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this is a perfect playlist, I just had a failed attempt last night and only one person cared

Too bad there's no going back...

I have been dieting and now I just feel like my whole life revolves around dieting or starving and oh wow today my mom gave me food she made and I just couldn’t eat it I just stared at it thinking this has so much calories i should not eat it and I really want to change but it feels impossible to eat again like a normal person

i just got a lifeline ad?

my parents divorced.my families from both side hate us.im struggling on my studies.i can't focus.im no one's favourite.im ugly.flat nose,body hair,tan skin,poor.

the playlist link for spotify doesn’t work 💔

*TW: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, ATTEMPTED SH, BULLYING, DEATH THREATS* It all started a few years ago. It seemed everyone turned against me, and started eating me from the inside out. Like everything was against me. People started to bully me. Like with SLURS and CUSSING ME OUT. I eventually became friends with someone. They ended up being really bossy and manipulative, everything circling back to them. “I have problems!” So do I. That’s not an excuse. Back to what I was talking about, ahem. So I was getting bullied, and I started to rebel back. They ended up having an “excuse.” I was being disrespectful first. No I wasn’t, you were just being rude because I was a good target, I have AUDHD and anxiety, and I was “weird” and gay. Eventually, it became so bad my whole school knows me in a negative light. I was only rebelling back since I was scared to get hurt again. I started to get sent to the office more as I started to physically hurt others since I wasn’t able to talk to someone. I became friends with someone who I didn’t know was an anti-furry. I told them I was a furry, and they completely avoided contact with me, and bullied me even WORSE. Now, this year, I awakened as a therian. I did quads a lot. And now others are SAYING ACTUAL DEATH THREATS. Before this I was very suicidal, as I had lost it all. Now I stole a razor blade from my grandparents house. I attempted, but it was too hard. I now sit in my room and think I should kill myself. That I need a slow painful death. People avoid and isolate me away from the group. The only person who cared. CARED. Past tense, was my ex. Then when we broke up, that bitch told our school psychologist. I lied through it as I didn’t want to get sent to a mental asylum. Then… I finally seeked help. I found my current GF, who now is a delight and will let me cry in her arms. Though, I may make an edit of this comment and continuing and talking about my trauma that just fuels it, and my hypersexuality. Ty to those who went out of their way to read this the whole way through ♡ And I love you, my current GF.

Hey, you.. Yeah, you. Use this comment to say something to your younger self. I'll start: "I'm sorry.... For everything."

hah, mood.

Time stamps plss😢

TW: SELF-HARM AND SUICIDE so basically i have scars on my thighs and my dad yoused to burn me with his ciggerets and i wanted to kill myself a few days ago and i tried it with salt last night and it didnt work but if anyoe is struggling know your not alone .<3

Anyone else feeling like they are overreacting and that their pain/trauma is not hurtful enough to be sad abt?

Hide them hide them hide them HIDE THEM.. ... Oh no.. She saw them

We don’t talk about the box next to me. With the blades in it. The one I hide. The one I can’t get rid of “just in case” even though I’ve been clean for a long time. I’m scared I’ll relapse but I might have to. I need it. I miss my ex. I miss the feeling of being able to cry so I can let it out. I want to leave. I want to get out of this world. I still have the noose I tied. I still have that stale look on my face. And those heavy bags. I can’t breathe. I miss him. I miss myself. My life has been a shit show since the beginning

I fucked up again....I was a month clean I was finally getting better but in reality I wasn't better I was just distracted but the moment everything gets quiet and I can't stay busy the thoughts just come back the ones that say that everything is my fault and my responsibility the ones that tell me that I have to protect and take care of everyone I've ever met I haven't slept in 3 days because I'm not tired enough to sleep but don't have enough energy to do anything so it's just a cycle of guilt and I have to be reminded to eat and even when I stop talking and stop eating no one notices so I feel like no one would care if I disappeared and so now I'm over sharing on the Internet So ummm....I'm fine

You know it's bad when you won't talk to anyone about it

Yk that feeling when you cry so much you forget how to cry or you just stare into nothingness wanting to cry but cant 👇💔

I tell my parents about what has been bothering me since I was 8 years old, but they don’t understand. They still think it will pass. Anxiety and aggression towards everything around me eats me up.

South Korea Suicide Hotline: 109

I just took a hot/what felt like a boiling shower. I dont know what to do. Im losing contrl and im disregarding my grades. All my friends suck except for a few and sometimes i dont even think they like me. Do i deserve them? Does my mom care? Is disappearing easy? Maybe i dhould run away, but i tried once and it didnt work. Maybe im acting. My nails shouldnt be weapons against my arms, right? If i scratch myself over nsd over as if I'm itchy they wont know im doing it to hurt, right? I dont like this. I dont wsnna be like this.

Funny i tried curing myself by facing it all slowly i tried to open up to them told my mom about my depression she just said it's because i ĺike to be alone and i shouldn't be depress i just shut my mouth and smile i know if i tried to explaine or say something we would just argue i hate being the eldest and being a woman i just wanna lock myself up in my room i feel more safe in the dark

It's weird that people sometimes make fun of me for carrying a small fluffy bunny toy... I don't understand why are they making fun of me for having that but apparently I'm too old for it (I'm 14) yet that's the only thing that makes me feel less scared of all the people in this place and helps me with my anxiety. I'm scared that someone in my school might try to destroy it :( I really love that bunny so I'm scared of someone destroying it :/ (sorry for wasting your time with my little stupid vent but I just felt like telling someone. I know it's stupid and sorry for wasting your time) and have a great day/night ^^

*Me getting more dinner than usual because I haven’t eaten all day after a super packed schedule.* Uncle: “You’re really gonna eat that much? Gaining weight, ain’t cha?” **Nevermind. I’m not hungry anymore.**

I’m 13. I have a rich family. My parents own over 2million dollars worth of houses. I’m known as the rich kid in my school. People either use me for my money or make fun of me. My school is mostly kids that live in hotels or small (i mean like really small) houses. I dont have any real friends and all i want is my crush to like me back. I told her i liked her back in September she didnt like me back and now she’s dating a guy that is a jerk to everyone behind her back. But whenever he’s around her he acts perfect. He looks nice, but he gets detentions every week and threw a chair at a girl last year. Two nights ago my crush texted me and said hi and i lost it. I told her her boyfriend is a b*tch and we got in a fight. We dont talk at school and barely every text each other. Next week we have to go on a field trip and we where put into groups of 20 and i have the same group as her. I cry every night about this and i just dont know what to do. I just want to die. But I’m to scared to do it. I just need someone who actually cares about me and not just someone who uses me for my money. F*ck life. Blaring this playlists every day. Life is stupid. Society is stupid. F*ck life, f*ck society. We are all f*cked up. I’m tire of this bs . So always remember money doesn’t buy happiness. I learned the lesson the hard way.

They don't understand what we go throw but they assume that we and safe and happy but we feel that no matter what we do,it will never be enough for them

I don’t know if someone will see this comment but I really need to let it out. My name is River, and I’ve been diagnosed with anorexia for soon 3 years. My relation with food always been a problem…as a kid, my mother were negligent me and my bros, so I use food for fill up the loneliness and the pain. My mother never likes me and sage starts saying how ugly I was, how obese I was, how I disgusted her. One day, I look at myself in the miroir and I decided to weight myself and I was at 97,7kg…for a 13 years old, 5"3. I decided to change it, so I started moving more, reducing my meals, calories intake. My mom starts to notice it and she was proud of me. For the first time she was proud so I kept doing it. I finish 4 months later, February 2022, at the hospital, with a heart rate under 40/min. My mom completely denied all the comments she had made on my body, food, etc. The 27April2022, I’ve tried to kms. I failed and they decided to hospitalized me because I had lost 45kg in 6 months. I past 2months there before get out. I was 14 years old, and I understand that I had to get out of here fastly for get out and lose weight again. When I exit, I relapsed and I was close to return there but then, I met my partner❤️ she made me feel comfortable, understood, like no one did before! So I stopped counting my calories, doing excessive sport, all my bad habit. But for some reasons(that I will not name here) I had a big ass relapsed. I’ce lost more weight than my last hospitalization and I’ve been forcing to be admitted at the hospital…. This hospitalization was the most painful… 1 December 2023 I didn’t want to be saved and just keep loosing weight. I was refusing to eat anything. So they put a force-feed in my nose… 6 December 2023, my 16 birthday This fucking thing made me cried so much…I was so scared to gain weight and my body was so malnutrition that just a small bit and I was full. But the nurses and the doctor didn’t care…. They put the force-feed on, 365ml of high calories liquid food in 15minutes. I couldn’t breathe, I was crying, begging to stop it just two minutes for just breathe…they refused…just watching me and telling me to relax…I throw up many times. But it didn’t stopped them…they continue, adding more, again, again, and again….every time I was crying and they were looking like me like a bag of shit…so pass my 16 birthday, Christmas and the 2024 New Years in there. Crying….lonely, because I was not allowed to go outside, see my friends, my partner, my parents. (I hadn’t access to anything…no phone, no books, no games, no card, just a white paper and a pen) I get out of there early before since my viral sign were stable, there was nothing to obligate me to stay there. So I said fuck off and I get out of there. Since I’m out, 4 January 2024, im making night mares of this fucking stupid place. This was so painful…I was just there crying. Throwing up. I didn’t asked for that…I don’t do this for fun…but I am treat like a fucking trash… I know that were I was, I could had die because of how much I was malnutrition…but I didn’t deserve to feel like that…

What goes on in my life✌️😭 1: SH 2: Suicide thoughts 3: Not eating enough/eating too much 4: Divorced parents fighting 5: Abusive mother (Not major) 6:fake friends 7: Struggling with homework 8:ADHD 9:lied to ALL THE TIME 10: Sleeping alot/no sleep 11:Ear/head pains 12: Insecure Abt my height 13: talked about my height 14: Middle child 15: Moving house 16: moving schools YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!❤

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Whoever sees this ur funny ngl but honestly I just feel like my life is meaningless again. I dont know why I'm acting like this but I am and I have people who I can talk but why do I hurt myself? I don't enjoy the cuts nor wish people to see it but I just feel alone. Idk what is up with me.

I'm so tired i lost my childhood thenmy teen hood I'm a adult and just wanna be a kid again not have all this stress and worries all i miss everyone i lost so many people i loved are gone all the issues i have has cused life to be like 10 times hard it feels like I'm stuck in a loop it feels like wake up go to work come home sleep repeat i wish it would change i wanna be doing more having excitement

I realapsed today and I feel so guilty

! TW VENT ! hi,im a 11 year old girl. Ive always been overweight since 3+years old, people always say things like " fatty" "monster!" "Pig" "what is that on your stomach" " lose weight" "ew elephant". I was already so devastated,until at age of 9 i started to develop some acne on my face. People will always say things like: "what happened to your face?" "Tomato face" "you're disgusting" "you're ugly" "your fat and have acne, ewww" "you're not pretty". And it made me feel more stressed, even my family members and even strangers always point out how overweight i am or my acne. Once,at fourth grade i had a crush, he's actually a good looking guy , i did everything in my power to try to be nice to him,care for him,help him,etc and he only see me as a friend of his. He had a crush on this beautiful,skinny, popular,petite girl, clear skin, and my heart shatters to a millions of pieces after knowing that,what makes it worst is that girl is actually one of my friend. I kept comparing my self to her,straved my self,and be the most insecure girl in my class. I cry,and cry,and cried, I even cry myself to sleep until i fainted because im tired of crying. And, at 5th grade i started to use social media more and i saw girls with tiny waist, big boobs,big butt, big hips,small arms, perfect face, a lot of guys telling her how beautiful she is,and when a very attractive girl lipsync to a random audio and have hundreds of thousands likes, millions of views, people tell her how beautiful she is,etc. that makes me feel extremely insecure,sad, self conscious of myself to the point i started to starve myself, overtraining, and also being hard on myself. And after knowing that pretty privilege exist,it makes me feel much worst, lots of people kept telling me how pretty and Gorgeous i am but it will only last for a few hours, but 1 negative comment about myself last a lifetime. few people told me that im average looking and it changed my point of view about myself. I became 100x more self conscious, obsessed of being extremely attractive,demanded my mom to buy me skincare,corset,slimming tea,eyelash serum,etc. people always invalidate my feelings and saying things like "suck it up" "its not that deep" "i dont care" "its not my problem" "who asked" "shut the fuck up" "nobody is talking to you" "and?" "Nobody cares" when i vent to them,they clearly don't get it because they've never been bullied or maybe they are attractive. Im obsessed of having 19 inch waist and kept starving myself more. And now looksmaxxing community or psl community exists,makes me even feel much worse than i already am, i kept trying find a way how to have smaller nose,bigger eyes,bigger lips, thinner face, have 19 inch waist, have bigger boobs,bigger butt and hips,etc. people at those communities are shallow in my opinion,all they do is rate people like 0/10 1/10 2/10 3/10 4/10 5/10 without permission and always put down average or unattractive people and hates average and unattractive people. I appreciate you guys listening to my vent,thank you <3

im 11 months clean from sh today, im getting breakfast with my mom before school<3

im 11 months clean from sh today, im getting breakfast with my mom before school<3

"you're doing it again." "doing what? im just eating." "you're not chewing.just chew your food, it's easy." "oh,yeah.i didn't notice that's all." **it's hard.eating's hard** "great! anyway why are you eating so much? it's almost midnight but you're eating." "what..." **but i haven't eaten at all today. . .** "you should eat less." "yea i guess right,i'll try." **is this not normal...?**

Is it just me or like when ever you are sad or crying or about to cry but then you get really mad or just angry at your self for being sad?

Has anyone ever felt left out like your friends best friends would not include you in anything because that could be me sometimes

My Ex-Bff chocked me at school and the school didnt do anything.

I’m sorry but why am I so different why am I a disappointing person why do I have to be fat why do I have to be insecure why do I have to be alive why do I feel like this I can’t I need to let it out I have to but it’s hard it makes it makes it worse my mum is depressed cuz my dad is gone and I don’t get any peace I have an older brother who I can’t relate to I hate my life hate it I’ve tried so hard to forget forgive love myself why does it not work?why?am I just different venting to my mum makes it worse I hate it.

All the things she said: drowning in a ocean that represents your own tears slowly making your mental health worse and also your emotional stability. *Why do you wanna do it?* "Its a pain, i wanna get out of this. And YOU DON'T HELP!" Snapping at a abuser can be verbally or physically. *Everyone can be a victim or a abuser.* "I lost it." -Children. "And you're not gonna get it back." -Most parents.

I have three siblings and it’s just hectic- the oldest one is a compulsive liar who causes problems, my sister is autistic and needs a lot of attention, and my little brother is autistic as well… along with a few other things… I feel completely forgotten because my parents refer to me as “the child who doesn’t cause any problems” in the living room my seat is behind the sofa and they often forget I’m around there… I feel completely forgotten and stuck.. I started sh as a way to stop the rapidly increasing storm of negative thoughts and ideas spiralling and swirling through my head and my mental health rapidly decreased. I stopped eating and sh constantly, never deep enough to cause bleeding but enough to hurt for a few days. My parents didn’t notice any of it, and only noticed the barely eating after over a month. That not eating started because my mum made the comment of “she’s probably stuffed. That’s the most she’s eaten in weeks” on Christmas Day after we’d all finished eating and had the dessert. I felt stuck and wanted to throw it up at that point but the sh started before then. Because I felt like a burden and I felt like my parents didn’t care for me. I vented to my partner who ended up getting so worried that I might end up dead, to the point that they went to the lead pastoral care teacher in my school and told them that they had concerns about my mental health. My parents didn’t notice until my mum got that phone call.. I got made to sit in the car with my parents for 45 minutes to try and explain what was going on but they got no valid answer out of me because I wasn’t going to say that it was their fault. I don’t remember any of the conversation except my mums specific words that broke me. “Do you remember when (insert sisters name) tried to end her life? How did you feel then?” I cried and had a mental breakdown and a panic attack think back to the time when I thought my sister was going to die. I felt like I could have done something to stop her from doing that and so I started sh again because my mother brought those images back into my head. I got dragged to the gp the next day and explained the whole thing to him. He said there might be an underlying eating disorder and definitely clear signs of depression and suicidal thoughts, but he couldn’t diagnose me, he referred me to a counselling thing and I’m now in counselling. The first meeting with my counsellor my mum talked about how sh*t my mental health is briefly and switched to talking about my siblings disabilities and mental health. The counsellor suggested I get referred to get tested for autism and she believes I have depression but can’t refer me unless she feels like I’m at risk of hurting myself or others. I get bullied in school because I’m not normal. I have gender issues and most of the time hate the fact thst im stuck in a female body. I tried a binder to help and it did help but my parents found out I was wearing it and made me take it off infront of them. I never got it back and my sibling won’t buy me another one. I can only rely on baggy hoodies and I’m not allowed to wear them in the school building because it’s not uniform. I get stuck with a sh*tty blazer and skirt and I feel deeply uncomfortable in it. I’ve somehow managed to go down more than three skirt sizes in a few weeks. And I still feel awful about myself. I don’t get recognised in school or at home and I don’t feel okay at home. I feel trapped in a box because my parents don’t allow me to sit in my room during the day, which means I can’t join group calls with my friends or partner. I can’t be out for very long and if I go out I have to tell them where I’m going and they tell me when I’m meant to be back. I feel so trapped and I feel like I just die at any point and no one would notice. Especially not my parents. I have two people I trust and I feel like those two people are the only people that would notice my disappearance…. My brother hated me and often wished for me to disappear, and tells me he wants a different sister. I feel in no way loved and I can’t express that to them because I get a response of “we love you all equally” but they pick my siblings over me because they are all on medication and need more attention. I did nothing for my 16th birthday. And I’ve decided to stay on for a levels so that I don’t have to sit in the house all day with them. To get away from their torturous comments and “jokes” that take my insecurities levels to a whole new high and make me feel worthless…8 genuinely don’t know how to get out or stop with any or this. I don’t know how to not sh to stop the storm in my head and I don’t know how to properly speak my mind. And it’s hard. It’s really really hard and i hate it so so much. I hate myself soo so much

I just have friends who ignore me and make me over think about myself and it makes it better listening to something to just make myself feel better and ok

I want to KMS so badly that I'm blasting this on my headphones while hiding in a shoe closet to protect myself :']

Its my brother's birthday today and im supposed to be happy for him but I can't feel anything anymore I just want to make it all stop but I don't want to hurt my family But I don't think i will last long enough to see my birthday

Basics in Behavior came on and I've never been so shocked.

I have so much self hatred for myself I know I will never be able to tell anyone. No matter how kind, caring or patient a person is, everyone can only listen for so long, nobody wants to listen to sob stories. It hurts knowing I will never meet someone who will truly listen. I don't even try anymore. I have nothing to offer anyone. I feel like I've totally lost in life. Ive never had any friends, or a girlfriend, no job, car or any accomplishments whatsoever, never had anyone to comfort me or hold me. But that's all my own fault, I pushed everyone away and hid myself behind a tough exterior. I'm terrified of opening up to anyone. I have a home, food and a family yet I can't do even basic tasks. I dug myself into a hole and now I whine that I can't climb out. I'm 23 and I don't think I'll be around much longer. I'm just a burden on everyone, I'm objectively worthless and I'll die alone

Sometimes I wish the drugs would just get the job done. Lol stay alive though /-|

I sometimes feel like no matter what I do ill always be a fuck up ... and so much shit I can't say bc no one cares its driving me insane

When will I be enough, for you, and the standards you have gave me, I forced it into myself to the point that I cannot even reach anything in my life. It feels fake and plastic, everything. Smiles, friends, families, even life doesn't feel real anymore. It's always the "good job" or "nice" Those felt fake, like knifes stabbing into my body. Feels like insults are just words Blaming everything on myself Lead to catastrophe to my life collapsing My school performances are down, so is my health and social status. Everyone at school might hate me, parents ignoring, but I know, that there's someone out there, just like me.. Ps. i'm trying to heal myself for the last year, the last time commented here is 10 Months ago, which barely nothing improved.

Vent /TW/ I want to be a kid again; I just want to never have known anything that I do. I’m still young but I wish I never stumbled across adult content at the sheer age of 9. Now, many years later, I’m hypersexual. I have gotten myself into situations that are unforgettable. I wish I never made friends with that one girl. She was terrible to me. I was so blind that she convinced me to try S,H in the sixth grade. Now, Im older now and can’t resist the urges. The hypersexuality leads to guilt, then anger, sadness, mood swings, then I need a way to cope. Wich is when I sh. I had a good run for about 2 months but I relapsed. I don’t want to live but I can’t bring myself to kill myself. I don’t know what to do. My mother said I’m never allowed to text a hotline, and if I do I’ll get all of my devices taken away. I have no privacy; she and my father always go through my devices. Im never allowed to close my door. My parents have mood swings at me where even a few days ago my dad told me he was “going to slap the shit out of me” because I stightly raised my voice because I was sobbing and going through something that someone did to me. Then he was comforting and treating me like a kid again. But he did so like he didn’t just threaten me 2 SECONDS AGO. I hate my family. They fight every day. Now, my parents separated rooms because they don’t like eachother.