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That was a very kind way to address that! 🫶🏾

I am from Brazil and Yes u-hauling is a world wide fenomenon with queer woman, I heard the stereotype on Japan, German, mine and many others countrys.

you are great

thanks for these geeat videos! the word might be "infantalization"

Thank you for your insightful reflections, keep up the good work. Well wishes from Norway.

bahaha love the shirts

Speaking of "light at the end of the tunnel," when that girl first mentioned that she needed to say NO to be on a certain form of intimacy, per the request of her other partner, based on his emotional needs, at first I thought I could be ok with it. At first I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. But the more I thought about it, and that took me a couple of hours, I realized that I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and that the relationship was doomed. The problem was that I was not strong enough to walk away. I was not strong enough to stand my ground in the face of losing a relationship that I was emotionally attached to, given that I had initially thought said relationship was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had to push her to end it instead of ending it myself. Unfortunately, I was a pushover at the time. I was a doormat. And I was prepared to allow myself to be walked all over, even though I hated it, in order to not lose a woman that was important to me. The truth is, I only acquiesced to being subject to veto power, or intervention power, because I was weak at the time. I only acquiesced to something that every fiber of my being was opposed to out of fear of being abandoned. I didn't want to be a doormat, but I also didn't want to be abandoned by someone important to me. And I ultimately chose that being a doormat was a lesser evil compared to ending the relationship! How sad. Never again. The moment you try to impose another man's rules on me, OUT. How incredibly insulting to require the approval of another man to be intimate with me in specific ways. MY personal time with my girl is MY PERSONAL TIME WITH HER!!! Not ANYONE ELSE'S!!! Seriously, who would ever be ok with being disrespected like that?

I think I'm ambi-amorous. I guess I coined a new term. I could be either, depending on my stage in life. Currently, I feel like I can't handle the pressure of fully meeting someone's needs. And I kind of like variety myself. So, I kind of like the idea of being with multiple women. So that arrangement with that polyamorous girl I mentioned in my other comment seemed like the perfect arraignment for me at first, until I realized it was anything but. I won't be a secondary or tertiary in a hierarchy. I'm not your third. Having a metamour intervene in my personal time with my woman is a deal-breaker for me. I don't want to be a doormat. If that had been an egalitarian poly dynamic, it would have been perfect for me at the time, possibly not forever. But for a while, it would have been great.

Lovely 😊

So, I had an experience that absolutely enraged me. I was briefly dating a girl that was supposedly polyamorous. However, in a twisted way, she was still monogamous. Her love was reserved only for one man. She had only one true partner. Her so-called "boyfriends" were not actually partners. They were side pieces. And those were not real relationships, because her main guy held not only the power of total veto, but of intervention. She had to report back to him IN DETAIL on all her engagements with other men. She was giving him the power to micromanage her other "relationships," potentially down to the finest detail. Her main guy didn't like the fact that she was about to let me worship her feet, and she acquiesced to HIS request to say NO to me! Um, no dude. You don't get to date me and then make rules for me upon another partner's request. You don't get to say NO to me because another man asked you to say NO to me. It doesn't work that way. I'm not going to be a doormat. Giving another man the power to intervene in my personal time with my girl, especially as it concerns a matter that does not directly affect him in any way, has to be where I draw the line. My personal time with you is about ME and MY emotional needs; not another man's personal preferences and feelings of jealousy. During my personal time with you, you're going to prioritize ME; not your other partner; otherwise, we can't be together.

I love your content. Thank you so much for creating a space to explore these topics in a way that resonates with me. You are amazing.

heyy ,really interesting video.I am actually going through a mono relationship breakup ,but i have experienced before non mono dynamics.I was wondering how easy is it to understand ur limits or ur desires in a situation u have not experienced before.For example in the situation of supporting a partner through breakup how do u know what u can handle if u have not experienced it before? Also i’d love if u had a book recommendation about that issue ,understanding limits,desires etc 💜

1) Just found your channel(s), and have watched 5 of your videos in the last day. You are insightful and adorable! 2) Re: Polyamory being potentially healing. I sort of fell into polyamory. Someone I really liked was poly. It was made clear that the possibility of a relationship was on the table, but a monogamous one was not. So I really started out with the attitude, "Nothing else going on right now." It took that relationship eventually ending, and starting another where my partner *did* want monogamy, to realize I really didn't. But the "potentially healing" part. I have RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) BAD. I was so afraid of rejection that I had maybe five romantic partners by my early thirties, and the majority of those maxing out at one week-ish. I was too scared of rejection to ask. But suddenly being poly, and being quickly brought up to speed on the etiquette, I understood that I had some responsibility to let potential partners know, sooner than later, what was *off* the table. And suddenly I understood that there could be entire categories why someone might not be open to dating me, that had fuckall to do with me being a loathsome, repulsive human being, and could be as simple as, "Yeah, I don't think I'm into polyamory." Rejection still stings, but now I can get my head around the idea that someone can reject me for any of dozens, even hundreds, of decisiondls I've made, without refecting my basic humanity. And regardless, better to know that shit beforehand.

please stop “queering” everything

Thank you ❤

i actually didn’t know this! thank u for sharing :^). being educated on simple vocabulary like this is so important

they were 'best buds.' no need for new terms or twisty explanations

I'm just over half way through this video and the content has been just incredibly informative and hugely insightful. Thank you for providing this type of content. 🙏

Thank you for bringing these kinds of conversations to the table, I really appreciated hearing this... 🫰🏼 Feeling identified and at the same time listening to someone else's experience in polyamory was exciting, somehow you feel validated and in company.

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this is amazing!!! hoping for it to spread to all states in the future 💕

Weirdos

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I just found you today. You're interesting to watch and I like your face and your voice.

how many simps do you have?

Great episode, thank you for sharing this with us ❤ I relate in a way, I'm convinced I would be poly if I only had the energy to date and create new relationships. It doesn't seem worth it to me though, being ace, aro and happily single 😂

A good point, and diving deep is so important to actually understanding what these feelings are and what feeds them

AHH I love this as an idea for a podcast!! I've been in a committed polyam relationship for about 7 years now and I NEVER see polyam focused content. Different ways it can look is so great too. I struggled for a long time feeling valid in my having multiple partners but also being on the ace spectrum. I'm so here for all of this

Here for Kat!

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this discussion at 46:00 is so important to have and has given me cause to reflect on all the relationships in my life! "it's humbling how much we can be changed by our environment and the people we bring close, so I'm very cautious of the people I bring into my inner circle, who I interact w every day" SO TRUE! love your wisdom 🙂‍↕️

Spouse and I aren't against poly as a concept or even as a practice. Within boundaries. But we are both wary of the effort that must be put in to spin those different plates on those separate poles. It can be involved enough on a one to one basis. The time management alone must be somewhat demanding at best. As mentioned - nowt against poly. Just the practicalities plus the management of other people's expectations and needs...

How does one find these events?

Demonic empty stuff

These always open me up to different perspectives. I really appreciate you all sharing your stories. I also work in healthcare & my biggest fear is my partners breaking protection rules, so i totally understand how hard that can be. Thank you for talking about STDs/STIs in a destigmatized way

These are great and I love your calm thoughtful manner! Would you consider making them into another podcast? I like I Could Never also but this content also feels podcasty to me. Thanks for all your hard work. ❤

Thank you so much for uploading these! Theyre so incredibly helpful!

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This episode was funded in part by The Relationship Anarchy Book, one of the best texts on RA that I've found. All proceeds from the book go right back into supporting projects like this, to tell RA stories and educate on the subject. relationshipanarchybook.com

That is one of the best explanations. It explains why a lot of wise people visibly cringe when someone gives an ultimatum. It’s because the wise person knows it’s most likely not going to work out for the ultimatum giver. The ultimatum giver expects the other person to change and instead gets left.

To me, if someone says they are polyamorous-oriented or ambiamorous, I'm more willing to date them. I just avoid dating monoamorous people or those who say they want to try polyamory. If someone says they are "new" to polyamory, I ask them if they feel polyamorous or if they're just trying it out. I don't judge on newness because, to me, that would feel like refusing to date a gay/lesbian because they've never dated before or refusing to date a bisexual person just because they've never dated their same gender before. To me, it's not a good way to judge a person, so I do take issue with people who say they won't date new polyamorous people. For me, the orientation is what matters and their reasoning for polyamory. As a polyamorous-oriented person myself, I always thought certain consensual aspects were just logical. You hold certain values that, to you, are obvious when you are oriented a certain way, regardless of whether you are new to non-monogamy or not.

How to say in alot of words that u have the d but likes other d too

The way y'all ended up living together was so weird and sweet, just genuine care for eachother 😭💕 this episode gave me hope of finding my people, thank you!

Lovely episode, very sweet ❤

First, you are so relaxing and reassuring to listen to. Thank you for the work you do!! So, I tried for 1.5 months to be a triad with my partner of 5 years. We broke up twice in the last year, and it was very jarring for me. The last time was May through the end of June. We decided to work on things and get back together. He told me that he slept with a friend/client we’ve had for a couple years. (We own a tattoo shop together.). I’ve always thought she was a lovely person, and I knew she was poly. She has a husband and a male partner. I reached out of her in a respectful way, and told her that I was not mad at her that they slept together once while we were broken up. But I wanted her to know that, even though they slept together, that at that same time, he and I were talking about working things out and also had been sexually active. she revealed me that she had always wanted to have a triad type relationship or at least a threesome with both of us. Her and I are both bisexual. So I was intrigued, and thought maybe it might be a good idea. I told her that I thought it was wise for us to have a lengthy conversation around why we wanted this relationship and what our boundaries are as a group. What I’ve learned overtime through friends and the research that I did before this all started suggested this kind of conversations are the healthiest way to start so that people can be their best and feel emotionally safe. I spent hours finding good questions and created a list of about 15 questions that I thought maybe would help us have an organized conversation. I spent hours completing my own questionnaire and brought it with me and I had asked them to do the same. She was very on board and said that she knows that’s the best way to do it. my five year partner had never had a threesome and also had never experimented with polyamory, so he viewed it as me trying to control the situation. She told him no that this was actually the right way. So when we got together within two minutes of the conversation, she jumped on top of him and started to be very physically sexual with him with clothes on. They started making out and all kinds of things. While I was talking. I felt very disrespected. They told me that I should just relax and that this was all about fun. I told them that I can’t have fun watching another person with who is my soulmate without some clear boundaries and clear understandings around what this was going to look like and be like. So, we ended up going to dinner and they said we would continue the discussion there didn’t really happen and it was more of them, flirting and him paying a lot more attention to her, so, that night I ended up leaving the bed and drinking too much of a bottle of an adult beverage. I went downstairs and just cried. They ended up being kind of mad at me and I knew that this was actually not going to work out, but being me I wanted to keep trying. So the next date was the next weekend and, we rented a really nice Airbnb. We got in the hot tub and we were going to have our next attempt at a conversation. I agreed that we didn’t have to have formal questions, even though I know in my heart that that would keep us on track and help me get the answers that I needed to feel safe. But I felt like if I, sort of loosened up a little bit and just spoke from the heart. It might be more effective. I ended up crying a lot and it ended up being a terrible conversation where she turned around completely and he got really upset, but we went inside and it’s some food watched a movie and begin to have another physical experience. About 10 minutes into this experience, he was paying a lot more attention to her. And that’s not just me being jealous like he was definitely much more enthralled with her. So I tried to regulate and said I needed a drink and I would be right back I needed a break. I know that I’m allowed to take breaks, but because we had never really talked about anything substantial , he came out on the porch and started to tell me that he didn’t think I could do this and that it was something he really wanted and that I was being essentially selfish. He ended up packing his things and telling me that I was obviously unable to meet his needs and that him and DJ would talk later and I needed to, figure out what I want with my life. It was extremely upsetting. I ended up chasing him to his car and it was very embarrassing and then she was not very helpful and left so then I was left at the Airbnb by myself and crying and trying to call him and she talk to him first and then hours later, he eventually talk to me and wouldn’t come back to the Airbnb, so I ended up leaving and just going home and going to bed. This is a long story, but the next three dates were not as emotional on my part until after. I felt like I had to loosen up and just have fun and maybe then we can talk about things as we went. She indicated to me that she wanted to have alone time with him sometime and on a night that I was going to a concert, I told them they could have an alone time date. When I got back from the concert, she was just wearing a shirt and nothing else and it made me really violently sick. I literally had to go to the restroom and be sick. So then I begin having talks with my partner alone about how I actually felt. I ended up getting so much anxiety that I had a full on week of severe stomach problems and just felt awful because after their alone day, I asked that that never happened again because it really wrecked me and it wasn’t really what I thought I had signed up for so they agreed that if it made me healthy and happy, we would only get together when it was the three of us. Literally two days later she Told us that she was going to have six days where she would have a lot of time. As single mom I can’t just show up all the time and she is 12 years older than me and is not a single mom and has a lot of help so she doesn’t have those kinds of obligations. Without even consulting me, they agreed that on the days I was unable to be there that they would be having dates. I reminded them with a screenshot of the text messages that they had agreed to stick to one boundary of not getting together without me because I thought this was supposed to be a triad or Throuple. That was the only boundary that I had clearly been able to communicate and was the main one that I needed to have everyone respect so that I can work through this because I do believe I’m more monogamous based heart. They had two dates together, and he assured me that they weren’t able to do anything because he wasn’t able to perform because he felt bad. It doesn’t matter because for me it was more about the fact that they were spending time together and I wasn’t there and I didn’t know what was happening. It was more like the fear of the unknown, and I thought they were falling in love and that he was way more interested in her because of NRE. The hard part is that we were just getting back together had a lot of healing to do which was a horrible idea to agree to a trouble in that situation. Anyway, so I was just so sick the last whole week I even broke a blood vessel in my eye from throwing up so much. Which I’ve never done before. I have anxiety, but I’ve never experienced anything like this. He now thought about it a lot and he really wants us to work our stuff out and but like he just got carried away because our third is extremely aggressive and very Compliant if she doesn’t get her way. But then I told him that I needed him to be the one to break it off and currently he keeps putting that off because he doesn’t want to deal with the conversation I guess and it’s stressing him out. Do you have any advice for how I can ethically communicate with her, and be my best self for her but mostly for my own self? I feel like this was really his fantasy and idea and he didn’t really spend the time or effort researching how to do it correctly and she pretended like she knew how to do everything correctly but I feel like she did everything wrong. She didn’t respect my wishes she wouldn’t talk. She just wanted everything to be and loose. Unfortunately, I also feel like the only reason that she wanted me included was so that she could have him. Which I don’t think is a delusional thought, I feel like it’s based in a lot of evidence. So anyway, I don’t really wanna talk to her because I feel like she’s shown me as out of her that really upsets me and does not make me respect her as a person. So I don’t think I should talk to her because, I never really connected with her on an emotional level because of all these red flags I kept seeing. But it does let me out because for a long time we were friends. Not super close but definitely friends. So any advice you could give on this would be great. Thank you for all that you do.

For Crying Out freaking loud Ive never heard so much bull crap coming out of Kat Blaques mouth Ive had 10 girlfriends so far and Im surprised I even survived emotionally and then I found Kat Blaque in RUclips Somewhere among the line and I understood her I connected with her because I saw something in her I saw myself in her and Ive never had a connection like that with anyone shes literally one of my favorite people in RUclips and I really respect and really like her

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Great episode. Looking forward to many more. 🤩