As a guy I realised how much instagram was messing with my brain a couple years ago so I started following a bunch of pages about frogs and its been working well
Can’t stress this enough. My brothers - stop tapping on every thumbnail with a (hot) girl in it. But rather, tap on everything else (that you enjoy). It feels impossible in the beginning. But after a few weeks, your algorithm changes, and your scrolling experience becomes much more healthy.
no joke whatsoever, frogstagram is a blessing upon my life and I cherish it every day. also, repeatedly blocking recommended accounts that serve you content that you don't want to see (any more) redirects your algorithm within a couple of days.
You can get banned from dating apps for rather weird things. I got banned from tinder for having a VPN. I hadn’t even gotten any matches to speak to so it wasn’t from me saying anything bad to anyone😂
lol same thing happened to me on tinder. I went on a single date right after getting the app, then dropped it for a year. Changed my entire profile when I came back and got banned within a few hours before even talking to anyone.
I went through a phase when I thought i was the ugliest person on the planet, and then I walked through my local shopping centre. 90% of people don't fit the beauty standard.
It sounds shallow, but I notice this everywhere as well, in person and online. Profile pictures of people in a Facebook group, even. It reminds me that "beautiful people" are out there, the majority of us are just average and thats perfectly fine. Beauty is in the small things ❤
no fr i had a brief time after i moved to a new city where i was pretty isolated and was online too much. eventually realized that lots of people out in public were around my level and with their friends or partners and i was like "oh yeah i forgot i don't have to be an instagram model to be loved 🤡"
For me, hotness is determined by what someone does. If someone’s a ten out of ten but doesn’t wash their hands after they use the bathroom or something they’re immediately less attractive 😭
I'm wired that way too. I could initially find someone hot, but then once I realize their personality is @sshole I literally cannot find them attractive ever again. Whereas I can find someone's personality really appealing so that the more time I spend with them the hotter they are. I've been told this is abnormal, that most people just make snap hot-or-not decisions and go from there.
@PseudoFiction I disagree, The Cow sets aside plenty of time for self care and doesn't compromise on it. That's self-love goals. I think she's just an extrovert
I think people confuse a "type" with an ideal. I've heard people describe their 'type' so specifically that it might be 3 women on earth. I used to do this. Thinking my 'type' was a short nerdy ginger girl. My girlfriend: Tall, incredibly clever, black woman. Many people have likely missed out on real love because they haven't gone out of their self-made prison of requirements.
Couldn't agree more! My "type" used to be super d*key chicks with short dark hair & bright blue eyes...tho tbh it was far less about looks than personality but still. Anyway, my wife of the last 21yrs is so femme nearly everyone I knew was convinced she was actually straight & just trying me on for the first 10 years or so 😂 That's an exaggeration but only slightly. She also has bright red, waist length hair - I have a freaking hair phobia!!! And yet, thanks to Tom, we met on MySpace when I was bored & writing random women whatever first came to mind. Our personalities clicked & here we are, about to celebrate our 21st Anniversary!!! We met when we were both 21 so literally half our lives have been spent together 🥰🥰🥰 I'm so glad I didn't get stuck thinking she wasn't my type and end up missing out on the best relationship I can imagine being possible! We spend most of our time together laughing 🥰😁 Sorry so long, I suck at concise and was overly excited to over share 😁
My mum: I want a tall, blond, blue-eyed husband. My dad: slightly shorter than her (especially when she wore heels), brown hair, hazel eyes... The marriage: lasted 54 years until my mum died.
I do not agree here. How did someone miss the "love of their life" if the person was not their type physically to begin with??? Physical attraction is important and exists for a reason. Of course being compatible with your partner is also very important, but since this is going to be an intimate relationship as well, not just a platonic one, then how are you supposed to be in a relationship with someone who you do not find physically attractive!?
@@charaasmrbullsht8594because a lot of times someone becomes attractive to you once you get to know and love them. Physical attraction isn’t nearly as important as emotional connection and personality compatibility. If you think it is, you’re either a child or extremely immature.
I thought my type was a tall guy and my bf is shorter than me 😂 Love him so much, wouldn't change a thing. He moved into my country and everything is great. Edit to add, when I was younger I thought I could never be with someone who's not taller than me and had a huge complex about being tall. Then I fell in love through internet and suddenly it just didn't matter at all as long as I'd have him here with me. Attraction changes and evolves through life and circumstances and giving yourself the opportunity to evolve is important. You are probably not into what you were ten years, right, especially if you are fairly young. It's okay to have preferences; you should think your partner is attractive and no one should force themself into a relationship where they don't think so, but what you think as attractive is probably much wider than you'd think, especially when very young. Love, not even romantic but overall love, changes things and it's wonderful.
A friendly reminder about selection bias: those videos where randos are rating people's attractiveness in pics are not going to show you those people who didn't rate or said reasonable things--that wouldn't support that creator's narrative. So when we're all gnashing our teeth about that behavior (which is definitely gross and antisocial), it's at least partly an illusion we're being fed for clicks. I'm not saying people don't do this, I'm just saying it will be massively overrepresented in these videos. Kind of like beauty standards on dating apps... it's distortion of reality all the way down 🙃
The little chicago bro calling Margo Robbie mid and then trying to transition into his dumb fascist political ideas is one of the most” the young boys are cooked” clips I’ve ever seen
He was even contradicting himself. First, he agreed it is right that Hollywood employs realistically-looking women and then that Hollywood should strive for the ideal.
i feel like the overexposure to hot people in media has done the opposite for me. im not at all attracted to people with "perfect" bodies, very symmetrical faces, fillers, visible makeup, veneers, trendy fashion, etc. they just feel so fake.
true, it's all giving AI 😄 imperfections are what actually attracts the eye. Still, there are standards / requirements and are usually connected to general fitness (not thinness); general facial and bodily symmetry; clear skin, teeth, hair; good posture; but that's about it
The conversation around attractiveness and media - specifically Hollywood - reminds me of conversations I've had with people about my theory that ability to guesstimate someone's age is skewed by media/Hollywood. Like I think that the way they cast adults to play teens adversely affects people's perception of how old someone is. No source, just vibes.
They also typically cast women about 10 yrs younger than the male romantic lead, which has normalized old men trying to date women half their age (bc women their own age are gross amirite)? They also cast women as moms who are only 10yrs older than the women playing the daughter. According to Hollywood, every pregnancy occurred before most girls even reach reproductive age lol
I think it is that in most media, young people are played by much older actors and older people are played by much younger actors. Most people become parents in their late 20s/early 30s but that is not reflected in the age gaps of the actors playing a parents and child. Of course this is always much worse for actresses playing older women, like being told they're too old to play an actors love interested, even though he is actually 10 years older than the actress. So especially how women 'should' look at every age is severely screwed.
I also think Hollywood people generally age poorly. Cosmetic procedures that look okay in your 20s and 30s start to look bad in your 40s. So they see a 40 year old celebrity that looks great and think they’re an anomaly. Normal people who age like normal people look amazing and youthful at 40.
I get called young looking a lot and I think this is why like.... . I'm not. I'm average.. but I'm not at an age where people even start to age( unless they have kids .).... But we are so used to seeing 30 something's play 20 year olds
@@metriq8268 I don't think I really agree with that. Yes there are some terrible examples of cosmetic procedures going dodgy with age but on the whole if you are rich and able to afford a more relaxed lifestyle with expensive skincare treatments (excluding fillers + surgical stuff) you are likely to stay looking younger than someone who's had to work pay check to pay check and dealt with more stress in life, stress is incredibly aging. Genetics and the sun still probably have the biggest impact so some people will always be outliers on these things.
I installed a patch of grass in my living room and this has not worked. Rather I bought a Bible and began to repentance to our Lord Jesus Christ. God Bless; The Truth will be Revealed.
most cases I have seen of people rating hotness are weirdly low. I think a lot of people might be misunderstanding the task as rating their actual attraction, which tends to be quite limited based on just a picture or video.
I was a teenager in the '70's. I look at people who were considered "heart throbs" then and realize they would be "average" now. And performers now have to be not only talented, but also "hot". John Denver was talented but not what I would call hot. It didn't matter then. Cass Elliot would never be given a chance at a singing career in modern times. I am constantly amazed at how standards have changed in my lifetime.
Culture's become a lot more "visual" in general since the 70s I think, mostly because of the proliferation of screens and cameras - we see images of ourselves and others _all the time_ these days (remember when you might take 50 or so photos _a year_ and then only on special occasions because film and getting it developed cost money ?). Fans could go weeks/months/years without actually _seeing_ that pop/film star they had a crush on (and even then, it was often under conditions we _knew_ were "artificial"). Today, fans see them every day on their insta. And it's _pretending_ to be real life (i.e. they have to uphold an ideal as if that's actually how they look on a daily basis). Taking a photo of yourself would've been considered the height of vanity even 25 years ago, now many younger people consider it odd if you _don't_ have a selfie-plastered social media presence. The result being, we're constantly _aware_ of how ourselves and others look and that's not just "changed" but actually _warped_ how we view attractiveness IMO (it boggles my mind that 20 year old women are getting Botox etc. for instance - you're 20 FFS, you don't _have_ wrinkles !?). (anyway, here endeth the "old fart rant" :)
@@anonymes2884 Loved both of these insights! I'm 35, and I already see a huge difference between the noughties celebrities and today's celebrities. One piece of advice I'd give to people of any age is to just follow people on socials who you know in real life or who are part of the same hobby/community - not celebrities or influencers - and only go on social media when you want to be... social! But it's so so hard to avoid the comparisons completely.
@@Tnya099 That's some strange advice about only following people you know on social media. I don't know my congresswoman or the two senators from my state, but I follow them on Instagram. Social media is what you make of it. If you can't keep your eyes off hot celebrities, and need to make special rules, that's problem you have that not everyone has.
Nah, Olivia Newton-John was hot in the 70s and she's still hot by today's standards. If anything, it's more that the standards for men have been raised to something more approaching the standard that women have been held to for decades. Old movies are full of unattractive guys (often a decade or two older) as the romantic lead for an attractive woman. It annoyed me as a kid, I'm glad it doesn't happen so much anymore.
I had an ex who was extremely controlling and made me feel awful. I stayed with him, because I thought that would never find any one else. No one should EVER settle. GTFO even if you feel like you will never find anyone. 3 years ago, I met my fiancé outside of dating apps. The only social media he has is Snapchat, which we use to send goofy photos to each other. He is the sweetest man you will ever meet! We even met after college. It is possible to find the partner of your dreams!
@@NeedMoreCoffeeOGit is better to be happy and alone than being with someone that makes you miserable. Lots of people stay in shitty relationships just because they think being in a relationship is some ultimate life goal
i think people really confuse beautiful, hot and attractive. I can find someone beautiful but not be attracted to them. The hottest people i've ever met were all pretty normal looking people with a million dollar charisma. Dont get me started on some people who perfectly align with beauty standards but in doing so have the most forgettable faces, coupled with a vacant stare. Not beautiful, not hot, not attractive.
I feel like we have lost the concept of being conventionally/unconventionally attractive lol. Like we've been subjected to ppl who are algorithmically hot and have no unappealing features. So now anybody who isn't LA hot is a goblin. Like the hole concept of "ugly hot" or "hot rat boys" is not real. Ppl are just attracted to folks who wouldn't make it on their for you page and they feel the need to give an explanation haha. This isn't a generational thing either cause Millennials and older who are chronically online also suffer from this condition
hard hard agree, i’ve seen so many things contributed to gen z/ millennials (like what you described above), or disrespect and rudeness. from my own observation, it has nothing to do with a specific generation because I see people of all ages being nasty online lol.
I dunno. My friends and I are chronically online and still use "conventionally (un)attractive" to describe things. I personally have a wide net of what I find beautiful, but know that most people do not, and so I use placating language around them. Unless chronically online must include tiktok nowadays. I do not touch tiktok and barely let people show me clips from it. Same with many in my circle.
I've had a lot of discussions with my therapist about dating apps and how they just DECIMATE self-confidence and self-esteem. As a cis-het guy, it's really wild how hard these apps lean into basically gambling tactics for the chance of a match. I'm not sure how it is as someone of a different gender, but it's tough
@kaleighwafflesI was so picky on tinder I once came across a "wil" I passed on him simply because there was 1 L in his name and I thought it was stupid, he could've been the greatest man ever and I was just being dumb
I (cis bi woman) sort of self-sabotaged on dating apps because I was scared of meeting a creeper (and didn’t like myself much anyway). It didn’t go well.
Abby Cox had a whole Drag King performance as Henry VIII doing an Alpha Male podcast. And yes, the monarch in question would definitely do a tier ranking of his wives.
If I had exclusively used dating apps I wouldn't have ended up with my girlfriend of going on nine years now. I had it in my brain that I preferred petite women with curly hair. I met my girlfriend offline, and she's 6 feet tall and pear-shaped with straight hair. And it's not a question of "settling" for something outside of your ideal, it's the fact that meeting someone organically and getting to know their personality is such a huge part of attractiveness that they are more beautiful to you than any two-dimensional, imagined version of "your ideal" that you have only ever interacted with in your daydreams.
Next up, how car centric development patterns destroy your dating life! Want to get out and meet more people organically? Too bad your town is criss-crossed with highways and suburbs. Your best chance at a meet cute is exchanging insurance info over a fender bender.
I definitely agree on the devastating effects of car-centric urban planning, but getting involved in your local community can help you meet loads of people! EDIT: grammar
Honestly I can totally see how that'd make it a lot harder, I've had tinder and as I'm a girl I did match with loads of people but not 1 relationship came out of it, I met my bf in a park through mutual friends, I've had 1 ex I first spoke to online not even a dating app and that failed miserably, and my other exes are all decent people and I met all of them in person, I think something about a screen does something to the brain that makes people value it less
One of the worst things to come of rating people are the questions like "this woman is a ten but she has [insert mental problem here]. Would you date her?" It's a sibling to what is possibly the most vile saying I can think of "don't stick your dick in crazy" which is so disgusting I feel uncomfortable just typing it. The difference is that often people will say "no, but I would have sex with her" which is really, really gross to me. Not that having casual sex is intrinsically bad, and not that someone having mental issues can't be reason to not date a person if it's not something you can handle. It's just that it's so vile in how it turns mentally ill women into either sex objects (as there's another common belief among men that "crazy" women are better at sex) and/or that every woman is either "ugly" or "attractive" or instead a "bad person/undesirable" who you should avoid. It contributes to a culture that is so disgusting that I really loathe, and as someone who is usually seen as a man who's worked in the culinary industry with a lot of "macho" men, a lot of men are disturbingly comfortable talking about when they think there's no fear of retribution.
Also, this isn't an "all men are bad" thing (there are plenty of men with very healthy views of women) and it's quite possible that this or something similar is a thing with women as well, but I've seen it only from men given my personal experience.
@@creamtangerine85 macho men laugh at the idea a woman could actually harm them, but women know/warn each other they won't walk away (alive) from men with any percentage of "crazy". But I think you'd find a similar way of speaking in women with partners "that could never do that" partners with no confidence or 'no options' are talked about in a similarly dehumanizing way.
@@nehmchan HARK! curse my soul as a quidnunc thou may, but ALAS ye ol' comment of 6 days past- possessing such masterful wit, thus fanned the flames so deeply to thine burning desire to like so very much? is no longer cursed with the number of ye beast 69! rejoice my liege, rejoice! may this news bless thine own crops with upmost devine droplets to be watered from His heavens, and free from all pestilence, and thy family be free of plague my liege!
Ragebaiting is probably part of the goal of such videos. Get a picture of a hot person, find (or ask/pay) someone to rate them low on camera, get comments.
a lot of these videos are paid actors rage baiting for views and engagement. everything on social media is fake - treat it like reality tv but even more curated lol
@ It’s so common! But why do they do that? Is it a form of negging? Do they think it’s valuable information for us because surely all we think about is what features they like in women?
@@sam73322 And it might raise more questions, like "Well, is he just SETTLING for me?", or "Does he like me despite what his type of woman is?" Is it a compliment or an insult?? It's unnecessary.
@@sam73322It may also be a "well, despite you not being my type, I'm into you", which has a bit of a "you're not like the other girls" vibe to it? I don't think I could describe it better.
@sam73322 For some men it's definitely not malicious, probably more of a neutral "oh isn't this weird, i never thought i'd like someone like you but the universe works in mysterious ways". In the same way you might offhandedly tell your friends that your partner doesn't fit your exact type but that's in no way a deal breaker bc of all they bring to the table. They just legit don't see how bringing that up might hurt you. For some men they probably do mistakenly think it's some kind of high praise compliment. "Oh you're such an amazing woman that you totally shattered my previously held notions of what was attractive!" Which like, good intention there bud but very poor execution. Bringing up how your partner Does Not meet all your expectations is not the compliment you think it is. And then ofc for some men it is gonna be a purposeful neg. "If i tell her she's not my type it'll lower her self esteem to the point she'll put up with my poor behavior out of the fear that she can't ever truly meet Anyone's standards 😈" And that's fucked. Ultimately it is the answer that no one really wants to hear: it depends 🤷♀️ Some guys want you to feel worse about yourself, some guys think it'll be an ego boost, and some legit don't even think about what kind of impact that comment could have. How to tell the difference? Tell the guy how that comment made you feel, and straight up ask them if it was their intention. Direct communication is always going to be the easiest way to understand where someone is coming from. Obviously if the guy is purposefully negging you they won't outright admit it, but they will likely try to invalidate your feelings. Something along the lines of "I can't believe you're accusing me of trying to hurt you!? Clearly you're overthinking a simple compliment and trying to paint me as a bad guy." Where as a well intentioned guy, or plain oblivious guy, will likely recognize that their comment came off the wrong way, apologize, explain it wasn't their intention, and maybe even ask you what would be a better way to explain that thought to you. A guy who genuinely cares about you will feel bad when they hurt you. Period.
It's so funny that all these people who are out on the town presumably to get some down and dirty, all think each other are the most disgusting and vile specimens on earth. And yet they all end up with eachother anyway! Madness
If i can be a bit of judgemental dick to him. For a guy claiming to demand the highest quality in everything his mediocre, suit, tie, and hair cut and style really tell another story.
As much as I as a hate TikTok ripping people’s content for advertisers, it has contributed to a fall off of overly polished people in advertising which Ive enjoyed.
Ummmmm wrong? Lmao? It birthed Alix Earle and her clones? Addison Rae and Bella Poarch who only grew to fame because of being hot faces for advertisers? Lol? I'd argue tiktok exacerbated an already existing problem that wasn't near as bad.
I don’t believe in rating people but it’s very funny that basically all of the men in the video rating extremely hot women lowly would be a solid 2 at most by their own standards
Classic projection of insecurity on their behalf. 'Margot Robbie wouldn't give me the time of day? W-well she's not even that pretty, I have STANDARDS' sure, kyle.
I'm always reminded of this tumblr post about the Finnish (?) dude saying Americans are so weird about beauty and ageing because they don't go to the sauna with their naked grandmas when they're small kids and so don't know what the process of ageing looks like. I think it's kind of similar in this discussion, with the whole growing up online with a curated feed of faces: when you stop seeing as many normal, every day people, you forget what they look like. I will also say that judging appearances and attractiveness in pictures is kind of hard because (personally) I always find people much more attractive in motion, seeing their facial expressions change and their body language too. On social media and dating apps the whole 2D thing really distorts how people look imo
Yeah I find very, very few women attractive online and a lot of them out in the real world. I can see how being terminally online can create some false, very narrow and high standards if you don't consciously check that.
I'm 41. Happily married and as a young guy I did have a very distorted view of women and how relationships even worked. I honestly thought the only thing I needed to get a girlfriend in High School was to have a car. Imagine my surprise when that wasn't enough because everyone had a car. I eventually became really bitter about it and that only made things worse because who in their right mind wants to hang out with a grouch much less date him? I also REALLY cared about what others would think of my girlfriend vs actual compatibility. Once I got over those insecurities I was able to work on myself and not treat women as an accessory in my life and instead a partner I could spend the rest of my life with as we battle all of the hardships in a dual income based economy. We've been together for 15 years and married for 9. Sure we have our ups and downs, but being secure in my masculinity has enabled me to accept that I can be wrong from time to time and work on myself instead of blaming others for my shortcomings.
Girl you can't do that. I'm 5 minutes in and I already feel like I'm gonna need blood pressure medication from hearing those fuckboys. 💀 Maybe every girl needs a platonic lesbian friend in their group to remind them what appreciating normal looking people looks like is2g
I'd be nervous dating in the modern era because of how online everything is and how genuinely unattractive I am by female beauty standards I'm not trying to meet. I'm at peace with how I look (I'm disabled and in my case that has led to being more concerned with function than form), but I'd be afraid of encountering ridicule or violence when I as a "1" showed up in-person for a date.
I switched back to a dumbphone about a year and a half ago, and as a result found my overall social media use plummet. I check in on facebook on my laptop every few weeks or less, scroll for a few, and then get bored and switch to video gaming. I'm noticing a huge decrease in my awareness of memes, as well as my overall exposure to (and involvement in) petty social drama. It definitely affected the way this past US election went for me. I'm a transgender person living in one of the US states that is very bad for transgender people, and we're going to have to leave as soon as we can. But the day of the election and the days immediately following, I was focused on my own and my partner's needs instead of the continuous stream of unhelpful images and stories that would otherwise have been pouring across my phone. And I got plenty of sleep and water. I can't recommend it enough.
Once upon a time, as a young and quite immature man, I thought I had a type... then I got a girlfriend who wasn't that type, and I thought "Oh, I have more than one type then" - some years later, once again single, I met and fell in love with a woman who wasn't either of my "types" and I learned that really, I didn't have such a simple view anymore. Thus I was taught by life, that people are people and that you are attracted to something less easily definable. I wonder what I'll learn next - hopefully perhaps something akin to wisdom, but don't hold your breath.
From what I see on these interwebs, hetero men think women care about looks far more than they do 😂 the amount of faceless, masked or just regular looking dudes that the girlies are thirsting after is unimaginable. The girlies I know, care far less about looks, and far more about competency, kindness and like….forearms in a button down shirt. Men really fumbled the bag when the girlies were obsessed with that guy from COD, or during spooky season when all the girlies on my timeline were getting hot and bothered by like haunted house actors doing hot stuff
I mean this seems kinda disingenuous, it’s like saying that men went crazy for Lady Dimitresieu (whatever her name is I didn’t play the game), and then concluding that means men actually want tall dominant women. In real life, people have different standards. Women aren’t all wanting Brad Pitt or something but there are concrete standards and things each gender generally prefers for many reasons. When Dream took off the mask a lot of people thought he was ugly, same with Corpse Husband and other masked up personalities. You project an image of someone hotter in your mind.
@@TheDogSlog That’s fair~ That’s why I specified masked and unmasked guys. In my experience, dudes think women want the full package, looks being primary, when a lot of the girls I know are much more attracted to a regular lookin dude who is kind and has some innocuous hotness (like forearms, or nice hands, or soft bellies, or is even just exceedingly kind and that’s it) And that shows in the people they thirst after online, with and without a mask. It feels like dudes are upset because of standards they made up in their head, but the types of men I see women be attracted to varies a lot more than what I see dudes be attracted to.
Yes these redpillers who convinced men that women are heavily into looks have corrupted them. My 19 year old nephew was complaining how he would never get a gf cause he was not attractive enough or that he woukd have to settle for a ugly girl. I told him to look around him at couples & tell me how they look. Almost all the women were way out of the men's league. I asked him why this was. How did the guys pull them? He said they were kind, caring, funny, stand-up dudes with something going for them.
I've seen cosplayers rating each other's cosplays on a scale from one to ten and it was pretty wholesome, because they would be so critical towards themselves and then the next person would usually give them a higher rating than they did 😭. I feel like artist hyping each other up is the only okay version of this trend.
I know beauty is subjective because my husband acts like I'm the hottest woman in the world and I don't agree, and the fact that I really couldn't get dates for most of my young adulthood validates that, but I'm happy he likes how I look. You can be a 2 to 99.9% of the world but find that one person who thinks your'e a 10.
I feel like another (minor) issue with the ranking scale is that some people treat it as a linear scale and some people treat it as an exponential scale
i never felt like i could get the rating system down, that was before i figured that dating/hooking up without knowing anything about them would be sad and unfulfilling if i had to "try" now, a 5 would be "average person i glance past", 6-7 would mean i like some of their features and 8-10 would be "i like how she does this thing/she's funny/she's smart". rating below 5 is just mean, if they're not my type then why dwell on it?
The prettier a girl is, who is uniquely beautiful and not exactly the homogeneous standard Instagram face, the lower her score. Like men think it's somehow beta to still find unique beauty attractive, and so go full alpha bro by saying they're a 3 or whatever ridiculous number
I've always found the whole 'hotness' ordeal to be confusing yet hilarious because I'm ace and most people's idea of 'hotness' or 'attractiveness' has to do with sexual attraction, of which I do not feel lol. I'm watching from the sidelines with popcorn because I genuinely do not understand but it's still somewhat entertaining to watch people talk about it and try to piece together what on Earth they mean by any of it.
As a non-Ace person, i think the biggest problem here is exactly what Tara kept bringing up: attractiveness is a completely subjective assesment that people are constantly trying to pass off as an objective concept. I don't know if it's the horniness fogging up these people's brains or if they legit don't understand subjective vs objective as a concept, but it is clear as day that these folks are refusing to accept that not every human being to have ever existed will be attracted to the exact same thing. It has never been the case before, it isn't the case now, and it never will be the case. Personally, when i see someone trying to explain that hotness is a measurable value in any way i just remind myself that they are most likely just trying to instill an insecurity so they can then sell you a product to "fix" it. It's capitalism all the way down, unfortunately.
18:00 isn't going above and beyond in hollywood going to be by acting well and being skilled in portrayals? The stars of the screen tend to be extremely good-looking in the first place.
I'm so glad someone has called out that "I'm working late because I'm a singer" line, I like the song but that is a bafflingly bad lyric punctuated due to the stress on singerrr and it only happens because she needed a ryhme for finger, and that line was already bad.
13:58 i wanted to offer my own perspective- while I think dating online is harder for cis people , as a trans person , dating online is kind of my only option. Meeting people in real life as a gay trans man is kind of impossible. People have initial attraction , let’s say a crush that goes on for a week or longer. But eventually they find out I’m trans, and they’re gone. This has happened to me every single time, so online is the only way I can really date because I can explicitly advertise that I’m trans. So I would say, I agree online dating sucks but it’s all I really have. Trans people can’t really meet partners organically, at least not anywhere I have lived. I’d love if I could, but especially as a trans man … there aren’t any spaces for trans men where your transness is assumed. I might sound tone deaf , but being cis passing as a trans man is not as awesome as I thought , because potential partners all think I’m cis. The “spark” is great and all and it’s important to have , but if I’m being honest I don’t believe trans people can really have that in relationships. You’ll have a spark with someone and again, they find out you are trans and they’re gone. I’d rather no spark but have them be ok that I’m trans. At this point, dating for me has been so bad , I’ll settle for anyone who’s nice and who is ok with me being trans.
Im a trans nb person currently recovering from top surgery- i met my trans partner and family through larp. I cant speak for all hobbies or even all larp spaces but my larp has a 20-40% makeup of trans and queer folks, as well as 50-70% polyamorous people. We are a safe space and i met them all organically as friends with shared interests as events. Theyre all wildly talented and having a shared interest helped a lot. I know not all hobby communities are safe spaces like mine is, but i thought i had nowhere and i was wrong. I hope you can find a safe irl community too ❤
Tara, you are a priceless gem right in the middle of a royals crown! And every bit as valuable, please dont ever stop making youtube videos. You single handedly save my opinion on how stupid and bad humanity is as a whole. Its because of your (and of course the Cows) show that I feel there might still be a or a few smart and good people out there. I love you girl. You are a priceless and indestructible gemstone and I am so grateful for your channel!!!
It’s kind of crazy to me that people don’t adjust their attraction to the surrounding people, like I can think celebs and influencers are attractive, but also some regular guys because when I’m around regular people my brain adjusts the expectations to that, like I can always find someone that I find attractive in some way, also to be fair I’m ace and my aesthetic attraction and romantic attraction are kind of two different things so I’m definitely weird about it in general though
According to the guys at my gym, from what I've overheard, I'm a 2/10 and they'd "never f$*^ a 2." I am literally just trying to keep my heart healthy in that hellhole!
I feel like a second video could be made on how it effects people in seeing themselves as undatable, all because they have a feature that commonly comes up. It can create it's own feedback loop as they may not put themselves out there in the dating pool, as they think nobody can be attracted to them. That then becoming manufactured evidence. Making them less happy because of hyperbolic people online they will never meet.
Reminds me of that meme PSA warning folks not to use baldness as an insult, as usually the person you're trying to attack will not feel hurt, but rather the people close to you will. Same thing as when someone uses "fat" as an insult. The plus-size model making 10k+ a month off her insta is not gonna feel attacked by your basic ass insult. But you know who will feel worse about themselves? Your close friends who have been gradually gaining weight over the past few years, and worries others will judge them for it. Now you have just proven their fears right. Congrats!
I think this happens to a lot of short men. They get obsessed with being "too short" to be dateable, because of videos online, which then makes them act weird about it and act worse. This negative feedback makes them unattractive, not their height. So many short men are in happy relationships in the real world, but the internet warps this. It's why everyone should spend more time in the real world!
I would love to see this as well, plus some more emphasis on how it harms women (as this focused a lot on it brainwashing men but not how it can do the same for women).
@@WhoWantsCake0this is a lesson I so wish my mother would learn. She spent her whole life talking badly about other women, and all it did was ruin my relationship with myself and my body.
Maybe even more bleakly, I feel like the equivalent to women wanting a “rat boyfriend” is men wanting an “autistic girlfriend” (putting that in quotes feels wrong bc autistic ppl are real lol but usually when I see memes talking ab this, there’s not a very good understanding of autism behind it), or an even earlier iteration might be the “hot goth gf” meme. These trends still portray conventionally attractive women, but men seem to think they’re edgy for saying they’re interested in these “kinds” of girls. Of course, in addition to being more shallow than the “rat boyfriend” trend, the “autistic girlfriend” memes can at times be straightup dehumanizing and perpetuate misinformation about autism.
13:47 as someone who has found success I completely agree, online dating is the worst as the whole point of dating is finding someone you have a "spark" with which you CANNOT tell over text or by swiping through pictures. One of my worst dates was with a fellow introvert where they barely said a word for the WHOLE. DAMN. DATE. despite their messages being fun and flirty until that point. I feel so lucky to have met my current partner but I find it funny & telling that we met each other as a last ditch attempt before deleting the app 😬
I left another main comment about this but as a trans person I feel like online dating is the only option. I’ve had sparks with lots of people and tried to date organically and the moment they realize I’m not cisgender they bail. At this point , if I ever hope to be with anyone, online dating is really the only way because I can explicitly advertise that I’m trans. I think meeting organically and having a spark is very much a cis people privilege. It’s been bad enough that genuinely I’ll date anyone at this point even with no spark if it just means they won’t immediately jump ship because I’m not cis. I’m a trans man, I’d say I’m pretty handsome and I’m very cis passing. This sort of screws me over in the long run , because I’m not visibly trans. Dating is a nightmare , and I’m pretty close to just giving up.
This reminds me of some of my (straight) guy friends... They are always complaining and upset about not having a gf, but when a girl that might be interested in them enters their life they don't pursue it because she doesn't fit into their extremely tight standards for what kind of woman they want to date. I'm sure this contributes to the incel pipeline as well, as they perceive constant rejection when in reality they can't get out of their own self imposes bubble.
Greetings to you Tara and the cow from the US. Your videos are one of the few things keeping me together nowadays.We’re struggling over here to beat the fascist police state allegations.
I am so sorry but i literally paused the video for several seconds and stared blindly at the wall at the guy who used MARGOT ROBBIE as an example for settling for mediocrity 😭😭
Girls, I met my green forest boyfriend organically. I was at home, playing the ukulele and singing. He was staying at the apartment next to me and heard me & knocked on my door, to tell me I had a beautiful voice. It’s been a year since then and I’m so happy! There’s hope outside the apps
@@Paroex brb googling edit: okay so it's like saying this person is so full of green flags (as opposed to red flags) that they are like a forest of green flags
@@zenleeparadise sure, I made this up lol because I have nothing better to do than type all of this for your entertainment. The story is 100% true, actually. I know how it sounds like, but it doesn't change the fact that this is how I met my partner.
Even in "real life" (like walking on the sidewalk or taking the public bus) your eyes and brain tend to only see or focus on pretty people, I've been trying everyday to focus on "average" looking individuals and it's really refreshing because you don't compare yourself to the top 10% of people around you!
Great video. I have taken myself more and more offline since reading The Shallows and Stolen Focus (two books I would recommend to anyone). Dating apps are probably the worst way to meet people as, despite what the likes of Tindr and Hinge say, they are designed to keep people single and staring at a screen.
@paigeh1670 It def does depend If you live in a big city with lots of events happening every week then obviously the odds of you meeting a likeminded person at one of those is way higher than finding the same on an app that profits from loneliness. But yeah if you live in a not so densely populated area with very few activities or places to meet with your peers then obviously having a dating app is better than having nothing
@kaleighwaffles thank you for sharing your personal viewpoint; I had a similar experience. I basically downloaded some, then when it came time to fill out my profile I just felt cheap and transactional. I know some people appreciate them and value them but they're definitely not for me.
I disagree about the apps but feel thankful about the book recommendations. While I think it's valid to meet new people in real life, at this point in our society I don't believe it's completely realistic for all of us considering what we did with our society at this point. Coming from an insignificant small town in Brasil, dating apps helped me a lot to develop my second language skills, even my social skills, the way I present myself and how I interact with others. Some of us folks in small spaces don't find it too often the openness necessary to meet people in real life simply because our routines are already limited, or our city is simply small and doesn't offer external activities, doesn't have a mall or a park. I'm thankful for dating apps and social media because I can have a dimension of how people from other countries actually are. I would be lying if I said I only met amazing people there and already found the love of my life: I met dumb, racist, and small mind narcissists there too. But I'm choosing to see it as an experience and not a life definition for myself... I also met narcs and fake people in real life. I'm choosing to name it a social, human being problem, instead of an online problem only. I dated people who were not my type and I was not physically attracted to, and those relationships ended bad as well.
17:09 As a person with long history of crushes outside of mainstream beauty I was shamed by my male and female friends for my attraction many times. I would never "celebrate" it publically because I don''t want to drive negative attention to those people and also myself and it also stinks of fetishisation. And being called a "rodent boyfriend" doesn''t sound all that good too tbh
I can't believe the guy's comments at the end! "We shouldn't settle for mediocrity?" Like, what? Spending countless amounts of money to attain a body and face that doesn't exist? It's a fabricated image, dude! Whatever happened to just pure chemistry? You can be attracted to hotness and have no connection with the individual across the table! Yeah... Dating in the digital age sucks!
I recently came to the realisation that being hot would not really bring anything of value into my life. I'm already married and my partner thinks I'm gorgeous and so do I, so making myself hotter in the eyes of other people is just effort I'm not willing to exert.
That has to be so embarrassing to be stopped by a random person asking you to rate your attractiveness fully knowing that millions of people will say that you're ugly. I personally wouldn't stop at all. Just zoom right by them.
I recommend Men join the Catholic Church and provide reverence to the Mother of God Mary. Recite 3x on each part of a Rosary. Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
I think a critical aspect of this that wasn't really in the video is how the idea of "the one" contributes to discourses around beauty standards. When people are trained and strongly encouraged to view human relationships as some high stakes market thing, a grounding in "objective" numbers can be a comfort. After all, one wouldn't want to be perceived as someone "settling" for their one-and-only partner. The ratings help people to make sure they're attracted correctly to the correct people before they go all-in on a life partner. These rating things seem to mostly be in a context where hetero-mononormativity isn't questioned whatsoever. Cold, hard-nosed discernment is held to be the answer to a scarcity of sexual/romantic relationships, but maybe abundance could be cultivated instead.
Because he will never ever ever get to fuck her, be associated with her, or noticed by her. Apply that to a lot of male behaviors that are baffling or hurtful and suddenly everything will make sense.
those videos and most other cases I have seen of people rating individual hotness seem to lean quite heavily towards harshness. the ratings almost always come out as if they were applying a scale on which average looksare 0-3, seemingly forgetting about the existence of actually ugly people who are supposed to be on the scale. I've always been a little confused by that - are people just being a-holes, or what is that? are people misunderstanding the task as rating their own actual attraction, and that just does not tend to be high from merely seeing a picture or video of somebody? I don't understand, is this so hard to differentiate?
I've totally noticed the experience of finding people more attractive the more exposure I have to their faces. And like, it's not just that as I get to know people, their personality affects how I view them, but literally just looking at someone's face long enough, that sense of familiarity itself gets blurred with my perception of their beauty. Basically, I like what I already know.
The nice thing about having worked as a lifeguard and having done theatre is you get to see a lot of naked and barely dressed people in a non-sexual setting, which is good for the soul. Most people are sort of average-looking mid-shower. You're probably fine.
“My ancestors survived the potato famine for this” is a hard relate for me. Mine survived the Trail of Tears so that I could watch lots of digital nonsense reshape the world. 🤷♀️
On the subject of ‘types’ and ppl excluding certain traits in their dating choices - I am always horrified by the casual racism still kicking around in rural England/small towns when ppl talk about dating. It’s scarily common for white ppl to say ‘I don’t date black guys/girls’ or ‘I’m not into that (*meaning black guys)’ and talk about interracial dating as if it’s some kind of fetish. In uni I dated a Nepali guy and a Bengali guy within the same year, and everyone back home teased me about having ‘a type’ (also, as if finding ppl with brown skin attractive is something to be teased about anyway??) These two guys could not have been more different in personality, appearance or cultural background, but all anyone from my home town (including friends and family) saw was their skin colour. So icky
Ok maybe it’s just me but there is so many beautiful people in the world like just in my life when I go to work I find like 30% of them really beautiful (I am not attracted to all of them but still ) and 50% as just interesting or average (they are still pretty just in a different way), all of the women in those videos in the beginning were BEAUTIFUL like what do those people expect… should I start glowing in the dark do they want me to develop the magic effects like in sims ? To go above and beyond? How?! All of that said you are a beautiful person Tara and I love the way you present cow’s content Please give the cow my warmest regards
I'm not dating anyone until they've completed their aspiration and got a money tree obv 😔 also, seconding the amount of beautiful people in the world - like, I'd say more than half the people I meet are beautiful - it's barely a criterion for attraction for me because it's such a common trait
Not even joking, if I meet someone who says they never had an uggo phase growing up I INSTINCTIVELY don't trust them. Like "how was it being desired by all your peers and given the benefit of the doubt about everything?" I bet it was nice as you and your friends were giving me irreparable childhood trauma
Now that I think of this, the last time I heard people literally rate someone in real life was in Secondary school.🤔 The internet gave the most immature weirdos a platform to expose their idiocy.
Francis Galton, the creator of eugenics came up with it. I'm not kidding. He also came up with classist and racist theories trying to explain this surprising correlation that women whom he rated as attractive were usually young rich white upper class ladies, and poor working class XIXth century ladies he didn't like them as much? So he concluded it's THE GENES. It's called hell on earth, Tara, look it up.
Tara I appreciate your thoughtfulness and comedy, you are one of the few long-ish videos I watch entirely! (as a single 38y/o man this has resonated with me)
For additional reading see "Everyone Is Beautiful and No One Is Horny" essay. I think about it every day. Also, i'm just gonna be a silly little cow and admit that my beauty standards are getting higher with every video from you
It was definitely popularized by the movie 10 (1979). My mother said as soon as the movie came out, men would cruise around and scream numbers at every woman they saw.
The whole drunk men rate hot people with abandon is very much giving the first few minutes of ‘The Social Network’. P.S. Producer Cow is fabulous as ever but also it’s nice to meet Sa-brie-na talking ‘Espresso’.
As a guy I realised how much instagram was messing with my brain a couple years ago so I started following a bunch of pages about frogs and its been working well
Can’t stress this enough. My brothers - stop tapping on every thumbnail with a (hot) girl in it. But rather, tap on everything else (that you enjoy).
It feels impossible in the beginning. But after a few weeks, your algorithm changes, and your scrolling experience becomes much more healthy.
no joke whatsoever, frogstagram is a blessing upon my life and I cherish it every day.
also, repeatedly blocking recommended accounts that serve you content that you don't want to see (any more) redirects your algorithm within a couple of days.
I tap videos with hot frogs in them.
Same here. Now the problem is I'm starting to find frogs hot.
I recommend adding “skate mouse daily” to your algorithm
getting banned from hinge in 20 minutes is some S-tier behavior
Would you say it’s… un-hinge-d? :D
Hinge wouldn't believe my photos were real and blocked me too. No idea what's going on over there.
You can get banned from dating apps for rather weird things. I got banned from tinder for having a VPN. I hadn’t even gotten any matches to speak to so it wasn’t from me saying anything bad to anyone😂
True speedrunner
lol same thing happened to me on tinder. I went on a single date right after getting the app, then dropped it for a year. Changed my entire profile when I came back and got banned within a few hours before even talking to anyone.
I went through a phase when I thought i was the ugliest person on the planet, and then I walked through my local shopping centre. 90% of people don't fit the beauty standard.
It sounds shallow, but I notice this everywhere as well, in person and online. Profile pictures of people in a Facebook group, even. It reminds me that "beautiful people" are out there, the majority of us are just average and thats perfectly fine. Beauty is in the small things ❤
ya honestly most people are ugly lol
@@Meraidd exactly! And most of us should be average because that's what "average" means
Walking through a Walmart is one of the biggest confidence boosters you could ever have.
no fr i had a brief time after i moved to a new city where i was pretty isolated and was online too much. eventually realized that lots of people out in public were around my level and with their friends or partners and i was like "oh yeah i forgot i don't have to be an instagram model to be loved 🤡"
For me, hotness is determined by what someone does. If someone’s a ten out of ten but doesn’t wash their hands after they use the bathroom or something they’re immediately less attractive 😭
I don’t think anything can salvage someone not wishing their hands 😭😭
@@JR-rf9sq that’s what I’m saying 😭
I'm wired that way too. I could initially find someone hot, but then once I realize their personality is @sshole I literally cannot find them attractive ever again. Whereas I can find someone's personality really appealing so that the more time I spend with them the hotter they are. I've been told this is abnormal, that most people just make snap hot-or-not decisions and go from there.
@@bossyboots5000 this!!!
@@cookieshard3 apparently we're social anomalies lol
Is anyone else udderly amazed at how active the cow's social life is?
Must have a gouda personality
Of course not.
She's the *cow*.
She is *that* cow.
personally, I think she spends so much time being busy to cover up her emotional trauma instead of working through it
@PseudoFiction I disagree, The Cow sets aside plenty of time for self care and doesn't compromise on it. That's self-love goals. I think she's just an extrovert
udderly
I think people confuse a "type" with an ideal. I've heard people describe their 'type' so specifically that it might be 3 women on earth.
I used to do this. Thinking my 'type' was a short nerdy ginger girl.
My girlfriend: Tall, incredibly clever, black woman.
Many people have likely missed out on real love because they haven't gone out of their self-made prison of requirements.
Couldn't agree more! My "type" used to be super d*key chicks with short dark hair & bright blue eyes...tho tbh it was far less about looks than personality but still.
Anyway, my wife of the last 21yrs is so femme nearly everyone I knew was convinced she was actually straight & just trying me on for the first 10 years or so 😂 That's an exaggeration but only slightly.
She also has bright red, waist length hair - I have a freaking hair phobia!!! And yet, thanks to Tom, we met on MySpace when I was bored & writing random women whatever first came to mind. Our personalities clicked & here we are, about to celebrate our 21st Anniversary!!! We met when we were both 21 so literally half our lives have been spent together 🥰🥰🥰
I'm so glad I didn't get stuck thinking she wasn't my type and end up missing out on the best relationship I can imagine being possible! We spend most of our time together laughing 🥰😁
Sorry so long, I suck at concise and was overly excited to over share 😁
My mum: I want a tall, blond, blue-eyed husband.
My dad: slightly shorter than her (especially when she wore heels), brown hair, hazel eyes...
The marriage: lasted 54 years until my mum died.
I do not agree here. How did someone miss the "love of their life" if the person was not their type physically to begin with??? Physical attraction is important and exists for a reason. Of course being compatible with your partner is also very important, but since this is going to be an intimate relationship as well, not just a platonic one, then how are you supposed to be in a relationship with someone who you do not find physically attractive!?
@@charaasmrbullsht8594because a lot of times someone becomes attractive to you once you get to know and love them. Physical attraction isn’t nearly as important as emotional connection and personality compatibility. If you think it is, you’re either a child or extremely immature.
I thought my type was a tall guy and my bf is shorter than me 😂 Love him so much, wouldn't change a thing. He moved into my country and everything is great.
Edit to add, when I was younger I thought I could never be with someone who's not taller than me and had a huge complex about being tall. Then I fell in love through internet and suddenly it just didn't matter at all as long as I'd have him here with me. Attraction changes and evolves through life and circumstances and giving yourself the opportunity to evolve is important. You are probably not into what you were ten years, right, especially if you are fairly young. It's okay to have preferences; you should think your partner is attractive and no one should force themself into a relationship where they don't think so, but what you think as attractive is probably much wider than you'd think, especially when very young. Love, not even romantic but overall love, changes things and it's wonderful.
A friendly reminder about selection bias: those videos where randos are rating people's attractiveness in pics are not going to show you those people who didn't rate or said reasonable things--that wouldn't support that creator's narrative. So when we're all gnashing our teeth about that behavior (which is definitely gross and antisocial), it's at least partly an illusion we're being fed for clicks.
I'm not saying people don't do this, I'm just saying it will be massively overrepresented in these videos. Kind of like beauty standards on dating apps... it's distortion of reality all the way down 🙃
Well said!
The little chicago bro calling Margo Robbie mid and then trying to transition into his dumb fascist political ideas is one of the most” the young boys are cooked” clips I’ve ever seen
well you see, we are biologically programmed to find itty bitty genitals attractive, as evidenced by these here ancient greek statues
He was even contradicting himself. First, he agreed it is right that Hollywood employs realistically-looking women and then that Hollywood should strive for the ideal.
I hope he's embarrassed when he grows up.
I hope he's embarrassed when he grows up.
It's boys like him that grow up into IRL Patrick Batemans
i feel like the overexposure to hot people in media has done the opposite for me. im not at all attracted to people with "perfect" bodies, very symmetrical faces, fillers, visible makeup, veneers, trendy fashion, etc. they just feel so fake.
true, it's all giving AI 😄 imperfections are what actually attracts the eye. Still, there are standards / requirements and are usually connected to general fitness (not thinness); general facial and bodily symmetry; clear skin, teeth, hair; good posture; but that's about it
Same tbh!
Same, I like pretty much the opposite of everything considered attractive (appearance-wise anyway)
The conversation around attractiveness and media - specifically Hollywood - reminds me of conversations I've had with people about my theory that ability to guesstimate someone's age is skewed by media/Hollywood. Like I think that the way they cast adults to play teens adversely affects people's perception of how old someone is. No source, just vibes.
They also typically cast women about 10 yrs younger than the male romantic lead, which has normalized old men trying to date women half their age (bc women their own age are gross amirite)? They also cast women as moms who are only 10yrs older than the women playing the daughter. According to Hollywood, every pregnancy occurred before most girls even reach reproductive age lol
I think it is that in most media, young people are played by much older actors and older people are played by much younger actors.
Most people become parents in their late 20s/early 30s but that is not reflected in the age gaps of the actors playing a parents and child.
Of course this is always much worse for actresses playing older women, like being told they're too old to play an actors love interested, even though he is actually 10 years older than the actress.
So especially how women 'should' look at every age is severely screwed.
I also think Hollywood people generally age poorly. Cosmetic procedures that look okay in your 20s and 30s start to look bad in your 40s. So they see a 40 year old celebrity that looks great and think they’re an anomaly. Normal people who age like normal people look amazing and youthful at 40.
I get called young looking a lot and I think this is why like....
. I'm not. I'm average.. but I'm not at an age where people even start to age( unless they have kids .).... But we are so used to seeing 30 something's play 20 year olds
@@metriq8268 I don't think I really agree with that. Yes there are some terrible examples of cosmetic procedures going dodgy with age but on the whole if you are rich and able to afford a more relaxed lifestyle with expensive skincare treatments (excluding fillers + surgical stuff) you are likely to stay looking younger than someone who's had to work pay check to pay check and dealt with more stress in life, stress is incredibly aging. Genetics and the sun still probably have the biggest impact so some people will always be outliers on these things.
We should all follow in the hoofsteps of the cow and *touch grass.*
Not just touch grass but munch grass and then ruminate on it.
@@lairdhaynes1986 grass is bad for your teeth, consider smoking it instead :)
And maybe try a mouthful or two.
I installed a patch of grass in my living room and this has not worked.
Rather I bought a Bible and began to repentance to our Lord Jesus Christ.
God Bless; The Truth will be Revealed.
Hoofsteps is a fantastic word
I wonder if those people were 3 or 4, WTF is 10 even supposed to look like? I struggle to imagine.
Hey, just look in the mirror
@@PolarisBanks Thanks, but nah. I have notable scars and asymmetries.
@@martinsriber7760that’s cool though! Still a ten!
A lot of these tiktok street interviews are faked. He could’ve been showing people images he found on google searching for “ugly person”
most cases I have seen of people rating hotness are weirdly low. I think a lot of people might be misunderstanding the task as rating their actual attraction, which tends to be quite limited based on just a picture or video.
I was a teenager in the '70's. I look at people who were considered "heart throbs" then and realize they would be "average" now. And performers now have to be not only talented, but also "hot". John Denver was talented but not what I would call hot. It didn't matter then. Cass Elliot would never be given a chance at a singing career in modern times. I am constantly amazed at how standards have changed in my lifetime.
ed sheeran is not good looking but he is popular, but i agree most talented artists are also attractive these days compared to 30 years ago
Culture's become a lot more "visual" in general since the 70s I think, mostly because of the proliferation of screens and cameras - we see images of ourselves and others _all the time_ these days (remember when you might take 50 or so photos _a year_ and then only on special occasions because film and getting it developed cost money ?). Fans could go weeks/months/years without actually _seeing_ that pop/film star they had a crush on (and even then, it was often under conditions we _knew_ were "artificial").
Today, fans see them every day on their insta. And it's _pretending_ to be real life (i.e. they have to uphold an ideal as if that's actually how they look on a daily basis). Taking a photo of yourself would've been considered the height of vanity even 25 years ago, now many younger people consider it odd if you _don't_ have a selfie-plastered social media presence. The result being, we're constantly _aware_ of how ourselves and others look and that's not just "changed" but actually _warped_ how we view attractiveness IMO (it boggles my mind that 20 year old women are getting Botox etc. for instance - you're 20 FFS, you don't _have_ wrinkles !?).
(anyway, here endeth the "old fart rant" :)
@@anonymes2884 Loved both of these insights! I'm 35, and I already see a huge difference between the noughties celebrities and today's celebrities. One piece of advice I'd give to people of any age is to just follow people on socials who you know in real life or who are part of the same hobby/community - not celebrities or influencers - and only go on social media when you want to be... social! But it's so so hard to avoid the comparisons completely.
@@Tnya099 That's some strange advice about only following people you know on social media. I don't know my congresswoman or the two senators from my state, but I follow them on Instagram. Social media is what you make of it. If you can't keep your eyes off hot celebrities, and need to make special rules, that's problem you have that not everyone has.
Nah, Olivia Newton-John was hot in the 70s and she's still hot by today's standards. If anything, it's more that the standards for men have been raised to something more approaching the standard that women have been held to for decades. Old movies are full of unattractive guys (often a decade or two older) as the romantic lead for an attractive woman. It annoyed me as a kid, I'm glad it doesn't happen so much anymore.
I had an ex who was extremely controlling and made me feel awful. I stayed with him, because I thought that would never find any one else. No one should EVER settle. GTFO even if you feel like you will never find anyone.
3 years ago, I met my fiancé outside of dating apps. The only social media he has is Snapchat, which we use to send goofy photos to each other. He is the sweetest man you will ever meet! We even met after college. It is possible to find the partner of your dreams!
Thanks for this hopeful message
"get out even if you're not sure if you'll ever find someone, but FYI I ended up finding someone perfect" lol
Dating in my late 30's, I discovered _so_ many women with a similar story. These guys must be goddamn _everywhere_ and men don't know it
"even met after college" do people think that they must meet their soulmate by 22
@@NeedMoreCoffeeOGit is better to be happy and alone than being with someone that makes you miserable. Lots of people stay in shitty relationships just because they think being in a relationship is some ultimate life goal
i think people really confuse beautiful, hot and attractive. I can find someone beautiful but not be attracted to them. The hottest people i've ever met were all pretty normal looking people with a million dollar charisma. Dont get me started on some people who perfectly align with beauty standards but in doing so have the most forgettable faces, coupled with a vacant stare. Not beautiful, not hot, not attractive.
I feel like we have lost the concept of being conventionally/unconventionally attractive lol. Like we've been subjected to ppl who are algorithmically hot and have no unappealing features. So now anybody who isn't LA hot is a goblin. Like the hole concept of "ugly hot" or "hot rat boys" is not real. Ppl are just attracted to folks who wouldn't make it on their for you page and they feel the need to give an explanation haha. This isn't a generational thing either cause Millennials and older who are chronically online also suffer from this condition
Geesh and when ur a girl the competition is definitely upped
I agree!
hard hard agree, i’ve seen so many things contributed to gen z/ millennials (like what you described above), or disrespect and rudeness. from my own observation, it has nothing to do with a specific generation because I see people of all ages being nasty online lol.
I dunno. My friends and I are chronically online and still use "conventionally (un)attractive" to describe things. I personally have a wide net of what I find beautiful, but know that most people do not, and so I use placating language around them.
Unless chronically online must include tiktok nowadays. I do not touch tiktok and barely let people show me clips from it. Same with many in my circle.
no I've seen weirdly diamond shaped men and thought it was goofy
I AM A 51 year old bald dude in A wheelchair and gotta say dont RATE PEOPLE IT SCARES ME
I've had a lot of discussions with my therapist about dating apps and how they just DECIMATE self-confidence and self-esteem. As a cis-het guy, it's really wild how hard these apps lean into basically gambling tactics for the chance of a match. I'm not sure how it is as someone of a different gender, but it's tough
@kaleighwafflesyou put that perfectly
@kaleighwafflesI was so picky on tinder I once came across a "wil" I passed on him simply because there was 1 L in his name and I thought it was stupid, he could've been the greatest man ever and I was just being dumb
@@jessica5470 wow
I (cis bi woman) sort of self-sabotaged on dating apps because I was scared of meeting a creeper (and didn’t like myself much anyway). It didn’t go well.
therapy works on esteem, not apps
Abby Cox had a whole Drag King performance as Henry VIII doing an Alpha Male podcast. And yes, the monarch in question would definitely do a tier ranking of his wives.
Omg I MUST go find that video now!
10/10 video recommendation
If I had exclusively used dating apps I wouldn't have ended up with my girlfriend of going on nine years now. I had it in my brain that I preferred petite women with curly hair. I met my girlfriend offline, and she's 6 feet tall and pear-shaped with straight hair. And it's not a question of "settling" for something outside of your ideal, it's the fact that meeting someone organically and getting to know their personality is such a huge part of attractiveness that they are more beautiful to you than any two-dimensional, imagined version of "your ideal" that you have only ever interacted with in your daydreams.
Next up, how car centric development patterns destroy your dating life! Want to get out and meet more people organically? Too bad your town is criss-crossed with highways and suburbs. Your best chance at a meet cute is exchanging insurance info over a fender bender.
I definitely agree on the devastating effects of car-centric urban planning, but getting involved in your local community can help you meet loads of people!
EDIT: grammar
That is a distinctly American problem though. Most other places have easily walkable cities and public transport.
@@selkiefluffIt's especially American, but not unique to the US.
we live in time was realistic for having hitting someone with your car be a meet cute
Honestly I can totally see how that'd make it a lot harder, I've had tinder and as I'm a girl I did match with loads of people but not 1 relationship came out of it, I met my bf in a park through mutual friends, I've had 1 ex I first spoke to online not even a dating app and that failed miserably, and my other exes are all decent people and I met all of them in person, I think something about a screen does something to the brain that makes people value it less
One of the worst things to come of rating people are the questions like "this woman is a ten but she has [insert mental problem here]. Would you date her?" It's a sibling to what is possibly the most vile saying I can think of "don't stick your dick in crazy" which is so disgusting I feel uncomfortable just typing it. The difference is that often people will say "no, but I would have sex with her" which is really, really gross to me. Not that having casual sex is intrinsically bad, and not that someone having mental issues can't be reason to not date a person if it's not something you can handle. It's just that it's so vile in how it turns mentally ill women into either sex objects (as there's another common belief among men that "crazy" women are better at sex) and/or that every woman is either "ugly" or "attractive" or instead a "bad person/undesirable" who you should avoid. It contributes to a culture that is so disgusting that I really loathe, and as someone who is usually seen as a man who's worked in the culinary industry with a lot of "macho" men, a lot of men are disturbingly comfortable talking about when they think there's no fear of retribution.
Also, this isn't an "all men are bad" thing (there are plenty of men with very healthy views of women) and it's quite possible that this or something similar is a thing with women as well, but I've seen it only from men given my personal experience.
I didn’t even think of that but holy moly that’s a whole video in itself 😞
"Borderline schizo, sort of fine t!ts though. Pour the wine, whore to grind, quarter to nine, let's go."
@@creamtangerine85 macho men laugh at the idea a woman could actually harm them, but women know/warn each other they won't walk away (alive) from men with any percentage of "crazy".
But I think you'd find a similar way of speaking in women with partners "that could never do that" partners with no confidence or 'no options' are talked about in a similarly dehumanizing way.
it's the classic madonna/whore complex tbh. i.e., "you can't respect a woman you're attracted to, and you can't have sex with a woman you respect."
Porn has definitely affected my standards and preferences. You better spend *at least* $6,000 on your fursuit or I'm not interested.
this made me laugh way too hard
I shared this with my s.o. I want to like this comment so much, but right now, it's at 69 likes, and I don't want to mess with the perfection.
Lol, that's really funny.
@@nehmchan HARK! curse my soul as a quidnunc thou may, but ALAS ye ol' comment of 6 days past- possessing such masterful wit, thus fanned the flames so deeply to thine burning desire to like so very much? is no longer cursed with the number of ye beast 69! rejoice my liege, rejoice!
may this news bless thine own crops with upmost devine droplets to be watered from His heavens, and free from all pestilence, and thy family be free of plague my liege!
There is no way. Those girls are gorgeous. That’s insane. People’s expectations are too high.
Ragebaiting is probably part of the goal of such videos. Get a picture of a hot person, find (or ask/pay) someone to rate them low on camera, get comments.
Also being labelled a "simp" by other men is terrifying for them, so they'll feign lack of interest
a lot of these videos are paid actors rage baiting for views and engagement. everything on social media is fake - treat it like reality tv but even more curated lol
@@Balloonbot If being labelled a "simp" is terrifying then those are boys not men.
Compared to what, we live in the era of Zendayas and preference falsification.
The amount of times i‘ve had a man i was dating or in a relationship with tell me what his type was and i didn’t look or dress like her at all…
SAME I’ve had men say on dates “my type is blonde hair and blue eyes” 😂
@ It’s so common! But why do they do that? Is it a form of negging? Do they think it’s valuable information for us because surely all we think about is what features they like in women?
@@sam73322 And it might raise more questions, like "Well, is he just SETTLING for me?", or "Does he like me despite what his type of woman is?" Is it a compliment or an insult?? It's unnecessary.
@@sam73322It may also be a "well, despite you not being my type, I'm into you", which has a bit of a "you're not like the other girls" vibe to it? I don't think I could describe it better.
@sam73322
For some men it's definitely not malicious, probably more of a neutral "oh isn't this weird, i never thought i'd like someone like you but the universe works in mysterious ways". In the same way you might offhandedly tell your friends that your partner doesn't fit your exact type but that's in no way a deal breaker bc of all they bring to the table. They just legit don't see how bringing that up might hurt you.
For some men they probably do mistakenly think it's some kind of high praise compliment. "Oh you're such an amazing woman that you totally shattered my previously held notions of what was attractive!" Which like, good intention there bud but very poor execution. Bringing up how your partner Does Not meet all your expectations is not the compliment you think it is.
And then ofc for some men it is gonna be a purposeful neg. "If i tell her she's not my type it'll lower her self esteem to the point she'll put up with my poor behavior out of the fear that she can't ever truly meet Anyone's standards 😈" And that's fucked.
Ultimately it is the answer that no one really wants to hear: it depends 🤷♀️
Some guys want you to feel worse about yourself, some guys think it'll be an ego boost, and some legit don't even think about what kind of impact that comment could have.
How to tell the difference? Tell the guy how that comment made you feel, and straight up ask them if it was their intention. Direct communication is always going to be the easiest way to understand where someone is coming from. Obviously if the guy is purposefully negging you they won't outright admit it, but they will likely try to invalidate your feelings. Something along the lines of "I can't believe you're accusing me of trying to hurt you!? Clearly you're overthinking a simple compliment and trying to paint me as a bad guy."
Where as a well intentioned guy, or plain oblivious guy, will likely recognize that their comment came off the wrong way, apologize, explain it wasn't their intention, and maybe even ask you what would be a better way to explain that thought to you.
A guy who genuinely cares about you will feel bad when they hurt you. Period.
It's so funny that all these people who are out on the town presumably to get some down and dirty, all think each other are the most disgusting and vile specimens on earth. And yet they all end up with eachother anyway! Madness
Can’t say I trust anything a man in a suit says, but I’m even more skeptical of a 20yr old one
ik like my guy you are a literal child you have no fucking right to try and neg any grown ass woman let alone margot robbie
If i can be a bit of judgemental dick to him. For a guy claiming to demand the highest quality in everything his mediocre, suit, tie, and hair cut and style really tell another story.
As much as I as a hate TikTok ripping people’s content for advertisers, it has contributed to a fall off of overly polished people in advertising which Ive enjoyed.
Ummmmm wrong? Lmao? It birthed Alix Earle and her clones? Addison Rae and Bella Poarch who only grew to fame because of being hot faces for advertisers? Lol? I'd argue tiktok exacerbated an already existing problem that wasn't near as bad.
I don’t believe in rating people but it’s very funny that basically all of the men in the video rating extremely hot women lowly would be a solid 2 at most by their own standards
Classic projection of insecurity on their behalf. 'Margot Robbie wouldn't give me the time of day? W-well she's not even that pretty, I have STANDARDS' sure, kyle.
But you just did that. You said you do not rate people yet rated them lowly just like you said they did.
sour graping
"I dont believe in rating", proceeds to rate people
I'm always reminded of this tumblr post about the Finnish (?) dude saying Americans are so weird about beauty and ageing because they don't go to the sauna with their naked grandmas when they're small kids and so don't know what the process of ageing looks like. I think it's kind of similar in this discussion, with the whole growing up online with a curated feed of faces: when you stop seeing as many normal, every day people, you forget what they look like. I will also say that judging appearances and attractiveness in pictures is kind of hard because (personally) I always find people much more attractive in motion, seeing their facial expressions change and their body language too. On social media and dating apps the whole 2D thing really distorts how people look imo
Yeah I find very, very few women attractive online and a lot of them out in the real world. I can see how being terminally online can create some false, very narrow and high standards if you don't consciously check that.
I'm 41. Happily married and as a young guy I did have a very distorted view of women and how relationships even worked. I honestly thought the only thing I needed to get a girlfriend in High School was to have a car. Imagine my surprise when that wasn't enough because everyone had a car. I eventually became really bitter about it and that only made things worse because who in their right mind wants to hang out with a grouch much less date him? I also REALLY cared about what others would think of my girlfriend vs actual compatibility. Once I got over those insecurities I was able to work on myself and not treat women as an accessory in my life and instead a partner I could spend the rest of my life with as we battle all of the hardships in a dual income based economy. We've been together for 15 years and married for 9. Sure we have our ups and downs, but being secure in my masculinity has enabled me to accept that I can be wrong from time to time and work on myself instead of blaming others for my shortcomings.
Girl you can't do that. I'm 5 minutes in and I already feel like I'm gonna need blood pressure medication from hearing those fuckboys. 💀 Maybe every girl needs a platonic lesbian friend in their group to remind them what appreciating normal looking people looks like is2g
We all need more lesbian friends!
I'd be nervous dating in the modern era because of how online everything is and how genuinely unattractive I am by female beauty standards I'm not trying to meet. I'm at peace with how I look (I'm disabled and in my case that has led to being more concerned with function than form), but I'd be afraid of encountering ridicule or violence when I as a "1" showed up in-person for a date.
I switched back to a dumbphone about a year and a half ago, and as a result found my overall social media use plummet. I check in on facebook on my laptop every few weeks or less, scroll for a few, and then get bored and switch to video gaming. I'm noticing a huge decrease in my awareness of memes, as well as my overall exposure to (and involvement in) petty social drama. It definitely affected the way this past US election went for me. I'm a transgender person living in one of the US states that is very bad for transgender people, and we're going to have to leave as soon as we can. But the day of the election and the days immediately following, I was focused on my own and my partner's needs instead of the continuous stream of unhelpful images and stories that would otherwise have been pouring across my phone. And I got plenty of sleep and water.
I can't recommend it enough.
ooooh!! what dumb phone do you have, if you don’t mind me asking?
Wishing you happiness and safety in your relocation. 💝
i’m so happy the cow posted this right now
My type: Non-fascist.
0:🐷 f°°cist
5: 🐮non-f°°cist
10:🐴 antif°°cist
11:🦄 antiz°°°ist (off the scale because that's like a unicorn here in germany)
@@Intelligence_Failure hey, cows are cool :(
@insu_na antif°°cism is when everybody gets a pony, not a cow, it is known.
@@Intelligence_Failure no. Pigs are awesome, so are cows. Hard 0: specieists, like all the other bigots.
@@Intelligence_Failure I'd be happy with a cow, would be proud of a unicorn.
Once upon a time, as a young and quite immature man, I thought I had a type... then I got a girlfriend who wasn't that type, and I thought "Oh, I have more than one type then" - some years later, once again single, I met and fell in love with a woman who wasn't either of my "types" and I learned that really, I didn't have such a simple view anymore.
Thus I was taught by life, that people are people and that you are attracted to something less easily definable. I wonder what I'll learn next - hopefully perhaps something akin to wisdom, but don't hold your breath.
From what I see on these interwebs, hetero men think women care about looks far more than they do 😂 the amount of faceless, masked or just regular looking dudes that the girlies are thirsting after is unimaginable. The girlies I know, care far less about looks, and far more about competency, kindness and like….forearms in a button down shirt. Men really fumbled the bag when the girlies were obsessed with that guy from COD, or during spooky season when all the girlies on my timeline were getting hot and bothered by like haunted house actors doing hot stuff
Yesss the forearms in the button down shirt 👏🏻👏🏻
I mean this seems kinda disingenuous, it’s like saying that men went crazy for Lady Dimitresieu (whatever her name is I didn’t play the game), and then concluding that means men actually want tall dominant women. In real life, people have different standards. Women aren’t all wanting Brad Pitt or something but there are concrete standards and things each gender generally prefers for many reasons. When Dream took off the mask a lot of people thought he was ugly, same with Corpse Husband and other masked up personalities. You project an image of someone hotter in your mind.
@@TheDogSlog That’s fair~ That’s why I specified masked and unmasked guys. In my experience, dudes think women want the full package, looks being primary, when a lot of the girls I know are much more attracted to a regular lookin dude who is kind and has some innocuous hotness (like forearms, or nice hands, or soft bellies, or is even just exceedingly kind and that’s it) And that shows in the people they thirst after online, with and without a mask. It feels like dudes are upset because of standards they made up in their head, but the types of men I see women be attracted to varies a lot more than what I see dudes be attracted to.
Yes these redpillers who convinced men that women are heavily into looks have corrupted them. My 19 year old nephew was complaining how he would never get a gf cause he was not attractive enough or that he woukd have to settle for a ugly girl. I told him to look around him at couples & tell me how they look. Almost all the women were way out of the men's league. I asked him why this was. How did the guys pull them?
He said they were kind, caring, funny, stand-up dudes with something going for them.
I've seen cosplayers rating each other's cosplays on a scale from one to ten and it was pretty wholesome, because they would be so critical towards themselves and then the next person would usually give them a higher rating than they did 😭. I feel like artist hyping each other up is the only okay version of this trend.
I know beauty is subjective because my husband acts like I'm the hottest woman in the world and I don't agree, and the fact that I really couldn't get dates for most of my young adulthood validates that, but I'm happy he likes how I look. You can be a 2 to 99.9% of the world but find that one person who thinks your'e a 10.
I feel like another (minor) issue with the ranking scale is that some people treat it as a linear scale and some people treat it as an exponential scale
i never felt like i could get the rating system down, that was before i figured that dating/hooking up without knowing anything about them would be sad and unfulfilling
if i had to "try" now, a 5 would be "average person i glance past", 6-7 would mean i like some of their features and 8-10 would be "i like how she does this thing/she's funny/she's smart". rating below 5 is just mean, if they're not my type then why dwell on it?
I was thinking that the whole time, like I just wanted to ask if the scale was logarithmic or not
I’m ace and can certainly recognize conventional attractiveness but hotness less so. I’m interested in whether someone is kind, smart, and funny.
same
The prettier a girl is, who is uniquely beautiful and not exactly the homogeneous standard Instagram face, the lower her score. Like men think it's somehow beta to still find unique beauty attractive, and so go full alpha bro by saying they're a 3 or whatever ridiculous number
Incorrect. Samantha Cormier on IG does not have Instagram Face but she blows Kylie Jenner and everyone of those cyborgian clones out of the water.
This is absolutely spot on. They latch on to some bland standard and disregard anything else including themselves
I've always found the whole 'hotness' ordeal to be confusing yet hilarious because I'm ace and most people's idea of 'hotness' or 'attractiveness' has to do with sexual attraction, of which I do not feel lol. I'm watching from the sidelines with popcorn because I genuinely do not understand but it's still somewhat entertaining to watch people talk about it and try to piece together what on Earth they mean by any of it.
I could give a superficial description of my type, but those characteristics are neither necessary nor sufficient.
Ditto! It's like watching some goofy nature documentary. Being ace is fun! 😂
@@Logitah Exactly!
As a non-Ace person, i think the biggest problem here is exactly what Tara kept bringing up: attractiveness is a completely subjective assesment that people are constantly trying to pass off as an objective concept.
I don't know if it's the horniness fogging up these people's brains or if they legit don't understand subjective vs objective as a concept, but it is clear as day that these folks are refusing to accept that not every human being to have ever existed will be attracted to the exact same thing. It has never been the case before, it isn't the case now, and it never will be the case.
Personally, when i see someone trying to explain that hotness is a measurable value in any way i just remind myself that they are most likely just trying to instill an insecurity so they can then sell you a product to "fix" it. It's capitalism all the way down, unfortunately.
I am (probably) ace and also amused lol
I've been here for 3 years.
I'm starting to suspect that the "cow" doesn't even exist...
thats exactly what the cow wants you to think
some fan u are !!
For your herecy you shall be sacrificed to our Cow god, who is definitely real and totally exists
The cow will show up in the next video trust!!
(Also, Majima pfp spotted?!)
18:00 isn't going above and beyond in hollywood going to be by acting well and being skilled in portrayals? The stars of the screen tend to be extremely good-looking in the first place.
I'm so glad someone has called out that "I'm working late because I'm a singer" line, I like the song but that is a bafflingly bad lyric punctuated due to the stress on singerrr and it only happens because she needed a ryhme for finger, and that line was already bad.
That song is fun but the lyrics are overall baffling and nonsensical lol. Part of the fun for me is lmao at the singer line
How dare you it’s literature
@@TaraMooknee I beg your finest pardon, I must have missed that week in my Great American Authors of the 21st Century uni course 🤣💕
Especially bc there's so many other rhymes for finger!!!
Linger, zinger, tinder, timber, i would have even accepted stinker!!!
13:58 i wanted to offer my own perspective- while I think dating online is harder for cis people , as a trans person , dating online is kind of my only option. Meeting people in real life as a gay trans man is kind of impossible. People have initial attraction , let’s say a crush that goes on for a week or longer. But eventually they find out I’m trans, and they’re gone. This has happened to me every single time, so online is the only way I can really date because I can explicitly advertise that I’m trans. So I would say, I agree online dating sucks but it’s all I really have. Trans people can’t really meet partners organically, at least not anywhere I have lived. I’d love if I could, but especially as a trans man … there aren’t any spaces for trans men where your transness is assumed. I might sound tone deaf , but being cis passing as a trans man is not as awesome as I thought , because potential partners all think I’m cis.
The “spark” is great and all and it’s important to have , but if I’m being honest I don’t believe trans people can really have that in relationships. You’ll have a spark with someone and again, they find out you are trans and they’re gone. I’d rather no spark but have them be ok that I’m trans. At this point, dating for me has been so bad , I’ll settle for anyone who’s nice and who is ok with me being trans.
Im a trans nb person currently recovering from top surgery- i met my trans partner and family through larp. I cant speak for all hobbies or even all larp spaces but my larp has a 20-40% makeup of trans and queer folks, as well as 50-70% polyamorous people. We are a safe space and i met them all organically as friends with shared interests as events. Theyre all wildly talented and having a shared interest helped a lot. I know not all hobby communities are safe spaces like mine is, but i thought i had nowhere and i was wrong. I hope you can find a safe irl community too ❤
Weird. I wouldn't mind anyone being trans, i don't understand why anyone would. I'm sorry this has been frustrating to you.
Tara, you are a priceless gem right in the middle of a royals crown! And every bit as valuable, please dont ever stop making youtube videos. You single handedly save my opinion on how stupid and bad humanity is as a whole. Its because of your (and of course the Cows) show that I feel there might still be a or a few smart and good people out there. I love you girl. You are a priceless and indestructible gemstone and I am so grateful for your channel!!!
Wow this is so nice thank you 🥹🥹🥹
It’s kind of crazy to me that people don’t adjust their attraction to the surrounding people, like I can think celebs and influencers are attractive, but also some regular guys because when I’m around regular people my brain adjusts the expectations to that, like I can always find someone that I find attractive in some way, also to be fair I’m ace and my aesthetic attraction and romantic attraction are kind of two different things so I’m definitely weird about it in general though
According to the guys at my gym, from what I've overheard, I'm a 2/10 and they'd "never f$*^ a 2." I am literally just trying to keep my heart healthy in that hellhole!
I feel like a second video could be made on how it effects people in seeing themselves as undatable, all because they have a feature that commonly comes up. It can create it's own feedback loop as they may not put themselves out there in the dating pool, as they think nobody can be attracted to them. That then becoming manufactured evidence. Making them less happy because of hyperbolic people online they will never meet.
Reminds me of that meme PSA warning folks not to use baldness as an insult, as usually the person you're trying to attack will not feel hurt, but rather the people close to you will.
Same thing as when someone uses "fat" as an insult. The plus-size model making 10k+ a month off her insta is not gonna feel attacked by your basic ass insult. But you know who will feel worse about themselves? Your close friends who have been gradually gaining weight over the past few years, and worries others will judge them for it. Now you have just proven their fears right. Congrats!
I think this happens to a lot of short men. They get obsessed with being "too short" to be dateable, because of videos online, which then makes them act weird about it and act worse. This negative feedback makes them unattractive, not their height.
So many short men are in happy relationships in the real world, but the internet warps this. It's why everyone should spend more time in the real world!
@@tomfoolery2913 napoleon complex?
I would love to see this as well, plus some more emphasis on how it harms women (as this focused a lot on it brainwashing men but not how it can do the same for women).
@@WhoWantsCake0this is a lesson I so wish my mother would learn. She spent her whole life talking badly about other women, and all it did was ruin my relationship with myself and my body.
Maybe even more bleakly, I feel like the equivalent to women wanting a “rat boyfriend” is men wanting an “autistic girlfriend” (putting that in quotes feels wrong bc autistic ppl are real lol but usually when I see memes talking ab this, there’s not a very good understanding of autism behind it), or an even earlier iteration might be the “hot goth gf” meme. These trends still portray conventionally attractive women, but men seem to think they’re edgy for saying they’re interested in these “kinds” of girls. Of course, in addition to being more shallow than the “rat boyfriend” trend, the “autistic girlfriend” memes can at times be straightup dehumanizing and perpetuate misinformation about autism.
13:47 as someone who has found success I completely agree, online dating is the worst as the whole point of dating is finding someone you have a "spark" with which you CANNOT tell over text or by swiping through pictures. One of my worst dates was with a fellow introvert where they barely said a word for the WHOLE. DAMN. DATE. despite their messages being fun and flirty until that point. I feel so lucky to have met my current partner but I find it funny & telling that we met each other as a last ditch attempt before deleting the app 😬
I left another main comment about this but as a trans person I feel like online dating is the only option. I’ve had sparks with lots of people and tried to date organically and the moment they realize I’m not cisgender they bail. At this point , if I ever hope to be with anyone, online dating is really the only way because I can explicitly advertise that I’m trans. I think meeting organically and having a spark is very much a cis people privilege.
It’s been bad enough that genuinely I’ll date anyone at this point even with no spark if it just means they won’t immediately jump ship because I’m not cis.
I’m a trans man, I’d say I’m pretty handsome and I’m very cis passing. This sort of screws me over in the long run , because I’m not visibly trans. Dating is a nightmare , and I’m pretty close to just giving up.
This reminds me of some of my (straight) guy friends... They are always complaining and upset about not having a gf, but when a girl that might be interested in them enters their life they don't pursue it because she doesn't fit into their extremely tight standards for what kind of woman they want to date. I'm sure this contributes to the incel pipeline as well, as they perceive constant rejection when in reality they can't get out of their own self imposes bubble.
Greetings to you Tara and the cow from the US. Your videos are one of the few things keeping me together nowadays.We’re struggling over here to beat the fascist police state allegations.
❤️
We less attractive people need to get on the Internet to skew things back in a more forgiving direction
the normal people don't want to see us 😅
I am so sorry but i literally paused the video for several seconds and stared blindly at the wall at the guy who used MARGOT ROBBIE as an example for settling for mediocrity 😭😭
His reasoning apparently being "she's _too_ ideal" ?? Guy was just a plonker.
Girls, I met my green forest boyfriend organically. I was at home, playing the ukulele and singing. He was staying at the apartment next to me and heard me & knocked on my door, to tell me I had a beautiful voice. It’s been a year since then and I’m so happy! There’s hope outside the apps
What is a green forest boyfriend?
They made this up @@Paroex
Sorry if this is real because I guess wild things happen sometimes, but I think this is the fakest sounding story I've heard online in years.
@@Paroex brb googling
edit: okay so it's like saying this person is so full of green flags (as opposed to red flags) that they are like a forest of green flags
@@zenleeparadise sure, I made this up lol because I have nothing better to do than type all of this for your entertainment. The story is 100% true, actually. I know how it sounds like, but it doesn't change the fact that this is how I met my partner.
Even in "real life" (like walking on the sidewalk or taking the public bus) your eyes and brain tend to only see or focus on pretty people, I've been trying everyday to focus on "average" looking individuals and it's really refreshing because you don't compare yourself to the top 10% of people around you!
Great video. I have taken myself more and more offline since reading The Shallows and Stolen Focus (two books I would recommend to anyone). Dating apps are probably the worst way to meet people as, despite what the likes of Tindr and Hinge say, they are designed to keep people single and staring at a screen.
Just ordered both books, thanks for the recs!
I think it depends. The apps have been great for rural queer people who don't have a gay bar for meeting people irl.
@paigeh1670
It def does depend
If you live in a big city with lots of events happening every week then obviously the odds of you meeting a likeminded person at one of those is way higher than finding the same on an app that profits from loneliness.
But yeah if you live in a not so densely populated area with very few activities or places to meet with your peers then obviously having a dating app is better than having nothing
@kaleighwaffles thank you for sharing your personal viewpoint; I had a similar experience. I basically downloaded some, then when it came time to fill out my profile I just felt cheap and transactional. I know some people appreciate them and value them but they're definitely not for me.
I disagree about the apps but feel thankful about the book recommendations. While I think it's valid to meet new people in real life, at this point in our society I don't believe it's completely realistic for all of us considering what we did with our society at this point. Coming from an insignificant small town in Brasil, dating apps helped me a lot to develop my second language skills, even my social skills, the way I present myself and how I interact with others. Some of us folks in small spaces don't find it too often the openness necessary to meet people in real life simply because our routines are already limited, or our city is simply small and doesn't offer external activities, doesn't have a mall or a park. I'm thankful for dating apps and social media because I can have a dimension of how people from other countries actually are. I would be lying if I said I only met amazing people there and already found the love of my life: I met dumb, racist, and small mind narcissists there too. But I'm choosing to see it as an experience and not a life definition for myself... I also met narcs and fake people in real life. I'm choosing to name it a social, human being problem, instead of an online problem only. I dated people who were not my type and I was not physically attracted to, and those relationships ended bad as well.
0:28 SO REAL FOR THIS GIRLLL
I'd never rank someone below a 4 thats so mean for no reason
I thought I'd be early enough to catch the cow on the way out of the office, maybe another day ✊️😔
happy belated birthday!!♥︎ so glad i deleted tiktok and am off reels so i don't see any of this stuff anymore
17:09 As a person with long history of crushes outside of mainstream beauty I was shamed by my male and female friends for my attraction many times. I would never "celebrate" it publically because I don''t want to drive negative attention to those people and also myself and it also stinks of fetishisation. And being called a "rodent boyfriend" doesn''t sound all that good too tbh
I can't believe the guy's comments at the end! "We shouldn't settle for mediocrity?" Like, what? Spending countless amounts of money to attain a body and face that doesn't exist? It's a fabricated image, dude! Whatever happened to just pure chemistry? You can be attracted to hotness and have no connection with the individual across the table! Yeah... Dating in the digital age sucks!
22:23 noooooo girlies don't find yourself an offline boyfriend pleeeease I swear my brain is not fried even if my onlineness is terminal
😂😂😂
I recently came to the realisation that being hot would not really bring anything of value into my life. I'm already married and my partner thinks I'm gorgeous and so do I, so making myself hotter in the eyes of other people is just effort I'm not willing to exert.
That has to be so embarrassing to be stopped by a random person asking you to rate your attractiveness fully knowing that millions of people will say that you're ugly. I personally wouldn't stop at all. Just zoom right by them.
Men will rate women instead of befriending one.
Who gaf about the loneliness epidemic for THESE men.
If men treat women like objects women might as well do the same. Objets don't get to be lonely or have epidemics😂
Men had it coming.
Bingo
I recommend Men join the Catholic Church and provide reverence to the Mother of God Mary.
Recite 3x on each part of a Rosary.
Hail, Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
What is that logic? Women also rate men.
I think a critical aspect of this that wasn't really in the video is how the idea of "the one" contributes to discourses around beauty standards. When people are trained and strongly encouraged to view human relationships as some high stakes market thing, a grounding in "objective" numbers can be a comfort. After all, one wouldn't want to be perceived as someone "settling" for their one-and-only partner. The ratings help people to make sure they're attracted correctly to the correct people before they go all-in on a life partner.
These rating things seem to mostly be in a context where hetero-mononormativity isn't questioned whatsoever. Cold, hard-nosed discernment is held to be the answer to a scarcity of sexual/romantic relationships, but maybe abundance could be cultivated instead.
once again, socialism answers problems created by capitalism
‘The synopsis includes the ending, so why would I watch it?’ - describes my issue with life, in general
Your whole energy feels very warm and wholesome. Especially at the end of the video. Like a mom reading a bedtime story.
Why is this 15 year old boy calling Margo Robbie mid
Because he will never ever ever get to fuck her, be associated with her, or noticed by her.
Apply that to a lot of male behaviors that are baffling or hurtful and suddenly everything will make sense.
Happy Late B-day! And you will never ban the cow!!
those videos and most other cases I have seen of people rating individual hotness seem to lean quite heavily towards harshness. the ratings almost always come out as if they were applying a scale on which average looksare 0-3, seemingly forgetting about the existence of actually ugly people who are supposed to be on the scale.
I've always been a little confused by that - are people just being a-holes, or what is that? are people misunderstanding the task as rating their own actual attraction, and that just does not tend to be high from merely seeing a picture or video of somebody? I don't understand, is this so hard to differentiate?
I've totally noticed the experience of finding people more attractive the more exposure I have to their faces. And like, it's not just that as I get to know people, their personality affects how I view them, but literally just looking at someone's face long enough, that sense of familiarity itself gets blurred with my perception of their beauty. Basically, I like what I already know.
The nice thing about having worked as a lifeguard and having done theatre is you get to see a lot of naked and barely dressed people in a non-sexual setting, which is good for the soul. Most people are sort of average-looking mid-shower. You're probably fine.
You are a beautiful person, Tara. I love your channel
I'm sitting here realising what I would today consider my "type" looks-wise is just my wife, it's a backwards construct, I'm getting brainwashed
Opening this videos expecting to see some baddies and instead I see British prime ministers. Tara why… 😔
“My ancestors survived the potato famine for this” is a hard relate for me. Mine survived the Trail of Tears so that I could watch lots of digital nonsense reshape the world. 🤷♀️
On the subject of ‘types’ and ppl excluding certain traits in their dating choices - I am always horrified by the casual racism still kicking around in rural England/small towns when ppl talk about dating. It’s scarily common for white ppl to say ‘I don’t date black guys/girls’ or ‘I’m not into that (*meaning black guys)’ and talk about interracial dating as if it’s some kind of fetish. In uni I dated a Nepali guy and a Bengali guy within the same year, and everyone back home teased me about having ‘a type’ (also, as if finding ppl with brown skin attractive is something to be teased about anyway??) These two guys could not have been more different in personality, appearance or cultural background, but all anyone from my home town (including friends and family) saw was their skin colour. So icky
Ok maybe it’s just me but there is so many beautiful people in the world like just in my life when I go to work I find like 30% of them really beautiful (I am not attracted to all of them but still ) and 50% as just interesting or average (they are still pretty just in a different way), all of the women in those videos in the beginning were BEAUTIFUL like what do those people expect… should I start glowing in the dark do they want me to develop the magic effects like in sims ? To go above and beyond? How?!
All of that said you are a beautiful person Tara and I love the way you present cow’s content
Please give the cow my warmest regards
I'm not dating anyone until they've completed their aspiration and got a money tree obv 😔
also, seconding the amount of beautiful people in the world - like, I'd say more than half the people I meet are beautiful - it's barely a criterion for attraction for me because it's such a common trait
Same
I agree, girls usually look nice unless they have terrible makeup. You can look good without makeup, but it's hard to look good with bad makeup.
She's a 5 but can provide you a male heir to the English throne
Beauty is subjective, but that book collection is a 10 outta 10!
that "rating" street interviewer in the beginning is from my college and that's SO embarrassing
my condolences
Not even joking, if I meet someone who says they never had an uggo phase growing up I INSTINCTIVELY don't trust them. Like "how was it being desired by all your peers and given the benefit of the doubt about everything?" I bet it was nice as you and your friends were giving me irreparable childhood trauma
and people who liked school. RED FLAG
Numerical Rating = Normalized Dehumanization. 😢
Now that I think of this, the last time I heard people literally rate someone in real life was in Secondary school.🤔 The internet gave the most immature weirdos a platform to expose their idiocy.
Francis Galton, the creator of eugenics came up with it. I'm not kidding. He also came up with classist and racist theories trying to explain this surprising correlation that women whom he rated as attractive were usually young rich white upper class ladies, and poor working class XIXth century ladies he didn't like them as much? So he concluded it's THE GENES. It's called hell on earth, Tara, look it up.
Tara I appreciate your thoughtfulness and comedy, you are one of the few long-ish videos I watch entirely! (as a single 38y/o man this has resonated with me)
9:58 " just as i was writing this vidoe" 😮 what about the cow????
SORRRRYYYYYYY
Was this video secretly hosted by the cow in a Tara costume?
GASP Tara stealing credit from her writer!!!
I knew almost instantly the algorithm had brought me to the right place, but seeing your selection of books 100% confirmed it!
I do think people enjoy rating people very low in videos or in similar situations. It makes them feel superior. Such nonsense.
The old fashioned way of getting to know someone who catches the eye is long gone and it's a shame.
For additional reading see "Everyone Is Beautiful and No One Is Horny" essay. I think about it every day.
Also, i'm just gonna be a silly little cow and admit that my beauty standards are getting higher with every video from you
It was definitely popularized by the movie 10 (1979). My mother said as soon as the movie came out, men would cruise around and scream numbers at every woman they saw.
The whole drunk men rate hot people with abandon is very much giving the first few minutes of ‘The Social Network’.
P.S. Producer Cow is fabulous as ever but also it’s nice to meet Sa-brie-na talking ‘Espresso’.