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Interesting observation!!

@@natashawilson1687 I’m delighted to hear that Natasha!

@@roxanneruiz9261 precisely Roxanne. Jealousy is poor rational!

I wouldn't mind going back to him and trying the open relationship but I think there needs to be reassurance in their connection that my ex needs to address to his gf In order for me to go into the relationship.

@@roxanneruiz9261 that’s considerate of you and true!

@@vivoluos6541 there is no suppression here vivoluos nor any crying ;)

That's an interesting perspective user fq4wm!

It’s an easy fix pizzahutbaby! Simply lay it out at the beginning that the relationship you’re interested in is one without jealousy and without ownership. An open relationship!

Isn’t it!

In the context of a loving relationship (that is, a relationship presumed to be based on your love for another), monogamy does fail quite demonstrably; 50% first marriages ending in divorce and 70% of second marriages ending in divorce. There is no context or data, Johnny, that has any credible depiction of open relationships being dissatisfactory.

Unethical by nature? You’ve come up with a wonderful oxymoron! Nature (biology) has nothing to do with ethics. In fact, biology occurs regardless of ethics! Very important you’re clear that societal expectations and biology can be often radically different. Your saying that because someone doesn’t have a relationship with one person means they’re unable to love is blasphemy and incredibly uninsightful. In fact, the opposite is glaringly true! If you can manage a romantic and sexual relationship with more than one, clearly indicates you certainly appreciate love and facilitating happiness with people!

I think we can agree to disagree. Personally I have never seen people in a happy open relationship. My father wanted an open relationship when he was married to my mother and it destroyed my family and left nothing but pain. I know for myself I want to love one woman and let her know that she is cherished above any other. I think that is something special and beautiful

@@JohnnyWalkerBlack142 yes, this is why anecdotes can never be considered as evidence because they’re individually circumstantial. There could be a million reasons any one who wants an open relationship could have it go awry. Fundamentally, you can demonstrate to any one and any number of people at the same time you love and care and cherish them without limiting yourself or them for a lifetime.

Thanks for bringing that up Ian. Those are great questions! To resolve this for you, I'll clarify some mistaken beliefs that's causing a lot of inappropriate pain ;) Firstly, you don't want an equal relationship. There can't be any. Each individual has their own strengths and weaknesses and those bring with them individual opportunities. (e.g. a woman may be incredibly beautiful and partnered with a man with so-so looks and high IQ and THAT may get him more opportunities with ladies than her looks with men. Savvy?) The important part is facilitating each other's happiness and becoming a supportive addition to their life rather than a hindrance that jealousy or envy brings. Become clear with what jealousy and envy is and you can resolve this for yourself. Jealousy is the fear of loss + the rage you get from that. Envy is the pain you feel wanting what another has. You don't want parity in a relationship. You want to resolve the pain you have when you feel fear of loss and rage (jealousy) or pain from wanting what others have (envy). As you see - this is entirely a personal development endeavor, which if you fix it, results in better relationships management.

@@openrelationships Thank you. Instincively I feel if I get enough exposure to the pain, it will lessen over time, and it's grip on me will weaken. I'm struggling around the zone of open relationships and polyamory. I develop attachment easily. I want to stop doing that, because the attachment causes the fear and pain of possible loss. I want to love, but without holding on. But these are just words in my head at this point, and despite five decades alive and all of that time as a reflective and thinking animal, I have no idea how to resolve what feels like an emotional thicket of concepts, memories and feelings inside of me. Daily I want to flee the loose open relationship I'm in, with a girl I really love but who eschews all commitment and is largely emotionally unavailable, and who has no end of offers from men, and who pursues actively the ones she finds cute. I meanwhile have the beginnings of other stories and possible play partners, but the freedom that feels fine for me doesn't negate the negative feelings, and yes, jealousy and envy, I feel about her. And I hate myself for this hypocrisy. Compersion. I want to get there, but it's more difficult in actual practice than it feels in the abstract. A voice in my head tells me to run back to monogamy. But I don't align with it intellectually and I know the greater strength is in polyamory, if you can make it. I feel I need months in the desert to work all this through. And I'm not even sure I would reach a breakthrough if I did. I know all of this needs inner work. But my mind is a absolute fortress that I cannot crack. How and why is a long story. The outcome in my day to day life as I struggle with these feelings is depression. I have this anyway, so adding to it is not great. I also don't believe in myyself. I don't believe I can overcome anything. Yet I hang onto a thread, over the abyss of monotonous monogamy, if even I could find that with someone I want and who wants me.

​@@IanRobertDouglas Thanks for sharing all of that Ian! Let's make it simple, because it is - even if you don't feel that way at the moment. I'd like you to eschew historical data. In other words, allow yourself to be here and now. Honor your past experiences, sure. But in the whole, they're mostly either unuseful or detrimental. Getting over them is simple. It's recognizing they don't exist. They merely exist - and only exist - in the meaty part inside your cranium. That's step one: recognizing and appreciating that. Step 2: is reorienting your thinking about relationships. Most people do not have feel painful jealousy or envy with their best friend. But they do it with the person they're romantically and sexually attracted to. The reason they do is because they conjoin what they believe is "love" with possession. Go back to the fundaments of love. If you need to alter the name of your relationship from "lovers" to "best friends" so it helps you reorient your thinking about love, then do so. Ultimately, words have no meaning. We simply use words to communicate concepts with others. It also allows you, if you let it, orient concepts in your mind if you use it in that strategy. And the way you orient those concepts in your mind will eventually affect your emotional core (your feelings). So ultimately, you need to develop a "best friendship" with your lover. Forget for a minute your self-interest which is the source of your fear of loss and rage from that fear of loss (jealousy). Genuinely want what's best for them whether or not you're involved (THIS is the most important bit!)

How so?

@@openrelationships maybe because of the over use of social media. I don't know. I'm really addicted to youtube. I watch lots of news. I would call it as News addiction 😶.

Who knows? :) They do say though that 50% of first marriages end in divorce and 70% of second marriages end in divorce.

Awe amber, thank you for the question and good on you for opening your relationship. There is no actual higher form of love you can give someone than the unconditional kind - strictly wanting for their happiness, well-being and actualization! You've already figured out the correct expression of jealousy! 1. Awareness 2. Fear 3. Compersion In other words, you've come to a point in your "enlightenment" (ie., unburdening) to realize that to overcome jealousy merely requires: ---> That you're aware that jealousy is quite simply your fear of loss (and the subsequent rage you feel because of that fear of loss!). So, just like any, and all, fears, you ask yourself the question, "Is this fear reasonable?" ---> Then, you recognize the other part of the equation, that "compersion" - the genuine desire for your beloved's happiness intrinsically to your happiness - is the form of love which you want to facilitate! So you reason out, finally, in a blissful recognition... that 'jealousy' is a demonstration of your lack of love - and has more to do with personal insecurities which you have to root out! In other words, find out why you feel that fear; what in your psychology causes you to not have that secure sensation in your relationship or in yourself, root out its source, and either toss it by the wayside (because it's stupid) or make arrangements so it doesn't grow into a larger green-eyed monster! ;)

I understand your concern Charmander! This is why when considering an endeavor that has long-term repercussions like child-rearing, it's wise to consider social contracts to ensure if you're betrayed or anything happens, you'll be fine. These are things like ensuring you're in good standing/situation to be able to child-rear or have a support system, or even a legal contract.

@openrelationships most people who engage in open relationships seem lacking any self control or foresight or risk analysis or likely education and so are very unlikely to think about stuff like contracts lol 😆 😂 it's so much trouble it's easier to just say monogomus then dealing with a dozen contracts lol

@@charmander777 You can also say the same for people who opt for monogamous relationships. The difference is your solution would be to insist people obligate themselves to one another despite their biological tendencies so they imagine they'd have no options. This is actually what religion was for and what marriage was originally about.

@openrelationships once you start investing alot time resources money 💰 🤑 emotions into a relationship you're unlikely to be ok about sharing Supposed you had a 1946 mustang rare one of a kind. You restored it. You baby it. Do you want random strangers driving it 🤔 especially people you have no idea their driving ability etc. Sure if you are jay Leno you have many prized cars u won't be bothered. A wife is your most highly prized person. Though you don't own her

@openrelationships the things you suggest sounds doable but in reality for most people it is not and women especially tend to lose. You're a male and you're not going to get pregnant and there's no hpv tests for men in N.A. just saying....it's totally higher risk and dumb for women to increase their body count. Stay loyal to your man

Lol that's funny :)

chessforfree, it's the model that's flawed. That's not to say that people aren't either.

Ooooh thanks for the thoughts Stacy! Perhaps I’ll address this on a video!!

K cube 2,548 what do you think it is?

For anyone who've fear of abandonment, it's incredibly important to handle personal issue because no style or format of relationship will work with it - even monogamy. I'd begin with pointing what process your brain goes through to get you to feel that fear, recognizing its ironies, and creating a new set of beliefs (and the mental processes that produce those beliefs).

Thank you for responding! Any content on mon/poly relationships?

@@stacysmith9518 welcome!! 😊 What kind of content?

Content that address the challenges of the man choosing to be poly and the woman choosing to be monogamous. How do mono/poly relationships work. Is if fair for the mono person to date someone who wants to be poly?

@@stacysmith9518 That's a great idea for me to make a video on! Thanks for the suggestion! Let me know if you'd like an answer now, for you.

The real fix is this, have your logos and pathos be friends and allies instead of enemies. The phrase "Less Emotion, More Devotion" holds a hidden deception. Its the idea that if you have an feeling that contradicts your logical reasoning, then you ought to ignore that feeling and not rely on it. When in reality, you have to give that feeling your attention so that it can serve you instead of hinder you.

Thanks Lory! I appreciate that!!

Jedi, you CAN feel insecurities and jealousies even with those whom you presume to love unconditionally. And yes, open relationships, the one which I advocate [as opposed to your bug-infested perception] works fantastically well!

@@openrelationships Name ONE Open marriage in the last fifty years or better that you Personally know that lasted to OLD AGE DEATH of a Spouse. Not died in a fire or car accident... but that ONE SHINING Example of grandma and grandpa who fucked everybody in the Neighborhood and 2 city burrow's that made it to a 60 yr anniversary and one partner died in their sleep with no foul play.

Hamilton, to love is to value. If you love a murdering psychopath, it has more to say about you ;)

@@openrelationships maybe I am the murdering psychopath

I'm delighted that helped! Thanks Devon!

What's that?

😆 It's essential! And elegant!

I'm delighted you appreciated it!

Thanks?