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3:48 to 3:57 - FATHERHOOD INTENSIFYING

Buy her a 3 phase motor...or better yet a Treadmill!

I’ve wrestled with the question, “Am I a good dad?” for years. Single dad of 18 yr old daughter. Raised her solo since she was three. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life but when she was born I made a pact with myself to do right by her no matter what. I made her a priority to a degree that all major life decisions were basically reduced down to, which path will be most advantageous for my child? It’s very difficult to put others wants and needs ahead of your own to this degree. Basically I came here to say that I did what your doctor friend did not. I sacrificed my career for my child. This is something I have struggled with and it has almost destroyed me. You see Jeremy, men unlike women, tend to identify with their work. Men tend to require purpose. And so in sacrificing my career I inadvertently destroyed my self worth. It has cascaded into a mental health problem for me that’s been very hard to overcome. I was not a doctor, just a blue collar guy that landed in the oilfield. I worked my way to the top with blood, sweat & tears and made Driller offshore. I know that doesn’t mean anything to most people, but it’s a very high position on a drilling vessel. Lots of time away at work(literally gone minimum half the year), lots of responsibility but made a great living and had a lot of Respect. And anyway, I’m trying to avoid tangents, but I always thought I was doing the right thing but maybe I screwed up anyway. At first I even tried to have my cake and eat it too, by dating around a bunch searching for… basically a new mother figure for my child because I thought it was important to raise her in a 2 parent home even if she was a step mom. Well, that was an epic failure. Over and over again. Dating with a kid, looking at other women that will accept a man with a kid generally means she has a kid(s) too which makes it a blended family. (Statistically speaking very high failure rate and I definitely padded this stat). So, single got life now. F it. But point it, as a single guy with a kid I was forced to find basically a 9-5 job so I could raise her and be present and uh…. Moved back home to raise her in a rural area instead of the big city where the crime and shootings were getting out of hand. And to get some help from family, cuz the whole, it takes a village thing… So, in making decisions that I thought were best for my child, I don’t know that I have faired better then your doctor friend. I believe he can keep his career and make other changes, more minor sacrifices to develop a stronger bond with his child. You are a parent for life after all, it doesn’t end at 18 like I hear some people say! Anyway, don’t doubt yourself. Everything is relative so just forge your own path and try not to look back. I will continue watching the video now lol I had to pause and comment at only about 40% in. Thanks for your channel. I recently shared it with my kid because she’s into CAD and she’s taking courses in robotics in her first year at our community college, in a couple weeks actually. Damn, it’d be weird if she saw this comment lol, oh well!

Very inspiring 🤍

I understand what you are saying and mostly agree. But sometimes the weak and the strong are mixed and then it's almost a requirement to include the weak in the investment of energy and time. Just another wrench thrown into the gearing of life. Ha ha Love your thoughts and advice!

Spot on. Self control is not easy, it takes practice. Especially difficult for young men until their frontal lobes fully develop in their early 20s.

Mate, do you have a podcast?

Around 98% of people are in a perpetual adolescent state of mentality. Don't believe me. Love is the absence of controlling another. Validating insecurities supports government. Marriage is the marry arranged. Woman uses her intuition. The man empowers the woman makes her feel safe enough to kneel. - the prophecy of Daniel Speights aka the Jesus. With all the proof an educated person needs to accept.

Thank you so much for this, Jeremy! I appreciate it!

Jeremy, YOU ARE THE MAN!!! This is some of the best advice I have heard since Whitman Mayo's character Mr. Rythm advised "Don't let your dick run your life." I refer to this as "Thinking below the belt line." You give such great advice that I will be sharing this with my Grandson! Thank You for being such a loving parent, great husband and wonderful teacher!!!

Needed to here this today. Thanks man 🤘24yo

in other words... communicate.

I consider myself a fairly well rounded and successful individual and every time I watch one of Jeremy’s videos I learn something new. Well said sir. You are the hero of the day again. *virtually shakes hand*

Damn it! Why are you the only one sharing sound, middle ground, good advice for young men and new fathers?! You are doing the world a great service! Everyone I hear talk is either so far out left or far our right that all common sense is lost... You are a beacon of hope Jeremy! Keep this up, for all of us!

Well said. Freedom to comply isn’t freedom.

7:06 - while you’re not saying that suffering is a necessary consequence here, your mention of it reminds me of the Fishbone song called The Suffering. _Kind of_ on topic. 😅

2.2K views but only 210 likes? Something's wrong with that picture. I sure can't disagree with any of that...

I hesitated to click on this, but I am so glad that I did. Thank you for using your platform to share your insights on being a husband and father. I think your message has the capacity to help many more men in a far more impactful way than a lot of other content choices you could have made (and which may be more lucrative) for a second channel. Thanks again!

Good advice...

VERY well said, and great advice in another great video! I'm all the time saying things like this to my kids. I try to make it fun for them when they're young by using thoughts like time traveling when i tell them that 20 year old you is relying on 12 year old you to learn how to listen and obey. Your future self is powerless without your current self becoming powerful. As they get older, i move into more economic language, such as investments and dividends, risk and rewards. It gives me and my parenting validation, which does my heart good because being a good father is hard, and I'm constantly struggling with thoughts and emotions of inadequacy. Keep up the hard work fellas and fathers!

Dude! My missus just asked if she can marry you!! 😮😂

90% of the issues between myself and my wife ocurr when we are tired. Our self filters turn off and we over-react to stuff that doesnt matter after a good sleep. I've tried hard to work on recognising my own state of mind and acting appropriately.

The best thing a man can do is what men always do and that’s forget the day it happens. Cause the next day is just another day.

I definitely need to think about the consequences more. I aggravate silly things with my wife far too often. Yea, it's stuff she's been doing that bother me for years, I've told her many times and she just doesn't care. But it's usually little things and as much as they drive me crazy, they're not worth the cumulative damage I've done to my marriage over the years. Thanks for the perspective.

Great video! I think there is a cultural misnomer around "grown men". I'm not sure where the line is... But it's definitely not 18 or 20. Is it even 25? Honestly I think you're not really a "Grown man" until you're a father and culturally much of this advice is too late anyway. Perhaps that was far too much of a tangent, but just wanted to say I appreciate you!

Another aspect of choosing a spouse. Best barometer is revealed in your future wife’s parents. If you can’t love or tolerate her mother, run away!

Well said Jeremy.

Amen!!!! Well said!!!!

🎉🎉🎉 You are a very well balanced man. I wish that I would have known all these things when I was much younger. Blessings,Carlos ✝️🙏❤️😊🇺🇸

Just had my 5 year anniversary.

Love this content!

I suprised my girlfriend on her birthday way back. Booked us into a luxurius hotel with spa and dinner etc. Then talked with her boss and got her the day and the next day off work. This was a weekday as she is very peculiar about celebrating on the exact day (not the nearest weekend as I tend to do). I worked so hard to keep it secret. She went to work that day and then after a few hours I came in at her workplace. First off she was sure somebody had died and that was why I was there in person😆 Told her we were going "somewhere" and we were going home to pack. She was really exited, but it clearly made her uncomfortable. We went there (an hours drive) and had a good day. But she could not sleep that night and I think she would have enjoyed the whole thing more if it had not been that suprised. Still would have done it the same way as its legendary. Her coworkers especially talk about it until this day. But now as we have aged a bit I don't think this is the way.

Solid advice. I want to remind the young men everything changes over time and looks are going to change. Of all the traits a partner can have beautiful is least likely to improve . Compassion and Character are also unlikely to improve. If she's not kind and you don't trust her to do the right thing when nobody is looking RUN. Adults without compassion or character are not going to be good for you and should run. Some stuff might improve but character and compassion are unlikely to rapidly increase. Education, skills, gracefulness, resilience these things increase over time most likely. Odds are unless there's a tragic accident your partner is going to be smarter in 10 years, and probably by a large amount If you can't count on her to doing what she says there's very little chance she's going to be better. In fact people who are of low character are likely to become LESS reliable over time.

👍

I see you have a good size library. Would you mind sharing a small list of good reads? I typically read nonfiction but I’m always trying to expand my library. Thank you in advance!

#2 is powerful.

Great advice as always.

That's some top notch advice. I only hope that it gets to the people that need it. You're doing great work either way. And I appreciate your effort.

What my parents do, is that the surprise "reveal" is on the anniversary or the birthday, but it might be for a concert/show/event/trip that is a week or month or two away. Similar concept

Although I wish there was role model like you to tell me these priceless lessons, I don't know if I could truly appreciate your words more than having also lived through those experiences. One of the most difficult, but important, things I have forced myself to overcome are the outbursts of emotion that may cause me to make a decision that could potentially impact the rest of my, and my loved ones, lives. I'm glad to receive the dose of reality this channel provides. I really hope you enjoy making these videos.

LOL… so true. Or even drag it out… by teasing her in building up to the surprise by dropping her hits…. (If she likes that kind of thing). Long lasting situation is the worst… they forgive but never forget… 🤔😜 Try having that uncomfortable conversation… before flying off the handle. Be smart about your financial… Maximize your saving… and forget it’s there. Regards\Lance

I asked my 4y/o: "What is important to Papa?"... and got slapped with a healthy dose of reality when his first 2 answers were "your computer" and "your phone". Despite how much time I think we spend playing, building, reading, learning, road tripping, camping, doing engineering projects, etc.... they see/feel our true nature. While he did get all the answers "right" when I changed the question to: "WHO is important to Papa?", it's clear that I still have much more work to do before I'm the father he deserves.

I agree but I think the bar with standardized tests is already so incredibly low that kids should be able to pass them all while being able to focus on their strengths

You hit it out of the park with your insight. Great point!

How you gonna win if you ain’t right within?

I think people should have pets before having children.

Thanks! Know that your confession is reaching those of us that are not dads but are father to so many... and in some ways even more so... As you mention there are time when you kids need to talk to some else other than the parents... this is where I come in to play ... Someone you can trust to do the right things that doesn’t have kid and can still see clearly. (HaHaHa) funny but true.

Thank you for your thought provoking and encouraging words !

Good information as always. When my son was young and he didn't something unacceptable, he got to stand in the corner for a specified amount of time. Once the time was up, we talked about what happened. I would ask him if he knew why he had gotten in trouble. He usually did and when he didn't, I would make sure to review the events until he understood. We would talk a little about it and then I would end by telling him I loved him and get a hug. Then we would move on and that was that. I don't know how old he was when he last had to stand in the corner. I did know how tall he was as he would tend to face the corner and his glasses make marks on the wall. It was a sad day when my wife had me paint that area of the house.

I wish I had your channel to watch 30 years ago!