I pumped for my NICU baby for 3ish months and finally gave up after my second case of mastitis. I had the same feelings of guilt that you are going through but realized I was no good for my baby if I was frequently in pain and dealing with fevers. You have done a great job getting them through their most vulnerable early months with breast milk. Now they are happy and healthy and will thrive just as well on formula. You should be proud of how long you have made it exclusively pumping - it is NO FUN!
Colleen eating the last Ding Dong yesterday and leaving the empty box in there, and then coming back today and being sad they're all gone is EVERYTHING hahaha. Love you Colleen!
Colleen- LISTEN TO YOUR AUNTIE JANI- When I was pregnant....all I could think about was how excited I was to nurse my baby....and in the late 90's it was more "common" to go the formula route, so I was only 1 of 2 mom's in my birthing class who planned to breast feed. Well....my son was born on December 22nd and I took him home Christmas eve to a full house of family who had flown in for the holidays. I struggled in the hospital to get him to latch, and convinced myself it was because I had a c-section and it would get better when I got home. Well....on Christmas Eve my sweet boy and I were up all night crying....him because he was hungry, and me because I felt I was failing him. Thank GOD for my sister in law....she snuck into the nursery at 3 am and just quietly left a bottle of iformula on the dresser. I was so desperate, I caved and fed him. Moving forward I tried so hard to nurse him, but according to the lactation nurse later that week- my milk just had not come in like it should have, and he was hungry- she said I made the right choice- but I had mom guilt....cut to 21 years later- my son is healthy and has the immune system of a super hero! (lol couldn't think of a good comparison) STOP questioning your decisions....you are an outstanding mom....and those babies are gonna be rock starts just like their parents!! Love you all- take care of eachother!!
Hi momma! When I was exclusively pumping it was super common for me to get clogged milk ducts. It would get so bad and painful it caused me to get super high fevers and would sometimes bleed. I went to the doctors and was told when you constantly pump the pump doesn’t do the best job of getting out the milk the way a baby would which would cause us to clog. I was also recommended to not wear super tight bras or to not wear one at all and to just let yourself leak if needed. I would also run hot water during the shower on them and it would really help to prevent them. Hope that helps you out! Love ya ❤️
I felt the exact same way you do and I was having all of the same issues when it came to breast feeding. I talked to my OB and she said “why are you so worried about this, formula is perfectly fine, I formula fed all of my kids because breastfeeding is hard and time consuming and I have a family to run and shit to do” 😂😂 her being so nonchalant about the whole thing and being an OB made me feel soooo much better! Then my therapist said if I’m sleep deprived and stressed all day my kids aren’t thriving so the breast milk isn’t going to replace having a happy well rested mom … after I heard that especially from professionals I never felt bad about stopping again! Be easy on yourself, you’re doing amazing
@@llm4187 she’s been extremely fortunate to have used breastmilk for almost five months now. She hasn’t been able to successfully have them latch onto her, NOT her fault!!! There really isn’t much of a difference because it’s both still a bottle. In no way am I minimizing anyone’s feelings about this. More than anything, relief for Colleen will be not only beneficial to her but for the babies, Flynn, Eric and all her loved ones. Everyone will feel better.
Colleen, what you’re feeling is grief for what you thought was gong to happen (breastfeeding). Same thing happened when you had a C-section. Mourn what you thought would happen and try to accept the choices you know you need to make. Love you!
This comment is exactly what I was searching for. I knew someone would mention it. Grieving for things we wanted and expected to happen. It's hard to let go of what we intended when we had this whole perfect picture in our heads. I've had counselling on this very issue, not with breastfeeding but with health, I'm never gonna be "healthy" and "normal" I'm just gonna be me and that's not like everyone else but that's ok. It's gonna be a struggle but I'll get there, where I'm supposed to be. Comparison really is the thief of joy especially when you're comparing yourself with yourself. Or this idea of you. A past you or this parallel universe you. You're still comparing and hoping and dreaming and in the end you're broken, frustrated and exhausted. Acceptance of yourself and your current situation is so damn hard but the sooner you accept the sooner you can move on and find your joy xxx
I love coming to the comment section and seeing it filled with, literally message after message, of supportive moms or past-breast feeders giving support and words of kindness to Colleen. I just love this community and can’t imagine how much each of those messages mean to Colleen. And Colleen, you might never read this but, you deserve each of those words of kindness and the support you see from us! You are an amazing human being that makes so many of our days so much better, even if it’s just some footage of the kids or you talking about your life. No matter the subject, even if its about something you may think no one wants to here, I love and enjoy listening to what you talk about and overall find you so entertaining! I can’t express how much you have helped me in my life, many times giving me an escape or distraction from the depression and anxiety I struggle with and experience. I have watched I believe every single one of your vlogs since around the time you became pregnant with Flynn, and will continue doing so for as long as you post them because of how much I enjoy them. Thank you sooo much and I love you Colleen!💜💜💜
I breast fed for 3 months with three kids and pumped a month more and then stopped. I felt guilt and horrible UNTIL I did it and saw the positivity that came out of it. go for it girl! Fed is best and you need your mental health to be semi good! haha!
Same here! So grateful for the experience and I’ve been so happy about stopping ever since!! The difference in my daily life made up for the guilt of not breast feeding anymore. And it’s not giving up either! You DID it!
The bonus to not breast feeding is you become your physically best self. And your family will receive your physically best self!! I hope she sees these comments!
This is your body and the universe saying “thank you for what you’ve done, that is enough” 💗 those children are going to love the extra time with a less stressed mama way more than the milk you’ve worked so very hard to provide them. You fed two tiny humans in a manner that requires loads of dedication for MONTHS! You’re superhuman 🦸♀️
Hi Coleen, my mom had to give up breastfeeding me pretty early on. She tried to breastfeed me for a few weeks, but I was all skinny. Even though her pediatrician at the time said I was fine and getting enough food, she had a "mom instinct" that I wasn't thriving and switched to formula. She tells me that right away after the switch I "plumped right up". I'm now a healthy adult in my 30s and I'm so grateful that my mom chose what was right for her and for me and didn't try to force anything. You gotta do what's best for your situation. As long as you love your kids, then you are doing parenting right.
Give yourself the same grace you would give anyone else who might be in a similar situation struggling with pumping. If it was a best friend or family member struggling with breast feeding you would never judge them for stopping so I know it’s not easy but you deserve to give yourself that same love and respect. You’re an amazing mama and a happy healthy mama is what’s best for all your little ones!
For me, when it came to the point where I knew it was right… and the only thing holding me back was mom guilt, I knew it was time. Don’t let the guilt prevent you from making the decision you know is right. Much love 💕
Tortilla talk question!! We love the baby update videos but do you think we could get a Flynn update? I would love to know about the milestones he’s been reaching, plans for school, and it would be extra amazing if Flynn made the video with you telling us about himself! Love you Colleen and the whole family! ❤️
They have answered the school question I believe on their podcast. She said that she is not going to force Flynn do something he doesn’t want to do and doesn’t work for him, they are going to see his personality and see what works for him. She also said that they have not really thought that far yet and they will decide when it gets there.
Colleen! I kept getting clogged ducts when pumping when I realized I was using the wrong size flanges, I didn’t even know! I went up a size, started getting way more milk and my clogged ducts went away! If you haven’t yet maybe try a different size, as well as tight bras and clothing can cause them too (for me it did anyways)
Colleen I know this might sound weird, but I breastfed 3 kids and was very prone to plugged milk ducts until a lady told me that drinking pineapple juice would help clear them and even prevent them. And I tried it and it worked. I have told a lot of people and most have come back saying it totally worked for them too.
When I quit breastfeeding, my mental health skyrocketed. I felt like I finally started to enjoy every second with my son. I commend you for how long you've gone with twins, that is such an accomplishment
Ending breastfeeding is freaking hard emotionally. Feel all the feels. But I chose to end because I had one too many clogged ducts myself and had gotten mastitis twice and preventing it a ton. I couldn’t do it mentally anymore and it was hard but it was a good decision for my mental health. You are an amazing mama!!!!
we're always harder on ourselves than others, you are a super mama and stopping pumping doesn't change that! listen to your body, yourself, and the people that care about you, like you said, fed is best and thats exactly what you're doing!
Colleen!!! I relate SO much. Everything you are saying is exactly how I felt. I was pretty much doing exactly what you were on a shorter time line. Pumping every 2-3 hours for 15-20 minutes, my baby was completely not interested in getting milk directly from me. We ended up also doing half formula and then half breast milk but then I kept getting clogged ducts that turned into mastitis. I ended up have 10 clogged at once and then the antibiotics they gave me didn’t work so I had to go to the ER and it was hands down the most painful experience I’ve ever had. At that point, I knew physically, mentally, emotionally, I just couldn’t keep going. I felt all the guilt you explained even though I didn’t think that way of others. Finally I looked up on RUclips pediatricians comparing the two and one said, “formula babies still go to kindergarten” obviously I knew that but for some reason it REALLY resonated with me in my darkest moments. When I was working at a daycare my boss took me to the window and said, “look. Tell me which ones were breastfed and which were formula.” And that really helped me see it for what it truly was. My doubt was ONLY from guilt and shame of feeling like I was doing something less for my baby than I could be, when the reality was switching to formula was the best thing I could have done for her, for me and for my husband.
Tortilla talk question: simple but would you rather go into the future to meet your great great grandchildren or into the past to meet your great great ancestors? And why? Also, what advice do would you ask your ancestors or what advice would you give your future descendants? I know it’s not an average tortilla talk question, but thought that maybe it’s be fun to answer. By the way I love you so much and your cute family and vlogs make me more and more excited to be a mama one day!!!!!💕💕💕
colleen i am so proud of you and the mom you are!! formula is the best option for you and your babies and it’ll help you out A LOT!! and give you relief. do not feel guilt at all! i tried so so so hard with all 4 of mine, never got the chance but for a few months of pumping.. so formula is my life saver! you got this momma! your amazing and making the right choice for your whole family!! love you guys so much
Tortilla talk question: What are yours and Eric’s dream features or features that you’re searching for in a house? Love you Colleen and wish the best for your family!
Agree. I was actually wondering (tho, none of my beeswax) why they'd want & are even looking to move? All the updates, pool, that master bath/shower & re-design of kids rooms, big kitchen & more... Idk, but LOVE the house they are in now. 💜
Omg I literally struggled with the exact same thoughts you are!!! I wanted to nurse my son for at least a year so bad!! Our journey just didn’t pan out that way, he nursed for 4 months and had all types of health issues and never slept, I slowly switched to formula and had guilt but for both of our mental health it was the best decision to switch to formula. I researched all of the best options and started switching and he did amazing! He still had the same issues but at least I wasn’t killing myself with the stress and guilt surrounding breastfeeding. It was amazing and lovely to feed him as long as I did and I know I gave him the best start but things just happen the way they are supposed to happen! Everything will work out!
Just FYI because of the poo smell in the house: If sinks, toilettes, showers aren't used for a longer period of time, the sewage pipe will dry out and pretty much leave you smelling everyone elses sewage waste water. Just leave the water running/flush a few times and it should be fixed (if that was where the smell was coming from). Hope you find the right house for your family soon :)
When I was little I saw a thing on TV that said when we smelled things it was tiny particles going into our noses from whatever we were smelling. I was instantly mortified when I realized that particles of ppls poo were entering my nostrils at any given moment. (To this day I dk if it's actually true but it will always be true in my mind) Reading your comment sent me directly back to that moment in time & I felt violated all over again😆😂😂 thank you for this flashback & this helpful tip!🥰
You’re not giving up you’re doing what’s best for yourself!! We put all this focus on putting our kids first but sometimes we need to put ourselves first in order to do that ❤️ Whatever decision you make you are an amazing mom and I hope you feel better soon
Colleen, feel your feels even when they suck. You're an incredible mum no matter how you choose to feed your babies. You also deserve the support without pressure no matter which way you want to go. No matter which way, you are making an informed and I'm sure supported decision by those around you and closest to you. Ultimately you and your babies are what matter here, not anyone else's thoughts. I was gonna chuck in what I would do but that is really irrelevant. An IBCLC (International board certified lactation consultant) will be able to help you out either way with with dealing with blocked ducts, getting babies to latch OR to help dry up your supply and transition to formula. Informed and supported is the best thing you can be for your baby and I know you are doing both of those things. Make the choice that works for you, own that choice. No way of feeding a baby or babies is easy. Parenting is HARD
hi colleen i’m in highschool, NO WHERE near having some babies but I love watching your videos they kinda prep me for when i do like i never realized how strong mothers are. I always believed my mother was super mom but there’s SO much more things that go into parenting that i never would have thought of and i thank you for showing your experiences! WE LOVE YOU COLLEEN ❤️
Any time I watch Colleens vlogs a wave of proud energy rolls over me. Shes absolutely rocking it as a mother and as a long time fan I've never been so happy for her and so proud of her ♥️ you're rocking it mama colleen, I hope you see this x
I can’t stress enough how this advice from my older sister (my breastfeeding guru when I breastfed my daughter 5 years ago) saved my boobs! Every time you pump, make sure to squeeze each boob to make sure there is absolutely no milk left in there, then rinse each boob with some soap and warm water. All that to make sure no residual milk hardens and causes clogs. After I started doing that I never got another clog. Could just be coincidence but it helped me. Hope they stop happening to you. ❤️
@@h.mcafee1457 No problem! Congrats on your peanut! I hope your breastfeeding journey goes smoothly, but don’t pressure yourself. Our bodies work in mysterious ways and we can never know how it’ll go. I’m pregnant with baby #2 and I’m going into breastfeeding hopeful that it’ll all work out like with my daughter but will still be ok if it doesn’t. Good luck ❤️
@@BeautyaLaCart3 Thank you and congrats to you! I didn't get a chance to with my first (my bio kids are literally going to be 18 years apart lol) since I was a teen mom. I'm hopeful I can for at least a short moment, but even if I can't I am already more than blessed and just pray she's happy and healthy. :)
You're such a sweet, supportive mom. It's so sweet you include all your children in things like with the swaddle blankets. You let Flynn pick the one he wanted and you gave the babies the other two for swaddling. Love you and your whole family!
In my experience, the right pump flanges can make all the difference (especially as an exclusive pumping mama). I eventually found flanges from a company called LacTeck. They're silicone and they have a flexible panel that simulates breastfeeding which can help you fully empty. I loved them and highly recommend them.
Seeing all you moms in the comments support each other and Colleen is so beautiful c: thank you for not letting the minority of moms who like to shame others be the loudest.
I felt the same way when it came to breastmilk especially before having my first baby. I struggled from day 1 with latch issues and not making enough milk and so I pumped constantly and gave formula as well. I felt so much pressure from some people in my family to keep doing it but after about 6 months I decided to stop (well, after wanting to stop and thinking about it for months). I felt like I had to stop in secret. But once I did and just told them how it was, I felt free! Being stuck to a pump everywhere at all times made me so anxious. My baby was happy and healthy regardless and I was in such a better mental state!
When I had to stop pumping for my twins, I really did mourn the loss of the feeding experience that I dreamt of having with them. We NICU twin moms have to mourn the loss of so many expectations we had for how things were going to go because these babies throw us for so many loops!!! 🤪😩. I’d say to just eat lots of good food, cry whenever you need to, and talk about how sad you feel with Erik! It really helped me to cry a LOT with my husband and my mom during this time. Times like this call for a good cry and good food! You are such a wonderful, warrior twin mom and are doing everything right by your sweet babies. I love you girl!!!! I wish I could hug you!!! ❤️
Milk Duct Misery- Hey Colleen, just a heads up. The clogged milk duct debacle can definitely be caused by pumping in general as pumping can never fully empty our utters as well as our baby can and this can leave excess milk in the ducts leading to clotting and clogging. It could also be a problem with the ducts themselves that make you more prone to clogging. Kind of like faulty ducts. I had this issue when my I pumped for my micro preemie as he was too small to breastfeed or even eat at all til much later. I kept getting clogged ducts. It was misery. I had to constantly massage my breasts and use warm compresses. Antibiotics a few times as well. Not fun. I wish I could give you a magic solution but unfortunately what works for one may not work for another. I hope you get better soon because it’s definitely not a fun time. ❤️
Came here to say something similar. I pumped and struggled with mastitis and clogged ducts. What worked for me was that I had to squeeze and massage my boobs as I pumped. No more hands free pumping :( But stopping when you feel it's time to stop is also okay. You're a great mom Colleen!
She did consider that in an older vlog she was says she grew up on a coastal and loved it. Flynn loves the beach. She would like to move there but like she's not sure because of Erik's and her careers...
@@rohinipriya3198 they seem to work from home. Or on the Road. So I don't think that would be a problem. I don't see Erik going back to acting any time soon with all the kids home. Maybe when they start going to school?
@@rohinipriya3198 She’s been visiting Santa Barbara more lately and the pandemic has changed a lot of peoples places of work. Now that she has 3 kids, I bet she wants to be closer to her mom.
“If my house is gonna smell like poo it’s gonna be because my kids and I made it smell like poo” 😂 funny but fair lol. Also Flynn is literally the cutest thing ever! 💜
Tortilla talk question: have you decided on what to do in terms of the kids while on tour? Are they coming with you? Will they be at home? Will you have a babysitter with them? Also, just bough tix to the Vancouver show!! So excited!
tbh im really happy that you are considering stopping pumping. i think it will be sooo good for you and you’ll look back and think ‘why didn’t i stop sooner!?’ be easy on yourself colleen ♥️
The fact that you came this far with breast feeding/pumping is a huge win!! We are so hard on ourselves, so do NOT forget your accomplishments up to now and give yourself some credit! At the end of the day, you have to listen to your body and it may just be telling you that it’s time. Remember, you and Eric have to be healthy in order to keep babies and Flynn happy and healthy as well. You’re so incredible and I’m sure you’re helping so many mamas out there!! 💖
You got this Colleen! Whatever you choose to do with breastfeeding is YOUR choice and will be the best no matter what you choose. Everyone may have their opinion but they don't know what's best for you only you do. I'm here to support you no matter what. Keep up the amazing work mama! So very proud of you and what you've gone through to get where you are today. Lots of love from Southern Utah! 🤍💗🤍💗
I just freakin LOVE that when you got those swaddle blankets you told Flynn that they were for making tents, because he could have easily been told they were for the babies only but you included him from the start. He didn’t even question if he was allowed to use one. That was so beautiful to see.
Colleen you have such a sweet heart! Thank you for being so open and vulnerable with us. When I’ve made tough decisions in the past, it really helped to pretend I was helping a friend make that decision instead. You would never judge your friend for making this choice, give yourself that same grace! I know that is much easier said than done, but know you have a strong community supporting you here and rooting for you girl!
No one looks at someone and goes, “hmm I think you were a formula baby”..we all turned out just fine! There is no shame at all in any of the choices our mama’s made to feed us :)
So I just ended my 13 month long exclusive pumping journey in January and I swear taking the sunflower lecithin daily is what was a game changer for me. That, on top of using the lavie heated massagers at every single pump session and always making sure to pump until I was empty. Edited to add now that I’ve finished the video: girl, you will know when you’re done. I hit 13 months and knew I was finished. If everything inside you is telling you that it’s time, then it is time. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Trust that you have the courage to do this. You’re not letting anyone down. I promise. But girl, when you wean from the pump, wean nice and slow. Give your boobs time to adjust.
Trust me. The relief you feel after just letting go of societal pressures and do what’s best for you and your family is just incredible. I stopped breast feeding after three months due to mental and physical health reasons and gurllllllll it was a gift in disguise. I miss breast feeding but the relief of knowing my baby was fed and that I was feeling better mentally and physically was a huge win. Babies need their parents to make the best choices and if that means giving formula then I think you are a BADASS SUPERMOM nonetheless 😘😘😘
Colleen, it's okay. You're an amazing mom who dedicates most (if not all) of your time to your kids. To be fair I think it's gonna be the best for the twins and for Flynn as well, because you're gonna be less tired, you'll have less bottles to wash at the end of the night, you'll have more time to be with them without the pump doing it's job. You're already a super mom, really, it's okay, you already did so much. Also, I'm a med student in Brazil, and if you only knew how much I would like that more moms were like you... Omg, there's kids that don't have any support system, and you're so much better than you give yourself credit for. It's okay, they're gonna be okay.
I went through the same thing twice when I decided to stop breast feeding. I felt the same way. And I also do not think that when other women chose formula over breastfeeding. It literally took my husbands encouragement to finally convince me to stop.
Well because breast milk is literally what our bodies are meant to do: produce milk yet formula is a human invention that comes close breast milk but not quite. The exchange of fluid from baby to breast cants happens if you bottle feed. So there is a slightly advantage of breast milk
Meeee tooooo! I went through the same thing & it was horrible! I was a train wreck having to decide to not breastfeed anymore. My husband was like, “It’s time. You deserve to live a mentally healthy life.” 😭 he was right & it was so hard to accept. But I’m grateful that I had the time I did!
Tortilla Talk Question/Bottle Babble Question- What does/did Flynn do when you pump in front of him? Did he ask at first, does he try to help you? And what does he do when he sees you sad/in pain. Ps- I LOVE YOU SO MUCH you are a super mom & I love you your doing great ❤️❤️💙💙💜💜
Tortilla Talk: My sister is currently pregnant and I am in process of putting together a gift basket for her baby shower. I was wondering if there are any items that you really loved/found useful and if there are things that were/are a big help to you but maybe most people wouldn't think to give as a baby gift? P.S. I know that different things work for different mothers/babies. I'm not expecting anything just looking for your opinion.
@Emma Salinas YES! Especially in larger sizes. It seems like so many people just do the newborn diapers & it was such a blessing to have the larger sizes at the ready!
@@alexandrayearley9460 Also outfits in bigger sizes! Everyone get newborn cause they are so small and cute, but they grow out of it so fast they can't possibly wear it all! Some 0-3 and even 3-6 month clothes are great since it seems like they wake up one morning and none of their clothes fit anymore.
You know I’ve watched a lot of vloggers in my life and I honestly relate to you More you are such a down to earth funny person and I really hope all your dreams are met and that you’re truly happy because you deserve it.
tortilla talk: what are your guys’ main reasons for wanting to move/if you do move, are you going to be sad to leave behind Flynn’s and the twins’ bedrooms?
I was an exclusive pumper for a year. After I finished each pumping session I would squeeze out each side to make sure each side was truly “empty” because with the pumps even if they’re great they don’t fully empty the breasts so that might be why. Also while you pump if you can try to massage your breasts occasionally so that you avoid getting an clogged ducts. I did this for the full year and only had one clogged duct and it was toward the beginning of my pumping journey and it never led to mastitis so I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this pain :( hang in there mama it gets better. We also gave our son formula since he had some GI issues (he was NICU baby too) I had the same struggle of should I just stop pumping since he was already on some feedings of formula. My mom reminded me that my son was able to get any breast milk at all which I should be grateful for and appreciate my body since he came out early. With work it’s sometimes hard to pump so I can’t imagine what it’ll be like for you to try to go on tour and pump. I know when I had to travel away from my son and pump it was hard. I had to take a cooler and book a hotel with a freezer and then make sure my milk didn’t defrost on the drive back. It wasn’t impossible but made things more difficult. I was the only pumping mother in my work group so didn’t have anyone to turn to for help/advice.
You are doing amazing! It sounds like you already know the answer for what you should do. Your are an amazing mother and I’m so proud of you for loving your kids so fiercely ♥️
You are making SO much sense in your rationale and feelings about why you are considering stopping pumping and your explaining of your experiences with mom guilt surrounding the subject. It's all real momma and so many experience this. Ultimately You know what to do, you know what's best for your mental health and your family. What you're feeling is due mainly IMO to all the social pressure put on moms to only provide breast milk and the insinuation that moms that don't do so are lazy or selfish (which is BS). You do you girl and what's best for your family. Formula fed babies are healthy too. And you provided them with very important antibodies and in the months that you have provided them EBM. You are amazing and you did very difficult things! I've personally had some issues with latch and ultimately low milk supply with all 3 of my babies and I experienced tremendous mom quilt about it each and every time even though I knew it was completely out of my control. The mom guilt was the worse the first time because I had an idea in my head of how everything would go and when It didn't go that way, I struggled a lot with that. Breastfeeding every two hours/formula feeding with a bottle right after, then pumping right after that, in hopes building my supply up, and then it seemed like after doing all that, it was already time for the next feeding. Its was exhausting. And not to mention all the bottle washing. Oh and she had jaundice too. Because of that initial experience, The next two babies I went in with the mindset that if I had to supplement with formula then that's ok. My last was a little More emotional for me because I knew it would be "my last chance" trying to breastfeed. These tatas are just not cut out for supplying milk and that's ok. I feel ya girl, you're not alone. Your babies are healthy and thriving, you both appear to be exceptional parents and that's all that matters. F all the mom shamers that need to find a damn hobby and keep their unwarranted opinions to their damn selves. Be grateful you had such an amazing breastfeeding experience with Flynn, and that you were able to pump this far and provided EBM to your preemie twins. Some moms aren't so fortunate. Even though it may be a tough emotional experience for you that the twins aren't breastfeeding well, your milk supply is dipping, and the mastitis.....despite all that you have done a tremendous job.
I kept getting mastitis and it turned out that my baby had thrush and the theory was that the thrush bacteria was contributing to the mastitis. After treating my baby for thrush and me for the mastitis, it went away. But every time my baby got thrush then I got mastitis. Eventually I had to stop breastfeeding because the Pediatrician was worried that my baby would become resistant to the antibiotic.
You will always be more hard on yourself than others! You just have to remeber that moments like these will keep happening and a strong mother's just come up with something else to solve it. At some point there will be a time when your tiny babies refuse your help for a lot of things, but as a mother it's your job to care so deeply about if they EVER need you for ANYTHING. You are doing your job, and people say there is no perfection, but every loving mother is perfect at doing whatever she can. ❤❤
Deciding when the right time to stop nursing is so difficult and emotional. Sending my love and know what an amazing Mama you are always and forever. 🥰☀️❤️
this is not the end of your journey and you are not giving up. you've exhausted your options and now you are stepping into a new chapter. give yourself grace, you are incredible!
It’s recommended to hand express the breast at the end of each feeding/pump session as it’s the most efficient way to express the milk. Also, go braless as much as possible. Hope this helps!
YES OTHER MOMMAS FEEL LIKE THAT!! I beat myself up about it but I also knew it was the best decision for us. I also pumped every 3 hours and it’s FREAKING HARD!! It did WONDERS for my mental health almost immediately. I stopped with so much negative self talk because I saw my son was thriving even without my breast milk. He’s now 20 months and potty trained fully so clearly, he’s doing just fine. You got this momma. Look out for you and your health just as you would your kids 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻
First off - you’re amazing!!! Clogged milk ducts may be the universe saying that it’s best to transition to 100% formula. Remember that being the best caregiver includes taking care of yourself so that you can be at your peak for your babies. Love ya girl 💜
tortilla talk question: what are flynn's favorite things to do with the twins? love you!! you're so strong. don't ever forget that. we all admire and love you (and your beautiful flaws)
Colleen, first of all I love you and am inspired by you! I’m sure that coming to the realization that pumping is not working anymore has been so hard. It’s so frustrating when thinks don’t go as hoped for, especially as a mother. You said it yourself though, if you stopped having to spend so much time on pumping it would give you more time to get other things done. Not only work, but more time with your kiddos. It will do them and you so much good. I love you and support you through this hard journey. Thank you for being so vulnerable with us all. 💖
Sometimes I wish that I could just give you a big hug and remind you that it's going to be okay!! 💜 Girl just give those boobies a rest! They've fed THREE children! You shouldn't feel a single ounce of guilt. You are doing EVERYTHING in your power to ensure the health, safety and love of all those babies. What's best for you is what is best for them! 💜
Hey Colleen for the cream products you’re supposed to set them w powder. Like cream contour is powder bronzer, cream blush is set w regular blush and nightlight w some powder. This is just to give a subtle hint and makes it look a little more natural
Colleen you can never fail yourself or your family when you are choosing a something that is best for your family. Making these tough choices is what makes you a great mama jamma.
Hey Colleen! My sister also is a mother of 3 and breast fed and you and her went through such similar problems it’s really nostalgic. You’ve got this though, You are not failing if you do not breast feed. You’re and amazing mom with amazing kids and a great husband and you’re trying your hardest every single day no matter what so no matter which decision you choose don’t feel bad about it because in the end it’s not what society says is okay it’s what is best for you. Love you lots and keep your head up!
I know nobody asked me, but my personal opinion with being in a family similar to Colleens, is that Flynn will get along with Wesley not better, but in a brother bond. In a family where im the youngest sister, and i have two older brothers, that’s how it is for me. I think Flynn and Wesley will mess with Maisy in a brotherly fashion. (P.s. Sorry if you lost brain cells reading this LOL)
Hi Colleen. I am currently in the same exact boat. I had to start anti depressants for post partum anxiety and depression because I had to give up trying to nurse my baby as well. I feel that I compared myself to other’s journeys when they had totally different babies and circumstances than I did. I have the same exact guilt that you do because I feel I don’t want to just “give up.” You have come so far! And your babies will love you no matter what you feed them. Just know you are not alone. I am a first time mom and you talking about mental health and mom struggles really helps me to know I am not the only one struggling too. ❤️
Colleen, stress affects your milk production. So if you feel like it is time to stop nursing, stop. Not healthy for anyone if you are stressing over it. Don’t ask others, it is your decision. Also, hot comprases and massage the breast that’s hurting. Hot compresses is all I used and they helped.
This if the first time I've ever commented, but I just have to. As a new mom myself (we had our babies within a week and a half of each other!) I chose to exclusively formula feed for a few different reasons. I am here to tell you that you are an absolute rock star for making it this far with your breast feeding/pumping journey! Anyone who takes pumping into their babies fifth month should win awards. Give yourself a break and know that the end of that journey really means that you gave your all. Now give yourself some time back and stop stressing!
From my experience. Giving up breastfeeding before you originally wanted to IS hard, but you said it mama…especially if you feel it would be better for your mental health, do whatever you need to. Your kiddos are blessed with an alternative and healthy way of being fed so that “box” is checked. You being a more happy, less stressed, less anxiety filled mama is sooo good for them. It truly felt like a weight being lifted off of me when I stopped breastfeeding my daughter earlier than I wanted to, but I was so weighed down by anxiety and stress that my mental health was suffering.
I had a boy and girl in the late 80's. It was my experience where the hospital staff asked me with both if I were going to breastfeed or formula feed, cause they could give me a medication that would help dry up my milk. I was a young mother and attended a "having a baby" class. They told us then, if you can at least breast feed your baby for the first two weeks, then they get enough nutrients from the colostrum. So that's what I chose. I was barely able to stand the two weeks. I absolutely hated everything about breastfeeding, aside from the bonding part. I have two, very healthy, very beautiful children in their 30's. Formula is NOT a wrong choice. A pro's and con's list written down for you to look at, might help you see that, too. No choice is a wrong choice if it's the right choice for YOU!
I feel like realizing pumping isn't working for you means that you are winning. You stuck it out and gave it your all and now you know the best thing is to not pump for your own wellbeing and for your family. That's an accomplishment in my book.
okay first of all ur glowing!! second of all i have a TTQ: how did the twins react to going out to the grocery store like you mentioned in your other vlog? i wondered like how different it was (other than the people coming up to you)
Mum guilt is such a hard thing to get past. I have had to stop for health reasons with 2 of my 3 kids and once you take the leap and get past the guilt. It really helps mentally to know they are still happy as on formula and you will also feel so much relief. Sending love and positive energy. X
I pumped for my NICU baby for 3ish months and finally gave up after my second case of mastitis. I had the same feelings of guilt that you are going through but realized I was no good for my baby if I was frequently in pain and dealing with fevers. You have done a great job getting them through their most vulnerable early months with breast milk. Now they are happy and healthy and will thrive just as well on formula. You should be proud of how long you have made it exclusively pumping - it is NO FUN!
Colleen eating the last Ding Dong yesterday and leaving the empty box in there, and then coming back today and being sad they're all gone is EVERYTHING hahaha. Love you Colleen!
I am dying laughing from that!!!!
Colleen- LISTEN TO YOUR AUNTIE JANI- When I was pregnant....all I could think about was how excited I was to nurse my baby....and in the late 90's it was more "common" to go the formula route, so I was only 1 of 2 mom's in my birthing class who planned to breast feed. Well....my son was born on December 22nd and I took him home Christmas eve to a full house of family who had flown in for the holidays. I struggled in the hospital to get him to latch, and convinced myself it was because I had a c-section and it would get better when I got home. Well....on Christmas Eve my sweet boy and I were up all night crying....him because he was hungry, and me because I felt I was failing him. Thank GOD for my sister in law....she snuck into the nursery at 3 am and just quietly left a bottle of iformula on the dresser. I was so desperate, I caved and fed him. Moving forward I tried so hard to nurse him, but according to the lactation nurse later that week- my milk just had not come in like it should have, and he was hungry- she said I made the right choice- but I had mom guilt....cut to 21 years later- my son is healthy and has the immune system of a super hero! (lol couldn't think of a good comparison) STOP questioning your decisions....you are an outstanding mom....and those babies are gonna be rock starts just like their parents!! Love you all- take care of eachother!!
My kiddo is also 21 and we also struggled w/ feeding & had to switch. Much love 🥰
Amazing
Booooost yes ur so sweet
love this!!😊
*parents (not just moms!)
Hi momma! When I was exclusively pumping it was super common for me to get clogged milk ducts. It would get so bad and painful it caused me to get super high fevers and would sometimes bleed. I went to the doctors and was told when you constantly pump the pump doesn’t do the best job of getting out the milk the way a baby would which would cause us to clog. I was also recommended to not wear super tight bras or to not wear one at all and to just let yourself leak if needed. I would also run hot water during the shower on them and it would really help to prevent them. Hope that helps you out! Love ya ❤️
Get this up to the top ✌️
Up to the top pls ♡ and thanks for the comment !
hope she sees this!!!
Me too
@@charitys.3862 Sorry you had to go through it! It’s a super hard process to go through to feed our babies.
I felt the exact same way you do and I was having all of the same issues when it came to breast feeding. I talked to my OB and she said “why are you so worried about this, formula is perfectly fine, I formula fed all of my kids because breastfeeding is hard and time consuming and I have a family to run and shit to do” 😂😂 her being so nonchalant about the whole thing and being an OB made me feel soooo much better! Then my therapist said if I’m sleep deprived and stressed all day my kids aren’t thriving so the breast milk isn’t going to replace having a happy well rested mom … after I heard that especially from professionals I never felt bad about stopping again! Be easy on yourself, you’re doing amazing
She is not articulating it very well, it is NOT about feeding the babies formula, it is about the beautiful connection she experienced feeding them.
@@llm4187 she’s been extremely fortunate to have used breastmilk for almost five months now. She hasn’t been able to successfully have them latch onto her, NOT her fault!!! There really isn’t much of a difference because it’s both still a bottle. In no way am I minimizing anyone’s feelings about this. More than anything, relief for Colleen will be not only beneficial to her but for the babies, Flynn, Eric and all her loved ones. Everyone will feel better.
Colleen, what you’re feeling is grief for what you thought was gong to happen (breastfeeding). Same thing happened when you had a C-section. Mourn what you thought would happen and try to accept the choices you know you need to make. Love you!
This comment is exactly what I was searching for. I knew someone would mention it. Grieving for things we wanted and expected to happen. It's hard to let go of what we intended when we had this whole perfect picture in our heads.
I've had counselling on this very issue, not with breastfeeding but with health, I'm never gonna be "healthy" and "normal" I'm just gonna be me and that's not like everyone else but that's ok. It's gonna be a struggle but I'll get there, where I'm supposed to be. Comparison really is the thief of joy especially when you're comparing yourself with yourself. Or this idea of you. A past you or this parallel universe you. You're still comparing and hoping and dreaming and in the end you're broken, frustrated and exhausted. Acceptance of yourself and your current situation is so damn hard but the sooner you accept the sooner you can move on and find your joy xxx
This needs to be top comment 💛
you worded this so well and i hope she sees this
I love coming to the comment section and seeing it filled with, literally message after message, of supportive moms or past-breast feeders giving support and words of kindness to Colleen. I just love this community and can’t imagine how much each of those messages mean to Colleen.
And Colleen, you might never read this but, you deserve each of those words of kindness and the support you see from us! You are an amazing human being that makes so many of our days so much better, even if it’s just some footage of the kids or you talking about your life. No matter the subject, even if its about something you may think no one wants to here, I love and enjoy listening to what you talk about and overall find you so entertaining! I can’t express how much you have helped me in my life, many times giving me an escape or distraction from the depression and anxiety I struggle with and experience. I have watched I believe every single one of your vlogs since around the time you became pregnant with Flynn, and will continue doing so for as long as you post them because of how much I enjoy them. Thank you sooo much and I love you Colleen!💜💜💜
I breast fed for 3 months with three kids and pumped a month more and then stopped. I felt guilt and horrible UNTIL I did it and saw the positivity that came out of it. go for it girl! Fed is best and you need your mental health to be semi good! haha!
bumping this in hopes colleen sees it
Same here! So grateful for the experience and I’ve been so happy about stopping ever since!! The difference in my daily life made up for the guilt of not breast feeding anymore. And it’s not giving up either! You DID it!
The bonus to not breast feeding is you become your physically best self. And your family will receive your physically best self!! I hope she sees these comments!
keep taking the sunflower stuff until you stop nursing. You are apparently prone to clogs this time around and that will help a lot.
boost!
This is your body and the universe saying “thank you for what you’ve done, that is enough” 💗 those children are going to love the extra time with a less stressed mama way more than the milk you’ve worked so very hard to provide them. You fed two tiny humans in a manner that requires loads of dedication for MONTHS! You’re superhuman 🦸♀️
Hi Coleen, my mom had to give up breastfeeding me pretty early on. She tried to breastfeed me for a few weeks, but I was all skinny. Even though her pediatrician at the time said I was fine and getting enough food, she had a "mom instinct" that I wasn't thriving and switched to formula. She tells me that right away after the switch I "plumped right up". I'm now a healthy adult in my 30s and I'm so grateful that my mom chose what was right for her and for me and didn't try to force anything. You gotta do what's best for your situation. As long as you love your kids, then you are doing parenting right.
Give yourself the same grace you would give anyone else who might be in a similar situation struggling with pumping. If it was a best friend or family member struggling with breast feeding you would never judge them for stopping so I know it’s not easy but you deserve to give yourself that same love and respect. You’re an amazing mama and a happy healthy mama is what’s best for all your little ones!
For me, when it came to the point where I knew it was right… and the only thing holding me back was mom guilt, I knew it was time. Don’t let the guilt prevent you from making the decision you know is right. Much love 💕
Tortilla talk question!! We love the baby update videos but do you think we could get a Flynn update? I would love to know about the milestones he’s been reaching, plans for school, and it would be extra amazing if Flynn made the video with you telling us about himself! Love you Colleen and the whole family! ❤️
Love this idea! Hope she sees this
yesss! omg he is so close to going to pre-K 🥺
@@kingofpopmjj I wonder if he’s actually gonna go to achool or be homeschooled
They have answered the school question I believe on their podcast. She said that she is not going to force Flynn do something he doesn’t want to do and doesn’t work for him, they are going to see his personality and see what works for him. She also said that they have not really thought that far yet and they will decide when it gets there.
This would be awesome! 😍
Colleen! I kept getting clogged ducts when pumping when I realized I was using the wrong size flanges, I didn’t even know! I went up a size, started getting way more milk and my clogged ducts went away! If you haven’t yet maybe try a different size, as well as tight bras and clothing can cause them too (for me it did anyways)
Colleen I know this might sound weird, but I breastfed 3 kids and was very prone to plugged milk ducts until a lady told me that drinking pineapple juice would help clear them and even prevent them. And I tried it and it worked. I have told a lot of people and most have come back saying it totally worked for them too.
BOOST!!!
🙏🙏🙏
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When I quit breastfeeding, my mental health skyrocketed. I felt like I finally started to enjoy every second with my son. I commend you for how long you've gone with twins, that is such an accomplishment
Ending breastfeeding is freaking hard emotionally. Feel all the feels. But I chose to end because I had one too many clogged ducts myself and had gotten mastitis twice and preventing it a ton. I couldn’t do it mentally anymore and it was hard but it was a good decision for my mental health. You are an amazing mama!!!!
Flynn entertaining himself while colleen opened packages was cracking me up 😂
we're always harder on ourselves than others, you are a super mama and stopping pumping doesn't change that! listen to your body, yourself, and the people that care about you, like you said, fed is best and thats exactly what you're doing!
Colleen!!! I relate SO much. Everything you are saying is exactly how I felt. I was pretty much doing exactly what you were on a shorter time line. Pumping every 2-3 hours for 15-20 minutes, my baby was completely not interested in getting milk directly from me. We ended up also doing half formula and then half breast milk but then I kept getting clogged ducts that turned into mastitis. I ended up have 10 clogged at once and then the antibiotics they gave me didn’t work so I had to go to the ER and it was hands down the most painful experience I’ve ever had. At that point, I knew physically, mentally, emotionally, I just couldn’t keep going. I felt all the guilt you explained even though I didn’t think that way of others. Finally I looked up on RUclips pediatricians comparing the two and one said, “formula babies still go to kindergarten” obviously I knew that but for some reason it REALLY resonated with me in my darkest moments. When I was working at a daycare my boss took me to the window and said, “look. Tell me which ones were breastfed and which were formula.” And that really helped me see it for what it truly was. My doubt was ONLY from guilt and shame of feeling like I was doing something less for my baby than I could be, when the reality was switching to formula was the best thing I could have done for her, for me and for my husband.
Tortilla talk question: simple but would you rather go into the future to meet your great great grandchildren or into the past to meet your great great ancestors? And why? Also, what advice do would you ask your ancestors or what advice would you give your future descendants? I know it’s not an average tortilla talk question, but thought that maybe it’s be fun to answer. By the way I love you so much and your cute family and vlogs make me more and more excited to be a mama one day!!!!!💕💕💕
Love this 💕
@@kathryncurtis9320 thank you so much! 🥰
omg that’s a good one and is making me think real hard about it too 😂
@@ElizabethAlexandra33 haha, well I’m glad you think so 🥰🥰
colleen i am so proud of you and the mom you are!! formula is the best option for you and your babies and it’ll help you out A LOT!! and give you relief. do not feel guilt at all! i tried so so so hard with all 4 of mine, never got the chance but for a few months of pumping.. so formula is my life saver! you got this momma! your amazing and making the right choice for your whole family!! love you guys so much
Tortilla talk question: What are yours and Eric’s dream features or features that you’re searching for in a house? Love you Colleen and wish the best for your family!
i'm gonna guess that secret door they literally just put in to this house
Agree. I was actually wondering (tho, none of my beeswax) why they'd want & are even looking to move? All the updates, pool, that master bath/shower & re-design of kids rooms, big kitchen & more... Idk, but LOVE the house they are in now. 💜
@@mmanda515 i wonder how many bedrooms it has and maybe they want more?
Omg I literally struggled with the exact same thoughts you are!!! I wanted to nurse my son for at least a year so bad!! Our journey just didn’t pan out that way, he nursed for 4 months and had all types of health issues and never slept, I slowly switched to formula and had guilt but for both of our mental health it was the best decision to switch to formula. I researched all of the best options and started switching and he did amazing! He still had the same issues but at least I wasn’t killing myself with the stress and guilt surrounding breastfeeding. It was amazing and lovely to feed him as long as I did and I know I gave him the best start but things just happen the way they are supposed to happen! Everything will work out!
Just FYI because of the poo smell in the house: If sinks, toilettes, showers aren't used for a longer period of time, the sewage pipe will dry out and pretty much leave you smelling everyone elses sewage waste water. Just leave the water running/flush a few times and it should be fixed (if that was where the smell was coming from). Hope you find the right house for your family soon :)
When I was little I saw a thing on TV that said when we smelled things it was tiny particles going into our noses from whatever we were smelling. I was instantly mortified when I realized that particles of ppls poo were entering my nostrils at any given moment. (To this day I dk if it's actually true but it will always be true in my mind) Reading your comment sent me directly back to that moment in time & I felt violated all over again😆😂😂 thank you for this flashback & this helpful tip!🥰
boost
You’re not giving up you’re doing what’s best for yourself!! We put all this focus on putting our kids first but sometimes we need to put ourselves first in order to do that ❤️ Whatever decision you make you are an amazing mom and I hope you feel better soon
Colleen, feel your feels even when they suck. You're an incredible mum no matter how you choose to feed your babies. You also deserve the support without pressure no matter which way you want to go. No matter which way, you are making an informed and I'm sure supported decision by those around you and closest to you. Ultimately you and your babies are what matter here, not anyone else's thoughts.
I was gonna chuck in what I would do but that is really irrelevant. An IBCLC (International board certified lactation consultant) will be able to help you out either way with with dealing with blocked ducts, getting babies to latch OR to help dry up your supply and transition to formula.
Informed and supported is the best thing you can be for your baby and I know you are doing both of those things. Make the choice that works for you, own that choice. No way of feeding a baby or babies is easy. Parenting is HARD
THIS is such a lovely, supportive, wonderful comment. 💓💓💓💓
seeing you with flynn makes me so happy dude, you're literally such a good mom. i would kill for a mother like you im so proud
hi colleen i’m in highschool, NO WHERE near having some babies but I love watching your videos they kinda prep me for when i do like i never realized how strong mothers are. I always believed my mother was super mom but there’s SO much more things that go into parenting that i never would have thought of and i thank you for showing your experiences! WE LOVE YOU COLLEEN ❤️
Any time I watch Colleens vlogs a wave of proud energy rolls over me. Shes absolutely rocking it as a mother and as a long time fan I've never been so happy for her and so proud of her ♥️ you're rocking it mama colleen, I hope you see this x
I can’t stress enough how this advice from my older sister (my breastfeeding guru when I breastfed my daughter 5 years ago) saved my boobs! Every time you pump, make sure to squeeze each boob to make sure there is absolutely no milk left in there, then rinse each boob with some soap and warm water. All that to make sure no residual milk hardens and causes clogs. After I started doing that I never got another clog. Could just be coincidence but it helped me. Hope they stop happening to you. ❤️
Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for sharing! I'm totally saving your advice in the back of my brain for when my peanut arrives. :)
@@ceecee3181 no problem ❤️
@@h.mcafee1457 No problem! Congrats on your peanut! I hope your breastfeeding journey goes smoothly, but don’t pressure yourself. Our bodies work in mysterious ways and we can never know how it’ll go. I’m pregnant with baby #2 and I’m going into breastfeeding hopeful that it’ll all work out like with my daughter but will still be ok if it doesn’t. Good luck ❤️
@@BeautyaLaCart3 Thank you and congrats to you! I didn't get a chance to with my first (my bio kids are literally going to be 18 years apart lol) since I was a teen mom. I'm hopeful I can for at least a short moment, but even if I can't I am already more than blessed and just pray she's happy and healthy. :)
You're such a sweet, supportive mom. It's so sweet you include all your children in things like with the swaddle blankets. You let Flynn pick the one he wanted and you gave the babies the other two for swaddling. Love you and your whole family!
In my experience, the right pump flanges can make all the difference (especially as an exclusive pumping mama). I eventually found flanges from a company called LacTeck. They're silicone and they have a flexible panel that simulates breastfeeding which can help you fully empty. I loved them and highly recommend them.
Seeing all you moms in the comments support each other and Colleen is so beautiful c: thank you for not letting the minority of moms who like to shame others be the loudest.
I felt the same way when it came to breastmilk especially before having my first baby. I struggled from day 1 with latch issues and not making enough milk and so I pumped constantly and gave formula as well. I felt so much pressure from some people in my family to keep doing it but after about 6 months I decided to stop (well, after wanting to stop and thinking about it for months). I felt like I had to stop in secret. But once I did and just told them how it was, I felt free! Being stuck to a pump everywhere at all times made me so anxious. My baby was happy and healthy regardless and I was in such a better mental state!
When I had to stop pumping for my twins, I really did mourn the loss of the feeding experience that I dreamt of having with them. We NICU twin moms have to mourn the loss of so many expectations we had for how things were going to go because these babies throw us for so many loops!!! 🤪😩. I’d say to just eat lots of good food, cry whenever you need to, and talk about how sad you feel with Erik! It really helped me to cry a LOT with my husband and my mom during this time. Times like this call for a good cry and good food! You are such a wonderful, warrior twin mom and are doing everything right by your sweet babies. I love you girl!!!! I wish I could hug you!!! ❤️
Milk Duct Misery- Hey Colleen, just a heads up. The clogged milk duct debacle can definitely be caused by pumping in general as pumping can never fully empty our utters as well as our baby can and this can leave excess milk in the ducts leading to clotting and clogging. It could also be a problem with the ducts themselves that make you more prone to clogging. Kind of like faulty ducts. I had this issue when my I pumped for my micro preemie as he was too small to breastfeed or even eat at all til much later. I kept getting clogged ducts. It was misery. I had to constantly massage my breasts and use warm compresses. Antibiotics a few times as well. Not fun. I wish I could give you a magic solution but unfortunately what works for one may not work for another. I hope you get better soon because it’s definitely not a fun time. ❤️
Came here to say something similar. I pumped and struggled with mastitis and clogged ducts. What worked for me was that I had to squeeze and massage my boobs as I pumped. No more hands free pumping :( But stopping when you feel it's time to stop is also okay. You're a great mom Colleen!
You aren’t giving up, you are stepping up!
Tortilla Talk: Have you ever considered moving to Santa Barbara for cooler weather and the parents?
She did consider that in an older vlog she was says she grew up on a coastal and loved it. Flynn loves the beach. She would like to move there but like she's not sure because of Erik's and her careers...
@@rohinipriya3198 they seem to work from home. Or on the Road. So I don't think that would be a problem. I don't see Erik going back to acting any time soon with all the kids home. Maybe when they start going to school?
@@surmon11 These we’re also my thoughts. It’s 2 years into the pandemic and the work place has changed in many ways.
@@rohinipriya3198 She’s been visiting Santa Barbara more lately and the pandemic has changed a lot of peoples places of work. Now that she has 3 kids, I bet she wants to be closer to her mom.
your babies will grow into exactly who they’re gonna be with or without breastmilk 💕as long as they’re fed and loved!!!
“If my house is gonna smell like poo it’s gonna be because my kids and I made it smell like poo” 😂 funny but fair lol. Also Flynn is literally the cutest thing ever! 💜
girl i am loving the pantry talk… we need more
Tortilla talk question: have you decided on what to do in terms of the kids while on tour? Are they coming with you? Will they be at home? Will you have a babysitter with them? Also, just bough tix to the Vancouver show!! So excited!
tbh im really happy that you are considering stopping pumping. i think it will be sooo good for you and you’ll look back and think ‘why didn’t i stop sooner!?’
be easy on yourself colleen ♥️
Colleen I feel you
The fact that you came this far with breast feeding/pumping is a huge win!! We are so hard on ourselves, so do NOT forget your accomplishments up to now and give yourself some credit! At the end of the day, you have to listen to your body and it may just be telling you that it’s time. Remember, you and Eric have to be healthy in order to keep babies and Flynn happy and healthy as well. You’re so incredible and I’m sure you’re helping so many mamas out there!! 💖
You got this Colleen! Whatever you choose to do with breastfeeding is YOUR choice and will be the best no matter what you choose. Everyone may have their opinion but they don't know what's best for you only you do. I'm here to support you no matter what. Keep up the amazing work mama! So very proud of you and what you've gone through to get where you are today. Lots of love from Southern Utah! 🤍💗🤍💗
I just freakin LOVE that when you got those swaddle blankets you told Flynn that they were for making tents, because he could have easily been told they were for the babies only but you included him from the start. He didn’t even question if he was allowed to use one. That was so beautiful to see.
Colleen you have such a sweet heart! Thank you for being so open and vulnerable with us. When I’ve made tough decisions in the past, it really helped to pretend I was helping a friend make that decision instead. You would never judge your friend for making this choice, give yourself that same grace! I know that is much easier said than done, but know you have a strong community supporting you here and rooting for you girl!
No one looks at someone and goes, “hmm I think you were a formula baby”..we all turned out just fine! There is no shame at all in any of the choices our mama’s made to feed us :)
So I just ended my 13 month long exclusive pumping journey in January and I swear taking the sunflower lecithin daily is what was a game changer for me. That, on top of using the lavie heated massagers at every single pump session and always making sure to pump until I was empty.
Edited to add now that I’ve finished the video: girl, you will know when you’re done. I hit 13 months and knew I was finished. If everything inside you is telling you that it’s time, then it is time. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Trust that you have the courage to do this. You’re not letting anyone down. I promise. But girl, when you wean from the pump, wean nice and slow. Give your boobs time to adjust.
Trust me. The relief you feel after just letting go of societal pressures and do what’s best for you and your family is just incredible. I stopped breast feeding after three months due to mental and physical health reasons and gurllllllll it was a gift in disguise. I miss breast feeding but the relief of knowing my baby was fed and that I was feeling better mentally and physically was a huge win. Babies need their parents to make the best choices and if that means giving formula then I think you are a BADASS SUPERMOM nonetheless 😘😘😘
Colleen, it's okay. You're an amazing mom who dedicates most (if not all) of your time to your kids. To be fair I think it's gonna be the best for the twins and for Flynn as well, because you're gonna be less tired, you'll have less bottles to wash at the end of the night, you'll have more time to be with them without the pump doing it's job. You're already a super mom, really, it's okay, you already did so much. Also, I'm a med student in Brazil, and if you only knew how much I would like that more moms were like you... Omg, there's kids that don't have any support system, and you're so much better than you give yourself credit for. It's okay, they're gonna be okay.
🙌🏻♥️
Morphe 2 multi pallet is the best compact makeup I have ever tried!
I went through the same thing twice when I decided to stop breast feeding. I felt the same way. And I also do not think that when other women chose formula over breastfeeding. It literally took my husbands encouragement to finally convince me to stop.
Well because breast milk is literally what our bodies are meant to do: produce milk yet formula is a human invention that comes close breast milk but not quite. The exchange of fluid from baby to breast cants happens if you bottle feed. So there is a slightly advantage of breast milk
Meeee tooooo! I went through the same thing & it was horrible! I was a train wreck having to decide to not breastfeed anymore. My husband was like, “It’s time. You deserve to live a mentally healthy life.” 😭 he was right & it was so hard to accept. But I’m grateful that I had the time I did!
Tortilla Talk Question/Bottle Babble Question-
What does/did Flynn do when you pump in front of him? Did he ask at first, does he try to help you? And what does he do when he sees you sad/in pain.
Ps- I LOVE YOU SO MUCH you are a super mom & I love you your doing great ❤️❤️💙💙💜💜
Tortilla Talk: My sister is currently pregnant and I am in process of putting together a gift basket for her baby shower. I was wondering if there are any items that you really loved/found useful and if there are things that were/are a big help to you but maybe most people wouldn't think to give as a baby gift? P.S. I know that different things work for different mothers/babies. I'm not expecting anything just looking for your opinion.
@Emma Salinas YES! Especially in larger sizes. It seems like so many people just do the newborn diapers & it was such a blessing to have the larger sizes at the ready!
@@alexandrayearley9460 Also outfits in bigger sizes! Everyone get newborn cause they are so small and cute, but they grow out of it so fast they can't possibly wear it all! Some 0-3 and even 3-6 month clothes are great since it seems like they wake up one morning and none of their clothes fit anymore.
You’re not “giving up” you’re doing what’s best for you and your family. Put you first mama we love you
We all love Colleen she's the best Mama ever to her kids
You know I’ve watched a lot of vloggers in my life and I honestly relate to you More you are such a down to earth funny person and I really hope all your dreams are met and that you’re truly happy because you deserve it.
tortilla talk: what are your guys’ main reasons for wanting to move/if you do move, are you going to be sad to leave behind Flynn’s and the twins’ bedrooms?
I was an exclusive pumper for a year. After I finished each pumping session I would squeeze out each side to make sure each side was truly “empty” because with the pumps even if they’re great they don’t fully empty the breasts so that might be why. Also while you pump if you can try to massage your breasts occasionally so that you avoid getting an clogged ducts. I did this for the full year and only had one clogged duct and it was toward the beginning of my pumping journey and it never led to mastitis so I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this pain :( hang in there mama it gets better.
We also gave our son formula since he had some GI issues (he was NICU baby too) I had the same struggle of should I just stop pumping since he was already on some feedings of formula. My mom reminded me that my son was able to get any breast milk at all which I should be grateful for and appreciate my body since he came out early. With work it’s sometimes hard to pump so I can’t imagine what it’ll be like for you to try to go on tour and pump. I know when I had to travel away from my son and pump it was hard. I had to take a cooler and book a hotel with a freezer and then make sure my milk didn’t defrost on the drive back. It wasn’t impossible but made things more difficult. I was the only pumping mother in my work group so didn’t have anyone to turn to for help/advice.
I massage mine too but I don’t worry about fully emptying them because I’d have to pump for like an hour each time.
You are doing amazing! It sounds like you already know the answer for what you should do. Your are an amazing mother and I’m so proud of you for loving your kids so fiercely ♥️
Love you Colleen! You are doing an amazing job! so proud of you!!!
She really is I feel horrible that she is so upset about her breast feeding but she really is an amazing human
You are making SO much sense in your rationale and feelings about why you are considering stopping pumping and your explaining of your experiences with mom guilt surrounding the subject. It's all real momma and so many experience this. Ultimately You know what to do, you know what's best for your mental health and your family. What you're feeling is due mainly IMO to all the social pressure put on moms to only provide breast milk and the insinuation that moms that don't do so are lazy or selfish (which is BS). You do you girl and what's best for your family. Formula fed babies are healthy too. And you provided them with very important antibodies and in the months that you have provided them EBM. You are amazing and you did very difficult things! I've personally had some issues with latch and ultimately low milk supply with all 3 of my babies and I experienced tremendous mom quilt about it each and every time even though I knew it was completely out of my control. The mom guilt was the worse the first time because I had an idea in my head of how everything would go and when It didn't go that way, I struggled a lot with that. Breastfeeding every two hours/formula feeding with a bottle right after, then pumping right after that, in hopes building my supply up, and then it seemed like after doing all that, it was already time for the next feeding. Its was exhausting. And not to mention all the bottle washing. Oh and she had jaundice too. Because of that initial experience, The next two babies I went in with the mindset that if I had to supplement with formula then that's ok. My last was a little More emotional for me because I knew it would be "my last chance" trying to breastfeed. These tatas are just not cut out for supplying milk and that's ok. I feel ya girl, you're not alone. Your babies are healthy and thriving, you both appear to be exceptional parents and that's all that matters. F all the mom shamers that need to find a damn hobby and keep their unwarranted opinions to their damn selves. Be grateful you had such an amazing breastfeeding experience with Flynn, and that you were able to pump this far and provided EBM to your preemie twins. Some moms aren't so fortunate. Even though it may be a tough emotional experience for you that the twins aren't breastfeeding well, your milk supply is dipping, and the mastitis.....despite all that you have done a tremendous job.
Side note: Sorry my comments are always so dang long.
I kept getting mastitis and it turned out that my baby had thrush and the theory was that the thrush bacteria was contributing to the mastitis. After treating my baby for thrush and me for the mastitis, it went away. But every time my baby got thrush then I got mastitis. Eventually I had to stop breastfeeding because the Pediatrician was worried that my baby would become resistant to the antibiotic.
You will always be more hard on yourself than others! You just have to remeber that moments like these will keep happening and a strong mother's just come up with something else to solve it. At some point there will be a time when your tiny babies refuse your help for a lot of things, but as a mother it's your job to care so deeply about if they EVER need you for ANYTHING. You are doing your job, and people say there is no perfection, but every loving mother is perfect at doing whatever she can. ❤❤
Love you Colleen. You give me that boost to never give up
Me too!!
Deciding when the right time to stop nursing is so difficult and emotional. Sending my love and know what an amazing Mama you are always and forever. 🥰☀️❤️
The way Flynn threw the makeup pen 😂 I can’t get over how big he is and how well he communicates!
Right?? He’s so adorable I just can’t 😭💜
@@khalilahd. I just can’t get over how well he communicates! He’s so cute 🥰
this is not the end of your journey and you are not giving up. you've exhausted your options and now you are stepping into a new chapter. give yourself grace, you are incredible!
It’s recommended to hand express the breast at the end of each feeding/pump session as it’s the most efficient way to express the milk. Also, go braless as much as possible. Hope this helps!
I love your vlogs so much, thank you for posting
YES OTHER MOMMAS FEEL LIKE THAT!! I beat myself up about it but I also knew it was the best decision for us. I also pumped every 3 hours and it’s FREAKING HARD!!
It did WONDERS for my mental health almost immediately. I stopped with so much negative self talk because I saw my son was thriving even without my breast milk. He’s now 20 months and potty trained fully so clearly, he’s doing just fine. You got this momma. Look out for you and your health just as you would your kids 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻
Colleen you are the best Mama out there you do whatever makes you happy❤️ Can you please do a night time routine with your family?? Love you girl❤️❤️
First off - you’re amazing!!! Clogged milk ducts may be the universe saying that it’s best to transition to 100% formula. Remember that being the best caregiver includes taking care of yourself so that you can be at your peak for your babies. Love ya girl 💜
Colleen do what your heart tells you. Do not compare yourself to others. You’re the greatest mama.
It sounds like you made the right decision already. You’re an amazing momma. Your health is important, you’ve done so much. 💜🙏🏼
IT'S NOT FAIR......COLLEEN IS FUNNY, TALENTED, HILARIOUS, AMAZING VOICE AND SHE IS GORGEOUS.
SHE'S ALSO KIND AND HUMBLE!
Love you so much!
tortilla talk question: what are flynn's favorite things to do with the twins? love you!! you're so strong. don't ever forget that. we all admire and love you (and your beautiful flaws)
Colleen, first of all I love you and am inspired by you! I’m sure that coming to the realization that pumping is not working anymore has been so hard. It’s so frustrating when thinks don’t go as hoped for, especially as a mother. You said it yourself though, if you stopped having to spend so much time on pumping it would give you more time to get other things done. Not only work, but more time with your kiddos. It will do them and you so much good. I love you and support you through this hard journey. Thank you for being so vulnerable with us all. 💖
Sometimes I wish that I could just give you a big hug and remind you that it's going to be okay!! 💜
Girl just give those boobies a rest! They've fed THREE children! You shouldn't feel a single ounce of guilt. You are doing EVERYTHING in your power to ensure the health, safety and love of all those babies. What's best for you is what is best for them! 💜
Hey Colleen for the cream products you’re supposed to set them w powder. Like cream contour is powder bronzer, cream blush is set w regular blush and nightlight w some powder. This is just to give a subtle hint and makes it look a little more natural
You can do this Colleen!! We are here to support all your booby decisions
Colleen you can never fail yourself or your family when you are choosing a something that is best for your family. Making these tough choices is what makes you a great mama jamma.
That's funny you make that rhyme lizmarie
Hey Colleen! My sister also is a mother of 3 and breast fed and you and her went through such similar problems it’s really nostalgic. You’ve got this though, You are not failing if you do not breast feed. You’re and amazing mom with amazing kids and a great husband and you’re trying your hardest every single day no matter what so no matter which decision you choose don’t feel bad about it because in the end it’s not what society says is okay it’s what is best for you. Love you lots and keep your head up!
Do what you need to do Colleen! You know what is best for your family.
Tortilla Talk Question: Who do you think Flynn is going to get along better with when they’re older? Wesley or Maisy? Both?
I know nobody asked me, but my personal opinion with being in a family similar to Colleens, is that Flynn will get along with Wesley not better, but in a brother bond. In a family where im the youngest sister, and i have two older brothers, that’s how it is for me. I think Flynn and Wesley will mess with Maisy in a brotherly fashion. (P.s. Sorry if you lost brain cells reading this LOL)
Hi Colleen. I am currently in the same exact boat. I had to start anti depressants for post partum anxiety and depression because I had to give up trying to nurse my baby as well. I feel that I compared myself to other’s journeys when they had totally different babies and circumstances than I did. I have the same exact guilt that you do because I feel I don’t want to just “give up.” You have come so far! And your babies will love you no matter what you feed them. Just know you are not alone. I am a first time mom and you talking about mental health and mom struggles really helps me to know I am not the only one struggling too. ❤️
Colleen, stress affects your milk production. So if you feel like it is time to stop nursing, stop. Not healthy for anyone if you are stressing over it. Don’t ask others, it is your decision. Also, hot comprases and massage the breast that’s hurting. Hot compresses is all I used and they helped.
This if the first time I've ever commented, but I just have to. As a new mom myself (we had our babies within a week and a half of each other!) I chose to exclusively formula feed for a few different reasons. I am here to tell you that you are an absolute rock star for making it this far with your breast feeding/pumping journey! Anyone who takes pumping into their babies fifth month should win awards. Give yourself a break and know that the end of that journey really means that you gave your all. Now give yourself some time back and stop stressing!
You should definitely create a makeup brand I would buy in a second !
From my experience. Giving up breastfeeding before you originally wanted to IS hard, but you said it mama…especially if you feel it would be better for your mental health, do whatever you need to. Your kiddos are blessed with an alternative and healthy way of being fed so that “box” is checked. You being a more happy, less stressed, less anxiety filled mama is sooo good for them. It truly felt like a weight being lifted off of me when I stopped breastfeeding my daughter earlier than I wanted to, but I was so weighed down by anxiety and stress that my mental health was suffering.
Hey Colleen, the sunflower lecithin made my ppd worse! I switched to the soy version and it worked better for me ♥️
the way you talk through your thought process is amazing and something people need to see
Flynn throwing the makeup on the floor made me laugh so hard
You are not failing!! You have to do what's right for all of you and you're little family x
I had a boy and girl in the late 80's. It was my experience where the hospital staff asked me with both if I were going to breastfeed or formula feed, cause they could give me a medication that would help dry up my milk. I was a young mother and attended a "having a baby" class. They told us then, if you can at least breast feed your baby for the first two weeks, then they get enough nutrients from the colostrum. So that's what I chose. I was barely able to stand the two weeks. I absolutely hated everything about breastfeeding, aside from the bonding part. I have two, very healthy, very beautiful children in their 30's. Formula is NOT a wrong choice. A pro's and con's list written down for you to look at, might help you see that, too. No choice is a wrong choice if it's the right choice for YOU!
The medication isn't prescribed anymore for drying, but I agree with everything else you said :)
I feel like realizing pumping isn't working for you means that you are winning. You stuck it out and gave it your all and now you know the best thing is to not pump for your own wellbeing and for your family. That's an accomplishment in my book.
okay first of all ur glowing!! second of all i have a TTQ: how did the twins react to going out to the grocery store like you mentioned in your other vlog? i wondered like how different it was (other than the people coming up to you)
she IS glowing!! and good question.. oh also i recently posted my first video~~how to romanticize your life for spring~~if ya wanna go check it out🤗
Mum guilt is such a hard thing to get past. I have had to stop for health reasons with 2 of my 3 kids and once you take the leap and get past the guilt. It really helps mentally to know they are still happy as on formula and you will also feel so much relief. Sending love and positive energy. X