Awakening Story: "It Wasn't What I Thought!"
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- Опубликовано: 10 дек 2024
- A nice discussion with Monica, an art teacher in public schools and a long time dharma practitioner.
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About my videos: These videos are a resource for anyone wishing to wake up from the dream of separation. Awakening, enlightenment, and liberation are becoming far more mainstream possibilities than they once were. There are many good teachers out there, and if you resonate with the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, Rupert Spira, or Sadhguru, you might find resources here that address these deeper promptings to investigate your true nature.
Disclaimer: The information presented in these videos is not meant to diagnose or treat any psychiatric or medical illness. The inquiries presented herein are potent and can have powerful effects on the way you experience yourself and reality. If you feel you are at risk of harming yourself or others, these videos and practices may not be the best thing for you at the moment. Seek help wherever necessary which might include a hospital emergency department, a suicide helpline etc.
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OMG. This is 100% my experience too. I'm so glad to hear I wasn't alone, especially the whole "Merit Train" thing and a lack of self-love. Wow. Very eye-opening conversation.
These conversations are the best possible use of the internet 🙏
I agree!
🦋🙏🔥
I agree
I loved this whole beautiful conversation and felt compelled to comment because of that lovely moment around the 51 minute pleaseoint when Monica speaks about the mind dreaming everything up to simply experience itself from inside itself and subjectively via itself!! Since my first realisation via dmt about fifteen years ago I've had this experience numerous times and it was so lovely to hear Monica describing the same. Thank you both for such a valuable and utterly uplifting conversation. 😍
This helped me so much in letting go all of the expectations of awakening which the mind was still heavily clinging on to! Thank you so much!
i didn't want this conversation to end ! would be really nice to see this beautiful being again
[57:25] That's why awakening helps people, because it gets you out of the way so you can actually help people.
so good so right so beautiful
I'm listening to this blindfolded on LSD and the experience of this interaction is beyond value to me.
Mu
Can LSD trigger Awakening?
Curiousity…..falling in love with how the mind works….gold.
40:15, 46:00, 53:00, 1:01:10 (reminder for myself, important parts)
I am so grateful for both of you and this conversation. It was exactly what I needed to hear at this moment. It reminds me what is needed is always here :) ❤
i enjoyed the comment about "you can't just give up and let's see what happens". things seemed to not be working before and i heard some spiritual people say things like "when all hope is lost, one becomes enlightened" or "when one gives up, one becomes enlightened". i think that helped to an extent, but it also enabled a very very sticky "i give up", lazy, no-heart, no-effort attitude and identity structure to ALL OF LIFE for like 4+ months for me. also a strong belief, doubt, and skepticism in enlightenment was formed. only like in the last few days have i started to rid of it and gotten a huge rejuvenation in my energy and joy - Thanks to Angelo
Wonderful, thank you both for sharing.
I didn't even realize that an awekening had occured because there where no "me" experiencing any longer but only experience without suffering or resistance. A simple flow.
Yes it can be strange to have no reference point for sure
@@SimplyAlwaysAwake Freedom. Beauty and perfection in everything and everyone.
Thank you so much. Grace, trust, gratitude.
A great interview. And so paradoxical! She speaks of losing the egotistic me-centered way of living and also talks about being grateful, being curious, still feeling the pull of the ego centered self and wanting to explore what reality is! If there is no “I”, then Reality is simply exploring itself and Monica’s sense of consciousness is along for the ride.
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!! Thank you for sharing this- art teacher experiencing art!
Monica,
No “if” about whether you can aid others!
You are!
Deeply grateful…
🙏🦋🔥
This is a wonderful interview! So down to earth, genuine and with humility. Monica , you covered so many relatable aspects of an awakening process that others will be able to resonate with and be inspired by. Angelo, thank you for your great work in spreading the message of awakening and making it more accessible and attainable for others. I loved watching this interview!!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Not only is is super helpful (and playful!!) to see all of this from another point of view, but she also elicits such different reactions from you, Angelo, and just to have captured this organic conversation for us is a wonderful gift. And to actually feel invited into this opening. As someone said below, definitely the best use of the internet! More and more I appreciate your choice to downplay religious terminology and find the most natural way to use the internet to talk directly to us in the most natural and obvious way... All just a wonderful way to "be tuned". A continued thanks!
stil so valuable; "enlightenment", "buddha", "buddhism", "meditation", all these `spiritual` ideas became extremely strong fixations in my mind. not to mention, stream enterer, non-returner, arahat, boddhisatva, next life, past life, etc. merit and karma too with a lot of guilt and shame related to "good" and bad actions; and fear related to rebirth and hell like she said
my mind was filled; went through a big heap of deconditioning like she said
not to the mention, this whole idea of a "path" from point a to point b; or not being on the path vs being on the path (which started to really get enmeshed in right vs wrong, fear, guilt, shame, despair, etc.)
Thank you, she brought me back.
"Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world." ~ Ramana Maharshi
You brought up the idea that our lived freedom is a benefit to all, which is said even more strongly by Ramana Maharishi.
So beautiful to watch and hear! So much joy, compassion and love. Love it!
I relate to the pressure and time running out before bad stuff happens that Monica speaks about. Her Sharing is so helpful. Thank you both xx
What a beautiful interview. I feel so much lighter watching it. It is so down to earth and inspirational at the same time. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing this video. I don’t quite understand all the things that you talk about, but strange enough I could feel your energy behind it, which is something deeper from being. And I felt connected.
A lovely interview. I always find it so interesting to hear how unique each story of unfolding is, and yet, ultimately, the Truth or Reality is one (undivided.) Thank you so much for sharing and thank you Monica. 🙏🏼💖
Thanks for watching
And it all comes back to driving🤣🤣. I keep saying I need to spend more time in my car as every story has a component of realization in a car. Beautiful story ❤️❤️
Wait, Renee,
You didn’t get the memo that you can only wake up in a car?
I took a job as a pizza delivery guy…
😆😎
Oh, I love this conversation!
It’s like an embodiment of, or an open window into liberation.
So light, accessible, and refreshing.
Love and so grateful to both of you!
🙏🔥💎🦋💜
I love hearing these stories. I’m so happy for her, all that work certainly paid off. Thanks for sharing 😊
Our pleasure!
a wonderful honest sharing ! and these words arose...Trust/confidence Relaxation in/with the Love that You/WE are❣🙏
Hi Angelo, this talk really resonated with me. My expectations were so far out, both for the awakening experience itself and for the effects I’d experience afterwards, that when it happened I downplayed it and told myself that couldn’t be it. However the identity shift and other realizations that I had continued. My point is those seeking to awaken really do need to throw away expectations as much as possible. Monika is great and down to earth and very wise!
Yes it’s a side effect I try to mitigate but it’s just what the egoic mind does with “awakening” 😂😂😂
And yet somehow the process still works!!
That interview was amazing!
I loved this conversation! I've been shedding the drive to "be productive" that I grew up with. It seemed to come from a deep sense of unworthiness and pain and the element of curiosity was totally missing. A few years ago I read A Curious Mind by Brian Grazer and I felt myself open in a way that was new and exciting. My Buddhist practice has encouraged the 'investigation' of experience in a helpful way for several years but a sense of heaviness can still be present and at times I've felt discouraged by my efforting. For me it can feed into an unhealthy way of questing for peace and connection. These days, I feel a oneness with people and nature very much like the description here. The very real sense that we're all one is at once liberating and also challenging. I do believe continued relaxed intentional curiosity will help me know how to be in this world.
I love the way she conveys this.
This may be the most pragmatic discussion of awakening that I've come across. You guys hit on so many universal truths about the ego and it's defenses. Thank you.
You're welcome
Absolutely loved the tone of this interview so grounded and so joyful. Both of you expressing desire for service wonderful. Thanks for sharing xx
Great interview I always find them so powerful and helpful!
Wonderful stuff. Thanks for recording and sharing these interviews. Love um.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Completely delightful. Thank you Monica and Angelo.
Our pleasure!
Great interview! Loved her story! It was so relatable.
Thanks for listening
Monica, I am VERY encouraged by hearing your story! Very timely for me. Hearing this has already triggered a couple realizations today... This conversation was sneaky powerful!
Thank you
!!!
Way to go Monica! So happy for you!
❤ I love this, a fantastic interview. Monica is amazing; I find myself practicing, pushing and pulling as she describes. I so appreciate what she shares. Much gratitude to you both. 🙏🏻🙏🏻❤
brilliant sharing - such key points - thank you - imagine just driving 5 hours with That
I definitely resonate with her path and her experiences.
Loved this. I think it relates very much to my obsession with practice.
I loved this video. Its inspiring and encouraging and warm and accessible. Thanks for doing it bc I relate to being driven into action around awakening. Good to be reminded that I am not the one in control. No one is! ♥️❤️♥️
You are so welcome!
You both have my heart. I needed to hear this. 💖
😊💜
Beautiful conversation! Thank you Angelo and Monica.
✨🙏❤️🔥🙏✨
Oh so clear. Very helpful, very similar experience and pointing to my blind spots.... so down to earth and practical discovery.
Glad it was helpful!
I have already listened twice...and I forsee listening at least another 10 times....not that I need it 🤔😁but I do! Thanks so much both of you for such a fantastic interview!
Thanks for listening!
Me too!! I have listened 3 times. So direct. So much there.
38:48 It was the mind shrugging. luv that description.
love it.
Thank you both for sharing.
❤️🙏
💛 Thank you. Absolutely wonderful. I especially liked the unguarded moment of "It's a huge F'n release" along with what was said earlier about people imagining some buddha emanating this holy light. Just everyday life, that's gorgeous.
Maybe compassion without suffering is the only thing that does make sense, quite unparadoxically.
So happy for Monica!!
That was heart warming thank you both x
Welcome
Great conversation and very helpful. Thank you
Welcome
Awesome, Monica! Thanks for sharing!
My awakening was rather like a shrug, too. "Oh. Yeah. That thing I've heard and intuited for years? Yep. Sure enough. Sure enough. Wow. OK."
There have been "honeymoon moments" rather than a honeymoon phase. Times when I'm just so content to be driving down the highway with trees and a sky all around. Moments when I drop categorizations and can just be with the being of someone or something. Times when my child melting down in front of all the other parents is just fine. It's just what is. (I comfort her, of course. That's what is, too.)
The doubt mass still has momentum, and it can be very clever and still has many cracks where it can find toe-holds. But it's much less compelling when I remember to be present with what is actually here. And honestly, Mr. Doubtfire, how can I be brainwashing myself by staying present in my own awareness of what's here in the sense fields, including the energetic body? And just seeing thoughts as thoughts? What is here that can be brainwashing me? As opposed to all that other stuff that's been brainwashing me since birth?
Presence melts the icebergs out from under the ego, it seems. Slowly slowly. So, here we go.
I'm sure u understand this already, but these interviews you do are gold!
I stumble with some of the things you say, most of it is similar but not relatable in some ways, but part of the interviewed person storyline may, and did this time, hit home with someone. So similar but different. Something said just hits home...
Ya!! That's what I feel/see/experience.. ya know.
Thank you so much to both of you!!
I’m glad they’re helpful!
So beautiful 🤩 Ty both so much ❤
Hi .wow this has been a wonderful help in my spiritual wisdom . As iv been on the path for 10 years now . And I still find myself trying to do and bring myself presents. But to let go and let be is the best feeling. Thanks for up load 🙂👌
You’re welcome ☺️
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing. If anyone notices, there were “stages” prior to awakening.
“Practice enlightenment” that clicked! This is a sweet, relatable funny account of her experience. Thank you and Monica so much for sharing this and trying to talk about it. It’s funny how you hear a tiny little thing and you’re not always sure what it was but this time it was the description you two tried to explain…”practice enlightenment” I know you’ve said it before but I heard it this time.
It does feel very much like a dream at times. Somehow the visual view is instantly different BUT not from outside it’s instantly altered from inside-it immediately passes but it’s undeniable.
Also for now, you two helped me understand and confirm I am ok with this “not seeking” thing per se. Even though I still meditate as often as I can because its where I first discovered where to look-it’s just like home for me for now. But now instead of coming out of my meditating time and white knuckling the job of adulting out in the world, I just go around asking myself can you let go of the selfing going on in this second? Just dozens of tiny little experiments during the day. That’s what I’m doing. It’s exciting and frustrating at times but wow. Thank you two!
I haven’t watched the video yet but I definitely relate to the title. Such a weird “thing” to realize that what I’ve gone around the world seeking is my very being and I’ve never not known this. I’ve never not been this and yet I was looking for…what? Haha Reality has literally been the very nose on my face (so to speak.) The difficulty for me is the apparent yo-yo “seeing” of such a simple fact. What even is “struggle” or “difficulty” when it’s just what’s actually here, wide open without boundaries, without friction? I really don’t know.
Beautiful
Such a regular interview haha. My mind wants crazy dramatic stories of loss and gain and loss!
Thank you
This was so wonderful. Her personality and her unique and genuine way of conveying her message and talking about her experience were very profound and beautiful. The funny thing is I was so confused and triggered when first I started to watch it that I just wanted to message you what the heck is this Angelo?! :)))
Thanks for this!
Although good to mention I admire her persistency and hard work. It’s the opposite for me! I know I just need to look closely! but instead I get easily distracted by more conceptual knowing, searching, and understanding! which I know it’s just my ego’s effort to escape the death and exposed truth…But anyway, I know when it’s supposed to happen it happens…what else is needed to do anyways?!
I always want to say something cool after watching these but all that comes is thank you 🙏🏻
You’re welcome
Thank you for sharing this
Great Monica!!!
31:11 I want very much to consider going on a retreat just to be around people who won’t think I’m off my rocker. Meditating all day long sounds like heaven and I want to experience how to share this love & peace in a more effective way with those I work with.
I highly recommend it
Absolutely beautiful ❤
The awakening experience here appears to deepen further and further . I see that what I really am is actually more like what I originally thought was the background of everything. I originally saw that everything was just happening and also saw that there is no individual inside the body but for a long time the energy of being SOMETHING was still strong. So I could see there was actually no one but I still operated as an individual, I felt individual. And then out of the blue I will just have a deepening of the seeing of emptiness , or of the aliveness of consciousness . I can’t even explain but maybe other people will be able to relate . Having profound realizations but if you say the realization out loud it’s the exact same information you realized already, just deeper 😆
I feel like awakening never ends does it? I wouldnt want it to end . And also it’s so intricate. You can have so many profound realizations about so many different things . So just when you think you’re fully awake you are shown that no, no you aren’t 😆
It is endless yes. There’s a quantum shift with no-self realization but beyond that there is still refinements ongoing
Hey Angelo, can you please expand on how the message of "non practice" might be unhelpful from someone who is identified with "not doing anything"?
if you have a genaral avoidant tone in life then non-practice will just endorse your tendency to avoid the discomfort of discovery of what actually makes you suffer
Interesting. Sometimes I wonder whether I am looking for something I already realize, which would be such a joke.
I also tried the breath meditation for some time but never liked it because it was so mechanical, so artificial. Later I discovered Ramana and asked myself who I am, but thanks to you I realized this method is also kinda lost on me because I already know I am not this body and these thoughts. I've been aware of my awareness for as long as I can remember. This makes me feel kinda cheated by the whole Spiritual Industrial Complex.
I'm just looking for a way out of this deep suffering and disillusion with life. Did a lot of shadow work over the past years, it's amazing to see all the conditioned shit bubbling up. Don't know where it leads to but I just let it all happen. Life pushes me in this direction very clearly, but it's such a hard and painful place to be in. Sometimes I literally feel like I am in eternal hell.
I’m guessing that initial shift hasn’t occurred for you yet, but I can’t be sure. However it’s an important insight to realize it’s not the big payoff the ego has been looking for, because that endless seeking (even if spiritual) is largely (but not exclusively) the cause of suffering. The shadow work will pay off for sure but a shift in identity is critical (seeing unequivocally that you are not what you take yourself to be). :)
@@SimplyAlwaysAwake Thank you so much. I realize the endless seeking and expectations are causing the suffering, but my mind just cannot let go of it.
I have not realized the shift yet. But I think I may have had a glimpse when I woke up one morning about two years ago. I hugged my wife as per usual but this time it felt like I was hugging myself. Everything had this quality about it that it felt like me. I felt extremely relaxed, where usually I feel always so contracted. Everything felt so light and refreshing. Lasted only about an hour.
“Spiritual Industrial Complex!”
Love it!
😄😆😎
Lovely isn't it! 🙂All credit to someone, somewhere, on the interwebs.
@@subject_5056h yes those pretastes are a good sign you are oriented to waking up. One koan could be “why can’t I make myself wake up?”
Gratitude.
The funny thing is that there is nothing that knows what is happening... it just happens... and there is also a knowledge that cannot be put into words. It's like knowing something about yourself.
Everything happens... just this.
Also the thought that comes up.....why at all, one tries to explain what is right now....which basically just is.
Who recognizes this and what is surprised about it?
It's like self-knowledge as what is.
@Nat
Yes, just a thought....."I want to find out something"....nothing more.
There is nothing that wants to find out something.....only what is😊
Have a nice Monday too 💛
@@birgit8996 Thank you! 💛
8:36 I think I had to same story of reincarnation cause a lot of suffering here until I realized it’s a story. Also the idea that we need to be happy and shove sorrow down was a trip. 😅Nice talk!
watched the video again this morning, because when I listened to it yesterday I was a little bit drowsy.
I’m so happy for Monica. What a great relief. It was very encouraging and helpful to listen how you, Monica, did all the investigation into yourself. I’m curious if your awakening has changed anything in your artwork? And in your interbeing with your students?
I don’t remember who of you two said that the universe is totally in balance. I hope that us 8 billion lunatics don’t even touch the periphery of this balance.
Thanks again, I really enjoyed the interview.
Love
Thanks so much for this video. I find myself in it. The only thing I find kinda confusing is Monica describing her inquiry asking "what is mu? Who is thinking?" and waiting for something happening. Thats exactely what I am doing every day. So, just to be sure that I didn´t get anything wrong out of your videos on self inquiry, is this not right?: Ask "who or where am I" an see what comes up. Maybe there is a thougt, okay, let it go. Then ask again who am I? And so on? Until it gets somehow "silent" and then rest there...? Many thanks in advance :-)
Yes that is good approach but it’s critical to also recognize in those moments the subtle thought “I am resting here” “I am waiting” etc. In my book the chapter on awakening describes a somewhat different approach in regards to thoughts, this is a bit more incisive when it comes to penetrating thoughts.
@@SimplyAlwaysAwake Thanks :-) The funny thing is, I already read that chapter in your book. But simultaneously, I watched about hundred of your videos in the last weeks in order to find the "supposed missing piece of my puzzle". Therefore I think my mind is starting to get weird. Anyway, I will reread that chapter. Thank you so much for your work ;-)
Who wants a puzzle piece and for what?What is missing,right now and who is missing something?
@@birgit8996 Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts....as always :-)
@@sandrakalthoff9384
😊❤👍
I was lost in emotional pain then the viel lifted. I prayed b4 but that's about it.
I just found my new Koan. “There is no fucking clown.” 🧘♀️
Time stamp of 38:25 is what I think the title refers to if any one wants to jump to it.
"It was like the mind shrugging and deciding that it wasn't worth it anymore." (it being a sense of personhood, leading to a huge decrease in suffering).
I have a question to Angelo... is the action by the human before awakening and after awakening the exact same, just now without a self referential inner narrative?
I am helped.
Also you often say, where are you taking reference from for the pushing and pulling. What does reference mean, can you give an example?
sure, if you sau there's someone following me, I might ask you to show me what you are referencing to know that
Pushing and pulling is the contraction of the mind - the I like this I don't like this mind. We do it constantly if you watch carefully it literally feels like a contraction inside the mind but once you see it it's very obvious.
This is awesome! I need help. I’ve had glimpses and have been working hard for a long time. I’ve been practicing Mahayana/Vajrayana for 20 years, dabbled in adventa Vedanta, but searching my whole life. I had a glimpse/shakti pat that was so thorough, so incredible and it lasted about a week. Is awakening like that but permanent? I’ve tried everything to get back there. I’m frustrated. I need help. ❤
Consider 1:1 with good non-dual teacher. That may have been an initial awakening, a bit hard to tell here.
Once, after settling a long and tedious legal battle, I woke up and felt like as if a million pounds had been taken off my shoulders. Your story reminded me of that state of being . Unfortunately, the euphoria didn't last. It slowly faded away within a couple of weeks. Later, when I learned about this fantastic state of being that is Awakening, I quickly made the link in my mind that real Awakening must resemble what I had lived through. Since then, meditation and research have been an integral part of my life. I'm I on the right track?
@@jimviau327 yes for sure
Can RUclips alone provide an adequate sangha - support, inspiration, ...?
BTW this conversation was wonderfully authentic and released.
Yes! Why not? :))). With that said always here open to whatever resources present themselves :))))
@@deborahminkoff7526 who is that?
I don't actually care about the nature of reality or whatever. I wish I did in some ways but I don't. Perhaps I did and didn't get anywhere. I can't really remember. I would be happy with just a normal life where I can actually listen to what people are saying etc.
you're probably more oriented to ending your own suffering
@@SimplyAlwaysAwake yes, I think you're right.
Lovely ❤️❤️
Cool
Where is Chandler?
This may sound hard to believe but I didn't have a guru it was just something I knew to do years later I found out what it was called but I hade a natural knowing of Kundalini and knew the practices of it but I was practically born in a through chockra disembody beings were always around me and my belief is that's what a medium is and they don't know it
❤
How about loneliness when you are doing the work?
Definitely comes up
@@SimplyAlwaysAwake Do you embrace the lonliness?
@@MrADTNZ I don’t experience loneliness anymore. However it will inevitably come up during this process. Just be willing to feel it as fully as possible. This is what I recommend.
Great question…I also wanted to know:)
The ego will usually freakout in everyway possible as it desperately tries to keep up the illusion. So yes, more than likely youll experience loneliness.
Who is Angelo?
❤❤
Beautiful ❤