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The you’re crazy part is almost worse than the betrayal

I only heard of poppers in approx. 5 years when i saw a video of a guy saying hes using to do something to himself. This guy was addicted to poppers because he said he liked using them. Drugs are not for me.

@57:40 … why are you assuming the betrayed partner is in alignment with the betraying partner? Why do most of these podcasts treat the betrayed partner like a helpless victim? Maybe the betraying partner doesn’t feel safe to talk to their betrayed partner for a valid reason. I’m not downplaying or blaming … i’m asking a real question … why don’t therapists address the responsibility of BOTH partners?

@43:20 “who is this person learning to connect with, other people” I love this!

@43:20 “who is the person learning to connect with other people” I love this!

Excellent topic! Thank you.

People arnt their behavior, ok then wouldn't that mean that if they cheat then their not a cheater, or if they lie then their not a liar? of course not, if they cheat they ARE a cheater, they ARE a liar. thoughts create feelings, feelings create motivation, motivation create actions, actions create reality. you most deffently are what you do. if someone is watching barely legal, but hadn't acted on it, its because they are afraid of the legal consequences. if they could do it, get away with it then they would do it. People that hire pro*titutes, are indeed a form of offender, they are proticapating in an illegal activity unless they are in Nevada, which is still a violation to the body and the rights of their partner. if any action someone takes causes harm, supports or encourages harm to another person, it may not be legally offending but it's its still an offense.

Thank you, Jon!! And Seeking Integrity!🙏🏻

This we really never learn or know about and with internet porn so common and easy accesible on the internet its alarming because especially with addiction its really self-deceiving If porn comes up in a conversation i will mention sexual templates even if its my own family.. Ofcourse its taboo to even talk about but we need to raise awareness on this and i think to mention sexual templates and that internet porn damages our brain just that is important to know!

I always watch your webinars Kristen. You've helped me heal so much from betrayal trauma. Also your new haircut looks beautiful!

MISS SNOWDEN …..AFFAIRS AND PORN ARE DONE WILLFULLY ….THERE IS NO “ sex addiction” or “ porn addiction” …. only the mindset of the man who loves to cheat and inflict betrayal trauma and pain on their partner ….

Well... I know I'm not enmeshed. My mom has a burst pipe in the basement, I won't find out about it until Christmas and we're sitting around the dinner table talking about the year that has been. I live in Cambodia and she lives in Australia. Different lives.

Like a smoker dx with lung cancer and still smoking.

I got dumped a week before my wedding to an enmeshed man. Kind of a blessing in disguise.

BETRAYAL TRAUMA NEVER EVER GOES AWAY ….AS LOYALTY IN A RELATIONSHIP IS THE REQUIREMENT TO BE IN THE RELATIONSHIP . STAY SAFE .

ONCE BETRAYED ….THE PAINE NEVER GOES AWAY …DOES NOT MATTER OF THE “ SKILLS”….TRUST IS BROKEN FOREVER …SO THINK TWICE WHEN BETRAYING OTHERS . STAY SAFE OUT THERE .

My SA UH is definitely not growing on an emotional level. He is as evasive and avoidant as ever. As always, he sweeps any uncomfortable feelings on my part that arise from his behavior and trigger me under the rug as quickly as possible. Not a heroic story, unfortunately. When it comes to our relationship, he lives by the motto "wash me, but don't get me wet." I'm not willing to live with it anymore. He can keep his behavior, but then not me.

My SO bare found out about his ADHD. We're both struggling to manage this new relationship as it is.

Thank you all for watching and listening to this deeply personal conversation. 💜 Healing from betrayal trauma, especially when tied to addiction, is a journey, but it’s one that leads to reclaiming our true identity and finding peace. Remember, you are not defined by others’ actions, and healing starts with loving yourself and trusting in God’s purpose for you. I hope this video resonates with you and helps you on your own healing journey. Let’s continue to support one another and break free from the false beliefs that hold us back. Share your thoughts-I’d love to hear how this message speaks to you.

“ men” that betray only care for themselves and their huge EGO ……and there is “ no porn addiction“ but men’ s disgusting lustful brain …..US is full of such “ men” . …and who wants to be with a “ man” like that anyway? Response ….NO WOMAN . BETRAYAL OF ANY TYPE CREATES TRAUMA AS THE TRUST IS BROKEN …..FARTHER ….TRUSTING MEN IN GENERAL WILL BE THE NEW REALITY .

Why are you showing pictures of her instagram? Super weird.

Recognizing that what other people do, like her ex's and mom's addiction, is not a reflection of her value is a great healing step.

Danielle is HIGHLY triggering for me 😢

Yes! ❤thank you!

Even if its an addiction, (and so called "addiction" that's not in the DSM5 mind you) call it what you want, if their in a relationship then its cheating. Period. Labeling it as an addiction just gives them a reason for them to avoid accountability by excusing their already justified behavior. "i cant control myself, im an addict, the professional says so, i just need help". Really? Please. maybe if professionals start telling them that they are just making up excuses, instead of holding them accountable. The only help their getting is excusses to diminish their behavior. Try facing the fact that its because they have no morals, are entitled, and they are simply choosing to be a perverted voyeur, or a promiscuous liar who thinks its ok to sleep with other people "as long as no one knows, then they can't get hurt". They have no self discipline, no self control and no consideration of anything or anyone other than themselves. Theres no spectrum, you either have it or you don't, you do it or you don't, you have integrity or you don't. If your acting like a cheater, if your cheating , then your a cheater, its exactly who they are. What you do is who you are, if you r*pe, then your a rap*est, if you steal then your a thief, if you lie then your dishonest, period. Like i said, professionals that are so soft and "awww, hes just an addict, hes not that person, i know it hurts, but if you get upset then your just oushing them to act out again, ok" give me a f*cking break.

CHEATING ALL THE WAY THAT IS ……porn , cybersex , emotional affairs with exes , drugs , lying ….it is a CRONIC THING …SO I GAVE UP …..LOOKING TO BE SINGLE AND NO SEX WHATSOEVER FOR LIFE ….I JUST DO NOT WANT TO BE A PART OF ALL OF THIS ……PLUS I CAME FROM A DIFFERENT CULTURE . PORN WATCHING WILL NEVER BE ACCEPTABLE IN A marriage ever….or in GENERAL …casual sex it is NOT ACCEPTABLE EITHER ….I SEE THIS AS A BETRAYAL OF TRUST .25% of married men are CHEATTING is definitely NOT THE TRUE REPORTING …..THIS ENTIRE THING LEFT ME WITH A SENCE OF LOST FAIT IN HUMANITY AS A WHOLE . I WISH EVERYONE WELL .STAY SAFE OUT THERE . MEN SHOULD GO TO WATER FASTING TO STOP THIS “ disease” ….and DV IN CA IS HUGE AS WELL ….

the current marriage law in CA does not penalize the betrayer …..should be very well defined with rules put in place for different situations …..when man spends the community money on mistreses , porn , casino , alcohol , travel , or any type of “ addiction” …. People are better off living single due to the cost of everything ….and DV is big in CA as much as drugs consumption … thx for this episode …was enlightening. DISAPPOINTED TO SAY THE LEAST ON HOW I “ feel” about marriage in CA …..THE MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LAW SHOULD BE CHANGED . THERE IS NO “MODELING “ IN A FAMILY WHERE THE MAN IS A WOMANIZER ……he suppose to be LEADING IN MONOGAMY, TRUTH , FAMILY ORIENTED AND NOT JUST ON THE PAPER ONLY BUT IN REALITY ……

My mom could never think like you talk about its constantly why are you doing this to me, no one ever does anything for me. Gets angry and everything else over me pulling away.

Maybe what you say works for some but i think most of us dont have this as a possibility. People rarely change, my mom will always try to manipulate and further enmesh again no matter what boundaries areset. You cant give these people an inch.

Yes!!!!! 1000 percent of what I’m in all the time!!!

Ya know, ya know, ya know, ya know

1000th 👍 lol. My dude values the false sympathy of his mother than the love of his wife. He loves it so much he even makes things up about me to her so he can get his hand petted even more. I hate him.

Is it natural for addicts to feel like they don't particularly want to rebuild with their partner?

I very much disagree with the anti-polygraph stance. I also did a lot of research and listened to professionals on the subject before my husband's test. To say "if you have anxiety you will fail a poly" is not true AND I'm sorry but I feel like its just irresponsible to say. Talk about giving all the addicts listening a perfect excuse to give their wives as to why they shouldn't have to take one! How it works is they establish a baseline and then measure the difference while asking the questions. So if you are anxious when you come in, that will be your baseline...it wont make you fail. Polygraph with someone experienced in administering them to sex addicts is what gave my husband the ability to FULLY come clean and to finally get sober.

YOURE NOT A GOOD FATHER IF YOURE HURTING THEIR MOTHER!!! Love this!! So many women choose to stay n the children experience a depressed “lost” mother while daddy looks like the “good guy” n mommy is “just crazy” n then they grow up to think this dysfunction is OK n repeat the cycle. I’m a firm believer in the kids need just as much space and boundaries from a man like that than u do. They tend to weed themselves out or actually step up when u leave.

Kristin, I'm so thankful for the information you're putting out there. You are helping so many people, more than you know! Thank you ma'am!

I found this helpful, thank you.

My husband feels attacked and becomes defensive any time I have a problem either with a current behavior or a trigger because of his betrayal. I am asked what’s wrong and then when I try to say what it is, it’s met with blame shifting and being told how I feel and then criticized. It’s been over a year and this is still the dynamic. I don’t think he wants or cares to know what his porn has done to me. The years of lies, gaslighting and treating me like I’m crazy even in therapy. Has caused so much pain. I am tired of his bad attitude / shame cycling and lack of empathy. Will I ever be safe? He has stopped watching porn, has Ever Accountable on his device and we talk to someone twice a month for an hour. I don’t feel it’s enough and I don’t know that he truly cares enough to even want to become the healer. I feel so unloved. 😢

THIS ACTIVITY IS ONLY DONE WHEN 2 people DECIDED TO NOT CHEAT …..IF SOMEONE STRAYS EITHER THE MAN OR THE WOMEN THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN …🤷🏻‍♀️

First to like first to comment. Never have i ever! Love this episode! Good stuff in here! Juiiiiiicccccyyy! 💦

What’s Jon’s contact info?

What if the addict decides they want to recover, just not with their current partner?

ive used em to get high didnt know they were a bedroom aide, had one called goldrush it made me dizzy for a minute.

20:30 mark 🎯 🎯🎯🎯🎯

My husband was terribly neglected as a child. Physically, emotionally. And sexually abused. He is in active addiction for 4+ decades and is neglecting me just the same way that he was neglected himself. It feels like he is punishing me for everything that has ever happened to him :(

My heart breaks for the lady that is in a newly relationship and thinking of a baby. I am in a 4 year relationship with a man that is addicted. He is 50 and is slowly opening his eyes but still stuck in his addictions and is not doing the hard work after so many breakups and fights. I am still not feeling safe in this marriage. Hope is not reliable. His words are not reliable. Actions!!! Therapy!!! Nothing else is… I love so much the good side of him, I hate the addicted side of him. Be careful!!

I love listening to Rob and Tammi banter! You're both so deliberately polite and considerate of each other, and it's a wonderful role model for professionals. Brilliant conversation and analysis, thank you both for your wisdom. And thank you, Dr. Rob, for developing the concept of prodependence; absolutely necessary for betrayed partners to recover without being shamed and blamed.

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What about when a betrayed avoids getting help, but instead relies on commiserating with friends/confidantes alone, by claiming they don't need it or can't find a therapist aligned with their values?

I’m ashamed that I have to (or WANT to, or FEEL I need to) go into “investigation-mode”, over and over. 😓😐 Yet if I had NOT ever gone into this “lurking mode” in my OWN HUSBAND, I would’ve NEVER uncovered his behavior in the first place!!!? It’s a double-bind, and not a fun one. 🙁😕😔