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Powerful. Hope you're doing well. ❤❤❤

How you doing now?? ❤❤

i fucking love you jonah from 10 years ago

Our body is just a container that we move about in. Our spirit is who we are. Our brain, actions and mind is who we are. If a man has cancer and looses his male anatomy, is he a man? What if a woman has a masectomy? What is a man? What is a woman? Is a woman someone who can birth a baby, no because some women can't. What exactly is a gender? This is crazy. I think we should all just be human, no F or M. We don't need to know or let anyone know, we have such high technology what does gender have anything to do?

I’m trans-masc and have thought about stopping testosterone, but still consider myself trans masc. I am very happy I got top surgery, very happy I have a deeper voice, very happy that I have the ability to grow facial hair. However - I want to be able to talk about my physical experience as female and the good, the bad, the horrific. I also want to express the masculine parts of myself and feel like the person who I see in my head - even if I don’t see it in the mirror. I hate the mirror… body dysphoria, gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia… I feel I have all 3. I don’t think my journey is going to look exactly like yours, but thank you for saying this while still validating others 💖

You are so gifted on an intellectual and emotional level, your descriptions about the changes you observed with and without Testosterone are extremely useful to understand a lot of differences between men and women. I would be really happy to see other videos made by you, and I would like to know if you are happy now, if you feel well, if you are okay, because I saw your 3 videos and I care for you now!

It's the most deep, sensitive, intelligent and moving testimony that I ever heard, not only about the gender identity, but also as a deep reflexion on what a human soul really is ...

Endocrine system disruptors...Acne on the neck ... thyroid gland. Mast cells?

please come to Jesus in repentance before it is too late

The brain of a female cannot be male. It can of course differ from the "average", but that does not make it male. Every brain in a female body is female, every brain in a male body is male. Please do not perpetuate neurosexist stereotypes.

Thank you so much.

Personally after going on T I have been much more emotional. I think it is possible that hormones just effect people's emotions differently :) I feel like even when I'm not sad my eyes just produce water lol.

Girl ! 👧👗👒

Where u at now?

I found your videos probably a year or two ago at this point, but coming back to them I find a very different perspective in response. I'm about five months on testosterone at this point, after struggling with depression basically since the beginning of puberty. For the past five months, I've been incredibly stable and generally just content. The fabled serenity. I'm not sure if my experience is typical or atypical, but I'll share it regardless. I think what you say about feeling "stable" is about the best way of describing it - because I really do feel stable, but I haven't really experienced it in a negative sense. If anything, I almost feel more connected to my emotions now that I'm not so afraid of them overwhelming me. Within the first two weeks of being on testosterone I felt my head distinctly clear of this haze that had been hanging over it for years, that just made me feel distant and disconnected from the world and from myself, feeling a lot but unable to really understand what any of it meant or why I was feeling any of it. Testosterone gave me the stability to confront those emotions and actually understand them - and I do wonder if I would've been able to have the revelations I've had without going on testosterone, but in the end, I definitely think it would've been infinitely harder and far less fulfilling without a stabilizing agent to facilitate it. I feel more in tune with my emotions, I suppose just because now they're chemically tailored to be processed and understood by my structurally male brain. I read a study, I forget where, speculating about chemical depression in transgender patients. Basically, when you take the FtM example, we have structurally male brains that are being flooded with female hormones and a lack of male hormones, and that just doesn't chemically function right. There are a few things to support it - studies done on depression in trans patients (mtf and ftm) going away without SSRIs, after starting hormones, and some related evidence just in the general cis popluation - we know that low testosterone levels in cis men, and low estrogen levels in cis women, have been linked to depression, so it's reasonable to think that both male and female hormones play a role in our emotional stability, depending on the structural makeup of our brain. I think there's something to be said for not just the flood of female hormones in a male brain, but the absence of male hormones in a male brain causing problems. Prior to starting testosterone, I was on a hormone blocker (lupron) for three months for a variety of reasons, and I think I did notice some emotional changes on that. I definitely felt stable, in a sense, now that I wasn't being flooded with estrogen, and perhaps it was partially just circumstantial stability of knowing my body at least wasn't doing the *wrong* thing anymore, and knowing that I'd be able to start testosterone soon. But I do think I also experienced a bit of an odd emotional numbness in the absence of both testosterone and estrogen. Taking the estrogen away didn't cure my depression - it just numbed it, a bit. My brain didn't have the wrong thing, anymore, but it still didn't have the right thing. Getting testosterone is what "cured" my depression - giving my brain what it structurally needed to function. Of course, the neural networks that embraced depression cemented themselves for years - testosterone doesn't cure that, that's something I'm working through myself, but testosterone I think has enabled the stability that I needed to confront that and start working on the things that I was in control of. I was a functioning person in society before starting testosterone, but not a healthily functioning one, and I certainly wasn't a functioning person in respect to my own internal reality. I don't think there's really a right answer here - I know that personally, at least at this point in my life, I need testosterone to feel like I can cognitively and emotionally function. But I think there are certainly some people, like yourself, who could manage that in other ways - I'm just not in a space to deal with that myself, at least not yet, and cognitive effects aside I definitely understand your other reasons for quitting testosterone, but I don't personally feel affected by them myself, so I don't have any doubts about being on testosterone for the physical implications.

Holy shit you're so hot

Thank you very much 🙏

Your vocals remind me subtly of Elliot Roger.

Hi! I just need to thank you for this video, because it was a bright light in my life. I've been researching hormone therapy for over one year now, thinking that it was the solution for my suffering as transgender. But, last week, I decided not to transition and embrace my apparence as it is, cause I also think that me, being born as a male inside and a female on the outside, wasn't a nature's mistake and that there's a porpuse in my life. So, I cryied during your entire video, amazed by your wise and delicate words. Your thoughts touched my soul deeply, and made me feel more confident to maintain my apperence as it is right now and not be ashamed of who I am. Again, thank you so much for everything e for your courage to expose your feelings to us all. I only wish you the best, because you are fullfiled with grace and beauty. :)

I wonder why therapists don't try to help get the brain to understand and match the body instead of the other way around?????Im thinking its all about the Money theyre making. (so much money)between transitioning and detransition!it seems too many are not finding peace inside, even after transitioning.They should be helping you find the reason why you weren't feeling comfortable in the body you were born with...., and helping you to understand whats going on inside your brain that would tell you that youre not the sex you were born with. Does this make sense? I hope you are getting comfortable with who you are!And am happy for you recognizing how you really feel !!!! :)

As a trans woman I can tell you that I feel the opposite on estrogen. When I started taking it I started feeling a lot more confident a lot less depressed. The fact that you feel depressed off of testosterone could indicate that your brain genuinely is running more efficiently and therefore your overall mental health will improve due to testosterone? It sucks to feel like you're dependent on something but hopefully with new technology coming all of us will be able to produce our hormones naturally. Good luck.

You have ruined your voice and probably parts of your body for ever to run after a delusion .

Sounds like you never had a male brain in the first place.

More and more transgenders are waking up to the fact that a lot of us don't "pass" as our desired gender. I'm happy now as a masculine appearing M to F transgender woman. I had the SRS back in 2001. I'm way happier now than I've ever been. I don't care what people think anymore. I know what I am in my heart and mind.I quit wearing dresses and makeup. People in my community are actually more comfortable with me now.

You are beautiful!

Wow the way she described body dysphoria sounds like how a child that was recovered out of autism said it felt like being in his body before he had recovered. Seems like there is possibly a link to those on the spectrum and if it is exposure to trauma at a young age which could possibly contribute to it? Like the aborted fetal tissue from males and female fetuses in vaccines or physical/emotional abuse? Although it does seem to be environmentally stimulated due to the drastic increase in cases over the recent years.

i am about to start my transition soon, and i have been having my doubts hence why i'm here. You make it really comfortable to be doubtful, through your words i even understand where my dad stands with things, saying i can love myself because i am already who i am, i appreciate your video because it makes me more confident in my decision to continue, to be the best person i can on the inside but also make/'hide' the outside to make myself more happy, either way i know i will be me. thank you

This is exactly what I think. I loved everything of this video, because it was like talking with myself. These are the exact reasons why I'll never ever go on T, I'll never ever spoke the truth about myself to my parents and family, and I'll never ever consider about surgery and things like that. Thank you very much, and I hope your days will always be bright and full of happiness. Female or male, you are an amazing human, and that's what really matters. Stay strong. ❤️

Jesus is the truth. Holy Bible is the truth. Read it. Learn about demons. That's what causes this. Promise! Easy to fix too. Try deliverance prayer before saying it doesn't work. God's real and allows u to get demonized when u don't follow his word.

how did you deal with hormonal acne? I want to sart T soon but I'm really afraid of getting acne.

thanks for sharing.......you seems like a wonderful person just as you are.

powerful video

Body dysmorphia does not get the attention it deserves. I'm actually very disappointed with how oversimplified it has become, maybe due to political involvement (I HATE politics for this reason). Body dysmorphia today is treated as if it occurs in a vacuum, which is not the case. It is complex and developed due to social/environmental circumstances. The complexity arises as with dysmorphia being presented, it shows the real issue has been buried so deeply and has been unaddressed, the amazingly powerful brain has taken a primal turn to attempt to fix the issue by rejecting its 'self'. Once addiction, suicide and self-harm statistics were collected from within the community, the neo-mental health community scrambled to exploit it and create a hot new 'fix'. Plastic surgeons and pharma caught wind and further exploited it. The beginning of all of this actually goes back to when we began embracing young women running to the surgeon to go under the knife and lay down 10g for large breasts. Because it was such a huge money maker, the dysmorphic disorder and self hate that was caused by societal/environmental circumstances and pressured became embraced as not just acceptable, but it was applauded. It's a little known fact that MANY grown adults went through some form of dysmorphia as a child, teen or young adult, on a spectrum of severity, they simply didn't live in a culture or community with surgeons health professionals ready to inject or cut them. So, many eventually ironed out the issue, shed toxic people and grew and matured enough to learn to love themselves. A few fell through the cracks, as they sadly do.

Did your transition alleviate your depression? Do you still struggle with acceptance and understanding? How has transitioning made your life better?

Life update?

You look gorgeous both ways female or male and your voice is so calming

The way I see it, is I am and always was a boy, and it doesn't erase history. You just simply change the pronouns of the history, and that IS who you truly are. The history can still be truth. But hey, it's like flipping a coin with the perspectives. On the other hand, thank you for this video and for sharing your story. It is valid. I completely sympathize and I get the dysphoria of NEVER being born cis. It's awful. We know who we are in our heads at the end of the day. X I have been trying to decide 3 years if I want T and I still can't decide. (Even with a therapist and all of this dysphoria.) Some people swear by it, and others don't, and I have no idea what to do.

I wish you’d kept making videos.

Just curious how long you think your girly voice will take to return after you stop taking testosterone? You are not pressured to answer.

Beautiful and articulate. I wish society would accept the hybrids as they are

One thing i have noticed in other contexts is that when you believe there are other options it can make you want to try them but then once you switch the old becomes a new curiosity and the new becomes the current norm

I'm ftm myself and I really want to pass since passing makes me comfortable enough to express myself, so personally I don't recognize myself in what you are saying. Still, I must applaud your for sharing your thoughts, and I think this is very interesting to hear about. We all transition in different ways on different levels and I think that is something that deserves respect. You do you. In the end You are responsible for your own happiness and I am glad you are doing what makes you comfortable.

Every detransitioner I see talks about how it was about their gender identity socially, and dysphoria doesn't seem to have been a driving force...

Also I don't rlly give a fuck what the world thinks or have anything to prove, I just need to alleviate my dysphoria for myself.

Lol I can't relate at ALL because my dysphoria is so bad that I don't feel like myself right now pre transition. Also I don't like that you romanticize the "natural." Technology is a part of society and it's a part of all our identities, including medical transition, something trans people have never had in history because it isn't natural but it's fucking awesome, just like the internet is and video games and cartoons.... But you do you I guess.

Sorry you feel that way. However, I feel great on hormones. I've never been completely happy until now. Even my family agrees that I'm happier. It feels free to be myself.

You are so attractive

"... your soul is essentially in the wrong vessel ..."

"My right to a history".... very interesting and profound.

Cisgender people can experience body dysphoria that is just not related to their gender. Just wanted to note that.