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My mom passed when I was around 12, my father passed when I was 21. From there on out it’s been nothing but hell that’s happened to me or I’ve caused. I pour alcohol on all my wounds to suppress & disassociate from reality. I’m 24 now, just had an orchidectomy. Had cancer in my left testicle, removed through my pelvis. There’s allot to say, I’m just wondering what’s the point in being alive? My girlfriend is the only thing keeping me here. She’s not like anyone else, I can trust her. She cares for me so much that it reminds me of my mother. Her most precious aspect is her heart. I think about growing old with her, knowing that part will never change.

Sunday November 19, 2024 1:39 AM. I'm sitting in bed wide awake. I day 5 with COVID (I know, what loser gets COVID in 2024). All my friends are spending their weekends out and about going on fun adventures and living life. I'm trapped in my room, doing absolutely nothing. I put this on to try and reflect, but here I am just writing whatever comes to my brain. I think tomorrow I'll dig out a journal and start writing in there. That's what I'll do. Every day, before I go to bed I'll grab the journal, put this song on and just write. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

I just want to feel like I belong somewhere

The song feels like there is something deep inside me that is so pure and full and red that at my core something will continue fighting and now matter how empty I feel I will still have that inside of me and maybe it’s the grief I’ve collected or maybe it’s the undying love I was born with- but I think that this is enough. Maybe I am enough and maybe I can keep going and meet myself on the other side. And maybe I’ll laugh with her and we’ll accept the gratitude that comes with the lessons learned of this time, though it was hard. I feel like it’s my soul and it’s so strong and bright and wholesome within itself I think I will be okay. No matter what I am me and I will always be okay. Maybe it’s God reminding me who I am

To be honest I my brain was the closest to convincing itself last night that it wasn’t worth living. The shower was off but I was sitting in it crying my guts out. This was the first time I’d cried in 2 years. Didn’t really know what to make of it. But, I had a good day today. Although I don’t believe there is a person on this earth that I will eventually call my life’s love, I think I can live with that. I think.

Im lost, idk what to do anymore i have put myself in a situstion where i truly am lost. Love, hate and drugs have been controlling me for some time now, but i promise ill get better.Why is it so confusing

yeah holy shit

It’s been 2 years without him. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay. I ruined us. And that’s what makes it so unbearable. Maybe if he had hurt me, or if life circumstances took us apart, I could accept that. But the fact that it was all me, I lost the only person who ever truly loved me by my own hands. I’ll never forgive myself. And I’ll never be okay.

Just turned 20 yesterday and Idk if relationships with family/friends are true. I cant sleep thinking about my future and I can barley remember my past. I live day to day wondering. I don’t think I’ll ever find what I’m looking for because I’ve never known. I feel blank but when I say that I feel corny and then I feel that I’m overthinking. Wack

It’s 2am. I’m close to 4 months sober from fentanyl. And although I’m physically sober, mentally there’s still so much work I have to do. My mind is a warzone. For the first time, I met a girl who I genuinely loved. We took things slow; it was my first sober, faithful, real relationship. But I needed more time to work on myself. I don’t love myself and if you don’t it’s impossible to truely love someone else. She’s 3 years sober, but knew just as well as I did that for me to be the best version of myself I needed to be alone. It hurts a lot. It’s been two weeks now, I still think of her every day.

Im 20 years and never had a girlfriend. I feel so lonely right now, i just want someone to be with, to come home to, to give me hugs and say i love you. My family always tell me that relationships are just trouble but that’s the thing. I want to experience it all the anger, the jealousy, the heartbreak, missing that person, loving that person, waking up next to them and that’s what they don’t understand. I know im just 20 yrs old but it just sucks that i’ve never got to experience love yet. Maybe when i find someone, I’ll come back and let all of you know. Love y’all

HE WHO IS COMING

I’m 18 and I just experienced my first heartbreak, I gave all my attention to a person and now they are gone. I feel a little lost in it all, I don’t know when I’ll love again and I don’t know if I want to. I still love her and I hope one day our paths cross again.

Travelling to start a new phase of my life, right song, right moment

Gotten 22 this year and moved in to my first own flat. While being on my own now, I'm stuck between childhood and adolescence. Probably just like many of you out there. But with time comes wisdom. And we will all get older and wiser. It’s crazy thinking about, that in your 20s you've lived a quarter of your life.

she said that she had to pick which guy she wanted to give a real chance, and i told her to pick the other guy so she didnt have to worry about picking someone anymore

i miss you so much. i must be damn lucky to have loved so hard that your absence hurts this much. i hope when we meet again i will be ready for whatever knowing you will look like. secretly my heart is holding onto dreams of being yours again.

Behold, mankind

My brother passed away unexpectedly from complications from having severe cerebral palsy 2 years ago, 2 days after moving into my freshmen year dorm and one day after his borthday. This song captures what it felt like when my dad called me and said he was outside and that I needed to talk to him. I was confused, concerned and it was just all together ominous. Those 3 minutes of my life, walking down the stairs opening the door, walking back to my dorm him sitting me down and telling, are to this day the closest I have ever been in my life to knowing what eternity feels like. The well of emotions that you don't even recognize you have for that person. All comes spilling out like blood comes out of a bullet wound. To this day, my biggest sorrow in life is not being able to remember if I said good bye and I love you when I left. He was sitting right there right when I left and I don't even know if I said those words. It keeps me up at night wondering if he knew how much he was loved in life. The positive impact he had on everyone that met him. He wasn't able to talk or walk and to this very moment it weighs on me if I was supportive and loving enough. One day i hope to be able to know.

Just listened to this and wrote the coolest thing I’ve ever written on my guitar. Thank you Aphex Twin.

1:39 AM, 17th November 2024 My cheeks are salty. My soul defeated. My heart aching. I’m 2 months into my first term of university and I’m lying down in my dark room crying to these comments because they are beautiful. We are beautiful. We are gorgeous in our broken state. We are shining in our vulnerability. We may be hurting but we sure as hell aren’t hurting alone and this is the ferocity of the human spirit. I want to be a good person, I want to fill my potential, for fuck sake I’m 18, I don’t know jack shit but I try. I fucking try. And i realise this absurdity and yet i bask in it. This liminal glory of being young and knowing nothing, the endless choices of life. Free will exists and I forgot that sometimes. My wildest dreams can be fulfilled if I decide to simply do it. It really is that simple. Love can be mine, the mountain can be conquered, memories created that will never fade. I may look back at this and think what was I doing, what was I thinking but not gonna lie, life is too short for people to say what they don’t mean and don’t say what they need to. I needed this. Thank you.

my girlfriend just broke up with me and i came back to this melody and it honestly tore me apart. one night i told her i wanted to play her a song that reminded me of the way she makes me feel and i played this. we were driving back to my place from getting sushi and the sun was setting, the windows were down and her hair was moving with the wind. she looked in my eyes and told me she loved me for the first time… no one ever told me they loved me but my mom before that. i teared up in front of her because i just couldn’t grasp the fact that someone could ever feel that way about me. she kissed me and said that i was a beautiful person. i dont know what to do man

Endless loop, every time the monkey closes his eyes, it starts again..

Love you all. ❤❤❤

Sat Nov 16 2024 I’m 20 years old writing this after finding this song on social media. I’m not sure where I’m headed I know I’m young but I feel most of my life I’ve been in the dark, lonely and depressed, I feel like an old soul. But it hasn’t all been bad, it just hurts when you’ve been in the rain for so long. At the end of the day what is so special about joy if there is not pain. I’ve learned throughout my life that you need to make good from the bad life is a never ending battle with yourself and it’s hard but I like to think that anything worthwhile in life you will have to fight or work for. I found a spark in life about 2 years ago for the first time ever I could say I was truly happy. And now I’m back in the hole of despair it sucks. I don’t know if I fucked up along the way or if it wasn’t meant to be. I’m still hopeful after seeing what true happiness is like I know what life has to offer I just need to get back. I hope when I come back to this throughout the years I’ll still have the same motivation to keep going and I hope you all do too

_if he dies tomorrow, i want you to know-he tried.._ _his friends… his family… the ones he loved._ _he tried to hold onto those connections,_ _even as life pulled us all in different directions._ _to function to society’s standard_ _so much he had to figure it out alone._ _but somehow, it’s okay - i hope_

Listening to this song in loop while I prepare my lugagge. I migrated to another country with my now ex girlfriend (8 years together) and we split up here, thousands of miles away from home. Devastated, preparing everything to return next week. Moments like this make me realise why I love music so much. It can literally save your life. Thanks Richard and thank every one of you reading and commenting this work of art. Music and love for everyone.

So. 15 years of marriage went to trash because of my depression. Se always was taking care of me and doing the best she could but now she wants to live her life, focus on herself and nothing else. And left me alone. This has been like a year and a half ago. On march this year I met a girl and we started seeing eachother quite often, I quickly started liking her, she made me forget about the time I spent alone. I felt a pure connection. A connection I never thought I would have again. She seemed interested too but in a different level and I chose to not think about that. It was going so well! I felt happy again!So after 6 months I opened up and told her about my feelings. That I felt so comfortable with her. That I liked doing whatever with her as long as it meant spending time together. Turns out she wasn't interested in more than a friendship. And I'm ok with that but to be honest I'm really not. I see myself being a friend with her but i had dreams already about us together watching a movie at home, holding hands, hugging... I'm 35 years old and I feel like all my life is going to be like this. Trying one time after another expecting that someday somehow I'll be happy again. I really thought I was going on a good way.

I’m 17, applying to uni for engineering this year. I’m in a difficult spot with my girlfriend, and well I just don’t know how to deal with it tbh, I’m not sure what to do. I just don’t know if we are meant to be and I just don’t feel very happy or like I belong in this relationship, and idk if she cares about me as much as I care about her. But she’s such a sweet girl and I don’t want to make her sad at all, I don’t know. I’ll come back to this comment in a bit, it’ll be interesting to see what’s changed, what I end up doing. Thanks guys

hello people! I’m here with my best friend, enjoying the great views of Potrerillos Lake, 1 h away from home, i would like to put a picture of the views that we’re having right now so you can see the beauty… anyways. We’ve been reading some of the comments you have left written here as if it were a wall of memories, and we felt like writing our own message to last here in time. This hole situation made us feel a deeper understanding of life and consciousness. We wish you the best. LIFE. And what else i could say, we’re all trying to be happy and figure things out the best possible way for us and for others rigth? Im sure that if youre still here reading this message is cause you are a big hearted person and you’re giving your best everyday, falling back and forth and getting up again. Thats life. Never forget that theres a middle point between standing and being falled down… and that middle point is being on your knees, never forget to be humble, put your head low, and pray to whatever you think that is bigger than us… at the end we’re so small, and so big, cause all the big things that we can do and the many ways we can open, and close and be curious about. Good bye.

I have lived through an enormous amount of pain. Wanting to take my life, and when I finally broke through that, nearly having my life taken from me by illness anyway. Today I’m realising I have overcome it all. Years of recovering led to this moment: physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally, spiritually. I am a blank canvas at last - not yet who I will be, but no longer defined by the events that made me who I was. Empty, a really agonising emptiness…yet so excited to discover what will fill me up throughout the rest of my long life. Indescribably grateful.

My problems feel so gone and insignificant when i scroll and read all of what youve all gone through. Not in a bad way it gives me some kind if comfort to know im not the only one struggling with life, thats there are other people going through things like me, and it shows me that people have made it and grown from the struggle and that gives me so much hope in a world that so often feels so hopeless. Thank you to everyone sharing their stories i hope for all of you to be kind to yourselves.

i been hearing this for 4 days now, (before I go to bed.) its currently saturday morning and im sitting on the edge of my bed questioning my life and how to move forward with it. last sunday I found out the I have a something in my brain and I'm seeing a specialist on tuesday (keeping that private) but I don't know how I feel about everything going on with my life. currently hit a creative block with my projects (studying to becoming a fashion designer) they cut my hours at work, and a whole lot of other shit and I just don't know how to process how I'm feeling rn. no one knows about my health situation except for my mom and 2 close friends. i haven't told anyone because I don't want anyone to feel bad or pity for me with everything going on with my life. i don't really feel alone I just don't know how to move forwards with all this. this health shit caught me by surpsied and I have to wait to see how I can move forwards with my life. i don't like it but I have to wait to see what they say. i don't really know why I'm typing this all out. I'm not seeking for pity, sympathy or anything like that. its just laying heavy on my mind (no pun intended lmao) I'm still smiling cracking jokes remaining calm and overall still myself. I'm glad no one seems to noticed about my health so far, because both of my friends and mom cant stop worrying about me. i guess that's life for now. only time can tell. (I'm sorry for any errors my MacBook is laggy while I'm typing this)

im into my second month of university, my girlfriend has just broken up with, i miss my friends from home and its all starting to hit me now, im upset, distraught, all i can think about is if things get better, i dont know know wheather it will, all i can do is hope for the future, but right now its hurting, ive felt hurt like this before but this time i dont know how it will turn out, me and my girlfreind had only been together for mayebe 3 months, but it hurts more than anything ever before, mayebe it was because i had only just gotten over a girl that i had loved before but now im again broken inside i was beginning to to love this girl more than anything and now i dont know what to do i dont want to think about anything i just want to back with her.

I see a lot of people showing who they actually are rather than sugarcoating anything, a RUclips comment could never encapsulate the life of a person but it could get the jist of it. So here’s my attempt of doing the same, being vulnerable isn’t one of my strong points but oh boy here we go. Let’s start with issues, I have some addictions that I know I can probably eliminate with continued effort. I know there’s a lot of things in my life that aren’t the way I would like them to be and it’s bad to the point where I feel I have no control. Of course, I took action on controlling this one short life of mine but I always failed, a lack of discipline for your own self, to nurture and take care of myself has killed many parts of me. Im lonely, graduated high school not too long ago with ZERO fiends to my name, I watch anime to distract myself from a lack of intimacy (from friends and family) as I’ve grown distant from everyone, only trusting my own wicked self and the father in heaven who sees it all. But guess what, im not consistent with god too, I skip reading my bible and prayer but do come back to it. It’s probably the only thing I’ve dedicated myself to for so long (six months now) which is phenomenal, really. Anyways, point is I want success from this partially ruined life of mine. And by success I mean the ability of love myself, being loved by the people around me and having a peaceful life in Switzerland i guess? I don’t like socialising and being even slightly vulnerable makes me sick. All in all, im trying to get myself together, little by little that is. I know this life is going to be excruciating and I probably won’t find the intimacy I’m looking for but hey it doesn’t hurt to try now does it? To anyone reading this comment, god bless you. Work your butt off to earn self respect, believe in the plan of god and keep moving forward. If calamity strikes, adapt. (Jjk pun intended) (I cope with humour btw 😅) That’s really it, have a good life and be sure to have a wonderful day :D

No tengo miedo a lo que venga. Más miedo me da seguir siendo el mismo de ahora. Nada cambiará si yo no cambio, ningún resultado será distinto si sigo dando los mismos pasos, ningún destino será nuevo si sigo dando vueltas en circulo y para que pensar si las heridas sanarán si sigo cayendo en el mismo lugar y de la misma manera.

I found this song earlier this year when going through a very tough time. Was with an amazing girl who was my everything. I let her go because I was unsure of who I was. Unsure of my purpose. Almost a year has passed. I think of her every day. But I’ve also found myself and my purpose through the process. Spent 8 weeks solo backpacking through Asia. I’d listen to this song as I’d write in my leather bound journal in the most beautiful scenes across SE Asia. Trying to figure it all out. And I did. Pain is the most incredible part of the human experience. Maybe I will be with her one day again, maybe not. What I do know is, I wouldn’t trade anything for the pain I had to go through to be the person I am now. My father in heaven works in ways that I will never understand, but I see the wisdom in what He’s allowed me to go through. To have the profound effect on me that it did. Although there is still much in this life I do not understand, one thing I know is… the darkest parts of life are what make the brightest parts shine like I’ve never seen before. Even the most mundane things I’ve grown to cherish.

I dont know if anyone will see this but i came to the realization that i will be alone most of my life. Im 18 and i never had a real friend because I've been bullied for so long that now im just a hollow version of who i used to be. It's crazy how life is. I used to be such a creative person, but life is poetic in that way. I have no real personality and im mentally unwell and unable to express myself anymore. Im also struggling with many addictions and im always disassociating around people. My dad never really understands me and im scared of getting older. And being homeless really effected me for years being around bad influences, and never having a real conversation wilth anyone and i know im always in my head, but this video is the one thing that calms my mind. I know i am mentally unwell and my mother is deteriorating but i feel I should give up, but right now, im trying to forget all the mental abuse and spending hours at a time just staring at the woods. I just wish i had the same experience in life that my classmates did. Sometimes I can't sleep. All the horrible things I said to people because my mind wasn't at ease. And all the people who took advantage of me. Always smoking and running from home And the anger that pushed everyone away from me. And i feel that being born this way I will never fit in. I will always be seen as the weird guy. I wonder if my younger self would be dissapointed of who I've become.

16.11.24

I’m 28 and have just moved out with my girlfriend for the first time, our relationship isnt the best and at times can get violent on her side, but I do love her. I grew up with a deaf mother, who taught me to love, and indirectly taught me to care for someone who needs it and appreciate the gift that is my ability. The rent on this place is more than I can afford but I did it mainly for her, I also have a huge amount of debt because of my habit of spending too much. I have investments I believe will pay off but I’m struggling to not take money out so I can pay for furniture that she and I want… In the back of my head I feel like I’m ready to be a father, but financially and in terms of my relationship, foundationally I am not. I also stopped smoking weed and gambling all year because it wasn’t good for me, and I’ve been struggling with a porn addiction, but the one thing I am doing… is getting closer to Christ and closer to god. I feel it in my heart. I know because of this, my destiny is going to be good.

I’m 28 and have just moved out with my girlfriend for the first time, our relationship isnt the best and at times can get violent on her side, but I do love her. I grew up with a deaf mother, who taught me to love, and indirectly taught me to care for someone who needs it and appreciate the gift that is my ability. The rent on this place is more than I can afford but I did it mainly for her, I also have a huge amount of debt because of my habit of spending too much. I have investments I believe will pay off but I’m struggling to not take money out so I can pay for furniture that she and I want… In the back of my head I feel like I’m ready to be a father, but financially and in terms of my relationship, foundationally I am not. I also stopped smoking weed and gambling all year because it wasn’t good for me, and I’ve been struggling with a porn addiction, but the one thing I am doing… is getting closer to Christ and closer to god. I feel it in my heart. I know because of this, my destiny is going to be good.

I’m 28 and have just moved out with my girlfriend for the first time, our relationship ain’t the best and at times can get violent, the rent on this place is more than I can afford but I did it mainly for her, I also have a huge amount of debt because of my habit of spending too much. I have investments I believe will pay off but I’m struggling to not take money out so I can pay for furniture that she and I want… I stopped smoking weed and gambling all year because it wasn’t good for me, and I’ve been struggling with a porn addiction, but the one thing I am doing… is getting closer to Christ and closer to god. I feel it in my heart.

Looking back, everything feels blurry. I remember sitting next to my dying father, not knowing how many days, or even hours, he might have left. Realizing now that he passed away that same day, holding my hand, fills me with the wish I had spent more time with him. Driving back from the hospital at 7 a.m., the emptiness was overwhelming, knowing no hug will ever be shared again, knowing I will never see my father again. Half a year later, this song came back to me, unearthing the memory of that day, and the realization that I lost this beloved person forever. All my strength to everyone who has lost someone dear to them. You are not alone in this.

It’s currently 4:54 am November 15 2024 first time hearing this I don’t really know what to say a lot of memories just start coming back good ones and bad ones it makes me wonder what is the next step in my life and I zone out I just I hope I progressed and see this comment next time I come back

When your truck loses traction on the ice, take your foot off the gas

16th of november, 2024. I'm lying beside the boy I've accidentally grown to love. He's sleeping soundly. It was not meant to be like this. He just wanted something over the summer, and I wanted to prove I was still lovable. But I think we both, somewhere in the middle realised we were doomed. He told me he was falling in love with me, but that he was not looking for a relationship, that maybe we will meet again someday and try again. He is quite broken, with pointy edges that have cut me a few times. I just wish I could use all the love bottled up within me to glue him together. Put all his beautiful pieces together in a mural i would love endlessly. I hope he knows how much I could love him, although his sharp edges and hard shell. I know he's soft, he's shown me. He told me yesterday he's moving away in 2 weeks, and I don't know if I'll ever see him again. But even if I don't, I just hope he will be happy. Even if it breaks me, I would much rather see him live a life he has grown to love from afar, than to be beside him still broken. Before yestersay, we hadn't talked in over a month. You disappeared one day and I was left wondering if it all had been a fever dream. But then you reached out, and I threw myself back, even if I knew it would probably hurt. But I can't help it. You're the only thing I've been thinking of since may. I've tried so many times to let you go, but I'm not sure I can. And maybe thats okay. It will have to be okay. Please take care, I'm here if you ever need me.

know now, again I heard a wall clock clicking somewhere,,,,,😊so, how many seconds did that bather nap b4 awakening , 😊

She has been in my head this whole time after i screwed up everything, after reading a lot of these comments i realized that my situation aint the worst . Seeing all the positive energy here i am devoted to making myself a better person and cherish life in every way i can; spending time with parents and friends. From this day onwards I am a new person and I will not back down no matter the situation I will make myself a person people can enjoy their time with and someone they are proud of. I will come back here and reply to this comment every year on what is happening with my life to track everything. To everyone who is reading this, I wish you all the best and I will support you no matter the situation. DONT LOSE HOPE AND STAY STRONG !!!

that feeling when kneesurgery is tomorrow

I miss my older brother, i look up on him more than i admire anything on this earth, he's married now, the painful part of when your older siblings getting married is we're not their closest family member anymore, but their spouse and their child, we lost touch, i miss him so much to the point i cried sometimes, his legacy of music, games, movies, everything about him is revolves around me now, i just yearn the feeling of being a little brother that curious of what his older brother is up to.. i will always love him, as much as i love his son, would take a bullet for his kid..