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The way you shot this video is SUCH A MOOD. Like "Wtf, wth, this makes no sense, but you can't deny it, it is definitive" This whole video is SUCH A MOOD. It's hilarious and cuts right to my soul Also an artist so I get a lot of that vibe too. The problem is that I relate to all of this so hard that this video is exactly as confusing to me as my own brain is.

Thanks for making this video. It's really beautiful and moving. I'm older than you and finding this process gut wrenching after all the years of trying to live a "normal" life and just completely and deeply burning out. The feelings of shame, regret, anger, grief can be overwhelming. Your kind and gentle words are much needed. ❤

Well done for sharing your difficult and painful story, and thank you for exposing the harshness of patriarchal marriage and the enormous burden it places on women. I’m so so proud of you. May you heal and continue to grow in courage and self-compassion.

I really appreciate this share, thank you!

I have no words (unless I let them spill into a waterfall of random thoughts) but you put out so many very important things. Uncomfortable and challenging and so very important. Thank you so much <3

Inspirational🖤

Thank you for talking about the marriage aspect of being a late diagnosed autistic. Please share more if you feel comfortable. It really helps 🙏🏽

I actually have a woman autistic therapist! She’s the first one in my adult life to suggest I may have autism. I am Asian American and I also deal with lots of anxiety from having grown up in a toxic environment where I learned hyper vigilance and accommodating others before myself out of self preservation.

for those interested in expanding their understanding of "reality"...the Black Advancement Inc ( www.youtube.com/@BAInc44 ) has solid content but I think their playlist "the Beautiful Struggle" videos are especially significant.

i never would've guessed that's how you do insertion lace. this is a fantastic tutorial!

Thank you for the video. You are so right having to reverse all the conditioning after a burn-out. One of the poisons I got out of my system after my diagnosis was the belief conditioned in me as a child that I was "a bad communicator" or "stupid for not getting it". Right after my diagnosis I thought it was because I'm neurodivergent. However, that is just not always true i found during therapy, because I asked a lot of reasonable questions as a child, but the adults around me in my childhood were just not patient enough to want to explain things further, even teachers,. I was waved away and shushed a lot, maybe not intentional, but still. I have spend lots of time reading books and watching videos on healthy communication after my diagnosis, and now I see that actually many people, including neurotypical people, are super bad at communication. This really healed me in seeing that I am not always "the problem communicator" even though I'm neurodiverse. I'm done with people who don't take responsibility for their own feelings, shutting me down for asking clarification, being vague and expect me "to just get it" and dance around subjects, and put that negative attitude onto me. Now I focus on people that are capable of having clear healthy conversations and it changed my life! And if I ever have a vague conversation, I no longer blame myself, I just see it for what it was, a vague conversation, that maybe need some follow-ups if it's important, otherwise I just let it go :)

neurodivergent people belong with each other. thanks for bringing the community a safe space to be together

This is much better and accurate than the Bridgerton costumes.

Thanks for opening up for the world to be better. You are brave enough to be vulnerable and show your humanity. That’s so inspiring.

i needed this thank you! :)

There is an old saying, "Write the book you want to read." I've been tested and am in that weird place, waiting for my diagnostic appointment. It is a lot like the last month of pregnancy seems like it's a year long. If I am autistic I will be really late diagnosis. I wonder if that is why the doctor took my case.

thank you so much for this video.

Diagnosed ADHD since youth. I'm 18 right now and this entire year has been a lot of me trying to figure out if I have autism on top of it. The difficulty comes in me not alighning in some things - especially since I’ve become a REALLY good socializer in recent times - but very much aligning in others - like videos such as these describe me SO well, but then you might mention one tiny thing that I don’t fully align with and then it makes me skeptical again. The overlap between the two makes it SO difficult to tell without professional help, so determining whether or not i pay for an official diagnosis or not keeps eating at me. I do appreciate this video though.

Holy shit. Absolute lightbulb moment at 13:20 when you said, "we don't just get used to it [...] If you're wearing something uncomfortable, it's gonna be uncomfortable. It's not going to stop being uncomfortable. You might get distracted from that discomfort, but that's not the same thing as not feeling it". I dissociate almost constantly bcs my body can't process it all, so it has to shut some parts down in order for me to function. My sensory sensitivity got a lot higher once I was infected with COVID, and I remember talking to My therapist about how everything was so loud and bright and too much, and how I was scared I was never going to "get back to my normal" and he reassured me that with time and more exposure to stimulus, I'd probably get back to a tolerable level. Except I didn't. I got sick in Feb 2022 and my sensory input levels haven't gone back down to what they were pre-infection. It's hard to know what I can expect for myself, whether I'll have further skill regression or if maybe, through work calming my internal systems, I might be able to get to a lower level of perpetual overwhelm.

The parts where you mentioned people thought you were mean hit close to home. When you've suppressed your needs for so long, to the point where you can't even identify them, it's a hell of a journey to get to a point of knowing how to ask for help. I've been called "bossy" or "demanding" my entire life bcs by the time I identified a need and how someone could help, I was doing so bad that I was struggling to find words to reach out. Words like "please" and "thank you" don't necessarily pop into your mind when you're in crisis mode. You just know you need help and you need it now, or bad things will happen. Not to mention struggling with tone. Either I was too intense and demanding help, or I was asking so casually that people don't take it seriously and don't know how much I'm struggling and don't think I really need the help. It's hard out here.

I got my diagnosis in 2022 at 50 years old I have 3 adult children and all my life I’ve struggled with burnout I’m AuDHD also this video is great making me feel not so alone. Thank you 🙏🏼 ♥️I was also a single parent and felt like a failure I also have lots of other health issues.

Thank you for sharing your story. I can't imagine how much fear and discomfort had to be fought through to get it out there, but it was the right move. We all need to make our stories known. I'm 25 and haven't been diagnosed yet, but there's not a doubt in my mind I'm autistic. I saw another comment here that said we are the expert, and I couldn't agree more. Having been undiagnosed as long as I have has been a nightmare, so I truly thank you for toughing it out for more than 40 years for an indifferent world. I don't know how you did it, but it's inspiring, and I wish you a lifetime of peace. You do deserve to be comfortable and happy.

I'll often make it about the other person. If i don't do x in y time then blank will blank. This often spikes cortisol which isn't good but gets me to do x.

The speech pattern, tone, flow, and areas of focus/importance are eerily familiar to me-something I only experience with other AuDHD folk. I appreciate how much I relate to the experiences, depth, nuances, and realities shared here. In particular, I enjoyed and related to the incredibly astute list of easily missed groups in the male (I'd add Hetero) Autism/ADHD diagnostics/assessments for non-traditional groups. Personally, I grew up surrounded by women as the solo male in a single mother, all-sister household. These factors, likely among others, contributed to my being missed until age 38 as a rule-following, highly sensitive, anxious, low-income, white, gay cis man. There is incredible value in this video's ability to demonstrate the nuances of navigating the varied maze of impossible (for most) costs, time, and (potential) benefits gained personally and generally from an accurate diagnosis. This is especially true for those of us with imposter syndrome, or those living within one or more marginalized, disadvantaged, or invisible/visible disability groups. There seems to be a larger-than-estimated hidden hive of hyper-passionate, often hyper-focused AuDHDers who have complex ADHD, which includes a variety of other potential neurobiological disorders (like the ASD/AuDHD combo). Complex ADHD/AuDHD makes our lives more challenging, while also causing us to be identified by allistic people’s pre-installed NeuroDar, which immediately tags and labels us as "others to avoid at all cost" (forever henceforth dubbed "OTAAC" [oh-tack]). This not only explains why our lives are such a struggle in a world not built for us, but also why so many articles for allistic people-on how to manage, mitigate, handle, or fix us-drown out the useful ones. We are living in an extremely unique time for our community. Imagine how many generations of AuDHD ancestors before us didn’t have access to anything close to what we now have-such as finding others who aren’t physically connected to us, who share similar stories and make us feel less alone-IF the algorithm finds us, or if we’re as diligent in our research and determination as this Creator is. What gives me the most hope for the neurodivergent community is the expanding abilities of new technologies, data science, machine learning techniques, and especially AI tools that uniquely advantage those of us who have been traditionally disadvantaged. The breadth, depth, and height of the scaffolding potentials from new technologies and AI tools lay a foundation-those scattered components from which a new, alternative, boosted social network and resource-connecting system can create alternatives to traditional allistic systems, which were never (and likely will never be) fully built for us. To further two ideas from this Creator’s videos that have stuck with me: having neurodivergent ASD/ADHD/AuDHD representation in every business or group, and recognizing the unique strategies and skill sets that many of us have developed over a lifetime of masking and continuously adapting, despite never fully fitting in. These could be a shared community resource. I imagine a robust, always-available community of passionate ASD/AuDHDers. It's possible, and something I’m actively working toward building. Watching and experiencing real, unfiltered AuDHD-by-AuDHD content like this-with topics and in-depth discussions that are either wholly lacking or not easily findable-confirms the shared challenges and needs within our community. It also gives me immense hope that we live in a time when connecting and uplifting as a community is possible, potentially in new, nuanced, and neurodivergent-from-the-ground-up ways. There are so many more topics I could highlight from this, and from the video on the experience of ASD and ADHD (a must-watch!), but these are the ones that hit deep, striking a common chord within community experiences. For too long, our voices, ideas, passions, and songs have been muted, silenced, or ignored. I commend this Creator for the experiences, community-oriented moral compass, values, and truths she expresses and represents... Thank you...

This is both relaxing and pleasing to watch. Too many yell into their microphones, or blather on-this was a welcome change of pace.

4:52 The other day I finished my first big non loom crochet project. I caught myself losing interest and set it aside. I told myself I had to do something even if I didn’t start another project. I picked back up a different crochet project that I used to kill time and just plan to let the yarn run out on and add more yarn later. I realized without the stress of finishing it and the fact that it was so easy and repeated over and over, it became boring fast. But I was on a crochet roll and still wanted to crochet, so I began a new project.

I really appreciate your videos and your honesty about your experiences! Also because I can very much relate to them and its been so difficult to even find people that I do relate to! I myself am 19 and just found out in therapy I could be an AuDHDer, and everything just started to make so much sense. The experience of so much discomfort over sensory and unpredictable stuff but also feeling like you need to hide it all on a daily basis. I am glad you can find the right accommodations now! I think society in general needs to be more understanding and open to those accommodations and possibilities that people they didn’t expect it from to need them :)

I was diagnosed with ADHD - combined Autism- mild (whatever that means) along with PTSD at 58, now 59. You have explained me. 😂😂 I have not been able to get good directions with my diagnosis trying to find someone to help with that. I keep asking questions to my psychiatrist who has given me medication for my ADHD, but should I also take something for my Autism? Can’t get that answered.🤦🏽‍♀️ thanks for the explanation of me. ❤

It's also so sad that many Autism traits are just "beaten" out of girls with traditional harsh parenting, and so many woman can pass for neurotypical whilst being fatigued all the time and disassociated with themselves. Boys often get a pass for "wild" stimming behaviour, because of the "boys-will-be-boys" rhetoric, and thus show Autism signs early on. But if I misbehaved, oooh my, it was sitting in the hallway for hours in the "naughty-spot" or things like "no diner for bed", or housarrest for weeks for minor faults etc... :S I quickly learned to be a robot basically, smiling at everything, doing as I was told, be invisible etc. Only discovered I was AuDHD at 31 after a huge burnout when I accidentally stumbled upon a video of Autism in Woman, and it was just as if I was watching a video about me.... :O Now I'm in trauma therapy :P

LADY, WE NEED TO TALK!!😝😝

My hobbies are piled in a chaotic room, that I want(ed) to make my wonderful cosy hobby-room. The only thing, that I get done there every few months/ half a year is to (re) organize all the stuff, that I piled there and table, rack and floor again are messy like hell....yeah and then make new plans to finally decorate, organize and use my hobby-room for my hobbies. Yeah .......maybe somedays :')

[Camera cuts to me crying into the 5th yard of whipstiches as 18 buttonholes (that i am totally not procrastinating finishing) glare at me at an ungodly hour of the night as my cat complains about his lack of lap cuddles]

Great video! Very informative and relatable :D Ever since I received my diagnosis I've let go of the idea that I "have to" cook the conventional way like "every normal person" (on a stove, just standing there, waiting for 30+ min. stirring in pots and pans now and then to check if it doesn't burn with the fume hood making awful noise...). It costs me so much energy, because I just found it so boring and loud, but watching a show in the meantime made me forget the food and burn everything :S Now I cook with machines only, that do all the work for me and turn off automatically (timer oven, airfryer, slow-cooker, rice-steamer etc.). I never want to use a regular stove ever again and that's ok :)

In my experience, the burnout is a pile of accumulative experiences where I’m pushing myself to be what’s expected. But the last straw is always the rejection from people I thought would be there for me. I’m constantly giving a 75% on relationships and people a 25% and they get mad when you are not performing to not bother them with your problems.

Ratcheted up an notch when you put on the jacket 😮❤ Incredible work, thank you so much for your costuming AND your Autism insights. We love ya 💖

It's always a crash between "let's explore all these special interests" and "delve seriously into one and only and focus to ONE". Neither side is truly happy.

whoo. similar path here in many ways. I want to seek diagnosis, burnt out, but also stuck being an island in a world that feels hostile, absolutely need to keep my job, fearing what might happen if my mask drops in the wrong venue

I just discovered the video and really wanted to follow through but the background noise in your video really made me feel uncomfortable + the relatively loud background music. Ironically you started complaining about sounds after 2min 😄 I guess you got a point there haha

this is emboldening me to make my own regency stays. i've wanted to for a while but i'm still so unsure about the construction.

I'm a special education teacher and finally decided to get myself tested... Nov 18 is the initial appointment. This video was so warm, nurturing, and supportive. I'm going to come back to it as needed because so much of what you said really spoke to me and I found it comforting! Thank you so so much!

Thank you❤❤❤

I need that entire outfit!

I want to give you the biggest hug❤ I’m a 24 year old audhd woman and this is so similar to what happened/is happening to me. I see you. I’m so so sorry. I want to validate the fact that what you’re experiencing is so real and it is completely impossible to just “push through” this. Burnout is something we have to surrender to, and rest, and listen to our bodies and needs as much as we can. A lot of people in my life simply didn’t want to understand what was happening to me, both my parents and my partner, which hurt like hell. But I put my foot down and radically decided to rest. I’m still not out of burnout yet, but I’m getting there. It’s a journey. It can feel so lonely at times, but I know that I’m so not alone in this neurodivergent struggle. And neither are you❤ I’m so proud of you for acknowledging your needs and advocating for yourself. That takes a lot of courage. There will be better days. Coming out of burnout is possible. And we learn how to live so that we can avoid overloading ourselves.

I feel like I'm looking at myself. Great video! Your video is going to help me explain my side of life to my loved ones.

I’m with you on the “you’re average, normal” being so inaccurate. I have a coping mechanism for getting stuff done. It involves fantasizing about a special interest. I have a special interest in game development and marketing. If I have a boring task to do, I’ll imagine that it is actually a game that a company I’m leading is developing. While writing the assignment, making future plans etc. I’ll fantasize about the game development moving along and when I’m done I’ll fantasize about how the game was received by the public. That gives me more joy and dopamine, doing and finishing the task. It’s pretty weird, but works for me.

I love starting projects, by the time I've started a project I've already imagined it and daydreamed about it, usually my energy trails off kinda fast and then near the end I forget why I even wanted to do it in the first place.

I love the ancestor work and Tarot! I have felt a strong pull toward shamanism in the past decade. There is speculation that autistic individuals are natural shamans due to our neuro differences.

OMFG...THANK YOU. I just want the lamp.

A trick I used to employ to get moving is to trick my brain into thinking I wasn’t working yet. Before doing any project there’s always a bunch of stuff that needs doing such as gathering information and materials or making a physical or time space before actually doing the main effort. I would tell myself that’s all pre-work and I wasn’t yet working. Therefore no effort was yet being made. It’s something that works for me at least when I remember to do it.

You had me at salty possums