I'm waiting for the outcome to initiate my own project. On second thought maybe I should collect data for a few more years before doing anything embarrassing
By 2027 it may be impossible to identify one sex from another. With the new ability to identify and label one’s own sovereign mind or gender and other preferences including personal titles and labels the scientific theory will need new observation tactics to be implemented. Shape-shifting is not a conspiracy theory anymore.
“Houston we have a problem, subject doesn’t give a damn about space” “Making preparations to eject” “Wait no, she’s laughing, laughing hysterically. I am going to attempt to proceed” “We will remember you as a hero”
As an armchair rocket scientist I can tell you girls are much more complicated than that. I am closer to understanding the full math behind a full flow staged combustion cycle engine than I am to understanding girls.
Oooh. Not well. The Insertion Phase and Level 1 of the Ice-Breaker Joke went swimmingly. The First Contact team approached with a basket of wet laundry, smiled, and said: "I swear, every time I use the dryer I seem to lose a sock". Thompson-Harper then laughed, said "I know, right?", and looked First Contact directly in the eyes. This direct bombardment seemed to cause a catastrophic systems failure. First Contact responded "He- Yeah, uh... I- HA-HA! Sock holes, right?", and then he started to... oh... oh, God... to _panic,_ forgetting _both_ the laundry _and_ the ejection system. Houston, they... they _had_ a secondary escape plan, but he used it without warning and... he wound up "taking a call" on a phone that was clearly neither ringing, nor vibrating, nor even _awake,_ and running for the exit. He made it outside, thank Heavens, but he wet himself a little and some passing teenagers in Roscosmos and CNSA T-shirts saw him briefly before he could be recovered. They deployed mockery. They might've taken _pictures._ He's... he's going to have to live with those burns for the rest of his life. ... Mother of Mercy, it might've been _WORSE_ than the Girl at Borders Bookstore Tragedy...
@@Defectum138 the A that follows the N and precedes the S was my occupation. I was very good friends with the A that follows the S actually, there were many days when us, the rest of the logo and the literal fucking rat went on a booze spree and got completely wasted. Good times
Why can't people be developed from embryo phase to humans in incubation cells? That would be much more effective and eliminate the need for conventional methods of baby making
Blackpilled Saint It has nothing to do with physical appearance you poverty stricken twat, get rich. Then they will come, atleast that’s what I’m assuming.
Blackpilled Saint If you think being attractive is more important then being rich for attracting young hot thotties you must be twelve, and that’s coming from a guy with my username.
30-60kg is an underrated joke in this. Yeah she's either like the size of a small teen or normal. Really emphasises their lack of knowledge in this area
Didnt you see those gorgeous eyes? You cant expect an operation of this magnitude to be accomplished with only 19 million. Everything needs to be perfect
It's Not a tactical Retreat, it's tactical "repositioning" to "get a better View of the situation first", and to make sure there aren't any unwanted witnesses in case things go south.
Unfortunately no, it didn't make the news but the project was a complete failure. Basically the entry team miscalculated the impact zone with their joke as a foreign boyfriend knocked them off course. Instead of sending them into deep aloneness however, her 'captivation pull' orbited the team into the Friend zone. They have since extracted from the relationship and unfortunately it also seems that the friction of her personal sphere could cause further excursions to burn on entry.
No new update about this mission, so I'm assuming they miscalculated the trajectory and ended up orbiting the friendzone - a powerful gravitational field impossible to escape.
That's the thing with guys like this smh they don't understand that meanwhile they are planning their lives with the girl and wasting time that same girl is getting ran through by the football and basketball team lol just be confident bro it's now or never
Unfortunately since this recording, the body has developed a ring and 2 satellites that rotate around her at such high speeds that any direct approach has become completely impossible.
Update: Scientists have found a new method to destroy the satellites without harming the target by using rocket launching system much like rockets sent into space that when the trigger is pulled a chemical reaction is initiated which ignites gunpowder within the cartridge, rapidly generating a high-pressure gas. The gas then expands rapidly which creates a force that propels the elongated missile at incredibly high speeds that let the scientists hit the satellites and almost always successfully deforming the satellites material or even flatten it
They might recover... With china and russia into hypersonic tech and a new moon race (this time to claim it, not just plant a flag) they will need to fund space programs. Or become a former superpower.
I know, right? It was really going to be difficult for them at that point to scrape together funding for the dinner, much less the flowers for the second date.
Reminds me of a scene from "A Beautiful Mind", I watched it a lifetime ago, but IIRC he was analyzing interest from a girl(Jennifer Connelly). I thought it was funny because of how it reminded me of me and my interactions, taking notes, analyzing data. :girl laughed a total of 3 times, :she smiled at me for 2.5 seconds, :indications are positive that there's a possibility she might like me, maybe, :aaahh, I'm probably wrong, :if wrong, she could laugh at me or worse, :abort mission, mimic others when they act like they don't care.
2020 Update: 2 year anniversary since the biggest NASA disaster in history, the girl called him a creep and the astronaut commit suicide, the $900 million went down the drain as well
@@cabiste holy shit dude of course it's real it's the onion haven't you ever been on the internet before cause anyone who's been on the internet knows the onion is a trusted news site
I remember watching the mission live in french class three years ago. The teacher put it on the projector, I gather almost every class did the same. Truly a marvelous accomplishment.
So far have 0/4 track record asking girls out and I can confirm, the best way is to just not overthink it and just make an excuse to talk to them sporadically. Then you can expedite the process of getting rejected
For those wondering NASA has had unexpected delays and is now targeting the spring of 2026. They are significantly over budget and may not complete the mission all together.
This sucks lol. It's like when performing at a music recital. You might not be consciously nervous but your medulla is telling you you're in a fight for your life and pumps you full of adrenaline so your hands shake.
This is something we all can learn from considering I myself am pretty under prepared. I’ve tried approaching a cute girl as well and experienced high temperatures that damaged my thermal protection system, this led to an ejection from the encounter upon initial meeting and some temporary side effects from depression. I hypothesize we’ll achieve 100% success rate of approaching that cute girl by the year 2087.
For anybody wondering, N.A.S.A. did not complete the mission. After postponing their mission multiple times due to concerns of failure, they missed their window of opportunity. Alternatively, Chad Space Force took over and finished the mission with seemingly no effort,having done little to no preparation.
Then, in a fit of sorrow and rage, NASA dropped a fully fueled Saturn V on the wedding. They had to wait until the wedding in order to come up with a plan to avoid the cops, settling on every single employee saying that it was someone else's idea.
Various news organizations have quoted the Onion and get in trouble later when they find out it is satire. The most famous being when a Chinese paper did a 55 page article after seeing that the Onion rated Kim Jong Un as "World's sexiest dictator". www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-20518929
Perhaps because barely anyone watched them, despite being uploaded a decade ago. I've known the onion for a long time, but for whatever reason it's the first time I'm getting their videos recommended. If you look at the comments you see many recent comments.
The real reason was; naturally; money. They overused their budget constantly to deliver these awesome sketches; but youtube didnt pay shit and as mentioned previously, almost no viewers. :/ So they had to downgrade over time; and yeah...now they are what we see today...low budget satire; still with good ideas; but not enough manpower and professional support to get on the same level.
Suddenly, after the 13 years I've been on RUclips, this video was recommended to me today. Mind you, I'm 27, never been in a relationship, virgin.. These are signs for me to implement a NASA level operation for success in my own personal life ..
F P.S you got to approach them, get experience in talking with them. And don't waste your time on "friendship", you can be friends if you want to, but you got to keep looking
But you're from a country with arranged marriages, virtually no divorce, and where the man is the head of the household (and doesn't have to be a stereotypical alpha male in order to do so). Basically, you're handed everything on a silver platter!
I'm glad we are funding NASA on these brave missions. Approach a girl is no joke and I hope they spend enough time in the planning stage, to make sure this goes as smoothy as intellectually possible.
Apparently the mission crashed into an unmapped ex-boyfriend that resurfaced behind a belt of lost forgotten feelings and regrets "for the one that got away"
No new updates about this mission,so I am assuming they miscalculated their trajectory and ended up orbiting the friendzone - a powerful gravitational field which is almost impossible to escape.
Unfortunately after 2. year of planning the subject met a cute boy at a bar, got married and now has 3 erratic satellites. The mission is now on hold until a more stable subject can be found. We are exploring the possibility of finding a woman with many cats and are willing to undergo a life on heavy antihistamines
![ROSÉ(로제) - APT. (Band VER.) (With. 이영지) [더 시즌즈-이영지의 레인보우] | KBS 241129 방송](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/IW8qaemx74g/mqdefault.jpg)
Total media blackout on this now
No update, no cancellation, no nothing
What are they hiding?
@Multorum Unum GAMERS RISE
I'm waiting for the outcome to initiate my own project.
On second thought maybe I should collect data for a few more years before doing anything embarrassing
@@zamnoyrazvadva3527 good call
I personally prefer the theoretical side of this, the practical side isnt very feasible
@Multorum Unum LIES! I encountered a UFP (Unidentified female person) just this morning!! The government is covering this up!!
By 2027 it may be impossible to identify one sex from another. With the new ability to identify and label one’s own sovereign mind or gender and other preferences including personal titles and labels the scientific theory will need new observation tactics to be implemented. Shape-shifting is not a conspiracy theory anymore.
2019 update: the approach burned up during entry.
Patavinity oof
Unfortunate, but not unpredictable
I just.... im trying... but i just cant stop LAUGHING xD
Truly a tragedy
Typical bloated government funded projects going over budget and without results!
And now the documentary: “two years after the disaster”
We have enough disasters to deal with thank you
@ we out here playing gta
Yes
Oh man, that is a good comment. You should go and work for NASA
EDIT: Punctuation
NETFLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIX!!!!!!!!
“Houston we have a problem, subject doesn’t give a damn about space”
“Making preparations to eject”
“Wait no, she’s laughing, laughing hysterically. I am going to attempt to proceed”
“We will remember you as a hero”
@Fychfbecause?
@@schippai3308 Because o. Truly a quote of all time.
He should still prepare to eject. ;)
@LocklearFan-hc3eiand she has been working in the same room as you for the past 15 years
@Fychf What you need to do is shut up so that you can be saved from a beating.
I knew it. Getting to know a girl is rocket science.
*they called me a madman*
Best comment on RUclips right there.
As an armchair rocket scientist I can tell you girls are much more complicated than that. I am closer to understanding the full math behind a full flow staged combustion cycle engine than I am to understanding girls.
As a player of the phoenix of a video game, I know a few girls.
Remember “don’t ever try to understand women, only women understand women, and they hate each other.” -Al Bundy
This is now 2 years late and $7billion over budget. Typically NASA
I just looked through your channel and I am so confused
JohnnyCashFan13 I’m confused and I used to play tf2
@@cart4092 no matter what the thing that comes to my mind first when I read tf2 is: the fuck 2, even though I know the game, duh
How are you verified my man?
Brown Dusky fr
When your dad says it isn’t rocket science to ask a girl out
Oh my gosh, that’s totally the joke! NASA does rocket science, lol.
I always found rocket science to be substantially easier since it does not involve humans I am attracted to.
@Карасик Ерохин Ah yes men/women of culture.
Logic_is_ Debatable Your roast is as hot as ice. 🖕
@@minutesnippet actually it's nearly 2:30 AM as I type this andI definitely needed the joke explained
Why is the algorithm taking so long to recommend this gold!?
excuse me i'm slow soooo this is ai right ?
It took a bit of planning, some unforeseeable issues. That's why.
No this was uploaded 14 years ago.its a comedy skit@@Noor-sl5ep
@@Noor-sl5ep its from 14 years ago...
Nope
Those brave men will be remembered.
Lol
Your half life pfp makes this comment funnier.
Femme Sammy I now know what that rocket was for in half life 1
@@awhahoo the rocket in hl2 ep2 wasn't for closing the portal, that was just a side effect
Lethal_Spoon half life 1
Checking back in, how did it go?
She died.
Ben Ulrand what the hell did I just read
ㄷ얌ㄱ야 듀문 why is your name a jumble of korean letters
Oooh. Not well. The Insertion Phase and Level 1 of the Ice-Breaker Joke went swimmingly. The First Contact team approached with a basket of wet laundry, smiled, and said: "I swear, every time I use the dryer I seem to lose a sock". Thompson-Harper then laughed, said "I know, right?", and looked First Contact directly in the eyes.
This direct bombardment seemed to cause a catastrophic systems failure.
First Contact responded "He- Yeah, uh... I- HA-HA! Sock holes, right?", and then he started to... oh... oh, God... to _panic,_ forgetting _both_ the laundry _and_ the ejection system. Houston, they... they _had_ a secondary escape plan, but he used it without warning and... he wound up "taking a call" on a phone that was clearly neither ringing, nor vibrating, nor even _awake,_ and running for the exit.
He made it outside, thank Heavens, but he wet himself a little and some passing teenagers in Roscosmos and CNSA T-shirts saw him briefly before he could be recovered. They deployed mockery. They might've taken _pictures._ He's... he's going to have to live with those burns for the rest of his life.
... Mother of Mercy, it might've been _WORSE_ than the Girl at Borders Bookstore Tragedy...
the mission has been officially delayed until 2020
As a retired NASA engineer I think this sketch is spot on.
As a retired NASA janitor I agree
As a retired NASA literal fucking rat I agree
As a retired A in the NASA logo I agree
Frogo which A, sir? It is deathly important
@@Defectum138 the A that follows the N and precedes the S was my occupation. I was very good friends with the A that follows the S actually, there were many days when us, the rest of the logo and the literal fucking rat went on a booze spree and got completely wasted. Good times
A unimaginably risky step for a man but an extremely important step for the continued existence of mankind.
underrated comment
And considering the demographic crisis in the West I'd say we failed it.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Lmao
Why can't people be developed from embryo phase to humans in incubation cells? That would be much more effective and eliminate the need for conventional methods of baby making
they forgot to factor in that the girl is on a collision course with jeff from the book club in 2016
Underrated
Yes!
Jeff bezos
JEFF?!
And my parents ask my why I don't have a girlfriend.
It's not like I got this kind of funding.
Exactly
Blackpilled Saint amazing statement
Blackpilled Saint It has nothing to do with physical appearance you poverty stricken twat, get rich. Then they will come, atleast that’s what I’m assuming.
Unfortunately it really do be like that 😔
Blackpilled Saint If you think being attractive is more important then being rich for attracting young hot thotties you must be twelve, and that’s coming from a guy with my username.
I'm so excited to see the mission this year!
Yeup look forward to this mission this year!!
Any day now...
I wouldn't be suprised if they just fake the girl approach.
The old and good onion is dead
Mission failed. We'll get em next time.
These men were pioneers and will be remembered as some of the greatest explorers of the modern era.
Too bad the Russians got to her first
LOL
The Chinese got banned
oh snap
😂😂
TENMA
Uppdate: unfortunately the mission got canceled because of bad weather.
Will the mission continue when it becomes a bed weather?
And covid complicated things.
@@SciShorts I was about to comment that.
This mission are provocative !
900 million down the drain because of bad weather
How introverts plan out their daily interactions
yes finally someone could explain the joke for me in another joke that is extremely similar but a lot less funny
An attractive girl : *exists*
My entire brain cells :
@@Blitzwing989 shut up pussy
I was thinking psychopaths.
I wish we could post pictures of a bottomless pit here to visually represent the never ending void in your head where your brain should have been
30-60kg is an underrated joke in this. Yeah she's either like the size of a small teen or normal. Really emphasises their lack of knowledge in this area
30 kg is 66 lbs - not many teenagers are that tiny
I think it’s more so about how science requires estimation
I was but yeah i was extremely short for my age.
35 kg is very much possible for a young female adult on the skinny side
I'm sorry but Magnesium iron silicate is the underrated joke here, look it up :)
Discord admins when they find out someone in their server is a female:
Fr
@Μην Πατήσεις i prefer if they don't because I sure as fuck do not want to go back to teamspeak or Skype
@Μην Πατήσεις Full of pedos? Just don't use the servers. Super cringe? Yeah, I agree, but if that's your concern then there is no major problem.
@Μην Πατήσεις Why the fuck join random servers with pedophiles?
Just make one that a bunch of your friends can use
Alucard lmao I’m just trying to say that they’re virgins
They said “$900,000,000”, but the description says “19 million”
You can’t plan with people
That's how fast project budgets go up: the description was written 15 minutes before the broadcast went live.
Didnt you see those gorgeous eyes? You cant expect an operation of this magnitude to be accomplished with only 19 million. Everything needs to be perfect
It's just the estimates for the date
should have converted to metric properly smh my head 🤦♀️
Snowblue IDK what that video has to do with this comment but I like it
Me: Operation 144 "say hi to a cute girl"
Failed attempts 0
Tactical retreats 173
😅 That made me laugh. Thanks
Failed attempts: 5 x 10^7
It's Not a tactical Retreat, it's tactical "repositioning" to "get a better View of the situation first", and to make sure there aren't any unwanted witnesses in case things go south.
There are more retreats than operations ? Damn. 😅
@@shizukagozen777 actually, those are from single operation... and they are rookie numbers. God damn juniors.
it took RUclips 14years to recommend me this masterpiece
$900 million? That's pretty conservative for a relationship in 2018.
@@trevrockrock16 B-BAKANA
That doesn't even cover the future "Divorce" and "who will keep the kids" missions
@@unchartedthoughts7527 based
Just about right
@@unchartedthoughts7527 dont have kids. Join VHEMT today. And may we live long and die out
"planning, which will take 8 years" most accurate line ever
ongong😂😂😂
Because you calculate all the possibilities.
It's 2020 and I'm just now hearing about this mission?!?
It’s still during the planning phase. You’ll have to wait until 2026 until we hear the results
@@dracowolfe305 they started the planning stage back in 2010 so they should've executed the approach in 2018!
Chiel de Dood Uh oh. Houston... we have a problem.
It didn't go as planned. They don't want you to know.
@@AP-vd8ve The girl is a grandma now so the mission is postponed.
As an autist, this is how I approach girls.
After I've finished all the planning, she already got married and had two kids.
not a problem, doesnt affect the plan
That just raises the value. Keep planning.
This is too fuckin real as another autist
ask for an open relationship
Keep it up. You only gotta wait now till she divorces...
lol i'm like 30% kidding here, what is my life smh.
I heard that if the mission is successful they will expand their mission to Uranus
ffs
*FACEPALM*
OK I'm not going to lie: I laughed. 😽😹
you little-
Now this is epic
HerAnus
was this postponed to 2022 ?
nope, thatwas my mother
Most likely, It's a very complicated mission so setbacks and going over budget are to be expected...
Unfortunately no, it didn't make the news but the project was a complete failure. Basically the entry team miscalculated the impact zone with their joke as a foreign boyfriend knocked them off course. Instead of sending them into deep aloneness however, her 'captivation pull' orbited the team into the Friend zone. They have since extracted from the relationship and unfortunately it also seems that the friction of her personal sphere could cause further excursions to burn on entry.
let's be honest here, we should stay tuned for the high resolution hubble telescope images
Well done, saw in recorded, came to make a similar comment.
Asking out a girl:
*One small step for man,*
*One giant leap for nerd kind*
A man*
Sheppik A girl*
Happy now?
Niels Daemen LOL
@@nielsdaemen HAHAH
2024 and still radio silence on this. I fear the worst
No new update about this mission, so I'm assuming they miscalculated the trajectory and ended up orbiting the friendzone - a powerful gravitational field impossible to escape.
underrated.
rated.
What is the delta V to escape ?
its that metric imperial thing again
Or they tried launching out with the backpack and it failed to couple the two SBRs causing them to die
Me at 3 am planning all my social interactions for the next 10 years
10 hours*
And then, just like NASA, delaying them
She probably has 3 kids by now.
Typical NASA bureaucracy. She married and had those three kids a SpaceX engineer.
Your profile pic matches perfectly with your post, lol.
@@blsi4037 true
She is engaged ,i Saw in her Instagram, fucking disappointing
That's the thing with guys like this smh they don't understand that meanwhile they are planning their lives with the girl and wasting time that same girl is getting ran through by the football and basketball team lol just be confident bro it's now or never
Whoever had the idea to put the animated 3D mission of him approaching her in the laundromat with the labels and movement analysis deserves a raise.
RIP to those brave men who died in the 2002 Girl In Borders Bookstore Disaster.
Those bookshelves are really heavy
When you say "bookshelves" is that a euphamism for boobs?
@@351cleavland no, it’s a euphemism for bookshelves
@351cleavland your mother has very nice B O O K S H E L V E S
@351cleavland get in looser, we're going to look at some B O O K S H E L V E S
@351cleavland do you like small or big B O O K S H E L V E S?
Unfortunately since this recording, the body has developed a ring and 2 satellites that rotate around her at such high speeds that any direct approach has become completely impossible.
Damn, that's a real tragedy..
Edit:Nice one by the way!
Brilliant; just brilliant!
Brilliant
I feel like this doesn’t have as many likes because some people didn’t get this clever joke
Update: Scientists have found a new method to destroy the satellites without harming the target by using rocket launching system much like rockets sent into space that when the trigger is pulled a chemical reaction is initiated which ignites gunpowder within the cartridge, rapidly generating a high-pressure gas. The gas then expands rapidly which creates a force that propels the elongated missile at incredibly high speeds that let the scientists hit the satellites and almost always successfully deforming the satellites material or even flatten it
This was basically my plan to approach my crush from 5 years ago. I'm at initial plan developing stage currently. I will be approaching by 2024.
See ya 4 years later, may our souls be saved by the great recommendation algorithm
please give us an update about the mission
Need updates
I will be waiting to hear about mission success
And then I'll graduate and my life will probably go better than yours with that plan.
I now live in fear knowing what NASA scientists actually do with the Hubble telescope…
I wish they would point it at the earth.
Magnesium Iron Silicate is also known as Cummingtonite. Touche Onion. Touche.
Amazing.
Holy shit, thank you smart person
where does it say that?
You the real MVP
Holy shit
Girls: "he's cute, I should probably give him my number
Boys:
No
Didn't get it help
@@LeventK boys are more insecure than women, the joke is at the men's expense
If it works, it works
@Cancer Baby you have singlehandedly ruined a perfectly nice joke you microwaved grilled cheese
Girls: *why doesn´t daniel approach me??*
Daniel:
damn that's sad...
@@studiousboy644 damn Daniel
@@nicholasparker2086 ee ee ee ee ee!
Imagine how much taxpayers could save if the girls just approached Daniel instead.
wow he just like me fr
This isn't fake, the struggle is real.
At the very least those NASA scientists are planning something. I gave up like 10 years ago 💀
I can’t believe everyone is missing the joke that her eyes are the color of Magnesium Iron Silicate.... also called Cummingtonite
Lmao!
Why can't you believe that? That's more than reasonable to assume ..
This comment is underrated. I didn’t even believe this was true
Mother of God..... it's true.
Holy crap that's brilliant!! XD
NASA really took a bad turn after the budget cuts.
They can still use almost 1BI dollars to hit on some random chick tho
They might recover... With china and russia into hypersonic tech and a new moon race (this time to claim it, not just plant a flag) they will need to fund space programs. Or become a former superpower.
I know, right? It was really going to be difficult for them at that point to scrape together funding for the dinner, much less the flowers for the second date.
Good thing they planned to do this by 2018 and not by the end of 2020
penguin daddy
Upload vids
..have you tried approaching a girl?
Nice one, nice one indeed
That's what I said
As an autistic individual this is exactly what it feels like to try to interact with people in new ways lol
agreed
Reminds me of a scene from "A Beautiful Mind", I watched it a lifetime ago, but IIRC he was analyzing interest from a girl(Jennifer Connelly). I thought it was funny because of how it reminded me of me and my interactions, taking notes, analyzing data. :girl laughed a total of 3 times, :she smiled at me for 2.5 seconds, :indications are positive that there's a possibility she might like me, maybe, :aaahh, I'm probably wrong, :if wrong, she could laugh at me or worse, :abort mission, mimic others when they act like they don't care.
I'm autistic as well and I was literally looking for a comment like yours to comment on
"naked showering" together ...
I didn't know another kind of showering existed
Yeah, haven't you ever heard of *golden* showering?
Or naked showering alone?
Someone who hasn't heard of the Never Nude movement. There are DOZENS of us!
@@JimmyMon666 Pretty sure that Mike Pence is one of them
@@estheay3611 best reply
2020 Update: 2 year anniversary since the biggest NASA disaster in history, the girl called him a creep and the astronaut commit suicide, the $900 million went down the drain as well
wait is this real or just some Kind of a joke? if it's real please give me a link to an article or something
@@cabiste its not real lmao
@@cabiste yeah its real I wouldn't joke about things like this
@@cabiste Its real i saw
@@cabiste holy shit dude of course it's real it's the onion haven't you ever been on the internet before cause anyone who's been on the internet knows the onion is a trusted news site
So it’s 2019 now. Are the Hubble telescope pics up online?
Yoda Man burned up and fell apart upon entry.
unfortunately its a painful process to build it back again
@@jestertheslacker I enjoyed that sentence more with the addition of the username
Want to like but it’s at 666
Seconded.
I'd really like to study them
I am apart of the planning crew, and we have had plenty of set backs. Our new estimate is to have interaction by 2027.
I remember watching the mission live in french class three years ago. The teacher put it on the projector, I gather almost every class did the same. Truly a marvelous accomplishment.
I think about it to this day. Life changing event.
It was inspiring considering the tragedy that befell the team during the training period which resulted in the loss of 3 brave men.
The worse mission in the history of science. Thank God they canceled this.
@@abelsietecuatro9249 pls make this a stand alone comment. I deserves attention.
My braincells discussing how to ask out that girl at school
Literally me every time
Edit: we have yet to execute a successful mission
I'm a girl speaking from experience if you give her a cool enough stone she'll love you forever
@@swiftpig1229 stone? Like a pet rock? A joint?
Jeff Benton no literally just a rock if its cool enough thats how it is for me at least haha
@@swiftpig1229 Glad it wasn't a joint. I should try this some time.
I hear SpaceX has their own mission planned.
The jokes are able to be reused
They plan to reuse the condom.
The Chad spaceX
I just made a Musk comment. Scroll down and beaten to it by 3 years. Fuck you the Space X of commenters.
Nahh Musk just wants to discover cat girls
I hope they took serious precautions to avoid the inescapable "friendzone" and its strong gravitational pull.
*"Discovered the girl"*
Yep, they're scientists yep.
🤦♂️
@@mhx6437 it's a comedy
@ What's the discussion about? The comment or the video? And remove the a.
@@mhx6437 shhhhh
@@Sinner1567 shhhhh
Kid: so who helped you meet my mother?
Me: the National Aeronautics Space Administration
Kid: wait what
Doodoo
nice
Two years to go. Can't wait for the livestream
The time is now!
Now president has shifted focus away from this task to #ChinaWall2022, so this mission has been sadly cancelled.
@@Sacchidanand shhhhh
LOL
"She masses between 30-60 kg" gives such a science guy vibes
0:15 That smug nod when the guy who discovered her is mentioned, as if he should be awarded some major science prize.
Can’t get over the fact the guy said “infeasible” but the caption says “impossible”
Inconceivable!
I thought noone else wouldve noticed
As I read it, I felt time slow down. The captions didn't change for a while.
Incomprehensible!
@@JeremyGalloway You keep saying that word. I don't think it means what you think it means
The plans were scrapped after it was discovered that she had a boyfriend
After that new laundromat location was required.
Ouch
damn bruh 😞
R.I.P brave men. You will be remembered.
Magnesium Iron Silicate has common name. It was named after the town of Cumington, Massachusetts. It's called, "Cumingtonite."
Holy crap you weren't kidding.
I need to purchase 300kg of Cumingtonite
the fact this is true proves god's sense of humor
Well, the name is correctly spelled as "Cummingtonite", which makes it even better.
Thank you
Girls at the lunch table: Have y'all seen how cute jake looks today?
Jake and the boys at the lunch table:
I read that and he said dedicated task force lol
You mean launch table 😏
Years later... turns our Jake never said a word to her. Or he actually did but she didn't hear it that one time.
Elon Musk did it already with lower budget.
And they even have a flame thrower for emergency
@@vincentlaw1415 lmao flame thrower
Easy for Elon with new gen starhopper and it appears like he already hoped of for other stars
Unfortunately the subject self ignited and burned for 3 straight days
Elon's wife left him and took half the space budget with her.
During the approach they detected a ring around her finger that made any closer contact impossible
Man I wish the onion still made videos regularly. Their old stuff is absolutely incredible. Not a second wasted.
Why did they stop? Their content is absolutely brilliant!!
@@Celisar1 People can't handle the truth anymore?
@@johannuys7914 youtube turned into cnsrshp and ideologie
this would get bnned
@@Celisar1 The original writers left to pursue new opportunities. The new ones are not up to scratch
I’m not sure if it’s my utter lack of experience dating anyone ever, but their plan of approach genuinely seemed pretty good to me.
yeah its nasa what did you expect 🙄
well it should be good when they got nearly 1 bilion dollars in people tax money funding.
From my own utter lack of experience, they're just overthinking it.
So far have 0/4 track record asking girls out and I can confirm, the best way is to just not overthink it and just make an excuse to talk to them sporadically. Then you can expedite the process of getting rejected
The eight year timeline might have been a bit much.
Update: Due to cost overruns of more than a billion dollars, the mission was scrubbed.
I feel personally attacked
You're probably not a NASA scientist
For those wondering
NASA has had unexpected delays and is now targeting the spring of 2026. They are significantly over budget and may not complete the mission all together.
For those wondering, yes you did indeed steal this joke like so many others before you
Meanwhile the "girl" has been married twice and has 4 kids 😂
Guess I’ll come back on the spring or 2026 then
My friends: Bro just have confidence and talk to her.
My brain:
This sucks lol. It's like when performing at a music recital. You might not be consciously nervous but your medulla is telling you you're in a fight for your life and pumps you full of adrenaline so your hands shake.
This is something we all can learn from considering I myself am pretty under prepared. I’ve tried approaching a cute girl as well and experienced high temperatures that damaged my thermal protection system, this led to an ejection from the encounter upon initial meeting and some temporary side effects from depression. I hypothesize we’ll achieve 100% success rate of approaching that cute girl by the year 2087.
Damn, Us nerds are gonna go extinct😂 at this rate
So you involuntarily jizzed in your pants. It happens, bruh.
"Damaged thermal protection system"😂😂
For anybody wondering, N.A.S.A. did not complete the mission. After postponing their mission multiple times due to concerns of failure, they missed their window of opportunity. Alternatively, Chad Space Force took over and finished the mission with seemingly no effort,having done little to no preparation.
Then, in a fit of sorrow and rage, NASA dropped a fully fueled Saturn V on the wedding. They had to wait until the wedding in order to come up with a plan to avoid the cops, settling on every single employee saying that it was someone else's idea.
Lol so trueeeee 🤣🤣
Chad stands for China, RussiA and inDia space forces?
Actually the girl was begging the Chad calling texting going to his apartment and stuff. The Chad did nothing at all
@@abelsietecuatro9249now that's a true Chad
Will the project be shunned by the Flat Chest Society?
Yes.
Actually boobs are fake they are wasting our tax dollars!
@@practicaloccultist231 Thats a lie. The bigger the areolas the more discovery it is to be made by the science community
@@practicaloccultist231 but the real question is "what if mosquito bites a boobs..do they suck blood or milk"?
@@Zain0_0 top10 questions science can't explain!!!
This project is now 5 years late....and way above the budget...
Still got three more years of planning, I hope to see this streamed live for when the mission launches.
MezzoForte4 I don't think the mission was successful because they did not even bother making an announcement about the success of failure.
Mission was a failure, well get em next time
Imagine if this is someone's first time watching onion
Nicole lol
This actually was my first one
me
Various news organizations have quoted the Onion and get in trouble later when they find out it is satire. The most famous being when a Chinese paper did a 55 page article after seeing that the Onion rated Kim Jong Un as "World's sexiest dictator". www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-20518929
I kept saying, "what the fuck am I watching?!" throughout the video.
Girls sleepover: “Im so mad he went to semi with another girl”
Boys Sleepover:
*men
made my day.
What's semi?
@@DeSoulTV semi formal, it's like prom but less serious
@@vanceg6387 oh, I thought it was semi-erection
I'm actually excited for their mission and hope it's a success. They deserve a higher budget for trying so hard
"Sorry, this content is age-restricted."
Are you serious youtube? I'm older than your godfather!
Who is youtube's grandfather? Newgrounds?
@@itchykami RUclips's grandfather is probably a dating website.
But Jasper said "godfather" which means probably Google.
2 years after the disaster and NASA still hasn't recovered
These are hilarious i wonder why they stopped making them.
Perhaps because barely anyone watched them, despite being uploaded a decade ago. I've known the onion for a long time, but for whatever reason it's the first time I'm getting their videos recommended. If you look at the comments you see many recent comments.
The real reason was; naturally; money. They overused their budget constantly to deliver these awesome sketches; but youtube didnt pay shit and as mentioned previously, almost no viewers. :/
So they had to downgrade over time; and yeah...now they are what we see today...low budget satire; still with good ideas; but not enough manpower and professional support to get on the same level.
They went bankrupt
The missions were too expensive...
werent they on television though?
Brain cells in my head planning my next move:
Literally you
When your wingman is the entirety of NASA
Suddenly, after the 13 years I've been on RUclips, this video was recommended to me today.
Mind you, I'm 27, never been in a relationship, virgin..
These are signs for me to implement a NASA level operation for success in my own personal life ..
@Jhon Krasnovskiy thank god I'm from a conservative country , no fucking pressure cause you know your boi SUCKS talking to girls
F
P.S you got to approach them, get experience in talking with them. And don't waste your time on "friendship", you can be friends if you want to, but you got to keep looking
Sounds like you need to JOIN nasa
But you're from a country with arranged marriages, virtually no divorce, and where the man is the head of the household (and doesn't have to be a stereotypical alpha male in order to do so). Basically, you're handed everything on a silver platter!
@@jonathanfarley2023 not all of us are like that bro :/
Plot twist: When they finally approached her 8 years later she told them she had been married since 2004
To a Russian cosmonaut
@@thecaynuck4694whose name is sukmydikmercanbitch ivanov
I'm glad we are funding NASA on these brave missions. Approach a girl is no joke and I hope they spend enough time in the planning stage, to make sure this goes as smoothy as intellectually possible.
Apparently the mission crashed into an unmapped ex-boyfriend that
resurfaced behind a belt of lost forgotten feelings and regrets "for the
one that got away"
14
@@marklowney8862 15
@@Bluedragon2513 16
@@jjay109 17
@@nou8888 18
No new updates about this mission,so I am assuming they miscalculated their trajectory and ended up orbiting the friendzone - a powerful gravitational field which is almost impossible to escape.
@uio yf burn in hell
Please explain to me what your profile pic is.
@@keith.gabrielson barbecue bat
One Punch Man bruh
Agreed. My studies show that black holes are mild by comparison.
Come on NASA scientists! A couple days left till execution. You can do it!
Emphasis on the "execution"
Now it's 2019 and she has kids with a SpaceX employee.
They had to scrap the mission after their turbo encabulator blew up.
Magnesium iron silicate is also known as cummingtonite. Well played
*checks google
😂😂😂😂
Holy moly. This is actually real. Wow, Onion game is on-point.
Bruhh😂
Very clever
Confirmed.
Unfortunately after 2. year of planning the subject met a cute boy at a bar, got married and now has 3 erratic satellites.
The mission is now on hold until a more stable subject can be found. We are exploring the possibility of finding a woman with many cats and are willing to undergo a life on heavy antihistamines
God speed
@@ikronos100 godspeed*
Age restricted? What?? 😂
“Using the Hubble telescope to take high resolution of her and masturbating furiously to images of her while crying” or something along those lines
kids watching would make them embarrassed
No longer age restricted
NASA better live up to this. I have been reading and watching journals about their approach to this women for years.
It's 2023 now, we need an update on how the project went.
It's 2018. Time to approach that girl!
hellloooo.. were are they??
@@cheschirecat6252 The heatshields failed during entry and debris is expected to hit home in about 9 months.
Update: She got married with kids before the approach. But they still went ahead with the backup plan 😂
To a Russian cosmonaut
She got married with kids?
FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!