I agree Debbie.They were at the height of the honeymoon phase. If she's unwilling to have a discussion that would allow conflict resolution (or even closure) with her, it will get worse in the future
This behavior and response is a response. They chose this. Each block on each platform is an individual choice. Do you really want anyone, especially a partner to be like this in your life when theres a problem? F No.
That happened to me a long, long time ago. It seriously hurt my feelings and I was fairly new to the dating scene. My prospective changed since and I find it now a blessing.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that especially when you were new to dating and very innocent. But when we look at the nature of the person who could do that to us, we quickly realized that them leaving our lives is indeed a blessing. Thank you for the great comment!
Sometimes it is trauma. Something triggers somebody and they run. I’ve done it. I’ve had it done to me. In a short term dating relationship with no real commitment this can make sense. In a long term established connection, this is plain cowardly and lack of emotional maturity or capability to be in a long term commitment.
Pretty much this exact situation happened to me, I was always good to her but I got discarded after an argument. Then she came back and apologized I gave her another chance, that was followed by another discard, she comes back again with sob story and fake apology. I gave one last chance and I got discarded again and all that time I was kind and understanding.
My first relationship ended this way. After two years he decided to pull the wires off his landline. It wasn’t even an argument. It was a disagreement. It was a horrible period for me.
I did this because he would not talk to me and would ignore how I felt. I blocked him because he would just post on social media nonchalantly while I was hurt I couldn't take being ignored anymore it drove me insane.
I get why you blocked him. He wasn’t working with you. I think it’s an entirely different matter when somebody is trying to get an answer and trying to get a conflict resolution and is blocked without even having a decent break up discussion.
What I admire about Susan is that she can say everything without labeling it. In attachment theory, this has a name: avoidants. Most likely it is a DA (dismissive avoidant). These are people who did not have a model of emotional socialization. There's no point in wanting to have what someone else doesn't have to give. This is a problem that DAs must solve. Generally, they are not good partners (very selfish behaviors), since they have few tools to communicate -- they communicate very poorly and this lack of assertive communication usually generates anxiety in the partner. It seems like they are always saying things half-heartedly, nothing is clear. Furthermore, blocking someone without real need is very rude and unnecessary embarrassment. Living in a relationship without conflict resolution is becoming a pressure cooker of anxiety and unhappiness. You can never say what you need and be authentic, because you always walk on eggshells. And that's not fair to yourself. [p.s.: Attachment Theory is just a part of our lives and it doesn't cover everything, it isn't everything. We all need psychotherapy, any type of attachment - "secure people" (SA) also have problems and their kind of chaos. I say this, because especially in the case of avoidants (or insecure attachments), there is no point in just working on attachment. It's a matter of family problems that need to be worked out -- It's a matter of doing psychotherapy/psychoanalysis in individual sessions. There is no way if they are not accompanied by psychologists. And yes, they are good people and deserve love, but no one enters a relationship to live distancing strategies.]
Thank you so much for your brilliant commentary! I really appreciate all of the information you have added to this discussion. And I appreciate your participation on my channel.
Almost exact same thing happened with my situationship about a year ago. It was hurtful and left me devastated. I wanted to work things out or at least discuss the issue. It took me a few months to patch myself together and realise it was her emotional immaturity at false.
@@SusanWinter Absolutely agree. Open, honest communication is so important. It left me wondering what went wrong, blaming myself etc. To this day I wish I was given an explanation so I could at least improve upon myself. It certainly didn't help I fell for her hard and still miss her a lot. On the bright sight, it pushed me towards self exploration, I discovered attachment theory (she is book case avoidant, whereas I was combination of secure and anxious) and led me to enormous personal growth. Mentaly, emotionaly and physicaly I am completely different person in comparison to a year ago.
Ditto here & it's the hardest road, but the earlier we find out the reality of what we are dealing with, the better. Thanks for your spot on videos @SusanWinter
@@BasedBrothers It was extremely painful at first. I lost my best friend and someone I loved the most in one person. Nowadays I am much better and more emotionally secure.
This happened to me and it is such a relief to hear. She was a girl, not a woman. She lacked stability, clarity, and maturity. There was no ability for conflict resolution/adult way of handling inevitable differences/conflicts. Would have never worked out. She ended it suddenly when I was hooked and was not willing to work through differences/able to agree to disagree. Still left me crushed, picking up the pieces still but keep the dream replace the person.
Yeah it’s rough when when that happens. The hurt and frustration that follows no resolution is a difficult burden to bare. I personally have too journal or write letters that I will never send to expel negative energy.
I've had a similar experience with a platonic friend. I was in the wrong on a certain issue and it led to a breach of trust. Instead of allowing me to explain (not justify) the circumstances that led to my not so stellar behaviour, she rode roughshod over me (over text). To say that she was extremely aggressive and disrespectful would be understating it. My request to have a conversation in person was simply dismissed and she asked me to never contact her again.
This is disheartening to read... but more so because you describe this person as 'running roughshod' over you, being 'extremely rude' and 'aggressive' and 'disrespectful.' So while you may have not had the best behavior in that moment, it doesn't seem like you lost a valuable human being. Even if the intention was to hurt you because they felt hurt, that is a childish response that reeks of viciousness and small mindedness. I believe you are far better off without this "friend."
@@SusanWinter Thank you so much Susan! My therapist too said the same thing. The reason why I've had a really hard time processing all of this is because as someone who has a lot of internalised blame, I find it extremely hard to be on my own side. You've helped me. Thanks again.
I felt like this video was made for me, exact same thing happened to me few weeks back. I got blocked everywhere, I didn't even get to talk to him once and know what was bothering him and i'm left devestated. I feel like I'm stuck and cant move on
@@thripuranenimary5592 the best thing to do is to make your own analysis of his reasons. Just to help you move on. It’s one of the techniques I use in. Breakup Triage. the first step is to give yourself an answer. Sometimes people don’t know why they break up themselves, but I can tell you that blocking you means that that person does not have the ability or willingness to discuss what happened.
This happened to me and left me devastated. My ex lost his job and had to move from his apartment. I opened my home and my life to him. Even told him about the job he eventually got. As soon as he started work, he blindsided me moving out, avoided seeing me or talking to me and then finally dumped me in a brutal email.
@@All12rounds I am so sorry to read this. That was really uncalled for behavior on his part. You did everything and at least thoughtfulness, politeness, and gratitude were in order.
I’m guilty of this. I am working on it still along with other things with my therapist(not the primary subject of my sessions but apart of.) I find myself blocking people for various reasons and could go into more depth about it but I’m grateful to have watched this though. Thank you Susan.
When conversation does not lead you anywhere and a person want you to guess your position or put you on the competition, sometimes other people don't open up to discus problem and they think sorry without explanation is the answer. We block people who put you in confusion, and they are afraid to make decisions or to tell you the truth solution is to just block the person who doesn't have answer for anything and selfish because their needs must be respected more than you as a partner next to them.
1:17 am so glad you said this Susan. I immediately dumped the last man I was seeing after our first argument. He would love to write to someone like you for narcissistic validation. But the truth is I dumped and blocked him because I realised he was watching me at the toilet on a camping trip. It was absolutely horrifying and I feel nauseous typing this. I will never forget looking up and seeing him watching me and then hearing him blame me for it afterwards. I insisted he drive me the 2 hour trip home, blocked him on all platforms on the journey, told him it was over as soon as I was left home. Really regret not calling the police but of course at the time these things don’t feel so easy as once you realise someone is fine with behaving in a criminal way against you you realise they will be fine with lying about you. I called a sexuaI assault helpline and the lady said it would just be his word against mine anyway. This is the third man who has sexuaIIy assaulted me. It has been devastating and I am finding it really difficult to overcome. My already low belief in goodness of the world, in men and relationships and my own self worth is now zero. But at least I dumped this one immediately. In the past I allowed abuse. Never again.
Exactly it always deserves a conversation. I was blocked in the middle of a text after I said that he broke my heart 💔 and he refused to talk to me…it’s been a year now and he still didn’t contact me.
This happened to me recently - was blocked by someone dating for 3 months over an argument of a *hypothetical* situation lol. Afterwards we had conversations over the span of a month, during which he criticized me for not revealing all of my thoughts to him (trigger of the argument). I wanted to "work on it" but he was ready to run away, I guess he just wanted to remove me (the trigger) from his life. Eventually his brain was fried from his own anxiety and (projected?) anger onto me, broke up with me over video, refused to communicate afterwards and left me with a wild mix of emotions and thoughts... Eventually I contacted him and he offered to check in in a few weeks, but I'm not holding on to much hope. Thank you Susan for making this video and providing to us a lot of support at the beginning of the week :)
Listened to the video again - exactly like Susan said, it was new behavior to me, but it was revealed to me later that he had similar episodes with his old friends, colleagues and even close friends. Sigh
Five years, no arguments, lots of fun and love and she breaks it off with no explanation and no conversation. I never saw it coming, heartbreaking and devastating. I never had a chance to speak or even understand why? I guess I will never know the real reason she dumped me.
Horrible. One thing i will say, don’t take her back when she comes back… because they always do. Take your energy off her, go get some business, get in the gym, get a better body, look better than you ever have, step your money up. and trust me when she comes back because they ALWAYS DO, don’t go weak
@@SusanWinter the worst part Susan is that she is a PhD clinical psychologist. She was the last person on earth that I would have expected this from. I am just destroyed by her behavior.
@@morpheus3190 I met a dismissive avoidant who had these behaviors towards me, but she just didn't block me. Psychologist with 20 years of psychotherapy. The lack of communication ruined everything, they only give you breadcrumbs. In the first conflict, she discarded me and disappeared. They are emotionally chaotic people with very serious problems.
@@sushisam3010 I am sorry, mine is a DA also, forgot to mention it. She knows she is a DA and is happy about it. Strange. Psychologists are just messed up. Lol. Stay strong it will get better.
I just blocked my partner yesterday. He dumped me one week before Christmas and it was devastating. I was suicidal and had panic attacks that landed me in the hospital. He came back after 4 months and we tried again. I was so happy to be with him again that I jumped right into his arms. The hurt and resentment that I feel towards him reared it’s ugly head this weekend. I snapped and told him a lot of hurtful things. I can’t take him dumping me again, so I just blocked him on everything. I’m just afraid of going through that again, along with all the other shit going on in my life (my car got stolen on Sunday and they found cancer cells on my cervix). So it’s not always black and white. Sometimes they hurt us so much that they don’t deserve an explanation.
Can we take a moment to give praise and claps for Eric bringing this question to you, as I don’t know many men who actually would!👏🏻 I bet there will be a few women here that now have hope in men again. 🤣👌🏻❤
Love this video so many valid points made, My ex broke up with me.Came back 8 months later.Talked for about five weeks, Her last comment was I hate that I think about you and so many things. Remind me of you then blocked me., So I guess. That's that
True, maybe this argument was just an excuse to break things off with him, without explaining anything. Maybe she wasn't bothered because she wasn't that into him in a first place.....who knows...the bottom line is she is gone and it's time to move on.
That is true. Given the brief information that I have, my answer is in alignment with what I know at that moment. And hopefully it serves as a barometer for those people making the same types of choices
We don’t know her side of it that is true. But I have a pretty good instinct from the tone in which people send the letter to me. Whatever the grievance, there was no communication. If the girl was pissed off for unhappy, she never left any clues because he thought everything was good.
Maybe it was a trigger and she decided not to experience something similar to the past anymore - even though it was about a small issue - but this is a very immature behavior. I agree with Susan, anytime someone decides to end a relationship they must have the courtesy to explain the reason for their decision. It's about decency and showing respect toward someone they have shared feelings and intimacy with.
I would wonder if this was a rebound relationship for the woman, and she was being on her best behavior and even using limerence with this poor guy to avoid dealing with the pain of another relationship ending. And then the ex wanted to get back together, so she had to immediately halt this faux relationship to go back to the ex. Or else she was cheating on someone with this guy. As a matter of fact, I had learned that my ex covert narc did this sort of thing in younger years: the narc saw the other woman as a booty call while on a "break" with the narc's "real" relationship. And then when the narc got back with original relationship, immediately cut off the booty call woman.
This just happened to me. I met this guy online, we had a date that was ok, and i thought he liked me. After the date he stopped texting me, so i text him to ask was everything ok, he said yes and so thought nothing of it. Yesterday he sent me a really nasty text, and blocked me, so I couldn't even respond. He also deleted his dating profile so I couldn't even get him on there. I am hurt and angry because I think it's a bit harsh to block me for no reason? I think he already had a, girlfriend as he was never available to talk and he hardly texts me. I've got a cancer test soon too, so I feel quite bad anyway at the moment. Its put me off meeting anyone now, I can't go through this again. But it made me feel stupid because I'm 51, and there were red flags with this guy. I guess I will be single as of now, I can't deal with people's bad manners anymore. ❤❤
Any time I've blocked a person like this, it was because I knew that the 'one incident' actually stemmed from a series of red flags and bad behavior that can't be corrected by a mere conversation... I've blocked people I truly liked because my liking them wasn't worth dealing with bad behavior and I didn't want to enable it by allowing them to tell me lies (even lies they believe to be true).... Maybe to the blocked person they feel its "out of the blue" but many times, I've tried addressing smaller issues with them to no avail, so trying to correct a big deal thing was just not feesible. People who interrupt in conversations, or who will continue doing the thing they have apologized for cannot be reasoned with, in my experience... so I block and spare myself the time....
Elle, thanks for sharing the other side of this dilemma. I do appreciate seeing it from that end. In Erik's case, there had never been a disagreement before. He was crazy about her and probably still is unfortunately. So it's hard to believe that his behavior was so bad that it would warrant that kind of response. Again, we are only seeing one side of the story. And it is important to fill in the other possibilities to give a complete picture so I thank you for that
You make a great point. But why not just say you want to break up like an adult rather than blocking out of the blue and ghosting. Maybe it does not benefit you but at the end of a relationship it is common courtesy to at least say that to someones face.
Were they ghosted or did the person go "no contact"? Sometimes, I think it's the latter and the person on the receiving end stays in denial. I have definitely cut narcissists off with no explanation.
This happens to me in a lighter ways after a first meeting INITIATED by men, let's not even call them dates. Then instead of sitting on my hands, I would ask the guy for coffee (nothing more) and the guy would give me a disproportionate NO! That could mean a lot of words or a few. One time it was a text follow-up that simply said "probably not" after he had already said yes in person. No further contact. Prior to that he had talked my ear off about virtually his whole life in person🚩. Other times, it's been harsh replies. I don't understand how women communicate with men and get responses back and I barely say BOO 👻 and get stonewalled. These are not mature men, no thanks. I can do bad all by myself (Mae West).
My DA ex dumped me by text....out of the blue! We never had an argument, it was laughter all the way, with us both saying lovely things to each other....Even using the L word! We had had such a fun date and then she found out her oldest friend had sadly died. A week later she dumped me....by text! I text her back, but i was mindful of her loss so didnt go in heavy. I was more concerned how she was feeling as she was grieving. Anyway, im now blocked! Id love to get her back, but as a friend. We were only together for 3 months so i think a friendship can be salvaged. Is it ok to maybe write her a short letter? I know she had strong feelings for me and i did her, so id be such a shame to chuck it away. Im in a good place now, i just want my mate back.....and its nice to be nice. 😊
We definitely don't have her side of the story. Regardless of what has transpired, if the person does not want to move forward with you - make peace with it by honoring and trusting their choice. Let go of the ego.
It’s not him it’s her. His positive energy toward trying to make it work speaks volumes to him being a decent person. Her cruel disregard /discard speaks volumes about her character. He dodged a huge bullet
@@dd-pw8tw How can you say any of that without knowing the full story? In his mind, everything could have been fine, but we have no idea if there were red flags on his end for her to take such a drastic step.
I have a character limit on the video requests. I had to do it because I was get 10 page documents, I’m not kidding you! Here’s where I skew toward his favor… he cares enough to chase her begging for clarity, is confused and heartbroken, cannot find resolution, and so he is writing to me. That sounds like a motivated partner who deserves a conversation. Even if he did things that were at fault, she never alerted him because he has no idea why it went from good to bad, and now no communication.
Speaking from a perspective of someone, who had blocked sb over a relatively slight disagreement: Those "Over the top" responses like this may be a result of finally being pushed to ones limits. If someone's constantly triggered, and triggered, and triggered, and it can't be resolved, it's builds up then finaly, something, even really petty thing, becomes the last straw. For me, it was months of the guy, basically being wishy washy with me, neglectful et cet. Once I've asked him for a small favour (it was the first time of me, doing so). At first, he had agreed. But 2 hours later, he came up to me and made up a lie about how he couldn't help me. It was so obvious that he lied, and he acted as if he thought me daft. He didn't even put any effort into his explanation at least appearing plausible. After several months of him, acting this way towards me, I finally had snapped and demanded I didn't want him to contact me in any form any longer. For him, I might have been just a crazy, immature person, exploding over really stupid thing. But for me, it was the said last straw, I wouldn't tolerate this guy, putting me as an option and being so lazy and neglectful towards me any longer.
Trying to think back to see if this experience happened to me... I have done this to someone when I was younger, broken and seeking revenge (not excusing my behavior at all). I have dated a person whom I despised and who had a very large influence in the local community...I started to date him so I could dominate him and expose his ugly abusive side to those who regarded him as God. Most importantly, I wanter to seed self-doubt in him. All of this I've achieved...he is confused about my disappearance to this day (15 years later) - he still writes to me regularly with no response from me. All of this to say that I am not sure if this story is this complex, but it may be.
Work with Me: susanwinter.net/consultation/
Obviously he hit the hot button and hit a pulse.Better this happened now then 10 yrs together and couple of kids later.
I agree Debbie.They were at the height of the honeymoon phase. If she's unwilling to have a discussion that would allow conflict resolution (or even closure) with her, it will get worse in the future
This behavior and response is a response. They chose this. Each block on each platform is an individual choice. Do you really want anyone, especially a partner to be like this in your life when theres a problem? F No.
I totally agree
Exactly.
My ex didn't block me but would ghost me. I've ended up blocking him (finally) for my sanity, so I can't be hoovered back anymore.
Good for you!
He is your ex
That happened to me a long, long time ago. It seriously hurt my feelings and I was fairly new to the dating scene. My prospective changed since and I find it now a blessing.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that especially when you were new to dating and very innocent. But when we look at the nature of the person who could do that to us, we quickly realized that them leaving our lives is indeed a blessing. Thank you for the great comment!
I didn’t block, I became cold and stopped initiating because he would go MIA for days despite me expressing how distressing it was.
He probably is a dismissive avoidant 🙄
Sometimes it is trauma. Something triggers somebody and they run. I’ve done it. I’ve had it done to me. In a short term dating relationship with no real commitment this can make sense. In a long term established connection, this is plain cowardly and lack of emotional maturity or capability to be in a long term commitment.
Pretty much this exact situation happened to me, I was always good to her but I got discarded after an argument. Then she came back and apologized I gave her another chance, that was followed by another discard, she comes back again with sob story and fake apology. I gave one last chance and I got discarded again and all that time I was kind and understanding.
My first relationship ended this way. After two years he decided to pull the wires off his landline. It wasn’t even an argument. It was a disagreement.
It was a horrible period for me.
I'm so sorry to read this. Just horrible behavior. It's him... not you!!
I did this because he would not talk to me and would ignore how I felt. I blocked him because he would just post on social media nonchalantly while I was hurt I couldn't take being ignored anymore it drove me insane.
I get why you blocked him. He wasn’t working with you. I think it’s an entirely different matter when somebody is trying to get an answer and trying to get a conflict resolution and is blocked without even having a decent break up discussion.
What I admire about Susan is that she can say everything without labeling it. In attachment theory, this has a name: avoidants. Most likely it is a DA (dismissive avoidant). These are people who did not have a model of emotional socialization. There's no point in wanting to have what someone else doesn't have to give. This is a problem that DAs must solve. Generally, they are not good partners (very selfish behaviors), since they have few tools to communicate -- they communicate very poorly and this lack of assertive communication usually generates anxiety in the partner. It seems like they are always saying things half-heartedly, nothing is clear. Furthermore, blocking someone without real need is very rude and unnecessary embarrassment.
Living in a relationship without conflict resolution is becoming a pressure cooker of anxiety and unhappiness. You can never say what you need and be authentic, because you always walk on eggshells. And that's not fair to yourself.
[p.s.: Attachment Theory is just a part of our lives and it doesn't cover everything, it isn't everything. We all need psychotherapy, any type of attachment - "secure people" (SA) also have problems and their kind of chaos. I say this, because especially in the case of avoidants (or insecure attachments), there is no point in just working on attachment. It's a matter of family problems that need to be worked out -- It's a matter of doing psychotherapy/psychoanalysis in individual sessions. There is no way if they are not accompanied by psychologists. And yes, they are good people and deserve love, but no one enters a relationship to live distancing strategies.]
Thank you so much for your brilliant commentary! I really appreciate all of the information you have added to this discussion. And I appreciate your participation on my channel.
Well said! Thanks for this comment.,
Almost exact same thing happened with my situationship about a year ago. It was hurtful and left me devastated. I wanted to work things out or at least discuss the issue. It took me a few months to patch myself together and realise it was her emotional immaturity at false.
It’s really important for the individuals parting ways to have a decent conversation. Otherwise it leaves both feeling unresolved.
@@SusanWinter Absolutely agree. Open, honest communication is so important. It left me wondering what went wrong, blaming myself etc. To this day I wish I was given an explanation so I could at least improve upon myself. It certainly didn't help I fell for her hard and still miss her a lot.
On the bright sight, it pushed me towards self exploration, I discovered attachment theory (she is book case avoidant, whereas I was combination of secure and anxious) and led me to enormous personal growth. Mentaly, emotionaly and physicaly I am completely different person in comparison to a year ago.
Ditto here & it's the hardest road, but the earlier we find out the reality of what we are dealing with, the better. Thanks for your spot on videos @SusanWinter
@@nickus51 How do you feel about it now? I recently went through a similar case and it's been really tough on me
@@BasedBrothers It was extremely painful at first. I lost my best friend and someone I loved the most in one person.
Nowadays I am much better and more emotionally secure.
This happened to me and it is such a relief to hear. She was a girl, not a woman. She lacked stability, clarity, and maturity. There was no ability for conflict resolution/adult way of handling inevitable differences/conflicts. Would have never worked out. She ended it suddenly when I was hooked and was not willing to work through differences/able to agree to disagree. Still left me crushed, picking up the pieces still but keep the dream replace the person.
You deserve someone who will appreciate you and be able to compromise and have an emotionally intelligent conversation ❤
Yeah it’s rough when when that happens. The hurt and frustration that follows no resolution is a difficult burden to bare. I personally have too journal or write letters that I will never send to expel negative energy.
Ruby, you have found a great method of processing that. I’m a real fan of journaling.
Watched twice and will rewatch again!!!! Thanks for the wisdom , as always !
Awesome! Thank you! ❤❤
This is just the reminder that I needed today, thank you ☺️🙏🏻
N yet somehow these people find their "soulmate" How? They are cruel. But again thank you Susan for ur perspective..
Keep your heart open and trust that your true partner is out there
I've had a similar experience with a platonic friend. I was in the wrong on a certain issue and it led to a breach of trust. Instead of allowing me to explain (not justify) the circumstances that led to my not so stellar behaviour, she rode roughshod over me (over text). To say that she was extremely aggressive and disrespectful would be understating it. My request to have a conversation in person was simply dismissed and she asked me to never contact her again.
This is disheartening to read... but more so because you describe this person as 'running roughshod' over you, being 'extremely rude' and 'aggressive' and 'disrespectful.' So while you may have not had the best behavior in that moment, it doesn't seem like you lost a valuable human being. Even if the intention was to hurt you because they felt hurt, that is a childish response that reeks of viciousness and small mindedness. I believe you are far better off without this "friend."
@@SusanWinter Thank you so much Susan! My therapist too said the same thing. The reason why I've had a really hard time processing all of this is because as someone who has a lot of internalised blame, I find it extremely hard to be on my own side. You've helped me. Thanks again.
I felt like this video was made for me, exact same thing happened to me few weeks back. I got blocked everywhere, I didn't even get to talk to him once and know what was bothering him and i'm left devestated. I feel like I'm stuck and cant move on
@@thripuranenimary5592 the best thing to do is to make your own analysis of his reasons. Just to help you move on. It’s one of the techniques I use in. Breakup Triage. the first step is to give yourself an answer. Sometimes people don’t know why they break up themselves, but I can tell you that blocking you means that that person does not have the ability or willingness to discuss what happened.
This happened to me and left me devastated. My ex lost his job and had to move from his apartment. I opened my home and my life to him. Even told him about the job he eventually got. As soon as he started work, he blindsided me moving out, avoided seeing me or talking to me and then finally dumped me in a brutal email.
@@All12rounds I am so sorry to read this. That was really uncalled for behavior on his part. You did everything and at least thoughtfulness, politeness, and gratitude were in order.
I’m guilty of this. I am working on it still along with other things with my therapist(not the primary subject of my sessions but apart of.) I find myself blocking people for various reasons and could go into more depth about it but I’m grateful to have watched this though.
Thank you Susan.
When conversation does not lead you anywhere and a person want you to guess your position or put you on the competition, sometimes other people don't open up to discus problem and they think sorry without explanation is the answer. We block people who put you in confusion, and they are afraid to make decisions or to tell you the truth solution is to just block the person who doesn't have answer for anything and selfish because their needs must be respected more than you as a partner next to them.
1:17 am so glad you said this Susan. I immediately dumped the last man I was seeing after our first argument. He would love to write to someone like you for narcissistic validation. But the truth is I dumped and blocked him because I realised he was watching me at the toilet on a camping trip. It was absolutely horrifying and I feel nauseous typing this. I will never forget looking up and seeing him watching me and then hearing him blame me for it afterwards. I insisted he drive me the 2 hour trip home, blocked him on all platforms on the journey, told him it was over as soon as I was left home. Really regret not calling the police but of course at the time these things don’t feel so easy as once you realise someone is fine with behaving in a criminal way against you you realise they will be fine with lying about you. I called a sexuaI assault helpline and the lady said it would just be his word against mine anyway. This is the third man who has sexuaIIy assaulted me. It has been devastating and I am finding it really difficult to overcome. My already low belief in goodness of the world, in men and relationships and my own self worth is now zero. But at least I dumped this one immediately. In the past I allowed abuse. Never again.
Exactly it always deserves a conversation. I was blocked in the middle of a text after I said that he broke my heart 💔 and he refused to talk to me…it’s been a year now and he still didn’t contact me.
This happened to me recently - was blocked by someone dating for 3 months over an argument of a *hypothetical* situation lol. Afterwards we had conversations over the span of a month, during which he criticized me for not revealing all of my thoughts to him (trigger of the argument). I wanted to "work on it" but he was ready to run away, I guess he just wanted to remove me (the trigger) from his life. Eventually his brain was fried from his own anxiety and (projected?) anger onto me, broke up with me over video, refused to communicate afterwards and left me with a wild mix of emotions and thoughts... Eventually I contacted him and he offered to check in in a few weeks, but I'm not holding on to much hope. Thank you Susan for making this video and providing to us a lot of support at the beginning of the week :)
Listened to the video again - exactly like Susan said, it was new behavior to me, but it was revealed to me later that he had similar episodes with his old friends, colleagues and even close friends. Sigh
Thank you Suzan!
It always escalates.. I learned it the hard way :(
I’m sorry to hear that but you will find someone that appreciates you
Five years, no arguments, lots of fun and love and she breaks it off with no explanation and no conversation. I never saw it coming, heartbreaking and devastating. I never had a chance to speak or even understand why? I guess I will never know the real reason she dumped me.
That’s a horrible experience to have. And it’s really cruel
Horrible. One thing i will say, don’t take her back when she comes back… because they always do. Take your energy off her, go get some business, get in the gym, get a better body, look better than you ever have, step your money up. and trust me when she comes back because they ALWAYS DO, don’t go weak
@@SusanWinter the worst part Susan is that she is a PhD clinical psychologist. She was the last person on earth that I would have expected this from. I am just destroyed by her behavior.
@@morpheus3190 I met a dismissive avoidant who had these behaviors towards me, but she just didn't block me. Psychologist with 20 years of psychotherapy. The lack of communication ruined everything, they only give you breadcrumbs. In the first conflict, she discarded me and disappeared. They are emotionally chaotic people with very serious problems.
@@sushisam3010 I am sorry, mine is a DA also, forgot to mention it. She knows she is a DA and is happy about it. Strange. Psychologists are just messed up. Lol. Stay strong it will get better.
It happened to me, too. Thank you. You are right. Only the beginning, the honeymoon.
I just blocked my partner yesterday. He dumped me one week before Christmas and it was devastating. I was suicidal and had panic attacks that landed me in the hospital.
He came back after 4 months and we tried again. I was so happy to be with him again that I jumped right into his arms. The hurt and resentment that I feel towards him reared it’s ugly head this weekend. I snapped and told him a lot of hurtful things. I can’t take him dumping me again, so I just blocked him on everything.
I’m just afraid of going through that again, along with all the other shit going on in my life (my car got stolen on Sunday and they found cancer cells on my cervix).
So it’s not always black and white. Sometimes they hurt us so much that they don’t deserve an explanation.
Welcome to a narcissistic relationship
Can we take a moment to give praise and claps for Eric bringing this question to you, as I don’t know many men who actually would!👏🏻
I bet there will be a few women here that now have hope in men again. 🤣👌🏻❤
Eric is an absolutely fabulous! That’s definitely for certain!
Love this video so many valid points made,
My ex broke up with me.Came back 8 months later.Talked for about five weeks,
Her last comment was I hate that I think about you and so many things. Remind me of you then blocked me.,
So I guess.
That's that
Wow! Super insightful!
Glad you think so!
The problem is that we do not know her side of the story! Or obviously she is just not into you!
True, maybe this argument was just an excuse to break things off with him, without explaining anything. Maybe she wasn't bothered because she wasn't that into him in a first place.....who knows...the bottom line is she is gone and it's time to move on.
That is true. Given the brief information that I have, my answer is in alignment with what I know at that moment. And hopefully it serves as a barometer for those people making the same types of choices
Her response might not be as irrational as you think, depending on his pattern of behavior.
We don’t know her side of it that is true. But I have a pretty good instinct from the tone in which people send the letter to me. Whatever the grievance, there was no communication. If the girl was pissed off for unhappy, she never left any clues because he thought everything was good.
Maybe it was a trigger and she decided not to experience something similar to the past anymore - even though it was about a small issue - but this is a very immature behavior. I agree with Susan, anytime someone decides to end a relationship they must have the courtesy to explain the reason for their decision. It's about decency and showing respect toward someone they have shared feelings and intimacy with.
One of the reasons they invented "personal pleasure equipment".
I would wonder if this was a rebound relationship for the woman, and she was being on her best behavior and even using limerence with this poor guy to avoid dealing with the pain of another relationship ending. And then the ex wanted to get back together, so she had to immediately halt this faux relationship to go back to the ex. Or else she was cheating on someone with this guy.
As a matter of fact, I had learned that my ex covert narc did this sort of thing in younger years: the narc saw the other woman as a booty call while on a "break" with the narc's "real" relationship. And then when the narc got back with original relationship, immediately cut off the booty call woman.
This just happened to me. I met this guy online, we had a date that was ok, and i thought he liked me. After the date he stopped texting me, so i text him to ask was everything ok, he said yes and so thought nothing of it. Yesterday he sent me a really nasty text, and blocked me, so I couldn't even respond. He also deleted his dating profile so I couldn't even get him on there. I am hurt and angry because I think it's a bit harsh to block me for no reason? I think he already had a, girlfriend as he was never available to talk and he hardly texts me. I've got a cancer test soon too, so I feel quite bad anyway at the moment. Its put me off meeting anyone now, I can't go through this again. But it made me feel stupid because I'm 51, and there were red flags with this guy. I guess I will be single as of now, I can't deal with people's bad manners anymore. ❤❤
Cool Susan Winter 😎
OMG Susan Winter is the best of all by far
Thank you, Mario!!!!
i am a fighter but i am broken and exhausted. i just wanted to part on good terms. thats all
Thank you ❤
Yes does not have the capacity:(
Blocking someone...so childish
sometimes it's the best thing for your mental health if it's an abusive situation
Great message❤
Any time I've blocked a person like this, it was because I knew that the 'one incident' actually stemmed from a series of red flags and bad behavior that can't be corrected by a mere conversation... I've blocked people I truly liked because my liking them wasn't worth dealing with bad behavior and I didn't want to enable it by allowing them to tell me lies (even lies they believe to be true)....
Maybe to the blocked person they feel its "out of the blue" but many times, I've tried addressing smaller issues with them to no avail, so trying to correct a big deal thing was just not feesible. People who interrupt in conversations, or who will continue doing the thing they have apologized for cannot be reasoned with, in my experience... so I block and spare myself the time....
Elle, thanks for sharing the other side of this dilemma. I do appreciate seeing it from that end. In Erik's case, there had never been a disagreement before. He was crazy about her and probably still is unfortunately. So it's hard to believe that his behavior was so bad that it would warrant that kind of response. Again, we are only seeing one side of the story. And it is important to fill in the other possibilities to give a complete picture so I thank you for that
Know where you're coming from Elle 👏
I went so far as to tell my ex he was blocked. That way, he knew the door was no longer open.
💯
You make a great point. But why not just say you want to break up like an adult rather than blocking out of the blue and ghosting. Maybe it does not benefit you but at the end of a relationship it is common courtesy to at least say that to someones face.
Should you block people who are ghosting you to stop the obsession?
Were they ghosted or did the person go "no contact"? Sometimes, I think it's the latter and the person on the receiving end stays in denial. I have definitely cut narcissists off with no explanation.
This happens to me in a lighter ways after a first meeting INITIATED by men, let's not even call them dates. Then instead of sitting on my hands, I would ask the guy for coffee (nothing more) and the guy would give me a disproportionate NO! That could mean a lot of words or a few. One time it was a text follow-up that simply said "probably not" after he had already said yes in person. No further contact. Prior to that he had talked my ear off about virtually his whole life in person🚩. Other times, it's been harsh replies. I don't understand how women communicate with men and get responses back and I barely say BOO 👻 and get stonewalled. These are not mature men, no thanks. I can do bad all by myself (Mae West).
I left after 11 years I blocked no contact. So am I not a narc or am I. I don't get it.
Still happening
I’m so sorry to hear that.
My girlfriend cheated on me and blamed me for it. Yes I blocked her lol
My DA ex dumped me by text....out of the blue!
We never had an argument, it was laughter all the way, with us both saying lovely things to each other....Even using the L word!
We had had such a fun date and then she found out her oldest friend had sadly died. A week later she dumped me....by text!
I text her back, but i was mindful of her loss so didnt go in heavy. I was more concerned how she was feeling as she was grieving.
Anyway, im now blocked! Id love to get her back, but as a friend. We were only together for 3 months so i think a friendship can be salvaged.
Is it ok to maybe write her a short letter?
I know she had strong feelings for me and i did her, so id be such a shame to chuck it away. Im in a good place now, i just want my mate back.....and its nice to be nice. 😊
Meet up
Hi Susan…..this behavior is the #1 response from a NARCISSIST !!!…..why??……TOTAL CONTROL !! Big hugs to Nikka 👍🐶🐶🤪🥰.
We definitely don't have her side of the story. Regardless of what has transpired, if the person does not want to move forward with you - make peace with it by honoring and trusting their choice. Let go of the ego.
💯
Good point
He’s not giving us the full story.
It’s not him it’s her. His positive energy toward trying to make it work speaks volumes to him being a decent person. Her cruel disregard /discard speaks volumes about her character.
He dodged a huge bullet
@@dd-pw8tw How can you say any of that without knowing the full story? In his mind, everything could have been fine, but we have no idea if there were red flags on his end for her to take such a drastic step.
I have a character limit on the video requests. I had to do it because I was get 10 page documents, I’m not kidding you! Here’s where I skew toward his favor… he cares enough to chase her begging for clarity, is confused and heartbroken, cannot find resolution, and so he is writing to me. That sounds like a motivated partner who deserves a conversation. Even if he did things that were at fault, she never alerted him because he has no idea why it went from good to bad, and now no communication.
@@legony1 and how to do you know he's not giving the full story?
@@jumpedintheriverwhatdidise5499 Because the video is only 8 minutes long and he had to condense his story down.
Speaking from a perspective of someone, who had blocked sb over a relatively slight disagreement:
Those "Over the top" responses like this may be a result of finally being pushed to ones limits.
If someone's constantly triggered, and triggered, and triggered, and it can't be resolved, it's builds up then finaly, something, even really petty thing, becomes the last straw.
For me, it was months of the guy, basically being wishy washy with me, neglectful et cet.
Once I've asked him for a small favour (it was the first time of me, doing so).
At first, he had agreed.
But 2 hours later, he came up to me and made up a lie about how he couldn't help me. It was so obvious that he lied, and he acted as if he thought me daft. He didn't even put any effort into his explanation at least appearing plausible.
After several months of him, acting this way towards me, I finally had snapped and demanded I didn't want him to contact me in any form any longer.
For him, I might have been just a crazy, immature person, exploding over really stupid thing. But for me, it was the said last straw, I wouldn't tolerate this guy, putting me as an option and being so lazy and neglectful towards me any longer.
Yeah what did you do.
Trying to think back to see if this experience happened to me... I have done this to someone when I was younger, broken and seeking revenge (not excusing my behavior at all). I have dated a person whom I despised and who had a very large influence in the local community...I started to date him so I could dominate him and expose his ugly abusive side to those who regarded him as God. Most importantly, I wanter to seed self-doubt in him. All of this I've achieved...he is confused about my disappearance to this day (15 years later) - he still writes to me regularly with no response from me.
All of this to say that I am not sure if this story is this complex, but it may be.
You're a sociopath
Well, time to move on, get a hobby 😅
Right, John!
@@SusanWinter went through the same exact thing in 2017. With the only difference, there were people who witnessed what went down
There is 2 sides to every story.
Eric DID call it their first FIGHT.
I wouldn't stay for round 2 either.
Susan Winters I want you come back.
Welcome to a narcissistic relationship