festivals and so on. - with newborn attend to class You can join a club even without speeking German. If you are interested in the topic, normally nobody minds.
LOVE all this advice!! 🤩🥰🙏 im hoping that now that I have a child it’ll be easier for me 🥰🥰 I love being friends with Germans, it just takes so long 😂😂
@@lifeingermany_ well, it takes this time not only for you. It takes this time for us Germans too. As a German, I also do dislike the idea of the app. Perhaps this is a big difference. We Geemans like to be personal. And we like to be considerate. That's why we are quite. Loudness would disturb others. And it is this quietness that prevents from becoming a friend to a German fast - even when yourself are German. Because being loud could also mean "figuratively loud". Like looking to a person in the sauna, like being fast forward, like talking to strangers familiar. Or, using an app instead of "becoming" real friends. An app, Facebook or whatever is just the first step, but I would more appreciate it, to have the first contact in person by choice of meeting the person in reality (bar, club, class, other random occasions). This is not meaning, that it would not work or could happen in that way. I meet my wife at Facebook, we are married now for 6 years. ;) But you should take into account, that the app is not a real solution. At least not in Germany.
@@mijp Hi Mia! I'm the founder of that app that won't work ;) I couldn't pass by your comment...just because I invested a lot of time and effort into building it and I want to listen to all opinions, critique and learn. I'm wondering if you tried to use the app to understand the principle of it? I just wanted to make sure that there is no confusion, because the app is not meant to replace personal connection, which I agree is super important. I guess you did not develop the relationship with your wife in Facebook, right? I suspect Facebook just helped you find a likeminded/matching person to then meet somewhere and spend time together and then develop further relationships etc. Well, my app does the same in that sense but not for single people but families or couples. People don't make friends in the app, it just gives them more opportunities to find matching people faster and more precisely. But this is only my thinking. I would really appreciate if you could share a couple of more details on why it would not work in Germany. I think it could be a great opportunity to learn from you and maybe change something in the app, if at all possible. I'll appreciate your opinion. Thank you! Dzhangar
@@dzhangarsanzhiev5263 you missunderstood, or I was to generell, or both. People are different, situations are different, so naturally it also works. What I meant is this. Such Apps, as well as other apps like tinder, paar ship or the like are not working that well in Germany as they do in other countries like the USA. We had a huge working communities that worked really well. It was the beginning of social media. That community used chatrooms and monthly meetings. There whee communities all over Germany and people traveld to the gettogethers to meet their friends in person. We Germans like to go to a fest. We like to meet persons. We only do not like to let persons into our real and virtuell space at once. Meeting real or virtuell on neutral ground makes us more open. That was the point I wanted to say. With just an app you will find only a specific kind of Germans. Yes, it works, it works good, but it is not a "standard" German way. So, if you want to collect more more standard Germans, you need to adapt a little more. I hope this was a bit more constructive critic's. My former comment was meant for the topic "how to befriend Germans". This topic is "friendly feedback for your app" By the way, I will have a look into your app. Personally I struggle with it, so it is more my interest in culturel exchange/interchange. But my ad a German still struggles on the idea, makeing friends with this. I hope, you take this now as a positive feedback.
There is a German saying which says to become friends you have to eat a bag of salt together. So as a bag of salt take some times to eat it up, making friends is a matter of time, but hten you have a friend for livetime.
One example of how things feel differently between Germany and the US or UK was the following situation: my sister, her husband and I were returning from a family visit in the UK - our plane had just landed in Stuttgart, it was a cold and rainy Sunday morning and we were suffering from a hangover so our mood wasn't the very best. Suddenly however, my sister started to smile - and when I asked her what she was so happy about she replied: "It's so good to be home - just look at all those adorably grumpy assholes around."
As a german i can confirm that it is very hard even for us to make friends. I am 37 years old and I got 2 good friends and 1 "regular" friend. My iranian wife has 0 german friends but 10 or so good iranian friends. To get in contact with other ppl is easy for example where you work, where you do fitness, where you party etc. But to get into a deeper "relationship" there will be the point when you invite someone or get invited by someone. And - just for me - I am frightened of such invitations. Dealing with someone at the job for example is easy because you have a clear and professional topic. It's like the basement. But entering personal space is difficult. And I don't want to say something akward that the other person could think of me: what a jerk!
I would like to back up the claim that "friend" and "friend" maybe not the same. Our German language has a lot of nuances and different words for different shades that seem to be unimportant for many foreigners even when they begin to unfold the complicated german language, but these nuances often make a large difference. That can be a part of misconceptions, misunderstandings, or simply different expectations.
i mean as other ppl pointed out friendship is taken more seriously here because of that we usually keep the friends me make throughout our lifes specially from chieldhood that most of the time leads to a situation where u have so many good friends that u dont evn have time to propaly meat with all of them. so making new friends later in life is kind of a commitment to us since we dont evn have enought time for the friends we already have. that means that if ppl are not that open towards making new friends its usually not because they dont like u or something its more about most ppl already struggeling hard enought keeping the friends they already have
Are they really or do they just not want to expand their network of friends. It's fine but don't act like it's impossible or a struggle to maintain lifetime friendships with people that you can interact with frequently. Either you just don't want to make new friends at all and only want to keep your group of friends you already have and couldn't give a damn to make new ones(which is fine) or your bullshitting about it being difficult to maintain a current friendship if you make a new one.
It takes a lot of time till you can call a German "friend". But once you get there you gain a very reliabel and sincere friend. As I felt sick, my german friend turned on my door with home made food. She cook for my and my kids and brought us the dishes every day for a week, till I got better. 2 course-meals + dessert. And she is a mother of 5 and constantly overtired herself. So don't give up. It is worth it:)
I've been here for 5 years. my fellow students pretend to be my friends but i have never been invited for dinner or to participate just as a fellow german would. It makes me feel very lonely and excluded. I study art, and finally had my first solo exhibition! but none from my class came to the opening nor the closing, and barely anyone from the academy came to see it, but i saw all the community in the other exhibition openings.
😢💛 try not to take it personally at all. I have so many stories like this too. It takes time! It really does. For example, the first year of my sons Kita, I thought all the moms hated me because I was foreign and my German wasn’t perfect… turns out they just didn’t know how to approach me 🤷🏽♀️
One thing I have learned from my boyfriend is that if you want to get to know someone, you have to make the first step. We are both German, but he is so much better at starting a relationship that might with time become a friendship. He just jumps at opportunities to talk to people he likes from first impressions. I, and most other Germans don't. We feel that it's a little rude or bold to just start a conversation with strangers. But it does work. That doesn't mean that you should talk to random people in the streets. That will not work. I will give some examples of situations instead: You are at a local flea market and there is a vendor you think might be a nice person. So you start talking about something on the stand, like a normal, expected conversation. But if you like the person, then you can try to make it a little bit more personal, not much, but asking some general questions like "where did you get that" or, if it is an indicator of a specific hobby, you can ask about that. And if you get the impression that the other person seems to enjoy the conversation, you can ask to add them on Facebook or something like that. Another example: you are window shopping and by chance meet someone you know who has someone with them, you don't know yet. Great opportunity to introduce yourself to the new person and engage them in a conversation. The general idea is: Be at a place or in a situation where it is socially expected and allowed to start a conversation. Start the conversation at a situation specific topic. Observe the other person to see if they are in the mood for more than the situationally necessary conversation. Only if you can confirm this, you can guide the conversation to something that links the other person to the situation on a more personal level. If you get the impression that they still are positive about talking to you after that, you can start real conversations about stuff that has nothing to do with the situation.
Hello Jenna, nice to see you on this wonderful Sunday morning.☺️👏👍 Becoming friend's in Germany is a serious thing, a friendship means a lot for Germans, it's a trustful relationship where both sides take care about. There is a difference between acquaintances and friendships. A friend is there if you need him, he/she calls you and send you lovely message, invites you to coffee and cake or barbecue or a drink in local pub/Kneipe. To meet people the local club's are the best opportunities, Duesseldorf is usually a Carnival region with special club's for it, Düsseldorf offer's a lot of different club's for every interests you maybe have. A little research at internet can help, the local sports clubs can be an opportunity, to know a little bit about the local language and phrases can help after a while, janz jemütlich for example, it means take your time, don't worry be happy. The Rheinland region around Cologne, Düsseldorf, is usually pretty open to other people an in the bigger cities you will find people with skills in other languages and of course Englisch. Hamburg, Berlin, Potsdam or Leipzig are cities where it is not so hard to make friends, it needs a little bit and trying to use the local language can of course help a lot, if you are struggling don't care, Germans like to help and explain. Nobody is perfect!!!! And please don't let you discourage because of a few idiots you maybe meet, these guys are unfortunately everywhere in the world. The Rheinland region is also famous for the humour, they're laughing about almost everything. There is a rivalry between the cities of course, don't say you like Kölsch in Düsseldorf. And for Germans it's not so easy to know if you are really interested to become friends with them as well. Sometimes it's just a kind of misunderstanding. Please don't be to hard with us. Please have a nice Sunday, stay safe and take care 🍀
Most of my friends I know since primary school so we went through thick and thin together. It might take longer to make friends as an adult but if you found a German friend, it's forever and they would do literally everything for you.
If some stranger would straight ask me to be friends it really would creep me, a little bit like beeing asked to marry them ;-) i think its much more relaxed to ask someone for a single activity like doing a bike tour together. Than both sides see how its working out and than you do more bike tours together and than maybe one time you talk about more personal stuff... and than the years fly by ;-) and you have a perfect german friend... i thinks that's a way it could work here. But i admit that i myself often struggled to make new friends. By the way, my really best friend i met at the Arbeitsamt, both unemployed, bored and in bad mood, sharing the same bad luck seems to help, too.
Hahaha loved your comment! And yes - being able to compare bad stories helps! I have some mom friends now so we can complain about how little we sleep!
In my opinion it ist very dificult for foreigners to find friends here. The people here are more focused in work and are very racional. They are more individualistic and therefore they do not really enjoy the company of other people or enjoy small things like food etc. They do often only care about themselves and only want to recieve help from gevernment and institutes. So it is dificult in the day to day life. In general you can find some social partners in for ex. sport clubs or at work but it all keeps staying very on the surface.
As a German I think it's not a problem being an expat in Germany looking for new contacts. It's even hard if you're a German looking for new friends in Germany. The people I call friends are guys I knew from my teenage years. and now I´m..... lets say older and there are just a few new people from the last years I call a "friend" today. And those who don't want to be friend with you because you're an expat you won't call a friend either and those don't deserve your friendship.
This is my personal opinion, but I feel that if someone were to approach me and try to speak to me in my language (German), even if they might not be very good, just the fact that they are making an effort would make me feel more comfortable around them.
About the people in the park: You can take several approaches, depending on what they are there for. If they are there with their children and you have children, you can see if the children interact with each other and if yes, you can just sit with the mothers and say something like "they seem to enjoy playing with each other. Maybe you can come visit us sometime and they can play together. Then you listen to the answer and if it is positive, you can just ask to exchange numbers so you can arrange a time. If there are no children involved, it gets a little more difficult. But again, it depends on what they are doing. If they are doing something related to fitness or sports, you can approach them (of course during their break, don't disrupt their exercises) and ask them something like "I see that you are very fit. am new in this area, can you recommend a good fitness center/ store for sportswear/ swimming pool?" if they and you are interested in the conversation, it should go naturally from there. If they are doing anything else that looks interesting to you, like reading, knitting or anything else that makes you feel that they are interesting people, you can also approach them and ask a related question about that. If they are not doing anything, just walking around, the only reason I could see, why you would be interested in them is their clothing or style. Then you can tell them what you like and ask, where they got that. But note that some people don't like compliments or questions like that. But it can work.
I have lived in Germany for 14 years and only started making friends because as a musician I would meet other musicians. Until I met other musicians I could not make friends with any Germans. Germans just are not that interested in meeting new people except as a curiosity...For example "Invite the American girl to a party so that we can observe her like a zoo animal" LOL Ask every cliche question in the play book then ignore them for the rest of the time. Listen to their crazy stories but never contribute anything back....and so on. But I would go a step further and suggest that Germans just don't understand how to be friendly just to make the day go by in a pleasant manner. They seem to need a reason to be nice. I have lived in other countries but never encountered such a problem with meeting new people like in Germany!
If I don't talk to strangers at length and tell them my whole life story, it is bc I don't assume they'd be interested. I know this happens in the US. I remember a post by Hailey Alexis (who has been living in Germany for five or fix years now) where she described a woman following them in a Walmart and even to their car telling them all kinds of things. Hailey didn't say much and later her mother asked her why she had been so impolite. But honestly, what do I have to say to a person I don't know and will never see again? Unless they need help, of course. And they can't really care about me, either. It's reassurance according to the principle of "I'm OK, you're OK", maybe.
You point it Jenna.... best way to get into it, is take part of „Vereine“. Most of friendship in Germany grows in the „Schulzeit“ or in the „Vereine“. And we have Vereine for everything 😊
That is a interesting topic. I am German but lived abroad all my early life, when I returned to Germany it was so hard to get into their inner circle, it seemed like all had their friends and I was an outsider. It took time, almost until I was an adult. When we lived in the U.S my parents invited all neighbors etc., all happily accepted. My parents cooked for 50 people and 12 showed up..I felt so sad for them. No shaming, but in Germany, if the people accepted the invitation they would show up or at least say why they could not make it. To be fair, today its easy to cancel appointments or invitations by phone, young Germans are so much more unreliable. So, everything is globalized and depends on manners and upbringing, in my opinion. Most young Germans are very interested in meeting new people and especially with foreign cultures, but maybe I might be speaking for myself.
Freunde zu finden in einer fremden Sprache ist immer schwierig. Außerdem, schon mal aufgefallen? Es gibt in Deutschland so viele regionale Unterschiede im Verhalten der jeweiligen Einwohner wie es unterschiedliche Dialekte gibt. Da von "den" Deutschen zu reden ist ein bisschen schwierig. Viele Zuwanderer igeln sich auch in ihrer eigenen Gemeinschaft ein. Und schließlich bedeutet Freundschaft in Deutschland etwas sehr intimes, wenn man Glück hat, erlebt man das im Leben vielleicht 3-5 mal.
So true 🤦 we divide friends in categories and aren't bubbly from the start.. But WE are Like Solid Wood when we are friends with someone! There has to happen a lot to rotten us... And yes we are More honest than nice/bubbly but I think that developed ober the yeara considering our history...because we almost Always have the feeling of being a pushover... #toolongtoexplainhere I hope y'all find friends or friendships and enjoy Germany ❤️☺️ Greetings from near Düsseldorf ✌️
Ive been here in the Bavarian but have no friends yess its not easy to find friends here good they smile when you great them and most of them can give directions when u request for any
Actually, it always surprises me a little to see videos like this. But I also sometimes wonder how the impression can be created that it is difficult to come into contact with Germans. Do you guys actually speak German or English when you approach Germans?
I speak German when I approach Germans, but find even with mom friends at the playground, it takes YEARS to get into any sort of deep relationship. It’s okay! It’s just something I’ve had to get used to.
Here’s a fun fact; Germans are often in the same class in school for their entire primary education. Sometimes even into secondary depending on the size of the school. Unfortunately they lose out on the incredibly important opportunity to develop those fundamental social skills that we foreigners all take for granted considering that most of us had a whole new set of classmates each year. We HAD to learn how to make friends.
Germans are more difficult to befriend because they lack social skills? That's a bit rude. A classroom is not the only place were you can meet new people. I could actually make a point to the contrary, because many Germans have after school activities like sports or music, they are more used to making frie ds from different schools etc. They don't just spend all their time in the same school.
As a german I'm not agree with your statement. In the 10 years of my schooltime I had found just two best friends for the lifetime, and they wasn't in the same classroom. The rest of the lower friends in my class had been "aus den Augen, aus dem Sinn" (I don't know the right translation).
The ease of getting in touch with people in the first place (long before thinking about making new friends) depends very much on the geographical region as well as on rural or not. Where I live, I can go buy some groceries and on my way there and in the shop and on my way back home, I can chat with 15 people, I do not personally know - just for the plaisure of socializing. :-) Also, there are many degrees from friendliness to grumpiness, and wether friendliness dominates is also quite dependant on where you live. Dusseldorf is a big and rather wealthy city. I think people tend to be a bit more formal and distanced there in comparison to Cologne for example.
Having lived in both countries (born and raised in Germany) and then/now lived in the U.S., I have to say, making friends especially as an adult, is never easy wherever you are. True, Germans are more reserved and frank but once you are friends, you're friends for life. As mentioned in other comments, the German definition of friends is very different from the North American definition of a friend. Most of the time to Germans, they're more like acquaintances. They come and they go, in and out of your life pretty frequently in the U.S. Some people seem to collect "friends", the way other people collect chotskies, and are for the most part meaningless. To me, there is a lot of shallowness in those type of relationships and as a born and raised German, it is not something I particularly aspire to. I even have gotten into trouble talking about the weather of all things, and it seems my dark and dry humor is often misunderstood, which is too bad. I'm at a point of my life, where I value true friendship. Quality over quantity anytime.
I really can relate to this topic and see why it is not easy to become friends with germans. Germans in general are way more restrained than people from other countires and having lived in other countires like Canada the US or Singaporeit is why I like their way more. It is for example way more easy to start a conservation and keep it going than with the average german - especially if you are in the south or north of germany. Do not make the mistake just because people might be more reserved in the beginning that they in general would not want to become friends with you, but try to see it from their perspective. You had a talk they enjoed (even if they do not show it as much as americans), but apart drom that they do not know you at all and thus from their point they do not have any reason to become your friend (yet). So the main problem is rather how to connect to germans than how to become friends, because the latter might happen or not once you get to know someone better. And that from my german view is one large advantage you will have in germany: While in north america it is way more easier to make contact and get to know people on a superficial level it is often that: superficial only and at least to me - at least in the beginning - it was often hard to judge what people really thought. Well... in germany they might not tell you to your face, but they will will let you know for sure. ;) But back to the main problem: Making contact and meeting people in germany. Clubs are not the best choice for sure. It might be easy to start conversations and find someone like, but usually it is more about enjoying the moment / evening. And should someone ask me for my phonenumber I might think about for any reason, but not that he / she just want to have more contact ond only would like to become friends....^^ Giw wizld I do it ? 2 ways. 1. Once you are somewhat settled into your new home - invite your neighbours to some snacks and a drink. If you are living in a multi-family home the people in the apartments next to you or if you live in a single family home in some smaller city your neighbours to the left, right and the opposite side of the street. It might be complicated if there is f.e. and elderly couple that does not speak english, but you will manage and maybe the other you invite can translate. Also those people might be not your first choice of potential friends. Even if that is the case it never hurts to get ti know your neighbours. ;) And expecially in smaller cities when you are moving to an area with long time residents it is only a first baby step, but an important oewith wich you show that you want to connect and get to know people.To take this a step further: Especially in small towns go to some local events like a "Pfarrfest", "Junggesellenfest" or "Schützenfest". No better way to meet locals of every age... 2. Look for people with similar interests. There might be no countryclubs in germany, but you will really find any other kind of club here. There are clubs or groups for really any kind of sport, chess, photography, disc golf, painting or cooking. If you are more into music there are choires and all kind bands. Even if you are into acting even at our small town in germany there is an amateur group who are learning a play and performing it once a year. Youmust speak at least some german for the last one, but I think you get my point. There are a LOT of opportunities to meet with people with the same interests, get to know them and maybe become friends. Beeing in a foreign countryit is your part though to go out looking and do the first step.
Being a German myself, I also can’t make German friends just like that, but on the other hand, I wouldn’t even want to. I like people in my realm that I get along with, and time itself will tell who those are. I guess that being overly friendly or even wanting will repel others, and just being yourself, having an attitude like „maybe we will get along, maybe we won’t“ will show a sincerity that possible real friends can relate to. I think TRYING to make friends won’t work, MAKING friends will :-) Whom does one even want to be friends with? Everyone? Nah. People who one vibes with? Certainly yes! And how else could you find them other that being yourself and seeing how they relate? So I think, with finding friends, finding yourself is the crucial part. And once you’re open to that, friends will link in without you having to do an effort ;-)
After 11 years in Germany, I don't have a single close friend who is German. It just doesn't happen. With a lot of people coming from abroad or with multinational backgrounds who are more easy to meet with and do things together, you would really have to go out of your way to befriend a German. I don't intentionally seek out expats, I would gladly spend time with Germans if we connected, but we just don't connect.
Speaking as a German, it can be quite uncomfortable, when meeting new people from abroad. Here are some things foreigners tend to do wrong quite often: 1) Be aware of the other persons personal space ... don't be too close, keep a distance of some feet (a little more than a meter is sufficient), not coming so close that the other person might feel your breath on the neck, because that's creepy ... this rule seems to apply also in Scandinavia 1a) The seat in public transport next to a German is empty for a good reason ... I don't even know why they built them in 2) "Hi", shaking hands and hugging on first sight is quite often too much (please refer to rule 1) ... a friendly nod is enough 3) Do not overact friendlyness. It can seem very superficial for Germans. Say what you mean, not what you think the other person might want to hear ... We Germans are very direct and honest, this can be misunderstood as rudeness 4) Don't try to fill the room with your presence ... calm down and lower your voice ... being loud and "overly present" can be rude 5) Come closer carefully ... like in a bar: ask for a vacant seat, sit down and let the person get comfortable with you before starting to talk 6) No stupid questions based around prejudice ... Like "Do you really eat Sauerkraut for breakfast?" or "Do you have a Lederhosen?" ... Sorry America, but big No No And just one for the way: Germans actually have humour, many of us love bad jokes ... Daddy jokes more or less ... the lower the punchline comes in, the better. If you want to warm up with some of us in a bar. If you have good German skills, jokes based around ambiquities are also welcome (basically "Kalauer" jokes).
Actually, citizens of the US are known for liking our personal space. We assume, wrongly as you are telling us, there is a reason for seating on public transportation. Americans are known for being loud and talking in an excited manner. Many of us try to remember that Germany and most European countries are very small compared to the US and try and tone down our conversations. We have large backyards and need to drive to shop, go to school and so forth.
@@jeanjohnson8492 Yeah, not all rules "done wrong" apply to Americans ... The personal space is from my experience mostly done wrong by South / East Asians, I have only experience with Chinese in that way, but a friend told me that Koreans are also literally standing on your feet while talking to you. Some Italians or Spanish are also quite "close", but I don't know if this applies to them in general. Yeah the public transport thingy is strange ... most people here are sitting alone next to their bagback or handbag on the other seat ;) One thing I like about American Culture, they shake hands only once (if they meet a new person), at least what the few American Salesmen I met were telling me, as the way Germany handles it is torture for me. Some people have a grip like dead fish, you don't want to shake their hands, but you have to at least once per day, to not be seen as rude xD
@@Finstha Yes, we normally only shake hands once when we meet someone, usually applies to a business setting. There are quite a few Germans in the Charlotte and Raleigh areas in the state of North Carolina, where I am from. Most of them seem to have adopted to the Southern culture and are very friendly. I am planning to go to Germany with a cousin next year on a genealogy trip. My cousin's grandmother came from the Bad Kreuznach area located near an US military base. However, her grandmother was actually born in Breslau, Germany (now Wroclaw, Poland) in 1932 and her entire family was from German Silesia. Her grandmother and her sisters, as well as her mother left Breslau in January 1945 and walked to Germany. We plan on going to Poland after visiting her great aunts. We are hoping to we can find vital records there. How do you think Germans would feel about talking about WW2 and the evacuation of Breslau?
@@jeanjohnson8492 From personal experience in this topic, my Grandfather was from Brieg nowadays Brzeg (50km east of Breslau) in Silesia as welland also born in '32. He did not speak about his evacuation from there in early '45 until his later years. Also Patients during my social service who fought in the war, were not really talkative about what they went through and if then only under tears. As you might imagine the evacuation was chaotic and in the heart of winter and mostly done by horse carriage or by foot so there where many quite disturbing situations for the people. Things my Grandfather stated specifically where Friendly fire cases close to the frontline, freezing to death and U.S. P-38s shooting at them. Also many convoys from Silesia lead through Dresden right at the time of it's destruction. So be careful when asking certain questions. If you want to know more about it, try to find "Our mothers, our fathers" ZDF documentation series on youtube this should be a good depiction of the time. Heritagewise, I would recommend you to look for older churches around the street where your Grandmother lived, they should have a church register, that normally dates back quite a while, if not centuries. As there where quite often no major population shifts since medieval times, you should be able to trace back your relatives for more than a century with church registers. My father did so in the Hometown of his father, so it should work out quite well.
@@Finstha Actually, not my grandmother. It is my sort of cousin's grandmother. Her uncle is my first cousin. Her grandmother married my paternal uncle, and their son is my first cousin. My sort of cousin's grandmother was married twice. My first cousin is her father's half brother. Her grandmother was 13 when she, along with her mother and 2 younger sisters evacuated the city of Breslau in January 1945. Her mother's father died fighting in the city and one of her mother's brothers was captured by the Soviets and sent to prison in Russia. He was released about 10 years later and went to Germany. Her father and uncles have talked about what their mother said about Breslau and their evacuation. Unfortunately, her grandmother died when her father and uncles were young. She has made contact with her two maternal great aunts, who live in Berlin, both in their late 80s. They shared some info with her, basically what her grandmother had told her father and uncles. My uncle was stationed in Bad Kreuznach, Germany in the early 1950s and that is how he met Ursula, my first cousin's mother. They later divorced. My grandmother actually sponsored Ursula and her son (She had a child when my uncle met her.). Ursula's mother used to visit her in North Carolina before she died, but that stopped after Ursula died. Ursula left 5 sons. I know one of the aunts does not have any children, and the other aunt has one daughter, who I do not think has any children. I am going to help my cousin do research in Breslau, Poland, which there appears to be records held there and in a central repository. Ursula's maternal side has been traced back at this time by German members of the family to the mid 1800s in Silesia. I will also visit many of the WW2 sites around there and the historical sites.
Now ,what many foreigners dont understand is: Being friendly does not make you a friend. When you are in a bad situation ,all crap comes down on you ,the one still standing behind you thats a friend. In other words a friend needs to prove his friendship. Try to figure out the meanings of: Verwandte, Bekannte und Freunde.
I think that's the common misnomer Germans make about Americans, etc. We don't necessarily believe that being friendly results in friendships. Being friendly is merely a trait of cordiality or human consideration. Smiling at someone you don't know helps to ease the tension we feel from German stares. Because I smile at you does not mean I want to be your friend. I was raised to be naturally friendly to people (until they give me a reason not to). Friends are just as rare to us as they are to you. I personally don't fling the word around, but some erroneously do (possibly due to the Facebook generation). Verwandte - These are relatives (siblings, family members. etc) Bekannte - Acquaintances. People you happen to know (from parties, work, etc.), but don't count on for friendship. Freunde - Friends, real friends - not just someone you have a coffee with. Americans don't know all the german words for all the distinctions (friend, homie, acquaintance, kin, etc.) Germans don't understand that Americans and foreigners also have equally complex nuances in personal relationships.
@10:00 “if you really want to be friends you need to do something about it…”. I don’t think that in Germany you can just go out with the objective of finding a friend. Real friendships develop and evolve over time. You might call it a ‘meeting of the minds’, perhaps a mutual understanding of the world around you, caring for and respecting each other, sharing the good as well as and the bad times, etc. To be called ‘ein Freund’ in Germany is an honor. I think what you are looking for are one or more acquaintances (ein Bekannter, eine Bekannte, ein Bekanntschaftskreis), basically a group of buddies to socialize with. Over here in Texas friends or amigos are a dime a dozen. True friends (like in Germany ein Freund oder eine Freundin) are much harder to find. But, then again, maybe I’m just an old geezer with an outdated understanding of a Freundschaft. :-)
The best oportunity to befriend us Germans is: when you are at an event that shows you have similar interests. E.g. concerts. Or international Karate seminars (like it happened to me) Having the same or similar interests helps a lot in breaking the ice. Or if you have a dog, you get in touch qhite easily. Also: what does "Expat" stand for? I always hear you using this word, but what doesn it mean?
Expats are internationals living in a country who are new or not planning on permanently living there. I on the other hand am more of an immigrant now since my full intention is to live here forever. 🙃🙃
Expat is the short form of Expatriate. Definition: highly qualified specialists who are sent abroad by their employer for a limited period of time. Extended Definition: also used for persons who intend to stay permanently in the country of destination
@@Wasserspaniel I think the CEO of Internations defines it well: “Immigrants are usually defined as people who have come to a different country in order to live there permanently, whereas expats move abroad for a limited amount of time or have not yet decided upon the length of their stay,” he says.
My impression mainly with US americans but also Canadians is that it is extremly easy to get in first contact and have smalltalk. As a German that is a little weired but I really liked that in the beginning. Germans are just used to a little slower approach and wont act in this way the first time(s) they meet someone. So maybe just give them some time. What rejects me from wanting to get to know somebody is when guys behave in that "sugar-coating-overfriendly-awesome-mode". To me that mode signals that a person is superficial - just my personal experience. The first couple of times I was overwhelmed by that (from my german point of view) excessive friendliness and missunderstood it as real interesst in my person - which it (often) was not. On the other hand I found it difficult to really get to know a person because it is very hard to get through that thin but rocksolid shiny layer of behavior. For me that layer is just not real but a cultural thing that eases interaction with people you dont really know. It also protects people from really giving away something of their personality I guess. We do not have that layer here in Germany BUT you also dont have to break it. Here we take a different, much slower, more careful but also much more truthfull approach. On a smalltalk level that often is perceived as rude or too direct by people that are not used to it. (I adopt to a certain amount when meeting north american people and it can be fun to hang out and just spend some time. But it gets boring pretty fast and is also a somehow (nice) waste of time.) Maybe it is not hard at all to get to know Germans, maybe a little less "shiny layer" is the best start? :-)
I wish we could find some middle point haha where we can be friendly up front and not reserved, but that it just takes a bit longer to call each other “best friends” 😝😝♥️
Making friends is the least of my conserns tbh coz I know making friends takes effort and time, who makes friend in one day haha u make acquaintance in a day friendship needs months even years to build. The hardest part is people here are not warm like say for example in groceries , or front desks they don't really try to be nice to u so they always comes out to be rude but that's just how they are normally I think it's not being rude I guess it's just their culture very different from Asia and america but we gotta accept the fact that we came to their country and we are the one that needs to adjust not them.
I have to deviate from a lot of the comments here. I understand where this Canadian lady is coming from and why others are agreeing with her, but I have a very different perspective/experience. I'm from the States (California), but I lived in 5 other countries before I moved to Germany 2 years ago. I find Germans to be not only friendlier but also more authentic than the people I've encountered in the other countries where I've lived. Germans are direct, and yes, it can sting sometimes. And, I think they are probably more aloof than people in other countries. But for me, this does not equate to "unfriendliness". The Germans I've interacted with, both abroad and here in Germany, are kind and sincere, and often they are quite selfless. They do not have an agenda when they help, and they are extremely dependable. And, they are so incredibly polite. I feel like a rude, immature brat in their presence sometimes. There are a number of things I would call Germans (some of which are not extremely flattering), but unfriendly is not one of them. I must also add that I am on the autism spectrum (very late diagnosed), and the culture here suits me very well. I do not enjoy overly bubbly, outgoing, superficial interactions with people. For those who do, I can well understand that Germany may be a difficult adjustment for people who are determined to make a large group of German friends.
And the best friends are those "with whom You could go stealing horses", i.e. partners in crime. And the different concepts of friendship become immediately clear if You compare "Freunde werden" to "making friends" or "se faire des amis". In Germany, friends are not "made", they rather "become/happen to be".
How to make Friends in Germany: 1. Understand that Germans take friendship VERY seriously. That isn't a topic to be taken lightly here. 2. Connect through HOBBIES, and the same interests, like musik, sports, cooking, knitting (Vereine!) Always follow, were the germans disapear to... :-) 3. Ehrenämter: Connect with other people who want to commit oneself to the same cause, like saving animals, human rights, soup kitchens, etc. 4. Local independent churches. They are often very family like and warm hearted and welcoming to strangers. 5. Try going to pubs with germans. When drinking beer, germans loosen up. I personally as a german don't like alcohol, but at least go to the pub and drink something else!
Amazing comment!! 🙃🤩🙏
@@lifeingermany_ Thank you, I am a social worker working with women with migration background. :-)
@@nathanjaerhard7352 🥰🥰 that’s why! Thank you so much! Will pin this comment to the top!
@@nathanjaerhard7352
Therefore your perfect comment. I agree 100% with you and all fact we’re written!
I agree unless that knitting thing..maybe because I´m a man. ;-D
As a German myself, I fully agree. It really is difficult to make friends. When I had to move to a different city I found it almost impossible to connect to the locals. If you are not third generation in the local football club some people don‘t even bother talking to you.
BUT that’s very dependent where you are living in Germany. There are certain areas more open than others.
One thing applies to all Germans. If you managed to make friend in the German sense of the word, you‘ got one for life!
Canadians are too polite to be honest. Germans are too honest to be polite.
Hahahahaha well said! And so true!
omg I'm german and i have to agree hahahaaa
Absolutely true!
true words
Germans are very polite. They just don't build friendships from scratch. I respect that.
I moved here to Germany almost 40 years ago and I fell in love with the way Germans tell you the truth from the start and do not tend to sugar coat everything. I also found that if you show them that you are trying to learn the German language and learn their ways you will find friends. The one thing you should keep in mind is that Germans are a very formal people that love their traditions and are set in their ways. If you have a German friend you have a friend for life and one that will do most anything they can to help you.
Our German is not very good. Our friends and neighbors see that we don;t expect them to speak to us in English and they sour German slowly improving. We get huge props on those points. I don't find Germans near as harsh as their reputation makes them to be. As in all generalizations, with all groups, there are obviously some exceptions. We're human.
I've tried learning french and American sign language, and both times I was made fun of and mocked by people from both groups. It really ticked me off. I then decided to learn German and have found nothing but support from Germans I run into in my job for trying to learn their language. I always give the option for speaking English so they don't have to be patient with someone new to the language and do you know how many times a German has taken me up on that? Twice. And both of them were just absolutely nasty people in general. The rude, arrogant, my-time-is-more-valuable-than-anything-in-the-world types.
I had an international roommate and she was so frustrated in the beginning with everything. The language, the recycling system, the grocerie stores, the payment systems.... but after a couple of weeks she figured out the most stuff for living here and asked me to really challenge her and only speak german with her. I have never met a person in my life that learned german so fast as she did. the word she always had an issue with was "Mehl" (flour), for what ever reason she just couldn't pronounce it.
Whenever you go to another country, really make sure you come in contact with some locals. They can answer you the simplest question and can really help you to understand how the culture works. Germans in general are a bit shy, just because they always think you wanna sell them something and thats why it's so "rude". We aren't rude but we just sometimes want to be by ourself and don't want to chat with people we don't know. For internationals thats just a misunderstanding of our behavior
sounds logical
Friendship is like love. You can't force it! You have to wait until you meet the right person.
I am Dutch and I never had any problems with becoming friends with Germans, friendship with Germans just happen in a natural way. Trough regular interaction you find that you just click with certain people. If you approach them too friendly with a _"I want to be your friend attitude"_ they just walk away.
Stimmt.
I think is because Dutch people are as cold as Germans
Because you are also wasp. Dutch helped them in ww2
It Makes sense to me. They are real in friendships and all in, so they need to build the trust bound first. I'm an extrovert person but prefer to have a real and long lasting friendship like this.
@@fleshmoreblood Da war es wieder, das mangelnde Geschichtsverständnis.... 😉
we germans don't "stare" we're just observing very thoroughly. if you feel stared at just give them a nice "little" smile back and you will see they smile back at you.
It’s sooo true! And I do know that... I think it’s just in my culturally trained Canadian brain to immediately assume I have a hole in the back of my pants or something on my face 🤣🤣 we are often overly sensitive in Canada!!
:D That just made my day! We don't stare. We're just observing very thoroughly. (Will keep that in my "must use at least once"-dictionary!)
It's funny how often only good-looking young women (often non-white) complain of "staring". They would receive a lot of attention anywhere, especially in smaller towns or villages where they're something special. Go to China or Africa and people come up to you and want to have their photo taken with you, or they touch your hair😅 On the other hand, there is no wolf-whistling in Germany which I find much more unpleasant and intrusive than a look.
@Nidhi Roy erm... You people? Are you really trying to turn this into a racist thing? (btw: I didn't post the staring part...) If you notice something about someone staring at you, simply go up to the individual and ask politely "I could not but notice your interest. May I help you?"
You won't believe their reaction. Maybe the think you're beautiful and can't look away.
Is this something that occurs to you a lot? Is this a thing in Germany or worldwide?
I'm 6' (around 180cm), kinda fat with long hair and a beard. Mostly dressed in black. I get the stares a lot. And I'm caucasian descent. What do I do about it? Smile back. Either they look away - or I get the smile back. Which makes my day.
@Nidhi Roy I would say, some do and some not. But many people are just curious about thinks/people they see rarely. On the other hand I think that in German culture people look more and longer at each other than maybe in other cultures. - And sadly we have some racists here too :(
Hi! For me, a friend is someone I can call at 4 in the morning and ask for help! Friendship is a matter of trust and that takes time.
True that! Also I can say, that I don‘t have weekly or even monthly contact with my best friends. Sometimes we call us just twice per year and then talk for 1,5 h.
And for a friend I would drive 4 hours in the dark and pooring rain to help them out
@@ninan9650 Exactly, and then it's as if you just saw each other yesterday.
@@karinland8533 Exactly
@@ninan9650 I totally agree!!!
Just I would call those already *close* or *very close friends* . Those I would have *deep talks* with as well and *be there whenever needed* .
Yet there are also those where I'd say it works out for let's say *specific activities* etc. because having *the same interest* in one or two things, but *digging too deep* in what so ever *uncovers disagreements* that might *take the fun if it* or there is just to less in common beside that one/two things.
If I had to name them *fun-friends* might fit. Friends I *wouldn't steel horses with* but *have a good time once in a while* .
Older native German here, I have to support @Flori FPV. As a German, I would even count the word friend as one of these false friends. In Germany, you first know other humans and after you did found out that you are on the same wave, you start to become friends. In contrast at "facebook" for example, you could only choose the status friend or no friend. As I always say: If something is simple it could not be German.
Such an interesting topic, right?! I think I need to make another video looking into the difference in the definition of “friend”
Moin nach Düsseldorf. Wir differenzieren halt sehr viel. Ein Bekannter. Ein befreundeter. Ein Freund. Ein guter Freund. Ein sehr guter Freund. Mein Freund. Mein allerbester Freund. Einen schönen Sonntag.
genau, und dann sind da noch die "Vereinsfreunde" oder "Hobby-Freunde", mit denen zusammen zu allen Dingen fahren wuerde, die mit dem Hobby zu tun haben, und denen man die neueste persoenliche Geschichte erzaehlt, aber die man dann doch nicht mit den anderen Freunden gemeinsam einladen wuerde.
@@carola-lifeinparis moin, sehr gute Ergänzung! Liebe Grüße von Hamburg nach Paris!
Aber Vorsicht vor "Parteifreunden," denn die sind das, was einem Feind am nächsten kommt.
Jep, Freunde und Bekannte hat man viele. Aber da gibt es außerhalb meiner Familie nur eine Person auf die ich mich wirklich 100% verlassen kann und ich als meinen besten Freund bezeichnen würde.
@@saschaschneider9157 Wenn Sie viele "Freunde" haben, dann offenbar auf Grund eines aus dem amerikanischen Kulturkreis entspringenden Freundschaftsverständnisses. Damit begünstigen Sie eher die in dem Video diskutierten Fehlannahmen.
I think the misconception is to assume the English word "friend" has exactly the same meaning as the German word "Freund".
We Germans do differentiate much more the various levels of knowing others or even proper friendship and we do use different words for those.
Never will someone be a "Freund" (friend) that you have just met and literally know nothing of e.g. like attitude towards certain subjects that matter to yourself.
Especially in English speaking countries the word friend is used much more loosely than here in Germany.
The word aquaintance would be more approbiate in most cases but for some reason everyone is just called a friend and aquaintance may be more a formal term so people just say friend ... ("friend" is one of the terms I´m curious to get a proper definition/clarification for)
We Germans are usually raised in a way that it´s a bad thing to "intrude" into someone´s "personal space" unless there are clear signs given to proceed.
Everyone here has certain boundaries regarding which topics are too personal to be shared with others and I recommend to be cautious not to - even if unknowingly - cross the "invisible lines" when trying to get in touch or even make a friendship.
(in particular financial status - e.g. how much you make is not someone elses business which seems sometimes difficult to understand for Americans...)
As others mentiond already I have to second that even we as Germans struggle making friends - in particular after moving.
... but it is true we do have so many clubs/societies that focus on a common topic for literally anything in life you can think of and to get in there you don´t always have to neccessarily be a member (depending on the kind of club).
I find this sooo interesting and am so happy so many of you mentioned this difference in the term “friend” here in Germany! It is sooo very true!
I am German and I have four friends. Each one of them could call me in the middle of the night to drive them over the border with my car and their luggage without asking questions.
Are they from your Kindergarten or school?
At least in Germany it will take some time for an adult to call someone friend. What other nation may call friends are just „Bekannte“ for us. A friend is very intimate relationship. Rarely you will find friends that have a total different view on politics for instance. For „Bekannte“ we often don‘t know such details.
Definitely!! I guess in Canada we could say “acquaintance” which is a little strange haha
A friendship between germans that have different political views is possible, as long as both are not fully drawn into the rabbithole of their respective worldviews. But even then it is hard to argue about politics and at least those of my friends that have a different opinon and I tend to keep those kind of converseations to a minimum.
Hallo Jenna,
ich habe einige deiner Videos gesehen und bin überrascht, dass du Schwierigkeiten hast einen Freundeskreis aufzubauen. Du wirkst nett, zuvorkommend, offen, höflich, reflektiert und mit Humor scheinst du auch ausgestattet zu sein. Wenn du dich im wirklichen Leben auch so gibst, dann sollte es ansich ein Klacks sein, dich mit anderen zu befreunden. Soooo schwierig finde ich uns deutsche nun auch nicht ;-)
Die Sache mit der, von dir angesprochenen "lifelong friendship" ist eine ganz andere Hausnummer und benötigt sehr, sehr viel Zeit um etwas aufzubauen, dass uns (ist zumindest bei mir so) extrem wichtig ist: Vertrauen. Vertrauen auf einer Ebene, wo man sich alles erzählt ohne Sicherheitsnetz.
LG auch an Dzhangar
Dankeschön Mike 🥰 das ist wirklich lieb von dir! ♥️ ich versuche immer noch meinem “Deutschen Freundeskreis” zu bauen und irgendwann kommt das! Haha
When i lived in usa, i thought every american isn't honest but very superficial. And for me this was rude. Germans are not rude in general, they are honest and say what they think. They don't tell you they like your shirt, if they don't like it only not to hurt you. And friendship in germany meens really friendship. Friends are part of our family, we love them and we are there for them. An invitation to a barbecue is just a start, but it doesn't mean "now we are friends".
I have to say as a Canadian living in Germany for 7 years, I know EXACTLY what you mean and now have a hard time understanding the way a Canadian thinks and reacts in friendly situations because I know that I was also once quite superficial. I’m proud to be honest that I’ve adopted many of the German traits since living here! 🤩✊
I agree. American thinks german are not friendly because Americans would pretend to be friends with someone whom they don't like. American would say things like 'you are awesome' when they don't really mean that. if a German likes a person, they would talk to that person, if they don't like a person, German would ignore them. honesty is something that german value a lot. I have quite some german and Austrian friends and they are really great friends to have.
Again...well said!
Unfotunately, I have to agree, I have a lot of connections to teh US and visited the country several times but I also found that it is difficult to connect with Americans in a deeper way because you never know if they really like you or if they are just polite. In addition, the way they reacted was sometimes so rude without any reason which I wasn't used to in Germany and I also didn't find all Americans so friendly, even not teh shop assistants. As soon as there is something with which they do not agree or if you do not measure up to their stadards or expectations they can become quickly very harsh. Ans in Germany I feel that you can more be youself and do not have to pretend to be something special
@@gigi2091 agreed.
I´m German with migration background and I grew up in a small German village. What I found is that it´s a lot easier to connect with people without the language barrier and they want to see that you really try hard to learn their language if you want to stay. In my childhood it was a bit hard, because I only spoke english but it became easier and easier. And what I love about Germans, once you became friends it´s like a really deep friendship. "We" don´t like superficial "friendships". And Germans are very straight and that is mistaken with being rude. We don´t do that "Oh hey love, ...."
In Germany, it's easy to make friends if you get involved. The best way is to join an association (sports etc) or in voluntary aid organizations such as fire brigade, Red Cross, etc
Yep, for parents with kids there's lots of opportunities to engage with other parents. Find out what's happening in your area, local leaflets, some black board (Schwarzes Brett) at the grocery store. Maybe there's a street party (Straßenfest) or associations like Feuerwehr or Musikverein. When they raising money, ask for your shift serving hotdogs, Beer, whatever. By that ALL the all-to-shy Germans come to you, and they talk German. If they are aware, they might switch to English. Then you know. If you're religious go to church, they maybe have a children programme to connect with other parents. But If you do not engage outside your expats bubble, you won't make your own friends.
@@Mayagick I agree with you - in principle, there are a lot of opportunities. The problem nowadays though is that they are all mostly not available due to the pandemic. What's your opinion - could the app like I talked about be a good alternative? (online platform, where both Germans and foreigners are open and interested to get in touch and meet new people)
Pandemic and Lockdown is challenging. Maybe some VHS Public Evening School offer language (online) courses, maybe for your native language. You are not a teacher, still lack enough German to answer questions, but If there are people already interested in your language/ country, they like your first hand experiences and tipps. Your skills are your assets. You know how to play the piano, offer your help in learning it (grocery black board). I am a bit reluctant in talking apps, sounds like a easy way to connect, but does it stay? It's easy to disconnect too. The idea is to get a real friend, not only the briefly encounter at a bar.
@@Mayagick Great, thanks for sharing your point of view. Yeah, the app will not solve all the challenges of course. I think if it stays or not depends on how matching the people are. If they don't have common interests (like the point Jenna made) then chances are low. But if they have a lot in common then much higher. The app is just to increase the chances to meet matching people but if they will become real friends will then depend on them. And it's gonna take some time for sure.
Hi Jenna :)
It's funny, I am from Germany and can definitely say not all Germans are honest and straightforward. We do have a lot of people here that are just rude and they would call themselves "honest". We also have a lot of people that talk behind each others backs. I see a big difference in being honest and respectful or being honest and rude. I lived abroad for a while and I miss the kindness of the NZ people! It made a lot of things easier for me especially to settle. I can imagine how hard it must have been to get in touch with Germans. I like the friends and people I have in my life, but I do struggle with the mentality over here. It also depends in what area you live in Germany. I live in the South but I do have family members living in the North and I would definitely say people in the North are more relaxed haha!
You’re right though! It’s an entirely different mentality here and when you’ve lived abroad, it’s much easier to see when you return! For example, when I go back home to Canada, the over friendliness just kills me. I want to stop them and say “just calm down and be real for a moment” so now I’m stuck somewhere between being overly friendly in Germany and not friendly enough in Canada 🤣🤣
Hey Jenna, I just recently stumbled over your videos and i just love how respectful you even talk about these more 'uncomfortable' topics for us germans. And i totally agree with the fact, that it's hard to make friends with germans. Bc even I, being german myself, struggle with that culture sometimes and at the same time live it myself. If that makes any sense 😅 please don't lose hope in Germany, bc it is true, as soon as you got really close, it is a lifetime thing. 🥰
I totally agree with you, Julia. Sometimes I have the same struggles as a german. I feel like not all germans are so generally curious and openminded towards people from other countries and cultures. And if you're kind of an anomaly, it makes you the weird one in some form. But I don't want to generalize here, just a feeling I have from time to time.
Learning the language has definitely made the social side of my life in Germany easier. I find that the effort is very much appreciate in most circumstances 😊
Couldn’t agree more! 🥰
I'm German, and I have to agree that most Germans have no real concept of everyday friendliness and everyday politeness. Americans in particular, possibly also some Canadians, can get pretty exuberant with it, but the times I've been to North America, I really liked the way people treated complete strangers like me in everyday life. And especially when they found out that I was a foreigner.
Jenna
I like that "onion" comparision..it fits perfectly..not only that "layer comparision" you are making .
I just want to mention that onions becoming - very sweet - in taste when you roast them on low temperature for a longer time..meaning "be not too demanding" (= low temperature) "but consistant" (= longer time) in order "to built a friend relationship" (= while roasting)...when you understand what I mean.
You’re absolutely right 🥰🥰 so true!!
I like your roasting theory! Sounds delicious :D
Also Onions with Mett increase Friendship bonus xD
@@Hanmacx I´m not the "Mett-type" at all..Sorry... but I love Beef Tartar.;-D
This is my 4th year in Germany and and i am in my second university but all i can say is that even though i am a very friendly, open person i still not have any german friends. With local germans it is basically impossible to be friends with in my experience and for the first 2-3 years i had massive depression because of this, because i went to Germany right after school and i speak fluently in German, but still no friends.
I want to tell everyone who has problems with making friends in Germany that it is not your fault and you are a normal person! For years i blamed myself, had massive depression because i felt worthless even though almost every day i engaged in conversations on campus and with locals, almost every day i tried to speak as many strangers as possible, sometimes 2-3 strangers per day, but for a long time nobody wanted to go out with me etc and it is not because of my personality, looks or anything, i went to every party possible, went out as much as possible for years, but still no results. I am sure some people especially germans will not believe me now, but this is true and i try to stay as objective as i can. Making friends with people from other countries are mich easier than with germans.
I want to tell all the young people not to blame yourself because all this loneliness and depression shit changed me to a different personality, a personality or lets say "mindset" i would not have accepted years ago, a monster. If i could go back in time i would never come in Germany because i litteraly "missed out" on social development in my youth, but with youtube and "myself" i still developed even better social skills etc, but in Germany still does not work for me with locals.
I come from Georgia
Why would you be depressed?If somebody doesn't want to be my friend,why would I be depressed?I don't think that anybody is better than me,so if they don't want to be friends with me,just screw them.Of course,I have German friends,but I would never try to make some,if they are not interested.
Germans culturally are considered to be shy and extremely reserved.
Friendship is very important in Germany. But people distinguish between good friends and people that they know. This is the difference between “friends” and “acquaintances”. Friends are those you invite to your home. Acquaintances, not so much. For some Germans, friends have even more importance than family. Friendships develop when people share the same interests and like each other. For Germans, it is important that they can trust their friends. This trust must develop slowly and this is why many Germans do not share everything about themselves when they first meet someone. After they get to know someone, many Germans will open up and share personal things.
It isn’t common in Germany for people to give each other gifts all the time. Many Germans may even get uncomfortable when they are showered with gifts. They don’t expect it and don’t give many gifts themselves. It is more important that they can have a good time with their friends.
The German definition of Friendship is just different.
Totally!
Awesome video :) I can relate soooooo well ;)
This is exactly the same as in countries like Denmark, Norway, Sweden and Japan.
In general North Americans, South Americans, East Asians (except Japan), South East Asia and Southern Europe are far more open and talkative. Assertive and extrovert.
Definitely true!
In Eastern Europe (I’m from Ukraine) is also quite similar to Germany - it takes a while to call a person your friend. Majority of people are just acquaintances and it’s absolutely normal. I’ve always wondered why in English the word acquitances is not widely used as they account for the majority of our social interactions. As for friends, that’s only a couple of people, but those you can really trust
Hi Jenna! I'm German (71) and can't really judge whether it's harder for foreigners to make "friends" with Germans. But I also think that Germans have the same hurdles among themselves. You only have 1 or 2 real "friends" anyway, and that's probably true all over the world. I travel a lot to foreign countries for work and am therefore always a foreigner myself. Since I am a communicative person and get in touch immediately everywhere, even with the hotel staff, I would like to conclude that you only have to approach people openly and openly show interest in them. That always works with me and everywhere. I know that some Germans are perhaps a little reserved at first (it's no different for me too) and the others and most are very open-minded. I think I can say from my experience that as soon as you show a person that you are interested in them as a person, they will open doors for you. I lived in England and for over a year in Miami, I always made acquaintances immediately. That's what I would like to say from my point of view.
Herr Haack, da gebe ich Ihnen vollkommen recht. Selbst untereinander sind wir nicht so offen für neue Bekanntschaften, nicht zu sprechen von echter tiefer Freundschaft. Warum das so ist, ist für mich schwer zu ergründen.
@@LLcoolbrain Hallo Frau/Herr @LL.H. Das liegt wohl an unserer deutschen „Gründlichkeit“. Gründlichkeit insofern, dass wir Deutschen uns erst einmal gründlich sprich ausgiebig beschnüffeln müssen, bevor wir uns öffnen und umarmen, dann aber ordentlich, eben gründlich. In Deutschland ist alles gründlich, von vorne bis hinten, so sind wir nun einmal. Ich sehe das nicht unbedingt als negativ an.
Me and my family are like this too. We're a ranching family in Texas, but from a small "German" community. My grandfather only spoke German as a child and was forced to speak English(according to him it was illegal in Texas at the time. No clue if this was true). I've always wondered if this was something that carried over with them from Germany. We've got a very close core set of friends, most are relatives, with a few non-relatives.
As an expat, I've never found Germans to be rude or unfriendly. As a European though, I've had some trouble when some North Americans call you their good friend when for me, they're more good acquaintances. We're not good friends if we've never had deep conversations, for example. A lot of the relationships you get with expats are very superficial. And seeming friendly doesn't actually make you friendly, in my opinion. I struggled with making connections here, but that was mostly due to the fact that I wasn't trying to join local activities where Germans go, and just staying by myself, going back home a lot. Expats need to stop expecting locals to make all the work. And I've found expats to be sooo negative. Complaining about everything happening in the country, when most of the time, it's either worse or similar in their home country. Even I don't want to get to learn bitching expats, when I see them comment in the Expats groups. When I was younger, my family also lived in India and I made Indian friends through school, which is the easiest way worldwide, but my parents didn't make many local friends as they stuck to the international crowd, it was just easier that way. I think it's pretty universal, but expats need to stop thinking someone is rude just because they won't pretend to be your best friend on day 1.
I totally agree - though i think it’s just natural for one to think it’s “rude” and it just takes a bit of time to understand it’s not actually “rude” it’s a different culture
The problem is that we have a different understanding of the meaning of "friendship" or "friends".
Hey there, just subscribed. Cool stuff to see from a Canadian. I am from the states, and have been here for a long time. I find it very difficult to make friends as well, but it may also have to do with the fact that we moved here as adults, and childhood buddies have already been established. Wish you the best! Tom
Subscribed to you too! 🤩 and yes, I’m totally hoping to build that circle of friends when my son starts kita! 🤞🤞
@@lifeingermany_ Certainly you will gain new contacts, and with any luck, new friends :)
OK an deinen Skills in der deutschen Sprache liegt es nicht, denn Du sprichst sehr gut Deutsch. It is difficult to make friends with a German but if a German calls you a friend he / she is always there for you, no matter how long you haven't had contact.
friendships between Germans last a lifetime. Everything else is acquaintance. Friendship with a german is solid like a rock. When the chemistry is right, the friendship comes naturally
I heard this many times, but to be honest I'm not sure
I saw people being friends like at work. And when one changed jobs they never talk again. Maybe they were not "real" friends, but I saw lots of connection
Or asking a German about one of his friends and sometimes they don't know much about him/her
I'm not convinced about this statement
@@davidgruty .............Of course you can't understand that, but as a German you have a few acquaintances but very few friends. And the guys at work are acquaintances
@@davidgruty as a rule, you don t make friends at work. You help your colleagues, you show solidarity, but they are not your friends. Making friends at work is almost unprofessional.
There is a huge difference in the German mindset between a friend an an acquaintance. Colleagues can only be acquaintances.
@@beyonderprime5020 if you go to have beers and have "a good time" during work i would call it friend
but maybe the the topic is broader, i mean, in which country do people have real friends? maybe in Mexico people are very outgoing, but they are not really true friends
@@gulliverthegullible6667 yes. I heard about people not talking anything personal at work at all
i didn't use the best example, but it is something i have observed
Germans, in general, seem to be or are very reserved, because we usually don't want to bother or intrude on anyone. The staring (which, as a German, I actually don't even notice) may be an subconscious way of showing interest - where people from other cultures might just walk up to someone and say: "hey, I like your shirt" or something. Silently looking or observing others may seem rude and obnoxious, but it's actually meant to be the opposite: not to be intrusive. So because the experience of someone just addressing us out of the blue is so uncommon (while this is different from region to region, too - in Düsseldorf and the whole Rhineland this can actually be found more often than in other parts of the country), we first may tend to be a little suspicious. Does this person want to play a trick on us? What is this about? But if good intentions become clear, people usually are happy about the approach and will relax.
Hhaha I couldn’t agree more! I’m just so glad I have a German husband who can clarify these things for me right away before I get the impression someone’s not coming to talk to me because I’m weird or something, rather that they simply don’t want to intrude
Nirgendwo in Europa wird den Deutschen vorgeworfen, daß sie die Leute anstarren.
The guest nails it. One of the things I value here is not have to be unnecessarily nice and that friendship is meaningful
Haha yes, that’s something I’ve slowly learned as well! Problem is, as a Canadian, it’s so engrained in our culture, that I’m constantly overly nice and can’t even stop myself
@@lifeingermany_ don't stop yourself, Jenna! You are wonderful!
Shut up
Good morning, once again a great video. We watch your videos because we want to learn a lot about the differences between Canada and Germany. We are thinking about emigrating to Canada - if Canada wants us. Three years ago we met people from Vancouver at Oktoberfest, and two years ago they already visited us for a week. Last year we wanted to visit them - unfortunately it didn't work out because of Corona. When considering whether we should really emigrate, the fact that we already have friends there plays a very big role - because it gives us security. Therefore, I am with you that finding friends should have absolute priority. Please keep up the great videos. Maybe also some tips for Germans who want to visit Canada or emigrate there. Greetings from Munich.
Connections can be amazing, huh?! What a brilliant idea - creating more content for Germans who want to relocate to Canada! Looks like I have even more inspiring content I need to make 🥰🥰🙏🙏
That's why I'm watching this videos.
I don't won't to emigrate to Canada, but my sister did.
Her partner is Canadian and I don't understand him in so many ways. And sadly he feels pretty uncomfortable in our hometown.
I hope that I can learn to understand him better and make it easier for him if he should ever visit my parents again.
The second thing is to improve my English what will surely help to😅.
One thing that I want to say to the topic is, that many Germans in small towns ( like here in the middle of the Bavarian no-where) don't speak English.
They know a view words, but feel pretty unsure with it and than react kind of rude. But it's only Unsicherheit.
I really love your channel, please don't stop👍
Loved the video. Oh, and as a German person it is just as hard to make friends. I moved to Frankfurt in 2009 and it took me a year to have the first person I would describe as a friend and not just a friendly coworker who would be nice at work but would not think of inviting me after work. And my then-bf moved to a place near Karlsruhe in 2004 and after 6 months, he had not a single acquaintance there, even the landlord family only talked business. I remember once them knocking on the door and saying "we have a BBQ on the terrasse in front of your window." and I thought they'd invite us. Instead they said "would you mind keeping the windows closed so the smoke does not settle in?" and we finally found another couple who also moved there and had the same issues. We had nothing in common with them but they were the best contact we could get.
Hello Carola! Dzhangar from MatchFamilies here. Your comment "We had nothing in common with them but they were the best contact we could get." made me ask you this: if I told you that there is a platform where there are many other couples nearby who are interested in meeting new people and making friends - would you use such platform considering your previous challenges? And if yes or no - then why?
@@dzhangarsanzhiev5263 Oh absolutely. Actually, the way I found the woman was on a friend searching website, not sure which one it was back then but you'd find people and it was not for dating, and they were the only other people in that village who had moved there and not lived there for generations, as far as I can tell, so yes, I totally used apps (they were not called apps back then) to find new people. He lived there, I only came down the weekends, so we were mainly looking for someone to hang out with, explore the area with. When I moved to Frankfurt, actually the most friends I found via the facebook group "Neu in Frankfurt" and therefore most of my friends had also just moved to Frankfurt and not grown up there. And here in Paris, same thing ... facebook group right now, and by now, I also have my friend group, but if all of them suddenly would move away, I would totally use an app where it is clear that this is not for dating, but to meet people with similar interests
@@carola-lifeinparis oh cool, thanks for your reply, Carola. I also tried Facebook groups but it is a bit challenging since the profiles there are all individual and I'm married and it's hard to digest if the others have common interests or lifestyle like us, or kids etc. So I hope my app would be useful in that sense. We haven't yet launched in Paris though, and haven't even translated it into French. But stay tuned! (I don't mean that I hope that your current friends will suddenly move away and you'll need it ;))
@@dzhangarsanzhiev5263If I move back to Germany, I would want to have more international friends so I might use it then, be the open German friend, the equivalent to what my few French friends are over here ...
@@dzhangarsanzhiev5263 There already is a platform called "new in town". Never used it myself, but a friend of mine had success with it after moving to Frankfurt.
Exactly, to have a friend , “be sincere, open, and authentic” ❤️ politeness and friendship are different things ;)
As a German who has lived in different countries over the past years, I am honestly disappointed by the general german unfriendliness in the every day life e.g. at grocery shopping, calling doctors etc. I realize it more these days as I am only visiting 2 or 3 times a year, and see how different this is in other countries. Why can we not be nicer to each other? :( On the other hand, I also see how strong "german" friendship bonds are. I can live in another country for years, but my friends are still there and we immediately deep-dive into conversations.
I am right with you on this point! I understand it’s the culture for many cities and towns here, but just wish we could be a little bit friendlier! I do really appreciate the bonds of friendships though!! 🥰
It's a tradeoff. I also sometimes feel that Germans should learn to be "nicer" to strangers (especially in clinics and hospitals), but I guess it depends on how one defines the word nice. I love going to the supermarkets here because the cashier never asks me "Wie geht es Ihnen heute?" or says something like "Das ist eine schöne Halskette. Woher haben Sie das?" While these things aren't offensive, it's a little bit annoying to me when coming from a stranger. If I want a stranger to speak to me this way, I will hire a therapist.
If I'm going to speak with someone, I also prefer to "deep-dive" into meaningful conversations, as you pointed out. I think this is a healthier and more mature way to live and interact in one's community. Frivolous niceness may seem good on the surface, but that is all it is. It is only a surface. When there is no depth to that niceness, I find it to be quite useless. Germans are polite and helpful when necessary.
Hallo auch als Deutsche die von einem Bundesland in ein anderes gezogen ist , es ist nicht einfach neue Freunde zu finden . Echtes Vertrauen braucht Zeit und eine gemeinsame Basis also Interessen die man teilt sei es Hobbys , Lebensansichten etc. Also nicht entmutigen lassen wie es so schön heißt "stay positiv"😁👍
It is also a problem inside Germany, for Germans. Because cultures are a little different, from the countryside to the cities, from the east to the west, from the north to the south.
And they suffer too, because the locals will it make hard for them, harder than they would make it for foreigners, probably. Friends are part of the family, so if you want to make a German uncomfortable, call her or him 'my friend' too soon. Use 'friend of mine' (ein/e Freund/in von mir) instead.
Hhaha! I think it’s similar with the sentence “ich liebe dich” ... we use it sooo quickly in Canada and in Germany I barely even use it with my husband!
I can actually tell i have 8 friends, that are really like my family and very important to me. I trust them and i think that's what matters alot to us Germans. I don't need "friends" who i can't even trust, you walk past a door just a minute ago and they talk behind your back or whatever else. You trust them and the other way around. If they feel really bad and are sad, that you jst want to driver to them and hug them and be there for them in their bad times. I wouldn't do that for everyone. I wouldn't call everyone a friend i just met. and tbh i'm even introverted and shy. so it's even more difficult for me to open up to other people. Even in germany, people might think i don't like them or beeing arrogant, but I don't mean anything bad. I just need time to be open and be myself around someone i just met. I'm not someone who is talking much. And it's often, that I don't know how to respond, when someone just talks to me out of no where, trying to start a coversation, so even if i seem like i don't want to talk or seem like i don't like a person, that's not always the case. I just need a minute to realize "Oh this person really wants to get close to me". That's at least for me the case. But even for me it's often difficult to talk to strangers and get close to someone. So I don't think it's only the case for someone who just moved here from another country. I would at least say, It's even for germans often enough not that easy to get close to another. xD
With friends it's the same as with a partner.. You will find someone if you are not looking for someone. I think it's the best way just to do what you like to do and to frequent some places that you like regularly (favorite café, cultural center, club, whatever). We Germans like to observe people on neutral territory before we talk to them. ;) I mean.. you can get to know someone, but you can't get to unknow him/her if it turns out he/she's a freak ;) .
Couldn’t agree more! The German friends I have were in no way “planned” which makes it so much more natural
Hi, I am a 62 years German woman and my experiences are just be you and being friendly and polite to everyone... I have traveled to many countries and I think it’s important to figure out the social way in the different countries. For example in the US everyone is smiling saying hi and seem to be interested in you , but most of them aren’t in real ... that’s strange to Germans because we mean what we say ... I respect the other way to do and can handle it , it’s another culture . So please do the same in my country too . There are nice and not nice people in all different countries... I like to speak to foreigners and yes , also to English speaking ones , it gives me the opportunity to try my English again and I will stay curious ( on a good way ) to meet new people and to make my horizon becoming much bigger . It’s not about collecting things in life , it’s about moments to spend with other humans ...
I am a 65 year old American woman and I disagree with your assessment of Americans. First, it is just a typical greeting for Americans to say ask how someone is doing. And, Americans mostly different sets of friends, work friends and outside of work friends. Sometimes, a work friend can become a good friend. For most of America's history, we have had large numbers of immigrants who came to our country from all around the world. Our culture is just different. It does not mean we do not value our friendships and many of us have true friends. I have met many people from around the world in all sorts of circumstances and have many friends born elsewhere. Americans in fact do mean what they say, they have a different way of saying it. And, there is an old expression in English, "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar." In the American South, where I am from, manners, good behavior and hospitality are extremely important. The way a person behaves is important. German culture believes in speaking what they perceive as the truth, where Americans might find their manner offensive and rude. As a rule, I smile and wave and tell people good morning or ask how they are.
Ich habe kürzlich ein Video mit folgendem Thema angeschaut: "What the British hate about Americans". Und einer der Punkte war:"Talking to strangers in the streets". You can't just walk up to British people and ask them, "hey, what's up, I'm looking for someone to hang out with". Am Verhalten der Deutschen ist an Europa gemessen nichts ungewöhnliches, sondern so ist es überall.
Genau so ist es!
Life isn't easy in Germany. It can be true that people are judging you for how you behave. This is kind of normal. Difficult times offer the possibilities for a closer look at each other. Your YT activities are a good example for trying to change peoples minds. Keep on doing your thing. I like it. All the best.
Thanks so much 🥰🥰
I appreciate you tackling this problem in such a tactful way, thank you. But I fully understand. Even for my family it was hard to and took several years to find new friends when we moved from one German town to another many years ago
.
It seems that many ( or most) Germans are not very open minded when it comes to people they don't know. If those speak a foreign language it becomes even harder because people are shy to speak English ( although it's taught in every school).
It's even worse with Norwegians and my daughter had a hard time when she moved to Norway twenty years ago.
She finally made lots of friends there by learning the language quickly and through her work as well later as a young mother when she met other young families.
I'm so sorry that it has been hard for you and I wished people would be more tolerant and less restraint since meeting people from other countries helps so much to widen your horizon and increase your interests.
I’m also so surprised that it’s similar in Norway ☹️☹️ I wouldn’t never had expected that!
@@lifeingermany_ oh yes, a Norwegian would never say 'hi' to an unknown person.
Hello, I like your channel.
I am German and I think the problem to make friends in Germany has of course more than one reason. I want to give anexample first that is different. Amaricans and Canadians often say that Germany would stare at them. If you would ask the Germans they would say, no we don't stare at people! This is because "staring" is a social/cultural definition. What is the difference beetween looking at someone and staring at someone? It is how long you look and how long looking at someone will be "staring" is only a sozial definition. In Germany we look "longer" at someone as you do.
With friendship it is somehow the same. In Germany it takes longer until we call someone a "friend" - it is a social definition "who is a friend". So in Germany we don't have strangers and friends, we have also a step between that, a "Bekannter/Bekannte". When you try to translate that you will get "friend" or "acquaintance" (later I have never hear before until I looked for the translation of "Bekannter"). So you may call a German your friend and this person would be surpised as he would not see you as a "friend" but as a "Bekannte" yet - and still both of you value your relationship the same.
Language, the words we use influences our thinking a lot. In English you say "make friends" and in Geman we say "Freunde finden" / "find friends", in German you can "eine Bekanntschaft machen"/"make an acquaintance" (if this is proper English). Friendship (in it's German meaning) has to grow. In any case you have to meet poeple and see if there is sympathy on both sides. So the crucial point is how to meet people and meet them again...!
Sorry for the weird comment - Someone created a new account with my name and picture and started posting these nonsense comments. So sorry! ❤️ I'm deleting them all now and have blocked this person from my channel. 🙃
But I totally agree with you! Our definitions of certain words are just entirely different. And it really takes one to fully UNDERSTAND that before you can grow to appreciate and respect a different culture. :)
find a café/bar/pub where you like to hang out, the a good place to start. you can start conversations with the people you frequently see there.
Definitely 🤩
My grandfather was from a small village in Baden-Wūrttemburg. I visited family there who ran a 22-room Gästehaus where I stayed.
At breakfast one morning, I met a woman from Munich and we struck up a conversation. We're still friends 15 years later.
On the flip side, my cousin apparently told some other guests (unbeknownst to me) that I was family visiting from the U.S. After breakfast, my cousin told me that the group was upset that I didn't come over to introduce myself. I was surprised by that.
I founded a student club (for e-sports) at my university and got to know lots of new people there, also international students. Hanging out while you are doing something everyone enjoys is the best situation to make friends. Liebe Grüße!
Such an amazing idea!
How to make friends in Germany? Best and first advice: Don't blame others, try to fit in... Learn the language instead of expecting others to learn yours. Show an interest in the culture, food, daily life etc instead of expecting others to be interested in yours. Participate in the activities offered for your favourite hobbies like music groups, sports, book or hiking clubs and other institutions. Start with you colleagues and go from there. Try to differenciate between friend (like the mates you make in a club or at a beach in the States or Mexico who don't give a ....... about you behind the "nice to meet you", "let's meet again", "come over vor dinner", etc) and a friend in Germany who is there for you through thick and thin.
Become in friends with Germans? Do It like a German.
- Become a member of a Club, go there for every meeting.
- Go to a local bar every same day of the week an become a regular. Become friends with other regulars.
- or do the same for example in the sauna.
- or on other occasions with the possibility to become a regular
- If with child, send your child to clubs and be an active member for festivals and so on.
- with newborn attend to class
You can join a club even without speeking German. If you are interested in the topic, normally nobody minds.
LOVE all this advice!! 🤩🥰🙏 im hoping that now that I have a child it’ll be easier for me 🥰🥰 I love being friends with Germans, it just takes so long 😂😂
@@lifeingermany_ well, it takes this time not only for you. It takes this time for us Germans too.
As a German, I also do dislike the idea of the app.
Perhaps this is a big difference.
We Geemans like to be personal. And we like to be considerate. That's why we are quite. Loudness would disturb others.
And it is this quietness that prevents from becoming a friend to a German fast - even when yourself are German.
Because being loud could also mean "figuratively loud". Like looking to a person in the sauna, like being fast forward, like talking to strangers familiar.
Or, using an app instead of "becoming" real friends.
An app, Facebook or whatever is just the first step, but I would more appreciate it, to have the first contact in person by choice of meeting the person in reality (bar, club, class, other random occasions).
This is not meaning, that it would not work or could happen in that way.
I meet my wife at Facebook, we are married now for 6 years. ;)
But you should take into account, that the app is not a real solution. At least not in Germany.
@@lifeingermany_ hast Du eine Hebamme? Frag sie nach Kursen oder Krabbelgruppe.
@@mijp Hi Mia! I'm the founder of that app that won't work ;) I couldn't pass by your comment...just because I invested a lot of time and effort into building it and I want to listen to all opinions, critique and learn. I'm wondering if you tried to use the app to understand the principle of it? I just wanted to make sure that there is no confusion, because the app is not meant to replace personal connection, which I agree is super important. I guess you did not develop the relationship with your wife in Facebook, right? I suspect Facebook just helped you find a likeminded/matching person to then meet somewhere and spend time together and then develop further relationships etc. Well, my app does the same in that sense but not for single people but families or couples. People don't make friends in the app, it just gives them more opportunities to find matching people faster and more precisely. But this is only my thinking. I would really appreciate if you could share a couple of more details on why it would not work in Germany. I think it could be a great opportunity to learn from you and maybe change something in the app, if at all possible. I'll appreciate your opinion. Thank you! Dzhangar
@@dzhangarsanzhiev5263 you missunderstood, or I was to generell, or both.
People are different, situations are different, so naturally it also works.
What I meant is this. Such Apps, as well as other apps like tinder, paar ship or the like are not working that well in Germany as they do in other countries like the USA.
We had a huge working communities that worked really well. It was the beginning of social media. That community used chatrooms and monthly meetings. There whee communities all over Germany and people traveld to the gettogethers to meet their friends in person.
We Germans like to go to a fest. We like to meet persons. We only do not like to let persons into our real and virtuell space at once.
Meeting real or virtuell on neutral ground makes us more open.
That was the point I wanted to say.
With just an app you will find only a specific kind of Germans.
Yes, it works, it works good, but it is not a "standard" German way. So, if you want to collect more more standard Germans, you need to adapt a little more.
I hope this was a bit more constructive critic's.
My former comment was meant for the topic "how to befriend Germans". This topic is "friendly feedback for your app"
By the way, I will have a look into your app. Personally I struggle with it, so it is more my interest in culturel exchange/interchange.
But my ad a German still struggles on the idea, makeing friends with this.
I hope, you take this now as a positive feedback.
You are good people for not picking on Germany.
Keep up and DANKE!!!
Haha 🥰 I’m thankful to be living in this beautiful country!
There is a German saying which says to become friends you have to eat a bag of salt together. So as a bag of salt take some times to eat it up, making friends is a matter of time, but hten you have a friend for livetime.
Hahaha I love this saying and it’s so true!
One example of how things feel differently between Germany and the US or UK was the following situation: my sister, her husband and I were returning from a family visit in the UK - our plane had just landed in Stuttgart, it was a cold and rainy Sunday morning and we were suffering from a hangover so our mood wasn't the very best. Suddenly however, my sister started to smile - and when I asked her what she was so happy about she replied: "It's so good to be home - just look at all those adorably grumpy assholes around."
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌
As a german i can confirm that it is very hard even for us to make friends. I am 37 years old and I got 2 good friends and 1 "regular" friend. My iranian wife has 0 german friends but 10 or so good iranian friends. To get in contact with other ppl is easy for example where you work, where you do fitness, where you party etc. But to get into a deeper "relationship" there will be the point when you invite someone or get invited by someone. And - just for me - I am frightened of such invitations.
Dealing with someone at the job for example is easy because you have a clear and professional topic. It's like the basement. But entering personal space is difficult. And I don't want to say something akward that the other person could think of me: what a jerk!
I would like to back up the claim that "friend" and "friend" maybe not the same. Our German language has a lot of nuances and different words for different shades that seem to be unimportant for many foreigners even when they begin to unfold the complicated german language, but these nuances often make a large difference. That can be a part of misconceptions, misunderstandings, or simply different expectations.
i mean as other ppl pointed out friendship is taken more seriously here because of that we usually keep the friends me make throughout our lifes specially from chieldhood that most of the time leads to a situation where u have so many good friends that u dont evn have time to propaly meat with all of them. so making new friends later in life is kind of a commitment to us since we dont evn have enought time for the friends we already have. that means that if ppl are not that open towards making new friends its usually not because they dont like u or something its more about most ppl already struggeling hard enought keeping the friends they already have
Are they really or do they just not want to expand their network of friends. It's fine but don't act like it's impossible or a struggle to maintain lifetime friendships with people that you can interact with frequently. Either you just don't want to make new friends at all and only want to keep your group of friends you already have and couldn't give a damn to make new ones(which is fine) or your bullshitting about it being difficult to maintain a current friendship if you make a new one.
it is hard even for germans, because you have to find the right match at humor, sensibility, honesty...
It takes a lot of time till you can call a German "friend". But once you get there you gain a very reliabel and sincere friend. As I felt sick, my german friend turned on my door with home made food. She cook for my and my kids and brought us the dishes every day for a week, till I got better. 2 course-meals + dessert. And she is a mother of 5 and constantly overtired herself. So don't give up. It is worth it:)
I've been here for 5 years. my fellow students pretend to be my friends but i have never been invited for dinner or to participate just as a fellow german would. It makes me feel very lonely and excluded. I study art, and finally had my first solo exhibition! but none from my class came to the opening nor the closing, and barely anyone from the academy came to see it, but i saw all the community in the other exhibition openings.
😢💛 try not to take it personally at all. I have so many stories like this too. It takes time! It really does. For example, the first year of my sons Kita, I thought all the moms hated me because I was foreign and my German wasn’t perfect… turns out they just didn’t know how to approach me 🤷🏽♀️
One thing I have learned from my boyfriend is that if you want to get to know someone, you have to make the first step. We are both German, but he is so much better at starting a relationship that might with time become a friendship.
He just jumps at opportunities to talk to people he likes from first impressions. I, and most other Germans don't. We feel that it's a little rude or bold to just start a conversation with strangers. But it does work.
That doesn't mean that you should talk to random people in the streets. That will not work. I will give some examples of situations instead:
You are at a local flea market and there is a vendor you think might be a nice person. So you start talking about something on the stand, like a normal, expected conversation. But if you like the person, then you can try to make it a little bit more personal, not much, but asking some general questions like "where did you get that" or, if it is an indicator of a specific hobby, you can ask about that. And if you get the impression that the other person seems to enjoy the conversation, you can ask to add them on Facebook or something like that.
Another example: you are window shopping and by chance meet someone you know who has someone with them, you don't know yet. Great opportunity to introduce yourself to the new person and engage them in a conversation.
The general idea is:
Be at a place or in a situation where it is socially expected and allowed to start a conversation. Start the conversation at a situation specific topic. Observe the other person to see if they are in the mood for more than the situationally necessary conversation. Only if you can confirm this, you can guide the conversation to something that links the other person to the situation on a more personal level. If you get the impression that they still are positive about talking to you after that, you can start real conversations about stuff that has nothing to do with the situation.
Totally! I need to find a bit more confidence in me to start doing this!
@@lifeingermany_ many people lack that confidence and are very grateful when someone else has it.
Hello Jenna,
nice to see you on this wonderful Sunday morning.☺️👏👍
Becoming friend's in Germany is a serious thing, a friendship means a lot for Germans, it's a trustful relationship where both sides take care about.
There is a difference between acquaintances and friendships.
A friend is there if you need him, he/she calls you and send you lovely message, invites you to coffee and cake or barbecue or a drink in local pub/Kneipe.
To meet people the local club's are the best opportunities, Duesseldorf is usually a Carnival region with special club's for it, Düsseldorf offer's a lot of different club's for every interests you maybe have.
A little research at internet can help,
the local sports clubs can be an opportunity, to know a little bit about the local language and phrases can help after a while,
janz jemütlich for example,
it means take your time, don't worry be happy.
The Rheinland region around Cologne, Düsseldorf, is usually pretty open to other people an in the bigger cities you will find people with skills in other languages and of course Englisch.
Hamburg, Berlin, Potsdam or Leipzig are cities where it is not so hard to make friends, it needs a little bit and trying to use the local language can of course help a lot, if you are struggling don't care, Germans like to help and explain.
Nobody is perfect!!!!
And please don't let you discourage because of a few idiots you maybe meet, these guys are unfortunately everywhere in the world.
The Rheinland region is also famous for the humour, they're laughing about almost everything.
There is a rivalry between the cities of course, don't say you like Kölsch in Düsseldorf.
And for Germans it's not so easy to know if you are really interested to become friends with them as well.
Sometimes it's just a kind of misunderstanding.
Please don't be to hard with us.
Please have a nice Sunday, stay safe and take care 🍀
Most of my friends I know since primary school so we went through thick and thin together. It might take longer to make friends as an adult but if you found a German friend, it's forever and they would do literally everything for you.
Absolutely true 🥰
If some stranger would straight ask me to be friends it really would creep me, a little bit like beeing asked to marry them ;-) i think its much more relaxed to ask someone for a single activity like doing a bike tour together. Than both sides see how its working out and than you do more bike tours together and than maybe one time you talk about more personal stuff... and than the years fly by ;-) and you have a perfect german friend... i thinks that's a way it could work here. But i admit that i myself often struggled to make new friends. By the way, my really best friend i met at the Arbeitsamt, both unemployed, bored and in bad mood, sharing the same bad luck seems to help, too.
Hahaha loved your comment! And yes - being able to compare bad stories helps! I have some mom friends now so we can complain about how little we sleep!
In my opinion it ist very dificult for foreigners to find friends here. The people here are more focused in work and are very racional. They are more individualistic and therefore they do not really enjoy the company of other people or enjoy small things like food etc. They do often only care about themselves and only want to recieve help from gevernment and institutes. So it is dificult in the day to day life.
In general you can find some social partners in for ex. sport clubs or at work but it all keeps staying very on the surface.
As a German I think it's not a problem being an expat in Germany looking for new contacts. It's even hard if you're a German looking for new friends in Germany. The people I call friends are guys I knew from my teenage years. and now I´m..... lets say older and there are just a few new people from the last years I call a "friend" today. And those who don't want to be friend with you because you're an expat you won't call a friend either and those don't deserve your friendship.
He just spoke more about his app, we need it to be spontaneous!
This is my personal opinion, but I feel that if someone were to approach me and try to speak to me in my language (German), even if they might not be very good, just the fact that they are making an effort would make me feel more comfortable around them.
About the people in the park:
You can take several approaches, depending on what they are there for. If they are there with their children and you have children, you can see if the children interact with each other and if yes, you can just sit with the mothers and say something like "they seem to enjoy playing with each other. Maybe you can come visit us sometime and they can play together. Then you listen to the answer and if it is positive, you can just ask to exchange numbers so you can arrange a time.
If there are no children involved, it gets a little more difficult. But again, it depends on what they are doing. If they are doing something related to fitness or sports, you can approach them (of course during their break, don't disrupt their exercises) and ask them something like "I see that you are very fit. am new in this area, can you recommend a good fitness center/ store for sportswear/ swimming pool?" if they and you are interested in the conversation, it should go naturally from there.
If they are doing anything else that looks interesting to you, like reading, knitting or anything else that makes you feel that they are interesting people, you can also approach them and ask a related question about that.
If they are not doing anything, just walking around, the only reason I could see, why you would be interested in them is their clothing or style. Then you can tell them what you like and ask, where they got that. But note that some people don't like compliments or questions like that. But it can work.
All your tips are amazing!! Thank you so so much!
@@lifeingermany_ you are very welcome.
Interessting and very likeable Guest!!
oh, thank you, Olaf! Appreciate your feedback!
🥰🥰
I have lived in Germany for 14 years and only started making friends because as a musician I would meet other musicians. Until I met other musicians I could not make friends with any Germans. Germans just are not that interested in meeting new people except as a curiosity...For example "Invite the American girl to a party so that we can observe her like a zoo animal" LOL Ask every cliche question in the play book then ignore them for the rest of the time. Listen to their crazy stories but never contribute anything back....and so on. But I would go a step further and suggest that Germans just don't understand how to be friendly just to make the day go by in a pleasant manner. They seem to need a reason to be nice. I have lived in other countries but never encountered such a problem with meeting new people like in Germany!
If I don't talk to strangers at length and tell them my whole life story, it is bc I don't assume they'd be interested. I know this happens in the US. I remember a post by Hailey Alexis (who has been living in Germany for five or fix years now) where she described a woman following them in a Walmart and even to their car telling them all kinds of things. Hailey didn't say much and later her mother asked her why she had been so impolite. But honestly, what do I have to say to a person I don't know and will never see again? Unless they need help, of course. And they can't really care about me, either. It's reassurance according to the principle of "I'm OK, you're OK", maybe.
Hhaha I love this story! I haven’t watched this video from her yet, but I have the SAME issues when I go home to Canada! 🤣🤣
Honestly? As a German adult myself, even I have problems making friends with other Germans :D
Du sagst es😄😘
You point it Jenna.... best way to get into it, is take part of „Vereine“. Most of friendship in Germany grows in the „Schulzeit“ or in the „Vereine“. And we have Vereine for everything 😊
I need to be a part of another vereine! Hahah the one I was in had pretty much 60+ women!
That is a interesting topic. I am German but lived abroad all my early life, when I returned to Germany it was so hard to get into their inner circle, it seemed like all had their friends and I was an outsider. It took time, almost until I was an adult.
When we lived in the U.S my parents invited all neighbors etc., all happily accepted. My parents cooked for 50 people and 12 showed up..I felt so sad for them. No shaming, but in Germany, if the people accepted the invitation they would show up or at least say why they could not make it. To be fair, today its easy to cancel appointments or invitations by phone, young Germans are so much more unreliable. So, everything is globalized and depends on manners and upbringing, in my opinion. Most young Germans are very interested in meeting new people and especially with foreign cultures, but maybe I might be speaking for myself.
Freunde zu finden in einer fremden Sprache ist immer schwierig. Außerdem, schon mal aufgefallen? Es gibt in Deutschland so viele regionale Unterschiede im Verhalten der jeweiligen Einwohner wie es unterschiedliche Dialekte gibt. Da von "den" Deutschen zu reden ist ein bisschen schwierig. Viele Zuwanderer igeln sich auch in ihrer eigenen Gemeinschaft ein. Und schließlich bedeutet Freundschaft in Deutschland etwas sehr intimes, wenn man Glück hat, erlebt man das im Leben vielleicht 3-5 mal.
So true 🤦 we divide friends in categories and aren't bubbly from the start.. But WE are Like Solid Wood when we are friends with someone! There has to happen a lot to rotten us...
And yes we are More honest than nice/bubbly but I think that developed ober the yeara considering our history...because we almost Always have the feeling of being a pushover... #toolongtoexplainhere
I hope y'all find friends or friendships and enjoy Germany ❤️☺️
Greetings from near Düsseldorf ✌️
Ive been here in the Bavarian but have no friends yess its not easy to find friends here good they smile when you great them and most of them can give directions when u request for any
Actually, it always surprises me a little to see videos like this. But I also sometimes wonder how the impression can be created that it is difficult to come into contact with Germans.
Do you guys actually speak German or English when you approach Germans?
I speak German when I approach Germans, but find even with mom friends at the playground, it takes YEARS to get into any sort of deep relationship. It’s okay! It’s just something I’ve had to get used to.
Here’s a fun fact; Germans are often in the same class in school for their entire primary education. Sometimes even into secondary depending on the size of the school. Unfortunately they lose out on the incredibly important opportunity to develop those fundamental social skills that we foreigners all take for granted considering that most of us had a whole new set of classmates each year. We HAD to learn how to make friends.
Wow!!! I had absolutely no idea!! You’re so right!! I made new friends in every class in Canada every new school year!!
But even those, who share a classroom with you for years, aren’t your friends. One or two of them will be, the rest are your classmates.
Germans are more difficult to befriend because they lack social skills? That's a bit rude. A classroom is not the only place were you can meet new people. I could actually make a point to the contrary, because many Germans have after school activities like sports or music, they are more used to making frie ds from different schools etc. They don't just spend all their time in the same school.
As a german I'm not agree with your statement. In the 10 years of my schooltime I had found just two best friends for the lifetime, and they wasn't in the same classroom. The rest of the lower friends in my class had been "aus den Augen, aus dem Sinn" (I don't know the right translation).
But if I see this "lower friends" (Bekannte) again, l'm glad to see and talk with them.
The ease of getting in touch with people in the first place (long before thinking about making new friends) depends very much on the geographical region as well as on rural or not. Where I live, I can go buy some groceries and on my way there and in the shop and on my way back home, I can chat with 15 people, I do not personally know - just for the plaisure of socializing. :-) Also, there are many degrees from friendliness to grumpiness, and wether friendliness dominates is also quite dependant on where you live. Dusseldorf is a big and rather wealthy city. I think people tend to be a bit more formal and distanced there in comparison to Cologne for example.
Having lived in both countries (born and raised in Germany) and then/now lived in the U.S., I have to say, making friends especially as an adult, is never easy wherever you are. True, Germans are more reserved and frank but once you are friends, you're friends for life. As mentioned in other comments, the German definition of friends is very different from the North American definition of a friend. Most of the time to Germans, they're more like acquaintances. They come and they go, in and out of your life pretty frequently in the U.S. Some people seem to collect "friends", the way other people collect chotskies, and are for the most part meaningless. To me, there is a lot of shallowness in those type of relationships and as a born and raised German, it is not something I particularly aspire to. I even have gotten into trouble talking about the weather of all things, and it seems my dark and dry humor is often misunderstood, which is too bad. I'm at a point of my life, where I value true friendship. Quality over quantity anytime.
Thanks!
I really can relate to this topic and see why it is not easy to become friends with germans. Germans in general are way more restrained than people from other countires and having lived in other countires like Canada the US or Singaporeit is why I like their way more. It is for example way more easy to start a conservation and keep it going than with the average german - especially if you are in the south or north of germany.
Do not make the mistake just because people might be more reserved in the beginning that they in general would not want to become friends with you, but try to see it from their perspective. You had a talk they enjoed (even if they do not show it as much as americans), but apart drom that they do not know you at all and thus from their point they do not have any reason to become your friend (yet).
So the main problem is rather how to connect to germans than how to become friends, because the latter might happen or not once you get to know someone better. And that from my german view is one large advantage you will have in germany: While in north america it is way more easier to make contact and get to know people on a superficial level it is often that: superficial only and at least to me - at least in the beginning - it was often hard to judge what people really thought. Well... in germany they might not tell you to your face, but they will will let you know for sure. ;)
But back to the main problem: Making contact and meeting people in germany.
Clubs are not the best choice for sure. It might be easy to start conversations and find someone like, but usually it is more about enjoying the moment / evening. And should someone ask me for my phonenumber I might think about for any reason, but not that he / she just want to have more contact ond only would like to become friends....^^
Giw wizld I do it ? 2 ways.
1. Once you are somewhat settled into your new home - invite your neighbours to some snacks and a drink. If you are living in a multi-family home the people in the apartments next to you or if you live in a single family home in some smaller city your neighbours to the left, right and the opposite side of the street. It might be complicated if there is f.e. and elderly couple that does not speak english, but you will manage and maybe the other you invite can translate. Also those people might be not your first choice of potential friends. Even if that is the case it never hurts to get ti know your neighbours. ;) And expecially in smaller cities when you are moving to an area with long time residents it is only a first baby step, but an important oewith wich you show that you want to connect and get to know people.To take this a step further: Especially in small towns go to some local events like a "Pfarrfest", "Junggesellenfest" or "Schützenfest". No better way to meet locals of every age...
2. Look for people with similar interests. There might be no countryclubs in germany, but you will really find any other kind of club here. There are clubs or groups for really any kind of sport, chess, photography, disc golf, painting or cooking. If you are more into music there are choires and all kind bands. Even if you are into acting even at our small town in germany there is an amateur group who are learning a play and performing it once a year. Youmust speak at least some german for the last one, but I think you get my point. There are a LOT of opportunities to meet with people with the same interests, get to know them and maybe become friends. Beeing in a foreign countryit is your part though to go out looking and do the first step.
Being a German myself, I also can’t make German friends just like that, but on the other hand, I wouldn’t even want to. I like people in my realm that I get along with, and time itself will tell who those are. I guess that being overly friendly or even wanting will repel others, and just being yourself, having an attitude like „maybe we will get along, maybe we won’t“ will show a sincerity that possible real friends can relate to. I think TRYING to make friends won’t work, MAKING friends will :-) Whom does one even want to be friends with? Everyone? Nah. People who one vibes with? Certainly yes! And how else could you find them other that being yourself and seeing how they relate? So I think, with finding friends, finding yourself is the crucial part. And once you’re open to that, friends will link in without you having to do an effort ;-)
After 11 years in Germany, I don't have a single close friend who is German. It just doesn't happen. With a lot of people coming from abroad or with multinational backgrounds who are more easy to meet with and do things together, you would really have to go out of your way to befriend a German.
I don't intentionally seek out expats, I would gladly spend time with Germans if we connected, but we just don't connect.
I'm German and I don't have an idea how to become friends with Germans, either 🤷♂️
Speaking as a German, it can be quite uncomfortable, when meeting new people from abroad.
Here are some things foreigners tend to do wrong quite often:
1) Be aware of the other persons personal space ... don't be too close, keep a distance of some feet (a little more than a meter is sufficient), not coming so close that the other person might feel your breath on the neck, because that's creepy ... this rule seems to apply also in Scandinavia
1a) The seat in public transport next to a German is empty for a good reason ... I don't even know why they built them in
2) "Hi", shaking hands and hugging on first sight is quite often too much (please refer to rule 1) ... a friendly nod is enough
3) Do not overact friendlyness. It can seem very superficial for Germans. Say what you mean, not what you think the other person might want to hear ... We Germans are very direct and honest, this can be misunderstood as rudeness
4) Don't try to fill the room with your presence ... calm down and lower your voice ... being loud and "overly present" can be rude
5) Come closer carefully ... like in a bar: ask for a vacant seat, sit down and let the person get comfortable with you before starting to talk
6) No stupid questions based around prejudice ... Like "Do you really eat Sauerkraut for breakfast?" or "Do you have a Lederhosen?" ... Sorry America, but big No No
And just one for the way: Germans actually have humour, many of us love bad jokes ... Daddy jokes more or less ... the lower the punchline comes in, the better. If you want to warm up with some of us in a bar. If you have good German skills, jokes based around ambiquities are also welcome (basically "Kalauer" jokes).
Actually, citizens of the US are known for liking our personal space. We assume, wrongly as you are telling us, there is a reason for seating on public transportation. Americans are known for being loud and talking in an excited manner. Many of us try to remember that Germany and most European countries are very small compared to the US and try and tone down our conversations. We have large backyards and need to drive to shop, go to school and so forth.
@@jeanjohnson8492 Yeah, not all rules "done wrong" apply to Americans ... The personal space is from my experience mostly done wrong by South / East Asians, I have only experience with Chinese in that way, but a friend told me that Koreans are also literally standing on your feet while talking to you. Some Italians or Spanish are also quite "close", but I don't know if this applies to them in general. Yeah the public transport thingy is strange ... most people here are sitting alone next to their bagback or handbag on the other seat ;)
One thing I like about American Culture, they shake hands only once (if they meet a new person), at least what the few American Salesmen I met were telling me, as the way Germany handles it is torture for me. Some people have a grip like dead fish, you don't want to shake their hands, but you have to at least once per day, to not be seen as rude xD
@@Finstha Yes, we normally only shake hands once when we meet someone, usually applies to a business setting. There are quite a few Germans in the Charlotte and Raleigh areas in the state of North Carolina, where I am from. Most of them seem to have adopted to the Southern culture and are very friendly. I am planning to go to Germany with a cousin next year on a genealogy trip. My cousin's grandmother came from the Bad Kreuznach area located near an US military base. However, her grandmother was actually born in Breslau, Germany (now Wroclaw, Poland) in 1932 and her entire family was from German Silesia. Her grandmother and her sisters, as well as her mother left Breslau in January 1945 and walked to Germany. We plan on going to Poland after visiting her great aunts. We are hoping to we can find vital records there. How do you think Germans would feel about talking about WW2 and the evacuation of Breslau?
@@jeanjohnson8492 From personal experience in this topic, my Grandfather was from Brieg nowadays Brzeg (50km east of Breslau) in Silesia as welland also born in '32. He did not speak about his evacuation from there in early '45 until his later years. Also Patients during my social service who fought in the war, were not really talkative about what they went through and if then only under tears.
As you might imagine the evacuation was chaotic and in the heart of winter and mostly done by horse carriage or by foot so there where many quite disturbing situations for the people.
Things my Grandfather stated specifically where Friendly fire cases close to the frontline, freezing to death and U.S. P-38s shooting at them.
Also many convoys from Silesia lead through Dresden right at the time of it's destruction. So be careful when asking certain questions. If you want to know more about it, try to find "Our mothers, our fathers" ZDF documentation series on youtube this should be a good depiction of the time.
Heritagewise, I would recommend you to look for older churches around the street where your Grandmother lived, they should have a church register, that normally dates back quite a while, if not centuries. As there where quite often no major population shifts since medieval times, you should be able to trace back your relatives for more than a century with church registers. My father did so in the Hometown of his father, so it should work out quite well.
@@Finstha Actually, not my grandmother. It is my sort of cousin's grandmother. Her uncle is my first cousin. Her grandmother married my paternal uncle, and their son is my first cousin. My sort of cousin's grandmother was married twice. My first cousin is her father's half brother. Her grandmother was 13 when she, along with her mother and 2 younger sisters evacuated the city of Breslau in January 1945. Her mother's father died fighting in the city and one of her mother's brothers was captured by the Soviets and sent to prison in Russia. He was released about 10 years later and went to Germany. Her father and uncles have talked about what their mother said about Breslau and their evacuation. Unfortunately, her grandmother died when her father and uncles were young. She has made contact with her two maternal great aunts, who live in Berlin, both in their late 80s. They shared some info with her, basically what her grandmother had told her father and uncles. My uncle was stationed in Bad Kreuznach, Germany in the early 1950s and that is how he met Ursula, my first cousin's mother. They later divorced. My grandmother actually sponsored Ursula and her son (She had a child when my uncle met her.). Ursula's mother used to visit her in North Carolina before she died, but that stopped after Ursula died. Ursula left 5 sons. I know one of the aunts does not have any children, and the other aunt has one daughter, who I do not think has any children. I am going to help my cousin do research in Breslau, Poland, which there appears to be records held there and in a central repository. Ursula's maternal side has been traced back at this time by German members of the family to the mid 1800s in Silesia. I will also visit many of the WW2 sites around there and the historical sites.
Now ,what many foreigners dont understand is:
Being friendly does not make you a friend.
When you are in a bad situation ,all crap comes down on you ,the one still standing behind you
thats a friend.
In other words a friend needs to prove his friendship.
Try to figure out the meanings of: Verwandte, Bekannte und Freunde.
It’s true ♥️ you’re right!
I think that's the common misnomer Germans make about Americans, etc. We don't necessarily believe that being friendly results in friendships. Being friendly is merely a trait of cordiality or human consideration. Smiling at someone you don't know helps to ease the tension we feel from German stares. Because I smile at you does not mean I want to be your friend. I was raised to be naturally friendly to people (until they give me a reason not to). Friends are just as rare to us as they are to you. I personally don't fling the word around, but some erroneously do (possibly due to the Facebook generation).
Verwandte - These are relatives (siblings, family members. etc)
Bekannte - Acquaintances. People you happen to know (from parties, work, etc.), but don't count on for friendship.
Freunde - Friends, real friends - not just someone you have a coffee with.
Americans don't know all the german words for all the distinctions (friend, homie, acquaintance, kin, etc.) Germans don't understand that Americans and foreigners also have equally complex nuances in personal relationships.
@10:00 “if you really want to be friends you need to do something about it…”. I don’t think that in Germany you can just go out with the objective of finding a friend. Real friendships develop and evolve over time. You might call it a ‘meeting of the minds’, perhaps a mutual understanding of the world around you, caring for and respecting each other, sharing the good as well as and the bad times, etc. To be called ‘ein Freund’ in Germany is an honor.
I think what you are looking for are one or more acquaintances (ein Bekannter, eine Bekannte, ein Bekanntschaftskreis), basically a group of buddies to socialize with.
Over here in Texas friends or amigos are a dime a dozen. True friends (like in Germany ein Freund oder eine Freundin) are much harder to find.
But, then again, maybe I’m just an old geezer with an outdated understanding of a Freundschaft. :-)
The best oportunity to befriend us Germans is: when you are at an event that shows you have similar interests. E.g. concerts. Or international Karate seminars (like it happened to me) Having the same or similar interests helps a lot in breaking the ice. Or if you have a dog, you get in touch qhite easily.
Also: what does "Expat" stand for? I always hear you using this word, but what doesn it mean?
Expats are internationals living in a country who are new or not planning on permanently living there. I on the other hand am more of an immigrant now since my full intention is to live here forever. 🙃🙃
Expat is the short form of Expatriate. Definition: highly qualified specialists who are sent abroad by their employer for a limited period of time. Extended Definition: also used for persons who intend to stay permanently in the country of destination
@@Wasserspaniel I think the CEO of Internations defines it well: “Immigrants are usually defined as people who have come to a different country in order to live there permanently, whereas expats move abroad for a limited amount of time or have not yet decided upon the length of their stay,” he says.
My impression mainly with US americans but also Canadians is that it is extremly easy to get in first contact and have smalltalk. As a German that is a little weired but I really liked that in the beginning. Germans are just used to a little slower approach and wont act in this way the first time(s) they meet someone. So maybe just give them some time. What rejects me from wanting to get to know somebody is when guys behave in that "sugar-coating-overfriendly-awesome-mode". To me that mode signals that a person is superficial - just my personal experience. The first couple of times I was overwhelmed by that (from my german point of view) excessive friendliness and missunderstood it as real interesst in my person - which it (often) was not. On the other hand I found it difficult to really get to know a person because it is very hard to get through that thin but rocksolid shiny layer of behavior. For me that layer is just not real but a cultural thing that eases interaction with people you dont really know. It also protects people from really giving away something of their personality I guess. We do not have that layer here in Germany BUT you also dont have to break it. Here we take a different, much slower, more careful but also much more truthfull approach. On a smalltalk level that often is perceived as rude or too direct by people that are not used to it. (I adopt to a certain amount when meeting north american people and it can be fun to hang out and just spend some time. But it gets boring pretty fast and is also a somehow (nice) waste of time.) Maybe it is not hard at all to get to know Germans, maybe a little less "shiny layer" is the best start? :-)
I wish we could find some middle point haha where we can be friendly up front and not reserved, but that it just takes a bit longer to call each other “best friends” 😝😝♥️
Hello Jenna! I like you!
I am a old german guy from the next town - Duisburg.
I would be happy to meet you and talk
(although my Englich isn't good)!
Learn German. I find it arrogant to move to another country and expect the citizens to learn your language.
I wouldn't mind being one of your friends but I've moved to Spain😢
Making friends is the least of my conserns tbh coz I know making friends takes effort and time, who makes friend in one day haha u make acquaintance in a day friendship needs months even years to build. The hardest part is people here are not warm like say for example in groceries , or front desks they don't really try to be nice to u so they always comes out to be rude but that's just how they are normally I think it's not being rude I guess it's just their culture very different from Asia and america but we gotta accept the fact that we came to their country and we are the one that needs to adjust not them.
I have to deviate from a lot of the comments here. I understand where this Canadian lady is coming from and why others are agreeing with her, but I have a very different perspective/experience. I'm from the States (California), but I lived in 5 other countries before I moved to Germany 2 years ago. I find Germans to be not only friendlier but also more authentic than the people I've encountered in the other countries where I've lived. Germans are direct, and yes, it can sting sometimes. And, I think they are probably more aloof than people in other countries. But for me, this does not equate to "unfriendliness". The Germans I've interacted with, both abroad and here in Germany, are kind and sincere, and often they are quite selfless. They do not have an agenda when they help, and they are extremely dependable. And, they are so incredibly polite. I feel like a rude, immature brat in their presence sometimes.
There are a number of things I would call Germans (some of which are not extremely flattering), but unfriendly is not one of them. I must also add that I am on the autism spectrum (very late diagnosed), and the culture here suits me very well. I do not enjoy overly bubbly, outgoing, superficial interactions with people. For those who do, I can well understand that Germany may be a difficult adjustment for people who are determined to make a large group of German friends.
And the best friends are those "with whom You could go stealing horses", i.e. partners in crime.
And the different concepts of friendship become immediately clear if You compare "Freunde werden" to "making friends" or "se faire des amis".
In Germany, friends are not "made", they rather "become/happen to be".