My experience is that they only care about what their friends and family (of their own age group) say about them. They have a "my kids are better than your kids" thing going on. Their relationships are fake because they love it when their friends' and relatives' children (who call them uncle and aunty) fail or drop out. It gives them something to gossip about and if other people's kids fail, it promotes their own kids in the "my kids are better than your kids" game. My opinion is that they don't care about their children's happiness. They act as if they have no empathy - that's because they can control their children if they act as if they don't understand the children's feelings. On the other hand, the children are made to feel hypersensitive and respond to their parent's feelings. So, they expect you to give them everything they want but when you want something (eg hobbies or anything where you are choosing your own direction), they love to say "no". I say that the absence of empathy towards their children is an "act", because I saw my parents show empathy to friends and relatives. In this situation, it helps them to be seen in a positive light by their peers. In addition to controlling your education. job and marriage, there is also the issue of acting (or not acting) "Indian enough". They create confusion by pushing aggressively for what they want. You can become confused between what you want and what your parents want. It's natural to want to make your parents happy. However, the things you have to do to make them happy may not be what you really want yourself. This was just my experience and it may not be everyone else's.
@Amanpreet Kaur The only thing that I find it useful to compare myself to, is my younger self. I am quite old. I didn't do everything my parents wanted. However, I did give in sometimes. I have 2 regrets in life. There was nothing that I could have done about either of these regrets. The upbringing causes these mistakes. The first regret is allowing myself to be manipulated by my parents into taking their choice of my path in life. It only has to happen once and it can wipe decades off your life. It's not always possible to return to the path that you wanted to be on. You can get trapped on a path. I felt angry when I lost my way in life. It was like a treadmill. The second regret is allowing myself to feel guilty when I went on the path that my parents disapproved of. This can lead to depression. It's not easy choosing your own way when you have controlling parents. I have no regrets about choosing my own way which I did most of the time. I would rather be depressed and free than depressed and a slave.
Can I just say thank you for exposing our parents😂💔 like everything you said here is sooo true. I pray and hope you're just as happy as you wanted to be❤️
There is such a thing as putting on an act to show empathy, especially if it is to those who they want validation from. Sometimes the act is very realistic
I grew up in the 90's and I was the only person I knew within our community that went against the current. I lost all my "Indian" friends and my family gave me a very difficult time for being me. I went to film school, I came out, and I was made to believe I was going to fail in every aspect of my life. My parents even made a life chart from my uncle in India who is a self proclaimed pandit, and he "predicted" I would die of a blood related disease (AIDS). I literally had no one on my side or to talk to but luckily I was a very determined and strong willed person. I spent many nights in tears but no one ever knew I shed a single tear. After all said and done, I am happy and successful. I never left my parent's side or my sisters. I bought my parents a house, bought myself a house, and paid for my sister's higher education. It wasn't until my 40's that my family started giving me and my husband acceptance. Take away from all this is, yes you must do what you makes you happy, all others will follow and if they don't, it's not your fault. It's very difficult to remain strong with Indian parents, the struggle is real.
It's like watching you narrate my life story. I'm 23, indian, in medschool and i hate it. I was taught to have this mindset where as long as you are a doctor and earn money your life will be good. There's nothing like passion, there are just hobbies and hobbies don't pay bills. This damaged by entire life. I have anxiety, depression and what not. I AM living the consequences of fullfilling their dreams. So I'm currently working on finding a way out and...... Godddd!!!! I hope it works out. P.S. this vid really helped me. Thanks😊
My story in a nutshell: I graduated with a BS in biology. Just like you, I was losing interest and doing poorly in my classes. But becoming a doctor was all I knew. Fast forward to today, the plan was to retake the MCAT and try again for med school. Honestly I'm having a hard time because I'm genuinely uninterested. I feel very guilty because my parents worked hard to afford these opportunities for me. They know my GPA is bad and that I've wanted to change tracks. But I was never strong enough to actually explore other opportunities in college. I went through all the guilt trips. Today I feel like I'm the biggest loser ever. Not only do I not want to attend medical school but I also don't know what to do with my life. All I know is that I want to help others.
Queen Ra watch my newest video on validation, it’ll will help out things into perspective for you about your own value and worth. And you have to forgive yourself love, you didn’t mess up or something is wrong with you. You are learning to be true to yourself because of what you went through. Allow yourself the chance to treat yourself differently than how your parents did. Do the things that excite you, you’re curious about and light you up. You have purpose and reasoning for being here. You are strong and important. Start exploring and discovering yourself. You can do this. ♥️
Don't worry indian parents remain indian parents no matter india or abroad, the scenario is same, here they want to control not your career but also whom you can marry, what way you should live like, what you should wear etc. Etc. Even when you become self dependent. So it sucks more in india dear. You are at a better place. Take care . Thanks for empowering video.
A ton of immigrant parents dislike the white American/Canadian people and their parenting skills but boy do I respect the white folks for they do whatever the hell they want to. They truly live their lives. They're not perfect but neither are any of us. I understand you. I am a physical therapist educated in India and now live in Canada. Everything you said holds perfectly well for Indians in India too. There's this wave of emotional immaturity and helicopter parenting. It's a disease you can decide to get rid of. Making money is great but being in a bad marriage with something or someone you do not understand or respect is not much different from a tumor. It kills slow and the death is painful.
The real problem comes when you also good at anything you do. Then deciding if you are actually trying to please your parents or not is a very difficult question to answer.
I am a 34 Indian I am a character designer/visual development artist my parents always discourage me for last year in 2019 I was struggling to find a job due to fact my parents only want me apply for jobs without a good portfolio they said you already have a good enough portfolio in school so neglect your portfolio and give up on improving your skills and hate what you do I feel they get encouraged by their family friends telling them you should discourage your son and saying that I should go back to college and become a tech
My mother is narcissistic. She makes suicidal threats and is making our lives hell daily basis. By doing this she wants me n my father to criticise my wife for no fault of my wife. Can you please help me.
Nagdeep GK Reacting to her and getting triggered is the narcissistic’s biggest point of power. She feeds off of your reaction and trigger - it gives her this false sense of power and authority because she can clearly see that you’ve taken her seriously. Stop reacting to her, stop letting her control you’re behaviors, attitudes and experiences. This will take away that power she feels and it will actually confuse her. You can control this so start there. Sending you love ♥️
I have narcissistic mother too.I'm from Pakistan and i can totally understand wat u are going through.Im doing an online course to recover from narc abuse.drop me an email at faiza.nawaz786@gmail.com
This is my general observation and analysis of why Indian or Asian parents have high expectations: Most Indians are rooted in traditions. The tradition says to obey parents, elders, teachers and husband(for women not for men) without any accommodations, just blind obedience. This principle is present in most cultures but there are accommodations made as per children’s needs or children are not afraid to assert their needs. But in India, it’s a different ball game together. There are several reasons why parents control all aspects of your life through adulthood and this is very true for all, the socio economic classes. 1) They zealously want to preserve the centuries old ancient culture and traditions. I don’t see anything wrong with that and it worked out well up until scientific and industrial revolution. But after Indians embraced scientific knowhow in their country, they still want to hold on to religion, traditions and customs and there in comes the conflict. In the old world, the children obeying the parents worked perfectly fine because the children had less knowledge about their world around. There are less career opportunities as well. Most of the time, children just imitated parents and adopted parents career which seemed like a natural thing to do. If father was a barber/farmer/ doctor/businessman - the sons would follow in fathers footsteps and daughters are married and expected to go to in laws place, maintain home and be a mother and be indispensable to everyone(remember women were not allowed to study or choose careers like men 80 years back), being mom is career for women following their mothers footsteps and still is the same for most women. But in the modern information world, when there are numerous personal and career choices for an individual and also State made laws to assert this freedom, onslaught of information from progressive cultures - all these scenarios created a change in the mindset of Indian youth, they don’t want to follow parents path anymore. 2) There is a constant conflict to keep up with older traditions and modern choices and Indians don’t have enough courage morally or otherwise to embrace change and this reflects in parents attitudes. 3) Another reason why they want their children to choose the same doctor/engineer route is because of herd mentality which is typical of the middle class. 98 percent of middle class is conformist and they go by the trends in their social circle. It’s always about how your kid fared in comparison with the neighbors/friends/ extended family’s kid both in personal and professional life. If all the children in their socio economic class are taking medicine or engineering career, parents feel that’s a hot career and their children should choose the same. This happens because Indian parents gossip a lot about their lives with other parents, although they never reveal the negative aspects of their lives. This way they objectify their children in front of others socially, because it gives them sense of pride as they see children as extensions of themselves. This could be true with other cultures too but children assert themselves about their choices but Indian children cannot and will not assert themselves. There are both economic and social reasons for not being assertive about their choices but things are changing rapidly, at least in urban areas. 4) Economic reasons - In most scenarios children are dependent on parents for their needs - food/ clothing/shelter and pocket money. 100 percent of the cases, parents fund children’s education unlike in the West or America where students can take loans in their names and also do part time jobs to support their basic needs. The socio political and economic situation in India is not amenable for children in teenage or young adult years to do part time odd jobs and also take loans to study on their career of their choice. The banks don’t give loans directly on students name in India and professional degrees are fairly expensive than regular diplomas. Parents have to fund and there is no other option. Here In starts the dynamic.- because the parents are funding, they exercise full control over your career choice and most parents (not all) guilt trip/abuse/blackmail you into choosing their career choice. Unfortunately children couldn’t say anything and then they unwillingly obey their parents and be unhappy during their professional studies and more unhappy pursuing career they didn’t like. If they don’t agree with parents choice of career, they have to move out and pursue on their own which never happens in India, at least in my time it was the case. Now there is a slow change in the parents attitude and also the economic scenario but not to the extent that it happens in West or America. 5) Social reasons - Every adult or child wants to belong and accepted into the society they are born. It’s a innate human need. For children this acceptance starts with ones own parents, then friends, family and local communities. Typically, those children who fare well in studies and extra curricular activities are easily accepted and praised everywhere and this dynamic continues to career choice as well. Every human has a personal need for a mate with who they can share their more intimate lives with that translates to marriage. For most part of Indian culture, the intimate and romantic relationships are kept to marriage. The dating/cohabitation/live in relationships are totally unacceptable in the mainstream culture, although this aspect is changing in urban areas. The marriage market plays a huge part in choosing the career path. In India, the middle class especially doesn’t want to take risks and they want to live well of life with comforts if not luxuries that translates to money. For some reason, parents feel choosing career that gives stable income will attract a great spouse. Up until few years back this is a great expectation for the boys and still is. As girls were not working (most women still don’t work after marriage), it’s less of expectation on girls as they will be married at some point. Typically, girls don’t marry guys with less salary or girls parents decide in most cases and boys also want a well educated girl to show off to friends and family ( most of the time they don’t want their wives to work). This dynamic of choosing the well educated and stable income spouse drives the career choices. Most of the times, children follow what the herd is choosing for career because they feel it’s the best way they can attract the good looking, talented, wealthy educated spouse that will make their lives happy which is the greatest myth that they will discover after marriage. 6) When Indian parents move abroad to West, America or some culture with progressive outlook, they are unable leave their above mentioned mindsets on the boat/plane. They bring those mindsets with them and repeat the same patterns in their children albeit in the new cultures. Parents expectation is that the children live double lives - follow Indian culture, traditions, customs at home and extended family but you can conform to American culture with friends/ at school/ at work/ some communal settings outside the home, that creates lots of frictions in children’s hearts and mind. Some children with split personalities or manipulative personalities might be able to do it but most cannot. THIS CONTROLLING OF CAREER CHOICES AND SPOUSE CHOICES doesn’t work in America at least as children can move out and lead an independent life because of the open economic opportunities. I believe Indian parents living in West and US should realize that this dynamic wouldn’t work and children should be given freedom to choose careers of their interest and choose to date/marry/or not marry. Even if the child fails, they will learn from their experiences and move on. There is no need to belittle the choices of children and put down because they failed at some. I believe that the Indian society as a whole should embrace modern thoughts in their general outlook on life and not be rigid about traditions. Indian elders should stop judging their brood by their looks, career choices, friends or mate choices.
Hi Kajal, I came across your channel during a pivotal time. I really respect and admire your courage to live your truth. I am also Indian and have immigrant Indian parents who wanted me to be a doctor initially. However when I was in college I also had to stand up and tell them that I was not going to be a doctor because I just did not enjoy medicine like that. Flash forward many years later and I’m in a situation where I feel like I need to find the courage and stand up to my parents regarding my love life. I fell in love with one of my very good guy friends who is Hispanic. My parents came around with my career change, but they are more strict on the person who I choose to love. They were the cause of the end of my first relationship which was with a non Indian as well. But this time around I will not have my parents come between something pure and real for some discriminative reason such as “he’s not an Indian and he’s not a doctor.” Idk how to stand up for myself this time around because this is something I’m more afraid of fighting than I felt the first time around with my career change :(
Preet Upadhyaya I have been something similar love. There is so much to this piece. If you’d like to go deeper and receive support, I do offer a one-time single session. If that interests you, you can get the details and book here: www.kajalpandey.com/single session or check out my group coaching: www.kajalpandey.com/flowgroup
Strength and love to you❤️. I have immigrant Desi parents as well so I very well know how they think and what they demand from us. For us in SA, we have a longer list, it doesn't honestly make a difference, but along with medicine we have engineering and BComm (well basically Charted Accounting) as career options and I had a cousin that went to study engineering, however, she really did not enjoy it and she dropped out and opted for something that was not not part of the "THE Big 3", her parents were heartbroken and after a few years her parents found out she had a white boyfriend and yeahh... so I basically understand your stress. Her parents ended up accepted them cause she fought for herself, and now she's living a wonderful life. I would say, if you really do see a future with anyone, do not give it up for anyone. Yes, if your parents are like mine, they'll emotionally blackmail you, but honestly I started doing the same back to them and it does work sometimes but be strong and fight for yourself and your happiness, I mean they are not going to live your life, you are and gurl, YOLO. Be happy! If you know a certain decision WILL make you happy, take that decision! And whatever is meant to happen in life will happen❤️ I hope the best for you and I hope everything ends up well and you're happy even though the beginning was quite rocky❤️
No I am an Indian living in India and you basically described my story. My father wanted me to become an architect. But here I am going for management studies . I told my father no. I literally was so bad at science I was happy to leave it. But my father he knew I was not at all good at science and yet till now I hear himsay you should have taken up science. Like I would fail my classes of science. And I should have taken up science.
My parents kicked me out of the house at 18 and disowned me. I currently live in Houston with my grandparents and I am attending a community college as an opportunity to reinvent myself. Ironically, I did want to work in a similar career field as my father who is software engineer, however my fathers approach to parenting was terrible. He created this mold for me to follow and if I didn't follow his methodology he declared me a failure. This narrow minded mindset is what led both my parents to agree I was failure after I couldn't abide to their expectation. They decided I was unworthy of their love and support and kicked me out. I used this to fuel my rage and motivation when I began my studies. It was difficult at the start, however I built a strong a work ethic when taking such difficult courses. I am currently starting my third and final semester before I transfer to my dream school. The day I get accepted is the day where I finally break free from the chains of failure my parents have placed upon me.
I literally felt suffocated 2 years of my life just because of choosing something that I never wanted basically I wanted to study humanities but I ended up in science but it also made me realise how important are your own dreams in life
My parents are also from south asia. My father is from India and my mother is from Pakistan. I have similar experiences! My older brother was a straight A student and graduated from a top university. But me? I failed all my exams and got kicked out of school for getting into fights and swearing at teachers. Asian parents are hypocritical because they treat you like trash and expect a good reaction. I feel like if I was raised with love instead of getting my ass whooped by my parents I would be in a better state. Anyways I eventually got into university and kind of turned my life around (graduated in business management). I still dont know exactly what I want to do in life but I KNOW I'm going to be someone that influences the world in a positive way on a LARGE scale. Also I want to say that I respect you and admire your courage for standing up to your parents dogmatism and backwardness. As for what your father said... don't worry because my father has said worse to me. For example he said "your a disappointment of a son" and nasty things like "maddarchod" which means motherfucker etc. So keep your head up and keep struggling and keep rebelling. You seem to be a good person with good intentions.
This is so damn true. My whole damn family tells me to 'follow my dreams and earn it, then marry, then have kids, work for life and then retire'. When I spoke for myself, that why don't you give me choices to become what I want, my family said that "we are conservative" (proudly) and then continued to say that we do give you choices, like doctor, engineer, accountant, lawyer, teacher! Sigh. I sat doing nothing for 12 months, in the middle of my college year, just to figure out life. I realized that I want to be a painter, a lyricist, a writer, a businesswoman, and what not. Life sucks
I feel the same,🥺 my Asian parents are immigrants and I am only child. My family’s keeping telling I need to become a brain surgeon and I wish I has a older siblings so I wouldn’t have so much pressure. I want be a model student but no matter how hard I try I can’t get A. They keep telling me to take care of my family and it’s stressing me out I am only 15 🥺 I want to die but I can’t because don’t my parents give trauma. I’m their only child. 🥺 i don’t know what to do, I want make my parents happy because they work so hard for me but I feel like a DISAPPOINTMENT 🥺
my parents r so highly misogynist n dey r always so nice n perfect parents with my brother, dat now i feel confused dat actually dey r not narcissist, but dey just hate me, dey all d time think dat i m a shame for dem bcoz i m 32years unmarried daughter !! what to do !! n when ever i try to talk wid dem, dey just tell me "we don't have any problem with u, u do wtevr u want to do" but i can constantly see n feel dat dey actually hate me a lot !! evn if i cry or do suicide, dey never attend me !!
mansipatel1, with respect, suicide's no answer. how d fc*k can ur own mom b misogynist as she herself's a woman like u! If u r truthful as ur comment states that ur own mom's a fake, a liar a hypocrite never-ever d real one who has turned out 2 b a slow-poison like a snake 2 u just like my mom as I'm a guy myself. Never ever let ur namesake parents control u. U need 2 b financially independent 1st, leave ur house & then live in paying guesr room & last but not least please avoid boyfriends or marry d guy who is sincere & courageous caring for u in ur absence...
mansipatel1 Feel you, sending you love ❤️ Sister, the best thing you can do is take care of YOU - you’re mental and emotional health and well-being. You cannot change your parents; you have no power to do that. You do have the power to change your reaction and behaviors towards what they do or in case your case what they don’t do. Work on you, heal, get help from a trusted therapist and allow yourself to heal. You are NOT at the mercy of your parents, you can choose differently but it has to be making yourself a priority and healing your relationship with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up with the same abuse your parents did - treat yourself differently. This will help you heal. And ps. Suicide is not the answer, it’s an escape. God loves you otherwise god wouldn’t have created you. Allow love in. ♥️♥️
Thanks for sharing your educational journey. I went through the same thing when I was going into my first/second semester of college. When I was in high school, I don’t really ever remembering both of my parents actually sitting down with me to ask/talk about how school was like or how I was doing there (grades) because it always seemed to me like they were always too busy in their survival mode that bonding or getting to know their kid better was out of the question in their parenting. They had no problem pushing school down my throat but definitely lacked in emotional comfort/encouragement department if their kid were to feel lost with themselves or struggling in a specific subject that was just not made for them to begin with. Sometimes Don’t know if things would have been different with my parents if they were well off for them to be more emotionally intelligent😒 compared to my mom, my dad was extremely pushy with projecting his own educational dream for me to pursue a career in the medical field as well when I was in college out of the blue. I felt my dad was very academically smart/physically present around the home but not ever emotionally present at all. I think the men in older generations were brought up that way and I remember my dad would confuse his dad’s authoritative parenting to him as a kid to be love. I think the newer south Asian generations are now slowly realizing and trying to break these generational cycle as well as trauma along the way but there’s still a long way to go. The south Asian American demographic are in a lot of ways are more socially behind compared to other Asian demographics that have lived here much longer and better accustomed with the social culture as well🤔
OMG Kajal = I was a Dr. Now I am not. Super disappointed parents. No clear path forward but working on it by exploring my soul, my truth, my worthiness, and filling my cup. My cup is finally filling up. My parents are the hole that still allows a leak - but I have patched up all the other holes in my cup, and the hole that is because of my parents is getting smaller and smaller and I do more and feel more for me that I am filling my cup. I understand the value of my soul, my truth, what's meaningful to me. I know what I want to say to myself when I die - that I was myself, that I lived my truth and in the process I was there for those who accepted me and I helped others to whom I was enough. I lived a full life. That is my goal. You are a champ. Good on you for the work you have done on yourself and for those you help and have helped.
I can definitely relate Kajal. Thank you for this video. I've been watching you a few years now and your videos and insight have helped me so much. Especially when I was learning how to love myself. You're so wonderful!
For our mallu parents in South Africa, they say "you are so lucky to have many more options in South Africa, you can be an engineer, doctor or accountant, see, many options." Our parents... 💔
Thanks for the encouraging words. As South Indian, I am also going through something with my parents. They have this mindset that I should be living near them and they are disappointed that I made a decision to move an hour away from them. I am living more closer to my wife’s side of the family and they see it as that I am choosing to be with her side of the family rather than them. They said I have hurt them for moving away.
This is hard to go through this! They are hurt because to them it feels like you didn't choose them. I do feel to some extent, independence in Indian culture is discouraged because it opens of the possibility of you making your own choices, which again is discouraged. We all have to self individuate, that is the trajectory of the human experience. Can you allow them to feel what they feel without assuming responsibility for THEIR feelings. Can you accept that this is how they feel and can you be at peace with your decision? These some things I would explore.
Thank you for posting this 🥰🥰 I’m going to repeat this to myself to, I have to live by the consequences of choosing the decision that made my parents happy. I want to live for myself and not for my parents. I can def relate to ur story, cuz my parents are trying to preserve their culture too, so they have these super high expectations that are so suffocating.
Very true. i know i have disappointed my parents. i am not a doctor and i am not an engineer like the typical indian. these career choices did not suit me.
hey there, I was in a similar situation too. im indian and All of my family friends and cousins are studying to be lawyers, doctors etc. I wanted to be a teacher. parents werent happy because i wont get paid as much. they have come around, but my other family members still question my career choice.
Thanks for saying this. I am at a similar place. The other thing Indian parents are the most gifted at is claiming ownership over all that goes right in your life if you do as you're told but never accepting the responsibility for anything that goes wrong when you're following their instructions. No, if it goes wrong it's because you screwed up/ you're an idiot etc etc, but all that you're enjoying is soley because of them.
Im 22 nd graduated ..parents are too depressing..wanna move out ..want to be independent…but they also not allowing me to move out ..they threaten me like you got raped n all ..!! I got stuck..no job !!! No money!!!!
I feel like no matter what I do, it'll never be enough for my parents. I was essentially made for them to show off and they hate me because I am painfully average. Some days I really wanna end my life just to escape them.
I'd argue that the reason for high expectations abroad partly have to do with class and immigration policy. Class leads to prejudice and standards. One of the most common ways to immigrate to the States is the H1B visa, which is restricted to specialty occupations. Thus, parents expect a kid to bust their ass the way they did because that's what made them get ahead.
Im an Indian living in England in secondary school and damn i really really hate my parents sometimes everyday they expect me too do stuff which I know I can't do anything I do they can't value it and say you should do mote studying or should of score higher marks by a point I feel like if my parents can't value me I shouldn't value them. I just wait until I can leave and live my own life
Even if you're good at something, they'll see it as something to exploit. You're right, immigrant Indian parents are more conservative. Parents back in India these days are much more open minded in other areas of life, except of course Career.
Thats one of the great inspiring transformational video kajal. Big round of applause from myside. I have been watching ur every video frequently but this was took my heart away😂
Damn this sounds just like my life. It was a choice between a dr with at least 2 degrees or a lawyer. Even now my parents still don’t give my siblings the respect they deserve even when they achieved those degrees. Everyone in my family is at a min a pharmacist or entrepreneur. I decided to quit and went into business instead because my dad wanted me to do that from the start. Finally now I am doing what I love and starting my vision to help people in my own way. I had this pressure on me since I was 8 years old but now I feel so free not having that guilt. Even now my mom and dad don’t realize how much I sacrificed to take care of them. Sadly most Indians have to deal with this stuff. Loved this video 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Something I wished I could tell my Indian parents if everyone was a freaking doctor even tho doctors can save a life we all will die because no farmers will grow our food if all we cared about was enzymes and mitochondria
This feeling is even more worse when you are a single child and your parents are just saying that i broke their dreams and now there is no one else who is gonna be there for them
I am sorry you have to experience this, it is not right. It is not your responsibility to live out their unrealized dreams. You have your own path in life and I am sorry you are not supported in what that is, but remember aren't here on Earth just by chance, you have your own reason for being here and you can purse that.
Hi I am girl I am from mumbai till date I never had bf I swear never did anything wrong in life always listened to my parents but still my parents specially my mother is never happy with me I do everything for them all my life I did everything for them and today my mother is harassing me for money she is creating lot of misunderstanding among siblings and she keep telling me she is going to ruin me and I am in depression because of her I don't know what to do pleas help me and please pray for me 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
It's worse for Indians living in India because atleast in other countries (specially in west) others have freedom and you get a little support wherein in india everyone is going through this and you're parents can easily compare and say they are doing it so you can do it too
Well your brave speaking up I can sort of relate I'm second generation Canadian my family immigrants education really important tbh I knew I didn't want be academic so I chose be business owner after graduating college I didn't really enjoy it. Also tbh I never cared about what society thought me . I knew wanted to be free I was lucky family westernized didn't care what I studied as long finish college and married someone same culture there okay . Some differences my family didn't teach me my culture or native tongue I understand Swahili can't speak it well like can with English & french. My family believed European culture values mattered more so I don't fit my culture. You say assimilated in Canadian culture only thing kept my religion Islam never visited family home country in Kenya nor play to nothing prove my ancestors home land.
My experience is that they only care about what their friends and family (of their own age group) say about them. They have a "my kids are better than your kids" thing going on. Their relationships are fake because they love it when their friends' and relatives' children (who call them uncle and aunty) fail or drop out. It gives them something to gossip about and if other people's kids fail, it promotes their own kids in the "my kids are better than your kids" game.
My opinion is that they don't care about their children's happiness. They act as if they have no empathy - that's because they can control their children if they act as if they don't understand the children's feelings. On the other hand, the children are made to feel hypersensitive and respond to their parent's feelings. So, they expect you to give them everything they want but when you want something (eg hobbies or anything where you are choosing your own direction), they love to say "no". I say that the absence of empathy towards their children is an "act", because I saw my parents show empathy to friends and relatives. In this situation, it helps them to be seen in a positive light by their peers. In addition to controlling your education. job and marriage, there is also the issue of acting (or not acting) "Indian enough".
They create confusion by pushing aggressively for what they want. You can become confused between what you want and what your parents want. It's natural to want to make your parents happy. However, the things you have to do to make them happy may not be what you really want yourself. This was just my experience and it may not be everyone else's.
Thanks for sharing your experience and perspective. Sending you love! x
@Amanpreet Kaur The only thing that I find it useful to compare myself to, is my younger self. I am quite old. I didn't do everything my parents wanted. However, I did give in sometimes. I have 2 regrets in life. There was nothing that I could have done about either of these regrets. The upbringing causes these mistakes.
The first regret is allowing myself to be manipulated by my parents into taking their choice of my path in life. It only has to happen once and it can wipe decades off your life. It's not always possible to return to the path that you wanted to be on. You can get trapped on a path. I felt angry when I lost my way in life. It was like a treadmill.
The second regret is allowing myself to feel guilty when I went on the path that my parents disapproved of. This can lead to depression. It's not easy choosing your own way when you have controlling parents. I have no regrets about choosing my own way which I did most of the time. I would rather be depressed and free than depressed and a slave.
Can I just say thank you for exposing our parents😂💔 like everything you said here is sooo true. I pray and hope you're just as happy as you wanted to be❤️
There is such a thing as putting on an act to show empathy, especially if it is to those who they want validation from. Sometimes the act is very realistic
I grew up in the 90's and I was the only person I knew within our community that went against the current. I lost all my "Indian" friends and my family gave me a very difficult time for being me. I went to film school, I came out, and I was made to believe I was going to fail in every aspect of my life. My parents even made a life chart from my uncle in India who is a self proclaimed pandit, and he "predicted" I would die of a blood related disease (AIDS). I literally had no one on my side or to talk to but luckily I was a very determined and strong willed person. I spent many nights in tears but no one ever knew I shed a single tear. After all said and done, I am happy and successful. I never left my parent's side or my sisters. I bought my parents a house, bought myself a house, and paid for my sister's higher education. It wasn't until my 40's that my family started giving me and my husband acceptance. Take away from all this is, yes you must do what you makes you happy, all others will follow and if they don't, it's not your fault. It's very difficult to remain strong with Indian parents, the struggle is real.
Wow, thank you for sharing your story! Very inspiring. Stay blessed!
It's like watching you narrate my life story. I'm 23, indian, in medschool and i hate it. I was taught to have this mindset where as long as you are a doctor and earn money your life will be good. There's nothing like passion, there are just hobbies and hobbies don't pay bills.
This damaged by entire life. I have anxiety, depression and what not.
I AM living the consequences of fullfilling their dreams.
So I'm currently working on finding a way out and...... Godddd!!!! I hope it works out.
P.S. this vid really helped me. Thanks😊
It will work out!! Trust that.
Drop out of med school. it is not worth it.
I have disappointed my parents in every way. Don’t know what to do anymore
reppin xo Forgive yourself love. I have a video on this topic on my channel ♥️
career path and relationships! gosh its so annoying. im so lost as a person.
My story in a nutshell: I graduated with a BS in biology. Just like you, I was losing interest and doing poorly in my classes. But becoming a doctor was all I knew. Fast forward to today, the plan was to retake the MCAT and try again for med school. Honestly I'm having a hard time because I'm genuinely uninterested. I feel very guilty because my parents worked hard to afford these opportunities for me. They know my GPA is bad and that I've wanted to change tracks. But I was never strong enough to actually explore other opportunities in college. I went through all the guilt trips. Today I feel like I'm the biggest loser ever. Not only do I not want to attend medical school but I also don't know what to do with my life. All I know is that I want to help others.
Queen Ra u will be sorting out everything with time
Queen Ra watch my newest video on validation, it’ll will help out things into perspective for you about your own value and worth. And you have to forgive yourself love, you didn’t mess up or something is wrong with you. You are learning to be true to yourself because of what you went through. Allow yourself the chance to treat yourself differently than how your parents did. Do the things that excite you, you’re curious about and light you up. You have purpose and reasoning for being here. You are strong and important. Start exploring and discovering yourself. You can do this. ♥️
Don't worry indian parents remain indian parents no matter india or abroad, the scenario is same, here they want to control not your career but also whom you can marry, what way you should live like, what you should wear etc. Etc. Even when you become self dependent.
So it sucks more in india dear. You are at a better place. Take care . Thanks for empowering video.
True 😭😭🤧
Excellent comment.
A ton of immigrant parents dislike the white American/Canadian people and their parenting skills but boy do I respect the white folks for they do whatever the hell they want to. They truly live their lives. They're not perfect but neither are any of us. I understand you. I am a physical therapist educated in India and now live in Canada. Everything you said holds perfectly well for Indians in India too. There's this wave of emotional immaturity and helicopter parenting. It's a disease you can decide to get rid of. Making money is great but being in a bad marriage with something or someone you do not understand or respect is not much different from a tumor. It kills slow and the death is painful.
The real problem comes when you also good at anything you do. Then deciding if you are actually trying to please your parents or not is a very difficult question to answer.
I have an article on this: www.kajalpandey.com/blog/how-to-know-if-youre-on-the-right-path
I am a 34 Indian I am a character designer/visual development artist my parents always discourage me for last year in 2019 I was struggling to find a job due to fact my parents only want me apply for jobs without a good portfolio they said you already have a good enough portfolio in school so neglect your portfolio and give up on improving your skills and hate what you do I feel they get encouraged by their family friends telling them you should discourage your son and saying that I should go back to college and become a tech
even if my parents control i am focusing on getting a job and teach them a lesson
My mother is narcissistic. She makes suicidal threats and is making our lives hell daily basis. By doing this she wants me n my father to criticise my wife for no fault of my wife. Can you please help me.
Nagdeep GK Reacting to her and getting triggered is the narcissistic’s biggest point of power. She feeds off of your reaction and trigger - it gives her this false sense of power and authority because she can clearly see that you’ve taken her seriously. Stop reacting to her, stop letting her control you’re behaviors, attitudes and experiences. This will take away that power she feels and it will actually confuse her. You can control this so start there. Sending you love ♥️
I have narcissistic mother too.I'm from Pakistan and i can totally understand wat u are going through.Im doing an online course to recover from narc abuse.drop me an email at faiza.nawaz786@gmail.com
This is my general observation and analysis of why Indian or Asian parents have high expectations:
Most Indians are rooted in traditions. The tradition says to obey parents, elders, teachers and husband(for women not for men) without any accommodations, just blind obedience. This principle is present in most cultures but there are accommodations made as per children’s needs or children are not afraid to assert their needs. But in India, it’s a different ball game together.
There are several reasons why parents control all aspects of your life through adulthood and this is very true for all, the socio economic classes.
1) They zealously want to preserve the centuries old ancient culture and traditions. I don’t see anything wrong with that and it worked out well up until scientific and industrial revolution. But after Indians embraced scientific knowhow in their country, they still want to hold on to religion, traditions and customs and there in comes the conflict. In the old world, the children obeying the parents worked perfectly fine because the children had less knowledge about their world around. There are less career opportunities as well. Most of the time, children just imitated parents and adopted parents career which seemed like a natural thing to do. If father was a barber/farmer/ doctor/businessman - the sons would follow in fathers footsteps and daughters are married and expected to go to in laws place, maintain home and be a mother and be indispensable to everyone(remember women were not allowed to study or choose careers like men 80 years back), being mom is career for women following their mothers footsteps and still is the same for most women. But in the modern information world, when there are numerous personal and career choices for an individual and also State made laws to assert this freedom, onslaught of information from progressive cultures - all these scenarios created a change in the mindset of Indian youth, they don’t want to follow parents path anymore.
2) There is a constant conflict to keep up with older traditions and modern choices and Indians don’t have enough courage morally or otherwise to embrace change and this reflects in parents attitudes.
3) Another reason why they want their children to choose the same doctor/engineer route is because of herd mentality which is typical of the middle class. 98 percent of middle class is conformist and they go by the trends in their social circle. It’s always about how your kid fared in comparison with the neighbors/friends/ extended family’s kid both in personal and professional life. If all the children in their socio economic class are taking medicine or engineering career, parents feel that’s a hot career and their children should choose the same. This happens because Indian parents gossip a lot about their lives with other parents, although they never reveal the negative aspects of their lives. This way they objectify their children in front of others socially, because it gives them sense of pride as they see children as extensions of themselves. This could be true with other cultures too but children assert themselves about their choices but Indian children cannot and will not assert themselves. There are both economic and social reasons for not being assertive about their choices but things are changing rapidly, at least in urban areas.
4) Economic reasons - In most scenarios children are dependent on parents for their needs - food/ clothing/shelter and pocket money. 100 percent of the cases, parents fund children’s education unlike in the West or America where students can take loans in their names and also do part time jobs to support their basic needs. The socio political and economic situation in India is not amenable for children in teenage or young adult years to do part time odd jobs and also take loans to study on their career of their choice. The banks don’t give loans directly on students name in India and professional degrees are fairly expensive than regular diplomas. Parents have to fund and there is no other option. Here In starts the dynamic.- because the parents are funding, they exercise full control over your career choice and most parents (not all) guilt trip/abuse/blackmail you into choosing their career choice. Unfortunately children couldn’t say anything and then they unwillingly obey their parents and be unhappy during their professional studies and more unhappy pursuing career they didn’t like. If they don’t agree with parents choice of career, they have to move out and pursue on their own which never happens in India, at least in my time it was the case. Now there is a slow change in the parents attitude and also the economic scenario but not to the extent that it happens in West or America.
5) Social reasons - Every adult or child wants to belong and accepted into the society they are born. It’s a innate human need. For children this acceptance starts with ones own parents, then friends, family and local communities. Typically, those children who fare well in studies and extra curricular activities are easily accepted and praised everywhere and this dynamic continues to career choice as well. Every human has a personal need for a mate with who they can share their more intimate lives with that translates to marriage. For most part of Indian culture, the intimate and romantic relationships are kept to marriage. The dating/cohabitation/live in relationships are totally unacceptable in the mainstream culture, although this aspect is changing in urban areas. The marriage market plays a huge part in choosing the career path. In India, the middle class especially doesn’t want to take risks and they want to live well of life with comforts if not luxuries that translates to money. For some reason, parents feel choosing career that gives stable income will attract a great spouse. Up until few years back this is a great expectation for the boys and still is. As girls were not working (most women still don’t work after marriage), it’s less of expectation on girls as they will be married at some point. Typically, girls don’t marry guys with less salary or girls parents decide in most cases and boys also want a well educated girl to show off to friends and family ( most of the time they don’t want their wives to work). This dynamic of choosing the well educated and stable income spouse drives the career choices. Most of the times, children follow what the herd is choosing for career because they feel it’s the best way they can attract the good looking, talented, wealthy educated spouse that will make their lives happy which is the greatest myth that they will discover after marriage.
6) When Indian parents move abroad to West, America or some culture with progressive outlook, they are unable leave their above mentioned mindsets on the boat/plane. They bring those mindsets with them and repeat the same patterns in their children albeit in the new cultures. Parents expectation is that the children live double lives - follow Indian culture, traditions, customs at home and extended family but you can conform to American culture with friends/ at school/ at work/ some communal settings outside the home, that creates lots of frictions in children’s hearts and mind. Some children with split personalities or manipulative personalities might be able to do it but most cannot. THIS CONTROLLING OF CAREER CHOICES AND SPOUSE CHOICES doesn’t work in America at least as children can move out and lead an independent life because of the open economic opportunities. I believe Indian parents living in West and US should realize that this dynamic wouldn’t work and children should be given freedom to choose careers of their interest and choose to date/marry/or not marry. Even if the child fails, they will learn from their experiences and move on. There is no need to belittle the choices of children and put down because they failed at some. I believe that the Indian society as a whole should embrace modern thoughts in their general outlook on life and not be rigid about traditions. Indian elders should stop judging their brood by their looks, career choices, friends or mate choices.
Wonderful answer
Hi Kajal, I came across your channel during a pivotal time. I really respect and admire your courage to live your truth. I am also Indian and have immigrant Indian parents who wanted me to be a doctor initially. However when I was in college I also had to stand up and tell them that I was not going to be a doctor because I just did not enjoy medicine like that. Flash forward many years later and I’m in a situation where I feel like I need to find the courage and stand up to my parents regarding my love life. I fell in love with one of my very good guy friends who is Hispanic. My parents came around with my career change, but they are more strict on the person who I choose to love. They were the cause of the end of my first relationship which was with a non Indian as well. But this time around I will not have my parents come between something pure and real for some discriminative reason such as “he’s not an Indian and he’s not a doctor.” Idk how to stand up for myself this time around because this is something I’m more afraid of fighting than I felt the first time around with my career change :(
Preet Upadhyaya I have been something similar love.
There is so much to this piece. If you’d like to go deeper and receive support, I do offer a one-time single session. If that interests you, you can get the details and book here: www.kajalpandey.com/single session or check out my group coaching: www.kajalpandey.com/flowgroup
Strength and love to you❤️. I have immigrant Desi parents as well so I very well know how they think and what they demand from us. For us in SA, we have a longer list, it doesn't honestly make a difference, but along with medicine we have engineering and BComm (well basically Charted Accounting) as career options and I had a cousin that went to study engineering, however, she really did not enjoy it and she dropped out and opted for something that was not not part of the "THE Big 3", her parents were heartbroken and after a few years her parents found out she had a white boyfriend and yeahh... so I basically understand your stress. Her parents ended up accepted them cause she fought for herself, and now she's living a wonderful life. I would say, if you really do see a future with anyone, do not give it up for anyone. Yes, if your parents are like mine, they'll emotionally blackmail you, but honestly I started doing the same back to them and it does work sometimes but be strong and fight for yourself and your happiness, I mean they are not going to live your life, you are and gurl, YOLO. Be happy! If you know a certain decision WILL make you happy, take that decision! And whatever is meant to happen in life will happen❤️ I hope the best for you and I hope everything ends up well and you're happy even though the beginning was quite rocky❤️
No I am an Indian living in India and you basically described my story. My father wanted me to become an architect. But here I am going for management studies . I told my father no. I literally was so bad at science I was happy to leave it. But my father he knew I was not at all good at science and yet till now I hear himsay you should have taken up science. Like I would fail my classes of science. And I should have taken up science.
Prachi Gupta feel you sister! Keep listening and honoring yourself and lean into your joy. You deserve it! ❤️
@@kajalspandey thank you❣️ you too!
My parents kicked me out of the house at 18 and disowned me. I currently live in Houston with my grandparents and I am attending a community college as an opportunity to reinvent myself. Ironically, I did want to work in a similar career field as my father who is software engineer, however my fathers approach to parenting was terrible. He created this mold for me to follow and if I didn't follow his methodology he declared me a failure. This narrow minded mindset is what led both my parents to agree I was failure after I couldn't abide to their expectation. They decided I was unworthy of their love and support and kicked me out. I used this to fuel my rage and motivation when I began my studies. It was difficult at the start, however I built a strong a work ethic when taking such difficult courses. I am currently starting my third and final semester before I transfer to my dream school. The day I get accepted is the day where I finally break free from the chains of failure my parents have placed upon me.
Thank you for sharing, I am so proud of you! You are already free and you get to choose WHO YOU ARE :)
I literally felt suffocated 2 years of my life just because of choosing something that I never wanted basically I wanted to study humanities but I ended up in science but it also made me realise how important are your own dreams in life
I resonate with you. Thank you for sharing. I honor you and who you are :)
My parents are also from south asia. My father is from India and my mother is from Pakistan. I have similar experiences! My older brother was a straight A student and graduated from a top university. But me? I failed all my exams and got kicked out of school for getting into fights and swearing at teachers. Asian parents are hypocritical because they treat you like trash and expect a good reaction. I feel like if I was raised with love instead of getting my ass whooped by my parents I would be in a better state. Anyways I eventually got into university and kind of turned my life around (graduated in business management). I still dont know exactly what I want to do in life but I KNOW I'm going to be someone that influences the world in a positive way on a LARGE scale.
Also I want to say that I respect you and admire your courage for standing up to your parents dogmatism and backwardness. As for what your father said... don't worry because my father has said worse to me. For example he said "your a disappointment of a son" and nasty things like "maddarchod" which means motherfucker etc. So keep your head up and keep struggling and keep rebelling. You seem to be a good person with good intentions.
This is so damn true. My whole damn family tells me to 'follow my dreams and earn it, then marry, then have kids, work for life and then retire'. When I spoke for myself, that why don't you give me choices to become what I want, my family said that "we are conservative" (proudly) and then continued to say that we do give you choices, like doctor, engineer, accountant, lawyer, teacher! Sigh. I sat doing nothing for 12 months, in the middle of my college year, just to figure out life. I realized that I want to be a painter, a lyricist, a writer, a businesswoman, and what not. Life sucks
I feel the same,🥺 my Asian parents are immigrants and I am only child. My family’s keeping telling I need to become a brain surgeon and I wish I has a older siblings so I wouldn’t have so much pressure. I want be a model student but no matter how hard I try I can’t get A. They keep telling me to take care of my family and it’s stressing me out I am only 15 🥺 I want to die but I can’t because don’t my parents give trauma. I’m their only child. 🥺 i don’t know what to do, I want make my parents happy because they work so hard for me but I feel like a DISAPPOINTMENT 🥺
my parents r so highly misogynist n dey r always so nice n perfect parents with my brother, dat now i feel confused dat actually dey r not narcissist, but dey just hate me, dey all d time think dat i m a shame for dem bcoz i m 32years unmarried daughter !! what to do !! n when ever i try to talk wid dem, dey just tell me "we don't have any problem with u, u do wtevr u want to do" but i can constantly see n feel dat dey actually hate me a lot !! evn if i cry or do suicide, dey never attend me !!
mansipatel1, with respect, suicide's no answer. how d fc*k can ur own mom b misogynist as she herself's a woman like u! If u r truthful as ur comment states that ur own mom's a fake, a liar a hypocrite never-ever d real one who has turned out 2 b a slow-poison like a snake 2 u just like my mom as I'm a guy myself. Never ever let ur namesake parents control u. U need 2 b financially independent 1st, leave ur house & then live in paying guesr room & last but not least please avoid boyfriends or marry d guy who is sincere & courageous caring for u in ur absence...
mansipatel1 Feel you, sending you love ❤️ Sister, the best thing you can do is take care of YOU - you’re mental and emotional health and well-being. You cannot change your parents; you have no power to do that. You do have the power to change your reaction and behaviors towards what they do or in case your case what they don’t do. Work on you, heal, get help from a trusted therapist and allow yourself to heal. You are NOT at the mercy of your parents, you can choose differently but it has to be making yourself a priority and healing your relationship with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up with the same abuse your parents did - treat yourself differently. This will help you heal. And ps. Suicide is not the answer, it’s an escape. God loves you otherwise god wouldn’t have created you. Allow love in. ♥️♥️
the exact same in African culture.
Oh wow! Sending you love! x
Thanks for sharing your educational journey. I went through the same thing when I was going into my first/second semester of college. When I was in high school, I don’t really ever remembering both of my parents actually sitting down with me to ask/talk about how school was like or how I was doing there (grades) because it always seemed to me like they were always too busy in their survival mode that bonding or getting to know their kid better was out of the question in their parenting. They had no problem pushing school down my throat but definitely lacked in emotional comfort/encouragement department if their kid were to feel lost with themselves or struggling in a specific subject that was just not made for them to begin with. Sometimes Don’t know if things would have been different with my parents if they were well off for them to be more emotionally intelligent😒 compared to my mom, my dad was extremely pushy with projecting his own educational dream for me to pursue a career in the medical field as well when I was in college out of the blue. I felt my dad was very academically smart/physically present around the home but not ever emotionally present at all. I think the men in older generations were brought up that way and I remember my dad would confuse his dad’s authoritative parenting to him as a kid to be love. I think the newer south Asian generations are now slowly realizing and trying to break these generational cycle as well as trauma along the way but there’s still a long way to go. The south Asian American demographic are in a lot of ways are more socially behind compared to other Asian demographics that have lived here much longer and better accustomed with the social culture as well🤔
OMG Kajal = I was a Dr. Now I am not. Super disappointed parents. No clear path forward but working on it by exploring my soul, my truth, my worthiness, and filling my cup. My cup is finally filling up. My parents are the hole that still allows a leak - but I have patched up all the other holes in my cup, and the hole that is because of my parents is getting smaller and smaller and I do more and feel more for me that I am filling my cup. I understand the value of my soul, my truth, what's meaningful to me. I know what I want to say to myself when I die - that I was myself, that I lived my truth and in the process I was there for those who accepted me and I helped others to whom I was enough. I lived a full life. That is my goal. You are a champ. Good on you for the work you have done on yourself and for those you help and have helped.
I can definitely relate Kajal. Thank you for this video. I've been watching you a few years now and your videos and insight have helped me so much. Especially when I was learning how to love myself. You're so wonderful!
Thank you love! Yay for you for choosing self-love! x
For our mallu parents in South Africa, they say "you are so lucky to have many more options in South Africa, you can be an engineer, doctor or accountant, see, many options." Our parents... 💔
Thanks for the encouraging words. As South Indian, I am also going through something with my parents. They have this mindset that I should be living near them and they are disappointed that I made a decision to move an hour away from them. I am living more closer to my wife’s side of the family and they see it as that I am choosing to be with her side of the family rather than them. They said I have hurt them for moving away.
This is hard to go through this! They are hurt because to them it feels like you didn't choose them. I do feel to some extent, independence in Indian culture is discouraged because it opens of the possibility of you making your own choices, which again is discouraged. We all have to self individuate, that is the trajectory of the human experience. Can you allow them to feel what they feel without assuming responsibility for THEIR feelings. Can you accept that this is how they feel and can you be at peace with your decision? These some things I would explore.
Thank you for posting this 🥰🥰 I’m going to repeat this to myself to, I have to live by the consequences of choosing the decision that made my parents happy. I want to live for myself and not for my parents. I can def relate to ur story, cuz my parents are trying to preserve their culture too, so they have these super high expectations that are so suffocating.
Hi love, good awareness! You can change the paradigm, you are here to create a new way! Sending you love x
Very true. i know i have disappointed my parents. i am not a doctor and i am not an engineer like the typical indian. these career choices did not suit me.
hey there, I was in a similar situation too. im indian and All of my family friends and cousins are studying to be lawyers, doctors etc. I wanted to be a teacher. parents werent happy because i wont get paid as much. they have come around, but my other family members still question my career choice.
Sorry to hear that love. Know in your hear that you did the right thing for you and in the end none of this matter anyway. Sending you love! x
Thanks for saying this. I am at a similar place. The other thing Indian parents are the most gifted at is claiming ownership over all that goes right in your life if you do as you're told but never accepting the responsibility for anything that goes wrong when you're following their instructions. No, if it goes wrong it's because you screwed up/ you're an idiot etc etc, but all that you're enjoying is soley because of them.
That's right. Even if things go wrong for you just by chance, they blame you.
Im 22 nd graduated ..parents are too depressing..wanna move out ..want to be independent…but they also not allowing me to move out ..they threaten me like you got raped n all ..!! I got stuck..no job !!! No money!!!!
I feel like no matter what I do, it'll never be enough for my parents. I was essentially made for them to show off and they hate me because I am painfully average. Some days I really wanna end my life just to escape them.
Right now, go: write down 10 things you like, admire about yourself. You get to define you!
@@kajalspandey I just did that. woah. I'm actually going to repeat that whenever I am down. Thanks Kajal.
@@XTheSpartanX7 Take it on for an entire month. See what happens! It'll only be for the better :)
Wow, it’s like you were reading my thoughts! Great video, you are very brave choosing to live your life on your terms.
Parth Desai Happy to bear it resonated with you! Sending you love ♥️
I'd argue that the reason for high expectations abroad partly have to do with class and immigration policy. Class leads to prejudice and standards. One of the most common ways to immigrate to the States is the H1B visa, which is restricted to specialty occupations. Thus, parents expect a kid to bust their ass the way they did because that's what made them get ahead.
true, every circumstance is different, but the effects can be similar.
Im an Indian living in England in secondary school and damn i really really hate my parents sometimes everyday they expect me too do stuff which I know I can't do anything I do they can't value it and say you should do mote studying or should of score higher marks by a point I feel like if my parents can't value me I shouldn't value them. I just wait until I can leave and live my own life
Thank you for making this. It helped me!
thank you so much, this is so relatable and helpful
Even if you're good at something, they'll see it as something to exploit. You're right, immigrant Indian parents are more conservative. Parents back in India these days are much more open minded in other areas of life, except of course Career.
THANK YOU SO MUCH! THIS REALLY HELPED ME
Really glad you're talking about this Kajal :)
Thats one of the great inspiring transformational video kajal. Big round of applause from myside. I have been watching ur every video frequently but this was took my heart away😂
Thanks so much! x
Thank you so much for your wonderful work, Kajal! It is absolutely inspirational and life changing! You are amazing
You're so welcome! Sending you love!
Damn this sounds just like my life. It was a choice between a dr with at least 2 degrees or a lawyer.
Even now my parents still don’t give my siblings the respect they deserve even when they achieved those degrees.
Everyone in my family is at a min a pharmacist or entrepreneur.
I decided to quit and went into business instead because my dad wanted me to do that from the start.
Finally now I am doing what I love and starting my vision to help people in my own way.
I had this pressure on me since I was 8 years old but now I feel so free not having that guilt.
Even now my mom and dad don’t realize how much I sacrificed to take care of them.
Sadly most Indians have to deal with this stuff.
Loved this video 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I feel you! Thank you for sharing your story and how you overcame it and choose yourself. Sending you love! x
Of course and same to you! 🤙🏽
Me too
Thank you 🙌🏾
Something I wished I could tell my Indian parents if everyone was a freaking doctor even tho doctors can save a life we all will die because no farmers will grow our food if all we cared about was enzymes and mitochondria
This feeling is even more worse when you are a single child and your parents are just saying that i broke their dreams and now there is no one else who is gonna be there for them
I am sorry you have to experience this, it is not right. It is not your responsibility to live out their unrealized dreams. You have your own path in life and I am sorry you are not supported in what that is, but remember aren't here on Earth just by chance, you have your own reason for being here and you can purse that.
I do not have the same life situation but I undertand the wisdom in your thinking.
this is so true
Thank you so much , I really needed this ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
"You broke my dreams"
Oh boy. I've had that line used towards me so many times. Thank you for sharing your story.
Feel you on that!
FACTS
Hi I am girl I am from mumbai till date I never had bf I swear never did anything wrong in life always listened to my parents but still my parents specially my mother is never happy with me I do everything for them all my life I did everything for them and today my mother is harassing me for money she is creating lot of misunderstanding among siblings and she keep telling me she is going to ruin me and I am in depression because of her I don't know what to do pleas help me and please pray for me 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
How to escape. Tell me some good plans to escape.
मेरी बेटी मेरी पहचान मेरी बेटी मेरा सम्मान
It's worse for Indians living in India because atleast in other countries (specially in west) others have freedom and you get a little support wherein in india everyone is going through this and you're parents can easily compare and say they are doing it so you can do it too
Well your brave speaking up I can sort of relate I'm second generation Canadian my family immigrants education really important tbh I knew I didn't want be academic so I chose be business owner after graduating college I didn't really enjoy it. Also tbh I never cared about what society thought me . I knew wanted to be free I was lucky family westernized didn't care what I studied as long finish college and married someone same culture there okay . Some differences my family didn't teach me my culture or native tongue I understand Swahili can't speak it well like can with English & french. My family believed European culture values mattered more so I don't fit my culture. You say assimilated in Canadian culture only thing kept my religion Islam never visited family home country in Kenya nor play to nothing prove my ancestors home land.
You could see ms dhoni when he left railway jobs his parents are unhappy but now they definitely would be happy that he left it
यदि जीत गए तो सिकंदर नही तो घर का बंदर....
Story of my life.
Why do Indian parents have this strange manner? So glad I dont have this kind of background.
जातिवाद वंशवाद परिवारवाद रूढ़िवाद परंपरावाद भोगवाद बाजारवाद सुविधावाद से संक्रमित माता पिता
I need you to coach me!!
Hi love, please go here to know all about coaching with me: www.kajalpandey.com/coaching
Run away from home
❤❤❤❤❤