I'm working on getting them all captioned from here on out, and hopefully also going back and getting some of my more popular videos from the past captioned as well
Great ! I'd love to caption some of the gender resource playlist in French once the english is available (I translate faster when it's already subtitled in English).
I identify as a lesbian, but personally, I would date a non-binary person in a heartbeat, if I was really into them! Though I do lean towards more feminine or androgynous nb people, I would def date a masculine presenting nb person if I truly fell for them! I only use the label I do as a general umbrella term, and to connect myself to a community in which I feel most people within it feel feelings most similar to mine (aka other lesbians).
Alexa V if ur open to trans men and call urself lesbian please know that’s extremely transphobic as you’re basically saying you don’t see trans men the same as cis men :(
I clicked on the video because I've been dating a nb for almost a month now, and I was trying to figure out all this stuff. I feel like I'm delving into calculus after taking algebra 1 O.O
a random artist sure, if a lesbian is forced into a marriage with a man that she doesn’t want to be in, and has no attraction or interest in men, then yeah, lesbian. But relating to a lesbian identifying woman who begins to have attraction to a man, strong enough to end in marriage.. that is not a lesbian.
There are lesbians who marry men. Marriage is a legal contract that does not require love or attraction to agree to. Marriage isn’t the epitome of love and romance. There are a lot of people who marry for the legal benefits of marriage or are still closeted and use the appearance of heterosexual marriage as a cover to protect themselves from homophobia.
Omg I relate so much !!!!!!!!!!!! I’m non binary and my boyfriend identifies himself as gay. At first I felt angry because that would exclude me from the definition of gay but then I realize it doesn’t matter how he identifies his sexuality because he loves me and cares about me as a person.
I love this video!! My partner is a hetrosexual man and I'm bigender. I was cisgender when we met and got married but he's okay with me as I am. I know it must be confusing for him though. This video really cleared this up for me. Thank you!
My best friend and I are both nonbinary and I was just telling them the other day that we are essentially like sexuality freebees. Liking us doesn't have to say anything about your sexuality, unless you want it to. We just are what we are and we don't tip other people's sexual scales because we don't fall on one side or the other. We're just fine as frick and nobody can resist an enby.
As someone who identifies as non-binary, I've been wondering about this for months. I have been scared about how I feel about people in that aspect of being not fit into their sexuality. This video really did help me feel better about myself. Thank you!!~🐉
So I'm nonbinary, and dating a straight man. I realized I was nonbinary while dating him, and it was a thing we both had to figure out, and how it identities our relationship. He still identifies as straight, but what helped me a lot, was not as much his label, as him trying to figure out what it means to be straight. He was also the one to discuss the change of language and if he should use a different word instead of his girlfriend to identify our relationship to others. It helped me immensely that he was open to the thought that dating me would make him gay, no matter if he is or isn't. For me his sexuality never matter to me, that was something for him to figure out, but it was the openness my partner had for my identity and willingness to learn and maybe adapt that made me felt seen, loved and appreciated.
I guess it would depend if you are attracted to someone's "sex" i.e. their body, or are you attracted to people's gender or gender expression. Sexual attraction can be based on pheromones so in that sense, your body is producing female pheromones that your partner is sensing and is attracted to so she would be a lesbian. That is only my opinion, though I am sure others don't agree. Sometimes I think people way overthink labels.
I thought the exact same thing, but don't know how to say it it in english (I'm from germany, so I'm sorry for bad english :D) I'm agender, have a female body and date women... If random people call me a lesbian, okay fine... it's maybe just because they don't know it better. We in germany don't have so much words for different genders... wo don't have a different word for sex and gender, it's just the same in Germany. If there are non binarys like me, we have to use the english terms :/
Interesting point, but even as a Non-Binary person I am still trying to wrap my head around social construction vs. biology concerning biological sex, and what role both play., the spectrum of both, etc. Because we now know that biology has much more variance that we once thought.
I have to say I went into this with an ENTIRELY different perspective and you made a whole lot of sense and changed a huge part of my opinion, thank you for this video!!
You're one of my favorite non binary RUclipsrs. I was just having this conversation with my girlfriend (we are in a serious committed relationship, have years of history since high school, are in it for the long haul ect.) And she identifies as a lesbian. I identify as someone who is non binary. I will be starting gender therapy soon, and I am open to the possibility of taking hormones. So my point was, when she identifies as a lesbian, I feel left out and invalid. But I realize, her as a cis-lesbian identifying woman, should not be impacted because of my identity and vise versa. Bottom line, thank you for making this video. Sometimes we get wrapped up with all these labels, in this cis hetero-normative society. That its easy to forget what really matters. Having that love type shit with someone who has that love type shit with you as well. Cheers!
I'm aware. The definition of lesbian is a woman who is attracted to other women. Since, I dont identify as a cis-woman it used to make me feel less valid in the way I identify when it came to my gender. That was my whole point.
I’m struggling with this rn, I identify as lesbian and have done for years now but my problem is that this nb person has come strutting in and now I’m confused. I still 1000% identify as lesbian I just need to know if there’s anyone else out there who feels the same way and is going through the same thing ??
YES i’ve been going through the exact same thing. we can still be lesbians, it’s a sexual attraction. u would just need to talk to ur partner about how they feel :)
I’m non binary person and I identifies myself as lesbian. A lot of lesbian have the same issue about being attracted to non-binary people. It’s important to don’t forget than masc lesbian and others who’s don’t fit exactly with the term « woman » as always be in the lesbian community and are always been included
this I question myself every day. I'm female at birth but identify as male, and I like both guys and girl (and all the others) but if I date either one, are they gay(?) dunno, maybe I'll find out, maybe I don't. xD your videos help a bunch though, thanks cx
xCrystalDragonsLps I'm bi and the last partner I was with was a trans boy and I was attracted to him as a man, he was not on any hormones nor did he have surgery but that didn't change the way I viewed his manhood!😊
If your dating a guy it does NOT make him gay just because you want to call yourself a male. You were born female and no amount of surgery or lifestyle changes will ever make that not so.
@@deathunitesus2135 stfu up bigot lmao. Gender and sex are entirely separate things. You're obviously not meant to be here so why are you? Utter waste of life
I think I'm kinda on the same boat as your girlfriend! I used to identify as pansexual... Until I realized that I didn't really like men, it was just society making me believe I did so then I was like 'AND NOW WHAT?? You're NB and you like women and NB with... Femenine self-expression???". So yeah, I call myself a lesbian and I don't know what the hell am I really supposed to be.
This was put so concisely and succinctly... when I was younger I used labels to identify myself but more and more I'm finding them to be limiting. Not in favour or against them, I just think it's important to be flexible within them. You're totally right, language can't explain concepts as complex as these!
That's true, people have exceptions. "Lesbian-flexible" could also work. There's a word I've just learned to describe a relationship including at least a non binary person : diamoric. For instance : a woman in a relationship with an agender person => that relationship is not gay, not straight, it's diamoric. Of course, the word used is up to the people in the relationship and they could call it whatever they want, but that's a cool word if you want it. I wouldn't want for my partner to tell that we're in a gay or straight relationship because I would feel misgendered then.
You’re allowed to be a lesbian if “lesbian” is what feels like the best description for your sexuality. No one else can tell you what your sexuality is, and being attracted to non binary people doesn’t disqualify you from being any particular sexuality (except, arguably, straight).
But it's a term that doesn't work for everyone. I'm Non-binary, but the term Bi works best for me, because to my understanding, Pan means that gender isn't a factor in attraction, rather, the person is. Bi, to me, encompasses women, men, and Non-Binary people with bodies like mine, and unlike mine, but I'm not necessarily attracted to all genders, and someone's gender and sex play a role in attraction on their own. Everyone using the term "Pansexual" feels a little too reductionist, but if Pan works for someone, that's great.
The terms 'homosexual', 'gay', 'lesbian' and others are, in my view, missing the point. YOUR gender identity has nothing to do with WHOM you're attracted to. I'd prefer language that described the OBJECT of affection: something like 'feminine-attracted' or 'gynophilic' or 'androphilic'. These probably aren't great creations; I'm sure we could come up with something that sounded better. I'm not a fan of using 'who you're attracted to' to define one's identity.
Fab! If you have an opportunity, could you do a video on what you think about the term 'opposite sex'? I would be interested in hearing your view as I feel it can be problematic x
It's problematic since it's rooted in the binary system. You can have an opposite only if you have a binary. You could still use the word "opposite" when using the gender spectrum with male and female at both ends but that spectrum is still rooted in the gender binary and doesn't encompasses everyone (for instance, agender, neutrois, maverique, xenogenders... that are outside the spectrum). Gender is much more like a three dimensional space than a linear spectrum. So "opposite gender" doesn't make a lot of sense if you take off the binary system.
I completely agree about it being problematic! I actually was kind of kicking myself because it slipped into this video by accident out of habit and not out of thinking critically. I apologize for misusing a term like that, it certainly was not my intention!
My personal feeling is that terms like gay, lesbian, bisexual and straight all have a cisgender encoding -- that is, the words only really work for cisgender people because there's an assumption that the subject of those words has their sex and gender aligned. A gay man is a cisgender man who is attracted exclusively to other men, a lesbian is a cisgender woman who is attracted exclusively to other women, etc. If sex an gender are not aligned, the words fail because it's not clear how they attach -- do they attach to a person's gender or their sex? There's no clear answer, so the words become invalid. We either need new words or we need to get over the idea that we all have to have some rigid definition that we adhere to, or as you say, we need to be flexible. ;-) Thanks for the video.
I always feel guilty and even transphobic because I can be attracted to trans men, cis men, nonbinary people, trans women and cis women, because I unintentionally first see them as female before learning what they identify as. However I dont identify as bi, pan or as someone who is attracted to anyone who isnt a woman. I dont even know if I identify as a lesbian ,which I currently do, because of this guilt and attraction to people who visually look feminine or androgynous to me. I don't want to be accidentally transphobic and I genuinely dont know what to do, should I remove this stigma, is it even stigma, what labels should I look into, ect. I know I have to work on this and look into it but I just dont know where to start. Also after telling my friends that I was gay not bi I feel guilty about not knowing if it is the right label and about maybe in the future changing it. Ahhhhh life is difficult
Wait I'm sorry if the way I phrased this was rude I never know if I should say woman for female or even what the difference between saying either is ahhhhhhhh sorry
I identify as female. I also identify as pansexual, but I'm starting to think I'm just completely a lesbian. But I also have a partner who is non-binary. In this case, can I still identify as gay?
I assumed since you identify as non-binary you prefer the pronouns they/them, but your description uses she/her, is that what you prefer? Love your videos!
Hahaha the question had me laughing! I really don’t understand why people think they need a label or to label others? People just live your life the best way you know how! ❤️
My girlfriend always said she's bi and now that she dates me, that didn't change. Most of the time, she says I'm her boyfriend (I am actually agender).
I generally identify as a lesbian/gay but rn I have the biggest crush on an enby. I figured out that I'm attracted to girls and enbies. So that's what I say now. I don't normally say I'm a lesbian. I don't normally put a label on myself. I just say it how it is: I like girls and non-binary people.
I am bisexual and like a genderfluid AFAB person who never considers themselves female even in fem presenting times. For me, I'm attracted to both the physical body and the internal sense of gender. If I were straight, I wouldn't be interested just based off of sex not gender and if I were lesbian it again wouldn't make any difference. Hope this makes sense and you're free to agree to disagree.
“Ethereal genderless being” is how I wish to be referred to from now on, I love that! I’m trans non-binary AND an ethereal genderless being, thank you very much
I just realized I’ve had a huge crush on this non binary acquaintance of mine for like two years 🤦♀️ but they’re in a relationship so I’ll just be here suffering 🥱🥲
I'm genuinely curious here: are there non-binary people who were assigned female at birth, who are in intimate relationships with cis-gender hetero men? What about assigned female non-binaries in relationships with any cis gay men? And what about assigned male at birth non-binaries who are in relationships with are in relationships with cis females? It just seems to my that, even though a person identifies as "non-binary", they tend to become involved in relationships with people who are the same assigned gender as them - that is, relationships that outsiders and people who don't understand trans and non-binary issues would (incorrectly) label such a relationship between an assigned male at birth non-binary with a cis gay male as a "homosexual relationship"...or in the case of an assigned female at birth non-binary in a relationship with a cis lesbian woman, they would label that (mistakenly, I know) as a "lesbian relationship". Ditto for a relationship between 2 assigned female at birth non-binaries. They would just dismiss that as a "lesbian relationship". And, of course, they would label a label a relationship between 2 assigned male at birth non-binaries as a "gay relationship". It's hard for me to counter that argument, especially as I almost never see a relationships between non-binary people and someone who is the opposite of their birth assigned gender. I know it does happen because I have seen examples. I myself am a cis-gendered straight male, but I would be comfortable in a relationship with a assigned female who was non-binary (I've had crushes on a few) but to be honest a relationship with a non-binary who was assigned male would be difficult for me. Not impossible I suppose, but not extremely likely. I wish I could see past genitalia but I can't when it comes to sexual preferences.
I'd love if you expanded more on the issue of how you label yourself when you're non-binary - e.g. are you only attracted to female identifying people? Or female and non-binary folks? Or feminity or andogyny or masculinity? Or whatever other combination? If you don't see yourself as having a gender does that mean you don't see other people as having a gender? How do you describe your preferences?
Sexual orientation is supposed to be based on what biological sex(es) you're attracted to, not gender identity. Conservatives love to blame all this gender identity stuff on feminism. However, this is not the outcome feminists intended when they preached back in the day that a woman could live, love, dress, act, and be whatever they wanted and still be women. I know because I was and still am one of those feminists. And I know the power of social contagion because as a young lesbian I thought I had to dress and act a certain way to be recognized and accepted as a lesbian. But the truth was I didn't. Neither do women. You can be an adult human female any way you like. Feminists worked so hard to make things better for women, but now young girls, in particular, are jumping ship in favor of a trendy identity that, far from challenging gender stereotypes, actually works to enforce them. Think about what nonbinary is implying about all the so called "cis" people. Does anyone actually fit perfectly into a masculine or feminine box? And if not then isn't identifying as nonbinary a bit superfluous? Gender is on a spectrum that we all move along to varying degrees. Recognizing this would be true progress, rather than trying to separate ourselves from a perceived herd according to what degree we think we're gender nonconforming.
Best answer, good video. Trying to answer this question is almost a binary exercise anyway, with the idea that you are defined by your relationships with other bodies.
My non-binary partner is probably the most understanding human being I've ever met. I'm deeply in love with them & it is what it is. I didn't ask to fall in love, it just happened, somewhere between the late night conversations & love for animals...
Well, I am non-binary....and have recently discovered I am on both the asexual and aromatic spectrums. Gender doesn’t figure in my attractions at all. But I am married to a cis male who identifies as straight. Personally, I don’t mind that. I am the only non-cis person he has ever had a romantic relationship with, so I don’t think it negates his stated sexuality (except for the fact that I think he may also on the asexual spectrum, since it was always important to him to form a romantic attachment before starting a sexual relationship).
Im a girl and i called myself queer for many years, but lately ive been realizing i may be a lesbian with comphet but i know id go out with a nonbinary person, can i still call myself a lesbian? Im so confused
I'm enby and I'm attracted to people who are amab/or had surgery to look like a man. I was afab so does it make me queer or "straight"? I have no idea ;_;
I’m confused like I’m not completely female but like I still feel personally that I am like 30% female and 70% idk even know what that means but it confuses me a lot and I like boys idk I’m confused I like- help 🤧😭😫
MAYBE this is a question that cannot have a valid answer. One of my arguments for not wanting to be labeled. I am just who i am, not a pill bottle or a can of soup. The last time i checked I was a female and am only attracted to other females Perhaps it's all about the person that you're dating or maybe love??
So I’m having trouble defining my preference , so basically I’ve never had a crush but I’m mostly attracted to girls, non binary people , and gender fluid people , that’s all that I know of that I’d like the idea of a relationship with , but if I was dating a girl and she told me she’s transgender and wants to turn into a boy I’d still date them if they still wanted to be with me , I’m not that attracted to straight guys tho (no discrimination ofc just not interested ) so does anyone know what my presence is ,because I don’t know wether to call my self bi, lesbian, pan or anything ?
Yeees!! Just on point. I think all the labels can be non-binary inclusive if one defines them so. In the end they are just words briefly describing the vide diversity of sexuality and gender.
Thank you for this I have been question what I love or like and so far I really like non-binary people because I feel like I would not have to change who I am if I am with them instead of of being with someone where I have to be a person that is not me but what do I know I have crippling loneliness and I am 15 and questioning my sexuality
I was having this question because I really think I’m a lesbian since I don’t like male genitalia nor men on general and I was thinking I would date a non binary person who has female genitalia but that doesn’t mean I would see them as woman idk if I’m wrong or I explained myself correctly but yeah.
If you replace “I identify as…” with “I’m pretending to be..” the meaning doesn’t change. Why do modern adults feel compelled to make-believe insane nonsense as if they were small children?
Idk I think I’m confused still lol I’m like mostly straight I think but I feel attraction to a few non binary folks too. Like I have a crush on one now. Like its kinda hard for me to describe it lol b/c they were born female but don’t identify with that anymore so idk if that makes me bi cause they have “feminine” features that I found attractive idk.
Blue Braun nope! This is a misconception. There are multiple definitions of bisexual that means attraction to two (or more) genders (doesn't say which, so they're not necessarily the binary ones), and also a definition that means having both same gender attraction and different gender attraction.
I belive that bisexual typically means attraction to males or females, as "bi" means "two." Pansexual is when you are attracted to all genders I think. But you never have to go by labels. Just be you!
If a Lesbian has a relationship with a non-binary and the Lesbian thinks of their sex, is that okay to think like that? Or it's just insulting their partner?
im bisexual because my brain was made and developed to be attracted to both genders throught a what i can think of a 50/50 "mixture" of estrogen and testosterone in the part of my brain were sexuality comes from
"Both" gender isn't accurate, and how do you know this? What do hormones have to do directly with who we're attracted to? I'm Bi and as far as I know there is nothing dfferent about my hormone levels.
Mølly F what they mean is that there are too genders seeing as they said one pair. A pair indicates 2. I don’t agree with SHIGAGUAE I’m just explaining.
@@g1ng3rsn4ps yes just keep inventing new gender identities and the such to be the next marginalized group craving those sweet opression points. In 2020 being homosexual isnt unique or edgy enuf i guess.
As a nb person I would get dysphoric if a gay man, straight man or someone who is solely attracted to masculine presenting people was attracted to me. I think thats okay. For whatever reason, I don't feel that way about people who are solely attracted to feminine people. Because that would be a compliment, since I fear I have lost all my femininity. Someone who is bisexual or pansexual would be ideal for me to date.
That’s something I think of often, because your feelings are very valid. I’ve found that some people think that people who ID as bi bc they like enbies but not the same gender are just straight but invalidating the gender of enbies. Which.... What does that make me then, you know? I like binary men, that’s for sure, not matter if they’re trans or cis, I like men. And I like enbies, typically masculine ones but I’ve been attracted to enbies of all presentations. If I say I’m straight, that erases the identities of those enbies I would be interested in. If I say I’m bi, because I don’t like women at all people would say I can’t be bi, or one that I’ve heard is “transphobic with extra steps.”
@@ChestersonJack hey, ive been struggling with this for a while ive identified as a lesbian for the longest time (before which i identified as pansexual) but i now know i am attracted to non binary folk, i understand a label is all it is, what i call myself doesnt change how i feel but ive been having issues i guess and anothers opinion would be greatly appreciated :) would you say im still a lesbian or bi,pan etc? now im thinking about it les is really invalidating nb people as its the attraction to women... agh im just so confused
@@hawtyyy9682 I’m kind of glad I’m not the only one. I just worry if I start IDing as bi, a girl will hit on me and I’ll have to explain that “I’m bi but I don’t like girls” which just feels like I’m saying it for the label, you know?
@@hawtyyy9682 Hey, I'm nonbinary and I don't mind lesbians including me in their attraction, but obviously not every nby person is comfortable with gendered terms so I'd suggest asking nonbinary people you're interested in their personal feelings on it! (You can frame it as just being curious, you don't have to tell them you're personally attracted to them). Some people also use the term 'bi lesbian' although there is controversy around that as well, just use whatever you're comfortable with and ask what others are comfortable with, too!
what if a lesbian had dated you when you still identified as a woman and she would get back together with you now? how you identify in your mind determines and thus changes her innate sexuality? if you took hormones/transitioned, it might be different, because your sex would have changed, but not conforming to gender roles doesn't alter your physical chemistry another lesbian who e.g. doesn't know you might initially get attracted to. whether you in your mind feel dysphoric or uncomfortable with wrongly used pronouns isn't relevant to someone born with lesbian sexuality whose body naturally gets attracted to bodies assigned female at birth with all the hormones, pheromones, etc. that come with it.
please im so confused- like i feel like im a lesbian but i also like nonbinary people- and id feel bad to call myself a lesbian and put down the nonbinary community (im nonbinary myself)- wtf do i do? like im trying to look into it but i cant find anything
As a lesbian I would date a nonbinary person( I am dating a nonbinary person) and I'm completely fine with this. I'm the lesbian it's ok with me and it should be ok with my partner. And that's it if I'm ok with how I identify if you truly like someone then you should be ok with it too
Perfect video once again, I'd also like to say that I appreciate you captioning your video. It'll mean a lot to some people ❤️
I'm working on getting them all captioned from here on out, and hopefully also going back and getting some of my more popular videos from the past captioned as well
Great ! I'd love to caption some of the gender resource playlist in French once the english is available (I translate faster when it's already subtitled in English).
I'm one of those people who really appreciates captions
I identify as a lesbian, but personally, I would date a non-binary person in a heartbeat, if I was really into them! Though I do lean towards more feminine or androgynous nb people, I would def date a masculine presenting nb person if I truly fell for them! I only use the label I do as a general umbrella term, and to connect myself to a community in which I feel most people within it feel feelings most similar to mine (aka other lesbians).
I feel the exact same way!! Except I'm open to trans men too. So instead of calling myself a lesbian, I say I'm polysexual or sometimes gay.
I identify I as straight but I would date a Nonbinary person if I really liked them. What is that I'm very confused?
Alexa V if ur open to trans men and call urself lesbian please know that’s extremely transphobic as you’re basically saying you don’t see trans men the same as cis men :(
Can I still label myself a lesbian if my partner is non binary
@@Nmohamed44 they said they odentify as polysexual or gay :)
I clicked on the video because I've been dating a nb for almost a month now, and I was trying to figure out all this stuff.
I feel like I'm delving into calculus after taking algebra 1 O.O
“There’s lesbians who marry men” Umm no lol
Lesbians don’t marry men!
i’m not trying to start an argument, but they can. they might be forced?
a random artist sure, if a lesbian is forced into a marriage with a man that she doesn’t want to be in, and has no attraction or interest in men, then yeah, lesbian.
But relating to a lesbian identifying woman who begins to have attraction to a man, strong enough to end in marriage.. that is not a lesbian.
Yeah I was confused when they said that 😂
There are lesbians who marry men. Marriage is a legal contract that does not require love or attraction to agree to. Marriage isn’t the epitome of love and romance. There are a lot of people who marry for the legal benefits of marriage or are still closeted and use the appearance of heterosexual marriage as a cover to protect themselves from homophobia.
Omg I relate so much !!!!!!!!!!!! I’m non binary and my boyfriend identifies himself as gay. At first I felt angry because that would exclude me from the definition of gay but then I realize it doesn’t matter how he identifies his sexuality because he loves me and cares about me as a person.
@Vanessa Rivaille this is very very late an you might have gotten the answer but, he would still be able to date them
I define a gay man as someone who is attracted to non-women
I love this video!! My partner is a hetrosexual man and I'm bigender. I was cisgender when we met and got married but he's okay with me as I am. I know it must be confusing for him though. This video really cleared this up for me. Thank you!
My best friend and I are both nonbinary and I was just telling them the other day that we are essentially like sexuality freebees. Liking us doesn't have to say anything about your sexuality, unless you want it to. We just are what we are and we don't tip other people's sexual scales because we don't fall on one side or the other. We're just fine as frick and nobody can resist an enby.
ethereal genderless beings :-D This phrase resonated so strongly with my experience of my own gender and made me smile :-)
FaerieKim same here!
As someone who identifies as non-binary, I've been wondering about this for months. I have been scared about how I feel about people in that aspect of being not fit into their sexuality. This video really did help me feel better about myself. Thank you!!~🐉
So I'm nonbinary, and dating a straight man. I realized I was nonbinary while dating him, and it was a thing we both had to figure out, and how it identities our relationship. He still identifies as straight, but what helped me a lot, was not as much his label, as him trying to figure out what it means to be straight. He was also the one to discuss the change of language and if he should use a different word instead of his girlfriend to identify our relationship to others. It helped me immensely that he was open to the thought that dating me would make him gay, no matter if he is or isn't.
For me his sexuality never matter to me, that was something for him to figure out, but it was the openness my partner had for my identity and willingness to learn and maybe adapt that made me felt seen, loved and appreciated.
I guess it would depend if you are attracted to someone's "sex" i.e. their body, or are you attracted to people's gender or gender expression. Sexual attraction can be based on pheromones so in that sense, your body is producing female pheromones that your partner is sensing and is attracted to so she would be a lesbian. That is only my opinion, though I am sure others don't agree. Sometimes I think people way overthink labels.
This is actually a very interesting thought!
I thought the exact same thing, but don't know how to say it it in english (I'm from germany, so I'm sorry for bad english :D) I'm agender, have a female body and date women... If random people call me a lesbian, okay fine... it's maybe just because they don't know it better.
We in germany don't have so much words for different genders... wo don't have a different word for sex and gender, it's just the same in Germany. If there are non binarys like me, we have to use the english terms :/
Interesting point, but even as a Non-Binary person I am still trying to wrap my head around social construction vs. biology concerning biological sex, and what role both play., the spectrum of both, etc. Because we now know that biology has much more variance that we once thought.
I have to say I went into this with an ENTIRELY different perspective and you made a whole lot of sense and changed a huge part of my opinion, thank you for this video!!
You're one of my favorite non binary RUclipsrs. I was just having this conversation with my girlfriend (we are in a serious committed relationship, have years of history since high school, are in it for the long haul ect.) And she identifies as a lesbian. I identify as someone who is non binary. I will be starting gender therapy soon, and I am open to the possibility of taking hormones. So my point was, when she identifies as a lesbian, I feel left out and invalid. But I realize, her as a cis-lesbian identifying woman, should not be impacted because of my identity and vise versa. Bottom line, thank you for making this video. Sometimes we get wrapped up with all these labels, in this cis hetero-normative society. That its easy to forget what really matters. Having that love type shit with someone who has that love type shit with you as well. Cheers!
I'm aware. The definition of lesbian is a woman who is attracted to other women. Since, I dont identify as a cis-woman it used to make me feel less valid in the way I identify when it came to my gender. That was my whole point.
I’m struggling with this rn, I identify as lesbian and have done for years now but my problem is that this nb person has come strutting in and now I’m confused. I still 1000% identify as lesbian I just need to know if there’s anyone else out there who feels the same way and is going through the same thing ??
YES i’ve been going through the exact same thing. we can still be lesbians, it’s a sexual attraction. u would just need to talk to ur partner about how they feel :)
I’m non binary person and I identifies myself as lesbian. A lot of lesbian have the same issue about being attracted to non-binary people. It’s important to don’t forget than masc lesbian and others who’s don’t fit exactly with the term « woman » as always be in the lesbian community and are always been included
this I question myself every day.
I'm female at birth but identify as male, and I like both guys and girl (and all the others) but if I date either one, are they gay(?) dunno, maybe I'll find out, maybe I don't. xD your videos help a bunch though, thanks cx
xCrystalDragonsLps I'm bi and the last partner I was with was a trans boy and I was attracted to him as a man, he was not on any hormones nor did he have surgery but that didn't change the way I viewed his manhood!😊
2Spooky 4You I support your cause. Go for it.
If your dating a guy it does NOT make him gay just because you want to call yourself a male. You were born female and no amount of surgery or lifestyle changes will ever make that not so.
@@deathunitesus2135 stfu up bigot lmao. Gender and sex are entirely separate things. You're obviously not meant to be here so why are you? Utter waste of life
@@deathunitesus2135 you must be fun at parties
Im really glad in 2021 its openly excepted to have the term lesbian be "non men loving non men".
I think I'm kinda on the same boat as your girlfriend!
I used to identify as pansexual... Until I realized that I didn't really like men, it was just society making me believe I did so then I was like 'AND NOW WHAT?? You're NB and you like women and NB with... Femenine self-expression???". So yeah, I call myself a lesbian and I don't know what the hell am I really supposed to be.
This was put so concisely and succinctly... when I was younger I used labels to identify myself but more and more I'm finding them to be limiting. Not in favour or against them, I just think it's important to be flexible within them. You're totally right, language can't explain concepts as complex as these!
2Spooky 4You sorry what do you mean?
That's true, people have exceptions. "Lesbian-flexible" could also work.
There's a word I've just learned to describe a relationship including at least a non binary person : diamoric. For instance : a woman in a relationship with an agender person => that relationship is not gay, not straight, it's diamoric. Of course, the word used is up to the people in the relationship and they could call it whatever they want, but that's a cool word if you want it. I wouldn't want for my partner to tell that we're in a gay or straight relationship because I would feel misgendered then.
Thanks for the new language! I always learn so much from the comments on my videos :]
I was going to mention diamoric! :D I love it as a descriptor.
Never thought about this premise! thanks a lot for shedding light on this, personally, I'm bi/pansexual so I'd never considered this :)
i came here because i’ve always thought i was lesbian, but i have a crush on someone who is non binary im now wondering if i’m lesbian or not
You’re allowed to be a lesbian if “lesbian” is what feels like the best description for your sexuality. No one else can tell you what your sexuality is, and being attracted to non binary people doesn’t disqualify you from being any particular sexuality (except, arguably, straight).
There is a great term for that - pansexual. Includes everyone.
But it's a term that doesn't work for everyone. I'm Non-binary, but the term Bi works best for me, because to my understanding, Pan means that gender isn't a factor in attraction, rather, the person is. Bi, to me, encompasses women, men, and Non-Binary people with bodies like mine, and unlike mine, but I'm not necessarily attracted to all genders, and someone's gender and sex play a role in attraction on their own. Everyone using the term "Pansexual" feels a little too reductionist, but if Pan works for someone, that's great.
You cannot force anyone to identify any other way but the way THEY want. If that affects YOU then there's need to be talk.
I cannot describe how much I needed this
The terms 'homosexual', 'gay', 'lesbian' and others are, in my view, missing the point. YOUR gender identity has nothing to do with WHOM you're attracted to. I'd prefer language that described the OBJECT of affection: something like 'feminine-attracted' or 'gynophilic' or 'androphilic'. These probably aren't great creations; I'm sure we could come up with something that sounded better. I'm not a fan of using 'who you're attracted to' to define one's identity.
My bf is heterosexual and I'm nb but he sees me as female and I'm generally okay with it so *shrugs*
I consider myself highly educated but I need a dictionary to go through profiles on dating apps! Crazy!!!
This Video just confused me even More -thank you though
“Ethereal Genderless Beings” I should start using that
Fab! If you have an opportunity, could you do a video on what you think about the term 'opposite sex'? I would be interested in hearing your view as I feel it can be problematic x
It's problematic since it's rooted in the binary system. You can have an opposite only if you have a binary. You could still use the word "opposite" when using the gender spectrum with male and female at both ends but that spectrum is still rooted in the gender binary and doesn't encompasses everyone (for instance, agender, neutrois, maverique, xenogenders... that are outside the spectrum). Gender is much more like a three dimensional space than a linear spectrum. So "opposite gender" doesn't make a lot of sense if you take off the binary system.
I completely agree about it being problematic! I actually was kind of kicking myself because it slipped into this video by accident out of habit and not out of thinking critically. I apologize for misusing a term like that, it certainly was not my intention!
My personal feeling is that terms like gay, lesbian, bisexual and straight all have a cisgender encoding -- that is, the words only really work for cisgender people because there's an assumption that the subject of those words has their sex and gender aligned. A gay man is a cisgender man who is attracted exclusively to other men, a lesbian is a cisgender woman who is attracted exclusively to other women, etc. If sex an gender are not aligned, the words fail because it's not clear how they attach -- do they attach to a person's gender or their sex? There's no clear answer, so the words become invalid. We either need new words or we need to get over the idea that we all have to have some rigid definition that we adhere to, or as you say, we need to be flexible. ;-) Thanks for the video.
Personally Im a bi enby, but if you buy me a few drinks and tell me how pretty i look i will immediately fall for you🥲
I always feel guilty and even transphobic because I can be attracted to trans men, cis men, nonbinary people, trans women and cis women, because I unintentionally first see them as female before learning what they identify as. However I dont identify as bi, pan or as someone who is attracted to anyone who isnt a woman. I dont even know if I identify as a lesbian ,which I currently do, because of this guilt and attraction to people who visually look feminine or androgynous to me. I don't want to be accidentally transphobic and I genuinely dont know what to do, should I remove this stigma, is it even stigma, what labels should I look into, ect. I know I have to work on this and look into it but I just dont know where to start. Also after telling my friends that I was gay not bi I feel guilty about not knowing if it is the right label and about maybe in the future changing it. Ahhhhh life is difficult
Wait I'm sorry if the way I phrased this was rude I never know if I should say woman for female or even what the difference between saying either is ahhhhhhhh sorry
I identify as female. I also identify as pansexual, but I'm starting to think I'm just completely a lesbian. But I also have a partner who is non-binary. In this case, can I still identify as gay?
Literally been searching for this answer! Thank you!
Hi i kinda need help so im a lesbian and recently my crush told me that there nonbinary and im still atracted to them so am i still a lesbian ?
Yes. Watch verilybitchie's video on this
@@nightskystars0762 what’s the namw
Wouldn't it depend on whether or the person's definition is based on gender or sex? Since there is the difference between the two.
I assumed since you identify as non-binary you prefer the pronouns they/them, but your description uses she/her, is that what you prefer? Love your videos!
Hahaha the question had me laughing! I really don’t understand why people think they need a label or to label others? People just live your life the best way you know how! ❤️
My girlfriend always said she's bi and now that she dates me, that didn't change. Most of the time, she says I'm her boyfriend (I am actually agender).
I generally identify as a lesbian/gay but rn I have the biggest crush on an enby. I figured out that I'm attracted to girls and enbies. So that's what I say now. I don't normally say I'm a lesbian. I don't normally put a label on myself. I just say it how it is: I like girls and non-binary people.
really appreciate the clarification you make in this video. but how would you answer the question what gender(s) are you attracted to?
I am bisexual and like a genderfluid AFAB person who never considers themselves female even in fem presenting times. For me, I'm attracted to both the physical body and the internal sense of gender. If I were straight, I wouldn't be interested just based off of sex not gender and if I were lesbian it again wouldn't make any difference. Hope this makes sense and you're free to agree to disagree.
“Ethereal genderless being” is how I wish to be referred to from now on, I love that! I’m trans non-binary AND an ethereal genderless being, thank you very much
I just realized I’ve had a huge crush on this non binary acquaintance of mine for like two years 🤦♀️ but they’re in a relationship so I’ll just be here suffering 🥱🥲
I'm genuinely curious here: are there non-binary people who were assigned female at birth, who are in intimate relationships with cis-gender hetero men? What about assigned female non-binaries in relationships with any cis gay men?
And what about assigned male at birth non-binaries who are in relationships with are in relationships with cis females?
It just seems to my that, even though a person identifies as "non-binary", they tend to become involved in relationships with people who are the same assigned gender as them - that is, relationships that outsiders and people who don't understand trans and non-binary issues would (incorrectly) label such a relationship between an assigned male at birth non-binary with a cis gay male as a "homosexual relationship"...or in the case of an assigned female at birth non-binary in a relationship with a cis lesbian woman, they would label that (mistakenly, I know) as a "lesbian relationship". Ditto for a relationship between 2 assigned female at birth non-binaries. They would just dismiss that as a "lesbian relationship". And, of course, they would label a label a relationship between 2 assigned male at birth non-binaries as a "gay relationship".
It's hard for me to counter that argument, especially as I almost never see a relationships between non-binary people and someone who is the opposite of their birth assigned gender. I know it does happen because I have seen examples. I myself am a cis-gendered straight male, but I would be comfortable in a relationship with a assigned female who was non-binary (I've had crushes on a few) but to be honest a relationship with a non-binary who was assigned male would be difficult for me. Not impossible I suppose, but not extremely likely. I wish I could see past genitalia but I can't when it comes to sexual preferences.
I'd love if you expanded more on the issue of how you label yourself when you're non-binary - e.g. are you only attracted to female identifying people? Or female and non-binary folks? Or feminity or andogyny or masculinity? Or whatever other combination? If you don't see yourself as having a gender does that mean you don't see other people as having a gender? How do you describe your preferences?
Sexual orientation is supposed to be based on what biological sex(es) you're attracted to, not gender identity. Conservatives love to blame all this gender identity stuff on feminism. However, this is not the outcome feminists intended when they preached back in the day that a woman could live, love, dress, act, and be whatever they wanted and still be women. I know because I was and still am one of those feminists. And I know the power of social contagion because as a young lesbian I thought I had to dress and act a certain way to be recognized and accepted as a lesbian. But the truth was I didn't. Neither do women. You can be an adult human female any way you like. Feminists worked so hard to make things better for women, but now young girls, in particular, are jumping ship in favor of a trendy identity that, far from challenging gender stereotypes, actually works to enforce them. Think about what nonbinary is implying about all the so called "cis" people. Does anyone actually fit perfectly into a masculine or feminine box? And if not then isn't identifying as nonbinary a bit superfluous? Gender is on a spectrum that we all move along to varying degrees. Recognizing this would be true progress, rather than trying to separate ourselves from a perceived herd according to what degree we think we're gender nonconforming.
Best answer, good video. Trying to answer this question is almost a binary exercise anyway, with the idea that you are defined by your relationships with other bodies.
Yeah I like men, but I like non-binary people who where a girl… help. Wait- TYSM!! Ok, ok, I guess I’m Bisexual! 💗💜💙
My non-binary partner is probably the most understanding human being I've ever met. I'm deeply in love with them & it is what it is. I didn't ask to fall in love, it just happened, somewhere between the late night conversations & love for animals...
I love the intro! Keep up the awesome work!
I see that Bronco blanket in the back!!! Yay! 🔷🔶🔷🔶🔷🔶🔷
Well, I am non-binary....and have recently discovered I am on both the asexual and aromatic spectrums. Gender doesn’t figure in my attractions at all. But I am married to a cis male who identifies as straight. Personally, I don’t mind that. I am the only non-cis person he has ever had a romantic relationship with, so I don’t think it negates his stated sexuality (except for the fact that I think he may also on the asexual spectrum, since it was always important to him to form a romantic attachment before starting a sexual relationship).
Great video!! French fan
Ahah same here :p
Thank you, this was very informative.
I don't know what i am I'm attracted to men and nonbinary people
Im a girl and i called myself queer for many years, but lately ive been realizing i may be a lesbian with comphet but i know id go out with a nonbinary person, can i still call myself a lesbian? Im so confused
I'm enby and I'm attracted to people who are amab/or had surgery to look like a man. I was afab so does it make me queer or "straight"? I have no idea ;_;
I am non-binary and I like girls and non-binary just not boys? What is my sexuality? I’m not sure what it would be I want to be real.
I’m confused like I’m not completely female but like I still feel personally that I am like 30% female and 70% idk even know what that means but it confuses me a lot and I like boys idk I’m confused I like- help 🤧😭😫
Wait so if you are male and would date females and non binary people, what is your sexuality?
Great video 👏🏻
MAYBE this is a question that cannot have a valid answer. One of my arguments for not wanting to be labeled. I am just who i am, not a pill bottle or a can of soup. The last time i checked I was a female and am only attracted to other females Perhaps it's all about the person that you're dating or maybe love??
As long as the don't see me the way I want to be seen, I don't particularly care what they call themselves.
So I’m having trouble defining my preference , so basically I’ve never had a crush but I’m mostly attracted to girls, non binary people , and gender fluid people , that’s all that I know of that I’d like the idea of a relationship with , but if I was dating a girl and she told me she’s transgender and wants to turn into a boy I’d still date them if they still wanted to be with me , I’m not that attracted to straight guys tho (no discrimination ofc just not interested ) so does anyone know what my presence is ,because I don’t know wether to call my self bi, lesbian, pan or anything ?
Yeees!! Just on point. I think all the labels can be non-binary inclusive if one defines them so. In the end they are just words briefly describing the vide diversity of sexuality and gender.
Thanks god i born and raised in traditional and concervitive family .
I call myself straight but they were hot so.....
Thank you for this I have been question what I love or like and so far I really like non-binary people because I feel like I would not have to change who I am if I am with them instead of of being with someone where I have to be a person that is not me but what do I know I have crippling loneliness and I am 15 and questioning my sexuality
I get asked this all the time thanks
I was having this question because I really think I’m a lesbian since I don’t like male genitalia nor men on general and I was thinking I would date a non binary person who has female genitalia but that doesn’t mean I would see them as woman idk if I’m wrong or I explained myself correctly but yeah.
I always thought i was a lesbian but i now realize im pan
great video
Agreeeee
If you replace “I identify as…” with “I’m pretending to be..” the meaning doesn’t change.
Why do modern adults feel compelled to make-believe insane nonsense as if they were small children?
Idk I think I’m confused still lol I’m like mostly straight I think but I feel attraction to a few non binary folks too. Like I have a crush on one now. Like its kinda hard for me to describe it lol b/c they were born female but don’t identify with that anymore so idk if that makes me bi cause they have “feminine” features that I found attractive idk.
Someone please tell me... I’m non-binary... I was born a girl... and I like girls... does that make me straight?
I ask this all the time I'm with a woman n I'm gender bi i dont know what to call myself
If your girlfriend is in love with you, she is not:
1. Lesbian
2.straight
She IS 3. In love
Actually there's a sexuality called skoliosexual. It's a person who's attracted to a non binary person
Wait. Does anyone know Ashley's pronouns? Ashley said their non binary. But I've heard them use she/her while talking about themselves.
Mølly F Ashley uses she/her pronouns. She explains it in one of her videos-> ruclips.net/video/px6mzPxmxuk/видео.html
anxious avocado Oh okay. Thank you.
your dog is beautiful
is saying you're bisexual inclusive to only men and women?
Blue Braun nope! This is a misconception. There are multiple definitions of bisexual that means attraction to two (or more) genders (doesn't say which, so they're not necessarily the binary ones), and also a definition that means having both same gender attraction and different gender attraction.
Thanks for your input!
Deanna Darby Barton "bi" means two.
I belive that bisexual typically means attraction to males or females, as "bi" means "two." Pansexual is when you are attracted to all genders I think. But you never have to go by labels. Just be you!
I identify myself as bi sexual cuz I like both men and women
Thanks this has helped me and my non-binary they-friend xx
agahshsjwosjjds this was so helpful thank you Ashley 💕💕💕💕💕
If a Lesbian has a relationship with a non-binary and the Lesbian thinks of their sex, is that okay to think like that? Or it's just insulting their partner?
I'm gonna call myself bob the goldfish
I’m pan so 😛😛😛😛😛
im bisexual because my brain was made and developed to be attracted to both genders throught a what i can think of a 50/50 "mixture" of estrogen and testosterone in the part of my brain were sexuality comes from
"Both" gender isn't accurate, and how do you know this? What do hormones have to do directly with who we're attracted to? I'm Bi and as far as I know there is nothing dfferent about my hormone levels.
I get to make up a gender? This could take a while...
are you a boy or girl?
SD_ Hadoken Non-Binary
what is binary i am confuse
SD_ Hadoken I’ll clarify 😊. It means that they do not identify with being a male or a female.
can it be anythjing? regardless or biology
SD_ Hadoken They just don’t see themselves as either.
if i had a single shoe for every gender
.
.
.
.
.
.
i would have 1 pair of shoe
SHIGAGUAE "1 pair of shoe." Are you saying there is only one gender?!
Mølly F what they mean is that there are too genders seeing as they said one pair. A pair indicates 2. I don’t agree with SHIGAGUAE I’m just explaining.
Sorry hun but your a woman and will always be one. You can date women or men and thats fine but you just cannot disregard what you are.
Not how that works, at all. Take your ignorance and bigotry elsewhere fuckhead.
@@g1ng3rsn4ps yes just keep inventing new gender identities and the such to be the next marginalized group craving those sweet opression points. In 2020 being homosexual isnt unique or edgy enuf i guess.
As a nb person I would get dysphoric if a gay man, straight man or someone who is solely attracted to masculine presenting people was attracted to me. I think thats okay. For whatever reason, I don't feel that way about people who are solely attracted to feminine people. Because that would be a compliment, since I fear I have lost all my femininity. Someone who is bisexual or pansexual would be ideal for me to date.
That’s something I think of often, because your feelings are very valid. I’ve found that some people think that people who ID as bi bc they like enbies but not the same gender are just straight but invalidating the gender of enbies. Which.... What does that make me then, you know? I like binary men, that’s for sure, not matter if they’re trans or cis, I like men. And I like enbies, typically masculine ones but I’ve been attracted to enbies of all presentations. If I say I’m straight, that erases the identities of those enbies I would be interested in. If I say I’m bi, because I don’t like women at all people would say I can’t be bi, or one that I’ve heard is “transphobic with extra steps.”
@@ChestersonJack hey, ive been struggling with this for a while ive identified as a lesbian for the longest time (before which i identified as pansexual) but i now know i am attracted to non binary folk, i understand a label is all it is, what i call myself doesnt change how i feel but ive been having issues i guess and anothers opinion would be greatly appreciated :) would you say im still a lesbian or bi,pan etc? now im thinking about it les is really invalidating nb people as its the attraction to women... agh im just so confused
@@ChestersonJack ah i just misread your comment were in the same boat😭
@@hawtyyy9682 I’m kind of glad I’m not the only one. I just worry if I start IDing as bi, a girl will hit on me and I’ll have to explain that “I’m bi but I don’t like girls” which just feels like I’m saying it for the label, you know?
@@hawtyyy9682 Hey, I'm nonbinary and I don't mind lesbians including me in their attraction, but obviously not every nby person is comfortable with gendered terms so I'd suggest asking nonbinary people you're interested in their personal feelings on it! (You can frame it as just being curious, you don't have to tell them you're personally attracted to them). Some people also use the term 'bi lesbian' although there is controversy around that as well, just use whatever you're comfortable with and ask what others are comfortable with, too!
what if a lesbian had dated you when you still identified as a woman and she would get back together with you now? how you identify in your mind determines and thus changes her innate sexuality? if you took hormones/transitioned, it might be different, because your sex would have changed, but not conforming to gender roles doesn't alter your physical chemistry another lesbian who e.g. doesn't know you might initially get attracted to. whether you in your mind feel dysphoric or uncomfortable with wrongly used pronouns isn't relevant to someone born with lesbian sexuality whose body naturally gets attracted to bodies assigned female at birth with all the hormones, pheromones, etc. that come with it.
please im so confused- like i feel like im a lesbian but i also like nonbinary people- and id feel bad to call myself a lesbian and put down the nonbinary community (im nonbinary myself)- wtf do i do? like im trying to look into it but i cant find anything
As a queer person, this was a great video and honestly gave me a new perspective. Thank you!
As a lesbian I would date a nonbinary person( I am dating a nonbinary person) and I'm completely fine with this. I'm the lesbian it's ok with me and it should be ok with my partner. And that's it if I'm ok with how I identify if you truly like someone then you should be ok with it too