being not conventionally attractive in singapore
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2023
- tbh i can talk about this for forever and i feel i was quite PC in this video because i dont want to get YELLED AT in the comments but if y'all want a part 2 lmk. thanks for watching !!
me:
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video edited by kedy
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SUBS ARE UP GUYS THANKS FOR WAITING!!!
amazing content! WE WANT MORE!
at the end of the day, you will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.
frfr, the joy of being a girl's girl is a different kind of happiness
Pretty privilege is real.. when I was fat and ugly nobody care about me when I fall down. After i lost weight , learn to dress up and do makeup, people run to help me up when I fell down. I remember once when I was at a training,I fell down(after glow up) together with another lady who is average looking and a little chubby. Nobody went to help her but they all came to me. I know and can relate to how she must have felt at that moment as that was me in the past ..nobody give a shit about me when I am not attractive to them. Another time I was havin my internship at a bank(not going to disclose), I have a beautiful friend with me. I was tasked to carry the monitors and desktops and run reports every morning but she was tasked nothing. She use her handphone everyday throughout her whole internship but she got a better grade than me. When she wanted to help, the superiors told her she didn’t need to as she is a pretty girl.. 😢😢
same for guys, girls just chat you up, say hi and ask how is your day, but if you are ugly guy, girls just avoid you like plague
goes both ways. short guys have it worse than u.
I didn't grow up conventionally attractive and was always bullied for my looks growing up, and it didn't help that I was fat-shamed by my own dad even tho I wasn't fat by any means. So while I didn't have body dysphoria, my self-esteem dipped a lot and it affected romantic relationships once I grew up coz I was so insecure with how I looked even if someone said I still look pretty or cute and I would shut them down instead of saying thank you. However, after I embarked on my fitness journey last year and lost a ton of weight, people started paying more attention to me (e.g I'm not single and even when I make known that I'm dating, guys still try their luck to hit on me lol) and told me I'm now in my skinny legend era. I kinda don't like the term "skinny legend" tbh. Don't get me wrong, I very much love how I look now because I'm healthier and stronger but the drastic difference in treatment that I'm getting back then vs now makes me feel like looks still play a huge part in whether someone deems you as attractive or not.
a quote that kinda helped me a little; "beauty fades, dumb is forever."
thanks for your honest sharing bby! and slayyyyy hahahha
I feel that part of being attractive is also how you carry yourself and personal style. You have great style and amazing tatts and that’s what I rmb you for! Truly when you resonate with who you are that’s when you attract the right people/audience! ❤ love the content!
I totally agree :) if I saw her irl I’d think wow she’s cool and trendy!
I resonate so much with the "back-up" option comments. Totally true.
honestly yessssss, you do you!!! the part where you said, I want to do what I want, and whoever wants to come along for the ride can stay, I really resonated w, being in this industry, everyday you see beautiful people, even if you don't go to events, you can't avoid social media, and the pressure is always there, the comparison is unavoidable too & ngl I struggled from time to time too. even if you're truly confident and secure in yourself, I think it's just human nature to compare. and you're absolutely right, fitting more into the conventionally attractive category does get you different treatment, from back when I didn't know how to dress up, wore glasses and was a shy nerdy kid with eczema, to now, the difference in how people treat me, is so drastic. back then the guys didn't even give me a second look/ always said nasty things/ bullied me.
now there's good and there's bad but I feel pretty girls are many and everywhere, but genuine/ real people who are unafraid & break the mold are the ones that are truly rare. conventionally attractive or not, you are always shinning in your own way and I've always admired your style & your personality, authenticity + kindness from back when you shared w me about your korea trip & helped me out + your content, your solo korea vlogs helped me out sm before I went on my own solo trips.
personally i think that (as a student) times are indeed changing, i do think that while some girls are still more into like the typical look but they are also more open to more non-stereotypical looks thanks to the internet.
personally, i really do love and inspire to be the way you are. society def plays a huge role but if everyone is beautiful just the way they are
Think you did a great job facilitating a conversation on this topic. Some of the things you shared has helped me framed some of my thoughts on this, and I felt that you showed maturity of thought and deep reflection.
great video that widened my perspective and understanding in the field of attractiveness, loving the content !! am also a strong believer of 'beauty lies in the eye of the beholder' 🤞🤞 i love ur style and personality and find u really attractive
I really liked what you said & in a way, it acts as a reminder to ppl out there too! Ultimately, the most impt thing is to always know your own self-worth & never seek external validations from ppl. Know that you deserved better :)
strangely mongabong comes straight into my mind when you bought up Love Bonito girls
The part about having tattoos and how it hinders you from getting a job. I can relate to it honestly, because of how people judge your appearance when you go for an interview. I got reminded too when I first bleached my hair. People tend to have this stereotypical mindset of thinking that "these type are gangster types" just because we bleached our hair or getting tattoos. It's nice to see people being open towards these things nowadays and it's not wrong to choose how you want to approach, how you want to present yourself. In the end of the day it's you, everyone is amazing and beautiful in their own way and of course others can't replace you ❤ this topic is controversial yet it's very relatable
really eloquent way of explaining this "reward system" and brought up many thought-provoking pointers on this topic! you did a great job
even between girl friends there's some that prioritize friends who look better attractive looking, then will leave u out (me, i got left out) and it sucks hardcore. i thought we were supposed to be girls' girl together... it sucks that within friends they care about looks also. then if you aren't fem and cant get along well with guys you're basically one of the "rotten apples" and most likely no guys will pay u attention !
real…. the friend part…
fake friends moments@@pepethefrog3651
Part 2 please! I relate to some of the things you said - enjoyed listening to your opinion
Thank you for being honest with your experiences :) when you learn to not put yourself on a scale, you learn not to put others on a scale too. good luck.
Thanks for the very relatable podcast!!! 😊
No wayyy but I find you so attractive tho!!! you have such a unique sense of style and your tats are nice af… But most males tend to lean towards the more ‘innocent’ looking girls but that doesn’t make u unattractive!!! I’m a girl and I admire girls who stand out more, rather than girls who blend in in styles ❤❤❤
It has nothing to do with innocence. It is her facial features. Guys prefer a very streamlined sleek look, whereas her face is quite bulky
@@John_Smith_86 Quite bulky...? No one was asking you to share your unsolicited opinions of why you think she doesn't suit conventional beauty standards honestly the audacity of men 😭
@@RosaIcegem Yup, nobody asked me. And then?
@@RosaIcegemI agree with him and im a girl. It's just obvious facts.......-.-
@@John_Smith_86 to me particularly her facial features especially her nose may not fit the typical attractive look that men like in general
i love you for this i subscribed immediately
i thought the title said being not conventionally attentive in singapore and i was like yeah i have a short attention span.......
SIS HAHAHAAHA PLEASEEEE
this video resonate w me in so many ways and I've met and know people like that. this is how society is going now I guess.
Hi! First time watcher, big love for your personality and content
Hey I like this positivity, it’s actually beautiful to see this!
as a gen z, i struggled a lot with my looks especially my facial features like my nose. i hated how my side profile looked & how my nose bridge looked from the front, and would receive comments online making jokes about my nose. i would always edit my nose in photos to make it look smaller. until i turned 21 last year, i finally saved enough money to get a rhinoplasty and it helped me gain a lot of confidence & i don't regret my choice of doing plastic surgery once i became an adult
From someone else who is not considered "conventionally attractive" and has tattoos & piercings also, I do totally relate to this - especially with how it relates to working in Singapore - and as a creator, having to work doubly hard because I'm not Kiaraakitty either... but I have always enjoyed your personality from back in the Zula days and enjoy your content now.
Even if I'm not exactly the demographic for you! 😂🙈
you have a niche style that sets you apart!!! and you are gorgeous!!!
I had the same issue too in Sg. Lot of guys in Sg said negative thinks about my looks. But when I was living in different countries or travel overseas I receive more compliments. Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. And what is atttactive in Sg was not atrractive overseas. So in the end I don't care because I know where my target audiences are 😊. I think you are a cool person and you have your own style. Don't need to worry about what others say.
From your channel, you look ok. Not amazing, but nothing horrible. Can
@@John_Smith_86 you are probably far off worse by not having confidence to upload a profile picture.
@@John_Smith_86 man...what a looser. I
I do feel there's nothing wrong with you feeling that way but also think there is some privilege you have from just being Eurasian, being of a smaller size, and not being of a minority race. :p
But i totally agree with all the points that you mentioned. Pretty privilege is so real. Its worse when you dont look conventionally pretty, of a bigger size AND a minority race :') oh wells. Also, am glad that growing up I was not the society standard of pretty. Bc i did not have pretty privilege at all and had to actually have a funny and nice personality for people to like me. Now i realised most important is to have a great support system (friends or family) and to love yourself. Hahahah! Great video Leah!
I am so sorry that happened to you ❤beauty standards do differ in countries but there is a general ideal of beauty especially with body weight and size. Unfortunately Male validation does play a part because we do see this in traditional and social media. self awareness also helps with identifying how others perceive us and if that aligns with how we want to perceive ourself. I'm glad you found your uniqueness and lean into that ❤personally, i think there's no such thing as ugly looking because we have been told through traditional and social media what is attractive. it took a while for me to unlearn this. its so cool that you're a girls girl ❤
It was nice hearing you talk about this! As someone that is considered conventionally attractive by sg society, it was v informative to learn more about my standing in society and about the unfortunate experiences I somehow don't have to experience. It's really so awful to hear. Also, what you said about the problems conventionally attractive people go through are very true too. The sexual harassment can get very intense. Even a lot of the 'perks' you experience will still somehow be tied to people objectifying your body. There really is no winning as a woman.
Big hugs for sharing this
i totally get all this but also this truly makes me realise grass is always greener on the other side etc. because i would kill to look like you
i love the ending takeaways
"It depends" is my opinion. When I lived in Singapore, I found that a local of local guys I knew had a view that attractive was skinny - i mean super skinny. I personally find slightly chubbier girls more attractive - But that might be an Ang Moh view. I never got the Singaporean obsession with "all things Korea" - tbh I was never that impressed with those that people were obsessing over. Takes all sorts :) You look how you look and shouldnt be forced to fit into a "box" of how you "must look".
i love this series - coming from someone who cant sit through a podcast in his life!!!!!!
right!! totally resonate with this. i used to be an overweight girly who struggled to find clothes that fit me properly. the popular brands in singapore biggest size do not fit me and once i find a certain clothing that fits me, i will buy it in every single colour so i dont have to rewear the same piece everyday.
fellow eurasian here! relate so so much to your childhood story~
LEAH!!! PLEASE TALK ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH AND POSITIVITY! YOUR INFLUENCE WILL CHANGE THE WORLD AND ONE"S MINDSET
LOVE ur tattoos sia. ngl!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!
Very refreshing and insightful podcast to sit through. As a professional, the "conventionally pretty" privilege actually has some downsides too - e.g. Clients not taking you seriously because your "prettiness" takes centre stage rather than the work, or issues, at hand. For this reason, I regularly wear spectacles and go easy on my fashion and makeup to fit in, so that my appearance doesn't take away from the discussion in the office or boardroom.
That said, I didn't grow up pretty at all! I've always been slightly chubbier and I could only dream of having a body like yours! Getting teased for that didn't help with my self-esteem either, and add that to the immense stress throughout JC and secondary school, ugly braces and ill-fitting uniforms, I was a walking billboard... Of a conventionally unattractive and socially awkward Asian teen with a ton of issues 😂. You hit the head of the nail, in addressing how everyone needs to accept themselves for who we are - we don't need to be a "New York 10" to feel like one! I accept that I'll carry my acne scars, my lil un-flat tummy and my terribly worrying hairline around wherever I go and yes, it's always possible to be a target for these unkind remarks even as I have had a purported "glow up" (hence the account above as a professional). Accepting myself for these imperfections taught me to look beyond going skin-deep with interactions and assessing others around me, which if anything, means having a higher EQ growing up (also much sexier to anyone else, be it people of the opposite gender or not). To all those youngsters who struggle with this, always remember - the opinions of those naysayers, doubters and haters don't matter. You are loved for so much more than how you look - because you have so much more to offer than just your body! Kindness, positivity, open-mindedness - cultivate these intrinsic qualities. They are enduring and speak volumes, way more than looks or appearances ever will. Looks will fade. I see younger, prettier girls all the time, but guess what? The experiences that grow with time, they empower you so much more, more than what being born pretty or attractive could ever do. You are you, celebrate yourself for having brought someone joy in that moment you were birthed, the kindness you exuded while lending a helping hand or listening ear, the compassion you extended to a friend or colleague in grief or pain. A hooked nose, acne scars, or small eyes don't mean half as much. ❤
Thanks Leah for the slay podcast!
i need to know where did u get your kuromi cup from 😭😭😭
way to go LEAHH😍😍😍
I am Chinese Singaporean, I have quite a lot of tattoo, too. Yes, I totally agree with your POV. For my look, I am generally less appealing for Chinese Singaporean guy. Cos I am big size as in my bone structure is more masculine than the demure type of body shape. Singaporean Chinese guys would not consider me as the pretty type. But I am very well-liked by people from outside Asia, so sometimes, it is not that we want to date only "ang moh" but i guess no choice? I married a Mediterranean husband.
I’m also mixed race but on my passport I am Indian and I do tell people I am Indian because my family is Indian but people don’t categories me as Indian and because I’m tan nobody thinks I’m Chinese and I’m not even that tan so people will assume I’m Malay. I had this girl yell and ask me why I wasn’t fasting and I was so confused. I remembered some of my Malay CCA mates staring at me when I drink water and I’ve to tell them I am not Malay and then they won’t stare.
what is CCA
PREACCHHHH I AGREE WE DONT DESERVE PEOPLE WHO DONT TREAT US RIGHT ASJHASHHASAS
finally someone talks about this... something that everyone feels but never spoke about.
Would kinda be nice to hear it from a guy's pov and like how guys deal with it too! everything you said totally applies to guys too but we have some key differences with it!
Like the old saying lo. Beauty is skin deep. But women have a lot of insecurities about themselves basically.
More podcast Leah!
wanted to comment for the algorithm - this was very entertaining.
PLEASE TALK ABOUT MENTAL AWARENESS!
I miss Leah in tsl 😭
FINALLYYYYYY
Leah actually I dont see how most people can't be attractive if they work out often to get fit and get a decent non-outlandish hairstyle, decent skincare, etc. Even tattoos are not a problem nowadays and could actually be a bonus. However it's quite obvious when someone doesn't put in the extra effort to exercise, get fit, and pay attention to diet, or decides to have some sort of non-conventional funky hairstyle with non-conventional colours (e.g. greenish yellow, orange, purple, etc). Of course it's perfectly fine to "express your individuality" through "funkiness" and being "unconventional" to stand out but then don't expect to be viewed as conventionally attractive either.
It's okay to not be conventionally attractive - there are strengths to that. Just like how big countries are 'conventionally more powerful' but small countries like singapore manage to take advantage of its small size to reap advantages - to the extent that being a 'little red dot' has become a source of pride. In media you have folks like Rowan Atkinson, Jackie Chan, etc, who have learnt to distinguish themselves in highly admirable ways (much more admirable and sustainable imo than being popular simply for their looks). In Sg you have actresses like Xiang Yun who are greatly respected.
i personally believe there is no convention to attractiveness.
everyone has their own perception to whats attractive.
someone you may find attractive , others may not.
unless you are one of the unfortunate ones like for example, severe burn victims.
I don't really agree with how you define conventional beauty.. not sure if what you're experiencing could also be age culture, ie. different beauty definitions across generational groups; As a gen z chinese girl myself, I've seen so many beautiful girls(usually not singaporean influencers) randomly across cultures that took my breath away
Perhaps because I work in the tech industry as a software engineer, I couldn't relate to many of the things you were feeling and experiencing;
Yes girls from the business departments do wear bonito styles, but I honestly think I still slay in my company polo tee and jeans everyday HAHAHAHA
I so wanna jump in on the conversation also!!!!! WITH MY NEW HAIRDO and BEING TRANS OH MY GOD... haha macham fall into the minorities of minorities!
B-but the plot twist is you’re attractive ❤❤❤
You look ok la.
hi, a few things:
when you said, "there are downsides right to being attractive like that like i dont get sexualised as much compared to all these other girls who may be objectified on an everyday basis"" is a pretty damaging and toxic mindset to have esp as a woman because it sounds like you are invalidating what women's experiences and boiling it down to ugly vs not ugly. being objectified happens to every single woman, it's not a pretty girl only problem.
"when you're too attractive as a female u might not be taken too seriously" is. an insane thing to say as a woman. like you are not wrong, BUT using it as an excuse to be thankful you are not "conventionally attractive" is weird.
"imagine people talking abt ur ASSETS on like a daily basis" strange misogynistic-coded comment lol. u are totally valid to feel the way u did but let's not put down other women over things that they can't control.
Must be 越看越漂亮 💘
im conventionally attractive but i cant relate to anything because im a otaku kinda hermit, so my biggest insecurity is my personality and how i could look more intersting towards normies. I want to be more interesting while being myself while making use of my privileges but that probably all comes down to confidence. ty for making this video and i would love a part 2!
i clicked because u looked cute, and I’m a girl
❤️
one of the reason is truly affected by the male gaze. I hate that it surrounds around something so 'animalistic'. I jus wish everyone was more respectful and nice to each other regardless their looks :/
Can you make a video about being unconventionally unattractive?
We live in a country where the majority race dictates the beauty standard sadly.
Mongabong is not pretty. Just because she is tall and put make up. Some people know how to manipulate and act like a victim to get what they want. Therefore do not think yourself as not pretty.. it’s getting the right audience right timing also helps.
I duno eh I'm 52kg 155cm, BMI 21 but I still dont look skinny. Hahaha. Anyway you're very cute lah 😊 but everyone knows what you're talking about.
TBH you look attractive to me. :P
I’m surprised you think you arent conventionally attractive cos i always thought ure so pretty!
After i commented this; i formed a rationale - you aren’t ugly (or, not conventionally attractive) until you tell people you are. because right, none of us in the comments ever knew she saw herself as non conventionally attractive - we equated her the same beauty as we did to the influencers she named like mongabong etc!!
hence.. try your best to embody confidence
Why is being conventionally attractive in Singapore such a narrow band to fit into?! 😭
if you pretty girl, all the uncle tikopek treat you damn good. ask those who have male uncle bosses. If you yandao boy, go down buy food auntie give you extra. But honestly, there are more ugly (and "normal" looking) people than good looking people in this world, and there are a lot of jealous people out there. I tell you you good looking most people treat you like crap. best is look so-so. then people will not laugh at your face but will not jealous of u also.
grow up conventionally attractive also not so good la, uncle attract a lot female attention when I hit puberty this makes me feel Yaya papaya and makes me not go for girls that I want.
Im Russian, Japanese, Chinese, Peranakan/Indonesian. I went to international schools and therefore the 'attractiveness-judgement' wasn't really 'Chinese' per se. There were many races.
(Tbh)
Before even knowing what your ethnicity was, I had always thought you were Malay, you have the features (especially the nose & maybe the mouth) as well as the skin-tone & this was even prior to knowing you had a video about your DNA/Ancestary test taken. When the test results came back, I wasn't surprised that one of your top ethnicities was Malay. Even your mum looks Malay. Anyways, it's not about looks tbh. Fuck all the stereotypes now, it isn't important. Whatever race, height, weight, looks fuck it!
If you are overweight, please cut down your weight. Not by dieting but through ketogenic lifestyle. Not by cutting the calories but choosing the right foods to eat.
Being overweight isn’t matter of being beautiful or not, but rather it is just unhealthy and more prone to health risk.
This sounds more like a young lady age mentality issue rather than a singaporean women beauty issue...
I think you re just not attractive , its not about being not conventionally attractive in sg
bro did not watch the video💀💀💀