I was married in Japan for 12 years and was cheated on by my wife. The way I found out was because I got an STD and I was faithful to her the entire marriage so there's only one person it could have come from. You have no idea the amount of damage cheating does to someone. I'm lucky that I am still alive. "Staying alive" was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life after that. But I'm still here in Japan doing my best to push forward.
I agree 100% with you, but also she may have said that because the daughter was looking at her like she was disgusting and the worst person ever. Even as women, we find it more 'forgiving' when a man cheats than when a woman cheats, unfortunately.
@@mark9294 Women and men are not the same. Stop the stupidity, there are different standards, expectations and responsibilities. If you want to have a serious talk, let's not simplify to the point of denying nature and social standards.
My father cheated on my mom and I witnessed her pain, fights, and separation as the eldest child. I 100% have trust issues that I can't get over even now as an adult.
The story of the young woman who learned of her mother’s infidelity and was blamed by her mother was heartbreaking. I can understand why she refers to her mother as “that woman.” I can’t understand how a mother could throw away her relationship with her own daughter over an affair.
Because that direct correlation isn't being made. It's not my affair verses my daughter. It's probably years of feeling ignored or unattractive by your spouse, but also trapped in that marriage for the sake of your child. Then an unhealthy resentment builds because people are not communicating. And then an outside escape presents itself. While in a clear state of mind, one knows it's wrong; but the mind and heart don't always align. And in moments of weakness, people may indulge in selfishness to heal some of the hurt inside. Obviously, it's wrong. But I think there's a lot more gray area than this simple condemnation of "cheaters". Also, remember that Japanese culture is quite different than Western. So certain fundamentals like honest communication are far more difficult to achieve.
You wouldn't understand much, then. The entire point of women taking a man's surname is because every house can only maintain a SINGLE woman. They can't SHARE a name, in uniform like all sorts of masculine collectives can. Men need to step up and provide households so that "our things" would always in effect belong to THE woman of the house, no matter what kind of servant actually deliveres it, husband or a lesser man. It's girls who are kicked out of the mother's house, or run away because they can no longer tolerate the emotional dominance hierarchy. Surnames are given different ways in different cultures but this is one constant of the human species.
While I doubt her mother told her “It’s your fault” as coldly as the lady described it, it’s clear that she interpreted it that way and obviously doesn’t justify a parent putting blame on a child merely for existing. It’s not like she was asked to be born in that family.
I was married to a Japanese woman for three years and then divorced. In her mind, it was perfectly acceptable to be friends with many other men, including every single one of her exes. Friends might be one thing but admitting you’re going to meet other men for drinks and dinner is an entire other matter. There is something about that culture in which they do not see sexual activities with other people as anything to be concerned with. Frankly it has tainted my view on Japan in general, I can’t get over how a country that throws around the words loyalty and duty so much doesn’t apply it to the most fundamental relationship between a man and a woman. What does it say about a country in which you can sue your spouses sexual partner in court to get them to stop? there’s a lot to admire about Japan and it’s culture but their views on loyalty to their spouses is pretty disgusting.
I agree with you. They don’t have a cultural history of marrying for love. And remember the tatemae culture is stronger than loyalty or honesty culture. They also don’t have a history of Christian morality affecting their morals. So even as an atheist, growing up in a culture that values the opposite, it is quite a shock.
I agree, if they don’t value the family and love over their lust and attention from others, then Japan isn’t really a stable country of people with morals and respect. They lack so much communication that every individual neglects themselves. The woman are used and abuse there, which makes you wonder what kind of mindsets these women have on relationships.
My dad cheated on my mom constantly, he even involved us in his infidelity by using us as alibi (for example, he made me give math lessons to the son of a woman he was having sex with just to have an excuse to go to her house while her husband was not there). I started investigating on my own, and i found letters, condoms...it was so disgusting. I later found out that my mom knew, but kept everything quiet, and endured in silence because she wanted us to have a family and a father: she would even send birthday gifts for his child that he got with one of his mistress, while pretending to be him (because my father never cared to do it). Now, in most of my relationships i have been cheated on myself, the current one being the worst as the cheating is paired with emotional and financial abuse. I don't even know who i am anymore, that's how empty it makes you feel eventually. I find it so scary how cheating is being normalized (not just in Japan but everywhere in general), completely ignoring the destruction it causes and even often blaming the victims: there is going to be growing epidemic of people with emotional traumas.
@@mark9294 no need to be wealthy, he basically lived like a bachelor in the house, only showing up to shower and eat and then he would disappear as soon as he arrived, he only spent the money he earned for himself.
Why not put relationships off for awhile and figure yourself out first? Or if you can’t do that, find someone who is uglier than you, who would be too incompetent to cheat.
@@justarandompally i wish i could agree, but it only takes a few minutes on tinder or bumble with the age range set higher (25-40 for example) to see the women and presumably men who are married and looking for an affair: They put it in their bio that they are married
@@crazguykwan8955 I would strongly advise against using dating apps to find trustworthy partners, at least in Japan. Of course you'll see s lot of people looking for an affair there
Sad to hear her saying, she had to go on Twitter to talk about her issues cause "you can't talk about things like these with your friends.." I am Finnish and we could talk about everything with my friends as teenagers - like if parents had problems with alcohol or even if someone heard their parent was cheating or if there were lots of conflicts between the parents, what ever.. That was our strength - sharing things with friends, since we often did not want to talk to adults about our problems. I am almost 50 years old now and we still share all our worries and thoughts between friends and I think I could not have gotten through my life without being able to have such close friends.
I’m American, and yes, we are super multicultural here so not everyone is alike. There are people from all cultural backgrounds here. A lot of people think we are all like the media portrays us. We aren’t. As stand-offish and introverted as I am, I never felt that I couldn’t confide in my friends.
I greatly respect the young women, who was interviewed by The Japan Reporter, her experience with her mom's cheating was heartbreaking. I can understand why she cut her mom off from her life, however I think she didn't make peace with what happened, since it clearly haunts her and has ruined her perception of marriage. I hope she becomes successful in life despite her experience and if marriage is not written for then so be it, but she will have to live with the consequences of that decision. Marriage is not easy, and it requires the person to make an effort to understand the other person and what they require from the marriage. You can't be mad or blame someone else for your choices. Making things clear and establishing boundaries is essential in any relationship, and people need to stop giving up when things start to get hard. There is always a way to resolve things in a positive and appropriate manner.
Great work Nobita. You kept yourself professional inspite of the circumstances. That's what it means to be a journalist. Tell the stories and don't get involved. These stories NEED to be heard.
They never knew how to communicate. Japanese subtle unspoken communication only works within your own gender, age group and socioeconomic status. Saying what you mean to say is much better for communication with diverse groups like the other gender.
@@ch4.hayabusa The Japanese method of communication is too indirect and too passive. Everyone is too worried about what other people are thinking. It’s difficult to be honest or authentic, which is why instead of addressing a lot of issues in a marriage, people just turn to cheating. Communication is so important for healthy relationships.
@@abcdefg-oj5wn There's also a big difference between communication at the workplace, or with friends, for example, and telling your partner about your feelings. I'm rather straightforward as a person when it comes to communication, but nevertheless I find it very hard to talk about feelings. I suppose because my parents never did it either. They didn't (to my knowledge) cheat on each other and it was harmonious and everything, but we never talked about relationships etc.
Because you either devote your life to working and earning for a living or to your family. Can't have both anymore because your are expected to hice your all at work, or get replaced.
Breaks my heart hearing about such infidelity. Cheating is unacceptable and normalizing it will destroy future generations. Loyalty and commitment to someone who genuinely loves you, is what truly gives life meaning.
"future generations", Japan won't have that problem for long, the government that made everything so bad is going to flood their country with immigrants from the third world to keep up their sham economy
First seconds of the interview she says: "Obviously you can't talk to your friends about such a problem". I found that pretty sad. The word "obviously" makes that an even stronger statement for me, because it means that most people in Japan would think the same way. Why can't you talk to your friends about it? Are they gonna make fun of you? Think less of you? If not your friends, who can you talk to? I thought friends were there to talk about anything in your life. Is this common in Japan that friendsships have this barrier? Can you call those people friends then?
Yes they are still friends but I think it's about differing expectations, and it's not just Japan but more on that later. If you read deeper online about why many move to Japan to live and work, and then many move back - one reason is that they feel that they can't make real friends. As someone from Asia, I think it's because they apply the same definition and expectations of friendship from their home country when they move over to Japan. It's not just Japan, in many other parts of Asia - we have similar but slightly different definitions and lines/boundaries to how we define "friend", although different from how the Japanese view it, it's even more different compared to how "the West" views friendships. The culture I grew up in, you certainly do NOT talk to friends about everything, many things are acceptable but there are red lines that society teaches us not to cross. I think it's part of the culture shock that westerners have when they move to live in Asia - they think friendship universally means the same thing across cultures, when it really doesn't.
@@danielloo8868i live in South East Asia and that certainly doesn’t feel true. I see plenty of people relying and talking to their friends about personal matters (e.g. partners cheating on them, breakups, etc.) and it’s also across generations. My grandparents and parents have close friends they confide and cry to. Heck my partner’s father lent money to his friend which ended up scamming him and leaving my partner’s father in debt. I understand you meant “many other parts of Asia” so you might not have included the countries I was talking about but, I just wanted to point out to anyone reading your post in the future that friendships where you are open about everything DO exists in Asia and it’s not as uncommon as it seems.
it's not just a Japanese thing, most kids are not comfortable talking about family issues with their friends because they fear being judged. I know I felt really broken and dirty coming from a toxic family so it was something I tried hard to conceal
After reading a good chunk of the comments and the disastrous consequences of infidelity , i hope this inspired people to not cheat on their partner. 😔 Dont be in a relationship if youre not disciplined enough to fight off temptation
@@redroverskIn what world does every woman run on jealousy? Look to Our Lady in prayer and say that about women. *I DARE YOU.* (I do not want you to, of course. I would rather you realize the error of what you have said, and seek to live in Christlike virtue.)
Cheating is greedy. It means you're too lazy to accept the inconvenience of filing for divorce before dating other people while still indulging in extramarital affairs. Even if you don't love your spouse anymore and the marriage makes you unhappy, at least be respectful of your spouse and the happy parts of the marriage you once had and say that you want to file for a divorce. And for goodness sake, make damn sure to tell your children that it's not their fault that you want to divorce your spouse and that you still love them unconditionally.
That takes mental maturity and the fortitude to community which isnt being taught at all by the parent(s) or guardian(s) which is clearly not the case here.
I think some cheaters aren’t even just lazy but also enjoy the thrill of getting away with something and sneaking around. Emotionally damaged people who enjoy hurting the ones that love them most so they can get aroused and feel a rush. My mom is one of those people and a part of me really hates her.
I've come across this in all cultures. I've heard a lot about it living in Japan and people are nonchalant about it. I get so mad because it's so morally wrong and selfish. Even more, blaming the kids for your indiscretions is trash. You deserve all the bad Karma coming your way if you are like this. No sympathy for such people.
I do believe that most people in Japan are against cheating. However, cheaters tend to hang out with other cheaters and influence those within their friend groups (or even families). If they're nonchalant about it with others, it's because they're speaking to people who are of a similar mindset/belief.
i know in japan people are not open to talk about this type of issue. but man, you took risk to bring this up. kudos to you, man. i hope this encourage others in japan to see, that yes, you could express it and discuss it. its important.
The child should never be the blame for a parent to cheat. The other side of it is those who have been cheated on, may find it hard to trust others out of fear of it happening again. Which it may come down to those who are in a similar boat that know the pain could work together as a couple- some may want to see the other side of it to see how they felt, and others would not want to do that to their partner. The child of a negative/positive choice can have 2 sides to it, 1 they see how their parents are and want to be just like them, 2 see how their parents are and want to be nothing like them. A workaholic - can be both positive and negative, works to provide for the family, but also works to much to not have time for family. There needs to be some type of balance so that it would be beneficial to their family.
Then your parents would be so bad that even though they go out and connect with other people, enough to have children, they created NO sense of security other than some vague promise that they would never again do that with any other people. If kids demand this sort of safety, it's correct that people will no longer have kids. Don't even go out and have kids with that FIRST person, because you two combined can create no sense of security, only a fantasy that two losers sticking together will automatically be secure. I can see why kids no longer have families. They only believe in safety and security of being alone. They don't only run away from heir parents home because cheating scares them, they run away from their own future relationships, they just get the excuse that because nobody was involved it's not the same as cheating, but "better", when in fact it's worse. My parents who are not together put together something that is better than nothing. That's how I can exist and judge this issue.
A lot of men seem to think that paying for sex is not even cheating.. i was so shocked when i talked about this with my japanese ex boyfriend, who don't even use these services, but didn't see the problem until i asked him how he would feel if I went to an host club while dating him... 🤦♀️
@@Yvanya I’m curious what is his mother’s opinion about it. I was surprised many Japanese women are fine because then husband doesn’t complain about the equality of intimate life. It so weird here.
Being cheated on by someone you deeply trust can be so devastating, and can negatively impact so many parts of your life. The 2 girls made an interesting point though, one saying their ex gave off “cheater vibes”, but the other girls never gave off those vibes. I made the mistake of getting into a relationship with someone who, before we were dating, told me stories about how they cheated on their ex - 18 year old me should have saw that as a major red flag, and now I forever will. We live, we mess up, but we have to learn.
the historical lesson back when the economic bubble burst, women just jumped to financial viable men, leaving fathers and kids behind. Movies and TV shows romanticize/sympathize affairs...for a long while younger generations grow up hating their irresponsible parents, and thus less and less of them want to become parents.
Pretty depraved how people do not think much of infidelity. Disgusting. If you are in a relationship being with another is messed up. If you have had the talk that you are a couple or are officially together there are no excuses.
Any person, regardless of marital status, can fall in love with anyone. So the smart thing to do is not to put yourself in a situation where you will be tempted. Because we are all human and we all have human flaws.
I am not sure if you know this, but in the Catholic Church (of which I am a convert) that is the exact reason why we avoid what are called “near occasions of sin.” Like a recovering alcoholic going to the bar with friends, or living together and sleeping in the same bed with one’s girlfriend before married life. You get the memo, right? But yes. We don’t put ourselves in a situation in which something bad has a decent chance of happening.
It is interesting that they only interview a girl whose mother cheated. They should also get another perspective of when a father cheats. I almost felt like the focus was on a mothers infidelity rather than mother/father infidelity. Since Japan is such a patriarchal society, it would make sense to give both perspective.
To me it seems clear that Japanese people care more about appearances than they happiness. The divorce rate compared with the cheating rate is really eye opening.
Face saving is really big over there. A lot people will put reputation over a person mental and emotional well being. Like a company wanting to keep an amazing image yet their employees are controlled by malicious boss.
Nobita thank you so much for covering this content. I grew up with relatives who would cheat on their wives and my cousins would find out eventually and it would destroy the families. Very sad. I will never know if my father did or not but all I can do is honor my future wife and be loyal to her as God has commanded us to( i am a Christian). I will be the one to break generational practices that ruin families. I hope everyone who sees this message will never scoop to the level as their partner did if they get cheated on in the future. Remain a loyal person. Be the light in this world. God bless🙏✝️
that young girl, i know how it feel and it's devastating. Yeah it's okay to call "that woman". and thank you nobita-san to uncover the turth of side effect of Infidelity to family, not just japan. but for human
Before I never was interested in having children but the older I get I realize that I'd rather have children to live on after I die than just leave with nothing left after me.
What is considered cheating in Japan? Is it the same as in the western world? If a man goes to a prostitute, is that cheating as well? I heard it is quite accepted somehow because many wifes don't want to do the "deed".
This was a really good video that provides some extremely important context into some of the tragedy, and some of the wider trends behind Japan's social problems. Thank you very much for taking the time to work so hard on making it. And if I may, bless that lovely woman at the end who made such a beautiful comment, whoever she is. I wish she had the courage to speak up more freely, so that we could support her efforts. A field like hers would involve a great deal about spreading public awareness, no? I really feel like that woman had a heart greater than gold, even though she has such difficult problems with her family. I really hope she stays happy with her father, and is able to one day overcome her horrible fears to have a relationship and truly fall in love in the future. If I could say one thing to her, I would say that she is not a genetic copy of her mother, she has some of her father's hardworking values too, no doubt, but most importantly of all, she is a wonderful individual, that has the ability to love and inspire all the people she comes across in her life, even someone as far away as me. I truly hope that she goes far in life, and accomplishes her loving desire to improve society around her, especially to help children like her that endured such suffering and hardship. 私たちは皆人間です。私たちは皆、血を流し、苦しみ、そして愛することができます。
The biggest difference is that in Japan there is no culture of alimony or child support. Also not yet shared custody. It is usual for one parent to take the child and the other to perhaps never see them again. In the case of the mother taking the children, she will have to struggle with work and child care on her own. Visitation rights are not a thing either. So for the children to have both parents, even in a fragile state, staying together is usually the only way.
@@neoillogicyou don’t have to become a “single parent” after a divorce. That’s a fallacy that’s to the detriment of both kids and let’s face it, mostly fathers. Both parents continuing to take care of the children after the divorce should be the normality. Divorce ends the couple relationship, but not the parenting relationship.
Such an interesting and compelling story. The quality of your work is simply amazing. I wish i could fun more reporters like yourself covering many other countries issues
Obviously infidelity is bad but I think you need to look at it in more detail. A lot of people in Japan cheat who are in sexless marriages that stay together "for the kids". Can you really expect someone to live without intimacy? No. That young woman's family sounds like the stereotypical Japanese sexless marriage in which the man starts to come home "late at night" (she said it) but not due to overtime only but because he sees his affair or prostitutes before he gets home (prostitution is omnipresent in Japan) and hides it by blaming unpaid overtime. So the woman has 0 intimacy and resolved to cheating too. I've heard this story countless times in Japan.
It's very rude of you to group that girl's father together with cheating Japanese husbands. Working overtime isn't proof of cheating. What about the cheating wife? Did she try to rekindle their relationship? From what the daughter said, her mother kept her problems to herself and didn't try to solve them. So, the wife is responsible for the lack of intimacy, too. If she wanted her husband to work less, she could have taken a job to support her family as well. Instead she preferred to sleep with strangers while her husband is working and her daughter studying. She is a horrible woman and so is anyone who defends her.
“It’s only cheating if you’re caught” “It’s not cheating if it’s with a prostitute” “Once a wife has a child she morphs into mother- not desirable” “Everyone cheats, it’s the norm” A country that’s honed its culture to a state of near perfection, but can’t grasp the concept of sanctity or unity in a marriage seems almost their Achilles heel.
That's kinda complex situation. From your culture, it seems that you are very constraint about relationships and feelings, yet, the consequences of that are usually worse than it could be.
Lol, the uwaki and himitsu desu. Time to wake up weebs. Your waifu and husbando in japan is just another regular person. Stop putting them on a pedestal.
As a Japanese, I always feel that the Japanese are often too poor or lacking in communication. In a culture that tries to avoid getting into trouble, there is probably a tendency to avoid saying what you think clearly and directly to others. However, on the other hand, the reality is that if we are not more proactive in our communication, especially with our partners and other friendly people, the relationship will be abandoned by the other. And what is even worse, there are a certain number of adult men and women who have children as the fruit of such relationships and love, but who lack the dignity to take it out on their children when their partner's relationship cracks. The fact that these guys are not fundamentally mature is partly, though not entirely, due to a background of neglect in an essentially important part of their parents' education.
Why is the emotional maturity in relationships so low over there? Everything can be resolved so easily if you guys just confront the situation and talk it out and then. That’s it. Obviously not all of you guys, but I heard some crazy stories in real life. It blew my mind. There’s no need for any of the other type of nonsense creeping in if you guys just confronted the situation and be honest with one another.
People forget that the history of infidelity in Japan is tied to the history of legal prostitution before WWII. Not quite polygamy but Japanese men of means kept more than one household as a status symbol, literally having children to different women and paying their way, arranging for their marriages or find employment if they were sons. No religious taboos on the sex trade, you just had to be financially responsible and respectable. Personally, I once had a cheating Japanese couple as clients when working as a tour guide in NYC, took them shopping at Tiffanys; she was a young single? mother, cosplaying Audrey Hepburn with a wide-brim hat, he was just some sugar-daddy bragging about his solid platinum wristwatch. But that was a heck of a lot better than the very married minister of Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church who cheated with the wife of a couple who came to him for marriage counseling and the husband found out...now that was a scandal; funny thing, minister's name sounded like "tool" but spelled differently.
its because they are vassalized by degenerate usa, that they are like this, you won't see this shit with countries like mongolia, indonesia, malaysia or western parts of china at all etc
The problem is in the culture, o c'è a woman bears children, then the mentality is that a couple become a family and one would not have sex with family. Also the sole care of children by live in mothers whilst the husband works long hours makes for a dysfunctional family. Remember, in Japan, nothing is said, but it is expected to read the situation. Basically be a psychic. The happy family dream is hard to achieve and is sold like 'The American Dream'.
My sister's ex husband spilled hot spoup on my 3 year old nieces lap and gave her a 3rd degree burn that left a huge scar just because he was mad at my sister/her mother during a divorce. Some people are crazy. I think what is worse is my sister didn't report it because she felt her daughter needs her father in her life and she didn't want him to lose custody. He only lost custody when my niece was old enough to vocally say she hates her dad and she would literally go dead weight on the floor to avoid going over to his house. Depressing I know.
I still think questions need to be asked about why each party would cheat in the first place. It is a vital piece in understanding the following disaster.
Infidelity is a real problem worldwide. As long as it exists, society will fall apart. Politicians talk of bringing foreigners to fix the population problem, instead of fixing real problems such as cheating.
@SergioLeonardoCornejo yes, plus their lackn9f money management destroying the value of money making it near impossible to provide for a family. The me too movement violates the constitution bypassing evidence for a conviction effectively legalizing witch hunts. All violations of our constitution. It's their to protect the sm citizens and the country and we get what we have when we deliberately side step and ignore it. We are all worse off for it.
@@CuteAndFunnyFan on the contrary. It is considered a political benefit. Politicians want to get away with it and want to profit from the resulting divorces and other negative effects
I’ve NEVER seen or heard of anyone centering the children on this issue, nobody besides myself, ever. You have a good heart, it’s nice to see 🥹 The children are the victims, not these sicko, psychopaths that CHOSE to have them. My story is similar to the woman who caught her mother, but much, MUCH worse unfortunately. It’s long past due for Children’s Rights & no I don’t mean ‘pro life’, because they’re often confused, as of now, Children have no rights at all… good thing the tides are turning because several Benchmark Cases have already happened that culminated in BOTH ‘parents’ of abused children who then acted out publicly, resulting in deaths & injuries of other people, were put in Prison for LIFE. These cases will help future cases of Emotionally Abused children, Emotional Abuse IS abuse, it’s Child Abuse 🤷🏻♀️
How to fix the marriage and low birth rate problem in Japan : Pay men more, Reduce male working hours and cultural expectations to stay long and let husbands and wives have time together. One reason they cheat is they need release and can't get it at home. Allow for polygyny but only allow second wives and more to be either widows or divorcee's or older women. This is take the strategy of how japan's businesses usually pick jobs for graduates of that year and don't help the lost generation. Well the lost generation of widows and divorcee's and older single women can be helped by existing men who want another wife. For men who don't have a wife prioritise them in dating and social databases to getting a wife. Same for women Call back to past cultural Norms to give the cultural impetus to stick to it These are some ideas they're not perfect but they would stem the tide. Also make it very difficult for women to recieve social and intimacy validation online besides local dating apps. Because they will opt for what is laziest and you need them to get them out of their own way
Good job Nobita on bringing up this topic! Cheating is one of the most underrated issues in today's societies all over the globe and it should be taken a lot more seriously. Please do more videos on this topic.
Never take relationship advice from someone who's been divorced more than one time. If they rack up even more divorces there's a 50/50 chance that they're the problem and maybe not so much the other person.
Looking at the numbers in 3:49 makes me wonder does those includes people who "don't consider having sex with prostitutes as cheating" or not. Cause if it's not included then (from my POV atleast) the numbers will be a lot higher
I remember seeing these relationship dynamics in anime 10 years ago ahnd not being able to connect or relate to it, being from the US. But here are the actual accounts of these darker cultural problems in Japan. I do also want to add, that there are plenty of messed up stories regarding familial issues in the West as-well, the kinds of issues are just different.
@@mark9294 Hmm, not that far, but more like the specifics of parents blaming their children so bluntly. The cultures are just different so dysfunction comes out in different ways I suppose.
We have to stop thinking there are "bad" people who cheat and "ugly" victims partners who suffers from it. Be attracted elsewhere can happen in life, the question is how will you and your partner handle it and do you have the emotional resources and support to overcome this situation without judgement. And there are no right or wrong decisions but healthy (and difficult) ways to navigate to it. In my close relatives, I have both people who suffered greatly from their parent's divorce even now at 30 years old and others had suffered and escaped at 18s because their parents stayed together
start pushing the law for those who commit infidelity to get sue and paying alimony and child support also suing the affair partner. if there no consequence the of course this gonna happen rampant
As long as japan holds on to AV, other adult services and other entertainment that expose them to attractive young man/women that are reachable everywhere with no intention to change, this country is beyond salvation. who would be attracted to your own wife/husband if
@@valdius85 Prostitution is the world's oldest job. Do you really think people waited for AV to cheat ? AV exist because of people's lust. Demand and supply.
It's beyond easy to not look at porn if your wife/girlfriend puts out. But for some reason in Japan, once a day is considered scandalously high. 4 times a day is high. Biologically, once every other day is optimal.
@@ch4.hayabusa Agree and disagree. Just “putting out” is not enough after five years of relationship :) Men have emotional needs as well and sex can be psychologically damaging for men as well. I have experienced that and I saw many comments of men experiencing similar things… On a low definition scale, yes, if intimacy is good men have limited need for porn and it’s becoming easy to not watch it ever. In a “lala land”, where people don’t have jobs and kids, every day is fine as there is more to sex for men than simply “finishing”. EJ every second day seems to work for many of men :)
It's important to understand and resolve the underlying issues that often lead to cheating: Got married too quickly or for the wrong reasons (=wrong person), lack of communication, too focused on work or the kids, one person let him/herself go (physically, etc), a lack of regular physical intimacy, etc.
Yes, exactly. And also important to distinguish between different types of "cheating". Becoming emotionally attached in an ongoing affair is a completely different situation from having a one-night stand, yet many people seem to consider them as equivalent. They're certainly both signs of problems within the relationship, but there is an enormous difference between physical infidelity and emotional infidelity.
I believe the system is rigged from top to bottom. Not just in Japan, but in the modern western world. Family values used to mean something now people are alienated from each other and are selfish. (Not the good kind of selfish but the bad one) Individuals need to rise up and make a difference
The list is practically endless. And it’s basically a list about why marriages can fail. No wonder people are afraid to get married these days. They are right to be so.
That’s why I’d like to hear from the husbands of these two ladies. It’s common for one party to say they don’t care about intimacy and take that part of life for granted. Then the same people are surprised about the consequences. I personally think cheating is a terrible thing to do, but people need to be realistic. Taking intimacy for granted is common in all cultures. After being in Jp for some time I think it is a bigger issue than in other counties.
Reminder that providing your kid with meals and a house does not make a good parent. That the baseline. This does not make someone a good person ever and you owe them ZERO gratitude. Things that make a good parent is, being active in the child homework and activly helping them not demanding. Making sure your kid find a hobby by forcing them to try different things. Try and be part of their hobby so they can have someone to talk to about it. Being someone they can actually confide in. Making sure your kid is healthy and takes care of themselves like brushing teeth, showering. Respecting your kids boundries and them as a person so they can respect you to. Like me if your have had a neglectfull parent or a parent that only do the baseline of give you food, a place to sleep and clothes. You owe them nothing, zero. Especially if they cheated on your other parent. You might feel some gratitude for them being a reason for you to exist, afterall they are your parent it perfectly normal. However dont trick yourself you owe them. You dont deserve burdening yourself.
Japan has a fascinating culture, with both positive and negative aspects. Judging by the statistics and trends, Japan as we know it, as a culture, will soon cease to exist, and whatever takes its place will be wholly different from the Japan we have known throughout history. Only time will tell.
It's too strong and deep of a culture to totally cease to exist. I think it will continue, though it may morph as technology advances and the population shrinks. IDK. I wish the whole world could go back to about 1850. But then we wouldn't have good dental care, ibuprofen, and Doritos...
@@ChickensAndGardening If Japanese are not having many children, in 40 to 60 years, few Japanese will be left. The culture and character of Japan will be totally different than it is today.
@@DerekDavis213 Agreed but somehow I believe they will figure out the problem and solve it. Better work-life balance, subsidized day care, free fertility treatments. They'll get their act together.
@@ChickensAndGardening Work-life balance in Japan? That is funny. Today, there is no balance. And many Japanese men are afraid of women. That's a problem.
My parent divorce when i was 24 years old, it does effect me and my brother even we all grown man. Both of my grandparent divorced, and the now my own parent. We were once do things together and then now no more, my dad lives with his cousins in a small house he build and my mom lives with her husband or technically our step dad. He's a good man, took care of our mom and provides what she needs even though my mom still working to earn her own income. I haven't seen my dad since they divorced, just heard about him from my cousin then where he just being negative about everything, pointing fingers and blaming. A small part of me wanted to visit him, but knowing his attitude, the other part of me told me just leave him alone before i get yell or possibly curse by him. Hope that me and my brother won't get divorce, just happily ever after.
40% of males cheating is insane. It really is becoming part of the culture over there. I agree with the daughter your interviewed whose mom cheated, cheaters are the worst of the worst. I was cheated on once and I'm just too emotionally fragile in terms of love/relationships. It ruined me.
It's definitely better for the kids that the parents divorce than be in a loveless/unhappy marriage. Studies have shown that the mental well being of a child can be heavily affected by parents who are constantly arguing, hitting each other, cheating, etc. But unfortunately, a lot of couples stay together either thinking it's better for the kids (which it's not) or out of fear it'd make themselves look bad (basically embarrassment). I've told my mom multiple times to divorce my alcoholic dad (who's dead now) but she would always fire back with "Oh, and have everyone think there's something wrong with us? Is that what you want?" My sister and I luckily kept our sanity because we had each other, and even cried as we hugged whenever the yelling would get worse. Our parents never noticed us crying nor checked up on us after the arguments. They just kept pretending everything was fine. It's actually a miracle neither of them cheated.
It depends on the situation really. If you are living in a foreign country, where your living permit and financial situation depends on the Japanese partner. Also, as a foreigner in Japan, you probably won’t get the kid if the Japanese partner wants the custody. All in all, in foreigner-Japanese spouse case, the “divorce is better, esp. if there are kids” is not always workable.
You conflated loveless unhappy with physically abusive. Have you considered that your life my be worse if you Mum hooked up with a step father who was even more abusive? So your conclusion is flawed. Marriage isn't based on love. Your Mum did the right thing, you should honour her and your Father. And statistically Men have a higher incidence of poverty, prison, self harm, homelessness, growing up in a single parent household. Destroy marriage , destroy the family, destroy the Nation.
I want to see a video on preventative measures we can take to avoid these kind of lifestyles. If we want to free ourselves from the bad habits our parents had we need to be proactive.
I’m Irish I met a man from Okinawa Japan in Ireland he came to learn English during his stay here I supported him financially my family were kind and good to him eventually we got married in London had 2 children life was ok there because of his parents he felt pressure to go back to Okinawa from there my life was very difficult I suffered with my health my baby died during all the difficulties my husband was never there his responsibility was to his parents he had affairs eventually he lost the business and became financially bankrupt at that time he went to Tokyo for a job and left me to pick his financial mess at that time he got married to a woman from his church this man stole everything from me I lost everything even the custody of my children eventually I came back to Ireland I had no money no place to live I’m still very traumatised even though it has been many years ago my children and I have a good relationship they both live in Tokyo I miss my children it’s been very difficult to create a new life for myself here in Ireland I would like to have the opportunity to tell all ofmystory one day I have no contact with the man I married I can’t believe that a person could be so cruel evil and selfish
So much damage can be done to kids from parents behavior its sad to hear but true. I think girl who moved out to go to University made right choice I hope her self estem does ok her your mom say its your fault is horrible
The girl spoke truthfully about her struggles, then divorce is not a bad thing. Because a single parent environment would be better for the girl to develop a complete sense of self, than for her to grow up in a toxic environment. Now as an adult, she could have issues with female authority or accepting her husband cheating. Therefore, divorce is not a bad thing and the local government would need to create policies to support Japanese single-parent household.
5:45 "...why the divorce rate in the US is higher in Japan..." If the US family court often sides with women, not to mention there's no mandatory need to provide a reason for divorce, why wouldn't people take advantage of that? And so I feel this may inspire another video about financial side of divorce. Maybe its just me watching too much comic dubs translated from Japanese like Manga Waido（漫画わいどしょー） or Revenge Films（スカッとムービー）, but it would be interesting to know about how much is paid for damages, property division or whether the court decisions regarding divorce is comparatively enforced fairly regardless of gender. While were at it, perhaps a follow up vid about the lives of people who paid for "divorce damages" as some of them have to pay a large sum, they end up homeless. Yes, that is also currently even happening in the Japanese geek industry in which adulterers take a very long break. While adultery should never be an issue in most professions due to it being a private matter, Japanese businesses/companies values 'trust' so much that they can accuse their cheating employees to also betray their trust and thus fire them.
If a person can't even stay loyal to their spouse, do you really expect them to stay loyal to their job / company too? Do you trust them to handle any sensitive/classified information? Adultery is a private matter, a private matter that shows a person's true colors, shows their questionable morality and integrity. I'm not sure if companies all over the world value morality, but I'm damn sure companies around the globe value integrity.
@@bunnicula3221 Some companies believe that employees can separate career and private matters so yes, they can still trust their employees since the latter should know who pays their bills. There are employees that are too talented that any of their faults is thrown under the bus.
Its kinda sad that so many of these videos on these issues come down to people not communicating. Its insane to me. How could you even get together if you dont communicate and confide in each other.
Yas Communicate is key, but Japan doesn't work like that. Japanese people are polite and can't really say no as they say. Example they often won't get fired from work, they force them to leave. When fired, don't tell their family.. just pretend to go to work and act like everything is fine 😅
@@denmaakujin9161 that'a wild.... man, basing on animes and things that you hear, it sounds like a great country, but the social part of it, is really fuc.. up.
@@denmaakujin9161 that's not being polite, that's being pretentious. Japan is incorrectly noted as a polite society. It is not. It's pretentious. They're among the least charitable nations on Earth and is famously the land of no chances, let alone second chances.
They don’t communicate because their spouse already told them multiple times that they don’t care. Trust me, it’s not about the communication, especially in such obvious things as intimate life.
@@JohnDoe-pt7ru okay I will learn this word "pretentious". I don't know about less charitable nations, that's probably like nations like China, Russian etc countries without democracy
Once again, working long hours is mentioned for a cultural problem. Why is it that Japan is so stubborn to change something that is detrimental to societal wellbeing, even when everybody is clearly in agreement with it?
"You can never know if your partner will cheat before marriage" is a parental curse if i ever heard one. Even the two single moms in this video admit there were red flags at the beginning of their relationships. For various reasons and excuses people still choose to marry and have kids with people they KNOW they shouldn't marry. Then those kids grow up not wanting kids having heard statements like the one above or "It's your fault i'm cheating" and then society in turn collectively whines about low birth rates. There isn't a single contributor to low birth rates that can't be traced back to childhood issues, yes even the economy.
It wasn’t me, I don't cheat because I'm an INCEL(general pacifist, not the terror bringing kind that are broken because of lust + confusion... I mostly just have confusion...)
The problem is that in Japanese culture that they often stay together when they don't have to, they don't talk about feelings. Get married early, have kids, no sex or affection, sleep in different beds. That's normal in Japan, I would expect the guy to find passion somewhere else.
The age they marry at has little to do with the issue. It is common that intimacy dies after the wanted about of children was achieved. Many men loose hope for things getting better and find meaning in life outside of intimacy.
@@mark9294 when they are separated, they can move on from a dysfunctional family, It's better that way. The child still going to have a father and mother that's love them. Another problem in Japanese society, is how the they view marriage. Having a child outside marriage is shameful, being divorced is shameful.. these need to change
@@denmaakujin9161 Understand. I have mixed feelings about it. One the one hand westerns date for ages and then still cannot create a good marriage. On the other hand, mature people should know what they are looking for and should be able to make a good marriage after 6 months of getting to know each other. Lots of “should” in my answer :( I’ve noticed that Jp women sometimes marry only for money, without being physically or emotionally attracted to the men. Quick marriages I’ve heard about were btwn people who wanted to marry and knew what they were looking for. These were mature people, at least on the surface. I think a big problem is that Japanese society simply doesn’t value connection, intimacy and attraction. It’s something that’s done when there is time for it. When kids come, there is always something to do so then intimacy has to become planned and “organised”, otherwise it will not happen and the marriage will become dead.
One of my teachers lived in Japan in the 80's. He said there were segments on TV where fathers with their kids begged their wives (who abandoned them) to come back home. Is there any truth to this? I can't find any corroborating information about it.
Sometime in the future school will become relevant to life. Not just producing biological worker robots,but those that are versed in the realities of life. Relationships,personal finance,food preparation and continuing social education (not propaganda).
![Why Loveless Marriage is So Common in Japan [ENG CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/XZ7JmjrZ2nA/mqdefault.jpg)
![Why Dating is Hard in Japan [ENG CC]](/img/1.gif)
I was married in Japan for 12 years and was cheated on by my wife. The way I found out was because I got an STD and I was faithful to her the entire marriage so there's only one person it could have come from. You have no idea the amount of damage cheating does to someone. I'm lucky that I am still alive. "Staying alive" was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life after that. But I'm still here in Japan doing my best to push forward.
Was the STD life threatening or a curable one?
I'm very sorry that happened to you. I wish you the best moving forward.
So much for Japan 🇯🇵 women pristine image 😮
@@kingmaafa120 Korean people have a lot more in common with Western people in this regard I think.
@@shin-ishikiri-no agreed Personal experiences from having lived in both Japan 🇯🇵 and Korea 🇰🇷
I just went with the flow ..
The young woman who's mother said this is your fault shows me one thing that cross cultural lines: crappy parents.
No, not crappy parents. Demonic father and hypnotized mother in a crappy culture of patriarchy
I agree 100% with you, but also she may have said that because the daughter was looking at her like she was disgusting and the worst person ever. Even as women, we find it more 'forgiving' when a man cheats than when a woman cheats, unfortunately.
@@minervaloveswhy would one be more acceptable than the other? It just doesn’t make any sense
well we are all humans
@@mark9294 Women and men are not the same. Stop the stupidity, there are different standards, expectations and responsibilities. If you want to have a serious talk, let's not simplify to the point of denying nature and social standards.
My father cheated on my mom and I witnessed her pain, fights, and separation as the eldest child. I 100% have trust issues that I can't get over even now as an adult.
same here...
With that handle name and profile picture? Naaaah bro💀
@@mereb8659 He's my spirit animal🤣
He's my spirit animal 🤣
Same...
The story of the young woman who learned of her mother’s infidelity and was blamed by her mother was heartbreaking. I can understand why she refers to her mother as “that woman.” I can’t understand how a mother could throw away her relationship with her own daughter over an affair.
Because that direct correlation isn't being made. It's not my affair verses my daughter. It's probably years of feeling ignored or unattractive by your spouse, but also trapped in that marriage for the sake of your child. Then an unhealthy resentment builds because people are not communicating. And then an outside escape presents itself. While in a clear state of mind, one knows it's wrong; but the mind and heart don't always align. And in moments of weakness, people may indulge in selfishness to heal some of the hurt inside. Obviously, it's wrong. But I think there's a lot more gray area than this simple condemnation of "cheaters". Also, remember that Japanese culture is quite different than Western. So certain fundamentals like honest communication are far more difficult to achieve.
You wouldn't understand much, then. The entire point of women taking a man's surname is because every house can only maintain a SINGLE woman. They can't SHARE a name, in uniform like all sorts of masculine collectives can.
Men need to step up and provide households so that "our things" would always in effect belong to THE woman of the house, no matter what kind of servant actually deliveres it, husband or a lesser man. It's girls who are kicked out of the mother's house, or run away because they can no longer tolerate the emotional dominance hierarchy.
Surnames are given different ways in different cultures but this is one constant of the human species.
While I doubt her mother told her “It’s your fault” as coldly as the lady described it, it’s clear that she interpreted it that way and obviously doesn’t justify a parent putting blame on a child merely for existing. It’s not like she was asked to be born in that family.
@@sboinkthelegday3892 What are you talking about.
it clearly wasn't just the cheating, her mom said she wished her daughter was never born, that would turn any child against their parent
I was married to a Japanese woman for three years and then divorced. In her mind, it was perfectly acceptable to be friends with many other men, including every single one of her exes. Friends might be one thing but admitting you’re going to meet other men for drinks and dinner is an entire other matter. There is something about that culture in which they do not see sexual activities with other people as anything to be concerned with. Frankly it has tainted my view on Japan in general, I can’t get over how a country that throws around the words loyalty and duty so much doesn’t apply it to the most fundamental relationship between a man and a woman. What does it say about a country in which you can sue your spouses sexual partner in court to get them to stop? there’s a lot to admire about Japan and it’s culture but their views on loyalty to their spouses is pretty disgusting.
I agree with you. They don’t have a cultural history of marrying for love. And remember the tatemae culture is stronger than loyalty or honesty culture. They also don’t have a history of Christian morality affecting their morals. So even as an atheist, growing up in a culture that values the opposite, it is quite a shock.
I agree, if they don’t value the family and love over their lust and attention from others, then Japan isn’t really a stable country of people with morals and respect. They lack so much communication that every individual neglects themselves. The woman are used and abuse there, which makes you wonder what kind of mindsets these women have on relationships.
6:48 Weaponization of children with the blessing of the state. And people wonder why kids are victimized when parents don’t love each other.
My dad cheated on my mom constantly, he even involved us in his infidelity by using us as alibi (for example, he made me give math lessons to the son of a woman he was having sex with just to have an excuse to go to her house while her husband was not there). I started investigating on my own, and i found letters, condoms...it was so disgusting. I later found out that my mom knew, but kept everything quiet, and endured in silence because she wanted us to have a family and a father: she would even send birthday gifts for his child that he got with one of his mistress, while pretending to be him (because my father never cared to do it). Now, in most of my relationships i have been cheated on myself, the current one being the worst as the cheating is paired with emotional and financial abuse. I don't even know who i am anymore, that's how empty it makes you feel eventually. I find it so scary how cheating is being normalized (not just in Japan but everywhere in general), completely ignoring the destruction it causes and even often blaming the victims: there is going to be growing epidemic of people with emotional traumas.
How could he keep up such a life? Even logistically it seems very far fetched. Is your family very wealthy?
@@mark9294 no need to be wealthy, he basically lived like a bachelor in the house, only showing up to shower and eat and then he would disappear as soon as he arrived, he only spent the money he earned for himself.
Thank you so much for sharing your story you are not alone stay strong and blessed
I really hope you are out of any toxic relationships now
Why not put relationships off for awhile and figure yourself out first?
Or if you can’t do that, find someone who is uglier than you, who would be too incompetent to cheat.
Since cheating is normal in Japan, relationships won’t be on my list when I come to Japan.
I mean, this is the media. Real life isn't this bad, just pick someone trustworthy for your partner
@@justarandompally i wish i could agree, but it only takes a few minutes on tinder or bumble with the age range set higher (25-40 for example) to see the women and presumably men who are married and looking for an affair: They put it in their bio that they are married
@@crazguykwan8955 I would strongly advise against using dating apps to find trustworthy partners, at least in Japan. Of course you'll see s lot of people looking for an affair there
At least Japan knows the difference between men and women unlike westerners..
@@crazguykwan8955is it really that bad? But then again its tinder so
Sad to hear her saying, she had to go on Twitter to talk about her issues cause "you can't talk about things like these with your friends.." I am Finnish and we could talk about everything with my friends as teenagers - like if parents had problems with alcohol or even if someone heard their parent was cheating or if there were lots of conflicts between the parents, what ever.. That was our strength - sharing things with friends, since we often did not want to talk to adults about our problems. I am almost 50 years old now and we still share all our worries and thoughts between friends and I think I could not have gotten through my life without being able to have such close friends.
From what I've heard, Japanese people don't have personal talks, many think people sharing their worries or feelings are a burden to themselves.
I’m American, and yes, we are super multicultural here so not everyone is alike. There are people from all cultural backgrounds here. A lot of people think we are all like the media portrays us. We aren’t. As stand-offish and introverted as I am, I never felt that I couldn’t confide in my friends.
I greatly respect the young women, who was interviewed by The Japan Reporter, her experience with her mom's cheating was heartbreaking. I can understand why she cut her mom off from her life, however I think she didn't make peace with what happened, since it clearly haunts her and has ruined her perception of marriage. I hope she becomes successful in life despite her experience and if marriage is not written for then so be it, but she will have to live with the consequences of that decision. Marriage is not easy, and it requires the person to make an effort to understand the other person and what they require from the marriage. You can't be mad or blame someone else for your choices. Making things clear and establishing boundaries is essential in any relationship, and people need to stop giving up when things start to get hard. There is always a way to resolve things in a positive and appropriate manner.
Great work Nobita. You kept yourself professional inspite of the circumstances.
That's what it means to be a journalist.
Tell the stories and don't get involved.
These stories NEED to be heard.
Yes indeed.
Japan is facing an existential crisis when it comes to relationships. They don’t know how to communicate with one another anymore.
It’s _not_ just Japan. This is a global issue.
They never knew how to communicate. Japanese subtle unspoken communication only works within your own gender, age group and socioeconomic status. Saying what you mean to say is much better for communication with diverse groups like the other gender.
@@ch4.hayabusa The Japanese method of communication is too indirect and too passive. Everyone is too worried about what other people are thinking. It’s difficult to be honest or authentic, which is why instead of addressing a lot of issues in a marriage, people just turn to cheating. Communication is so important for healthy relationships.
@@abcdefg-oj5wn There's also a big difference between communication at the workplace, or with friends, for example, and telling your partner about your feelings.
I'm rather straightforward as a person when it comes to communication, but nevertheless I find it very hard to talk about feelings. I suppose because my parents never did it either. They didn't (to my knowledge) cheat on each other and it was harmonious and everything, but we never talked about relationships etc.
Because you either devote your life to working and earning for a living or to your family. Can't have both anymore because your are expected to hice your all at work, or get replaced.
Breaks my heart hearing about such infidelity. Cheating is unacceptable and normalizing it will destroy future generations. Loyalty and commitment to someone who genuinely loves you, is what truly gives life meaning.
"future generations", Japan won't have that problem for long, the government that made everything so bad is going to flood their country with immigrants from the third world to keep up their sham economy
First seconds of the interview she says: "Obviously you can't talk to your friends about such a problem". I found that pretty sad. The word "obviously" makes that an even stronger statement for me, because it means that most people in Japan would think the same way. Why can't you talk to your friends about it? Are they gonna make fun of you? Think less of you? If not your friends, who can you talk to? I thought friends were there to talk about anything in your life. Is this common in Japan that friendsships have this barrier? Can you call those people friends then?
Yes they are still friends but I think it's about differing expectations, and it's not just Japan but more on that later. If you read deeper online about why many move to Japan to live and work, and then many move back - one reason is that they feel that they can't make real friends. As someone from Asia, I think it's because they apply the same definition and expectations of friendship from their home country when they move over to Japan.
It's not just Japan, in many other parts of Asia - we have similar but slightly different definitions and lines/boundaries to how we define "friend", although different from how the Japanese view it, it's even more different compared to how "the West" views friendships. The culture I grew up in, you certainly do NOT talk to friends about everything, many things are acceptable but there are red lines that society teaches us not to cross.
I think it's part of the culture shock that westerners have when they move to live in Asia - they think friendship universally means the same thing across cultures, when it really doesn't.
@@danielloo8868i live in South East Asia and that certainly doesn’t feel true. I see plenty of people relying and talking to their friends about personal matters (e.g. partners cheating on them, breakups, etc.) and it’s also across generations. My grandparents and parents have close friends they confide and cry to. Heck my partner’s father lent money to his friend which ended up scamming him and leaving my partner’s father in debt.
I understand you meant “many other parts of Asia” so you might not have included the countries I was talking about but, I just wanted to point out to anyone reading your post in the future that friendships where you are open about everything DO exists in Asia and it’s not as uncommon as it seems.
it's not just a Japanese thing, most kids are not comfortable talking about family issues with their friends because they fear being judged. I know I felt really broken and dirty coming from a toxic family so it was something I tried hard to conceal
The definition of friend is different in the West and in Japan.
❤I had the exact same reaction. If you can't talk to your friends about such deep problems then what the point of having friends?
After reading a good chunk of the comments and the disastrous consequences of infidelity ,
i hope this inspired people to not cheat on their partner.
😔
Dont be in a relationship if youre not disciplined enough to fight off temptation
I wish people would learn, but women require a man to be an adulterer or already in a relationship because they run on jealousy
@@redroverskIn what world does every woman run on jealousy? Look to Our Lady in prayer and say that about women. *I DARE YOU.* (I do not want you to, of course. I would rather you realize the error of what you have said, and seek to live in Christlike virtue.)
I think how to have a healthy marriage is a skill that needs to be taught. Especially if we want people getting married and having families.
Cheating is greedy.
It means you're too lazy to accept the inconvenience of filing for divorce before dating other people while still indulging in extramarital affairs.
Even if you don't love your spouse anymore and the marriage makes you unhappy, at least be respectful of your spouse and the happy parts of the marriage you once had and say that you want to file for a divorce.
And for goodness sake, make damn sure to tell your children that it's not their fault that you want to divorce your spouse and that you still love them unconditionally.
That takes mental maturity and the fortitude to community which isnt being taught at all by the parent(s) or guardian(s) which is clearly not the case here.
I think some cheaters aren’t even just lazy but also enjoy the thrill of getting away with something and sneaking around. Emotionally damaged people who enjoy hurting the ones that love them most so they can get aroused and feel a rush. My mom is one of those people and a part of me really hates her.
I've come across this in all cultures. I've heard a lot about it living in Japan and people are nonchalant about it. I get so mad because it's so morally wrong and selfish.
Even more, blaming the kids for your indiscretions is trash. You deserve all the bad Karma coming your way if you are like this. No sympathy for such people.
Infidelity should be judged harsher than it is judged nowadays.
I do believe that most people in Japan are against cheating. However, cheaters tend to hang out with other cheaters and influence those within their friend groups (or even families). If they're nonchalant about it with others, it's because they're speaking to people who are of a similar mindset/belief.
Thank you Ned Flanders. perhaps if more people read the Holy Bible, they would be more willing to tolerate a horrible marriage in quiet desperation?
@@SergioLeonardoCornejo Marriage in Japan is a bad deal, for the men. Not surprising that there is infidelity there.
@@DerekDavis213 who said I was talking exclusively about men being unfaithful?
i know in japan people are not open to talk about this type of issue. but man, you took risk to bring this up. kudos to you, man. i hope this encourage others in japan to see, that yes, you could express it and discuss it. its important.
The child should never be the blame for a parent to cheat. The other side of it is those who have been cheated on, may find it hard to trust others out of fear of it happening again. Which it may come down to those who are in a similar boat that know the pain could work together as a couple- some may want to see the other side of it to see how they felt, and others would not want to do that to their partner. The child of a negative/positive choice can have 2 sides to it, 1 they see how their parents are and want to be just like them, 2 see how their parents are and want to be nothing like them. A workaholic - can be both positive and negative, works to provide for the family, but also works to much to not have time for family. There needs to be some type of balance so that it would be beneficial to their family.
This is so heartbreaking, absolutely heartbreaking.
It is like having the rub pulled out from under you. All sense of safety and stability are shattered.
But what if that safety and stability stayed there and never disappeared? Then, what?
@@rocketmangenesis there is no way you feel safe and stable after your spouse or parent cheats. The trust IS the safety and stability.
More like they're getting rubbed and pulled, 😁😁
Then your parents would be so bad that even though they go out and connect with other people, enough to have children, they created NO sense of security other than some vague promise that they would never again do that with any other people.
If kids demand this sort of safety, it's correct that people will no longer have kids. Don't even go out and have kids with that FIRST person, because you two combined can create no sense of security, only a fantasy that two losers sticking together will automatically be secure.
I can see why kids no longer have families. They only believe in safety and security of being alone. They don't only run away from heir parents home because cheating scares them, they run away from their own future relationships, they just get the excuse that because nobody was involved it's not the same as cheating, but "better", when in fact it's worse.
My parents who are not together put together something that is better than nothing. That's how I can exist and judge this issue.
Sounds like your relationship was already pretty flimsy if infidelity breaks it that easily.
How much does the host/hostess culture affect the cheating scene? I figure these establishments probably boost the rates of cheating in Japan.
It’s very complicated, although I think porn is more devastating.
From personal experiences a lot 😮
A lot of men seem to think that paying for sex is not even cheating.. i was so shocked when i talked about this with my japanese ex boyfriend, who don't even use these services, but didn't see the problem until i asked him how he would feel if I went to an host club while dating him... 🤦♀️
@@Yvanya
I’m curious what is his mother’s opinion about it.
I was surprised many Japanese women are fine because then husband doesn’t complain about the equality of intimate life.
It so weird here.
@@Yvanyawhat did he say to that? Would he have minded?
Being cheated on by someone you deeply trust can be so devastating, and can negatively impact so many parts of your life. The 2 girls made an interesting point though, one saying their ex gave off “cheater vibes”, but the other girls never gave off those vibes. I made the mistake of getting into a relationship with someone who, before we were dating, told me stories about how they cheated on their ex - 18 year old me should have saw that as a major red flag, and now I forever will. We live, we mess up, but we have to learn.
the historical lesson back when the economic bubble burst, women just jumped to financial viable men, leaving fathers and kids behind. Movies and TV shows romanticize/sympathize affairs...for a long while younger generations grow up hating their irresponsible parents, and thus less and less of them want to become parents.
Pretty depraved how people do not think much of infidelity. Disgusting. If you are in a relationship being with another is messed up. If you have had the talk that you are a couple or are officially together there are no excuses.
Again, these are your values not everyone is obligated to share those values.
Ya it’s a sign of a dying an morally rotting society .
@@frillylily8005 dude there have been cheaters since the beginning of couples and there will be til there are couples no more
Why do you think NTR is so popular?
@@frillylily8005 No it's a sign of your perspective as a foreginer outside of japan.
Any person, regardless of marital status, can fall in love with anyone.
So the smart thing to do is not to put yourself in a situation where you will be tempted. Because we are all human and we all have human flaws.
Most sensible comment on here.
E.g., stay single...
I am not sure if you know this, but in the Catholic Church (of which I am a convert) that is the exact reason why we avoid what are called “near occasions of sin.” Like a recovering alcoholic going to the bar with friends, or living together and sleeping in the same bed with one’s girlfriend before married life. You get the memo, right? But yes. We don’t put ourselves in a situation in which something bad has a decent chance of happening.
All of this is so true, sadly I have experienced it personally. Thank you for a other great video.
It is interesting that they only interview a girl whose mother cheated. They should also get another perspective of when a father cheats. I almost felt like the focus was on a mothers infidelity rather than mother/father infidelity. Since Japan is such a patriarchal society, it would make sense to give both perspective.
Very difficult topic.
Thank you for how you covered it.
To me it seems clear that Japanese people care more about appearances than they happiness.
The divorce rate compared with the cheating rate is really eye opening.
Face saving is really big over there. A lot people will put reputation over a person mental and emotional well being. Like a company wanting to keep an amazing image yet their employees are controlled by malicious boss.
Nobita thank you so much for covering this content. I grew up with relatives who would cheat on their wives and my cousins would find out eventually and it would destroy the families. Very sad. I will never know if my father did or not but all I can do is honor my future wife and be loyal to her as God has commanded us to( i am a Christian). I will be the one to break generational practices that ruin families. I hope everyone who sees this message will never scoop to the level as their partner did if they get cheated on in the future. Remain a loyal person. Be the light in this world. God bless🙏✝️
We had the privilege to be born as human, but people decided to live like an animal.
Exactly. Adultery is a regression to an animalistic state. As is incest, and other sexually deviant behaviors.
that young girl, i know how it feel and it's devastating. Yeah it's okay to call "that woman". and thank you nobita-san to uncover the turth of side effect of Infidelity to family, not just japan. but for human
Before I never was interested in having children but the older I get I realize that I'd rather have children to live on after I die than just leave with nothing left after me.
The instinct to reproduce is why there are over 8 billion people today - it's only natural.
You know, your children will be their own person. If you try to make mini-yous, you will only be damaging them.
@@gerlinde8875I don’t think the person ever implied s/he was trying to create a “mini me”
@@gerlinde8875 Definitely not what this person said, though.
You can adopt if you want, as long as you mentally mature and secure, and can take care of children with patience and grace
What is considered cheating in Japan? Is it the same as in the western world? If a man goes to a prostitute, is that cheating as well? I heard it is quite accepted somehow because many wifes don't want to do the "deed".
will depend on the wife. also the western world is certainly not united about the issue.
This was a really good video that provides some extremely important context into some of the tragedy, and some of the wider trends behind Japan's social problems.
Thank you very much for taking the time to work so hard on making it. And if I may, bless that lovely woman at the end who made such a beautiful comment, whoever she is.
I wish she had the courage to speak up more freely, so that we could support her efforts. A field like hers would involve a great deal about spreading public awareness, no? I really feel like that woman had a heart greater than gold, even though she has such difficult problems with her family. I really hope she stays happy with her father, and is able to one day overcome her horrible fears to have a relationship and truly fall in love in the future.
If I could say one thing to her, I would say that she is not a genetic copy of her mother, she has some of her father's hardworking values too, no doubt, but most importantly of all, she is a wonderful individual, that has the ability to love and inspire all the people she comes across in her life, even someone as far away as me.
I truly hope that she goes far in life, and accomplishes her loving desire to improve society around her, especially to help children like her that endured such suffering and hardship.
私たちは皆人間です。私たちは皆、血を流し、苦しみ、そして愛することができます。
yes they will hate the parent then hate themselves when they grow up and realize they are just like them.
The biggest difference is that in Japan there is no culture of alimony or child support. Also not yet shared custody. It is usual for one parent to take the child and the other to perhaps never see them again. In the case of the mother taking the children, she will have to struggle with work and child care on her own. Visitation rights are not a thing either. So for the children to have both parents, even in a fragile state, staying together is usually the only way.
God, not even a minute in and I'm getting SO emotional over this topic...so sad
Why don’t they go for divorce before cheating?
social pressure. also, in order to be able to survive if you have kids. being a single parent in japan is VERY, VERY, hard
@@neoillogicyou don’t have to become a “single parent” after a divorce. That’s a fallacy that’s to the detriment of both kids and let’s face it, mostly fathers. Both parents continuing to take care of the children after the divorce should be the normality. Divorce ends the couple relationship, but not the parenting relationship.
Such an interesting and compelling story. The quality of your work is simply amazing. I wish i could fun more reporters like yourself covering many other countries issues
Obviously infidelity is bad but I think you need to look at it in more detail. A lot of people in Japan cheat who are in sexless marriages that stay together "for the kids". Can you really expect someone to live without intimacy? No. That young woman's family sounds like the stereotypical Japanese sexless marriage in which the man starts to come home "late at night" (she said it) but not due to overtime only but because he sees his affair or prostitutes before he gets home (prostitution is omnipresent in Japan) and hides it by blaming unpaid overtime. So the woman has 0 intimacy and resolved to cheating too. I've heard this story countless times in Japan.
It's very rude of you to group that girl's father together with cheating Japanese husbands. Working overtime isn't proof of cheating. What about the cheating wife? Did she try to rekindle their relationship? From what the daughter said, her mother kept her problems to herself and didn't try to solve them. So, the wife is responsible for the lack of intimacy, too. If she wanted her husband to work less, she could have taken a job to support her family as well. Instead she preferred to sleep with strangers while her husband is working and her daughter studying. She is a horrible woman and so is anyone who defends her.
Yeah, I get that. Why would you want to marry, if cheating is so rampant. Sad isn't when things so different than romance in Manga
Is this just a Japanese or world wide problem?
World wide.
“It’s only cheating if you’re caught”
“It’s not cheating if it’s with a prostitute”
“Once a wife has a child she morphs into mother- not desirable”
“Everyone cheats, it’s the norm”
A country that’s honed its culture to a state of near perfection, but can’t grasp the concept of sanctity or unity in a marriage seems almost their Achilles heel.
I live in Okinawa for 5 years and I followed your content for a long time please keep up the good work
That's kinda complex situation. From your culture, it seems that you are very constraint about relationships and feelings, yet, the consequences of that are usually worse than it could be.
Thats so true! You said it better than I ever could.
I told my partner, "There will not be a 3rd chance." My partner called my bluff and lost me after 4 years.
why 3rd chance and not 2nd?
@@Fire.and.Forget I told my partner "No 3rd chance" when I was giving my 2nd chance.
You sohuld never take a cheater back. They never learn. @@matthewjay660
Lol, the uwaki and himitsu desu.
Time to wake up weebs. Your waifu and husbando in japan is just another regular person. Stop putting them on a pedestal.
As a Japanese, I always feel that the Japanese are often too poor or lacking in communication.
In a culture that tries to avoid getting into trouble, there is probably a tendency to avoid saying what you think clearly and directly to others.
However, on the other hand, the reality is that if we are not more proactive in our communication, especially with our partners and other friendly people, the relationship will be abandoned by the other.
And what is even worse, there are a certain number of adult men and women who have children as the fruit of such relationships and love, but who lack the dignity to take it out on their children when their partner's relationship cracks. The fact that these guys are not fundamentally mature is partly, though not entirely, due to a background of neglect in an essentially important part of their parents' education.
Why is the emotional maturity in relationships so low over there? Everything can be resolved so easily if you guys just confront the situation and talk it out and then. That’s it.
Obviously not all of you guys, but I heard some crazy stories in real life. It blew my mind.
There’s no need for any of the other type of nonsense creeping in if you guys just confronted the situation and be honest with one another.
People forget that the history of infidelity in Japan is tied to the history of legal prostitution before WWII. Not quite polygamy but Japanese men of means kept more than one household as a status symbol, literally having children to different women and paying their way, arranging for their marriages or find employment if they were sons. No religious taboos on the sex trade, you just had to be financially responsible and respectable. Personally, I once had a cheating Japanese couple as clients when working as a tour guide in NYC, took them shopping at Tiffanys; she was a young single? mother, cosplaying Audrey Hepburn with a wide-brim hat, he was just some sugar-daddy bragging about his solid platinum wristwatch. But that was a heck of a lot better than the very married minister of Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church who cheated with the wife of a couple who came to him for marriage counseling and the husband found out...now that was a scandal; funny thing, minister's name sounded like "tool" but spelled differently.
Japan is sure living that Netorare and Netori dream, just like the West!
its because they are vassalized by degenerate usa, that they are like this,
you won't see this shit with countries like mongolia, indonesia, malaysia or western parts of china at all etc
The problem is in the culture, o c'è a woman bears children, then the mentality is that a couple become a family and one would not have sex with family. Also the sole care of children by live in mothers whilst the husband works long hours makes for a dysfunctional family. Remember, in Japan, nothing is said, but it is expected to read the situation. Basically be a psychic. The happy family dream is hard to achieve and is sold like 'The American Dream'.
Children are also the biggest victims of divorce - people are selfish and do not care who they hurt to get what they want.
Yes.
My sister's ex husband spilled hot spoup on my 3 year old nieces lap and gave her a 3rd degree burn that left a huge scar just because he was mad at my sister/her mother during a divorce. Some people are crazy. I think what is worse is my sister didn't report it because she felt her daughter needs her father in her life and she didn't want him to lose custody. He only lost custody when my niece was old enough to vocally say she hates her dad and she would literally go dead weight on the floor to avoid going over to his house. Depressing I know.
it's not considered cheating when the entire culture revolves around the concept of inside face/outside face. They are literally 2 faced people.
I still think questions need to be asked about why each party would cheat in the first place. It is a vital piece in understanding the following disaster.
Try to interview people who cheated as well.
I’d like to hear their stories.
Cheating: It might be the norm in the society but it does not mean it is morally accepted.
Infidelity is a real problem worldwide. As long as it exists, society will fall apart.
Politicians talk of bringing foreigners to fix the population problem, instead of fixing real problems such as cheating.
Politicians are the problem......
@@jimreimers4213 kinda. They allow infidelity
Cheating is not considered a political problem
@SergioLeonardoCornejo yes, plus their lackn9f money management destroying the value of money making it near impossible to provide for a family. The me too movement violates the constitution bypassing evidence for a conviction effectively legalizing witch hunts. All violations of our constitution. It's their to protect the sm citizens and the country and we get what we have when we deliberately side step and ignore it. We are all worse off for it.
@@CuteAndFunnyFan on the contrary. It is considered a political benefit. Politicians want to get away with it and want to profit from the resulting divorces and other negative effects
You won't find your kawaii waifu in Japan bro.
It's over.
Good
Ah yes the reality
Sadge
Japanese fubu ichiban des
Hahahaha you'll find her BUT BY THEN SHE'LL BE A SINGLE MOM....pumped and dumped
I’ve NEVER seen or heard of anyone centering the children on this issue, nobody besides myself, ever. You have a good heart, it’s nice to see 🥹
The children are the victims, not these sicko, psychopaths that CHOSE to have them. My story is similar to the woman who caught her mother, but much, MUCH worse unfortunately.
It’s long past due for Children’s Rights & no I don’t mean ‘pro life’, because they’re often confused, as of now, Children have no rights at all… good thing the tides are turning because several Benchmark Cases have already happened that culminated in BOTH ‘parents’ of abused children who then acted out publicly, resulting in deaths & injuries of other people, were put in Prison for LIFE. These cases will help future cases of Emotionally Abused children, Emotional Abuse IS abuse, it’s Child Abuse 🤷🏻♀️
selfish traitors to their family and country
How to fix the marriage and low birth rate problem in Japan :
Pay men more, Reduce male working hours and cultural expectations to stay long and let husbands and wives have time together. One reason they cheat is they need release and can't get it at home.
Allow for polygyny but only allow second wives and more to be either widows or divorcee's or older women. This is take the strategy of how japan's businesses usually pick jobs for graduates of that year and don't help the lost generation. Well the lost generation of widows and divorcee's and older single women can be helped by existing men who want another wife. For men who don't have a wife prioritise them in dating and social databases to getting a wife. Same for women
Call back to past cultural Norms to give the cultural impetus to stick to it
These are some ideas they're not perfect but they would stem the tide. Also make it very difficult for women to recieve social and intimacy validation online besides local dating apps. Because they will opt for what is laziest and you need them to get them out of their own way
The child suffers the most, don’t involve them
Good job Nobita on bringing up this topic! Cheating is one of the most underrated issues in today's societies all over the globe and it should be taken a lot more seriously. Please do more videos on this topic.
weirdly its universal instead of people who have kids being rewarded and staying toghether they are being punished.
Never take relationship advice from someone who's been divorced more than one time. If they rack up even more divorces there's a 50/50 chance that they're the problem and maybe not so much the other person.
Looking at the numbers in 3:49 makes me wonder does those includes people who "don't consider having sex with prostitutes as cheating" or not. Cause if it's not included then (from my POV atleast) the numbers will be a lot higher
I remember seeing these relationship dynamics in anime 10 years ago ahnd not being able to connect or relate to it, being from the US. But here are the actual accounts of these darker cultural problems in Japan.
I do also want to add, that there are plenty of messed up stories regarding familial issues in the West as-well, the kinds of issues are just different.
Are these things really that far away from the West? I honestly don’t think so.
@@mark9294 Hmm, not that far, but more like the specifics of parents blaming their children so bluntly. The cultures are just different so dysfunction comes out in different ways I suppose.
We have to stop thinking there are "bad" people who cheat and "ugly" victims partners who suffers from it.
Be attracted elsewhere can happen in life, the question is how will you and your partner handle it and do you have the emotional resources and support to overcome this situation without judgement.
And there are no right or wrong decisions but healthy (and difficult) ways to navigate to it.
In my close relatives, I have both people who suffered greatly from their parent's divorce even now at 30 years old and others had suffered and escaped at 18s because their parents stayed together
start pushing the law for those who commit infidelity to get sue and paying alimony and child support also suing the affair partner. if there no consequence the of course this gonna happen rampant
As long as japan holds on to AV, other adult services and other entertainment that expose them to attractive young man/women that are reachable everywhere with no intention to change, this country is beyond salvation. who would be attracted to your own wife/husband if
I thing similar, porn is terrible for relationships and I wished more people understood that.
@@valdius85 Prostitution is the world's oldest job. Do you really think people waited for AV to cheat ? AV exist because of people's lust. Demand and supply.
It's beyond easy to not look at porn if your wife/girlfriend puts out. But for some reason in Japan, once a day is considered scandalously high. 4 times a day is high. Biologically, once every other day is optimal.
@@ch4.hayabusa
Agree and disagree.
Just “putting out” is not enough after five years of relationship :)
Men have emotional needs as well and sex can be psychologically damaging for men as well. I have experienced that and I saw many comments of men experiencing similar things…
On a low definition scale, yes, if intimacy is good men have limited need for porn and it’s becoming easy to not watch it ever.
In a “lala land”, where people don’t have jobs and kids, every day is fine as there is more to sex for men than simply “finishing”.
EJ every second day seems to work for many of men :)
from personal experience this is not true.
It's important to understand and resolve the underlying issues that often lead to cheating: Got married too quickly or for the wrong reasons (=wrong person), lack of communication, too focused on work or the kids, one person let him/herself go (physically, etc), a lack of regular physical intimacy, etc.
Those were all great points.
Yes, exactly. And also important to distinguish between different types of "cheating".
Becoming emotionally attached in an ongoing affair is a completely different situation from having a one-night stand, yet many people seem to consider them as equivalent. They're certainly both signs of problems within the relationship, but there is an enormous difference between physical infidelity and emotional infidelity.
I believe the system is rigged from top to bottom.
Not just in Japan, but in the modern western world.
Family values used to mean something now people are alienated from each other and are selfish.
(Not the good kind of selfish but the bad one)
Individuals need to rise up and make a difference
The list is practically endless. And it’s basically a list about why marriages can fail. No wonder people are afraid to get married these days. They are right to be so.
That’s why I’d like to hear from the husbands of these two ladies.
It’s common for one party to say they don’t care about intimacy and take that part of life for granted.
Then the same people are surprised about the consequences.
I personally think cheating is a terrible thing to do, but people need to be realistic.
Taking intimacy for granted is common in all cultures. After being in Jp for some time I think it is a bigger issue than in other counties.
Who said Adultery has no consequences?
Reminder that providing your kid with meals and a house does not make a good parent. That the baseline. This does not make someone a good person ever and you owe them ZERO gratitude. Things that make a good parent is, being active in the child homework and activly helping them not demanding. Making sure your kid find a hobby by forcing them to try different things. Try and be part of their hobby so they can have someone to talk to about it. Being someone they can actually confide in. Making sure your kid is healthy and takes care of themselves like brushing teeth, showering. Respecting your kids boundries and them as a person so they can respect you to.
Like me if your have had a neglectfull parent or a parent that only do the baseline of give you food, a place to sleep and clothes. You owe them nothing, zero. Especially if they cheated on your other parent. You might feel some gratitude for them being a reason for you to exist, afterall they are your parent it perfectly normal. However dont trick yourself you owe them. You dont deserve burdening yourself.
i disagree with that. i think you should be thankful for everything that was done for you. it is a better way to live.
Japan has a fascinating culture, with both positive and negative aspects. Judging by the statistics and trends, Japan as we know it, as a culture, will soon cease to exist, and whatever takes its place will be wholly different from the Japan we have known throughout history. Only time will tell.
It's too strong and deep of a culture to totally cease to exist. I think it will continue, though it may morph as technology advances and the population shrinks. IDK. I wish the whole world could go back to about 1850. But then we wouldn't have good dental care, ibuprofen, and Doritos...
@@ChickensAndGardening If Japanese are not having many children, in 40 to 60 years, few Japanese will be left. The culture and character of Japan will be totally different than it is today.
Marriage is viewed differently now and the access to information is just a click away. Times are changing for the worst if you ask me.
@@DerekDavis213 Agreed but somehow I believe they will figure out the problem and solve it. Better work-life balance, subsidized day care, free fertility treatments. They'll get their act together.
@@ChickensAndGardening Work-life balance in Japan? That is funny. Today, there is no balance. And many Japanese men are afraid of women. That's a problem.
It's the Japanese way... robotic
My parent divorce when i was 24 years old, it does effect me and my brother even we all grown man. Both of my grandparent divorced, and the now my own parent. We were once do things together and then now no more, my dad lives with his cousins in a small house he build and my mom lives with her husband or technically our step dad. He's a good man, took care of our mom and provides what she needs even though my mom still working to earn her own income. I haven't seen my dad since they divorced, just heard about him from my cousin then where he just being negative about everything, pointing fingers and blaming. A small part of me wanted to visit him, but knowing his attitude, the other part of me told me just leave him alone before i get yell or possibly curse by him. Hope that me and my brother won't get divorce, just happily ever after.
40% of males cheating is insane. It really is becoming part of the culture over there.
I agree with the daughter your interviewed whose mom cheated, cheaters are the worst of the worst.
I was cheated on once and I'm just too emotionally fragile in terms of love/relationships. It ruined me.
I wonder how much of that is accurately reflective of society. It could also be possible that the female figure is understated
@@ZeDelux True, assuming a statistic is correct on the internet is a bit yikes.
I imagine it's somewhat like that though from what I've seen/heard.
It's definitely better for the kids that the parents divorce than be in a loveless/unhappy marriage. Studies have shown that the mental well being of a child can be heavily affected by parents who are constantly arguing, hitting each other, cheating, etc. But unfortunately, a lot of couples stay together either thinking it's better for the kids (which it's not) or out of fear it'd make themselves look bad (basically embarrassment). I've told my mom multiple times to divorce my alcoholic dad (who's dead now) but she would always fire back with "Oh, and have everyone think there's something wrong with us? Is that what you want?" My sister and I luckily kept our sanity because we had each other, and even cried as we hugged whenever the yelling would get worse. Our parents never noticed us crying nor checked up on us after the arguments. They just kept pretending everything was fine. It's actually a miracle neither of them cheated.
It depends on the situation really. If you are living in a foreign country, where your living permit and financial situation depends on the Japanese partner. Also, as a foreigner in Japan, you probably won’t get the kid if the Japanese partner wants the custody. All in all, in foreigner-Japanese spouse case, the “divorce is better, esp. if there are kids” is not always workable.
But divorce is already a lot worse than being in a happy family.
agree, I always wished my parents would divorce
Unhappy marriage doesn’t mean arguments.
It might simply be very quiet between parents.
You conflated loveless unhappy with physically abusive.
Have you considered that your life my be worse if you Mum hooked up with a step father who was even more abusive?
So your conclusion is flawed.
Marriage isn't based on love.
Your Mum did the right thing,
you should honour her and your Father.
And statistically Men have a higher incidence of poverty, prison, self harm, homelessness, growing up in a single parent household.
Destroy marriage , destroy the family, destroy the Nation.
一夫多妻を許すことと結婚する前の男女関係(姦通)を禁じること。後は売春防止法の推進を強く務めること。
I want to see a video on preventative measures we can take to avoid these kind of lifestyles. If we want to free ourselves from the bad habits our parents had we need to be proactive.
I’m Irish I met a man from Okinawa Japan in Ireland he came to learn English during his stay here I supported him financially my family were kind and good to him eventually we got married in London had 2 children life was ok there because of his parents he felt pressure to go back to Okinawa from there my life was very difficult I suffered with my health my baby died during all the difficulties my husband was never there his responsibility was to his parents he had affairs eventually he lost the business and became financially bankrupt at that time he went to Tokyo for a job and left me to pick his financial mess at that time he got married to a woman from his church this man stole everything from me I lost everything even the custody of my children eventually I came back to Ireland I had no money no place to live I’m still very traumatised even though it has been many years ago my children and I have a good relationship they both live in Tokyo I miss my children it’s been very difficult to create a new life for myself here in Ireland I would like to have the opportunity to tell all ofmystory one day I have no contact with the man I married I can’t believe that a person could be so cruel evil and selfish
So much damage can be done to kids from parents behavior its sad to hear but true. I think girl who moved out to go to University made right choice
I hope her self estem does ok her your mom say its your fault is horrible
The girl spoke truthfully about her struggles, then divorce is not a bad thing. Because a single parent environment would be better for the girl to develop a complete sense of self, than for her to grow up in a toxic environment. Now as an adult, she could have issues with female authority or accepting her husband cheating. Therefore, divorce is not a bad thing and the local government would need to create policies to support Japanese single-parent household.
5:45 "...why the divorce rate in the US is higher in Japan..." If the US family court often sides with women, not to mention there's no mandatory need to provide a reason for divorce, why wouldn't people take advantage of that?
And so I feel this may inspire another video about financial side of divorce. Maybe its just me watching too much comic dubs translated from Japanese like Manga Waido（漫画わいどしょー） or Revenge Films（スカッとムービー）, but it would be interesting to know about how much is paid for damages, property division or whether the court decisions regarding divorce is comparatively enforced fairly regardless of gender. While were at it, perhaps a follow up vid about the lives of people who paid for "divorce damages" as some of them have to pay a large sum, they end up homeless.
Yes, that is also currently even happening in the Japanese geek industry in which adulterers take a very long break. While adultery should never be an issue in most professions due to it being a private matter, Japanese businesses/companies values 'trust' so much that they can accuse their cheating employees to also betray their trust and thus fire them.
If a person can't even stay loyal to their spouse, do you really expect them to stay loyal to their job / company too? Do you trust them to handle any sensitive/classified information?
Adultery is a private matter, a private matter that shows a person's true colors, shows their questionable morality and integrity.
I'm not sure if companies all over the world value morality, but I'm damn sure companies around the globe value integrity.
@@bunnicula3221 Some companies believe that employees can separate career and private matters so yes, they can still trust their employees since the latter should know who pays their bills. There are employees that are too talented that any of their faults is thrown under the bus.
I think divorce leads to many mental health issues for children so I’m not sure this is a solution
Its kinda sad that so many of these videos on these issues come down to people not communicating. Its insane to me. How could you even get together if you dont communicate and confide in each other.
Yas Communicate is key, but Japan doesn't work like that.
Japanese people are polite and can't really say no as they say. Example they often won't get fired from work, they force them to leave. When fired, don't tell their family.. just pretend to go to work and act like everything is fine 😅
@@denmaakujin9161 that'a wild.... man, basing on animes and things that you hear, it sounds like a great country, but the social part of it, is really fuc.. up.
@@denmaakujin9161 that's not being polite, that's being pretentious. Japan is incorrectly noted as a polite society. It is not. It's pretentious. They're among the least charitable nations on Earth and is famously the land of no chances, let alone second chances.
They don’t communicate because their spouse already told them multiple times that they don’t care.
Trust me, it’s not about the communication, especially in such obvious things as intimate life.
@@JohnDoe-pt7ru okay I will learn this word "pretentious". I don't know about less charitable nations, that's probably like nations like China, Russian etc countries without democracy
Japan bruh.
Once again, working long hours is mentioned for a cultural problem. Why is it that Japan is so stubborn to change something that is detrimental to societal wellbeing, even when everybody is clearly in agreement with it?
This is really good reporting. Thank you, Nobita!
"You can never know if your partner will cheat before marriage" is a parental curse if i ever heard one. Even the two single moms in this video admit there were red flags at the beginning of their relationships. For various reasons and excuses people still choose to marry and have kids with people they KNOW they shouldn't marry. Then those kids grow up not wanting kids having heard statements like the one above or "It's your fault i'm cheating" and then society in turn collectively whines about low birth rates. There isn't a single contributor to low birth rates that can't be traced back to childhood issues, yes even the economy.
Of course every single problem can be traced back to childhood, after all, we were all once children.
Sounds like part of Japan needs to embrace the "open couple" culture. Cheating is so dark in comparison
3:56 is smoke coming out of her ears!!! 😮😮😮
It wasn’t me, I don't cheat because I'm an INCEL(general pacifist, not the terror bringing kind that are broken because of lust + confusion... I mostly just have confusion...)
Reality hurts
The problem is that in Japanese culture that they often stay together when they don't have to, they don't talk about feelings.
Get married early, have kids, no sex or affection, sleep in different beds. That's normal in Japan, I would expect the guy to find passion somewhere else.
What’s the alternative to staying together once you have children? A separated family is no piece of cake either.
The age they marry at has little to do with the issue.
It is common that intimacy dies after the wanted about of children was achieved.
Many men loose hope for things getting better and find meaning in life outside of intimacy.
@@mark9294 when they are separated, they can move on from a dysfunctional family, It's better that way. The child still going to have a father and mother that's love them.
Another problem in Japanese society, is how the they view marriage. Having a child outside marriage is shameful, being divorced is shameful.. these need to change
@@valdius85 I don't mean age, more like they rush to get married after a few months of dating.
@@denmaakujin9161
Understand.
I have mixed feelings about it.
One the one hand westerns date for ages and then still cannot create a good marriage.
On the other hand, mature people should know what they are looking for and should be able to make a good marriage after 6 months of getting to know each other.
Lots of “should” in my answer :(
I’ve noticed that Jp women sometimes marry only for money, without being physically or emotionally attracted to the men.
Quick marriages I’ve heard about were btwn people who wanted to marry and knew what they were looking for. These were mature people, at least on the surface.
I think a big problem is that Japanese society simply doesn’t value connection, intimacy and attraction. It’s something that’s done when there is time for it.
When kids come, there is always something to do so then intimacy has to become planned and “organised”, otherwise it will not happen and the marriage will become dead.
One of my teachers lived in Japan in the 80's. He said there were segments on TV where fathers with their kids begged their wives (who abandoned them) to come back home. Is there any truth to this? I can't find any corroborating information about it.
Sometime in the future school will become relevant to life. Not just producing biological worker robots,but those that are versed in the realities of life. Relationships,personal finance,food preparation and continuing social education (not propaganda).