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Sometimes I'd hold food to my nose and take in the smell but not eat it.

Yeah I'd rather die than live like that. Thank God no one cares about me.

This kind of thing is why I and many others would rather just keep it to ourselves.

Here is the thing with stealing food if you would have asked, I would have shared my food with you. But of course, that wasn't the point of stealing the food. 😢

me watching this whilst binging on cookies and ice cream

I’m only 20 and i have been recovered for 4 years now, but i still have the hair of a 80 years old grandma… like you just touch them bam !! A hole, everywhere ! Hole !! And i also have terrible hormonal acne… what am i doing wrong ?? I eat well, of everything… it’s depressing

I had severe hunger and being hungry the whole time and having no satiety, during a healthy meal plan the hunger where even more severe because the appropriate portions weren’t enough for me and while being severely hungry feeling starvation I was always waiting for the next meal and the meals never made me feel full. I had to eat big amounts of food to feel full and had satiety for longer, even healthy food but the calorie intake was higher of what i needed even I always went to the gym as nowadays it didn’t help much with weight management and also PMS made my hunger even worst literally starving even more severe and was even harder. I had vertical sleeve gastrectomy and during the PMS I use semaglutide for 10 days only. Self control and appetite control it is “normal” now unless I am on my PMS period when I have to use semaglutide 😢 I have vertical sleeve gastrectomy and what I do it’s having small meals 5 times per day and 2 light snacks, no more of 180cal each one, clean food and healthy options with low calories and I watch to be on 1200cal per day. That is how I manage to control of hunger and cravings and it is not really easy. I count the calories and the macros.

u got discpline girl!

The bread looks so good!

i’ve been watching ed inpatient views almost obsessively because i swear my experience was one of the strictest i’ve seen. i was in one room, my private hospital room with a locked bathroom, the entire time. it was solely focused on medical stabilization and nutrition. they reached out to psychologists, but none were comfortable taking my case because they said it was so severe they didn’t want to face any issues career wise when i’d inevitably die because at that point i had a life expectancy of maybe a few weeks if i’m lucky. they all thought it was a risk they weren’t willing to take. i was on my deathbed, isolated from the world. i was not allowed to interact with any other patients on the unit. it was strictly forbidden. we had a group room, but i was not allowed in there under any circumstance. my dad was the only visitor allowed and only if he passed a covid test, did not exhibit any symptoms of illness, and we both wore masks. every nurse had to mask around me. the hospital explained that such strict rules were in place because i was severely immunocompromised and even a cold could kill me. i was isolated to the point that a rule was implemented that nobody may be in my room while i ate because i wouldn’t be wearing a mask so instead somebody supervised my eating and other activities using a camera. so i had zero meal support, which was awful. i needed a certain amount of compliance before a feeding tube would be considered necessary and those compliance rules were very strictly enforced. i was always hooked up to iv, heart monitor, a pulse oximeter, and more because i was at immediate risk of death from heart failure. i was on bed rest, partly for my heart and partly because i was a weak fall risk. i had to be monitored during every bathroom visit for the same reason. monitoring meant a nurse watching me closely if i used the toilet or showered. i wasn’t allowed outside because it was extremely hot, but they said if the weather was right they’d consider having a nurse bring me outside to the hospital garden in a wheelchair for a short visit. it was too hot, though. despite how strict it was, i will say i was allowed unlimited access to my phone, but it was monitored. they only allowed this because i was so isolated and literally dying they thought it was more important to allow me to facetime my dad or sister whenever i wanted than it was to make me follow a rule patients who are allowed social interaction have to follow. my inpatient experience was awful. for this reason, i hope i never have to go to inpatient ever again. i liked residential much better. there was some medical monitoring, the social and psychological support made a massive difference, and it felt more like a home environment than the sanitized white hospital i stayed at for inpatient. i never had my phone in residential, but i didn’t care because i didn’t feel i needed it. i wanted to focus on treatment and recovery. my residential was a bit more strict in some aspects than your inpatient. for example, if i did what you did with fluids at residential i would’ve been sent to the nearest hospital for iv fluids by evening. they never would’ve allowed that. we were expected to consume everything on our meal plans, including any fluids we were given with meals and snacks. even not finishing your cup of water but all the food would’ve gotten you written up for non compliance. they slowly became much more lenient with me in some ways though to bend the rules in hopes of something working because i was seen as such a difficult and stubborn patient. for example, i was given an extension on how long i could eat because i have swallowing problems caused by a birth defect that makes eating a slower process for me. i was given a ‘no matter what’ pass once a week cus passes were viewed as so important and i never got them because i was always noncompliant in some way whether i got a write up for not finishing my food, falling asleep in group, crying too much, or anything else. i did like residential much more than inpatient though otherwise.

your sharing will be the way out! thank you very much❤

I just recovered from bulimia nervous and my hair look like peach fuzz. 😔

1 slices of bread for breakfast (or for dinner)? Omg... in recovery. I eat two slices with butter, cheese, ham or salami and some veggies (I hate sweet at the morning), and this is my minimum. One isn't enough for a person who is in recovery :( This mealplan is very low, and poor.

yaaay kristi > . <

Hope your journey is still going strong!

Blaming other people for your thoughts actions and feelings is a very eating disorder type of behavior... I would have just ignored that girl who was blaming you for all of her mental problems.

9:57 in case you still haven’t found someone who only ate with small utensils, i’ll be the first one to confirm, you definitely weren’t the only one

We did the exact same things especially with the pintrest food images+recipes before bed😭 it was so addicting.

Never heard of anyone else doing the same things? Really? Where did you go to treatment then? Outer space maybe? This video is about your Ed bragging and self preserving- stop it.

Eating disorder just in another way hopefully you get better living with a eating disorder is not good

1. Looking at food pictures 2. Taking a bite of something and immediately throwing it away 3. Throwing away left overs 4. Putting food in a bowl and taking a bit of it out 5. Hiding in store while buying sweets 6. Mixing juice with water 7. Stealing food 8. Eating with small untencils 9. Putting exersice above everything 10. Hiding food

😢I’m struggling really bad with my anxiety and my disorder I don’t know what to do

I wish they gave me a meal plan bc I’m lost and the voice is always counting cals and ik it’s not good but I can’t stop.. I feel like a meal plan could help ..

Thank you for not including pictures. It’s so unlike most ED story videos and very helpful and non-triggering (which is what we want). No numbers, either! I love that you speak without filler words - it’s something I want to start doing, as it makes your communication far more concise. I deeply resonate with the body-shaming and monitoring from family, as my family was like that...but that is *absolutely wild* that your mother said that you looked anor*cci as the very first words as soon as she saw you home from college!!

i once screamed at my little sister for not measuring the oil she out in the wok 😢

I really wish you'd make more videos...especially your "what you eat in a day" or "a day in the life" videos. They are really helping me through my eating issues, and you have a really great personality that I can relate to!

So little portions. 😢

Please turn to Jesus he loves you so much and died on the cross for you and your family and friends <3333

Wow! You saw such a beautiful part of Prague!!

I wish I could recover like you Kristi. I have been severely anorexic for 30 years. I'm now 41 and wear dentures already.

Good job kid! You’ll be fine.

When I travel, I always have my dry bag for beach and laundry. Just put everything in the bag with laundry sheets and roll on the ground for a few minutes. Roll your clothes in a towel to ring out the excess water.

Shame we don't have a thing in our phones that could translate any text you scan with your camera, that would've been useful.

I tried all in when I was younger, but I got overweight and just kept eating like an obese person (living on to 1 pund bags of crisps for dinner, similar for lunch, two family pizzas for dinner another day, one litre of milk just as snack). Did you deal with overweight? I dont know how to succeed with all in when I just goes into the habits of really overweight persons, and it never leaves. The years went by, and I got a relapse. This exact thing then happened more times.

How long did it take for the all in weight to come off?

Cutting bread with a butchers knife 😂😂 greetings from Vienna.

You go girl. Life time memory.❤

Hope you have a blast ❤

Good Job! have fun out there. A relationship that does not quite fit can destroy your soul.

Who else is here from edtwt

it's always surprising how restrictive the eating still is in a way

As a disabled girl after cancer at the age of 27, i love these types of videos ❤ the freedom to travel would be amazing! Have an amazing time ❤ cant wait to see where else you go

It was really good!! Miss you! ❤

That gelato looks delicious friend!

I also want to say that I know you said that you would put applesauce on peanut butter toast growing up but I have to say that it seems like combining stuff together like that seems somewhat disordered because it falsely looks like you're eating less (you are tricking your mind...I used to do it too, a lot of us did in treatment I noticed). I have been in recovery for a while but i sometimes think i could benefit going back to treatment, but these comments and behaviors in this video are somewhat triggering to me even, even though I've been doing well for a while. That's saying a lot because that stuff doesn't really bother me any more. But I realize if I went to treatment I'd probably do worse and be really annoyed with hearing that kind of talk about a piece of toast being a dinner, someone thinking that's a lot of food. I'd probably do worse in treatment because I'd be surrounded by it. My biggest struggle right now is my weight because I gained and am heavier than I've been in a while and can't seem to lose any, even when I don't eat as much. It's like I don't even have the capacity to think and do the same things I did when I was in my eating disorder, which I guess is a good thing but the part of my brain that still struggles is mad about that. I hope this makes sense. I guess I just have poor body image is my main thing.

I am trying to figure out how to write this comment because im not trying to be mean...but man if this is hard for you I dont know how you would have survived the eating disorder treatment center I was at. I dont know how I survived it, especially watching this video I realize how different what they were doing to us was. I was so uncomfortably and painfully full all the time. The snacks were like literal meals, the meals were massive, and i got put on desserts several times a week as well. It was so incredibly difficult. The amount of food we had to eat was unreal

I’ve never eaten plane food but why it look so good 😭

this is too little and not even enough for typical not all in recovery. This

TW ‼️Struggling with ana too 😢 I started at high res, got to mid res, then to low res and now im down to just drinking 1 diet coke a day. Im literally always cold, I wont say my weight but my BMI is currently 22 and I want it to be under 20 :/ the struggle is real

i feel like this is the eating disorder controlling you again and its not uncommon for those who are relapsing to be trying gluten free, vegan, vegetarian diets etc all to maintain control when their real life turns to crap. really wish you all the best and you fully recover <3 i know how you feel though girl again this is no hate, i get really obsessed with my protein intake and low carb calorie counting when ive relapsed. its tough because logically, weight loss doesnt fix the real life problems. like i could be having a bad day at work, maybe messing up a few things when serving customers (im a cashier), to then think that i need to under-eat, skip meals to cope with that situation, which is extremely unhealthy