Видео

Great point. Non-monogamous relationships are a great example of trust, communication, compromise etc, same with queer relationships as they've broken out of gender/societal/cultural norms. There are a lot of assumptions made in straight and/or monogamous relationships which can cause issues down the line! Also, I realised I didn't get back on your other comment yet re: someone coming back. Is there someone you would like to attract back? As there are some ways to do this so we could do a video on it. Sam

@@catchdatingofficial I completely forgot about that! You know, it may sound callous or uncaring, but I feel as though if someone grows apart from you, it’s okay. It definitely hurts for many different reasons, but ‘winning’ them back isn’t a good use of my energy. If they decide I’m in some way not right for them, I have to respect it. Instead, I try to find people with the same positives, and less negatives the next time 😅

@@tomrankin2701 This is completely valid! We are all empowered to make the choices right for us :) Hope you are having a good week. S

@@Queenbee11111 👑👑

@@marguskiis7711 I’m sorry you’ve been hurt and this has been your experience. I feel pain in your words. Try and let go of this and move through it for your own sake. This will free you and is more likely to attract someone back, if that’s what you want. Sam

@@catchdatingofficial Sorry, but I know personally ca 100 women. Of them, only 1 or 2 came back to some man, mostly due the children.

@@catchdatingofficial I have no problem attarcting women but exes never come back. They can even get worse man BUT they never come back.

@@marguskiis7711 What are you hoping to achieve from these comments? Convince others of your limiting beliefs based on your limited personal experience? There are many people who have had ex partners and friends coming back, of both genders, which is why we covered the topic. If there's a woman in your life you would like to attract back, I'm happy to give some advice on how to do this. Sam

​@@catchdatingofficial ​@catchdatingofficial I just had a gf (47 yo) I loved a lot. She is avoidant, clearly (I loved her independent mind) I supported her every way (including financially), ww had very loving and sexy relationship. Same time I was cool and collected, gave her a lot of space. We did not have any arguments last 9 months. But she dumped me out of the blue after 6 month of romance during LDR and sent nasty messages too how unsuitable I am for her. After 2 months of NC she wrote angry letter that she has another man, "calm", "silent", "knows how listen" etc. Of course I am devastated but I know women almost never come back.

💙💙💙 We see a lot of people thinking it is insecurity, and we get why, but the confident response is.... "of course I am amazing and they would miss me!" ...and they feel they are losing you BECAUSE you are pursuing those adventures and living a wonderful life. Sometimes we only appreciate what we have when it's gone, so be confident enough to detach, have fun, let them miss you and work a bit to get you back 😉 Sam

On it!☺☺☺

Definitely! Funny how we can sense these things, even without direct contact. Sam

Interesting. How do you feel once you've let them go or stopped caring? Have you wanted someone to come back before?

Tom is just selfish man

@@marguskiis7711 do you know Tom in person? Would you like to be judged based on one comment you have left online? Please be mindful before you speak, on this channel we treat everyone with respect. I’m sure you would like the same to you. Sam

Of course! There are plenty of people I wish would still be in my life, but they’re not for various reasons. My default is to turn inward. I often overthink my own behaviour. My feelings run a spectrum of low energy emotions. It’s sad and disappointing mainly, both when we drift apart and when they move on and don’t come back. Regardless, there has never been anyone in my life who left it for a period of time and re-entered it later. I’m not sure how common this is.

This is lovely!

@@akothchogo8340 hey there, glad you enjoyed the content and found it helpful. Definitely did not intend to be gloomy! I looked to my notes more than usual in this video so perhaps that is why. Will keep an eye out for future videos. Sam

I respectfully disagree, I think Sam has a damn cute face actually...

@@CoachSteveJandS Appreciate this Steve, although I take the feedback on the chin haha!

hey! 💙💙💙👋

ooo will have to check this out

@@catchdatingofficial it's from a few years ago, I want to say 2021...

@@CoachSteveJandS perfect thanks. I have a list of book recommendations from you! Need to make a start lol

It is 100% with you!!!

WORD!

@@CoachSteveJandS exactly. There are some coaches who haven’t had professional training who are good, some mentors/advisors who can share their experience without training, however if you want to know you’re getting value, checking they’ve done some training AND you learn from them is a win-win. You know they meet a minimum quality. Some people call themselves coaches and have never read the ICF guidelines!

Hi Tom, thanks so much for your thoughtful comments and questions this morning! I have some initial thoughts however want to reflect so I can articulate myself succinctly. Will get back to you by the end of the week :) Sam

@@catchdatingofficial That’s okay. No rush, or even an obligation of course!

@@tomrankin2701 Hi Tom, yes I agree, as we move towards equality then our view is women need to be initiating as much as men. However, the traditional way of operating is still embedded in our culture and in dating advice which is why we like to challenge these (in our view) outdated "rules" and let people figure out what works for them. There is advice out there saying men like the chase too so a lot of women feel like they cannot initiate, which isn't true and a shame. In terms of telling yourself they already like you, this is a pillar of confidence, as we are believing in ourselves and what we offer (whether in a job, friendship, relationship etc) before we receive that validation externally. And telling ourselves someone already likes us (or inevitably will) does a few things: - As you say, provides a confidence boost/gee up in the moment when initiating - which means it is more likely to be received positively as confidence is attractive - Reminds us of our value and worth and everything we bring to the table. If we genuinely believe in our value, why wouldn't they like us? - Positive thinking and assumptions leads to positive results. We may not (logically) know how someone feels so why not assume the best? If it is a challenge to think in that way, ask yourself why someone wouldn't like you with all you bring to the table, and whatever comes up is a belief or area of confidence to work on :)

haha love it! This is an important question, and I'm glad you asked it. We all have wants and desires and we all deserve to experience them. However, there is a weird (and annoying!) paradox in life where we attract and multiply what we feel internally, and what we believe we are worthy of. That's why people seem to find someone "when they aren't looking" or are chased by people they aren't as interested in - because they are filling their own cup first and aren't looking for validation of others to feel good. It has a magnetic energy. On the flip side, if we meet someone who needs attention to feel attractive and worthy, then over time that pushes us away or we start taking them for granted, because we feel their dependence on us which is a lot of pressure. Therefore cultivating those feelings internally will attract and sustain the experiences we want, because we are not dependant on it to feel whole and complete; we are wanting something without needing it. Plus we can better enjoy the intimacy in all forms because it is about two people connecting and an amazing addition to a full life, rather than filling a gap. I appreciate it is a frustrating pattern to observe however, because at the exact times we need reassurance or intimacy are often the times it escapes us! Sam

@@catchdatingofficial I understand what you’re saying here. It’s similar advice what you hear across time and space 😄 I often compare my full areas of life to my less full areas. The typical is work and dating. With work, I know I am good at my job and that I provide an excellent service to my clients. I have plenty of areas to work on, but am confident I have the ability to navigate those areas. Even so, the external validation from an invoice being paid, a nice compliment, or further work coming in propels me along. Without these, I can’t possibly carry on my job. Does that make sense? Same with dating. I have plenty of confidence in myself, along with plenty of insecurities I work and accept. Even so, the reciprocal energy is necessary because without it, I can’t/won’t attract anyone or date. Granted, there is a difference internally for me in that I do have less self-efficacy with dating because I don’t have the belief I can attract the people I want. This despite having full confidence in myself, along with knowing my worth. I hope you understand what I’m trying to get at here 😅

Great, thanks so much and glad these videos were helpful. Would you be up for sharing a bit more on the challenges relating to eye contact? I will try to help on this if I can. Agree there are some traits which are perceived as confident that are neurotypical. In general, our advice would be to do what makes you feel confident and authentic and own that part of you; that is more important when it comes to confidence than performing traits that are not authentic. When we are confident in ourselves, people feel it too. People could find less eye contact intriguing! However, if you feel yourself avoiding an action out of fear then we would suggest reflecting on what is scary about that with curiosity - sometimes building our confidence and learning new things are uncomfortable but doesn't mean they aren't available to us. Self awareness and what is behind an action/non-action is key. In terms of being direct and embodying confident/healthy dating behaviours - my view is it is better to lead by example, and being honest and direct are healthy behaviours. If everyone in dating was more direct I think the dating world would be much more enjoyable! I'm a direct person myself and it is a part of my identity that I like, so I lean into it. I also want to surround myself with people who are honest (as a value of mine) and therefore it becomes a useful qualifier for me - can we have open, honest, productive conversations focused on solutions and moving forward? If not, I feel comfortable moving on from that interaction/relationship knowing I've shown up authentically and with healthy behaviours and that either that will attract the people I want, or it will set a good example the other person will reflect on later. What I've had to develop over the years is a balance of being direct and empathetic; getting the message across clearly whilst tailoring my language based on how it will best be received, and how the other person might be feeling. Does that help? Sam

@@catchdatingofficial We seem to have similar values, with regard to directness, surrounding yourself with honest people, and I’m going to guess safety when it comes to expressing yourself. A big problem I have been trying to navigate is expressing myself when a situation is full of emotion. I often get misunderstood, to the point where sometimes the perception of me is poor. I’m still trying to understand whether that is a personal failing, or whether I am the recipient of projecting. Likely a bit of both! When it comes to eye contact, I have had to learn to make it basically. My natural approach is to be looking everywhere, which I appreciate can look like disinterest. To think about something someone is saying, I’ll look into space, for example. Things in the periphery catch my eye too. This is basically my ADHD. I have a cycle process with this I’ve discovered: I’ll make eye contact when asking someone a question, then look around and into space while I take in what they say, then go back to eye contact when I want to affirm them or respond. That all sounds contrived, and I suppose it is in a way, but written down it’s more structured than how it hopefully comes across in real life. The point I am making is that eye contact isn’t a natural and authentic thing for lots of people. I’m getting better at it. I was once almost scolded in a way for desiring eye contact from women. My personal preferred initial connection is through eye contact, but it’s rare - not to mention vague, ambiguous, and subtle it seems (much like many other attraction signals).

@@tomrankin2701 Hi Tom, yes definitely similar values! And what we would encourage for healthy dating too. A few thoughts below on your points, although there's only so much I can understand and help from a brief comment so please take on what feels relevant and disregard what doesn't: - RE: communicating in times of high emotion, it is perfectly acceptable to say you need some time to collect your thoughts and come back to a discussion when you've had time to process. Our recommendation is to communicate this with the other person and agree a time to reconvene, whilst reassuring each other in the meantime that you still care, want to work through it and it will be okay. This helps calm any anxiety or negative feels on both sides. For someone experiencing anxiety or whom is neurodivergent, it could take a few days or even weeks to calm down, reflect and tap into their inner wisdom/solution orientation on a situation and move past feelings of defensiveness or big emotions. - Regarding eye contact, it's interesting you desire more of it from others yet struggle with it yourself at times. Perhaps the fact you desire more of it can be a motivator that will help you give more eye contact? i.e. giving in order to receive. That said, it doesn't sound like what you're doing is bad at all, so perhaps communicating that you look around during conversations as it helps you digest what you're hearing and isn't personal to the person will help in this instance. Then the other person will understand that it is part of who you are and not a lack of interest. Also, if you don't want to share upfront it is linked to being neurodiverse, you can always explain it as a part of who you are without having to define it (we all have unique characteristics, after all!) You're clearly someone who is working hard on themselves and wants to improve, which is brilliant. Sometimes though we can decide to accept, and learn to love, our quirks rather than having to improve them :) Sam

Ah that's so lovely, thank you! You've got this - we all have the inner wisdom, we just need to be able to see through the noise to access it 💙💙💙

@@CoachSteveJandS phew! So with that in mind, sometimes we have to go against our intuition and do something different?

@@catchdatingofficial as it regards fear saying " don't try something new etc"

@@CoachSteveJandS 💯💯 if someone wanted to build their confidence quickly, we'd suggest leaning into that fear and purposefully doing anything that makes them nervous. You quickly realise that things don't turn out as bad as you think and most of the time turn out amazing! Bashes through limiting beliefs. Might do a video on this

Hello! Overcome nervousness in what sense/context/situation? and I'm tall

@@catchdatingofficial Statistically they say folks fear public speaking, as they might say something wrong & get embarrassed by someone pointing out their faults or exposing their weaknesses/shortcomings etc. Overcoming this obviously takes time as rome wasn't built in a day. Hope that makes sense to you?

​@@jarodorla6949 yeh that makes sense and is useful context, thank you. For me personally, I did public speaking in my corporate work before starting this channel which helped - practice makes perfect! I also had training from actors who helped with posture, pronunciation, speaking volume etc. Then moved to videos for this channel. The mindsets I would recommend to someone who wants to build their confidence in public speaking and helped me were: A) See it as a skill that you are learning and developing. Often fear comes from a desire to be perfect and not wanting to make a mistake, so shifting our internal dialogue from "I have to get this right" and "I don't want to be embarrassed" to "I'll practice and learn to do the best job I can" and "I'll do my best and learn from the experience" helps overcome that fear, and be open to feedback. B) Think about your WHY for the speaking. What is it in service of, what is the impact f your work? Who are you helping? This helps shift attention to your purpose. Fear feels smaller and easier to overcome when we remember it is to help others. C) Build self-belief through affirmations (telling yourself "I am good at public speaking," "I am always learning," "it is a skill I am developing") Then, as I mentioned above, practice does make perfect. Often trying something new is scarier than doing it, and once you start, the repetition starts to normalise the experience and builds confidence. We would recommend preparing a short 3-5minute talk to work on and film yourself delivering it. Watch it a few ways and make notes of what went well, and what to improve. 1) with visual and no sound, to assess your body language. Is your body language open and engaging? Do you use hand gestures to illustrate your points? 2) listen to your voice, no visual. How much variation is there? How confident do you sound? Are there strategic pauses when you want to make points (so the audience have time to digest the info)? and 3) watch the video as filmed. How do you come across? Finally, sometimes we hold fear/nervousness in the body, so if the above don't do the trick, try physically "shaking it off", power poses (stand tall, hands on hips, puff your chest out), deep breathing, and grounding your feet flat on the ground (imagining tree roots going into the ground beneath you). These techniques tell our body we are safe by regulating our nervous system. Hope that helps? We have detailed videos on normalising experiences and building your beliefs. If of interest I can share the links in a comment. Sam @CATCH.

@@catchdatingofficial Ahh thanks for the elaborative details 💯

@@jarodorla6949 no probs :)

@@jarodorla6949 thank you! What did you find most interesting/helpful? And good idea on timestamps, will look into this. Sam @ CATCH.

😝😝Glad to be of help!

Will check her out!!! Sam

ooooof! We should talk more about this.

@@mocachino7 thank you! Which part did you find most helpful?

@@catchdatingofficial Thank you. I found the part of, focusing on your happiness and enjoying your being in the scene rather than anything outer of that, like how you fit in the place or how you get perceived from external individuals. Ir really doesn’t matter if I’m comfortable in my own skin. That what should I pursue generally. Actually, I have become like-minded after a traumatic situation which forced me to slow it down and really figure out what really matters to me, rather than anything else such as other people or how I’m gonna fit in their stories. No I’m gonna make my own story with my own pace. It was helpful and lovely. All the best. Thanks !

@@mocachino7 love this and hearing about the journey you are on! You’ve got this and there are bright things in your future 💪 Sam @ CATCH.

💪

Thanks!

@@ramonbsales thank you! 🙏

@@ramonbsales thanks so much 💪

@@CoachSteveJandS 🩵🩵🩵

💯

What drives that perspective?

Commanding presence Tactical Patience Observe to gain data to move more surely If anything, I think introvertedness that’s mistaken as shyness is a very real attribute of a confident person.

@@andreaswilcox9158 this made me emotional! Thanks so much 🩵 if there’s anything you want us to cover let us know. Sam @ CATCH.

@@catchdatingofficial I guess the main issues that I am dealing with personally are Social Anxiety Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder and Depression which I believe is cause mainly by my negative thinking, limiting beliefs and social isolation. I will recommend this channel to others and hope to see it grow.

@@andreaswilcox9158 Sorry to hear that you are dealing with these things. I will have a think about some videos on these topics - particularly how to start shifting negative thinking, identifying limiting beliefs and/or making new connections. Thank you for your openness and vulnerability, Sam

@@MayaMoorish glad to be of help 🩵

Love this whole comment! Our beliefs and perceptions are everything. What started you on your journey? Good question on why I've become more introverted - I have a few thoughts so I'll reflect and get back to you! Sam @ CATCH.

@@catchdatingofficial my new year's resolution was to get more alignment between my thoughts and actions. From there it was (or rather, is) a whole journey of self reflection, to determine why I had such a mental block and how I could overcome that. I really just want to make the most of my life and knew the first step was to get the mental right. Next up is taking care of the physical! Feel free to take your time, I love hearing thoughtful perspectives people have about their life. There is always something to learn from others.

​@@Fryslanpr0 Hey there, hope you've had a good week. So reflecting on it, it was Covid that started me on the journey of becoming more quiet and introverted, as I had more time alone with less distractions of the day to day routine. It was from this experience that forced me out of autopilot and to try new things, and I realised how powerful it was to step back. I started receiving more from life with less effort. I think I had a belief that positive outcomes in life came from always DOING, and power came from being in control. By stepping back I could assess a situation with wisdom before deciding how to respond, and I could be in groups and say less and people would make MORE effort with me, or I could enjoy others leading the conversation rather than feeling I had to do it. I realised true power and confidence for me came from doing less, allowing life to play out and trusting it'll work in my favour, rather than feeling the need to control. And it has been more fun! Sam @ CATCH.

@@catchdatingofficial Thanks for the thoughtful response. It's been a good week, catching up with some friends and thinking of ideas for the final quarter of this year. Your story reminds me of yinyang somewhat, i.e. the good within the bad with regards to the pandemic. It's really nice to hear you have gotten more faith in life; letting whatever happens, happen. By gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves it surely emits a certain vibe. I think just like negativity and positivity can be infectious, being comfortable with yourself and/or life can be as well. Others can feel this vibe and gravitate towards it. In dutch we have a saying 'rots in de branding', which literally translates to 'rock in the surf'. However it refers to someone that is steady as a rock, whether it be emotional or intellectual stability. Life is uncertain and I think we all look for people who are that rock for us. If you can become that yourself, it can be really empowering. Lastly something else. I don't really follow dating advice related content, however I did like this video and especially your thoughtful comments here. What are some topics you plan to delve into on your channel in the future?

@@Fryslanpr0 I agree it does emit a certain vibe, and that is a great quote! I might use that as it nicely depicts the unshakeable confidence we talk about on this channel. Thank you for the compliment. We cover topics across confidence, mindset and how to apply that to all areas of life, and particularly dating. One of the reasons we went into the dating coaching space is because most dating advice we see online either 1) tells people what to do (when we are all individuals) or 2) is based around playing games or trying to manipulate the other person, which doesn't set up healthy dynamics. What we felt was missing was guidance on how to date authentically and with confidence - to help deal with the uncertainty and feelings of rejection, and find our individual ways of dating. So we like to think this channel is for people who don't resonate with most online dating advice. We've just filmed a series of videos on topics such as: how to respond to mixed signals/pulling away with confidence, how to choose a coach, a reminder that you are equal to who you are dating, how to handle rejection, amongst others. We are filming more over the next few days on setting healthy boundaries, why we think modern dating is so hard and what to do about it, and how relationships are shifting and therefore how to create the right relationship for you and your partner/s. Hope that helps? Sam @ CATCH. 😃