The second story: 100% the A-hole cheating is still cheating no matter the reason, and op was pretty much saying what he did was pretty much okay over the fact her friend is working. That still doesn't give him the right to just go and have an affair! If he was feeling neglected something called talking it out and not just going straight to cheating! So what if he felt guilty, op really blaming her friend over the fact she was apparently working to much and made her boyfriend feel neglected. It's honestly good that he felt so guilty and actually told her, at least she wouldn't be stuck in a relationship with a cheater. But op is trying to push the blame on her also when none of it is her fault, and I don't blame her for lashing out on people who try and blame her. He wasn't communicating with her and instead went right to cheating which ruined his own relationship and now people want to blame her for not knowing her boyfriend was feeling neglected because he never said anything. Honestly if he had communicated with her, I bet she would've cut back in the amount of work she was doing just so he wouldn't feel neglected but no he had to be stupid and be unfaithful and op and other people find it her fault over the fact she was over working and apparently neglecting her boyfriend who never said anything and just went to cheating to not feel neglected which ruined his relationship with someone he was Lukcy to be with, not the other way around like op says. So once again, 100% the A-hole and whoever was trying to put the blame on her
Update to story three... Thank you for all the messages you sent me and the comments you left on my first post, I really appreciated it. Things have gotten a lot better since then. We talked to my now ex friend, and she admitted to using my old phone to create that fake profile and also to message "the other man", and I use quotes because that man never existed, it was her. She used that phone when she came to my house every day, since we had a business together. She knew where the phone was and she also knew that no one ever used it so she had everything perfectly planned out which is scary because she really needs help, I mean, with all this it is more than clear that she is a psychopath and needs help. She said all the things she did. And she had even told my husband that she drove me meet "that man" so many times, and she told him that I made her pay with her card for the hotel where I met that man, and the truth is that I was never in any of those hotels, but all of that was right there, and it looked real so of course he believed her. She has been my friend for many years but she has also been friends with him for over eight years, so we trusted her and we never thought she would do something like that. And when she started telling all those lies it sounded real, in fact the messages and everything looked very real, and I understand why my husband believed it, and if it had been the other way around maybe I would have believed it too. On the other hand, my husband and I are still trying to cope with all this. After that violent episode things got really hard between us. It is not easy to save a marriage once violence is involved, but we are trying. I came back home and for now things are fine, but sometimes it's really warm here and i wear t-shirts and he doesn't even want to look at me because i still have the bruises from his hands on my arms. And they don't look too bad now but they're still there after almost two months of that episode, and I'm guessing they'll take a while to go away since I'm a very pale person and my skin is very sensitive. But my arms don't hurt anymore or anything like that, so I don't mind the bruises. He has apologized for what he did and I forgave him because it was something that affected us both, and I understand that we both got violent and we're both guilty for screwing up our relationship. But like I said, we're still trying to get over it. And I guess it will take a while to get over it, it won't be easy but we are willing to work hard so that everything will get better by the time our baby arrives in a few weeks. That's why we started individual and couples therapy, so we hope everything gets better. Now we are focused on that, we're preparing her room and buying things for her. And for now that's working, our relationship is slowly getting back to how it was before and I'm really happy about that because we've loved each other for eight years and the last thing I wanted was to throw away our relationship after all that time, because I know how our relationship was and I know that this was the first time that we both reacted like this, and we promised each other that it will never happen again and we will do everything possible so that it does not happen again. So that's all.
On the last story, how was a pad being in the trash an issue? Like seriously, the way he was describing it I thought she left it wide open on the toilet seat or something. Still if she didn't wrap it with toilet paper or hide it it's a little gross but *normal*, so like just throw the trash out instantly if it bothers you that much. I don't understand. Lol
continuing story three... And I couldn't convince my husband that it's all a lie because the evidence indicates that I'm guilty. So he was furious and told me to pack my stuff and get out, that he wanted a divorce and a paternity test. I went to my mother's house and we did the paternity test which obviously indicates that the baby is his. But still he didn't believe me that I didn't cheat on him. We had a few more fights after we did the paternity test, and I ended up in the hospital because of the stress. And apparently that made my so called friend see reason, because she told my husband that everything he saw was fake and that it was she who made both accounts, mine and that of the man I was supposedly cheating on him with. She said that she did it because she was jealous because since I'm pregnant he doesn't pay attention to her anymore (she is very good friends with both of us since we met him) and that she lost her mind and acted in the worst way possible. She also said that now she's really sorry, that she never thought all this would go this far and that she thought he'd just get mad for a few days and then forgive me because she knew that he "loves me too much to forgive me anything". Since she confessed all that he apologized in a thousand ways and we've talked a lot about what happened, and we have decided to give ourselves the space we need, and we will start going to therapy but I don't know if that will be enough. Our relationship is at its worst, it's screwed up and I'm afraid we can't work this out. And how could we? We said and did horrible things (during a fight he told me to pack my stuff, I refused and he took me by the arm to do it. And he was hurting me so I pushed him and he hit a piece of furniture and that's when he took me by the arms again but this time he did it to shake me. But he's much stronger than me (not only am I skinny compared to him but he's also really tall) and when he did that he really hurt me) And I don't know if we can be who we were in the past again, in the past we almost never fought and if we did there was never any violence involved. How can we fix this (other than therapy)?
My opinions on the stories Story 1: NTAH, Your husband is definitely cheating if he went to this full extent to stop you from "snooping" in his stuff Story 2. YATAH ind of friend tells their best friend that it's their fault that their boyfriend cheated on them??? They sound like they may be secretly in love with Mark. Story 3: OMG what is wrong with your so called best friend throwing away a 10 year friendship over a man she never even told you she had feelings for I feel so sorry for you and I hope you and your husband were able able work it out since this person just cut off the story Story 4: NTAH yes I understand he's stressed but spending 1000 dollars of his wife's money while being unemployed while she's pregnant and them going through financial problems is literally insane. story 5: YTAH Tf their his kids he can't choose when they get hurt Story 6. YATHA every woman goes through periods she can't control when she haves it and I was in the trashcan so I don't understand the problem unless he has a fear of blood or something.
The second story: 100% the A-hole cheating is still cheating no matter the reason, and op was pretty much saying what he did was pretty much okay over the fact her friend is working. That still doesn't give him the right to just go and have an affair! If he was feeling neglected something called talking it out and not just going straight to cheating! So what if he felt guilty, op really blaming her friend over the fact she was apparently working to much and made her boyfriend feel neglected. It's honestly good that he felt so guilty and actually told her, at least she wouldn't be stuck in a relationship with a cheater. But op is trying to push the blame on her also when none of it is her fault, and I don't blame her for lashing out on people who try and blame her. He wasn't communicating with her and instead went right to cheating which ruined his own relationship and now people want to blame her for not knowing her boyfriend was feeling neglected because he never said anything. Honestly if he had communicated with her, I bet she would've cut back in the amount of work she was doing just so he wouldn't feel neglected but no he had to be stupid and be unfaithful and op and other people find it her fault over the fact she was over working and apparently neglecting her boyfriend who never said anything and just went to cheating to not feel neglected which ruined his relationship with someone he was Lukcy to be with, not the other way around like op says. So once again, 100% the A-hole and whoever was trying to put the blame on her
For the first one your NTA I think ur bf is cheating on u
All the way a cheater
Definitely cheating
Update to story three...
Thank you for all the messages you sent me and the comments you left on my first post, I really appreciated it. Things have gotten a lot better since then. We talked to my now ex friend, and she admitted to using my old phone to create that fake profile and also to message "the other man", and I use quotes because that man never existed, it was her. She used that phone when she came to my house every day, since we had a business together. She knew where the phone was and she also knew that no one ever used it so she had everything perfectly planned out which is scary because she really needs help, I mean, with all this it is more than clear that she is a psychopath and needs help.
She said all the things she did. And she had even told my husband that she drove me meet "that man" so many times, and she told him that I made her pay with her card for the hotel where I met that man, and the truth is that I was never in any of those hotels, but all of that was right there, and it looked real so of course he believed her. She has been my friend for many years but she has also been friends with him for over eight years, so we trusted her and we never thought she would do something like that. And when she started telling all those lies it sounded real, in fact the messages and everything looked very real, and I understand why my husband believed it, and if it had been the other way around maybe I would have believed it too.
On the other hand, my husband and I are still trying to cope with all this. After that violent episode things got really hard between us. It is not easy to save a marriage once violence is involved, but we are trying. I came back home and for now things are fine, but sometimes it's really warm here and i wear t-shirts and he doesn't even want to look at me because i still have the bruises from his hands on my arms. And they don't look too bad now but they're still there after almost two months of that episode, and I'm guessing they'll take a while to go away since I'm a very pale person and my skin is very sensitive. But my arms don't hurt anymore or anything like that, so I don't mind the bruises.
He has apologized for what he did and I forgave him because it was something that affected us both, and I understand that we both got violent and we're both guilty for screwing up our relationship. But like I said, we're still trying to get over it. And I guess it will take a while to get over it, it won't be easy but we are willing to work hard so that everything will get better by the time our baby arrives in a few weeks. That's why we started individual and couples therapy, so we hope everything gets better.
Now we are focused on that, we're preparing her room and buying things for her. And for now that's working, our relationship is slowly getting back to how it was before and I'm really happy about that because we've loved each other for eight years and the last thing I wanted was to throw away our relationship after all that time, because I know how our relationship was and I know that this was the first time that we both reacted like this, and we promised each other that it will never happen again and we will do everything possible so that it does not happen again. So that's all.
On the last story, how was a pad being in the trash an issue? Like seriously, the way he was describing it I thought she left it wide open on the toilet seat or something. Still if she didn't wrap it with toilet paper or hide it it's a little gross but *normal*, so like just throw the trash out instantly if it bothers you that much. I don't understand. Lol
continuing story three...
And I couldn't convince my husband that it's all a lie because the evidence indicates that I'm guilty. So he was furious and told me to pack my stuff and get out, that he wanted a divorce and a paternity test. I went to my mother's house and we did the paternity test which obviously indicates that the baby is his. But still he didn't believe me that I didn't cheat on him. We had a few more fights after we did the paternity test, and I ended up in the hospital because of the stress. And apparently that made my so called friend see reason, because she told my husband that everything he saw was fake and that it was she who made both accounts, mine and that of the man I was supposedly cheating on him with. She said that she did it because she was jealous because since I'm pregnant he doesn't pay attention to her anymore (she is very good friends with both of us since we met him) and that she lost her mind and acted in the worst way possible. She also said that now she's really sorry, that she never thought all this would go this far and that she thought he'd just get mad for a few days and then forgive me because she knew that he "loves me too much to forgive me anything".
Since she confessed all that he apologized in a thousand ways and we've talked a lot about what happened, and we have decided to give ourselves the space we need, and we will start going to therapy but I don't know if that will be enough. Our relationship is at its worst, it's screwed up and I'm afraid we can't work this out. And how could we? We said and did horrible things (during a fight he told me to pack my stuff, I refused and he took me by the arm to do it. And he was hurting me so I pushed him and he hit a piece of furniture and that's when he took me by the arms again but this time he did it to shake me. But he's much stronger than me (not only am I skinny compared to him but he's also really tall) and when he did that he really hurt me) And I don't know if we can be who we were in the past again, in the past we almost never fought and if we did there was never any violence involved. How can we fix this (other than therapy)?
My opinions on the stories
Story 1: NTAH, Your husband is definitely cheating if he went to this full extent to stop you from "snooping" in his stuff
Story 2. YATAH ind of friend tells their best friend that it's their fault that their boyfriend cheated on them??? They sound like they may be secretly in love with Mark.
Story 3: OMG what is wrong with your so called best friend throwing away a 10 year friendship over a man she never even told you she had feelings for I feel so sorry for you and I hope you and your husband were able able work it out since this person just cut off the story
Story 4: NTAH yes I understand he's stressed but spending 1000 dollars of his wife's money while being unemployed while she's pregnant and them going through financial problems is literally insane.
story 5: YTAH Tf their his kids he can't choose when they get hurt
Story 6. YATHA every woman goes through periods she can't control when she haves it and I was in the trashcan so I don't understand the problem unless he has a fear of blood or something.